♪♪
Fuck me.
Going out?
Need any Viagra?
No. I'll be okay.
I thought that she had a shift tonight.
She called in sick.
Rough day. Told me to watch you.
Oh, by the way, you're grounded.
You're not gonna tell her, right?
Just be back before she wakes up.
All right.
[ Growling ]
♪♪
Mommy! Mommy! I saw a porcupine!
♪♪
[ Telephone rings ]
♪♪
Man: Hello?
♪♪
[ Chuckles ]
♪♪
Oh, wow!
Baby! [ Laughs ]
♪♪
Charlie: Why do you smell like your mom's perfume?
Christopher: Uh, she hugged me before I left.
No, it smells like you put it on you.
I put it on me.
It's gonna be a big night for you, man.
Take one of these.
Thanks.
Keep the pack.
♪♪
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh, fuck no!
You guys attacked me and got me detention
for the rest of the week.
Hey! We got detention, too.
Well, there's no way in hell
that I'm letting you two pussies in here.
You made it!
Ethan: Yeah, they did.
How great is that!
Does your face hurt?
My eyes hurt from looking at them.
Come on, babe.
Let's show your friends inside.
[ Laughs ]
You wanna go home?
Nope.
Tonight's my big night.
Hell yeah!
We are gonna own this party!
-We cool, right? -Right.
♪♪
You wanna dance?
You mean with you?
No! Idiot!
With her!
Christopher: Oh.
Yeah, I'm gonna go talk to her!
Okay. Okay.
Actually, I'm gonna go pee!
♪♪
Hi.
♪♪
-How much further?
9,600 miles.
We're making good time.
♪♪
[ Snarling ]
♪♪
-[ Hisses ] -[ Screaming ]
♪♪
Ahh!
♪♪
Yeah, sorry I'm late.
I'm in the car now.
Okay, see you soon.
[ Hisses ]
Yeah, I-I don't do the whole talking thing.
So just drive, all right?
What the fu--
[ Screams ]
Penelope: Oh, Ethan.
-When are you gonna tell Dana about us?
Soon. I know, babe. I promise.
You've been saying that for --
God, you make me so hot.
♪♪
This is not the bathroom.
And that is not Dana!
What the hell? Get out!
-What did you do to her? -Wh-- nothing.
Oh, shit, did you Cosby her?
I didn't touch her. I swear.
-You were touching her. -Okay, no, no, just look.
She's -- She's okay.
What the fuck is this?
What the fuck?!
♪♪
Charlie: Coming in.
Wow, you are cute.
What's your name?
All right, cool, that's fine.
Mrs. Yellow, Mrs. Sunshine, okay...
Ooh, must be raining.
Yes.
No?
No. Okay.
Hey, what are you doing later?
Okay, cool. That was really offensive.
[ Sighs ] It's the shirt, isn't it?
Where the hell is Chris?
Get it off me! Get the fuck off me!
You tell Dana about Penelope and you're a dead man.
Are you serious right now?!
Yes!
Yo!
What the hell is that?!
Oh, man. -Charlie.
Charlie, what are you doing? Run!
Are you kidding? This is gonna go viral!
Oh, shit!
[ Screaming ]
What the fuck?!
♪♪
[ Beeping ]
[ High-pitched screech ] [ Screaming ]
[ Screeching ]
What the hell was that?
Guys...
This isn't what it looks like.
-Oh, my God. -What?
I, uh, caught these two freaks slipping something
into Penelope's drink so I followed them up here.
That's a fucking lie!
No, no, then when I tried to stop it,
they went crazy and started tearing this place up!
That's not true. Dana, he's lying.
I can explain to you. -Then explain.
Okay, there was this like, small...
-Hairy. -Wrinkly --
Enough!
The party's over!
♪♪
[ Chattering ]
♪♪
Mom. [ Sighs ]
What the hell, Chris?
Okay, Mom, I love you and I know that you're mad
and I know that I was grounded.
But there was this party and there was these things, a-and...
I don't expect you to understand.
You're right.
I don't understand anything about you anymore.
You're sneaking out.
You're getting in trouble at school.
And I found five pizza boxes -- empty --
under your bed, and then this.
Christopher, your eating is out of control!
This is a competition for a trophy and prize money.
It's harmless.
Why do you always have to be on my case?
Oh, pork chop...
I am just trying to protect you.
-Protect me from what?
♪♪