A friend of mine once told me
when one delves into the mind of a sausage lover,
one encounters that the combination
of a hard exterior and a soft interior,
plus the succulent and tender aftertaste,
make the sausage irresistible.
The same can be said about Jesus.
Sounds like a harmless enough remark.
Nevertheless, it triggered part of the muddle
of the events that took place here
in our otherwise peaceful little town.
Some said it was a love story. To me, it was.
Some said it was a crime story, or a family tragedy.
I was new in town, didn't know the people so well,
but I'd say this,
and I'm sorry if it comes out a little academic.
There are those you will claim that the liberation of humanity,
that the freedom of man, and mind is nothing but a dream.
And they're right.
That's the American dream.
♪ It's america ♪
♪ Love it or leave it ♪
♪ Well, I'm getting mighty tired of seeing hippies running wild ♪
♪ And burning down the schools and stepping on the flags ♪
♪ Things are getting out of hand when you read about a man ♪
♪ That'll burn his draft card ♪
♪ Hang around the pool room and brag ♪
♪ Some folks think it's okay but I wasn't raised that way ♪
♪ And I won't be satisfied till I've had my say ♪
♪ It's america ♪
♪ You got no right to deceive it ♪
♪ It's the best there is ♪
♪ You'd better believe it ♪
♪ Good men gave their lives ♪
♪ So we could live to see it ♪
♪ It's america ♪
♪ Love it or leave it ♪
♪ Things are going mighty wrong when respect for law is gone ♪
♪ And it seems that everybody hates a uniform ♪
♪ It's kinda hard to understand when you read about a man ♪
♪ That's talking about love and knocking the place he was born ♪
♪ If things don't go their way they can always move away ♪
♪ That's what democracy means anyway ♪
What in gutterbee made it all end so tragically?
Folks leaving town is probably why
things had gone bad to begin with.
Had I been less of an optimist,
I'd I had seen seen the writing on the wall.
Edward hofler.
He was new here.
First thing he ever did,
he explained to me the difference between
various kinds of sausage
while I cited him for a traffic violation.
Sometimes you do not even have to cook, like, frankfurter,
knockwurst, some kinds of Bologna.
- I love Bologna. - However, liverwurst,
bratwurst, bockwurst,
you definitely need to keep refrigerated.
Thank you.
It's too much to get into right now,
but the way he explained it definitely got me hooked.
Sausages, that was his choice in life.
It wasn't that Edward didn't have a plan,
though sipping bitters and mourning his dead parents
was all he was doing.
Now, as a longtime bachelor,
I thought, a lonely man seeking companionship.
And the truth of that wasn't all wrong.
But, aye, there's the rub.
For what is truth?
Jimmy Jerry Lee,
visionary horse man and local venue owner.
You like my new suit, daddy? I got it online.
Yeah. Yeah, Hank, it looks manly.
Determined to make this town
a better place.
Try a little harder, Jimmy,
they'll all be gone by the end of the year.
You just remember, push comes to shove,
there's one person who will come through for you.
We should not have to put up with strangers
from parts of the world that wish us no good.
Our gentle community depends on that.
I'm Jimmy Jerry Lee Jones, Jr.,
and welcome to the splendid night of cabaret.
Boys and girls, pick a number out of the jar
that's floating around.
We got music, we got food, we got the beer,
and maybe a little bit later we're going to have some honey.
Apart from Jimmy's cabaret
for the special invited,
there was no cause for concern,
except that I was dealing with a thinning hairline
that seemed determined.
And little did I know that everything was about to unravel.
You watch this face now. I'm going to be big.
Good luck.
You make your own luck in this world, compadre.
Any y'all know where the nearest bus stop is?
All right, man!
All right!
Hello out there. This is Steve barker.
You're listening to...
Frankfurter.
How's your day so far, Edward?
Uh...
- Hey, you! - Hey, hey, hey!
- I heard you were getting out. - Yes, indeed, ma'am.
Magic Mike is back in town.
- Come here. - Give me some sugar.
Mm, good to see you.
How's everything?
Monkey on a tie.
Huh?
Get the junk off my bar, and pay your tab, Mike.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Britt, where's the fire? - Never mind her.
What kind of "welcome home" is that?
Lots have moved lately.
Oh, Robert and cliff left too, huh?
Yep.
Oh, fucking Barney as well?
Told me to say hello.
Sorry.
You know, I like that old idea of yours.
Tarping up the lake so kids could jump on it.
It's still on the bucket list.
Hey, new guy.
I'm Mike, by the way.
- You? - Edward.
Hey, can I call you Eddie?
I don't like formality amongst friends,
so how about, uh Eddie?
Or ed?
Ted?
Ford? Huh?
Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself.
As the saying goes, you are what you wear.
Now look at this. Look at it. That is handcrafted.
Perfect quality. It doesn't wrinkle.
What do you say?
I say you are a self-licking lollipop,
and you and your ties lack direction.
Both of you.
You lack direction, man.
What do you got going on, huh?
You getting' boozed in the afternoon?
What's that? Sausages.
Sausages, that's... That's your big plan?
Wow.
- You know what? - That's enough.
- He started it. - That's enough.
Okay.
♪ I need you now I need you tonight ♪
♪ To make my broken heart be your whole ♪
Spot on, man!
Yeah! Go, daddy!
Everybody's going to love you, daddy.
I know I sure do.
Ah, come here, son. Give me some.
They let you out of the slammer, huh?
Yes. Mm-hmm, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're taking a fall for me.
That's a lesson this whole town ought to learn from.
Yeah, I agree. Mike is a sport. Come here!
- We hug in this family, huh. - Yeah.
It's good to see you, man.
Good to see you too, Hank. You too.
Lemonades, Hank. Make Mike's a generous pour.
Make mine a hot toddy.
This frog in my throat's getting a little thirsty.
Ah-ha.
- So you've seen the strip? - Mm-hmm.
Finally got it cleaned up. Got it cleaned up the right way.
Got to keep an eye out, though,
because I heard there's some chinaman
living outside of town.
Plus, I got that new sheriff.
He's looking over my goddamn shoulder at every...
Hank, use the tray.
- Right. - It is good to have you back.
Put you back to work.
Me and you together, we take care of things.
Like first, we started with the natives.
Then the africans.
Then the Mexicans.
Now the asians.
This can't go on.
Lemonade...
- America first, Mike. - America first.
America first.
Mm.
Mm, yeah.
Ooh. Heh. Delicious.
You know, Jimmy,
while I was in jail,
I got some time to do some thinking of my own.
Maybe I haven't fulfilled my potential, know what I mean?
Maybe I haven't done everything that I could with my life.
So I decided to get something going for myself.
Ready?
Ties, Jimmy.
It's got a monkey on it.
Of course it does. A little monkey on it.
It's beautiful, man.
See, I'm offering you an opportunity to be a part of it.
You know, I need some start-up money and I figured,
well, maybe Jimmy would want to chip in.
Know what I mean?
Hmm.
Here, I thought you was coming back to the fold
and go back to respectable work.
To resume the job that we had started.
That's...
No, no, no. Not you.
No, you decide not to give a damn.
You just think that it's a big fat nothing.
One big fat, burlesque nothing.
Hey, daddy, daddy, daddy! Goddamn it, Mike.
It's been months since she fainted.
That had nothing to do with me, man.
Don't upset him. You know he can take it.
I'm sorry, I didn't do anything.
- Yeah, you never do anything. - No, I did not, Hank.
Daddy? Daddy?
- There you go. - Huh?
While you were out, I told Mike to say he's sorry.
Listen, Jimmy, Jimmy, I'm sorry, man.
I'm sorry. I know that over the years you spend a lot
on my well-being, and you helped me out so much
with uncle Arnie's funeral.
I just need... Oh, Jimmy, come on, man.
Jimmy, I can't go back to prison, man.
You know, I guess if our friendship
of all these years was nothing but lies and deception,
- all right, all right. - Oh, man...
But I expect you to pay me back.
I just did two months on your behalf, man.
Out of honor to the history of our relationship,
you've always been like a son to me.
I'm going to let you pick a number.
Pick a number that you think is fair.
Something that'll square things up between us.
All right, well...
How about...
$3,721.
Balance due.
Three thou...?
You have a place to sleep?
Yeah, of course I do.
Fritz?
Edward?
Yo. Yo, Eddie.
- Come in! - Hey!
My window is broken.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But don't worry about that.
Don't worry about that. I'm going to fix that. I just needed to...
Well, I needed to check the place out for storage.
I'm renovating my trailer at the moment,
and I need to, um...
Well, I needed somewhere to crash.
You fix it right now, or I call the sheriff.
Seriously, I will fix that. Do not...
You don't need to call the sheriff, okay?
I'll fix it.
Say, uh...
All this antiquey-looking stuff.
Yes. It's a German place.
Gourmet.
In here?
Yes.
What's the food? What's your poison?
Sausage.
Oh, you were serious about that?
Sausages.
It's a gourmet house of refuge.
Oh.
That...
That's a great idea, man. That's genius.
Really great.
Tell you the truth,
I just don't know why you haven't already got it built.
- What's your point? - You're probably thinking,
I'm just some guy that came in through a hole
in your window, right? But Edward,
stop for a minute and think about this.
Do you believe that was an accident?
See, I'm starting to pick something up in here.
I am.
I don't think it was no accident.
I think something in here made me pick up this rock
and-and-and break through that barrier there.
You understand me?
I can help you put a team together
and get this place up and running in no time.
We can talk about my fee later, but I just want enough
to put a roof over my head and a little change
in my back pocket, but truthfully,
what I want is for you to succeed.
You see this door?
Oh, did I ever. Beautiful door.
It belonged to Johann Georg lahner,
the inventor of the weenie.
Like a frankfurter?
No. The weenie is younger.
Frankfurter dates back to 1487, actually.
You like this table?
Gorgeous. Mm-hmm.
You want to feel it?
Please, be my guest.
Yeah! I'll feel the table. Of course.
- Hmm. - What do you think?
Oh! Good table.
Good wood.
So...
You wanted a place to crash?
Yeah, so rent is 200 flat.
Oh, okay. I thought you meant I could just use it.
Yeah, 200 flat.
There's an old saying.
Don't blame it on the rooster.
Kenny.
Jimmy's rooster.
Jimmy claimed it had skills to track down outsiders,
which I never believed to be true.
I thought a lonely animal seeking companionship,
like we all do.
But the truth is, I missed my turn on that one.
And, sadly, never saw the real connection
before it was too late.
He told me to hire personnel, man.
- Leave him alone. He's a wreck. - He was adamant.
So I said, "all right, Edward, I'll help you out."
And he said, "all right, great."
So I go, "well, luckily, we both know
one of the best in the business: William."
But he ain't going to do it for free.
So there's, like, I don't know, 500 bucks in it for you, man.
Why would I trust anything you say?
Well, bring your tools. See for yourself.
- What tools? - Fucking window-fixing tools!
- All right. - Man!
I'll go and get 'em.
Thank you for being here.
Michael, William, thank you.
Please, sit down.
First, ahem, you must understand the basics.
This is my mother, ermatrude hofler.
And my father, gunter hofler.
They had a vision, to make under this roof
a house of love and satisfaction,
and to spread the joy of my father's hot sausages.
The black Pearl.
My father's own recipe.
I call it the magic wand.
Unfortunately, my mother and father
was unable to complete the mission,
for almost immediately, they both died
in a tragic bathing accident in acapulco.
So I suddenly became an orphan, deported back to Bavaria,
and delivered into the cruel hands of the salvation army,
who attempted to turn me into a soldier of Jesus Christ,
brutally sucking out my innocent little heart.
But I refused to be conquered.
I simply gripped on tighter to sausage,
feeling that primeval life force reverberating through me
and throughout all of human history.
Sausage became my linchpin.
But eventually my addiction.
Wait here.
The historical bullet points.
Start with the crucifixion,
the romans, and how it was all meant to be.
Do you hear a rattle when the wind blows?
William, please explain to this man,
you cannot fix it with a screwdriver.
No, he can't, but I can fix it.
There you go.
I put a patch right in here.
- You won't be able... - Exactly.
Mm-hmm.
Cheers, gentleman.
This is the real stuff.
This is your lucky day.
Gather up all your folks, get on the first banana boat
heading back to where you came from.
And don't even think about looking back.
Make me regret just giving you a trim.
Good work, Kenny.
Halt, who goes there?
Reveal yourself.
It's me. Mike.
Whoa.
Seems we hadn't exactly
got rid of all of our Chinese problem.
Kenny tracked him. Feels a storm coming.
I heard there was a fellow of unknown origins
over at the grocery store,
ripping up some expensive food stuff.
I don't need that here. Bad enough people are leaving.
This is perfect, Jimmy. This is what
I was coming to talk to you about.
This is going to put a smile on your face.
Me and Edward, we're opening a restaurant.
Yeah. Bring a little business into town and also, you know,
start paying you some money back, man.
Well, it could be that this Edward's German, daddy.
German?
Kenny would know.
Well, that's all I need. Why didn't somebody tell me?
Well, I-I-I just found out.
Edward's not going to be a problem to you, Jimmy.
He's a sausage scholar, man. Heh.
German sausage.
Don't you know what I am attempting to do in this town?
I don't think so.
Sorry, Mike.
Nothing good's going to come from this.
So listen to this.
Every single sausage will be served with a tiny little flag.
A flag that matches an identical flag in the map,
so that when you're eating your sausage,
you can look up at the map and you can see,
where am I eating, sausage-wise?
And outside will be a forest of Chestnut trees,
and everybody singing and drinking
and dancing and eating sausages.
And all the girls in dirndl dresses, and dancing.
And looking really beautiful.
Howdy.
I don't believe that we have been formally introduced.
I'm Jimmy Jerry Lee Jones, Jr.
Edward.
Edward hofler.
Well, Mr. Hofler,
though I appreciate you attempt to accommodate our little town,
there's a lot of hatred out there,
and it's worse than any I've ever seen.
And I'm doing my best to try to fix it...
Which is why this restaurant must be terminated.
I mean, it is imperative that we stick
with a straight American food line
for the furtherance of our community.
Around here, we speak hamburgers and French fries.
Well, it's nice to make your acquaintance
and become friends.
We just do things by the book.
Outside, Mike.
What the hell is William doing in there?
- Y'all ganging up on me? - I'll tell William to leave
and mind his own business.
By god, you better take care of this,
or I can't promise about the consequences.
- I will. - That place is cursed.
I was baptized in that chapel, daddy.
Yeah, I'm aware, Hank.
What we need to do,
we need to come together as neighbors
and look each other in the eye,
and get to know one another, because that's what we are.
We are neighbors.
That is what the splendid night of cabaret will accomplish.
We need to keep our eyes out
for restaurants that are opening,
that serve Beijing black rice.
Y'all hold that thought. I'll be right back.
Three thousand years ago
the babylonians began stuffing intestines with meat.
The romans called them "salsus."
It means "salted."
"To preserve." You see?
The clue was in the title.
The sausage must preserve and persevere.
But then came cataclysmic persecution and darkness.
First of all, they crucified the fantasist.
You know who: Big jc.
Then they even crucified our friend, the sausage.
Two thousand years of Christian mindlessness.
The holy babble spread it like a plague.
Entire civilizations enslaved into pitiful mediocrity.
Here in gutterbee,
we have something that we can
really hold on to, something real.
We must just rise up and embrace the incarnation.
That carpenter, he died on the cross crying for his daddy,
"why have you forsaken me?"
But his daddy let him go.
He left it for us to decide.
I have the sheriff's permission and legal right to be here.
Oh, you don't say.
Well, let me tell you something, Fritz.
I am a simple man, and this is my turf.
This is not a neck and neck race.
The name's Edward.
Edward hofler.
We have whupped a kraut's ass before,
and don't you think that we won't do it again.
This is where it started to go bad.
However, if you want
to get naked with the chosen people,
prepare to be just that.
My dad used to tell me this
when I was growing up to become a man.
I can't say I wasn't pleased that I was finally called for.
The question is, could I have done anything different?
The answer is no.
Though I can't stress enough that taking a man's life
is never a pleasant thing.
That was a great speech, Eddie.
See, you just threw so much shit at the fan,
that it was basically a declaration of war, man.
So?
Let me explain something to you.
Jimmy...
Jimmy, you probably heard of the party
that he'd dedicated his whole life to.
- No. - Okay.
Well, it's called his splendid night of cabaret,
and it's basically local people getting together
to hook up and multiply, right.
Now, the problem is, people don't really like Jimmy,
so they're not showing up like they used to.
So Jimmy is getting desperate...
I am not afraid of Jimmy.
Why are you so wimpy?
Fucking Edward, I'm not... I'm not...
I'm not afraid of him at all.
I'm not proud of it, but I used to help him
scare Chinese people into leaving town, all right?
Nothing serious. I'd just bug them after dark.
Shit.
I did two months in the farm for it.
- In the farm? - Prison, Edward, prison.
The important thing here is that you do not upset Jimmy.
You stay here, talk to sue
while I go and sort this out.
Talk to her, man. Just be honest.
Make shit up. Be yourself.
- Sue. - No!
Yes. Sue, come on over here, love.
We got to draw line in the sand.
I will not be mocked by a goddamn foreigner,
or an atheist.
This is my homeland.
I love my homeland. He left his.
Maybe the restaurant is not such a big problem, Jimmy.
See, Edward, he's got this book, right?
And now in this book, there's a whole chapter
on how the sausage actually came to america
in the first place.
That's just your education talking.
I don't need to study no book.
What I'm dealing with's based in facts.
You need to get yourself a horse,
you will have a relationship that you can always count on.
A creature that won't let you down.
You let this marinade.
You stir it up, wait 45 minutes and repeat.
I know you think stirring road apples
is just a bunch of horseshit.
You think that it's just manure.
It's just there to be muck, spread around as fertilizer.
But no, droppings is a window
into the health status of any creature.
A good bowel movement sets your mind straight,
whether you're horse or man.
That's what you need, Mike.
You need to set your mind straight.
You come here every day, we'll get this sorted out.
You know, I can stir that too, daddy.
- I don't mind doing that job. - It's not a job.
Is a life lesson.
Life lesson for a real man.
Look, about Edward, I'll fix it.
In fact, he's a bit of a ladies' man,
so why don't you invite him to your shindig.
I don't need to dangle no poontang as lure.
Folks come to the cabaret because they understand
the real reasons behind it.
It was hard enough chasing that chinaman out of town.
I can still smell his damn fryers in the morning.
- It smells like defeat. - Here you go, daddy.
You want some lemonade, Mike?
I made it with the lemons back from the tree in the garden
we used to run around on when we were kids.
No, I don't want lemonade, Hank.
Whoa, the holy ghost! Yeah!
This is all the lord allowed me to drink.
Just two in the night. Thank you.
Praise Jesus on that one.
I haven't seen you in church lately, honey pie.
What's keeping you away from the holy ghost?
All right, folks, dig into your pocketbooks.
Let's go, let's get some money. Praise Jesus! Praise!
Most of all, I am grateful and thankful to god
that he saw something in me,
and allowed me the privilege of serving his people.
I try not to be a celebrity, but a servant.
I once bought into that lie,
but when you meet people that depend on you,
you realize that we're all created for community.
We need each other,
and the church leaders are not an exception to that rule.
Say it like it is, or don't say it at all.
What's that I hear about a sausage Pearl?
Oh, Luke...
I didn't know you was coming.
I got it all under control.
Hank, get people together.
Be aware of false prophets,
which come to you in sheep's clothing.
Inwardly, they are ravenous wolves.
Mike.
After your uncle died, you'd gone off the rails,
not taking the lord serious.
Is that correct?
Yes.
God put you on a road to walk.
You get off that path, you are subject to attack.
- Lead that man... - Ow!
Back to the church!
Amen!
Leave $20!
- Give me some love. - Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Come on, give me some love.
That is the love.
Now come on over here and give me hug.
Come on.
Ah!
That's the power of the holy ghost!
Amen.
Take it. Take it.
Take it.
That is the power of the holy ghost.
Take it!
The power of the holy ghost.
Take it! Take it!
Take it. Take it.
I'm being nickeled and dimed to death here.
This is my constituency, and I need people in my church.
It's the German.
He bought that old chapel.
He's making a restaurant or something.
Don't try to weasel out of this.
I'm not weaseling out. I got guys on it.
I mean, people's backing me.
Folks just don't go to church the way they used to.
God takes pleasure when people are happy,
and when there's money.
Go to Edward, make him happy.
"Like a sausage filled with fat and blood,
"turning in front of a blazing fire,
"twisted about by the man who roasts it.
Eager to see it done."
"The odyssey," by homer.
Yes, actually, he was the first to put it in words.
The holy grail of harmonic coexistence.
Barbecue.
What happened to your knee?
It's a prosthetic.
It's okay, I've gotten used to people staring.
- Oh! Oh... - Yeah.
It's nothing to brag about.
Huh.
It needs a little freshening up.
Well, perhaps I could put some oil on it for you.
That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.
Is it matte?
It's, uh... it's glossy.
Hold that right there.
Edward. Mike.
Come and see.
Oh, William, you made it really fantastic.
It's exactly as I imagined. Like having some déjà vu.
I think we may have got off on the wrong foot.
Not to diminish the gravity of what's already discussed,
but I've never been a man to shy away from a few tweaks.
I'm a song stylist myself,
Jim Reeves being a personal all-time favorite,
and I have established a fine cabaret tradition.
Singing and dancing. Boy meets girl.
All virile white people.
And I would like to invite you to attend.
You have strong bones, and I believe the girls
who attend my party would appreciate that.
All healthy females. All intact.
Look here, Fritz,
if you do this for me,
I'll forget that little incident.
No! No! No! Eddie!
The name is Edward.
Edward hofler.
That was a peace move! He was trying to make friends!
What is wrong with you? He was trying to make peace.
Jimmy! He didn't mean it!
♪ Regional leaders of sales ♪
♪ Frat-housing, keg-tapping ♪
♪ Shirt-tucking, backslapping ♪
♪ Haters of hippies like me ♪
♪ Tree-hugging, peace-loving pot-smoking... ♪
Worshipping a phallus instead of the holy cross.
The church is empty.
People are leaving, never to return.
This town's dying, Luke, and daddy's dying with it.
I love you.
You know I love you.
Let's go inside.
♪ Protestors of corporate greed ♪
♪ We who have nothing and most likely will ♪
♪ Till we all end up locked up in jails ♪
♪ By conservative Christian... ♪
You're lucky.
Jimmy's not going to press charges.
Says he's a philanthropist.
He wants happy people to celebrate.
I run a tight ship.
Big canon pointing right at you, Mike.
Well, I'm cooperating, sir.
I'm a fucking puppy dog.
Would you excuse us?
You going to tell me what happened?
The bavarian white.
This one you do not even have to chew it.
Then how do you eat it?
This broadcast is made possible
by the prayers and financial support
of listeners like you.
I'm just afraid that dad is never going to love me.
I'm afraid that something bad's going to happen to him.
I-I don't know, Luke. I'm just...
I'm so afraid.
I-I can't think straight.
Show Jimmy you care.
That's all there is to it.
Remember the camp?
A Bible and a belt.
- A Bible and a belt. - Yeah.
I'm going to go ahead and pay some of daddy's installment.
Don't tell him about that, though.
Why don't we try talking to Luke?
I've already talked to him.
What do you think I'm doing here?
I'm backed into a corner. I'm just...
Either you take care of this, or I swear on my daddy's grave
your ass is going back in the slammer.
By god, if I'm going down, you're going down with me.
I'll take every goddamn living creature down with us!
Jimmy ain't the problem. Luke's the problem.
He doesn't like his source of income being taken away, no.
And the church banned the sausage
because it had blood in it,
and was therefore a religious insult.
If you were caught eating one,
authorities came at you with extra brutality.
You could have your hair cut off,
or be expelled from town, or burned severely.
Hair... hair cut off?
And run out of town?
Yes, it's in the book. The Roman feast for lubercus.
Nothing's changed.
The Jimmys and the lukes have always been here.
- I've dealt with them before. - With all due respect, Edward,
you don't know shit about what you're talking about, okay?
Luke, he's a fucking t. Rex, man.
I think it's time to show you
a little magic trick.
"Roman's feast for lubercus.
"On the night of celebration, boys and girls would pick a name
from a small jar and become partners for the evening."
This is the same as Jimmy's cabaret, man.
This is the switch.
The black Pearl.
The book is just a map.
You need to set your mind straight.
Take it.
- Take it. - Edward...
Now...
Get angry at me again.
Yell at me again.
- Come on! - What?
Little lollipop.
Wimpy little wet lollipop man.
What?
Okay, okay.
Now try.
Oh, Edward, I can't just get angry out of the fucking blue.
You see? Anger, right there.
Look, take it again.
Now try.
Wimpy little wet little lollipop boy.
Have you lost your little lollipop?
You're laughing. Ah, you're smiling!
- Now you smile. - Yeah.
This is fucking crazy.
Aggression again. See?
You see?
Up yours!
Now, that was pretty fake.
But that thing before,
that was real.
Did you feel it?
I call it the pipeline.
When your subconscious tells the mind
that what you can conceive,
you can achieve.
But you're thwarted.
You're simply all mouth, no trousers.
No. You two are paired now.
Luke's just acting up, man.
Like he has done for centuries.
What do you mean?
With all due respect, Jimmy,
there's some things going on here
that you don't fully understand.
What are you saying?
I'm saying that you, my friend...
You're thinking too little of yourself.
Listen to this.
In the early Roman times, the romans,
they had this celebration: The feast for lubercus.
A kind of pre-Valentine's day party
where folks would get together to party and hook up.
How it worked was, every boy would take a number from a jar,
and every girl would take a number from different jar,
and the ones with matching numbers
were partners for the evening.
- That's like my cabaret. - Bingo.
How do you know this?
It's all in the book. And guess what?
Sausages were a part of it.
- Roman sausages. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe.
But people didn't care. That was just another food, man.
An everyday part of life.
Only sausages weren't just used for eating at the party,
if you catch my drift.
But who cares, right?
That's just a little more sweet honey.
Just like your cabaret, man.
"Food, beer. And some sweet honey."
- I like the sweet honey. - Yeah, so you'd think.
But no. For that very reason,
the church banned the celebration
and made sausage eating a sin.
They said that sausages had blood in them,
and were therefore a religious insult.
Now listen to me, this is where it gets interesting.
If you went ahead and ate sausage anyway
and you got caught,
the church would come down
on you with extra brutality.
They would cut off your hair, severely burn you,
or run you out of town.
- I invented that. That's mine. - Exactly!
See? You took those old scare tactics
and you brought them into modern times, man.
Now, you see where I'm going with this?
You picking up what I'm putting down?
You getting the connections here?
Put it into the broader context.
You have been chosen by the lord.
He saw you, and he saw it was good.
He did, didn't he?
Oh, did he ever.
And let me tell you something right now, Jimmy.
Your daddy...
He stands right beside god.
He sits in his right hand.
He is proud of you.
- I'm somebody. - Oh, no, Jimmy.
You're not just somebody.
You, my friend, are a true visionary.
And, Luke, he doesn't like that.
- No. - Here's the thing, though.
The sausage, he never recovered.
It was never looked at the same way again,
even to this day.
The people suffered, and the celebration...
Well, it fell apart,
just like your cabaret is about to.
But you, Jimmy, you can change all that.
How?
Well, people already like the Pearl, right?
- Yeah. - So give to them, man.
Give it to them. Make it your idea. Don't try and stop it.
See, the church tried to stop it back in the day,
but people just started meeting up in secret clubs
to eat their sausages in peace.
Eventually, the church realized they couldn't stop it.
You can't stop a beloved treat, Jimmy.
But neither should you want to.
It's time to let go of those scare tactics.
Well, I thought you said that they was good.
Yeah, they were good. They're not anymore, okay?
Give the people what they want, Jimmy.
- But Luke... - Fuck Luke!
What's he ever done, man,
except make you dance to his tune,
and laugh at your vocal?
Yeah, Luke never liked my vocal.
Exactly, and all we're trying to do
is make your splendid night of cabaret
as beautiful and wonderful as it once was.
That's it.
I always hated Luke.
And my daddy will not die in vain.
Oh, amen, brother.
Amen. It is time for you to make you Mark.
To set your footprint, Jimmy.
As soon as Luke sees the town coming together,
he's going to back off,
just like the church did back in Roman times.
I promise you that, man.
Help us help you make gutterbee great again.
Hmm?
Come on. Let's do it, Jimmy.
Or should I say...
Jimmy Jerry Lee Jones, Jr.
The matchmaker.
How come it's so dinky?
- Hmm? - The sausage.
How come the sausage is so dinky?
It's little. It's teeny.
We'll find you a more neutral one.
Good, good. And less foreign.
Make it bigger. Like...
Like big. You know, like america.
Like america-big.
Yeah, we can put the mashed pellicle,
the crushed bone and the fat back in.
We can use the bavarian white. That's big.
And call it the American white.
American white.
I like that.
- I like that. - All right!
- Daddy, he's back. - What?
- I caught him for you. - Who?
Chang.
You tell him what I just told you.
He forced me in his car.
What?
You brought him back here from out of town?
No, I swear, daddy, me and Kenny found him
sneaking around with a big bag of Chinese spices or something.
- That's not true. - Shut up.
Well, you're here now.
Jimmy, we-we-we just agreed, man.
No more scare tactics.
He'll never learn.
- Me? - Yeah.
Well, but...
Jimmy, this could put me back in the slammer, man.
For a long time.
I can do it, daddy. I'm not afraid.
Mike has returned back to the patriotic fold.
He's paid his debt, now it's time for him to participate.
Don't let me down now, son.
All right, drop them silk drawers and get her done.
Hey out there, all you sexy people.
This is Steve barker.
You're listening to us midnight news.
It's irreversible.
You are who you are.
Doesn't mean you're always the same.
That's when I saw a man run past my window.
An Asian...
In the nude.
Not that I hadn't seen a naked man before.
My dad took me swimming by the lake many times
when I was teen.
Him and some friends.
What I saw was not only a crime
that called for my immediate attention...
It was the indisputable truth.
A naked, hurtful truth.
You can run but you can't hide.
Weather the storm, my fellow townsmen.
Weather the storm.
Oh, my god!
Eddie?
Eddie!
Edward!
Eddie!
Edward!
Eddie.
You all right?
Thank you.
So I'm standing there with the Pearl,
and all of a sudden your words echo through my mind, man.
Self-licking lollipop.
Lollipop. Lollipop. Lollipop.
And I realize... it's me.
I always thought that I lived the American dream.
But I don't, Eddie.
And as I realize that,
I just started to talk, man.
I mean, really talk, you know?
The early romans, his cabaret, worlds are merging.
And it's beautiful, man.
And right then in that...
That divine euphoria...
I suddenly find myself burning the ass of an innocent chinaman.
Sucked right back into my old self, man.
But worse.
No mercy.
Now, that just don't make sense to me.
Because that thing you did with the Pearl,
that helped me understand what I'm back here for.
This is it, man.
This is our chance to show the world what we're capable of.
I don't want to end up being nothing or doing nothing, Eddie.
But good for you, though, man.
Hmm? Sue.
It's a perfect match, man.
You're made for each other.
Her tits are as flat as your table.
She already has a wooden leg.
Oh, and, uh...
Guess what?
Jimmy's on board.
All we got to do is make your sausage bigger, man.
We just throw back in the mashed pellicle, the crushed bone,
the additives, use the bavarian white as a template,
call it the American white, and we are golden.
We're not going to do that.
I just told Jimmy that we're going to do that.
That's all.
Edward, Mike, come take a look.
It's beautiful.
Let's not fuck this up, man.
We're going to have one hell of an open.
Slap dance and everything. I'll do one with you.
That's a promise.
Wunderbar.
Edward.
Uh...
I brought you a little housewarming.
Thought it'd look good in there.
It's 100% American-made. Made by my daddy and his family.
- Where should we put it, daddy? - Hush, Hank.
- This don't concern you. - Right here is fine, Hank.
Come on in, Jimmy. See what we done.
It means a lot to me that you understand
the importance of the cabaret.
And my precarious financial situation.
I have to say, I was bit blindsided by everything.
And, after all, you did draw first blood, Edward.
But Mike explained it to me,
explained things so I understood them in a wider context.
Now, you might have noticed my guitar.
I don't just carry it around as a fashion accessory.
No, I wanted to share a little something with you,
out of tribute.
By the way, I really appreciate your attending the cabaret.
You're gonna have grand time.
Mike, he knows, he's been there before.
- Oh... - But I wrote a new song.
It's a special song that I'm going to premiere for everybody.
You'll be the first to hear it.
But you get an extra special tidbit.
I'm going to share a little piece of it with you now.
This comes from the intimate side of myself.
It's for all the girls I've loved.
Here we go...
Wunderbar.
It's really reaching maximum capacity.
So you twist...
And you place it just in the groove.
- You see that? - Uh-huh.
And then squeeze.
So...
We make 28 of these for appetizers.
A true serving of frankfurter is always in pairs.
Since 1875, there were two families in Frankfurt: Butchers.
And the daughter of one family,
she fell in love with the son of the other family.
The family of the son,
they made little long, thin frankfurter.
And the daughter's family made a short, fat frankfurter,
which they also called the frankfurter.
And when the two married, at the wedding,
the families made peace by serving two frankfurters
side by side.
Short and fat.
Hey, Luke, what that's shit on your car?
You're driving a poop de ville.
That car is a living entity,
bought and paid for by my own hands.
It engenders confidence and pride,
which is the awareness of which I pray.
And now I hear you've gone and sold your soul to Edward.
That's the person that's responsible for this aggression.
I only did it for the betterment of the town.
Nothing else. You'll see.
We're going to return the splendid night of cabaret
to its former glory.
That's wonderful, Jimmy.
That's exactly why god called you to church,
to bring this town's vision to pass.
But god's not free.
You got to start giving, and you just can't be fed.
Just fed.
All right, I'll call the bank, go over and have meeting.
You do what you got to do, but you do it quick.
God don't like to foreclose.
Okay.
My father's lederhosen.
I think it fits you pretty tight.
This is costing Jesus his heart.
If you don't dig deep into you pockets tonight,
you could die like a snap of my fingers.
And then you'll go to hell.
Though Jimmy and Edward
suddenly seemed to be getting along,
it wasn't over for Luke.
Kenny also got more and more eerie.
But as my mind never got around to being bothered
by a racist bird,
I did turn to our elders,
who clearly didn't like Jimmy nor Luke.
Better safe than sorry.
I thought I'd point out the drawback
of fear in our lives,
and what it does to a man.
But I do remember when...
Got me kind of worried and wondering.
Scared too, of course,
when somebody actually took a shot at me.
Missed my chin by an inch.
By virtue of merle's accumulated wisdom,
people here still looked to his actions
with ceremonial respect.
Well, that's too bad...
And then it happened.
Merle relocated.
Well, I'll be goddamned.
Merle got up and moved.
He ain't moved that bench since his daddy died.
This is the authorities!
Oh...
Let me tell you something, brother.
And I hope all of you are listening.
I'm a church boy,
and a church boy don't allow Satan
to devour god's people.
I say, get out of god's way, Fritz,
for god's gonna shoot you if I don't.
Mm-hmm.
Oh!
Come on, fellas.
Ah!
Fellas...
Come on, fellas...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm not done with you!
God is not in a good mood now!
You pick your weapon! You pick your weapon!
This town is not big enough for the both of us!
Get out!
Get in! Get in!
Get in the car!
What's going on, William?
A woman answered by ad.
We, uh, compared profiles.
Perfect match.
Earl, tell him what you told me.
He was running in circles like a terror-stricken bull.
First he looked to the sky,
eyes wide, vicious and greedy stare,
before the falcon sinks its teeth
deep into the baby Robin
that had fallen from its nest.
Then, as if the gravitational pull suddenly let go,
he set off in that direction.
- Toward the refuge? - Yeah.
But he didn't get far. He tried to speak,
but all I heard was a hoarse whisper
before he fell over, dead.
Good god, what happened here?
Sheriff.
- Mr. Jones. - The rapture.
The rapture.
It smells good.
Sheriff.
Hank.
Sorry about Kenny.
Yeah.
Dad said he must have sensed something so evil about to come
that it just tore his heart out.
I saw a naked man running down the street the other night.
Asian.
Yeah, I heard about that.
You seem troubled, Hank. Is something bugging you?
Well, heh...
I've always been a bit of a troubled youth, Tim.
I-I-I can call you Tim, right?
Yeah, if you want.
I like your suit.
Oh, thanks.
I got it online.
You know, it needs a little tailoring,
but I can give you the website if you want.
Thanks.
All right, you think of anything else, you let me know.
Tell me you're not going though with this.
Would you just calm the fuck down, Edward?
You're gonna ruin it all, man... The restaurant
and everything you worked so hard for.
You do this, you're on your own, all right? I'm leaving.
I'm leaving.
Goddamn it.
That's for me?
Choose your weapon.
Pick one.
One is poisoned. The other one's not.
Pick one, Luke, you big chicken.
Just pick it!
- Pick one! - Pick it! Pick, pick, pick.
Let's go.
You...
Now...
No more bullshit, all right?
No more. No more hitting people.
No more fucking killing people. It stops now.
What have you done?
He is going to bulldoze down the dance hall.
You've ruined my life.
- Get the money from Edward. - Jimmy, hold on.
I never said that Edward had any money.
I said we'd get the sausage finished for the cabaret.
Kill him.
- Edward? - Luke. Kill Luke.
He's going to bulldoze
the goddamn dance hall!
What do you got in your pocket? You got money in your pocket?
- What? - Got money, put it in the till.
No, no, no! Jimmy, it's just sausages.
It's nothing. It's just samples.
Just variations on the American white.
First Kenny dropped like a fly.
Then Luke, ridiculed.
What's next?
If grandpa sr. Was here he would have put his fist down.
Don't you use his name without permission.
I'm just speaking my mind.
I know good and darn well what your mind is.
Why do you got to keep digging that hole?
I've had it up to here with you, daddy.
You know, you...
If you spent just a little bit of time interested in me
at any point in my life,
maybe things would've ended different.
- And you shut up. - No, daddy, you shut up!
Don't you raise your voice at me!
That's the last time I ever want to hear that!
You understand what I'm saying? I ain't so bad, am I, daddy?
I mean, ain't I what you want me to be? Huh?
I slimmed down. I got this suit online
that even you say it makes me look manly.
And by god, I... I do.
I feel manly now.
But you're not.
You're a homosexual,
and I wish you'd never been born.
Look, you have upset blackie.
Coming around getting my horse all worked up of a morning.
Watch your mouth around my horse.
Okay, father.
And I need you to take care of Luke.
Yes, sir.
Now let's see what the fuss is about.
Ooh! Oh, that's spicy.
That kind'll burn you in the morning.
It's gonna burn you twice. Whoo!
Mm.
- What do you got there? - Sausage.
Any good?
Well, that one's a little spicy and that one's a little sweet.
I have a few questions,
if you don't mind.
What's your business with Jimmy?
I put shit in a jar and I stir it.
And then I wait a while and I stir it again.
To check the health status of his horse.
I don't believe a word of what you said.
Look, this is all Luke's fault, man.
You should talk to him.
Or maybe I should blame it on the rooster.
I should throw you right back in the slammer.
But I'd rather you did community work for me,
chance to do what's right.
You also have a party to attend tonight.
- Right? - Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Then I know where to find you.
It's all Luke's fault, man.
Carol-Anne.
This is my matching profile.
Hello.
Yes, welcome to the gourmet house of refuge.
Kenny?
I know I promised you that I wouldn't go back to prison,
and I wasn't going to drag
your good name through the mud and...
That I was going to make something of myself, but...
Well, it looks like I might have to go back on that promise.
You betrayed me, Mike.
It was all a big scam.
Kenny felt this coming and died because of it.
I'm sorry about this, Jimmy.
You killed Kenny, Mike.
The Indian and the elves, together at the restaurant.
Stories about romans, getting Luke run out of town.
- Did it to distract me. - What?
Distract me from the truth. I know what's going on.
It's the uprising. It starting all over again.
Kenny came back like a thief in the night,
and he showed me the way.
Edward, William, sue too.
All delinquents.
This is my family.
I was adopted.
I don't know anything about no Indians, Jimmy.
But even if I did...
So what, man?
Jesus was an arab, and you love Jesus.
- Jesus was a white man. - Was an arab.
- Was a white man. - Jesus of nazareth, Jimmy.
He was a cool arab dude, man.
Hung out with prostitutes and thieves, drank wine.
Hey, he did not.
We all go back to africans anyway, so who cares?
- Edward. Edward. - Yes?
I'm Jeff, from the herald. I'm here for the interview.
But we...
We've gone on a real tight run tonight,
and we need to get on with it, okay?
Certainly. We just have to wait maybe five minutes.
My partner Michael is a bit late.
You don't understand. We just have to call it off.
- Just one moment. - Please.
Where are...?
I'll find him. You just get it started.
But don't rush it.
There's a chair right there...
Come on. Get you up.
Get you up. Get you up. Get you up.
All right.
You got it.
There's a chair right there, okay?
This whole thing is one big misunderstanding, man.
This is not over.
I will get to the bottom of this.
Daddy, you okay?
You just nervous because of the cabaret?
No, just... just got the battle of little bighorn
going on in my lower intestines.
But the white man will win this battle.
Son...
I'm going to need you to keep an eye on him.
If you get a chance, be there in the wings to hear me sing.
I wrote some new material. I think you'll like it.
Yeah, daddy, I...
Yeah, of course I will.
You hear that? He...
he called me son.
He called me son.
So this was mixed up completely.
This is not...
I got them mixed up.
But too many flags.
I couldn't find him.
What happened? We need to find him.
Everything is going so well. He should be here with us.
I'm sure there's an explanation.
We should not have to put up
with foreigners who come from strange parts of the world
and wish us no good.
Our gentle community depends on that.
Hear, hear!
I always say,
don't break a man's heart.
He's only got one of 'em.
Break his bones, because he's got 206.
Got a strange feeling come over me tonight.
I got...
Music and food and beer.
I feel strange.
Yeah.
And with...
Da-daddy?
You okay?
Hank...
Oh, son.
I love you, son.
I love you, and I never wanted it to be like this.
And I never...
I love you too, daddy.
Uh, here.
Well...
When you got to go, you got to go, I guess, huh?
Hallelujah.
Let's get it started, huh?
Remember, the honey's only for the young single people.
Boys find the boys' jar.
Girls find the girls' jar.
And then pick a number.
And remember, they're hidden, but that's half the fun, huh?
One of the joys of...
Germany's bavarian region is, of course,
without a doubt, the slap dance.
The schuhplattler.
This dance was made so that young men
could impress young ladies.
And often this would result in marriage,
so I would love to share with you
a demonstration of the schuhplattler.
Fuck this.
We're running late,
and I think we got what we came for.
Um, he-he's just tired.
I'm going to take him home.
- I'll take them. - It's late.
I'm going to be right back, Edward.
I knew the lord would bring us back together
as a family, daddy.
I always knew it.
Hallelujah.
I love you.
Hey, I found something out.
You want to hear it?
Daddy?
Was that sausage really poisoned?
You okay in there?
You okay?
Want to hear what I found out?
He was a semitic Jew.
Jesus. I looked him up. Right, daddy?
You tried to poison me.
Mm-hmm.
You tried to make me doubt the ethnicity of my creator,
and everything that I have built my life upon.
Jimmy...
Do you remember how I told you
that nothing sets the mind straight
like a good bowl movement?
By god, I had one that lasted for 27 minutes,
and my mind is set straight.
Mm, you hear that, Mike?
You're in for it now.
Shut up, Hank.
Leave us alone.
You can call me son, daddy. You just did.
I never did no such thing.
Yeah, you did. You told me you loved me.
I said shut up, Hank, and leave us alone...
You fruit-flaming butt-hugger.
Now...
every time that my daddy...
What's that going to solve, Jim...?
Every time my daddy had to raise his hand to us,
teach us a lesson,
he always prefaced it by saying,
"how else are you ever going to learn?"
God is righteous.
We do this.
You and me.
We're done.
Fair and square.
And you don't hurt no one else.
Not Edward.
Not William. Not sue. Not anyone.
It ain't got nothing to do with them.
Got everything to do with them.
Hell, I was doing just fine till two elves come along
and stabbed me in the back.
Elves.
Why has Mike abandoned me?
I called the hospital and everything.
I'm sure there's an explanation.
We'll do it again another night.
Oh, everybody left?
Sorry I missed everything.
I never got to dance the schuhplattler.
That was going to be the icing on the cake.
Well, at least we got everything the way we wanted it to be.
Look at it.
It's beautiful.
No one can ever take that away from us.
That's what you get for messing with Jimmy!
Edward! Edward...
Edward...
Come on.
Told you.
God is not in good mood.
Edward! Edward!
Edward!
Tonight is the night.
We have been waiting for this for a long time.
Yeah, daddy's cabaret.
Ain't no way Luke's going to ruin this.
Now, I know... I know you're disappointed.
I know you're disappointed you can't be there,
but know this: I'm going to dedicate a song to you.
It's going to be good.
What happened to you?
Oh...
Turns out Jesus is white after all.
What happened to you?
Let's go.
Howdy, folks. It's been a while. I haven't seen you all.
Now I know where y'all been.
Doesn't seem like Jimmy's around here right now,
but I'm sure he'll be back soon, and...
But now that god's in good mood,
I'd say let's keep the festivities going, shall we?
Hey, y'all see them jars over there.
What y'all need to do is you need to dig deep
into your billfolds, go deep into your pockets,
and get a little money out and give some money to Jesus.
I mean, you might think this about peace and joy.
But don't forget, Jesus himself was rich.
He was a treasure. Amen.
Don't get me wrong.
I don't come here to get anything.
I'm already loaded.
I'm a blessed man.
I come here because...
I want to see life change and hope restored.
- Let's go, man. - To me, that's worth every dollar.
What, are you going to beat him to death
with a fucking meat grinder? Come on...
Look, if you want to commit suicide, you're on your own.
How about I start with a...
Jimmy!
This is a mighty splendid cabaret!
Son?
Fucking crazy.
Son, folks come to hear me sing!
Oh, you'll sing.
Good boy.
Whoa!
Bravo!
You know what they call that dance?
They call that dance the dance of the two queers.
That kind of thing will send you one way...
A one-way ticket to hell.
And their asses...
Oh, you like that?
Well, how about we give ourselves
a little... encore!
Come on, it's cabaret night.
Let me see you dance, Fritz.
♪ Dee-Dee-Dee ♪
Funny.
Edward!
Happy birthday, kid.
Stay warm.
Tell you later.
Eddie discontinued the sausage business,
at least officially.
World's just not ready yet.
Sad but true.
But Edward is also human.
And he kept a window open up
for those of us who got attached.
This is his own recipe.
The American white.
Delicious.
You don't even chew it.
Then how do you eat it?
You suck it.
♪ Planted flag in the desert sand ♪
♪ The old country and the promised land ♪
♪ Dreams don't lie when they're coming in ♪
♪ Whose fault is it for the shape I'm in? ♪
♪ And I bet a compass won't get you far ♪
♪ You're most ways gone in a Mason jar ♪
♪ And all the best ideas been had ♪
♪ Whose fault is it when you feel so bad? ♪
♪ When the night gets darker ♪
♪ Buildings burn ♪
♪ Blame it on the rooster ♪
♪ When the day returns ♪
♪ May be silver and it may be gold ♪
♪ Whose fault is it when they let you go? ♪
♪ When the night gets darker ♪
♪ Buildings burn ♪
♪ Blame it on the rooster ♪
♪ When the day returns ♪
♪ Mm-mm ♪
♪ Dogs will bark and birds will sing ♪
♪ But they won't tell you anything ♪
♪ And when the dog's about to break ♪
♪ The cock will crow ♪
♪ That's all it takes ♪
♪ God makes way for a starting line ♪
♪ This land is yours this land is mine ♪
♪ Sold me all the stars above ♪
♪ Whose fault is it when you fall in love? ♪
♪ When the night gets darker ♪
♪ Buildings burn ♪
♪ Blame it on the rooster ♪
♪ When the day returns ♪
♪ Blame it on the rooster ♪
♪ When the day returns ♪
♪ Yeah, blame it on the rooster ♪
♪ When the day returns ♪