1 00:00:01,218 --> 00:00:02,611 -Mom. -Yes? 2 00:00:02,654 --> 00:00:05,135 -Okay. I want a big party this year. -Serious? 3 00:00:05,309 --> 00:00:07,181 -I want a quinceañera. -Quinceañera? 4 00:00:07,224 --> 00:00:10,662 We can't do that. We're too white for that. We're not allowed. 5 00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,025 -AVA: Where's Giraffe? -PAUL: He's down here, love. 6 00:00:25,155 --> 00:00:26,896 -PAUL: He's on the settee. -ALLY: Did you say "settee"? 7 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,333 How have I never noticed you say "settee" before? 8 00:00:29,507 --> 00:00:30,900 PAUL: What should I say, then? "Couch"? 9 00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,337 ALLY: "Couch?" No, twat. Sofa. It's a sofa. 10 00:00:33,511 --> 00:00:35,252 -AVA: Is Giraffe alive? -PAUL: Not really. 11 00:00:35,383 --> 00:00:37,211 -AVA: Is Giraffe dead? -ALLY: Come on. 12 00:00:37,385 --> 00:00:38,690 Let's not be late for parents' evening. 13 00:00:38,821 --> 00:00:41,215 Only people in their slippers are late for parents' evening. 14 00:00:41,389 --> 00:00:42,912 -PAUL: Oh, bugger. -ALLY: What? 15 00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,566 -Dad's had a fall. -Oh, no. 16 00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:46,220 A bad one? Is he okay? 17 00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:47,482 He says he's all right. 18 00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:50,920 Just bruises and I'm guessing that's "sprained ankle." 19 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,922 It's auto-corrected to "spirit animal." 20 00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,793 He's at that age where you don't fall over. 21 00:00:54,967 --> 00:00:56,273 You "have a fall." 22 00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:58,580 No one ever says Lionel Messi's had a fall. 23 00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:00,930 "He's onside. He's in the box. But, oh, no, look. 24 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,062 Lionel's had a fall." 25 00:01:02,192 --> 00:01:03,280 -Oi! -PAUL: Watch it. 26 00:01:03,411 --> 00:01:05,500 Mind the road. Oh, man. 27 00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:10,505 I am not ready to be looking after Mum and Dad, you know? 28 00:01:10,635 --> 00:01:12,507 I mean, I don't mind this sort of parenting thing, 29 00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:14,944 but one where you're actuallywiping your own parents' asses, 30 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,076 that's a different ball game. 31 00:01:16,206 --> 00:01:18,382 Luke, careful. Sorry. Sorry. 32 00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:21,951 He thinks he's--oh, I can't think of a famous scooterer. 33 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:23,735 I don't think there are any. 34 00:01:23,866 --> 00:01:26,521 So will we be seeing Luke in the Year Three production? 35 00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:28,305 -Um... -Um, well, not onstage, 36 00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,177 but he's doing that sort of behind-the-scenes stuff, 37 00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:32,962 -aren't you, love? -I'm doing all the lights. 38 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:36,313 Aw. Oh, well. Never mind. Maybe next year. 39 00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:38,054 Come on. 40 00:01:40,317 --> 00:01:41,753 Fuck them. 41 00:01:41,884 --> 00:01:43,059 The fucking Hicksons. 42 00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,974 And their fucking outfits. 43 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,976 -Ponces. I can't stand him. -Or her. 44 00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,195 Do you know that she's having an affair? 45 00:01:48,369 --> 00:01:51,067 Not for the first time either, 'cause he's so gray and dull, 46 00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,330 and she seems sort of '70s-swinger throwback. 47 00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:56,333 -We're best, aren't we? -We are best. 48 00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:57,769 Mm. 49 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,642 [irreverent music] 50 00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:05,299 ♪ ♪ 51 00:02:05,473 --> 00:02:06,778 He's basically a pleasure to teach. 52 00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:08,128 -ALLY: Aww. -PAUL: Aw, good. 53 00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:10,304 He's very happy, joins in. 54 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,132 Well-behaved, usually. [chuckles] 55 00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:13,872 [laughs] The main thing, really, 56 00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:15,222 is that Luke's happy at Park Grove 57 00:02:15,352 --> 00:02:16,440 and he wants to come to school every morning. 58 00:02:16,571 --> 00:02:17,441 -Yeah. -Yeah. 59 00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:18,660 Yes. Sorry. 60 00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:21,097 You were saying earlier on about Luke's reading... 61 00:02:21,271 --> 00:02:23,099 -TEACHER: Yes. -That it was average. 62 00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,361 For his age, yes. 63 00:02:24,492 --> 00:02:25,580 Absolutely where he should be. 64 00:02:25,710 --> 00:02:28,148 PAUL: Right. 'Cause I thought, um-- 65 00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:30,454 I mean, he's not a genius or anything. 66 00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:33,240 -LUKE: They've extinguished-- -Wow. 67 00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:34,371 I didn't know you knew that word. 68 00:02:34,502 --> 00:02:36,112 That's a big word for a seven-year-old to know. 69 00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:37,157 -Yeah? -Yeah. 70 00:02:37,374 --> 00:02:39,115 You're actually reading it; you're not just remembering it 71 00:02:39,289 --> 00:02:40,160 from when I read it to you. 72 00:02:40,290 --> 00:02:42,684 No, I'm good at reading and writing. 73 00:02:42,814 --> 00:02:44,599 Yes, you are, clever sausage. 74 00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:45,904 You know, I wanted to be a writer 75 00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:47,341 when I was a kid 76 00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:49,256 or an artist, you know? 77 00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:50,822 Cartoonist, maybe, combine the two. 78 00:02:50,953 --> 00:02:52,694 Why didn't you? 79 00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:53,825 Eh, you know, life gets in the way, doesn't it? 80 00:02:53,956 --> 00:02:54,913 You drift. 81 00:02:55,044 --> 00:02:56,393 Then you two came along... 82 00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,134 [inhales deeply] I'm not blaming you. 83 00:02:58,308 --> 00:02:59,179 Just, you did ask. 84 00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,355 Right. Chapter four. 85 00:03:01,529 --> 00:03:03,618 I mean, obviously I'm not saying he's gifted, 86 00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:04,619 but he's not ungifted, 87 00:03:04,749 --> 00:03:06,490 and if you're saying he's average-- 88 00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,275 Luke's around aboutwhere we would expect him to be 89 00:03:08,405 --> 00:03:09,406 for this part of Key Stage 1. 90 00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:11,713 -His reading is bang on target.-ALLY: Great. 91 00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:12,714 On target is great. 92 00:03:12,888 --> 00:03:14,063 It's great. Luke loves reading. 93 00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:15,499 It's just books, books, books, books, books. 94 00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,153 Aw. That's good to hear. [laughs] 95 00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:18,720 Sometimes I say to him,"Can you just put the book down 96 00:03:18,894 --> 00:03:21,723 -and play with the bloody iPad?" -Hmm. 97 00:03:21,853 --> 00:03:23,290 I don't. I don't. That was just a joke. 98 00:03:23,420 --> 00:03:25,727 We don't swear at home or anywhere, actually. 99 00:03:25,901 --> 00:03:27,729 Sorry. Uh... 100 00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,296 just to-- I'm sorry, 101 00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:31,733 I don't want to bang on relentlessly about this-- 102 00:03:31,863 --> 00:03:33,648 I promise you-- but are there any 103 00:03:33,778 --> 00:03:36,433 above-average readers in Luke's class? 104 00:03:36,564 --> 00:03:40,307 W-we have young learnerswith a wide range of abilities. 105 00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:42,178 A significant percentage of our pupils 106 00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:43,440 have a first language other than English. 107 00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:45,312 -Right. -TEACHER: So everyone works 108 00:03:45,442 --> 00:03:46,878 towards a target that suits their ability. 109 00:03:47,009 --> 00:03:48,445 PAUL: And that works? 110 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:50,317 I mean, in the same classroom, 111 00:03:50,447 --> 00:03:52,884 no one suffers, the gifted or-- 112 00:03:53,015 --> 00:03:54,321 We tend not to say "gifted" these days. 113 00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:56,192 -Right.-But no one is at a disadvantage 114 00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:58,107 -in a mixed ability classroom. -Mm. 115 00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,327 In fact, all the children tend to... 116 00:04:00,457 --> 00:04:01,241 -Be average. -Thrive. 117 00:04:01,371 --> 00:04:02,981 PAUL: Great. 118 00:04:05,984 --> 00:04:07,203 ALLY: Such a lovely vibe about this school. 119 00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:09,249 -PAUL: Ooh. -Oh, thank you. 120 00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:10,989 And I presume we'll be seeing Ava 121 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,340 in the Park Grove reception class in September. 122 00:04:13,470 --> 00:04:16,430 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. She'll be here. 123 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:17,344 -TEACHER: Oh. -ALLY: [laughs] 124 00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,346 -ALLY: Excellent. -TEACHER: Right. 125 00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:21,783 PAUL: Look, I'm just trying to make sure-- 126 00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,567 Jesus, Paul. Jesus Christ up a tree. 127 00:04:23,698 --> 00:04:25,482 Can't you see how out of order you've been? 128 00:04:25,613 --> 00:04:26,701 LUKE: Are you two arguing? 129 00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,355 PAUL: No, it's a loud, tense discussion. 130 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,008 Go get ready for your bath. I'm sorry. 131 00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:32,359 I thought we discussed putting Ava's name down ages ago. 132 00:04:32,489 --> 00:04:33,708 -Bollocks did we. -Look, if she can get 133 00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:35,362 a reception place at West Street school-- 134 00:04:35,536 --> 00:04:36,798 But we looked at that school for Luke, 135 00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,582 and it was massively oversubscribed. 136 00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:39,714 No, there were less four-year-olds 137 00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:40,715 in their catchment this year, 138 00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:42,282 so Ava has a real chance of getting in. 139 00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:43,370 And with the sibling policy-- 140 00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,241 What, then Luke could be first in the queue 141 00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:46,721 when a place becomes free? 142 00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:47,722 It's the golden ticket, mate. 143 00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:50,159 Ofsted says West Street is outstanding. 144 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,291 It stands out. 145 00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:53,380 Park Grove is adequate. 146 00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:54,511 Now, Luke and Ava are smart kids, Ally. 147 00:04:54,642 --> 00:04:56,470 They need to fulfill their potential. 148 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,299 LUKE: Uh-oh, my vest is stuck on my ears again. 149 00:05:01,605 --> 00:05:03,390 [bass music] 150 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,043 I can't get it off. 151 00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:06,175 PAUL: Oh, Christ. 152 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,611 ♪ 153 00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:08,917 [kids laughing] 154 00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:11,615 There's all that amazing music and drama at Park Grove. 155 00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,400 The stencil art, the poetry slam. 156 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:14,488 I love poetry. 157 00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:16,620 I love it, the idea of it. 158 00:05:16,794 --> 00:05:18,840 But what about reading and maths? 159 00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:20,755 West Street is outstanding at reading and maths. 160 00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:22,409 Am I going to a new school? 161 00:05:22,539 --> 00:05:23,540 -ALLY: No. -PAUL: Maybe. 162 00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:25,412 Not yet. Don't worry about it. 163 00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:26,326 [Paul sighs] 164 00:05:26,456 --> 00:05:27,631 Let's not pressure them. 165 00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:28,763 It's only primary school. 166 00:05:28,893 --> 00:05:30,068 They should be enjoying themselves. 167 00:05:30,242 --> 00:05:31,200 Yeah, I know. 168 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:32,984 But if they don't pass their SATs, right, 169 00:05:33,115 --> 00:05:34,290 they don't get into the good secondary. 170 00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:35,770 Then they don't get into the good university, 171 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,206 so they can't get a decent job. 172 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:39,513 They can't afford to rent, let alone buy a flat. 173 00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:41,210 They can't settle down. They can't have kids. 174 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,429 Ava is only four. 175 00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:45,214 How have we got to her having kids already? 176 00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,868 Luke is happy where he is. 177 00:05:47,042 --> 00:05:48,783 Plus, it's 13 seconds away. 178 00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,567 It would take longer to teleport 179 00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,656 because you'd have to plug the teleporter in 180 00:05:52,830 --> 00:05:54,441 or connect it to Bluetooth or however they work. 181 00:05:54,615 --> 00:05:55,790 -But what has brought this on? -LUKE: Stop splashing me! 182 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,226 -AVA: Stop copying me! -Nothing's brought this on. 183 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,575 -I just want-- -LUKE: Stop copying me! 184 00:05:58,706 --> 00:06:01,099 Shut the fuck up with the splashing! 185 00:06:01,273 --> 00:06:02,536 Jesus Christ! 186 00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:04,364 I just want what's best for the kids, 187 00:06:04,494 --> 00:06:07,018 and I don't want to set them upto fail this early on. 188 00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,369 -There's nothing more to it? -Nope. 189 00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:12,372 [percussive music] 190 00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:13,895 ♪ 191 00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,462 [exhales] I'm so relieved, Nadia. 192 00:06:15,636 --> 00:06:17,681 [chuckles] And really pleased for Helen. 193 00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:20,118 That's a huge weight off my mind and my shoulders. 194 00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:21,468 -Really? -Absolutely. 195 00:06:21,598 --> 00:06:25,254 Because my fear was, if I'd got this promotion-- 196 00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:26,821 sideways move, whatever you want to call it-- 197 00:06:26,951 --> 00:06:28,475 It is a promotion. 198 00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:31,042 My fear was that, uh, 199 00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:32,609 it's basically just an admin job, 200 00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,916 and that would take me away from-- 201 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,352 I mean, I guess a lot of what I do now 202 00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:37,832 you could call admin, but I still feel 203 00:06:37,962 --> 00:06:41,270 like I'm, if not at the coal face, 204 00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:43,272 then certainly still down the pit, do you know what I mean, 205 00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,926 with my filthy hands and my Cornish pasty. 206 00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:46,580 Sorry, that's tin mining. 207 00:06:46,754 --> 00:06:47,407 [chuckles] 208 00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:50,148 Do you want any feedback 209 00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:51,933 as to why Helen got the job over you? 210 00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:53,064 No, I'm all right, I think. 211 00:06:53,195 --> 00:06:54,718 -Oh. -No. Yes, I would, please. 212 00:06:54,849 --> 00:06:56,590 Can I hear it? 213 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,505 Well, you're the longest-servingemployee here, 214 00:06:58,635 --> 00:07:00,855 -hugely respected by everyone. -Thank you. 215 00:07:00,985 --> 00:07:04,859 But you just didn't seem that hungry for this new challenge, 216 00:07:04,989 --> 00:07:06,513 and we needed someone hungry. 217 00:07:06,643 --> 00:07:07,514 -Right. -Mm. 218 00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:08,732 Okay. 219 00:07:10,517 --> 00:07:11,953 That's food for thought. 220 00:07:12,127 --> 00:07:14,390 I appreciate the feedback of the thought food 221 00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:15,609 that I am hungry for. 222 00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:17,654 -Sorry. Thank you. -Hmm. 223 00:07:19,177 --> 00:07:20,440 Uh, yeah. Thank you. 224 00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,442 [grunts] 225 00:07:22,572 --> 00:07:24,531 -Cheers. -Bye, Paul. 226 00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:26,620 ♪ 227 00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:27,447 [sighs] 228 00:07:27,577 --> 00:07:29,405 [hinges squeak] 229 00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:35,759 We inquired about places, by the way, rang 'em up. 230 00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:38,893 What? Places? Rang who up? 231 00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:40,677 Langham House old people's home 232 00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:42,636 or whatever you call it now. 233 00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,115 Care facility. 234 00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:46,422 They take council-funded residents. 235 00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:48,206 There's a bookie's two streets away. 236 00:07:48,337 --> 00:07:49,643 We'd be happy there. 237 00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:50,687 You don't need to be in a home. 238 00:07:50,818 --> 00:07:53,995 -What are you on about? -Jim's falls made us think. 239 00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:55,562 We're not getting any more nimble, 240 00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,651 and you don't want to be looking after us 241 00:07:57,781 --> 00:07:59,566 when we're doolally, do you, 242 00:07:59,696 --> 00:08:03,570 or have us staying with you, dribbling all over the shop, 243 00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,920 audible farts, et cetera. 244 00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:08,139 This is daft. Stop talking daft. 245 00:08:08,270 --> 00:08:09,793 You got years till you start thinking about that stuff. 246 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,578 -Ooh! -Hey, steady, Dad. 247 00:08:11,752 --> 00:08:14,363 They gave you a stick. Use your stick. 248 00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,452 I don't want to use my stick. 249 00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:17,932 I'll look old with my stick. 250 00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:19,803 You look old with your face, mate, 251 00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:21,718 -never mind your bloody stick. -PAUL: Sit down here. 252 00:08:21,849 --> 00:08:23,024 I'll put this stuff in the loft. 253 00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:24,373 What is all this crap anyway? 254 00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:27,594 Oh, it's things we buy off the shopping channels. 255 00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,378 It's our secret shame. 256 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,771 PAUL: What's this thing? 257 00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:33,600 It's a kit to turn 8-millimetercine film into video. 258 00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:34,818 We've never had a cine camera. 259 00:08:34,992 --> 00:08:38,692 No, I know that now, butI forgot in the QVC excitement. 260 00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,390 They're very persuasive, those people. 261 00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:43,740 -PAUL: Mm-hmm. -They could be barristers 262 00:08:43,871 --> 00:08:45,046 or hypnotists. 263 00:08:45,176 --> 00:08:46,613 But we want it all hidden in the loft 264 00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:49,616 'cause a means-test lady's coming to see 265 00:08:49,746 --> 00:08:52,401 if we're eligible for council funding for the care home. 266 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,534 Stop talking about going into a care home, 267 00:08:54,664 --> 00:08:56,187 or I'll put you in a care home. 268 00:08:56,971 --> 00:09:03,847 ♪ 269 00:09:07,851 --> 00:09:09,070 [door slams] 270 00:09:09,244 --> 00:09:12,073 [laughter, indistinct chatter] 271 00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:21,561 You like your school, don't you, Luke? 272 00:09:21,691 --> 00:09:22,866 -No. -What, you mean you don't like 273 00:09:23,214 --> 00:09:25,216 your school, or you just don't like going to school? 274 00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:26,217 I like our house. 275 00:09:26,348 --> 00:09:27,654 Yeah, but you can't be homeschooled, 276 00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,525 because you'll end up on Only Connect. 277 00:09:29,699 --> 00:09:30,657 AVA: Mummy, I can't find my stickers. 278 00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:32,528 What? I don't understand. 279 00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:33,573 -Surprise! -Ah! Fuck! 280 00:09:33,703 --> 00:09:35,662 Oh! [groaning] 281 00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:37,315 Oh, God. Oh, Michael? 282 00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,100 Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. 283 00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:41,450 -Oh, my balls.-LUKE: You mustn't say "balls." 284 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,235 It's rude. You say "rice-icles." 285 00:09:44,366 --> 00:09:46,237 It's "testicles." It's not "rice-icles." 286 00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:49,545 -Hello. -Hi, honey. 287 00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:50,677 Oh. 288 00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:57,466 [groans] 289 00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:00,034 Huh. 290 00:10:00,817 --> 00:10:02,036 You kept all my drawings. 291 00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,255 JACKIE: Of course. We're proud of them. 292 00:10:04,386 --> 00:10:05,692 They're in the loft, though. 293 00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:07,128 JIM: We're not gonna frame them,are we? 294 00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:09,565 That would be weird to have something up on the wall 295 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:10,914 that your son drew when he was ten 296 00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:12,786 and now he's 45. 297 00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:13,917 Yeah, fair enough. 298 00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:15,353 The loft is a halfway house 299 00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:16,790 between having them on the wall 300 00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:18,269 and burning them on the allotment. 301 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,359 I wish you could've carried on with your drawing, Paul. 302 00:10:21,490 --> 00:10:22,622 You were good. 303 00:10:23,710 --> 00:10:25,059 PAUL: Okay, fine. 304 00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:28,366 Um, Helen, h-hi. 305 00:10:28,540 --> 00:10:29,716 I just wanted to say 306 00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:31,935 huge congratulations on getting the job. 307 00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:34,068 Oh, thank you, Paul. 308 00:10:34,198 --> 00:10:35,809 I've been wanting to say to you that-- 309 00:10:35,983 --> 00:10:38,072 No. I know. It's-- No, it's difficult, isn't it? 310 00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:39,160 Is it commiserations? 311 00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:40,814 That seems a bit heavy. No one died. 312 00:10:40,944 --> 00:10:42,293 [laughs] Yeah. Bad luck, then. 313 00:10:42,424 --> 00:10:43,381 Thank you. 314 00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:44,818 I still think you should've got the job. 315 00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,297 You've been here so long. 316 00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:48,169 Well, thank-- Yes. No. 317 00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:50,084 I have been here a while. 318 00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,738 Y-you went to Cambridge, right? 319 00:10:51,868 --> 00:10:52,956 Yeah. Not really. 320 00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:54,088 I mean, I did go there, yeah, 321 00:10:54,218 --> 00:10:55,524 but it was one of the newer colleges. 322 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,091 I didn't deserve to get in at all. 323 00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:58,875 Total fluke. 324 00:10:59,006 --> 00:10:59,876 They probably just let in 325 00:11:00,007 --> 00:11:00,964 a couple of lucky thickos every year. 326 00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:02,531 -Come on. -You? 327 00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,402 No, I didn't really do university. 328 00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:07,623 I thought perhaps I might go to art school, maybe. 329 00:11:08,406 --> 00:11:09,625 Why didn't you? 330 00:11:09,756 --> 00:11:11,061 Life gets in the way, doesn't it? 331 00:11:11,366 --> 00:11:14,978 You drift. Suddenly you find yourself in late 30s, and-- 332 00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:19,330 LUKE: Where do you live? 333 00:11:19,461 --> 00:11:21,419 MICHAEL: [laughs] Wherever I lay my hat. 334 00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:22,551 You haven't got a hat. 335 00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:23,683 Have you lost your hat? 336 00:11:23,813 --> 00:11:25,554 I thought you were in Cape Town. 337 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,687 Well, Cheryl kicked me to the curb. 338 00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:28,905 We were too far apart. 339 00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:31,647 Yeah, by about 40 years. 340 00:11:31,821 --> 00:11:34,128 -Is he really your daddy? -Yep. 341 00:11:34,258 --> 00:11:35,695 [laughing] You haven't got a daddy. 342 00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:38,001 -Everybody's got a daddy. -Hmm, yes. 343 00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:39,220 Some more than others. 344 00:11:39,394 --> 00:11:41,657 C-could we walk a bit more slowly, please? 345 00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:42,702 My balls. 346 00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,791 -Rice-icles. -Let's just say "balls." 347 00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:45,922 "Balls" is fine. 348 00:11:46,053 --> 00:11:47,228 AVA: Balls! 349 00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:50,013 JACKIE: Give our love to the little ones. 350 00:11:50,144 --> 00:11:51,798 -Yeah. -JACKIE: Does Luke still want 351 00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:52,712 to be an astronaut? 352 00:11:52,842 --> 00:11:54,801 He told me he wanted to be a rhino. 353 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,368 Oh, well, he can be whatever he wants. 354 00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:59,022 [laughs] I love it when we say that. 355 00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:00,241 He can't, can he? 356 00:12:00,415 --> 00:12:02,809 No. "Dream big," it's such a lie. 357 00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:05,246 You should try that Saint-John's-wort. 358 00:12:05,376 --> 00:12:06,595 It perks you up. 359 00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,902 No, I'm fine. I'm not depressed.I'm just a realist. 360 00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:11,469 What was I on when I had my episode? 361 00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:12,732 -Lithium. -Lithium. 362 00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,037 JACKIE: They don't do that anymore, 363 00:12:14,211 --> 00:12:15,256 like the electric shocks. 364 00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:16,474 I don't need lithium. 365 00:12:16,605 --> 00:12:18,172 Don't knock it till you've tried it. 366 00:12:18,302 --> 00:12:19,956 Fuckin' brilliant. 367 00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:22,176 I didn't know the time of day, who I was. 368 00:12:22,306 --> 00:12:24,918 I just floated from one meal to the other, 369 00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:26,267 no pants on. 370 00:12:26,397 --> 00:12:27,834 Terrific. 371 00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:29,836 I was on the vodka with it, so that helped. 372 00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:31,751 God, you're a lucky woman. 373 00:12:31,881 --> 00:12:33,404 [laughs] 374 00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:36,625 Look, Luke loves his dinosaurs, right, 375 00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,627 so we say to him, "You're gonnabe a paleontologist." 376 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,934 But he's not gonna be a paleontologist, is he? 377 00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:43,066 Ava loves her ballet, but she'snot gonna be a ballerina. 378 00:12:43,197 --> 00:12:44,285 Why not? 379 00:12:44,459 --> 00:12:46,504 Ballerinas exist, Paul. I've seen them. 380 00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:48,637 Mum, lottery millionaires exist. 381 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,640 Conjoined twins exist. Sexy racists exist. 382 00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:52,859 But they're rare. 383 00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:55,644 Ava will most likely becomean area manager for Super Drug, 384 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:56,863 not a ballerina. 385 00:12:56,993 --> 00:12:59,082 You've lost your spark, Paul. 386 00:12:59,256 --> 00:13:01,215 I always blamed that secondary school you went to. 387 00:13:01,345 --> 00:13:02,956 Whoa. Hang on. St. Edmund's was great. 388 00:13:03,130 --> 00:13:04,218 It was the best state school in the area. 389 00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:07,438 I know, but they sucked all the creativity out of you. 390 00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:08,526 You never said that at the time. 391 00:13:08,657 --> 00:13:10,006 You stopped your writing. 392 00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:11,529 -You stopped drawing. -Mm-hmm. 393 00:13:11,703 --> 00:13:12,879 Before you went there, 394 00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:15,011 you were bursting with creativity. 395 00:13:15,142 --> 00:13:16,970 Then you became a husk. 396 00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:17,797 A husk? Fucking hell. 397 00:13:17,927 --> 00:13:20,974 Not a husk, Jim. He wasn't a husk. 398 00:13:21,148 --> 00:13:22,323 Wrong word. Sorry. 399 00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:23,803 I'm on codeine for me ankle. 400 00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:27,545 They didn't value art or stories at St. Edmund's. 401 00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:30,113 They thought life was a battle and you should knuckle down 402 00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:33,029 and pass your exams and get a good job, 403 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,815 which you did, so there's that. 404 00:13:35,945 --> 00:13:37,338 And you love your work, don't you? 405 00:13:37,468 --> 00:13:38,687 Yeah. 406 00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,036 You still at that charity place? 407 00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:41,995 Yeah, for 22 years now, Dad. 408 00:13:42,125 --> 00:13:43,474 Thought so. 409 00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:44,998 Christ. 410 00:13:45,172 --> 00:13:46,347 -Love you. -JIM: Bye. 411 00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:47,914 PAUL: Love you. 412 00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:49,829 [lively music] 413 00:13:49,959 --> 00:13:51,352 [groaning playfully] 414 00:13:51,482 --> 00:13:53,006 Mm. Ah! 415 00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:55,008 [laughs] 416 00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:56,487 Oh. What's that? 417 00:13:56,618 --> 00:13:57,837 -[gasps] -Whoa. 418 00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:00,578 Ooh. 419 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,929 -Whoa! You're a magician. -Mm-hmm. 420 00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:05,496 -Have I met you before? -Yeah, you wouldn't remember. 421 00:14:05,627 --> 00:14:07,498 You were tiny when I last visited. 422 00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:11,154 And you, sweet little Ava, barely even existed. 423 00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:14,027 -Was I dead? -No one's ever dead. 424 00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:17,508 Our molecules existed when the universe formed, 425 00:14:17,639 --> 00:14:19,293 and they'll exist for eternity. 426 00:14:19,423 --> 00:14:20,947 We all live forever, 427 00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:23,384 so you never have to be scared of anything. 428 00:14:23,558 --> 00:14:24,864 LUKE: Really? Nothing? 429 00:14:24,994 --> 00:14:26,300 You've been around since the dawn of time. 430 00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:27,736 What's there to be scared of? 431 00:14:28,519 --> 00:14:29,956 Can you help me with my homework? 432 00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:31,871 Don't do homework, Lukey. 433 00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:35,178 -Rip it up. It's useless crap. -Mm-mm. 434 00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:37,833 I used to stop your mother from doing her homework. 435 00:14:38,007 --> 00:14:39,052 School is nonsense. 436 00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:39,966 No, it's not nonsense. 437 00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:41,315 Pressuring kids to learn 438 00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:44,318 what some dead white dudes want 'em to know? 439 00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:47,756 In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. 440 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,976 Pythagoras. Oxbow lakes. 441 00:14:50,150 --> 00:14:51,325 Dead kings. 442 00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:53,109 It's dull. It's crap. 443 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,546 I dropped out of high school at 14. 444 00:14:55,677 --> 00:14:56,983 Never went to college. 445 00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:59,333 Education is for idiots. 446 00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:00,900 Go. Play. Be a human. 447 00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:03,903 [kids yelling gleefully] 448 00:15:04,991 --> 00:15:05,992 That's not helpful. 449 00:15:06,122 --> 00:15:07,558 Kids need an education. It's tough out there. 450 00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:10,997 It's only tough if you let yourself believe it's tough. 451 00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:12,868 Oh, maybe if you fuck off all responsibility 452 00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:14,565 and abandon your family whenever it suits you, 453 00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:16,872 then yeah, maybe it's not so tough. 454 00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:20,354 [Ally scoffs] 455 00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:23,009 -Here. -Thank you. 456 00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,010 You got anywhere to stay? 457 00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:25,794 Yeah. 458 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,361 -No. -Got any money? 459 00:15:27,491 --> 00:15:29,015 -Some. -How much? 460 00:15:29,145 --> 00:15:31,017 Very, very little. 461 00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:33,106 Look, if I can sleep here tonight, 462 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:35,238 I can look up a couple of old friends tomorrow. 463 00:15:35,412 --> 00:15:38,241 Maybe one of them has a mattress and a blanket, 464 00:15:38,372 --> 00:15:39,939 you know, pillow, some sheets. 465 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:40,940 A bed, basically. 466 00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:42,245 You know, I was foraging 467 00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:45,161 on that railway embankment earlier. 468 00:15:45,292 --> 00:15:47,163 Found some really good mushrooms 469 00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:50,688 and young nettles and some wild garlic. 470 00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:53,822 Now, if you've got cream and a splash of white wine, 471 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:55,258 I can cook for you and Liam. 472 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:56,956 -It's Paul. -Sorry. 473 00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,045 Paul. Yes. Fuck. 474 00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:00,176 [chuckling] Sorry. 475 00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:01,917 [sighs] Liam was-- 476 00:16:02,091 --> 00:16:04,050 -Shut up about Liam. -Yeah. 477 00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:08,141 So do you want a hunter-gatherer meal? 478 00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:09,403 It's mainly gathering. 479 00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:13,189 The mushrooms tend to not move around. 480 00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:16,279 Yeah. 481 00:16:18,499 --> 00:16:22,068 [bluesy music playing on harmonica] 482 00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:28,988 ♪ ♪ 483 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:33,993 [Paul laughs] 484 00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,733 That was amazing. 485 00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:37,518 [chuckles] I do what I can. 486 00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:39,868 I'm not really a harp player, but it is portable. 487 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,522 Uh, the food was great as well, Michael. 488 00:16:41,652 --> 00:16:42,740 MICHAEL: Thanks. 489 00:16:42,914 --> 00:16:44,960 -Free food tastes special. -PAUL: Mm-hmm. 490 00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:47,223 Also, when I was on the embankment, 491 00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:48,964 -I saw a fox... -PAUL: Mm-hmm. 492 00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,966 And it let me sit with it for a while. 493 00:16:51,097 --> 00:16:53,099 [gasps] 494 00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:55,318 -That's good, isn't it? -AVA: We can't sleep. 495 00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:58,756 Can Grandpa Michael read us a bedtime story? 496 00:16:58,930 --> 00:16:59,888 No, I can't. 497 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,455 -BOTH: Aw. -But I can create one 498 00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:02,673 with you as the heroes. 499 00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:03,979 How's that? 500 00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:06,460 Okay, you're ninja alien vampires, 501 00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,679 and you're in ancient Greece, 502 00:17:08,810 --> 00:17:10,768 and you've got special animal powers. 503 00:17:10,942 --> 00:17:12,988 -LUKE: I'm a lion! -AVA: I'm Harry Potter! 504 00:17:13,162 --> 00:17:14,903 LUKE: That's not an animal. 505 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,123 How's it all going, you and Michael? 506 00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:18,341 -Complicated as ever. -Ah. 507 00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,778 -Hmm. -Is he staying here? 508 00:17:20,952 --> 00:17:22,911 Yeah, for just one night, apparently. 509 00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:23,912 -Ah. -[chuckles] 510 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,044 Okay. 511 00:17:25,174 --> 00:17:28,917 Listen, Al, I've been thinking about schools--rethinking. 512 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,006 Uh, I was wrong. 513 00:17:31,180 --> 00:17:32,225 Ava should go to Luke's school, 514 00:17:32,355 --> 00:17:33,704 and they should do the drama 515 00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,359 and the stories and the art and not be pressured. 516 00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:37,491 -Really? -Mm-hmm. 517 00:17:37,621 --> 00:17:38,709 Yeah, bottom line is, 518 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,494 I don't want the kids to turn out like me. 519 00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:43,018 -Oh, don't say that. -No, really, I-I mean it. 520 00:17:43,192 --> 00:17:44,933 You know me, and I'm-- 521 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,805 I'm not a happy person, and they should be happy. 522 00:17:47,979 --> 00:17:51,244 The thing is that I've beenthinking--well, rethinking--too, 523 00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:52,158 and I realize thatI don't want them to turn out-- 524 00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:53,942 -Like you? -Fuck off! 525 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,944 No, like Michael, like my dad. 526 00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,293 It would be fantastic if they turned out like me. 527 00:17:57,424 --> 00:17:58,816 -I'm great. -Yes, obviously. 528 00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:00,166 Fucking hell, Paul. 529 00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:01,602 -I'm sorry. It's-- -[chuckles] 530 00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:04,735 The last time my dad paid tax was in 1983. 531 00:18:04,866 --> 00:18:06,737 He's relied on his looks, charm, and charisma 532 00:18:06,868 --> 00:18:09,305 to get by his whole life, and it's got him nothing. 533 00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:11,177 Foraging for fucking mushrooms. 534 00:18:11,307 --> 00:18:13,179 I want the kids to turn out like you. 535 00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:15,616 I mean, the reason that I had kids with you 536 00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:17,618 is because you are the opposite of my father. 537 00:18:17,792 --> 00:18:19,533 [laughs] So I'm not a charming, 538 00:18:19,663 --> 00:18:20,969 handsome, charismatic maverick, then? 539 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,536 -No. -[laughter] 540 00:18:22,666 --> 00:18:24,103 You know what I mean. 541 00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:26,322 The kids deserve the best startthat we can give them, 542 00:18:26,453 --> 00:18:29,543 so let's--let's try and get Avainto West Street school, 543 00:18:29,673 --> 00:18:31,197 and she and Luke can do their drama 544 00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:32,415 and stuff on the weekends. 545 00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:34,200 Now, I don't want them to get to 70 546 00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:37,203 and be on a railway linechatting shit to a fucking fox. 547 00:18:37,377 --> 00:18:39,205 [laughter] 548 00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:40,293 Yeah. 549 00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:46,299 [upbeat music] 550 00:18:46,473 --> 00:18:49,084 ♪ ♪ 551 00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:51,565 See, this will tell us to the nearest centimeter 552 00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:54,785 how close we are to West Street school. 553 00:18:54,916 --> 00:18:56,135 Proximity's key, and there can't be 554 00:18:56,265 --> 00:18:58,354 many kids of Ava's age who live much closer. 555 00:18:58,485 --> 00:19:00,095 -Oh, shit. -What? 556 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,227 ALLY: That house is under offer, 557 00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:04,143 and yesterday I saw the Hicksons looking round it. 558 00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:06,232 -The fucking Hicksons? -Yep. 559 00:19:06,406 --> 00:19:08,451 They couldn't be closer to the school. 560 00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:09,800 They've got the golden ticket. 561 00:19:09,931 --> 00:19:11,324 Their little girl gets into reception, 562 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,804 and then their boy gets the next place in Year Four. 563 00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:15,893 [Paul exhales] 564 00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:18,157 Well, it might not be the Hicksons buying it. 565 00:19:18,287 --> 00:19:21,029 Might be a single man, a eunuch 566 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,466 just enjoying the free-spirited... 567 00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:24,902 eunuch lifestyle 568 00:19:25,076 --> 00:19:27,166 or a pedophile who just wants to live near a school. 569 00:19:27,296 --> 00:19:30,038 Nah, it's the adulterous fucking Hicksons, all right. 570 00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:31,692 It's got Hicksons written all over it 571 00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:33,259 in dog shit. 572 00:19:33,389 --> 00:19:34,260 ♪ 573 00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:35,609 You want a coffee? 574 00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:39,047 ♪ 575 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,615 Hi. Yeah, it's, uh, Greg Hickson. 576 00:19:41,745 --> 00:19:44,270 Yeah, c-calling about 37 West Street. 577 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:45,923 Yeah, I'm ringing to confirm 578 00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:47,925 that we're good to go ahead with the survey. 579 00:19:50,363 --> 00:19:52,626 Okay. Yeah. No, no. It's all good our end. 580 00:19:52,756 --> 00:19:55,281 Speak to you soon. Thank you. Bye-bye. 581 00:19:55,411 --> 00:19:57,370 Fucking Hicksons are buying the house. 582 00:19:57,544 --> 00:19:59,285 -Shit. -Look. Look. 583 00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:01,852 Greg Hickson is an independent financial adviser. 584 00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:04,159 Of course he is. Fucking wealth manager. 585 00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:07,075 -Prick, more like. -Good. Nice play on words. 586 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,163 -Thank you. -Oh, look. 587 00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:09,164 There's an email form here. 588 00:20:09,338 --> 00:20:11,297 You can write to Greg and discuss with him 589 00:20:11,427 --> 00:20:13,386 how he might manage your massive wealth. 590 00:20:16,519 --> 00:20:17,520 -No. -No. 591 00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,218 -No, can't do that. -No. Def--definitely not. 592 00:20:19,348 --> 00:20:21,307 Definitely not. Can we, though? 593 00:20:21,437 --> 00:20:22,221 -No. -No. 594 00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:24,179 Might solve the problem, though. 595 00:20:24,310 --> 00:20:27,226 Anonymous, untraceable. We're on the café's Wi-Fi. 596 00:20:27,356 --> 00:20:30,446 No, it's not right or moral. 597 00:20:30,577 --> 00:20:34,668 Or is it a bit right and moral? 598 00:20:34,798 --> 00:20:37,192 I don't know. I'm not here to judge. 599 00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:40,413 Why don't you start typing and see how it feels? 600 00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:42,197 "Dear Mr. Hickson, 601 00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:44,330 we think you should know that your wi"-- 602 00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:45,983 Oh, I can't do it. I can't even do it. 603 00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:47,681 Let's see if I can. What were you saying? 604 00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:48,899 "We think you should know that your"-- 605 00:20:49,030 --> 00:20:50,336 -Wife. -What's her name? 606 00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:52,338 Mrs. Hickson? I don't know. 607 00:20:52,468 --> 00:20:53,991 "That your wife has"... 608 00:20:54,165 --> 00:20:55,471 "Has been having an affair 609 00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:58,344 "with her hot physiotherapist 610 00:20:58,474 --> 00:21:00,215 for the last 18 months." 611 00:21:00,389 --> 00:21:01,695 -Christ. -[laughs] 612 00:21:03,218 --> 00:21:04,350 Should we lose "hot"? 613 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:05,351 Well, no, 'cause he is hot. 614 00:21:05,525 --> 00:21:07,135 If it's the one I'm thinking of,he's not really hot. 615 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:08,484 He's more sort of obvious. 616 00:21:08,615 --> 00:21:10,269 Yeah, but you're thinking of him, aren't you? 617 00:21:10,399 --> 00:21:12,575 -I wish I could stop. -[laughs] 618 00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:13,707 -I'm losing "hot." -Yeah, lose "hot." 619 00:21:13,837 --> 00:21:15,709 Lose "hot." 620 00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:17,232 Okay. Done. 621 00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:18,799 We're not sending this. 622 00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:21,018 No. No. 623 00:21:21,149 --> 00:21:23,151 -Having said that-- -Mm. 624 00:21:23,282 --> 00:21:25,153 Could mean the difference between a life of happiness 625 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,286 or misery for our kids. 626 00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:30,027 -Quick! Fuck. -What? 627 00:21:30,158 --> 00:21:31,594 It's Greg Hickson. 628 00:21:31,725 --> 00:21:33,030 Holy shit. 629 00:21:34,597 --> 00:21:35,946 [cell phone chimes] 630 00:21:38,514 --> 00:21:41,387 ♪ 631 00:21:41,561 --> 00:21:43,258 Fucking hell. It sent. 632 00:21:43,432 --> 00:21:45,260 No. What the fuck? 633 00:21:45,391 --> 00:21:47,175 ♪ 634 00:21:47,306 --> 00:21:49,960 Shit. He's reading it. Oh, no. Fuck. 635 00:21:50,091 --> 00:21:51,048 Fucking hell. 636 00:21:51,179 --> 00:21:52,963 He's getting up. He's going. 637 00:21:53,094 --> 00:21:55,052 -PAUL: He did? -ALLY: He looks angry. 638 00:21:55,183 --> 00:21:57,054 Fucking hell, Ally. 639 00:21:57,228 --> 00:21:58,621 Oh, God. 640 00:21:58,752 --> 00:22:00,623 ♪ 641 00:22:00,797 --> 00:22:02,843 The others were now running back-- 642 00:22:02,973 --> 00:22:04,758 MICHAEL: I knew I wanted to be either a cowboy 643 00:22:04,888 --> 00:22:06,325 or a rock and roll musician, 644 00:22:06,455 --> 00:22:07,761 and it worked out. 645 00:22:07,891 --> 00:22:09,066 [Jackie laughs] 646 00:22:09,197 --> 00:22:10,416 JACKIE: Oh, did you have a nice walk? 647 00:22:10,546 --> 00:22:12,418 Great. It was just a walk, really. Nothing happened. 648 00:22:12,548 --> 00:22:13,419 -Where'd you guys go? -Nowhere, really. 649 00:22:13,593 --> 00:22:14,985 Just sort of around. Hello, Mum. 650 00:22:15,116 --> 00:22:16,509 Wasn't expecting to see you. 651 00:22:16,639 --> 00:22:18,424 Well, we came over with some more of your art. 652 00:22:18,554 --> 00:22:19,729 PAUL: Oh, cool. 653 00:22:20,077 --> 00:22:20,774 JACKIE: Thought you might like to show Luke and Ava. 654 00:22:20,904 --> 00:22:21,862 PAUL: Ha-ha. 655 00:22:22,036 --> 00:22:23,429 -And between us... -Hmm. 656 00:22:23,559 --> 00:22:25,779 I think Jim's a bit jealous with Michael 657 00:22:25,909 --> 00:22:27,084 being on the scene again. 658 00:22:27,258 --> 00:22:29,522 He's used to being the only granddad. 659 00:22:29,652 --> 00:22:31,437 This young man's an excellent reader. 660 00:22:31,567 --> 00:22:33,656 PAUL: Yeah. Good, isn't he? 661 00:22:33,830 --> 00:22:36,442 Ally, I looked up those guys I thought might have a room. 662 00:22:36,616 --> 00:22:40,010 -And? -And one is in a graveyard. 663 00:22:40,141 --> 00:22:42,448 And the other is in an open prison. 664 00:22:42,578 --> 00:22:43,884 Right. So do you have a plan B? 665 00:22:44,058 --> 00:22:46,452 I would only be with you guys... 666 00:22:46,582 --> 00:22:48,236 a week, three tops, 667 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,586 until I can find a room or a hostel. 668 00:22:50,717 --> 00:22:51,674 Well, you can't stay in a hostel. 669 00:22:51,805 --> 00:22:53,241 They're for backpackers and drunks. 670 00:22:53,372 --> 00:22:56,244 Yeah, ooh, maybe don't take that thought any further. 671 00:22:57,811 --> 00:23:00,335 Oh. We had the council chummy round. 672 00:23:00,509 --> 00:23:01,467 Ah? 673 00:23:01,597 --> 00:23:02,555 JIM: Turns out, we're not eligible 674 00:23:02,729 --> 00:23:04,470 for council funding for a home 675 00:23:04,644 --> 00:23:06,123 because we've got a bit of savings 676 00:23:06,254 --> 00:23:08,387 and a few bob in a private pension. 677 00:23:08,517 --> 00:23:10,824 So we've decided on Dignitas. 678 00:23:10,954 --> 00:23:12,129 Dignitas? 679 00:23:12,260 --> 00:23:14,567 When we become an intolerable burden, 680 00:23:14,741 --> 00:23:16,133 we'll head off to Dignitas. 681 00:23:16,307 --> 00:23:19,702 Or if there's a cheaper one by then, Easy Death. 682 00:23:19,876 --> 00:23:22,401 Or if Lidl gets into the market,we'll go with them. 683 00:23:22,531 --> 00:23:23,402 Hmm. 684 00:23:23,532 --> 00:23:24,707 But we might not realize, Paul. 685 00:23:24,838 --> 00:23:26,405 We might be all demented, 686 00:23:26,535 --> 00:23:28,058 so we'll leave it to you. 687 00:23:28,189 --> 00:23:29,930 When you think we've become a burden, 688 00:23:30,060 --> 00:23:31,932 just say "Dignitas" 689 00:23:32,062 --> 00:23:35,370 or maybe "Big D," code, 690 00:23:35,544 --> 00:23:37,154 and we'll book our tickets. 691 00:23:37,285 --> 00:23:39,592 They were a make of peanuts, Big D. 692 00:23:39,766 --> 00:23:42,159 So you basically appointed me as your executioner? 693 00:23:42,333 --> 00:23:43,726 -They were around in the '70s. -Mm-hmm. 694 00:23:43,900 --> 00:23:46,599 JIM: They were the best peanutsout there, I thought. 695 00:23:46,773 --> 00:23:48,644 Like Tudor Crisps were the bests crisps. 696 00:23:48,775 --> 00:23:50,733 -Yeah. -We don't want to be a drain. 697 00:23:50,864 --> 00:23:51,865 You won't be, 698 00:23:51,995 --> 00:23:54,084 so you don't need to call Dignitas, all right? 699 00:23:54,215 --> 00:23:55,521 We'll--we'll work something out. 700 00:23:55,651 --> 00:23:58,437 -Yes.-So much salt on a Tudor Crisp. 701 00:23:58,567 --> 00:24:00,874 Man, they had weight, you know? 702 00:24:01,962 --> 00:24:04,443 My mouth's bloody watering now. 703 00:24:04,573 --> 00:24:06,619 [chuckles awkwardly] Ah. 704 00:24:06,749 --> 00:24:07,663 Right? 705 00:24:07,794 --> 00:24:10,753 [lively music] 706 00:24:10,927 --> 00:24:17,673 ♪ ♪ 707 00:24:21,764 --> 00:24:22,678 Just like the film. 708 00:24:22,809 --> 00:24:24,637 [chuckling] 709 00:24:24,767 --> 00:24:25,986 Are these seats taken? 710 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,683 Oh, no. Please. 711 00:24:27,814 --> 00:24:28,771 Thanks. 712 00:24:32,775 --> 00:24:34,560 So what's your Josh's role in the play? 713 00:24:34,690 --> 00:24:35,691 He's playing Robin. 714 00:24:35,822 --> 00:24:36,692 -Hood? -Yeah. 715 00:24:36,823 --> 00:24:38,651 -Yeah. -Wow. 716 00:24:38,781 --> 00:24:40,217 Did you have to make the costume? 717 00:24:40,348 --> 00:24:41,480 Oh, the children and I did it together, actually. 718 00:24:41,610 --> 00:24:42,698 Aw. 719 00:24:42,829 --> 00:24:45,005 It helped take their mind off their father. 720 00:24:45,135 --> 00:24:46,702 You've heard, I take it? 721 00:24:46,833 --> 00:24:49,575 Yeah, that Greg is now living elsewhere? 722 00:24:49,705 --> 00:24:50,663 -We're divorcing. -ALLY: Oh. 723 00:24:50,793 --> 00:24:52,360 I'm sorry. That is a tough business. 724 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:55,015 It's complicated, who owns what. 725 00:24:55,145 --> 00:24:56,799 We were in the middle of buyingproperty on West Street, 726 00:24:56,930 --> 00:24:58,453 and that's not happening now. 727 00:24:58,584 --> 00:25:00,368 -That's a shame. -Oh, that's a huge, sad shame. 728 00:25:00,499 --> 00:25:02,675 -Can't afford it. -Mm. 729 00:25:02,849 --> 00:25:04,154 It was for my mother so that she could be nearer 730 00:25:04,285 --> 00:25:06,461 -as she gets older. -Your mother? 731 00:25:06,592 --> 00:25:07,897 Well, she's not getting any younger. 732 00:25:08,158 --> 00:25:10,596 Uh, your mum was gonna live in West Street on her own? 733 00:25:10,726 --> 00:25:11,597 Thinking about it, 734 00:25:11,771 --> 00:25:13,033 it would've been a waste of such a big house. 735 00:25:13,163 --> 00:25:15,035 -[chuckles] -Anyway, Katie Marshall's 736 00:25:15,165 --> 00:25:16,602 just had an offer accepted on it. 737 00:25:16,732 --> 00:25:18,386 That's her there. 738 00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,040 Her son's a merry man. 739 00:25:20,170 --> 00:25:22,259 She wants her twins to get into West Street reception 740 00:25:22,390 --> 00:25:25,175 in September so that Jamescan get in on a sibling policy. 741 00:25:25,306 --> 00:25:26,829 Oh, I see. Smart move. 742 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:27,830 -It's an outstanding school. -I've heard. 743 00:25:28,004 --> 00:25:28,962 Oh, yeah. 744 00:25:29,092 --> 00:25:30,616 [fanfare playing] 745 00:25:30,746 --> 00:25:32,487 Oh. [mutters] 746 00:25:32,618 --> 00:25:35,185 ♪ 747 00:25:35,316 --> 00:25:36,839 Is your lad, Luke, doing the lights? 748 00:25:36,970 --> 00:25:38,754 Lighting director, actually. 749 00:25:38,885 --> 00:25:40,277 -Clever boy. -Yeah. 750 00:25:40,408 --> 00:25:42,845 -Mm. -Christ. 751 00:25:43,019 --> 00:25:45,282 LUKE: Uh-oh, sorry. 752 00:25:45,413 --> 00:25:48,198 [laughter, indistinct chatter] 753 00:25:48,329 --> 00:25:51,071 [upbeat music] 754 00:25:51,201 --> 00:25:57,991 ♪ 755 00:26:28,021 --> 00:26:30,545 Captioned by Captionmax 756 00:26:33,243 --> 00:26:35,594 Pulling hair is wrong, mate. 757 00:26:35,724 --> 00:26:38,684 I mean, all violence is wrong,but at least punching's a sport. 758 00:26:38,727 --> 00:26:40,424 -Is it? -Yes, boxing. 759 00:26:40,468 --> 00:26:42,601 Boxing's in the Olympics. Hair pulling isn't. 760 00:26:43,906 --> 00:26:46,605 -It would be funny if it was.-It really would be. 761 00:26:52,828 --> 00:26:55,657 How exactly would you describe your brand? 762 00:26:55,701 --> 00:26:57,137 Testing! Ah, ah, ooh, ooh, ooh. 763 00:26:57,180 --> 00:27:00,575 I feel like my brand is everything you loved about the classic movies 764 00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:02,795 of our childhood, like The Sandlot, 765 00:27:02,838 --> 00:27:05,493 Billy Madison, Apocalypse Now, Happy Gilmore, Clueless. 766 00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:07,582 -[crowd cheering] -MC: We got Lil Dicky in the house! 767 00:27:07,626 --> 00:27:10,716 But at the same time, I feel like my brand is not rooted in the past. 768 00:27:10,846 --> 00:27:13,196 It's actually very forward-thinking and, like, futuristic. 769 00:27:13,849 --> 00:27:14,981 I don't know, man. 770 00:27:15,111 --> 00:27:16,939 I look like the back of a playing card. 771 00:27:23,772 --> 00:27:27,907 -Everything is just getting really weird. -[fly buzzing] 772 00:27:27,950 --> 00:27:29,735 -You know?-Yeah. Let me write that down. 773 00:27:32,172 --> 00:27:33,303 -Here it comes. -[shouts] 774 00:27:34,740 --> 00:27:36,002 -Take off your hat. -I can't. 775 00:27:36,132 --> 00:27:38,047 -Take off this enormous jacket. -Mm-mmm. 776 00:27:38,091 --> 00:27:39,962 -And stop showing up so late.-Mm-mmm. 777 00:27:42,748 --> 00:27:44,663 -[grunts]-[gasps] Oh, God. Are you okay? 778 00:27:44,793 --> 00:27:46,186 Oh, no. No. Shut up. 779 00:27:56,762 --> 00:27:57,763 What is Devs? 780 00:28:00,026 --> 00:28:01,288 What is Devs? 781 00:28:01,331 --> 00:28:02,681 What is Devs? 782 00:28:03,986 --> 00:28:05,771 What is Devs? 783 00:28:06,249 --> 00:28:07,555 What is Devs? 784 00:28:08,208 --> 00:28:09,557 What is Devs? 785 00:28:10,558 --> 00:28:11,907 What is Devs? 786 00:28:16,346 --> 00:28:17,696 [screams]