"Ballmastrz."
Blabber Ball: Championship time!
If you're not happy today, you suck.
We're live from Lartha, capital Menazone cradle of Crayzar,
and hot, steaming heart of the game.
E-E-Everyone's psyched, especially the Leptons,
our surprise underdogs, who mark their first
and probably last championship.
I've never been so cautiously optimistic.
If you're like me or have a brain,
you might wonder, "How'd they get here?" So now --
Thanks to a generous donation from me,
a reenactment of my rise to glory as Ballmaster
as performed by kids from my former orphanage,
The Ulsa Guerin Home for Unlovable Children.
[ Grunts ] Goal. [ Laughter ]
Why did none of those filthy orphans depict us?
How oddly offensive.
Today's everything I ever wanted,
so why's the vibe here kind of off?
Sure, the limelight scorched the brat's brain,
but as long as he and me bring the Ballmaster,
it's all good, right?
-[ Chuckles ] -Oh!
Blabber Ball: The Leptons face our returning champs, Bad Omen.
[ Dial-up feedback ]
[ Grunting ]
♪♪
Aah!
[ Roars ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Grunts ]
♪♪
Together: [ Gasping and yelling ]
Good thing my teammates won't face your unspeakable horrors
since I'll defeat you myself as Ballmaster.
[ Laughs maniacally ]
[ Shrieks ]
Aah!
Don't make me go back there.
No one will notice if we bail
and let Ballmaster handle things, right?
♪♪
I do hope you realize, Gaz, the true game has already begun.
[ Grunting ]
Well, it's time for my pregame ritual
of picking a stall to cry in.
Why so glum, chums? I got this.
Cool it, twerp. You may be our ace in the hole,
but we can't win this without a full deck.
You worry too much.
If you hang out till I win, I'll buy you an alcohol drink
as thanks for not getting in my way.
Speaking of which,
thanks for getting out of my way.
[ Grunting ]
[ Crowd chanting "Crayzar!" ]
My fantastic fanatics, your merriment is merited.
Oh, you, your senses exploding.
Game-begotten spectacle,
you still yearn for more,
and now, the championship shall provide.
The greatest of the great shall become become greater,
an impossibility made manifest by our noble pursuit
of never-ending joy.
Today, you'll get all I've decided you deserve and more
because Crayzar cares. [ Cheers ]
Now, play for our love.
[ Laughs ]
Oh, I got him.
Like I even had to say it.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Grunting ] -[ Laughing ]
[ Grunts ] You're not me.
Why'd you grab the ball?
To protect your selfish ass.
These baddies ain't like the rest.
You can't take them alone. [ Grunts ]
Never in my years of tireless tribulation
did I imagine my sacrifice would aid my dearest chums
in fulfilling our highest --
Ow!
What the fuck, man?!
-[ Hisses ] -Leto, uh, please help me.
-Oh, dude. -Ah, screw it.
Ballmaster's got this.
True. I'd risk my neck, but Ballmasters we ain't.
Should I even try here?
[ Glasses beep ]
Aaaaaaaaah!
[ Chuckling ]
[ Laughing ]
Aw, damn it.
They're not even trying to be a team.
Ballmaster's our weapon, not our babysitter.
Uh, well, I'm not giving up so easy.
Mamma didn't raise no quitter.
[ Gasps ]
[ Laughs ]
Mamma was a screw up, and so am I! [ Screams ]
Ready for me to win as Ballmaster?
If by "me" you mean "us,"
both of who will share credit equally,
then hells yeah.
Huh?
They're closing in, moron.
We got to pass the ball.
Or I'll do everything, like always.
-[ Grunts ] -Yeah!
[ Chuckles ]
Gaz, I'm starting to think you don't believe in our team,
who only believes in me. -[ Grunts ]
Alright, kiddo. It is on.
Ace, buddy, I think her head's biting off
more than our ball can chew. -[ Grunts ]
-Wh-Whoa! -[ Grunts ]
Leave me out of this.
He's taken over Ballmaster.
Vorelord: [ Laughs maniacally ]
♪♪
Whoa!
[ Laughing ]
[ Grunts ]
♪♪
Aah!
Ugh.
Ha.
[ Beeping ]
[ Dial-up feedback ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Grunting ]
Aah!
-Whoa! -[ Laughing ]
Ha-ha!
[ Grunting ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
[ Screams ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Huh?
Unconventional play, Captain Digzy.
Huh?
Unconventional play, Captain Digzy.
Not now, Goldilocks.
The runt's gone rogue, so I got to bring the pain.
Even if perhaps he was in pain before the game began?
Superstardom is lonely work, you may recall.
So what?
Ballmaster was supposed to help the team.
Says the Captain pummeling her protege.
You think you can do better?
Then get off your golden throne and do it, freak.
Mnh-mnh. Soldiers need a Crayzar and a captain,
a mortal leader who shares their pain.
Leaders need to bleed, Digzy.
So what are you to this boy? A god? A demon?
Or are you finally -- -A leader ain't the fix here.
The brat needs a spanking, and that's what he gets.
Look at me, armchair quarterbacking.
So gauche.
[ Both grunting ]
♪♪
Aah!
You want me to stop now when I've almost got everything?
If I just keep pushing, I'll finally be --
Alone.
There's only room for one on top of Shit Mountain.
Someone should've told me back in the day,
but now, I'm telling you.
So list--
[ Exhales sharply ]
[ All gasp ]
Oh, no.
[ Grunting ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Groaning ] You.
[ Grunts ]
[ Grunts ] Gaz, what am I...
[ Exhales sharply ]
I'm so sorry, Gaz.
How could I do this to my captain,
my hero, my friend?
Meh, don't sweat it.
Being a big shot fucks you up just as bad as being a loser.
[ Chuckles ] Sure does.
I kind of thought I was a God for a second.
Well, you're no God, kid, 'cause I believe in ya.
Now, let's win this like a team.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Gasps ]
[ Laughs maniacally ]
[ Grunts ]
Aah!
We got this, guys.
[ Laughs maniacally ]
[ Grunting ]
Whoa!
Ballmastrz.
-[ Chuckles, grunts ] -Aah!
[ Yelling ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
[ Both laugh ]
Are we back in sync, pal?
You know it, ya moody bitch.
Yeah! [ Chuckles ]
Time's up, game's over,
and the Leptons have pummeled their foes and their bros.
That was the most baller-ass schizo playing
in the history of the game.
-[ Grunts ] -Uh...
My first kiss was as terrifying as I imagined.
-[ Chuckles ] -We sure learned a lesson, kid.
I'll only whop your ass in private from now on.
[ Cheers ]
A Ballmaster and a fitting leader, at last.
♪♪