1
00:00:14,223 --> 00:00:15,807
Where am I? Heaven?
2
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,859
Pussyland?
3
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,028
Heaven can go to hell!
4
00:00:29,821 --> 00:00:33,283
Shelley Long, star of TV's Cheers,
as she looked in 1982,
5
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,160
the year I learned to masturbate.
6
00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:36,245
Is that you?
7
00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:40,499
Yes. Everybody knows your name
and we're always glad you came.
8
00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:42,125
[sexy saxophone music]
9
00:00:42,209 --> 00:00:44,294
Fitz, wake up! It's me, Kevin!
10
00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:45,587
Aaagh!
11
00:00:45,671 --> 00:00:47,965
Wake up, Fitz, please!
I know you can hear me.
12
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:49,299
You have an erection.
13
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,509
[as Fitz] It's no use, Kevin.
14
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:54,763
You put me in this coma,
you little Brickleberry-looking bitch.
15
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:57,599
Fitz, that's a totally different show.
16
00:00:57,683 --> 00:00:59,518
I feel terrible
about what happened to you.
17
00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:01,853
I don't think anything could ever
make me feel better.
18
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,689
But I know how to cheer you up.
19
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:07,568
An old-timey Negro spiritual
on the ukulele.
20
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:13,365
Wow, look at all these old pictures.
I didn't know those were in there.
21
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:16,034
Here's me, Mom and Dad playing Monopoly.
22
00:01:16,118 --> 00:01:19,162
We'd call Dad Trump
'cause he'd bankrupt all his hotels.
23
00:01:19,246 --> 00:01:20,581
Well, that, and the dementia.
24
00:01:21,039 --> 00:01:24,209
And the racism.
And this was our best vacation ever,
25
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:27,170
when we followed Insane Clown Posse
on tour.
26
00:01:27,254 --> 00:01:29,631
Honestly, that's the last time
I was happy.
27
00:01:29,715 --> 00:01:32,884
That's it. It's time for me
to put my family back together.
28
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:35,262
But first, I owe you that negro spiritual.
29
00:01:35,345 --> 00:01:37,848
♪ Camptown ladies sing this song ♪
30
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,267
♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
31
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:45,480
♪ Camptown races five miles long
Oh da doo da day ♪
32
00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:47,774
Ah, screw it. I'm still going for it.
33
00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:49,484
Good call, Fitz.
34
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:51,486
Oh! God damn it!
35
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,421
Okay, jack off-icers, listen up!
36
00:02:09,504 --> 00:02:11,673
One of you turkeys
needs to work security
37
00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,675
for the Paradise Thanksgiving Day parade.
38
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:16,845
Well, it can't be me.
I got to wear my Pilgrim costume
39
00:02:16,928 --> 00:02:19,389
and shake my little tushy
on the police float.
40
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,850
All that dancing is so much fun!
41
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:24,394
Fun? Last year, you had a heart attack,
42
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,980
fell off the float, and landed
on a family of four.
43
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,148
The baby survived.
44
00:02:29,775 --> 00:02:31,735
And to make sure
that ain't going to happen again,
45
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:35,614
I got a full physical and I'll have you
know, I passed with flying colors.
46
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:38,742
Flying coloreds?
I knew this day would come.
47
00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,577
Thank God I built this bunker.
48
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:43,664
Hey, they made you take a DNA test?
49
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,248
Yeah, I was scared to do it,
50
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,293
so he made me close my eyes
and say, "Ah!"
51
00:02:48,377 --> 00:02:51,421
And then he stuck this long, skinny thing
in my mouth
52
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,548
and rubbed it
against the inside of my cheek.
53
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:56,301
Then, when that was over,
he gave me my DNA test.
54
00:02:57,427 --> 00:03:00,055
You know it says
you're one 64th Native American?
55
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:03,558
Really? Well, I need to go learn
all about my new heritage!
56
00:03:03,642 --> 00:03:06,395
Right after I practice
my Thanksgiving twerky!
57
00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,063
I can make it clap, y'all!
58
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,107
- [clapping]
- Hmm...
59
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:11,775
Put me down for security. Front row.
60
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:16,780
Okay, fine. Hopson, Bullet, you're in
charge of buying a turkey for the homeless
61
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:21,743
to show how much we care about dirty,
shit-smelling, TB-spreading degenerates.
62
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:25,747
In my day, we went in the woods
and shot our own damn turkey.
63
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,792
That sounds awesome!
Hey, is it okay if I hunt drunk?
64
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,961
'Cause, uh... 'cause I'm drunk.
65
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:33,797
Oh, hell, yes.
I've been drunk for 30 years.
66
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:36,466
I hide my booze in a plastic pouch.
67
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,762
- Ugh! What is that, Coors?
- No.
68
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:42,764
Piss. That's my catheter bag.
69
00:03:42,848 --> 00:03:44,933
Ah, thank God. I thought it was Coors.
70
00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:49,062
Where the hell
is my ball-deficient ex-husband?
71
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:52,691
Whoo! Good morning, Forest Whitaker!
[laughing]
72
00:03:52,774 --> 00:03:56,528
I got stung by a bee, asshole.
It was inside these flowers you sent me.
73
00:03:56,611 --> 00:04:00,907
Ow! I didn't send you
any stupid flowers, asshole.
74
00:04:00,991 --> 00:04:03,535
And why the hell did you send me
a dead puppy, huh?
75
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:06,288
The puppy died?
But I poked air-holes in the box.
76
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:09,249
Next time, Kevin,
take the puppy out of the box first!
77
00:04:09,332 --> 00:04:11,209
Kevin, you're not even supposed
to be here.
78
00:04:11,293 --> 00:04:13,628
And why are you sending us gifts
in each other's names?
79
00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:17,674
I didn't! This isn't some desperate
attempt to reunite you, so I can be happy.
80
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:21,595
Good! Like I'd go near
this 240-pound turd with a mustache!
81
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:24,139
He used city funds to remodel his house!
82
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:27,267
Oh, excuse me?
You mean I converted my home
83
00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:29,186
into Paradise's only safe house.
84
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:32,022
That money was for the kids
at the School for the Blind
85
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,774
to take a trip to Six Flags!
86
00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,525
They got their trip.
87
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:39,070
Oh, this roller coaster's fun,
huh, blind kids? Oh!
88
00:04:39,154 --> 00:04:40,238
[Randall laughing]
89
00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:42,866
Look, Karen, Paradise needs a safe house.
90
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:45,869
This town is facing its gravest threat
in history.
91
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,412
Gypsies...
92
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,872
You gotta be kidding me!
93
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,833
I thought I was the only one
taking the gypsy threat seriously.
94
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:55,545
I've seen the segments Tucker Carlson's
devoted to it on FOX News.
95
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,589
I know FOX News never does this,
96
00:04:57,672 --> 00:05:01,134
but maybe they're whipping you
into an irrational frenzy over nothing?
97
00:05:01,218 --> 00:05:03,220
No, it's very real.
98
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:07,849
Anyone out there can google "Tucker
Carlson gypsy apocalypse" right now.
99
00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:09,643
You'll see we're not fucking around.
100
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:10,685
This is great.
101
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,979
You guys are bonding
over your fear of gypsies.
102
00:05:13,063 --> 00:05:17,567
Just because we both fear gypsies doesn't
mean I tolerate this ass-chinned asshole.
103
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,945
Hey, my chin does not look like an ass.
104
00:05:20,028 --> 00:05:21,947
- [small fart noise]
- Oh, give me a break.
105
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:23,698
It was just a little chin queef.
106
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:27,452
Kevin, promise me that's the last time
you try to play matchmaker.
107
00:05:27,536 --> 00:05:29,162
No more gifts. I swear.
108
00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:33,333
[squeaky voice] Hi. Singing Cupid-gram
from Karen to Randall, with love.
109
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,252
[giggling] Here we go.
110
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:36,545
♪ Oh... ♪
111
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:37,921
Aaagh...!
112
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,633
...aaaaggHH!
113
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:46,221
- Agh! A flying colored!
- Jesus, Hopson, stop the car!
114
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:49,641
- Aaaagh...!
- Is he gone?
115
00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:53,103
Bullet! Look at the size of that turkey!
116
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:04,698
You know, Gina, without all the dipshits
around, it's pretty relaxing here.
117
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:07,951
Maybe I won't have to deal with
any idiotic bullshit today.
118
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:10,537
[native American war cry]
119
00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:12,414
And hello, bullshit.
120
00:06:12,497 --> 00:06:15,333
Quiet, Neck-looking-like-George Lucas!
121
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:17,210
I read all about my heritage.
122
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:21,298
I can't believe what you pale-faced
fartknockers did to my people!
123
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,759
Dusty, that loincloth only covers
ten percent of your ass crack.
124
00:06:24,843 --> 00:06:27,721
I know! Why's it gotta cover so much?
125
00:06:27,804 --> 00:06:30,098
And look at this hat.
Is this what I am to you?
126
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,933
Just a smiling red devil?
127
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,602
That's your hat, dumbass!
128
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:36,479
Chief, Thanksgiving is an insult
to my people.
129
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:38,732
What? I thought fat people
loved Thanksgiving!
130
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:40,942
No, I mean Indians, stupid!
131
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:44,905
You need to cancel that parade right now.
This is very important to me, Chief.
132
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,115
Hold on! I'm trying to give a fuck.
133
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:48,700
Nope. Not happening.
134
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:52,120
If you racist crackers won't help,
I'm going to the reservation.
135
00:06:52,203 --> 00:06:55,290
My people and I
will stop that parade together.
136
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:58,084
Hey, why are you wearing a necklace
made of sporks
137
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:00,295
and packets of Arby's Horsey Sauce?
138
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:04,466
Because my people use every part
of the combo meal.
139
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:09,429
Why the long face? Comedy Central
cancel your show again?
140
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:14,434
I told you, they're park rangers,
we're cops. Totally different.
141
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:19,606
Anyway, Denzel, I'm sad because I'll never
get my family back together again.
142
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,902
I'm Tucker Carlson, with another report
on the gypsy threat in your town.
143
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:28,365
Stay tuned to learn how their gypsy magic
inverted my already tiny penis.
144
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:29,324
That's it.
145
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,243
- Hello?
- [heavily accented] Boogee, boogee.
146
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:35,455
Karen Crawford, this is a gypsy.
147
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:36,665
Oh, dear God. No!
148
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:40,126
I'm coming to... suck the wax
from your ears
149
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:43,964
to make overpriced candles
to sell at the Farmers Market.
150
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,882
[babbling and moaning]
151
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:49,219
- How do you know where I live?
- The crystal ball shows all.
152
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,389
I sure hope there's not some
anti-gypsy safe house
153
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,140
for you to hide in.
154
00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:56,476
[doorbell rings]
155
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,937
Karen, what the hell?
156
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,856
Randall! The gypsies!
They're coming for me!
157
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,733
Damn you, dead-eyed gypsies!
158
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:07,070
You are not gonna pluck any pubes
from our dirty underwear
159
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,364
and replace us
with doppelgangers today.
160
00:08:09,447 --> 00:08:11,366
Or try to sell us loose cigarettes!
161
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:14,953
Yay, we're all together!
Come on in, Mom.
162
00:08:16,121 --> 00:08:17,747
We were just watching Tucker.
163
00:08:18,373 --> 00:08:20,875
Now, a lot of liberal naysayers
are claiming
164
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,503
I made up this whole gypsy threat
as an excuse
165
00:08:23,586 --> 00:08:26,548
for my tiny inverted penis,
but that's fake news.
166
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:29,759
The gypsies are the reason
I can't shower at the gym.
167
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:33,221
The gypsies are the reason
I pee all over my balls.
168
00:08:33,304 --> 00:08:37,350
The gypsies are the reason my crotch
looks like a button on a fluffy sofa.
169
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,103
It's the gypsies, people, wake up!
170
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:43,982
Now that we're all together again, how
about we play Monopoly like we used to?
171
00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,567
- I'll take the...
- Thimble! I called it.
172
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:49,904
Karen, I am always, always...
the cock-sucking thimble.
173
00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,614
The top hat's cool, too, Dad.
174
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,659
- Fuck you! And fuck your shitty top hat!
- You know what?
175
00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:57,454
If you want the thimble, take it.
You can use it as a condom!
176
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,371
Ouch!
177
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,916
Happy? Now no one gets it!
178
00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,252
Aaaaggghhhh!
179
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,547
- I'm gonna choke you up!
- Karen, don't make me...
180
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,467
All right, all right,
we'll play a new game!
181
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:11,426
Twister!
182
00:09:11,509 --> 00:09:14,179
Ow! I was thinking we'd play Mousetrap!
183
00:09:14,262 --> 00:09:15,889
- [snap!]
- Ow!
184
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,975
Fuck you, and fuck both Parker Brothers,
right in the ass!
185
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:22,896
Mom, seriously, didn't you and Dad
truly care about each other once?
186
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:24,355
Why did you fall in love with him?
187
00:09:24,439 --> 00:09:27,233
Because he was handsome and brave.
And he saved my life.
188
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,069
[sirens wailing]
189
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,862
All right. Bad news, people.
190
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,947
We only have enough time
to save one of you.
191
00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,576
And there's only one fair way to do it.
I'm gonna save the hottest one.
192
00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,037
Not you, old lady! You're gross.
193
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,955
Nope. I'm not into Asian dudes.
194
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:43,792
Not the baby. I'm not Kevin Spacey.
Ha-ha!
195
00:09:43,875 --> 00:09:46,503
Wow! She's beautiful...
196
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,881
You... you saved me.
197
00:09:49,964 --> 00:09:52,092
- So, are you single?
- Uh...
198
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:54,511
- [screaming]
- Now I am.
199
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,512
[giggling]
200
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,597
[native American drumbeats]
201
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,184
How...
202
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,104
the hell do y'all walk
in these moccasins?
203
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:06,981
Me am Big Dusty, I travel far.
204
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,400
It has been many moon pies.
205
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:13,780
I demand um justice
for what white men done to our people.
206
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:17,117
We must rise up
like little Indians that could
207
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,620
to stop that Thanksgiving Day parade,
y'all.
208
00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:22,622
But we like the parade.
209
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:25,834
What? Look what white man
has done to you.
210
00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:32,757
He replace um tepees with trailers,
our dark buffalo with Mark Ruffalo.
211
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:35,969
We gotta stop that parade!
I'll lead our war chant.
212
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,054
[native American war chant]
213
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:42,809
Come on, y'all.
214
00:10:42,892 --> 00:10:44,352
[continues to chant]
215
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:45,395
You know the words!
216
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:51,151
Big Dusty um very wise.
We make you leader, but first,
217
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:53,528
you spend night in sacred sweat lodge.
218
00:10:53,611 --> 00:10:55,363
This am great honor!
219
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:59,284
Ooh, that stink like heap big coyote fart.
[retching]
220
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:01,870
Aaagh! Oooh! Ugh!
221
00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,330
Hey, I think there's more than sweat
in this lodge!
222
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:07,458
Why's it all blue?
Gah, why do I have my mouth open?!
223
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:13,423
Now, explain to me again why
you dressed me up like Johnny Depp.
224
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:17,177
You don't look that shitty. Pretend to be
a gypsy, sneak inside and scare Mom.
225
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:20,680
Dad will rescue her
and they'll fall in love all over again.
226
00:11:20,763 --> 00:11:23,349
I'll do it for ten grand cash.
227
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,186
I'll give you a $12 bottle
of Drakkar Noir.
228
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,103
Done.
229
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,606
[exhales noisily]
230
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:31,649
How's my breath?
231
00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:33,109
Persian.
232
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,611
Very Persian.
233
00:11:42,076 --> 00:11:43,453
[babbling and singing]
234
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,330
I'm a... a gypsy!
235
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,123
[more babbling]
236
00:11:48,625 --> 00:11:52,712
Agh! No! How did you get past
the garlic in the walls? Randall!
237
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:56,799
Agh! A g-g-g-gypsy! Oh...
238
00:11:57,634 --> 00:12:00,303
Stay away from him,
you gypsy hell witch!
239
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:07,268
Karen, you... you saved my life.
240
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,524
Yes, it worked!
241
00:12:14,192 --> 00:12:17,320
Wow, Hobo-Cop, you really
like that Drakkar Noir, huh?
242
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:22,533
- Who's Hobo-Cop? I'm Johnny Depp.
- Holy cow! You do dress like shit.
243
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:28,289
What a fine bird. Feathers are so soft.
They almost feel like felt.
244
00:12:28,373 --> 00:12:32,293
[slurring] And they almost look
stitched on. You know, by God...
245
00:12:32,835 --> 00:12:37,382
our heavenly tailor, 'cause this is
absolutely a real turkey right here.
246
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:40,051
Now, help me get this son of a bitch
in the oven.
247
00:12:40,134 --> 00:12:42,637
[groaning and straining]
248
00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:46,933
It's not gonna fit. This is like watching
Ron Jeremy try to screw someone fat.
249
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:50,770
Hell, we'll do the same thing he would.
Just jam the head in there.
250
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,730
[groaning]
251
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:56,067
We just got to crank the oven up
to about 700.
252
00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,612
Mmm, I love the smell of a cooking goose.
253
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:02,782
Always smells like burning human hair.
254
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,201
Ah, I love Thanksgiving.
255
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,663
Gave my first blowjob on a Thanksgiving.
256
00:13:10,707 --> 00:13:11,874
More pancakes?
257
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:15,545
[giggling] Snookie-wookie,
they're so soft and fluffy.
258
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:17,714
Just like you, but not as cute.
259
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,800
Boy, I'm so happy that our family
is finally back together.
260
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:23,261
I guess sometimes dreams do come true.
261
00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,179
[kissing]
262
00:13:25,263 --> 00:13:27,265
[turning to increased slurping]
263
00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:30,560
[into groaning, grunting and slurping]
264
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:33,187
Yay! Mom and Dad are kissing!
265
00:13:33,521 --> 00:13:34,939
And... dry humping...
266
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,441
- [rhythmic rustling]
- me...
267
00:13:36,899 --> 00:13:37,734
Yay...
268
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,864
- [Randall] Oh, that's good. You like that?
- [Karen] Oh, good God!
269
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:46,326
Yeah, that's good.
Ooh! Good call on the butt stuff, Karen.
270
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:49,162
- [retching]
- [rhythmic thumping]
271
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:53,249
- [Randall] Ahhh...
- [Karen] American Jesus!
272
00:13:54,083 --> 00:13:58,296
Turn that light off! Can't two adults
who love each other try something new,
273
00:13:58,379 --> 00:14:01,674
- without being barged in on?
- I just wanted the ketchup bottle.
274
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,760
It's... in use.
275
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,303
[groaning]
276
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,348
What happened to my room?
277
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:09,849
[Randall neighing]
278
00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,185
Oh, Kevin, just in time.
279
00:14:12,268 --> 00:14:13,936
Your father and I need to talk to you.
280
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,855
[muffled speech]
281
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:20,526
Sorry. Just in case you didn't notice,
your mother and I are back together.
282
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:23,446
We're like kids again,
discovering our love for each other.
283
00:14:23,529 --> 00:14:25,865
And I discovered
your mommy is a squirter.
284
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:29,077
- [giggling] Randall!
- I know, I am so bad.
285
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,788
But seriously,
it is like French kissing Old Faithful.
286
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:35,124
- Kevin, we've come to a decision.
- It's time for you to move out, honey.
287
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,544
No! Our family just got back
together again!
288
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:42,632
Kevin, it is what's best. You're a man now
and it's time to act like one.
289
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,884
Wait. What about Thanksgiving?
290
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:48,388
I'm sorry, your father and I have plans
to go to Reno for Thanksgiving.
291
00:14:48,471 --> 00:14:50,515
- Good luck, Kevin!
- Uh, Kevin, wait.
292
00:14:50,598 --> 00:14:52,683
- Yeah, Dad?
- Hand me that Allen wrench.
293
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:55,395
I need to finish puttin' together
this chair I just bought from IKEA.
294
00:14:55,478 --> 00:14:57,688
It's called a Dick-in-jer-hass.
295
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:58,898
[creaking]
296
00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:04,904
Thanks for letting me hang with you
now that I'm on the streets, Hobo-Cop.
297
00:15:04,987 --> 00:15:09,450
Yay, a sleepover.
We'll do each other's makeup
298
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:13,037
and talk about all the middle school boys
we like.
299
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:16,958
I'm... I'm still hoping I can get back
in the house with my mom and dad,
300
00:15:17,041 --> 00:15:20,211
although I'm pretty sad they decided
to spend Thanksgiving in Reno.
301
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:22,922
Uh, I think there's something
you should see.
302
00:15:28,553 --> 00:15:31,389
They lied to me?
Hobo-Cop, how did you know?
303
00:15:31,472 --> 00:15:35,643
Because they invited me. Sure hope
I brought the right kind of wine!
304
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,440
Hobo-Cop! Good to see you.
305
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,942
Oh, now everyone I care about is here.
306
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,195
No... No, no, no...
307
00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,072
Aaagghhh...!
308
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:48,990
[crash!]
309
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,244
Agh! Cartoon eyes!
310
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,496
[drumming and cheering]
311
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:58,708
Welcome, everybody,
to the Thanksgiving Day parade.
312
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:03,296
This parade's been a Paradise tradition
every year since 1955.
313
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,798
Except in 2007,
'cause we all had syphilis.
314
00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:09,594
Well, we ran your nasty-ass grandma
out of town, so that won't happen again.
315
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,762
The kids are gonna love this first float.
316
00:16:11,846 --> 00:16:15,725
Here comes Puffy the Cigarette,
making some customers for life.
317
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,686
[fanfare and children laughing]
318
00:16:18,769 --> 00:16:21,272
First time I had a cigarette
I was still inside my mama.
319
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:23,441
Then she scratched my cornea
with a clothes hanger.
320
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,609
TMI, Delbert.
321
00:16:24,692 --> 00:16:29,906
On our next float, the Paradise Historical
Society reenacts the first Thanksgiving.
322
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,782
[cheering and laughter]
323
00:16:31,866 --> 00:16:34,619
[native American drumbeats
and flute music]
324
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:40,458
Chief Big Dusty take um down parade
by his little red self.
325
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,126
[war cry]
326
00:16:42,210 --> 00:16:43,544
[gasps and screaming]
327
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,139
Attention, honky devils!
328
00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:58,768
Thanksgiving is a lie!
Y'all did horrible things to my people!
329
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:03,397
It's time for vengeance.
I'm gonna scalp this white boy!
330
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,816
Actually, I'm a Nigerian bush person.
331
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:08,402
I got my skin bleached
to get into Trump University.
332
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:12,198
Shut up!
And prepare for a Cherokee flattop!
333
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:14,784
What the hell are you doing, Dusty?
334
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:17,620
Getting justice for my people!
Now, get off me, egg-white!
335
00:17:17,703 --> 00:17:18,788
Stop resisting, Dusty.
336
00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:22,041
Or I'll have to give you a beating that
will definitely be filed in my spank bank!
337
00:17:22,124 --> 00:17:23,751
I'll never surrender!
338
00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:24,669
I give up.
339
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,934
I could have eaten
the rest of that cheeseburger.
340
00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:44,939
Uh... where am I?
341
00:17:45,022 --> 00:17:47,608
Welcome, young man, to Flipperville!
342
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:51,195
Wow! So this is where Paradise's
many Flipper people went.
343
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:57,201
Flipperville is built solely of recycling
the sanitation workers dump down here.
344
00:17:57,285 --> 00:18:01,956
Like our church, made from plastic forks,
or our school made from ramen noodle cups.
345
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:06,127
- What's Panda Express made from?
- Horseshit. Oh, you mean the building?
346
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:09,505
That's just a regular Panda Express.
They'll franchise anywhere.
347
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,300
We're trying our best
to make the sewers like home.
348
00:18:12,383 --> 00:18:15,803
We wanted to live with the surface
dwellers. But sadly, they rejected us.
349
00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:19,181
I'm with you on that one.
Some people up there rejected me, too.
350
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,892
Perhaps you could join us
for our Thanksgiving feast
351
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,312
and get to know more
about us Flipper people?
352
00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:25,229
I'd love to.
353
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:28,524
Honey, I got you a number five,
noodles and orange horseshit.
354
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,943
Huh! It is a regular Panda Express.
355
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:36,365
Let us welcome our guest of honor,
Kevin of Paradise!
356
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,367
Yay! Yeah, Kevin!
357
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,119
Yeah, Kevin!
358
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:42,538
Thank you for that, uh, flappy welcome.
359
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:45,166
Get ready for the finest feast
of your life.
360
00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:47,126
Bring on the sewer turkey!
361
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,085
[toilet flushing]
362
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,881
Wow, I can't wait to carve that up.
363
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:52,840
Carve?
364
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,718
We can't hold utensils.
365
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,639
We apologize.
366
00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:03,934
We can only acquire the bounty that is
dumped from the cruel surface dwellers.
367
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:06,646
We've grown tired of living
off of their waste.
368
00:19:06,729 --> 00:19:09,315
Although, I did score a Windows phone.
369
00:19:09,398 --> 00:19:11,776
Windows phones suck, Carl!
370
00:19:11,859 --> 00:19:14,654
But the surface dwellers won't keep us
down forever.
371
00:19:14,737 --> 00:19:16,656
I hope not. You guys are cool.
372
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,033
I'm glad I found a family
for Thanksgiving.
373
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:21,410
[dolphin chatter]
374
00:19:21,494 --> 00:19:24,830
- Agh! What the hell is that thing?
- That's just Jerry.
375
00:19:24,914 --> 00:19:27,375
Come on, now, Jerry.
Don't bother our guest.
376
00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,251
Agh! [dolphin chatter]
377
00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:32,922
Phew! When I saw him out of the corner
of my eye, I thought he was Jonah Hill.
378
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,548
Uh, no offense, Jerry!
379
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,803
And that, Kevin, is where we shit.
380
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,721
We call it Shit Mountain.
381
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:44,392
Mm-hm. Oh, wow. That's great. Well,
thanks for showing me everything.
382
00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:46,686
I haven't shown you everything, Kevin.
383
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:50,106
Due to our isolated community
and limited sexual partners,
384
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,066
we're stuck in a cycle of inbreeding.
385
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:54,402
As a result, the younger Flipper people,
386
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:58,197
like our Jerry, have become
more and more mutated. Behold!
387
00:19:59,031 --> 00:20:00,741
[dolphin chatter]
388
00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:05,204
Ugh! Yikes! This must be how a girl
at Comic-Con feels.
389
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:08,290
Our prophecy has determined
that you are our chosen one,
390
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:11,961
who shall replenish our DNA
by fornicating with our mother.
391
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:14,046
Uh, do what with your who, now?
392
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,965
For the rest of your natural life,
393
00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:19,093
you shall procreate with her
and save our people.
394
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,888
[chattering]
395
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,766
Then our bloodline will be strengthened.
396
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:29,145
And we can rise
to conquer the surface dwellers!
397
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:32,857
That's insane. I can't have sex
with a dolphin! I'm not a weirdo!
398
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:36,110
I mean, okay, yes, I've had sex with a car
and a... watermelon,
399
00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:38,612
and a dress sock
filled with sawmill gravy...
400
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:42,199
Okay, I'm a huge weirdo!
But I'm not having sex with that dolphin!
401
00:20:43,284 --> 00:20:45,453
All I wanted to do was help my people.
402
00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:47,872
I wish I wasn't even Native American.
403
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:51,584
Thanks for buying me my favorite sandwich
to try and cheer me up.
404
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:55,296
Of course, Dusty. The truth is, you're
more than just a sexy fuck blub to me.
405
00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:56,630
- You're my friend!
- Hey!
406
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:58,466
Take this mess back to the chef!
407
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:01,552
When I order the double goopy Gobble
Goober, I want it double goopy!
408
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:04,722
This is a single goopy Gobble Goober.
Goop and a half, at best!
409
00:21:04,805 --> 00:21:05,890
Use your eyes!
410
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:12,313
- [native American drumbeats]
- [inaudible speech]
411
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:18,319
Did you eat here before
they swabbed you for your DNA test?
412
00:21:18,402 --> 00:21:20,654
Yes! I eat four meals a day here.
413
00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:23,866
And I had to send that dang
double goopy Gobble Goober back
414
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,326
every mother-fartin' time!
415
00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:27,495
Dusty! The chef is Native American.
416
00:21:27,578 --> 00:21:29,830
I think he put his DNA in your food!
417
00:21:29,914 --> 00:21:31,582
Meaning like he spit in it?
418
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,459
[rhythmic squelching]
419
00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:36,754
Something like that.
Dusty, you're not Native American.
420
00:21:36,837 --> 00:21:38,589
I'm not? Thank the Lord!
421
00:21:38,672 --> 00:21:42,218
Well, I did learn my lesson
about this being offensive.
422
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,094
So I found a new team.
423
00:21:44,178 --> 00:21:47,598
[singing sports team version
of native American war chant]
424
00:21:50,017 --> 00:21:52,937
I don't know exactly
what your chef did to my sandwich,
425
00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:55,189
but that's what I call goopy, son!
426
00:21:55,272 --> 00:21:57,191
[grunting and slurping]
427
00:21:57,274 --> 00:21:59,193
It's dripping down my face!
428
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:00,861
Now I understand the slogan.
429
00:22:06,283 --> 00:22:07,701
[loud drumbeats]
430
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:11,330
Come on! Where's your erection?
431
00:22:11,413 --> 00:22:15,125
I can't even get stiff with my goldfish
watching, much less, Jerry!
432
00:22:15,209 --> 00:22:16,627
[chattering]
433
00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:17,795
Cover your eyes, Jerry.
434
00:22:17,878 --> 00:22:18,963
[disappointed squawk]
435
00:22:19,421 --> 00:22:20,381
[excited chatter]
436
00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:21,298
Jerry!
437
00:22:21,382 --> 00:22:22,675
[electronic buzzing]
438
00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:26,720
[nervous moaning]
439
00:22:29,223 --> 00:22:30,057
Get him!
440
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:31,225
Agh! Ooh!
441
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,691
Ah! It's no use!
442
00:22:38,774 --> 00:22:41,360
Foiled again by our greatest enemy.
443
00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:42,903
The doorknob.
444
00:22:43,445 --> 00:22:44,613
[loud banging at door]
445
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:48,450
[persistent banging]
446
00:22:49,118 --> 00:22:50,661
- [stifled grunting]
- [zip!]
447
00:22:50,744 --> 00:22:53,289
You're a man now, Kevin.
Time to act like one.
448
00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:54,331
You're right, Dad.
449
00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:56,709
Wait! Did I tell you
your mom's a squirter?
450
00:22:57,418 --> 00:22:59,044
[banging]
451
00:23:00,421 --> 00:23:03,173
Kevin, don't be embarrassed
about your performance anxiety.
452
00:23:03,257 --> 00:23:06,176
Jerry, here, has offered himself
as a Flipper fluffer.
453
00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:07,720
[chattering]
454
00:23:07,803 --> 00:23:11,181
Hell no! If and when I fuck a dolphin,
455
00:23:11,265 --> 00:23:13,642
it will be because I want to!
456
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:15,853
Fine. Then we'll do it the hard way.
457
00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:19,231
Release the mighty Dolphin Lundgren!
458
00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:20,482
[heavy steps]
459
00:23:20,566 --> 00:23:22,026
[roar!]
460
00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:25,029
Okay, this is it, Kevin.
461
00:23:25,112 --> 00:23:26,697
Time to be a man!
462
00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:35,122
- No!
- Oh, my God! He can make a fist!
463
00:23:35,205 --> 00:23:38,542
Our soft cartilage-filled flopper-flippers
are no match for them.
464
00:23:38,626 --> 00:23:40,461
Shut up and get him!
465
00:23:41,128 --> 00:23:42,630
I said get him!
466
00:23:43,631 --> 00:23:44,882
Ooh, run!
467
00:23:45,382 --> 00:23:48,594
Yeah, that's right. Don't ever think
of coming up to the surface
468
00:23:48,677 --> 00:23:51,889
or you'll have to deal with me!
And I can make a fist!
469
00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:54,850
And that's what
I'll be having sex with tonight!
470
00:23:57,186 --> 00:23:59,521
[slurring] Don't worry, don't... Shh!
471
00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:01,440
There's plenty of turkey to go around.
472
00:24:03,901 --> 00:24:04,818
Hopson!
473
00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:06,403
Ah, ha-ha, buddy!
474
00:24:06,487 --> 00:24:08,697
Man, I had so much fun with you today
475
00:24:08,781 --> 00:24:12,034
and you did a kick-ass job
of carving this turkey.
476
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:15,704
It wasn't easy. The knife kept getting
caught on the turkey's zipper.
477
00:24:15,788 --> 00:24:20,084
And his wallet. Look at that.
This turkey's an organ donor.
478
00:24:20,167 --> 00:24:21,669
He had a heart of gold.
479
00:24:21,752 --> 00:24:23,170
Too bad I ate it.
480
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:24,213
Holy shit.
481
00:24:24,296 --> 00:24:28,050
Hopson, I think I'm starting to get sober
enough to realize something very terrible.
482
00:24:28,133 --> 00:24:30,594
And there's only one way to fix it.
Keep drinking!
483
00:24:31,428 --> 00:24:35,391
This turkey had a tattoo,
just like the one my missing daddy had.
484
00:24:37,434 --> 00:24:40,479
When I threw one punch to the fish
monster's face, they surrendered.
485
00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:42,398
And that's how I saved Paradise.
486
00:24:42,481 --> 00:24:44,483
I'm Wonder Woman.
487
00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:46,402
You know what?
I'm choosing to believe you.
488
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:48,612
More importantly,
after what I've been through,
489
00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:51,281
- I believe in myself.
- [cell phone ringing]
490
00:24:51,365 --> 00:24:53,117
- Hello?
- Kevin, it's your parents.
491
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,577
Your father and I are truly sorry
for kicking you out.
492
00:24:55,661 --> 00:24:57,037
We were in the heat of passion.
493
00:24:57,121 --> 00:25:00,791
We've had time to think and we miss you.
We never should have asked you to leave.
494
00:25:00,874 --> 00:25:03,252
Hey! We caught the gypsy
who broke into our house.
495
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:06,213
He keeps trying to trick us
into thinking he's Johnny Depp.
496
00:25:06,296 --> 00:25:10,592
Come on home, son. We can beat him
with a garden hose as a family.
497
00:25:10,676 --> 00:25:12,636
Thanks, but you were right
to ask me to leave.
498
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,472
I don't need Mommy and Daddy anymore.
I'm a grown man.
499
00:25:17,307 --> 00:25:20,644
Ooh, Randall, I think
he actually is Johnny Depp.
500
00:25:20,728 --> 00:25:23,272
- Should we let him go?
- Hell, no! He's still gettin' the hose.
501
00:25:23,355 --> 00:25:24,690
This is for Willy Wonka!
502
00:25:24,773 --> 00:25:27,359
And this is for
the last three Pirates movies!
503
00:25:27,443 --> 00:25:30,029
- Hobo-Cop, can I crash here tonight?
- Sure.
504
00:25:30,112 --> 00:25:34,491
Dig around in there, boy. There's a bag
of dead cats you can sleep on.
505
00:25:34,575 --> 00:25:36,035
Uh... okay.
506
00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:39,621
What the...
507
00:25:39,705 --> 00:25:42,082
Paradise PD security footage?
508
00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:43,792
Look at the date! Holy crap!
509
00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:46,628
This is the missing tape from the night
Terry Two Toes was killed!
510
00:25:46,712 --> 00:25:49,757
- Hobo-Cop, do you happen to have a VCR?
- On it.
511
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:52,259
[generator whirring]
512
00:25:52,676 --> 00:25:55,220
Boss, thank goodness.
I knew you'd come let me outta here...
513
00:25:57,556 --> 00:26:00,809
The argyle meth kingpin
is a Paradise PD cop!
514
00:26:00,893 --> 00:26:04,480
Whoever you are, Kingpin,
I'm coming for you.