1
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♪♪

2
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-All right,
Assistant Principal Weber.

3
00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:24,763
You wanna tell me why
the Sotto Valley

4
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High School cafeteria
looks like a war zone?

5
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Why you're dressed
like a delivery man?

6
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And what the hell this is?

7
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♪♪

8
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♪♪

9
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-We must stop the Crites

10
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and destroy
Christopher Stewart.

11
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-I think we need
to call somebody.

12
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-Who?

13
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-I don't know!
Just call somebody.

14
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-Jesus Christ.

15
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What the hell is going on?

16
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-Deputy!
You have to do something!

17
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-What?

18
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-Our friend and his mom
have been kidnapped by these...

19
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by these terrible
little critters!

20
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-Not know.

21
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♪♪

22
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-Pork Chop...
we're coming for you.

23
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-Mom? What's going on?
What are these things?

24
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[ Electricity crackles ]

25
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-Oh, my God. You're okay!

26
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-I'm not sure
that we're okay, but...

27
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-Oh, shit! Where's Holt?

28
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-The delivery guy?

29
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This is not the time
to be thinking about sex.

30
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-He's not a delivery guy.

31
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He's a shape-shifting
intergalactic bounty hunter.

32
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He went into the school
to try to save you.

33
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-What are you talking about?
Nobody came to save me.

34
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Mr. Weber threatened to kill me
with a golf club.

35
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-Kill you?
Wait. Wait, wait.

36
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Was Mr. Weber wearing
a delivery uniform?

37
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-Yeah. Why?

38
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-My God, that wasn't Mr. Weber.
That was Holt.

39
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I thought that son of a bitch
was gonna protect you,

40
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not try to kill you.

41
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-Okay. I'm confused.

42
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Why the hell would anyone
want to kill me?

43
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-I don't know.
Maybe because you're...

44
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-Because I'm what?
-You're...Oh!

45
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[ Beeping ]

46
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♪♪

47
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♪♪

48
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What is that smell?

49
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-That was just me.

50
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-Christopher, come on,
seriously?

51
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-I'm nervous, okay?

52
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We're in a fucking
spaceship, Mom.

53
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-[ Screaming ]

54
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-Oh, my God.

55
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It's you.

56
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-"You"? Who?

57
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-Uh...

58
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-Welcome home, Christopher.

59
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I'm sure you have
many questions.

60
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-Yeah.

61
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-Veronica, you look well.

62
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-How does he know your name?

63
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Mom, how the fuck
does he know your name?

64
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-Uh...

65
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-We have traveled
thousands of miles

66
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and braved many dangers
to find you.

67
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-Me? Why do you wanna find me?

68
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-You haven't told him?

69
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-No. Please.

70
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-Told me what?

71
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-You've always
felt different, haven't you?

72
00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:04,766
-Yes.
-Okay, stop.

73
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He's not ready for this.

74
00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:09,553
-Haven't you ever
wondered why every waking moment

75
00:04:09,684 --> 00:04:13,209
is consumed with
the idea of feasting,

76
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yet, no matter how much you eat,
your hunger still burns?

77
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,955
-Okay, I've always
been a bit peckish, but --

78
00:04:20,085 --> 00:04:22,392
-Christopher,
there's a reason your appetite

79
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is never satisfied.

80
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-Yeah, my mom says
that I have no self-control.

81
00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:29,617
-Why your teeth
have baffled Earth's dentists?

82
00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:32,184
-I have hypohydrotic
ectodermal dysplasia.

83
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Right, Mom?

84
00:04:33,925 --> 00:04:35,187
-Huh?

85
00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:40,758
Mom?!

86
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:42,369
-And your eyes?

87
00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:44,458
-Yeah, I have acute
ocular rosacea.

88
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-Yeah, he gets
weekly treatments

89
00:04:46,198 --> 00:04:48,331
at the ophthalmologist.
That's totally normal.

90
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-[ Groaning ]

91
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Holy shit!

92
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That's my natural eye color?!

93
00:05:04,173 --> 00:05:06,262
Oh, so, that's not
normal back hair?

94
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,046
-That is normal back hair.

95
00:05:08,177 --> 00:05:09,526
You got it from my dad's side.

96
00:05:09,657 --> 00:05:12,007
-But the paralyzing
quills hidden underneath

97
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are another story.

98
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,449
-What the fuck
is a paralyzing quill?!

99
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-You see, Chris, my boy --

100
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-No! Don't.
Let me tell him.

101
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I should be the one
to do this.

102
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Something happened a...
long time ago.

103
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-Oh, God.

104
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-We met at a Y2K party,
all right?

105
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We thought the world
was gonna end.

106
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I mean, I thought,
why the hell not?

107
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I was rip-shit
on some homemade wine.

108
00:05:41,558 --> 00:05:44,169
I didn't think it could
actually happen.

109
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,649
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

110
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You mean, that,
that thing is my father?!

111
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,438
-Yes.

112
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-You told me that my real father
was a roadie for the WWE!

113
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How could I have been
so fucking stupid?!

114
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-Look, you are just
lashing out at me

115
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because you're angry!

116
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-I'm lashing out at you

117
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because you ran out of things
to fuck on Earth!

118
00:06:02,710 --> 00:06:04,189
And now I'm an alien!

119
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,627
-Hey, don't talk
to your mother that way!

120
00:06:06,757 --> 00:06:08,150
-I'm sorry!

121
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:11,066
Christopher, I'm sorry
I didn't tell you before!

122
00:06:11,196 --> 00:06:14,722
-Roni, give the boy some space.

123
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-You just...
-What?

124
00:06:16,985 --> 00:06:18,073
-Stop looking at me!

125
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You're undressing me
with those eyes!

126
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:21,381
-You look hot, sue me.
-Just --

127
00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:36,091
-You are the Crite
we've been searching for,

128
00:06:36,221 --> 00:06:39,181
my son.
-Holy shit.

129
00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:43,228
-I have come to
bring you to a world

130
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where you will be worshipped,

131
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a world where you belong.

132
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I have come to take you home.

133
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Join me and you will visit
new galaxies

134
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and see and eat things that no
regular human has ever seen...

135
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,158
or eaten.

136
00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:01,290
-It's like
everything I've ever thought

137
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,597
about my life has been a lie.

138
00:07:03,727 --> 00:07:05,599
-Become who you
were born to be.

139
00:07:05,729 --> 00:07:09,124
You are easily the smartest
Crite ever conceived.

140
00:07:09,254 --> 00:07:11,169
Your genetic code
will create a line

141
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:13,694
of hyper-intelligent hybrids.

142
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With your lineage, our species
will make a great leap forward.

143
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My own flesh and blood, my son,

144
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,356
will be the future
of our people.

145
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-Fuck.

146
00:07:36,804 --> 00:07:38,762
-I don't know about you,
Sheriff,

147
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:40,285
but I'm thinking
that's no YouTube video

148
00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:41,809
those kids were trying to make.

149
00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:44,986
I mean, they would've put it up
by now, right?

150
00:07:45,116 --> 00:07:48,424
-Do I have resting bitch face?

151
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,600
-Sheriff!
You have some visitors.

152
00:07:51,383 --> 00:07:53,298
-We'll take it from here.

153
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:59,000
♪♪

154
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:04,832
♪♪

155
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,268
-Who the hell are these guys?

156
00:08:06,398 --> 00:08:08,096
-The Crites have found
what they were seeking --

157
00:08:08,226 --> 00:08:12,056
a genetic abomination,
part-human, part-Crite.

158
00:08:12,187 --> 00:08:14,015
We must retrieve the boy.

159
00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:17,453
-You mean the boy that was right
under your nose for three weeks?

160
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:19,281
-He appeared to be human.

161
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:22,850
-The Crite ship has already left
Earth's atmosphere.

162
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:24,678
-We're too late.

163
00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,421
-Not necessarily...

164
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:35,602
-Oh, shit!

165
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♪♪

166
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♪♪

167
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♪♪

168
00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:11,986
♪♪