"Ballmastrz."
[ Camera shutters clicking ]
[ Tires screech ]
[ Cheering ]
[ Laughs ]
For moi?
[ Slurp ]
[ Glass shattering ]
[ Munching ]
[ Smooching ]
Huh?!
[ Both growling ]
Aah!
[ Evil laughter ]
[ Panting ]
Aah!
[ Evil laughter ]
Aaaah!
Blabber Ball: Party girl Gaz Digzy
shows no signs of slowing down.
We followed the Leptons' controversial captain
all over town last night
on a binge of rich taste and poor choices.
Ah, Digzy, you look like hell.
Ahoy! The prodigal drunk returns!
Wow! F-A-T, fat!
Get bent, ya talkin' testicle.
I don't need your lip this morning.
No, really, you curve space and time.
Look at me -- I'm like a moon orbiting a freakin' planet.
Laugh it off,
but as of today, I'm turning over a new leaf.
I'm making some changes.
This flab is coming off.
[ Chuckles ] Good luck, tubby.
You got about as much self-control
as a pig in a truffle factory.
Ha! I'm gonna prove you so wrong.
I'll bet you you can't lose that rehab gut of yours
by the next big game.
What's the stakes?
You flatten out that belly,
and I'll have my mouth surgically welded shut
for the rest of the season.
[ Chuckles ] The sound of your silence
would be music to my ears.
But if I win, you gotta strut that fat ass of yours
buck naked across the field during the game.
You're on, bigmouth.
I can't wait to shut you up!
May the best ball win!
There it is -- the house of pain.
Feel free to throw the towel in any time.
[ Grunting ]
[ Wah! Wah! ]
Hey, Flint, buddy, I was wondering if maybe
you'd give me some pointers on getting back in shape.
You know, pump some iron with me.
Gaz, if this is the setup
for some elaborate practical joke --
No, I'm serious -- your expertise is my best shot
at getting a washboard stomach back.
I mean, I need your help.
Finally -- someone who appreciates
the fruit of my sacrifice!
Oh, this is gonna be rich.
A fatass getting trained by a fathead.
Sucking in your stomach won't help. Yes, it will.
It's the only way I can see the flippin' numbers.
[ Buzzer ]
We've truly got our work cut out for us.
If you're gonna train with me,
we need to commit to a regimen of grueling martial arts!
Yeah!
Intensive meditation!
Bring it on!
And lastly, no drinking!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No booze, like at all?
You are barred from the bars.
Willpower is a muscle. You can make it grow with work.
We can reach your full potential in record time,
but only if you can commit.
Okay, Stumpy.
I'll try anything once.
[ Grunting ]
[ Laughs ]
Ohh!
Ow! Hey! [ Whip cracks ]
♪♪
Ha ha ha!
Geronimo!
[ Grunts loudly ]
[ Shouts ]
Hah!
Ow! Ow! Ow!
I have an important announcement!
Gaz has made a heroic pledge
to get fit by our next big game!
Whoa. That's intense.
Doesn't she already have enough on her plate?
Yeah, if she succeeds, it'll be an epic triumph
of mind over platter.
[ Both laugh ]
I just know she can do it!
Damn right she will!
With my expert tutelage and focused curriculum
of training, temperance, and nutrition,
she'll melt back into a hot piece of tail in no time!
Hah! Digzy's idea of a balanced diet
is a beer in each hand.
[ Laughter ]
Seriously, speaking of beers, I'm gonna seize
this opportunity to make a little announcement of my own.
You're now looking at the official spokesball
of Ulsa Guerin's favorite local brew, Offal Ale.
[ Robots chanting "Beer" ]
Some free samples to celebrate our first
cross-promotional giveaway.
The next game will be Free Beer Day.
Aah! Hey, I see what you're trying to do.
You sabotage my dieting efforts with a lot of easy suds.
How dare you!
I am only trying to bolster the Leptons' brand
with a lucrative marketing gimmick.
Why, you rotten little --
But if you're down for a little side bet,
I'll wager you can't stay sober 'til game day, you lush!
I haven't touched a drink in 2 days, 6 hours, and 14 minutes.
What are the stakes?
The loser has to be the winner's personal slave
for a whole month!
You're on, ya floating dingleberry.
[ Yelling ]
Ow! Ow! Ow! [ Crashing ]
♪♪
Ha ha!
[ Growls ]
♪♪
[ Grunts ]
♪♪
Huh?! Yeah!
Aah!
[ Grunts ]
[ Laughs ]
[ Twinkle! ]
♪♪
[ Screams ]
I'm getting nowhere.
I see myself in your struggles,
and I'm reminded of my youthful exploits
as a wandering hero of the wastelands.
♪♪
[ Laughs ]
[ Grunts ]
I defended the weak, battling roving ravagers
with my deadly martial arts style, Two Buck Chuck.
Yeah!
The sacred scrolls became my guide.
Get him! With each sacrifice of my flesh, I grew stronger --
alone in body, but not in spirit.
Fire!
My psyche wove my entrails
into a golden chain of awakening.
Villainy was impaled on a lance of enlightenment
known as Umbilicas!
[ All yelling, screaming ]
[ People gasping ]
The purpose of discipline is to live more fully, not less,
and I always live to the fullest!
Now we're talkin'! Those sacred scrolls
sound like a shortcut to getting ripped overnight.
Ow! There are no shortcuts!
The scrolls contain dark, powerful secrets
that could go awry in the hands of a fervent neophyte.
So I couldn't just peek at a few?
Banish it from your mind!
Let's get back to work, worm!
[ Snoring ]
[ Chuckles ]
Nope. Next. Not you.
Gotta be in here somewhere.
[ Chuckles ]
Blabber Ball: Hello, consortium.
It's Free Beer Day here at Ulsa Guerin!
Those hard-luck Leptons are hosting
The Roki Men of Chapter City, who are looking to go ape
on veteran Gaz Digzy and her junk jocks.
It's gonna be bananas!
[ Roars ]
[ Cheering ]
Where's Gaz? She missed our morning workout -- again!
I hate to break it to you, sensei,
but Gaz has no willpower.
Gaz: Hey, Leptons!
May I present your new and improved team captain!
♪♪
Sweet Krayzar! There goes my bet!
Gaz, you did it!
I don't believe my eyes!
I admit it -- I had my doubts.
Oh, Gaz, I'm so proud!
I must really be a good sensei after all!
Alright, alright! Dry your eyes, Mary.
Let's go pound some primates!
[ Cheering ]
[ Growling ]
Whoa! I sure hope you know what you're doing, hotshot!
[ Grunting, screeching ]
[ Cheering ]
That's my Gaz!
Who's ready to rumble?
[ Roars ]
Hey, sensei, watch as the pupil surpasses the master.
Digzy! What have you done?!
By cramming all night, studying the forbidden scrolls,
I've tapped into dark, tantric powers
and shed my party girl muffin top,
refocusing my beer belly through my third navel chakra
to achieve the ultimate physical, mystical makeover.
[ Echoing ] Behold, the pride of Umbilicus!
[ Flump! ]
Huh?! [ All gasp ]
You are never living this one down. You know that, right?
I feel so violated!
What happened?
Time out! Leptons call a time out!
Time out, time out, time out!
You betrayed me, Gaz Digzy!
You brought humiliation and dishonor
to the secret discipline of Two Buck Chuck!
Curse your fat ass and any future generations
of fat little fatties that squeeze out of your fat womb!
Wow. I suppose I deserve that.
Anyone else?
Well, I feel like crap.
Maybe we could just forfeit this one.
You know, get some takeout, rent a movie.
Oh, no, you flimflam floozy!
Listen, we ain't forfeiting on Free Beer Day,
and don't think you can weasel out
of your streak of shame, either.
The ball is right!
The only way Gaz could save face
and reclaim even a tiny shred of dignity
is to run around naked
in front of a packed arena of rowdy drunks!
No reneging the nude, you prude!
Gaz Digzy never welshed on a bet.
Then drop them drawers and start running, cupcake.
Shove it, dungball!
I'll drop my drawers, but I ain't running.
Blabber Ball: What's this? Gaz Digzy is taking the field
without her helmet -- or her shorts?!
[ Screaming ] Disgusting!
Screw it! This is me! No apologies!
Get an eyeful, you drunks!
[ Cheering ]
This isn't a beer belly!
It's a fuel tank for a love machine!
Not nearly as enjoyable as I thought it was gonna be.
[ Cheering ]
[ Grunting ] Disgusting!
Let the human mock monkey man.
Prince Bongo smash nudey woman!
[ Grunting, screeching ]
Aah!
[ Crash! ] [ Roars ]
[ Grunting ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Cymbals crash ]
[ Both grunting, hooting ]
[ Screeches ]
Aah!
[ Roars ]
Aah!
[ Roars ]
[ Zing! ]
[ Crowd groans ]
Ow!
[ Grunting, cheering ]
You lost the bet, and we lost the game,
but for some reason, you don't seem too bothered by it.
I may have failed at achieving a flat stomach,
but during my training, I never touched a drop of booze,
and we had a side bet.
Wait, wait. That means --
[ Echoing ] No!
A whole month of servitude.
I'll have you know, Offal Ale revoked my sponsorship
'cause I can't make public appearances
looking like a chambermaid.
This humiliation could not end any sooner.
Shut up and fetch me a brew.
"Ballmastrz."
"Ballmast--"
Chirp.