Ballmastrz!
Ace: "Children of the night serenade wet nurse of reprisal;
Scream, bloodsucker, scream!"
[ Eerie music ]
Gaz: [ Drunkenly ] So I says to him,
"Are you gonna make me a freaking cake,
or do I got to lick the batter off that whisk first?"
[ Laughs ]
Then the cops showed up. [ Sighs ]
I've often wondered if they ever found that poor aardvark.
Uh...
Ah, the sporting life!
[ Sighs ]
[ Bell rings ] Last call.
Alright, boys.
Which one of you lecherous lotharios
wants to waltz Gaz Digzy out
for a little pants-off dance-off?
No. Nah.
No. Nope.
Oh, no way, Jose!
Oh, hello.
What do we have here?
Come on over and introduce yourself to Mama.
♪♪
[ Monster growls ]
Bergdorf Sanguine, shadowy gentleman.
Well, Bergdorf, I'm Gaz Digzy.
You might have heard of me.
I'm sort of a big deal in these parts.
Hey, are you a musician? You look like a musician.
I'm really feeling such a strong connection between us.
Robot: Closing time.
Don't got to go home, but you can't stay here.
So what do you say, handsome, my place or yours?
Great. My place it is.
[ Wolf howls in distance ]
♪♪
Oh, ho, ho, couldn't wait, huh, Romeo?
[ Growls ]
[ Laughs ] Now, that tickles.
[ Knocking on window ]
Gaz: Ace.
Ace, open the window. Come on.
[ Drowsily ] Gaz?
Open the window, Ace. Let me in.
[ Keypad beeps ]
[ Distorted ] Ace, listen to me.
Don't take this the wrong way,
but I really need to suck on you for a bit.
[ Screams ]
Gaz, what in the name of Crayzar has happened to you?
[ Screams ]
Suck!
[ Hisses ] Suuuck!
What's all the fuss about?
Oh, oh, oh, hey, now.
Well, congratulations.
I guess dreams really do come true, huh?
I can never unsee this.
Ew. I just barfed in my mouth a little.
[ Terrified screeching ]
[ Screaming ]Help! Get her off of me!
She's lost her mind!
I'm gonna suck the life from you!
Help!
Uh, guys, I think Ace actually needs our help.
Suck. Suck!
The master commands it!
Fan-freaking-tastic.
She's been huffing glue again, everybody.
The master? Who's the master?
Yes, the master. I do the master's bidding.
You all have to answer to the master.
Hey. What's this mark?
Is she sick?
Whoa. That is one far-out hickey.
That's no ordinary hickey.
I've seen this mark before.
There are some things in this universe we cannot comprehend,
and yet they are true.
We're not fighting some sort of disease here.
These marks were made by something unspeakable.
Out there from the dread reaches of the far frontier to live,
it feeds off our dear friend.
Right now, Gaz lives beyond the grace of Crayzar,
her very sanity a wanderer in the outer darkness!
Our team captain is under the meddling enchantment of --
Drugs. It's drugs, people.
We're talking about gas here, am I right?
[ Explosion, electricity crackling ]
[ All gasp ]
Master!
This dandy petunia is the master?
Leto: Pshhh. He doesn't look so tough.
Jump him! Leptons, charge!
[ Screeches ]
Run away!
I don't want to get sucked!
[ Roars ]
[ Hissing ]
[ Laughs ]
Vampire: [ Laughs maniacally ]
It took Gaz!
[ Sobbing ] Our poor Gaz!
Sweet tears of Crayzar, what was that abomination?
That was Vampire.
[ All gasp ]
The vampire -- horrible, parasitic beasts
that haunt the remote hinterlands of the far frontier.
No one knows if they're mutants, demons,
or monsters from the stars.
This one has seduced our Gaz!
Wow, Dee.
How do you know all this creepy stuff?
This role of illustrious athlete wasn't my first job.
So, I guess I was going through a bit of a goth period.
I answered a classifieds listing for a position in pest control.
It was in the boondocks, and turnover was pretty high,
which should have been a red flag,
but I took the gig on account of the recession.
The hours were crap,
but it paid off all my student loans in no time.
I was a hero of consummate skill and unearthly grace,
feared and despised by bloodsuckers everywhere!
The terrors in the dark grew to fear the name --
Vampire Hunter Dee Dee.
Dee Dee: No, silly.
Far Frontier Pest Solutions, Inc.
But, hey, that has a nice ring to it.
It could totally stick.
The hour has come to take up the sword once more.
Dee, are you, like, half vampire with superpowers or something?
Nope. I'm just a badass.
Deal with it.
[ Engine roars ]
Gaz has been taken as the bride of Vampire.
We have to reach her before they consummate at the union!
Are you sure this isn't just a fool's errand we're doing?
I mean, who's to say she hasn't boned that freak already?
I mean, this is Gaz we're talking about, right?
All: Baby Ball!
Alright. Alright. Jeez.
[ Grunts ]
[ Monsters growl and screech ]
[ Screams ]
Yah!
Hi-yah! Ah!
Haaaaa!
[ Screeches ]
Yah! Wah! [ Giggles ]
♪♪
Ballmastrz.
[ Monsters growl ]
Ace: [ Laughs ]
[ Screeches ]
Ah!
[ Screams ]
[ All scream ]
Ballmastrz.
[ Laughs ]
[ Chains rattle ]
[ Flesh squelches ]
[ Screams ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Groaning ]
Yah! [ Screams ]
[ Sips chalice ] Mmmm.
Ah! [ Chuckles nefariously ]
Gaz: Must clean.
Vampire: Yes.
Must clean for the master.
Yes.
Everything spotless, quality service, unmatched value.
Yes.
Release our friend from your wicked spell,
or taste my blade!
[ Laughs ]
We're trapped! Gaz is our only hope.
We have to rally the strength of her own inner spirit
to break the curse!
Yeah, appeal to her sense of self-worth and dignity!
Oh, good luck with that! Fight it, Gaz!
Don't give into this manipulator.
You've never bent the knee in servitude to a man before!
This guy is definitely not worth it!
[ Sips chalice ]
Meh!
Gaz: Must clean.
[ Laughs ]
Must clean.
[ Sips chalice, sighs ]
Must clean.
♪♪
[ Laughing maniacally ]
Don't give in, Gaz! Don't lose the true you!
[ Growls ]
Oh, I can't look! He's gonna drink her blood!
[ Echoing ] Drink her blood.
Must -- Must drink.
Must drink!
Damn, I need a drink.
[ Growling ]
Yuck!
The Bride of Vampire is officially filing for divorce.
[ Screams ]
Now's our chance!
Ball...
Yah! ...mastrz.
♪♪
[ Groans ]
[ Exclaims ]
[ Screams ]
Die, vampire scum!
♪♪
Oh, Gaz, I hope in the future
you'll show a little more discretion
in your choice of potential suitors.
What can I say?
When choosing between two evils,
I always like to try the one I've never tried before.
[ Laughs ] Oh, Gaz.
Incorrigible, floozy. My kind of gal!
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
What I meant to say is...
stop picking up shady losers in dive bars when you're hammered!
Alright. I get it.
I dodged a real bullet with this one,
but enough with the lectures.
Let's celebrate!
I'm a free woman! Who's down for body shots?
[ Cheers ]
♪♪
Chirp.
Rad.