1
00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,555
Huh? What the hell is all this?
2
00:00:13,638 --> 00:00:16,558
Crime is at an all-time high
because of houndstooth meth.
3
00:00:16,641 --> 00:00:19,620
We've had to make so many arrests,
we're running out of space and equipment.
4
00:00:19,644 --> 00:00:22,397
Is that why you're using six-pack rings
for handcuffs?
5
00:00:22,772 --> 00:00:23,648
Lucky for us,
6
00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:26,693
I drank 12 cases of Sunkist
for breakfast.
7
00:00:26,776 --> 00:00:29,487
Dusty, I don't think that's good
for your diabetes.
8
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:31,531
A little sugar ain't never hurt nobo...
9
00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:34,492
Did my hand just fall off? I can't see.
10
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,494
Okay, you degenerates.
11
00:00:36,578 --> 00:00:39,622
Put any houndstooth meth
you have on you into this bag.
12
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,833
[he sings]
13
00:00:43,334 --> 00:00:44,210
Yeah!
14
00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:46,546
Whoa! What's with the bling?
15
00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:50,467
You do know the only jewelry Dusty likes
are candy necklaces and Ring Pops?
16
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:51,843
Hey, you son of a bitch!
17
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:54,304
I might not be able to see,
but I can still hear.
18
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:55,430
And taste.
19
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:56,638
Goddamn it!
20
00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:58,767
The houndstooth tweakers
can't afford to pay bills,
21
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,650
so they're auctioning off
their storage units.
22
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,271
All this bling was only twenty bucks.
23
00:01:03,354 --> 00:01:05,565
Ooh, I need to get in
on these storage auctions.
24
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:08,568
Sounds like easier money than
when I sold Hopson invisibility pills.
25
00:01:09,861 --> 00:01:12,072
Hopson! What...
What the hell are you doing?
26
00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,783
Just being invisible
and looking at your cock.
27
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:18,203
This surge in crime
is all Agent Clappers' fault.
28
00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,413
He took away all my Kingpin evidence
29
00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,207
and hasn't done diddly shit!
30
00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:25,877
It's time for me to have a little talk
with that federal fuck nugget.
31
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:26,878
In the meantime,
32
00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:29,798
I want every single criminal
in this place put in a cell.
33
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:33,051
I'm on it!
I've always wanted to play human Tetris.
34
00:01:33,134 --> 00:01:36,596
[he hums "Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy"]
35
00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:37,764
♪ Get your butt in there ♪
36
00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:39,099
[he continues singing]
37
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,182
Did it!
38
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:42,601
Cleared it!
39
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,785
Now, I'm not a sentimental man.
40
00:01:58,868 --> 00:02:00,537
I never cried in my life.
41
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:01,913
Not even when I was born.
42
00:02:01,996 --> 00:02:03,957
I came out of my mother's fun tunnel
and said,
43
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,834
"I've got work to do, where's my gun?"
44
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:07,752
But even I am a little misty
45
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:11,714
because my partner is retiring today
after 50 years on the force.
46
00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:15,135
I just hope he makes it through
these final eight hours without dying.
47
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:18,263
The man I'm talking about is Dunfore.
48
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:19,639
Agent Dunfore.
49
00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:22,058
[applause and cheers]
50
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,143
[microphone feedback]
51
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:26,229
Eight hours from now,
my lovely wife Beatrice and I
52
00:02:26,312 --> 00:02:28,606
will be fulfilling a lifelong dream,
53
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,775
driving our brand new RV
54
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,611
down to the most beautiful city
in America,
55
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:34,779
Jacksonville.
56
00:02:34,863 --> 00:02:36,823
I'm so happy, I could die.
57
00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:38,324
But of course I won't.
58
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:43,037
I'm 100% sure
that nothing's going to go wrong today.
59
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:44,873
Yeah, that guy's fucked.
60
00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,917
What about the Kingpin case?
61
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:52,088
Clappers, you ain't done jack shit
while meth is destroying my town.
62
00:02:52,172 --> 00:02:53,965
Crawford, what is the meaning of this?
63
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:56,467
I should have your badge
for speaking at a press conference
64
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,469
without a goddamn podium.
65
00:02:58,553 --> 00:03:00,054
No podium, huh?
66
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:01,598
Dusty, podium me!
67
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:03,099
[Dusty puffs]
68
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,934
Thank you, Party City.
69
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,895
Well, I think I've proved my point.
70
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:10,231
Real investigations take time,
you pathetic loser,
71
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,233
but I'm pleased to announce
I solved the mystery
72
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,526
of what happened to your face.
73
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:16,154
Someone fucked your chin
and got your neck pregnant.
74
00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:17,906
I knew it! Wait a second...
75
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,532
Screw you, Clappers!
76
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:23,161
Could a pathetic loser
make an exit like this?
77
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,495
[Dusty puffs]
78
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,457
[Crawford imitates guitar]
79
00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:29,751
Fuck yo-o-ou!
80
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:34,380
You win this round, Crawford.
81
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:41,012
We have reached $100 million
in profits from houndstooth meth,
82
00:03:41,095 --> 00:03:43,514
almost enough to fully fund Operation DD,
83
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:46,351
which will be a bigger disaster
than Pearl Harbor,
84
00:03:46,434 --> 00:03:48,478
or any of Ben Affleck's other movies.
85
00:03:48,561 --> 00:03:49,854
[they cheer]
86
00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,814
Does this mean we're finally getting paid?
87
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,399
Absolutely...
88
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,443
in cute little Troll Dolls.
89
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,072
He is tough, but fair.
90
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:01,783
[creaks and claps]
91
00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:04,369
Frank, what's your freaky son
even doing here?
92
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:05,870
His nanny went missing.
93
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,205
[he retches]
94
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:09,707
Oh, my God!
95
00:04:09,999 --> 00:04:11,542
That wasn't even his nanny.
96
00:04:11,626 --> 00:04:16,422
Boss, got a tiny sliver of a problem
with the money.
97
00:04:16,506 --> 00:04:19,884
You were able to move our $100 million
to the Cayman Islands, right?
98
00:04:19,968 --> 00:04:21,177
I tried, boss.
99
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:25,014
Turns out, there's no such thing
as Caveman Island,
100
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,266
which makes no sense,
101
00:04:26,349 --> 00:04:29,269
because where the hell
did Ron Perlman come from then, eh?
102
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:30,937
[he grunts]
103
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:34,065
What Ron Perlman do to deserve this?
104
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:35,483
Unga bunga!
105
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:38,403
Anyway, I put the money someplace safe:
106
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:42,031
a self-storage unit
in the worst part of town.
107
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,576
You put $100 million in a storage locker?
108
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:46,703
That's a problem!
109
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:49,205
No, that's not the problem, the problem is
110
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:52,709
the storage unit's been foreclosed
'cause I didn't pay the rent.
111
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,210
Why didn't you pay the rent?
112
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:57,297
Because all our money's locked
in the storage unit!
113
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,506
Thester, you idiot!
114
00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:00,800
If I wanted a dumbass neanderthal
working for me,
115
00:05:00,883 --> 00:05:02,218
I would've hired Ron Perlman!
116
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,594
[he groans]
117
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:08,683
That's it!
Ron Perlman write anger-y letter.
118
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:15,565
Okay, we got two units left for sale.
Take your pick.
119
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,525
- I'll take...
- I'll take that one.
120
00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:19,110
[he laughs] Old people are slow.
121
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,112
I guess I'll take this one then.
122
00:05:21,195 --> 00:05:23,072
Let's see what's inside.
123
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:26,451
That's got to be like $100 million!
124
00:05:26,534 --> 00:05:28,411
Ooh, I can't wait to see
what's in my locker.
125
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:31,748
Congratulations,
you own everything inside.
126
00:05:33,916 --> 00:05:35,668
Hopson? I own Hopson?
127
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,754
What are you even doing in my locker?
128
00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:40,965
I live here.
They kicked me out of my last place.
129
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:43,885
You know, if they don't want you
sucking on the orderly's titties,
130
00:05:43,968 --> 00:05:46,220
they shouldn't call it
a damn nursing home.
131
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,432
[he inhales and sighs]
132
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:51,225
The sweet smell of loneliness.
133
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,143
[brakes squeal]
134
00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:54,437
Drop the nerd porn and get in the car.
135
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:59,776
I need your daddy to stop
sticking his nose in my dick titties.
136
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,612
He just wants to find the Kingpin,
not sniff around your...
137
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:03,905
[clears throat]
138
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,323
...your penis breasts.
139
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:07,325
I'm finding the Kingpin, son,
140
00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:10,828
and I don't need a lousy cop in my way.
141
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,830
He's not a lousy cop.
142
00:06:12,914 --> 00:06:15,208
But did he almost execute Dusty Marlowe?
143
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:19,170
The only thing that fat son of a bitch
ever murdered was an IHOP bathroom.
144
00:06:19,253 --> 00:06:21,440
- Yeah, but...
- Your daddy also moonlighted as a stripper
145
00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:24,967
named Simmer Sausage,
and I heard he took more than tips.
146
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:26,386
- Look out!
- [brakes squeal]
147
00:06:27,595 --> 00:06:29,055
[he gasps] Almost died,
148
00:06:29,138 --> 00:06:31,099
and with only six hours to retirement.
149
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:33,893
Boy, would Beatrice have been sad.
150
00:06:33,976 --> 00:06:35,353
Plus, she's in a wheelchair
151
00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:37,688
and I'm the only one
who can take care of her,
152
00:06:37,772 --> 00:06:38,898
but fortunately,
153
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:43,111
soon we'll be dining
in the finest restaurant in Jacksonville:
154
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,821
Outback Steakhouse.
155
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,657
Start blooming that onion, mates,
156
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:52,161
because I'm as alive
as the right side of Beatrice's brain!
157
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:54,789
Yeah, that guy's fucked.
158
00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:59,585
I guess since I own you,
I have no choice but to take you in.
159
00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:02,755
Hot crackers!
160
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:06,968
I haven't lived in a doghouse
since I was Bob Barker's personal gimp.
161
00:07:07,051 --> 00:07:11,347
Yeah, he always wanted me
to come on down... his throat.
162
00:07:12,098 --> 00:07:13,724
[he laughs]
163
00:07:13,808 --> 00:07:16,727
Maybe show funny after all.
164
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:17,979
Nice, Hopson.
165
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:20,231
And I thought Ron Perlman had a low brow.
166
00:07:20,314 --> 00:07:24,152
Ron Perlman speak too soon.
167
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:28,448
[grunts and yelling]
- [Dusty] Ow! Stop it!
168
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,324
Dusty, what the hell's going on here?
169
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,870
Criminals got tired of Tetris
so they all switched to Mortal Kombat!
170
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,079
[video game music plays]
171
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,330
Get over here.
172
00:07:43,337 --> 00:07:44,922
Flawless victory.
173
00:07:45,465 --> 00:07:48,426
Either my blood sugar's low
or Gina's a goddamn demon.
174
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,637
Dad, there's a riot out there!
What are you doing?
175
00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:55,141
I'm waterboarding this guy
'til he admits he's the Kingpin.
176
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:56,600
Thanks.
177
00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:59,770
- [he yells]
- I don't think you're doing that right.
178
00:07:59,854 --> 00:08:03,357
I think your daddy found a list
of torture methods on the internet,
179
00:08:03,441 --> 00:08:06,444
but didn't take the time
to find out what they actually were.
180
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:08,988
All right. Just for that,
I'm putting you back in the rack.
181
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:10,865
[Robby nuzzles loudly]
182
00:08:10,948 --> 00:08:12,200
This one's my favorite.
183
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:15,203
Do you really think Robby is the Kingpin?
184
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:18,122
No. I'm just going to torture
the piss out of everybody in town
185
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,874
until I find out who it is.
186
00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:20,875
You're up next, Kevin.
187
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:22,335
That's insane!
188
00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,170
I always looked up to you, Dad.
189
00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:25,922
I wanted to be just like you,
190
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,673
but I finally realize the truth.
191
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,383
You're just not a good cop.
192
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:32,678
How could you say that, Kevin?
I am a good cop.
193
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:33,930
Chief, I need a little help.
194
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,474
One of these prisoners stole my gun
and shot me seven...
195
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,226
- [gunshot]
- ...eight times.
196
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:40,645
You wanna make it nine? Get out!
197
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,188
It's not helping your case, Dad.
198
00:08:42,271 --> 00:08:45,983
Oh, really?
I'll prove to you that I am a good cop.
199
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:48,569
Delbert, there you are!
200
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:51,364
Man, the chief's been torturing my ass
all day.
201
00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:54,283
He tortured me too.
He put me in the Iron Maiden.
202
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:57,078
- [heavy metal plays]
- I don't even like heavy metal.
203
00:08:57,995 --> 00:08:59,789
Hmm, I don't get it.
204
00:08:59,872 --> 00:09:00,957
I'm gon' go back in there
205
00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,209
and see if I can suck
on Chief's titties again.
206
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:12,969
All right, Dusty.
207
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,388
I'm going to steal my evidence back
from the FBI
208
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:17,557
and find that son of a bitch
Kingpin.
209
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,475
Thanks for tagging along
to be my lookout.
210
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:23,479
Thanks for stopping by Party City
so I could buy this cat burglar costume.
211
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,982
Meow!
212
00:09:26,065 --> 00:09:27,275
Oh, Jesus!
213
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:29,986
Just watch the door
while I find the Kingpin evidence,
214
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:31,404
but they can't know we're here,
215
00:09:31,487 --> 00:09:34,073
so, whatever you do, don't touch a thing.
216
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:38,202
Oops. I didn't do it on purr-pose.
217
00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,788
Shit, someone's coming.
218
00:09:40,871 --> 00:09:42,540
Not me, that's just how I breathe.
219
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,257
- [Crawford] Come on, in here!
- [Dusty] Whoa!
220
00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:47,378
Agent Clappers, you in there?
221
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,505
- We're screwed!
- Not so fast.
222
00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,258
This costume ain't the only thing
I picked up at Party City.
223
00:09:52,341 --> 00:09:53,467
[he inhales]
224
00:09:56,804 --> 00:09:58,222
Hi, I'm Agent Clappers.
225
00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:00,266
How dare you open the door to my office.
226
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:03,603
I'm so mad, I decided to talk
without moving my mouth.
227
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:04,770
I am Agent Clappers.
228
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:08,149
Sorry, I didn't realize you were in here.
Someone broke into the building.
229
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:10,359
I broke in to test you and you failed.
230
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,612
Now take a hike. Bing bang boom.
Dick titties.
231
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:13,821
I am Agent Clappers!
232
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,364
Yes, sir. Sorry, sir!
233
00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,409
I can't believe he bought it.
234
00:10:18,492 --> 00:10:20,995
- That was a terrible Clappers impression.
- [banging at door]
235
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,956
Who's in my office?
Bing bang boom. Dick titties.
236
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,626
- I am Agent Clappers.
- Chief, we gotta get out of here.
237
00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:28,919
No, I can't leave empty-handed.
238
00:10:29,003 --> 00:10:31,172
There's gotta be some piece of evidence
around here.
239
00:10:31,255 --> 00:10:32,089
Ooh! Look!
240
00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:34,508
An address labeled "Kingpin."
Bingo!
241
00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:35,926
- Let's go!
- [Dusty squeals]
242
00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:39,805
Sorry, Agent Clappers.
I didn't realize you were in here.
243
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,308
Wait a minute.
244
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:44,477
Agent Clappers never works this late.
245
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:45,769
Also,
246
00:10:46,145 --> 00:10:47,605
I am Agent Clappers!
247
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:51,359
Let's roll, Dusty!
It's time to catch us a kingpin.
248
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:56,405
Well, it looks like this little cat
has once again landed right on his...
249
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:58,032
testicles.
250
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,826
[Dunfore gasps]
251
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:02,119
That was a close one.
252
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,789
Four hours and 23 minutes until retirement
253
00:11:04,872 --> 00:11:08,542
and I was almost crushed
under a giant sexy cat.
254
00:11:08,626 --> 00:11:11,754
Beatrice would have slowly starved
to death with no one to feed her.
255
00:11:11,837 --> 00:11:14,340
Crows would have made a meal of her eyes.
256
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,592
Well, sorry, crows,
257
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:19,220
I'm not gonna die today.
258
00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:21,972
Yeah, that guy is going to be just fine.
259
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,058
I'm kidding. He's fucked.
260
00:11:24,558 --> 00:11:25,810
Ain't I a bad kitty?
261
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:27,645
Okay, there she is.
262
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:30,523
We're gonna kick down the door,
knock that old white bitch out,
263
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:31,691
and take our money back.
264
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:36,153
That plan is simple and efficient, boss,
but lacks comic hijinks.
265
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,907
So instead,
let's pull the old "African prince" scam.
266
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:41,492
[doorbell rings]
267
00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:42,702
Cheerio, my love.
268
00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:46,914
I am a Nigerian prince,
here from darkest Africa.
269
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:49,083
I know. I got your email.
270
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:50,793
I'd love to give you all my money,
271
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,963
but I already donated all of it
to the Catholic Church.
272
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:54,880
Great.
273
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:58,050
Wakanda foreve-e-er!
274
00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:02,513
Your dirty, dirty daddy's
really crossed the line this time, Kevin.
275
00:12:02,596 --> 00:12:04,974
No, this couldn't have been my dad.
276
00:12:05,057 --> 00:12:08,269
He might be an incompetent police officer,
but he's not a criminal.
277
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:11,230
If you really believe
your ding-dong dirty daddy is so innocent,
278
00:12:11,313 --> 00:12:12,606
why don't you prove it?
279
00:12:12,690 --> 00:12:15,109
- How?
- By wearing a wire.
280
00:12:15,192 --> 00:12:18,070
I wanna help my dad,
but I don't know about the wire.
281
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:22,450
What do you mean you don't know
about The Wire? It was the best show ever.
282
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:26,120
I loved it when that handsome,
smoldering Lieutenant Daniels was like,
283
00:12:26,203 --> 00:12:28,330
"McNulty!" or "Hey, McNulty!"
284
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:30,833
or "My office now, McNulty!"
285
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:32,293
Ehh, it's no Bones.
286
00:12:32,376 --> 00:12:34,754
Well, nothing's Bones, Kevin,
that's a goddamn masterpiece.
287
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,714
Now, are you going to
wear this wire or not?
288
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:39,717
The only way to prove my dad's innocence
is to try the wire.
289
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:42,094
At least give it to Season 2, Episode 12.
290
00:12:42,178 --> 00:12:44,472
That's when Lieutenant Daniels
takes his shirt off.
291
00:12:44,555 --> 00:12:46,891
You'll be like,
"How can a man be so skinny
292
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:48,392
and so ripped at the same time?"
293
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:52,062
If that don't take your dong dumplings
to the disco, I don't know what will.
294
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:54,690
Evening, Padre.
295
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:58,486
Turns out that money you're counting
belongs to us,
296
00:12:58,611 --> 00:13:00,731
and if you know what's good for you,
you hand it over.
297
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,698
Of course, my son.
298
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,034
Let me gather it all up for you.
299
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:09,705
But can you do an old man
one small favor first?
300
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,582
I guess so. What?
301
00:13:11,665 --> 00:13:14,585
Lick my mossy Irish taint!
302
00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:17,671
Do you know who you're talking to?
303
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,590
Oh, you think you're bad, do you?
304
00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:21,842
We're the Catholic feckin' Church!
305
00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:24,011
We don't even need your feckin' cash!
306
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:27,640
I'm gonna blow it all
on a giant stained glass window
307
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,058
of my puckered ass,
308
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,310
so you can all bend down and kiss it.
309
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:34,438
- You can't talk that way to me!
- [priest] Oh, you don't like it, do you?
310
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:36,857
Well, maybe you should
take it up with my boss,
311
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,859
'cause you're about to feckin' meet him.
312
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:40,820
Ow! Shit!
313
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:44,698
Just one ball to the face
and you're crying like an altar boy.
314
00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:47,493
What are y'all waiting for! Get him!
315
00:13:47,576 --> 00:13:49,203
[Thester] Slight problem, boss.
316
00:13:51,914 --> 00:13:54,291
What are we worried about?
317
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,252
They're just a bunch of...
[he yells]
318
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:03,383
[Fitz yells]
319
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:05,010
[groaning]
320
00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:06,929
Peace be with you, you pussies!
321
00:14:09,223 --> 00:14:11,600
Oh, what are you all so mad about?
322
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:14,061
At least you don't own a Hopson.
323
00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:15,479
Hopson!
324
00:14:15,563 --> 00:14:19,233
I go out to do a little coke
with Scrappy Doo and you trash the place.
325
00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:21,902
You shit on the floor!
You shit on the couch!
326
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,780
You shit in the toaster?
327
00:14:24,864 --> 00:14:26,991
And what are you doing on my bed?
328
00:14:27,074 --> 00:14:28,200
[slurping]
329
00:14:28,284 --> 00:14:31,662
I'm trying to decide if this tastes better
or feels better.
330
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:33,581
I love being a dog.
331
00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:35,207
Who said you're a dog?
332
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:38,711
Well, I got an owner
and I live in a doghouse,
333
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,254
and I got worms.
334
00:14:40,337 --> 00:14:43,883
[Hopson groans]
335
00:14:43,966 --> 00:14:47,261
That's it! You wanna act like a dog?
I'm gonna treat you like a dog.
336
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:52,600
There, now I can black out in peace.
337
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:55,060
[Bullet snores]
338
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:01,692
[yelling and grunting]
339
00:15:03,527 --> 00:15:06,739
[Hopson barks]
340
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:10,534
Wh-whoa, what is it, boy? What's wrong?
What are you trying to say?
341
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,662
[he whines]
342
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,999
I'm sorry! My teeth was in backwards.
343
00:15:17,082 --> 00:15:19,293
The goddamn house is on fire!
344
00:15:21,879 --> 00:15:24,715
[Hopson groans]
345
00:15:25,966 --> 00:15:28,260
You saved my life.
346
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:31,013
Who's a good Hopson? Huh?
Who's a good Hopson?
347
00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,097
[Hopson pants]
348
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,601
No. Oh, G... No, that's your dick tongue.
349
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,938
[nursery rhyme music plays]
350
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:42,775
♪ There was a dog who owned a man
And Hopson was his name-o ♪
351
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,070
♪ H-O-P-S-O-N ♪
352
00:15:46,153 --> 00:15:49,448
♪ H-O-P-S-O-N
And Hopson was his name-o ♪
353
00:15:49,531 --> 00:15:50,658
♪ H-O-P-S... ♪
354
00:15:50,741 --> 00:15:52,618
- Oh, shit!
- [Hopson barks]
355
00:15:54,662 --> 00:15:57,623
[Bullet laughs]
Imagine that! People acting like animals.
356
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:58,999
Ah, good one, writers.
357
00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:03,879
Oh, man.
358
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:06,882
Who knew the Catholic Church
was so fucked up?
359
00:16:08,592 --> 00:16:09,760
Okay. Good point.
360
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:11,887
Don't worry, boss. Whole new plan.
361
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:14,348
We've dressed Jerry up like an altar boy.
362
00:16:15,265 --> 00:16:16,475
[creaks]
363
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:19,937
We're gonna send him into the church,
Priest will fiddle with his fingle-fangle,
364
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:23,148
then we sue,
they settle for a 100 million quid,
365
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,900
and our problems are solved.
366
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:25,901
Are you kidding me?
367
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,278
Even a priest wouldn't diddle
this fishy freak.
368
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,531
Don't you say that about my son!
369
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:34,243
We Flipperfists pride ourselves
on being very molestable!
370
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,870
Look! He's tight like drum!
371
00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,455
No priest can resist!
372
00:16:38,539 --> 00:16:42,876
We're not doing that stupid-ass plan
because I call the shots,
373
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,586
because I'm the Kingpin.
374
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,755
I'm the Kingpin!
375
00:16:46,964 --> 00:16:47,881
[man] Fitz...
376
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:50,509
why are you calling yourself the Kingpin?
377
00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:51,760
Because, uh...
378
00:16:52,136 --> 00:16:55,097
we're a bowling team
and I'm the best bowler.
379
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,682
Or the...
[he stutters]
380
00:16:56,765 --> 00:16:58,100
...the king of the pins.
381
00:16:58,183 --> 00:16:59,435
Bowling team?
382
00:16:59,518 --> 00:17:01,937
You know what? I'm calling shenanigans.
383
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,982
- [phone beeps]
- Hello, is this Shenanigans Bar and Grill?
384
00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:09,319
I'd like to place a family-sized order
of Shenaniwings for my bowling buddies.
385
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:11,363
Some of 'em don't even have fingers...
[chuckles]
386
00:17:11,447 --> 00:17:13,907
...and no bowling balls, or pins.
387
00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,910
And that guy's shirt says "Fuck bowling!"
388
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:19,620
Wait a minute!
389
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:22,916
That means that you, Fitz,
are the Kingpin!
390
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,336
Looks like you finally solved the case,
Chief.
391
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:28,630
How could you, Fitz? I trusted you!
392
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,216
Yeah. That was a bad call.
393
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,426
Roast this pig!
394
00:17:32,509 --> 00:17:35,471
Chief Crawford's neck is so fat...
395
00:17:35,554 --> 00:17:38,974
It's so fat, he puts on a scarf
with a boomerang.
396
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,809
I meant "kill."
397
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:41,977
It's a tough room, boss.
398
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:42,978
Hey, Chief!
399
00:17:43,062 --> 00:17:44,938
Woody from Brickleberry called.
400
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:47,316
He wants his voice back! Ha!
401
00:17:47,399 --> 00:17:50,235
No, you stupid motherfucker!
Shoot him with your guns!
402
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,237
[rapid gunfire]
403
00:17:52,321 --> 00:17:53,363
He knows.
404
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:54,698
Clean it up.
405
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:56,867
[screaming]
406
00:17:56,950 --> 00:17:57,950
[both gasp]
407
00:17:58,452 --> 00:17:59,495
Thanks, Dusty.
408
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:01,872
I'm all right, Chief.
409
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:05,667
Who caveman now, huh?
410
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:07,044
Unga bunga!
411
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:12,174
Go, boy, go!
412
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:13,801
[Hopson sniffs]
413
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:15,260
Well, how do you do, too?
414
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:17,387
Ugh, what is that?
415
00:18:17,471 --> 00:18:19,765
He's a geriatric sex maniac mix.
416
00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:21,848
I think there's a bit of Alzheimer's
in there, too.
417
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:23,310
Look how well-behaved he is.
418
00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:24,728
- Hopson, sit!
- [Hopson pants]
419
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,730
Okay, now stay.
420
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:28,732
[Hopson growls]
421
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,401
I'll have you know that my dog
is preparing
422
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,362
for tonight's Paradise Dog Show,
423
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:36,657
und I only want his scheißehole sniffed
by real pets.
424
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:38,826
"Real pet"?
Hopson's a damn better pet
425
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,494
than any of yours, and I'll prove it!
426
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,246
Oh, yeah? How?
427
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:43,872
[applause]
428
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,791
[jaunty music]
429
00:18:49,628 --> 00:18:51,088
Oh, my God!
430
00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:54,967
I don't care if you were kicked out
of the dog show, Hopson.
431
00:18:55,050 --> 00:18:57,302
You're still the best pet
a guy could have.
432
00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:00,639
You proved that a man
can be a dog's best friend.
433
00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:03,267
Like I don't have enough to deal with,
now I've gotta arrest you
434
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:05,102
and put Hopson on the sex offender list.
435
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:06,395
I'm already on there.
436
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,897
Just put another check mark
next to my name.
437
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:14,695
Pat Robinson, do you think your friend
can help us get our money back?
438
00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:17,406
Trust me.
This guy's a miracle worker.
439
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,033
I'll only do this
if you promise to leave me alone
440
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,244
and stop being such a homophobic asshole.
441
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:26,248
How can I be homophobic?
I jerk off to Jesus.
442
00:19:26,331 --> 00:19:27,499
- What?
- Nothing.
443
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,500
[Pat chuckles]
444
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,961
- Hi.
- Can I have your autograph?
445
00:19:31,044 --> 00:19:32,588
I am your biggest fan.
446
00:19:32,671 --> 00:19:35,757
Thank you for all you've done
for the people of this world.
447
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:38,510
- You're very welcome, my child.
- [angelic music]
448
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:40,596
Jesus?
[he groans]
449
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,681
I thought you were Jared Leto.
450
00:19:43,765 --> 00:19:46,810
You are one dirty little tube sock,
aren't you, huh?
451
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,021
First, I'm gonna warm you up
in this dryer,
452
00:19:49,104 --> 00:19:52,983
then I'm gonna screw the stripes off you
while your twin sister watches.
453
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:53,901
Yeah.
454
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:54,984
[he stutters] Oh.
455
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,987
Oh, man. I forgot I was wearing a wire.
456
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:58,070
Uhh... [stutters]
457
00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,824
I-I was just talking to
my human girlfriend
458
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,826
named Tube Sock.
459
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,411
Tell them, Tube Sock.
460
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:07,497
[high-pitched]
He's lying! I'm just a sock.
461
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,541
- [normal] You bitch!
- [Crawford] Kevin!
462
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:10,459
Big news!
463
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:13,545
I just broke into the FBI
and stole their evidence.
464
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:16,173
[forced laughter]
465
00:20:16,256 --> 00:20:18,258
[nervously] What a jokester you are, Dad.
466
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:21,470
I know you're kidding
about breaking into the FBI.
467
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:23,972
No, I'm as serious as an episode of Bones.
468
00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:26,934
In fact, come closer,
so you can hear this real clearly.
469
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:31,188
I, Chief Randall Crawford,
solemnly swear that I broke into the FBI
470
00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,898
in a very illegal way.
471
00:20:32,981 --> 00:20:36,860
But, more importantly,
I know who the Kingpin is. It's...
472
00:20:36,944 --> 00:20:40,656
FBI! Everybody down on the ground!
Get down!
473
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:43,116
Good job, Kevin. We got it all on tape,
474
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,078
including the part
about you fucking laundry.
475
00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:48,997
- [handcuffs click]
- Kevin? How could you?
476
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,917
Dad! I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!
477
00:20:55,128 --> 00:20:58,173
Huh, looks like he, uh,
dropped a Post-It note.
478
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:00,467
[he gasps]
479
00:21:00,550 --> 00:21:03,929
One hour, 18 minutes and 23 seconds
until retirement,
480
00:21:04,012 --> 00:21:07,015
and I was almost beheaded
by a space rock.
481
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:10,769
Never would have got to see
the beautiful Jacksonville Zoo.
482
00:21:10,852 --> 00:21:14,523
I hear they have a new exhibit:
"Three birds we found."
483
00:21:14,898 --> 00:21:18,485
Good thing I'm gonna live
long into my golden years.
484
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:24,199
[clicks and chatters]
485
00:21:27,828 --> 00:21:31,164
So, you boys back
for another arse-whooping?
486
00:21:31,248 --> 00:21:32,749
Not this time.
487
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,001
We brought backup.
488
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,627
Bless you, my good servant.
489
00:21:35,711 --> 00:21:37,796
I need you to hand over that money now.
490
00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:41,008
Oh, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!
491
00:21:41,091 --> 00:21:42,092
'Tis a miracle.
492
00:21:42,175 --> 00:21:44,344
I shall give you that money right away.
493
00:21:44,428 --> 00:21:48,390
But first, can you do a poor sinner
one small favor?
494
00:21:48,473 --> 00:21:49,558
What, my son?
495
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,935
Climb back up on that crucifix
496
00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:55,647
and pogo your scrawny ass
out the feckin' door!
497
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:56,982
Excuse me?
498
00:21:57,065 --> 00:21:59,026
You got thorns in your ears?
499
00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:00,694
I said, feck off!
500
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:03,363
You ain't taking our feckin' money,
you greedy Jew!
501
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:04,990
But I'm Jesus.
502
00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:06,908
And Mickey Mouse is Mickey Mouse,
503
00:22:06,992 --> 00:22:09,786
but he don't call the feckin' shots
at Disney, does he?
504
00:22:09,870 --> 00:22:13,248
Now get lost or this year's Good Friday's
gonna be on a Tuesday.
505
00:22:13,332 --> 00:22:15,459
- Who's going to make me?
- [Fitz] Oh, no.
506
00:22:15,542 --> 00:22:17,627
- [glass smashes]
- [they groan]
507
00:22:17,711 --> 00:22:19,212
Did you see me in there?
508
00:22:19,296 --> 00:22:20,964
I was like, "pow!"
509
00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:22,674
Kicking butt and taking names.
510
00:22:22,758 --> 00:22:23,592
No you weren't.
511
00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:26,070
You were crying in the corner
while those nuns beat your ass.
512
00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:29,181
No! I was like, "boom!"
And then I was like, "pew-pew!"
513
00:22:29,264 --> 00:22:32,309
Is "pew-pew"
the sound of you shitting your pants?
514
00:22:32,392 --> 00:22:33,643
'Cause that's all you did.
515
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,773
Jerry! You ate all the money?
516
00:22:37,856 --> 00:22:40,192
Oh, I could just kiss you all over.
517
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:44,821
And you said he wasn't molestable, uh?
518
00:22:44,905 --> 00:22:46,114
Tight like drum!
519
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:50,535
Beatrice, the wait is over.
520
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:53,372
Northeastern Florida, here we come.
521
00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:58,335
You know, I technically still have
13 minutes on the clock.
522
00:22:58,418 --> 00:23:01,004
I should probably follow one last lead.
523
00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:03,048
Don't worry, honey. It won't take long.
524
00:23:03,131 --> 00:23:04,925
In fact, to save time,
525
00:23:05,008 --> 00:23:08,053
I won't even bother
putting on my bulletproof vest.
526
00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:13,100
Hello? Anyone in here?
527
00:23:13,558 --> 00:23:17,062
Just a few more weeks
of houndstooth meth sales
528
00:23:17,145 --> 00:23:21,191
and I'll have everything I need
to initiate Operation DD.
529
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:23,902
Soon the whole world will know my name.
530
00:23:24,528 --> 00:23:25,737
The Kingpin!
531
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:28,698
Freeze, Kingpin! Agent Dunfore, FBI.
532
00:23:28,782 --> 00:23:29,908
You're under arrest.
533
00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:30,826
You got me.
534
00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:32,327
I won't give you any trouble,
535
00:23:32,411 --> 00:23:33,995
but my machine gun will!
536
00:23:37,207 --> 00:23:38,041
Whoa.
537
00:23:38,125 --> 00:23:40,919
My guardian angel
must be working overtime.
538
00:23:41,002 --> 00:23:43,505
The boys aren't gonna believe this!
539
00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:45,590
The biggest arrest of my career.
540
00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:49,052
And my retirement starts in three, two...
541
00:23:49,177 --> 00:23:50,177
[gunshot]
542
00:23:50,720 --> 00:23:52,180
Damn. That was close.
543
00:23:52,264 --> 00:23:54,850
Thanks, Agent Clappers.
544
00:23:54,933 --> 00:23:55,933
You're welcome...
545
00:23:56,309 --> 00:23:57,144
boss.
546
00:23:57,227 --> 00:23:59,271
And Crawford's taken care of?
547
00:23:59,354 --> 00:24:01,440
Put away by his own son.
548
00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:06,486
[evil laughter]
549
00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:11,575
[high-pitched giggle]
550
00:24:12,617 --> 00:24:14,661
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
551
00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,710
I'm so sorry, Beatrice,
552
00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:24,212
but your husband was just killed
in the line of duty
553
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:27,632
a mere 0.7 seconds before his
retirement.
554
00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,385
May God rest his soul.
555
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,474
Thank Christ!
556
00:24:35,557 --> 00:24:38,518
I don't have to go to Jacksonville.
557
00:24:38,602 --> 00:24:39,728
[crow squawks]
558
00:24:44,107 --> 00:24:47,652
♪ There was a dog who owned a man
And Hopson was his name-o ♪
559
00:24:47,736 --> 00:24:51,114
♪ H-O-P-S-O-N ♪
560
00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:54,576
♪ H-O-P-S-O-N
And Hopson was his name-o ♪
561
00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:16,681
♪ There was a dog who owned a man
And Hopson was his name-o ♪
562
00:25:16,765 --> 00:25:20,143
♪ H-O-P-S-O-N ♪
563
00:25:20,227 --> 00:25:23,605
♪ H-O-P-S-O-N
And Hopson was his name-o ♪
564
00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:26,149
♪ H-O-P-S... ♪
Oh shit!