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[somber melodic music plays]
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This is all of Toby's medals.
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This is Toby's Purple Heart.
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He got this here
from injuries he got in Afghanistan.
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We were really proud of Toby
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when he got all these,
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but I would gladly give them
all back just to have him back.
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My name is Arunda Perkins.
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I'm Toby Gregory's mom.
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He did two tours of Afghanistan
back to back,
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and it was really bad.
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Toby was never the same
after that last tour.
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The military just done something to him
and he ain't my Toby now.
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[cryptic instrumental music plays]
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[eerie instrumental music plays]
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[bird squawks]
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[music intensifies]
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I am Toby Gregory.
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I'm at the Jefferson City
Correctional Center
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in the state of Missouri.
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[music intensifies]
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I was given a 24, uh, year sentence
for second-degree murder
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due to diminished capacity
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for PTSD.
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[melodic instrumental music plays]
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I was born, uh, July 16th, 1974.
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I grew up in the small town
of Belle, Missouri.
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There wasn't a whole lot to do there.
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We went out to creeks and partied.
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And I guess ever since then,
I realized that I like drinking.
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In my teenage years, it got more so.
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It didn't get totally out of control
until I…
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when I joined the military.
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Uh, then that was the pastime.
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[somber instrumental music plays]
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I always thought about
joining the military when I was young.
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But when I first got off the bus
at Marine Corps boot camp,
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I was thinking, "What did I do to myself?"
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Why-- Why did I want to put myself
through this?
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But then, once I graduated,
I felt the sense of accomplishment
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of earning the title as a marine,
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and it-- It was great…
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for a while.
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She took a personal interest in me.
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And she did things to me that was not only
against policy, but against the law.
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She would come in at gunpoint…
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and she would sexually assault me.
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She would make me take Viagra
and have sex with her.
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She actually physically choked me,
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and I honestly believed that she
would have shot me and got away with it.
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She took everything from me.
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I felt weak.
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And I reported this.
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The things that I got was,
"Men don't get sexually assaulted."
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Uh, "You should be glad
that she's having sex with you."
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[music intensifies]
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[downbeat guitar music plays]
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[dog barking]
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[cars passing]
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[music intensifies]
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[tense music plays]
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I was deployed to Afghanistan in 2008.
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[helicopter whirring]
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I got assigned with the 2506 infantry.
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We were on the supplier route
and we took fire,
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rockets, basically every day.
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December 15th, 2008
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is where I got my traumatic brain injury
and received my Purple Heart.
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[helicopter whirring]
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I heard the launch of a rocket.
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[rocket whistles]
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It actually hit the bunker
that we would have been in.
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[music intensifies]
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And, and knocked me unconscious.
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I was shaken up.
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I was bleeding from the nose and mouth.
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I couldn't regain focus.
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I wasn't flown out
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because they needed everybody there,
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but there was reports
that I wasn't acting right.
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[grim instrumental music plays]
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The doctor did a couple MRIs.
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She noted in my file that there is
substantial damage to my frontal lobe,
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and she documented
that it was due to the deployments.
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[somber melodic music plays]
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There was a connection.
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Because all my time in the military trying
to talk to somebody, nobody understood me.
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I got the feeling
that people would think I was crazy.
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But she didn't
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because she shared the same experiences
and things in her life,
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so I felt a connection.
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Inez is being sent
to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri,
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and I was retiring and coming home.
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I moved up around St. Louis.
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And finally me and Inez
got married in 2013.
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[muffled horn honks]
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I had problems adjusting to civilian life.
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I wasn't really able to keep a job
or maintain a job.
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And I was still trying to adjust.
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[music intensifies]
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I didn't want to admit
that I was breaking down.
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[ominous instrumental music plays]
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I don't remember anything from that day.
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[music intensifies]
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People that had seen me that day
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said that they talked to me,
but I wasn't right.
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[music intensifies]
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[tense instrumental music plays]
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And I had a lack of sleep, lack of meds.
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Alcohol was involved.
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[music intensifies]
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[music crescendos]
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[sirens wailing]
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[somber melodic music plays]
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[indistinct chatter]
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I woke up the next day
handcuffed to a bed.
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[indistinct intercom chatter]
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I shot myself under the chin.
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It blew my front teeth out.
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All that's holding my face together
is metal plates.
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[eerie instrumental music plays]
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When they told me
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that the person that was gone was Inez…
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[coughs]
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It devastated me.
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Because at first,
I was in complete denial.
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And I guess, uh, still to this day,
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I am.
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00:14:53,803 --> 00:14:56,523
[somber melodic music plays]
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I loved her,
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and I wouldn't… [sighs]
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I wouldn't have done it…
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without there being other variables.
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And I believe
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that my combat service and PTSD
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was the cause.
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I was proud to have served.
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00:15:29,483 --> 00:15:32,923
I was proud of everything
that I have accomplished.
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But honestly, because of what happened,
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I would not have served
one day in the military.
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[car horn honking]
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[man] For the past 24 odd years, uh,
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I've had experience treating veterans
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from a variety
of different combat exposures
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from Afghanistan, Iraq, Vietnam.
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I wish that this was an isolated case.
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Unfortunately, when you look
across the United States,
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they're happening way more often
than they should be.
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My name is Dr. Steve Bruce.
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In 2016, I was contacted
by Toby Gregory's defense attorney
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to evaluate Mr. Gregory in jail,
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uh, determine whether or not
his trauma history
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may have become a part
of why, uh, his behavior became so erratic
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that he ended up
shooting his wife that day.
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[dogs barking]
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[grim instrumental music plays]
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I met with Mr. Gregory, uh, in jail
for several hours
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in a room with just he and I.
No attorneys were present.
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Mr. Gregory's medical records
were significant
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for a trauma history
while in the military.
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While in combat in Afghanistan, uh,
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Mr. Gregory suffered
from a traumatic brain injury.
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He stated that he started
to become more paranoid
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such that he thought the soldiers
that he was working with
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were becoming part of the enemy.
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It puts, obviously, them at risk
and himself at risk
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to the point where his commander
noticed that paranoia going on as well.
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And they removed him
from active deployment
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and sent him back home.
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[somber melodic music plays]
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00:18:03,843 --> 00:18:06,923
When I asked him about the events
of the day of the shooting,
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he indicated that he had
very little memory of the shooting itself.
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He did indicate that he had been drinking
very, very heavily
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00:18:19,883 --> 00:18:23,483
prior to seeing his wife
and meeting her at the hotel.
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The fact that he was intoxicated,
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you're usually not going to remember
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the events surrounding that
particularly well.
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[bird squawks]
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With his long history of alcohol abuse
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00:18:44,163 --> 00:18:47,003
in response to the triggers
that he's having,
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I'm confident that these significant
psychological and PTSD symptoms
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contributed to him shooting his wife.
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If he did not have PTSD,
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I'm certain this does not happen.
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00:19:06,963 --> 00:19:11,163
[cryptic instrumental music plays]
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00:19:27,963 --> 00:19:33,283
My job is not to excuse or justify
the crime that they have committed.
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00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,123
My job starts and ends
with the evaluation.
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00:19:39,203 --> 00:19:42,563
What happens after that
is up to the judge, the jury,
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to determine the outcome.
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00:20:00,483 --> 00:20:02,123
[music intensifies]
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00:20:05,603 --> 00:20:07,483
I was expecting this case to go to trial.
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00:20:07,563 --> 00:20:10,043
I was expecting to be cross-examined
by the prosecutor.
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I was expecting all of that.
194
00:20:13,643 --> 00:20:17,403
So, the fact that a plea agreement
was made, uh, was surprising to me,
195
00:20:17,483 --> 00:20:19,683
particularly
in a first-degree murder case.
196
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[somber melodic music plays]
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00:20:34,403 --> 00:20:36,923
[birds chirping]
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00:20:51,883 --> 00:20:55,483
[woman] The district attorney
really, really, really let us down.
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00:20:56,923 --> 00:21:01,043
They agreed to a plea deal
without letting any of us know.
200
00:21:03,083 --> 00:21:05,283
Why couldn't we have a trial by jury?
201
00:21:06,203 --> 00:21:11,083
That would have been the only thing
that would have given us some peace.
202
00:21:13,963 --> 00:21:15,603
Though it would've been a tough one,
203
00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:19,923
that's what we were prepared to do
204
00:21:20,003 --> 00:21:23,603
that was justifiable for Inez's murder.
205
00:21:30,243 --> 00:21:33,203
My name is Tonya, and I'm Inez's aunt.
206
00:21:38,803 --> 00:21:43,483
Inez and Toby lived here with me
for about three months
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00:21:43,563 --> 00:21:46,443
while they were searching
for a place to live.
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00:21:48,003 --> 00:21:51,323
They had a… a little baby boy named Blake.
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00:21:52,123 --> 00:21:53,483
He was adorable.
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00:22:04,403 --> 00:22:08,003
Inez knew that I had concerns.
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00:22:09,883 --> 00:22:13,323
It was a sad
and very controlling relationship.
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00:22:13,403 --> 00:22:17,923
He told her how to dress,
how to eat, how to move around.
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00:22:21,963 --> 00:22:25,123
It worked on her sense of being
214
00:22:25,203 --> 00:22:28,443
until she believed
that she wasn't good enough,
215
00:22:29,083 --> 00:22:31,203
and that's how he hurt her.
216
00:22:35,643 --> 00:22:38,003
Toby always threatened to hurt people.
217
00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:42,323
Toby threatened to kill me to my face
as well as all of my family.
218
00:22:45,243 --> 00:22:48,643
He told my stepdad and my ex-husband
219
00:22:48,723 --> 00:22:53,763
that he would pick us off one at a time
from the road and shoot us.
220
00:22:56,163 --> 00:23:00,963
He didn't like us being involved with her
in any form.
221
00:23:02,083 --> 00:23:03,683
He wanted total control.
222
00:23:06,763 --> 00:23:09,243
Inez and I had many conversations.
223
00:23:10,363 --> 00:23:15,403
I had encouraged her to try to leave
because I was worried for her safety.
224
00:23:16,443 --> 00:23:20,243
She says, "I know, Aunt Tonya,
and I'm scared, too."
225
00:23:29,563 --> 00:23:33,563
[eerie instrumental music plays]
226
00:23:49,323 --> 00:23:52,003
Inez and Toby had agreed to a divorce
227
00:23:52,083 --> 00:23:55,843
where they shared custody
of their child, Blake.
228
00:23:57,083 --> 00:24:01,323
He had to have two weeks with Toby
and two weeks with Inez,
229
00:24:01,923 --> 00:24:07,803
but it kept being complicated by having
a hard time getting Blake back from Toby.
230
00:24:09,643 --> 00:24:14,203
Blake was used as a tool
to keep Inez in his life.
231
00:24:17,563 --> 00:24:22,203
Toby was trying to take control
and that child away from Inez.
232
00:24:22,283 --> 00:24:23,483
That was his goal.
233
00:24:27,603 --> 00:24:31,443
So she moved back to New Mexico
to be around family,
234
00:24:31,963 --> 00:24:34,883
and we convinced her to get legal help.
235
00:24:38,003 --> 00:24:41,723
[grim instrumental music plays]
236
00:24:52,283 --> 00:24:55,643
Inez showing up in court
with her own attorney
237
00:24:55,723 --> 00:25:00,403
really angered Mr. Gregory
to the point of no return.
238
00:25:00,923 --> 00:25:06,883
He was so livid with that
because he had lost control.
239
00:25:13,283 --> 00:25:17,963
I shared text messages with Inez
the day that she was murdered.
240
00:25:19,923 --> 00:25:23,883
She told me he's gone crazy
and that she needed some help.
241
00:25:25,763 --> 00:25:26,843
She was afraid.
242
00:25:31,763 --> 00:25:34,283
[music intensifies]
243
00:25:48,123 --> 00:25:51,603
[Toby] I don't remember what happened
the day of the shooting.
244
00:25:54,523 --> 00:25:55,483
I loved her,
245
00:25:56,843 --> 00:25:57,683
and…
246
00:26:00,083 --> 00:26:02,563
I think about the good things.
247
00:26:02,643 --> 00:26:06,243
How much she loved the kids,
how great she was.
248
00:26:07,643 --> 00:26:13,483
When they told me that
the person that was gone was Inez…
249
00:26:15,483 --> 00:26:17,443
[Toby coughs]
250
00:26:18,643 --> 00:26:20,243
…it devastated me.
251
00:26:24,483 --> 00:26:27,163
Because, at first,
I was in complete denial.
252
00:26:27,763 --> 00:26:30,203
And I guess, still to this day,
253
00:26:30,963 --> 00:26:31,843
I am.
254
00:26:33,083 --> 00:26:34,043
I loved her.
255
00:26:37,243 --> 00:26:38,123
Mm…
256
00:26:40,923 --> 00:26:44,083
What a real piece of work.
257
00:26:46,923 --> 00:26:47,763
Wow.
258
00:26:51,043 --> 00:26:54,283
Boy, that angers me.
I can hear that slur in his voice.
259
00:26:55,603 --> 00:26:57,843
He is lying through his teeth.
260
00:26:59,123 --> 00:27:02,483
Toby took that life out of anger.
He didn't get his way.
261
00:27:04,123 --> 00:27:05,963
He didn't get his way in court,
262
00:27:06,723 --> 00:27:10,363
and he planned it all out,
without a doubt.
263
00:27:18,883 --> 00:27:21,883
[blues-style music plays]
264
00:27:32,883 --> 00:27:35,563
[man] I did not think
they were a good match at all.
265
00:27:36,723 --> 00:27:38,803
I always felt like
there was something wrong.
266
00:27:38,883 --> 00:27:43,563
I always felt like I should have probably
reached out to her a little bit more.
267
00:27:47,123 --> 00:27:50,683
To find out the end result
was awful for me.
268
00:27:53,843 --> 00:27:55,523
My name is Jesse Anderla.
269
00:27:57,403 --> 00:28:01,523
I served with Toby Gregory
in the Army, uh, in Fort Carson, Colorado
270
00:28:01,603 --> 00:28:04,723
back in 2009 to 2012.
271
00:28:04,803 --> 00:28:08,363
[somber melodic music plays]
272
00:28:08,443 --> 00:28:13,403
Toby didn't really have, uh,
a lot of friends, uh, other than me.
273
00:28:14,003 --> 00:28:15,723
He kept to himself.
274
00:28:15,803 --> 00:28:19,043
You know, I was surprised
that he even let me into his life.
275
00:28:22,403 --> 00:28:25,083
We started going, like, fishing
every now and again,
276
00:28:25,163 --> 00:28:27,443
or we'd go up into the mountains
and shoot guns.
277
00:28:28,803 --> 00:28:30,643
He was always a good guy to me,
278
00:28:30,723 --> 00:28:33,243
and it was nice to have him as a friend.
279
00:28:35,523 --> 00:28:37,483
When I first met Toby,
280
00:28:37,563 --> 00:28:40,963
he told me that he was going through
his fourth divorce. [chuckles]
281
00:28:42,003 --> 00:28:43,763
He was in his mid-thirties,
282
00:28:43,843 --> 00:28:46,203
so I was like, "Whoa, like,
how in the heck?"
283
00:28:46,283 --> 00:28:48,883
Like, how do you go through four divorces
284
00:28:48,963 --> 00:28:51,763
in, you know, that short amount of time?
285
00:28:52,323 --> 00:28:55,723
He was almost proud of it too.
Like, that's the crazy part about it.
286
00:28:56,283 --> 00:28:59,603
[moody guitar music plays]
287
00:28:59,683 --> 00:29:03,243
Me, Toby, and Inez
were all in Afghanistan.
288
00:29:04,963 --> 00:29:07,643
Inez, she was a great soldier.
She was happy.
289
00:29:07,723 --> 00:29:10,003
She was a great, great person.
290
00:29:11,443 --> 00:29:17,483
Toby had told me that him and Inez
were essentially having an affair.
291
00:29:20,083 --> 00:29:25,323
And it was honestly kind of shocking
when Toby told me that they got married.
292
00:29:26,643 --> 00:29:27,963
You know, all of a sudden,
293
00:29:28,043 --> 00:29:30,363
she's out of the military,
he's out of the military,
294
00:29:30,443 --> 00:29:32,883
they're in Missouri,
they're getting married there,
295
00:29:32,963 --> 00:29:34,283
and they had a kid.
296
00:29:34,363 --> 00:29:37,803
I was just like, "Whoa, like, you know,
how is this gonna work?"
297
00:29:52,323 --> 00:29:54,683
And I think I was, over the years,
his confidant.
298
00:29:54,763 --> 00:29:59,803
I think that I was able to talk him down
from a lot of things
299
00:29:59,883 --> 00:30:02,323
and to calm him down and everything else.
300
00:30:02,403 --> 00:30:05,803
If he would have called me
and talked to me,
301
00:30:06,323 --> 00:30:09,923
I think that I could have probably
prevented this from happening, honestly.
302
00:30:12,763 --> 00:30:16,883
[grim instrumental music plays]
303
00:30:26,083 --> 00:30:29,003
When the forensics evaluation came
from St. Louis,
304
00:30:29,083 --> 00:30:31,643
he evaluated me in detail.
305
00:30:34,483 --> 00:30:38,723
In that report, he stated that combat PTSD
played a part
306
00:30:38,803 --> 00:30:42,723
in this shooting
and the shooting of myself.
307
00:30:44,403 --> 00:30:47,883
I think it was a triggered PTSD response
308
00:30:47,963 --> 00:30:50,363
with the stress, lack of meds.
309
00:30:51,643 --> 00:30:52,883
That is what I feel.
310
00:30:53,643 --> 00:30:54,963
That is what I believe.
311
00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:05,323
It kind of pisses me off, not gonna lie.
312
00:31:05,403 --> 00:31:07,443
It kind of pisses me off
that he's saying that
313
00:31:07,523 --> 00:31:12,283
because there's people that literally
do have a lot of issues because of PTSD,
314
00:31:12,363 --> 00:31:15,083
and to sit there
and blame this on PTSD is wrong.
315
00:31:16,483 --> 00:31:19,763
So, like, with my PTSD,
I don't like being in crowds.
316
00:31:19,843 --> 00:31:22,083
I don't-- You know, it's…
It's scary for me.
317
00:31:22,163 --> 00:31:25,923
My adrenaline goes,
and I start sweating, and I'm paranoid.
318
00:31:27,643 --> 00:31:30,403
If I had a gun in that situation,
319
00:31:30,483 --> 00:31:33,163
I'm not gonna pull it out
and just start shooting people.
320
00:31:33,243 --> 00:31:35,683
I'm not gonna drive across town
321
00:31:36,683 --> 00:31:39,563
and be like, "I had a trigger.
Let me go in and shoot somebody."
322
00:31:41,323 --> 00:31:43,123
PTSD, it doesn't work like that.
323
00:31:43,203 --> 00:31:44,403
Like, nobody…
324
00:31:44,483 --> 00:31:46,883
Nobody has a reaction for that long.
325
00:31:49,043 --> 00:31:52,643
I love the guy, you know?
He's my buddy, my friend, right?
326
00:31:53,123 --> 00:31:55,723
But no matter how much I love him,
he did this.
327
00:31:55,803 --> 00:31:57,883
He committed a crime. He killed somebody.
328
00:31:58,443 --> 00:32:00,243
[music intensifies]
329
00:32:07,043 --> 00:32:10,563
[somber melodic music plays]
330
00:32:18,443 --> 00:32:21,043
[man] To me, it was an open and shut case.
331
00:32:23,523 --> 00:32:27,643
Toby Gregory got in his car angry
332
00:32:27,723 --> 00:32:30,083
and took off headed towards Owensville.
333
00:32:33,683 --> 00:32:35,523
It was first-degree murder.
334
00:32:36,363 --> 00:32:38,163
I had no doubts about that.
335
00:32:41,123 --> 00:32:42,683
My name's Randy Esphorst.
336
00:32:43,603 --> 00:32:49,323
I was Gasconade County Sheriff
from 2004 through 2016.
337
00:32:58,483 --> 00:33:01,803
[grim instrumental music plays]
338
00:33:02,283 --> 00:33:07,563
When I arrived, I saw somebody being
loaded into an ambulance and taken away.
339
00:33:11,083 --> 00:33:13,803
I went down to where the other victim was.
340
00:33:13,883 --> 00:33:17,043
I took the blanket off,
and I saw a female.
341
00:33:20,523 --> 00:33:22,603
Laying on her back
342
00:33:22,683 --> 00:33:26,963
with multiple gunshot wounds
mostly to the head.
343
00:33:29,403 --> 00:33:33,603
While I was in the parking lot,
I happened to look up and I saw a camera.
344
00:33:35,363 --> 00:33:39,083
So I went to the manager's office
and asked him,
345
00:33:39,163 --> 00:33:41,643
"Do your surveillance cameras work?"
346
00:33:41,723 --> 00:33:43,523
And he said, "Yes, it does."
347
00:33:50,843 --> 00:33:54,563
[eerie instrumental music plays]
348
00:33:56,403 --> 00:34:00,283
It's hard for me to watch
because I know what's going to happen.
349
00:34:03,363 --> 00:34:05,083
[music intensifies]
350
00:34:06,443 --> 00:34:12,323
He got out of that car, and there are
four other doors before you get to hers.
351
00:34:12,403 --> 00:34:17,003
He just walked past those
and went directly to the end room.
352
00:34:30,763 --> 00:34:32,683
We found blood in the room,
353
00:34:33,603 --> 00:34:36,843
so we know that she was shot
at least once in there.
354
00:34:39,763 --> 00:34:42,643
But she was still able to walk
out of the room,
355
00:34:44,043 --> 00:34:44,883
and…
356
00:34:47,603 --> 00:34:50,083
then she just collapsed onto the ground,
357
00:34:50,163 --> 00:34:54,163
and he just stands over her,
and he fires four shots,
358
00:34:54,243 --> 00:34:56,283
and then kicks her in the head.
359
00:34:56,363 --> 00:34:59,323
I mean, this is… rage.
360
00:34:59,403 --> 00:35:02,523
This is just out of control rage.
361
00:35:04,243 --> 00:35:05,603
It's an execution.
362
00:35:05,683 --> 00:35:08,123
I mean, there's no other word for that.
363
00:35:08,203 --> 00:35:09,603
It's an execution.
364
00:35:15,883 --> 00:35:19,883
[grim instrumental music plays]
365
00:35:23,483 --> 00:35:28,323
It should have been first-degree murder,
and it should have been life.
366
00:35:29,923 --> 00:35:33,243
Or it should have been
the needle in the arm.
367
00:35:41,923 --> 00:35:44,603
[somber melodic music plays]
368
00:36:08,203 --> 00:36:12,243
[man] It says in the Bible
that I'm not supposed to hate anybody.
369
00:36:15,763 --> 00:36:17,563
I have a hard time with that one.
370
00:36:20,683 --> 00:36:25,843
Because I have a lot of hatred and anger
inside of me for that person…
371
00:36:25,923 --> 00:36:26,883
[inhales sharply]
372
00:36:27,363 --> 00:36:29,283
…and I don't like the way
it makes me feel.
373
00:36:34,563 --> 00:36:35,763
I'm John Tulk.
374
00:36:36,283 --> 00:36:37,843
Inez was my only daughter.
375
00:36:46,923 --> 00:36:50,243
When Inez came to me
and told me she was joining the military,
376
00:36:50,323 --> 00:36:52,083
it kind of scared me
377
00:36:52,163 --> 00:36:55,483
because Desert Storm was going on
and things like that.
378
00:36:57,763 --> 00:37:01,403
But I felt real proud of her
because I knew that's what she wanted,
379
00:37:01,483 --> 00:37:02,963
she wanted to serve her country.
380
00:37:07,203 --> 00:37:09,003
And then she met Toby.
381
00:37:10,683 --> 00:37:15,123
Yeah, I told Inez
that I didn't trust the guy
382
00:37:15,203 --> 00:37:17,123
and I didn't feel right about the guy.
383
00:37:17,203 --> 00:37:22,203
I had bad vibes, which I don't usually
have those with very many people, but…
384
00:37:23,083 --> 00:37:24,363
but he gave them to me,
385
00:37:24,443 --> 00:37:26,763
and, uh, she said, "No, it's okay."
386
00:37:26,843 --> 00:37:30,923
So, I said… I told her just to keep
her eyes open and be real careful.
387
00:37:35,763 --> 00:37:39,483
[grim instrumental music plays]
388
00:37:39,563 --> 00:37:42,363
He was very insecure and cowardly,
389
00:37:43,283 --> 00:37:45,003
and he would threaten people.
390
00:37:45,683 --> 00:37:48,883
Well, not to their face,
but behind their back,
391
00:37:49,483 --> 00:37:51,803
saying, I don't know,
"I-- I can kill anybody."
392
00:37:51,883 --> 00:37:55,203
"I can get away with it
because I can claim PTSD."
393
00:37:55,283 --> 00:37:58,203
That was one of his biggest things.
394
00:37:58,283 --> 00:38:01,323
Get out of jail free card
is what he considered it.
395
00:38:05,843 --> 00:38:07,203
I received a phone call
396
00:38:07,803 --> 00:38:10,403
explaining that they had
signed a plea deal,
397
00:38:10,483 --> 00:38:12,203
which really bothered me
398
00:38:12,283 --> 00:38:16,043
because this man murdered my daughter
in cold blood.
399
00:38:17,283 --> 00:38:19,443
I told the lawyer on the telephone
400
00:38:19,523 --> 00:38:22,363
that he told me how he could kill anybody
401
00:38:22,443 --> 00:38:25,003
and claim PTSD
402
00:38:25,083 --> 00:38:27,043
and he would get away with it.
403
00:38:27,803 --> 00:38:30,483
The lawyer told me,
"Oh, I didn't know that."
404
00:38:31,643 --> 00:38:33,683
I said, "Because you never called me."
405
00:38:33,763 --> 00:38:36,763
They'd never called me
to ask me questions.
406
00:38:37,923 --> 00:38:40,083
[birds chirping]
407
00:38:44,683 --> 00:38:48,203
[somber melodic music plays]
408
00:38:48,283 --> 00:38:51,843
Inez was, uh, the most important thing
in my life, and…
409
00:38:54,403 --> 00:38:56,563
to know I… [gasps]
410
00:38:56,643 --> 00:38:58,443
…can never hold my daughter again
411
00:39:00,043 --> 00:39:01,083
just tears me up.
412
00:39:01,763 --> 00:39:05,523
[quavers] It hurts my heart
more than I could ever explain. It's, uh…
413
00:39:07,803 --> 00:39:08,643
I…
414
00:39:08,723 --> 00:39:10,043
I just miss my baby.
415
00:39:14,203 --> 00:39:15,483
Man… [sighs]
416
00:39:15,563 --> 00:39:16,523
[sniffles]
417
00:39:17,283 --> 00:39:18,283
[sighs]
418
00:39:18,763 --> 00:39:20,643
[crickets chirping]
419
00:39:30,243 --> 00:39:34,243
[grim instrumental music plays]
420
00:39:35,723 --> 00:39:37,603
[train whistles]
421
00:39:59,923 --> 00:40:02,323
[Toby] I can understand
why people might not believe
422
00:40:02,403 --> 00:40:05,083
that I don't remember anything
from that day.
423
00:40:06,243 --> 00:40:09,683
I don't know if I was on autopilot
or what was going on or…
424
00:40:10,203 --> 00:40:11,763
what my state of mind was.
425
00:40:13,003 --> 00:40:16,643
And that is something that I'll have
to live with for the rest of my life.
426
00:40:20,123 --> 00:40:24,083
Nobody is gonna punish me
more than I punish myself.
427
00:40:25,203 --> 00:40:29,203
Um, every day, I'm reminded
by the scar on my face
428
00:40:29,803 --> 00:40:33,123
that even though
I can't remember the events,
429
00:40:33,643 --> 00:40:35,123
I know what took place.
430
00:40:35,843 --> 00:40:36,963
Um, why I'm here.
431
00:40:39,443 --> 00:40:43,443
[cryptic instrumental music plays]
432
00:40:44,803 --> 00:40:47,963
PTSD, it's more of an immediate thing.
So, as soon as…
433
00:40:48,043 --> 00:40:51,763
Like, "Okay, this happened.
Now I have this reaction," right?
434
00:40:52,283 --> 00:40:54,523
And then, once you're out of that moment,
435
00:40:54,603 --> 00:40:58,483
it, you know, you start to calm down
and your adrenaline starts to drop.
436
00:40:58,963 --> 00:41:01,523
If I had a gun in that situation,
437
00:41:02,243 --> 00:41:04,563
I'm not gonna pull it out
and start shooting people.
438
00:41:06,403 --> 00:41:10,123
Like, nobody…
Nobody has a reaction for that long.
439
00:41:12,923 --> 00:41:16,603
I'm not gonna lie, it-- It hurts.
It hurts to hear him say that.
440
00:41:16,683 --> 00:41:18,363
PTSD is not
441
00:41:19,243 --> 00:41:20,203
an instant.
442
00:41:20,283 --> 00:41:21,923
PTSD could last for days.
443
00:41:22,003 --> 00:41:26,603
It's about the event that's taken place,
uh, where your mind's at.
444
00:41:30,883 --> 00:41:35,923
I don't know what played out
from that morning till when this happened.
445
00:41:36,003 --> 00:41:37,563
You can't say,
446
00:41:37,643 --> 00:41:40,483
"Hey, if I had a gun, I'm gonna…
I'm not gonna do this."
447
00:41:40,563 --> 00:41:42,363
How do you… How do you know?
448
00:41:42,443 --> 00:41:45,803
Because you've never been
in that situation where you had it.
449
00:41:47,163 --> 00:41:50,443
[eerie discordant music plays]
450
00:41:58,923 --> 00:42:00,643
I think I should be released.
451
00:42:01,163 --> 00:42:05,003
I mean, I-- I want to be released.
Nobody wants to be in prison.
452
00:42:05,083 --> 00:42:09,483
But my intention is not to just…
to go back out and try to live my life.
453
00:42:10,243 --> 00:42:13,483
My intention is to go to the VA Hospital.
454
00:42:17,803 --> 00:42:19,883
I know what some people will say.
455
00:42:20,683 --> 00:42:24,003
They will say that, "He shouldn't be out.
He should never be out."
456
00:42:24,643 --> 00:42:25,603
Um…
457
00:42:25,683 --> 00:42:27,843
"If he did it once,
he's gonna do it again."
458
00:42:29,803 --> 00:42:34,963
But this prison environment
is another battlefield.
459
00:42:37,043 --> 00:42:40,643
Treatment for PTSD
is non-existent in here.
460
00:42:42,403 --> 00:42:45,283
I can't talk about things
that I'd done in combat
461
00:42:45,363 --> 00:42:47,323
because they might take it the wrong way.
462
00:42:47,403 --> 00:42:50,123
I've been told this,
that I can't mention none of this,
463
00:42:50,203 --> 00:42:52,323
but this is what I need to talk about.
464
00:42:56,843 --> 00:42:58,723
[interviewer] But if you're released
465
00:42:58,803 --> 00:43:02,523
and you haven't had the treatment
that you say you need,
466
00:43:03,443 --> 00:43:06,363
is that not dangerous
to let someone like you out?
467
00:43:09,483 --> 00:43:10,443
It's…
468
00:43:10,523 --> 00:43:11,443
It's, um…
469
00:43:14,483 --> 00:43:15,323
I'm not…
470
00:43:16,483 --> 00:43:18,163
I'm not gonna answer that one.
471
00:43:24,003 --> 00:43:26,003
[music continues]