"Ballmastrz."
"When You Wish Upon a Spore."
♪♪
[ Snoring ] Lazy layabouts.
Frivolously wasting their day off when they could be training.
No discipline. No devotion. [ Scoffs ]
997...
998...
999...
[ Smash! ] 1,000!
I'm the only Lepton who truly understands sacrifice.
No one on this team appreciates the fruits of my sacrifice.
[ Shower running ] That's for sure.
No one, but me of course.
[ Cackles ]
Mmm, Umbilicus.
Whoa! Wah!
Doesn't anyone on this team knock?
Flip, all hands on deck!
It's time to make a wish come true!
[ Groaning, sighing, giggling ]
In accordance with our team's plea bargain agreement
for accidentally deleting sentient AI files
off the stadium's mainframe
to make room for new video games,
today is our court-mandated appointment
with the Wish Program.
A lucky person with a debilitating or fatal disease
has been selected to make a wish
and have it come true!
And that lucky person is Rudy Drax.
Aah! Team, meet Rudy.
Rudy, meet the Leptons.
Why...would he want to do that?
Jeez, that's pretty selfish, Rudy.
Yeah, kid, what's your damage?
All: Baby Ball!
It's okay. I don't mind talking about it.
I suffer from solar prime's disease.
Spores from deep in space
traveled across the cosmos to me
on the solar winds.
They rained down on to me
like cruel cherry blossoms.
The spores entered my brain,
destroying my arms and legs!
And now here I sit before you -- a shell of my former self.
[ Record scratches ] And our number-one fan!
First up is our morning training session.
Maybe if you're lucky,
you'll get to see Ballmaster in action.
Actually, I was really hoping to watch Flip.
Baby Ball: Not a fan of this new move.
[ Pbbbt! ] Aah!
I'm open.
Rrraaah!
I'm open!
Ha, ha, ha! Huh!
-Gah! -Whaa!
By harnessing the power of my own vanity
and flooding my chakras with hubris,
I can repurpose the fruit of my sacrifice
into a force of pure arrogance,
ignore my whole team,
and go unto heights of personal glory using Umbilicus!
Whaaaa-ho!
[ Explosion ]
[ Warbling ]
[ Thud! ]
Unh! What happened?
I'm so sorry, Mr. Champion.
You should have watched where you were cheering!
I'm sorry. I totally should have.
You're -- You're my favorite Lepton, sir!
Well, that shows very good taste on your part.
This is so embarrassing, but you're my inspiration!
You give me hope.
I wanna be just like you some day.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
You, be like me?
That's impossible!
You lost your limbs to disease and weakness,
whereas I made a choice to sacrifice my flesh
as a pathway to strengthen excellence!
[ Whimpers ] Waahhh!
I also think crying is super lame!
[ Whoosh! ] What the hell is going on?
Flip Champion, your pompous dismissal
of your number-one fan's feelings set off
the insensitivity sensors
we recently installed in all stadiums.
You have failed to live up to the Consortium's
new no-tolerance policy for being a total asshole.
Wow! Those insensitivity censors are very sensitive.
I'm afraid you'll now have to accompany me
through the vast reaches of time and space
into another dimension
unknown to conscious beings
for some sensitivity training.
Aaaaaah!
[ Cackles ]
Holy cow!
I honestly can't believe I didn't set off
those asshole censors first. those asshole censors first.
Jinx!
Flip: Whooaaa!
Whoooooaaaa!
[ Cackling evilly ]
Aaah!
[ Groans ] What happened? Where am I?
Welcome to your sensitivity training.
In this dimension, we are capable of simulating situations
where you'll be treated as callously as you treat others.
I don't understand.
Hopefully, this will teach you a valuable lesson.
[ Cackles ]
♪♪
Hey, gang, look!
[ Laughter ] It's Flip Loser!
Actually, my name's Flip Champion.
You know they only let you on the team out of pity, right?
You're barely even the team mascot.
You should do us all a favor and quit.
You're pathetic, Flip.
Me, pathetic?
Ha! I have spent a lifetime of sacrificing my flesh,
training my body,
and aligning my abdominal chakras
to achieve a level of physical perfection
you could never understand.
[ Screaming ]
Crayzar: Cease simulation!
What the hell was that?
Clearly, Flip is a much larger asshole than we anticipated.
Level one is typically reserved for people who are merely jerks.
Perhaps we should skip to level three.
Level five, bitches. Come on.
[ Whirring ]
Woman: Please, we seek asylum.
The Wasteland Gangs will kill us if we go back.
So you're clearly just lying
so you can get out of the Wastelands.
When will you scum learn?
Separate the child from the mother!
-No! -Get in there, worm!
[ Crying ]
You'll never see your mother again!
[ Crying ]
You'll never see your mother again!
Yeah, well, that's fine.
You're okay
with the way we're treating you?
If I wasn't, you'd be dead!
So then, you're okay being separated from your mom
and being put in a small cage?
As long as I have enough room in here to...
train with Umbilicus, I'm good.
Jesus, what an asshat.
Oh, I'm sorry Flip was so rude.
I'm sure he didn't mean to be.
He's really a great guy and a terrific teammate.
Really? Really?
All: Really?
Would you like to see Flip's room?
I guess so.
Here it is.
This is where Flip sleeps.
Ah.
And here is where he meditates.
Ah.
And here is where he meditates.
[ Gasps ]
Flip's discipline is a real benefit to the team.
[ Gasps ]
Flip's discipline is a real benefit to the team.
Whoa.
♪♪
What do you think's in his closet?
I guess clothes and stuff.
Do you think I could be alone in Flip's room for a while?
Sure thing! [ Laughs ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Door opens ]
[ Rumbling ]
Wow.
Crayzar: No! It's impossible.
He's an utter narcissist. He's worse than me,
and I'm a near-immortal demigod whack-job cyborg.
There is one training simulation we could try.
No, it's too dangerous.
What? What are you talking about?
Running it could work the fabric of the universe!
You can't tell me about a dangerous experimental option
and then not do it, you teases.
Now let's roll the dice.
[ Echoing ] Hello?
Ah, there you are.
I was looking for you.
In accordance with Consortium protocol,
and as a result of my sensitivity training,
I'd like to apologize for any offense you may have taken
to the truthful, totally reasonable things
[ Snarling ] I said to you earlier.
There, that ought to do it.
Uh, didn't you not have limbs before?
[ Whoosh! ] Aaah!
Rudy: [ Snarls ] That's right, Flip.
After you hurt me,
I came across your sacrificed limbs.
They called to me.
So, in my state of despair, I answered them.
It turns out you rejected your own limbs
just like you rejected me.
So, combining your rejected mummified limbs
with aspects of my rare space disease,
I can now utilize the unexpected blessing of my tragedy.
Re-Umbilicus!
Whaa!
Rudy! What are you doing?
What's it look like, skippy?
Sweetheart, Flip ain't worth it.
He's just a dickhead. -Hey!
He's not worth it, is he?
So is it cool if I just end him right now?
Nobody's ending anything, alright?
Let's all just calm down.
You want a wish to come true?
How about you let Superstar Gaz buy you your first drink.
How about I stomp your ass, too, wide load.
Bring it.
Whoa.
Uh!
Ah!
Aah!
Heyaaa!
Aah!
[ Grunts ]
[ Conk! ]
Aw, ah...
Whooaaaa!
Ugh! [ Groans ]
There's only one way out of this.
Form Ballmaster!
I was gonna say, "Run like cowards," but sure.
Yeah, we can form Ballmaster.
Ballmastrz.
Yeah!
Heyaaa!
Aaaah!
[ Cackles ]
Aah!
I was going to beat you all up,
but seeing how pathetic and weak you all are,
I'm going to put an end to your misery.
No, please!
I love my misery!
Wait! This is all my fault!
You have every right to be angry at me,
but have mercy on my teammates.
Let me sacrifice myself to spare them.
They don't deserve to be punished for my mistake!
Oh.
Oh?
Ah.
[ Clunk ]
[ Screaming ]
Holy crap.
That totally worked,
and it didn't even warp the fabric of the universe.
What worked? Warped the what?
We couldn't get any of the standard simulations
to teach you any empathy.
So we had to run a dangerously unstable
experimental simulation, and it worked!
But this isn't a simulation.
This is real. Rudy was real!
You sent me back here to apologize to him, remember?
Wait, did Rudy exist before we ran the simulation?
I mean, yeah, he's why Flip ended up in sensitivity training
in the first place.
Interesting, perhaps the amplified theta waves
created a reality pre-echo, mapping simulons
onto actual people and displacing them.
What the hell does any of that mean?
It means we totally just disintegrated Rudy.
Oh, shit.
♪♪
Chirp.
Rad.