1 00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,555 Huh? What the hell is all this? 2 00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:16,558 Crime is at an all-time high because of houndstooth meth. 3 00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:19,620 We've had to make so many arrests, we're running out of space and equipment. 4 00:00:19,644 --> 00:00:22,397 Is that why you're using six-pack rings for handcuffs? 5 00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:23,648 Lucky for us, 6 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:26,693 I drank 12 cases of Sunkist for breakfast. 7 00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:29,487 Dusty, I don't think that's good for your diabetes. 8 00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,531 A little sugar ain't never hurt nobo... 9 00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:34,492 Did my hand just fall off? I can't see. 10 00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,494 Okay, you degenerates. 11 00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:39,622 Put any houndstooth meth you have on you into this bag. 12 00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,833 [he sings] 13 00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:44,210 Yeah! 14 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,546 Whoa! What's with the bling? 15 00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:50,467 You do know the only jewelry Dusty likes are candy necklaces and Ring Pops? 16 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:51,843 Hey, you son of a bitch! 17 00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,304 I might not be able to see, but I can still hear. 18 00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,430 And taste. 19 00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:56,638 Goddamn it! 20 00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:58,767 The houndstooth tweakers can't afford to pay bills, 21 00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,650 so they're auctioning off their storage units. 22 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,271 All this bling was only twenty bucks. 23 00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:05,565 Ooh, I need to get in on these storage auctions. 24 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:08,568 Sounds like easier money than when I sold Hopson invisibility pills. 25 00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:12,072 Hopson! What... What the hell are you doing? 26 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,783 Just being invisible and looking at your cock. 27 00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:18,203 This surge in crime is all Agent Clappers' fault. 28 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,413 He took away all my Kingpin evidence 29 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,207 and hasn't done diddly shit! 30 00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:25,877 It's time for me to have a little talk with that federal fuck nugget. 31 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:26,878 In the meantime, 32 00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:29,798 I want every single criminal in this place put in a cell. 33 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:33,051 I'm on it! I've always wanted to play human Tetris. 34 00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:36,596 [he hums "Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy"] 35 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:37,764 ♪ Get your butt in there ♪ 36 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,099 [he continues singing] 37 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,182 Did it! 38 00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:42,601 Cleared it! 39 00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,785 Now, I'm not a sentimental man. 40 00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,537 I never cried in my life. 41 00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,913 Not even when I was born. 42 00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:03,957 I came out of my mother's fun tunnel and said, 43 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,834 "I've got work to do, where's my gun?" 44 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,752 But even I am a little misty 45 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:11,714 because my partner is retiring today after 50 years on the force. 46 00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,135 I just hope he makes it through these final eight hours without dying. 47 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,263 The man I'm talking about is Dunfore. 48 00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:19,639 Agent Dunfore. 49 00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:22,058 [applause and cheers] 50 00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,143 [microphone feedback] 51 00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:26,229 Eight hours from now, my lovely wife Beatrice and I 52 00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,606 will be fulfilling a lifelong dream, 53 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,775 driving our brand new RV 54 00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,611 down to the most beautiful city in America, 55 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:34,779 Jacksonville. 56 00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,823 I'm so happy, I could die. 57 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,324 But of course I won't. 58 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:43,037 I'm 100% sure that nothing's going to go wrong today. 59 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,873 Yeah, that guy's fucked. 60 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,917 What about the Kingpin case? 61 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:52,088 Clappers, you ain't done jack shit while meth is destroying my town. 62 00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,965 Crawford, what is the meaning of this? 63 00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:56,467 I should have your badge for speaking at a press conference 64 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,469 without a goddamn podium. 65 00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,054 No podium, huh? 66 00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:01,598 Dusty, podium me! 67 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,099 [Dusty puffs] 68 00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,934 Thank you, Party City. 69 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,895 Well, I think I've proved my point. 70 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:10,231 Real investigations take time, you pathetic loser, 71 00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,233 but I'm pleased to announce I solved the mystery 72 00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,526 of what happened to your face. 73 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:16,154 Someone fucked your chin and got your neck pregnant. 74 00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:17,906 I knew it! Wait a second... 75 00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,532 Screw you, Clappers! 76 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:23,161 Could a pathetic loser make an exit like this? 77 00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,495 [Dusty puffs] 78 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,457 [Crawford imitates guitar] 79 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,751 Fuck yo-o-ou! 80 00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,380 You win this round, Crawford. 81 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:41,012 We have reached $100 million in profits from houndstooth meth, 82 00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:43,514 almost enough to fully fund Operation DD, 83 00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:46,351 which will be a bigger disaster than Pearl Harbor, 84 00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:48,478 or any of Ben Affleck's other movies. 85 00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:49,854 [they cheer] 86 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,814 Does this mean we're finally getting paid? 87 00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,399 Absolutely... 88 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,443 in cute little Troll Dolls. 89 00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,072 He is tough, but fair. 90 00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,783 [creaks and claps] 91 00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:04,369 Frank, what's your freaky son even doing here? 92 00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:05,870 His nanny went missing. 93 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,205 [he retches] 94 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:09,707 Oh, my God! 95 00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:11,542 That wasn't even his nanny. 96 00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:16,422 Boss, got a tiny sliver of a problem with the money. 97 00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:19,884 You were able to move our $100 million to the Cayman Islands, right? 98 00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,177 I tried, boss. 99 00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:25,014 Turns out, there's no such thing as Caveman Island, 100 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,266 which makes no sense, 101 00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,269 because where the hell did Ron Perlman come from then, eh? 102 00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:30,937 [he grunts] 103 00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:34,065 What Ron Perlman do to deserve this? 104 00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:35,483 Unga bunga! 105 00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:38,403 Anyway, I put the money someplace safe: 106 00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:42,031 a self-storage unit in the worst part of town. 107 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,576 You put $100 million in a storage locker? 108 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:46,703 That's a problem! 109 00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,205 No, that's not the problem, the problem is 110 00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,709 the storage unit's been foreclosed 'cause I didn't pay the rent. 111 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,210 Why didn't you pay the rent? 112 00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,297 Because all our money's locked in the storage unit! 113 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,506 Thester, you idiot! 114 00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,800 If I wanted a dumbass neanderthal working for me, 115 00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:02,218 I would've hired Ron Perlman! 116 00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,594 [he groans] 117 00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:08,683 That's it! Ron Perlman write anger-y letter. 118 00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:15,565 Okay, we got two units left for sale. Take your pick. 119 00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,525 - I'll take... - I'll take that one. 120 00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:19,110 [he laughs] Old people are slow. 121 00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,112 I guess I'll take this one then. 122 00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:23,072 Let's see what's inside. 123 00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,451 That's got to be like $100 million! 124 00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,411 Ooh, I can't wait to see what's in my locker. 125 00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,748 Congratulations, you own everything inside. 126 00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,668 Hopson? I own Hopson? 127 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,754 What are you even doing in my locker? 128 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,965 I live here. They kicked me out of my last place. 129 00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:43,885 You know, if they don't want you sucking on the orderly's titties, 130 00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,220 they shouldn't call it a damn nursing home. 131 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,432 [he inhales and sighs] 132 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,225 The sweet smell of loneliness. 133 00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,143 [brakes squeal] 134 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,437 Drop the nerd porn and get in the car. 135 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,776 I need your daddy to stop sticking his nose in my dick titties. 136 00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,612 He just wants to find the Kingpin, not sniff around your... 137 00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:03,905 [clears throat] 138 00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,323 ...your penis breasts. 139 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,325 I'm finding the Kingpin, son, 140 00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:10,828 and I don't need a lousy cop in my way. 141 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,830 He's not a lousy cop. 142 00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,208 But did he almost execute Dusty Marlowe? 143 00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:19,170 The only thing that fat son of a bitch ever murdered was an IHOP bathroom. 144 00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,440 - Yeah, but... - Your daddy also moonlighted as a stripper 145 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,967 named Simmer Sausage, and I heard he took more than tips. 146 00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,386 - Look out! - [brakes squeal] 147 00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,055 [he gasps] Almost died, 148 00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:31,099 and with only six hours to retirement. 149 00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,893 Boy, would Beatrice have been sad. 150 00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,353 Plus, she's in a wheelchair 151 00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:37,688 and I'm the only one who can take care of her, 152 00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:38,898 but fortunately, 153 00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:43,111 soon we'll be dining in the finest restaurant in Jacksonville: 154 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,821 Outback Steakhouse. 155 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,657 Start blooming that onion, mates, 156 00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:52,161 because I'm as alive as the right side of Beatrice's brain! 157 00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,789 Yeah, that guy's fucked. 158 00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:59,585 I guess since I own you, I have no choice but to take you in. 159 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:02,755 Hot crackers! 160 00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:06,968 I haven't lived in a doghouse since I was Bob Barker's personal gimp. 161 00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:11,347 Yeah, he always wanted me to come on down... his throat. 162 00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,724 [he laughs] 163 00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,727 Maybe show funny after all. 164 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:17,979 Nice, Hopson. 165 00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:20,231 And I thought Ron Perlman had a low brow. 166 00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:24,152 Ron Perlman speak too soon. 167 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,448 [grunts and yelling] - [Dusty] Ow! Stop it! 168 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,324 Dusty, what the hell's going on here? 169 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,870 Criminals got tired of Tetris so they all switched to Mortal Kombat! 170 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,079 [video game music plays] 171 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,330 Get over here. 172 00:07:43,337 --> 00:07:44,922 Flawless victory. 173 00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,426 Either my blood sugar's low or Gina's a goddamn demon. 174 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,637 Dad, there's a riot out there! What are you doing? 175 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:55,141 I'm waterboarding this guy 'til he admits he's the Kingpin. 176 00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:56,600 Thanks. 177 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,770 - [he yells] - I don't think you're doing that right. 178 00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:03,357 I think your daddy found a list of torture methods on the internet, 179 00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:06,444 but didn't take the time to find out what they actually were. 180 00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,988 All right. Just for that, I'm putting you back in the rack. 181 00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:10,865 [Robby nuzzles loudly] 182 00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:12,200 This one's my favorite. 183 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:15,203 Do you really think Robby is the Kingpin? 184 00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:18,122 No. I'm just going to torture the piss out of everybody in town 185 00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,874 until I find out who it is. 186 00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:20,875 You're up next, Kevin. 187 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:22,335 That's insane! 188 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,170 I always looked up to you, Dad. 189 00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,922 I wanted to be just like you, 190 00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,673 but I finally realize the truth. 191 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,383 You're just not a good cop. 192 00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,678 How could you say that, Kevin? I am a good cop. 193 00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:33,930 Chief, I need a little help. 194 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,474 One of these prisoners stole my gun and shot me seven... 195 00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,226 - [gunshot] - ...eight times. 196 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,645 You wanna make it nine? Get out! 197 00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,188 It's not helping your case, Dad. 198 00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:45,983 Oh, really? I'll prove to you that I am a good cop. 199 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,569 Delbert, there you are! 200 00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,364 Man, the chief's been torturing my ass all day. 201 00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:54,283 He tortured me too. He put me in the Iron Maiden. 202 00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,078 - [heavy metal plays] - I don't even like heavy metal. 203 00:08:57,995 --> 00:08:59,789 Hmm, I don't get it. 204 00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:00,957 I'm gon' go back in there 205 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,209 and see if I can suck on Chief's titties again. 206 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:12,969 All right, Dusty. 207 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,388 I'm going to steal my evidence back from the FBI 208 00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,557 and find that son of a bitch Kingpin. 209 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,475 Thanks for tagging along to be my lookout. 210 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,479 Thanks for stopping by Party City so I could buy this cat burglar costume. 211 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,982 Meow! 212 00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,275 Oh, Jesus! 213 00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,986 Just watch the door while I find the Kingpin evidence, 214 00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,404 but they can't know we're here, 215 00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:34,073 so, whatever you do, don't touch a thing. 216 00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:38,202 Oops. I didn't do it on purr-pose. 217 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,788 Shit, someone's coming. 218 00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:42,540 Not me, that's just how I breathe. 219 00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,257 - [Crawford] Come on, in here! - [Dusty] Whoa! 220 00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:47,378 Agent Clappers, you in there? 221 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,505 - We're screwed! - Not so fast. 222 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,258 This costume ain't the only thing I picked up at Party City. 223 00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:53,467 [he inhales] 224 00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,222 Hi, I'm Agent Clappers. 225 00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,266 How dare you open the door to my office. 226 00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:03,603 I'm so mad, I decided to talk without moving my mouth. 227 00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:04,770 I am Agent Clappers. 228 00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:08,149 Sorry, I didn't realize you were in here. Someone broke into the building. 229 00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,359 I broke in to test you and you failed. 230 00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,612 Now take a hike. Bing bang boom. Dick titties. 231 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:13,821 I am Agent Clappers! 232 00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,364 Yes, sir. Sorry, sir! 233 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,409 I can't believe he bought it. 234 00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:20,995 - That was a terrible Clappers impression. - [banging at door] 235 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,956 Who's in my office? Bing bang boom. Dick titties. 236 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,626 - I am Agent Clappers. - Chief, we gotta get out of here. 237 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,919 No, I can't leave empty-handed. 238 00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,172 There's gotta be some piece of evidence around here. 239 00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:32,089 Ooh! Look! 240 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:34,508 An address labeled "Kingpin." Bingo! 241 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,926 - Let's go! - [Dusty squeals] 242 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,805 Sorry, Agent Clappers. I didn't realize you were in here. 243 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,308 Wait a minute. 244 00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,477 Agent Clappers never works this late. 245 00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:45,769 Also, 246 00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,605 I am Agent Clappers! 247 00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:51,359 Let's roll, Dusty! It's time to catch us a kingpin. 248 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,405 Well, it looks like this little cat has once again landed right on his... 249 00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,032 testicles. 250 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,826 [Dunfore gasps] 251 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,119 That was a close one. 252 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,789 Four hours and 23 minutes until retirement 253 00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:08,542 and I was almost crushed under a giant sexy cat. 254 00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,754 Beatrice would have slowly starved to death with no one to feed her. 255 00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,340 Crows would have made a meal of her eyes. 256 00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,592 Well, sorry, crows, 257 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,220 I'm not gonna die today. 258 00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:21,972 Yeah, that guy is going to be just fine. 259 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,058 I'm kidding. He's fucked. 260 00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:25,810 Ain't I a bad kitty? 261 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:27,645 Okay, there she is. 262 00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:30,523 We're gonna kick down the door, knock that old white bitch out, 263 00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:31,691 and take our money back. 264 00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:36,153 That plan is simple and efficient, boss, but lacks comic hijinks. 265 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,907 So instead, let's pull the old "African prince" scam. 266 00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:41,492 [doorbell rings] 267 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:42,702 Cheerio, my love. 268 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:46,914 I am a Nigerian prince, here from darkest Africa. 269 00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:49,083 I know. I got your email. 270 00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:50,793 I'd love to give you all my money, 271 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,963 but I already donated all of it to the Catholic Church. 272 00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:54,880 Great. 273 00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:58,050 Wakanda foreve-e-er! 274 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:02,513 Your dirty, dirty daddy's really crossed the line this time, Kevin. 275 00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:04,974 No, this couldn't have been my dad. 276 00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:08,269 He might be an incompetent police officer, but he's not a criminal. 277 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:11,230 If you really believe your ding-dong dirty daddy is so innocent, 278 00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:12,606 why don't you prove it? 279 00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,109 - How? - By wearing a wire. 280 00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:18,070 I wanna help my dad, but I don't know about the wire. 281 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:22,450 What do you mean you don't know about The Wire? It was the best show ever. 282 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:26,120 I loved it when that handsome, smoldering Lieutenant Daniels was like, 283 00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,330 "McNulty!" or "Hey, McNulty!" 284 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,833 or "My office now, McNulty!" 285 00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,293 Ehh, it's no Bones. 286 00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:34,754 Well, nothing's Bones, Kevin, that's a goddamn masterpiece. 287 00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,714 Now, are you going to wear this wire or not? 288 00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:39,717 The only way to prove my dad's innocence is to try the wire. 289 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,094 At least give it to Season 2, Episode 12. 290 00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,472 That's when Lieutenant Daniels takes his shirt off. 291 00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,891 You'll be like, "How can a man be so skinny 292 00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:48,392 and so ripped at the same time?" 293 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:52,062 If that don't take your dong dumplings to the disco, I don't know what will. 294 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,690 Evening, Padre. 295 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,486 Turns out that money you're counting belongs to us, 296 00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,731 and if you know what's good for you, you hand it over. 297 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,698 Of course, my son. 298 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,034 Let me gather it all up for you. 299 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:09,705 But can you do an old man one small favor first? 300 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,582 I guess so. What? 301 00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:14,585 Lick my mossy Irish taint! 302 00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:17,671 Do you know who you're talking to? 303 00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,590 Oh, you think you're bad, do you? 304 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:21,842 We're the Catholic feckin' Church! 305 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,011 We don't even need your feckin' cash! 306 00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:27,640 I'm gonna blow it all on a giant stained glass window 307 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,058 of my puckered ass, 308 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,310 so you can all bend down and kiss it. 309 00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:34,438 - You can't talk that way to me! - [priest] Oh, you don't like it, do you? 310 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,857 Well, maybe you should take it up with my boss, 311 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,859 'cause you're about to feckin' meet him. 312 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:40,820 Ow! Shit! 313 00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,698 Just one ball to the face and you're crying like an altar boy. 314 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,493 What are y'all waiting for! Get him! 315 00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,203 [Thester] Slight problem, boss. 316 00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:54,291 What are we worried about? 317 00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,252 They're just a bunch of... [he yells] 318 00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:03,383 [Fitz yells] 319 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,010 [groaning] 320 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,929 Peace be with you, you pussies! 321 00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,600 Oh, what are you all so mad about? 322 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,061 At least you don't own a Hopson. 323 00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:15,479 Hopson! 324 00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:19,233 I go out to do a little coke with Scrappy Doo and you trash the place. 325 00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:21,902 You shit on the floor! You shit on the couch! 326 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,780 You shit in the toaster? 327 00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,991 And what are you doing on my bed? 328 00:14:27,074 --> 00:14:28,200 [slurping] 329 00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:31,662 I'm trying to decide if this tastes better or feels better. 330 00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,581 I love being a dog. 331 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,207 Who said you're a dog? 332 00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:38,711 Well, I got an owner and I live in a doghouse, 333 00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,254 and I got worms. 334 00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:43,883 [Hopson groans] 335 00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:47,261 That's it! You wanna act like a dog? I'm gonna treat you like a dog. 336 00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:52,600 There, now I can black out in peace. 337 00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:55,060 [Bullet snores] 338 00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:01,692 [yelling and grunting] 339 00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:06,739 [Hopson barks] 340 00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:10,534 Wh-whoa, what is it, boy? What's wrong? What are you trying to say? 341 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,662 [he whines] 342 00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,999 I'm sorry! My teeth was in backwards. 343 00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,293 The goddamn house is on fire! 344 00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,715 [Hopson groans] 345 00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:28,260 You saved my life. 346 00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:31,013 Who's a good Hopson? Huh? Who's a good Hopson? 347 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,097 [Hopson pants] 348 00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,601 No. Oh, G... No, that's your dick tongue. 349 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,938 [nursery rhyme music plays] 350 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:42,775 ♪ There was a dog who owned a man And Hopson was his name-o ♪ 351 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,070 ♪ H-O-P-S-O-N ♪ 352 00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:49,448 ♪ H-O-P-S-O-N And Hopson was his name-o ♪ 353 00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:50,658 H-O-P-S... 354 00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,618 - Oh, shit! - [Hopson barks] 355 00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,623 [Bullet laughs] Imagine that! People acting like animals. 356 00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:58,999 Ah, good one, writers. 357 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:03,879 Oh, man. 358 00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,882 Who knew the Catholic Church was so fucked up? 359 00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:09,760 Okay. Good point. 360 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:11,887 Don't worry, boss. Whole new plan. 361 00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,348 We've dressed Jerry up like an altar boy. 362 00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:16,475 [creaks] 363 00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:19,937 We're gonna send him into the church, Priest will fiddle with his fingle-fangle, 364 00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:23,148 then we sue, they settle for a 100 million quid, 365 00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,900 and our problems are solved. 366 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:25,901 Are you kidding me? 367 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,278 Even a priest wouldn't diddle this fishy freak. 368 00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,531 Don't you say that about my son! 369 00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:34,243 We Flipperfists pride ourselves on being very molestable! 370 00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,870 Look! He's tight like drum! 371 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,455 No priest can resist! 372 00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:42,876 We're not doing that stupid-ass plan because I call the shots, 373 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,586 because I'm the Kingpin. 374 00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,755 I'm the Kingpin! 375 00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:47,881 [man] Fitz... 376 00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:50,509 why are you calling yourself the Kingpin? 377 00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:51,760 Because, uh... 378 00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:55,097 we're a bowling team and I'm the best bowler. 379 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,682 Or the... [he stutters] 380 00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:58,100 ...the king of the pins. 381 00:16:58,183 --> 00:16:59,435 Bowling team? 382 00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,937 You know what? I'm calling shenanigans. 383 00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,982 - [phone beeps] - Hello, is this Shenanigans Bar and Grill? 384 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:09,319 I'd like to place a family-sized order of Shenaniwings for my bowling buddies. 385 00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:11,363 Some of 'em don't even have fingers... [chuckles] 386 00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,907 ...and no bowling balls, or pins. 387 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,910 And that guy's shirt says "Fuck bowling!" 388 00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:19,620 Wait a minute! 389 00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:22,916 That means that you, Fitz, are the Kingpin! 390 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,336 Looks like you finally solved the case, Chief. 391 00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,630 How could you, Fitz? I trusted you! 392 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,216 Yeah. That was a bad call. 393 00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,426 Roast this pig! 394 00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:35,471 Chief Crawford's neck is so fat... 395 00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:38,974 It's so fat, he puts on a scarf with a boomerang. 396 00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,809 I meant "kill." 397 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:41,977 It's a tough room, boss. 398 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:42,978 Hey, Chief! 399 00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,938 Woody from Brickleberry called. 400 00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:47,316 He wants his voice back! Ha! 401 00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:50,235 No, you stupid motherfucker! Shoot him with your guns! 402 00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,237 [rapid gunfire] 403 00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:53,363 He knows. 404 00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:54,698 Clean it up. 405 00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,867 [screaming] 406 00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:57,950 [both gasp] 407 00:17:58,452 --> 00:17:59,495 Thanks, Dusty. 408 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:01,872 I'm all right, Chief. 409 00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,667 Who caveman now, huh? 410 00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,044 Unga bunga! 411 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,174 Go, boy, go! 412 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:13,801 [Hopson sniffs] 413 00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,260 Well, how do you do, too? 414 00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,387 Ugh, what is that? 415 00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,765 He's a geriatric sex maniac mix. 416 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,848 I think there's a bit of Alzheimer's in there, too. 417 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,310 Look how well-behaved he is. 418 00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:24,728 - Hopson, sit! - [Hopson pants] 419 00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,730 Okay, now stay. 420 00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:28,732 [Hopson growls] 421 00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,401 I'll have you know that my dog is preparing 422 00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,362 for tonight's Paradise Dog Show, 423 00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:36,657 und I only want his scheißehole sniffed by real pets. 424 00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,826 "Real pet"? Hopson's a damn better pet 425 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,494 than any of yours, and I'll prove it! 426 00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,246 Oh, yeah? How? 427 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:43,872 [applause] 428 00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,791 [jaunty music] 429 00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,088 Oh, my God! 430 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,967 I don't care if you were kicked out of the dog show, Hopson. 431 00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:57,302 You're still the best pet a guy could have. 432 00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:00,639 You proved that a man can be a dog's best friend. 433 00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:03,267 Like I don't have enough to deal with, now I've gotta arrest you 434 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,102 and put Hopson on the sex offender list. 435 00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:06,395 I'm already on there. 436 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,897 Just put another check mark next to my name. 437 00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:14,695 Pat Robinson, do you think your friend can help us get our money back? 438 00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:17,406 Trust me. This guy's a miracle worker. 439 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,033 I'll only do this if you promise to leave me alone 440 00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,244 and stop being such a homophobic asshole. 441 00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:26,248 How can I be homophobic? I jerk off to Jesus. 442 00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:27,499 - What? - Nothing. 443 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,500 [Pat chuckles] 444 00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,961 - Hi. - Can I have your autograph? 445 00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:32,588 I am your biggest fan. 446 00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:35,757 Thank you for all you've done for the people of this world. 447 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,510 - You're very welcome, my child. - [angelic music] 448 00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,596 Jesus? [he groans] 449 00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,681 I thought you were Jared Leto. 450 00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:46,810 You are one dirty little tube sock, aren't you, huh? 451 00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,021 First, I'm gonna warm you up in this dryer, 452 00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:52,983 then I'm gonna screw the stripes off you while your twin sister watches. 453 00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:53,901 Yeah. 454 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:54,984 [he stutters] Oh. 455 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,987 Oh, man. I forgot I was wearing a wire. 456 00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,070 Uhh... [stutters] 457 00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,824 I-I was just talking to my human girlfriend 458 00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,826 named Tube Sock. 459 00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,411 Tell them, Tube Sock. 460 00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:07,497 [high-pitched] He's lying! I'm just a sock. 461 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,541 - [normal] You bitch! - [Crawford] Kevin! 462 00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:10,459 Big news! 463 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,545 I just broke into the FBI and stole their evidence. 464 00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:16,173 [forced laughter] 465 00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:18,258 [nervously] What a jokester you are, Dad. 466 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:21,470 I know you're kidding about breaking into the FBI. 467 00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:23,972 No, I'm as serious as an episode of Bones. 468 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,934 In fact, come closer, so you can hear this real clearly. 469 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:31,188 I, Chief Randall Crawford, solemnly swear that I broke into the FBI 470 00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,898 in a very illegal way. 471 00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:36,860 But, more importantly, I know who the Kingpin is. It's... 472 00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:40,656 FBI! Everybody down on the ground! Get down! 473 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,116 Good job, Kevin. We got it all on tape, 474 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,078 including the part about you fucking laundry. 475 00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:48,997 - [handcuffs click] - Kevin? How could you? 476 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,917 Dad! I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! 477 00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:58,173 Huh, looks like he, uh, dropped a Post-It note. 478 00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:00,467 [he gasps] 479 00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:03,929 One hour, 18 minutes and 23 seconds until retirement, 480 00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:07,015 and I was almost beheaded by a space rock. 481 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:10,769 Never would have got to see the beautiful Jacksonville Zoo. 482 00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:14,523 I hear they have a new exhibit: "Three birds we found." 483 00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:18,485 Good thing I'm gonna live long into my golden years. 484 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:24,199 [clicks and chatters] 485 00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:31,164 So, you boys back for another arse-whooping? 486 00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:32,749 Not this time. 487 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,001 We brought backup. 488 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,627 Bless you, my good servant. 489 00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,796 I need you to hand over that money now. 490 00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:41,008 Oh, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! 491 00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:42,092 'Tis a miracle. 492 00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:44,344 I shall give you that money right away. 493 00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:48,390 But first, can you do a poor sinner one small favor? 494 00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:49,558 What, my son? 495 00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,935 Climb back up on that crucifix 496 00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:55,647 and pogo your scrawny ass out the feckin' door! 497 00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:56,982 Excuse me? 498 00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:59,026 You got thorns in your ears? 499 00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:00,694 I said, feck off! 500 00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:03,363 You ain't taking our feckin' money, you greedy Jew! 501 00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:04,990 But I'm Jesus. 502 00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:06,908 And Mickey Mouse is Mickey Mouse, 503 00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:09,786 but he don't call the feckin' shots at Disney, does he? 504 00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:13,248 Now get lost or this year's Good Friday's gonna be on a Tuesday. 505 00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,459 - Who's going to make me? - [Fitz] Oh, no. 506 00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:17,627 - [glass smashes] - [they groan] 507 00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:19,212 Did you see me in there? 508 00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:20,964 I was like, "pow!" 509 00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:22,674 Kicking butt and taking names. 510 00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:23,592 No you weren't. 511 00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:26,070 You were crying in the corner while those nuns beat your ass. 512 00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:29,181 No! I was like, "boom!" And then I was like, "pew-pew!" 513 00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:32,309 Is "pew-pew" the sound of you shitting your pants? 514 00:22:32,392 --> 00:22:33,643 'Cause that's all you did. 515 00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,773 Jerry! You ate all the money? 516 00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:40,192 Oh, I could just kiss you all over. 517 00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:44,821 And you said he wasn't molestable, uh? 518 00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:46,114 Tight like drum! 519 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,535 Beatrice, the wait is over. 520 00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,372 Northeastern Florida, here we come. 521 00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:58,335 You know, I technically still have 13 minutes on the clock. 522 00:22:58,418 --> 00:23:01,004 I should probably follow one last lead. 523 00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:03,048 Don't worry, honey. It won't take long. 524 00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:04,925 In fact, to save time, 525 00:23:05,008 --> 00:23:08,053 I won't even bother putting on my bulletproof vest. 526 00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:13,100 Hello? Anyone in here? 527 00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:17,062 Just a few more weeks of houndstooth meth sales 528 00:23:17,145 --> 00:23:21,191 and I'll have everything I need to initiate Operation DD. 529 00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:23,902 Soon the whole world will know my name. 530 00:23:24,528 --> 00:23:25,737 The Kingpin! 531 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:28,698 Freeze, Kingpin! Agent Dunfore, FBI. 532 00:23:28,782 --> 00:23:29,908 You're under arrest. 533 00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:30,826 You got me. 534 00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:32,327 I won't give you any trouble, 535 00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:33,995 but my machine gun will! 536 00:23:37,207 --> 00:23:38,041 Whoa. 537 00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:40,919 My guardian angel must be working overtime. 538 00:23:41,002 --> 00:23:43,505 The boys aren't gonna believe this! 539 00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:45,590 The biggest arrest of my career. 540 00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:49,052 And my retirement starts in three, two... 541 00:23:49,177 --> 00:23:50,177 [gunshot] 542 00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,180 Damn. That was close. 543 00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:54,850 Thanks, Agent Clappers. 544 00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:55,933 You're welcome... 545 00:23:56,309 --> 00:23:57,144 boss. 546 00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:59,271 And Crawford's taken care of? 547 00:23:59,354 --> 00:24:01,440 Put away by his own son. 548 00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:06,486 [evil laughter] 549 00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:11,575 [high-pitched giggle] 550 00:24:12,617 --> 00:24:14,661 You've got to be fucking kidding me. 551 00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,710 I'm so sorry, Beatrice, 552 00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:24,212 but your husband was just killed in the line of duty 553 00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:27,632 a mere 0.7 seconds before his retirement. 554 00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,385 May God rest his soul. 555 00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,474 Thank Christ! 556 00:24:35,557 --> 00:24:38,518 I don't have to go to Jacksonville. 557 00:24:38,602 --> 00:24:39,728 [crow squawks] 558 00:24:44,107 --> 00:24:47,652 ♪ There was a dog who owned a man And Hopson was his name-o ♪ 559 00:24:47,736 --> 00:24:51,114 ♪ H-O-P-S-O-N ♪ 560 00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:54,576 ♪ H-O-P-S-O-N And Hopson was his name-o ♪ 561 00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:16,681 ♪ There was a dog who owned a man And Hopson was his name-o ♪ 562 00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:20,143 ♪ H-O-P-S-O-N ♪ 563 00:25:20,227 --> 00:25:23,605 ♪ H-O-P-S-O-N And Hopson was his name-o ♪ 564 00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:26,149 ♪ H-O-P-S... ♪ Oh shit!