1
00:00:06,843 --> 00:00:09,803
-[intriguing music playing softly]
-[birds chirping]
2
00:00:16,163 --> 00:00:18,523
[woman] The twin bond does exist.
3
00:00:22,163 --> 00:00:24,843
Identical twins start out as a whole.
4
00:00:28,083 --> 00:00:29,443
And then they split.
5
00:00:31,163 --> 00:00:32,523
And become two people.
6
00:00:35,443 --> 00:00:37,003
When this happened to her,
7
00:00:37,883 --> 00:00:39,883
it's like I'd lost my other half.
8
00:00:45,203 --> 00:00:46,443
My other half's gone.
9
00:01:15,923 --> 00:01:18,243
[man] It's a terrible experience
to feel like
10
00:01:18,763 --> 00:01:20,363
you don't have nobody there for you.
11
00:01:20,443 --> 00:01:22,403
Nobody wants to take you in.
12
00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:28,683
For me, the perfect home environment
would have been
13
00:01:29,363 --> 00:01:32,883
someone to be there to love me,
take care for me, and, uh…
14
00:01:35,603 --> 00:01:37,443
just having a sense of family.
15
00:01:43,043 --> 00:01:48,443
[discordant music playing eerily]
16
00:01:54,283 --> 00:01:56,283
[birdsong]
17
00:02:12,003 --> 00:02:13,923
-[man] It's all good? Okay.
-Mm-hmm.
18
00:02:26,843 --> 00:02:28,563
My name is Anthony Standifer.
19
00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,763
I've been incarcerated since 2010
20
00:02:31,843 --> 00:02:34,803
for second-degree murder
and first-degree robbery.
21
00:02:40,803 --> 00:02:44,323
[country guitar music playing]
22
00:02:57,563 --> 00:02:59,403
[Anthony] My childhood was…
23
00:03:01,163 --> 00:03:03,483
I wouldn't say the typical childhood.
24
00:03:07,723 --> 00:03:09,643
My mother was addicted to drugs
25
00:03:10,443 --> 00:03:12,243
for as long as I can remember.
26
00:03:16,603 --> 00:03:18,923
My father, even though I knew who he was,
27
00:03:19,803 --> 00:03:22,963
he never chose to claim me as his son.
28
00:03:23,683 --> 00:03:26,563
So I would see him from time to time,
29
00:03:26,643 --> 00:03:30,163
but, you know,
he would just treat me like…
30
00:03:31,723 --> 00:03:32,563
a nobody.
31
00:03:37,323 --> 00:03:39,443
Even though my mother was on drugs,
32
00:03:40,043 --> 00:03:41,243
she was very loving.
33
00:03:41,883 --> 00:03:44,843
Some of the best experiences I've had
was with her.
34
00:03:44,923 --> 00:03:46,923
[gentle piano music playing]
35
00:03:48,483 --> 00:03:51,723
You know, she took me
to different states, traveling with her,
36
00:03:51,803 --> 00:03:54,083
being out on the lake, fishing.
37
00:03:54,603 --> 00:03:58,203
So, I would say
I've had good memories with her, you know?
38
00:04:02,203 --> 00:04:04,843
But… she was in and out.
39
00:04:04,923 --> 00:04:06,963
I would see her, you know,
for a day or two,
40
00:04:07,043 --> 00:04:09,723
then I wouldn't see her
for a couple of weeks.
41
00:04:20,003 --> 00:04:23,443
[uneasy music building]
42
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:30,083
[Anthony] You know, I ended up
going into foster care
43
00:04:30,163 --> 00:04:32,883
because I was living with my auntie
44
00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:36,043
and she felt like
she couldn't deal with me.
45
00:04:36,123 --> 00:04:39,003
So, she just threw all my stuff
in a trash bag
46
00:04:39,083 --> 00:04:42,163
and took me down
to Division of Family Services,
47
00:04:42,243 --> 00:04:44,203
and gave me over to the State.
48
00:04:48,363 --> 00:04:51,923
For a kid to be, you know, just…
49
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,283
thrown away like that
50
00:04:55,403 --> 00:04:56,403
from his family…
51
00:04:57,763 --> 00:04:58,603
and…
52
00:04:59,123 --> 00:05:00,923
it felt like no one loves him.
53
00:05:02,523 --> 00:05:05,203
Yeah, that was definitely
one of the worst times of my life.
54
00:05:21,203 --> 00:05:24,763
At the time, she had sobered up
and got off drugs.
55
00:05:25,643 --> 00:05:27,763
She'd remarried, and I thought
56
00:05:27,843 --> 00:05:31,163
that it would be a good opportunity
for us to be together.
57
00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:33,603
For us to finally have a chance
to be a family.
58
00:05:35,323 --> 00:05:38,323
But, once I moved back to Kansas City,
59
00:05:39,323 --> 00:05:42,043
uh, that is definitely
when all the trouble started.
60
00:05:45,163 --> 00:05:47,843
Her husband at the time had a son.
61
00:05:48,323 --> 00:05:49,243
He was 16,
62
00:05:49,923 --> 00:05:52,763
and he had been involved with gangs.
63
00:05:52,843 --> 00:05:54,443
Also, I had a brother,
64
00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:58,083
my half-brother, with…
through my mother.
65
00:05:58,163 --> 00:05:59,603
He'd been involved in gangs.
66
00:06:02,483 --> 00:06:04,483
They were definitely role models to me.
67
00:06:05,723 --> 00:06:08,203
I didn't really have
any role models at that time.
68
00:06:08,283 --> 00:06:09,123
And…
69
00:06:09,883 --> 00:06:12,643
I definitely looked up
to a lot of the things they did.
70
00:06:12,723 --> 00:06:15,523
If they were selling drugs,
I wanted to sell drugs.
71
00:06:15,603 --> 00:06:17,523
Um, if they was robbing,
72
00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:20,363
then… then that's what I wanted to do.
73
00:06:36,403 --> 00:06:39,283
I was at a place called
McEwan School for Boys.
74
00:06:39,963 --> 00:06:42,963
Something like a juvenile penitentiary.
75
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:44,683
And, um…
76
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,843
I got called in to the office
77
00:06:48,363 --> 00:06:50,843
and so, she hands the phone over to me,
78
00:06:51,523 --> 00:06:52,883
and it was my mother.
79
00:06:53,683 --> 00:06:55,883
And she tells me that, uh…
80
00:06:55,963 --> 00:06:59,443
that my brother had been murdered…
that night.
81
00:07:00,323 --> 00:07:01,363
Yeah.
82
00:07:07,123 --> 00:07:08,283
When I left juvenile,
83
00:07:09,083 --> 00:07:10,043
you know, um…
84
00:07:11,123 --> 00:07:13,923
now with my brother gone, you know,
85
00:07:14,683 --> 00:07:16,163
I wasn't the same person.
86
00:07:16,683 --> 00:07:19,803
Um, I adopted an attitude…
87
00:07:21,643 --> 00:07:24,683
that I didn't care
about anything or anybody.
88
00:07:25,603 --> 00:07:26,443
And…
89
00:07:28,083 --> 00:07:31,603
once I adopted that attitude,
and that mindset,
90
00:07:32,363 --> 00:07:33,683
it allowed me to do
91
00:07:34,723 --> 00:07:38,683
whatever I want without having no regard
to the consequences.
92
00:07:40,403 --> 00:07:42,003
I just didn't care anymore.
93
00:07:47,763 --> 00:07:50,643
[somber acoustic guitar playing]
94
00:08:02,203 --> 00:08:03,483
I wasn't working.
95
00:08:04,003 --> 00:08:08,643
She wasn't working,
so we was in desperate need of money.
96
00:08:09,843 --> 00:08:11,843
I was out one night,
97
00:08:12,363 --> 00:08:14,443
and I got a call from a guy
98
00:08:14,523 --> 00:08:19,483
that I'd previously been
involved in robberies together.
99
00:08:20,203 --> 00:08:21,563
His name was Jay Nicks.
100
00:08:23,443 --> 00:08:25,763
And he calls me and says,
101
00:08:26,683 --> 00:08:31,403
"Hey, do you wanna rob this drug dealer?"
102
00:08:31,923 --> 00:08:33,923
I said, "Well, how much is involved?"
103
00:08:34,003 --> 00:08:36,163
He says, "About 80 grand."
104
00:08:36,243 --> 00:08:41,443
"And the guys have, like,
50 or so pounds of marijuana."
105
00:08:42,683 --> 00:08:43,963
I say, "Yeah."
106
00:08:44,043 --> 00:08:46,043
So I get off the phone with him,
107
00:08:46,123 --> 00:08:49,763
make another call
to a guy that I know, DJ.
108
00:08:54,843 --> 00:08:55,883
Me and DJ,
109
00:08:56,403 --> 00:09:00,483
we get in the car, we head over
to… to meet Jay Nicks.
110
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:06,403
Jay Nicks hands me a piece of paper.
He says, "There's three addresses on it."
111
00:09:06,483 --> 00:09:09,723
He says, "The house should look like this,
112
00:09:09,803 --> 00:09:14,963
and the guy's driving
an orange Dodge Magnum
113
00:09:15,043 --> 00:09:17,403
on some 24-inch rims."
114
00:09:17,483 --> 00:09:19,243
He says, "You can't miss it."
115
00:09:19,923 --> 00:09:22,483
I said, "All right." He gives me the gun.
116
00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:27,003
So, we're driving around the neighborhood.
117
00:09:27,683 --> 00:09:29,283
We can't find the addresses.
118
00:09:30,123 --> 00:09:33,363
We can't find this orange Dodge Magnum.
119
00:09:34,963 --> 00:09:37,243
So, I get out
120
00:09:37,323 --> 00:09:39,643
and I start scouring the neighborhood
on foot.
121
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,563
I end up finding the house.
122
00:09:47,323 --> 00:09:48,443
I call Jay Nicks.
123
00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:51,083
I say, "Hey, I found the house,
124
00:09:51,163 --> 00:09:54,323
but there's no Dodge Magnum out front."
125
00:09:54,403 --> 00:09:57,123
I said, "What other kind of car
do they have?"
126
00:09:57,203 --> 00:09:59,083
And he names the car
127
00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:02,363
that's identical to the one
that's in the driveway.
128
00:10:06,323 --> 00:10:09,443
So, me and DJ,
we go to the front of the house,
129
00:10:10,363 --> 00:10:11,803
and we kick the door in.
130
00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:15,843
Once we kicked the door in,
131
00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:19,363
the front room was pitch black.
132
00:10:21,003 --> 00:10:22,803
But I could see somebody.
133
00:10:24,203 --> 00:10:29,043
DJ grabs the person
and slams them down to the ground.
134
00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:33,283
Once I reach for the lamp and turn it on,
135
00:10:34,163 --> 00:10:35,283
I see a woman.
136
00:10:39,003 --> 00:10:41,363
Once I seen that it was an older woman,
137
00:10:41,883 --> 00:10:44,683
I immediately knew
that this was the wrong house.
138
00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:52,843
I take the gun, and while she's
on the ground I stand over her.
139
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,683
I tell DJ,
"Well, finish searching the house,
140
00:10:55,763 --> 00:10:57,443
maybe we're mistaken."
141
00:10:58,043 --> 00:11:00,803
He comes back, he says,
"There's nothing back there."
142
00:11:00,883 --> 00:11:01,723
So…
143
00:11:03,523 --> 00:11:06,243
I'm thinking, now, that…
144
00:11:07,363 --> 00:11:09,003
I just got off parole.
145
00:11:12,403 --> 00:11:14,323
I don't want to go back to prison.
146
00:11:16,363 --> 00:11:17,763
She's seen my face.
147
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,843
So, I thought…
148
00:11:22,763 --> 00:11:24,763
"Okay… well, Imma kill her."
149
00:11:26,043 --> 00:11:28,043
[night chirping]
150
00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,763
[Anthony exhales] I stand over her,
151
00:11:32,563 --> 00:11:33,803
and pull the trigger.
152
00:11:35,683 --> 00:11:36,523
One time.
153
00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:40,483
And, um…
154
00:11:44,203 --> 00:11:45,203
[sighs]
155
00:11:56,203 --> 00:11:57,123
[sobs]
156
00:11:59,963 --> 00:12:01,363
[sniffs, exhales]
157
00:12:07,603 --> 00:12:09,163
[exhales]
158
00:12:15,203 --> 00:12:16,323
I ask myself,
159
00:12:17,923 --> 00:12:19,123
"Why did I do that?"
160
00:12:22,803 --> 00:12:23,643
And…
161
00:12:26,283 --> 00:12:29,603
every day, there is no answer
that makes sense.
162
00:12:40,923 --> 00:12:43,203
[birdsong]
163
00:12:46,003 --> 00:12:47,363
[car door opens]
164
00:12:49,043 --> 00:12:49,923
[closes]
165
00:13:04,603 --> 00:13:06,083
-Hi.
-Hi.
166
00:13:06,163 --> 00:13:08,163
-[woman 1] How are you?
-[woman 2] Good. How are you?
167
00:13:11,443 --> 00:13:13,283
[indistinct chatter]
168
00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:16,003
No, we can use this
for the chicken fried steaks.
169
00:13:16,083 --> 00:13:17,283
-Here you go.
-[woman 3] Okay.
170
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,843
[woman 4] Are they still hot, Sharon?
171
00:13:21,323 --> 00:13:24,003
You brought the food.
You sit down and relax.
172
00:13:26,963 --> 00:13:29,083
-[woman 3] That looks good.
-[woman 4] Absolutely.
173
00:13:30,163 --> 00:13:32,043
[woman 2]
We were a very tight-knit family.
174
00:13:33,283 --> 00:13:37,003
We did… everything together.
175
00:13:38,203 --> 00:13:40,643
[indistinct chatter]
176
00:13:40,723 --> 00:13:42,683
[woman 3]
They're trying to make me fat at work.
177
00:13:43,283 --> 00:13:46,523
[woman 2]
We didn't necessarily have everything,
178
00:13:47,483 --> 00:13:49,483
but we had everything we needed.
179
00:13:50,123 --> 00:13:52,123
And I couldn't ask for better.
180
00:13:54,443 --> 00:13:56,403
-Do you want some salad?
-Hmm?
181
00:13:56,483 --> 00:13:57,483
Do you want some?
182
00:13:59,683 --> 00:14:01,243
[woman 2] My name's Dana Crowl.
183
00:14:02,243 --> 00:14:03,603
Beverly's my mom.
184
00:14:09,323 --> 00:14:13,163
Growing up, my family was mainly me,
185
00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:16,403
my brothers, and my sister, with my mom.
186
00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:19,963
Our parents were divorced,
so we didn't see him as often…
187
00:14:21,603 --> 00:14:23,363
as we probably would have liked to.
188
00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:28,643
But, Mom was our support.
She did everything for us.
189
00:14:33,043 --> 00:14:35,963
My mom was very nurturing. She…
190
00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:41,083
was probably the huggiest person
I've ever met.
191
00:14:41,163 --> 00:14:43,003
-Always touching you.
-[Dana] Holding your hand.
192
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,283
If you're sitting there,
she's just like this…
193
00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:46,643
"Sweetie."
194
00:14:46,723 --> 00:14:48,003
You do the same thing though.
195
00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:50,763
-You do. Yeah, you do the same thing.
-[man] Yeah.
196
00:14:52,003 --> 00:14:55,763
[Dana] She never made us
feel like we were bothersome to her.
197
00:14:57,363 --> 00:15:00,243
I think it's important
to let your kids know you want them
198
00:15:00,323 --> 00:15:02,163
and you want them around you.
199
00:15:05,403 --> 00:15:08,363
She joined the police in 1976,
200
00:15:09,363 --> 00:15:12,003
and she worked
at the Independence Police Department.
201
00:15:12,083 --> 00:15:14,083
She was a records clerk.
202
00:15:15,843 --> 00:15:22,043
She helped officers write their reports,
so she heard everything bad that happened.
203
00:15:23,003 --> 00:15:24,523
And we didn't get to do anything
204
00:15:24,603 --> 00:15:27,843
because she wasn't gonna have
her kids out there causing trouble.
205
00:15:33,163 --> 00:15:36,643
The day I found out about Mom
was March 19th, it was a Friday.
206
00:15:37,283 --> 00:15:40,283
I was getting ready for work.
It was about twenty after 7:00.
207
00:15:41,323 --> 00:15:44,003
And my phone rang,
and it was my brother-in-law Steve,
208
00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:46,803
and he said,
"I just talked to Aunt Barbara."
209
00:15:47,883 --> 00:15:50,523
"She asked me
if I could stop by your mom's house."
210
00:15:50,603 --> 00:15:52,523
"Something doesn't look right over there."
211
00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:55,163
And I turned onto her street,
212
00:15:55,243 --> 00:15:58,043
and I could see
that the screen door was standing open.
213
00:16:00,083 --> 00:16:01,843
And I stuck my head in.
214
00:16:01,923 --> 00:16:04,403
I didn't even walk into the living room,
215
00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:07,683
and I could see her laying there.
216
00:16:09,323 --> 00:16:11,883
And I just leaned back out
and closed the door.
217
00:16:12,403 --> 00:16:15,203
And I had my phone in my hand
and I called 911.
218
00:16:15,963 --> 00:16:18,443
And it wasn't two minutes later
219
00:16:18,523 --> 00:16:20,403
that officers were there.
220
00:16:25,123 --> 00:16:30,203
The impact of losing our mom on my family
has been immeasurable.
221
00:16:32,723 --> 00:16:36,243
I-- It's so big,
I can't even really explain it.
222
00:16:39,363 --> 00:16:43,043
She's like a guiding soul in my life.
223
00:16:45,723 --> 00:16:49,083
Every day I drive by the cemetery,
I say hi to her.
224
00:16:49,163 --> 00:16:51,163
Every morning I tell her good morning.
225
00:16:56,243 --> 00:16:58,883
I don't like to use the word "monster,"
but there it is.
226
00:16:58,963 --> 00:17:00,643
In my heart, he's a monster.
227
00:17:01,163 --> 00:17:05,283
In an ideal world, he will die behind bars
and never see the light of day again.
228
00:17:06,923 --> 00:17:09,403
-[night chirping]
-[indistinct chattering]
229
00:17:09,483 --> 00:17:11,483
[intriguing music playing]
230
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,323
I don't know
what made him pull the trigger.
231
00:17:15,403 --> 00:17:16,243
I wish I did.
232
00:17:16,323 --> 00:17:20,323
Maybe I'd understand a little better
and be able to forgive him, if I knew why.
233
00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:24,883
It's a mindset I will never understand.
234
00:17:26,443 --> 00:17:28,883
That's not the world I grew up in.
235
00:17:30,603 --> 00:17:34,843
I think he was raised in a world
where that was just the way things are.
236
00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:41,243
And part of me feels bad for him
living in a world like that, but
237
00:17:41,763 --> 00:17:46,523
you don't have to be
a product of what brought you up.
238
00:17:47,363 --> 00:17:49,243
You can make a different choice,
239
00:17:49,323 --> 00:17:51,523
and I don't think
he made a different choice.
240
00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:53,563
And he had the option…
241
00:17:54,883 --> 00:17:56,683
to not live the life he lived.
242
00:18:04,243 --> 00:18:06,723
[intriguing music fades to silence]
243
00:18:32,163 --> 00:18:33,323
[dog barking]
244
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:34,483
[woman] Let's go.
245
00:18:40,443 --> 00:18:41,563
Say hi to the guys.
246
00:18:45,563 --> 00:18:49,003
I'm Susan Thompson,
I'm Anthony Standifer's auntie.
247
00:18:49,083 --> 00:18:51,403
Come here, Diamond. Come here, girl.
248
00:18:52,563 --> 00:18:53,403
Say hi.
249
00:18:55,283 --> 00:18:57,083
Anthony grew up midtown,
250
00:18:58,483 --> 00:19:00,043
in the middle of the hood.
251
00:19:01,003 --> 00:19:02,643
It was a rough area.
252
00:19:05,203 --> 00:19:07,803
Anthony's dad was very controlling.
253
00:19:07,883 --> 00:19:10,123
He was just very abusive,
254
00:19:10,203 --> 00:19:14,203
very, um… Putting his mom down,
putting him down.
255
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,523
"You're nothing, your mom's nothing."
256
00:19:16,603 --> 00:19:19,243
He just went through
a lot of verbal abuse.
257
00:19:19,923 --> 00:19:23,643
And I think it affected Anthony
in a big way, you know.
258
00:19:24,683 --> 00:19:28,443
He had experienced
the violence in the home, you know.
259
00:19:28,523 --> 00:19:30,003
He had experienced the drugs.
260
00:19:32,363 --> 00:19:33,963
Anthony's dad left the house
261
00:19:34,643 --> 00:19:37,283
when little Anthony
was about three or four.
262
00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:41,523
And, from that,
everything just kind of went downhill.
263
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:48,523
Anthony's mom would allow the drug-pushers
to take over her house, you know?
264
00:19:48,603 --> 00:19:50,483
Her house would become the spot.
265
00:19:51,243 --> 00:19:53,403
She was in the streets,
she was doing drugs,
266
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:54,643
she was here, she was there.
267
00:19:54,723 --> 00:19:57,563
She was everywhere, you know?
You couldn't put your hand on her.
268
00:19:59,003 --> 00:20:01,243
It just wasn't a healthy situation.
269
00:20:04,283 --> 00:20:06,443
My mom took little Anthony on.
270
00:20:07,443 --> 00:20:09,723
It lasted maybe a month or two,
271
00:20:09,803 --> 00:20:11,203
and my mom was
272
00:20:11,283 --> 00:20:15,763
moving out of town
and I was left with little Anthony.
273
00:20:18,963 --> 00:20:22,083
I also had six children of my own.
274
00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:26,003
One of my sons had cerebral palsy.
He didn't walk or talk.
275
00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:30,403
So I wasn't in a position
to devote my attention
276
00:20:30,483 --> 00:20:32,923
towards little Anthony,
as far as what he needed.
277
00:20:33,003 --> 00:20:35,043
'Cause he definitely needed one-on-one.
278
00:20:37,563 --> 00:20:41,043
This kid's been exposed to a lot,
you know what I'm saying?
279
00:20:41,123 --> 00:20:44,803
And I didn't want that shit to rub off
on my kids at the house.
280
00:20:47,603 --> 00:20:51,083
This particular day I was like, "Hell, no.
I ain't gonna be able to handle him."
281
00:20:51,163 --> 00:20:53,683
"So I'll go down here
to the State building,
282
00:20:53,763 --> 00:20:55,323
Juvenile Justice Center."
283
00:20:56,123 --> 00:20:58,763
And I tell 'em, "Hey, yo, I got this kid."
284
00:20:58,843 --> 00:21:03,203
"My sister's on drugs, you know?
You guys need to get her a court order."
285
00:21:03,283 --> 00:21:06,523
This is what I'm thinking.
They're gonna get a court order,
286
00:21:06,603 --> 00:21:10,323
drag her in here,
make her get herself cleaned up
287
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:15,083
and I'm gonna have her and her son
and I'm gonna reunite them back together.
288
00:21:15,163 --> 00:21:19,243
And that wasn't the case.
She never responded to the courts.
289
00:21:19,323 --> 00:21:22,003
Little Anthony then went into foster care.
290
00:21:24,843 --> 00:21:26,003
And, uh…
291
00:21:26,683 --> 00:21:29,043
he was molested in foster care.
292
00:21:30,683 --> 00:21:32,683
[dark music playing]
293
00:21:34,843 --> 00:21:37,083
It breaks my heart to know that, uh…
294
00:21:37,803 --> 00:21:41,403
that I even had anything to do
with what he was subjected to.
295
00:21:41,483 --> 00:21:44,523
Had I never put him
in the State's custody,
296
00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:47,403
you know, we'd probably have
a whole different young man today,
297
00:21:47,483 --> 00:21:51,483
because all that did was made him
even more messed up in his head.
298
00:21:52,723 --> 00:21:58,003
He started hanging out with street guys,
older guys than him, doing things.
299
00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:00,403
It just was like
an adrenaline rush for him.
300
00:22:01,163 --> 00:22:04,643
He was easily influenced.
He was… uh, gullible.
301
00:22:05,883 --> 00:22:07,243
He wanted to belong.
302
00:22:08,683 --> 00:22:12,483
They made him feel loved
in a way that we have never have.
303
00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:16,203
So I could easily see
how he went along with the plan.
304
00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:18,603
We've never made him feel that.
305
00:22:20,203 --> 00:22:22,203
[poignant piano notes playing]
306
00:22:23,683 --> 00:22:25,643
From the time the kid hit the pavement,
307
00:22:26,523 --> 00:22:27,763
he was labeled "bad."
308
00:22:28,883 --> 00:22:32,323
From the time they knew who his daddy was,
he was labeled "bad."
309
00:22:32,403 --> 00:22:35,243
From the time they knew
his mom had an addiction,
310
00:22:35,323 --> 00:22:36,803
he was labeled "fucked up."
311
00:22:38,643 --> 00:22:40,923
You know? And so on and so forth.
312
00:22:41,003 --> 00:22:42,643
And then we wonder why.
313
00:22:43,163 --> 00:22:46,923
"How do people grow up and act like this
and do things like this?"
314
00:22:47,003 --> 00:22:47,843
Well, hell…
315
00:22:48,683 --> 00:22:50,723
take a look at the whole picture.
316
00:22:52,083 --> 00:22:54,683
And then ask yourself,
"What did you do to help him?"
317
00:22:55,763 --> 00:22:56,763
"What did you do?"
318
00:22:57,963 --> 00:22:58,803
Nothin'.
319
00:23:01,323 --> 00:23:05,283
I did not want anything to do with him
because I was mad at him
320
00:23:05,363 --> 00:23:06,723
'cause I didn't understand.
321
00:23:07,283 --> 00:23:09,723
But now I sit here before y'all,
322
00:23:09,803 --> 00:23:12,123
and it's like, "Yeah,
323
00:23:12,683 --> 00:23:14,803
all of us," you know?
324
00:23:14,883 --> 00:23:15,763
We failed him.
325
00:23:18,003 --> 00:23:19,123
We failed him,
326
00:23:19,803 --> 00:23:23,523
as a whole. It's not this person,
that person, or that person.
327
00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:25,283
His dad, his mom, this--
328
00:23:25,803 --> 00:23:29,243
We, as a whole, as a family, failed him,
329
00:23:29,763 --> 00:23:31,243
you know what I'm saying?
330
00:23:51,963 --> 00:23:53,763
[man] Gangs provide comfort.
331
00:23:53,843 --> 00:23:57,283
It provides a family that you don't have.
332
00:23:59,163 --> 00:24:00,803
People become your brother.
333
00:24:00,883 --> 00:24:03,123
Some people become your father figure.
334
00:24:03,763 --> 00:24:06,363
They try to teach you
how to do things right.
335
00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:11,043
But, you know, we're knuckleheads.
That's why we joined the gang.
336
00:24:14,163 --> 00:24:16,763
My name is Valentino Barraza.
337
00:24:16,843 --> 00:24:19,523
I've known Anthony Standifer
338
00:24:19,603 --> 00:24:22,203
since we was 14 or 15 years old.
339
00:24:22,723 --> 00:24:24,523
You know, and now to this day,
340
00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:26,363
we're still friends.
341
00:24:28,243 --> 00:24:30,763
And we'll probably be
still friends to the end.
342
00:24:43,003 --> 00:24:45,203
Anthony, as a gang member,
343
00:24:45,283 --> 00:24:48,803
his character was more of, like…
344
00:24:49,323 --> 00:24:50,723
like, super crazy.
345
00:24:51,363 --> 00:24:52,803
You know, it's like,
346
00:24:53,323 --> 00:24:55,323
he was always ready,
347
00:24:56,283 --> 00:25:00,923
whether it was to rob somebody,
or steal some cars.
348
00:25:01,003 --> 00:25:03,883
I ain't never seen him scared of nothin'.
349
00:25:03,963 --> 00:25:05,643
I don't care what it was.
350
00:25:05,723 --> 00:25:09,723
If we was gonna go in a house
full of people with guns,
351
00:25:10,323 --> 00:25:14,163
he'd be the first one
going through that house. [laughs]
352
00:25:14,243 --> 00:25:18,003
You know, he was a crazy individual.
353
00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:19,643
Very crazy.
354
00:25:20,163 --> 00:25:21,763
Like, unstable.
355
00:25:24,883 --> 00:25:28,963
Yeah, I feel bad for what happened
and everything, you know?
356
00:25:29,043 --> 00:25:31,403
My condolence to their family
and everything.
357
00:25:32,243 --> 00:25:38,923
But, whenever you're… committing a crime
where there's home invasion or anything,
358
00:25:39,643 --> 00:25:43,883
you know, sometimes…
people don't want to leave…
359
00:25:45,963 --> 00:25:48,763
no type of evidence and…
360
00:25:50,843 --> 00:25:52,323
and witnesses, I mean…
361
00:25:53,403 --> 00:25:54,603
When you go to war,
362
00:25:55,443 --> 00:25:57,643
there's casualties no matter what.
363
00:25:58,403 --> 00:26:00,923
Whether it's…
whether you find the enemy,
364
00:26:01,843 --> 00:26:04,643
or… just bystanders.
365
00:26:27,443 --> 00:26:29,443
[somber music playing]
366
00:26:32,323 --> 00:26:37,643
[man] This crime ranked high on the list
as being a very heinous crime.
367
00:26:39,483 --> 00:26:44,243
This lady was basically executed
in her house.
368
00:26:50,043 --> 00:26:51,523
My name's Michael Johann.
369
00:26:51,603 --> 00:26:56,123
I'm a retired detective of the
Independence, Missouri Police Department,
370
00:26:56,203 --> 00:26:59,883
and I was the lead detective
on the Beverly Crowl homicide.
371
00:27:11,923 --> 00:27:13,363
[sighs deeply]
372
00:27:15,043 --> 00:27:15,923
[car door closes]
373
00:27:18,243 --> 00:27:22,123
[Mike] Coming back here after 11 years
triggers some emotions.
374
00:27:27,363 --> 00:27:29,243
There was no reason to kill her.
375
00:27:31,923 --> 00:27:34,203
I just felt like
we had to get these people,
376
00:27:34,283 --> 00:27:36,843
'cause if you can kick a door open
in the middle of the night
377
00:27:36,923 --> 00:27:39,163
and kill a little defenseless lady,
378
00:27:39,243 --> 00:27:40,123
who's next?
379
00:27:44,643 --> 00:27:45,563
[door opens]
380
00:27:45,643 --> 00:27:46,683
[Mike] Okay.
381
00:27:46,763 --> 00:27:51,883
Anthony, I think you'll remember myself
and Detective Ken Forrester?
382
00:27:51,963 --> 00:27:55,003
My name's Mike. Uh, just to reiterate…
383
00:27:56,683 --> 00:27:58,483
-I gave you your rights earlier today.
-Mm-hmm.
384
00:27:58,563 --> 00:28:01,403
[Mike] You signed 'em.
You still remember those rights?
385
00:28:01,483 --> 00:28:05,523
You still have a right--
All those rights are still in effect.
386
00:28:06,123 --> 00:28:08,483
[Anthony] Listen,
the bottom line is this--
387
00:28:08,563 --> 00:28:10,963
The bottom line:
your ass is in deep doo-doo.
388
00:28:11,043 --> 00:28:14,603
[Anthony] I don't know how. These people
are implicating me in something--
389
00:28:14,683 --> 00:28:15,883
[Mike] You know what? You--
390
00:28:15,963 --> 00:28:17,243
[video stops abruptly]
391
00:28:17,323 --> 00:28:21,323
Anthony obviously came in
lying and denying everything.
392
00:28:21,403 --> 00:28:24,523
-Where is this evidence?
-Some of it's in your house.
393
00:28:24,603 --> 00:28:27,443
[Ken] We're not gonna go over
all this evidence.
394
00:28:27,523 --> 00:28:29,043
Of a-- of a murder?
395
00:28:29,603 --> 00:28:31,843
Of a murder? No. I don't think so.
396
00:28:31,923 --> 00:28:33,763
Ain't no murder
'cause I ain't did no murder.
397
00:28:33,843 --> 00:28:34,803
Yeah, you did.
398
00:28:34,883 --> 00:28:36,923
-You did.
-[Anthony] I'm already guilty--
399
00:28:37,003 --> 00:28:39,483
[Mike] He was a very difficult person
to interrogate.
400
00:28:39,563 --> 00:28:41,803
First of all, why'd I kill this lady?
401
00:28:41,883 --> 00:28:44,083
[Ken] Tell me
you weren't there that night.
402
00:28:44,163 --> 00:28:45,003
There, where?
403
00:28:45,083 --> 00:28:47,043
-[Ken] Where the lady got killed.
-Listen--
404
00:28:47,123 --> 00:28:49,323
-[Ken] Tell me you weren't there.
-I was not there.
405
00:28:49,403 --> 00:28:50,563
[Ken] That's bullshit--
406
00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:54,203
[Mike] He's been in and out of prison.
He knows the ropes.
407
00:28:54,803 --> 00:28:58,323
You're not gonna be able
to use emotional tactics with him,
408
00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:02,443
and get him to feel sorry for the victim
or anything like that.
409
00:29:04,683 --> 00:29:09,483
So we presented him with facts
that kept showing him that…
410
00:29:11,323 --> 00:29:14,883
we could prove he was the perpetrator
of this homicide of Beverly Crowl.
411
00:29:14,963 --> 00:29:15,923
We don't deal with--
412
00:29:16,003 --> 00:29:18,003
-Okay, okay, okay…
-We don't deal…
413
00:29:18,083 --> 00:29:23,683
What can I do to prove to you
that I'm giving you my word as a man?
414
00:29:23,763 --> 00:29:27,123
What do I have to do?
I'm telling you, I'm not owning…
415
00:29:27,203 --> 00:29:29,163
[Ken] Anthony, you're asking questions.
416
00:29:29,243 --> 00:29:33,243
[Mike] Later on during the interrogation
he asked to see his girlfriend.
417
00:29:33,323 --> 00:29:35,923
And we told him that
that could be arranged.
418
00:29:36,803 --> 00:29:41,803
She had given a complete confession
and had implicated Anthony in the murder.
419
00:29:41,883 --> 00:29:45,163
Then it became a bargaining tool
that we used.
420
00:29:45,243 --> 00:29:47,923
We told him, "You're not seeing her
till you give us something."
421
00:29:48,003 --> 00:29:51,803
"You're gonna have to tell us something
about the murder of Beverly Crowl
422
00:29:51,883 --> 00:29:54,123
before we even allow you to see her."
423
00:29:54,883 --> 00:29:57,843
That's when he seemed
to let his guard down some
424
00:29:57,923 --> 00:30:02,523
and he started giving us details
about the murder that he had committed.
425
00:30:03,323 --> 00:30:04,883
Who searched the house?
426
00:30:04,963 --> 00:30:06,043
I did. I did.
427
00:30:06,123 --> 00:30:07,843
Okay. Then what?
428
00:30:07,923 --> 00:30:10,723
And I knew it was the wrong house.
I knew it.
429
00:30:10,803 --> 00:30:12,283
Without a doubt.
430
00:30:13,083 --> 00:30:14,323
[Mike] And you shot her?
431
00:30:16,043 --> 00:30:16,963
Yes or no?
432
00:30:19,483 --> 00:30:20,643
-Yes or no?
-Yeah.
433
00:30:21,803 --> 00:30:22,683
[Mike coughs]
434
00:30:25,003 --> 00:30:29,443
[Mike] My thoughts about Anthony Standifer
as a person
435
00:30:29,523 --> 00:30:32,523
is that he's a cold-blooded
psychopathic killer.
436
00:30:33,043 --> 00:30:34,803
He executed Beverly.
437
00:30:34,883 --> 00:30:36,443
After he executed her,
438
00:30:37,723 --> 00:30:41,163
he got back in the car
with his accomplices and said that…
439
00:30:41,683 --> 00:30:43,203
chalk another one up on his belt.
440
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:48,083
So there's a strong possibility
that he's killed before.
441
00:31:15,883 --> 00:31:18,203
[man] Once we become older,
442
00:31:19,923 --> 00:31:21,523
you know what gives us joy?
443
00:31:25,363 --> 00:31:30,523
Seeing our nieces, and our grandchildren,
and our children
444
00:31:30,603 --> 00:31:32,883
laugh with their children,
445
00:31:33,923 --> 00:31:35,723
and their children's children.
446
00:31:40,483 --> 00:31:43,283
That is the greatest joy in the world.
447
00:31:45,203 --> 00:31:48,203
And when my nephew Anthony
murdered that lady,
448
00:31:48,723 --> 00:31:50,603
he stole that from her.
449
00:32:04,043 --> 00:32:07,723
Anthony wanted to try to live
450
00:32:08,243 --> 00:32:09,843
that particular lifestyle.
451
00:32:11,123 --> 00:32:13,643
If you live that particular lifestyle,
452
00:32:14,323 --> 00:32:16,923
that's what that
particular lifestyle brings.
453
00:32:17,443 --> 00:32:20,443
Violence brings violence.
It's just that simple.
454
00:32:20,523 --> 00:32:22,243
It's not complicated.
455
00:32:26,683 --> 00:32:29,443
Several years after his brother's murdered
456
00:32:29,523 --> 00:32:31,523
by one of his friends, high,
457
00:32:32,243 --> 00:32:36,083
Anthony walks into a house,
doesn't find a dope dealer,
458
00:32:36,163 --> 00:32:38,483
finds some old lady and murders her.
459
00:32:39,243 --> 00:32:41,683
Murders beget murders.
460
00:32:41,763 --> 00:32:44,123
That lifestyle begets that lifestyle.
461
00:32:48,163 --> 00:32:50,003
Hopelessness, despair…
462
00:32:51,123 --> 00:32:52,643
not having…
463
00:32:53,963 --> 00:32:57,803
a group or organization that says to you,
464
00:32:57,883 --> 00:33:01,923
"We have a place for you
amongst our ranks."
465
00:33:02,883 --> 00:33:06,243
"And you can move up through the ranks."
466
00:33:06,843 --> 00:33:09,603
The… the more violent you are,
467
00:33:09,683 --> 00:33:11,763
the faster you will move up in the ranks.
468
00:33:13,683 --> 00:33:18,643
Well, there's nothing cool about
shooting people and murdering people,
469
00:33:19,163 --> 00:33:21,563
and scaring children.
470
00:33:22,123 --> 00:33:24,843
Being a gang member
is not like… [chuckles]
471
00:33:24,923 --> 00:33:26,083
…being a bus driver.
472
00:33:26,163 --> 00:33:28,243
It's not a safe occupation.
473
00:33:28,843 --> 00:33:31,883
I keep seeing these videos
where they glamorize.
474
00:33:31,963 --> 00:33:35,403
[mimics] "I got a car,
and I'm gonna be a dope dealer,
475
00:33:35,483 --> 00:33:38,323
and I got hookers, and I got hoes."
476
00:33:38,403 --> 00:33:40,723
"I got parties and I'm gonna--"
477
00:33:40,803 --> 00:33:41,803
[normal voice] Okay.
478
00:33:43,123 --> 00:33:43,963
Right.
479
00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:46,043
You're gonna do all of that.
480
00:33:46,643 --> 00:33:47,483
Right.
481
00:33:48,003 --> 00:33:49,563
Okay. Good luck with that.
482
00:33:55,203 --> 00:33:56,563
I love my nephew.
483
00:33:56,643 --> 00:33:58,643
I love him today.
484
00:33:59,163 --> 00:34:02,763
Nothing will ever stop me from loving him.
485
00:34:03,963 --> 00:34:07,003
I don't care about his crazy father.
486
00:34:07,083 --> 00:34:09,923
I don't care about his crazy mother,
487
00:34:10,003 --> 00:34:12,603
or any other of the crazies in his life.
488
00:34:12,683 --> 00:34:13,923
I love him.
489
00:34:14,003 --> 00:34:15,443
I will always love him.
490
00:34:16,043 --> 00:34:20,163
But what he did
was heinous and unforgivable.
491
00:34:21,163 --> 00:34:22,043
Period.
492
00:34:41,883 --> 00:34:45,483
[woman] When he made that choice,
he not only affected Beverly,
493
00:34:47,443 --> 00:34:48,803
it affected her family,
494
00:34:50,163 --> 00:34:51,443
it affected him,
495
00:34:52,603 --> 00:34:54,003
it affected his family,
496
00:34:55,243 --> 00:34:56,243
friends.
497
00:34:58,123 --> 00:35:01,563
A ripple effect
that just goes on and on and on.
498
00:35:07,683 --> 00:35:10,803
My name is Barbara Lou Draper.
499
00:35:11,843 --> 00:35:14,043
Beverly Sue Crowl was my twin sister.
500
00:35:21,283 --> 00:35:23,443
I was the oldest by ten minutes.
501
00:35:27,883 --> 00:35:29,323
When we was growing up,
502
00:35:29,843 --> 00:35:32,523
we were basically together all the time.
503
00:35:33,163 --> 00:35:35,163
When you saw one, you saw the other one.
504
00:35:35,683 --> 00:35:38,603
It confused people,
and they didn't know which was which.
505
00:35:41,323 --> 00:35:44,523
There was a few times
when we were older and dating,
506
00:35:45,483 --> 00:35:46,683
we switched on 'em.
507
00:35:46,763 --> 00:35:48,283
[chuckles] Guys.
508
00:35:49,763 --> 00:35:50,843
That was fun.
509
00:35:50,923 --> 00:35:53,043
[chuckling]
510
00:35:56,003 --> 00:35:57,723
Just typical kids, you know.
511
00:36:00,843 --> 00:36:02,043
We were close.
512
00:36:02,603 --> 00:36:04,643
We've always lived in this town.
513
00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:08,123
I've lived here several years,
514
00:36:09,043 --> 00:36:12,283
then the house across the street
came up for sale and…
515
00:36:13,243 --> 00:36:14,803
and she bought it.
516
00:36:15,963 --> 00:36:17,043
And moved in.
517
00:36:18,803 --> 00:36:20,643
I would look out the window
518
00:36:21,843 --> 00:36:24,923
and she'd be out there in the yard,
putzing around doing something.
519
00:36:26,043 --> 00:36:27,603
I talked to her every day.
520
00:36:28,683 --> 00:36:32,003
She would call over here,
invite me over for supper.
521
00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:34,523
"Be quick," she'd say.
522
00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:40,363
And that's what happened that night.
523
00:36:40,443 --> 00:36:44,083
I'd been over there. She called me
over for supper, and I went over.
524
00:36:44,643 --> 00:36:47,163
We sat there and had supper,
and we watched television.
525
00:36:47,243 --> 00:36:50,323
She told me she had two bananas
laying on the kitchen counter,
526
00:36:50,403 --> 00:36:52,323
I'll never forget 'em, they were dark.
527
00:36:53,443 --> 00:36:55,763
Said she was gonna
make banana bread in the morning.
528
00:36:58,843 --> 00:37:01,003
And, anyway she watched me home.
529
00:37:02,283 --> 00:37:04,403
We waved at each other at the front door.
530
00:37:04,923 --> 00:37:06,323
That's the last time I saw her.
531
00:37:13,163 --> 00:37:15,363
My thoughts on the person that did this…
532
00:37:15,443 --> 00:37:16,443
not very high.
533
00:37:18,163 --> 00:37:19,603
I don't think much of him.
534
00:37:21,043 --> 00:37:24,563
But I realize that, you know,
he's a human being like the rest of us,
535
00:37:24,643 --> 00:37:26,723
but that doesn't excuse what he did.
536
00:37:26,803 --> 00:37:29,603
'Cause he had a choice,
and he didn't have to make that choice.
537
00:37:33,083 --> 00:37:35,603
The values and morals
that we were raised with,
538
00:37:35,683 --> 00:37:39,763
I think that teaching
goes generation to generation.
539
00:37:40,603 --> 00:37:41,563
Or it should.
540
00:37:42,323 --> 00:37:43,643
'Cause, you know,
541
00:37:44,603 --> 00:37:46,323
Mom and Dad's older,
542
00:37:48,043 --> 00:37:48,923
wiser,
543
00:37:49,443 --> 00:37:50,843
lived through more stuff.
544
00:37:52,843 --> 00:37:55,403
And kids need…
younger people need to listen to 'em.
545
00:37:56,443 --> 00:37:59,243
'Cause the kids, I think,
are better off for it.
546
00:38:02,483 --> 00:38:03,723
It's all in the raising.
547
00:38:04,363 --> 00:38:05,803
It's all in the raising.
548
00:38:07,963 --> 00:38:09,963
[birdsong]
549
00:38:20,443 --> 00:38:22,923
[woman] Drugs have taken a toll
on my life.
550
00:38:27,403 --> 00:38:29,003
It's just another escape.
551
00:38:30,403 --> 00:38:31,563
That's all it is.
552
00:38:31,643 --> 00:38:36,203
Escaping the reality
of some chaos or pressure on your life.
553
00:38:38,883 --> 00:38:41,483
It's nobody's responsibility but your own.
554
00:38:46,683 --> 00:38:50,323
[gentle piano music playing]
555
00:38:52,723 --> 00:38:56,403
My name's Cassandra Jenny Reed,
and I am Anthony's mother.
556
00:39:01,923 --> 00:39:05,443
Me and Anthony,
our relationship was wonderful.
557
00:39:05,523 --> 00:39:07,483
Always making each other laugh.
558
00:39:10,523 --> 00:39:13,763
When I couldn't get out of bed,
Anthony, at five years old,
559
00:39:14,603 --> 00:39:17,603
Anthony would bring me breakfast in bed.
560
00:39:17,683 --> 00:39:21,643
He got up… got up on a chair,
pulled a chair up to the stove,
561
00:39:21,723 --> 00:39:23,363
and scrambled me some eggs.
562
00:39:24,923 --> 00:39:28,403
And went outside and got
some of those little yellow daisies,
563
00:39:28,483 --> 00:39:30,723
and put them on a tray,
564
00:39:30,803 --> 00:39:31,883
and bought it with--
565
00:39:32,483 --> 00:39:34,803
He was just that thoughtful of me.
566
00:39:35,883 --> 00:39:37,723
"Mama, you gonna be okay," he said.
567
00:39:37,803 --> 00:39:39,923
"Here, you need to eat."
568
00:39:40,683 --> 00:39:41,803
I'm telling you,
569
00:39:43,163 --> 00:39:45,363
he's always been amazing to me.
570
00:39:51,603 --> 00:39:54,123
I've missed a lot of time with Anthony.
571
00:39:55,523 --> 00:39:56,563
'Cause I…
572
00:39:58,043 --> 00:39:59,723
I had to get away from here.
573
00:40:01,043 --> 00:40:02,363
So, and, uh…
574
00:40:04,683 --> 00:40:06,283
I couldn't take him with me.
575
00:40:09,923 --> 00:40:11,443
I can truly, honestly say
576
00:40:12,483 --> 00:40:15,003
if I hadn't abandoned him when I did,
577
00:40:15,523 --> 00:40:18,083
when I left him with my family…
578
00:40:21,003 --> 00:40:22,883
'Cause they always called him bad.
579
00:40:24,683 --> 00:40:27,163
And he knows I've not ever called him bad…
580
00:40:28,843 --> 00:40:29,803
you know.
581
00:40:31,243 --> 00:40:35,923
I think that has…
That has a lot to do with it deep down.
582
00:40:39,803 --> 00:40:42,683
[voice breaks] Okay, I'm through.
I can't do this no more.
583
00:40:44,883 --> 00:40:45,883
[takes breath]
584
00:40:51,723 --> 00:40:53,603
[ethereal music playing]
585
00:40:53,683 --> 00:40:55,923
[geese honking]
586
00:41:04,883 --> 00:41:08,923
[Anthony] I don't have any hard feelings
towards my family
587
00:41:09,003 --> 00:41:13,683
on the mistakes
that they made in raising me.
588
00:41:14,443 --> 00:41:15,883
You know, I… [hesitates]
589
00:41:16,803 --> 00:41:19,963
I guess they just didn't, you know,
know any better.
590
00:41:29,763 --> 00:41:30,843
[Anthony exhales]
591
00:41:31,443 --> 00:41:34,683
I don't want to solely
put it on upbringing.
592
00:41:34,763 --> 00:41:37,003
That's definitely
a strong contributing factor,
593
00:41:37,083 --> 00:41:39,963
but I have to take accountability,
you know,
594
00:41:40,043 --> 00:41:43,123
because at that time
when I committed this crime,
595
00:41:43,203 --> 00:41:45,043
I was 25 years old.
596
00:41:45,123 --> 00:41:50,163
So, I knew right from wrong
and I knew what I was doing was wrong,
597
00:41:50,243 --> 00:41:53,923
so I had a choice,
and I chose not to do the right thing.
598
00:41:57,283 --> 00:42:03,923
How can I take another person's life
unjustifiably for…
599
00:42:04,603 --> 00:42:06,763
senselessly and no reason,
600
00:42:06,843 --> 00:42:08,643
and not regret that?
601
00:42:09,483 --> 00:42:13,763
To think that I could kill a person,
602
00:42:13,843 --> 00:42:19,523
you know, just because
they saw my face, is ludicrous.
603
00:42:19,603 --> 00:42:22,123
And I…
604
00:42:24,323 --> 00:42:26,803
can't wrap my head around, like, what,
605
00:42:27,323 --> 00:42:30,963
excuse my language,
what the hell was wrong with me? [laughs]
606
00:42:31,563 --> 00:42:35,483
And to make those kind of decisions,
you know, um…
607
00:42:36,403 --> 00:42:39,603
[sighs] It's… it's just disgusting.
608
00:42:43,483 --> 00:42:46,443
I sincerely apologize, you know, and…
609
00:42:48,923 --> 00:42:50,403
I wish… I wish…
610
00:42:50,483 --> 00:42:54,123
Every day I wish I could go back
and do something different.
611
00:43:08,003 --> 00:43:12,483
[Mike, on tape] My thoughts
about Anthony Standifer as a person
612
00:43:12,563 --> 00:43:15,523
is that he's a cold-blooded
psychopathic killer.
613
00:43:16,043 --> 00:43:17,803
He executed Beverly.
614
00:43:17,883 --> 00:43:19,643
After he executed her,
615
00:43:20,763 --> 00:43:24,523
he got back in the car
with his accomplices and said that…
616
00:43:24,603 --> 00:43:26,603
chalk another one up on his belt.
617
00:43:27,923 --> 00:43:31,043
So there's a strong possibility
that he's killed before.
618
00:43:34,403 --> 00:43:36,763
I have not killed anyone before.
619
00:43:37,603 --> 00:43:42,923
I think if that was true then
I would be convicted of another murder.
620
00:43:43,643 --> 00:43:48,803
You know, I think
that's just a way to paint a picture
621
00:43:48,883 --> 00:43:50,803
and try to put me in a box.
622
00:43:50,883 --> 00:43:54,203
Everybody that was involved
at that police department with the case,
623
00:43:54,283 --> 00:43:57,523
they all knew her
because they worked with her.
624
00:43:57,603 --> 00:44:00,443
They said that
she was like a mother to them.
625
00:44:00,523 --> 00:44:04,723
So, you know, that's why I believe
the detective has such strong feelings.
626
00:44:05,323 --> 00:44:07,523
I can't change opinions.
627
00:44:07,603 --> 00:44:09,323
What I can change is my behaviors,
628
00:44:09,403 --> 00:44:12,883
by being, you know, uh…
629
00:44:13,923 --> 00:44:15,683
a good person, so to speak.
630
00:44:16,323 --> 00:44:18,843
But, being in here, how do you know…
631
00:44:19,643 --> 00:44:22,563
how do you know
that I've become a good person?
632
00:44:22,643 --> 00:44:25,043
How do you know that I've changed?
633
00:44:25,123 --> 00:44:28,083
You know, I can sit here
and tell you that. But…
634
00:44:29,483 --> 00:44:34,003
you will never know
until I am released, right?
635
00:44:34,523 --> 00:44:38,083
And then I'm a productive
member of society.
636
00:44:38,163 --> 00:44:40,683
I have to do, you know,
637
00:44:40,763 --> 00:44:44,283
the right thing every day
and just, you know, and…
638
00:44:45,483 --> 00:44:47,163
and know that's good enough.
639
00:44:52,963 --> 00:44:56,043
[man, on tape] This is where I live,
this is where I exist.
640
00:44:56,123 --> 00:45:00,603
I swung right up over his shoulder,
into the side of his neck with that blade.
641
00:45:01,403 --> 00:45:03,683
I was terrified.
I just took somebody's life.
642
00:45:04,243 --> 00:45:07,003
[woman] The scariest thing in the world
is to know that somebody else
643
00:45:07,083 --> 00:45:09,123
is holding your life in their hands.
644
00:45:09,883 --> 00:45:12,643
All that's holding my face together
is metal plates.
645
00:45:13,203 --> 00:45:15,283
[man, on tape] I'm a very,
very dangerous man.
646
00:45:15,843 --> 00:45:20,163
I didn't say that I killed those people,
I said that they were dead because of me.
647
00:45:20,763 --> 00:45:22,323
[man, on tape] I am who I am…
648
00:45:23,403 --> 00:45:24,283
Just a killer.
649
00:45:28,523 --> 00:45:30,883
[closing theme music playing]