Cut the wheel. There you go.
Good job. A little more.
A little more. Right there. Right there.
[laughing] Hey! Yes.
Way to go, honey. I love it.
- Yes. - Come here.
I'm so proud of you. Come here.
[smooching] I want a kiss from you.
Come on, baby. - Jeez, stop.
- Oh, I love you. - Let go of me.
- You're my baby. - Hey, get off me.
- [smooching]
- Oh, you have got to be kidding me.
In what world do you think it's okay
to speak to a female employee that way?
- No, sir, you don't understand.
- And you certainly don't touch them inappropriately like that.
- Oh, uh--
- The city is gonna hear about this.
- Hold on a second.
- I got your back, female firefighter.
- Can we still go get ice cream?
- Yeah, okay. Who's driving?
- Me! [whoops]
[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
♪ Check it and see ♪
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪
[light music]
- Hey. Still studying, Luce?
- I got the test today. - Second time's the charm, huh?
[laughter] - Yeah.
Well, I'm still gonna be
the first female at Station 24 with a 2Q license.
And then you better watch out, Ike,
because I'm gonna be driving that engine.
- Whoo, scary.
Just remember, the mirrors in there,
they're not for checking your makeup.
- [laughs] Yeah. And no selfies while driving.
- Y'all ever hear about the female driver
that ran out of gas?
She thought the car ran on emotions.
- [laughs sarcastically]
Yeah, keep laughing, Granny, because next,
I'm gonna get my paramedic license,
and then you'll be out of work.
all: Ooh. - What? Can she do that?
- Lucy, I'm rooting for you.
I love a woman who drives a truck.
Actually, it's on my list of Penisi's top qualities.
[ding]
- What are some of the other ones, Cap?
A woman who doesn't "mess with my hair"?
[laughter]
- Actually, there are several things
I find irresistible in a woman.
For example,
I like female commuters
who wear business suits and sneakers.
I'm a sucker for girls who like Patrick Swayze movies.
- I like that too.
- I love tall women. 6 feet and up.
- I actually worked with an exotic dancer once
who was over 7 feet tall.
You know what her name was?
Andrea the Giant. - Whoa.
- Her G-string was like a parasail.
- Where is she now?
- She fell off a cliff.
- [exhales]
- The city takes sexual harassment complaints
very seriously.
- Councilwoman,
you cannot sexually harass your own daughter.
- We both know the TFD has a lot of ground to make up
when it comes to gender equality.
- Oh, really?
Did you know we're about to get
our first female engine driver?
- Cool. Welcome to the 19th century.
This shift hasn't had sexual bias training
in over four years,
and now you have a female firefighter.
So I've arranged for a counselor
to run a session today.
- Today? What if we're busy?
- Make some time...sweetie.
[cries out] - Oh!
Might wanna get that fixed!
- I can call my daughter "sweetie."
- And you know who else I think is hot?
Marge Simpson,
but that's really about the blue hair
because I love blue hair.
I love a woman who eats with her hands,
and I love a woman who likes black coffee.
- [snoring] - Hey, everybody.
I just met with Linda Price.
- What? Is she still here? - She's gone.
- Whew.
- What does she check on your list?
- Municipal authority figure.
- Oh, that's so specific.
- She has ordered us to undergo
a sexual bias training session today.
- I told you not to kiss me.
- I can kiss you whatever I want!
You're my daughter.
The instructor will be here shortly.
- Okay.
- Ugh, is this gonna be more role-playing?
- Are they gonna check our social media?
- Guys, stop.
As the most woke person here,
I can tell you that sexual bias training
is something we can all learn from,
especially a chief who hugs his female employees.
- Watch it. Next time, I'll hug you.
- Yeah, and I'll hug you back because I'm that woke.
- [growls] - Why are you growling?
- [growls]
[sighing]
Oh, Jesus! Come on.
Ah, sheep shit! - You okay, Chief?
- Ah, I just spilt my coffee over the rug.
- Oh, man. Yeah, right there?
- No, actually, that's when Eddie tried to surprise me
on my birthday in his birthday suit--oof.
- Oh, there it is. - Nope.
That is when Eddie tried to show me
how bouncy his new Super Ball was.
It's actually this one over here.
- Oh, man. - It's a freshy.
- Why don't you just get a new carpet in here, Chief?
- Ah, I don't know; it's such a headache, you know?
Those carpet guys are always trying to rip you off.
- You do know that Andy's side job is selling carpet
for his uncle's carpet company, right?
- Huh.
- I'm sure he'd give you a great deal, Chief.
- I never really think of Andy outside of this building.
- Andy!
- Maybe I should just flip it over.
- Andy! - Hey!
- What's up? - Ah.
- Chief needs a new carpet, right?
That's you, baby.
- Eh, I don't like to mix business with business.
- Neither do I.
Actually, I'm a very tough customer
and a very savvy customer.
I just figured if you're gonna give me a sweet deal, well...
- Of course I would.
The problem is,
I give my friends too sweet of a deal,
and then my uncle gets mad.
- Well, we're not really friends, right?
I mean, huh? Not friends? Wink, wink.
Uh-huh. You know what I mean? - [laughs]
No, no, we're not. - Yeah. All right.
- Yeah. Okay, let's do it. I'll hook you up.
- Ah, you'll hook me up. I love that.
- Let's do it. - It all worked out.
That's awesome. - Yeah.
Let's stop standing around and let's get back to work.
I'd love to talk some more, but I don't wanna anymore.
- Hey, Luce, if you need any help learning how
to read a map, you can ask any one of us.
[all hollering] - Oh, wow. Thanks.
Coming from the guy who thought that AM radio
only played in the morning.
all: Oh! [laughter]
- You're thinking of someone else.
I know it means "after midnight."
[door clicks open]
- Hi, everyone. I'm Courtney Brixton.
I'm your sexual bias training instructor.
♪ ♪
How is it going?
- Hi. - Hi. How are you?
- Nice to meet you. - Hi.
Oh, do you need some help with that, Captain?
I got it. It's a little high. [both chuckle]
- I hope you're still here when I need to wipe up a spill.
- [laughs]
- Oh, God, I needed a laugh.
Oh, I hope it's okay that I parked my truck out back.
I just could not find a spot.
I mean, just the bed is so wide.
Okay.
Ready to get started, Captain?
- Um, yeah.
[ding] Yeah.
Let me, uh, get you set up in the meeting room.
Right this way. - Okay.
I'll just follow you.
- See you in there. - Okay! See you in a bit.
- Tall, sneakers, truck, and hair.
She hit him with the knockout combo.
- Yeah.
I hope he can appreciate that
that's the sexual harassment teacher.
- Oh, man. - [laughing]
- Wait, wait, wait, he wouldn't make a move, would he?
- On his dream girl? [sarcastically] No.
[laughter]
We should keep an eye on him. - No, yeah. For sure.
- Of course. - Absolutely. Absolutely.
- I'm definitely going to keep my...
- I'm sure you guys think this is just gonna be
another boring corporate presentation,
and I assure you, it is gonna be exactly that.
But I will try to make it short.
Hmm. I prefer shag carpet.
[laughter]
Whew. All right.
I would normally be reading
about two hours of stuff to you guys,
but what if we just talk some shit
and get out of here as quickly as possible?
- Cool. - Does that sound good?
- Take your time. - Yes, ma'am.
- I know you think you're being played,
but don't call me "ma'am."
Calling me "ma'am,"
that's like putting an elevator in an outhouse.
It don't belong.
- Did you just quote "Road House"?
- I did. [laughs] Thank you for noticing.
I have this tic where I just, like,
quote Patrick Swayze movies.
I'm crazy for Swayze, I know.
- [dreamily] No way-ze. - Okay.
So has anyone ever heard of a term called unconscious bias?
- Oh, I'm not sure. Why don't you run it "bi-us"?
- [laughing] - Woof.
- Okay. Let's dive in. - [sighs happily]
She is perfect.
Absolutely perfect. [exhales]
Blue hair with streaks of purple--ooh. Tall...
- Yeah, congrats on kind of keeping yourself under control.
- I'm not an idiot.
She's the sexual bias instructor.
- Hey, sorry to interrupt.
It's just, is there a lady's bathroom anywhere?
- Mm, not really,
but the closest thing's down the hall, to the right.
- Cool. Thanks.
- Oh, hey, Courtney. - Yes?
- We're about to have lunch. Are you hungry?
- Oh, I couldn't. Thank you, though.
- Hold on, hold on. I'm cooking something special.
And I was thinking maybe you could help us find
some more of our blind spots, because we got some.
- Sure.
I don't have a ton of time, but it's a deal.
You better be a good cook.
- The best.
- Okay.
- Boy, is you stuck on stupid?
We just got done with that seminar.
- With all your woman driver jokes,
I'm thinking maybe you need to learn some more.
- Uh-uh, stop. We see what you're doing.
- I'm not doing anything.
Although, it has occurred to me
that it's not harassment
if I get her to ask me out.
[laughter] - Son of a bitch.
- You think you're gonna get
the sexual harassment instructor to ask you out
after the sexual harassment class?
- I'm already doing well with stage one:
non-flirting flirting.
- Non-flirting flirting?
- It's master-level stuff.
- Yeah; that's where I hit on her
without actually hitting on her.
It's so imperceptible.
She doesn't even realize it's already working.
- Like carbon monoxide. - Exactly.
I gotta go cook lunch. - Okay.
- It ain't gonna work!
That ain't gonna work. She's a trained professional.
- I don't know, man.
I think Cap could pull it off.
- Put your money where your mouth is.
- Wait, you guys, don't you think
we should be putting a stop to these Cap moves?
- 50 bucks says Cap gets her to ask him out.
- Deal. - Boom.
- Have you guys learned nothing?
- What you mean? - About what?
- All right.
Johnny, get some measurements in here.
Carl, let's see what the subfloor looks like, huh?
Let's move. - Wow.
There's a different Andy, huh?
- Chief, did you look at the book?
- The sample book? Yeah, I got it right here.
I was thinking about a medium pile.
- No, you don't want a medium pile.
You want a low pile. This is a high-traffic area.
What about color?
- I thought Raspberry Tart looked pretty tasty.
- Too dark.
You want something in the beige family,
like Tuscan Marvel or the Sedona Tidewater.
- Oh, okay. Tuscan. Marvel looks nice.
- Tuscan Marvel it is. Good choice.
- Very similar to what I have. - Tuscan Marvel.
Good choice.
- Okay, Tuscan Marvel.
- Johnny! What's taking so long, man?
It's just a simple measurement. It's 17, 3.
- Hah. 17, 3.
You just saw that? - I can eyeball that.
- I bet you're way off. - Johnny, bring it over.
- Oh.
Whoa, right on the money. How'd you do that?
- It's what I do. - Huh! Wow.
- Okay, well, I was thinking about this brand right here.
- No, I wouldn't even wipe my feet with that.
I'd go with this brand.
It's a dollar more per yard, but it's well worth it.
- Okay, stop, stop, stop.
I know what you're trying to do, Andy.
I don't need the more expensive one.
- Ah, look at that beauty of a family.
You and your four daughters.
- Well, that's my wife. Of course you know that.
- Man, how old are they now? Like, what, 20-ish?
- The younger ones are teenagers.
- Teenagers, yeah. - And Lucy is, you know, Lucy.
- Sure. Lucy is Lucy. - Yeah.
- You probably only get the best for your daughters.
- I do, yeah. Mm-hmm.
- You should get the best for yourself.
I mean you are the chief, right?
- Yeah.
- This brand is so high quality,
you'll actually be saving money.
- Saving money? - Yeah.
- Okay, well... - Okay! Let's do that.
And let's get some of this stuff out of here.
Come on, chop, chop. Let's go.
[traditional Italian music] - Lunch is served.
- Wow. - Cioppino Penisi.
Il pesce piu fresco per tutto Tacoma.
- You speak Italian? - Eh.
Un pochino. Mangiate, per favore.
- God, you guys get crab legs for lunch?
I love crab legs.
Do you mind if I eat with my hands, or...
- Yeah, of course. - Oh, okay!
Because they're way better
when you're just eating with your hands.
Look how soft.
Mmm! Oh, my God.
Splendido.
- Grazie, Courtney. Mangiamo.
- Mmm!
- Yeah, there's cracks all along here.
Do you see those?
- Look at those cracks over there.
- So many cracks. Cracks here, cracks there.
I mean, they're... - Wow. Okay.
- The whole floor. - I mean,
and then there's a bunch of cracks over here, Chief.
- Cracks everywhere. - Yeah.
This would usually cost you so much more,
but I'm gonna absorb the patchwork on my end.
Okay, Chief?
- Yeah, okay. - Just for you.
Carl! Let me see that.
Where did you get this blade, huh?
The bottom of a cereal box?
Go. Get a new blade!
You're embarrassing me. Blades are cheap!
Johnny. Thank you so much.
Mmm!
Johnny, nice "cappuccins."
You want one of these, Chief? - Nope. I'm good.
That's how we got here in the first place.
[both laughing]
- Man, nice one.
So funny, Chief. You are so funny.
So we have you done for the super-blend poly adhesive.
I also have you down for that stain guard coating.
- Oh, I don't need that. - Chief, it's only $50 more.
Plus I'm absorbing all of the patchwork
and you're not getting padding in here.
I wouldn't skimp on the stain guard.
- Stop with the upselling, Andy.
You think I don't get it?
I'm a savvy customer.
I'm not gonna pay the extra costs.
- Wow! You did it. You got me.
- Yeah. - Boy, you are good.
- I've never seen Salesman Andy before.
It's kinda weird.
- Well, they have a saying in the carpet business,
"You show weakness, you get walked on."
- [chuckling] Okay. All right. Well, you know what?
I can see it a mile away. So don't waste your time.
- I'm not gonna waste any more of your time.
You just need to pick a scent for the carpet deodorizer.
- Okay, I don't need any carpet deodorizer.
- What about the smell in here, Chief?
- What smell? - Ah, no offense, Chief,
but it smells like breath and hot dog water in here.
- Hot-dog water? - No. Hot dog water.
Everybody's talking about it. Trust me.
This is the way to stop the whispering around here.
- Okay.
I think it smells fine in here.
It smells like me.
[upbeat music playing on speaker]
- Hey Captain, do you want some help with that?
- No, no. I love doing dishes.
It's something I'm good at.
- You're also good at making lunch.
- Well, feeding people makes me happy.
- Courtney, can I get you a cup of coffee or something?
- Yeah, just black, though.
[dish clatters loudly]
Are you okay?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's fine.
Just listening to the tune. Vibing out.
Man, I feel this one in my bones.
Yeah, you can't help but move to this one.
- Oh, there he goes. - He's a pretty good dancer.
- Oh, yeah? - Hey! Yeah!
- Oh! - Come on. Who's feeling it?
All right. Come on up here.
You don't need a reason to get on the dance floor.
Come on, Ike, you're a dancer. - Yeah, yeah.
I mean... - It'd be weird if I...
- No, it looks fun. - Oh, there we go.
- Whoa. - Come on. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. There we go. - I love dancing, but I can't.
We're working. - Yeah?
Courtney, you know, I used to be a break-dancer.
- Really? - Yeah.
Break-dancing was my thing.
- Really? - Check it out.
- Oh, yeah. - Oh.
- Watch out. Oh, it's going down there.
- Oh. - It's coming back up.
- Whoo. - Whoa, baby.
- Oh, hey what's that? - Oh, that?
- Who put this piece of cardboard here?
- Yeah, I must have left it there by accident.
- That's so weird.
[Run DMC's "It's Tricky" playing on speaker]
- ♪ This beat is my recital, I think it's very vital ♪
♪ To rock ♪ - ♪ A rhyme ♪
- ♪ That's right ♪ - ♪ On time ♪
- ♪ "It's Tricky" is the title ♪
- ♪ Here we go! It's tricky ♪
♪ To rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme ♪
♪ That's right on time, it's tricky ♪
♪ It's tricky ♪ - Whoa!
- ♪ Tricky, tricky,
♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme ♪
♪ That's right on time, it's tricky ♪
- ♪ T-t-t-tricky ♪ - ♪ Tricky ♪
- ♪ Tricky! ♪
- ♪ I met this little girly ♪
♪ Her hair was kind of curly ♪
♪ Went to her house and bust her out ♪
♪ I had to love real early ♪
♪ These girls are really sleazy ♪
- Oh, oh! - Whoa!
- ♪ Or spend some time and rock a rhyme ♪
♪ I said, "It's not that easy" ♪
♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme... ♪
- They don't call it the break room for nothing.
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. [laughing]
- Holy shit.
- Oh, my instructor is here.
Time for my test. Wish me, luck guys.
- Good luck, Luce. - Good luck!
- Whoo! - That was awesome.
- Who wants to dance? Come on, Granny.
- Come on, guys. - Come on.
Yeah. All right! Yeah!
- ♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme ♪
♪ To rock a rhyme that's right on time ♪
♪ It's tricky! ♪
♪ Huh! ♪
- Wow, it looks like a new office.
- Hah! That's what I said. Oh my, gosh.
Chief, we're on the same page.
- Tuscan Marvel, right? - Good choice.
Well, Chief, it has been a pleasure
so I'm just gonna go ahead and leave that with you.
Okay. Thank you so much. - Great.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this?
A joke? - I'm sorry?
- You said you were gonna hook me up.
- Oh, I did. - This is not a "hook me up."
This is a "hook me down." - I don't know what that means.
- You are gouging me with these add-ons.
- Oh, come on, Chief, you can just spread it around
the station budget, right?
- Spread what around? - The money.
- What do think I am? A mob boss?
- Chief, it feels like a nice office.
This is where a chief should hang out.
Smooth floors. "Oh! I'm the Chief."
Think about that. - I'm not paying for this.
- We'll see.
- [dramatically] If you want the ultimate,
you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price.
- [dramatically] It's not tragic
to die doing what you love.
- Fucking "Point Break."
- "Point Break"! You get it. - "Point Break." Swayze.
- [laughing] It is the best movie.
- Of all time.
- [exhales] Well, it is a workday.
I should probably head out.
But thank you guys so much. It was good to see you.
- Are you sure you can't stay longer?
Maybe another cup of coffee, black? Hmm?
- No, thanks.
I'm gonna grab my stuff and I'll just see myself out.
- [sighs]
- Oh, man.
That did not go the way I thought it was gonna go.
- I was so subtle and so smooth.
- No, you weren't.
Dude, you made crab legs cioppino for a Tuesday lunch.
- I've done that before. - No, you haven't.
- Guys...
[inspiring music]
Cupid's arrow strikes...
six, maybe seven times in a man's life.
This was my ninth. - [scoffs]
- That means something.
The woman of my dreams just walked out that door
and I may never see her again.
- Mm, tragic.
Tragic.
♪ ♪
- [sighs forlornly]
- I order you to lower this bill.
- You're not my carpet boss.
- What the hell happened to you?
This is not the Andy I know.
- [sighs] You're right.
You know, this is why I don't do business with my friends.
This is not me.
It's just a character that I play,
and I hate it.
I love being a firefighter
because I can be Andy Myawani,
not Special K,
the asshole who gets everything done.
I don't want to be that guy.
In the carpet business...
[voice cracks] This is the only way to survive.
- Don't beat yourself up, man.
I know you gotta pay the bills.
When I was your age, I had all kinds of side jobs.
We called them paper routes. [chuckles]
I was a housepainter.
I sold wooden Bibles door-to-door.
- Whoa.
- I drove the Zamboni at the Tacoma Ice Pavilion.
- Oh, cool!
- Listen, Linda Price hated that old carpet.
I bet we could get the city to pick this up.
- Really? - Yeah. Why not?
- I mean, it is a nice carpet. - Tuscan Marvel.
- Yeah, you picked that! - [laughs]
- It'll last you a long time, Chief.
[chuckles]
Especially if you got the fade resistance.
- What was that?
- If you got the fade resistance--
you know, to hold the color forever.
- Is that an add-on? - No, it's not an add-on.
It's just 25 bucks.
A yard. [sighs] Man, thank you.
- [whispering] I'm not paying for this carpet.
♪ ♪
- Cap, if Courtney leaving bothers you so much,
do something about it.
- I don't know about that.
Might be best not to poke the bear.
- Did you guys make a bet? - Yes.
- No. - Yes, we did.
- Not cool. Not cool.
- Hey, Eddie, could you meet me out by my truck?
I just have a quick question. Bye, guys.
♪ ♪
- "All you gotta do is jump."
Fucking "Point Break."
both: "Point Break."
- Son of a bitch. - Get her, Cap.
♪ ♪
- What's up? - Hey.
I just wanted to talk to you in private real quick.
I'm sure you know what I'm gonna say.
- I do. You don't have to say anything.
- Okay. - I feel the exact same way.
I'm into you too,
and I would love to take you out to dinner
because today,
I had...
"the time of my life."
- [chuckles] That's a good... [exhales]
Here. I'll just give you that.
- Uh, what's this?
- It's the information for your sexual bias training boot camp.
- What? - Since I got here today,
you've objectified me.
You haven't really learned anything.
You've been trying to pick me up pretty much all day
with your non-flirting flirting.
The cooking, the dancing,
and now you're gonna...
ask out your sexual bias instructor?
I mean, it's a little crazy.
- I feel like I did an excellent job
of not hitting on you.
- And for the next four weekends,
you'll learn why that's wrong.
So I'll see you at the boot camp.
Yeah?
[engine turns over]
- Wait. Courtney-- - Bye.
♪ ♪
- Uncle, Eddie, I did it. I did it.
I passed the engineer test. - Cool.
- This means I can drive the engine now,
why are you not more excited?
- No, I am excited, Lucy.
Congrats. - Hey, guys! I passed.
- [flatly] Yeah, never doubted you for a second.
- [flatly] That's great. Cap, where's Courtney?
What happened?
- She just left, but before she did,
she read me the Riot Act for my behavior today.
And then she ordered me
to attend her sexual harassment boot camp.
- [laughs]
- Okay. - Thank you.
- Why are you smiling?
Now you have to go to boot camp.
- Because this means I got another shot.
[funky music] - ♪ Eddie! ♪
- Yes, you do, Cap. Yes, you do.
- But seriously, can we please celebrate the fact
that I passed the driver's test?
- Yes! That's amazing! - Yes!
- Come on. - Oh, whoa, whoa.
Hey, what are you doing? - What?
- Remember the seminar and stuff?
Just one of these. - Oh.
- Thank you. - No, no.
- Coworker.
- That was a good job that you did.
- Thanks, guys.
Got any of that cioppino left? Get outta here.
- [chuckling]
- Wait a minute, you're giving me a bad Yelp review?
- "The salesman, Andy Myawani,
"pulled the old bait and switch.
"Beware these tactics,
"and definitely beware the phrase,
'I'll hook you up.'"
- I thought we were gonna handle this like gentlemen.
- That was before I submitted the bill to City Hall.
Linda Price isn't gonna pay for it and neither am I.
I'm disappointed in you, Andy.
- I'll tell you what, Chief. We're basically at cost now.
So the best I can do is knock off my commission.
- Now we're talking.
- You're cool with me forfeiting my commission?
- I wasn't born yesterday. You're not forfeiting anything.
- Damn, you're good.
Real good.
Let me see this. Jeez.
You're the toughest customer I've ever had.
I'll tell you that right now.
- I think I told you that before we started.
- All right, Chief, there you go.
There's your new price.
You should love that number, then.
- Yes.
Andy...
pleasure doing business with you.
[both laugh]
- Are you sure you don't want that stain guard coating?
You know, with a carpet this light,
it might be a smart idea, Chief.
- Stop, stop, stop. Okay?
Go sell some other chump the stain guard coating.
All right? Dismissed.
- Got it.
Hey, thanks, Johnny.
Ooh, so good, Johnny.
Are you sure you don't want a coffee?
- How much per yard for that?
[laughter]
- Well, me and the guys have to head out.
Vicky found out we were redoing your office
and she hired me to recarpet your whole house.
- She what? - Yep.
- [growls]
Damn it!
Fuuuuu!