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[somber music playing]
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[man] When I look back at the life
that I've lived...
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it wasn't a life at all.
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I've never been a bad person.
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I've always been misunderstood,
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because I didn't understand myself.
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[somber music continues]
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[man] I've hurt people.
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I've hurt people real bad.
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But I've never killed anyone, before.
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That's something that
I... have to live with every day.
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It took me a few years in prison...
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to accept the fact
that I had killed somebody.
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[theme music playing]
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[slow rhythmic percussion playing]
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[inhales]
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Even though I'm... being punished right now,
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I continue to punish myself for it.
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The individual that is sitting
in front of you right now...
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would not take responsibility
for anything,
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back then.
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I didn't care about responsibility.
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Only thing I cared about was
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eat, sleep, and getting high.
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[percussion fades]
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I was born in 1963 in Rochester, New York.
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[soft piano chords playing]
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It was very urban and challenging.
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During those times, it was really rough
on single parents, and kids in general.
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Me and my brothers and sisters,
we were all close.
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If one of us was missing,
it was like a missing part of the puzzle
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and things just wasn't right.
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And, particularly, that part of the puzzle
that was missing most of the time was me.
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[ominous music playing]
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[ominous music fades]
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[soft piano chords resume]
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When I was enrolled in school,
they were always saying that
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I was aggressive,
or I had a learning disability.
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I had no problem learning.
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I did have a disability though.
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When I was six years old,
they put me on medication
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'cause I had an incident
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where a teacher had took my pants down
in front of the whole class
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and hit me with a ruler.
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This ruler had a brass plate.
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I'm a... I'm a child. I'm crying, whatever.
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And, uh, after she hit me a few times
with the ruler,
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she sent me back to my desk.
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She turned around,
I picked up a chair and I threw it at her.
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And then I ran out of the class.
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And that was the actual first recording
of my blackouts.
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'Cause when my mother
asked me about it, I didn't remember it.
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When I was off medication
is when I was going through the blackouts.
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They would last anywhere
from two hours to three weeks.
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I wouldn't know what I was doing.
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But everybody else would think
that I was acting normal.
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And I would be very destructive.
I would be very violent.
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Very defensive.
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[gentle music playing]
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[James] I would say
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the majority of my life
I spent on the streets.
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I got into a lot of trouble,
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breaking into buildings,
doing what I had to do to survive.
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Every time you're under arrest
or taken into custody,
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you're taken to a juvenile facility.
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I think I went to about ten of them.
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These were places
that were supposed to help me,
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but they did more harm than they did good.
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And this progressed into being a prisoner.
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[ominous music playing]
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Between 20 and 30,
I spent seven and a half years in jail.
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Most of the time it was real petty stuff.
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My habit was somewhere very high.
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I was trying to control my blackouts
with alcohol and drugs.
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One minute you think you're in control,
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the next thing they're in control of you.
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I was scared of myself,
'cause I felt myself getting worse.
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The blackouts were lasting
longer and longer.
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And I just had no control.
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[ominous music continues]
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[James] I was 37 years old
at the time the crime happened.
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I had just got done smoking crack.
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I really don't know what I'm doing,
where I'm going.
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I'm in the bookstore now.
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[unsettling music playing]
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[James] They told me
that I had killed somebody.
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They say I gave them a statement.
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True enough. Yeah, I did kill him.
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I don't remember none of that.
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[unsettling music continues]
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[music fades]
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[horn sounds]
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[poignant music playing]
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[woman] The fact
that he could take a life,
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I couldn't understand it.
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It hurt me because that's my brother.
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It was real devastating.
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My name is Toni Walker-Coleman,
and I am James's sister.
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[locks clicking]
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[tut-tuts]
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This is the only family family picture
we have with James in it.
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We don't have too many pictures
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of James.
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He was our little
chubby teddy bear brother.
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You know, he liked to laugh
and everything.
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My mother made the best
out of what she had.
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Good days were excellent,
but then there were dark days.
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She used to drink a lot.
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Sometimes we just never knew
what person was coming home.
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He was the one
that would get the worst of it all.
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You know, she would get
the extension cord at him,
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or whatever was in front of her.
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You know, but...
When she was under the influence, so...
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And then he would run away.
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Sometimes he would run away
for a week or two.
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Sometimes during that time,
he would get in trouble.
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He went to boys' homes, stuff like that,
until he graduated to jail.
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He just always was locked up.
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I can't remember a time
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when he stayed home a full year
without going back.
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I think they call that institutionalized.
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[birdsong]
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[music fades]
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[James, on recording] As a kid, every time
you're under arrest or taken into custody,
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you're taken to a juvenile facility,
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where in the '70s, early '80s,
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these facilities were ran
by ex-convicts and child molesters.
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You're supposed to be safe,
but you feel like you're being farmed out
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to different families to abuse you.
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I internalized a lot of it,
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'cause at first I thought it was my fault.
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Thought they were doing this because of
whatever bad reasons, whatever I'd done.
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And, uh, first I implode,
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then I explode.
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And the rest I just forget.
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That's where the blackouts come in at.
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It seems like
that's pretty much the pattern for that.
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If I didn't succeed
in hurting myself enough,
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then I would hurt somebody else.
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That was powerful.
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That was powerful.
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And, uh, I heard some things
I never heard before.
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And there was a lot of realization.
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I know he's been through a lot.
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So that was just more added on.
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He was wrong for what he did.
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But who are these responsible individuals
that did not do their job?
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Nobody stepped in.
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Instead, they just let it
just build up and build up inside him,
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and just waited for him
to create his next episode in life,
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that led him to where he is right now.
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And I don't think a lot of people
take notice of that.
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They see a criminal.
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And we see...
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a person that grew up in hard times
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and needed a lot of love...
[voice breaks]...and attention.
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That's what we see.
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[sobs]
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[gentle melodic music playing]
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[man] My name is Joe Dominick.
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I've been involved in
between 200 and 250 homicide cases
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over the course of my career.
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This case makes my top ten.
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It's not just the violence
that was used in the case,
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it's kind of the totality
of the circumstances
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that were involved, so...
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What I can tell you
about the victim in the case, uh...
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Mr. Curry was...
There wasn't a lot of information on him.
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Uh, I would describe him as a loner.
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We actually couldn't reach out
to any family members.
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His last moments
were probably horrendous for him.
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Somebody came up behind him
and took a box cutter,
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and cut him from ear to ear.
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At some point he bleeds out and he dies.
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I can't think of, probably,
a worse death than that, honestly.
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[unsettling violins playing]
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James Walker's demeanor
when we brought him in for the interview
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was... That was the eerie part
of the case for me.
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Because he was so, like, calm and casual
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about this, like, violent crime
that he had committed,
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and it was just...
It was just an unusual confession.
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[somber music playing]
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[Joe] You know, he asked
for a pack of cigarettes,
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and we gave him some cigarettes
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and he kinda just opened up
and started telling us how it came to be
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that he had killed, uh, Mr. Curry.
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While I'm sitting there talking to him,
I'm like, "This guy is pleasant enough."
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But it's like I'm looking at pure evil.
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You know, this guy is pure evil.
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Just to sit there
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and to tell you the details
about how he killed this victim.
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It's just, I don't know.
It was just something
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that always stuck with me
because it was just so bizarre.
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As far as James Walker saying that he was
emotionally disturbed during the crime,
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is... is not something that I buy.
I didn't buy it then. I don't buy it now.
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[somber music continues]
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00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:25,400
All right, so this video is from the CCTV
that we retrieved from the store.
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00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:30,240
And what it's gonna show is James Walker
getting his courage up to do this robbery.
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[clicks]
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00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,200
Uh, this is the victim, James Curry.
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He's standing behind the counter,
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00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:40,840
and this person over here
is James Douglas Walker.
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[indistinct voices on tape]
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So they're just shooting the breeze,
nothing happening.
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[James, on tape]
Well, tomorrow, I don't have to work.
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And he's there
for a good part of three hours.
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00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,840
I think he's kinda biding his time
until the right moment.
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I'm gonna fast-forward a little bit here.
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00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:03,360
And you'll see
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00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:06,920
James Curry is going to leave the booth.
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And here he goes.
This is Curry leaving the booth,
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and then that's when
the murder's gonna occur.
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00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,000
[unsettling music builds]
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00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,520
[Joe] This thing happens real quick,
blink of an eye.
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00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,680
In fact, it's happening right now.
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00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:22,760
[rattling on tape]
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00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:26,240
[Joe] James Curry's life
just got taken away from him.
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00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,440
Here comes Walker.
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00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,760
He gets into the booth,
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and now he's going to go through
the cash register.
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So, there must be something
with this cash register,
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where there's another drawer
that he can't get in,
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because he opens the top drawer.
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- And there's nothing in there.
- [rattling on tape]
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[register beeps]
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[James] How you open it?
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00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:02,280
[Joe] Now he yells to James Curry,
"How you open it?"
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00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:06,800
which... I think James Curry
was probably already dead at that point.
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00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,640
He's wiping down the cash register,
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and eventually he leaves.
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So to say that, you know, he was deranged
and didn't know what he was doing
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00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:26,960
at the time that he commits this robbery
is basically BS, right?
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It wasn't about anything else
other than committing this robbery.
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That's it. Plain and simple.
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00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:42,880
This particular crime wasn't
a one-time thing for James Walker.
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00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:48,360
He's cut people in the past
and that's kind of his MO.
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00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,720
[unsettling music fades]
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00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:02,120
[seagulls calling faintly]
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00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,440
[ominous music playing]
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00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,720
[labored breathing]
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[man] It was traumatic. It was horrific.
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It's something that never leaves you.
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00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:33,120
[labored breathing]
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00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:37,520
I learned to deal with it,
but that doesn't mean I'm going to forgive
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00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,840
what happened and how it changed me
and what it took from me.
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00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:04,160
It was around 7:30, 7:40 in the morning,
and that's when everything happened.
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00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:12,200
I heard his voice behind me
and it felt like a punch,
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00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,040
like a, you know, light tap or something.
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I thought he was joking around
until I looked down and saw
250
00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,640
there was a pretty good size
puddle of blood there.
251
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,120
He looked at me
and said he was gonna kill me.
252
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,600
It was just pure coldness and no heart.
253
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:35,880
No... anything, just,
"I'm going to kill you."
254
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,640
I felt like this was it,
255
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,080
and I just...
256
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:54,560
I told him that I have a daughter
that's going to be born in October...
257
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:56,200
[sniffs]
258
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,240
...and I said,
"All I want is to see my daughter."
259
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,480
"Take whatever you want out of the store,
out of the register."
260
00:24:01,560 --> 00:24:03,680
"I don't care.
I just want to see my daughter."
261
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,720
And suddenly, very surprisingly,
262
00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:08,200
and to this day, I still...
263
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,640
It still baffles me,
he just suddenly stopped,
264
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:16,760
and... told me
to just wait there ten minutes.
265
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:20,640
Then he just left.
266
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,160
[music continues]
267
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,600
The police told me they caught him
about 15 minutes later,
268
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:36,920
walking down the street
with a big bag of loose quarters
269
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:39,320
that was taken from the store.
270
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,400
[sniffs]
271
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,400
[seagulls squawking]
272
00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:46,000
[David] I went to the bathroom
to check the wounds,
273
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:50,560
and I pulled a rather large piece of glass
out of my throat
274
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:52,320
from the broken beer bottle.
275
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:53,840
[clears throat]
276
00:24:56,360 --> 00:25:00,800
I have a very large scar
here on the throat.
277
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:08,120
I also have another scar on the chest
where the skin was just ripped off.
278
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,680
Uh, all said, about 13 different wounds.
279
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,920
[melancholic music playing]
280
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,760
I just... I couldn't understand it.
No one could explain it to me,
281
00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,160
why he was prosecuted that way.
282
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,400
I got no answers on it
when I questioned it.
283
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,920
I can't help but think that maybe
if he would have been in jail longer,
284
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,440
the guy he killed would have
been alive still, with his family.
285
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,160
[music fades]
286
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:22,360
[gentle piano chords playing]
287
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:52,720
[woman] I had a message for Mr. Walker
the first time I met him,
288
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:59,120
and that's that I was
going to give him every opportunity
289
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:01,960
to change the path of his life.
290
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,600
But it was still his choice.
291
00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:21,240
My main concern in supervising Mr. Walker
was his substance abuse.
292
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,760
Because that is directly related
to his propensity for violence,
293
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:28,720
and deeply enrooted
in his criminal conduct.
294
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,640
About a month and a half
into his parole supervision,
295
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:39,480
he reported to me like he was supposed to,
296
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,120
a routine office report,
297
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:45,000
and he did disclose to me
that he had relapsed over the weekend.
298
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:51,360
I told him, "Go right over
to your drug treatment counselor,
299
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:55,440
come up with a plan,
intensive plan, and call me from there."
300
00:27:55,520 --> 00:27:59,080
And he did it.
He did exactly what I asked him to do.
301
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,560
He went directly to his treatment provider
302
00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:05,640
and they did. They came up
with an intensive treatment plan
303
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,160
to deal with his re... relapse.
304
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:12,040
And then I never heard from him again.
305
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:27,040
The next time I saw James Walker
306
00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:29,120
was when he was in custody.
307
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:35,800
James came across very,
uh, defeated, extremely quiet.
308
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:42,280
Uh, even his... his body language
was that of just sadness.
309
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:46,960
Almost as if he had realized
he just destroyed his life.
310
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:51,360
But again, focused on the fact
that he destroyed his life,
311
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:52,680
not the life he took.
312
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:58,800
I can't say that I regret helping him.
313
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:00,560
I hope I never do.
314
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,920
I hope I never regret
trying to help people.
315
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:09,200
But he chose
not to accept the help that he was given.
316
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:10,760
So, that's on him.
317
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,600
I think his blackouts, if they're real,
318
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,960
um, are because he chooses.
319
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:18,760
He chooses not to address
his mental health,
320
00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,120
he chooses not to address
his substance abuse,
321
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:24,800
and then uses that
as an excuse to, basically,
322
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:27,160
slash and kill people
and do violent things.
323
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,240
So I don't buy that this is not his fault.
324
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,560
It's completely his fault
and completely up to him.
325
00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:49,400
[music fades]
326
00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:55,840
[somber music playing]
327
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,800
[man] James Walker never had a chance.
328
00:30:07,080 --> 00:30:10,160
Someone who's endured
a childhood full of trauma
329
00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:15,560
and untreated mental illness
and escalating substance abuse,
330
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,320
it affects how they handle stress.
331
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,120
It makes them
susceptible to falling into urges
332
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,760
and committing awful, horrible crimes.
333
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,640
[gentle guitar instrumental playing]
334
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:46,520
[Bill] I'm Bill Easton.
335
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:50,040
I'm a lawyer here in Rochester,
and I represented James Walker.
336
00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:57,680
I am definitely a bleeding heart.
Uh, proud of it.
337
00:31:01,120 --> 00:31:04,280
When I met James
and began to represent him,
338
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:08,120
we immediately, uh,
went out to get as many records
339
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:10,720
and to dig into his background
340
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:12,360
as deeply as we could.
341
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:17,120
And within six weeks,
342
00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,880
we had come across just an overabundance
343
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:24,520
of records showing a childhood
that was just traumatic.
344
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:40,400
James was one of seven children,
uh, born to his mother
345
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:42,840
from seven different fathers.
346
00:31:43,720 --> 00:31:49,280
His childhood was marked
by abuse, neglect,
347
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:52,240
uh, an utter lack of parental guidance.
348
00:31:53,560 --> 00:31:55,840
The details here are frightening.
349
00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,760
"When he was 16 months old,
350
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:04,600
an unidentified adult
placed James on a burning stove."
351
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:09,400
"James was admitted to the emergency room
with second and third degree burns
352
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:13,240
branded on his buttocks
in the shape of a grill mark."
353
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:22,720
And there was just a history of violence
in his family of people being killed.
354
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:27,200
James's father was
an intimidating, violent man
355
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:30,280
and was, uh, shot and killed
356
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:32,960
when James was, uh, 15 years old.
357
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:40,320
So he grew up in a family that was shaped
and misshaped by violence.
358
00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:46,880
He had what we call mitigation.
359
00:32:47,640 --> 00:32:50,720
It's not a defense
or an excuse to the crime,
360
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,440
but it puts the crime in context.
361
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,680
We set forth why the death penalty
362
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:01,520
would be inappropriate punishment
for James Walker.
363
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,000
[music turns somber]
364
00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:14,680
You know, there are many people
365
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:18,200
that are afflicted
with alcoholism or drug addiction,
366
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:20,920
and many children are the
product of a broken home.
367
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,080
Others are raised by alcoholic parents.
368
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:27,240
Some experience incarceration of a parent
or violence in their family.
369
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:29,400
A few lose parents to violence.
370
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:34,320
But what's extraordinary about this case
371
00:33:34,400 --> 00:33:38,160
is not one single factor,
but James had all of these.
372
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:44,440
This is a man whose life
was horribly warped,
373
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:48,960
and he succumbed to factors
that we all would have succumbed to
374
00:33:49,040 --> 00:33:50,640
if we were in his position.
375
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:56,960
[music intensifies, fades]
376
00:34:07,520 --> 00:34:11,800
[poignant music playing]
377
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:43,160
[man] I was very disappointed in James
when I found out what he had done.
378
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:49,920
You don't have the right to take life.
That belongs to God.
379
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:07,480
I'm Theodore Walker,
and I'm the firstborn of seven siblings.
380
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:18,480
I was about 22
when I finally gave my life to the Lord.
381
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:28,600
We didn't have what some folk considered
the best of life.
382
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:30,560
I mean, we had to make do.
383
00:35:33,160 --> 00:35:37,880
We would put sugar on bread, and, uh,
you know, just to make a meal.
384
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,680
It was a tough bringing-up.
385
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:51,000
You know, I... I hustled and I sold weed
and cocaine, things like that.
386
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:58,000
But I think he took it
a little more extreme than me,
387
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:00,880
far as the robbin' and things like that.
388
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:08,120
My brother James
always had a physical presence about him.
389
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:12,960
If he got upset, that young man
was somethin' to deal with.
390
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:21,760
I would say from the age of eight
is when it really started manifestin'
391
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:25,560
where couldn't nobody do nothin'
with him when he got angry.
392
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:32,920
He became a different person,
and he really acted out of control.
393
00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:36,920
Like, you're not stopping him.
He's not hearing you. He's gone.
394
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:47,840
In the back of my mind, I always felt
James was gonna go too far,
395
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:48,960
to no return.
396
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:55,320
I never brought it up front
'cause I didn't want to believe that,
397
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,120
but the signs pointed to it.
398
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:08,160
[soft footstep]
399
00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:18,760
[click]
400
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:24,400
[James, on recording] My blackouts was me
and my mother's best kept secret.
401
00:37:27,480 --> 00:37:32,920
She didn't want the other kids to know
that I had these type of problems.
402
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:37,280
And she didn't want me to think
I'd be treated like I was different.
403
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:44,360
I always had a home,
but when I'm sliding in my blackouts,
404
00:37:45,240 --> 00:37:46,680
and sliding out of them,
405
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:49,560
I would occasionally
406
00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:53,040
wake up in places
where I didn't know where I was.
407
00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:58,200
I'm a kid. I'm supposed to be home
with my brothers and sisters.
408
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,640
And I'm waking up behind a building.
409
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:07,160
And I can't even go home
'cause I don't know where I'm at.
410
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:14,080
I was afraid. I never knew what was going
to happen or when it would happen.
411
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:19,680
It took place because somebody
yelled at me, or somebody abused me.
412
00:38:23,240 --> 00:38:26,080
I wouldn't remember anything
'cause I didn't want to remember.
413
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:31,760
[poignant music continues]
414
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,960
Absolutely phenomenal, what I heard.
415
00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:45,800
He opened up his heart.
416
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,040
That helped me understand now
417
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:54,080
what I've experienced with him
when he had his blackouts,
418
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,560
you know, because I thought he was just...
419
00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:01,280
That's just James, you know,
'cause he was always a tough character.
420
00:39:04,720 --> 00:39:09,120
But now we know
that he was actually not remembering
421
00:39:09,720 --> 00:39:11,320
what he had just did.
422
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,080
He never shared a lot...
a lot of his personal stuff.
423
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:18,360
He bottled it in,
424
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:22,760
but this James here,
that's talking on here now,
425
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:24,400
he's a changed James.
426
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:28,120
Yeah. It's a little emotional for me...
427
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:31,600
to be honest with you.
428
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:38,960
[sighs]
429
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,840
[James] I'm a better person now
than I was before.
430
00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:51,160
From the day of arrest,
I have been on medication.
431
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:58,080
I have not committed
a violent act against myself,
432
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:00,760
or anyone else...
433
00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:04,400
in over 20 years.
434
00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:10,000
I'm gonna need medication and maybe
a therapist for the rest of my life,
435
00:40:11,240 --> 00:40:14,920
and it's not because of the crime
that was committed.
436
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:18,440
I needed this
before the crime was committed.
437
00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:22,120
[gentle piano music playing]
438
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,560
[Cynthia] He chooses
not to address his mental health,
439
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:39,880
he chooses not to address
his substance abuse,
440
00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:42,000
and then uses that as an excuse
441
00:40:42,080 --> 00:40:45,400
to, basically, slash and kill people
and do violent things.
442
00:40:46,440 --> 00:40:47,920
The fact of the matter is
443
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:50,720
when I needed help,
444
00:40:52,240 --> 00:40:53,320
I asked for it.
445
00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:02,000
I'd tell the counselor and the therapist,
"This is what I'm going through,
446
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:04,000
and I don't have my medication."
447
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:07,920
"Okay, uh, come back next week."
448
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:14,280
So it's not like
I turned completely to drugs.
449
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:20,160
Being off my medication,
I just lost all touch with reality.
450
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,240
But I'm sitting here in front of you now.
451
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:29,160
I'm not that person.
452
00:41:30,240 --> 00:41:32,240
I will never be that person again.
453
00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:36,920
And I'm no longer ashamed to say,
"Hey, I need some help."
454
00:41:42,800 --> 00:41:45,040
[interviewer] Why do you think
you committed
455
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:49,240
two near-identical attacks
on men who worked in adult bookstores?
456
00:41:49,800 --> 00:41:52,240
Well, to be totally honest,
457
00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:56,080
because when I was a child
growing up in the streets,
458
00:41:56,160 --> 00:42:00,000
those... those people in those places
were the ones that hurt me the most.
459
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:03,320
Simple as that.
460
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:07,920
If you was downtown,
461
00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,680
you could find something to eat,
462
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,200
you could find clothes,
you could do whatever.
463
00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:14,920
But it was these people
464
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:20,640
that use those things as a carrot
to harm children,
465
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:23,560
and I was one of those children
that they harmed.
466
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:31,360
Mentally, I see the people that hurt me,
467
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:34,960
and I did what I did.
468
00:42:36,200 --> 00:42:37,400
[interviewer] Hmm.
469
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,200
[Theodore, on recording] He never shared
a lot of his personal stuff.
470
00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:47,520
He bottled it in.
471
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,840
But this James here,
that's talking on here now,
472
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:54,160
he's a changed James.
473
00:42:56,040 --> 00:43:00,800
That's progress, and I got
to take every little bit I can get
474
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,120
when it come to my brother.
475
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:12,080
And I want to give him all of the
positive reinforcement that I can give him
476
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:18,320
to keep on doin'
what he doin', you know. Don't change.
477
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,600
Well, that was very difficult
to listen to.
478
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:29,440
That... Just hearing his voice
479
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:35,680
made 20 years
of struggle and change worth it.
480
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:41,600
For me to be the person that I am now,
that was like my reward.
481
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,840
You know, I feared myself
for a very long time,
482
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,160
because I didn't know myself.
483
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,960
But now that I do,
there's nothing to fear.
484
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:08,440
[music continues]