1
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:10,927
[metal scraping]
2
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,304
No, you can't take my helicopter!
3
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:15,640
Take my son instead!
4
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:17,851
Fitz!
5
00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:20,854
I'm so happy to have my best friend
back on the force.
6
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:22,772
Yep, I don't hate you at all
7
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,151
for ruining my multi-million-dollar
Dippin' Dots franchise.
8
00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:27,277
That's a relief,
9
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,571
because that would be a good reason
to hate me.
10
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:32,240
Anyway, BFF, I need your guidance.
11
00:00:32,323 --> 00:00:33,950
Since Gina saved my life,
12
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,286
every time I see her, I get butterflies...
13
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,495
in my penis.
14
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:38,997
Any advice you could give me?
15
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,417
Yeah, find a nice incel community
to join.
16
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:45,003
I did. I'm too pathetic to get in there.
17
00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:47,380
- Damn. That's sad.
- No, that's the name of the group.
18
00:00:49,424 --> 00:00:52,260
Look, start by not doing any of your usual
19
00:00:52,343 --> 00:00:54,679
embarrassing vagina-dehydrating shit.
20
00:00:54,763 --> 00:00:55,847
Don't worry.
21
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:59,267
I'm sure nothing will call attention to me
in a negative manner today.
22
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:01,895
Happy Kevin Sucks Day!
23
00:01:01,978 --> 00:01:02,896
[party horn toots]
24
00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:04,147
Happy what day?
25
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:05,732
"Kevin Sucks Day."
26
00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:08,860
It’s a holiday we celebrate
ever since a certain Kevin
27
00:01:08,943 --> 00:01:10,487
ruined the town for everyone.
28
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,781
Whatever. It's not a real holiday.
29
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:15,283
It is now. I just signed the declaration.
30
00:01:15,366 --> 00:01:17,327
Got you a "Kevin Sucks Day" card, honey.
31
00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:20,830
Look at that, son,
you’re literally fucking the town.
32
00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,792
Kevin sucks!
33
00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:27,504
How are there piñatas for a holiday
that didn’t exist two hours ago?
34
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:31,341
That’s not a piñata.
That’s my Kevin Sucks love doll.
35
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,093
He likes it rough.
36
00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:35,428
That's a weird way to celebrate a holiday.
37
00:01:35,512 --> 00:01:36,554
What holiday?
38
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:40,642
Do I need to remind you
that I also saved an innocent man’s life?
39
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,393
Dusty gets out of prison today,
40
00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:45,355
and I can assure you
he won't be a fan of this holiday.
41
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:48,900
♪ Happy Kevin Sucks Day ♪
42
00:01:48,983 --> 00:01:49,984
♪ Kevin fuckin' sucks! ♪
43
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,820
Who wants cookies?
44
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,321
Really, Dusty?
45
00:01:53,404 --> 00:01:54,781
They made up this horrible holiday
46
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:57,075
because I spared you
from the electric couch.
47
00:01:57,158 --> 00:01:58,576
How could you celebrate it?
48
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:02,122
Well, Easter’s a celebration
of the murder of our Lord and Savior,
49
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:04,541
but I still eat
the fuck out of some Cadbury's.
50
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:05,625
Point taken.
51
00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:07,085
After all your time in prison,
52
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,212
I'm surprised
Gina's not all up in your pants.
53
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:10,754
Oh, I am.
54
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:14,259
Gina, you cannot take your vacation days
in my pants!
55
00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:15,176
Aw, man!
56
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,804
I was having fun
tickling that starfish.
57
00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:19,806
You better wash that finger
before you eat.
58
00:02:19,889 --> 00:02:24,310
You, sir, have turned this town
back into a crime-ridden dump!
59
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:27,438
- And I just wanna say thank you.
- Bullet, are you crying?
60
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:30,316
No, I just had a junkie blow coke
under my eyelids
61
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,068
and I think my eyeballs are melting.
62
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:35,155
Bullet’s right.
Drugs are back in a big way.
63
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:38,992
Designer meth is once again rampant
on the streets of Paradise.
64
00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:41,077
People do love my argyle meth.
65
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,872
I mean, not my argyle meth. Not!
66
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:45,165
[nervous chuckle]
67
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:46,248
Good save, Fitz.
68
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:49,627
Argyle meth?
Ooh, that is so last year, girlfriend.
69
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,963
I'm talking about Houndstooth meth.
70
00:02:52,046 --> 00:02:53,756
What? Houndstooth?
71
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,551
Who wants that white-girl
winter-coat-looking shit?
72
00:02:56,634 --> 00:03:00,096
The makers of this Houndstooth meth
really know modern marketing.
73
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:03,641
They even hired a top YouTube influencer
to do an unboxing video.
74
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,685
What’s up guys? OMG, as you can see,
75
00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:08,568
each shard of meth has a beautiful pattern
and if you eat enough of it,
76
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,205
you start to feel funny.
[manic laughter]
77
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:11,441
These are really bugging me.
78
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,985
[grunts and laughs]
79
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:15,778
Put me on the case, Chief.
80
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,323
I’ll put an end to Houndstooth meth today.
81
00:03:18,406 --> 00:03:19,616
Ooh, Fitz, I'm hard.
82
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:20,700
I mean, impressed!
83
00:03:20,783 --> 00:03:22,410
Good save, chief.
Take Dusty with you.
84
00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:24,370
You want me to work on a holiday?
85
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:25,955
It's not a holiday!
86
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:29,334
Stop the war on Kevin Sucks Day, libtard.
87
00:03:29,417 --> 00:03:30,793
Hey, Dad, I could go with Fitz.
88
00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,421
No, you have screwed up enough
for one week.
89
00:03:33,504 --> 00:03:35,465
Just go clean the pre-cog tank.
90
00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,635
Those bathtub baldies are getting repo-ed
and I want my deposit back.
91
00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,136
Mom, can you talk to him?
92
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,305
- Fuck off, Kevin!
- Hang in there, baby.
93
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:45,141
We may be disgraced at the moment,
thanks to our stupid son,
94
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,559
but that's going to change soon
95
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,562
because I am going to solve
this Kingpin case myself.
96
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:50,480
[man] No, you won’t.
97
00:03:50,563 --> 00:03:52,232
The Kingpin case is mine.
98
00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:54,025
Agent Clappers, FBI.
99
00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:57,237
You had your chance to solve this case
and you botched it.
100
00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,157
You think that you can march in here
and take my case away?
101
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,202
[laughs] Man, you have got some set of...
[gasps]
102
00:04:04,285 --> 00:04:05,870
♪ Big ball energy ♪
103
00:04:06,704 --> 00:04:08,831
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
104
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:12,543
- Robble robble.
- What?
105
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,504
Wow, nice testes!
106
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,506
Hey, Bullet, I almost forgot to thank you
107
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,841
for feeding my cats
while I was in lady prison.
108
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:20,260
No problem, Dusty.
109
00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:21,761
I'm glad you felt confident
110
00:04:21,844 --> 00:04:25,098
that there was no way I'd forget
to do something so important.
111
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,349
[Bullet whimpers]
112
00:04:26,975 --> 00:04:29,227
Okay, hmm, yum-yum-yum,
who's hungry?
113
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:31,104
Ah, shit.
114
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:32,272
Well, I did what I could.
115
00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:35,148
[Crawford roars]
116
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:36,276
[bullets firing]
117
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:37,901
[Gerald grunts]
118
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:39,320
[Gina yells]
119
00:04:39,779 --> 00:04:40,779
[yells, wheezes]
120
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:43,490
[Bullet exhales]
121
00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:51,499
- [phone beeps]
- Thester, I need you to tell me
122
00:04:51,582 --> 00:04:53,501
everything you know
about Houndstooth meth.
123
00:04:53,584 --> 00:04:55,378
I know they move 50 bags today.
124
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:57,505
Could be more,
that's just how many I bought.
125
00:04:57,588 --> 00:05:00,008
Thester, just tell me
where they’re slinging the stuff.
126
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:03,886
The one place no one ever goes,
except to buy meth...
127
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:06,514
the Paradise Public Library.
128
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:09,934
I’m gonna Dewey decimate
those motherfuckers.
129
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:11,853
[Thester squeals and laughs]
130
00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,104
I don't get it.
131
00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:15,416
- [phone beeps]
- Want to get back to it, then?
132
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:18,192
[panting]
I'm the devil!
133
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:20,862
Stupid, asshole-y parents.
134
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:22,155
Could my life suck more?
135
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:24,949
I wish I was a creepy bald pariah
136
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,118
who could lounge around in a pool all day.
137
00:05:27,201 --> 00:05:29,078
I guess we can't all be Jeff Bezos.
138
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:31,706
They’re detecting a pre-crime.
139
00:05:31,789 --> 00:05:34,000
Maybe I can solve it and impress Gina.
140
00:05:36,044 --> 00:05:37,462
Kevin Crawford?
141
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:38,545
That's me!
142
00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:40,631
What crime will I commit today?
143
00:05:41,883 --> 00:05:45,762
“Will masturbate in front of the monkeys
at the zoo.”
144
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:46,721
[scoffs]
145
00:05:46,804 --> 00:05:48,056
That's ridiculous!
146
00:05:48,514 --> 00:05:51,934
There's no way I would ever masturbate
in front of monkeys at the zoo.
147
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,561
Or would I?
148
00:05:55,271 --> 00:05:56,939
- [flies buzzing]
- Aw, man!
149
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,776
How could I let this happen?
Dusty will never forgive me.
150
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,861
Wait a minute. Two, four, si...
151
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,072
Thirteen?
I thought Dusty had 14 cats.
152
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:05,740
- [crockery clatters]
- [groaning]
153
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:08,993
[slurping and groaning]
154
00:06:10,244 --> 00:06:11,829
I ate them.
155
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,791
I ate them all!
156
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:16,084
[screams]
157
00:06:16,167 --> 00:06:17,585
A talking cat!
158
00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:22,090
Okay, Kevin, all you have to do today
159
00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:24,509
is not masturbate
in front of the monkeys at the zoo.
160
00:06:24,926 --> 00:06:25,968
This should be easy.
161
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,721
But, uh, better play it safe.
162
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,431
- [phone rings]
- Paradise Zoo.
163
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:33,059
Uh, hello, this is Al...
164
00:06:33,518 --> 00:06:34,394
Jazeera.
165
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,187
And there's a bomb at the zoo,
166
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,773
so you need to shut down all day today.
167
00:06:38,856 --> 00:06:40,983
Shut down? We’re not shutting down!
168
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,069
Kevin Sucks Day
is our biggest day of the year!
169
00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:47,031
Keep it together, Kevin.
It doesn’t matter if the zoo stays open.
170
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,242
All you have to do is not go to the zoo.
171
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:52,203
Kevin, there’s been a bomb threat!
Get your ass down to the zoo!
172
00:06:52,703 --> 00:06:54,497
God, you suck, Kevin!
173
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,542
So, uh, Agent Clappers, huh?
174
00:06:57,625 --> 00:06:59,127
[scoffs]
What do you think of him?
175
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,712
- I love the way that pair dangles.
- What?
176
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:03,798
These earrings! Aren't they nice?
177
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,174
Oh, yeah. They're nice.
178
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:07,093
Say, uh, Karen...
179
00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:10,721
do you ever find yourself
missing my testicles?
180
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:13,182
What? No! I love your little patch of...
181
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,600
scorched earth.
[nervous chuckle]
182
00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:17,353
Really? Because, well,
back when I had balls,
183
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,730
you used to go Hungry Hungry Hippos
down there.
184
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,650
Remember? I’d flick your tail
and you’d gobble up my marbles.
185
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:24,235
Oh, that was just a phase.
186
00:07:24,318 --> 00:07:27,572
Trust me, women don't like balls.
They’re gross!
187
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:30,992
They look like Clint Eastwood
spent a week face-down in a koi pond.
188
00:07:31,075 --> 00:07:32,910
Phew! Well, that's a relief.
189
00:07:33,161 --> 00:07:35,722
I’ve got to run to church and practice
my “Fuck You, Kevin” sermon
190
00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:37,248
for the Kevin Sucks Day mass.
191
00:07:37,915 --> 00:07:38,958
I'll meet you there.
192
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,335
Oh, Karen! Have you seen my cufflinks?
193
00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:43,671
Ah, never mind.
Maybe they're in her nightstand.
194
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:45,756
What the hell is this?
195
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,550
That's a ball-do.
196
00:07:47,633 --> 00:07:51,179
It’s like a dildo, but for ball freaks.
197
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:53,097
You can use them like this,
198
00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:55,183
or this, or just put them...
199
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:56,184
[muffled speech]
200
00:07:56,267 --> 00:07:58,352
- Gah, I got it!
- Yeah, they're fun.
201
00:07:58,436 --> 00:07:59,979
Must’ve gotten there by mistake.
202
00:08:00,062 --> 00:08:02,273
I mean, Karen told me that
she’s not into balls.
203
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:04,942
What the hell are you doing here anyway,
Hopson?
204
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,737
I’m just here to return Karen’s ball porn.
205
00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:10,531
Sack To The Future, Scrotal Recall,
206
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:13,576
and Twelve Years A Slave
To Some Guy’s Nuts.
207
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,244
Holy shit.
208
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,246
Karen’s binging on Nutflix!
209
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,499
She's a grade-A ball freak!
210
00:08:19,790 --> 00:08:22,168
And Clappers has grade-A balls.
211
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:23,377
His nuggets are nice,
212
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:25,630
but they don’t compare
to the ones you had.
213
00:08:25,713 --> 00:08:29,091
I haven't seen balls that beautiful
since the funeral.
214
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,051
What funeral?
215
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:32,803
Oh, I guess
you were still in the hospital then.
216
00:08:32,887 --> 00:08:37,141
Yeah, Karen had a big hero’s funeral
for your balls.
217
00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:40,686
- [Karen sobs]
- [bagpipes play]
218
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:41,938
No!
219
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:43,397
[Karen wails]
220
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,694
Now, Dusty, you wait in the car
because it might get dangerous inside.
221
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,905
Oh, that's fine, Fitz,
'cause I’m realizing
222
00:08:50,988 --> 00:08:53,574
I never actually been inside
one of these police cars,
223
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,076
and I’m pretty sure I’m stuck.
224
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,161
[car creaks]
225
00:08:57,286 --> 00:08:58,286
[door slams]
226
00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:07,004
I'm assuming you're the guys
selling Houndstooth meth in the library?
227
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:09,507
No, uh, we're, uh,
checking out books to read.
228
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:11,217
Oh, yeah? What's this letter?
229
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:12,802
- Effa?
- Double Z?
230
00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,053
Okay, you got us.
231
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:18,140
Great, so we can do this the easy way
or the hard way.
232
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:21,561
Hard way? Ain’t you that nonviolent,
piccolo-playing, pussy cop?
233
00:09:21,644 --> 00:09:23,646
[Fitz laughs heartily]
234
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:25,529
- [Dealer laughs]
- [laughter fading] Oh. Hmm.
235
00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:28,609
[Dealer laughs heartily]
236
00:09:30,403 --> 00:09:31,487
Yeah, I am,
237
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,406
but people change.
238
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:34,907
[Fitz grunts]
239
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:35,825
Who do you work for?
240
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:36,909
Shh!
241
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,995
[whispering] Oh, I'm sorry.
Who do you work for?
242
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:40,288
[whispering] Fuck you, pig.
243
00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,999
[Fitz groans]
244
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,250
Shh!
245
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:46,335
[whispered groans]
246
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:53,676
[bunny squeaks]
247
00:09:53,759 --> 00:09:56,137
Okay! My boss is at
Robby and Delbert’s crack house.
248
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:57,263
Just don't hurt me.
249
00:09:57,346 --> 00:10:00,308
Don't worry. This won't hurt at all.
250
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:02,268
What kind of cop are you?
251
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,270
- The worst kind.
- [gun clicks]
252
00:10:04,353 --> 00:10:05,438
[librarian coughs]
253
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:14,030
[muffled gunshots]
254
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,198
Gun whispers! Fitz is in trouble!
255
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,658
[grunting]
256
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:19,869
Come on. Get... Get out of it.
257
00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:22,371
[siren wails]
258
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,206
- Ah!
- Fitz! Are you okay?
259
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,166
What the...
260
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:28,002
I know, I'm wearing a Crown Vic
after Labor Day,
261
00:10:28,085 --> 00:10:29,378
but just get in.
262
00:10:33,257 --> 00:10:36,552
Doc, I just found out that
Karen is a grade-A ball freak,
263
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,679
and I'm a little lacking in that area.
264
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:39,763
You gotta help me!
265
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,099
Of course. What time do you
want me to teabag your wife?
266
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,019
No, Dr. Weirdo!
I want my own set of balls!
267
00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:46,687
Oh, you mean a ball transplant?
268
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,481
I'll put you
at the top of the donor list.
269
00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:52,068
You'll receive the testicles
of the next male that dies in Paradise.
270
00:10:52,151 --> 00:10:53,486
That's great news, Doc.
271
00:10:53,569 --> 00:10:56,489
And until those nuts come through,
Karen can borrow my ball-do.
272
00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:57,865
[sadly] Already has one.
273
00:10:57,948 --> 00:11:00,368
Ah, but does she have a celebrity ball-do?
274
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:02,453
I have Don Lemon and Ice-T.
275
00:11:02,536 --> 00:11:05,289
Sometimes I put them together.
I call it the Arnold Palmer.
276
00:11:05,831 --> 00:11:07,416
I heard there was a deceased male.
277
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,418
Yep. Piano fell on his nuts.
278
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,670
Ah, shit!
279
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:14,465
Gina, please tell me this guy
didn't die by testicular trauma.
280
00:11:14,548 --> 00:11:16,425
- Nope, heart attack.
- Thank god.
281
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,987
It was the shock of seeing his balls
go through a wood chipper.
282
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,012
Fuck!
283
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,263
[sirens wail]
284
00:11:21,347 --> 00:11:24,433
Now, buddy, we both know
you don't have the balls to do this.
285
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:25,559
Oh, yes, I do.
286
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,353
Oh, yeah? Well, let me see.
287
00:11:27,436 --> 00:11:30,356
- What?
- Your balls. Let me see your balls.
288
00:11:30,439 --> 00:11:32,108
Uh... Okay.
289
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,360
Wow, they're beautiful!
290
00:11:34,443 --> 00:11:35,611
All right, go ahead and jump.
291
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,738
But, uh, could you try to
land on your back, please?
292
00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,031
Hot dog!
293
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:41,784
You’re right.
They are beautiful balls!
294
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,453
Thanks, mister.
I have something to live for.
295
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,956
In fact, I've got two things to live for.
296
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,916
No! Finish what you started.
297
00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:51,794
Honey, I'm coming home.
I've got something to show the kids,
298
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,380
something that'll make 'em
proud of their old man.
299
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,215
- [crowd cheers]
- [Crawford] God damn it.
300
00:11:58,926 --> 00:12:01,595
Okay, Kevin. Bad news: You’re at the zoo.
301
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,305
Good news: All you have to do
302
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,641
is stay far away from the monkeys.
303
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,476
And just to make sure of that...
304
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,560
[chuckles]
305
00:12:08,602 --> 00:12:10,187
Good thinking, Kevin.
306
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:13,232
The next and only stop: The monkeys!
307
00:12:13,315 --> 00:12:14,315
Damn it!
308
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,154
H-hey, I get it.
309
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:19,989
You did what you had to do to survive.
310
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:23,868
I ate the first of my cat friends
for survival.
311
00:12:23,951 --> 00:12:27,246
By number four, I started to enjoy it.
312
00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:31,542
At number 11,
they started to give me power.
313
00:12:31,625 --> 00:12:34,295
God-like power!
314
00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:35,629
Oh, yeah, that's great.
315
00:12:35,713 --> 00:12:38,632
Have some of this Fancy Feast
while I get the fuck out of here!
316
00:12:39,550 --> 00:12:43,179
Mr. Meowgi only craves cat flesh.
317
00:12:43,262 --> 00:12:44,847
And I need more!
318
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:46,265
More!
319
00:12:46,348 --> 00:12:48,851
And you’re going to get it for me.
320
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,686
[screeches and hisses]
321
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:51,770
Hey, gotta go.
322
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,203
- [Mr. Meowgi screeches]
- [Bullet grunts]
323
00:12:54,732 --> 00:12:55,858
A-ha!
324
00:12:55,941 --> 00:12:58,652
Rebel Wilson in Cats.
That’s who you look like!
325
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:03,532
I've been imbued
with the power of 13 felines.
326
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,327
You will deliver my cat flesh
327
00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:10,206
or I may develop a taste for dog!
328
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:12,416
Okay. I do know one cat.
329
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,127
- [cat snores]
- [phone rings and vibrates]
330
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,211
Hello? Who this?
331
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,130
[groans] Hey, Miss Whiskers.
332
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:19,423
I, uh, I need to see you.
333
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,926
Oh, hi, Bullet. Is this a booty call?
334
00:13:22,009 --> 00:13:23,219
Sure, whatever, yeah.
335
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:25,513
I want that mangy,
bug-infested booty so bad, yeah.
336
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:26,889
- Just get over here.
- Oh, okay.
337
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:30,017
But if I come over there,
this pussy better get eat.
338
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,685
Uh, well, that's the plan.
339
00:13:32,770 --> 00:13:35,773
We’re never gonna stop Houndstooth meth
if you don’t go faster!
340
00:13:35,856 --> 00:13:37,733
You’re gonna have to talk
to my cardiologist.
341
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:41,320
He says if I walk faster
than a light stroll, my body will explode.
342
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:43,030
That's it, I'm calling an Uber.
343
00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:44,698
Somebody call an Uber?
344
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:47,451
God damn this. I’m walking.
345
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,957
Karen, I hope with your help,
I can finally take down this Kingpin.
346
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,625
You seem on the ball. I mean...
347
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:56,627
It’s driving me nuts
that we haven’t sacked him.
348
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,754
Uh, I don’t mean to sound testy.
349
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,131
It’s all so hairy,
enough to make you go nad.
350
00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,132
I mean, mad!
351
00:14:02,216 --> 00:14:04,218
I mean, fat balls in my face!
352
00:14:05,302 --> 00:14:07,221
Well, just tell me what you do know.
353
00:14:07,304 --> 00:14:11,684
Well, we busted argyle meth dealers
here and here,
354
00:14:11,767 --> 00:14:17,314
so I'd say the Kingpin was operating
out of either here or here.
355
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:19,233
[sultry music]
356
00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:22,903
How would you feel about a hands-on
investigation of these two...
357
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:23,988
areas?
358
00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:26,198
Well, that’d be a lot to juggle, but...
359
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:27,324
[yelps]
360
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:28,408
Sorry!
361
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,077
My chair's all wet. [laughs]
362
00:14:31,745 --> 00:14:34,957
Hey, Clappers! It was bad enough
when you took my case,
363
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,334
but you stay the hell away from my woman.
364
00:14:37,418 --> 00:14:38,961
What are you worried about, Crawford?
365
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,380
What Karen and I have
is strictly professional.
366
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:45,968
If professional includes your fiancée
eye-fucking my dick titties.
367
00:14:46,302 --> 00:14:49,680
Yeah, well, those dick titties of yours
aren’t as perfect as you think they are!
368
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,515
The left one hangs slightly lower!
369
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,934
Yeah, that’s right,
I’ve been eye-fucking ‘em too!
370
00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:58,314
Look, Doctor Funtlichter,
the ball donor list is taking too long.
371
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,107
I need nuts yesterday.
372
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:02,735
Well, Randall, if you don't mind
bending the law a little bit,
373
00:15:02,818 --> 00:15:04,361
you can always try the black market.
374
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:08,574
We only harvest
the healthiest organs here.
375
00:15:08,657 --> 00:15:11,785
What are you in the market for?
Spleen, liver, heart, lungs?
376
00:15:12,286 --> 00:15:14,121
- Got any testicles?
- Do we?
377
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:15,706
[sniffs]
378
00:15:15,789 --> 00:15:16,916
[smacks lips]
379
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,751
Hmm, nice and ripe. How much?
380
00:15:18,834 --> 00:15:20,127
Five thousand a ball.
381
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:21,545
Five thousand?
382
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,714
Well, here’s my counteroffer.
383
00:15:24,632 --> 00:15:25,633
[gun clicks]
384
00:15:25,716 --> 00:15:27,593
- [rapid gunshots]
- [Crawford panting]
385
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:28,885
[Crawford screams]
386
00:15:29,386 --> 00:15:31,805
I'm ready for my ball implant.
387
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:37,645
Doc, how'd it go?
388
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,480
You passed out before you could tell me,
389
00:15:39,563 --> 00:15:41,774
but luckily, I found the note
you wrote me. See?
390
00:15:41,857 --> 00:15:43,651
"Put all the balls in my sack."
391
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:44,568
So I did.
392
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:45,986
Oh, my God.
393
00:15:46,362 --> 00:15:48,072
You’re the greatest doctor ever!
394
00:15:48,155 --> 00:15:50,991
[rap music plays]
395
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,829
♪ Big ball energy ♪
396
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,791
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
397
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,627
♪ Big like a Humvee ♪
398
00:16:01,710 --> 00:16:03,150
♪ Thick like an oak tree ♪
[retching]
399
00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,546
♪ Wide like the Red Sea ♪
400
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,131
♪ Fat like Chris Christie ♪
[gasps]
401
00:16:06,215 --> 00:16:07,758
♪ Hairy like a goatee ♪
402
00:16:08,634 --> 00:16:11,220
- ♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
- [dog barks]
403
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:14,056
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
404
00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:17,059
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
405
00:16:18,602 --> 00:16:20,521
What the hell is this?
406
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:23,148
Look, I'm sorry about this, okay?
But it's...
407
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:24,066
A threesome?
408
00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:27,611
Ooh, I’m always up for some DP!
409
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:30,322
One in the tongue hole,
one in the bunghole.
410
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:31,281
Get it?
411
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,158
One in the cooter, one in the pooter.
412
00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:34,076
Get it?
413
00:16:34,159 --> 00:16:35,869
One in the yapper, one in the crapper.
414
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:37,246
Get it?
415
00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:39,039
One in the teefer, one in the queefer.
416
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:39,957
You get it?
417
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,209
One in the kitten hole,
one in the shittin' hole.
418
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:43,127
You get it?
419
00:16:43,210 --> 00:16:44,211
Oh.
420
00:16:44,294 --> 00:16:45,129
Okay.
421
00:16:45,212 --> 00:16:47,631
I'll be tying you up now.
422
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:52,428
You’re about to experience
a new level of pain.
423
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,096
Well, y’all in for a treat,
424
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,932
because the more it hurt,
the more I squirt!
425
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,059
Oh, God. [gags]
426
00:17:00,561 --> 00:17:01,562
[door creaks]
427
00:17:01,645 --> 00:17:03,313
Randall, is that you?
428
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:06,316
Mm-hmm.
And have I got a surprise for you, baby.
429
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,068
Something that'll fix everything.
430
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,153
[screams]
431
00:17:09,236 --> 00:17:10,779
[muffled gasping]
432
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,865
Uh, Karen, are those happy sounds?
433
00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:14,533
I can't hear you through the balls.
434
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:15,616
- [gasping slows]
- Karen?
435
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:17,870
- Karen!
- [sirens wail]
436
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:21,874
I mean, you liked it a little bit, right?
437
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:24,418
Karen, are you okay?
What did he do to you?
438
00:17:24,501 --> 00:17:26,837
Do to her? I did it for her!
439
00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:30,174
Well, I’m sure she would thank you
if she could move her face.
440
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:31,884
I'm sick of your shit, Clappers.
441
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:34,178
It's time to settle this
once and for all.
442
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:37,222
I challenge you to a Ball-Off!
443
00:17:37,639 --> 00:17:38,639
Oh, my God!
444
00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:40,309
They're having a Ball-Off!
445
00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:45,064
- [shouting] Ball-Off!
- [patients chatter excitedly]
446
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:46,148
[machine beeps]
447
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,274
Ball-Off!
448
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,234
[patient squeals]
449
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,403
[machine flatlines]
450
00:17:54,156 --> 00:17:58,285
I heard the man behind Houndstooth meth
could be found here.
451
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,954
Yeah, I never thought we’d get back
into the meth game
452
00:18:01,038 --> 00:18:02,539
after what happened to Delbert’s arm,
453
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:05,542
but, hey,
our new boss is cool and fun, man.
454
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,503
Well? Where is he?
455
00:18:07,586 --> 00:18:08,586
Right there.
456
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,339
Hello, Officer Fitzgerald,
457
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:12,674
or should I say "the Kingpin?"
458
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,343
How do you know that, Cop Bot?
459
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,178
I didn't, you just told me.
460
00:18:16,261 --> 00:18:19,640
That’s the kind of smart police trickery
you can find on Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
461
00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:21,850
I admire the work you've done
with argyle meth,
462
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,728
even though my Houndstooth
is a far superior product.
463
00:18:24,812 --> 00:18:26,271
So I've heard.
464
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:29,691
I came here to kill you,
but robots delight and amuse me,
465
00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:32,236
so I'm going to give you a one-time offer.
466
00:18:32,319 --> 00:18:34,780
Share your Houndstooth recipe with me
467
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,365
and we can be partners.
468
00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:40,369
Together, we'll be fucking unstoppable.
469
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,830
"Fucking Unstoppable."
Is that the name of your sex tape?
470
00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:45,165
Ha-ha. Classic Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
471
00:18:45,624 --> 00:18:47,167
Okay, we’ll be partners.
472
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:48,919
Printing recipe now.
473
00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,921
[printer whirs]
474
00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:54,716
On second thought,
I've never been much for partners.
475
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:55,926
[metal clangs]
476
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,137
Wow, that was the quickest betrayal
477
00:18:58,220 --> 00:19:00,430
since this happened on Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
478
00:19:00,514 --> 00:19:01,557
[video crackles]
479
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:04,226
Me and this spider are partners for life.
480
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,103
He's gone.
481
00:19:06,186 --> 00:19:08,730
It's on my head!
482
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:10,816
[screams]
483
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,736
Wasn't that hilarious?
Anyway, you must die.
484
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,701
I can't believe my first time
in a police car
485
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:22,536
and I got my fat ass stuck in it.
486
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,288
[grunts] How embarrassing.
487
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:26,206
You know what? Let's change my order
488
00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:28,709
to 71 Big Macs and a Diet Coke,
489
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:31,545
but can you put frozen McNuggets in there
instead of ice?
490
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,130
I know what y'all thinking.
491
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:35,257
Next time, I will use the drive-thru.
492
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,759
- [radio crackles]
- [Fitz] Dusty! Help!
493
00:19:38,635 --> 00:19:40,637
Fitz is in trouble! I've got to...
[grunting]
494
00:19:40,721 --> 00:19:42,973
Ow! Crap! I'm stuck!
495
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:48,353
I’m stuck inside of a car
that’s stuck inside of a McDonald’s!
496
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:52,316
[Fitz gasping]
497
00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:56,361
I guess this town is only big enough
for one dirty cop.
498
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:00,824
Uh...
499
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,451
Dusty, are you wearing a McDonald's?
500
00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,036
It appears so, yes.
501
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,830
Can I get two large Kevin McSucks shakes?
502
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,211
Damn! Y’all some freaks.
503
00:20:12,336 --> 00:20:15,047
This is some Lamar Odom-level shit
right here.
504
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,634
Ooh, yeah, baby.
505
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,469
Flick that hippocampus.
506
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:23,055
Jump in, Bullet!
Run a train on this brain!
507
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,016
[Mr. Meowgi gulps and murmurs]
508
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:27,935
Good news, Bullet,
509
00:20:28,018 --> 00:20:30,687
I think he just ate my gag reflex.
510
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:33,190
[retching] I... I still got mine.
511
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:36,944
You should get used
to watching me feast on felines
512
00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,905
because you will bring me cats
to feed on...
513
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:41,782
forever!
514
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,158
[laughs] I don't think so.
515
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:45,494
I've got some advice for you.
516
00:20:45,577 --> 00:20:47,454
Do not resist me.
517
00:20:47,537 --> 00:20:50,082
It will only bring you pain!
518
00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:52,084
I've got some advice for you, too, buddy.
519
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:54,670
If you’re going to eat a cat
swirling with that many STDs,
520
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:57,506
some of which I put there myself,
you should probably cook it first.
521
00:20:57,589 --> 00:21:01,051
I have power beyond your belief.
522
00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:03,053
Nothing can harm me...
523
00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:04,136
[retches]
524
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,477
God damn!
525
00:21:11,103 --> 00:21:13,397
This is the best threesome ever!
526
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:15,816
[man] Ladies and lords,
527
00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:19,069
welcome to the Ball-Off!
528
00:21:19,152 --> 00:21:20,152
Gentlemen,
529
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:23,031
standard Cornish rules apply.
530
00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:26,159
Pace thrice, face your adversary,
531
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:29,621
and let the Ball-Off commence!
532
00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:30,872
[Crawford grunts]
533
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:32,749
- [Clappers groans]
- [crowd] Ooh!
534
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,168
[light applause]
535
00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:38,880
Ha!
536
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:39,965
Didn't feel a thi...
537
00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:41,842
[dog yaps]
538
00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:45,387
- Winner by sack evacuation.
- [muted applause]
539
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:49,182
Still undefeated champion of the world.
540
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,143
Where is everybody?
541
00:21:54,646 --> 00:21:55,647
Sweet!
542
00:21:55,731 --> 00:21:57,607
Make-A-Wish got my letter!
543
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,904
Okay, Kevin,
through a series of unexpected events,
544
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:05,866
you're directly in front of
the monkey habitat,
545
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:07,659
but you've still got the advantage,
546
00:22:07,743 --> 00:22:11,455
because all you have to do
is not masturbate.
547
00:22:11,538 --> 00:22:13,832
Officer! Officer, help!
548
00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:16,251
Someone stole my clothes!
549
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:18,003
I don't want to get sunburned,
550
00:22:18,086 --> 00:22:21,673
so hold this lotion
while I lather myself in front of you.
551
00:22:21,757 --> 00:22:22,591
No!
552
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,260
I’m not going to masturbate
in front of these monkeys!
553
00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:27,220
- [baby cries]
- [woman screams]
554
00:22:27,804 --> 00:22:28,930
Hey, you're a cop!
555
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:31,933
Do something to distract the monkeys
or they’ll kill the baby!
556
00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:33,769
Monkeys!
[panting nervously]
557
00:22:33,852 --> 00:22:36,229
Not that! They’ve seen that before!
558
00:22:36,313 --> 00:22:37,898
Do something crazy!
559
00:22:37,981 --> 00:22:39,191
[yelling]
560
00:22:39,274 --> 00:22:40,817
[gibberish sounds]
561
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:42,361
- [panicked] No!
- [keys jangle]
562
00:22:42,444 --> 00:22:43,862
That won't distract them!
563
00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,906
Please! There’s no time!
564
00:22:45,989 --> 00:22:48,658
Do something they’ve never seen before!
565
00:22:48,742 --> 00:22:50,327
[monkeys chatter excitedly]
566
00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:52,370
[sighs]
567
00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:54,915
[zipper loosens, slapping sounds]
568
00:22:54,998 --> 00:22:59,086
[Kevin moans sadly]
569
00:22:59,169 --> 00:23:02,798
[Kevin sobs]
570
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:07,135
In other news, Officer Kevin Crawford
masturbated in front of a baby.
571
00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:11,348
Monkeys! I masturbated
in front of monkeys!
572
00:23:11,431 --> 00:23:13,100
At least Gina’s not here to see this.
573
00:23:13,183 --> 00:23:15,602
Hmm, I wouldn’t be so sure of that.
574
00:23:15,685 --> 00:23:17,604
She took another vacation day.
575
00:23:17,687 --> 00:23:19,689
[Gina laughs] Kevin's a perv!
576
00:23:21,149 --> 00:23:22,025
Just kidding, Kevin.
577
00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,528
I actually think
that was very brave of you.
578
00:23:28,156 --> 00:23:31,535
“Kevin Crawford will suck off
the fourth pre-cog”?
579
00:23:31,618 --> 00:23:33,578
I thought they were only three pre-cogs.
580
00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:36,498
You can’t fight fate.
Get to sucking, hot lips.
581
00:23:39,292 --> 00:23:42,504
Hey, Karen, I’ll understand
if you want to be with Clappers.
582
00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,840
After all, I did lose the Ball-Off.
583
00:23:44,923 --> 00:23:47,634
Randall, I’m sorry I lied to you
about my ball fetish.
584
00:23:47,717 --> 00:23:50,762
Sure, I may have been attracted
to Clappers’ thigh slappers,
585
00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:52,514
but I already have the love of my life.
586
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:55,600
And now I'm even more sure
you're the perfect man for me.
587
00:23:55,684 --> 00:23:57,018
Really? How?
588
00:23:57,102 --> 00:24:00,647
Because, after having my head crushed
and witnessing your ball-valanche,
589
00:24:00,730 --> 00:24:03,608
I never want to see balls again. Ever.
590
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,402
I love you, Randall.
591
00:24:05,485 --> 00:24:07,779
I love you too, Sloth from Goonies...
592
00:24:07,904 --> 00:24:09,781
I mean, "Karen." Good save, Chief.
593
00:24:11,950 --> 00:24:14,119
Good morning,
my sweet little feline angels!
594
00:24:14,202 --> 00:24:15,829
Diddy’s home from prison!
595
00:24:15,912 --> 00:24:17,330
Who gonna lick me clean?
596
00:24:17,622 --> 00:24:19,458
[rats squeak]
597
00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:23,044
You painted a bunch of sewer rats
to look like my cats?
598
00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,338
Bullet, you really think I'm this stupid?
599
00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:26,756
I was betting on it, yeah.
600
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:27,924
Look, Dusty,
601
00:24:28,008 --> 00:24:30,552
I forgot to feed your cats
and they're all dead.
602
00:24:30,635 --> 00:24:32,596
I'll understand if you hate me.
603
00:24:33,054 --> 00:24:35,098
I should hate you, but I can’t,
604
00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:36,850
'cause it’s Kevin Sucks Day,
605
00:24:36,933 --> 00:24:39,936
and today's a day for only hating Kevin.
606
00:24:40,020 --> 00:24:41,605
All else is forgiven.
607
00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:44,208
[to the tune of "America the Beautiful"]
♪ Oh Kevin sucks ♪
608
00:24:44,232 --> 00:24:46,359
♪ He is a schmuck ♪
609
00:24:46,443 --> 00:24:50,447
♪ He’s a twat suckin’ piece of shit ♪
610
00:24:50,780 --> 00:24:54,993
♪ And Paradise was actually nice ♪
611
00:24:55,076 --> 00:24:59,206
♪ But Kevin screwed that up ♪
612
00:24:59,414 --> 00:25:03,752
♪ Oh Kevin sucks ♪
613
00:25:03,835 --> 00:25:07,839
♪ God damn that weak-chinned twit ♪
614
00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:12,511
♪ And every year we’ll sing and cheer ♪
615
00:25:12,594 --> 00:25:17,516
♪ 'Cause Kevin eats a dick! ♪
616
00:25:20,852 --> 00:25:22,354
I hate this town.
617
00:25:23,313 --> 00:25:24,898
♪ Big ball energy ♪
618
00:25:25,774 --> 00:25:27,943
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
619
00:25:29,277 --> 00:25:32,239
♪ Big like a Humvee
Thick like an oak tree ♪
620
00:25:32,364 --> 00:25:35,283
♪ Wide like the Red Sea
Fat like Chris Christie ♪
621
00:25:35,367 --> 00:25:36,826
♪ Hairy like a goatee ♪
622
00:25:37,786 --> 00:25:39,788
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
623
00:25:40,789 --> 00:25:43,083
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
624
00:25:43,792 --> 00:25:45,877
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
625
00:25:51,841 --> 00:25:53,510
♪ Big ball energy ♪
626
00:25:54,469 --> 00:25:56,763
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
627
00:25:57,472 --> 00:25:59,766
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
628
00:26:03,436 --> 00:26:05,855
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪
629
00:26:06,439 --> 00:26:08,775
♪ I got that big ball energy ♪