1 00:00:16,163 --> 00:00:18,523 The twin bond does exist. 2 00:00:22,163 --> 00:00:24,843 Identical twins start out as a whole. 3 00:00:28,083 --> 00:00:29,443 And then they split. 4 00:00:31,163 --> 00:00:32,523 And become two people. 5 00:00:35,443 --> 00:00:37,003 When this happened to her, 6 00:00:37,883 --> 00:00:39,883 it's like I'd lost my other half. 7 00:00:45,203 --> 00:00:46,443 My other half's gone. 8 00:01:15,923 --> 00:01:18,243 It's a terrible experience to feel like 9 00:01:18,763 --> 00:01:20,363 you don't have nobody there for you. 10 00:01:20,443 --> 00:01:22,403 Nobody wants to take you in. 11 00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:28,683 For me, the perfect home environment would have been 12 00:01:29,363 --> 00:01:32,883 someone to be there to love me, take care for me, and, uh… 13 00:01:35,603 --> 00:01:37,443 just having a sense of family. 14 00:02:12,003 --> 00:02:13,923 -It's all good? Okay. -Mm-hmm. 15 00:02:26,843 --> 00:02:28,563 My name is Anthony Standifer. 16 00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,763 I've been incarcerated since 2010 17 00:02:31,843 --> 00:02:34,803 for second-degree murder and first-degree robbery. 18 00:02:57,563 --> 00:02:59,403 My childhood was… 19 00:03:01,163 --> 00:03:03,483 I wouldn't say the typical childhood. 20 00:03:07,723 --> 00:03:09,643 My mother was addicted to drugs 21 00:03:10,443 --> 00:03:12,243 for as long as I can remember. 22 00:03:16,603 --> 00:03:18,923 My father, even though I knew who he was, 23 00:03:19,803 --> 00:03:22,963 he never chose to claim me as his son. 24 00:03:23,683 --> 00:03:26,563 So I would see him from time to time, 25 00:03:26,643 --> 00:03:30,163 but, you know, he would just treat me like… 26 00:03:31,723 --> 00:03:32,563 a nobody. 27 00:03:37,323 --> 00:03:39,443 Even though my mother was on drugs, 28 00:03:40,043 --> 00:03:41,243 she was very loving. 29 00:03:41,883 --> 00:03:44,843 Some of the best experiences I've had was with her. 30 00:03:48,483 --> 00:03:51,723 You know, she took me to different states, traveling with her, 31 00:03:51,803 --> 00:03:54,083 being out on the lake, fishing. 32 00:03:54,603 --> 00:03:58,203 So, I would say I've had good memories with her, you know? 33 00:04:02,203 --> 00:04:04,843 But… she was in and out. 34 00:04:04,923 --> 00:04:06,963 I would see her, you know, for a day or two, 35 00:04:07,043 --> 00:04:09,723 then I wouldn't see her for a couple of weeks. 36 00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:30,083 You know, I ended up going into foster care 37 00:04:30,163 --> 00:04:32,883 because I was living with my auntie 38 00:04:33,403 --> 00:04:36,043 and she felt like she couldn't deal with me. 39 00:04:36,123 --> 00:04:39,003 So, she just threw all my stuff in a trash bag 40 00:04:39,083 --> 00:04:42,163 and took me down to Division of Family Services, 41 00:04:42,243 --> 00:04:44,203 and gave me over to the State. 42 00:04:48,363 --> 00:04:51,923 For a kid to be, you know, just… 43 00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,283 thrown away like that 44 00:04:55,403 --> 00:04:56,403 from his family… 45 00:04:57,763 --> 00:04:58,603 and… 46 00:04:59,123 --> 00:05:00,923 it felt like no one loves him. 47 00:05:02,523 --> 00:05:05,203 Yeah, that was definitely one of the worst times of my life. 48 00:05:21,203 --> 00:05:24,763 At the time, she had sobered up and got off drugs. 49 00:05:25,643 --> 00:05:27,763 She'd remarried, and I thought 50 00:05:27,843 --> 00:05:31,163 that it would be a good opportunity for us to be together. 51 00:05:31,243 --> 00:05:33,603 For us to finally have a chance to be a family. 52 00:05:35,323 --> 00:05:38,323 But, once I moved back to Kansas City, 53 00:05:39,323 --> 00:05:42,043 uh, that is definitely when all the trouble started. 54 00:05:45,163 --> 00:05:47,843 Her husband at the time had a son. 55 00:05:48,323 --> 00:05:49,243 He was 16, 56 00:05:49,923 --> 00:05:52,763 and he had been involved with gangs. 57 00:05:52,843 --> 00:05:54,443 Also, I had a brother, 58 00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:58,083 my half-brother, with… through my mother. 59 00:05:58,163 --> 00:05:59,603 He'd been involved in gangs. 60 00:06:02,483 --> 00:06:04,483 They were definitely role models to me. 61 00:06:05,723 --> 00:06:08,203 I didn't really have any role models at that time. 62 00:06:08,283 --> 00:06:09,123 And… 63 00:06:09,883 --> 00:06:12,643 I definitely looked up to a lot of the things they did. 64 00:06:12,723 --> 00:06:15,523 If they were selling drugs, I wanted to sell drugs. 65 00:06:15,603 --> 00:06:17,523 Um, if they was robbing, 66 00:06:18,043 --> 00:06:20,363 then… then that's what I wanted to do. 67 00:06:36,403 --> 00:06:39,283 I was at a place called McEwan School for Boys. 68 00:06:39,963 --> 00:06:42,963 Something like a juvenile penitentiary. 69 00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:44,683 And, um… 70 00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,843 I got called in to the office 71 00:06:48,363 --> 00:06:50,843 and so, she hands the phone over to me, 72 00:06:51,523 --> 00:06:52,883 and it was my mother. 73 00:06:53,683 --> 00:06:55,883 And she tells me that, uh… 74 00:06:55,963 --> 00:06:59,443 that my brother had been murdered… that night. 75 00:07:00,323 --> 00:07:01,363 Yeah. 76 00:07:07,123 --> 00:07:08,283 When I left juvenile, 77 00:07:09,083 --> 00:07:10,043 you know, um… 78 00:07:11,123 --> 00:07:13,923 now with my brother gone, you know, 79 00:07:14,683 --> 00:07:16,163 I wasn't the same person. 80 00:07:16,683 --> 00:07:19,803 Um, I adopted an attitude… 81 00:07:21,643 --> 00:07:24,683 that I didn't care about anything or anybody. 82 00:07:25,603 --> 00:07:26,443 And… 83 00:07:28,083 --> 00:07:31,603 once I adopted that attitude, and that mindset, 84 00:07:32,363 --> 00:07:33,683 it allowed me to do 85 00:07:34,723 --> 00:07:38,683 whatever I want without having no regard to the consequences. 86 00:07:40,403 --> 00:07:42,003 I just didn't care anymore. 87 00:08:02,203 --> 00:08:03,483 I wasn't working. 88 00:08:04,003 --> 00:08:08,643 She wasn't working, so we was in desperate need of money. 89 00:08:09,843 --> 00:08:11,843 I was out one night, 90 00:08:12,363 --> 00:08:14,443 and I got a call from a guy 91 00:08:14,523 --> 00:08:19,483 that I'd previously been involved in robberies together. 92 00:08:20,203 --> 00:08:21,563 His name was Jay Nicks. 93 00:08:23,443 --> 00:08:25,763 And he calls me and says, 94 00:08:26,683 --> 00:08:31,403 "Hey, do you wanna rob this drug dealer?" 95 00:08:31,923 --> 00:08:33,923 I said, "Well, how much is involved?" 96 00:08:34,003 --> 00:08:36,163 He says, "About 80 grand." 97 00:08:36,243 --> 00:08:41,443 "And the guys have, like, 50 or so pounds of marijuana." 98 00:08:42,683 --> 00:08:43,963 I say, "Yeah." 99 00:08:44,043 --> 00:08:46,043 So I get off the phone with him, 100 00:08:46,123 --> 00:08:49,763 make another call to a guy that I know, DJ. 101 00:08:54,843 --> 00:08:55,883 Me and DJ, 102 00:08:56,403 --> 00:09:00,483 we get in the car, we head over to… to meet Jay Nicks. 103 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:06,403 Jay Nicks hands me a piece of paper. He says, "There's three addresses on it." 104 00:09:06,483 --> 00:09:09,723 He says, "The house should look like this, 105 00:09:09,803 --> 00:09:14,963 and the guy's driving an orange Dodge Magnum 106 00:09:15,043 --> 00:09:17,403 on some 24-inch rims." 107 00:09:17,483 --> 00:09:19,243 He says, "You can't miss it." 108 00:09:19,923 --> 00:09:22,483 I said, "All right." He gives me the gun. 109 00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:27,003 So, we're driving around the neighborhood. 110 00:09:27,683 --> 00:09:29,283 We can't find the addresses. 111 00:09:30,123 --> 00:09:33,363 We can't find this orange Dodge Magnum. 112 00:09:34,963 --> 00:09:37,243 So, I get out 113 00:09:37,323 --> 00:09:39,643 and I start scouring the neighborhood on foot. 114 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,563 I end up finding the house. 115 00:09:47,323 --> 00:09:48,443 I call Jay Nicks. 116 00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:51,083 I say, "Hey, I found the house, 117 00:09:51,163 --> 00:09:54,323 but there's no Dodge Magnum out front." 118 00:09:54,403 --> 00:09:57,123 I said, "What other kind of car do they have?" 119 00:09:57,203 --> 00:09:59,083 And he names the car 120 00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:02,363 that's identical to the one that's in the driveway. 121 00:10:06,323 --> 00:10:09,443 So, me and DJ, we go to the front of the house, 122 00:10:10,363 --> 00:10:11,803 and we kick the door in. 123 00:10:14,083 --> 00:10:15,843 Once we kicked the door in, 124 00:10:16,683 --> 00:10:19,363 the front room was pitch black. 125 00:10:21,003 --> 00:10:22,803 But I could see somebody. 126 00:10:24,203 --> 00:10:29,043 DJ grabs the person and slams them down to the ground. 127 00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:33,283 Once I reach for the lamp and turn it on, 128 00:10:34,163 --> 00:10:35,283 I see a woman. 129 00:10:39,003 --> 00:10:41,363 Once I seen that it was an older woman, 130 00:10:41,883 --> 00:10:44,683 I immediately knew that this was the wrong house. 131 00:10:49,003 --> 00:10:52,843 I take the gun, and while she's on the ground I stand over her. 132 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,683 I tell DJ, "Well, finish searching the house, 133 00:10:55,763 --> 00:10:57,443 maybe we're mistaken." 134 00:10:58,043 --> 00:11:00,803 He comes back, he says, "There's nothing back there." 135 00:11:00,883 --> 00:11:01,723 So… 136 00:11:03,523 --> 00:11:06,243 I'm thinking, now, that… 137 00:11:07,363 --> 00:11:09,003 I just got off parole. 138 00:11:12,403 --> 00:11:14,323 I don't want to go back to prison. 139 00:11:16,363 --> 00:11:17,763 She's seen my face. 140 00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,843 So, I thought… 141 00:11:22,763 --> 00:11:24,763 "Okay… well, Imma kill her." 142 00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:31,763 I stand over her, 143 00:11:32,563 --> 00:11:33,803 and pull the trigger. 144 00:11:35,683 --> 00:11:36,523 One time. 145 00:11:39,323 --> 00:11:40,483 And, um… 146 00:12:15,203 --> 00:12:16,323 I ask myself, 147 00:12:17,923 --> 00:12:19,123 "Why did I do that?" 148 00:12:22,803 --> 00:12:23,643 And… 149 00:12:26,283 --> 00:12:29,603 every day, there is no answer that makes sense. 150 00:13:04,603 --> 00:13:06,083 -Hi. -Hi. 151 00:13:06,163 --> 00:13:08,163 -How are you? -Good. How are you? 152 00:13:13,363 --> 00:13:16,003 No, we can use this for the chicken fried steaks. 153 00:13:16,083 --> 00:13:17,283 -Here you go. -Okay. 154 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,843 Are they still hot, Sharon? 155 00:13:21,323 --> 00:13:24,003 You brought the food. You sit down and relax. 156 00:13:26,963 --> 00:13:29,083 -That looks good. -Absolutely. 157 00:13:30,163 --> 00:13:32,043 We were a very tight-knit family. 158 00:13:33,283 --> 00:13:37,003 We did… everything together. 159 00:13:40,723 --> 00:13:42,683 They're trying to make me fat at work. 160 00:13:43,283 --> 00:13:46,523 We didn't necessarily have everything, 161 00:13:47,483 --> 00:13:49,483 but we had everything we needed. 162 00:13:50,123 --> 00:13:52,123 And I couldn't ask for better. 163 00:13:54,443 --> 00:13:56,403 -Do you want some salad? -Hmm? 164 00:13:56,483 --> 00:13:57,483 Do you want some? 165 00:13:59,683 --> 00:14:01,243 My name's Dana Crowl. 166 00:14:02,243 --> 00:14:03,603 Beverly's my mom. 167 00:14:09,323 --> 00:14:13,163 Growing up, my family was mainly me, 168 00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:16,403 my brothers, and my sister, with my mom. 169 00:14:17,083 --> 00:14:19,963 Our parents were divorced, so we didn't see him as often… 170 00:14:21,603 --> 00:14:23,363 as we probably would have liked to. 171 00:14:24,083 --> 00:14:28,643 But, Mom was our support. She did everything for us. 172 00:14:33,043 --> 00:14:35,963 My mom was very nurturing. She… 173 00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:41,083 was probably the huggiest person I've ever met. 174 00:14:41,163 --> 00:14:43,003 -Always touching you. -Holding your hand. 175 00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:45,283 If you're sitting there, she's just like this… 176 00:14:45,803 --> 00:14:46,643 "Sweetie." 177 00:14:46,723 --> 00:14:48,003 You do the same thing though. 178 00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:50,763 -You do. Yeah, you do the same thing. -Yeah. 179 00:14:52,003 --> 00:14:55,763 She never made us feel like we were bothersome to her. 180 00:14:57,363 --> 00:15:00,243 I think it's important to let your kids know you want them 181 00:15:00,323 --> 00:15:02,163 and you want them around you. 182 00:15:05,403 --> 00:15:08,363 She joined the police in 1976, 183 00:15:09,363 --> 00:15:12,003 and she worked at the Independence Police Department. 184 00:15:12,083 --> 00:15:14,083 She was a records clerk. 185 00:15:15,843 --> 00:15:22,043 She helped officers write their reports, so she heard everything bad that happened. 186 00:15:23,003 --> 00:15:24,523 And we didn't get to do anything 187 00:15:24,603 --> 00:15:27,843 because she wasn't gonna have her kids out there causing trouble. 188 00:15:33,163 --> 00:15:36,643 The day I found out about Mom was March 19th, it was a Friday. 189 00:15:37,283 --> 00:15:40,283 I was getting ready for work. It was about twenty after 7:00. 190 00:15:41,323 --> 00:15:44,003 And my phone rang, and it was my brother-in-law Steve, 191 00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:46,803 and he said, "I just talked to Aunt Barbara." 192 00:15:47,883 --> 00:15:50,523 "She asked me if I could stop by your mom's house." 193 00:15:50,603 --> 00:15:52,523 "Something doesn't look right over there." 194 00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:55,163 And I turned onto her street, 195 00:15:55,243 --> 00:15:58,043 and I could see that the screen door was standing open. 196 00:16:00,083 --> 00:16:01,843 And I stuck my head in. 197 00:16:01,923 --> 00:16:04,403 I didn't even walk into the living room, 198 00:16:06,003 --> 00:16:07,683 and I could see her laying there. 199 00:16:09,323 --> 00:16:11,883 And I just leaned back out and closed the door. 200 00:16:12,403 --> 00:16:15,203 And I had my phone in my hand and I called 911. 201 00:16:15,963 --> 00:16:18,443 And it wasn't two minutes later 202 00:16:18,523 --> 00:16:20,403 that officers were there. 203 00:16:25,123 --> 00:16:30,203 The impact of losing our mom on my family has been immeasurable. 204 00:16:32,723 --> 00:16:36,243 I-- It's so big, I can't even really explain it. 205 00:16:39,363 --> 00:16:43,043 She's like a guiding soul in my life. 206 00:16:45,723 --> 00:16:49,083 Every day I drive by the cemetery, I say hi to her. 207 00:16:49,163 --> 00:16:51,163 Every morning I tell her good morning. 208 00:16:56,243 --> 00:16:58,883 I don't like to use the word "monster," but there it is. 209 00:16:58,963 --> 00:17:00,643 In my heart, he's a monster. 210 00:17:01,163 --> 00:17:05,283 In an ideal world, he will die behind bars and never see the light of day again. 211 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:15,323 I don't know what made him pull the trigger. 212 00:17:15,403 --> 00:17:16,243 I wish I did. 213 00:17:16,323 --> 00:17:20,323 Maybe I'd understand a little better and be able to forgive him, if I knew why. 214 00:17:22,563 --> 00:17:24,883 It's a mindset I will never understand. 215 00:17:26,443 --> 00:17:28,883 That's not the world I grew up in. 216 00:17:30,603 --> 00:17:34,843 I think he was raised in a world where that was just the way things are. 217 00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:41,243 And part of me feels bad for him living in a world like that, but 218 00:17:41,763 --> 00:17:46,523 you don't have to be a product of what brought you up. 219 00:17:47,363 --> 00:17:49,243 You can make a different choice, 220 00:17:49,323 --> 00:17:51,523 and I don't think he made a different choice. 221 00:17:52,083 --> 00:17:53,563 And he had the option… 222 00:17:54,883 --> 00:17:56,683 to not live the life he lived. 223 00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:34,483 Let's go. 224 00:18:40,443 --> 00:18:41,563 Say hi to the guys. 225 00:18:45,563 --> 00:18:49,003 I'm Susan Thompson, I'm Anthony Standifer's auntie. 226 00:18:49,083 --> 00:18:51,403 Come here, Diamond. Come here, girl. 227 00:18:52,563 --> 00:18:53,403 Say hi. 228 00:18:55,283 --> 00:18:57,083 Anthony grew up midtown, 229 00:18:58,483 --> 00:19:00,043 in the middle of the hood. 230 00:19:01,003 --> 00:19:02,643 It was a rough area. 231 00:19:05,203 --> 00:19:07,803 Anthony's dad was very controlling. 232 00:19:07,883 --> 00:19:10,123 He was just very abusive, 233 00:19:10,203 --> 00:19:14,203 very, um… Putting his mom down, putting him down. 234 00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:16,523 "You're nothing, your mom's nothing." 235 00:19:16,603 --> 00:19:19,243 He just went through a lot of verbal abuse. 236 00:19:19,923 --> 00:19:23,643 And I think it affected Anthony in a big way, you know. 237 00:19:24,683 --> 00:19:28,443 He had experienced the violence in the home, you know. 238 00:19:28,523 --> 00:19:30,003 He had experienced the drugs. 239 00:19:32,363 --> 00:19:33,963 Anthony's dad left the house 240 00:19:34,643 --> 00:19:37,283 when little Anthony was about three or four. 241 00:19:38,083 --> 00:19:41,523 And, from that, everything just kind of went downhill. 242 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:48,523 Anthony's mom would allow the drug-pushers to take over her house, you know? 243 00:19:48,603 --> 00:19:50,483 Her house would become the spot. 244 00:19:51,243 --> 00:19:53,403 She was in the streets, she was doing drugs, 245 00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:54,643 she was here, she was there. 246 00:19:54,723 --> 00:19:57,563 She was everywhere, you know? You couldn't put your hand on her. 247 00:19:59,003 --> 00:20:01,243 It just wasn't a healthy situation. 248 00:20:04,283 --> 00:20:06,443 My mom took little Anthony on. 249 00:20:07,443 --> 00:20:09,723 It lasted maybe a month or two, 250 00:20:09,803 --> 00:20:11,203 and my mom was 251 00:20:11,283 --> 00:20:15,763 moving out of town and I was left with little Anthony. 252 00:20:18,963 --> 00:20:22,083 I also had six children of my own. 253 00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:26,003 One of my sons had cerebral palsy. He didn't walk or talk. 254 00:20:26,083 --> 00:20:30,403 So I wasn't in a position to devote my attention 255 00:20:30,483 --> 00:20:32,923 towards little Anthony, as far as what he needed. 256 00:20:33,003 --> 00:20:35,043 'Cause he definitely needed one-on-one. 257 00:20:37,563 --> 00:20:41,043 This kid's been exposed to a lot, you know what I'm saying? 258 00:20:41,123 --> 00:20:44,803 And I didn't want that shit to rub off on my kids at the house. 259 00:20:47,603 --> 00:20:51,083 This particular day I was like, "Hell, no. I ain't gonna be able to handle him." 260 00:20:51,163 --> 00:20:53,683 "So I'll go down here to the State building, 261 00:20:53,763 --> 00:20:55,323 Juvenile Justice Center." 262 00:20:56,123 --> 00:20:58,763 And I tell 'em, "Hey, yo, I got this kid." 263 00:20:58,843 --> 00:21:03,203 "My sister's on drugs, you know? You guys need to get her a court order." 264 00:21:03,283 --> 00:21:06,523 This is what I'm thinking. They're gonna get a court order, 265 00:21:06,603 --> 00:21:10,323 drag her in here, make her get herself cleaned up 266 00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:15,083 and I'm gonna have her and her son and I'm gonna reunite them back together. 267 00:21:15,163 --> 00:21:19,243 And that wasn't the case. She never responded to the courts. 268 00:21:19,323 --> 00:21:22,003 Little Anthony then went into foster care. 269 00:21:24,843 --> 00:21:26,003 And, uh… 270 00:21:26,683 --> 00:21:29,043 he was molested in foster care. 271 00:21:34,843 --> 00:21:37,083 It breaks my heart to know that, uh… 272 00:21:37,803 --> 00:21:41,403 that I even had anything to do with what he was subjected to. 273 00:21:41,483 --> 00:21:44,523 Had I never put him in the State's custody, 274 00:21:44,603 --> 00:21:47,403 you know, we'd probably have a whole different young man today, 275 00:21:47,483 --> 00:21:51,483 because all that did was made him even more messed up in his head. 276 00:21:52,723 --> 00:21:58,003 He started hanging out with street guys, older guys than him, doing things. 277 00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:00,403 It just was like an adrenaline rush for him. 278 00:22:01,163 --> 00:22:04,643 He was easily influenced. He was… uh, gullible. 279 00:22:05,883 --> 00:22:07,243 He wanted to belong. 280 00:22:08,683 --> 00:22:12,483 They made him feel loved in a way that we have never have. 281 00:22:13,083 --> 00:22:16,203 So I could easily see how he went along with the plan. 282 00:22:16,803 --> 00:22:18,603 We've never made him feel that. 283 00:22:23,683 --> 00:22:25,643 From the time the kid hit the pavement, 284 00:22:26,523 --> 00:22:27,763 he was labeled "bad." 285 00:22:28,883 --> 00:22:32,323 From the time they knew who his daddy was, he was labeled "bad." 286 00:22:32,403 --> 00:22:35,243 From the time they knew his mom had an addiction, 287 00:22:35,323 --> 00:22:36,803 he was labeled "fucked up." 288 00:22:38,643 --> 00:22:40,923 You know? And so on and so forth. 289 00:22:41,003 --> 00:22:42,643 And then we wonder why. 290 00:22:43,163 --> 00:22:46,923 "How do people grow up and act like this and do things like this?" 291 00:22:47,003 --> 00:22:47,843 Well, hell… 292 00:22:48,683 --> 00:22:50,723 take a look at the whole picture. 293 00:22:52,083 --> 00:22:54,683 And then ask yourself, "What did you do to help him?" 294 00:22:55,763 --> 00:22:56,763 "What did you do?" 295 00:22:57,963 --> 00:22:58,803 Nothin'. 296 00:23:01,323 --> 00:23:05,283 I did not want anything to do with him because I was mad at him 297 00:23:05,363 --> 00:23:06,723 'cause I didn't understand. 298 00:23:07,283 --> 00:23:09,723 But now I sit here before y'all, 299 00:23:09,803 --> 00:23:12,123 and it's like, "Yeah, 300 00:23:12,683 --> 00:23:14,803 all of us," you know? 301 00:23:14,883 --> 00:23:15,763 We failed him. 302 00:23:18,003 --> 00:23:19,123 We failed him, 303 00:23:19,803 --> 00:23:23,523 as a whole. It's not this person, that person, or that person. 304 00:23:23,603 --> 00:23:25,283 His dad, his mom, this-- 305 00:23:25,803 --> 00:23:29,243 We, as a whole, as a family, failed him, 306 00:23:29,763 --> 00:23:31,243 you know what I'm saying? 307 00:23:51,963 --> 00:23:53,763 Gangs provide comfort. 308 00:23:53,843 --> 00:23:57,283 It provides a family that you don't have. 309 00:23:59,163 --> 00:24:00,803 People become your brother. 310 00:24:00,883 --> 00:24:03,123 Some people become your father figure. 311 00:24:03,763 --> 00:24:06,363 They try to teach you how to do things right. 312 00:24:07,083 --> 00:24:11,043 But, you know, we're knuckleheads. That's why we joined the gang. 313 00:24:14,163 --> 00:24:16,763 My name is Valentino Barraza. 314 00:24:16,843 --> 00:24:19,523 I've known Anthony Standifer 315 00:24:19,603 --> 00:24:22,203 since we was 14 or 15 years old. 316 00:24:22,723 --> 00:24:24,523 You know, and now to this day, 317 00:24:25,163 --> 00:24:26,363 we're still friends. 318 00:24:28,243 --> 00:24:30,763 And we'll probably be still friends to the end. 319 00:24:43,003 --> 00:24:45,203 Anthony, as a gang member, 320 00:24:45,283 --> 00:24:48,803 his character was more of, like… 321 00:24:49,323 --> 00:24:50,723 like, super crazy. 322 00:24:51,363 --> 00:24:52,803 You know, it's like, 323 00:24:53,323 --> 00:24:55,323 he was always ready, 324 00:24:56,283 --> 00:25:00,923 whether it was to rob somebody, or steal some cars. 325 00:25:01,003 --> 00:25:03,883 I ain't never seen him scared of nothin'. 326 00:25:03,963 --> 00:25:05,643 I don't care what it was. 327 00:25:05,723 --> 00:25:09,723 If we was gonna go in a house full of people with guns, 328 00:25:10,323 --> 00:25:14,163 he'd be the first one going through that house. 329 00:25:14,243 --> 00:25:18,003 You know, he was a crazy individual. 330 00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:19,643 Very crazy. 331 00:25:20,163 --> 00:25:21,763 Like, unstable. 332 00:25:24,883 --> 00:25:28,963 Yeah, I feel bad for what happened and everything, you know? 333 00:25:29,043 --> 00:25:31,403 My condolence to their family and everything. 334 00:25:32,243 --> 00:25:38,923 But, whenever you're… committing a crime where there's home invasion or anything, 335 00:25:39,643 --> 00:25:43,883 you know, sometimes… people don't want to leave… 336 00:25:45,963 --> 00:25:48,763 no type of evidence and… 337 00:25:50,843 --> 00:25:52,323 and witnesses, I mean… 338 00:25:53,403 --> 00:25:54,603 When you go to war, 339 00:25:55,443 --> 00:25:57,643 there's casualties no matter what. 340 00:25:58,403 --> 00:26:00,923 Whether it's… whether you find the enemy, 341 00:26:01,843 --> 00:26:04,643 or… just bystanders. 342 00:26:32,323 --> 00:26:37,643 This crime ranked high on the list as being a very heinous crime. 343 00:26:39,483 --> 00:26:44,243 This lady was basically executed in her house. 344 00:26:50,043 --> 00:26:51,523 My name's Michael Johann. 345 00:26:51,603 --> 00:26:56,123 I'm a retired detective of the Independence, Missouri Police Department, 346 00:26:56,203 --> 00:26:59,883 and I was the lead detective on the Beverly Crowl homicide. 347 00:27:18,243 --> 00:27:22,123 Coming back here after 11 years triggers some emotions. 348 00:27:27,363 --> 00:27:29,243 There was no reason to kill her. 349 00:27:31,923 --> 00:27:34,203 I just felt like we had to get these people, 350 00:27:34,283 --> 00:27:36,843 'cause if you can kick a door open in the middle of the night 351 00:27:36,923 --> 00:27:39,163 and kill a little defenseless lady, 352 00:27:39,243 --> 00:27:40,123 who's next? 353 00:27:45,643 --> 00:27:46,683 Okay. 354 00:27:46,763 --> 00:27:51,883 Anthony, I think you'll remember myself and Detective Ken Forrester? 355 00:27:51,963 --> 00:27:55,003 My name's Mike. Uh, just to reiterate… 356 00:27:56,683 --> 00:27:58,483 -I gave you your rights earlier today. -Mm-hmm. 357 00:27:58,563 --> 00:28:01,403 You signed 'em. You still remember those rights? 358 00:28:01,483 --> 00:28:05,523 You still have a right-- All those rights are still in effect. 359 00:28:06,123 --> 00:28:08,483 Listen, the bottom line is this-- 360 00:28:08,563 --> 00:28:10,963 The bottom line: your ass is in deep doo-doo. 361 00:28:11,043 --> 00:28:14,603 I don't know how. These people are implicating me in something-- 362 00:28:14,683 --> 00:28:15,883 You know what? You-- 363 00:28:17,323 --> 00:28:21,323 Anthony obviously came in lying and denying everything. 364 00:28:21,403 --> 00:28:24,523 -Where is this evidence? -Some of it's in your house. 365 00:28:24,603 --> 00:28:27,443 We're not gonna go over all this evidence. 366 00:28:27,523 --> 00:28:29,043 Of a-- of a murder? 367 00:28:29,603 --> 00:28:31,843 Of a murder? No. I don't think so. 368 00:28:31,923 --> 00:28:33,763 Ain't no murder 'cause I ain't did no murder. 369 00:28:33,843 --> 00:28:34,803 Yeah, you did. 370 00:28:34,883 --> 00:28:36,923 -You did. -I'm already guilty-- 371 00:28:37,003 --> 00:28:39,483 He was a very difficult person to interrogate. 372 00:28:39,563 --> 00:28:41,803 First of all, why'd I kill this lady? 373 00:28:41,883 --> 00:28:44,083 Tell me you weren't there that night. 374 00:28:44,163 --> 00:28:45,003 There, where? 375 00:28:45,083 --> 00:28:47,043 -Where the lady got killed. -Listen-- 376 00:28:47,123 --> 00:28:49,323 -Tell me you weren't there. -I was not there. 377 00:28:49,403 --> 00:28:50,563 That's bullshit-- 378 00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:54,203 He's been in and out of prison. He knows the ropes. 379 00:28:54,803 --> 00:28:58,323 You're not gonna be able to use emotional tactics with him, 380 00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:02,443 and get him to feel sorry for the victim or anything like that. 381 00:29:04,683 --> 00:29:09,483 So we presented him with facts that kept showing him that… 382 00:29:11,323 --> 00:29:14,883 we could prove he was the perpetrator of this homicide of Beverly Crowl. 383 00:29:14,963 --> 00:29:15,923 We don't deal with-- 384 00:29:16,003 --> 00:29:18,003 -Okay, okay, okay… -We don't deal… 385 00:29:18,083 --> 00:29:23,683 What can I do to prove to you that I'm giving you my word as a man? 386 00:29:23,763 --> 00:29:27,123 What do I have to do? I'm telling you, I'm not owning… 387 00:29:27,203 --> 00:29:29,163 Anthony, you're asking questions. 388 00:29:29,243 --> 00:29:33,243 Later on during the interrogation he asked to see his girlfriend. 389 00:29:33,323 --> 00:29:35,923 And we told him that that could be arranged. 390 00:29:36,803 --> 00:29:41,803 She had given a complete confession and had implicated Anthony in the murder. 391 00:29:41,883 --> 00:29:45,163 Then it became a bargaining tool that we used. 392 00:29:45,243 --> 00:29:47,923 We told him, "You're not seeing her till you give us something." 393 00:29:48,003 --> 00:29:51,803 "You're gonna have to tell us something about the murder of Beverly Crowl 394 00:29:51,883 --> 00:29:54,123 before we even allow you to see her." 395 00:29:54,883 --> 00:29:57,843 That's when he seemed to let his guard down some 396 00:29:57,923 --> 00:30:02,523 and he started giving us details about the murder that he had committed. 397 00:30:03,323 --> 00:30:04,883 Who searched the house? 398 00:30:04,963 --> 00:30:06,043 I did. I did. 399 00:30:06,123 --> 00:30:07,843 Okay. Then what? 400 00:30:07,923 --> 00:30:10,723 And I knew it was the wrong house. I knew it. 401 00:30:10,803 --> 00:30:12,283 Without a doubt. 402 00:30:13,083 --> 00:30:14,323 And you shot her? 403 00:30:16,043 --> 00:30:16,963 Yes or no? 404 00:30:19,483 --> 00:30:20,643 -Yes or no? -Yeah. 405 00:30:25,003 --> 00:30:29,443 My thoughts about Anthony Standifer as a person 406 00:30:29,523 --> 00:30:32,523 is that he's a cold-blooded psychopathic killer. 407 00:30:33,043 --> 00:30:34,803 He executed Beverly. 408 00:30:34,883 --> 00:30:36,443 After he executed her, 409 00:30:37,723 --> 00:30:41,163 he got back in the car with his accomplices and said that… 410 00:30:41,683 --> 00:30:43,203 chalk another one up on his belt. 411 00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:48,083 So there's a strong possibility that he's killed before. 412 00:31:15,883 --> 00:31:18,203 Once we become older, 413 00:31:19,923 --> 00:31:21,523 you know what gives us joy? 414 00:31:25,363 --> 00:31:30,523 Seeing our nieces, and our grandchildren, and our children 415 00:31:30,603 --> 00:31:32,883 laugh with their children, 416 00:31:33,923 --> 00:31:35,723 and their children's children. 417 00:31:40,483 --> 00:31:43,283 That is the greatest joy in the world. 418 00:31:45,203 --> 00:31:48,203 And when my nephew Anthony murdered that lady, 419 00:31:48,723 --> 00:31:50,603 he stole that from her. 420 00:32:04,043 --> 00:32:07,723 Anthony wanted to try to live 421 00:32:08,243 --> 00:32:09,843 that particular lifestyle. 422 00:32:11,123 --> 00:32:13,643 If you live that particular lifestyle, 423 00:32:14,323 --> 00:32:16,923 that's what that particular lifestyle brings. 424 00:32:17,443 --> 00:32:20,443 Violence brings violence. It's just that simple. 425 00:32:20,523 --> 00:32:22,243 It's not complicated. 426 00:32:26,683 --> 00:32:29,443 Several years after his brother's murdered 427 00:32:29,523 --> 00:32:31,523 by one of his friends, high, 428 00:32:32,243 --> 00:32:36,083 Anthony walks into a house, doesn't find a dope dealer, 429 00:32:36,163 --> 00:32:38,483 finds some old lady and murders her. 430 00:32:39,243 --> 00:32:41,683 Murders beget murders. 431 00:32:41,763 --> 00:32:44,123 That lifestyle begets that lifestyle. 432 00:32:48,163 --> 00:32:50,003 Hopelessness, despair… 433 00:32:51,123 --> 00:32:52,643 not having… 434 00:32:53,963 --> 00:32:57,803 a group or organization that says to you, 435 00:32:57,883 --> 00:33:01,923 "We have a place for you amongst our ranks." 436 00:33:02,883 --> 00:33:06,243 "And you can move up through the ranks." 437 00:33:06,843 --> 00:33:09,603 The… the more violent you are, 438 00:33:09,683 --> 00:33:11,763 the faster you will move up in the ranks. 439 00:33:13,683 --> 00:33:18,643 Well, there's nothing cool about shooting people and murdering people, 440 00:33:19,163 --> 00:33:21,563 and scaring children. 441 00:33:22,123 --> 00:33:24,843 Being a gang member is not like… 442 00:33:24,923 --> 00:33:26,083 …being a bus driver. 443 00:33:26,163 --> 00:33:28,243 It's not a safe occupation. 444 00:33:28,843 --> 00:33:31,883 I keep seeing these videos where they glamorize. 445 00:33:31,963 --> 00:33:35,403 "I got a car, and I'm gonna be a dope dealer, 446 00:33:35,483 --> 00:33:38,323 and I got hookers, and I got hoes." 447 00:33:38,403 --> 00:33:40,723 "I got parties and I'm gonna--" 448 00:33:40,803 --> 00:33:41,803 Okay. 449 00:33:43,123 --> 00:33:43,963 Right. 450 00:33:44,523 --> 00:33:46,043 You're gonna do all of that. 451 00:33:46,643 --> 00:33:47,483 Right. 452 00:33:48,003 --> 00:33:49,563 Okay. Good luck with that. 453 00:33:55,203 --> 00:33:56,563 I love my nephew. 454 00:33:56,643 --> 00:33:58,643 I love him today. 455 00:33:59,163 --> 00:34:02,763 Nothing will ever stop me from loving him. 456 00:34:03,963 --> 00:34:07,003 I don't care about his crazy father. 457 00:34:07,083 --> 00:34:09,923 I don't care about his crazy mother, 458 00:34:10,003 --> 00:34:12,603 or any other of the crazies in his life. 459 00:34:12,683 --> 00:34:13,923 I love him. 460 00:34:14,003 --> 00:34:15,443 I will always love him. 461 00:34:16,043 --> 00:34:20,163 But what he did was heinous and unforgivable. 462 00:34:21,163 --> 00:34:22,043 Period. 463 00:34:41,883 --> 00:34:45,483 When he made that choice, he not only affected Beverly, 464 00:34:47,443 --> 00:34:48,803 it affected her family, 465 00:34:50,163 --> 00:34:51,443 it affected him, 466 00:34:52,603 --> 00:34:54,003 it affected his family, 467 00:34:55,243 --> 00:34:56,243 friends. 468 00:34:58,123 --> 00:35:01,563 A ripple effect that just goes on and on and on. 469 00:35:07,683 --> 00:35:10,803 My name is Barbara Lou Draper. 470 00:35:11,843 --> 00:35:14,043 Beverly Sue Crowl was my twin sister. 471 00:35:21,283 --> 00:35:23,443 I was the oldest by ten minutes. 472 00:35:27,883 --> 00:35:29,323 When we was growing up, 473 00:35:29,843 --> 00:35:32,523 we were basically together all the time. 474 00:35:33,163 --> 00:35:35,163 When you saw one, you saw the other one. 475 00:35:35,683 --> 00:35:38,603 It confused people, and they didn't know which was which. 476 00:35:41,323 --> 00:35:44,523 There was a few times when we were older and dating, 477 00:35:45,483 --> 00:35:46,683 we switched on 'em. 478 00:35:46,763 --> 00:35:48,283 Guys. 479 00:35:49,763 --> 00:35:50,843 That was fun. 480 00:35:56,003 --> 00:35:57,723 Just typical kids, you know. 481 00:36:00,843 --> 00:36:02,043 We were close. 482 00:36:02,603 --> 00:36:04,643 We've always lived in this town. 483 00:36:05,163 --> 00:36:08,123 I've lived here several years, 484 00:36:09,043 --> 00:36:12,283 then the house across the street came up for sale and… 485 00:36:13,243 --> 00:36:14,803 and she bought it. 486 00:36:15,963 --> 00:36:17,043 And moved in. 487 00:36:18,803 --> 00:36:20,643 I would look out the window 488 00:36:21,843 --> 00:36:24,923 and she'd be out there in the yard, putzing around doing something. 489 00:36:26,043 --> 00:36:27,603 I talked to her every day. 490 00:36:28,683 --> 00:36:32,003 She would call over here, invite me over for supper. 491 00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:34,523 "Be quick," she'd say. 492 00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:40,363 And that's what happened that night. 493 00:36:40,443 --> 00:36:44,083 I'd been over there. She called me over for supper, and I went over. 494 00:36:44,643 --> 00:36:47,163 We sat there and had supper, and we watched television. 495 00:36:47,243 --> 00:36:50,323 She told me she had two bananas laying on the kitchen counter, 496 00:36:50,403 --> 00:36:52,323 I'll never forget 'em, they were dark. 497 00:36:53,443 --> 00:36:55,763 Said she was gonna make banana bread in the morning. 498 00:36:58,843 --> 00:37:01,003 And, anyway she watched me home. 499 00:37:02,283 --> 00:37:04,403 We waved at each other at the front door. 500 00:37:04,923 --> 00:37:06,323 That's the last time I saw her. 501 00:37:13,163 --> 00:37:15,363 My thoughts on the person that did this… 502 00:37:15,443 --> 00:37:16,443 not very high. 503 00:37:18,163 --> 00:37:19,603 I don't think much of him. 504 00:37:21,043 --> 00:37:24,563 But I realize that, you know, he's a human being like the rest of us, 505 00:37:24,643 --> 00:37:26,723 but that doesn't excuse what he did. 506 00:37:26,803 --> 00:37:29,603 'Cause he had a choice, and he didn't have to make that choice. 507 00:37:33,083 --> 00:37:35,603 The values and morals that we were raised with, 508 00:37:35,683 --> 00:37:39,763 I think that teaching goes generation to generation. 509 00:37:40,603 --> 00:37:41,563 Or it should. 510 00:37:42,323 --> 00:37:43,643 'Cause, you know, 511 00:37:44,603 --> 00:37:46,323 Mom and Dad's older, 512 00:37:48,043 --> 00:37:48,923 wiser, 513 00:37:49,443 --> 00:37:50,843 lived through more stuff. 514 00:37:52,843 --> 00:37:55,403 And kids need… younger people need to listen to 'em. 515 00:37:56,443 --> 00:37:59,243 'Cause the kids, I think, are better off for it. 516 00:38:02,483 --> 00:38:03,723 It's all in the raising. 517 00:38:04,363 --> 00:38:05,803 It's all in the raising. 518 00:38:20,443 --> 00:38:22,923 Drugs have taken a toll on my life. 519 00:38:27,403 --> 00:38:29,003 It's just another escape. 520 00:38:30,403 --> 00:38:31,563 That's all it is. 521 00:38:31,643 --> 00:38:36,203 Escaping the reality of some chaos or pressure on your life. 522 00:38:38,883 --> 00:38:41,483 It's nobody's responsibility but your own. 523 00:38:52,723 --> 00:38:56,403 My name's Cassandra Jenny Reed, and I am Anthony's mother. 524 00:39:01,923 --> 00:39:05,443 Me and Anthony, our relationship was wonderful. 525 00:39:05,523 --> 00:39:07,483 Always making each other laugh. 526 00:39:10,523 --> 00:39:13,763 When I couldn't get out of bed, Anthony, at five years old, 527 00:39:14,603 --> 00:39:17,603 Anthony would bring me breakfast in bed. 528 00:39:17,683 --> 00:39:21,643 He got up… got up on a chair, pulled a chair up to the stove, 529 00:39:21,723 --> 00:39:23,363 and scrambled me some eggs. 530 00:39:24,923 --> 00:39:28,403 And went outside and got some of those little yellow daisies, 531 00:39:28,483 --> 00:39:30,723 and put them on a tray, 532 00:39:30,803 --> 00:39:31,883 and bought it with-- 533 00:39:32,483 --> 00:39:34,803 He was just that thoughtful of me. 534 00:39:35,883 --> 00:39:37,723 "Mama, you gonna be okay," he said. 535 00:39:37,803 --> 00:39:39,923 "Here, you need to eat." 536 00:39:40,683 --> 00:39:41,803 I'm telling you, 537 00:39:43,163 --> 00:39:45,363 he's always been amazing to me. 538 00:39:51,603 --> 00:39:54,123 I've missed a lot of time with Anthony. 539 00:39:55,523 --> 00:39:56,563 'Cause I… 540 00:39:58,043 --> 00:39:59,723 I had to get away from here. 541 00:40:01,043 --> 00:40:02,363 So, and, uh… 542 00:40:04,683 --> 00:40:06,283 I couldn't take him with me. 543 00:40:09,923 --> 00:40:11,443 I can truly, honestly say 544 00:40:12,483 --> 00:40:15,003 if I hadn't abandoned him when I did, 545 00:40:15,523 --> 00:40:18,083 when I left him with my family… 546 00:40:21,003 --> 00:40:22,883 'Cause they always called him bad. 547 00:40:24,683 --> 00:40:27,163 And he knows I've not ever called him bad… 548 00:40:28,843 --> 00:40:29,803 you know. 549 00:40:31,243 --> 00:40:35,923 I think that has… That has a lot to do with it deep down. 550 00:40:39,803 --> 00:40:42,683 Okay, I'm through. I can't do this no more. 551 00:41:04,883 --> 00:41:08,923 I don't have any hard feelings towards my family 552 00:41:09,003 --> 00:41:13,683 on the mistakes that they made in raising me. 553 00:41:14,443 --> 00:41:15,883 You know, I…  554 00:41:16,803 --> 00:41:19,963 I guess they just didn't, you know, know any better. 555 00:41:31,443 --> 00:41:34,683 I don't want to solely put it on upbringing. 556 00:41:34,763 --> 00:41:37,003 That's definitely a strong contributing factor, 557 00:41:37,083 --> 00:41:39,963 but I have to take accountability, you know, 558 00:41:40,043 --> 00:41:43,123 because at that time when I committed this crime, 559 00:41:43,203 --> 00:41:45,043 I was 25 years old. 560 00:41:45,123 --> 00:41:50,163 So, I knew right from wrong and I knew what I was doing was wrong, 561 00:41:50,243 --> 00:41:53,923 so I had a choice, and I chose not to do the right thing. 562 00:41:57,283 --> 00:42:03,923 How can I take another person's life unjustifiably for… 563 00:42:04,603 --> 00:42:06,763 senselessly and no reason, 564 00:42:06,843 --> 00:42:08,643 and not regret that? 565 00:42:09,483 --> 00:42:13,763 To think that I could kill a person, 566 00:42:13,843 --> 00:42:19,523 you know, just because they saw my face, is ludicrous. 567 00:42:19,603 --> 00:42:22,123 And I… 568 00:42:24,323 --> 00:42:26,803 can't wrap my head around, like, what, 569 00:42:27,323 --> 00:42:30,963 excuse my language, what the hell was wrong with me? 570 00:42:31,563 --> 00:42:35,483 And to make those kind of decisions, you know, um… 571 00:42:36,403 --> 00:42:39,603 It's… it's just disgusting. 572 00:42:43,483 --> 00:42:46,443 I sincerely apologize, you know, and… 573 00:42:48,923 --> 00:42:50,403 I wish… I wish… 574 00:42:50,483 --> 00:42:54,123 Every day I wish I could go back and do something different. 575 00:43:08,003 --> 00:43:12,483 My thoughts about Anthony Standifer as a person 576 00:43:12,563 --> 00:43:15,523 is that he's a cold-blooded psychopathic killer. 577 00:43:16,043 --> 00:43:17,803 He executed Beverly. 578 00:43:17,883 --> 00:43:19,643 After he executed her, 579 00:43:20,763 --> 00:43:24,523 he got back in the car with his accomplices and said that… 580 00:43:24,603 --> 00:43:26,603 chalk another one up on his belt. 581 00:43:27,923 --> 00:43:31,043 So there's a strong possibility that he's killed before. 582 00:43:34,403 --> 00:43:36,763 I have not killed anyone before. 583 00:43:37,603 --> 00:43:42,923 I think if that was true then I would be convicted of another murder. 584 00:43:43,643 --> 00:43:48,803 You know, I think that's just a way to paint a picture 585 00:43:48,883 --> 00:43:50,803 and try to put me in a box. 586 00:43:50,883 --> 00:43:54,203 Everybody that was involved at that police department with the case, 587 00:43:54,283 --> 00:43:57,523 they all knew her because they worked with her. 588 00:43:57,603 --> 00:44:00,443 They said that she was like a mother to them. 589 00:44:00,523 --> 00:44:04,723 So, you know, that's why I believe the detective has such strong feelings. 590 00:44:05,323 --> 00:44:07,523 I can't change opinions. 591 00:44:07,603 --> 00:44:09,323 What I can change is my behaviors, 592 00:44:09,403 --> 00:44:12,883 by being, you know, uh… 593 00:44:13,923 --> 00:44:15,683 a good person, so to speak. 594 00:44:16,323 --> 00:44:18,843 But, being in here, how do you know… 595 00:44:19,643 --> 00:44:22,563 how do you know that I've become a good person? 596 00:44:22,643 --> 00:44:25,043 How do you know that I've changed? 597 00:44:25,123 --> 00:44:28,083 You know, I can sit here and tell you that. But… 598 00:44:29,483 --> 00:44:34,003 you will never know until I am released, right? 599 00:44:34,523 --> 00:44:38,083 And then I'm a productive member of society. 600 00:44:38,163 --> 00:44:40,683 I have to do, you know, 601 00:44:40,763 --> 00:44:44,283 the right thing every day and just, you know, and… 602 00:44:45,483 --> 00:44:47,163 and know that's good enough. 603 00:44:52,963 --> 00:44:56,043 This is where I live, this is where I exist. 604 00:44:56,123 --> 00:45:00,603 I swung right up over his shoulder, into the side of his neck with that blade. 605 00:45:01,403 --> 00:45:03,683 I was terrified. I just took somebody's life. 606 00:45:04,243 --> 00:45:07,003 The scariest thing in the world is to know that somebody else 607 00:45:07,083 --> 00:45:09,123 is holding your life in their hands. 608 00:45:09,883 --> 00:45:12,643 All that's holding my face together is metal plates. 609 00:45:13,203 --> 00:45:15,283 I'm a very, very dangerous man. 610 00:45:15,843 --> 00:45:20,163 I didn't say that I killed those people, I said that they were dead because of me. 611 00:45:20,763 --> 00:45:22,323 I am who I am… 612 00:45:23,403 --> 00:45:24,283 Just a killer.