1 00:00:11,032 --> 00:00:13,342 Come on. Come on. 2 00:00:13,444 --> 00:00:14,964 - Like that? - Yeah, harder. 3 00:00:15,066 --> 00:00:16,501 Faster. 4 00:00:18,514 --> 00:00:20,083 - Use both hands. - I am. 5 00:00:21,613 --> 00:00:22,680 Come on. 6 00:00:23,466 --> 00:00:24,765 Don't stop. Keep going. 7 00:00:24,801 --> 00:00:25,899 Just let me. 8 00:00:25,935 --> 00:00:28,068 Um... Fuck! 9 00:00:28,104 --> 00:00:30,599 Fuck! Blow in his mouth. 10 00:00:30,678 --> 00:00:32,139 You're supposed to blow in his mouth. 11 00:00:32,187 --> 00:00:34,475 - Patrick, I've got this. - We weren't doing anything gay. 12 00:00:34,511 --> 00:00:36,715 - How old is he? - Fuck! Fuck! 13 00:00:36,801 --> 00:00:39,486 Fuck! Fuck! I am Fucked! 14 00:00:39,522 --> 00:00:40,656 What exactly have you had? 15 00:00:40,692 --> 00:00:42,262 Coke, vodka, MD... 16 00:00:42,298 --> 00:00:43,884 We used some poppers, oxycodone... 17 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,185 Vicodin, clozapine, 18 00:00:45,221 --> 00:00:47,234 and he was drinking that stuff with all gold flakes in it. 19 00:00:47,270 --> 00:00:48,622 - You know, gold leaf. - How much cocaine? 20 00:00:48,658 --> 00:00:49,450 I don't know. A lot. 21 00:00:49,486 --> 00:00:51,091 Listen to my voice. There was just a bowl of it. 22 00:00:51,127 --> 00:00:52,860 What's his name? 23 00:00:52,896 --> 00:00:54,931 I don't know. Pedro. 24 00:00:55,786 --> 00:00:57,419 Pedro? 25 00:00:57,534 --> 00:00:58,782 You so don't know his name. 26 00:00:58,818 --> 00:01:00,883 Don't just snap at me. This is very stressful. 27 00:01:00,919 --> 00:01:02,135 Okay. Can you roll that thing up? 28 00:01:02,171 --> 00:01:03,804 You're flapping it really close to my face. 29 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:04,841 If this comes out, 30 00:01:05,575 --> 00:01:06,908 I'm dead. 31 00:01:06,944 --> 00:01:08,926 It's... It's over. 32 00:01:08,995 --> 00:01:12,429 - I can't do this. If this comes out, I'm crucified. - Patrick. Patrick! 33 00:01:13,783 --> 00:01:15,582 If you kill yourself I'll fucking kill you! 34 00:01:15,618 --> 00:01:17,084 I can't take this. 35 00:01:26,162 --> 00:01:27,124 Ugh! 36 00:01:27,215 --> 00:01:28,817 - I'm sorry. - Are you okay? 37 00:01:29,776 --> 00:01:30,977 - Uh-huh. - Good. 38 00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,941 That's for getting sick on my dress. 39 00:01:34,016 --> 00:01:35,017 Now, get it together. 40 00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:38,875 As for you... 41 00:01:39,976 --> 00:01:43,282 Wake the fuck up! 42 00:01:51,652 --> 00:01:53,218 - Senora. - Patrick! 43 00:01:55,391 --> 00:01:57,257 - Room service. - You ordered room service? 44 00:01:57,293 --> 00:01:58,625 I've got blood sugar issues. 45 00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,227 Is everything all right in there? 46 00:02:00,263 --> 00:02:01,894 Just leave it in the hall, please. 47 00:02:03,232 --> 00:02:04,498 - Go on get dressed right now. - Yeah. 48 00:02:07,704 --> 00:02:09,369 No lamp-o, por favor. 49 00:02:09,405 --> 00:02:11,507 I'm just gonna put this down right here. 50 00:02:12,073 --> 00:02:13,271 Mr. Andrews. 51 00:02:13,346 --> 00:02:14,548 There is no Mr. Andrews, huh? 52 00:02:15,698 --> 00:02:16,966 Mr. Andrews. 53 00:02:17,657 --> 00:02:18,658 I tell. 54 00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:20,915 Here's what's gonna happen, okay? 55 00:02:20,951 --> 00:02:22,616 You're not gonna tell it to anyone about Mr. Andrews 56 00:02:22,652 --> 00:02:24,059 because Mr. Andrews wasn't here 57 00:02:24,113 --> 00:02:25,879 and you've never met Mr. Andrews. 58 00:02:25,955 --> 00:02:26,893 That's a favor I'm asking. 59 00:02:26,929 --> 00:02:27,863 And in return, 60 00:02:27,899 --> 00:02:30,315 I'm not gonna have you arrested for solicitation and thrown in prison 61 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,651 where you'll get to do exactly what you're doing right now, 62 00:02:32,687 --> 00:02:34,289 but for a hell of a lot less money. 63 00:02:36,671 --> 00:02:39,438 Hmm. You understood that all right, then. 64 00:02:39,505 --> 00:02:41,640 You can stay here tonight. I'll take care of the bill. 65 00:02:42,410 --> 00:02:43,691 You can order room service, 66 00:02:43,738 --> 00:02:44,903 you can use the minibar. 67 00:02:44,939 --> 00:02:45,940 Knock yourself out. 68 00:02:46,763 --> 00:02:47,862 But tomorrow, 69 00:02:47,977 --> 00:02:50,012 you fuck off and we'll hear no more about it. 70 00:02:50,614 --> 00:02:51,615 Deal? 71 00:02:54,251 --> 00:02:55,252 Deal. 72 00:02:56,735 --> 00:02:57,651 Oh, one more thing. 73 00:02:59,953 --> 00:03:01,288 Let's get rid of these shall we? 74 00:03:06,114 --> 00:03:07,624 - Is that all of them? - Yes. 75 00:03:09,221 --> 00:03:10,255 Thanks, Pedro. 76 00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:13,600 Left down the corridor to the service elevator. 77 00:03:13,636 --> 00:03:14,969 I'll have a cab meet you at the end of the street. 78 00:03:15,005 --> 00:03:16,371 Thank you for coming, Robyn. 79 00:03:16,455 --> 00:03:17,923 I don't know what I'd do without you. 80 00:03:18,450 --> 00:03:19,608 All right, come on. 81 00:03:41,718 --> 00:03:42,986 Buenas noches, Pedro. 82 00:03:46,891 --> 00:03:51,318 Subtitles by explosiveskull 83 00:04:00,290 --> 00:04:02,492 - Morning, Auntie Robyn. - Oh, Jesus. 84 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,360 Hi, sweetheart. 85 00:04:05,416 --> 00:04:06,548 You smell funny. 86 00:04:06,584 --> 00:04:07,501 You look funny. 87 00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:10,480 I made up the bed in the spare room for you. 88 00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:12,415 - Couldn't make it that far? - What time is it? 89 00:04:12,451 --> 00:04:13,976 - 6:00. - There was a crisis at work. 90 00:04:14,047 --> 00:04:15,188 Of course there was. 91 00:04:15,542 --> 00:04:16,941 Hi, Rob. 92 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:17,962 Good morning. 93 00:04:18,052 --> 00:04:19,320 Radiant as usual. 94 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,759 - Hey. - Naughty Auntie Robyn. 95 00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:22,894 Hey, that was your fault. 96 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,996 Okay, Kelly can have fruit or toast 97 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:26,685 or one of those if she really wants one. 98 00:04:26,721 --> 00:04:27,665 You're not working today? 99 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,475 No, they're letting me work from home this morning. 100 00:04:29,574 --> 00:04:30,581 Daddy daycare. 101 00:04:30,617 --> 00:04:32,605 - There's coffee for you. - Thank you. 102 00:04:33,099 --> 00:04:34,100 You. 103 00:04:35,335 --> 00:04:36,466 Is everything all right? 104 00:04:36,502 --> 00:04:37,503 Peachy. 105 00:04:39,661 --> 00:04:41,294 Okay, let's do this. 106 00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:42,786 You sure you don't want to take a shower? 107 00:04:42,822 --> 00:04:43,954 You smell like a stripper. 108 00:04:43,990 --> 00:04:45,022 Doesn't she? 109 00:04:45,169 --> 00:04:46,161 I'm okay. 110 00:04:48,927 --> 00:04:50,611 Auntie Robyn, you dropped this. 111 00:04:52,185 --> 00:04:53,344 Oh, thanks, babe. 112 00:04:54,154 --> 00:04:55,789 I can't have my coffee without my sugar. 113 00:04:56,589 --> 00:04:57,888 Thanks. 114 00:04:57,924 --> 00:04:59,692 Are you f-ing kidding me? 115 00:05:00,908 --> 00:05:02,476 - Fuck! Ow! - Hey. 116 00:05:03,056 --> 00:05:04,555 "F." 117 00:05:04,591 --> 00:05:06,626 Kelly, let's make some toast, darling. Come on. 118 00:05:08,042 --> 00:05:09,074 You like yours strong. 119 00:05:09,110 --> 00:05:10,342 Don't, Robyn. 120 00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,410 Not in my house. 121 00:05:11,446 --> 00:05:12,711 I swear it's not mine. 122 00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,449 I confiscated it from a client. 123 00:05:17,285 --> 00:05:18,820 Hey, those are mine. 124 00:05:20,121 --> 00:05:21,122 You'll get them back. 125 00:05:22,424 --> 00:05:26,058 There is an extra bottle for Teddy in the fridge. 126 00:05:26,094 --> 00:05:27,893 There is backup, if you need it, in the freezer... 127 00:05:27,929 --> 00:05:32,498 Freezer. I know. I can cope looking after our children... 128 00:05:32,534 --> 00:05:34,566 All right, if I'm not at work by 8:00, 129 00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:36,168 Caroline will have me chemically castrated. 130 00:05:37,872 --> 00:05:38,873 Okay. 131 00:05:40,061 --> 00:05:41,363 - You good? - Absolutely. 132 00:05:42,110 --> 00:05:43,111 - You? - Yeah. 133 00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:46,147 - Let's do it. - Good to see you, Rob. 134 00:05:47,182 --> 00:05:48,647 Hope all goes well this morning. 135 00:05:48,683 --> 00:05:49,782 I'll be thinking of you. 136 00:05:49,818 --> 00:05:50,949 And you, of course. 137 00:05:50,985 --> 00:05:52,985 Be good for Daddy. 138 00:05:53,021 --> 00:05:54,409 Can we have pancakes? 139 00:05:54,451 --> 00:05:56,386 Can't have pancakes, sweetie. It's not Sunday. 140 00:05:58,760 --> 00:05:59,894 Let's make some pancakes. 141 00:06:03,072 --> 00:06:04,697 Shades might be a bit much. 142 00:06:04,766 --> 00:06:05,898 Al least I made an effort. 143 00:06:05,934 --> 00:06:07,466 What's wrong with this? 144 00:06:07,502 --> 00:06:09,368 Nothing. If you're a high-end prostitute 145 00:06:09,404 --> 00:06:10,702 looking for work. 146 00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:13,157 I didn't know we were supposed to dress like Jackie Onassis. 147 00:06:13,193 --> 00:06:14,788 I don't know. This, here... 148 00:06:18,327 --> 00:06:19,328 You ready? 149 00:06:22,684 --> 00:06:23,685 Wait! 150 00:06:27,411 --> 00:06:28,412 Hey. 151 00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:38,933 Should we say something? 152 00:06:39,601 --> 00:06:40,799 Like what? 153 00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:41,867 I don't know. 154 00:06:41,903 --> 00:06:43,505 Like a prayer? 155 00:06:46,941 --> 00:06:47,942 What? 156 00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:49,402 A prayer? 157 00:06:50,958 --> 00:06:53,060 Okay. 158 00:07:07,444 --> 00:07:09,613 Hey. 159 00:07:13,886 --> 00:07:15,121 We shouldn't have left. 160 00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:20,208 We shouldn't have let her... 161 00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:22,692 You and me, kid. 162 00:07:30,369 --> 00:07:31,968 Oh, shit! 163 00:07:32,153 --> 00:07:33,421 No. It's fine. It's fine. 164 00:07:33,814 --> 00:07:34,815 You go. 165 00:07:36,979 --> 00:07:38,611 Hello. 166 00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:40,559 - I love you. - I love you, bye. 167 00:07:40,595 --> 00:07:43,231 Yes. Mmm-hmm. Yep. 168 00:08:46,578 --> 00:08:47,991 - Is she in? - Office. 169 00:08:52,433 --> 00:08:53,901 Come. 170 00:08:54,247 --> 00:08:55,454 Morning, Caroline. 171 00:08:57,985 --> 00:08:59,586 Does this make me look like a lesbian? 172 00:09:01,677 --> 00:09:02,778 Uh... 173 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:04,820 No. It's lovely. 174 00:09:04,856 --> 00:09:07,554 You must understand. I want to look like a lesbian. 175 00:09:07,590 --> 00:09:09,689 It's for a benefit, for lesbians. 176 00:09:09,730 --> 00:09:11,375 Oh, well, in that case with the right hair... 177 00:09:11,411 --> 00:09:13,313 What lesbian are we talking? Ellen or Portia? 178 00:09:14,414 --> 00:09:15,415 The second one. 179 00:09:17,751 --> 00:09:19,516 Someone's trying to sell a story 180 00:09:19,552 --> 00:09:20,951 on Anthony Henderson. 181 00:09:20,987 --> 00:09:22,353 Again? Who is it this time? 182 00:09:22,389 --> 00:09:24,088 Oh, I don't know, some fame-hungry twiglet 183 00:09:24,124 --> 00:09:25,592 with puffy lips and sad-eyes. 184 00:09:26,526 --> 00:09:27,858 Wouldn't normally be a problem, 185 00:09:27,894 --> 00:09:29,660 - but she says she's got pictures. - Of course, she does. 186 00:09:29,696 --> 00:09:30,728 As you know, 187 00:09:30,764 --> 00:09:32,663 the papers have a creaking drawer full of women 188 00:09:32,699 --> 00:09:34,431 waiting to cash in on their one night 189 00:09:34,467 --> 00:09:36,800 of wild forgettable sex with Mr. H. 190 00:09:36,836 --> 00:09:38,502 And once those floodgates open, 191 00:09:38,538 --> 00:09:40,337 Noah himself wouldn't be able to save him. 192 00:09:40,373 --> 00:09:42,940 We have our fists in the proverbial dike. 193 00:09:42,976 --> 00:09:45,175 And she's not happy about it. I get it. 194 00:09:45,211 --> 00:09:46,410 Why can't someone else deal with him? 195 00:09:46,446 --> 00:09:48,712 Because you, my dear, are the best we have. 196 00:09:48,748 --> 00:09:50,948 Plus, you're the only one in the office he hasn't screwed yet. 197 00:09:50,984 --> 00:09:52,015 What if he tries to screw me? 198 00:09:52,051 --> 00:09:53,484 You screw him. 199 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,652 Or you politely decline like a big girl. 200 00:09:55,688 --> 00:09:57,855 I don't care. This isn't a sleepover. 201 00:09:57,891 --> 00:10:00,491 All I care about is that every housewife in the country 202 00:10:00,527 --> 00:10:02,493 has a dozen of his cookbooks on their shelves. 203 00:10:02,529 --> 00:10:04,061 And they frig themselves to sleep 204 00:10:04,097 --> 00:10:05,963 over what a devoted husband and father he is. 205 00:10:05,999 --> 00:10:08,232 So, let's not burst their bubbles. 206 00:10:08,268 --> 00:10:10,033 Or his 21 million a year turnover, 207 00:10:10,069 --> 00:10:13,103 by exposing his myriad human failings. 208 00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:14,972 Just get this in the ground today 209 00:10:15,008 --> 00:10:17,207 before the hashtag HendersonPutItUpMeToo 210 00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:19,376 lights up the Twittersphere. 211 00:10:19,412 --> 00:10:21,178 I don't care if that Jesus himself 212 00:10:21,214 --> 00:10:22,980 asking for your hand in marriage. 213 00:10:23,016 --> 00:10:25,549 There's only one person allowed to touch their phone in this office. 214 00:10:25,585 --> 00:10:27,117 And you're looking at him. 215 00:10:27,153 --> 00:10:30,821 You're meeting Henderson at the Mondrian in half an hour. Brush your teeth first. 216 00:10:30,857 --> 00:10:33,026 Christ, you've got lovely skin. 217 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,192 I'd kill for your skin. 218 00:10:35,228 --> 00:10:36,527 I mean, literally. 219 00:10:36,563 --> 00:10:39,029 I would kill you and peel it off if I could. 220 00:10:39,065 --> 00:10:41,565 - Caroline. - Tell me you didn't open that door without looking first. 221 00:10:41,601 --> 00:10:42,699 I'm so sorry. 222 00:10:42,735 --> 00:10:44,701 Just there's a terrified Scottish girl 223 00:10:44,737 --> 00:10:46,239 waiting in reception for you. 224 00:10:46,706 --> 00:10:47,707 Oh, yes. 225 00:10:48,708 --> 00:10:49,742 I got you a new pet. 226 00:10:54,113 --> 00:10:56,447 Hi, I'm Robyn. You're gonna be with me. 227 00:10:56,483 --> 00:10:57,981 Hi, I'm Melody. It's nice to meet you. 228 00:10:58,017 --> 00:10:59,152 Let me give you the tour. 229 00:10:59,919 --> 00:11:01,151 So, what do you know about us? 230 00:11:01,187 --> 00:11:02,853 Okay, um, Mills Paulson PR. 231 00:11:02,889 --> 00:11:05,489 You've got offices in London and LA and New York. 232 00:11:05,525 --> 00:11:07,491 You cover everything from media training 233 00:11:07,527 --> 00:11:09,326 to brand management, career strategy, 234 00:11:09,362 --> 00:11:11,361 and specializing in crisis management. 235 00:11:11,397 --> 00:11:12,663 We don't use the word "crisis" 236 00:11:12,699 --> 00:11:14,264 we call them "challenges." 237 00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:15,999 Now, the woman in the Death Star is Caroline. 238 00:11:16,035 --> 00:11:18,735 She's the boss. If you ever see her smoking inside don't mention it. 239 00:11:18,771 --> 00:11:19,837 And when she sends you out for lunch 240 00:11:19,873 --> 00:11:21,305 she wants fresh steamed broccoli 241 00:11:21,341 --> 00:11:22,973 and salmon sashimi from Taro. 242 00:11:23,009 --> 00:11:24,808 Make sure you put the chopsticks in the bag. 243 00:11:24,844 --> 00:11:27,878 She won't use them. But she'll be offended if they're not there. 244 00:11:27,914 --> 00:11:30,180 Eve, this is the new intern, Melody. 245 00:11:30,216 --> 00:11:31,582 Melody, Eve. 246 00:11:31,618 --> 00:11:32,619 Hi, Eve. 247 00:11:33,319 --> 00:11:34,918 Oh, God. Look at that. 248 00:11:34,954 --> 00:11:36,019 Did you dress yourself? 249 00:11:36,055 --> 00:11:37,120 Be nice, pumpkin. 250 00:11:37,156 --> 00:11:38,622 She looks like she's been kidnapped by a murderer 251 00:11:38,658 --> 00:11:39,957 and dressed in his mother's clothes. 252 00:11:39,993 --> 00:11:41,494 No offence. 253 00:11:42,428 --> 00:11:43,663 Great. Um... 254 00:11:44,864 --> 00:11:46,129 Can I get you anything? 255 00:11:46,165 --> 00:11:47,564 - Coffee or something? - I'll have a coffee. 256 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:48,732 She can get her own coffee. 257 00:11:48,768 --> 00:11:50,367 But I do need you to get ahold of the woman 258 00:11:50,403 --> 00:11:52,269 who claims to have pictures of Anthony Henderson, 259 00:11:52,305 --> 00:11:53,337 and buy them from her. 260 00:11:53,373 --> 00:11:54,905 - I'll email you the details. - Right. 261 00:11:54,941 --> 00:11:55,973 I'll get on to that right away. 262 00:11:56,009 --> 00:11:57,644 Decaf flat white without milk, please. 263 00:11:58,144 --> 00:11:59,409 Okay. Should I... 264 00:11:59,445 --> 00:12:01,011 Do the thing I said. Ignore her. 265 00:12:01,047 --> 00:12:02,145 Maybe one of those protein bowls. 266 00:12:02,181 --> 00:12:03,480 I missed breakfast. A fruit bar? 267 00:12:03,516 --> 00:12:05,018 The pics, okay. 268 00:12:05,618 --> 00:12:06,850 Christ. 269 00:12:06,886 --> 00:12:08,254 - How much we paying her? - We're not. 270 00:12:08,855 --> 00:12:09,887 She's an intern. 271 00:12:09,923 --> 00:12:11,488 You kidding me. Nothing? 272 00:12:11,524 --> 00:12:12,689 I need one of those at my flat. 273 00:12:12,725 --> 00:12:13,757 Do they come in boy? 274 00:12:13,793 --> 00:12:16,727 Six months. Here for the experience. No money. 275 00:12:16,763 --> 00:12:17,861 The little Cambodian kids 276 00:12:17,897 --> 00:12:19,897 that make your knock-off Hermes make more than that. 277 00:12:19,933 --> 00:12:21,098 How dare you? 278 00:12:21,134 --> 00:12:24,201 I only buy handbags made by free-range children. 279 00:12:24,237 --> 00:12:25,238 And we all had to do it. 280 00:12:26,272 --> 00:12:27,704 Well, I didn't because my father plays golf 281 00:12:27,740 --> 00:12:30,009 with lots of important people but everyone else does. 282 00:12:31,344 --> 00:12:32,509 So you're on Henderson? 283 00:12:32,545 --> 00:12:33,744 News travels fast. 284 00:12:33,780 --> 00:12:35,212 Have you dealt with him much? 285 00:12:35,248 --> 00:12:38,348 When you say "dealt with" are you asking if I visited the boneyard? 286 00:12:38,384 --> 00:12:40,284 I cleaned up his mess with one of the Towies. 287 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:41,685 We ended up in the back of his estate. 288 00:12:41,721 --> 00:12:43,287 I still got a scar on my forehead 289 00:12:43,323 --> 00:12:45,355 from where I hit it repeatedly on his kid's booster seat. 290 00:12:45,391 --> 00:12:47,658 - You're a classy lady, Evie. - One tries her best. 291 00:12:47,694 --> 00:12:48,892 Okay. I better go. 292 00:12:48,928 --> 00:12:50,294 The world won't save itself. 293 00:12:50,330 --> 00:12:52,896 Lunch? I'm spending the morning with Conor McGregor. 294 00:12:52,932 --> 00:12:54,831 He's decided he wants to write a children's book 295 00:12:54,867 --> 00:12:57,534 about a shy cockerel who gets bullied by all the chickens 296 00:12:57,570 --> 00:12:59,978 'cause he's got the funny thing on his head. What do you call that? 297 00:13:00,014 --> 00:13:01,280 - Comb. - Comb. Right. 298 00:13:01,316 --> 00:13:03,215 Anyway, the cock then finds self-respect 299 00:13:03,251 --> 00:13:05,484 by taking up mixed martial arts. 300 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,220 - I shit you not. - What is the obsession with writing children's books? 301 00:13:08,256 --> 00:13:10,189 Surely there's better way to get your kids to love you. 302 00:13:10,225 --> 00:13:11,990 Apparently not. 303 00:13:12,026 --> 00:13:13,761 - It's a date. - Don't bone him. 304 00:13:24,672 --> 00:13:25,707 No juice? 305 00:13:27,542 --> 00:13:29,544 Um, you... You didn't ask for a juice. 306 00:13:30,512 --> 00:13:31,713 First impressions count. 307 00:13:38,702 --> 00:13:42,737 So next up we're gonna knock up a classic Henderson household dish. 308 00:13:42,773 --> 00:13:46,541 This dish, for me, screams, "family dinner." 309 00:13:46,577 --> 00:13:51,646 It's made with care, it's made with love, and it's easy as pizza pie. 310 00:13:51,682 --> 00:13:55,319 Meaning, you and the missus, get maximum... 311 00:13:57,254 --> 00:14:00,922 Uh, Robyn, extreme circumstances for a first meeting. 312 00:14:00,958 --> 00:14:01,959 Not for me. 313 00:14:02,826 --> 00:14:04,526 No. Of course not. 314 00:14:04,562 --> 00:14:06,027 Listen, you must think that I... 315 00:14:06,063 --> 00:14:08,129 I need to know what to expect if this thing drops. 316 00:14:08,165 --> 00:14:09,564 What do you mean? 317 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,268 How many other women are gonna be making calls? 318 00:14:11,769 --> 00:14:12,937 I... I don't... 319 00:14:14,471 --> 00:14:18,139 Well, maybe in the past, I've been a bit... 320 00:14:18,175 --> 00:14:19,674 I'm on the telly. 321 00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:22,076 And that provides opportunity... 322 00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:25,149 This isn't the Leveson inquiry. Can we hurry this up, please? 323 00:14:25,849 --> 00:14:26,881 I love my wife. 324 00:14:26,917 --> 00:14:28,152 How many women, Anthony? 325 00:14:31,388 --> 00:14:33,521 I'm such a fucking idiot. 326 00:14:33,557 --> 00:14:36,324 We're in the process of acquiring damages. 327 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,326 But the truth is, the press have already had a sniff. 328 00:14:38,362 --> 00:14:41,532 So if we want them to drop the bone, we're going to have to give them something better. 329 00:14:42,933 --> 00:14:43,998 What do you mean, "something better?" 330 00:14:44,034 --> 00:14:46,467 Something sympathetic. Illness is always good. 331 00:14:46,503 --> 00:14:47,835 Anything wrong with any of your kids? 332 00:14:47,871 --> 00:14:49,003 Excuse me? 333 00:14:49,039 --> 00:14:50,905 Downs, meningitis, learning difficulties at a push. 334 00:14:50,941 --> 00:14:52,473 No, thank God. 335 00:14:52,509 --> 00:14:53,808 - Cancer? - No! 336 00:14:53,844 --> 00:14:55,543 Oh, come on, Anthony, work with me! 337 00:14:55,579 --> 00:14:58,949 Wife, brother, sister. You've seen the ads. It affects one in three. 338 00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:02,217 Sally's mother died of breast cancer. 339 00:15:02,253 --> 00:15:04,619 But she was eighty-seven, and that's four years ago. 340 00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:05,923 So it's in the family... 341 00:15:07,024 --> 00:15:08,056 That's good. 342 00:15:08,092 --> 00:15:08,884 Is it? 343 00:15:08,946 --> 00:15:12,627 Okay. I'm gonna book her in for a mammogram. I know a clinic. It's a private place. 344 00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:15,096 Maybe she found a lump. Maybe her breasts were tender. 345 00:15:15,132 --> 00:15:19,200 And if she tragically lost her mother to the disease, she's got to go in and get it checked out. 346 00:15:19,236 --> 00:15:21,402 And you're gonna take her there and be by her side. 347 00:15:21,438 --> 00:15:24,606 The supportive, wonderful husband that you are. 348 00:15:24,642 --> 00:15:26,341 Surely we can't just lie. 349 00:15:26,377 --> 00:15:28,876 Did you think we'd resolve this without lying? 350 00:15:28,912 --> 00:15:31,312 'Cause we can try that approach if you prefer. 351 00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:34,182 Sorry, but how exactly am I supposed to get her to agree to this? 352 00:15:34,218 --> 00:15:37,352 With all due respect, I'm sure you've lied to your wife before. 353 00:15:37,388 --> 00:15:38,789 You'll figure it out. 354 00:15:42,526 --> 00:15:44,325 Look, just tell her that you love her. 355 00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:47,895 And that you read an article about breast cancer rates, and you're worried. 356 00:15:47,931 --> 00:15:50,898 And you don't want your kids to lose their mother. 357 00:15:50,934 --> 00:15:53,103 You'd be surprised what people will believe if they want to. 358 00:15:54,863 --> 00:15:56,396 God! What is... 359 00:15:56,432 --> 00:15:58,731 What's wrong with me? Why do I do this? 360 00:15:58,767 --> 00:16:00,669 Hey, Anthony. You can't... 361 00:16:01,136 --> 00:16:02,802 It's a nightmare. 362 00:16:02,838 --> 00:16:05,738 Hey, wow, okay. You can't do this here. 363 00:16:05,774 --> 00:16:10,312 And you're squeezing my hands. Get... Anthony, get off. Get off. Come on. 364 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,349 Come on. 365 00:16:15,784 --> 00:16:16,785 Come on... 366 00:16:19,622 --> 00:16:21,154 Hi, I'm the, uh, computer guy. 367 00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:23,656 Hi! Hi, um, I'm Melody. 368 00:16:23,692 --> 00:16:25,391 It's this one here. I can't get it to work. 369 00:16:25,427 --> 00:16:26,492 Is this your computer? 370 00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:27,794 No. I'm just an intern. 371 00:16:27,830 --> 00:16:30,496 Um, it's Robyn's computer? Robyn is my boss. 372 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:31,533 That's a pretty name. 373 00:16:32,568 --> 00:16:34,867 Melody, not Robyn. Well, Robyn's a pretty name too. 374 00:16:34,903 --> 00:16:36,369 But, so... What did you say the problem was, again? 375 00:16:36,405 --> 00:16:37,503 Okay. 376 00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:39,038 Sorry. 377 00:16:39,074 --> 00:16:41,708 It's like... This thingy there? 378 00:16:41,744 --> 00:16:43,676 So when I move that, it doesn't move, so I can't... 379 00:16:43,712 --> 00:16:45,945 Yeah, it's... Just... Sorry. 380 00:16:49,485 --> 00:16:50,753 It's not switched on. 381 00:16:52,321 --> 00:16:54,354 Yep, that was really embarrassing. 382 00:16:54,390 --> 00:16:56,623 It just wasn't switched on. 383 00:16:56,659 --> 00:16:57,957 And I didn't even think to change the... 384 00:16:57,993 --> 00:17:00,059 I need you to book us somewhere for lunch. Fancy but cheap. 385 00:17:00,095 --> 00:17:02,895 Somewhere I'll like that won't give me bread. What's Harry Potter doing here? 386 00:17:02,931 --> 00:17:04,631 I was just fixing a thing for Melody. 387 00:17:04,667 --> 00:17:06,366 Yeah, it wasn't even switched on, so... 388 00:17:06,402 --> 00:17:08,101 Don't worry about that. It's always the switch. 389 00:17:12,107 --> 00:17:13,206 Adorable. Restaurant. 390 00:17:13,242 --> 00:17:14,243 Right. 391 00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:18,711 Once you've done that, I want you to go through these for me. 392 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:19,879 What's this? 393 00:17:19,915 --> 00:17:21,514 It's Tinder. You're not familiar with it? 394 00:17:21,550 --> 00:17:22,749 No, I know what Tinder... 395 00:17:22,785 --> 00:17:24,917 Great. So go through. Say yes to all the attractive ones. 396 00:17:24,953 --> 00:17:27,720 But remember, you're matching with me, not you, so standards, high. 397 00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:30,056 Be picky. Nines and tens. Working professionals. 398 00:17:30,092 --> 00:17:32,325 No beards, no glasses, no tiger selfies. 399 00:17:32,361 --> 00:17:34,294 If any of them message you, then you can discuss dinner. 400 00:17:34,330 --> 00:17:36,663 Once they suggest a restaurant, Google it, look at the menu. 401 00:17:36,699 --> 00:17:39,699 If you can buy a bottle of wine for less than thirty quid then tell them it's a no. 402 00:17:39,735 --> 00:17:42,368 Keep Tuesday evenings free. That's when I do Kundalini. 403 00:17:47,751 --> 00:17:48,916 Yep? 404 00:17:48,952 --> 00:17:51,018 I'm still with Henderson. Did you get the pictures? 405 00:17:51,054 --> 00:17:54,589 Um, yeah. I was just trying to email you, but I couldn't get your computer to work. So... 406 00:17:54,625 --> 00:17:56,457 Yes or no? 407 00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:59,260 Right, yes, I think. She said she would agree to sell them, but they're not gonna be cheap. 408 00:17:59,296 --> 00:18:01,996 I didn't know how much money you had around, so... 409 00:18:02,032 --> 00:18:03,798 That's fine. He can afford it. 410 00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:05,867 Look, I need you to book a mammogram for me. 411 00:18:05,903 --> 00:18:07,435 A what? For... For you? 412 00:18:07,471 --> 00:18:10,037 - No! Not for me. For his wife. - His wife? 413 00:18:10,073 --> 00:18:12,976 I'll text you the number of my guy in Harley Street. He owes me a favor. 414 00:18:14,244 --> 00:18:15,710 Okay, um... What time do you... 415 00:18:15,746 --> 00:18:17,011 Did he try and fuck you yet? 416 00:18:17,047 --> 00:18:19,447 Jesus! No, Eve! The man is having a breakdown. 417 00:18:19,483 --> 00:18:20,915 Of course, he is. Has he started crying yet? 418 00:18:20,951 --> 00:18:23,050 That's what tipped me. Love seeing a man cry. 419 00:18:23,086 --> 00:18:24,218 Eve. 420 00:18:24,254 --> 00:18:25,586 Oh, come on, he must have done something. 421 00:18:25,622 --> 00:18:29,157 He had his hand on my arse within three minutes. Knob out in twenty. 422 00:18:29,193 --> 00:18:32,496 Well, maybe he just recognizes that I'm more professional than you are. 423 00:18:33,330 --> 00:18:35,098 Yeah, you're probably right. Ciao-ciao. 424 00:19:03,327 --> 00:19:06,594 - Sorry about that. - It's fine. 425 00:19:06,630 --> 00:19:08,929 But, you are paying for the hotel and that's mini bar whiskey 426 00:19:08,965 --> 00:19:11,298 it's gonna cost you about term of your kid's school fees. 427 00:19:11,334 --> 00:19:12,936 Well, best enjoy it then. 428 00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:17,574 Hmm. 429 00:19:19,843 --> 00:19:22,977 Things haven't been great with me and the missus. 430 00:19:23,013 --> 00:19:24,745 We hadn't had sex for a year-and-a-half. 431 00:19:24,781 --> 00:19:26,347 Anthony, I don't care. 432 00:19:26,383 --> 00:19:28,830 It's a sickness, I'm an addict. 433 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,635 I can't help it, it's like diabetes. 434 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:34,705 Maybe you should stop putting your dick in so many cakes then. 435 00:19:34,741 --> 00:19:36,607 You are a very cold woman, you know. 436 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:39,009 I'm not gonna feel sorry for you because you cheated on your wife. 437 00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,845 I am a decent bloke, okay? 438 00:19:40,881 --> 00:19:42,847 Yeah, I messed around a little bit, but who hasn't? 439 00:19:42,883 --> 00:19:44,949 I don't deserve to be crucified for it. 440 00:19:44,985 --> 00:19:46,650 Seriously, this shit is terrifying. 441 00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,252 Everybody's got a story nowadays. 442 00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:51,622 Everyone. I've got friends that'll never ever work again 443 00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:55,159 because some disgruntled one-night stand just pointed the finger at them. 444 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,894 And it goes both ways. 445 00:19:56,930 --> 00:20:00,130 I've had to deal with my fare share of clumsy passes from drunken women. 446 00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:01,632 They follow me down to the toilet 447 00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:04,804 and grab my arse, but you don't see me calling Rupert Murdoch, do you? 448 00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:08,272 You done? 449 00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:11,342 Just saying, if I were a woman, we wouldn't be having this conversation. 450 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,379 What's the difference? 451 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:15,145 I would say the main difference 452 00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:18,048 is that you haven't been told since you were 11 that every male you encounter 453 00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:20,084 has the potential to rape and murder you. 454 00:20:20,120 --> 00:20:23,320 Followed by a life of pre-sexualization, cat-calling and slut-shaming 455 00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:25,055 that fills you with so much guilt and fear 456 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:28,659 that when you're 16 and some kid starts choking you during sex, either with his hands 457 00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,895 or with his penis, 'cause he saw it in a bunch of porn. 458 00:20:30,931 --> 00:20:33,697 You assume it must be you who got it wrong. 459 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,533 So, every time there's an inappropriate comment or a hand on your thigh, 460 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,168 you swallow it. 461 00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:41,538 Until one day the world says, "Hey, actually, maybe all that crap isn't your fault," 462 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:45,175 and the relief is so great that shit just pours out of you like a tsunami. 463 00:20:45,211 --> 00:20:48,345 And, yes, like most tsunamis innocent people drown. 464 00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:50,180 But, I am sorry that you've had to deal with women 465 00:20:50,216 --> 00:20:52,883 you didn't deem attractive enough, grabbing your ass. 466 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,754 I appreciate the life has its challenges. 467 00:21:00,193 --> 00:21:01,959 - What? - You don't give a fuck, do you? 468 00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:03,063 Should I? 469 00:21:06,066 --> 00:21:07,100 I do love her you know, 470 00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:09,333 my wife. 471 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:13,704 And I love my kids, obsessively. 472 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:18,342 That thing I said to you about not having sex for a year-and-a-half, that was a lie. 473 00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:20,847 We have sex all the time and it's... It's great. 474 00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:25,149 It's just sometimes, I... 475 00:21:25,185 --> 00:21:27,620 I like to fuck people that I don't love, too. 476 00:21:29,055 --> 00:21:31,091 That feels like the first honest thing you've said to me. 477 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,795 I'm gonna make some calls, round up some photographers. 478 00:21:36,363 --> 00:21:37,394 Stay here for a bit. 479 00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:38,431 Get your head straight. 480 00:21:40,367 --> 00:21:41,902 Why haven't you tried to have sex with me? 481 00:21:42,235 --> 00:21:43,567 Excuse me? 482 00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:45,705 If it's such an addiction, why haven't you tried to have sex with me? 483 00:21:46,473 --> 00:21:47,771 Um, would... 484 00:21:47,807 --> 00:21:49,473 - Would you like me to? - No. 485 00:21:49,509 --> 00:21:51,211 - I can do if you want. - I don't want, thank you. 486 00:21:53,079 --> 00:21:54,080 I'll be in touch. 487 00:21:55,115 --> 00:21:56,383 You're complicated. 488 00:21:58,084 --> 00:22:01,621 You got all this stuff going on behind the eyes. I wouldn't even know where to start. 489 00:22:02,856 --> 00:22:04,755 Of course, I'd like to have sex with you. 490 00:22:04,791 --> 00:22:08,259 - But you are not simple. - You only try to sleep with simple women? 491 00:22:08,295 --> 00:22:11,595 - You want me to be completely honest? - Why not? 492 00:22:11,631 --> 00:22:14,000 - I'm intimidated by you. - And why is that? 493 00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:18,905 Because I know you are more fucked-up that I am. 494 00:22:22,275 --> 00:22:24,678 When you do it, does it make you feel better or worse? 495 00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:27,347 Both. 496 00:22:44,723 --> 00:22:46,989 "Conor The Cockerel was a game bird 497 00:22:47,025 --> 00:22:48,757 "but sometimes the other chickens would laugh at him 498 00:22:48,793 --> 00:22:51,393 - "because he was too flamboyant and his crow was too loud..." - Eve... 499 00:22:51,429 --> 00:22:53,162 Eve, um, Robyn wanted me to pick... 500 00:22:53,198 --> 00:22:55,700 Look at this. I mean, that's the stuff of nightmares, right? 501 00:22:59,070 --> 00:23:01,871 - I need to book an appointment for... - Look at that. 502 00:23:01,907 --> 00:23:03,205 They're like prison drawings. 503 00:23:03,241 --> 00:23:05,241 I just need to know if I should call... 504 00:23:05,277 --> 00:23:07,176 Conor, darling! 505 00:23:07,212 --> 00:23:12,147 Yes, I did, I did, and I am looking at them right now. They're beautiful, sweetheart. 506 00:23:12,183 --> 00:23:15,317 Such a lovely simplicity about them. 507 00:23:15,353 --> 00:23:17,186 I think it's right not to use color. 508 00:23:17,222 --> 00:23:19,288 So strong in black and white, like you. 509 00:23:35,307 --> 00:23:37,873 Hello, is that Mrs. Henderson? 510 00:23:37,909 --> 00:23:41,877 Yes, uh, this is Melody. I am calling from your husband's PR company. 511 00:23:41,913 --> 00:23:45,481 I'm just looking to book in your mammogram for this afternoon. 512 00:23:45,517 --> 00:23:47,719 And I was just wondering what kind of times would be good. 513 00:23:49,454 --> 00:23:50,588 Your mammogram? 514 00:23:52,924 --> 00:23:53,925 Oh... 515 00:23:55,126 --> 00:23:57,326 Right then. So, what happens now? 516 00:23:57,362 --> 00:24:00,095 I go and get on with my day, you go and speak to your wife. 517 00:24:00,131 --> 00:24:01,931 Where are my goddamn underwear? 518 00:24:01,967 --> 00:24:03,432 Treat yourself to a new pair. 519 00:24:03,468 --> 00:24:05,370 - They are not mine. - You okay? 520 00:24:07,205 --> 00:24:09,271 - Great! - What are you angry about? 521 00:24:09,307 --> 00:24:10,308 How long you got? 522 00:24:11,409 --> 00:24:13,943 Hey, just so we're clear. Who actually fucked who there? 523 00:24:13,979 --> 00:24:18,513 I'd say, that I fucked myself and you fucked your wife. 524 00:24:18,549 --> 00:24:21,920 I'll be in touch. Nice working with you, Anthony. 525 00:24:36,292 --> 00:24:37,499 Melody, phone. 526 00:24:37,535 --> 00:24:39,379 Right. Tinder update. 527 00:24:39,415 --> 00:24:41,304 Jesus. 528 00:24:41,340 --> 00:24:42,820 Okay, Christ. 529 00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:45,976 Right. I can see I'm gonna have to go through this whole thing again from the beginning. 530 00:24:46,012 --> 00:24:47,244 I mean, what's the deal with this guy? 531 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:48,345 - I mean, he's wearing a hat. - Oh... 532 00:24:48,381 --> 00:24:51,181 That should set off alarm bells for starters. 533 00:24:51,217 --> 00:24:53,316 He's got a song lyric for his bio. For Christ's sake. 534 00:24:53,352 --> 00:24:55,051 - I thought it was a poem. - It's November Rain. 535 00:24:55,087 --> 00:24:56,119 Thank God it's not a poem. 536 00:24:56,155 --> 00:24:57,888 Then I'd be really pissed off. 537 00:24:57,924 --> 00:24:59,689 Amateur hour, must do better. 538 00:24:59,725 --> 00:25:00,857 Oh, Robyn, 539 00:25:00,893 --> 00:25:02,728 I think I might've done something bad. 540 00:25:04,463 --> 00:25:05,695 You fucked him, didn't you? 541 00:25:05,731 --> 00:25:06,863 Look, before you say anything... 542 00:25:06,899 --> 00:25:08,465 I'm just saying. I know I can't judge, 543 00:25:08,501 --> 00:25:09,566 but I thought you were better than me. 544 00:25:09,602 --> 00:25:11,301 I am better than you. 545 00:25:11,337 --> 00:25:13,103 Did you have sex with Anthony Henderson? 546 00:25:13,139 --> 00:25:14,604 So my guy at The Mirror called me. 547 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,506 Seems Patrick Andrews' little Spanish friend 548 00:25:16,542 --> 00:25:17,941 from last night's been in touch. 549 00:25:17,977 --> 00:25:19,976 Cheeky father-fucker, I paid him. 550 00:25:20,012 --> 00:25:21,811 Mmm, gets better. He's 15. 551 00:25:21,847 --> 00:25:23,480 It's okay. He's sitting on it for now. 552 00:25:23,516 --> 00:25:25,248 Says their cup overfloweth with Pedro stories, 553 00:25:25,284 --> 00:25:26,983 but wants something good to make it go away. 554 00:25:27,019 --> 00:25:29,619 Mmm. Tell him he can have the exclusivity 555 00:25:29,655 --> 00:25:31,621 on Patrick and Bianca's wedding. 556 00:25:31,657 --> 00:25:33,423 Patrick Andrews is getting married? 557 00:25:33,459 --> 00:25:34,557 He is now. 558 00:25:34,593 --> 00:25:35,725 They can announce it tonight. 559 00:25:35,761 --> 00:25:37,494 - God, that poor girl. - Poor girl, what? 560 00:25:37,530 --> 00:25:40,130 Living in a mansion and getting an allowance to buy drugs and dresses? 561 00:25:40,166 --> 00:25:41,431 Mmm-hmm. That's the dream. 562 00:25:41,467 --> 00:25:43,333 - Do you think she knows that he's... - Do you think she cares? 563 00:25:43,369 --> 00:25:44,668 Give her her dues. 564 00:25:44,704 --> 00:25:46,403 She'll have trolled Essex nightclubs for months 565 00:25:46,439 --> 00:25:48,305 sucking off a lot of frogs to get into his bed. 566 00:25:48,341 --> 00:25:49,906 And now she's found her princess. 567 00:25:49,942 --> 00:25:51,408 Aw, I love a footballer's wedding. 568 00:25:51,444 --> 00:25:53,009 We should all go. Shits, giggles. 569 00:25:53,045 --> 00:25:55,145 Drink free champagne, laugh at the chavvy wedding dresses, 570 00:25:55,181 --> 00:25:58,348 watch Melody get gang-raped by bunch of drunken sexually repressed footballers. 571 00:25:58,384 --> 00:25:59,883 I don't think that's very funny. 572 00:25:59,919 --> 00:26:00,984 It wasn't a joke. 573 00:26:01,020 --> 00:26:02,852 Melody, get a ring sent round to Patrick's, 574 00:26:02,888 --> 00:26:04,287 a big one, and send him the bill. 575 00:26:04,323 --> 00:26:05,622 Where are you going? We're lunching. 576 00:26:05,658 --> 00:26:06,990 Going to the chemist. 577 00:26:07,026 --> 00:26:08,191 You'll call your guy, yeah? 578 00:26:08,227 --> 00:26:09,826 Wait, I'll need to tell you that thing. 579 00:26:09,862 --> 00:26:11,027 Email me. 580 00:26:11,063 --> 00:26:13,129 Is that a gym selfie? 581 00:26:13,165 --> 00:26:14,834 You're on your third strike, Bridget. 582 00:26:17,627 --> 00:26:19,059 How's it going? 583 00:26:19,095 --> 00:26:20,995 I'm all right. Just another day. 584 00:26:21,031 --> 00:26:22,832 - How about you? - Just another day. 585 00:26:24,367 --> 00:26:25,499 What did you do? 586 00:26:25,535 --> 00:26:26,934 Nothing. 587 00:26:26,970 --> 00:26:28,636 Robyn, you're less convincing 588 00:26:28,672 --> 00:26:30,137 than my 4-year-old telling me that 589 00:26:30,173 --> 00:26:33,107 she wasn't the one who put Lego up the cat's ass. 590 00:26:33,143 --> 00:26:35,476 - I fucked a client. - Ow! 591 00:26:35,512 --> 00:26:37,111 Careful. You did what? 592 00:26:37,147 --> 00:26:39,246 - Robyn! - I know. I know. 593 00:26:39,282 --> 00:26:41,448 - What the F? - I shouldn't have told you. 594 00:26:41,484 --> 00:26:42,516 Well, you did. 595 00:26:42,552 --> 00:26:44,120 Take that out of your mouth, please. 596 00:26:44,521 --> 00:26:45,686 What? 597 00:26:45,722 --> 00:26:48,689 Not you. Well, actually, yes, you. 598 00:26:48,725 --> 00:26:51,361 Jeez, Louise. I don't know what goes through your head sometimes. 599 00:26:51,795 --> 00:26:52,827 Yeah. 600 00:26:52,863 --> 00:26:54,328 Just don't think you get a free pass 601 00:26:54,364 --> 00:26:56,463 just because today's today, you know. 602 00:26:56,499 --> 00:26:59,767 It doesn't give you an excuse to be S-H-1-T-T-Y. 603 00:26:59,803 --> 00:27:00,835 "Shonetty"? 604 00:27:00,871 --> 00:27:02,670 Yes, "Shonetty." 605 00:27:02,706 --> 00:27:05,039 So, is whatever it was out of your system now? 606 00:27:05,075 --> 00:27:06,877 It was never in my system. It was... 607 00:27:07,444 --> 00:27:08,945 Just a stupid... 608 00:27:09,713 --> 00:27:11,445 I did it because it was there. 609 00:27:11,481 --> 00:27:13,280 And I knew I'd get away with it. 610 00:27:13,316 --> 00:27:15,182 It's my job to help him get away with it. 611 00:27:15,218 --> 00:27:17,251 Is it your job to fudge him? 612 00:27:17,287 --> 00:27:19,720 - What is fudging someone mean, Mummy? - Nothing, sweetie. 613 00:27:19,756 --> 00:27:22,189 Do your coloring and you can have some apricots, okay? 614 00:27:22,225 --> 00:27:23,290 Do you see? 615 00:27:23,326 --> 00:27:25,025 Do you see what you are bringing into my house? 616 00:27:25,061 --> 00:27:26,160 So, who was it? 617 00:27:26,196 --> 00:27:27,228 Does it matter? 618 00:27:27,264 --> 00:27:28,832 Well, that's a slutty thing to say. 619 00:27:31,801 --> 00:27:33,203 Anthony Henderson. 620 00:27:34,271 --> 00:27:37,504 What? Oh, he is fine! 621 00:27:37,540 --> 00:27:39,373 - You're supposed to be telling me off. - I am! 622 00:27:39,409 --> 00:27:42,009 But just because I vehemently disapprove 623 00:27:42,045 --> 00:27:44,445 doesn't mean I need to be spared the sordid details. 624 00:27:44,481 --> 00:27:46,947 My life is hardly inundated with smut these days. 625 00:27:46,983 --> 00:27:48,515 The only thing keeping me awake at night 626 00:27:48,551 --> 00:27:50,851 is screaming children or Mark's IBS. 627 00:27:50,887 --> 00:27:53,623 I can't remember the last time Mummy had some D. 628 00:27:54,608 --> 00:27:55,973 Anthony Henderson? 629 00:27:56,009 --> 00:27:58,375 Oh, I thought he was one of the good ones. 630 00:27:58,411 --> 00:28:00,044 There are no good ones. 631 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,847 Well, you reap what you sow, my dear. 632 00:28:02,883 --> 00:28:05,015 So. How was it? 633 00:28:05,051 --> 00:28:07,520 It was fine. 634 00:28:09,322 --> 00:28:10,721 Blunt. 635 00:28:10,757 --> 00:28:12,957 "Blunt"? Brilliant. 636 00:28:12,993 --> 00:28:16,293 Thank you, E. L. James, for your fine erotic illustration. 637 00:28:16,329 --> 00:28:18,531 That'll make a great addition to the diddle box. 638 00:28:20,133 --> 00:28:22,733 I'll never be able to enjoy his aubergine gratin 639 00:28:22,769 --> 00:28:23,970 in the same way again. 640 00:28:25,889 --> 00:28:26,954 Were you wearing my underwear? 641 00:28:26,990 --> 00:28:28,455 - I'll wash them. - Ugh! 642 00:28:31,361 --> 00:28:33,196 Oh! Oh, God damn it! 643 00:28:33,930 --> 00:28:35,131 I gotta go. 644 00:28:36,933 --> 00:28:38,068 Taxi! 645 00:28:48,111 --> 00:28:49,310 She won't let you in. 646 00:28:49,346 --> 00:28:50,547 She wants a divorce. 647 00:28:56,419 --> 00:28:57,821 Hold these. 648 00:29:11,635 --> 00:29:12,733 Hi. 649 00:29:12,769 --> 00:29:13,868 Who are you? 650 00:29:13,904 --> 00:29:15,336 I'm Robyn. 651 00:29:15,372 --> 00:29:17,741 I work for the PR firm that represents your husband. 652 00:29:18,541 --> 00:29:19,740 Of course you bloody do. 653 00:29:19,776 --> 00:29:20,841 How did you get in? 654 00:29:20,877 --> 00:29:23,644 - Bathroom window. - You broke into my house. 655 00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,749 Jesus. You people are incredible. 656 00:29:28,385 --> 00:29:29,550 What do you want? 657 00:29:29,586 --> 00:29:30,851 I just want to fix things. 658 00:29:30,887 --> 00:29:33,220 I'm leaving him. 659 00:29:33,256 --> 00:29:34,357 Why? 660 00:29:35,625 --> 00:29:36,924 Okay. Why now? 661 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,493 Because I'm sick of being treated like an idiot. 662 00:29:39,529 --> 00:29:40,928 Him cheating on me is one thing, 663 00:29:40,964 --> 00:29:43,497 him thinking I'm stupid enough not to realize is another. 664 00:29:43,533 --> 00:29:44,798 I know what he does. 665 00:29:44,834 --> 00:29:46,567 But he could at least have the bloody decency 666 00:29:46,603 --> 00:29:47,671 to stop getting caught. 667 00:29:52,559 --> 00:29:54,325 - Mmm. - There's nothing more pathetic 668 00:29:54,361 --> 00:29:55,693 than the wronged wife. 669 00:29:55,729 --> 00:29:57,964 I cannot abide people feeling sorry for me. 670 00:30:01,668 --> 00:30:03,870 Okay. What do you want? 671 00:30:04,571 --> 00:30:05,672 You want him punished? 672 00:30:06,072 --> 00:30:07,371 One phone call 673 00:30:07,407 --> 00:30:09,840 and I can have him on the front page of every newspaper tomorrow. 674 00:30:09,876 --> 00:30:10,908 Named and shamed, 675 00:30:10,944 --> 00:30:12,476 broadcast to everyone you know 676 00:30:12,512 --> 00:30:13,513 and everyone you don't know. 677 00:30:14,814 --> 00:30:17,217 Or you ride it out. 678 00:30:17,984 --> 00:30:19,319 You get over this hump, 679 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:21,051 and then, 680 00:30:21,087 --> 00:30:22,322 when the fuss has died down, 681 00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:25,625 quiet and dignified, 682 00:30:26,693 --> 00:30:27,894 get a divorce. 683 00:30:28,795 --> 00:30:30,494 And you take that son of a bitch 684 00:30:30,530 --> 00:30:33,366 for every single penny you can get. 685 00:30:35,468 --> 00:30:36,903 Did he fuck you, too? 686 00:30:37,604 --> 00:30:38,672 No. 687 00:30:51,743 --> 00:30:55,211 Six months, I want a cookbook. 688 00:30:55,247 --> 00:30:57,048 And I wanna do Strictly. 689 00:31:10,595 --> 00:31:11,863 - You want a grape, love? - Uh, no. 690 00:31:15,933 --> 00:31:17,132 Mrs. Henderson. 691 00:31:17,168 --> 00:31:18,970 - I'll come with you. - Absolutely not. 692 00:31:22,573 --> 00:31:23,872 What did you say to her? 693 00:31:23,908 --> 00:31:25,810 Doesn't matter. She's here, isn't she? 694 00:31:27,078 --> 00:31:28,677 Photographers are outside. 695 00:31:28,713 --> 00:31:30,212 You should probably go say something. 696 00:31:30,248 --> 00:31:32,914 "Worried. What a strain. Respect your privacy..." 697 00:31:32,950 --> 00:31:34,416 - Can I ask you something? - Shoot. 698 00:31:34,452 --> 00:31:36,151 Why did you have sex with me? 699 00:31:36,187 --> 00:31:37,719 To see how I felt. 700 00:31:37,755 --> 00:31:38,856 And how did you feel? 701 00:31:39,982 --> 00:31:41,381 I didn't. 702 00:31:41,417 --> 00:31:43,083 I don't. 703 00:31:43,119 --> 00:31:44,684 Sorry, don't take it personally. 704 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,390 No. No, I don't. I just hoped that you might have had a better answer. 705 00:31:48,558 --> 00:31:49,923 Rub your eyes. 706 00:31:49,959 --> 00:31:52,295 - Why? - It'll make you look upset. 707 00:31:57,166 --> 00:31:58,999 Anthony, is there anything you can tell us? 708 00:31:59,035 --> 00:32:00,934 Well, these are obviously very worrying times. 709 00:32:00,970 --> 00:32:03,236 Uh, immense stress on the family. 710 00:32:03,272 --> 00:32:04,638 These are precautionary... 711 00:32:04,674 --> 00:32:05,939 Precautionary tests... 712 00:32:16,154 --> 00:32:17,654 All right, darling. 713 00:32:17,690 --> 00:32:19,456 Well, I think it's an excellent idea. 714 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:22,025 Well, we're always here. 715 00:32:22,061 --> 00:32:23,727 Whatever you need. Ta-ta. 716 00:32:23,763 --> 00:32:25,629 Apparently some Ukrainian wrestler 717 00:32:25,665 --> 00:32:27,865 just called Conor a Gypsy on Insta. 718 00:32:27,901 --> 00:32:30,901 So, thankfully he's decided to put his shy cock to bed for now 719 00:32:30,937 --> 00:32:33,737 and focus on hitting men's faces a little while longer. 720 00:32:33,773 --> 00:32:34,905 Celebratory drink. 721 00:32:34,941 --> 00:32:36,173 I'd love to, but I'm destroyed. 722 00:32:36,209 --> 00:32:37,875 Oh, come on, don't be such a baby. 723 00:32:37,911 --> 00:32:39,309 I've got an hour to kill before my date. 724 00:32:39,345 --> 00:32:40,944 - Who do you have a date with? - Melanie? 725 00:32:40,980 --> 00:32:43,046 His name's Peter, he's a GP. 726 00:32:43,082 --> 00:32:44,248 His name's Peter, and he's a GP. 727 00:32:44,284 --> 00:32:45,983 - Is he the one who drives an Audi? - Yes. 728 00:32:46,019 --> 00:32:48,018 - Drives an Audi. - I'm so pleased to see you guys are bonding. 729 00:32:48,054 --> 00:32:49,687 - You sure you can't manage a quick one? - Maybe tomorrow. 730 00:32:49,723 --> 00:32:51,989 Oh, tomorrow, tomorrow. 731 00:32:52,025 --> 00:32:53,290 It's enough to give a girl a complex. 732 00:32:53,326 --> 00:32:54,761 You're the only girl for me, sugar-tits. 733 00:32:55,929 --> 00:32:56,930 I'll go for one. 734 00:33:00,166 --> 00:33:01,398 Aw! 735 00:33:01,434 --> 00:33:02,499 Bless you. 736 00:33:07,006 --> 00:33:09,773 Um... Look, I just wanted to say 737 00:33:09,809 --> 00:33:11,341 I'm really sorry about 738 00:33:11,377 --> 00:33:13,313 - phoning Sally Henderson. - It's fine. 739 00:33:13,913 --> 00:33:15,312 But in the future, 740 00:33:15,348 --> 00:33:17,183 just assume that we're lying to everyone. 741 00:33:18,051 --> 00:33:19,116 Did you get my pills? 742 00:33:19,152 --> 00:33:20,153 Yeah. 743 00:33:23,035 --> 00:33:24,788 Oh, God, no. That's way too much. 744 00:33:24,824 --> 00:33:26,390 Call it wages. 745 00:33:26,426 --> 00:33:28,425 - I don't get any... - Keep it. 746 00:33:28,461 --> 00:33:29,593 But if you tell anyone, 747 00:33:29,629 --> 00:33:31,164 I'll deny it and give you to Eve. 748 00:33:37,470 --> 00:33:39,336 If you're a woman, 749 00:33:39,372 --> 00:33:40,707 would you want to have sex with me? 750 00:33:41,307 --> 00:33:42,473 I am. And I do. 751 00:33:42,509 --> 00:33:44,611 Good. All sorted? 752 00:33:45,734 --> 00:33:47,444 He shall live to fuck another day. 753 00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:48,481 Hmm. 754 00:33:48,948 --> 00:33:49,949 Caroline, 755 00:33:50,884 --> 00:33:52,149 do you prefer worrying about... 756 00:33:52,185 --> 00:33:54,585 If this is gonna be a question about existential angst, 757 00:33:54,621 --> 00:33:56,428 I'm going to have to stop you there. 758 00:33:56,464 --> 00:33:58,097 The world keeps turning, Robyn. 759 00:33:58,133 --> 00:34:00,199 We just help push. 760 00:34:00,235 --> 00:34:02,601 - Oh, by the way, they found a shadow. - What? 761 00:34:02,637 --> 00:34:04,203 In his wife's breast, from the scan. 762 00:34:04,239 --> 00:34:06,305 They found a shadow. Thought you'd want to know. 763 00:34:06,341 --> 00:34:08,076 Lucky. She owes you one. 764 00:34:08,643 --> 00:34:10,843 Ah, my date's here. 765 00:34:10,879 --> 00:34:12,177 She works in accounts. 766 00:34:12,213 --> 00:34:13,579 She's actually straight, 767 00:34:13,615 --> 00:34:15,150 but she's the closest I could find. 768 00:34:53,988 --> 00:34:55,490 Hey. 769 00:34:56,825 --> 00:34:58,860 Oh, sorry. 770 00:35:03,665 --> 00:35:04,997 He's beautiful. 771 00:35:05,033 --> 00:35:07,168 Or... She... It... It's beautiful. 772 00:35:08,069 --> 00:35:09,304 You can have it if you want. 773 00:35:10,572 --> 00:35:13,441 I haven't slept in three days. 774 00:35:14,509 --> 00:35:15,510 He. 775 00:35:15,810 --> 00:35:16,878 Hmm? 776 00:35:17,545 --> 00:35:18,546 He's a he. 777 00:35:23,818 --> 00:35:26,120 It's hard to tell if he's happy or... 778 00:35:26,754 --> 00:35:27,856 Having a poo. 779 00:35:29,090 --> 00:35:30,456 Oh, sorry. 780 00:35:30,492 --> 00:35:31,890 Oh, that's all right. Don't take it personally, I mean... 781 00:35:31,926 --> 00:35:34,026 I love him and all that... But Christ, he's boring. 782 00:35:34,062 --> 00:35:36,361 And selfish. I mean... 783 00:35:36,397 --> 00:35:39,331 All they do is eat, shit, cry. 784 00:35:39,367 --> 00:35:42,034 - Eat, shit, cry. - I had an ex like that. 785 00:35:42,070 --> 00:35:44,038 Mummy's losing her mind, isn't she? 786 00:35:44,427 --> 00:35:45,807 Yes, she is. 787 00:35:47,642 --> 00:35:48,643 See? 788 00:35:49,043 --> 00:35:50,044 Nothing. 789 00:35:53,581 --> 00:35:54,582 Where's the father? 790 00:35:55,049 --> 00:35:56,081 Work. 791 00:35:56,117 --> 00:35:57,883 Lucky bastard. 792 00:35:57,919 --> 00:36:00,052 I have a master's in criminal psychology 793 00:36:00,088 --> 00:36:02,154 and the sum total of my conversation 794 00:36:02,190 --> 00:36:04,259 in the last four days has been shushing, cooing, 795 00:36:04,859 --> 00:36:05,860 begging. 796 00:36:06,227 --> 00:36:07,393 I went... 797 00:36:07,429 --> 00:36:08,660 I went out. 798 00:36:08,696 --> 00:36:11,263 Left the house with my jumper on 799 00:36:11,299 --> 00:36:12,898 inside out and back to front this morning 800 00:36:12,934 --> 00:36:14,420 and when I noticed 801 00:36:14,869 --> 00:36:16,201 I didn't even bother to change it. 802 00:36:16,237 --> 00:36:17,569 I mean, less than a year ago, 803 00:36:17,605 --> 00:36:20,341 I dropped a grand on a Burberry trench coat. 804 00:36:26,356 --> 00:36:27,357 How was your day? 805 00:36:29,059 --> 00:36:31,328 My mother committed suicide a year ago today. 806 00:36:32,896 --> 00:36:34,464 She jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge. 807 00:36:38,585 --> 00:36:40,019 Well, this is awkward. 808 00:36:44,524 --> 00:36:45,625 Hey, I'm so... 809 00:36:46,326 --> 00:36:48,092 I'm so sorry about your mum. 810 00:36:48,128 --> 00:36:49,526 It's okay, she was nuts. 811 00:36:49,562 --> 00:36:51,698 My sister and I moved here to get away from her. 812 00:36:54,033 --> 00:36:55,499 To be honest, part of you goes, 813 00:36:55,535 --> 00:36:57,501 "Well, it happened, 814 00:36:57,537 --> 00:37:00,971 "so, now, I don't need to worry about it happening anymore." 815 00:37:01,007 --> 00:37:02,108 Mmm, yeah, I get that. 816 00:37:03,410 --> 00:37:05,111 The real problem is the dread. 817 00:37:06,246 --> 00:37:08,648 I feel like now she's gone, I'll take her place. 818 00:37:09,315 --> 00:37:10,781 It's like... 819 00:37:10,817 --> 00:37:12,986 Looking at your reflection in a dirty pond. 820 00:37:15,221 --> 00:37:16,289 Hmm. 821 00:37:17,457 --> 00:37:19,159 - Can I ask you a question? - Yeah. 822 00:37:21,294 --> 00:37:22,359 Are you happy? 823 00:37:24,364 --> 00:37:26,266 I don't know. Um... 824 00:37:28,768 --> 00:37:30,770 I don't know. I'm just really tired. 825 00:37:33,306 --> 00:37:34,307 Me too. 826 00:37:36,810 --> 00:37:37,811 Hmm. 827 00:38:02,886 --> 00:38:05,088 You are a filthy, filthy man. 828 00:38:05,655 --> 00:38:06,956 Mmm. No. 829 00:38:08,391 --> 00:38:10,190 Shit. Enough. 830 00:38:10,226 --> 00:38:11,458 I'm sorry. I got to go now. 831 00:38:11,494 --> 00:38:13,460 Someone more interesting has turned up. 832 00:38:13,496 --> 00:38:16,230 - Yeah. Ravi says hi. - Hi, Ravi. 833 00:38:16,266 --> 00:38:19,035 All right, man. I got to go. Later. 834 00:38:20,336 --> 00:38:21,337 Shit. 835 00:38:22,705 --> 00:38:24,037 I'm sorry. I... I can explain. 836 00:38:24,073 --> 00:38:25,139 It's fine. You don't have to. 837 00:38:25,175 --> 00:38:27,241 - I know I'm not meant to be smoking. - Babe, it's fine. 838 00:38:27,277 --> 00:38:28,809 How's Ravi? 839 00:38:28,845 --> 00:38:30,544 He's a terrible, terrible man. 840 00:38:30,580 --> 00:38:32,846 Met this girl at the gym that he's trying to get with, right? 841 00:38:32,882 --> 00:38:35,416 And so he sends her a picture of his dick, as you do. 842 00:38:35,452 --> 00:38:38,285 But instead of sending it to her, he sends it to his estate agent who is a dude. 843 00:38:38,321 --> 00:38:39,353 - Christ. - Yeah. 844 00:38:39,389 --> 00:38:40,721 And then he tries to start the whole thing out 845 00:38:40,757 --> 00:38:42,890 by sending another message saying his phone had been stolen, 846 00:38:42,926 --> 00:38:44,391 but he sent it from the same phone. 847 00:38:44,427 --> 00:38:46,093 This guy's an absolute fricking car-crash. 848 00:38:46,129 --> 00:38:47,795 Man, dick pics. 849 00:38:47,831 --> 00:38:49,430 Whoever thinks those are a good idea? 850 00:38:49,466 --> 00:38:52,035 It just looks like a selfie taken by an angry sock puppet. 851 00:38:52,927 --> 00:38:54,496 Enough about Ravi's dick, already. 852 00:38:57,832 --> 00:38:59,531 How you doing? 853 00:38:59,567 --> 00:39:00,568 Missed you last night. 854 00:39:01,703 --> 00:39:02,735 How's Ruth? 855 00:39:02,771 --> 00:39:04,103 This morning all go okay? 856 00:39:04,139 --> 00:39:05,140 It went. 857 00:39:06,374 --> 00:39:08,307 I did try calling you a couple of times. 858 00:39:08,343 --> 00:39:10,111 Yeah, I know. There was a crisis at work. 859 00:39:10,612 --> 00:39:11,613 When is there not? 860 00:39:13,181 --> 00:39:14,182 How was your day? 861 00:39:15,517 --> 00:39:17,249 Not good. 862 00:39:17,285 --> 00:39:20,986 Fifteen-year-old girl thought it would be a good idea to throw herself under a train. 863 00:39:21,022 --> 00:39:23,088 They brought her in, absolute mess. 864 00:39:23,124 --> 00:39:25,593 Looked like a Mr. Potato Head that had been put together wrong. 865 00:39:26,628 --> 00:39:28,096 Then her parents turned up. 866 00:39:29,431 --> 00:39:30,432 Pretty shitty. 867 00:39:31,132 --> 00:39:32,164 Hence the, uh... 868 00:39:33,268 --> 00:39:34,469 Okay, you win. 869 00:39:42,936 --> 00:39:46,770 Baby, I hate to do this to you after such a stressful day, 870 00:39:46,806 --> 00:39:49,540 but apparently your fertile window is closing. 871 00:39:49,576 --> 00:39:51,141 I'd like to get in there. 872 00:39:51,177 --> 00:39:53,880 Do you find that weird that you have an app that tracks my womb? 873 00:39:55,415 --> 00:39:56,447 Do you? 874 00:39:56,483 --> 00:39:57,484 Mmm. 875 00:40:05,692 --> 00:40:08,061 Can I just grab a quick shower first and wash the day off? 876 00:40:09,362 --> 00:40:10,363 Of course. 877 00:40:16,569 --> 00:40:17,637 Sure you're okay, Rob? 878 00:40:18,972 --> 00:40:19,973 Peachy. 879 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:16,581 You all right in there? 880 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:21,201 Yeah. 881 00:41:23,692 --> 00:41:25,327 Just dropped my toothbrush. 882 00:41:34,970 --> 00:41:39,970 Subtitles by explosiveskull