[theme song plays]
♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie ♪
♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Bertie & Tuca and Tuca & Bertie ♪
♪ Tuca & Bertie ♪
♪ Tuca ♪ -♪ And Bertie ♪
[both vocalize]
[theme song ends]
[music playing]
♪ It's Molting season, Molting season ♪
♪ Making nights so bright and sparkly ♪
♪ Molting time, it's Molting time ♪
♪ Feathers falling all around ♪
[groans] I'm so sick of this song!
♪ Molting season Feathers falling, feathers falling ♪
[chuckles] I love Molting season.
[sighs]
Aw. I'm sorry.
-I know you hate the holidays. -[music stops]
There are too many children's choirs singing stuff this time of year.
They're spooky as shit!
[singing off-key] ♪ Molting night ♪
♪ Holy night ♪
♪ All is calm ♪
♪ So let's take flight ♪
Uh...!
[tires screeching]
Ugh, my sister Terry always wants to do a video phone call
with me and all of our siblings,
and it's so awkward.
They always call me on this day every year.
Oh, no! That's today!
[squawks]
-That sounds kinda nice. -We have nothing in common.
We're supposed to all make small talk just because it's Molting season?
It's so forced!
Aw, well--
Plus, they always gang up on me and make fun of how messy my apartment is.
Ugh, family!
[Bertie] Well, good thing you can always spend the holidays with me and Speckle.
Good road trip, chica.
Hell, yeah, it was!
Hey, you're home.
-Your new phone came in the mail. -Oh, about that...
Glad to see you're okay.
Ugh. I'm sorry. I-- I dropped my phone in a lake.
You just left! Without any explanation!
And it's almost Molting Day.
I was waiting for you so we could pick out a Molting bush,
-but you've been gone for, like-- -It's not too late!
Look, I bought some decorations at a gas station.
Whoo! [chuckles]
Have a warm Molting Day!
You... can't... do this!
You can't just disappear and not talk to me for days!
This always happens when you're having a problem.
I don't care if your phone is lost, you find a phone and you call Speckle!
-[puffs] -I'm sorry!
[screaming] And you need to be honest and open
and communicative with me because that's what a relationship is!
Everything you're saying is totally reasonable,
but you sound bat-shit crazy.
I can't just be your rock all the time.
Sometimes I need you to be my rock!
-It's my turn to freak out! -You're right.
Now I get to make the big, weird decisions, okay?
I changed us from a cable bundle to a streaming bundle!
Okay?
And... I bought a house!
Wait. What? You bought a house?
That's right! And it's a real piece of shit, too!
-A complete teardown! -Then why did you--
You always get to do whatever you want, and this is what I want!
-Sure, yes. -[panting]
I wanna fix this house up, and I want you to live in it with me.
But I'm not chasing after you anymore.
You have to choose me!
[sighs]
Look, I stayed here to make sure you're okay.
But you need to be honest with me
about what's been going on with you.
[stammers]
[sighs]
I'm going back to work on the house.
It's midnight.
I have a cot there.
It's very uncomfortable, but I can't return it!
[sighs]
Okay, Tuca, time to get your shits in a row.
[woman on recording] Start small. Take things step by step.
Look around and get rid of anything that isn't useful to you.
♪ Pick it up, pick it up, pick up the junk How did I get so much sticky-ass gunk? ♪
[woman] By throwing out the clutter, you make room for things you love most.
And if what you love most is clutter... [chuckles]
that's a serious mental health issue.
We'll talk more about that in episode two.
What's up, you stupid slob?
Hmm. This mean mirror keeps my ego in check. Keep!
♪ Clean it up, clean it up Clean up the crap ♪
♪ How'd it get so mental In my apartment-o? ♪
Okay, I need to stop pausing this podcast to sing.
[woman] Keep anything that fills you with elation and happy memories.
Cheesy!
Not bad for this messy bish!
I can't believe you're even bothering to talk to Pastry Puke.
I'm just gonna go there and rip off the Band-Aid.
A loose, dangly Band-Aid that's been infecting every other area of my life,
including my relationship with my boyfriend.
Hell, yeah! Ripping off Band-Aids feels great!
Ow! Bertie, don't do it! It hurts too much!
-I have to tell Pastry Pete I'm quitting. -Good thing you still have your other job.
Oof! I haven't gone to work in, like, a week.
I'm probably fired?
Hey, Bertie, are you coming to the meeting?
Ah. Lost in thought. It's good to let the mind wander.
And those meetings do drag on. Might be better to sit this one out
and keep tackling the bigger-picture stuff.
Brilliant! You really know yourself. I long for such clarity!
I trust you. Cheers! [hums]
[sighs]
[grunts]
There you are. You've got a lot of work to catch up on today.
Get started on those crünts. And don't neglect the crunts.
Yes, Chef!
Uh, I mean, I have learned so much here, but now I need to move on to--
I also have some exciting news.
I'm expanding my reach and tightening my grasp.
This dude needs to stop reaching and grasping.
I'm opening a new patisserie, and I want you to manage it.
Whash?
That's right! It would be like you had your own bakery.
Huh.
We'll be working very closely together, Roberta Songthrush.
-[grunting] -[Pastry Pete grunts]
Is that woman nudging you? What nudgery is this?
Come on. Tell him off!
-You know what? I quit. -[Tuca] Whoo-hoo!
-Why? -I'm going to open my own bakery.
Yeah, yeah, bitch! Now we're talking!
-[laughs] That's absurd. -You know what's absurd?
-I'll open it by the end of the week! -Impossible!
I'll do it by the end of the day!
Girl, you stupid.
I didn't finish. Day three!
-[scoffs] -Goodbye!
-[Bertie huffing] -[laughing]
What the hell did I just do? [exclaims] I'm gonna barf!
Sturdy Bertie, I saw you swim to that island.
You can do anything. Just take it step by step.
Shit, that's good advice.
It is? Oh, okay.
-You okay? -Uh, uh-huh. Totally.
You know what? Forget Pastry Pete.
If you'll help me get started, we can totally make this bakery a reality.
-Hell, yeah, girl! I'll work the oven. -[chuckles] Well, maybe not the oven.
I'm all over that hand mixer. Pew, pew! Whoo!
Oh, uh, no. Remember the last time when you--
Crème brûlée torch? That's me. I'm on that.
Um, how about I let you lick the spoon?
Yes! We have a winner! [laughs]
The bakery will be called "Sweet Beak."
Our trademark pastry will be sweet rolls filled with lemon cream.
What do you think?
Here's the plan. Step one, get supplies... in bulk!
Step two, why Bertie should be allowed to have a boy-girl slumber party.
Oh, oops. [chuckles]
How did a slide from high school get in there? Um...
You have my permission.
Welcome to Piles. Have a warm Molting Day!
This shit is relentless!
You're telling me. I'm Jewish.
Uh, hi there. I put in an order for five scoops of eggs.
It should be under "Roberta Songthrush."
Uh, our minimum order is ten scoops.
Mmm, okay, I guess I can use ten.
Sorry, we only have six scoops available.
Oh. Then can I just get those six scoops?
Well, the minimum order is ten, so...
-Can we buy... this keychain? -No.
What the hell?
Well, I guess we can just buy ingredients at the regular grocery store.
It's just gonna be way more expensive.
Don't worry. We'll make it all back
as soon as folks get a taste of Sweet Beak!
That's right! Okay, on to the next step.
Rent a kitchen space!
This place includes four professional-grade ovens,
eight burners, three sinks, and one crème brûlée torch.
Ooh, this place looks perfect. We'll take it!
Great! Let me just check over your application.
[squawks]
-Oh, denied. -Did you even finish reading--
-Denied! -Can I use the bathroom?
Denied! Go in the street!
Something weird is going on here. I guess we can--
Don't worry. I used their bathroom anyways.
Oh, boy, did I ever use it.
Yeah, but maybe--
I used that bathroom hard and hot, Bertie.
I did numbers one, two, three, four, and eight, Bertie.
That kitchen space is gonna need two new toilets after what I did.
-If you could-- -Hey!
-Why don't you use your kitchen for now? -I know!
That's what I was trying to say when you kept talking about shitting.
Oh, yeah! I really wrecked that 'let.
-See, Bertie? Everything's working out. -Yeah.
[choir singing]
Yugh! Children's choirs. Go through puberty already!
Uh, can we take a peek? Come on.
Fine.
♪ La, la, la... ♪
[squeals] So pretty!
-Have a warm Molting Day! -You, too!
I will not.
[clears throat] There once was a slovenly and stubborn bird named St. Oriole.
Hello! I'm St. Oriole.
And I love to sit in my house, surrounded by all my crap!
[groans] Jeremy, stick to the script.
Back in the olden days,
-before central heating... -[crowd laughing]
...birds used to migrate south for the winter.
One winter, St. Oriole decided he'd rather stay home than migrate.
I'm staying home!
His family begged him to migrate, but he was obstinate.
Please come home with us! You'll die if you stay here.
-Please? -Nope! Fly away, family!
He prepared to stick through winter,
stocking up on food and supplies, reinforcing his nest,
and when his family came back in spring...
-[phone buzzing] -...a miracle!
They found St. Oriole dead.
He had molted all his feathers and frozen to death.
Ugh! Me died! Argh!
Jeremy, I swear to God!
And now, the ghost of St. Oriole flies over Bird Town,
dropping sweets, reminding us to keep our loved ones close.
[humming]
-[crowd cheering] -Oh, thank you, thank you.
[sniffling]
[sobbing]
What the fuck?
-Whoa. Are you okay? -[sobbing]
Tuca?
-[doors open and close] -Uh... she really liked the show.
-Hey, hey, hey. -[sobbing]
-What's the matter? -They never called! My stupid family!
I thought you hated those calls.
I do, but they're better than nothing!
Why don't you call them?
I'm afraid to. What if they don't wanna hear from me?
What if we forget each other and lose touch forever,
and then I have no connections left?
I'm sure they'd appreciate you reaching out.
You just need to show people you care
and that... you don't take them for granted.
Thanks, buddy.
[sobs]
Why are you crying?
I'm so worried I ruined everything with Speckle.
Go get him, girl.
And if you can't get him, we'll let you grieve for an appropriate amount of time,
and then we'll get you right back out there!
[panting]
[grunts]
[panting]
[hammering]
Hey.
[sighs]
-[grunting] -I brought you something.
I already brought my own.
Oh.
Speckle, your face makes me feel like everything's gonna be okay.
But I've taken for granted that your face will always be there.
Yep.
The truth is, because of...
things that have happened to me,
I've had trouble trusting people.
I've always thought, "This is just who I am."
But I don't wanna be that person anymore.
I want to live in the present and be here with you.
And I love you! Sorry to bother you. I'll just go now, bye!
Hmm?
[gasps]
[both moaning]
[Tuca grunting]
[grunts]
Okay, Tuca, this is not cute.
[mirror] What slob-- You suck, stupid.
[laughs]
[sighs]
[sighs] You can do this, Tuca.
Ow!
[sighs]
[Bertie and Speckle moaning]
Uh, I'm gonna head out for coffee. You want anything, boss?
No, I'm good. Thanks, Rick.
Look, this was... This was great, but everything isn't fixed between us.
I know.
Maybe our relationship has some holes, but there's a good foundation there...
because you're my home.
Those are really nice words, Bertie, but I just need some time.
Um, do you have a shower or bathroom?
Yeah, both are in that bucket over there.
Can you juice these jeans?
[gags]
But I paid a deposit!
Sorry, uh, there's very limited space here.
Let me ask you, if we wanted to sell bananas, would that be okay?
-Sure! -How about banana muffs?
I don't know what those are. Uh, but sure.
And how about banana muffins?
No. No! Oh, um, I have to go.
Interesting!
-Tuca, what are you do-- -Just as I suspected.
We've been scone-walled!
[gasps]
[Bertie] "Meet me by the berry stand."
Which one?
The one with the red banner!
-There's, like, four of those! -The strawberry and raspberry one.
It's called "Mr. Straw-Rasp's Bountiful Bouncing Berry Stand"!
Oh. Okay! Where is that?
Oh, my God. The northwest corner of--
Just follow me.
[both gasp]
Uh, wait. Who are you?
It's me, Baker Barb!
Um...
I've been working next to you at the bakery for months.
And stay out of my bakery!
[moaning]
Oh, shoot. Ye-- yeah, I remember.
Damn. Baker Bess--
-Barb! -Barb, Barb.
♪ Barb-Bar-Bar, Ba-Barb-Barb-Barb ♪
Baker Barb.
Pastry Pete always does this shit. Let me guess.
You're having trouble getting your business off the ground.
Yes, yes!
You'll never be able to sell baked goods in this town.
This is Pastry Pete's turf.
You want my advice? Sell your stuff somewhere else.
Maybe Frog Town, or Horseville, or San Francisco, California.
[grumbles]
Why do you still work for him if he's such a prick?
Eh, I got seven kids.
Those crunts are putting six of them through college...
and one of them through acting classes.
Ugh.
You're trying to sabotage me now?
You're pathetic.
[scoffs] It's called competition, sweetheart.
You're a power-tripping creep
who pulls weird moves with the women who work under you.
Am I? You didn't seem to mind my behavior
when you were getting all that applause at Yeast Week.
-What? -You worked for me.
[Pastry Pete] Learned what you could, enjoyed the attention,
and now, you're discarding me.
-How is that supposed to make me feel? -Bad!
Go back to your data processing, you ungrateful and talentless little girl.
-I made you, and I can ruin you. -[grunts]
I don't owe you anything.
-And your croissants? They're dry. -Get out!
[door opens and closes]
[gasps] Oh!
"These pastries taste like farts." [scoffs]
That was a one-time experiment. It's called "molecular gastronomy"!
Oh, man, you pulverized that precious penguin ego!
Yeah, but now what? How am I gonna sell shit in this town?
Maybe Baker Beth was right.
Hey, maybe you can use this.
You ungrateful and talentless little girl.
I made you, and I can ruin you.
Tuca, you genius!
-[gasps] -I think I know what to do with this.
-Here you go. -[beeps]
[Pastry Pete] I made you, and I can ruin you.
[gasps] Bitch, no!
-...ruin you! -[gasps]
-I made you, and I can ruin you. -[gasps]
Oh!
-[barking] -Ruin you!
Oh. That fucker!
[Pastry Pete] I made... made... made...
And I can ruin you.
Ruin... ruin, ruin, ruin...
A mob of women are protesting Pastry Pete's Patisserie,
and I don't know why, and I'm scared.
And an ally!
Support women-owned businesses! Buy treats from Sweet Beak!
Whoa.
That was fast.
-Oh, shit! -[phone buzzing]
Look at all these orders! Oh, we're gonna need some help!
You just start making those sweet rolls. I'll get us some bodies!
♪ Gotta get to work ♪
♪ Get, get to work ♪
♪ Gotta get to work ♪
♪ Get, get to work ♪
♪ Templates! ♪
-All good, Bruce? -Yep!
I have a lot of experience working with sticky things.
Looking cool, Draca. Ha-ha!
Instead of popping zits, now you're filling them.
♪ Come on, little Bertie Gotta make those sweet rolls ♪
♪ Gotta cook some stuff To fill up people's face-holes ♪
Yay!
My mother was a glove girl at Featherton's department store.
I used to help her wrap up gifts and I'd wonder,
"Were I to be wrapped so gingerly as a pair of gloves,
would I be happy?" [howls]
I fucked a glove once.
[both grunting]
-Easy. Ah! -I don't think it's gonna fit, Bertie.
-[groans] -[car horn honks]
Speckle! You're here!
Of course I am. I'll always be here for you.
-Also, I bought a truck. Beep-beep! -[horn honks]
[growling]
[grunts]
Sex bugs! Sex bugs!
Mmm!
Ooh, sorry, Isaiah! I got a new husband now!
[moaning]
I think that's all the orders.
We did it!
[sighs]
Bertie, I think I'm ready to call my sister.
You can do it. Just dial those buttons.
[beeping]
[sighs]
[ringing]
[Terry] Hey, dummy.
Hey, sis. Happy Molting Day!
Sorry I didn't call the other night. Auntie Tallulah's in the hospital.
-Bird flu. -Oh, no!
I didn't finish.
Bird flew right into her face, gave her a concussion.
Ish!
Which was mild. She's in the hospital for cirrhosis.
Oh, man, I just saw her a few months ago.
Why didn't anyone tell me? How is she?
She's stable for now.
Down, puppies!
Oh. Hey, babies!
No worries, I'm taking care of everything, like I always do.
I know you're not good with this kind of stuff.
What kind of stuff?
You know, family stuff.
-Look, I gotta go. -Wait. Terry?
Yeah?
-I love you. -[Terry groans]
I love you, too. Bye.
[sighs]
I'm so sorry.
It's okay. I'm glad I called. [exhales]
Uh, guys? We just got 50 new orders.
And some of them are way on the outskirts of Bird Town.
I don't think we can hit them all by morning.
Shoot. How are we going to deliver these on time?
I'm not sure.
♪ Making nights so bright and sparkly Molting time, it's Molting time ♪
♪ St. Oriole's dropping sweets tonight ♪
"Dropping sweets."
-I have an idea! -[Bertie] Uh-oh.
-[screaming] -Whoo!
[laughing]
I've wanted to do this for so long.
-It is pretty fun! -[hawk screeching]
[Bertie and Tuca scream]
[Bertie] Holy shit!
♪ Molting season, Molting season... ♪
[laughs]
[exclaims]
Brilliant! [laughs]
[hawk screeching]
-Happy Molting Day! -God molt us, everyone!
Okay, that's it. I think we're all done.
Actually, I think we have one more delivery to make.
Boy, oh, boy, I sure do love these Sweet Beak pastries. [laughs]
[scoffs] Bird Town needs another bakery
like I need a giant hawk to shit in my mouth.
Ugh!
[screeches]
[both laughing]
You know, Tuca, being up here, looking at all these little boxes,
the further up we go, the less it all seems to matter.
But when we zoom back in again, close enough to see the details,
I care so much.
I just love seeing the different rituals of preparing and eating food,
the comfort of these people in their homes with the birds they know best.
That's beautiful, Bertie.
Damn. This family's ugly!
[laughing]
Hey, Bertie. I've been thinking.
I wanna go be with my auntie and my sister.
I just don't want things to be weird with my family anymore.
Let me know if you need any help, anytime.
Wanna see if this hawk can do some loop-de-loops?
Uh, the old me would've said no,
but the new me would also say--
No!
-[hawk screeching] -[Bertie] Tuca!
[Tuca and Bertie laughing]
♪ One, two, three ♪
♪ I like my future Because it looks so fun to me ♪
♪ I love the dreams in my sleep It's so important to me ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Yeah, it's looking good ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Yeah, it's looking good ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Yeah, it's looking good ♪
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ Yeah, it's looking good ♪
♪ Everybody's gonna jump, jump, jump ♪
♪ Everybody's gonna jump, jump ♪
♪ Shoo-goo ♪
-[sirens blaring] -[Ultra-Sam] You and me, baby.
Together forever! [laughs]
[chittering, barking]
[man] Boxer versus raptor, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na!