Love is a four letter word.
Wait a minute, so is lust.
So are hate and loss.
So is fate.
But you know what...
So is L.I.F.E!
My husband and I were in Nagpur.
His brother-in-law had a heart attack.
On the morning of October 12, my husband left for the hospital...
but he never made it.
The police called at about one in the morning
and informed me that they had found his body on the railway tracks.
And now the media claims that he committed suicide.
My husband was looking forward to his retirement.
He promised me that we'd go on a world tour together.
How can a man who is so happy and content suddenly commit suicide?
Tell me.
Chianti?
You ordered the same thing when we met for the first time.
You remember?
I remember everything.
Like it was yesterday.
-Is it hot? -Yes, be careful.
That's delicious.
By the way, I can do this every day.
What? Eat pasta?
No. Cook for you.
With you.
Cheers to that.
Dee... I think Arjun is turning into my mom.
Did he ask you to oil your hair?
No! He wants to cook for me every day.
Do you think he wants to move in with me?
He can't. Arya will be traumatized.
Can I make dinner for you tomorrow?
Sorry, what?
You know that Julia Child book I picked up from Paris last time.
Your dinner for tomorrow... Coq Au vin!
Maybe you should learn to make an egg first.
Bye.
Anj?
I have eaten a lot of food! This is so good.
What... are you doing?
You take care of everyone.
You should let others take care of you as well.
Dee, Arjun is turning into my father now.
He wants to take care of me.
What do you mean? When you fall ill?
No. All the time. Like I'm some damsel in distress.
I'm coming over to turn Arjun into a feminist.
You know what, I'll tutor him on Simone de Beauvoir for a full hour
-and he'll never waver again. -Anjana.
Coming! Two minutes, Arjun.
Anj! One second, I'm com--
Anj!
We are in sync even at this sink.
Sorry?
Even when we are doing the dishes...
it's like we're making love!
Dee, Arjun is turning into Radha now.
Since when has washing dishes together become the new relationship goal?
Should I come over to clean your dishes?
I'm very good at washing dishes, Anj.
You know...
-I'll do the dishes. -Dee, one second.
You want to come over to wash my dishes?
Seriously?
You have to work. You have a deadline.
No, Anj, I'll be very good at it. Anj!
Damn!
Stop judging me you inanimate piece of shit!
-Samara. -Samara.
We're outside Mumbai's most renowned psychiatrist's clinic.
-Samara, do you have a mental problem? -Let me go!
-What happened to your MMA film? -Let me go!
Fuck off! What do you want?
Oh, my God!
-Are you a drug addict? -What do you want?
-Are you a lesbian?
Give us an answer!
What's up?
Hey! Thanks.
No problem.
Yeah. Okay.
-Who died? -What?
-What were you all watching?
You guys are hiding something.
-What is it? -Mangs...
There's a video. Maybe you should see it.
-Are you a lesbian? -What do you want?
-Samara. -Samara.
What are you doing outside a psychiatrist's clinic?
-Samara, do you have mental problems? -Let me go!
Your MMA film is complete but hasn't been released yet.
-What do you want? -Are you a drug addict?
-What do you want? -Are you a lesbian?
-We want an answer! -Fuck off!
Are you in need of a psychiatrist?
-She's mad! -Yes!
-I'm fucking crazy! -She's mad!
I am fucking crazy!
-She is mad! -What is she doing!
-What is she doing? She's mad! -She's lost it!
I'm crazy!
-What is she doing? -She deserves that.
-Her career is over! -Fuck off!
-She's over! -You're finished!
You're finished!
-Mangs! Mangs, please talk to us. -Mangs, please don't go.
Mangs!
Maybe we should go to her house or something.
What the hell did you say to Umang? She looked so upset.
And you're questioning me because?
Not just you. I'm asking all of you.
I'm not a bitch, you know.
-I never said that, Damini. -You definitely make me feel like one.
Look... I'm sorry.
Come on guys, let's go.
Samara, do you have mental problems?
-Fuck off! -Are you in need of a psychiatrist?
She's mad! She's mad!
-She's mad! -Yes! I'm fucking crazy!
-She's mad! -I'm crazy!
-I'm fucking crazy! -She's mad!
Get her out of here!
Good morning, everyone.
For all those who don't know me, my name is Vinil Verma.
I've been heading the Delhi office for ten years.
Since Ratan has moved to Singapore...
I'm your new managing partner.
I'm really happy to be leading this striking team of lawyers
that I hope to get to know on a personal level soon.
There will be a few changes going forward.
You have the list of your new case files in front of you.
Please go through them before the Monday meeting.
Billable hours. Lots of billable hours.
Vinil, I'm sorry but these are standard real estate cases.
I handle corporate cases and litigation for giants
like Titus Tech and Invictor Steel.
Owing to RERA, we now have lots real estate cases.
And they require so much diligence.
And women are such diligent workhorses.
Workhorses?
That's a compliment.
Men tend to overlook the finer points.
Vinil, I am an advocate and I don't...
appreciate my experience and skills being underutilized.
Teamwork makes the dream work, Anjana.
That's all for now. Thank you, everyone. Let's regroup after lunch.
Vikram, I would like you to have a look at these files.
Shristi.
Do you still you have your IP cases?
Trademark registration only.
All my cases have been given to Shimit and Sameer.
And your cases have been given to Vikram and Murad.
I love this.
Arjun, this is a terrible movie.
No, this moment. This...
domestic bliss.
You and me?
We don't need to do anything special to feel special.
It makes me dream about our future.
You know?
Perfect evenings, cooking together.
Telling each other about each other's day.
Arya with her little brother or sister.
Watching cartoons together.
It's magical, isn't it?
Yeah.
Anjana?
-Yeah. -All okay, babe?
Yeah, all okay.
You've been in there for quite some time.
-You sure you don't need anything? -No, I'm good.
Just give me two minutes.
Condom?
Not yet.
Okay.
Now?
Not ready yet.
Should we?
Arjun, condom!
Okay.
Arjun, stop... stop... stop!
-What? -I think I heard a rip.
No, there's no rip.
No, I did. I did. I heard a rip. Just check please.
Fuck!
I lost it.
It's gone.
-Hi! -Hi.
Mama, I made a monkey mask with Aunt Pookie, see.
That's amazing, my little monkey.
-Hi. -Hi.
Sorry, I got a little delayed. The traffic is insane.
That's all right. We had a good time, right?
The good thing about traffic is that you can't rush.
Not again, Varun.
You're a lawyer. I'm sure you know that driving without a license is a crime.
That's why I took a cab.
Good idea.
Did the cabbie have a license?
No, Varun. He was driving on his PAN.
Anything's possible with you.
Says the most irresponsible man in the world!
Am I irresponsible?
I am the one who drove drunk with my child in the car.
Okay. Enough you two.
Bye, monkey.
Arya, come here.
I love you very much.
Come baby, let's go.
Mama, why are you and Papa angry?
No, baby. We're not angry.
Then, why do you two shout at each other?
My best friend, Lara also has two mamas and two papas.
They all went to London zoo and saw baby penguins.
I am sorry, baby. Come here.
It won't happen again. I promise.
I will not fight with your papa. I promise.
We will also go to the London zoo.
Yes!
Mama, Papa, me and Aunt Pookie.
Let's take Arjun along. He's a nice boy.
Okay, we'll all go to the London zoo.
What do you want to see there?
-Zebra. -What else?
I want to see a lion.
You made Arjun lose his erection?
Cruella Menon.
Guys, I couldn't help it.
I was freaked out!
Arjun wants a home, a family and Arya's fond of him as well.
This is great, right?
But, why do I panic when he talks about the second child?
My first marriage didn't work out well
but that doesn't mean that the next one won't work as well,
-Yes! -Yes!
Maybe I don't have a problem with the second marriage but having a second child.
I can't bear the thought of water retention,
nappy changing, my vagina becoming a whale again!
-Yes! -Yes!
Or maybe the real issue is that...
Varun and I haven't had closure yet.
There is still a lot of unresolved hostility between us.
Especially after that accident.
-Yes! -Yes!
Does it sound like I'm reciting Baa Baa Black Sheep to you,
that you keep saying "Yes, sir! Yes, sir!" like a broken record?
-Yes! -Yes!
Anj, relax! We're just glad that you're finally acknowledging all this.
And, this explains your past obsession with Kavya.
I don't have any obsession with Kavya. Please!
Not anymore. But you did.
Guys, I used to be the most sorted one.
Ladies! Time for some shots! Let's live it up!
Let's go!
Shots!
Don't you want it? This is for you.
Shots! Shots!
Come on, guys! Hydration! Shots!
She is in complete denial.
That's fine, Dee.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with problems.
True.
Yes, but shutting down emotionally can't be good for you.
-My hair is so sticky these days. -Guys, I've started chumming.
Do you have a pad?
-I don't have it. -Wait.
-Yeah! Here you go. -Lend me one, please.
You're giving me a tampon. I've never used one.
-What? -What?
I was a virgin till recently, remember?
So?
Siddhi, please don't tell me that you think
a tampon can make you lose your virginity.
Siddhu, listen carefully.
You can lose your virginity only to sex. Not a tampon. Got it?
I hate you guys.
Shots! Shots! Shots!
-Everybody! -Mangs, stop it.
That's enough. Just calm down.
If you're slow, then you lose the flow. Okay?
-Okay. -Shots for everybody.
Why are you so slow? What happened?
I have a cucumber up me.
What?
I am wearing a tampon for the first time.
It feels really weird to have something shoved up.
You didn't seem to have a problem with the Turkish delight.
Are you always obnoxious?
Or only when you can't cope with your problems?
Sorry.
Sids, I'm sorry.
I am sorry. I love you.
-I love you. -I love you, too.
-I love you. -I'm sorry.
At least your jokes aren't as bad as Viju's.
What's going on between the two of you?
Don't even ask me about it. It's horrible!
I am exhausted trying to convince him that
I can also do something with my life.
This is the palette that I am using.
These are the two colors I'm going to be using right now.
If you had pursued commerce instead of arts in college...
I believe everything would have been different.
Honestly, I'm running out of ideas now.
Siddhi.
Let's make a list of your skills.
-Yeah. -That will help us.
Let's do it.
-Okay. -So...
Siddhi's skills.
-Sweet. -Sweet!
-Yes. -She is very sweet.
-Cute. -So cute.
Bubbly.
Bubbly?
Is that a skill or a champagne?
Adorable?
Thanks! I really needed this pep talk.
-Thank you so much! -Sids.
-Sids, we love you. -You could be a princess at kid's parties.
-Yeah! -Or a mascot at an amusement park
like Appu Ghar, Nicco Park!
Okay, now honestly tell me...
how many of you over here have had the
sex awkward conversation with your parents?
-Not me. -No way!
Not even one person?
-No. -Are you mad?
What?
We're a population of...
1.33 billion! We are around 33 crore people in this country...
and none of our parents have had that conversation with us, right?
-No! -It's so weird.
Even our scientists say that the Kauravas were test tube babies.
And we're the outcome of binary fission.
I mean, porn is the first access.
Excuse me! Ma'am! I am talking to you!
There's a show going on over here.
What happened? You seem angry.
Did you just break up with your boyfriend?
Just because I am a girl, you feel that a guy can be the reason for my anger!
I mean, clearly you're angry. I think you should vent it out.
And if you don't want to...
then you can go for a run or do something till you feel better.
Let it out.
I think because every time they say gym, you probably hear gin.
Do you want this? Because I really think you need one!
What happened?
You ranked last in your IIT exams?
Then, you tried to write a book on your pathetic love story.
That didn't work, so you finally became a comedian.
Meow! Your claws are out!
Yeah! It's because unlike you, I just got a manicure.
It's clear that something's bothering you.
Why don't you just let it out and tell all of us?
-You can trust us, right? -Yeah!
What's going on? What's up? What's bothering you?
Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!
I really think I should've had a typical local name.
Like Hormonal Patel.
I'm so fucking hormonal!
And I would like to address all the men in the audience that this is not a joke.
A girl's mind is like an amusement park.
It's where there's a mood swing available every thirty minutes.
And despite that, we can multitask!
We go to work. We raise kids.
We run for Prime Minister.
-Yeah! -And...
And in case you haven't already figured out...
News Flash! I got down today.
I just don't understand this concept.
Am I a railway signal that goes up or down?
I tried wearing a tampon today for the first time in my life!
And to be honest, it was really confusing!
I mean, did you know that we women have three holes down there?
Three holes!
Are we human beings or are we a golf course?
So, here I am, a 24-year-old girl with a tampon inside her!
I don't have a job or a boyfriend and...
No! Oh, well... I met a really awesome guy
with great abs and a great, great brain. But, I let him go.
Why? Because I wanted to discover myself.
I am a self-declared Wanderlust Queen, right?
And... to top it all, my dad who used to be my best friend
is not even talking to me anymore.
And my mom who used to hate me, is now my new best friend!
Here are my real best friends!
They think I should be a mascot in an amusement park.
Right.
And all I can think of is that gin and tonic has 90 calories
and vodka and tonic has 110.
Should I have one large vodka or two small gins?
Because my dear audience, there isn't enough alcohol in the world
for me to drown my sorrows in.
So... here's to gin, wine, vodka, and beer.
Bring on the bloody mood swings.
-Siddhi, oh, my God. -Sids, we should have this more often.
You never listen to us.
I always knew that there's a raging fire in Sids.
Hormonal Patel.
You ruined my show over there.
Yeah! Wrong girl, wrong place, wrong time.
Shouldn't you be working on your timing
if you want to be a stand-up comic?
Are you serious?
Yeah!
That's how boys are!
The world is full of boys. Where are all the men?
When a girl takes the center stage...
the men panic!
Let it be! I have always been a star.
Undoubtedly. The biggest star of them all.
I agree. You're the best.
Yeah! Even I think the same.
When you stop focusing on your pain, it hurts less.
It's a good advice for both of us.
Hi, is everything all right? Is Arya okay?
Arya's fine.
Listen, can you come over?
I think we should talk.
-Hey. -Hi.
Here's some Chinese food...
and beer.
So, did you write anything?
Something came up.
It must have been extremely important.
It was important!
The bathroom's a mess.
The maid doesn't clean it properly.
There's hair everywhere.
What do I do? I had to clean the whole loo.
You think I have a hormone issue?
Maybe I should get a full blood profiling done.
Don't you think?
And look at this. I tried!
Nothing.
I haven't been able to write a single word.
What do I do?
I keep thinking about the Investigator and what they did to me...
Show me your hands.
-Show me your hands. -No, they're dirty.
-Don't, Aamir! -Terrible.
-Yeah. -But listen to me.
No more negative thoughts this evening.
Just relax.
All right?
Don't touch my face with that hand.
-Relax. -What do you want to talk about?
Anj?
When are you marrying that child?
Please take your shoes off.
Is there something to eat? I'm starving.
You can ask nicely. Why are you being an asshole?
I am just meeting your expectations.
Varun... we need to fix this.
Are you talking about the food situation?
This... I am talking about us!
This constant bickering and sarcasm.
Arya's grown up now. She understands everything.
I know it all started because of me...
but you can you put an end to it.
I just don't know how we did we end up here.
I don't know.
Even I don't know.
All I know is I miss you, Anj.
I miss my best friend.
If not the best of friends, we can still be friends.
For Arya's sake.
For all our sake.
So, how do we do this?
Why are you angry at me?
Because you put our child's life in danger.
I know that. Besides that?
Just say it.
I...
I feel you gave up on us too easily.
Did I give up?
You never fought for me, Varun.
So, what makes you angry?
It seems like...
we...
never existed.
You've forgotten us.
I don't know how you can say that so easily.
What we had was special, Anjana.
It's very hot.
I know it was my fault and not yours.
I destroyed it. Me!
I broke us.
Do you like it?
Did you learn this while studying medicine?
I learnt it from my mother.
She used to force me to massage her feet.
It's so strange. I never associated you with having a mother, you know.
I mean, obviously, I know you have a mother.
You're not an immaculate conception but...
you never talk about your family.
It almost feels like... you just live in the moment.
In this very moment.
Share something about yourself.
Tell me.
What? Where did you grow up?
Navy brat. Grew up everywhere.
Siblings?
Three elder sisters. Surrounded by women.
But my mad mother ruled over us.
She would dance with us in the rains.
Sometimes we had just ice cream for dinner.
We used to make forts out of her saris in the living room
and play hide-and-seek.
That sounds amazing.
Where is she now?
She is dead.
She died of cervical cancer...
when I was 15 years old.
That's when I decided to be a gynecologist.
Samara.
It's me. Please open the door.
I just need to speak to you.
Sam?
Fine. Don't open the door.
You will open the door someday.
I'll wait here till then.
Varun...
I'm not an unfit mother.
-Why did you say that? -I'm so sorry I said that.
You are an amazing mother.
It was just that I was angry
as you always lectured me on responsibility.
But you ended up doing this.
I know.
She was burning up and you panicked. I get it.
Actually, I should have been there.
And I guess as parents we make these decisions
with our heart and not our head.
You know?
And that's what I did.
That's why I threatened to take her away from you.
I just want to make sure you're okay.
I'll leave.
I'm fine.
Sam, I know when you lie.
Look... Umang, I don't want you to worry about me.
But why?
Because I don't deserve it.
I am selfish and horrible.
No, you're not, Sam. Please, just open the door.
I don't want you to see me like this.
I'm broken.
Sam, love can fix everything.
Samara, I loved you. And I still love you.
I can't stop thinking about you. I miss you so much.
I miss you I wake up, when I go to bed...
at the gym and even when I brush my teeth.
I just can't get you out of my head.
Stop it, Umang.
Why?
It hurts too much to listen.
Is it because you don't feel the same?
It's because that's exactly how I feel.
I never thought I'd say this to you but...
you're a very good father.
Very good father and a very bad husband.
It took me four years to make love to someone else.
You were my first love.
Just saying.
Was it easy for me?
I was dating women one after the other.
Just trying to forget you.
I still jerked off thinking about you after our divorce
for the longest time.
What?
I don't know if that's a compliment.
It's a compliment. A huge compliment in fact.
Thanks, onion breath.
Snotty nose.
Varun, Arya has learned this from you.
She sticks boogers under the chair.
Yuck!
I'm sure Radha is really pissed with me about that.
I bet she threw a party the day you threw me out of the house.
Listen, I didn't throw you out.
You didn't stop me either.
Would you stay back?
Maybe not at that time.
I was hurt, angry, humiliated...
all of the above.
But I really thought...
that you'd call me back.
Do you think we could have made it?
I guess we'll never know now, will we?
I'm sorry, Umang. I'm a fucking coward.
I love you.
Still?
Always and forever.
Can you feel me?
Yes.
Do you trust me?
Yes.
Do you love me?
Yes.
Then open the door, Samara.
Sam?
Just like old times...
I miss this.
So do I.
Friends?
Friends.
I think that's Radha.
-Hey, Anj. -Yes.
You will always be my first love.
Not just your first love. Your most epic love!
Come in.
Good morning, Radha.
How are you?
I was fine until now.
But I am not after seeing you.
I am a great man.
The ladies love me.
The ladies love you!