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Adam: At first, they thought
there was something wrong with my eyes.
- Ophthalmologist: One or two? - One.
Adam: What I would have given
for a classic case of glaucoma.
Ophthalmologist: Okay, we're done.
Adam: 'Cause soon after...
I started hearing the voices.
Adam's darkness: Adam.
I'm sure they told you about the cooking.
Call it what you want,
a distraction, self-medicating, whatever.
But it was the only thing that could make them shut up.
You okay?
Adam: And don't blame my mom
for not figuring it out sooner.
She had a lot goin' on the past couple of years.
When my dad decided the whole fatherhood thing
was a buzzkill for his creativity,
we had to take the shit sandwich we'd been served
and make it edible.
So, I cooked.
And cooked.
And the meals became my contribution
to our underdog story.
Mmm. Sweetheart, it's delicious.
Plus, I got really good at it.
Mmm. It's just the right amount of cumin.
Adam: And then Paul moved in.
Mmm, it's interestin'.
It's so good, honey. I love it.
Adam: Home, as I knew it, became a thing of the past.
Paul: Uh...
Adam: So I was getting out a lot.
Adam: Getting into cooking school next fall
was like an oasis
from the dumpster fire my brain was slowly becoming.
I just needed to keep my eye on the prize
and bide my time.
How hard could it be to hide my burgeoning insanity
from the unforgiving ecosystem that is high school?
Todd: Check this out.
We finally got invited to one of Sarah's parties.
We can't miss this one, man.
You're coming, right?
I'll pick you up tonight?
Who is that?
Sarah? The love of my life?
Adam: I mean, for a while, they were just voices.
Yeah, right. Sarah.
Teacher: Now that you've added the solute,
please keep monitoring the ph and the temperature.
So, my parents are on another trial separation, whatever.
But I think I can guilt them into letting me take the car.
What do you say, dude, for the party?
And I'm telling you, man, I think tonight's...
Adam's darkness: Adam.
Todd: Adam, yo...
Adam's darkness: Over here.
- What? - Todd: Dude, careful,
this shit's like lava.
- I'm sorry. - What're you doin'?
Adam's darkness: Right here, Adam.
Todd.
Rebecca: Adam.
We need to leave now.
Adam!
Teacher: Everybody, clear away. Just clear away.
Don't worry, boss.
We got this.
Todd: Do something, please!
That hurts! It hurts!
Bodyguard: Hey, kid.
Kid!
You want us to protect your scrawny ass, or what?
Beat it.
Adam. Go.
Guard: Just calm down.
Calm down, son. Calm down.
Just calm down, son.
Calm. Just calm down. It's okay.
Just calm down, son. Calm down.
Adam: Let go of me! Guard: Just breathe.
Just calm down.
Relax. Relax.
Adam: They called it my first psychotic break.
Doctor: Hello, mister...
Adam: And that's when we found out exactly what I am.
Schizophrenia.
A chronic mental disorder
in which a person loses touch with reality.
Allowing for visual and auditory hallucinations.
Paranoia. Delusions.
Hence the chemistry class extravaganza.
A cornucopia of shit, basically.
Never goes away, never normal.
The end.
First, they expelled me from school.
Hey, um, are you still goin' to Sarah's party next weekend?
Todd's burn was so bad
they had to take skin grafts from his ass.
Where's your straitjacket, freak?
Adam: Now, he hates me.
Hey, come on, guys,
- go to class. - Boy: Freak.
Adam: They all do.
Then Paul hid all the knives.
Paul: I'm just gonna say this,
but maybe we should send him some place
that knows how to take care of him.
Professionally.
Just tell me when to start cracking skulls, kid.
Deep breaths, Adam.
They mean well.
Looks like the neighborhood moms are training for the 10k.
Wanna check it out?
Adam: Once they showed up, they never went away.
Like a bunch of inescapable roommates.
There's Rebecca.
She's sort of dalai lama meets Coachella.
Always zen.
Honestly, I don't mind her that much.
Then there's the bodyguard, which is self-explanatory.
He's temperamental but loyal.
You always gotta watch your back.
And lastly, there's Joaquin.
He's like the horny best friend
from a '90s teen movie
following you around,
saying all of your unfiltered thoughts.
I know.
It's a lot.
That's where you come in,
now that my mom is on this hopeless quest for a cure.
Just like all the other
delusional moms we've met along the way.
Sitting in the same waiting rooms.
Putting their faith in the same doctors.
Quietly begging for the same thing.
"Cure my kid."
Abilify. Risperdal.Clozapine. Stelazine.
Name a drug cocktail and I've tried it.
Any changes at all?
No.
Yet, somehow, my mom hasn't given up hope.
That makes one of us. I guess.
So, there you have it.
The whole woeful story.
Take it or leave it.
Or maybe just leave it.
'Cause let's be honest, the only reason we're here
is because my mom's persistence is inescapable.
And I'm not trying to take a giant shit
on your life's work or anything,
but I'm part of an elite club they call treatment resistant.
Which means, we're probably not gonna have
our own "it's not your fault" moment from good will hunting.
So, why don't you quietly reject me
from this experimental trial
and save us both the disappointment?
Cool?
Beth: Okay, sweetheart, time to go.
I told you, I'm not gonna be someone's Guinea pig.
We don't know what'll happen to me if I take that stuff.
You might start feelin' better.
You just might start spending a little more time out of bed.
That's what could happen.
Okay, but what if I lose all my hair?
What if I go blind?
What if it's poisoned?
Honey, who would want to poison you?
We ready?
Beth: Okay, we'll be right down.
Come on.
I have a really good feeling about this one.
Don't do us dirty, bro.
Can I just take it later?
Fine.
Get dressed.
We have got to go to Brazil.
This looks like it could be nice.
But I'm not even catholic.
Catholics are more about attendance anyway.
It's nice to finally meet you, Mr. petrazelli.
You, too.
Take it off.
I'm glad you could all make the drive out here.
Yeah, well, the only person
that can't reject you is Jesus, right?
I think what he means to say is we are
very appreciative that you're considering Adam
in the middle of the school year.
Our lord embraces all children,
even those with challenges.
We make it a point...
Come on, kid.
Let me take care of her for ya.
She's gonna be nothing but trouble.
Sister Catherine: We want to give them the tools...
Suit yourself.
Oh, wow.
Ils something wrong?
Adam: No.
Just wow. Ah.
Quite the display.
Yes, Saint Agatha's is home to the best and the brightest.
Not just in the school district,
but in all of the county.
And the buck doesn't stop there.
Moral and spiritual integrity
are also of Paramount importance.
As you know, Adam's admission
to such a distinguished academic culture
would be conditional.
These expectations extend to him
regardless of his medical issues.
That won't be a problem. Right? Yeah?
Yeah, right.
I'm ready to excel on all fronts.
It says here...
That Adam has begun a recent medical trial
to help treat his condition.
Yes, he... he just started.
And how are you feeling?
Uh...
All fired up.
Well,
we can accept Adam.
On the condition that he maintain
a three-point-five gpa.
And score above a 90% on the yearly benchmark exam.
Lastly, we would need monthly updates
regarding his psychiatric treatment, of course.
That won't be a problem.
Thank you so much.
You'll, uh, practice discretion, right?
We had an issue with bullying at his last school.
Sister Catherine: Perhaps that would be for the best.
No need to alarm anyone.
Paul: Okay, thank you.
Adam.
Adam?
I need to go use the restroom.
Just a second.
Hey,
what's wrong?
Don't you see him judging me?
Who, Paul?
Yeah.
He cares about you.
He just doesn't communicate like us.
Really?
You call this communicating?
Look,
you're going to feel better
once you start taking the medication.
Subtle topic change...
No, you heard her.
You have gotta get serious about this trial
and about doing well here, otherwise...
Otherwise what?
No diploma.
No culinary school in the fall.
This is your last chance, Adam.
Sweetie, we can treat this.
You remember what the doctor said
that just because you're a person
who's dealing with this illness doesn't mean...
I'm not the illness itself.
It's hard not to feel like that
when everyone treats you like one.
I'll be right back.
Moral and spiritual integrity, my ass.
Maya: How hard is it for you to meet me
in the bathroom like we talked about?
Not outside, never in the hallway.
In, it's a simple concept.
Ted: Okay. Get off my nuts, all right?
We're in the bathroom now...
Maya: Cash. Ted: Yeah.
Maya: You're short 40, this isn't charity work.
Ted: Okay, I'll get you the rest next month.
Maya: No, you still owe me 30 from last month.
Maya: Is he with you?
Ted: Nope.
You know this wing is closed for mass, right?
Her energy is so strong.
I bet she's a sagittarius.
Are you mute or something?
Scratch that, definitely a scorpio.
Not mute.
Um, just new.
Tomorrow's my first day,
I didn't realize this wing was closed.
Don't get too excited down there.
Ew.
You didn't see us, okay?
See who?
Us.
- Maya: I need it by next week. - I'm gonna sew you a cape...
- Maya: Shut up. - Because you're my hero.
Adam's darkness: Adam.
Who are you trying to fool?
You'll never make it here.
Yeah.
Um, okay, I'll see you guys later.
Okay, this is it. Send out the vibe.
Be cool. Be confident. Less like you, more like me.
Keep this prasiolite in your pocket.
It'll boost your confidence.
What is that?
It's my lunch.
Who brings their own Sushi to school?
Beautiful, she's setting you up for playful banter.
Beats the dog food they serve here.
The food here isn't that terrible.
For the tuition, they should be serving farm-to-table.
So, what, are you some kind of food snob or something?
Tell her you have a big palate.
I have a big palate.
Okay.
- Hey, right here. - Adam: Yeah.
- Hi. Yeah. - Hi.
You're kind of weird.
No offense, but are you special needs?
No!
Just a question, man.
Jeez, didn't mean to get you all triggered.
I mean, uh, no, I'm not.
I have this chronic headache syndrome.
So it makes me blurry sometimes.
Have you ever got a brain scan for that?
No, why would I?
Well, several malignant tumors
mimic the symptoms of the common headache.
Acoustic neuroma, cns lymphoma, meningioma.
Just saying.
I'm pretty sure they're just headaches.
I'm Maya.
I'm Adam.
I came over here to intimidate you into silence
but something tells me you're pretty harmless.
Are you the school's drug dealer or something?
You're looking at Saint Agatha's
projected valedictorian.
Show a little respect.
What's with all the cloak-and-dagger
in the boys' bathroom?
Just a side hustle.
I'm the kind of person
who knows how to get things done around here for a price.
Homework, essays.
So you're like
the Bernie madoff of academic fraud?
Sure, only I don't get caught.
Why are you dressed for a snowstorm?
It's like 80 outside.
I run cold.
Well, you better hope
they don't catch you out of your uniform.
Hey, guys. Um, would you like to sign up for prom tickets?
This year's theme is starry night.
A magical night under his stars.
I think she's talking to you.
I choose to not affiliate myself
with patriarchal norms like prom.
Um... thank you.
Hmm. Not bad.
Anyway, uh, if you need anything,
you know what I mean, let me know.
Hey, um, are you guys coming?
Well, no, I don't...
They didn't say the time but I was just gonna head there.
Bad idea, kid.
Sure.
Good luck getting laid with jaundice and diarrhea.
Maya: Yeah.
Adam: Updates? I made a new friend. Sort of.
That felt like a win for Adam.
Don't get many of those when your entire waking life
is an escape room with no exit.
Meanwhile, Paul still tiptoes around me
like I'm going to kill him in his sleep.
As if being mentally ill
automatically makes you Jeffrey dahmer.
What are these?
Um, uh, one less utensil we have to wash.
Just thought we'd give 'em a try.
I don't know what's weirder,
seeing things that aren't actually there,
or sitting across from a grown man
who is suddenly afraid of me.
So, Adam,
did you learn something new today?
Adam: But that's his problem. Not mine.
I learned that Saint Agatha's
was named after a woman who refused a man's advances
and subsequently had her breasts hacked off
das penance.
Wow.
I think Paul was referring to your coursework.
It was fine.
Not much to say.
Just give it time.
It's a good school.
Okay.
Adam's darkness: Adam...
Adam.
You're ruining your mother's life, Adam.
You're not the son she wanted.
This is why your father left.
He knew something was wrong with you.
And soon, everyone at your new school
will know the truth.
That's when they'll finally get rid of you.
Gone.
Nothing.
When that voice comes to visit me,
it's like I'm having a nightmare
while I'm awake.
I try to close my eyes
and let my mind go blank.
Like you told me to.
But
that doesn't work.
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
And I maintain that this drug won't work, either.
Proud of you, honey.
But I was secretly hoping you'd prove me wrong.
Teacher: Good.
Very good, Marlene.
Beth: Adam, this is not good.
We have to fix this.
I'm not trying to fail math.
I know that.
Okay, but you can't get kicked out your second week.
This is your life we're talking about.
Well, I know,
but you're not in my head with me.
Okay, let's get back on the same team.
Find your center.
Take a breath.
Yeah, okay.
Same team.
Maybe Paul could help, he's a numbers guy.
No, that's...
That's gonna be a hard pass from me.
Beth: Well, just think about it, okay?
Okay.
I'll find a tutor.
Hey.
Why did you sign your name in the note?
I was literally looking at you when you handed it to me.
Kids around here really have a way with words, huh?
Don't let the academic achievements fool you.
Everything you need to know about Saint Agatha's
is in here.
So this is like the underbelly?
Yeah, and it needs to stay that way.
If we're gonna do business together,
you can't be passing notes in front of sister Catherine.
Well, that's the thing.
I don't need you to go all madoff on me.
I need a tutor.
Yeah, no. I don't do that kind of bitch work.
Try the student center.
That kid the other day, he owed you money, right?
You'd be surprised how many of these rich assholes
don't keep up their end of the bargain.
So, do you want to keep chasing rich assholes
or do you want to get paid?
My mom is willing to pay for a tutor
and she really wants me to do well.
200 a week. Three sessions.
All weekdays, one weekend out of the month.
Jesus.
- Are you serious? - You get what you pay for.
- How about 100 a week? - 200.
- 1507 - Two or I walk. Yes or no?
After I won the Newton young genius award
from the national honor society in seventh grade,
I got a full ride scholarship to Saint Agatha's
where I've been the reigning student body president
since my freshman year
in addition to being captain of several clubs.
Yearbook, science, French,
model united nations, to name a few.
But those are just for fun.
My primary focus is academics
as I've received an early acceptance to Duke this fall.
Wow.
Wow, very impressive, Maya.
The upright lovers card!
Love, union, mutual attraction...
Maya: When I do something, I do it all the way.
Middle ground or halfway
aren't concepts I subscribe to.
So, I will do everything in my power
to make sure that your boy doesn't fall behind.
- She's good. - She is good.
You don't work with adults, do you?
Um...
You're very impressive, Maya.
Um, but $200 a week is too much.
Would you accept 757?
Yeah, yeah, that's fine.
Really?
Great!
Pretty impressive dog and pony show down there.
Yeah, well, I invented the dog and pony show.
Wow, it's so quiet out here. You can hear everything.
Uh, totally.
Oh, um, I'm sort of studying to be a chef.
Sort of, or are you?
I am.
That's your thing?
That's my thing.
You don't hear that every day.
Yeah.
Wow, the encyclopedia of cinnamon by Alicia tella.
What she can do with cinnamon is seriously unreal.
What?
Are you surprised
that I've surpassed your level of nerdiness?
Please, you're talking to the captain of the robotics club.
Oh, well...
I can literally make the final dish
- served on the Titanic. - Oh.
You wanna go there? All right.
For my eighth grade science fair,
I built a functioning replica of the Mars rover
out of soda cans.
Well, for my 16th birthday,
I went to a cheese seminar in Oregon.
Last summer, I won the Google science talent search.
You know who hand-picked my project?
Neil de grasse Tyson.
No.
Come at me.
All right, I got nothing.
What? Don't look at me. Look at her!
You have a problem with eye contact.
Do you always say exactly what comes into your mind?
I mean, I could have
a degenerative eye disease or something.
Yeah, well, it's best to say
exactly what you mean or nothing at all.
Unrelenting honesty, you know?
That's useful.
This is a new recipe I'm trying.
Did they teach you this
at your Hogwarts for artisan cheeses?
Just try it.
Are you sure you can handle the truth?
Guess we'll find out.
Joaquin: This is it.
Okay, you're on the five-yard line.
Wow...
Hook, line, sink. He's in!
What's happening?
Told you not to take the pills.
This is good.
Like, really good.
Yeah, no, I know.
It's like...
Earthy.
Maybe smokey, even.
- That's the fontina cheese. - Joaquin: My goodness.
It's my secret weapon.
Joaquin: Can you hear me?
All right, to find the area of the circle, you...
A equals...
- Pi times r. - Pi times r
squared.
See, I got this.
Yeah, I'm sure.
Hey, guys,
it's late.
Maya, how did you get here? I don't see a car outside.
Yeah, I took the bus.
Okay, well, let me drive you home.
Oh, you don't have to do that, I can catch the last bus.
At this hour? Not a chance.
I'll meet you downstairs in 10.
Maya: Yeah, this is it. Beth: Okay.
Maya: Thank you for driving me.
Maya: Um... Both: I'll see you Monday.
Adam: Look, I know “cure”
is a dangerous word amongst my people
so, I won't say that's what's happening.
Hey. No.
Don't, don't, don't.
Adam, think about this. Just don't...
Hey!
You mother...
But this is the closest I've felt to normal
in, well, ever.
No projectile diarrhea
or any other punishing side effects.
Just some muscle twitching.
No big deal.
It's all good.
I hope it lasts.
Eggs Benedict with well-done bacon...
How you like it.
Good morning to you, too.
The hollandaise sauce has cayenne pepper.
Let me know what you think.
What?
Nothing.
You seem up lately.
Up?
Happy. Oh.
It's a good look.
Yeah, well, you know...
I feel good.
- Okay, have some. Come on. - Okay.
Wow.
Honey, it's so good.
- Yeah? Really? - Mmm-hmm!
He's back!
- Okay. - Mmm!
I'm back.
Hey, what's with the heating pad,
is Paul hemorrhoidal?
- Is his prostate flarin' up? - God.
No, I'm serious.
- I care about that. - Stop, you're terrible!
I'm not terrible. I just care about his spine.
Stop. No, I bought it for you.
I thought it might help with your muscle spasms.
Mmm. Baby, this is so good.
Wait, did you talk to my psychiatrist?
Now and then, that's the agreement, right?
I didn't think you'd be getting transcripts.
I'm your mom. My job is to help you.
Hi.
Hello?
Father Patrick: In the name of the father, the son,
and the holy spirit, amen.
It's your turn.
Sorry, I've never done this before,
I don't even really believe in god.
I probably shouldn't say that.
Father Patrick: Don't over think it.
There are no rules here. This is your time.
Do people really just talk about,
you know, how much they jerk off and stuff?
Well, everybody in this school
is between the ages of 13 and 18.
So what do you think?
Well, that's embarrassing for everyone.
Long as they don't do it in here.
John 1:9...
"If we confess our sins, then he is faithful and just
"and he will purify us of all unrighteousness."
Really? That's your sales pitch?
It usually works.
Well, what if I just sit here?
Then you can search your soul for guidance
and I'll enjoy the quiet time.
So, everything I say stays between us?
And god.
But since you don't believe in god,
then I guess it's just us.
I see this psychiatrist
and apparently, she tells my mom everything.
And that bothers you?
Yeah.
I mean, you wouldn't want your mom reading your diary, right?
No.
You're right, that's twisted.
I... I don't think
that I should feel like I have someone
watching over me all the time.
I feel like I should be able to live my own life.
Right?
Now, that is a reasonable request.
Because you should have the space and autonomy
to become the person you're going to be.
Right.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
It's nice to be heard and not just observed.
It's nice to be listened to.
Yeah.
Okay, I absolve you of your sins
in the name of the father, son, and holy spirit. Amen.
Oh, I didn't confess anything.
Just go with it.
I'll admit, I was ready to come in here guns blazing
over you telling my mom,
everything I say in our sessions.
But then, something incredible happened.
For the first time in forever,
I woke up the other morning to complete silence.
No whispers.
No banter.
No visions.
Just pure, beautiful, unfiltered quiet.
It's amazing what I've been able to do
with all this extra real estate in my brain.
Hey!
Oh, you're pleased with my services.
- Yeah! What do you think? - Okay.
It's an a-minus.
- Thank you. - Mmm.
Hey, don't rest on your laurels,
you're not going to get another make-up exam
if you shit the bed again.
Right, and that's why I think we should hang out later.
Hang out?
I mean, study.
Maya: We could've just studied in the library.
Adam: Yeah, well, the library
doesn't serve lobster frittata.
Maya: You're so weird.
You know, when I first met you, I thought
maybe he's just awkward and unsocialized,
but that's not it, there's something else.
Oh.
Cool. Thanks.
I don't know what to say to that.
I'm just me.
I'll crack you, petrazelli.
Hey, let me ask you a question.
Why does the valedictorian risk it all for a side hustle?
I like helping people. Big deal.
Maybe I'll be the one to crack you.
Why don't you tell me about the restaurant
you're taking me to?
Well, basically,
it's my dream kitchen.
I've studied the menu
for years
and nobody invents like they do.
It's the kind of place I'd like to work at one day.
Maybe even own, we'll see.
Oh, right, when cheese camp finally pays off?
Hey, you laugh, but cheese camp
was a spiritual experience.
And the kitchen is just my place.
When I'm cooking, it's like everything disappears.
And
I get to be exactly who I want to be.
I'm in control.
I respect that.
You have to choose exactly who you wanna be.
Life's too short.
Chef 1: Got the sirloin.
Chef 2: Salads are ready.
Waitress: Chef wants to see you.
Chef: Beef tenderloin fillets are up.
Waiter: Yeah.
Waitress: Whole calamari.
Chef 1: Is the chocolate sauce ready?
Chef 2: That was two duck breasts for eight.
Todd: All right, guys,
so I got my parents' car for the night
so whenever you guys are trying to head out, we can.
I'm trying to head out as soon...
Boy 1: Hey, yo, check it out.
- Yo, look who it is. - Todd: Oh, man!
I feel like
- such an idiot because... - What?
I made fun of you so hard before,
and now, I don't know.
I thought your cheese was better than the cheese we had.
- Adam: Oh, really? - Look who it is!
- Adam: That's crazy. - Hey, straitjacket.
Maya: That's actually a good testament to you.
Adam!
Boy 2: Adam!
Hey! Come on, man.
- Boy 3: Yo, get him, dude. - You know it's us.
Todd: You don't have to mess with him. Come on, don't...
Boy 3: Oh, yeah!
Boy 2: Got him.
Boy 4: Look at his face.
- Hey! You need... - Boy 3: Loser.
To apologize, asshole.
Boy 3: Who're you callin' an asshole?
Wow!
Your handler is actually pretty hot, straitjacket.
- Boy 3: Yes, she is. - Look, trust me though,
you don't wanna hang out with this psycho, okay?
Don't touch me.
Boy 3: Back up, chick!
Boy 2: Dude! Todd: Both of you, man!
Hey!
Hey! Hey! Stop! Stop! Let it go, all right?
Boy 3: Losers!
What the fuck?
- Adam: It's okay. It's okay. - Who was that?
Adam: I don't know.
- Maya: Adam, who... - I don't know.
Hey, I'm sorry about that.
Do you wanna tell me what that was about?
Um, there's nothing really to tell.
You know, I was thinking, isn't it...
Isn't it a little weird
that you left your high school in the middle of senior year
to go to a catholic school outside of your district?
Yeah. Um...
It was a...
It was a fight.
I got into a fight with one of those guys.
You were fighting?
Yeah, and it was really bad
so I tried to put it behind me.
That's all you're gonna give me.
Man: Don't let them take you there.
No, I wanna stay here.
I wanna stay right here on this surface. Mmm-hmm.
Don't let them take you there.
No. I won't go. I won't go.
Don't let them take you.
It's not good there.
Don't, don't, don't.
Ted, thanks for coming early for once.
Ted, my office. Now.
Maya, you stay here.
How long has this been going on?
Sister Catherine, I'm...
I'm sorry, I...
How long?
Just a couple months. Not long.
Seems you and I need to have
a long conversation about your future.
Okay, everyone, bring your eyes
to the board, please.
The state benchmark exam is in just two weeks.
Here's your essay question.
Recount a time when you faced failure.
How did it affect you
and what did you learn from the experience.
As you know, no outlines or scratch paper is allowed.
But please, start thinking about what you will write.
All right, everyone, see you tomorrow.
Hey.
- Adam: Hey. Hey. - Hey. Hey.
Are we still good for tonight?
Maya: Um... I have, uh, a...
A club thing after school. Can I just...
I'll text you later, okay?
Sure.
Come hungry.
Adam: She never showed up.
And now that my hallucinations are m.I.A,
everything is so quiet.
Too quiet.
Father Patrick: In the name of the father,
the son, and the holy spirit, amen.
Adam: Yeah, it's me.
Hello, me.
Adam: Um...
I need some guidance.
Spiritual guidance?
Uh, not really. It's about a girl.
Okay.
Well, we've been hanging out for a while
and it was going great,
and then she randomly stopped talking to me.
I believe the kids call that ghosting.
Yeah, whatever.
I'm just worried that maybe she found
some things out about me,
like the psychiatrist I was telling you about,
which I can't imagine is the sexiest thing in the world.
What do you think?
Have you tried praying on it?
No. No offense, but I need some real life advice.
Timothy 1:7...
"God does not give us the spirit of cowardice,
"put rather the spirit of power and of love."
Okay, okay, but is there anything else that you've got?
Listen, I don't know the details of your life,
but from where I'm sitting, you seem quite all right.
You're a little squirrely, maybe.
- Squirrely? - Squirrely. Yeah.
And the truth is, the older you get,
the more difficult it is to stay sane.
And it's gonna take real work.
Or maybe that's what makes you more mature than others.
And I hear that girls like that sort of thing.
So you're saying I should confront her?
I should tell her how I feel?
Your words, not mine.
Non-committal till the bitter end. Thank you.
Go in peace.
Excuse me, I'm lookin' for Maya.
Oh, there's no one here by that name.
Are you sure about that?
Yeah. I'm sure.
Do you know a Maya arnaz?
Mmm-mmm. The only arnaz I know
is the guy who works on my roof.
Manuel arnaz?
Oh!
Everything okay?
Yeah.
Do you know where I could find him?
Manuel: I'm comin'.
Yeah, what can I do for you?
Uh, I'm looking for Maya.
Okay.
I'm Adam.
We're supposed to study tonight. Is she home?
No, she doesn't get off work for another half an hour.
But, uh, you can come in and wait if you like.
No, that's okay. But thank you.
No, no, come on in. Don't be shy.
Okay.
Are you from one of those clubs?
I can't keep track of them anymore.
Sorry about the mess.
Oh, no. Don't be.
I've been on these crutches for months.
This is Ricky and Danny.
Boys, uh, this is...
- Adam. - Say hi to Adam.
- Hey, guys. - Both: Hey.
Don't worry about them, they're shy.
Not like their sister, but I'm sure you know that.
Right.
Can I get you something to drink? Something to eat?
Oh, I'm... I'm good.
Sure?
We've got, uh, TV dinners
and TV dinners.
Yeah, no, I'm all good. Thanks.
Both: We want TV dinners.
Oh, they have spoken.
Oh, shoot!
Adam: Hey, I can put those in for you.
Are you sure?
- Yeah. No, no, no problem. - You don't mind?
Oh, thanks! That'd be a great help.
Adam: Yeah.
Two minutes each, I think. Check the box.
Manuel: Arnaz roofing. Hi, Mrs. Jenkins.
Oh, you're having trouble with your gutters again?
Yeah, well, look, I'm still on medical leave. So...
Yeah, I can refer you to Galloway.
Yeah, he's a great guy. Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, bill will take care of you.
Adam: Yeah, yeah,
so the secret is to marinate the chicken for flavor.
Manuel: Oh, okay. Adam: Olive oil,
chopped garlic, salt, pepper...
And then you brush a little butter over the top there.
- Manuel: That's it? - That's it.
- Hey. - Danny: I can eat all of it.
Here. You good?
Oh, look at this.
Danny: Thanks, Adam. Ricky: Thanks, Adam.
- Adam: Yeah, no problem. - Come on in.
It's a little spread your friend whipped up here.
Maya: Hey. Danny: Hey.
It's awesome.
Hey, um,
what are you doing here?
Oh, we had a study session, remember?
Ricky: The chicken tastes nice.
Right.
This is amazing.
Yeah? Good.
Manuel: 'Cause you never know what's hiding
in your fridge I guess.
How'd you get so good in the kitchen?
Oh, I've been cooking my whole life.
You know, one day, hopefully, I'll own my own restaurant.
Manuel: Wow.
You had to go to school for that?
Danny: Okay, fine.
Yeah, dad, it's culinary art school.
Oh. Yeah. Right, right.
Well, for you to spend your whole life working,
might as well make it something you enjoy, right?
I always try to tell Maya that.
You know, she'll be the first arnaz
to get her college degree.
Her mother would've been so proud.
She was a smart lady, too, you know.
Dad...
What?
Let me brag about my daughter.
Well, one day, my little girl here,
she's gonna pick me up in a Porsche.
She's been saying that since she was 10.
Sorry, excuse me.
Why did you do this?
I didn't mean to upset you, honestly.
I went to the other house
so you just decided to make yourself at home
by cooking dinner?
I thought it'd be a nice thing to do.
You did it because it was a nice thing to do
or because you felt sorry for us?
I wouldn't... no. I don't feel sorry for you.
Are you satisfied then?
Good job! You found our tiny little house,
in a rundown neighborhood
so you could cook us poor people dinner.
You're a real Saint.
I'm sorry.
Sister Catherine caught me.
Side hustle's dead, and
I'm not making enough money tutoring you.
This restaurant pays me under the table.
And it's good.
My family depends on me.
You know, the only reason I'm getting a second chance
is 'cause I'm valedictorian.
You have no idea how hard I worked to get here.
I can't lose it all now.
No.
You're not gonna lose anything.
You're like a robot.
Immune to human error.
And my schedule is wide open, you know.
So we can meet whenever.
There are other tutors out there.
You know that, right?
None like you.
I like knowin' I get to see you three times a week.
A brief history of time.
Pale blue dot.
And then... would this be your favorite movie?
Do I, uh, detect a hint of smugness in your voice?
Not at all.
I actually really love this one.
'Cause it's a classic. You know that, right?
It's a cinematic masterpiece.
Thank you for cooking.
Sure.
Don't forget to show your work
when doing the sine ratio, okay?
Okay.
Otherwise...
Looks good. Great work!
Watch out. I may be coming for your academic throne.
Never. Um...
But I do have a surprise for you,
since you've been killing it lately.
Adam: Wow.
You can thank my dad, he fixed the roof last winter
so he's pretty tight with the owner.
Oh, man...
Are these the Mac mh-90s?
I don't know.
This grill's insane.
I don't know about you, but I'm pretty hungry.
So, you don't follow a recipe?
Everyone thinks cooking is about following instructions,
but it's the opposite.
Your palate will tell you exactly what the dish wants.
So, we need to talk about benchmark exams next week.
Right.
Why is everyone so obsessed with those here?
Are they really hard?
I mean, no, they're not so much hard
as they are a means to keep the school funded.
Plus, the top three are read at graduation
so, you know, St. Agatha kids,
they live for that crap.
Maya: Um...
I was, um, thinking
that maybe you could write
about what happened at your old school...
I mean, if you see it as a failure...
- I see what you're doing. - What?
You're digging for more answers.
Maya: I'm digging for more answers?
You showed up at my house,
you basically stalked me.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I guess.
Okay, okay.
Okay. Um...
I guess, in the beginning,
I tried not to see it as a failure,
but it's hard not to.
After the fight,
people immediately looked at me differently
like they were afraid of me.
No matter what I did, I couldn't get them to see me
as they did before.
But I let that happen.
L, I became a bystander in my own life.
I guess that's what felt like the real failure.
Hey.
I think we found your essay.
What?
Mm-mm. It's good. It's very good.
What happened to unrelenting honesty?
I'm... I'm sorry, I...
I know you worked really hard on that.
What's wrong with it?
No, I think you just added
a little bit too much spice or something.
It tastes fine to me.
Sister Catherine: All of your belongings
should be under your desk.
Out of sight.
No exceptions.
The only materials I should see
are the scantron, a number two pencil,
your calculator, and the test booklet.
Absolutely nothing else
should be visible.
You will have 60 minutes for the mathematics portion
and 90 minutes for the essay question.
Begin.
Beth: Are you not that hungry?
Adam: Oh, no, I, um...
Beth: It's your favorite. Adam: Yeah.
Beth: Paul picked it up from Vince's.
Yeah. Thanks, Paul.
You're welcome.
So, actually, we have something
we need to talk to you about.
And I just want you to know
that everything is gonna be okay.
Okay?
Did somebody die?
No, nobody's dying.
No, everybody's okay. Everybody's alive.
I'm pregnant,
and we're gonna have a baby.
Like a human baby?
Jeez, I hope so.
Look, we didn't plan this at all.
You know? And we're just getting
our heads around this now.
Adam?
Adam.
You okay, buddy?
Yeah.
Yeah, congratulations.
Okay, all right, I'm gonna go to the office,
get ready for tomorrow's work.
If anybody needs me...
Adam. Look at me.
I promise nothing is going to change.
What are you talkin' about?
Everything will.
No, I mean between you and I.
Look, I know this isn't the right time.
I'm scared, too, believe me, but it's also...
Adam: Okay, I was reading
the pamphlet you gave me
about the potential side effects of this drug.
Dehydration, sweating, trouble urinating,
vision loss, muscle tension,
loss of taste and hearing, tremors,
oh, and my personal favorite,
anal leakage.
You can go ahead and cross most of those off the list.
I can't cook anymore because my taste comes and goes.
I can barely piss straight
because my hand has a mind of its own.
But I swear,
if anything drips out of my ass,
please just kill me.
Morning.
- Have a good day. - You, too.
I love you.
Have a good day, hon.
Have a good day, honey.
Someone should really keep an eye on that kid.
Rebecca: Om.
Good morning.
Morning, boss.
Yeah, yeah, we missed you.
Um, okay, we're starting at chapter 5, I think.
- Five. - It's page 403.
- I'm on it. - 403, do you have it?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Um... all right.
"Angles in x-y coordinate system."
"Angles formed by rotating ray
"or a half-line about its end point,
"the initial side of the angle,
"starting position of the ray."
Final position...
Maya: Of the ray rotation, did you get that?
Adam's darkness: Adam.
Adam.
You thought you could get rid of me.
You feel that?
I'm still here.
You don't know that, you just know.
Adam's darkness: Don't fight it, Adam.
Adam.
Adam!
You need to go. Now.
Adam, what do you think?
Um... sorry. I'm... I'm not feeling so good.
Hey. Hey, Adam. Hey. Hey, what's wrong?
What'd I say, huh?
Get out of here!
I gotta go. I gotta go. They're gonna take me
- and I gotta go, okay? - Wait.
Take you where? What are you...
I can't keep her safe, too.
- Adam. - Stop!
Just leave me alone, and don't follow me.
Male voice: Adam.
Female voice: Over here.
Male voice: Adam.
Female voice: She never wanted you.
She doesn't love you.
Male voice: He hates you.
Adam's darkness: This is the kid she always wanted.
The one that'll make up for her biggest mistake.
You.
Everything all right?
Were you watching me?
No.
I was just heading to bed.
Everything okay?
Sister Catherine called.
She expressed some concerns about your behavior this week.
Having a kid with my mom doesn't make you my dad.
Adam, I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah, clearly.
Adam: When I was a freshman,
there was this girl at our school who was a junior,
and she was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer.
She was part of the make-a-wish foundation,
so before she died,
they had some boy band come to our school
and have lunch with her as part of her wish.
It was a really touching thing.
It was all people could talk about for weeks.
But it got me thinking.
When you're a cancer kid,
people can't wait to flock to your aid
and are so eager to Grant any wish you have before you die.
But when you have schizophrenia,
people can't wait to make you someone else's problem.
That's why we end up on the streets,
screaming at nothing,
waiting to die.
No one wants to Grant our wishes.
Hey.
I'm sorry about the other day.
I just wasn't feeling good.
I'm sorry.
Are you sure that it's just headaches?
I'm worried about you.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Let me make it up to you.
Please.
Girl: She won't let me go out...
Maya: No way.
Adam: Way.
You didn't.
Adam: I did.
You know, usually, this stuff doesn't impress me,
Josie: Thank you.
Um, may I have five minutes on the clock, please?
Joaquin: Okay, kid.
We both know this part of the movie
is the ultimate panty dropper.
Better make your move.
Hey, just take your time.
No rush.
Kirsten: That is so wrong.
Adam's darkness: Adam... Adam.
Hey, over here.
Adam.
Adam's darkness: Adam.
That's not good.
Finally!
No way! What is going on with you?
Nothing, I'm fine.
No, you're not fine.
You don't even look like
you're on this planet half the time.
Adam, look, you can trust her.
No, you're right. There is something.
Yeah.
Yeah, just show her who you are.
Tell her about us.
Don't do that.
There's been a lot going on at home.
Lately.
I've been feeling really alone.
I'm sorry.
But I don't feel that way when I'm with you.
Oh, yeah.
So...
I wanted...
I wanna know if you'd wanna go to prom with me?
I know it's an extension of the patriarchy and everything,
but would you?
Only if you tell people that I asked you.
- Deal. - Deal.
Aw.
Adam: My mom told me something once
when she first started dating again.
You lose your secrets when you let people get too close.
It can be painful
to let someone find you
in all the dark and twisty places inside.
But you have to hope they do,
because that's the beginning of everything.
But letting Maya love me the way that I am
would be like letting her catch a disease.
She doesn't deserve to be loved by someone
who can't see the world the way it is.
Right?
And I'd really like to keep my secrets
while I have them.
You wanna explain these?
What do you want me to say?
I want you to say that you haven't stopped
taking your medication behind my back.
I can't say that.
Do you have any idea
how much we have on the line with this school?
With your medical expenses?
What about me?
What about what I need?
What are you talking about? It's all about you.
All the time.
All of this is for you.
The books, and the articles,
and the staying up all night reading forum after forum.
Do you think you're the only one in this house
going through this?
So that's what they tell you in those parenting books?
Oh, my god!
You know, you are not the only person in this house
who is affected by this.
Do you think that this is the life
that I wanted for you?
For myself?
Okay.
I'm sorry for getting in the way of you,
and Paul, and the new baby,
and your perfect new life
that doesn't include a crazy stepson who hears voices.
Stop. Adam.
Adam. Stop.
Listen to me.
I know that you must be scared,
and that it's lonely in your head,
and I wish, I wish I could be in there with you,
I wish I could ease that burden, but I can't.
I'm trying. I am really trying.
And I would do anything for you.
Just tell me what to do. Tell me.
Tell me how to help you.
There's nothing you can do.
The pills make me feel like I wanna die.
I can't see. I can't think. And I can't cook.
And what's the point if I can't cook?
Why didn't you share that with me?
We're in this together. We're...
We're supposed to be on the same team, remember?
We're not on the same team.
And we haven't been since Paul moved in.
Beth: I can't do that to him.
Paul: Look, I understand that.
Just listen to me. We have to do something.
Beth: I know that, Paul.
Paul: It's only a matter of time before you...
Beth: I'm doing everything I can.
Paul: Do you see him?
Do you see what's going on?
Beth: Of course, I see him. I see everything.
I'm his mother.
Paul: I'm just trying to avert the disaster, Beth.
We ain't taking no damn pills, you hear me?
Joaquin: You didn't need those pills anyway.
Bodyguard: We gotta get him outta here.
Screw the pills!
- Rebecca: Okay. - You're awesome,
and we're here for you. And we believe in you.
Bodyguard: We ain't gonna let 'em take us out of ya.
This is our house! Ours!
Joaquin: This bed is really comfy.
Sorry. You startled me.
Adam's darkness: You're trash.
What?
Could you throw away your trash?
Sure.
You know...
I was really starting to look forward
to our good will hunting moment.
Teacher: When you're finished with the questions,
please pass them forward
and open up your textbooks to chapter 18.
Sister Catherine: Adam petrazelli,
please report to the principal's office.
Adam, please, take a seat.
- Adam: Mom, what's going on? - It's okay.
It has been brought to my attention
that you are no longer taking your medication.
Yeah, okay, it... It made me worse.
As I said from day one,
your admission to St. Agatha's is conditional.
We can't take any risks.
What does that mean? Risks?
They're afraid you're gonna hurt other students, Adam.
Are you kicking me out?
- Suspending you. - Beth: Temporarily.
Just... just until we figure things out.
You may finish off the day to avoid causing a scene.
It was you.
I saw you writing that email to her.
I know you wanna send me away.
Adam, you need to calm down.
No one wants to send you away.
Yes, he does. And he's a liar.
This was my last chance.
I probably won't get another one.
Remember, mom?
Maya: Are you surprised?
What? Why?
It's... actually nice
to have some competition around here for once.
- What are you talking about? - Come on. Let's go.
I'm proud of you, petrazelli.
Aren't you supposed to be in class?
I didn't feel like it.
You wanna hop in the box and talk about it?
What I'm dealing with can't be fixed, father.
Try me.
What is even the purpose of all this?
Confession?
You think making people feel like shit
somehow brings out the best in them?
Cool philosophy.
"Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper,
"but the one that confesses and renounces them..."
That's great.
Another fortune cookie answer.
You have a list that you alternate?
Maybe.
Being ambiguous doesn't make you profound.
It makes you full of shit.
Father Patrick: Here's something...
Adam's darkness: Here's something
profound for you...
Why don't you kill yourself?
What?
I said, why don't you excuse yourself?
Take a day off. Leave yourself alone.
That's not what you said.
This is bullshit.
Hey, don't talk to your mother like that!
Thanks for the parenting advice, Paul.
What makes you think you could go to the prom tonight?
- You're suspended. - This is insane!
Hey, let's just sit down, okay?
Adam's darkness: You're trapped.
I'm trapped. This is how it starts.
Adam's darkness: This is how they do it.
This is how you do it.
First, it's the pills.
Then the pills make me feel like shit,
so, I come off of them.
And that's when Paul convinces you
to send me somewhere.
Because nothing else works!
Nothing else works!
Adam's darkness: Because nothing was designed to work.
Nothing was designed to work. That was the plan.
And I was right.
- Paul: That wasn't the plan. - I was right the whole time.
That wasn't the plan, Adam.
Shut up, Paul!
- You poisoned my brain. - Beth: Hey.
Adam: You know he did that, mom.
- Can you see that? - Adam.
- Mom. Can you see that? - Come on. Come on.
Beth: Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Listen to me.
Listen to my voice.
My voice is the only one that matters right now, okay?
And I am telling you that you are my entire world, okay?
Adam?
Come on, kid.
Don't you see it's all a big bait and switch?
Adam?
You better get out of here before it's too late.
Beth: Adam.
I don't believe you.
Adam's darkness: Oh, Adam, Adam, Adam...
What are you doing?
No... please...
Adam's darkness: You're really gonna go to prom unprepared?
Adam's darkness: That's it.
How else will you survive the night?
Do it. Do it.
Girl: No, I will. I will, I promise.
Guy: That's not what I saw.
Guy 2: Good, girl.
Girl 2: Thank you. You like it? Oh, yeah.
What are you staring at?
I just thought you didn't really care about dances.
Well, I don't do anything halfway, so...
Clearly.
I'll, um, try not to Pierce your nipple.
Why are you sweating? Did you run here?
- Maya: Yeah? No. - No, no, no.
No, it's just really hot out. Do you want this?
- Yeah. - Okay...
You sure you're okay?
Yeah. You wanna go inside?
Maya: Okay. Adam: Come on.
Oh, wow. That was bright.
- Wanna go? - Yeah.
Yeah, do you want some punch?
Sure.
- Hey! - Sorry.
Adam's darkness: Excuse me, Mr. petrazelli...
Young man, I'm talking to you.
Where are you going?
- Mr. petrazelli! - Adam's darkness: Adam...
Adam...
Hey. Hey, let's go dance. Come on.
Oh, okay.
Adam?
- Maya: Adam? - Excuse me.
You can't just walk away from me.
You have to leave this prom right now.
Maya: Hey, hey, wait. What's going on?
Sister Catherine: We discussed this, Mr. petrazelli.
You don't have permission to be here.
You will leave the prom right now.
You are suspended.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god, Adam!
Adam!
Oh, my god, I'm so sorry.
Adam!
Stay with us, buddy. Stay with...
Adam, look at me. Adam! Adam! Look at me quick.
Eyes open.
Paramedic 1: Pupils are nine point four.
Adam, you're okay. You're safe. You're safe.
Adam, Adam, Adam.
Slow down. Slow down. You're all right. You're okay.
Paramedic 2: Breathe, breathe.
Hey.
What's going on? Where's Maya?
Is she okay?
She's, uh... She's worried about you.
We all are.
Does she know?
I told her, honey.
No, no, no.
No.
What is this?
- Paul: Adam. - What's going on?
Paul: That's just for your own safety.
- Shut up, Paul. Shut up. - Beth: Hey.
- It's just temporary. - Where am 1?
Listen, you were upset,
and we didn't want you to hurt yourself.
Okay, when can I go home?
You have to get better first.
You wanted to put me here,
in a place where they could fix me.
"Professionally."
It's not how I meant it, Adam.
Hi.
Can you please make her leave?
Adam...
Oh, I'm ready, boss. All you gotta do
- is say the word. - Stop!
Don't... don't move.
Adam, listen to me. She can accept all of you.
Okay, please, everyone be quiet.
This is it.
This is what it means to let someone find you
in all the dark and twisty places inside.
Shut up!
No, this can be the beginning of everything, remember?
Shut up! Shut up!
Are you happy?
This is who I am.
It's my big secret, okay?
No, this isn't who you are.
Yes, it is!
I am crazy, and I'm dangerous.
And I'm...
I need you to leave.
No.
Do I look like I need a fucking tutor?
Find some other way to keep the lights on!
Make her leave.
- Please. Everyone, get out! - Beth: Okay.
Don't touch me.
This is Seroquel?
Yeah, I tried that one.
Father Patrick: Good morning.
You see him, right?
Yeah, he's real.
Group session in four minutes.
Okay.
What are you doing here?
Father Patrick: I'm on my way to the graduation ceremony.
I just wanted to see how you were doing.
Adam: I've had better days.
Are you even allowed to be fraternizing
with someone like me?
You know I got expelled, right?
Father Patrick: The only agenda I serve is god's.
Adam: Could you tell him to maybe reconsider his agenda
'cause it feels like I'm getting
the short end of the stick.
I'll put in a call.
You mind if I sit?
Go ahead.
Well, joking aside, I want to talk to you
about the question you asked me the other day.
About the point of confession.
Okay.
Sometimes, kids come to see me,
and they wanna know what it all means.
And I usually quote the Bible,
allowing them to attach their own meaning.
Trust me. I know.
But sometimes, a kid needs more.
Actually telling somebody our sins
is just an opportunity to admit that we are flawed.
You don't think we know we're flawed?
Father Patrick: Everyone's flawed.
But admitting our flaws,
that gives us the opportunity and the strength to face them.
And that's why we confess.
I'm sorry I didn't tell you all this
before everything happened.
But I had no idea what you were up against.
Sure.
You want to pray with me before I go?
What if I still don't believe in god?
Then I will pray.
But you need to take the time to think about
what kind of person you wanna be.
At the very least, you need to believe in yourself.
Dear father in heaven,
please watch over Adam on his road to recovery.
Hi.
I'm gonna wait downstairs.
Beth: Okay.
They said you haven't been eating much,
so I thought you might want something fresh.
They made me take all the skewers out.
It looked a lot better in the store.
No, thanks.
How are you doing?
How do I look?
This is temporary.
No diploma, no culinary school.
It's over.
This is my life now.
That's not true.
You used to tell me to see myself
as a person dealing with an illness
but not become the illness itself.
But look at me.
I am looking at you,
and I see my son.
Who I love more than anything.
Come on. You wanna go get something to eat downstairs?
No, I'm okay, but thank you.
See you later.
Adam: Okay.
Paul: Dear sister Catherine,
I met Adam little over a year ago.
I don't have much experience with kids,
but knowing Adam has taught me that being a parent
means becoming what your children need most.
Every step of the treatment has been reported.
Not because we were required to do so,
but because it is in Adam's best interest
to have the adults in his life
be as informed as possible.
Your threat to expel him is abusive,
and we will not tolerate it.
Right now, my son needs me
to protect him from narrow-minded people
motivated by fear.
I have faith that you will make a decision
that reflects the moral and spiritual integrity
- St. Agatha's is built upon. Adam: Paul!
Paul. Paul.
I'm sorry.
It's okay.
I know you didn't sign up for this.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not trying to replace your dad.
No, I know.
But he was an asshole anyway.
I need you to take me somewhere.
What? Where?
Look, there is no cure,
and maybe one day, there will be,
but right now, I gotta work this out on my own terms.
And I can't do that here.
Please, mom, be with me
on the same team.
Okay.
- Okay. - Okay.
All right. I'll go sign him out.
Beth: Okay.
Okay.
Thank you.
Girl: That was when time stood still.
A moment that came to define
that chapter of my adolescence.
And as I stood there with my feet touching
the cold waters of lake owano,
I knew I could never go back again.
Thank you.
Sister Catherine: Let's have another round of applause
for our benchmark exam finalists.
Without further ado, may I present
St. Agatha's graduating class of 2020.
Sister Catherine: Jordan adler.
Congratulations.
Lisa alliser.
Monica Atkinson.
Oh, my god.
What are you doing?
I'm graduating.
Thank you.
Um...
Um, I'm sorry but there's one other essay
that's been scheduled
to be read.
Okay, that was a bold move.
Adam's darkness: Adam.
Adam...
You're not telling them anything, no.
Adam: Okay.
Adam's darkness: Adam...
No.
Hi. I'm Adam.
- I'm here because... Adam's darkness: Don't.
I need my diploma.
Without it...
Adam's darkness: Please, Adam.
I can't be the person I wanna be.
Adam's darkness: Shut up.
And that's because I have schizophrenia.
Adam's darkness: You're ruining
your mother's life, Adam.
It's a chemical disorder...
Adam's darkness: This is why your father left.
In the brain.
And it makes you hear voices
and see things that aren't there.
It sucks.
Adam's darkness: You're terrified.
You could just Google it.
Adam's darkness: You will always be terrified of me.
I have people in my life
who have been trying to help me.
People who've seen me as more than an illness.
But I pushed them away.
I tried chasing this idea of being normal.
Whatever that means.
Don't wanna end up on the bathroom walls, right?
Adam's darkness: You are who you are...
The benchmark exam asked us
to write about our greatest failure.
And I wish that I could read my essay right now,
but it was based on a lie.
My greatest failure, hands down,
has been hiding from the ones I love.
For believing the voice in my head
when it tells me
I'm ruining their lives.
For believing it when it tells me
I'm too defective to be loved by anyone.
You made me feel so many things.
And I wasn't ready to give that up.
I'm sorry you had to expel me
because I didn't fit your picture of normalcy.
But this is who I am.
This is who I am.
I'm Adam. I have an illness,
but I'm not the illness itself.
Okay.
Thank you.
Adam.
Hey, I'm... I'm sorry about the hospital.
No, I don't care about the hospital.
- I was just in a bad place. - I know...
And you have every right to hate me.
Stop!
Is that why you didn't tell me?
Because you thought that I was gonna leave?
Hey...
Right here.
- No. I'm just... - Then I don't...
I'm always gonna see things,
and hear things that I shouldn't.
And the drugs aren't always gonna work.
And I'm sorry, but I can't put you through that.
I'm sorry.
Hey.
Hey, hey.
What makes you think you get to make that decision
on your own?
I wasn't mad about the hospital.
Or that you lied to me.
Adam: Then why?
You didn't let me choose.
You didn't give me a chance to stay.
Would you have?
I love you.
Hey, there's never been a more explicit cue to kiss the girl.
Okay.
Joaquin: Yes, yes, yes!
Adam: Am I gonna sit here and tell you
that things like love and honesty can cure crazy?
No.
But they sure can help.
For example,
my graduation speech earned St. Agatha's enough shitty PR
for them to give me my diploma.
That felt like a win for honesty.
And as for love,
my mom was right.
Maya: I need the fingers.
You have to let people discover
all your darkand twisty places inside.
She looks like you a little bit.
These big cheeks.
See these cheeks...
Rebecca: Adam, come over here.
Adam: Because those are the people
that can show you what's real
when you can't see that for yourself.
It can be the beginning of everything.
If you let it.
- Yeah. All right, no. Stop. - Beth: You do.