1 00:00:01,309 --> 00:00:02,309 Eddie! 2 00:00:02,587 --> 00:00:03,587 Eddie! 3 00:00:04,094 --> 00:00:05,527 Penisi! 4 00:00:05,776 --> 00:00:07,055 Where are you? 5 00:00:07,460 --> 00:00:08,748 Eddie! 6 00:00:10,837 --> 00:00:11,926 Oh, no. Eddie! 7 00:00:14,894 --> 00:00:16,151 I found Penisi. He's down. 8 00:00:16,153 --> 00:00:17,686 Looks like the ceiling fell on him. 9 00:00:17,688 --> 00:00:19,655 You rookies are a pain in my ass. 10 00:00:19,657 --> 00:00:22,224 Get him up fast, McConky. The fire's spreading. 11 00:00:22,226 --> 00:00:23,777 All right, come on, Eddie. Let's go. 12 00:00:26,607 --> 00:00:28,140 Damn, you're heavy! 13 00:00:28,165 --> 00:00:29,631 Aah! 14 00:00:30,813 --> 00:00:33,346 Boom. And there you have it, folks. 15 00:00:33,581 --> 00:00:35,548 That was the moment I popped my left nut. 16 00:00:35,573 --> 00:00:37,750 Ew. Ouch. 22 years ago today. 17 00:00:37,775 --> 00:00:38,805 Do we have any audio on that? 18 00:00:38,829 --> 00:00:41,009 Like, d-did it actually make a popping sound? 19 00:00:41,011 --> 00:00:42,368 Yeah, it sounded like this. 20 00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,177 I still hear that sound in my dreams. 21 00:00:45,201 --> 00:00:47,367 Oh, whatever. It doesn't make a popping sound. 22 00:00:47,392 --> 00:00:48,510 That's an old wives' tale. 23 00:00:48,535 --> 00:00:49,918 Mm. I don't know. I think an old wife would be 24 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:52,134 the last person to know what a popping nut sounds like. 25 00:00:52,849 --> 00:00:54,633 - Know what I mean? - Yeah, well, thanks to Eddie, 26 00:00:54,658 --> 00:00:56,317 I was never able to have a son. 27 00:00:56,746 --> 00:00:59,010 Hey! What is that supposed to mean? 28 00:00:59,518 --> 00:01:01,140 The nut I popped was my boy nut. 29 00:01:01,265 --> 00:01:03,074 Wait a minute, Chief. So you think one nut 30 00:01:03,098 --> 00:01:04,543 is filled with boy sperm 31 00:01:04,568 --> 00:01:06,284 and the other nut is filled with girl sperm? 32 00:01:06,308 --> 00:01:08,837 Yeah, the nut that hangs lower is the boy nut. 33 00:01:08,839 --> 00:01:11,773 That's the one I popped. Thus, the three daughters. 34 00:01:11,775 --> 00:01:13,742 Chief, Chief, Chief, Chief, Chief, Chief, Chief, 35 00:01:13,744 --> 00:01:17,179 a boy is made when a sperm with a Y chromosome 36 00:01:17,181 --> 00:01:18,580 fertilizes the egg. 37 00:01:18,582 --> 00:01:21,350 A girl is made when a sperm with an X chromosome 38 00:01:21,352 --> 00:01:22,851 fertilizes an egg. 39 00:01:22,853 --> 00:01:25,787 Exactly. My left nut had all the Y chromosomes. 40 00:01:25,812 --> 00:01:28,353 "My Left Nut"... a terrific Daniel Day-Lewis film. 41 00:01:28,746 --> 00:01:30,803 Hey, you guys, we only need to focus 42 00:01:30,828 --> 00:01:33,195 on the one ball that matters... football. 43 00:01:33,197 --> 00:01:34,796 - Yeah! - Oh! 44 00:01:34,798 --> 00:01:37,866 And we need to celebrate our team going to the big game! 45 00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:40,269 - Go Seattle! - Sports! 46 00:01:40,593 --> 00:01:42,164 Yeah, Super Bowl! 47 00:01:42,307 --> 00:01:43,801 Sports AF! 48 00:01:58,722 --> 00:02:02,465 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 49 00:02:06,230 --> 00:02:08,897 And today is the day. 50 00:02:08,899 --> 00:02:10,632 We're an hour away from kickoff, 51 00:02:10,634 --> 00:02:13,502 and you can only wonder what is going through the minds... 52 00:02:13,504 --> 00:02:14,607 Why are you even trying to record it? 53 00:02:14,631 --> 00:02:15,882 You know we're gonna watch it live, right? 54 00:02:15,906 --> 00:02:17,343 I'm so sick of getting called out 55 00:02:17,368 --> 00:02:18,640 and missing half the game, all right? 56 00:02:18,642 --> 00:02:21,142 Super Bowl Sunday is the biggest paramedic day of the year... 57 00:02:21,322 --> 00:02:23,613 people having heart attacks, choking on wings. 58 00:02:23,802 --> 00:02:25,324 Dude, just for once... for once... 59 00:02:25,349 --> 00:02:28,156 especially with Seattle playing, I want to see the whole game. 60 00:02:28,255 --> 00:02:30,396 But how are we gonna avoid knowing what the score is 61 00:02:30,421 --> 00:02:31,882 when we're out in public? 62 00:02:31,923 --> 00:02:33,265 Somebody tells me the score, 63 00:02:33,290 --> 00:02:35,190 I'ma zap them with my defib paddles. 64 00:02:35,192 --> 00:02:36,625 Have you ever done it before? 65 00:02:36,627 --> 00:02:38,470 Yeah, I murdered like three people doing that. 66 00:02:38,989 --> 00:02:40,949 All right, listen up here, guys. Listen up. 67 00:02:41,543 --> 00:02:42,809 Just in case any of you were thinking 68 00:02:42,833 --> 00:02:45,133 about snorting crank for the big shindig today, 69 00:02:45,135 --> 00:02:47,869 I just got word... we're getting drug tested on Tuesday. 70 00:02:47,871 --> 00:02:49,734 Hey, Chief, do steroids count? 71 00:02:49,868 --> 00:02:52,736 Just asking for a friend named Ike Crystal. 72 00:02:52,761 --> 00:02:54,320 "Oh, does, uh, propecia count? 73 00:02:54,345 --> 00:02:55,987 Just asking for an idiot." 74 00:02:56,053 --> 00:02:57,442 - Oh. - Oh, no. 75 00:02:57,467 --> 00:03:00,389 Okay. Regardless, I know weed is legal out there, 76 00:03:00,561 --> 00:03:02,708 but under my roof, punishable by death. 77 00:03:02,733 --> 00:03:04,411 Didn't we used to call you Cheech McConky? 78 00:03:05,211 --> 00:03:07,213 Ha. Funny. I never touched the stuff. 79 00:03:07,302 --> 00:03:09,859 I wouldn't want to mess with my lightning-fast reaction time. 80 00:03:09,893 --> 00:03:10,908 Oh! Think fast. 81 00:03:11,428 --> 00:03:12,428 Oh! 82 00:03:12,763 --> 00:03:14,496 I'm so sorry, Chief. I'm so sorry. 83 00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:16,398 - Ike, damn it! - I'm so sorry! I know! 84 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,833 - No ball in here. - I know, but I thought... 85 00:03:17,835 --> 00:03:18,860 I thought you were ready. 86 00:03:18,885 --> 00:03:20,513 - You can't do that to the chief. - No, I know. 87 00:03:20,537 --> 00:03:22,004 I thought you had quick reflexes. 88 00:03:22,029 --> 00:03:23,061 Ike, go sit in the corner. 89 00:03:23,085 --> 00:03:24,417 - Sit in the corner! - No, I'm so sorry. 90 00:03:24,441 --> 00:03:26,402 Andy, I am so screwed. 91 00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:29,055 I went to a party on Friday night, and I ate a brownie. 92 00:03:29,516 --> 00:03:31,357 Turns out it had weed in it. 93 00:03:32,082 --> 00:03:33,115 You had no idea? 94 00:03:33,117 --> 00:03:34,258 None. 95 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,316 Ahh! 96 00:03:38,776 --> 00:03:39,965 Ooh! 97 00:03:39,990 --> 00:03:41,271 Man, that's smooth. 98 00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:43,242 Hey, is there a lot of pot in those brownies? 99 00:03:43,642 --> 00:03:46,138 Tons. I can't move my arms. 100 00:03:46,163 --> 00:03:48,342 Snap! Then I better just have two. 101 00:03:49,194 --> 00:03:50,593 Mmm! 102 00:03:52,436 --> 00:03:54,016 Did you freak when you found out? 103 00:03:54,119 --> 00:03:55,843 Uh, yeah, I was super-upset. 104 00:03:56,273 --> 00:03:58,874 And then they carried me out of the strip club. 105 00:04:01,612 --> 00:04:04,110 My dad and my uncle were there. 106 00:04:04,748 --> 00:04:08,316 If I test positive on this, my dad is going to kill me. 107 00:04:08,318 --> 00:04:10,788 Yeah. He's gonna go berserk. 108 00:04:11,432 --> 00:04:13,322 Ooh, I might need to get high for that. 109 00:04:14,176 --> 00:04:16,193 Chief, that was a bad one, okay? You weren't ready. 110 00:04:16,226 --> 00:04:17,270 - That was totally my fault. - Okay. 111 00:04:17,275 --> 00:04:19,163 - Go long. Ready? - Don't, I just. No, don't... 112 00:04:19,188 --> 00:04:21,140 - Oh! - I'm so sorry! 113 00:04:21,165 --> 00:04:22,397 - I thought you were ready! - Listen. 114 00:04:22,399 --> 00:04:24,166 - You were looking right at me. - No game for you. 115 00:04:24,168 --> 00:04:25,701 - No party for you. - No, Chief! 116 00:04:25,703 --> 00:04:26,735 No party! 117 00:04:29,059 --> 00:04:31,184 Yeah, so, if you could be the most amazing little sister 118 00:04:31,208 --> 00:04:33,642 in the world and pee in a cup and not tell Mom and Dad, 119 00:04:33,644 --> 00:04:35,461 I'll do your geometry homework for a month. 120 00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:39,627 You did what last weekend? Ugh! 121 00:04:39,652 --> 00:04:41,261 Dude, put your little sister on the phone. 122 00:04:41,285 --> 00:04:43,385 - Are you sucking on pennies? - Maybe. 123 00:04:43,387 --> 00:04:44,681 You look like a slot machine. 124 00:04:45,199 --> 00:04:47,833 You know, sucking on pennies is just to beat the breathalyzer. 125 00:04:47,858 --> 00:04:49,758 Yeah, I know, but I got to cover all my bases. 126 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:51,273 I cannot fail this test. 127 00:04:51,395 --> 00:04:52,695 You're so screwed. 128 00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:55,025 Maybe you can look online to find different ways 129 00:04:55,050 --> 00:04:56,252 to beat a drug test. 130 00:04:56,627 --> 00:04:59,470 You know, cranberry juice is for a UTI, so that's not gonna work. 131 00:04:59,495 --> 00:05:00,567 Yeah, I know. 132 00:05:01,748 --> 00:05:02,748 Oh... 133 00:05:02,773 --> 00:05:04,482 Game time, come on! 134 00:05:04,875 --> 00:05:06,293 - Ugh. - Don't judge me. 135 00:05:06,454 --> 00:05:08,722 - Yeah, come on, Seattle. Let's go. - Yeah, baby. 136 00:05:08,747 --> 00:05:09,867 Hey, guys, the rain stopped. 137 00:05:10,034 --> 00:05:11,192 Bring on the fires, right? 138 00:05:11,782 --> 00:05:13,982 - Why would you say that? - I'm kidding. I'm kidding. 139 00:05:13,984 --> 00:05:14,996 All right. 140 00:05:15,021 --> 00:05:16,929 Kicks! He's lightening fast! 141 00:05:16,954 --> 00:05:19,494 - Yeah! That's a good sign. - I like it. 142 00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:21,890 Hey, Eddie, since this is the 22nd anniversary 143 00:05:21,892 --> 00:05:24,791 of me rescuing you, why don't you go fix me a plate of food? 144 00:05:24,882 --> 00:05:26,260 Oh, yeah, I got your plate right here. 145 00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,293 You should be happy to do it. 146 00:05:27,317 --> 00:05:29,041 You're living on borrowed time thanks to me. 147 00:05:29,066 --> 00:05:31,299 - Really? - Every cooking contest you lose, 148 00:05:31,301 --> 00:05:33,164 every time you get your asshole waxed, 149 00:05:33,222 --> 00:05:35,522 every police captain's wife you have sex with... 150 00:05:35,572 --> 00:05:37,506 - They were separated... - every 73-year-old woman's hip 151 00:05:37,508 --> 00:05:39,307 you break doing missionary bufu... 152 00:05:39,309 --> 00:05:40,709 She said she was dying. 153 00:05:40,711 --> 00:05:42,410 ... every time you say, "I'm Eddie Penisi"... 154 00:05:42,412 --> 00:05:43,779 Well, I am Eddie Penisi. 155 00:05:43,781 --> 00:05:45,614 - ... all thanks to me. - Hey, guys. 156 00:05:45,616 --> 00:05:47,482 Can you respectfully stop bickering 157 00:05:47,484 --> 00:05:48,750 until the game is over? 158 00:05:48,752 --> 00:05:50,577 Yeah, I can stop bickering if this guy shuts up. 159 00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:52,831 - Okay. - And here we go! 160 00:05:52,856 --> 00:05:54,956 - Here we go. - Here we go. 161 00:05:54,958 --> 00:05:57,325 Simmons gets it at the Seattle 2, and here he comes! 162 00:05:57,327 --> 00:05:59,152 - Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! - Oh, nice! 163 00:05:59,177 --> 00:06:02,307 He's at the 20, the 30, and all the way past midfield! 164 00:06:05,536 --> 00:06:07,335 Station 24, all units, structure fire. 165 00:06:07,337 --> 00:06:09,004 - Repeat... structure fire. - No! 166 00:06:09,006 --> 00:06:11,973 Why would a fire start when the rain stops?! 167 00:06:16,446 --> 00:06:19,014 Hey, Granny, don't worry. We can watch the game on my phone. 168 00:06:19,016 --> 00:06:20,392 No, man! 169 00:06:20,417 --> 00:06:22,461 Listen, we're DVRing the game, okay? 170 00:06:22,486 --> 00:06:24,419 No one watches, no updates, nothing. 171 00:06:24,421 --> 00:06:26,850 And I'm turning off all devices so we don't find out the score. 172 00:06:26,874 --> 00:06:27,953 I second that one. 173 00:06:27,978 --> 00:06:29,102 I'm surprised you're even coming, Chief. 174 00:06:29,126 --> 00:06:31,006 Shouldn't you be staying behind to do inventory? 175 00:06:31,115 --> 00:06:32,739 Maybe you can count how many testicles you got left. 176 00:06:32,763 --> 00:06:34,090 - Oh! - Oh! 177 00:06:34,115 --> 00:06:35,133 Yeah, I figured I'd come along 178 00:06:35,157 --> 00:06:36,442 in case you needed someone to save your life. 179 00:06:36,466 --> 00:06:38,266 - Whoa! - Whoa-ho-ho! 180 00:06:38,628 --> 00:06:39,634 Good one, Chief. 181 00:06:53,259 --> 00:06:54,449 Car one on the scene. 182 00:06:54,451 --> 00:06:56,084 We have a two-story commercial structure. 183 00:06:56,086 --> 00:06:57,321 There's a working fire. 184 00:06:57,449 --> 00:06:58,616 Car one in command. 185 00:07:01,491 --> 00:07:02,770 Is that what I think it is? 186 00:07:04,026 --> 00:07:06,019 It is if you think it's a weed dispensary. 187 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,179 I'm getting hungry just looking at it. 188 00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:11,364 What do we got? 189 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,802 Let's use the attack line off the rear step. 190 00:07:12,826 --> 00:07:14,185 - Andy. - Got it, Cap. 191 00:07:14,305 --> 00:07:15,905 And try not to lose consciousness in there, Cap. 192 00:07:15,929 --> 00:07:17,529 Oh, okay, have fun doing nothing outside. 193 00:07:17,531 --> 00:07:18,864 Try to make some friends. 194 00:07:18,866 --> 00:07:20,866 I forget what snippy, little bitches they turn into 195 00:07:20,868 --> 00:07:22,300 on their pop-nutaversary. 196 00:07:22,302 --> 00:07:24,440 Hey, Lucy, you make the hydrant. You're pumping this job. 197 00:07:24,464 --> 00:07:26,116 All right, boys, let's go to work. Let's go. 198 00:07:27,764 --> 00:07:29,953 Hey, Andy, they have this urine detox product 199 00:07:29,978 --> 00:07:31,143 in these dispensaries. 200 00:07:31,145 --> 00:07:33,745 It's called Urine Da Money. Will you grab me some? 201 00:07:33,747 --> 00:07:36,071 Yeah, I'll put it on the top of my list when I get in there. 202 00:07:36,095 --> 00:07:37,128 Wait, really? 203 00:07:37,484 --> 00:07:38,511 Go! 204 00:07:43,824 --> 00:07:45,524 And Pittsburgh has answered back 205 00:07:45,526 --> 00:07:47,492 beautifully to Seattle's opening touchdown. 206 00:07:47,494 --> 00:07:49,895 And that's the end of the first quarter... score Seattle! 207 00:07:49,897 --> 00:07:52,865 - Whoa! - What the hell are you doing? 208 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:55,934 The TV, it was gonna explode from the, uh, the heat. 209 00:07:55,936 --> 00:07:58,003 - Come on, man. - Come on, let's keep going. 210 00:07:58,005 --> 00:08:00,505 Keep going. Nobody smashes any more TVs. 211 00:08:00,507 --> 00:08:01,525 Come on. 212 00:08:05,946 --> 00:08:08,013 Ike, you and Granny take that back room. 213 00:08:08,015 --> 00:08:10,115 Andy, go with them. I'll take the nozzle. 214 00:08:12,607 --> 00:08:13,795 Here we go. 215 00:08:18,258 --> 00:08:19,925 ♪ Get lit, get lit ♪ 216 00:08:19,927 --> 00:08:22,394 Do you think magicians' doves are happy? 217 00:08:26,443 --> 00:08:27,999 I wish I had a horse. 218 00:08:32,906 --> 00:08:35,207 Hey, it's Voltron. 219 00:08:36,477 --> 00:08:38,954 No, we're not Voltron, pal. We're firefighters. 220 00:08:38,979 --> 00:08:40,002 We're here to get you out. 221 00:08:40,026 --> 00:08:41,066 - Come on, let's go. - What? 222 00:08:41,090 --> 00:08:45,694 No, man, we're good. This is, like, a dope AF hotbox. 223 00:08:45,719 --> 00:08:47,291 Well, it's about to get really hot in here 224 00:08:47,315 --> 00:08:49,187 when this is on fire, so let's go. 225 00:08:49,189 --> 00:08:51,957 But how do I know you guys are who you say you are? 226 00:08:51,959 --> 00:08:54,043 I just said it! We're firefighters! 227 00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:56,592 But how do I know the building is actually on fire? 228 00:08:56,617 --> 00:08:58,197 Do you hear that smoke alarm? 229 00:08:58,222 --> 00:08:59,969 - What's it sound like? - Are you kidding me? 230 00:08:59,993 --> 00:09:01,368 Listen! It's going right now! 231 00:09:04,395 --> 00:09:06,134 I'm not getting it. Are you getting it? 232 00:09:06,159 --> 00:09:07,172 Give me another one. You do it. 233 00:09:07,174 --> 00:09:08,707 Whee-ooh, whee-ooh, whee-ooh. 234 00:09:08,709 --> 00:09:10,509 - No. - Whee-ooh, whee-ooh, whee-ooh. 235 00:09:10,511 --> 00:09:11,820 That's it. Maybe all three of you. 236 00:09:11,845 --> 00:09:13,278 All three of you. 237 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,846 - Do you not hear that? - You can't hear that? 238 00:09:14,848 --> 00:09:16,615 Whee-ooh, whee-ooh, whee-ooh. 239 00:09:16,617 --> 00:09:19,017 - That's EDM! That's some good EDM! - All right. Come with me. 240 00:09:19,019 --> 00:09:22,044 Let's go. Get up. Get your ass off the couch. 241 00:09:22,069 --> 00:09:23,404 Myawani, you okay? 242 00:09:24,468 --> 00:09:25,993 My mask malfunctioned. 243 00:09:27,261 --> 00:09:29,571 - Here, pal, use mine. - You know what? 244 00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:32,449 Huh. I can... I can breathe okay out here. 245 00:09:33,299 --> 00:09:34,566 Yeah. I'm good. 246 00:09:34,568 --> 00:09:36,168 - I'm good. - Granny? 247 00:09:37,257 --> 00:09:38,263 No... 248 00:09:38,288 --> 00:09:39,337 Here, use mine. 249 00:09:39,339 --> 00:09:40,505 - Is yours okay? - No, no. I'm good. 250 00:09:40,507 --> 00:09:41,740 - You want to use mine? - No, no, I'm good. 251 00:09:41,742 --> 00:09:43,141 - Thank you, Granny, but I'm good. - You sure? 252 00:09:43,143 --> 00:09:45,544 - I think we're okay, fellas. - Yeah. Sure. 253 00:09:46,869 --> 00:09:49,203 Whee-ooh, whee-ooh, whee-ooh. 254 00:09:49,316 --> 00:09:53,532 Whee-ooh, whee-ooh, whee-ooh. 255 00:09:53,557 --> 00:09:56,124 - Yo! - Super-bright. 256 00:09:56,465 --> 00:09:58,872 Ah, the building really is on fire. 257 00:09:59,372 --> 00:10:01,837 See, I thought it was a drill. You should've said something. 258 00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:03,662 That's literally all I said was the building... 259 00:10:03,664 --> 00:10:05,463 we're trying to get you out, the building's on fire. 260 00:10:05,465 --> 00:10:07,732 Oh, man, we got the rest of the people out. 261 00:10:07,734 --> 00:10:09,000 Hey, what happened to your masks? 262 00:10:09,002 --> 00:10:11,304 - What's that? - What happened to your masks? 263 00:10:11,835 --> 00:10:17,087 Oh, uh, Andy lost his, and then, uh, I-I-I borrowed him mine. 264 00:10:17,438 --> 00:10:18,955 Then, of course, I didn't have one. 265 00:10:19,844 --> 00:10:21,056 And then Granny... 266 00:10:23,187 --> 00:10:24,282 Granny... 267 00:10:26,879 --> 00:10:27,934 Because Granny... 268 00:10:30,298 --> 00:10:32,198 Are you guys stoned right now? 269 00:10:33,487 --> 00:10:34,520 No. 270 00:10:36,893 --> 00:10:38,689 I'm high as a bat. 271 00:10:38,856 --> 00:10:41,099 I'm gonna fail the shit out of that drug test, though. 272 00:10:41,101 --> 00:10:43,194 Myawani, I need you back in here. 273 00:10:43,530 --> 00:10:44,553 Copy, Cap. 274 00:10:44,578 --> 00:10:45,958 - Yeah. - Let me get that mask. 275 00:10:45,983 --> 00:10:48,061 - Yeah, of course. - Thank you. 276 00:10:49,076 --> 00:10:50,442 This is my chance. 277 00:10:50,444 --> 00:10:52,210 Hey, Lucy, where the hell are you going? 278 00:10:52,212 --> 00:10:53,378 Uh, uh, fire's almost out. 279 00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:55,213 I'm gonna go check the heat levels inside. 280 00:10:55,215 --> 00:10:57,449 No, there's smoke in there. You can't go in there without a mask. 281 00:10:57,451 --> 00:10:58,793 I'll get my mask. 282 00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:01,039 You know you're supposed to be on the truck. Let's go. 283 00:11:01,184 --> 00:11:02,354 Copy that, Chief. 284 00:11:03,701 --> 00:11:05,133 And Seattle scores! 285 00:11:05,158 --> 00:11:07,225 Seattle just ran an interception back for a touchdown! 286 00:11:07,227 --> 00:11:08,960 - Yeah! - Yes! 287 00:11:08,962 --> 00:11:10,228 14-7, Seattle. 288 00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:13,106 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Listen to me, citizens, okay? 289 00:11:13,131 --> 00:11:14,466 I'm gonna need all of your cellphones 290 00:11:14,468 --> 00:11:15,903 inside of this bag, all right? 291 00:11:15,928 --> 00:11:18,570 All your cellphones, tablets, any other devices. 292 00:11:18,572 --> 00:11:20,305 It's an order from the fire commissioner. 293 00:11:20,307 --> 00:11:22,574 Come on. Mobile devices have been exploding 294 00:11:22,576 --> 00:11:24,643 spontaneously around burning buildings. 295 00:11:24,645 --> 00:11:26,878 It's a scientific fact. Look it up. 296 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:28,974 Well, you can't 'cause I got your phones now, so... 297 00:11:29,383 --> 00:11:33,614 You'll get them back once we've contained all of this, okay? 298 00:11:40,827 --> 00:11:42,661 Oh, my God! My baby! 299 00:11:42,663 --> 00:11:43,862 Ma'am, step away from that building. 300 00:11:43,864 --> 00:11:46,097 My baby! My baby's inside! 301 00:11:46,683 --> 00:11:47,712 I'll go. I'll go. 302 00:11:48,544 --> 00:11:50,844 You have to save my baby! 303 00:11:57,361 --> 00:12:00,079 Come back. Andy, hold it steady. Get back there. 304 00:12:00,814 --> 00:12:02,358 Man, this fire's growing. 305 00:12:11,807 --> 00:12:13,950 Huh? "My Baby?" 306 00:12:13,975 --> 00:12:15,760 Oh, come on. 307 00:12:15,762 --> 00:12:18,496 You got to be kidding me. Stupid stoners. 308 00:12:19,020 --> 00:12:21,276 Aah! Aah! 309 00:12:24,807 --> 00:12:27,635 Hey, Cap, have you ever had European chocolate before? 310 00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:30,096 Uh, probably. Why? 311 00:12:30,243 --> 00:12:32,742 I find it more perfumy than the American stuff. 312 00:12:33,013 --> 00:12:35,580 - Would you agree with me? - What the hell are you talking about? 313 00:12:35,582 --> 00:12:37,615 I don't know, man. I'm stoned. 314 00:12:39,286 --> 00:12:41,371 - Hey, whoa, whoa. - What? 315 00:12:41,396 --> 00:12:42,919 - Hey, what's going on? - Wh... What happened? 316 00:12:42,943 --> 00:12:44,222 What happened to the water? 317 00:12:44,224 --> 00:12:46,224 Lucy, where's the water? 318 00:12:46,226 --> 00:12:47,992 I don't know. We lost pressure. 319 00:12:47,994 --> 00:12:49,427 I should probably come inside. 320 00:12:49,429 --> 00:12:51,706 No, just find out what happened to the water. 321 00:12:51,849 --> 00:12:53,828 Oh, going through the halftime flush, huh? 322 00:12:53,967 --> 00:12:56,220 - The... The what? - You know, the halftime flush. 323 00:12:56,370 --> 00:12:59,699 Halftime on Super Sunday is the single biggest flush of the year. 324 00:12:59,826 --> 00:13:01,606 Water pressure drops all around the city. 325 00:13:01,608 --> 00:13:03,805 Man, it's, like, scientific. 326 00:13:04,395 --> 00:13:06,555 Captain, it's the halftime flush. 327 00:13:06,580 --> 00:13:09,314 All right, we're coming out. This fire's already flaring back up. 328 00:13:27,001 --> 00:13:29,661 I remember you said you had a juice box. You still have them? 329 00:13:29,686 --> 00:13:31,520 Lucy, where's the water pressure? 330 00:13:31,662 --> 00:13:32,710 I don't know. 331 00:13:33,097 --> 00:13:34,597 Ooh. It's not on yet. 332 00:13:34,622 --> 00:13:36,323 Hey, halftime's still going. 333 00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:39,280 - Andy! - Rainbow Juice just hit the stage. 334 00:13:39,690 --> 00:13:41,523 Rainbow Juice? What the hell's Rainbow Juice? 335 00:13:41,548 --> 00:13:43,047 You don't know who Rainbow Juice is? 336 00:13:43,072 --> 00:13:45,595 They're, like, the hottest girl band out of Tasmania. 337 00:13:45,801 --> 00:13:47,828 Come on. They even sing that song. 338 00:13:47,853 --> 00:13:50,387 ♪ Oh, we're not all animals ♪ 339 00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:52,979 ♪ We're not all animals ♪ 340 00:13:53,004 --> 00:13:55,203 Ooh, look! Steven Tyler just hit the stage. 341 00:13:55,228 --> 00:13:57,995 This is gonna really happen. 342 00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,032 I love her. 343 00:14:00,217 --> 00:14:01,789 Chief, the water pressure's still down, 344 00:14:01,814 --> 00:14:03,165 and the tank's empty. What do you want to do? 345 00:14:03,189 --> 00:14:04,393 Oh, Granny, Granny... 346 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:05,615 Chief, you there? 347 00:14:06,401 --> 00:14:07,419 Chief? 348 00:14:07,444 --> 00:14:09,665 Is the chief a bigger fellow? 349 00:14:09,690 --> 00:14:11,450 Looks like a pumpkin on popsicle sticks? 350 00:14:11,545 --> 00:14:13,078 Yes, that's exactly right. 351 00:14:13,136 --> 00:14:14,454 He ran into the building. 352 00:14:15,775 --> 00:14:17,059 Terry, you there? 353 00:14:19,483 --> 00:14:20,713 Andy, we're going back. 354 00:14:20,916 --> 00:14:21,951 To the station? 355 00:14:21,976 --> 00:14:25,218 Oh, I think it's irresponsible for us to leave now. 356 00:14:25,243 --> 00:14:27,209 - Just come with me. - Okay. 357 00:14:29,103 --> 00:14:30,645 Chief! Chief! 358 00:14:30,771 --> 00:14:31,835 Terry! 359 00:14:33,510 --> 00:14:34,584 There he is. 360 00:14:37,132 --> 00:14:39,687 All right, on three. One, two, three. 361 00:14:46,352 --> 00:14:48,894 Make a clear path outside and get the paramedics ready. 362 00:14:48,919 --> 00:14:50,332 - I'll bring him out. - Copy, Cap. 363 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,861 Damn, you are heavy. 364 00:14:54,886 --> 00:14:56,394 Aah! 365 00:14:56,871 --> 00:14:58,594 Oh, my nut! 366 00:14:59,427 --> 00:15:02,436 Ooh! It really does make a popping sound. 367 00:15:02,897 --> 00:15:04,016 Huh? Huh? 368 00:15:04,041 --> 00:15:06,066 I hope you're happy, you top-heavy A-hole. 369 00:15:06,193 --> 00:15:07,661 Eddie, save yourself. 370 00:15:08,353 --> 00:15:10,320 I'm so high. 371 00:15:10,345 --> 00:15:13,746 I'm too high to survive. I'm very, very high. 372 00:15:13,771 --> 00:15:15,430 Don't be stupid. I got you. 373 00:15:16,135 --> 00:15:18,502 I love you, Eddie, like a little brother. 374 00:15:18,527 --> 00:15:20,115 Like a tiny brother, Eddie. 375 00:15:20,140 --> 00:15:21,505 Jesus Christ, it's awkward enough 376 00:15:21,530 --> 00:15:23,016 without you saying my name twice. 377 00:15:23,041 --> 00:15:26,409 I never told you this, but I'm really jealous of your mustache. 378 00:15:26,434 --> 00:15:29,007 It's a really good mustache... strong. 379 00:15:29,032 --> 00:15:30,692 Well, it goes without saying, my mustache 380 00:15:30,717 --> 00:15:33,685 is awesome and yours sucks, but what are you gonna do? 381 00:15:33,710 --> 00:15:36,062 You've only got like 12 hair holes on your entire face. 382 00:15:37,273 --> 00:15:38,985 It's so nice of you to say that. 383 00:15:39,293 --> 00:15:40,989 You've got a good heart, you know that? 384 00:15:41,419 --> 00:15:43,603 - I love how you love cats. - You know what? 385 00:15:43,628 --> 00:15:45,357 - You're almost too good of a man. - Yep. 386 00:15:45,382 --> 00:15:47,122 That'll be the name of my autobiography... 387 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:48,696 "Eddie Penisi... Too Good of a Man." 388 00:15:48,721 --> 00:15:49,942 Oh, you know what, though? 389 00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:51,882 Of all the things that are fat on you, 390 00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:54,201 - I think your face is the fattest. - Terry, 391 00:15:54,712 --> 00:15:57,674 all I know is I'm about to save your life 392 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,224 and get a gigantic monkey off my back. 393 00:16:00,249 --> 00:16:01,272 I'm the monkey. 394 00:16:01,297 --> 00:16:04,441 Consider us even, you nutless mother... 395 00:16:04,466 --> 00:16:05,999 Aah! 396 00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:10,501 Cap? 397 00:16:10,798 --> 00:16:12,227 Cap, you all right in there? 398 00:16:22,784 --> 00:16:24,861 - Oh! - Chief! Chief! 399 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,705 Oh, man! 400 00:16:28,031 --> 00:16:29,689 Holy shit. 401 00:16:29,859 --> 00:16:31,310 I saved your life, my dude. 402 00:16:31,335 --> 00:16:33,645 What? No. I saved you. We are even. 403 00:16:33,939 --> 00:16:37,373 No, maybe not. I carried you out of a burning building. 404 00:16:37,539 --> 00:16:40,907 I saved your life twice, and they all took pictures of it! 405 00:16:43,439 --> 00:16:45,348 - Whoo-hoo! Whoo! - No, no, no. 406 00:16:45,373 --> 00:16:47,742 I found you unconscious inside that building, 407 00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:49,799 and I carried you all the way to the front door. 408 00:16:49,824 --> 00:16:51,127 - I have a witness. - That's bullshit. 409 00:16:51,151 --> 00:16:52,250 - Andy. - What's up, Cap? 410 00:16:52,275 --> 00:16:54,208 We found Chief unconscious inside, 411 00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:56,343 - and I carried him out, right? - When? Just now? 412 00:16:56,368 --> 00:16:57,677 I don't remember anything. 413 00:16:58,389 --> 00:17:01,429 Eat it, Penisi. I saved your life twice, 414 00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:02,629 and there's nothing you can do about it. 415 00:17:02,653 --> 00:17:03,865 No, no, no, no. 416 00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:04,978 I popped a nut. 417 00:17:05,003 --> 00:17:07,233 Oh, you wish you popped a nut. 418 00:17:07,258 --> 00:17:10,441 Goddamn it, I could go for some bread pudding right now. 419 00:17:10,921 --> 00:17:12,552 Anybody else in the mood for bread pudding? 420 00:17:12,576 --> 00:17:14,242 I do! Raise my hand! 421 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:17,199 No, but I would punch a cat in the asshole 422 00:17:17,224 --> 00:17:18,288 for some Taco Bell. 423 00:17:19,037 --> 00:17:21,251 Oh, you think they make bread pudding at Taco Bell? 424 00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:25,018 If they did, it would be called pudito breadito. 425 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,471 Pudito breadito! I'd eat the shit out of that. 426 00:17:40,615 --> 00:17:43,883 Okay, you know what? I am officially stoned, and I think I like it. 427 00:17:43,908 --> 00:17:45,553 Well, good. I like you stoned, too. 428 00:17:45,803 --> 00:17:46,914 All right, but who's gonna drive the engine? 429 00:17:46,938 --> 00:17:47,938 Lucy can do it. 430 00:17:47,963 --> 00:17:49,563 She never went inside, so she's not high. 431 00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:53,566 No can do, El Capitan. Sorry. Can't do it. 432 00:17:53,591 --> 00:17:55,457 You see that smoke billowing out of there? 433 00:17:55,482 --> 00:17:56,710 Ugh, secondhand smoke. 434 00:17:56,735 --> 00:17:58,490 I just got caught the gnarliest buzz, 435 00:17:58,515 --> 00:18:01,096 and I'm just faded AF. 436 00:18:02,113 --> 00:18:03,137 It's all so baffling. 437 00:18:03,162 --> 00:18:04,210 I don't know. 438 00:18:04,456 --> 00:18:06,089 - Really? - Really. 439 00:18:06,114 --> 00:18:07,173 Maybe I can drive. 440 00:18:07,673 --> 00:18:09,707 - Shut up. - Ike, you okay to drive? 441 00:18:10,103 --> 00:18:11,145 Not a chance. 442 00:18:13,595 --> 00:18:15,195 Why are we laughing? 443 00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,872 Think about this one. 444 00:18:17,573 --> 00:18:20,003 Every single person at one time 445 00:18:20,028 --> 00:18:22,410 was the youngest person on Earth. 446 00:18:23,823 --> 00:18:24,835 Whoa. 447 00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,407 Right? Right? 448 00:18:27,432 --> 00:18:29,511 Yo, that just blew my mind, man. 449 00:18:29,536 --> 00:18:30,868 - That's deep. - I know. I know. 450 00:18:30,893 --> 00:18:31,957 Hey, you know what's great? 451 00:18:31,981 --> 00:18:33,839 I still don't know anything about the game. 452 00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,813 Ah, that's good! 453 00:18:35,815 --> 00:18:38,173 Man, best game in history. 454 00:18:38,198 --> 00:18:39,318 Hey, man, you don't have to talk 455 00:18:39,342 --> 00:18:41,150 - about it. - Why not? It was epic, dude. 456 00:18:41,175 --> 00:18:42,929 Well, I'm DVRing it right now, so... 457 00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:45,355 I hate guys like you. I'm sorry, but I do. 458 00:18:45,380 --> 00:18:48,047 You DVR the game, and then no one can talk about it. 459 00:18:48,072 --> 00:18:50,405 And everybody knows, and the whole city's going bananas. 460 00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:52,103 - Whoa, whoa. - "Oh, I DVR'd the game. 461 00:18:52,128 --> 00:18:54,057 Nobody say anything." Well, guess what? 462 00:18:54,082 --> 00:18:55,734 - The final score... - No, no, no. Stop! Stop! 463 00:18:55,758 --> 00:18:58,377 - ... was Seattle, 49 to 48. - Please, I beg you! No, no, no! 464 00:18:58,402 --> 00:19:00,402 Yeah, that's right. Seattle won. 465 00:19:00,427 --> 00:19:02,594 It all turned around in the fourth quarter 466 00:19:02,619 --> 00:19:04,819 - after they were down by 5... - What are you doing? 467 00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,336 - No, no. What are you doing? - Clear, bitch! 468 00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:09,138 - Hang on! - Aah! 469 00:19:09,559 --> 00:19:11,035 Holy shit! 470 00:19:14,544 --> 00:19:16,270 That's the best part about being a paramedic. 471 00:19:16,294 --> 00:19:18,270 - You can do shit like that. - Okay. 472 00:19:25,315 --> 00:19:26,642 Mmm, mmm, mmm! 473 00:19:36,515 --> 00:19:40,027 Goddamn. A $500 Miller at a two-Michelin-star restaurant 474 00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:42,097 ain't got nothing on this pudding, man. 475 00:19:42,122 --> 00:19:44,925 I don't know what a Michelin restaurant is, but it is good. 476 00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:47,384 Yeah! Stoned AF! 477 00:19:47,386 --> 00:19:50,487 Hey, remember when that stoned kid called 911 478 00:19:50,489 --> 00:19:53,163 because Dimpus Burger was out of the Nifty meals? 479 00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:58,595 That kid... That kid painted That kid painted his dog blue 480 00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:02,099 and made it look for clues for the missing Nifty meals. 481 00:20:07,983 --> 00:20:10,996 Was that the same kid?! That was the same kid! 482 00:20:12,661 --> 00:20:14,421 - Oh, man! - Oh, man! 483 00:20:14,446 --> 00:20:15,979 High AF in here. 484 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:21,762 What? I can feel you looking at me. 485 00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,957 Oh, you are not fooling me, young lady. 486 00:20:24,306 --> 00:20:25,789 You are not stoned. 487 00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:28,755 What? I'm so stoned right now. 488 00:20:28,780 --> 00:20:30,427 Oh, please. You think I don't know 489 00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,505 what a person not on drugs looks like? 490 00:20:33,279 --> 00:20:35,411 Fine, but please don't tell Dad I'm not high. 491 00:20:36,451 --> 00:20:37,726 All right, just this once. 492 00:20:38,306 --> 00:20:40,003 But don't let it happen again. 493 00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:41,705 Oh, thank you, Mom. You're the best. 494 00:20:41,707 --> 00:20:44,523 Cap, how's the popped nut? 495 00:20:44,548 --> 00:20:47,077 Oh, the popped nut is delicious. I highly recommend it. 496 00:20:48,847 --> 00:20:51,972 Regarding its companion, the still active nut, 497 00:20:52,536 --> 00:20:54,151 I must say, it is strange to know 498 00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:56,453 that I'll only be operating on one nut from now on. 499 00:20:56,455 --> 00:20:59,422 But I did save Chief's life, making us even. 500 00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:00,724 No, please. 501 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,160 If you ever decide to have kids and we find out 502 00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,742 it's your girl nut that survived, then we'll be even. 503 00:21:05,767 --> 00:21:07,230 Wait, whoa, whoa. What does that mean? 504 00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:08,389 Y'all ready for this? 505 00:21:08,471 --> 00:21:11,222 It means I hope his popped nut is the one 506 00:21:11,247 --> 00:21:13,757 that holds all the Y chromosomes so he only has daughters. 507 00:21:13,782 --> 00:21:16,800 Uh, honey, sweetheart, it doesn't work that way. 508 00:21:16,825 --> 00:21:19,295 Yes, it does. You're a nurse. You should know that. 509 00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:22,260 What, so you think, uh, one testicle has the Y sperm 510 00:21:22,285 --> 00:21:24,198 and the other testicle has the X sperm? 511 00:21:24,223 --> 00:21:26,106 - Uh, yeah. - It does. 512 00:21:27,313 --> 00:21:29,263 He's a... idiot. 513 00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:33,517 Both of you guys are idiots. What other explanation is there 514 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,077 for why I only have daughters? 515 00:21:35,794 --> 00:21:37,594 Actually, you know, uh, boys are made 516 00:21:37,596 --> 00:21:40,163 when the wife has an orgasm during conception. 517 00:21:40,165 --> 00:21:43,166 And, uh, girls are made when they don't. 518 00:21:43,168 --> 00:21:44,701 Oh! 519 00:21:56,934 --> 00:22:01,272 Hey, you guys, I am having the time of my life. 520 00:22:01,587 --> 00:22:03,653 Nothing can bring me down. 521 00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,369 Eddie Penisi. 522 00:22:08,137 --> 00:22:09,747 Lola, what are you doing here? 523 00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:11,408 I'm pregnant. 524 00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:15,976 I'm glad I'm not Eddie Penisi. 525 00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:20,062 Oop! Time to go. 526 00:22:21,812 --> 00:22:23,095 All right, Cap. 527 00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:26,009 Ma'am. 528 00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:27,308 Whoo! 529 00:22:27,990 --> 00:22:31,191 Now, let's talk about buying a house. 530 00:22:31,216 --> 00:22:35,237 Oh, God, I am having a panic attack. 531 00:22:35,262 --> 00:22:37,064 Does anyone remember where their rooms are? 532 00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:38,755 - Yeah. - Oh, I know where Andy's is. 533 00:22:38,757 --> 00:22:40,853 - I do. - I thought you were stoned. 534 00:22:40,878 --> 00:22:42,726 I am. I'm totally stoned. 535 00:22:42,728 --> 00:22:44,361 I'm room 420. 536 00:22:44,363 --> 00:22:47,304 Oh! Party in the probie's room! 537 00:22:47,552 --> 00:22:48,601 Party AF! 538 00:22:48,626 --> 00:22:49,658 No, Dad. 539 00:22:51,928 --> 00:22:53,270 Wow. Do you guys know how... 540 00:22:55,510 --> 00:22:56,535 You okay? 541 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,903 Just don't go "meh" before you do it. 542 00:22:59,857 --> 00:23:02,489 Guys, I'll be on the roof keeping lookout, okay? 543 00:23:02,514 --> 00:23:04,714 If anything happens, okay, I'm gonna call down. 544 00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:07,554 I'll say, "Meh, what's going on?!" Okay? 545 00:23:09,367 --> 00:23:11,321 That's good, 'cause I don't like getting my dick tapped. 546 00:23:11,323 --> 00:23:12,922 Good, then I won't tap that dick 547 00:23:12,924 --> 00:23:14,791 'cause I wouldn't know where to find it in the first place. 548 00:23:14,793 --> 00:23:17,027 Oh, you should check your mom's ass, 'cause that's where it is. 549 00:23:17,029 --> 00:23:18,762 You son of a... bitch. 550 00:23:18,764 --> 00:23:20,630 All right, all right, all right. 551 00:23:20,632 --> 00:23:23,600 No updates, no nothing. And we... 552 00:23:23,602 --> 00:23:25,068 Why am I taking my pants off? 553 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:26,503 All right. Stay there, stay there. 554 00:23:26,505 --> 00:23:28,738 Well, a drinking danger is... Sorry. 555 00:23:30,676 --> 00:23:32,776 Good, 'cause I don't like getting my dick tapped. 556 00:23:32,778 --> 00:23:35,514 I wouldn't know how to tap it. It's so hard to find. 557 00:23:35,539 --> 00:23:37,524 Oh, yeah? You'll find it in your mom's ass. 558 00:23:37,795 --> 00:23:41,528 Something that small can't go in that tight hole. 559 00:23:43,655 --> 00:23:45,055 You're not gonna scare me, okay? 560 00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:48,067 I'm a man grown, I'm not some little bouncing baby boy 561 00:23:48,092 --> 00:23:49,225 - you can scare... - Whoa! 562 00:23:49,227 --> 00:23:51,127 Oh! Ah, shit! 563 00:23:51,357 --> 00:23:52,372 You okay? 564 00:23:52,397 --> 00:23:53,541 Thanks. Why don't... 565 00:23:53,742 --> 00:23:55,607 - Thanks. Thanks. - Thanks. 566 00:23:55,632 --> 00:23:59,744 Canyon Breeze... weighing in or weighing out with the gr... 567 00:24:06,647 --> 00:24:08,944 Somehow, she got word that you guys are trying 568 00:24:08,969 --> 00:24:11,348 to get some nudity into this new concept of yours. 569 00:24:11,350 --> 00:24:13,211 She has called off... 570 00:24:14,856 --> 00:24:15,856 But, Chief... 571 00:24:16,223 --> 00:24:17,331 There it is again. 572 00:24:17,356 --> 00:24:19,417 But, Chief, she's a girl. 573 00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:26,196 Come here. Come here. Bring it in.