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[theme music plays]
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♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie
Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie ♪
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♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie
Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie ♪
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♪ Tuca & Bertie, Tuca & Bertie
Bertie & Tuca and Tuca & Bertie ♪
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♪ Tuca & Bertie ♪
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-♪ Tuca ♪
-♪ And Bertie ♪
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[both vocalize]
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[Bertie] I've been a data processor
at Conde Nest for three years.
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I'm a really important cog in the machine,
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00:00:50,634 --> 00:00:53,971
but sometimes I wonder,
what would it be like to be a bigger cog?
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I'm ready to break out
and step the shit up!
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I want a promotion!
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Uh, I meant,
what do you want for breakfast?
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Eh! Sorry.
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[Tuca] We've got cereal,
or eggs, or fish, or cake.
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Why choose?
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Uh... ugh!
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This position just opened up at work,
and the job is perfect for me!
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-Ooh, what position is it?
-Senior operations analyst.
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It's using statistics to optimize
marketing decisions for long-term growth.
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[glass shattering]
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-Oh, wow!
-That sounds great.
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You gonna ask your boss
about it today?
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Well, I'm pretty sure
I'm the most qualified.
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So, you're just gonna hope your boss
remembers you exist, reads your mind,
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and gives you what you want?
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That's been my life approach so far,
and it's worked... never times.
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You should just ask, Bertie.
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Asking for what I want is not my style.
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But it's okay. I have a plan.
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[Bertie] First, I'll dress to impress.
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You don't own that, but it looks sharp.
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Then I'll establish a rapport with my boss
by nailing some small talk.
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[phones ring]
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Work is great, but wouldn't you
rather spend the day at the beach?
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-Aha. Everyone loves the beach.
-I work as hard as I "beach"!
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-[both laugh]
-Good one!
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Then I'll demonstrate my leadership skills
by speaking up in a meeting.
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Blah, blah, I'm Bertie's dumb,
annoying coworker, Dirk.
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I wear too much cologne,
I pronounce it "ex-specially,"
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and I usually talk over you,
but I just realized I'm a stupid asshole.
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[blows raspberry]
Now I'm gonna go fuck myself!
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Thanks, Dirk.
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I've done the market research. Ka-pow!
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If we double down, ba-ba-boom,
on media ad sales,
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we can improve our revenue by 25 percent.
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Confidence!
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[cheering]
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Bertie, will you be
our new senior operations analyst?
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Who? Me?
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-Please, Bertie! Please!
-Okay.
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Hooray for Bertie!
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Here's your maple-walnut latte,
Ms. Bertie.
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-Yum!
-Here's the latest analytics, Ms. Bertie.
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-Ooh!
-Good morning, Ms. B!
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I'm starved.
Could you feed me some fresh files?
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-Uh... okay.
-Yum-yummy!
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Feed me more files!
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My hunger restores as I am fed,
and I will never be sated!
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This is my curse!
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Uh...
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-Bertie!
-Uh, today will go great!
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Text me when you get the good news, okay?
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And tonight,
maybe we can do some celebrating
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with my big... di-nner idea.
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-Two different kinds of oven fries!
-Ooh!
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Hey, what if I come
help you get the promotion?
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[laughs] That would be so fun, Tuca,
but I should probably handle it myself.
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Aw, okay. But now I'm all pumped to work
my Tuca magic and be useful to the world.
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Oh, well, why don't you check
your ChoreGoose app and do some gigs?
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Great idea!
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I can go above and beyond for some randos
while making that money.
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Aw, yeah, I'm about to bang out
a ton of these gigs today!
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Strangers, you're about to get Tuca'd!
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[Bertie mumbles]
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Boss, boss, where is the boss?
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-[air horn blows]
-Ah! Hi, Claudette.
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You startled me... by being.
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-[groans]
-[shudders]
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All right, switch on the charm.
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Operation Small Talk with the Boss
has begun.
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-Hey, Holland!
-Oh, good morning, Bertie.
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That was some nice weather we had
over the weekend, eh?
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Uh, just makes you wanna go to the beach.
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Did you go to the beach?
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Oh, no. I mean, I thought about it,
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but it's a long drive
and I'm afraid of crabs.
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[crows]
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You guys talking about the beach?
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You gonna catch some waves out there,
Holland-dawg?
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[laughs] You know it, Dirk!
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-All right!
-[laughs]
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Boo-yah! Water sports!
Ba-bow! [laughs]
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Yeah, sometimes I have nightmares
about that part of the ocean
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where the water gets super dark
because it's so deep. [chuckles]
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Like, what if there's a giant monster crab
down there, waiting to pinch my butt?
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I work as hard as I beach!
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[groans] Never mind!
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-Did you see the sport this weekend?
-Indeed, I did. Good sport.
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[knuckles crack loudly]
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[goose honks]
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[knocking on door]
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Hey, upstairs neighbor.
I'm here to be your ChoreGoose.
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Ah, excellent.
Can you take dictation for me, my dear?
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Yes, sir!
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"Dear editor of the Bird Town Gazette,
foreseeing increased mobility issues,
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the black tar potholes on Beak Street
have become untenable!"
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[driver screams]
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[sniffs]
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-Did you get that?
-Mm-hmm.
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"As the owner
of a vintage touring bicycle,
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I am endangered and frankly disturbed
by the flippancy of our municipal pavers!"
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Got it!
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"As famed urbanist Elebert Whitscythe
once said,
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'Roads are but the lymphatic system
of the city,'
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so I urge you to repair Bird Town's
concrete crevices posthaste!
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Signed, Dapper T. Dog,
Fervent Citizen Velocipede."
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Okay, read it back to me. [chuckles]
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[clears throat]
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"Dear newspaper, potholes suck.
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Go jerk off in a lake.
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Sincerely, Dapper T. Dog,
City Velociraptor."
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[roars]
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What?! What sort of chicanery is afoot?
125
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This is good to go. Mm-hmm.
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Surely, this is in jest. [chuckles]
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Fresh mail, coming in hot! Hyah!
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-Gotcha!
-No!
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Fraudulence! Those weren't
my impeccably composed words!
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I thought my version
was more to the point.
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My best friend, Bertie,
always likes my editorializing.
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-Get out at once!
-Yeesh. Okay.
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-[sobs]
-Now, where's my next gig at?
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-[indistinct chatter]
-[Bertie] Hmm...
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-Hey, what you got there?
-Oh, just some ideas.
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I was thinking we should be
marketing to eagles because--
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Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
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I've definitely got some cool ideas, too,
in terms of my own ideas, yeah.
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[surf rock guitar riff plays]
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Good morning, all.
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Let's get the ball rolling on
our marketing strategy for the next month.
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-Anybody want to start us off?
-Yeah, I've got something here.
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I think if you look at the data
from this last quarter, it shows that--
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And I'd like to piggyback
on what Bertie is saying
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and add that our audience is expanding,
ex-specially in the southeast.
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Um, yes, that is true.
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-And those areas are--
-Dense with eagles!
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And we could, you know,
I don't know, target some ads.
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I'm thinking, uh, trophy hunting,
being on coins,
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hair plugs for the bald ones.
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-[murmurs of assent]
-Hmm...
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'Cause, uh, eagles love all that shit.
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[laughs]
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They are quite extreme.
Excellent, Dirk.
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Bertie, did you have anything to add?
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-Uh, no. I think Dirk covered it.
-Yup.
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[screams] Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet!
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-Hi, could you keep it down?
-Yeah, could you not?
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-Meow!
-Meow!
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Sorry.
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Cloaca! [echos]
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Ooh.
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-[sighs]
-[door opens]
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[woman] What's the difference
between regular broth and bone broth?
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One has extra bones?
166
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-[woman] Duffy, I'm so glad you called.
-[door opens, closes]
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The best bone farm
has been growing bones...
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-[sighs]
-...for 200 years.
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00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:40,020
[woman chuckles]
Of course it's haunted, come on!
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[dialing, line rings]
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Bertie, talk to me.
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Tuca, this rooster guy I work with
is ruining my life today!
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Kinda busy with a customer right now,
174
00:08:51,114 --> 00:08:54,075
but text me his photo, and I'll plot
his murder the moment I'm free.
175
00:08:54,159 --> 00:08:57,287
-Ah! What are you doing?
-Just trimming a bush.
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-[Tuca squeals]
-What's going on over there?
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I'm out here helping people!
Gotta go! [pants]
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[woman] I'm telling you, Duffy,
the bones just suck up cellulite!
179
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Maybe some women are body positive,
but hmm-mmm-mmm, not me!
180
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[groans]
181
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I'll just go ask him.
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Yeah. Be assertive.
183
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[Holland hums]
184
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:23,188
Hmm, he looks pretty busy.
185
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:24,606
Wouldn't wanna interrupt.
186
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,983
-Mm-hmm?
-Eek! [pants]
187
00:09:27,859 --> 00:09:29,652
'Sup, Bertie? Thanks for earlier.
188
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:33,156
-You were so helpful in that meeting.
-Oh, no problem.
189
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,657
Hey, why the bleak beak?
190
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,451
Oh, nothing.
191
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:38,953
I just need to buck up
and ask Holland for something.
192
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:42,040
Oh, yeah? Is that why you wore
that tight sweater today?
193
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,875
What?
194
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:47,629
I'm sure Holland will give you
whatever you ask for. [chuckles]
195
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:50,590
No! Absolutely no!
196
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:53,468
I will not with this shit.
I am finished.
197
00:09:53,551 --> 00:09:55,011
-I'm finished!
-Gross!
198
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:57,847
I am done with today! I need a drink!
199
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:03,019
Hey, you can't spell "drink"
without "Dirk" and some other letters.
200
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:06,606
-Wait!
-Right one staying put and lookin' nice.
201
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:08,733
Oh, no, you don't!
202
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:09,651
[goose honks]
203
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:13,404
-Voilà!
-Ooh.
204
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:16,074
You asked for a basic dresser,
and that's what I built.
205
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:17,784
-Oh, wonderful!
-Yup.
206
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:21,788
Followed the instructions and everything,
then I kicked things up a notch.
207
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,374
-This is the meat drawer.
-Oh?
208
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,876
-And cheese drawer.
-Um...
209
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:30,839
Now, you'll wanna swap these ice packs out
twice a day for fresh ones
210
00:10:30,922 --> 00:10:33,883
or all your clothes
are really gonna stink.
211
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:37,053
Oh, my! This isn't what I wanted at all!
212
00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:40,223
Aw. My best friend, Bertie, loves it
when I fill drawers with ham.
213
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,224
Ew.
214
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:43,226
Me and Bertie are always doing fun stuff.
215
00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:45,854
Last week,
her boyfriend ate his own grandma.
216
00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:46,771
[exclaims]
217
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:48,731
[grunts]
218
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,108
Where the Havarti at?
219
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:52,777
Got it!
220
00:10:58,449 --> 00:11:00,994
-Hey, you're the HR person, right?
-[camera shutter clicks]
221
00:11:01,077 --> 00:11:02,412
Yup! What's with the hole?
222
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,664
That's actually what I came here
to talk to you--
223
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:07,876
[chuckles] You should cover that.
It's not appropriate work attire.
224
00:11:07,959 --> 00:11:12,338
Uh, a coworker made
a super gross comment about my body.
225
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:13,840
Eesh. Who did that?
226
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,801
Um... it was Dirk.
227
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,387
Oh, he's cute. Lucky you.
228
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:20,305
[grunts]
229
00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:23,224
Well, he probably meant it
as a compliment.
230
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:27,478
Best to not spread this around.
It could make our company look bad, so...
231
00:11:27,562 --> 00:11:30,940
Could you maybe talk to him
about proper office behavior?
232
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,775
[chuckles] That sounds
like an awkward convo!
233
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,194
Isn't that your job?
234
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,153
Shh!
235
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:36,529
Here's a pamphlet.
236
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:43,119
-Oh, thanks.
-Mm-hmm.
237
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,838
So, where did all the cold cuts come from?
238
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,882
I don't know where meat comes from.
239
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:57,759
What am I, a food professor?
240
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,261
-There she is!
-Yo!
241
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,388
Hey. What's up, guys?
242
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:03,890
Tuca, how were your gigs?
243
00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:06,559
I did good, maybe too good.
244
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:09,103
You know how sometimes I'm too helpful?
245
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,021
Yup.
246
00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:11,564
Whoa, what happened to your chest?
247
00:12:11,648 --> 00:12:14,484
-Um...
-Did you trade a titty for a promotion?
248
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,569
You are a ruthless negotiator!
249
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,405
Ugh. It's dumb.
I don't wanna talk about it.
250
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:23,284
Well, I think your boob hole
looks really cool.
251
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:24,744
Thanks.
252
00:12:24,827 --> 00:12:26,788
-What's up with the promotion, though?
-Oh, yeah!
253
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,623
Well, everything's...
254
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,208
[cheerful music plays]
255
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:33,670
[cheerful music plays]
256
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,587
...great!
257
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:37,924
I totally asked
for the promotion, and, uh...
258
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:40,051
-we're working on it!
-Woo-woo!
259
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,389
Time to celebrate with...
260
00:12:45,056 --> 00:12:46,391
oven fries!
261
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:47,892
[triumphant fanfare plays]
262
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:50,687
-I burned the curly ones.
-Oh, great!
263
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,732
Yeah. I'm gonna go eat these in bed.
264
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:55,650
Bed fries.
265
00:12:55,733 --> 00:12:57,986
-Is everything okay?
-Oh, yeah. [forced chuckle]
266
00:12:58,069 --> 00:12:58,945
Just working hard.
267
00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:01,239
Okay, go relax.
I'll come to bed in a little bit.
268
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:04,033
Don't make yourself
a new boyfriend out of fries.
269
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,118
A boy-fry'nd!
270
00:13:05,201 --> 00:13:08,371
-[bass music plays]
-[studio audience applauds]
271
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,541
Hey, Speckle, can I use your laptop?
272
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:14,043
Don't you have a computer
in your apartment?
273
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,504
Am I in my apartment?
274
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:20,341
Okay. But don't stay up all night
watching car crash videos.
275
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,343
-Fine.
-And don't wipe the browser history
276
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,554
after staying up all night
watching car crash videos.
277
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:25,555
Fine!
278
00:13:28,891 --> 00:13:30,476
-[tires screech]
-Oh, no!
279
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:31,936
Oh, no!
280
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,814
Oh, no! [laughs]
281
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:38,693
[Tuca laughs]
282
00:13:38,776 --> 00:13:41,279
Woof! What a day!
283
00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:43,489
Oh, hey. There you are!
284
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:46,159
Yeah, the prodigal bosom returneth!
285
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:49,662
I feel bad for splitting,
but, boy, did I need a drink.
286
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:51,581
There, there, little Ber-titty.
287
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,833
Tell your Auntie Tookles all about it.
288
00:13:53,916 --> 00:13:57,628
Bertie's boss
barely notices we exist, I swear.
289
00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:58,546
Aw, man!
290
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:02,216
And that nasty rooster
sexually harassed us today!
291
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,052
So humiliating!
292
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:04,969
Oh, no!
293
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,429
Plus, the bathroom stinks,
294
00:14:06,512 --> 00:14:10,183
and there's a lady on her phone in there
all day, so we can't poop!
295
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,852
-Oh, hell no. Bertie needs my help.
-[glass shatters]
296
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:15,229
Yeah, she could really use some support.
297
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:16,856
[chuckles] Bra joke!
298
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:21,069
-[audience cheers and applauds]
-[burps]
299
00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:23,321
[Tuca] Mm-hmm...
300
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,616
-Ah-ha!
-[chuckles] Hey!
301
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:30,328
This is gonna be better than the time
I popped out at the water park.
302
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:32,205
-Ah, yeah.
-[water splashes]
303
00:14:32,288 --> 00:14:34,499
-[Bertie's Boob] Wa-pow! Look at me now!
-[crowd gasps]
304
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:36,042
-[woman] Put that away!
-[kid cries]
305
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,336
-[woman] There are children here!
-[man] Oh, Timmy, no!
306
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:40,588
-[man] Look away, sweetie! Look away!
-[woman] Oh, no!
307
00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:43,549
-[scream echoes]
-Ah, sweet, sweet freedom.
308
00:14:47,845 --> 00:14:49,931
[groans]
309
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:53,142
So hung over. [groans]
310
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,560
-[horns blow]
-Surprise!
311
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,729
Your work sucks,
and I'm here to make it better.
312
00:14:56,813 --> 00:14:57,897
-What?
-Check your desk.
313
00:14:58,981 --> 00:15:00,650
Oh, Tuca...
314
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:01,818
And that's not all.
315
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,737
-I'm the new office temp!
-[fanfare]
316
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:07,448
-[laughs]
-Your booby gave me the rundown.
317
00:15:07,532 --> 00:15:09,659
-[burps]
-And we're gonna fix this dump.
318
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,828
-Now, first order of business.
-Whoa!
319
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:16,040
[woman] So, Duffy tells me
I have something caught on my beak,
320
00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:19,085
and it's my beak brightening strip.
321
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:21,879
I forgot to remove it
when I left for lunch!
322
00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:25,007
Chantelle, I swear, it was hilarious.
323
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,175
Come on!
324
00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:29,137
Yo, red velvet pumps, your time is up.
325
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,931
[woman] Oh, excuse me.
I'm on the phone.
326
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:35,143
-Does this look like a phone booth to you?
-I was just--
327
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,103
The middle stall? Seriously?
328
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:38,354
That's a buffer stall.
329
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,690
No one's ever supposed to go in there.
330
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,609
Everyone knows that.
You need to go back to toilet school.
331
00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:45,778
Wait a minute.
332
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:48,197
Do you even work on this floor?
333
00:15:48,823 --> 00:15:50,950
I don't even work in this building.
334
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:52,243
Me neither.
335
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:53,494
-Out!
-[clucks, screams]
336
00:15:53,578 --> 00:15:55,163
-[door opens, closes]
-Wee!
337
00:15:55,246 --> 00:15:57,707
-Templates, come!
-[whistle trills]
338
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:01,627
-Make this restroom more inviting.
-Uh, who are these...?
339
00:16:01,711 --> 00:16:04,213
Oh, they're just two other temp workers
I found around the office.
340
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,673
I call them templates!
341
00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:07,049
♪ Templates ♪
342
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,511
-Why are you in charge of them?
-Two words, Bertie: confidence.
343
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:13,306
Was one of the words "Bertie"?
344
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:16,267
Oh, never mind.
I gotta run to a meeting in a minute.
345
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,685
[laughs] Perfect.
346
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:20,104
-Time for the next part of my plan.
-Ooh!
347
00:16:20,688 --> 00:16:23,900
All right, everyone, now that we've gotten
some housekeeping out of the way,
348
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,693
let's talk marketing strategy.
349
00:16:25,776 --> 00:16:27,445
Dirk, why don't you get us started?
350
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:30,615
Okay, well, I looked over
more of my data, and I, um...
351
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,202
[chomping loudly]
352
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:35,703
[clanging noise]
353
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,748
[clears throat] I just wanna reiterate
that stuff
354
00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:40,708
I was saying yesterday about eagles.
355
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,251
And the things that they like to do.
356
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:44,754
Okay. Anything new today?
357
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,715
Maybe we could advertise
to, like, hawks, too?
358
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:50,051
Ka-kaaaw!
359
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,596
That's the alarm that sounds
360
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:56,974
when no women have spoken out loud
for three minutes.
361
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,394
-[Holland laughs]
-[others laugh]
362
00:17:01,771 --> 00:17:05,024
I believe my buddy Bertie
had something to contribute.
363
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,276
-Go ahead, B.
-Uh...
364
00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,821
Well, based on my research,
365
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:14,992
we could target more ads
towards quacks, screamers, and loons.
366
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,036
And I'm not talking about Tuca here.
367
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,997
[laughter]
368
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,499
I'm talking about waterfowl.
369
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:25,086
[coworkers murmur in agreement]
370
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:26,963
That was amazing!
371
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,507
Rudeness saves the day yet again.
372
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,593
-Excuse me, what was your name?
-Tuca. I'm a temp.
373
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:36,347
You seem like a real go-getter,
an innovator, a maverick!
374
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:39,600
A cowgirl, a snowblower, a popsicle stick.
375
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,019
Oh, sorry.
I thought we were just listing stuff.
376
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:44,397
Charming. I'd love to hear
some of your ideas.
377
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,107
Maybe I could pick your brain later.
378
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:48,526
Okay, but it's just a pile of peanuts
up there.
379
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:49,569
[laughs]
380
00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:52,113
Wow, my boss really likes you.
381
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:54,156
Yeah. All I did was make a loud noise.
382
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,118
Ka-kaw! [laughs] Kaw!
383
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:04,208
I'm gonna eat chips for lunch.
384
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:06,586
Spicy chips.
385
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:14,218
♪ Spicy chips
Mm, spicy chips ♪
386
00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,804
♪ Ooh, they make me gassy
But I love spicy chips ♪
387
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,223
-Are you eating chips for lunch again?
-No.
388
00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:21,434
-[Tuca] Come and get your lunch orders.
-Huh?
389
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:23,603
Side of meatballs.
Great choice, Sarah.
390
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:24,604
Breakfast burrito.
391
00:18:24,687 --> 00:18:26,939
Pretty wild for a Tuesday, Cindy.
392
00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:28,441
Vegetarian surprise.
393
00:18:28,524 --> 00:18:29,483
Here you go, champ.
394
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,652
There's meat in it. Surprise!
395
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:33,195
Lunch is fun now!
396
00:18:33,279 --> 00:18:35,823
-Here you go, Big H.
-Killing it, Tuca.
397
00:18:35,906 --> 00:18:38,868
You're... really great at this.
398
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:41,621
Yeah, I figured I should do
at least one of the tasks
399
00:18:41,704 --> 00:18:43,456
the office manager asked me to do.
400
00:18:43,539 --> 00:18:45,041
I got you, Claudette!
401
00:18:45,374 --> 00:18:47,460
-I got you, girl!
-[people gasp]
402
00:18:47,543 --> 00:18:48,544
[chuckles]
403
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:51,005
Claudette never smiles!
404
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:53,341
Tuca, could you come and chat
in my office for a moment?
405
00:18:53,424 --> 00:18:55,635
I'd like to get your input on some things.
406
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:57,511
-[gulps]
-Okay. Templates!
407
00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:58,971
♪ Templates ♪
408
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,473
[fanfare plays]
409
00:19:00,765 --> 00:19:03,225
-Do you have a pool?
-Yes. Why?
410
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:05,144
Can I throw a party at your house
next weekend?
411
00:19:05,227 --> 00:19:08,105
-[laughs]
-Uh... Tuca?
412
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:10,358
[groans]
413
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:14,278
[laughs]
414
00:19:14,362 --> 00:19:16,656
Now, let me know
if you wanna jazz things up in there.
415
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,033
I can build you a desk
with a salami dispenser.
416
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,242
That's not a euphemism.
417
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,620
[laughs] Oh, Tuca!
418
00:19:24,038 --> 00:19:25,581
Hey, where's Bertie at?
419
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,668
Bertie? Bertie! Bertie!
420
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,670
[Bertie wails]
421
00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:31,796
Bertie!
422
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:35,174
[Bertie] Your templates made it
really nice in here.
423
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:37,968
-[sniffles and sobs]
-What's wrong, friend?
424
00:19:38,052 --> 00:19:41,889
Well, I... I thought I wasn't getting
ahead because of sexism,
425
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:45,726
but you've only been here one day,
and you're doing amazing!
426
00:19:45,810 --> 00:19:47,061
I know. It's crazy.
427
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,438
Your boss wants to give me
the promotion you want.
428
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,525
[Bertie wails]
429
00:19:52,608 --> 00:19:54,443
No!
430
00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:58,906
So... [sniffles] The only reason I haven't
gotten the promotion is...
431
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,991
[blows nose] I suck?
432
00:20:01,075 --> 00:20:02,451
You don't suck at all.
433
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:05,454
You're the one who has the smart things
to say during meetings
434
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:07,081
and deserves that job!
435
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:08,499
You just never take credit.
436
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,752
You pretty much let everyone
trample all over your tits.
437
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,504
[Bertie] I give up!
438
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:14,714
Bertie, no.
439
00:20:14,797 --> 00:20:17,758
Holland needs to fill that position,
and I told him I'd think about it,
440
00:20:17,842 --> 00:20:19,510
but I was just buying you time.
441
00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,971
I'm pretty sure his top choices
are me and Dirk.
442
00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:24,724
No! Dirk's a boob spooker!
443
00:20:24,807 --> 00:20:27,685
-We have to do something!
-I might have an idea.
444
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:33,190
-[keyboard clicks]
-Just select and nudge to the right.
445
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:36,068
And now, for some tasteful clip art.
446
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:37,278
Ha! A tiger!
447
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:40,239
-Ooh!
-That looks really good.
448
00:20:40,322 --> 00:20:42,700
-Love the tiger.
-Me-ow.
449
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,076
I command you to print.
450
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:46,203
♪ So what? Baby, I'm hot ♪
451
00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:48,956
♪ Y'all need to set your watch
After my clock ♪
452
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:51,250
♪ So what? Baby, I'm hot ♪
453
00:20:51,333 --> 00:20:53,669
♪ Y'all need to set your watch
After my clock ♪
454
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:56,213
♪ Clock, tick-tock
Clock, ding-dong, yeah ♪
455
00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,716
♪ Y'all need to set your watch
After my clock ♪
456
00:20:58,799 --> 00:21:01,177
♪ Clock, tick-tock
Clock, ding-dong, yeah ♪
457
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:03,471
♪ Y'all need to set your watch
After my clock ♪
458
00:21:03,554 --> 00:21:05,097
♪ Yeah, I'm in the building ♪
459
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:07,558
♪ Doing my thing, I do my thing
Who you kidding? ♪
460
00:21:07,641 --> 00:21:09,268
♪ Me and my girls, we gettin' down ♪
461
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:11,312
♪ We don't play, we never-- ♪
462
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:12,730
-[song ends abruptly]
-[man coughs]
463
00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:17,318
Well, I wasn't super prepared for this,
but I'll start with the basics.
464
00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:18,569
Okay, who here can tell me
465
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:21,697
which parts of this doll
it's okay to whistle at?
466
00:21:21,781 --> 00:21:23,741
[yawns]
467
00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,035
-What's the plan now?
-I don't know.
468
00:21:26,118 --> 00:21:28,579
I thought Dirk would feel so guilty
during this meeting,
469
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,998
he'd confess to sexually harassing me!
470
00:21:33,751 --> 00:21:36,253
-[grunts]
-Oh, you pure-hearted dummy.
471
00:21:36,337 --> 00:21:40,466
Now, if we get kissed without consent,
maybe with a little bit of tongue,
472
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,968
do we really need
to use the word "assault"?
473
00:21:43,052 --> 00:21:45,137
-Seems harsh.
-[laughs]
474
00:21:45,221 --> 00:21:47,056
Ugh, that's it!
475
00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:48,557
Okay, hi.
476
00:21:48,641 --> 00:21:51,936
I feel like we have a problem
with sexual harassment in this office,
477
00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:53,854
and I wanna talk about it!
478
00:21:53,938 --> 00:21:54,772
Yeah, yeah!
479
00:21:54,855 --> 00:21:58,275
Um, Bertie, the storytelling part
comes after I do my condom demo.
480
00:21:58,359 --> 00:21:59,443
Hey, Dirk!
481
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:02,154
What you said to me yesterday
made me uncomfortable!
482
00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:05,157
[laughs] Whoa, hey.
I was just kidding around.
483
00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:06,659
It was inappropriate!
484
00:22:06,742 --> 00:22:08,369
My boob ran away!
485
00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:11,080
Uh, I'm sorry if my joke
hurt your feelings.
486
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:14,166
-He's been weird to me, too.
-He goosed my butt!
487
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:16,460
He honked my goose! I mean, boob.
488
00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:17,461
I am a goose.
489
00:22:17,545 --> 00:22:18,879
[laughs] What a playful guy!
490
00:22:18,963 --> 00:22:21,882
You made me think
about my own body at work!
491
00:22:21,966 --> 00:22:23,342
That's disgusting!
492
00:22:23,425 --> 00:22:24,343
-Yeah!
-That's right!
493
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:26,470
-Ugh! Bodies are terrible!
-Whoa!
494
00:22:26,554 --> 00:22:28,889
Let's not get into a mob mentality here.
495
00:22:28,973 --> 00:22:32,101
Dirk, I think you should pack your things
and leave the office for the day.
496
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,727
Come-- [groans]
497
00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:36,730
[crows]
498
00:22:40,401 --> 00:22:43,112
Hey, good job, Bertie.
You nailed that creep.
499
00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,363
Yeah. Feels good.
500
00:22:44,446 --> 00:22:47,241
-Go ask Holland for what you deserve.
-Okay.
501
00:22:47,324 --> 00:22:49,451
Mwah! Templates!
502
00:22:49,535 --> 00:22:50,953
♪ Templates ♪
503
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,621
[fanfare plays]
504
00:22:52,913 --> 00:22:55,666
[big band instrumental flourish plays]
505
00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:59,378
Bertie, I'd like to thank you
for speaking up today.
506
00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:02,131
-I'm sorry if you had a bad experience--
-Can I have a promotion?
507
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:03,299
-[gasps]
-Uh, who?
508
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,301
Look, I'd like to be
a senior operations analyst.
509
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:06,927
I would be good at it.
I wanna do that,
510
00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:08,888
I wish we had another toilet
in the women's room.
511
00:23:08,971 --> 00:23:11,640
-Why am I still talking?
-I was hoping you'd ask for that position.
512
00:23:11,724 --> 00:23:13,100
You're the perfect candidate.
513
00:23:13,434 --> 00:23:16,186
Wait, so does that mean...
514
00:23:16,270 --> 00:23:17,813
-Yes. Claudette?
-Huh?
515
00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:20,858
Let's get Bertie moved
into that empty office space today.
516
00:23:20,941 --> 00:23:23,444
[screams] What?! It's happening!
517
00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:25,404
Yeah, suck it, Claudette!
518
00:23:25,487 --> 00:23:27,990
-[Claudette grumbles]
-Oh. Sorry, Claudette.
519
00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:33,621
Wow, here I am.
520
00:23:34,246 --> 00:23:35,998
I got what I wanted.
521
00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:37,583
[phone buzzes]
522
00:23:40,502 --> 00:23:43,839
-[giggles] Aw.
-[keypad clicks, phone whooshes]
523
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:45,341
[keypad clicks]
524
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:47,885
Ah, ah, ah. Heading home already?
525
00:23:47,968 --> 00:23:49,053
It's only 6:30.
526
00:23:49,136 --> 00:23:52,723
You've got a lot of work to do,
Ms. Senior Operations Analyst.
527
00:23:53,307 --> 00:23:55,434
Oh. [chuckles awkwardly]
528
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:00,981
[buzzes]
529
00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:03,567
[sneezes]
530
00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:09,073
Yeesh!
531
00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:14,036
[groans]
532
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:20,918
♪ No words, only scream ♪
533
00:24:21,961 --> 00:24:28,133
♪ Could possibly protect you
You know what it means ♪
534
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:33,180
♪ There is no blame
There is no shame ♪
535
00:24:33,263 --> 00:24:35,599
♪ And even more ♪
536
00:24:35,683 --> 00:24:41,730
♪ Nobody gets what they want anymore ♪
537
00:24:47,194 --> 00:24:53,242
♪ Nobody gets what they want anymore ♪
538
00:24:58,831 --> 00:24:59,832
[gasps]
539
00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:04,169
[grunts and howls]
540
00:25:06,130 --> 00:25:08,841
[howl continues]
541
00:25:12,886 --> 00:25:16,807
-[chittering]
-[barking]
542
00:25:16,890 --> 00:25:19,977
[man] Boxer versus raptor!
Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na!