1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,718 [theme song plays] 2 00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:13,388 ♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie ♪ 3 00:00:13,472 --> 00:00:17,434 ♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie ♪ 4 00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:20,062 ♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie Bertie & Tuca and Tuca & Bertie ♪ 5 00:00:20,145 --> 00:00:20,979 ♪ Tuca & Bertie ♪ 6 00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:24,858 -♪ Tuca ♪ -♪ And Bertie ♪ 7 00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:26,777 [both vocalize] 8 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:40,374 [theme song ends] 9 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:47,506 [stepping, clapping,  and popping gum in beat] 10 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,100 Tuca, can you stop kicking my seat? 11 00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:01,395 Fine, but it's your fault for giving me gum. 12 00:01:04,648 --> 00:01:05,482 Aw. 13 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,734 [stepping and clapping in beat] 14 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:14,741 So, why are we going to open houses today? 15 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:18,745 Because it's fun to lookie-loo and pretend we're rich. 16 00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:21,665 Plus, your aunt's house got Speckle all horned up. 17 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:25,002 I get to nerd out about architecture 18 00:01:25,085 --> 00:01:27,838 while Bertie fantasizes about all the other lives we could be living. 19 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,214 It's fun to daydream, 20 00:01:29,298 --> 00:01:32,926 and then go home and binge on interior design shows until I feel sick. 21 00:01:37,055 --> 00:01:40,267 Well, this is what I get for blindly following you out to the car. 22 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:41,727 Can you drop me off at the arcade? 23 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:44,646 Aw, just come with us. It'll be fun. 24 00:01:44,730 --> 00:01:47,941 Plus, sometimes open houses have free cookies. 25 00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:51,278 Damn it! Once again, the siren call of delicious freebies 26 00:01:51,361 --> 00:01:55,574 has driven me headfirst into the jagged cliffs of boring bullshit. 27 00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:02,414 Oh! This place is so nice and clean. 28 00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,875 You guys wanna take bets on how soon I get kicked out of here? 29 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,586 Actually, realtors are shockingly tolerant of shenanigans. 30 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:10,881 Yeah, they don't really care what you do. They just wanna make a sale. 31 00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,341 Capitalists! 32 00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:14,092 -Like me! -Check this out. 33 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:15,761 Welcome. My name's Evelyn, and-- 34 00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:18,889 Good day! We are Beauregard and Blenda Bartholomew. 35 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,642 Of the Bird Town Bartholomews. 36 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:23,894 We're so rich, it's sick. 37 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,604 [gasps] My favorite kind of rich. 38 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:28,231 And this is our au pair Beakles. 39 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,775 What up? I'm Beakles. 40 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:33,737 I'm, uh, taking a gap year from Foreign University. 41 00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:37,407 [in indistinct accent] Because I vinted to learn English. 42 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,910 Be so kind as to beguile us 43 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:43,205 with this bungalow's bewitching baths, brilliant boudoirs... 44 00:02:43,288 --> 00:02:46,583 And blissful bidets for our blessed booty holes. 45 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,668 But of course. 46 00:02:47,751 --> 00:02:51,630 Your b-holes will adore this Tuscan marble. 47 00:02:52,255 --> 00:02:54,216 So, let's get into it. 48 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,426 What's a girl gotta do to get some free cookies? 49 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:57,969 -I smell 'em. -[chuckles] 50 00:02:58,053 --> 00:03:00,597 Actually, it's a little realtor secret. 51 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,975 -Mm-mmm. No, you shouldn't! -[gags] 52 00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:06,311 -Oh. Mmm. -Disgusting! 53 00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:08,146 -Oh. -Ugh! Terrible! 54 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:09,731 Beakles, no! 55 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,109 Um, uh, could I have that spray back? 56 00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:13,735 Nope. 57 00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,487 ["City On The Map" plays] 58 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:18,699 ♪ Lately, I been out my mind ♪ 59 00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:20,742 ♪ But I'm fine ♪ 60 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:23,954 ♪ In time, I'll be rap genius They'll see me as young Einstein ♪ 61 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,581 ♪ I'll grind till I get signed Name on the dotted line ♪ 62 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:27,749 -Whoa! -[gasps] 63 00:03:27,833 --> 00:03:29,209 We're looking for buried treasure. 64 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:31,044 It increases property value. 65 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:31,962 [laughs] Great. 66 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:35,590 Notice how easily the ground turns over for digging, or gardening, 67 00:03:35,674 --> 00:03:38,135 or, in my case, an early grave. 68 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:42,097 ♪ I just drop regret it Now my credit started going up ♪ 69 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,349 ♪ I'm just showing' out by showin' up ♪ 70 00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:46,017 Ka-kaw! 71 00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:48,520 Just measuring the scream space. Looking good. 72 00:03:48,603 --> 00:03:52,524 Yes, these cabinets have 65 percent scream retention. 73 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,485 [screams] 74 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,988 Hello. I'm a rich, sexy astronaut, 75 00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,365 and I have 35 percent down in my space-bag. 76 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:02,117 Why should I buy this house? Go. 77 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,703 -[clock ticking] -Um, school district, uh, backsplash, 78 00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:08,957 breakfast nook, moon roof, spa tub, uh, farmhouse sinks with Wi-Fi. 79 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,585 Hello, space? Looks like I'm needed elsewhere. 80 00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,420 Whoo! [laughs]  I'm so bad! 81 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:17,924 ♪ Everywhere we go, I'll bring the city Something it ain't never had before ♪ 82 00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:20,135 What kind of molding would you say this is? 83 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:21,720 It's milled wood, I believe. 84 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,722 [laughs] Milled wood? 85 00:04:23,805 --> 00:04:25,515 In this climate? [laughs] 86 00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,435 Jeff, wow, uh... [chuckles] that's a good one. 87 00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:30,604 Uh, but spoiler alert, I'm an architect. 88 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:33,440 Milled wood! Might as well be mildew wood. 89 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:39,321 As you can see, this home has tremendous copper pipes. 90 00:04:40,238 --> 00:04:42,491 [chuckles] That was my toilet purse. 91 00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:43,742 Happens all the time. 92 00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:45,619 This is my actual purse. 93 00:04:46,077 --> 00:04:47,287 No! 94 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:53,251 [sighs] So, this is a low-flow toilet with a beautiful, leathery smell. 95 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:54,252 [toilet flushes] 96 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:59,049 I used to sleep here with my wife. 97 00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:02,469 Okay, I'll unpack that later. 98 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:06,890 -[Tuca] Huh. -[gasps] It's so cute! 99 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,810 -Great curb appeal. -Yeah, not bad. 100 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:12,395 Oh, we're playing boring people now? 101 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,689 "Hi, nice door." 102 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:18,318 -Ooh, it is a nice door! -What? 103 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:20,529 Hmm. 104 00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,031 Love these maple floors. 105 00:05:23,615 --> 00:05:25,158 The vaulted ceilings! 106 00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:28,995 Perfect for a lobby trampoline or foyer catapult. 107 00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:31,206 This could be the master bedroom. 108 00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,792 This room could be a shared office. 109 00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,669 I could learn to enjoy sharing. 110 00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:39,297 This can be my craft room where I'll make dolls by hand. 111 00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:41,967 Speckle will say they're creepy, but we'll ignore him. 112 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:45,762 Then, late one night, they'll come to life and take their revenge! 113 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,889 And this is where they'll find our bodies. 114 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,599 Hey, where'd y'all go? 115 00:05:50,225 --> 00:05:55,438 Uh, maybe this sounds nuts, but this place is actually perfect for us. 116 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,691 [Bertie] I was kinda thinking the same thing. 117 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:58,608 Huh. 118 00:05:59,568 --> 00:06:03,572 -This place is perfect for us. -I was thinking the same thing. 119 00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:04,489 Huh. 120 00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:08,618 -This place is perfect for us. -I was thinking the same thing. 121 00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:09,578 Huh. 122 00:06:09,661 --> 00:06:13,164 I just hope they let me have a sleepover in the third bedroom. 123 00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,124 Me, too. 124 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,961 Borkle and Squeaky are my only friends. [laughs] 125 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,254 Ew! 126 00:06:19,838 --> 00:06:23,133 What if we made an offer? Is that crazy? 127 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,385 I mean, I love it. Why not? 128 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:26,678 Wait. What? 129 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,346 -Oh, good one, guys. -[grunts] 130 00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:30,891 You'd really have to have your shit together to buy a house. 131 00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,351 Well, Bertie and I have been saving for a while. 132 00:06:33,435 --> 00:06:36,104 What? I thought we were all poor together. 133 00:06:36,187 --> 00:06:37,188 Wasn't that the plan? 134 00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:40,567 We don't talk about money, but we all assume we're in the same place. 135 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,694 Um, we both have jobs. 136 00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,946 You make enough money at your law firm to buy a house? 137 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:48,241 -Tuca, I'm not a law-- -But what about the apartment? 138 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,119 I mean, we were never going to live there forever. 139 00:06:51,202 --> 00:06:53,747 We always knew at some point we'd grow up and move out. 140 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,334 Well, I need to leave immediately. 141 00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:01,212 Not because I'm upset, but because I also have my shit together. 142 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:05,342 In fact, I've been ignoring my shit all day, goofing off with you two. 143 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,218 I really should get back to my shit 144 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,180 because, as adults know, shit must be kept. 145 00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,181 Good day! 146 00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,183 Come on, third wheels. Let's go. 147 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:18,271 Uh, we kind of have a thing here. 148 00:07:25,153 --> 00:07:26,321 -Tuca-- -[Speckle] Hey, Bertie! 149 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:29,866 Come look at this pantry. It's got a Lazy Susan and a Lively Linda. 150 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:34,037 -[woman giggles] -Ooh! What kind of paradise is this? 151 00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:42,629 Ew! 152 00:07:44,089 --> 00:07:45,215 Mm-mmm. 153 00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:46,883 Ugh! 154 00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,010 Oh! 155 00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:53,640 What? Where am I? 156 00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,350 You're in the hood. 157 00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:57,936 The adulthood. 158 00:08:04,192 --> 00:08:05,610 Ah! 159 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,243 Hello! [exclaims] 160 00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:16,955 Are you here for our "buy 40, get one free" goldfish sale? 161 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:17,872 Nah. 162 00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:21,376 How about our "buy one, get 40 free" goldfish sale? [laughs] 163 00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:22,836 Not today, dude. 164 00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:25,338 [laughing] We have a lot of goldfish! 165 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:30,427 I'm actually here to make a high-commitment purchase. 166 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:31,469 A "forever friend." 167 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,054 Oh. Fuck, yeah! 168 00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:35,724 Let me show you our longer-lifespan animals. 169 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,183 -[cat meows] -No. 170 00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,435 -[dog barks] -No! 171 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:39,477 -[pig grunts] -Maybe. 172 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,604 [jaguar growls] 173 00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:42,647 Yes! 174 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:50,488 Once your loan is approved, you'll be one step closer to home ownership. 175 00:08:50,572 --> 00:08:51,656 -Great. -Thank you. 176 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:54,659 There are just a few more things we need to go over. 177 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:56,911 -[gasps] -I assume the two of you are married. 178 00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,204 Actually, no. 179 00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:01,875 Maybe someday, but right now, the thought of planning a wedding is like, bleh! 180 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:05,045 Someone put me in a corset and pull it tight until my lungs explode. 181 00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:10,341 I see. The paperwork for you will be a bit more complicated. 182 00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:11,760 -Aah! -Wow. 183 00:09:11,843 --> 00:09:15,263 Your co-ownership agreement should answer questions like, mm... 184 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:18,892 "What happens to the property if, uh, one of you drops dead?" 185 00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:19,809 Dying? 186 00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,478 [laughs] Who's dying? 187 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,439 All of us, from the moment we're born. 188 00:09:24,522 --> 00:09:26,608 Wow. True. 189 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,943 Thirty years? Fixed? 190 00:09:29,027 --> 00:09:32,197 [banker] If both of you are killed, your house will go to your murderer. 191 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,865 And if your murderer gets murdered, 192 00:09:33,948 --> 00:09:35,658 -your house goes to the bank. -[Bertie] What? 193 00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,953 [banker] Now let's get into what happens if neither of you get murdered, 194 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:43,416 and both of you live together in this house for a very long time. 195 00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,713 Great. Listen, our credit scores are excellent, 196 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:50,548 and we have savings for a down payment. 197 00:09:50,632 --> 00:09:52,675 Bertie and I are committed to this process. 198 00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,552 -Right, Bertie? -Yep. 199 00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,763 I like you two. 200 00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,056 You're prepared. 201 00:09:58,139 --> 00:10:01,851 A lot of young people get caught up in the fantasy of buying a house 202 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,855 and aren't prepared to do the work, financially, psychologically, 203 00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:07,315 or sexually. 204 00:10:07,816 --> 00:10:10,443 Good thing that's not us. [laughs uncomfortably] 205 00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:16,908 All this talk about mortgages, and 30 years, and early death... 206 00:10:16,991 --> 00:10:19,536 -It's a lot, don't you think? -No way. 207 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,204 Just because our loan is 30 years 208 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:23,748 doesn't mean we need to live in the house for that long. 209 00:10:23,832 --> 00:10:25,416 Oh, okay. [chuckles] 210 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:27,127 This is just a starter house. 211 00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:29,754 After five to seven years, we can upgrade to another home 212 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:33,007 or build our dream home from scratch. 213 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:36,678 We've got years and years to explore all the possibilities. 214 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,763 But I hate possibilities. 215 00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:42,267 If a restaurant has too many options, I end up ordering napkins. 216 00:10:43,226 --> 00:10:46,146 -[jaguar roars] -Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, girl! 217 00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:47,730 [pants] 218 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,315 [roars] 219 00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:51,860 ♪ Ridin' around town On my motherfucking jaguar ♪ 220 00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:52,819 [cars honking] 221 00:10:52,902 --> 00:10:54,529 ♪ On my motherfucking jaguar ♪ 222 00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:55,989 [jaguar roars] 223 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,868 -[people scream] -[jaguar roars] 224 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:05,582 A little for you, mm, but more for me. 225 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:08,835 -[timer dings] -And right on time. 226 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:13,131 Bertie, make room on the counter for these hot trays. 227 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,467 -Eep! -Okay, Bertie, ready to plate. 228 00:11:16,551 --> 00:11:20,096 [laughs nervously] These are hot little suckers, aren't they? 229 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,347 -Hi, Bertie! -[gasps] 230 00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:22,932 It's me, Speckle. 231 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,018 Uh, is this sanitary? 232 00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,311 Open your mouth, Bertie. 233 00:11:26,394 --> 00:11:27,478 Wha-- [gags] 234 00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:30,315 [gags] Health code violation! 235 00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:34,235 -Wow, that was a deep nap you were having. -Bla-- 236 00:11:35,403 --> 00:11:36,654 [sighs] 237 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:37,739 Hope I didn't bother you. 238 00:11:37,822 --> 00:11:39,532 Uh, I got so excited about that little house, 239 00:11:39,616 --> 00:11:41,659 I started sketching some ideas for it. 240 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:43,620 Wanna see? Bertie? 241 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,538 Yeah, house. Cute house. 242 00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:46,623 Check this out. 243 00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:49,626 -Whoo! -What? [screams] 244 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:53,379 -Wow! -Check out the backyard. 245 00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:57,091 See, if we remove the bushes here, and we expand the patio here... 246 00:11:57,175 --> 00:11:59,719 -Eek! -...we can build a deck with a fire pit. 247 00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:02,013 -[gasps] -We'll use it once to impress our friends, 248 00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,307 and then, it'll be purely ornamental. 249 00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:09,145 -My own garden. -[Speckle] We'd have so much space here. 250 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,106 One of the benefits of living farther from the city. 251 00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,067 Oh, that's right. 252 00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:18,071 This house is a little farther out. I'll have to take the train to work. 253 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:21,866 And probably sit next to a dude eating the world's smelliest egg salad. 254 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:26,496 But just think about how you'll be helping the environment. 255 00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:30,708 Mmm, but the more I think about it, didn't that kitchen look small to you? 256 00:12:30,792 --> 00:12:33,253 -[screams] -Nah, that's an easy fix. 257 00:12:33,795 --> 00:12:35,546 With all of the renovations I've planned... 258 00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:39,175 Mmm... I keep thinking about Tuca. 259 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,553 We can't just move out and abandon her. She needs me. 260 00:12:42,637 --> 00:12:44,764 None of her bills are set up for automatic payment. 261 00:12:44,847 --> 00:12:46,849 She's welcome to visit anytime. 262 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:48,726 Look, I made her a sweet tire swing. 263 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:49,894 Hey! 264 00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:51,980 -[electricity buzzes] -Huh. 265 00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:52,939 What? 266 00:12:53,022 --> 00:12:54,732 [distorted electronic music plays] 267 00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:55,650 Uh... 268 00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:56,651 No! 269 00:12:58,611 --> 00:12:59,529 [screams] 270 00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:03,032 Sweetie, could you help me change my diaper? 271 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:03,950 [passes gas] 272 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:07,287 Because for some reason, this is how you picture old age. 273 00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:10,123 Oh! Where did Tuca go? 274 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:13,793 Oh, you haven't spoken to her since we signed our mortgage... 275 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,878 five years ago. 276 00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:21,801 I love that you care about Tuca, but she's resourceful and resilient. 277 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,428 She'll be fine if we move out. 278 00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:27,015 You'd be so cute in a little house. 279 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:30,059 Ah! I just want to live with you forever! Aah! 280 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:34,230 You keep saying "forever," when statistically, men die at 70. 281 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,899 What am I supposed to do until I drop dead at 109, 282 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:38,901 after finally trying cocaine for the first time? 283 00:13:38,985 --> 00:13:43,364 Aw. You'd make such a cute, old widow! 284 00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,700 Man, I love addressing all of your concerns. 285 00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,285 Boom! Problem solving. 286 00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:48,953 -But you're not listening. -[phone buzzes] 287 00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:52,290 Oh! That's the realtor right now. Exciting! 288 00:13:52,915 --> 00:13:55,209 Hi, uh, Rebecca. Did they receive our offer? 289 00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:59,005 Uh, how high should we go if they counter? 290 00:13:59,088 --> 00:14:00,923 Mm-hmm. Okay. 291 00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,343 Hey, I-- I got to run to the bakery. I'll see you later. 292 00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:04,677 Okay, bye, sweetie. 293 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,721 I'll let you know right away if I hear any news. 294 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,434 [passes gas] 295 00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:17,982 As you can see, this jaguar and I are two adults with our shit together. 296 00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:21,152 And as such, we would like you to do our money. 297 00:14:21,235 --> 00:14:22,236 [growls] 298 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,614 Great. Joint checking account it is. 299 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:28,826 Hmm... [clicks tongue] Okay, under "account owner," 300 00:14:28,910 --> 00:14:31,371 -I see you listed "jaguar." -That's correct. 301 00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:34,290 And under "occupation" for said account owner, 302 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,084 -you listed "jaguar." -That's correct. 303 00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:39,587 Mm-hmm. And for "jaguar," you listed "jaguar." 304 00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:43,257 Wait, did you cross out "income" and write in "jaguar"? 305 00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,425 That's correct. 306 00:14:45,259 --> 00:14:47,804 -This all seems to check out. -Thank you. Good day. 307 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:51,724 ♪ Gettin' a joint account With my motherfucking jaguar ♪ 308 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,935 ♪ My motherfucking jaguar ♪ 309 00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:57,730 ♪ Gettin' a joint account With my motherfucking jaguar ♪ 310 00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:02,568 A little for you, mm, but more for me. 311 00:15:03,027 --> 00:15:05,279 -[timer dings] -And right on time. 312 00:15:06,489 --> 00:15:09,742 Bertie, make room on the counter for these hot trays. 313 00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:13,371 Oh, no, this shit looks exactly like my dream! 314 00:15:13,454 --> 00:15:15,623 Okay, Bertie.  [exhales] Calm down. 315 00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:16,707 This is real life. 316 00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:18,876 Nothing sexual is happening. 317 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:21,212 This dough is too wet. 318 00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:25,508 Got to keep pounding it until it firms up, and stiffens... 319 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,427 [grunting] ...and gets hard. 320 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,804 Great! Now it's sexual! 321 00:15:29,887 --> 00:15:31,097 Bad brain! Bad brain! 322 00:15:31,180 --> 00:15:32,598 Why do I always do this? 323 00:15:32,682 --> 00:15:33,975 Because you're horny. [laughs] 324 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:36,561 Shut up, hypothalamus, you dirty lobe-humper. 325 00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:37,812 Suck my cerebrum! 326 00:15:37,895 --> 00:15:39,856 Figure this out, you two. 327 00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:42,567 Oh, jeez. 328 00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,027 He's got the body of a tenure track professor, 329 00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:47,155 but the arms of an adjunct. 330 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:50,158 What's going on with you? You seem, uh, jittery. 331 00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,909 Shit. He's onto us. Act normal. 332 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,748 -'Sup? -[phone buzzes] 333 00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,669 [laughs] Uh, my boyfriend and I might be buying a house. 334 00:16:01,752 --> 00:16:03,463 But I don't know. It's all happening so fast. 335 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,423 Ah. Can't say I recommend it. 336 00:16:05,506 --> 00:16:08,593 Buying a house with my ex-wife was a disaster. 337 00:16:08,676 --> 00:16:09,844 -[laughs] -[laughs awkwardly] 338 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,554 -[laughing] -[alarm ringing] 339 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,265 Yep, too far from the city, the kitchen was tiny. 340 00:16:14,348 --> 00:16:16,726 And the fire pit? Purely ornamental. 341 00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,686 -Huh. -[phone buzzes] 342 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,317 -[beeps] -[Speckle] Uh, hey, honey. 343 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,736 Uh, I know I said we'd have time, 344 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:29,280 but another offer has come in for the house. 345 00:16:29,363 --> 00:16:32,158 We need to move fast and make a counteroffer. 346 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,702 Ah! This is all too much! 347 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:37,914 [grunts] 348 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:39,707 [dings] 349 00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:42,877 [Bertie] I'm completely normal. 350 00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,588 My dreams aren't weird, and I don't have any fears of commitment. 351 00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,757 I'm fine! [chuckles]  Completely fine. 352 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,551 I'm doing a normal amount of work at a reasonable speed. 353 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,471 You know what would be fun at a reasonable speed? 354 00:16:53,554 --> 00:16:54,388 Don't you dare. 355 00:16:54,472 --> 00:16:55,556 [grunting] 356 00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:57,433 [exclaims] Focus! 357 00:16:58,100 --> 00:16:59,894 I'm the picture of productivity, 358 00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:02,605 a role model for future generations, a beacon. 359 00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,148 [Pete] Bertie, are you in there? 360 00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,611 -Your pain au chocolat is vibrating. -[buzzes] 361 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,613 Thanks! Oh, I mean, sorry. 362 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:14,158 [sighs] You put your phone inside the dough instead of chocolate. 363 00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:15,826 Typical rookie mistake. 364 00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:17,995 -Oh, no! -[glass shatters] 365 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:20,373 All these voicemails from Speckle and one... 366 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:21,958 from my own phone? 367 00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:25,253 -[beeps] -Hi, Bertie. It's me, your phone. 368 00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:28,256 I'm getting really hot. [cries] 369 00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:29,382 I'm sorry, phone. 370 00:17:29,465 --> 00:17:30,967 I made a bake mistake. 371 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,093 No problem. 372 00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:34,971 Cooling off now. Bye! 373 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,222 [buzzes] 374 00:17:37,598 --> 00:17:39,392 -[exhales] -[beeps] 375 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:42,562 [Speckle] Hey, uh, I realize this is all happening much faster than we thought. 376 00:17:42,645 --> 00:17:45,648 So, um, call me back so we can talk about it, okay? 377 00:17:45,731 --> 00:17:47,233 -[buzzes] -[Speckle] Me again. 378 00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:49,944 Wait. Oh, shit, did I hang up? Ugh! 379 00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,529 -[buzzes] -Hey, uh, sorry. 380 00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:53,447 I-- I wasn't sure if I had hung up properly 381 00:17:53,531 --> 00:17:55,616 or if the voicemail was still recording. 382 00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:58,077 Anyway, Rebecca thinks we should make an offer now, 383 00:17:58,160 --> 00:18:01,539 but I can't do that without you, so get back to me. 384 00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,416 We're still in the running for this thing. 385 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,793 [Speckle] Hey, what was the name  of that movie we watched 386 00:18:05,876 --> 00:18:07,211 where the young bird was abducted? 387 00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:09,839 It's driving me crazy that I can't remember it. 388 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:10,756 [buzzes] 389 00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,675 [Speckle] It was called Young Bird Abducted. 390 00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,051 Okay. Call me back. 391 00:18:14,135 --> 00:18:15,094 [buzzes] 392 00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,555 [Speckle] Hey, Bertie. We lost the house. 393 00:18:18,973 --> 00:18:22,059 -[phone buzzes] -[Speckle] Hey, uh, please call me. 394 00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:24,228 It's so weird that you're not answering your phone. 395 00:18:24,312 --> 00:18:26,147 Um, I'm worried about you. 396 00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:35,239 [grumbles] 397 00:18:38,868 --> 00:18:40,995 Tuca? I need to talk to you. 398 00:18:41,078 --> 00:18:43,122 -[exclaims] -[roars] 399 00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,123 [screams] 400 00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:46,542 -So, this is my new pet, Jaggy. -[growls] 401 00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,210 Took me hours to come up with that name. 402 00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:51,714 Tuca, you got a jaguar? Are you crazy? 403 00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:54,258 That's a huge and dangerous commitment! 404 00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:56,135 You and Speckle are making a big commitment. 405 00:18:56,218 --> 00:18:58,638 Buying a jaguar is just the Tuca version of buying a house. 406 00:18:58,721 --> 00:19:00,014 [roars] 407 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:03,851 -[objects shatter] -Actually, we aren't buying anything. 408 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:05,978 -So, you aren't leaving? -Nope. 409 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,313 -[roars] -[objects shatter] 410 00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:10,399 I don't know why I thought we'd be ready to own a house together. 411 00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,152 I'm officially the worst at being in a relationship. 412 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,445 What makes you say that? 413 00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:19,492 I maybe have a weird crush on Pastry Pete. [groans] 414 00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,369 -[Jaggy growls] -I'm a terrible bird! 415 00:19:21,452 --> 00:19:23,037 Oh, girl, you nasty. 416 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,872 [snarls] 417 00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:30,336 Ugh! I had a sex dream with lots of really beautiful pastries. 418 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,963 And sometimes, I think about him. 419 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:35,549 But as long as you don't act on them, weird crushes are cool. 420 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,009 Your brain is a free zone. 421 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:41,013 Aw, yeah! Imaginary fucking. 422 00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:42,848 Oh, man, really? 423 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:44,975 [exhales] I feel so guilty about this. 424 00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:48,187 I got, like, a billion weird crushes going on at a time. 425 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:50,773 In my head, I'm married to three random strangers, 426 00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,650 I'm having an affair with six others, 427 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:56,404 and I'm terrified that the whole thing is gonna come crashing down on me. 428 00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:58,322 [all gasp] 429 00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,282 But it doesn't matter 'cause it's all in my head. 430 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:01,784 No big deal. Nothing's ruined. 431 00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:05,913 -Yeah, yeah, yeah! -[all cheer] 432 00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,959 -Huh. -[Jaggy roars] 433 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,546 Aw, shit! 434 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,089 This jaguar is ruining my shit! 435 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,467 -Damn it, jaguar! -[Jaggy growls] 436 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,469 She's just mad  'cause I spent all of the money 437 00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,721 in our joint checking account. 438 00:20:21,804 --> 00:20:22,930 [growls] 439 00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,349 But I needed all those novelty socks. 440 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,017 [laughs] 441 00:20:27,101 --> 00:20:28,144 -[snarls] -[gasps] 442 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,478 [phone buzzes] 443 00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,063 -[man] Delivery! -Come on up. 444 00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,357 You ordered food during all this? 445 00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:36,652 Hello. I have 16 orders of meat dumplings and-- 446 00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:38,988 [man screams] 447 00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,322 My beautiful beak! 448 00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:43,159 Now I'll never be an actor with humble beginnings! 449 00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:47,121 [screams] Now, my face is just a mush with holes in it! 450 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,832 [screams] My mush! 451 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:51,792 No! My holes! 452 00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:53,461 Ugh! You're right, Bertie. 453 00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,004 This pet is too much for me. 454 00:20:58,883 --> 00:21:01,510 -[Speckle] Bertie, are you up there? -Uh-oh. 455 00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:03,304 -[Jaggy growls] -[man screams] 456 00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:05,097 -[man] Why? Why? -Hey, is that a jaguar? 457 00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,099 Speckle, watch out! 458 00:21:10,978 --> 00:21:12,438 Jaguar, stop! 459 00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:15,107 Be still. 460 00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,985 Also, if you maul that guy any more, he's gonna die. 461 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:18,944 [man] Thanks, buddy. 462 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,489 Damn. Good one, Speckle. 463 00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,991 Ugh. Hmm... 464 00:21:24,700 --> 00:21:26,786 Hmm! Sweet and sour sauce. 465 00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:29,914 Come now. 466 00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:32,374 -Whoa. -Wow. 467 00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,293 That's cool. You can keep her. 468 00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:35,836 Consider it a neighborly gift. 469 00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:39,381 She just needs 16 orders of meat dumplings every two hours. 470 00:21:40,174 --> 00:21:42,510 -Sorry about all this, buddy. -No problem! 471 00:21:42,593 --> 00:21:43,511 Five stars, right? 472 00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:45,596 Eh, four stars. 473 00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:48,140 -You're a little late. -Aw, shucks. 474 00:21:55,189 --> 00:21:58,234 Speckle, how did you tame that jaguar? 475 00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:01,028 I don't know. I just didn't want it to hurt you or me. 476 00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:03,030 Mostly me, because I'm mad at you. 477 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:05,991 I'm so sorry I didn't answer your calls. 478 00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:08,869 That "30-year fixed" stuff scared the shit out of me. 479 00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:10,538 All you had to do was tell me. 480 00:22:10,621 --> 00:22:12,164 I know. I tried. 481 00:22:12,248 --> 00:22:14,750 But you were like a runaway train with this house. 482 00:22:14,834 --> 00:22:17,336 How are you so sure that this is going to work out? 483 00:22:17,419 --> 00:22:18,546 I don't really question it. 484 00:22:18,629 --> 00:22:21,382 I know that I want you now, and that's enough. 485 00:22:21,465 --> 00:22:23,551 Mm, it's silly, but for me, 486 00:22:23,634 --> 00:22:26,929 sometimes making a big decision feels like closing a door. 487 00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:27,847 That's okay. 488 00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,849 We can slow down and take it step by step. 489 00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:32,393 Also, I'm gonna look really hot in 30 years. 490 00:22:32,476 --> 00:22:33,894 [chuckles] 491 00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:36,564 ♪ Third wheel, third wheel Cookin' some food ♪ 492 00:22:36,647 --> 00:22:40,109 ♪ Third wheel, third wheel Gonna taste good! ♪ 493 00:22:40,651 --> 00:22:41,777 Cookie omelet, anyone? 494 00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:44,363 Speckle, I'm sorry we lost that house. 495 00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:46,574 Eh. There's always more houses. 496 00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:48,409 I just really liked that one. 497 00:22:48,492 --> 00:22:52,204 -Well, what about this place? -Hmm? 498 00:22:53,163 --> 00:22:56,083 I mean, have you seen this open house yet? 499 00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:58,752 Because this place is a dream! 500 00:22:59,670 --> 00:23:02,339 Look at this somewhat spacious kitchen 501 00:23:02,423 --> 00:23:06,760 with its... state-of-the-art cabinets that open and close. 502 00:23:06,844 --> 00:23:08,804 Except for this one, because it's jammed. 503 00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:11,056 Mm, that is a great feature. 504 00:23:11,140 --> 00:23:14,476 And think of all the time you'll save not watching a fireplace 505 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,812 because there isn't a fireplace. 506 00:23:17,313 --> 00:23:18,772 [laughs] Oh, perfect! 507 00:23:18,856 --> 00:23:23,527 Also, this place comes complete with one non-standard toucan. 508 00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:24,820 [fanfare] 509 00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:25,738 Standard. 510 00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:30,159 Consider me a built-in entertainment center with no off switch. 511 00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:31,577 Consider me impressed. 512 00:23:31,660 --> 00:23:34,079 And get a load of this powerful toilet. 513 00:23:35,706 --> 00:23:39,084 Ugh. The pipes in this building are trash. Y'all should think about moving. 514 00:23:39,168 --> 00:23:41,170 [all laugh] 515 00:23:46,467 --> 00:23:47,635 Oh, Tuca. 516 00:23:49,970 --> 00:23:51,180 [screams] 517 00:23:51,263 --> 00:23:55,100 No, no, no! All of these actors are too handsome! 518 00:23:55,184 --> 00:23:56,852 Well, I don't know what you're looking for. 519 00:23:56,936 --> 00:24:00,189 I keep telling you the character's name is Mush Face. 520 00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:03,817 -I need a man with a mushy face. -I don't know what that means. 521 00:24:03,901 --> 00:24:04,735 [knocking on door] 522 00:24:04,944 --> 00:24:06,487 Dumpling delivery? 523 00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:07,988 [both gasp] 524 00:24:08,072 --> 00:24:10,199 ["All In (No Niin)" by Panik Disco feat. Artymove plays] 525 00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:11,575 ♪ Big bossy Ja sä valit set sen ♪ 526 00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:12,701 ♪ Win-win, no loss ♪ 527 00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,912 ♪ Enjoy the moment while it lasts Like a bubbly-bubble ♪ 528 00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,580 ♪ Let go of tomorrow and the past ♪ 529 00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:18,374 ♪ Soak in it, own it Nautti indulge ♪ 530 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,417 ♪ Savor it, zone it Päästä let go ♪ 531 00:24:20,501 --> 00:24:22,127 ♪ Mikä jut tu Mikä blow ♪ 532 00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:24,129 ♪ You'd have to say it out loud Before you know ♪ 533 00:24:24,213 --> 00:24:26,048 ♪ I just wanna keep it real Hauskaa ♪ 534 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:27,967 ♪ Living my life without vaivaa ♪ 535 00:24:28,050 --> 00:24:30,052 ♪ Reaching up, up, up For the taivaa ♪ 536 00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:31,720 ♪ Kohti taivaa Ei mitään vaivaa ♪ 537 00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:33,222 ♪ Sure, I got my share of ongelmia ♪ 538 00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:35,015 ♪ You know as well as I They are tervetuloa ♪ 539 00:24:35,099 --> 00:24:37,101 ♪ 'Cause I trip, grab it Up again and at it ♪ 540 00:24:37,184 --> 00:24:39,311 ♪ Till I grow like a flower through the asphalt ♪ 541 00:24:39,395 --> 00:24:40,938 ♪ Feed the fire in your heart ♪ 542 00:24:41,021 --> 00:24:43,023 ♪ No niin! No niin! ♪ 543 00:24:43,107 --> 00:24:44,441 ♪ Seize the moment that you want ♪ 544 00:24:44,525 --> 00:24:46,443 ♪ No niin! No niin! ♪ 545 00:24:46,527 --> 00:24:48,445 ♪ Set in motion what you got ♪ 546 00:24:50,197 --> 00:24:52,992 [announcer] And now, please welcome to the stage, 547 00:24:53,075 --> 00:24:55,244 guy who stepped on gum! 548 00:24:55,327 --> 00:24:57,746 -[crowd cheering] -[steps in beat] 549 00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:08,257 [barking, chittering] 550 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:11,468 [man] Boxer versus raptor, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na!