1 00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,621 - [Announcer] Coming up, we spend the day 2 00:00:17,701 --> 00:00:19,301 with Britain's hottest couple. 3 00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:20,901 He's the record breaking racing driver, 4 00:00:20,981 --> 00:00:24,461 she's the pop star princess turned reality TV star. 5 00:00:24,541 --> 00:00:26,261 Together, they're the Barron's. 6 00:00:26,341 --> 00:00:27,541 It's been a tumultuous year 7 00:00:27,621 --> 00:00:28,461 for empress of the red carpet, Roxy... 8 00:00:28,541 --> 00:00:30,461 - Piss off! 9 00:00:30,541 --> 00:00:32,341 - But she seems to be back on track after a stint in rehab, 10 00:00:32,381 --> 00:00:35,661 a new tell-all book and a turn on Celebrities Go Dancing. 11 00:00:35,741 --> 00:00:37,901 She and British basketball star, Kadell James, 12 00:00:37,981 --> 00:00:40,901 sashayed into the foxtrot final and won. 13 00:00:40,981 --> 00:00:43,301 Earlier this year, a very pregnant Roxy 14 00:00:43,381 --> 00:00:45,181 renewed her vows with hubby Darren 15 00:00:45,261 --> 00:00:46,941 at a stunning ceremony at home. 16 00:00:47,021 --> 00:00:50,301 We here at VIP Access can't wait to meet baby Barron. 17 00:00:50,381 --> 00:00:54,701 - (groans) You monster. 18 00:00:54,781 --> 00:00:56,501 - You're doing amazing, babe. 19 00:00:56,581 --> 00:00:58,461 (groans) 20 00:00:58,541 --> 00:01:00,141 - Don't you touch me! 21 00:01:00,221 --> 00:01:02,181 (groans) - Is this normal? 22 00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:03,301 - Perfectly. 23 00:01:03,381 --> 00:01:04,701 Come on, Roxy, nearly there. 24 00:01:05,941 --> 00:01:08,741 - Keep going babe, you doing great. 25 00:01:08,821 --> 00:01:10,141 Oh, babe I was doing a video! 26 00:01:10,221 --> 00:01:11,661 - Shut up. 27 00:01:11,741 --> 00:01:12,941 - One more push. 28 00:01:13,021 --> 00:01:15,381 (Roxy groans) 29 00:01:16,381 --> 00:01:17,461 - I hate you. 30 00:01:19,101 --> 00:01:21,581 (Roxy groans) 31 00:01:23,381 --> 00:01:27,421 (baby cries) 32 00:01:32,221 --> 00:01:35,221 (Roxy laughs) 33 00:01:35,301 --> 00:01:36,941 What is it? 34 00:01:37,021 --> 00:01:39,941 - He's a boy, I know it's a boy, I can feel it. 35 00:01:41,461 --> 00:01:42,701 - Let me see him (chuckles) 36 00:01:47,381 --> 00:01:49,261 (suspenseful music) 37 00:01:57,301 --> 00:01:59,661 (upbeat music) 38 00:02:23,621 --> 00:02:28,621 ♪ I am just a face in the crowd ♪ 39 00:02:31,421 --> 00:02:36,341 ♪ In time, I'll have you spinning around ♪ 40 00:02:39,301 --> 00:02:46,701 ♪ You, won't see me running away ♪ 41 00:02:46,781 --> 00:02:49,461 ♪ Cause I ♪ 42 00:02:49,581 --> 00:02:53,541 ♪ Am ready to play ♪ 43 00:02:55,141 --> 00:02:57,701 (upbeat music) 44 00:03:13,421 --> 00:03:16,421 - Mr. Cole's satisfied with his media training, then? 45 00:03:18,101 --> 00:03:20,181 I remember the first millionaire that I dated, 46 00:03:20,261 --> 00:03:22,261 my boss at the time took me aside 47 00:03:22,341 --> 00:03:24,141 and gave me two pieces of advice. 48 00:03:24,221 --> 00:03:26,541 "If you find a millionaire get married, 49 00:03:26,621 --> 00:03:30,061 "if you find a billionaire, get pregnant." 50 00:03:30,141 --> 00:03:32,141 Saying that, she ended up in Belize 51 00:03:32,221 --> 00:03:34,581 with the head of a velcro company, 52 00:03:34,661 --> 00:03:36,701 and had a mental breakdown by the time she was 50. 53 00:03:36,781 --> 00:03:40,461 So not sure she's the best person to be getting advice off. 54 00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:42,501 - Isn't that the plot of "The Bell Jar"? 55 00:03:42,581 --> 00:03:44,261 - You want my advice? 56 00:03:44,341 --> 00:03:48,861 Be wary of men whose dicks or pockets are too big, 57 00:03:48,941 --> 00:03:52,821 it makes their entitlement untenable. 58 00:03:52,901 --> 00:03:55,101 When the first petal drops, I want them gone. 59 00:03:55,181 --> 00:03:57,461 (upbeat music) 60 00:04:04,621 --> 00:04:05,621 - Hello, Caroline. 61 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,261 (upbeat music) 62 00:04:09,341 --> 00:04:10,861 - Where are you taking that? 63 00:04:10,941 --> 00:04:13,501 - Hey, Belle, it's me, I'm back. 64 00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:18,941 It's Melody, I used to work here for like two months. 65 00:04:19,021 --> 00:04:21,141 And then I left and now I'm back again. 66 00:04:22,261 --> 00:04:23,141 - Good for you. 67 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:26,341 - Melody? 68 00:04:26,421 --> 00:04:27,461 What are doing here? 69 00:04:27,541 --> 00:04:29,181 I'm back! - Wow! 70 00:04:29,261 --> 00:04:31,701 - Yeah, I'm gonna be Eve's new assistant. 71 00:04:31,781 --> 00:04:36,341 - Okay, great, good luck with that. 72 00:04:36,381 --> 00:04:39,141 You moving in or, suitcase? 73 00:04:39,221 --> 00:04:41,741 - Oh, no, I'm moving house today. 74 00:04:41,821 --> 00:04:43,181 - Where are you going? - Tottenham. 75 00:04:43,261 --> 00:04:45,261 - Right, football. 76 00:04:45,381 --> 00:04:46,941 (both chuckle) 77 00:04:47,061 --> 00:04:48,821 Cool. - I'm Belle. 78 00:04:48,941 --> 00:04:51,381 - Yeah, I know, I'm Craig. 79 00:04:52,701 --> 00:04:54,621 I have worked here for two years. 80 00:04:56,261 --> 00:04:57,941 - He's in IT? 81 00:04:58,061 --> 00:05:00,381 (Belle gasps) 82 00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:01,381 - All right, bitch. 83 00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:04,381 (chuckles) 84 00:05:04,461 --> 00:05:06,741 Hi. - Hi. 85 00:05:06,821 --> 00:05:11,461 - Sorry, this is Steph, Steph, this is Melody. 86 00:05:11,541 --> 00:05:13,381 - Oh, you're Melody? - Yeah. 87 00:05:13,461 --> 00:05:14,901 - Just so different to how I pictured you. 88 00:05:14,941 --> 00:05:16,381 Hey, Belle. 89 00:05:18,821 --> 00:05:21,261 - Well, it was lovely to meet you all. 90 00:05:21,381 --> 00:05:23,381 But I should really get back to my desk. 91 00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:28,581 - Think she has face blindness? 92 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,221 - (chuckles) You're moving in? - That's what I said. 93 00:05:31,261 --> 00:05:33,221 - No, I was just saying, I'm just moving house. 94 00:05:33,261 --> 00:05:34,381 - Oh, you've got a small house. 95 00:05:34,461 --> 00:05:37,181 - This is not my house, this is just my clothes. 96 00:05:37,261 --> 00:05:39,701 Yeah, I've got like a whole bunch of other stuff. 97 00:05:39,781 --> 00:05:43,061 God knows how I'm gonna get that across London on the tube. 98 00:05:43,141 --> 00:05:44,661 Might just have to dump half of it. 99 00:05:44,741 --> 00:05:45,861 - Why don't you give her a lift? 100 00:05:45,941 --> 00:05:47,261 - No. - Seriously, 101 00:05:47,341 --> 00:05:48,581 he's got an old Volvo Estate. 102 00:05:48,661 --> 00:05:50,501 It's hilarious, it makes you feel like 103 00:05:50,581 --> 00:05:51,821 a beleaguered single mother 104 00:05:51,901 --> 00:05:53,421 but it's got shit loads of space. 105 00:05:53,501 --> 00:05:54,821 - No, honestly, it's fine. 106 00:05:54,901 --> 00:05:58,061 - But it is massive, be happy to help. 107 00:05:58,141 --> 00:05:59,941 - Really? - Go on, let him. 108 00:06:00,021 --> 00:06:02,141 It gets him out of my hair for the evening. 109 00:06:02,221 --> 00:06:03,661 Anyway, I better get on. 110 00:06:03,741 --> 00:06:05,541 Some interns trying to use an ethernet cable 111 00:06:05,621 --> 00:06:06,661 on her airprint printer. 112 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:07,741 - Classic. - Right? 113 00:06:09,101 --> 00:06:10,101 Okay, bye. 114 00:06:14,181 --> 00:06:15,421 - Right, well, I should probably-- 115 00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:17,861 - Yeah, yeah, I should too. 116 00:06:17,941 --> 00:06:19,581 (upbeat music) 117 00:06:25,701 --> 00:06:27,941 Wow, those are beautiful. 118 00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:30,421 - Perfect. 119 00:06:30,501 --> 00:06:32,381 Deal with them, will you? 120 00:06:32,461 --> 00:06:34,381 - Are these from the millionaire? 121 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:35,701 - Billionaire, actually. 122 00:06:35,781 --> 00:06:36,981 And yes, worried I might have given him 123 00:06:37,061 --> 00:06:38,261 the wrong impression. 124 00:06:38,341 --> 00:06:39,341 - I think you gave him a pretty good impression, 125 00:06:39,421 --> 00:06:40,941 if you ask me. 126 00:06:41,021 --> 00:06:42,021 - That's the problem, he wants to see me again. 127 00:06:42,101 --> 00:06:43,781 - And that's bad because... 128 00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:45,981 - Because I'm not interested in anything like that. 129 00:06:46,061 --> 00:06:48,861 I just want a bit of fun, dicks for hire, one date wonders. 130 00:06:48,941 --> 00:06:50,661 I'm off boys, all they do is cause problems. 131 00:06:50,741 --> 00:06:52,101 Speak of the devil. 132 00:06:53,741 --> 00:06:55,341 - Hi, Robyn. 133 00:06:55,421 --> 00:06:57,301 - Did those flowers just say hello? 134 00:06:59,381 --> 00:07:00,821 Melody! - Hi. 135 00:07:00,901 --> 00:07:03,261 - What are you doing here? - I hired her. 136 00:07:03,341 --> 00:07:06,061 - Right. - She's my new assistant. 137 00:07:06,141 --> 00:07:07,821 - Does Caroline-- - Caroline knows, yep, 138 00:07:07,901 --> 00:07:09,941 she's over the moon. - I thought you said Robyn knew. 139 00:07:10,021 --> 00:07:11,541 - Come on, Frodo, my flowers are dying, spit spot. 140 00:07:11,621 --> 00:07:12,621 - Yeah. 141 00:07:14,781 --> 00:07:16,621 - When did that happen? 142 00:07:16,701 --> 00:07:18,661 - The other day, bumped into her in a coffee shop. 143 00:07:18,741 --> 00:07:19,981 Caroline had mentioned she's gonna be looking 144 00:07:20,061 --> 00:07:21,621 for new junior agents. 145 00:07:21,701 --> 00:07:23,421 So we need to be looking at people to bring on. 146 00:07:23,501 --> 00:07:25,421 - And were you gonna tell me or did you just wanna leave it 147 00:07:25,501 --> 00:07:27,541 to be a really weird awkward surprise? 148 00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,941 - Did I not, must have slipped my mind. 149 00:07:30,021 --> 00:07:32,221 Not a problem is it? 150 00:07:32,301 --> 00:07:34,141 Just nice to have someone you can trust in the office, you know. 151 00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:52,381 - So who are the flowers from? 152 00:07:52,461 --> 00:07:53,541 - A client. 153 00:07:53,621 --> 00:07:55,381 - Not Gabriel Cole, right? 154 00:07:56,501 --> 00:07:58,541 - Why? - He's just... 155 00:07:58,621 --> 00:08:01,381 He definitely dealt with my friend Melissa back in New York. 156 00:08:01,461 --> 00:08:03,981 I text her and why would he lie about it? 157 00:08:04,061 --> 00:08:06,501 - Don't worry, my love. My eyes are open. 158 00:08:06,581 --> 00:08:09,661 I won't be telling my mother to buy a new hat anytime soon. 159 00:08:10,941 --> 00:08:13,781 - Ladies, Roxy Barron has had her baby. 160 00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:14,581 - Cute, what is it? 161 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,981 - It's black. - Huh. 162 00:08:17,061 --> 00:08:18,941 - Well, biracial to be precise, 163 00:08:19,021 --> 00:08:21,061 but whatever it is, it is not Barron. 164 00:08:21,141 --> 00:08:22,781 They're currently holed up at the hospital 165 00:08:22,861 --> 00:08:25,061 with a hungry media outside waiting for a photograph. 166 00:08:25,141 --> 00:08:27,141 Go over there and fix it, will you? 167 00:08:27,221 --> 00:08:28,381 Both of you. 168 00:08:28,461 --> 00:08:30,781 (upbeat music) 169 00:08:47,981 --> 00:08:51,181 - This is exciting, the gang back together again. 170 00:08:51,261 --> 00:08:53,781 (upbeat music) 171 00:08:55,901 --> 00:08:56,781 - [Darren] Can't believe you lied to me. 172 00:08:56,901 --> 00:08:58,501 - [Roxy] I did not lie to you. 173 00:08:58,541 --> 00:08:59,501 - [Darren] You promised you didn't sleep with him. 174 00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:00,621 - [Roxy] No, I never promised. 175 00:09:00,661 --> 00:09:02,301 - Roxy. - It only happened once! 176 00:09:02,381 --> 00:09:03,901 - Once, now you promise? 177 00:09:03,981 --> 00:09:05,261 - Why are you making me promise all the time? 178 00:09:05,341 --> 00:09:06,541 - Christ! 179 00:09:06,661 --> 00:09:08,421 - What difference does it make anyway, 180 00:09:08,501 --> 00:09:10,381 once, twice, 100 times, once it's been in, it's been in. 181 00:09:10,461 --> 00:09:12,021 - 100 times? 182 00:09:12,101 --> 00:09:13,021 - Its a figment of speech, Darren. 183 00:09:13,101 --> 00:09:15,541 - He's like 12 years old. 184 00:09:15,661 --> 00:09:17,661 - He's 23, actually. 185 00:09:17,781 --> 00:09:19,661 - You love him? 186 00:09:19,741 --> 00:09:21,501 - Don't be so sloppy, Darren, it's the shock, isn't it? 187 00:09:25,061 --> 00:09:27,141 Just don't, please. 188 00:09:27,221 --> 00:09:29,861 You know I always wanted to try have a black man, 189 00:09:29,901 --> 00:09:31,341 we talked about it. 190 00:09:31,421 --> 00:09:33,221 - I thought that was just sex talk. 191 00:09:33,301 --> 00:09:35,781 - It was, doesn't mean it ain't real. 192 00:09:35,861 --> 00:09:37,341 - Well, so you'll be okay if you found out 193 00:09:37,421 --> 00:09:39,541 I had a threesome with a pair of twins, would you? 194 00:09:39,661 --> 00:09:41,661 - No, Darren, because they'd be sisters 195 00:09:41,741 --> 00:09:43,181 and you know that's weird. 196 00:09:43,261 --> 00:09:44,781 - Guys, hi. Good to see you. 197 00:09:45,901 --> 00:09:47,341 - Congratulations. 198 00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,221 - He's beautiful. 199 00:09:49,301 --> 00:09:50,061 - [Darren] Thank you. 200 00:09:50,141 --> 00:09:52,021 - Very happy. 201 00:09:52,101 --> 00:09:54,221 - Look, I know we've all had a bit of a surprise 202 00:09:54,301 --> 00:09:55,901 but how about we just sit down 203 00:09:56,021 --> 00:09:57,221 and figure out where we go from here? 204 00:09:57,301 --> 00:09:59,021 - Where else is there to go from here? 205 00:09:59,101 --> 00:10:00,181 It's over. 206 00:10:00,261 --> 00:10:01,741 - Don't be so dramatic. 207 00:10:01,781 --> 00:10:03,381 - My baby's not my baby. 208 00:10:03,461 --> 00:10:04,541 - Still be your baby. 209 00:10:04,661 --> 00:10:06,261 - It's black. 210 00:10:06,341 --> 00:10:08,221 - Don't be racist. - How is that racist? 211 00:10:08,301 --> 00:10:09,541 - Okay, time out. 212 00:10:09,621 --> 00:10:11,261 I know everyone's emotions are high 213 00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:12,781 but we've got about 30 journalists camped out front 214 00:10:12,861 --> 00:10:14,341 looking for a photo, not to mention, 215 00:10:14,421 --> 00:10:15,981 we've already sold the christening pics to AK 216 00:10:16,061 --> 00:10:18,061 for a lot of money. 217 00:10:18,141 --> 00:10:19,101 - To pay for your new defender, Darren. 218 00:10:19,181 --> 00:10:21,261 - You said get a family car, 219 00:10:21,341 --> 00:10:23,461 I wouldn't have even bought it if I knew it were dirty money. 220 00:10:23,541 --> 00:10:24,901 - It is what it is, babe. - Okay, why don't we-- 221 00:10:24,981 --> 00:10:26,781 - Is there someone we can point to 222 00:10:26,861 --> 00:10:29,061 in the family history perhaps, say it skipped a generation? 223 00:10:29,141 --> 00:10:31,141 - I don't think that's go-- - It's a suggestion, Robyn. 224 00:10:31,221 --> 00:10:32,461 We're not tied to anything, 225 00:10:32,541 --> 00:10:33,781 we're just throwing around ideas. 226 00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:34,661 - Okay, sure. 227 00:10:36,421 --> 00:10:38,541 - My grandma's second husband was from St. Lucia. 228 00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:43,661 - Yeah, that's not gonna work. 229 00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,901 - Look, everyone makes mistakes, right? 230 00:10:47,861 --> 00:10:50,181 I mean, come on, Darren, let's be honest. 231 00:10:50,261 --> 00:10:52,781 We've all slept with someone we weren't supposed to, right? 232 00:10:52,861 --> 00:10:54,781 Maybe you've made a mistake in your time. 233 00:10:54,861 --> 00:10:57,661 - Golf bitch. - I never had sex with Sandy. 234 00:10:57,781 --> 00:11:00,741 She got my handicap down to nine, don't call her a bitch. 235 00:11:00,781 --> 00:11:03,381 - Blowjobs are sex, Darren. 236 00:11:03,461 --> 00:11:05,261 - Surely the thing that matters the most 237 00:11:05,341 --> 00:11:09,421 is whether you're sorry or not. Right? 238 00:11:13,181 --> 00:11:15,981 (upbeat music) 239 00:11:16,061 --> 00:11:18,421 - What are we gonna tell everyone? 240 00:11:18,501 --> 00:11:20,781 It's pretty obvious the baby is not mine. 241 00:11:20,861 --> 00:11:22,661 (upbeat music) 242 00:11:25,221 --> 00:11:26,981 - We'll say that you had fertility issues. 243 00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,181 - What? You want me to say I'm impotent? 244 00:11:29,261 --> 00:11:30,741 - Infertile, big difference. 245 00:11:30,821 --> 00:11:33,261 - Don't do it, Dars. - You stay out of it Tow. 246 00:11:33,341 --> 00:11:34,901 - Don't you shout at him. - Leave off, Sharon. 247 00:11:34,981 --> 00:11:35,861 - Oh, she's the one who's been off 248 00:11:35,941 --> 00:11:37,541 getting her clocks cleaned. 249 00:11:37,621 --> 00:11:39,301 - Come on, Shaz, as if your boy is an angel. 250 00:11:39,381 --> 00:11:40,981 We all know who's off shagging that golf bird. 251 00:11:41,061 --> 00:11:42,541 - I never had sex with her. 252 00:11:42,621 --> 00:11:44,421 - Blowjobs count. - Bollocks. 253 00:11:44,501 --> 00:11:46,101 - Oi! - Look, all we'll say 254 00:11:46,181 --> 00:11:47,821 is that you were having trouble conceiving 255 00:11:47,901 --> 00:11:49,701 and that you decided to use a sperm donor. 256 00:11:49,781 --> 00:11:52,021 - It's very common. - Very modern. 257 00:11:52,101 --> 00:11:54,781 - Why should he be the one saying his bits don't work, 258 00:11:54,861 --> 00:11:55,941 when it was her going off on getting murky 259 00:11:56,021 --> 00:11:57,581 with that other fella? 260 00:11:57,661 --> 00:11:59,101 - Well, we can hardly say mine don't work, can we 261 00:11:59,181 --> 00:12:00,461 I just had a bloody baby. 262 00:12:00,541 --> 00:12:03,021 - Marriage is about compromise, Terry. 263 00:12:03,101 --> 00:12:06,541 Rox has had to make her fair share of compromises. 264 00:12:06,621 --> 00:12:08,661 - Yeah, like the time I wanted to start that ceramics brand 265 00:12:08,741 --> 00:12:11,061 and you said it was a bad idea so we didn't. 266 00:12:11,141 --> 00:12:12,461 - That's because you know nothing about ceramics. 267 00:12:12,541 --> 00:12:13,821 - I wasn't going to make them, Darren, 268 00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,181 I was gonna design them. - It was a mental idea. 269 00:12:16,261 --> 00:12:17,981 - Dinner plates with pictures of dinner's on them 270 00:12:18,061 --> 00:12:20,461 is not mental idea, Darren. It's fun and it's quirky 271 00:12:20,541 --> 00:12:21,981 and I maintain it would be successful. 272 00:12:22,061 --> 00:12:24,061 - I could see you as stocking filler. 273 00:12:24,141 --> 00:12:26,021 - Thank you, Dad. - Guys, Re, the baby. 274 00:12:26,101 --> 00:12:27,901 Look, I'm not being funny 275 00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:29,621 but think about how progressive you're going to look 276 00:12:29,701 --> 00:12:30,901 with a biracial baby. 277 00:12:30,981 --> 00:12:32,581 - I mean, why do you think that Brad 278 00:12:32,661 --> 00:12:34,381 and Angie dropped all those beautiful little brown kids? 279 00:12:34,461 --> 00:12:36,501 - Focus on what really matters. 280 00:12:36,581 --> 00:12:37,861 - The brand. 281 00:12:37,941 --> 00:12:40,181 - Don't see the infertility thing as a negative. 282 00:12:40,261 --> 00:12:42,461 - You're being a modern man being open 283 00:12:42,541 --> 00:12:44,021 about the issues you face. 284 00:12:44,101 --> 00:12:46,541 - It's like when Pele advertised erectile dysfunction. 285 00:12:46,621 --> 00:12:47,261 - True, he did. 286 00:12:47,341 --> 00:12:50,941 A wonderful footballer, such feet. 287 00:12:52,301 --> 00:12:53,821 - You'll be the perfect picture 288 00:12:53,901 --> 00:12:55,261 of the modern progressive family. 289 00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:57,581 - Breaking boundaries. - Blurring lines. 290 00:12:57,661 --> 00:13:02,021 - Also, getting in the race game 291 00:13:02,101 --> 00:13:03,821 could really help you crack America. 292 00:13:04,941 --> 00:13:07,141 (upbeat music) 293 00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:25,341 Can't believe we got them to go along with it. 294 00:13:25,421 --> 00:13:27,541 - Well you have a talent in deceit, my dear. 295 00:13:36,541 --> 00:13:39,021 What do those things actually taste like? 296 00:13:39,101 --> 00:13:41,061 - The dying fart of a gummy bear. 297 00:13:45,341 --> 00:13:47,661 So are we gonna talk about the elephant in the room? 298 00:13:47,741 --> 00:13:49,901 - The elephant that fucked my boyfriend, you mean? 299 00:13:52,101 --> 00:13:54,301 - Can Tom be the elephant in this idiom? 300 00:13:59,901 --> 00:14:02,701 I'm so sorry. 301 00:14:04,781 --> 00:14:07,381 - Apologies are strange thing, aren't they? 302 00:14:07,461 --> 00:14:09,941 Just expressions of shame. 303 00:14:11,141 --> 00:14:14,821 "I did a thing, didn't go well. 304 00:14:14,901 --> 00:14:17,381 "Can we pretend it didn't happen, please?" 305 00:14:20,141 --> 00:14:21,501 Why did you do it? 306 00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:26,581 - Would it help if I could give you an answer? 307 00:14:26,661 --> 00:14:29,741 - You know, I can't figure out what's worse. 308 00:14:29,821 --> 00:14:36,541 Fucking up my shit through selfish, vindictive greediness 309 00:14:36,621 --> 00:14:39,261 or just fucking it up through sheer apathy. 310 00:14:41,341 --> 00:14:42,821 - I hate myself. 311 00:14:45,661 --> 00:14:49,181 - I know you do, sometimes I do too. 312 00:14:51,501 --> 00:14:53,821 - I'm getting reporters asking questions. 313 00:14:53,901 --> 00:14:56,701 (phone rings) - Oh, I will be just a minute. 314 00:15:02,261 --> 00:15:03,541 Rose? 315 00:15:03,621 --> 00:15:05,061 - [Rose] What do people wear in offices? 316 00:15:05,141 --> 00:15:06,541 - What? 317 00:15:06,621 --> 00:15:08,221 - The women in your office, what do they wear? 318 00:15:08,301 --> 00:15:09,821 Do they wear like pant suits? 319 00:15:09,901 --> 00:15:13,941 - It's not the 80s, women wear whatever they want, why? 320 00:15:14,021 --> 00:15:15,061 - No reason. 321 00:15:15,141 --> 00:15:16,501 - [Robyn] Is everything okay? 322 00:15:16,581 --> 00:15:19,381 - Yeah, it's fine. Are you in tonight? 323 00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:22,541 - I'm gonna be back a bit later, work stuff. 324 00:15:24,181 --> 00:15:25,981 Look, I'm in the middle of something, I gotta go. 325 00:15:26,061 --> 00:15:27,021 - Okay, bye. 326 00:15:30,981 --> 00:15:32,981 - Okay, here's what we have so far. 327 00:15:33,061 --> 00:15:35,821 I'm delighted to announce the arrival of our son, Taron. 328 00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:37,381 - Taron Rooney. 329 00:15:37,461 --> 00:15:38,621 - I don't want him named after a footballer. 330 00:15:38,701 --> 00:15:39,821 - Well, I'm sorry, Roxy, 331 00:15:39,901 --> 00:15:41,501 but you should have thought about that 332 00:15:41,581 --> 00:15:43,261 before you had an affair with a basketball player. 333 00:15:43,341 --> 00:15:44,621 - Christ, I'm never going to be at the end of this, am I? 334 00:15:44,701 --> 00:15:46,941 - Come on Rox, listen to your mother, compromise. 335 00:15:47,021 --> 00:15:48,661 - Ain't Rooney the one that slept with a granny? 336 00:15:48,741 --> 00:15:51,141 - He's England's leading goalscorer 337 00:15:51,221 --> 00:15:52,741 and the Premier League's second leading goal scorer 338 00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,781 behind Alan Shearer. 339 00:15:54,861 --> 00:15:57,421 So unless you wanna call our kid Alan. 340 00:15:57,501 --> 00:16:01,221 Taron Rooney Barron. 341 00:16:01,301 --> 00:16:02,981 - "I would like to also take this opportunity 342 00:16:03,061 --> 00:16:04,621 "to share with the world 343 00:16:04,701 --> 00:16:07,701 "that our son was conceived using donor insemination, 344 00:16:07,781 --> 00:16:09,901 "and that we hope our story may inspire others 345 00:16:09,981 --> 00:16:11,861 "who have experienced similar difficulties." 346 00:16:11,941 --> 00:16:13,941 - Oh, that's nice. 347 00:16:14,021 --> 00:16:16,421 - "Roxy's doing well"-- - Can you say mommy? 348 00:16:16,501 --> 00:16:18,861 Mommy is doing well, it's cute when people say that. 349 00:16:18,941 --> 00:16:21,061 - "Mommy is doing well, 350 00:16:21,141 --> 00:16:22,901 "and I can't wait to get to know the little fella." 351 00:16:22,981 --> 00:16:24,261 - Could it say, "Daddy can't wait"? 352 00:16:24,341 --> 00:16:25,661 - Might be confusing, babe. 353 00:16:26,821 --> 00:16:28,181 - All right, Darren, 354 00:16:28,261 --> 00:16:29,741 I'm gonna have this printed off for you. 355 00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:31,341 Rox, Eve is gonna get you in the hair and makeup. 356 00:16:31,421 --> 00:16:33,981 - I'll get the beers in. - I'll come with you. 357 00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:36,541 Ere, couldn't hold him for a sec, could you? 358 00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:37,621 - Oh! 359 00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:57,381 You need to take this. 360 00:17:07,381 --> 00:17:09,501 - Here's a newborn baby. 361 00:17:09,581 --> 00:17:14,061 (suspenseful music) 362 00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:20,421 - I'm delighted to announce the arrival 363 00:17:20,501 --> 00:17:24,581 of our son, Taron Rooney Barron. 364 00:17:24,661 --> 00:17:26,581 I would also like to take this opportunity 365 00:17:26,661 --> 00:17:28,181 to share with the world 366 00:17:28,261 --> 00:17:31,341 that our son was conceived using donor insemination. 367 00:17:31,421 --> 00:17:33,541 And we hope that our story may inspire others 368 00:17:33,581 --> 00:17:35,541 who have experienced similar difficulties. 369 00:17:35,581 --> 00:17:37,181 Mommy's doing well, 370 00:17:37,261 --> 00:17:39,421 and I can't wait to get to know the little fella. 371 00:17:39,501 --> 00:17:41,661 (cameras clicking) 372 00:17:41,741 --> 00:17:44,781 Thank you all for respecting our privacy at this time. 373 00:17:44,821 --> 00:17:47,581 We look forward to sharing our new baby with the world 374 00:17:47,661 --> 00:17:49,301 and we're so in love with him. 375 00:17:49,341 --> 00:17:52,581 - Kadell, isn't that-- 376 00:17:52,661 --> 00:17:54,101 - [Darren] My wife, Roxy, who has been so strong 377 00:17:54,221 --> 00:17:55,501 during what has been a difficult pregnancy 378 00:17:55,581 --> 00:17:58,701 and I love and honor... - What? 379 00:17:58,781 --> 00:18:02,101 - [Darren] ...arduous journey to get here. 380 00:18:02,181 --> 00:18:05,821 It hasn't been easy, but with the safe arrival of our son... 381 00:18:11,981 --> 00:18:14,901 - Have you worked as a PA before? 382 00:18:14,981 --> 00:18:16,781 - I was married for five years. 383 00:18:19,301 --> 00:18:22,821 No, I haven't officially but I'm incredibly organized, 384 00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:25,261 some people might say pathologically so. 385 00:18:25,341 --> 00:18:27,781 I worked at a restaurant in New York for a while, 386 00:18:27,821 --> 00:18:30,541 and the girls kept taking each other's shifts, 387 00:18:30,581 --> 00:18:32,941 so I organized a system in the restaurant where it just-- 388 00:18:33,021 --> 00:18:34,341 - Ruth. - Yes. 389 00:18:34,461 --> 00:18:35,661 - Okay, you seem like a nice lady 390 00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:38,981 but I'm gonna be totally honest. 391 00:18:39,061 --> 00:18:40,901 You don't have a lot of experience. 392 00:18:40,981 --> 00:18:42,541 - Okay. 393 00:18:42,581 --> 00:18:44,021 - I'm looking for someone who I can trust 394 00:18:44,101 --> 00:18:45,701 to keep on top of things. 395 00:18:45,781 --> 00:18:48,501 My diary management alone is pretty hectic. 396 00:18:48,581 --> 00:18:50,701 We're not a small company. 397 00:18:50,781 --> 00:18:55,941 - Okay, can I be honest too, Mr. Thornton? 398 00:18:56,021 --> 00:18:56,981 - Please, Ross. 399 00:18:58,021 --> 00:19:00,701 - Ross, okay, Ross. 400 00:19:00,781 --> 00:19:02,901 I have extensive experience managing a five year old 401 00:19:02,981 --> 00:19:05,541 who is like catnip for headlice. 402 00:19:05,581 --> 00:19:08,781 An eight month old who I think is nocturnal, 403 00:19:08,821 --> 00:19:11,021 a 43 year old who still does not know 404 00:19:11,101 --> 00:19:12,461 where the bin bags are. 405 00:19:12,541 --> 00:19:14,781 I have a sister who is a self destructive 406 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,581 narcicisstic sex and drugs addict 407 00:19:16,701 --> 00:19:18,181 and I have two guinea pigs 408 00:19:18,261 --> 00:19:21,181 who I swear, nobody but me has seen in the last two years. 409 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:23,501 And yet, they live. 410 00:19:23,581 --> 00:19:28,101 I cook, I clean, I suck snot out of their nostrils, 411 00:19:28,181 --> 00:19:29,341 only the children's. 412 00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:31,581 I organize everything. 413 00:19:31,701 --> 00:19:34,461 I pay the bills, I do the grocery shopping, 414 00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:37,541 I do the homework, I do the tax returns, 415 00:19:37,581 --> 00:19:40,821 I yell at Alexa because she is a misogynist. 416 00:19:40,941 --> 00:19:42,541 I organize their dentist and their doctor 417 00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:44,181 and their optician appointments. 418 00:19:44,261 --> 00:19:47,981 I keep an unnecessarily complicated calendar of activities 419 00:19:48,061 --> 00:19:49,581 and plans and play dates. 420 00:19:49,701 --> 00:19:52,901 I send over 300 birthday cards and Christmas cards 421 00:19:52,981 --> 00:19:54,781 and thank you cards every year, 422 00:19:54,821 --> 00:19:56,901 and I make sure that they are personally signed, 423 00:19:56,981 --> 00:20:00,541 because the art of penmanship has been lost. 424 00:20:00,581 --> 00:20:03,661 I am trying to tell you that I organize 425 00:20:03,741 --> 00:20:05,301 the crap out of life. 426 00:20:05,341 --> 00:20:08,781 And so I think with all due, Ross, 427 00:20:08,821 --> 00:20:10,981 I can make sure that you got your staples 428 00:20:11,061 --> 00:20:13,941 and you get to your squash appointment on time. 429 00:20:14,021 --> 00:20:16,581 (upbeat music) 430 00:20:20,781 --> 00:20:23,221 - You like calling me to some weird places. 431 00:20:23,301 --> 00:20:24,781 - I have a weird life. 432 00:20:26,741 --> 00:20:29,101 Thanks, you're my hero. 433 00:20:29,221 --> 00:20:30,581 - You going through them pretty quick, mind. 434 00:20:30,661 --> 00:20:33,021 - Like you said, tolerance. 435 00:20:33,101 --> 00:20:37,061 - Sometimes slowing down works good as speeding up. 436 00:20:37,101 --> 00:20:38,541 No, I'm not trying to do myself out of a job 437 00:20:38,581 --> 00:20:39,541 or anything but-- 438 00:20:39,581 --> 00:20:40,701 - Mike, I'm good. 439 00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:43,021 - You're the boss. 440 00:20:43,101 --> 00:20:45,661 - Oh, fuck, I meant to go to the ATM this morning 441 00:20:45,741 --> 00:20:47,341 and then this all kicked off. 442 00:20:50,261 --> 00:20:52,101 - You know I don't do credit, Rob. 443 00:20:52,181 --> 00:20:55,421 - I know, I know, I'm sorry. 444 00:20:55,501 --> 00:20:57,941 Okay, I'll pay you back next time with interest. 445 00:20:58,021 --> 00:20:59,941 Pretty Pretty, please. 446 00:21:00,021 --> 00:21:00,821 It won't happen again. 447 00:21:03,501 --> 00:21:05,181 - Once. 448 00:21:05,261 --> 00:21:07,781 Don't go making a habit of it, pardon the pun. 449 00:21:07,821 --> 00:21:08,581 - Of course. 450 00:21:08,701 --> 00:21:10,581 - And now, before I forget, 451 00:21:12,341 --> 00:21:14,021 I cut this out in the newspaper for you. 452 00:21:14,101 --> 00:21:17,021 It's an article about hyperdimensional computing theory, 453 00:21:17,101 --> 00:21:19,501 how it might lead to AI with reflexes and memories 454 00:21:19,581 --> 00:21:21,021 you know, 'cause we're just talking 455 00:21:21,101 --> 00:21:23,181 about whether robots gonna end up killing us all or not. 456 00:21:23,261 --> 00:21:24,461 - I just wish they'd hurry up and get on with it. 457 00:21:24,541 --> 00:21:26,101 - Where is she? 458 00:21:26,221 --> 00:21:28,341 Oh, come on, come on, don't play with me. 459 00:21:28,461 --> 00:21:29,541 - Oh, fuck, I have to go. 460 00:21:29,581 --> 00:21:30,821 - What level is she on? 461 00:21:30,901 --> 00:21:32,661 - Kadell, what are you doing here? 462 00:21:32,741 --> 00:21:35,661 - That's my baby. - Shut it. 463 00:21:35,741 --> 00:21:37,341 Kadell. - That's my kid, Robyn, 464 00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:38,461 you know it is. 465 00:21:38,541 --> 00:21:41,221 - They are married. - Don't give me that BS. 466 00:21:41,301 --> 00:21:42,901 You're the one that kept fucking sneaking me in for her. 467 00:21:42,981 --> 00:21:44,181 I know you don't give a shit about that 468 00:21:44,261 --> 00:21:45,701 and neither does Roxy. 469 00:21:45,781 --> 00:21:47,101 - You're right, the sanctity of marriage 470 00:21:47,221 --> 00:21:49,301 means about as much to me as a titanium tampon 471 00:21:49,341 --> 00:21:52,101 but you know what does mean something to me? My work. 472 00:21:52,181 --> 00:21:54,461 And you marching in there shouting your mouth off 473 00:21:54,541 --> 00:21:56,581 is bad for my fucking business, okay? 474 00:21:57,941 --> 00:21:58,941 - I'm a daddy. 475 00:22:04,101 --> 00:22:05,781 I'm a daddy. 476 00:22:05,861 --> 00:22:07,821 (cries) 477 00:22:08,981 --> 00:22:09,981 - Okay. 478 00:22:11,181 --> 00:22:12,261 Really? 479 00:22:16,301 --> 00:22:18,741 (upbeat music) 480 00:22:24,141 --> 00:22:26,661 Guys, this is Kadell. 481 00:22:29,021 --> 00:22:31,661 - What the hell is he doing here? 482 00:22:31,741 --> 00:22:32,821 - That's my baby, blood. 483 00:22:32,901 --> 00:22:34,541 - He is a Barron. - Bullshit. 484 00:22:34,621 --> 00:22:35,901 - Don't fucking swear in front of my wife. 485 00:22:35,981 --> 00:22:37,781 - Dad. - All right, calm down. 486 00:22:37,861 --> 00:22:39,221 Kadell has every right to be here 487 00:22:39,301 --> 00:22:40,821 because, genetically, the child is his. 488 00:22:42,141 --> 00:22:43,301 The child is his, right Rox? 489 00:22:43,381 --> 00:22:46,101 - Yes, what sort of a slut do you think I am? 490 00:22:46,181 --> 00:22:46,981 Rude. 491 00:22:47,061 --> 00:22:48,861 - Fact is, we are where we are 492 00:22:48,941 --> 00:22:51,221 and we need to deal with it, like adults. 493 00:22:51,301 --> 00:22:52,861 - You said you loved me. 494 00:22:52,941 --> 00:22:54,781 - You what, Rox? 495 00:22:54,861 --> 00:22:59,061 - No, I said I loved having sex with you, Kadell, 496 00:22:59,141 --> 00:23:01,141 that's different. - Bloody Nora. 497 00:23:01,221 --> 00:23:03,461 - Babe, I thought we had something special. 498 00:23:03,541 --> 00:23:04,461 - No, babe. 499 00:23:04,541 --> 00:23:06,541 - Okay, timeout. 500 00:23:06,621 --> 00:23:08,781 Ladies, huddle. 501 00:23:08,861 --> 00:23:11,221 Outside, right now, please, outside. 502 00:23:11,301 --> 00:23:12,661 (upbeat music) 503 00:23:20,381 --> 00:23:22,501 Okay, so what's the play? - Anyone with an ounce of wit 504 00:23:22,581 --> 00:23:23,741 will know that that is Kadell's baby 505 00:23:23,821 --> 00:23:25,461 and so we need to run with it. 506 00:23:25,541 --> 00:23:27,061 - What's the outcome that we're looking for here? 507 00:23:27,141 --> 00:23:28,461 - Well, professionally, Darren and Roxy 508 00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:29,701 are much better as a couple. 509 00:23:29,781 --> 00:23:30,701 - The living definition of more than 510 00:23:30,781 --> 00:23:31,901 the sum of their parts. 511 00:23:31,981 --> 00:23:33,741 - We don't officially rep Kadell yet 512 00:23:33,821 --> 00:23:35,461 but after this his profile is gonna go through the roof. 513 00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:37,301 - So we lock him down? 514 00:23:37,381 --> 00:23:39,381 - Keep it in the family, ruins his 15 minutes. 515 00:23:39,461 --> 00:23:40,861 - Whilst protecting Brown Barron. 516 00:23:40,941 --> 00:23:43,261 - Okay, so how do we get them all play ball? 517 00:23:43,341 --> 00:23:44,941 - How do we ever get anyone to play ball? 518 00:23:45,021 --> 00:23:46,181 - Give them what they want. 519 00:23:46,261 --> 00:23:49,061 - Right, so what do they want? 520 00:23:51,381 --> 00:23:55,101 - Bradley, baby, it's always such a pleasure 521 00:23:55,181 --> 00:23:58,381 to see your lovely face. Have you lost weight? 522 00:23:58,461 --> 00:24:00,941 - Keto, I just eat meat and cheese all day 523 00:24:01,021 --> 00:24:03,141 and it's sliding off me like a chemo patient. 524 00:24:03,221 --> 00:24:05,381 Hey, good job, man, yes. 525 00:24:05,461 --> 00:24:07,061 What can I do you for? 526 00:24:07,141 --> 00:24:09,861 - I hear that Nike are looking for new blood. 527 00:24:09,941 --> 00:24:12,981 I have the perfect boy for you, Kadell James. 528 00:24:13,061 --> 00:24:14,301 - Never heard of him. 529 00:24:14,381 --> 00:24:17,101 - Rising star of British basketball, 530 00:24:17,181 --> 00:24:18,701 top point scorer at the Olympics, 531 00:24:18,781 --> 00:24:20,901 a real rags to riches story. 532 00:24:20,981 --> 00:24:22,661 - Caroline, I'm gonna stop you there, 533 00:24:22,741 --> 00:24:25,941 no one gives an orphans fart for British basketball. 534 00:24:26,021 --> 00:24:28,141 Hey, give me some. 535 00:24:28,221 --> 00:24:30,381 - There must be something you can swing, 536 00:24:30,461 --> 00:24:32,901 I really could do with a favor here. 537 00:24:32,981 --> 00:24:37,101 - Angel, you know I would if I could, you know I would. 538 00:24:37,181 --> 00:24:38,501 But they've already earmarked Donovan Mitchell 539 00:24:38,581 --> 00:24:41,821 for that sector. Ink is practically dry. 540 00:24:41,901 --> 00:24:45,741 - I understand of course, thank you for trying. 541 00:24:45,821 --> 00:24:50,181 Oh, one last thing. - Shoot. 542 00:24:50,261 --> 00:24:53,541 - Remember that video of you in Vegas, 543 00:24:53,621 --> 00:24:56,541 in the center of a circle jerk of transgender prostitutes? 544 00:24:58,301 --> 00:25:00,941 - (laughs) That's funny, that's funny. 545 00:25:01,021 --> 00:25:03,741 You're good at making jokes. 546 00:25:03,821 --> 00:25:05,341 - Didn't you just mentioned about it the other day 547 00:25:05,421 --> 00:25:07,861 how I stopped it for getting to your wife and your boss 548 00:25:07,941 --> 00:25:10,861 and being published on the homepage 549 00:25:10,941 --> 00:25:12,981 of the Mail online? 550 00:25:13,061 --> 00:25:15,781 - I cannot deny nor confirm that statement. 551 00:25:17,501 --> 00:25:19,061 I'll make some calls. 552 00:25:19,141 --> 00:25:20,181 - You are a dear. 553 00:25:21,621 --> 00:25:25,421 (upbeat music) 554 00:25:25,501 --> 00:25:29,301 - Okay, look, Kadell, I know that you're feeling emotional. 555 00:25:29,381 --> 00:25:31,541 But you're 23 years old. 556 00:25:31,621 --> 00:25:33,301 You've got a great career ahead of you. 557 00:25:33,381 --> 00:25:34,781 You don't wanna be a full time dad right now. 558 00:25:34,861 --> 00:25:36,221 And let's get real here, 559 00:25:36,301 --> 00:25:37,981 everyone's gonna know that kid belongs to you. 560 00:25:38,061 --> 00:25:39,981 So, I'm asking you to tell the press 561 00:25:40,061 --> 00:25:42,061 that after getting to know Darren and Roxy, 562 00:25:42,141 --> 00:25:44,621 during your time working together on Celebs Go Dancing, 563 00:25:44,701 --> 00:25:46,221 you formed a very special bond. 564 00:25:46,301 --> 00:25:48,821 And as a result, they asked you to be a sperm donor 565 00:25:48,901 --> 00:25:50,461 and to help them conceive their child. 566 00:25:50,541 --> 00:25:52,301 - Think of it like a backdoor assist. 567 00:25:52,381 --> 00:25:53,381 - Why would I do that? 568 00:25:53,461 --> 00:25:54,861 - How does being one of the faces 569 00:25:54,941 --> 00:25:57,061 of Nike's new inheritance campaign sound? 570 00:25:57,141 --> 00:25:59,261 Full sponsorship. - Huge visibility. 571 00:25:59,341 --> 00:26:01,981 - And more trainers than you could wear in a lifetime. 572 00:26:02,061 --> 00:26:03,341 - And of course, you'd get 573 00:26:03,421 --> 00:26:04,821 to see Tarron anytime you're around. 574 00:26:04,901 --> 00:26:05,821 - Buy him awesome presents for his birthday. 575 00:26:05,901 --> 00:26:07,381 - And maybe, every now and then, 576 00:26:07,461 --> 00:26:09,301 you and Roxy can play a little game 577 00:26:09,381 --> 00:26:11,821 of Mr. Wobbly hides his helmet. 578 00:26:11,901 --> 00:26:13,981 - Hang on, what do I get out of this? 579 00:26:14,061 --> 00:26:16,061 - You get to go back to golf lessons. 580 00:26:16,941 --> 00:26:19,301 - Twice a week? 581 00:26:19,381 --> 00:26:20,821 Sunday says you won't see the difference 582 00:26:20,901 --> 00:26:22,541 unless it's at least twice a week. 583 00:26:22,621 --> 00:26:24,501 - It's all a bit European. 584 00:26:24,581 --> 00:26:27,541 - We went on a cruise with a couple of swingers once. 585 00:26:27,621 --> 00:26:29,261 - Who? - Haddy and Margaret. 586 00:26:29,341 --> 00:26:31,181 - Haddy and Margaret were swingers? 587 00:26:31,261 --> 00:26:32,941 - Look, I don't wanna piss on anyone's parade, 588 00:26:33,021 --> 00:26:34,661 but you two have been married for five years 589 00:26:34,741 --> 00:26:35,981 and I've already covered up 590 00:26:36,061 --> 00:26:37,701 at least three affairs for both of you. 591 00:26:37,781 --> 00:26:41,221 But I weirdly do believe that you actually love each other. 592 00:26:41,301 --> 00:26:43,021 So if you're gonna screw other people, 593 00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:45,341 why not just be honest about it and get on with your lives. 594 00:26:45,421 --> 00:26:48,581 - Polyamory is actually super on trend right now. 595 00:26:48,661 --> 00:26:51,181 - You get to have your cake and fuck it. 596 00:26:51,261 --> 00:26:52,901 (upbeat music) 597 00:27:03,181 --> 00:27:05,021 - Well done today. You did great. 598 00:27:07,501 --> 00:27:10,621 - Robyn... 599 00:27:10,701 --> 00:27:12,021 Look, I just wanted to say 600 00:27:12,101 --> 00:27:16,901 that I am really happy to be back again, 601 00:27:16,981 --> 00:27:20,181 and I appreciate what you were trying to do for me. 602 00:27:20,261 --> 00:27:22,421 So no hard feelings. 603 00:27:23,941 --> 00:27:26,661 (suspenseful music) 604 00:27:31,301 --> 00:27:33,821 (phone beeps) 605 00:27:36,221 --> 00:27:37,301 - Ready? 606 00:27:37,381 --> 00:27:39,701 - Yeah, yeah, just coming. 607 00:27:39,781 --> 00:27:40,701 - I'll take your-- - No, no, no, it's fine, 608 00:27:40,781 --> 00:27:41,901 I'll get it. 609 00:27:41,981 --> 00:27:42,821 - Sure? - Yeah, it's fine. 610 00:27:54,741 --> 00:27:56,941 Thank you so much for doing this for me. 611 00:27:59,901 --> 00:28:00,821 This is great. 612 00:28:05,341 --> 00:28:06,861 - I'll help you bring it up. 613 00:28:06,941 --> 00:28:09,021 - No, no, no, don't be silly, I'll be fine. 614 00:28:10,941 --> 00:28:12,541 - Come on. 615 00:28:22,861 --> 00:28:25,381 - So, Steph seems nice. 616 00:28:25,461 --> 00:28:27,341 - Oh yeah, she's great. 617 00:28:27,421 --> 00:28:29,261 - Oh, she's gorgeous, well done. 618 00:28:29,341 --> 00:28:31,061 How long's that been going for? 619 00:28:31,141 --> 00:28:33,221 - Not that long, a couple of weeks. 620 00:28:33,301 --> 00:28:35,861 But we've known each other for ages so... 621 00:28:35,941 --> 00:28:37,221 - Oh, that's nice. 622 00:28:38,221 --> 00:28:40,261 - Are you seeing anyone? 623 00:28:40,341 --> 00:28:41,621 - I mean, there's a couple people, 624 00:28:41,701 --> 00:28:43,221 but I'm just keeping it cas, you know? 625 00:28:44,701 --> 00:28:46,661 Just playin' the field a bit, you know? 626 00:28:48,981 --> 00:28:50,701 - Blimey. 627 00:28:50,781 --> 00:28:52,501 You'll be fit by the time you've lived here for a bit. 628 00:28:52,581 --> 00:28:54,061 Not that you're not fit now. 629 00:28:54,141 --> 00:28:57,061 No, I don't mean, like strong fit not to fit. 630 00:29:00,021 --> 00:29:02,221 Oh, God, oh! - What? 631 00:29:02,301 --> 00:29:04,581 - Holy mothering someday. 632 00:29:04,661 --> 00:29:07,421 - What's wrong? - My back, old judo injury. 633 00:29:08,821 --> 00:29:11,181 Ah, just needs a rest for a bit. 634 00:29:11,261 --> 00:29:12,301 - Do you want me to rub it? 635 00:29:12,381 --> 00:29:13,861 - No, don't rub it. 636 00:29:16,261 --> 00:29:17,861 (both laugh) 637 00:29:17,941 --> 00:29:18,861 Oh, God. 638 00:29:18,941 --> 00:29:20,301 Hurts when I laugh. 639 00:29:22,821 --> 00:29:24,341 Were you seriously gonna try and do this on the tube? 640 00:29:24,421 --> 00:29:27,061 - I don't know. My parents were gonna come down. 641 00:29:27,141 --> 00:29:30,541 - From Scotland? - Yeah, they were gonna drive. 642 00:29:30,621 --> 00:29:34,061 My dad didn't really feel up to it. 643 00:29:34,141 --> 00:29:36,141 He doesn't really like traveling much nowadays. 644 00:29:37,981 --> 00:29:39,741 Lung cancer is a dick, isn't it? 645 00:29:40,501 --> 00:29:43,101 - Yeah, I'm sorry. 646 00:29:43,181 --> 00:29:44,781 - No, it's fine, he's okay now. 647 00:29:44,861 --> 00:29:46,861 They got it all out, apparently. 648 00:29:46,941 --> 00:29:49,821 It's just hard, isn't it? 649 00:29:55,261 --> 00:29:57,341 - Oh, son of a bank robber. 650 00:29:58,541 --> 00:30:00,181 Okay, I'm good. 651 00:30:00,261 --> 00:30:01,261 - Yeah? - I'm good. 652 00:30:01,341 --> 00:30:02,861 - You're sure? - Yeah. 653 00:30:02,941 --> 00:30:05,461 (upbeat music) 654 00:30:10,341 --> 00:30:12,501 - I did not know that you did judo. 655 00:30:12,581 --> 00:30:14,781 - Yeah, blue belt. 656 00:30:14,861 --> 00:30:16,101 It was pointless, though. 657 00:30:16,181 --> 00:30:17,781 No kicking or punching, 658 00:30:17,861 --> 00:30:19,541 it was just like two and a half years of wearing pajamas 659 00:30:19,621 --> 00:30:21,461 and learning how to trip people up. 660 00:30:21,541 --> 00:30:25,461 - I spent four years trying to learn the treble recorder. 661 00:30:25,541 --> 00:30:28,221 I could've learned Mandarin in that time. 662 00:30:28,301 --> 00:30:32,141 I don't think that I'm ever gonna fully forgive my parents 663 00:30:32,221 --> 00:30:33,301 for that one. 664 00:31:23,261 --> 00:31:25,781 (breaths heavily) 665 00:31:37,061 --> 00:31:38,941 - Oh, you gotta be kidding me! 666 00:31:43,101 --> 00:31:44,941 That's a nice touch. 667 00:31:47,541 --> 00:31:48,981 Of course. 668 00:32:10,021 --> 00:32:13,181 (weeps) 669 00:32:22,821 --> 00:32:24,901 (sobs) 670 00:32:34,821 --> 00:32:36,981 - How are you feeling? 671 00:32:37,061 --> 00:32:38,821 - Just fine. Just a little stiffness 672 00:32:38,901 --> 00:32:41,221 It'll be totally fine. 673 00:32:41,301 --> 00:32:42,981 - Thank you so much for helping me. 674 00:32:43,061 --> 00:32:46,141 I literally do not know what I would have done without you. 675 00:32:46,221 --> 00:32:48,261 - Don't be silly, it's totally fine. 676 00:32:48,341 --> 00:32:51,021 What's the point in having a Volvo Estate... 677 00:32:51,101 --> 00:32:53,061 Actually I'll just leave that sentence there. 678 00:32:53,141 --> 00:32:54,781 - Do you wanna stay for a drink? 679 00:32:54,861 --> 00:32:56,621 I think I've got a bottle of lemoncello 680 00:32:56,701 --> 00:33:00,221 that my aunt brought back from Italy that we could open. 681 00:33:00,301 --> 00:33:03,661 - I'd better not, driving. - No. 682 00:33:03,741 --> 00:33:06,101 - But I guess I'll see you at work, probably. 683 00:33:06,181 --> 00:33:07,541 - Probably. 684 00:33:17,061 --> 00:33:19,461 (door bangs) 685 00:33:45,781 --> 00:33:47,261 - How did you know I was here? 686 00:33:48,261 --> 00:33:49,301 - Melody. 687 00:33:51,101 --> 00:33:52,181 - God, that girl's good. 688 00:33:52,261 --> 00:33:53,221 - Yeah, right? 689 00:33:53,301 --> 00:33:55,141 Don't ever tell her that. 690 00:33:55,221 --> 00:33:56,061 - No. 691 00:33:57,261 --> 00:33:59,021 - Wanna go get trashed? 692 00:33:59,101 --> 00:34:02,181 - I already called an Uber. Victor is on his way. 693 00:34:02,261 --> 00:34:04,341 Thanks, though. 694 00:34:04,421 --> 00:34:06,861 - Hey, abortion is murder. 695 00:34:06,941 --> 00:34:08,221 - Really? 696 00:34:08,301 --> 00:34:09,461 - Come on, let's just go, come on. 697 00:34:10,661 --> 00:34:13,501 - No, no, do you know what, no, no. not okay. 698 00:34:13,581 --> 00:34:16,301 This has literally nothing to do with you. 699 00:34:16,381 --> 00:34:18,501 - All life is sacred. 700 00:34:18,581 --> 00:34:20,341 - Grow up. 701 00:34:20,421 --> 00:34:21,741 If you really thought all life was sacred 702 00:34:21,821 --> 00:34:23,341 you wouldn't be wearing leather shoes, 703 00:34:23,421 --> 00:34:25,501 if you can call those orthopedic monstrosity shoes. 704 00:34:25,581 --> 00:34:27,701 There are refugees drowning in boats, 705 00:34:27,821 --> 00:34:29,301 families being carpet bombed, 706 00:34:29,381 --> 00:34:31,981 tiny babies without enough water or basic vaccines. 707 00:34:32,061 --> 00:34:34,381 If you really care so much about life, 708 00:34:34,461 --> 00:34:35,661 then do something about that 709 00:34:35,781 --> 00:34:37,421 instead of sitting around here on your ass 710 00:34:37,501 --> 00:34:38,821 playing Candy Crush 711 00:34:38,901 --> 00:34:40,421 and shouting at women you've never met before. 712 00:34:40,501 --> 00:34:42,781 Those are actual lives, this was a fetus. 713 00:34:42,861 --> 00:34:45,901 And unless you want to take it and stick it up your ass 714 00:34:45,981 --> 00:34:47,621 and carry it around for nine months 715 00:34:47,661 --> 00:34:50,901 until it finally tears its way through your genitals, 716 00:34:50,981 --> 00:34:53,181 and trust me it will tear, 717 00:34:53,301 --> 00:34:55,181 then you don't get a say in the matter. 718 00:34:55,301 --> 00:34:56,501 - It's the easy way out. 719 00:34:56,581 --> 00:34:58,661 - You've clearly never had an abortion. 720 00:34:58,701 --> 00:35:01,101 Trust me, I've had two. 721 00:35:01,181 --> 00:35:03,661 And no, that doesn't make me a slut, 722 00:35:03,781 --> 00:35:06,581 it makes me a woman in the 21st century, 723 00:35:06,661 --> 00:35:09,781 who as a teenager was stealthed by a guy four years my senior 724 00:35:09,861 --> 00:35:12,061 and who was stupid enough to have sex with another man 725 00:35:12,141 --> 00:35:13,661 who refused to wear a condom 726 00:35:13,781 --> 00:35:17,781 because it made his willie feel funny so deal with it. 727 00:35:17,861 --> 00:35:19,861 Get a life. 728 00:35:19,941 --> 00:35:22,341 And mind your own fucking business. 729 00:35:27,781 --> 00:35:29,501 - Abortion is murder. 730 00:35:31,101 --> 00:35:33,861 (phone vibrates) 731 00:35:37,901 --> 00:35:39,421 - Merciful tit whistles. 732 00:35:39,501 --> 00:35:41,341 What? - Nothing. 733 00:35:41,421 --> 00:35:43,181 My little brother's just got engaged. 734 00:35:43,301 --> 00:35:45,021 Gives my mother a whole new excuse 735 00:35:45,101 --> 00:35:47,181 to tell me what to dried up old spinster I'm going to be 736 00:35:47,301 --> 00:35:49,301 with moths coming out of my foo 737 00:35:49,381 --> 00:35:51,221 and only cats to love me, then eat me when I die. 738 00:35:53,501 --> 00:35:55,061 She said yes. 739 00:35:55,141 --> 00:35:57,941 Does that make you want to become a bombmaker? 740 00:35:58,021 --> 00:35:59,021 - Like. 741 00:36:01,541 --> 00:36:02,821 - Thank you. 742 00:36:02,901 --> 00:36:04,421 Are you sure you-- 743 00:36:04,501 --> 00:36:06,421 - I'm good, thanks. 744 00:36:17,501 --> 00:36:19,501 - Hey there, I'm new to these parts, 745 00:36:19,581 --> 00:36:22,181 I was hoping you might be able to give me some directions. 746 00:36:22,221 --> 00:36:23,541 - What are you doing here? 747 00:36:23,621 --> 00:36:25,021 - I was just in the neighborhood. 748 00:36:25,101 --> 00:36:26,421 I thought you might wanna grab a bite to eat. 749 00:36:26,501 --> 00:36:28,101 - How did you find me? 750 00:36:28,181 --> 00:36:30,541 - I'm a tech entrepreneur who made his first billion 751 00:36:30,621 --> 00:36:32,901 designing GPS systems for smart drones, 752 00:36:32,981 --> 00:36:34,301 ain't my first rodeo. 753 00:36:34,381 --> 00:36:36,661 - That is the creepiest thing I've ever heard. 754 00:36:39,461 --> 00:36:40,421 Absolutely not. 755 00:36:40,501 --> 00:36:42,021 - Already made us a reservation. 756 00:36:42,101 --> 00:36:43,461 - Well, that was awfully presumptuous of you, wasn't it? 757 00:36:43,541 --> 00:36:44,541 - I guarantee you that's the best offer 758 00:36:44,621 --> 00:36:45,701 you're gonna get all day. 759 00:36:45,821 --> 00:36:47,101 - Look, Poundland Tony Stark, 760 00:36:47,181 --> 00:36:48,181 if you think I'm getting on that with you, 761 00:36:48,221 --> 00:36:49,501 got another thing coming. 762 00:36:49,581 --> 00:36:52,181 - What's Poundland, is it good? 763 00:36:52,221 --> 00:36:54,341 Come on, it's hella fancy. - How fancy? 764 00:36:54,421 --> 00:36:56,701 - Schmancy-fancy, it's a place 765 00:36:56,821 --> 00:36:58,861 that marinates endangered sea urchin 766 00:36:58,941 --> 00:37:01,821 in a bath of dill foam for 1000 days fancy. 767 00:37:01,901 --> 00:37:02,901 I had to give the maitre's d a handjob 768 00:37:02,981 --> 00:37:04,301 just to get us a table. 769 00:37:04,381 --> 00:37:06,621 - You gave the maitre's d a handjob, por moi? 770 00:37:06,661 --> 00:37:09,941 - It's also the best sushi outside of Tsukuba Shinjiro. 771 00:37:10,021 --> 00:37:11,061 That's a sushi restaurant in Tokyo. 772 00:37:11,141 --> 00:37:12,301 - Ah, just ruined it. 773 00:37:12,381 --> 00:37:14,221 - Ah, wait, please. 774 00:37:16,061 --> 00:37:18,781 I don't get to meet a lot of people I actually like. 775 00:37:18,861 --> 00:37:20,341 But you're smart, you're attractive, 776 00:37:20,421 --> 00:37:22,101 you're an asset to my work. 777 00:37:22,181 --> 00:37:24,901 - That's the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me. 778 00:37:24,981 --> 00:37:25,981 - I'm sorry. 779 00:37:29,541 --> 00:37:32,181 - Only because you gave a man a handjob. 780 00:37:32,301 --> 00:37:34,061 I cannot believe you ride a motorbike. 781 00:37:34,141 --> 00:37:35,861 Could you be any more of a cliche? 782 00:37:35,941 --> 00:37:39,981 Why don't just pay a skywriter to draw a picture of your dick? 783 00:37:40,061 --> 00:37:42,861 - It's not a bad idea, I know a few good pilots. 784 00:37:42,941 --> 00:37:44,581 (motorcycle engine revs) 785 00:38:19,421 --> 00:38:20,581 - [Reporter] The racing driver has been applauded 786 00:38:20,661 --> 00:38:23,141 for speaking so openly about his fertility woes 787 00:38:23,181 --> 00:38:24,781 and paying tribute to sperm donor 788 00:38:24,861 --> 00:38:27,061 and family friend, Kadell James. 789 00:38:29,581 --> 00:38:31,581 - Here. 790 00:38:31,661 --> 00:38:33,181 - You're not supposed to take care of me it's just cramps. 791 00:38:33,301 --> 00:38:36,301 - Robyn, you look like the ghost of a Victorian prostitute. 792 00:38:36,381 --> 00:38:38,181 Take the water bottle. 793 00:38:38,221 --> 00:38:39,381 - Thank you. 794 00:38:40,661 --> 00:38:41,661 What's that? 795 00:38:41,781 --> 00:38:43,701 - It's for Kelly's school. 796 00:38:43,821 --> 00:38:46,301 - Are they learning drug trafficking? 797 00:38:46,381 --> 00:38:47,901 It's very funny, no. 798 00:38:47,981 --> 00:38:49,541 She has to dress like a pop star 799 00:38:49,621 --> 00:38:51,141 but I'm not gonna send my five year old to school 800 00:38:51,181 --> 00:38:52,661 looking like Miley Cyrus. 801 00:38:52,701 --> 00:38:54,621 So I decided to get creative. 802 00:38:54,661 --> 00:38:56,981 Paprika, masala, turmeric. 803 00:38:57,061 --> 00:39:00,341 She's a Spice Girl, get it? 804 00:39:00,421 --> 00:39:02,581 - Are you actually trying to get her bullied? 805 00:39:02,661 --> 00:39:03,701 - What? 806 00:39:03,821 --> 00:39:05,061 - She's gonna look 807 00:39:05,141 --> 00:39:07,181 like Oscar the grouch's homeless child bride. 808 00:39:07,301 --> 00:39:09,181 - I thought it was cute. 809 00:39:09,221 --> 00:39:10,981 - Oh, how'd the interview go? 810 00:39:11,061 --> 00:39:12,421 Did you end up wearing your prom dress? 811 00:39:12,501 --> 00:39:13,941 - I got it. 812 00:39:14,021 --> 00:39:16,581 You are looking at the personal assistant to Ross 813 00:39:16,661 --> 00:39:18,381 at Smilten Luxury Wood Burners 814 00:39:18,461 --> 00:39:21,341 so you are not the only working girl in this family. 815 00:39:21,421 --> 00:39:23,181 - I knew you were gonna get it, 816 00:39:23,221 --> 00:39:25,661 but might not want to use the term working girl. 817 00:39:25,701 --> 00:39:27,421 - Well, you will not be laughing 818 00:39:27,501 --> 00:39:29,181 when you're getting a seven and a half percent discount 819 00:39:29,221 --> 00:39:30,621 on a luxury wood burner. 820 00:39:30,661 --> 00:39:32,341 - No, I will not. 821 00:39:34,101 --> 00:39:37,701 So, what's Ross like, is he cute? 822 00:39:37,821 --> 00:39:40,781 - Robyn, that is exactly the kind of unprofessional question 823 00:39:40,861 --> 00:39:43,141 we are trying to eradicate as in a post metoo world. 824 00:39:43,181 --> 00:39:44,621 - You're right, you're right. 825 00:39:45,701 --> 00:39:47,061 So is he cute? 826 00:39:47,141 --> 00:39:50,701 - I don't know. Kind of. 827 00:39:50,821 --> 00:39:53,181 He's not like, "Oops, I dropped my pen 828 00:39:53,221 --> 00:39:54,501 "and while I'm down there cute." 829 00:39:54,581 --> 00:39:57,661 He's sort of, I don't know, 830 00:39:57,701 --> 00:40:01,901 I want him to come outside and watch me ride a bicycle cute. 831 00:40:04,141 --> 00:40:05,941 - Do you ever imagine what your life would have been like 832 00:40:06,021 --> 00:40:07,181 if you hadn't had Kelly? 833 00:40:07,301 --> 00:40:08,821 - Constantly. 834 00:40:08,901 --> 00:40:10,701 Doing it right now. It's my mental screensaver. 835 00:40:12,421 --> 00:40:14,301 - Do you think that anyone can be a mother 836 00:40:14,381 --> 00:40:16,981 or there're some people, like mom, 837 00:40:17,061 --> 00:40:18,981 are just not built for it? 838 00:40:19,061 --> 00:40:22,981 - No, mom could have been if she tried, she chose not to. 839 00:40:23,061 --> 00:40:25,141 She literally threw herself off a bridge 840 00:40:25,181 --> 00:40:26,181 in order to avoid it. 841 00:40:27,621 --> 00:40:30,181 - Do you have regrets about choosing it? 842 00:40:33,181 --> 00:40:34,861 - Honestly, no. 843 00:40:34,941 --> 00:40:36,661 Even when Kelly is lying on the pavement 844 00:40:36,701 --> 00:40:39,541 and she's screaming until she can't breathe, 845 00:40:39,621 --> 00:40:42,221 and Teddy's sick and he hasn't slept 846 00:40:42,341 --> 00:40:46,981 and my hands smell like puke and my hair smells like puke, 847 00:40:47,061 --> 00:40:48,581 I don't even have the energy to bathe him properly 848 00:40:48,661 --> 00:40:50,661 so I just stick him under the faucet 849 00:40:50,701 --> 00:40:53,501 like I'm washing a potato, 850 00:40:53,581 --> 00:40:57,141 I know what it feels like not to have a family and it sucks. 851 00:40:57,181 --> 00:40:58,821 I think I needed them to tie myself to 852 00:40:58,901 --> 00:41:00,821 or I would have just floated away. 853 00:41:02,381 --> 00:41:04,181 I didn't ever realize how selfish that is. 854 00:41:06,621 --> 00:41:07,701 Are you okay? 855 00:41:07,821 --> 00:41:09,021 - Mmh, hmm. 856 00:41:10,941 --> 00:41:15,781 - You know what, I like that I get to be good mother 857 00:41:15,861 --> 00:41:18,821 and do the right thing so that they can just go wild 858 00:41:18,901 --> 00:41:20,181 and not give a damn 859 00:41:20,221 --> 00:41:21,621 because they know that I have their back. 860 00:41:23,181 --> 00:41:24,501 - I wish you were my mom. 861 00:41:24,581 --> 00:41:27,701 - Don't be silly, I am your mom. 862 00:41:30,581 --> 00:41:32,221 - So what about Mark? 863 00:41:33,421 --> 00:41:34,661 - I don't know. 864 00:41:36,181 --> 00:41:39,021 I don't know what I feel. 865 00:41:39,101 --> 00:41:41,501 I'm not angry. I'm not even shocked, honestly. 866 00:41:41,581 --> 00:41:44,341 I just feel normal and numb. 867 00:41:44,421 --> 00:41:47,061 Just like used to people leaving. 868 00:41:48,581 --> 00:41:50,381 - I'm sorry. 869 00:41:50,461 --> 00:41:52,221 - Oh, I'm not talking about you. 870 00:41:52,341 --> 00:41:54,701 You drink all of my good coffee 871 00:41:54,821 --> 00:41:57,541 and you ruined my marriage but no you never left. 872 00:42:02,861 --> 00:42:05,661 I'll just replace it with bacon and she can go as Lady Gaga. 873 00:42:09,061 --> 00:42:11,861 (upbeat music) 874 00:42:14,181 --> 00:42:17,181 ♪ Girl every time it comes around again ♪ 875 00:42:17,301 --> 00:42:19,861 ♪ It feeds my soul ♪ 876 00:42:19,941 --> 00:42:25,221 ♪ And it plays my role ♪ 877 00:42:25,341 --> 00:42:28,381 ♪ Girl every time it comes around again ♪ 878 00:42:28,461 --> 00:42:30,781 ♪ It makes me cold ♪ 879 00:42:30,861 --> 00:42:34,461 ♪ And I lose control ♪ 880 00:42:51,061 --> 00:42:53,661 (pen scratching)