- [gagging] - He's comin' to.
He's alive.
You're okay, man.
You're okay. - [breathing heavily]
- Probably just need to, uh...
Did anybody call 911? - I did.
They're here.
- Thank God you're here. We didn't know what to do.
- Why aren't you treating him? - We're just actors!
- All right, sir, do you know where you are?
- Shooting a commercial for Twicey Spicey chicken wings.
- We were supposed to blast G. Douglas with a hose
because his mouth is burning from the wings.
- Knocked the wind out of him.
- Twicey Spicey wings.
Man, I love Twicey Spicey wings.
[old man voice] "With wings this hot,
you better call the fire department!"
Wonder if that guy's here?
'Scuse me, is that old prospector here?
- Shh. - What? I wanna meet him.
- He's not gonna be here.
- Thank you for your service, sir.
- I'm a woman. - Oh. In your uniform,
you look like a guy.
A cute guy.
- Fucking actors.
- Hey, keep it professional, probie.
- Come on, man. - Hey, man.
I'm a captain too. Hey, I was wondering.
Is it kosher if I tilt my helmet back
so the camera can see more of my face?
- Yeah, I don't see why not.
Are you okay? Your mouth isn't moving right.
- Oh, yeah, ha ha. It's the fake moustache.
I can't move my upper lip or it pops off.
- That's a fake moustache? - Yeah.
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
Get outta my sight.
- That's just mean.
- Fake moustache.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- ♪ The fire's out
♪ Now you wanna be ♪
♪ Where the laughs are free ♪
♪ Tacoma FD
- I got some toast, I got some pig.
- Nice pig! [laughs]
- You like pig? I'll eat some pig.
- Morning, everyone.
- Morning, Chief! [laughter]
- Hey, Chiefy, did you get two scoops of ice cream
in that hat when you bought it?
- What's that supposed to mean? - You need a bigger hat.
- It's not a small hat. I have a big head.
Hats looks small on me.
My mom used to say
I was cranially endowed.
- But if all hats are so small,
why don't you just not wear hats?
- Why can't I wear hats? You wear hats.
- Okay. - Why can't I wear hats?
- Because you look like Babe Ruth,
circa 1927.
[laughter] [door opens, closes]
- 'Sup, y'all? Guess who just got accepted
in Tacoma's Firefighter Choir.
This guy! - Oh!
- All right, dude. - Congrats.
- Is that the a cappella group
that does the national anthems and whatnot?
- Yeah, charity events, concerts.
They're the best singers in the fire department.
And the new choirmaster
says that I'm a unique talent. - What?
- Now, I don't mean to be a dick here...
- Which means you do. - But a cappella
is the most asexual thing a man can do
short of cutting off his nuts
and sealing them inside a pumpkin.
- I just so happen to like
a cappella music. - It makes my dick shrivel.
- For me, it's seeing guys in clogs.
I see that, and my VJ just goes cold.
- Lucy! Language! - What?
I said VJ. - It's not ladylike.
- I've heard dick shrivel,
dick, balls, sack all in the last minute,
but I say VJ once and you get all up in my VJ?
- Lucy! - What?
It's such a double standard!
I live with guys. I dress like a guy.
Today I got mistaken for a guy.
But heaven forbid I talk like a guy.
Vagina. - All right.
You made your point. Guys, no more dick talk.
- That's not the point.
The point is the double standard.
Vagina. Vagina, vagina, vagina,
vagina!
- I didn't mind them until the yelling ones.
- Chief, our usual rehearsal space is booked,
so I was wondering if we could rehearse here this week.
- No. - Because he said no,
I say yes, of course you can.
- Ha ha! - Such a vagina move.
- ♪ Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum ♪
♪ Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum ♪
- ♪ Hot blooded ♪
♪ Check it and see - ♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪
- ♪ I've got a fever of 103 ♪
- ♪ Bum bum bum bum
- ♪ Come on, baby, can't ya do more than that ♪
- ♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪
- ♪ I'm hot blooded ♪
♪ I'm hot blooded ♪
- Wrong!
Wrong, wrong, wrong!
I will tell you who's hot blooded.
Thisguy!
Spencer, I said tempo allegro.
Which part of that is not English?
Paulson, if your mission was to suck turds
with more force than an airplane toilet,
then mission accomplished! - Sorry, sir, I'm sorry.
- Granny!
I love it! I love it!
What you did with the solo
and the vibrato and the allegro...
- Thank you, thank you. - Oh, ha ha!
All right, let's take five. - What the hell, dude?
- Hey, Granny, the choir director
is Wolf Boykins? How could you not tell us that?
- Why would I? - Last time we saw him,
he was impaled by a fence post.
- Don't make a big deal-- - What the hell is this?
Who let you in here? - Eddie Penisi.
We...meet...again.
- Wolf Boykins-- funny, you eating a Danish.
The last time I saw you,
you were a little bit Polish.
- I don't get it. - You had a pole
sticking right through your chest--remember that?
- Yeah, thanks for reminding me of the worst day of my life.
- No problem. - Except the joke's on you,
'cause it turned out to be the best day of my life.
That puncture wound created a cavity in my chest
which gave me perfect pitch.
♪ Do, re, fa, so, la, ti, do ♪
- Good for you. Good for you.
That's great. Hey, choke on that coffee.
Chug that coffee.
- That's how I always drink it. That's fine.
- You know what, your voice does sound really good.
You should get yourself a singing group.
- I already have one!
And they're awesome!
All right, from the top.
♪
[in same tone as note] Try not to be flat
you stupid assholes.
- No wonder she thought I was a guy.
These uniforms, they're so mannish.
- I know, that's what I like about 'em.
Shows off my meat.
Oh, sorr--no, I mean,
hey, you're packin' some pretty serious meat too.
- That's not what I'm going for.
It's just my pant
where it's tucked in. [groans]
- That shirt really shows off your pecks.
Like, you look strong. - But I want 'em
to look like breasts. - I don't really see that.
You look like you could handle yourself
in a tough situation. - Ike!
- What? No, you look husky, like...
look like Steven Seagal!
- [chuckling]
- Hey, Chief, we need to talk. - Hey, check this out.
I found this company online. They make hats for big heads.
It's called Big Head, Tall Head.
They make all these funny hats with cool sayings,
funny logos--look at that. [chuckling]
Huh? Great!
- Honcho? - I'm the honcho.
This is my head-- Head Honcho.
- I have clothing issues of my own.
We haven't updated these blues in decades,
and I think we need to find something a little more
functional. - What do you mean, functional?
- Our job requires freedom of movement,
and this material's super stiff and it doesn't breathe.
I just don't think it was designed with women in mind.
It's so tight up top, but if I get a bigger shirt,
then there's all this extra fabric down here
and it gets all bunched up in my pants.
- I get it. This is a vanity thing.
Dismissed. - Hey, don't dismiss me.
- [sighs] Lucy...
You should take pride in your work,
not your appearance.
Look at me--vanity does not enter into the equation.
- Why did you buy that big hat?
- Because I'm cranially endowed!
- Exactly! That's the whole point!
This uniform does not fit women properly!
Do you not see that? - I'll tell you what.
We need some new uniforms anyway.
I was gonna take care of it,
but why don't you go to the uniform store
and pick out something that works for everyone.
- Really? - Really.
[slap] Thank you! - [clicks tongue]
- Hey, have a great day, Honcho.
- Yowza.
I like how tiny my head looks.
- ♪ Let me lay it on the line
♪ I wanna know - ♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪
- ♪ What you're doing
♪ After the show ♪
- Stop, stop!
Granny, you were sublime.
The rest of you should die in a boating accident.
- I don't think anyone sounded that bad.
- No...they weren't bad.
They were ordinary.
And Wolf Boykins will not tolerate
ordinarity.
Need I remind you, we have a crucial gig coming up
at the assisted living home in Horsehead Bay!
- That came through? - It sure did, Mr. Buttinsky!
Now, I will cancel that gig.
So help me God, I will return that $25 deposit.
- Please don't, please don't.
- We need something...
extra.
- I can scat!
♪ Skiddly-bop ♪
♪ Skidd-ly-bop
♪ Skiddly bop-dip-dap ♪
[continues rapid scatting]
- Shut your scat hole.
Who heard that? What was that?
- I don't hear anything. - That!
[distant whistling] What...is...
that?
[distant melodic whistling]
Where are you?
[melodic whistling continues]
♪ ♪
[water running]
♪ ♪
[dramatic chords]
♪ ♪
- [continues whistling]
- Why did it have to be you?
- Hey, Wolfie.
Do me a favor. Hand me my body spray.
And don't make me "axe" twice.
Seriously, Wolf, that's a weird place to stand.
What's up?
- This pains me to my core, but...
I need your lips in my ensemble.
Will you join the ExSINGuishers?
- Way too thick.
[Muzak playing]
So boxy.
- Name's Malone. [dramatic music]
My partner was murdered.
I'm gonna marry his widow
and raise his daughter as my own
and so help me God, I will clean up this town.
- And I'm his new partner.
I'm also a doorman.
Ma'am, you have a package waiting.
- You guys, I'm doing something here.
- All right. - Thank you.
Thank you very much.
- Name's still Malone.
After I was kicked off the force
for a crime I did notcommit,
I got a great job disposing of uranium
at the nuclear power plant. - Welcome aboard!
I am the yeoman purser of this cruise ship
and Malone's new business partner.
- That's correct! Put her there, partner.
- Guys, you're not helping me.
- I'd like to invite you personally to dinner
at the captain's table. - Ho ho!
- [quietly] At the captain's table.
[Muzak playing]
- Name's Malone.
I faked my own death on a cruise ship
so I could investigate who killed my partner,
his wife, their daughter, and my business partner
at the hazardous waste depot.
- And now you're a house painter.
- Uh-uh.
I'm an undercover priest! - Ooh!
- Undercover priest? - I'd buy that.
[rough French accent] Because I am a chef!
- Ah! - And his new police partner.
- [chanting "fake" Latin]
- We are done here. I have found what we need.
- I don't think we are. You need to confess!
- Come on, guys. - I'm also...
A priest dancer!
- [laughs] - Let's do one more.
- Yeah.
- Mmm...
I dunno.
- They're pretty flexible--I love 'em.
- But look at me, I've got like a muffin top
and a lumpy ass. - It's activewear.
and what is more active than being a firefighter?
I've got full range of motion. I can climb a ladder.
- I don't know if I can sign off on these.
- You look great!
You just need a codpiece like me.
I got another one in my truck.
- I already got one right here.
Yeah. - Oh, yeah, he's got one on.
- I don't want anybody to wear a codpiece.
- ♪ Mi mi mi mi mi mi mi ♪
♪ Mi mi mi mi mi mi--
- Hey, hey, hey.
Speaking of mi, mi, mi, me is right here.
- Ohh...the maestro approaches.
This is gonna change everything.
I'm shivering.
All right, please Mr. Penisi,
show these turkeys how it's done.
- Let me get right in here.
Watch and learn. - Really?
- [quietly] It's cool. It's cool. I'm into it.
- We'll jump right into "Hot Blooded,"
Boykins' arrangement, second bridge.
Eddie, you come in on the downbeat.
Hopefully, these dipshits will be able to follow.
- You got it. - Try and keep up.
- Hey, I'm a captain, dude. - Yes, sir.
♪
- ♪ Now, it's up to you - ♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪
[Eddie whistling] - ♪ We can make a secret ♪
♪ Rendezvous - ♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪
- [whistling]
- ♪ Before we do ♪
♪ You've got to get away - ♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪
- ♪ You know who - [whistling]
- Okay, stop. Eddie, that was pretty good.
Just--you're not quite on time.
- Okay. - No problem.
Come in on "before we do."
♪
- ♪ Before we do - ♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪
- ♪ You've got to get away from ♪
♪ You know who - Stop!
Eddie, just not quite on time.
- Okay, my bad. - It's not a thing.
Don't worry about it. Okay.
[ahem] Before we do.
♪
- ♪ Before we do - [whistling]
- ♪ You have to get away from--♪
- Stop! Eddie, I actually think I see your problem.
It's your embouchure.
- Embouchure? - Lip technique.
Don't worry. I can fix it.
- Oh--oh.
- Embrace it. - What do you mean?
- Tighter.
Tighter--ah yi yi!
We're not pulling carrots outta the ground here.
- Ha ha ha ha!
- All right. Keep your lips
just like...
[pop]
Gimme a C.
[softly] ♪
- [warbling note]
- I said keep your lips just like that!
Again. Stinky pinky this time.
- Mm.
- Bingo.
[pop]
♪
- [whistling note]
- Are you kidding me? - No, I-I just--
- You j-just what?
You just wanted to ruin everything?
- No, I-- - We'll do it again,
all right?
♪
- [whistling] - Not quite--again.
- [whistling] - You're getting worse.
Again!
-[ whistling] - Now you're flat--again.
- [higher note] - Now you're sharp--again!
- Enough, enough, I can't do it, all right, enough!
- You can't or you won't?
- I can't and I quit!
Okay? I quit! Stupid singing group!
Take everybody here in this group--
minus the ladies-- and shove 'em up your ass!
- You know what, that's fine,
because Wolf Boykins doesn't tolerate a--
quitter.
Okay, Paulson,
if you ever make eye contact with me again,
I will staple your nuts to your forehead.
All right, on three. ♪
- [whistling]
- You okay, buddy?
- Nah. I just got humiliated by Wolf.
- Okay. Well, if you need anything...
- Terry.
I quit the choir.
- [sighs] Okay...
Okay.
The choir, huh? - Yeah.
- Well, you did say it was silly.
- I know, but for a moment I thought I was special.
Now I know I'm not. - Ah, come on, Eddie.
You're special. - Remember that band
I started in high school-- Benjie Likes Pickles?
- Oh, yeah--whatever happened to that band?
- Well, we never actually performed.
I thought I had everything--
the moves, the hair,
the swagger.
Everything but the patience to learn the guitar.
- You didn't play the guitar? - No.
- You carried it around everywhere.
- Because I loved the attention.
When Wolf asked me to join the group,
it was my chance to be more than a poser.
To show people that I actually had talent.
But now I know the truth.
- Hey, let me ask you a question--who are you?
- Yeah, yeah. I'm Eddie Penisi.
- No. You're Eddie Penisi!
You got the moves. You got the swagger.
And you got somethin' else-- the lips.
- They call it embouchure. It's French.
- Well, I'm embou-sure you got what it takes, oui?
[both chuckling]
So you march your ass back in there,
and you show 'em you're Eddie Penisi.
- Okay, I will.
Honcho.
- Head Honcho. - It fits you.
It actually makes your head look kinda tiny.
- That's what I'm goin' for. - Yeah?
- Tiny head! - But listen, seriously,
these new uniforms-- they're hideous.
- Don't worry about that.
I'm just indulging Lucy on her vanity project.
It's gonna blow over.
It's just for the rank and file.
- Ahh. - We're not wearin' that stuff.
- It's a ruse. - It's for the suckers.
- Hey, Chief, here's your new uniform.
- Oh, uh, am I wearing one of these too?
- Yeah, of course. I got 'em for everybody.
- Thanks, Luce. Love the new uniforms.
- Awesome, whoo-hoo! - Yeah.
That thing's gonna fit you like a sausage skin.
- ♪ I'm hot blooded ♪ - ♪ Bum bum bum bum
♪ Bum bum bum bum
- Bravissimo. all: Yes!
- Grandberry Sauce, delicious as per usual.
- You know what else is delish?
A surprise serving of Penisi.
- Well, the prodigal wh-istler returns.
And like your whistling-- not quite on time.
- [laughs] You're not gonna beat me, Wolf.
- We'll just see about that.
Mmm... give me a C sharp.
- [whistling note]
- Sharper.
- [higher note]
- Sharper still.
- [higher note]
[all gasp]
[rock music]
♪
- ♪ I got something and it's brewing ♪
♪ Deep inside
♪ I thought about giving up but a man's only got ♪
♪ Got his pride - [whistles note]
♪ The road to salvation - [whistles note]
- ♪ Is right here on my lips ♪
♪ I whistle to win - You're a waste, Eddie!
You're finished. You're out!
- No, don't do it!
Don't...you...
I got nowhere else to go!
- Then whistle!
- [whistling] - Harder!
- [whistles shrill note]
- You're ready, Eddie, you're ready!
- I am ready, Wolf. I'm ready.
- You magnificent son of a bitch!
You're ready!
- [weak warbling note]
- Wait, where did you get these sandwiches from?
- Jesse's. Jesse was there today; he made them.
- Ugh, I'm not gonna eat mine then.
- What? Why? - He still calls it Asian Slaw.
It's on his menu. It says Asian Slaw Surprise.
I'm like, what's the surprise, that you're racist?
- How is that racist?
- It's from what, General Asia?
[mellow rock music]
♪ ♪
- Cool!
You look like a speed skater!
- Chief, you might wanna adjust your FUPA.
- Oh, yeah. - A little bit more.
- All right, Lucy, I gave it a shot.
Now we're ditching the uniforms.
- What? Why? Everybody loves them.
- I hate 'em. - He doesn't like 'em.
I don't like 'em. I'm the chief.
What I say goes. - Station 24, extrication.
1642 Morton Avenue. - Ughh! Damn it!
Let's go!
- [whistling sustained note]
[all gasping]
- He ain't slowin' down, y'all.
- [holding note]
- Oh! - Ha ha ha ha!
- [laughs] How long was that?
- That single note was 17 1/2 minutes long.
- I got goose bumps. You're amazing!
- So amazing that I'm giving you Granny's solo.
- Huh? I worked on that for weeks.
- Granny, part of being on the team is doing
what's best for the team.
Paulson, the rest of you, let's go do some calisthenics.
- You stole my solo. - What do you want me to do?
- I want you to not do it! - I have to do it.
He gave it to me. - You don't even wanna be here.
[mockingly] "It's the most asexual thing
a man could ever do." You remember that?
- Yeah, I remember that. But now I like it.
You don't have ownership over this, Granny.
It means something to me too.
- I'm just hurt, man.
- [sighs] Oh, man.
[rock music]
- [laughing] - Carrot top!
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
- [laughing] You look like a potato on toothpicks!
- Mr. Incredible ate a pumpkin!
- Nice tits.
The girl ain't bad either. - All right, hey!
Nothin' to see here...'cept a guy with his head in a fence.
- Three minutes ago I felt like the stupidest guy on Earth.
Thanks for taking the heat off me.
- Cool frog eyes, dork!
- All right, that's enough outta you!
- Shut up! - We are first responders!
- I have to cut these probably...
[grunting]
- Uh...[stammers] do you mind
keeping your bulge out of my face?
- What time's the FUPA convention?
- Hey, that's enough!
- Who said that? - Who was it?
- Hey! - Was that you, sir?
- Martin, I know your father!
- Oof, it is packed out there.
- Ah, there's my little siren. - Hey, Wolf, what's chillin'?
- Well, I've got some good chill and some bad chill.
First of all, fresh batteries
have been installed in everyone's hearing aids,
so they'll be all ears-- "What? What?"
- Ooh, that is good chill.
- And now the bad chill. [sighs]
I have to cut your solo.
- W-what are you talking about?
- The seniors have a field trip tomorrow to Casino Hohomonga,
and they've moved up bedtime ten minutes.
- What if I do a shorter version?
- You could do that? - Yeah, I'll do anything.
I invited people. Please, please, don't cut it.
- [snickering]
I'm sorry.
I can't keep this up any longer.
I was never gonna let you do the solo.
In fact, I was never gonna let you perform at all.
I pumped you up, knowing that your ego
would lap it up like fresh cream.
I got you to join the group,
then I got you to care about the group.
[whispering] And now I'm taking it all away.
Because I hate you, Eddie Penisi.
I hate you so much.
[normal voice] And you've just been bitten by the Wolf.
[laughing]
- Hey, Jumbo, why's your ass so flat?
- Is that a tuna can in your pants,
or do you just have a weird dick?
- Maybe I went a little overboard with the uniforms.
- Nope, I get it now. I feel self-conscious.
I feel uncomfortable. This isn't right for my body,
and I know how you feel.
These guys can keep wearing their sexist uniforms.
We're gonna make some changes to your uniform
that make you more comfortable. - Thank you, Chief.
- I know the fence thing was embarrassing for all of us,
but I also have a soda can up my ass.
- Andy, soda can in the ass.
- Hi. - Hey.
- Turn around. - No, no, well, uh--
- Turn around!
- All right, songsters. Let's shooby-dooby-doo this.
- Wolf, we're not going on without Cap.
He's one of us. choir: Right, right.
- The man is a complete narcissist.
He mocked this group then came in and took your place.
- Maybe so, but he's still my friend.
And what you did was wrong, so either we all go on,
or we don't go on at all.
- Et tu, Paulson?
- ♪ I whistle to win ♪
- I see. Well...
you've all made your voices heard loud and clear,
and as your leader, I respect your solidarity.
So I will just go on by myself.
Bubble gum, bubble gum, bubble bum, bubble bum.
[ahem]
[heartbeat thumping]
[wavering note]
[blows hard]
Pfft--
[pitch pipe clatters]
♪ Bah bah bah bum, I'm hot blooded ♪
[off-key] ♪ Check it, you'll see
♪ I'm h--" [voice breaks]
[ahem]
♪ I'm h-- [voice breaks]
Good night!
[crowd murmuring]
- Let's ExSINGguish this joint.
[triumphant music]
[pitch pipe blows note] - ♪ Bum bum bum
♪ Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum ♪
♪ Bum bum bum bum, bum bum bum ♪
- ♪ I'm hot blooded - [Eddie whistling]
♪ Check it and see ♪
♪ I've got a fever of 103 - ♪ Bum bum bum bum ♪
- ♪ Come on, baby, don't you do more than dance ♪
♪ I'm hot blooded - [whistling]
- ♪ I'm hot blooded
♪ Bum bum bum bum
- Ah, it's so nice to be back in the old unis.
- Right? My gut's hanging over my belt,
my ass crack is showin', my pants are baggy.
All is right with the world again.
- Ah, I look good in anything. I don't care.
- You guys, check it out. Pretty good, huh?
- Oh, you got a haircut. - No!
- I let her take it to a tailor,
girl it up a little bit. - Oh, yeah!
- I look so much better. When I saw my ass in the mirror
I was like, "Damn, I would tap that!"
- Okay, language, Lucy. Come on.
- Yeah, inappropriate. - Twicey Spicey for everyone.
- Oh! - Oh, nicey!
- Cap and I were a hit at the old folks' home.
They woulda gave us a standin' ovation
if they weren't strapped to their wheelchairs.
- And get this--Wolf is out,
but the group voted me their new leader.
- Okay, let me get this straight, Granny.
This guy mocks you relentlessly
for joining an a cappella singing group,
then he joins, acts like a dick,
steals your solo, then you guys vote him leader?
- In a nutshell, yeah, that's about right.
- And did he ever apologize? - No, we all know
that that's beyond his emotional capabilities.
- True, dat. And I still contend
that a cappella is douchey. What I've come to realize
is that I've been a douche my whole life.
- Wow! - There ya go.
- Should we treat these fine first responders
to a tune, partner? - Yes, we should.
♪ Twice as spicey - [whistling]
- ♪ It tastes so nicey ♪
♪ At $2 a bucket - [whistling]
- ♪ It ain't so pricey ♪
- Ugh, I got the dumb chills.
I'll have the buffalo.
♪