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‪NETFLIX 剧集

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{\an8}‪我到地方了 除了雪什么都没看到
‪怎么还有蒸汽？

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{\an8}‪天啊
‪我觉得我的特工服温度开得太高了

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‪等一下

5
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‪我来看看

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{\an8}‪好吧 更热了

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{\an8}‪就像在太阳上的沼泽里

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{\an8}‪蒸桑拿！

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{\an8}‪西斯可 别玩了

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{\an8}‪集中精力找那些失控的核弹头

11
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‪我没在玩 这套制服真的很棘手

12
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:08,986
‪还有 穿着这玩意儿
‪你要是想那啥的话怎么办？

13
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‪你想干啥？

14
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‪我是说 如果我穿着制服
‪要是想那啥怎么办 你懂吗？

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‪我不懂

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‪小便！如果我想小便怎么办？

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‪是不是可以像穿着潜水服一样
‪直接在里面解决？

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‪你在潜水服里面小便？

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‪不！

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‪听起来你确实会这么干

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‪有人来了 回头再讨论

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‪你还想继续这个话题？

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‪啊！

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‪他们就跟小雪人一样

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‪坏雪人！

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‪我觉得我来对地方了 快来帮我！

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‪在路上了

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‪我们被包围了！

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‪很好

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‪太猛了

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‪-很高兴我们能帮上忙
‪-我们快到了

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‪上！

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‪天啊 他们在我的卡车上戳窟窿

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‪戳到输油管了吗？会爆炸吗？

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‪没有 但是冷气都跑进来了！
‪看来我只能把暖气调高一点了

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‪想拉我 看现在谁拉谁！

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‪我不知道你在说什么

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‪天啊 坏雪人越来越多了

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‪-啊
‪-啊

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‪刺激！

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‪是好雪人！

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‪太好了 叫你们得瑟

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‪伙伴们 我觉得我们找到火箭了

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‪就在那里

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‪你们有五分钟时间阻止火箭发射

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‪-我们需要支援
‪-我这就来

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‪大家都让开！

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‪干得好 佛士迪

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‪现在去帮忙阻止那些核武器发射

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‪不然半个世界就要被毁了

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‪又是办公室里普通的一天

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‪第一步
‪用特工服上面的掌纹打开控制面板

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‪这应该易如反掌

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‪我的掌反不了了

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‪怎么回事？

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‪我好像漏水了

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‪什么？

58
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‪我很容易出汗的 好吗？
‪是制服的原因 太热了

59
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‪你的手部除臭剂呢？

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‪用完了 我试了普通的腋下除臭剂
‪但没什么作用

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‪好吧 再过三分钟
‪人类文明就要终结了

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‪还有心情在这儿聊除臭剂！

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‪其实我觉得这个话题挺有意思的

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‪-我什么除臭剂都不用
‪-闭嘴 盖瑞！

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‪控制面板打开了

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‪你们必须输入各自的22位密码
‪才能破解安全防线

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‪密码你们应该都记住的

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‪完了 我忘了

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‪整串数字都忘了？

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‪就最后一个数字
‪我可能把它和第一个数字混淆了

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‪-你怎么会忘了第一个数字？
‪-我怎么知道！

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‪我现在压力很大
‪一有压力 我脑袋就不灵光

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‪你刚说“光灵”？

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‪这下好了 现在对方的人又更多了

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‪集中注意力找火箭 我派人支援你们

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‪就照我们演习的那样来

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‪抱歉 实在没忍住

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‪先生 这辆车我征用了

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‪没算好时间

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‪我想起来了 最后一位数字是3
‪我怎么会忘了我最喜欢的数字！

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‪等等 你还有最喜欢的数字？

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‪当我没问 你这样的人肯定有

83
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‪-首先确认红外信号线
‪-就是那些红色的激光装置

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‪现在把引爆器的路由改接到诱饵主板

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‪意思就是把硬盘插到卡槽里

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‪为了终止发射程序

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‪你们现在得剪断红线
‪绕过中央处理器操作

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‪我没看到红线 只有蓝色和绿色的

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‪-我也是
‪-我也是

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‪快做决定！

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{\an8}‪我也不知道 肯定是两根线中的一根
‪你们只有五秒钟了

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‪就蓝线了！我们切蓝线

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‪还好我知道怎么处理那条线

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‪怎么回事？

95
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‪第六枚火箭！
‪为什么总是会有第六枚火箭？

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‪何方小姐 我们有麻烦了

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‪我正在想办法
‪看来冰层下面有个控制站

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‪找个人下去

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‪交给我了

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‪我快到了！

101
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‪我可以潜入系统改变火箭路线
‪也可以…

102
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‪-太棒了！
‪-真棒！

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‪我们成功了！

104
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‪除非还有第七枚火箭…

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‪什么东西？

106
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‪这…

107
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‪怎么了 没成功吗？

108
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‪好了 伙伴们 该汇报了
‪总结一下任务的成功之处

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‪失败之处以及大错特错的地方

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‪没出什么错 我们挽救了大局

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‪我可不这么认为 盖瑞！

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‪东尼忘了密码 西斯可手心冒汗

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‪何方小姐说的线 颜色不对

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‪有意思！这么说你也搞砸了？

115
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‪那根线吗？开什么玩笑

116
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‪肯定是朱利斯的错

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‪我觉得他是色盲

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‪我是色盲？

119
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‪何方小姐
‪我们现在能不纠结这些东西吗？

120
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‪我不知道怎么回事
‪但是自从离开北极 我就感到很不安

121
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‪我好像拉伤了脖子上的肌肉

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‪好疼 就在这里

123
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‪是的 我也感觉怪怪的
‪神经紧张 焦虑不安

124
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‪看我的眼睛

125
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‪-我没法集中注意力
‪-我做了些奇奇怪怪的梦

126
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‪有次我梦见盖瑞的头装在泰迪熊上

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‪放在架子上展示

128
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‪他动不了 一直在说

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‪“你拍 我拍 和我一起拍手掌”

130
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‪那你玩了吗？

131
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‪当然没有！你变成泰迪熊太瘆人了

132
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‪-我们到底怎么了？
‪-我知道了

133
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‪我以前在网上搜索过这些症状
‪我们每个人都压力过大

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‪压力？

135
00:09:57,890 --> 00:10:02,603
‪那可是无声杀手
‪啊 它又在攻击我的脖子了

136
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:05,356
‪别紧张 有压力是好事

137
00:10:05,439 --> 00:10:09,443
‪压力就是动力
‪能让我们的特工之火燃烧得更旺

138
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‪汗津津的腋窝 扑通扑通的心脏…

139
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‪让你觉得自己还活着！

140
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:20,746
‪回归正题 有没有人知道
‪苏达利柯夫的人在北极干什么？

141
00:10:21,330 --> 00:10:25,918
‪苏达利柯夫不在了
‪他们肯定在为其他人卖命 是谁呢？

142
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:26,835
‪为了什么？

143
00:10:26,919 --> 00:10:29,463
‪还有下一次进攻会是什么时候？

144
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,632
‪我的上司肯定想要答案

145
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,550
‪你的上司到底是什么人？

146
00:10:33,634 --> 00:10:36,720
‪你的上司上面还有上司吗
‪他们的权力到底有多大？

147
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‪不该你知道的就别问

148
00:10:40,641 --> 00:10:45,521
‪你只需要按我说的去执行就行了

149
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,315
‪你不知道你上司是谁 对吧？

150
00:10:48,399 --> 00:10:50,651
‪-我知道的够多了
‪-那就是不知道

151
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:53,153
‪何方小姐 我觉得我们需要休息休息

152
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:56,573
‪我了解我的团队
‪如果你逼得太紧 只能适得其反

153
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:59,451
‪何方小姐
‪我觉得现在是告诉他们的好时机

154
00:10:59,535 --> 00:11:03,247
‪我以为我们要等到汇报结束后再说

155
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:06,750
‪能现在公布吗？拜托 行个好吧！

156
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:08,419
‪好吧

157
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:10,170
‪你们三个在嘀咕什么呢？

158
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:13,674
‪给你们一个惊喜 我们不回洛杉矶了

159
00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:17,719
‪我们要去一个位于东欧的特殊黑狱

160
00:11:17,803 --> 00:11:21,723
‪到了之后 我们要庆祝焚化日！

161
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:24,560
‪什么东西？

162
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:28,814
‪是特工局的专有节日

163
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:31,692
‪一年中的神奇时刻

164
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,862
‪特工们聚在一起

165
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,990
‪庆祝节日 然后…

166
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,909
‪-欢呼吗？
‪-不是

167
00:11:40,993 --> 00:11:43,704
‪-炸东西！
‪-炸东西！

168
00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:46,290
‪说真的 什么东西？

169
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,960
‪我们明天要把从敌人那里
‪收集的所有武器

170
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:53,505
‪还有我们自己一些
‪没有实际用途的实验性武器

171
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,674
‪或者说它们的存在太危险了

172
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:59,511
‪我们把这些武器带去沙漠
‪然后炸掉！想想都过瘾！

173
00:11:59,595 --> 00:12:02,139
‪你对这种事没意见？

174
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:06,518
‪当然没有！谁不喜欢炸东西？

175
00:12:07,102 --> 00:12:07,936
‪大家都过来

176
00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:10,481
‪我们拍了一部关于焚化日的纪录片

177
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:11,982
‪朱利斯 关灯

178
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:19,573
‪我刚把山羊从摩洛哥坚果树上哄下来
‪让它们进了圈

179
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:21,658
‪突然听到了巨大的爆炸声

180
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:27,915
‪一转身 我看到夜空中出现一片
‪我从未见过的绿色

181
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:33,170
‪好像是燃烧的烤面包机
‪席卷了整个沙漠

182
00:12:33,754 --> 00:12:36,298
{\an8}‪马歇尔迪恩《沙漠农场纪事报》

183
00:12:36,381 --> 00:12:37,633
{\an8}‪（盖瑞和朱利斯出品）

184
00:12:38,217 --> 00:12:43,055
{\an8}‪马歇尔迪恩那晚看到的
‪是一个年度庆典的开始

185
00:12:43,138 --> 00:12:47,059
{\an8}‪后来被称为焚化日

186
00:12:47,726 --> 00:12:53,190
‪它永远改变了世人对焚烧、时日

187
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:56,235
‪以及整个危险废物处理概念的认知

188
00:12:56,318 --> 00:12:59,488
‪九年前 焚化日正式成立

189
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:04,743
‪但要真正理解这个节日
‪我们必须回到混沌初开的时候

190
00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:08,497
‪这东西有多长？

191
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:09,998
‪不到六个小时

192
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:12,251
‪让开 我要快进了

193
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,169
‪朱利斯

194
00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:17,381
‪狂热的吹口哨爱好者
‪网络游戏收藏家

195
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:18,549
‪盖瑞

196
00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:22,553
‪前牛仔小丑和养蜂人…

197
00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,513
‪刺激的东西在哪？

198
00:13:24,596 --> 00:13:27,766
‪火球、激光还有燃烧的羽毛？

199
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‪在片尾的焚烧日集锦里面
‪用蒙太奇手法剪辑的

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‪首先 你得看看传统的毛衣交换

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‪引爆器的装饰

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‪还有焚化日前夜的奶酪蛋糕金字塔？

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‪看好了

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‪看我们多开心

205
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‪你们不激动吗？

206
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:58,380
‪我确实喜欢炸东西

207
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:02,259
‪听着很休闲
‪我都能感觉到我的脖子放松了

208
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‪别误会 虽然我很喜欢破坏性的派对

209
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‪但你的意思是你们把所有
‪最危险的高科技产品藏在一个地方

210
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‪就为了在特殊的一天炸掉？

211
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‪-听上去太不称职了
‪-艾可说得有道理

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‪我很惊讶局里没意见

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‪托雷托 也许你了解你的团队
‪但我了解特工局

214
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‪不管这样做会带来什么风险
‪都是值得的

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‪再说了 那些设备放在地球上
‪最安全的地方之一

216
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‪一直有武装士兵在看管

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‪一只苍蝇都飞不进去

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‪不好 有人闯进去了

219
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‪这里发生了什么事？

220
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‪我们还在评估目前的状况

221
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‪等我们回过神来
‪已经太晚了 这里已经被洗劫一空

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‪劫匪朝哪个方向跑了？

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‪东边 穿过沙漠
‪但是我们的卫星画面无法定位劫匪

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‪-他们知道我们的卫星覆盖区
‪-什么意思？

225
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‪因为卫星轨道的原因

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‪有些黑暗区域 特工卫星捕捉不到

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‪偷东西的人肯定知道这些区域

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‪盖瑞 快把我的电脑拿来！

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‪这张地图里标出了这些黑暗区域

230
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‪偷武器的人肯定在那条路上

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‪谢天谢地 我们能把武器夺回来

232
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‪一想到不能庆祝焚化日 实在是…
‪让人难以承受

233
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‪还有 幸好那些变态武器没被人启用

234
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‪对 还有这一点

235
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‪你打算怎么追上劫匪的车队？

236
00:15:33,976 --> 00:15:36,770
‪车队现在可能
‪已经离这里160公里远了

237
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‪我们自有办法

238
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‪我们快追上了
‪大概离车队还有16公里

239
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‪何方小姐 我们快追上了

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‪能不能告诉我们对手的情况
‪他们偷了什么武器？

241
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‪我这里有库存清单

242
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‪有很多奇奇怪怪的爆炸物
‪我们来看看

243
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‪有喷嚏引爆器
‪情绪混淆弹、恐惧甜甜圈…

244
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‪什么 还有食品武器？

245
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‪错！我们叫它甜甜圈
‪是因为它里面全是果酱

246
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‪但和果酱不同
‪如果它缠上你 你会恐惧所有东西

247
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‪还有粘液制造器
‪这种武器会让你的身体产生过多粘液

248
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‪听着像《战神金刚》其中一集的东西

249
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‪但它是真的！

250
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‪为什么会有人制造这些东西？

251
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‪为了打胜仗、迷惑敌人、摆布同事

252
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‪你们还制造情绪无常弹？

253
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‪我要学的东西太多了

254
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‪还有克利夫凯尔索的天气制造机
‪便携版

255
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‪一个昆虫口哨 不知道是干什么的
‪一台头痛机

256
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‪幽灵粉…

257
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‪这里有个变态的 激光隐形眼镜

258
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‪总之 尽可能离所有武器都远远的

259
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‪它们极度不稳定 有的还没测试过

260
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‪即使是那些能用的 也不应该存在

261
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‪-明白
‪-看到车队了

262
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‪他们知道我们来了

263
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‪嘿 怎么就我一个人了？

264
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‪开得好 爱车

265
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‪坏了

266
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‪它在哪？

267
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‪我太厉害了！

268
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‪（自动驾驶）

269
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‪你也干得不错

270
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‪艾可 需要我做什么？

271
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‪退后 交给我

272
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‪干得漂亮 艾可！

273
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‪我觉得我们阻止不了这些半挂车

274
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‪我们不需要阻止它们
‪只要分离后面的挂车就行了

275
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‪莱拉说得对 我们到挂车上去
‪佛士迪 你在后面掩护我们

276
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‪有我在 东

277
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‪小事一桩

278
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‪这种事我们有经验

279
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‪真没有说话的必要

280
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‪没事 我没事

281
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‪我没事

282
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‪我真的没事！

283
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‪不好
‪我觉得东尼被情绪无常弹击中了

284
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‪这不是真的 不可能

285
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‪情绪无常弹 真诡异

286
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‪跟你说过 有我在 放心好了

287
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‪不行 你太重了！

288
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‪不 透明果酱 是恐惧弹！

289
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‪怎么回事 你们俩没事吧？

290
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‪西斯可被恐惧弹击中了

291
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‪但我觉得炸弹起反作用了

292
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‪又救了一个

293
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‪没有什么能够阻挡我！

294
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‪你是谁？你为什么要这么做？

295
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‪看来我的援军到了

296
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‪那我只能把你们都处理掉

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‪拯救焚化日已经不可能了

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‪看来我们要拯救的是全世界

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‪字幕翻译：张耀成