Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Holo card day!
I'm so excited!
[ Laughing ]
[ Whirl! ]
-Ugh! -Today, we'll be immortalized
as athletes in holo card form.
You really care about this baloney?
I do!
I programmed a 3D avatar of myself
[ Laughing ] into this blank holo card
so that I could simulate different holo card poses
and find the most optimal pose for me to perform my holo card.
This pose has a 98% chance of pleasing my most dedicated fans.
So a 98% chance
of pleasing nobody! Got it!
[sigh] Man, what the hell is this line for?
Drugs? I hope it's drugs.
It's holo card day, Gaz!
Agh! Would you keep it to a low rumble, kid?
I am still metabolizing
everything I put into my body last night.
You sure you want to go with that pose, huh?
Don't you think it's optimal?
I think it's craptimal.
Here, try this. [ Beeping ]
That's right, baby. -But it's mostly all ball.
True. There is a lot of ball,
but you gotta give the people what they want!
People want balls!
Agh! You're probably gonna wanna
overexpose the mutate line.
-Why? -'Cause pictures of me?
Always come out dark.
[ Ding! ]
Whoa.
-Agh! Aah! -[Giggling]
Yeah-eah!
That's right, baby.
[ Laughing ]
Would you prefer I come back tomorrow,
when you're not hung over?
And fat.
Agh! Screw you
and take the stupid thing.
[ Ding! ] Agh!
This looks even worse than you do in real life.
Would you like a do-over?
Fix it in post, genius.
Who cares about holo cards anyway?
They're for lame babies.
Oh, love holo cards!
And I have an extensive
holo card collection,
of holo cards!
Exactly!
Would you guys like to see it?!
All: No!
-This is a '63 Kilmore Crusher. -Arghhh!
Here's my '57 Mega-Fist. -[Cackling]
I have Stinkfinger's league MVP card.
[ Shimmering tune plays ] And this one's my most beloved.
What's up?
This is from Gaz's rookie year
with the Boom Boom Boys.
You have a Gaz Boom Boom rookie card?!
-H-Hey! -I remember these!
Check it out.
If you turn it like so...
and view it from the proper angle...
[ Resonating ]
[ Laughter ]
I wonder if she broke a league record
for that athletic feat.
Ew! Make it stop!
Aw, that's tragically embarrassing.
I don't get it.
What am I supposed to see?
What the hell?!
-Aww! -Hey!
I didn't think you could find those anymore.
I bought them all up when they came out.
All of them, you say?
[ Laughing ]
That was very funny!
Yeah, yeah.
It's as if you were sucking a giant dong!
-I still don't get it. -Holy whoa!
These are worth a frickin' fortune!
Gaz, where's your stash?!
I don't have 'em anymore.
I left them with my ex, a few exes back.
Well, come on! Let's go get 'em and sell 'em.
We'll make a mint!
No! We should get them
to defend Gaz's honor!
[ Laughing ]
Eat me, stumpy.
What are we waiting for?! Come on!
Take us to your ex's place!
Uh, no way. Dude's a total psycho.
Then just give me his address and I'll go.
I'll be happy to control all the profits
and all the embarrassing sports memorabilia.
No! I will retrieve the cards and defend Gaz's honor!
-Money! -Honor!
Knock it off, you two!
-Honor! -Money!
All right, fine, we'll go!
Jeez!
[ Brakes screeching ] Here we are.
We'll divide it fairly three ways:
10% for you, 10% for you,
80% for me.
Gaz, I have no interest
in profiting off your honor.
But I do have a question:
If your ex-boyfriend is so bad,
why didn't he release the holo cards
back to the public to embarrass you?
I don't know, kid. Like I said, dude's crazy!
Someone ring the bell!
[ Whirring ] Aaaaah!
-Identify yourself. -Hello.
We'd like to speak to the owner of the house, please.
I'm Ace Ambling and this is Baby Ball.
We play for the Leptons.
[ Beeping ]
-Losers! [ Alarm blarin ]
Hey, brother ball!
Ball to ball, right? You're gonna let us in, right?
Balls helping balls?
Beat it, losers.
Ewww!
We will not beat it!
We are here to defend the honor of Gaz Digzy!
[ Alarm blarin ]
[ Bloop bloop ]
Aaagh!
Intruder. Intruder. Intruder.
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
-Ow! -Ah, shit.
[ Zapping ] All: Aaaaah!
-Agh! -Aaaaah!
-Agh. -Aaaaaaah!
[ Zapping continuously ] [ Panting ]
♪♪
Agh!
Whaaah-ah-ah-ah!
Whoa-oa.
♪♪
Aha! -Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Oh, shit.
-Ha-ha! -Incoming!
[whispering] Ballmastrz.
♪♪
Ballmastrz.
♪♪
[ Resonating ]
Ballmastrz.
That's one hell of a security system.
-Come on! Let's do this! -No turning back now.
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
-Who dares to break in -Huh?
to the sanctuary of my master's home?
Oh, jeez!
Who's this fruitcake?
He's like my ex's bestie.
We demand to see your master!
Once you break in to this house,
you do not make demands; you make a choice.
You must choose between dying quickly or dying slowly.
I mean, that is a rotten set of options.
Asshole lays it on a little thick, don't you think?
-Choose! -Yeah, hey!
Yugi-ohy, ah? What's up? [laughs]
Long time no see, huh?
It's me, Gaz. -Gaz Digzy?!
I didn't recognize you because you are so fat now.
Look, man, I'm just here to pick up some
of my old stuff. Let's not make this
more awkward than it needs to be, okay?
More awkward? More awkward?!
Guards! -Guards?!
♪♪ [ Whip cracking ]
♪♪
[ Resonating ] All right, isn't this
getting out of hand?
Bros before hos!
Ball sword!
[ Resonating ]
Ballmastrz.
Ahh!
[ Zapping ]
Ha ha!
Ballmastrz.
[ Zapping ]
-Ahhgh! -[whispering] Ballmastrz.
Ha ha!
Gaz Digzy!
Ahh!
You remind my master
[ Heartbeat ] of when he was much less mature
and of the bad relationship decisions
he made at that time.
To help my master, Jo Jo Cracko, truly move on
and be ready to meet the one, I must destroy you!
Wait a minute. Wait a minute! Hold the phone.
You ex is the Jo Jo Cracko,
notorious mob boss of Ulsa Garin
Jo Jo Cracko? That one?
I never asked the guy what he did for a living.
I helped break in to the house
of gangland kingpin Jo Jo Cracko,
complicit in the murder of several of alleged
underworld figure Jo Jo Cracko's henchmen?
Aah! Ahh!
Uh-oh!
[ Resonating ]
Great time for performance anxiety, guys.
Ha! Just a scrawny urchin and a cowardly orb.
Guards, finish them! -Both: Aah!
You're on your own, kid! [ Zing! ]
Oh! Oh, for the love of quasar!
[sobbing] Please! Please don't kill me, Mr. Cracko!
Please!
Agh!
[high-pitched] I'm gonna gouge out your beady eyes
and shove 'em up your ass
and then skullfuck your empty sockets.
Aaah! [Squelch] Oh, please, don't!
I didn't know it was your house!
It was all her idea!
[cracking knuckles] Whose idea?
Mine.
Digzy, is that you?
'Ey, Jo Jo.
Sorry for dropping by without warning.
Without warning?!
I took out a restraining order on you!
You're not supposed to be
within 100 vectors of me at all times!
I could call the cops!
[Whip!] Cops?! Restraining order?
You don't understand, this bitch is crazy.
I had to see an analyst after her.
I still take pills for my nerves
'cause of this broad.
Ahh, come on, Jo Jo, huh?
We had some laughs.
You sank my yacht!
-Agh! -Don't come any closer.
[ Sinister music plays ] Why'd you come back?
Wh-What do you want from me?
We've come for Gaz's property:
her collection of Gaz Boom Boom rookie cards!
The cards, that's it?
Yes!
[ Beeping ]
[ Beep ]
[ Whoosh! ]
Here, take 'em, by all means.
I tried to give her this stuff a million times,
but she never called me back.
I kept it safe 'cause I was terrified
she's go ballistic on me
if she ever found out I got rid of them.
Skull-fuck my eye sockets, huh?
Just go, okay? Please?
[ Sinister music plays ] Agh.
Coming back to my master's house in the future
would be completely uncool. -Ahh!
You should focus your mind on developing boundaries
and, if you cannot, you should respect my master's.
[ Sinister music plays ] Now get the fuck out!
♪♪
What I tell you? Dude's a total psycho!
So, mission accomplished, am I right?
So, what, three-way split? I mean, they're your cards,
so I suppose I could accept a 20% cut.
Coward Ball gets nothing but Jack and shit!
Ace! My little man.
You got real balls!
[Continues indistinctly] Eenie-meenie Baby Ball!
I'll go 50/50 with ya.
I don't want any money.
I'm just glad to know
your dignity was returned to you.
More for me. Now let's go sell
my dignity to the highest bidder!
[ Blast! Screech ]
[ Static crackles ] [ Beeping ]
Dum-dum Digzy does it again!
Do you remember the Gaz Boom Boom rookie card,
the one that made Gaz look like she's
about to suck a giant dong?
[baritone echo] Giant dong!
Well, Gaz's Lepton rookie card is even more
-Agh! -pathetically hilarious.
[ Audience laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Son of a bitch.
Ooh! This is too perfect!
I'm gonna go buy a gross
[Cash register chimes] of these new holo cards!
Look on the bright side, Gaz.
Now you can buy up all your new embarrassing holo cards
with the money you made selling the old ones.
Ah, bite me!
♪♪ Ballmastrz.
Ballmastrz?
Ballmastr--
Chirp.
♪♪
[ Drumroll ]