1 00:00:11,033 --> 00:00:12,914 - So what's this called? - Let me guess... 2 00:00:12,939 --> 00:00:14,649 Burnt figgy pudding left in the oven. 3 00:00:14,674 --> 00:00:16,997 1970s Christmas-era lights short-circuited 4 00:00:17,022 --> 00:00:19,381 and burst into flames. Call 'em Ho-Ho-Homewreckers. 5 00:00:19,406 --> 00:00:21,873 Guy tries to climb down the chimney, gets stuck. 6 00:00:21,909 --> 00:00:23,376 I bet that's the most common one. 7 00:00:23,401 --> 00:00:25,302 It's a classic. 8 00:00:25,327 --> 00:00:27,042 Take it out of your mouth! Take it out! 9 00:00:27,067 --> 00:00:28,686 - Whoa. - Be cool! 10 00:00:28,711 --> 00:00:30,037 Hey, how's... 11 00:00:30,507 --> 00:00:32,094 - Season's greetings. - How are ya? 12 00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:33,891 - Everything okay? - Did you call the fire d... 13 00:00:33,915 --> 00:00:35,860 - I called, I called, yeah. - Mrs. Santa called. 14 00:00:35,885 --> 00:00:37,763 - Is there's an emergency? - There's an emergency. 15 00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,476 - What happened? - Yuletide stuff... you know. 16 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:40,675 - Yuletide? - You know, celebrating 17 00:00:40,699 --> 00:00:42,811 - the season. - You want us to come in, sir? 18 00:00:42,836 --> 00:00:44,394 Please come in. Welcome to Santa's workshop. 19 00:00:44,418 --> 00:00:46,022 All righty. What do we got here? 20 00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,534 Having a little party, huh? 21 00:00:47,559 --> 00:00:49,524 Welcome to our humble Christmas cottage... 22 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,947 - The land of magic and dreams. - Got an emergency call. 23 00:00:51,972 --> 00:00:53,920 - What's the problem? - That would be about Norman. 24 00:00:53,944 --> 00:00:55,877 - Is that Norman? - No, that's J.P. 25 00:00:55,902 --> 00:00:58,725 - He's just chillaxin'. - Then... where's Norman? 26 00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:02,118 Ho ho! Wasted! 27 00:01:05,352 --> 00:01:08,097 He had too much fondue. We think he... 28 00:01:08,122 --> 00:01:09,254 O.D.ed. 29 00:01:09,279 --> 00:01:11,691 - What was in the fondue? - Oh, Swiss cheese, 30 00:01:11,716 --> 00:01:13,470 white wine, garlic, 31 00:01:13,495 --> 00:01:16,371 uh... 25 hits of ecstasy. 32 00:01:16,396 --> 00:01:19,531 That is a molly jolly Christmas right there! 33 00:01:20,169 --> 00:01:21,733 Let me catch... Norman. 34 00:01:21,769 --> 00:01:23,061 Thanks, Granny. 35 00:01:24,140 --> 00:01:26,615 Hey, man, come here. Come here! 36 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:27,868 What kinda party is this? 37 00:01:27,893 --> 00:01:30,719 It's a Santa-themed swinger's party. 38 00:01:31,443 --> 00:01:32,633 This is a Christmas orgy? 39 00:01:32,658 --> 00:01:35,057 We drink eggnog and have sex. 40 00:01:35,082 --> 00:01:36,527 Okay. 41 00:01:36,552 --> 00:01:38,076 Do you like my wreath? My mom made it. 42 00:01:38,101 --> 00:01:39,936 You know what? Norman's fine. 43 00:01:39,961 --> 00:01:42,756 You know, just, uh, make sure he's not dehydrated 44 00:01:42,781 --> 00:01:44,392 and no more fondue! 45 00:01:44,417 --> 00:01:47,552 Well, you're all welcome to stick around for a while. 46 00:01:47,577 --> 00:01:49,972 Why don't we mingle our ho-ho-hos 47 00:01:49,997 --> 00:01:51,765 with your hose, hose, hose? 48 00:01:51,790 --> 00:01:54,308 No, no, no. Dash away, all! 49 00:01:54,333 --> 00:01:55,904 Everybody's welcome, you guys. 50 00:01:55,929 --> 00:01:57,609 I'll stuff your stockings! 51 00:01:57,837 --> 00:01:59,846 I think you came on a little too strong. 52 00:02:15,696 --> 00:02:19,450 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 53 00:02:21,112 --> 00:02:22,694 Hey! 54 00:02:23,841 --> 00:02:25,801 ♪ Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells ♪ 55 00:02:25,826 --> 00:02:27,476 ♪ Jingle all the balls ♪ 56 00:02:27,501 --> 00:02:30,380 Ho ho ho, huh? Another year and it still fits. 57 00:02:30,405 --> 00:02:32,032 It's a Christmas miracle! 58 00:02:32,683 --> 00:02:34,677 - Merry Christmas, everybody. - Merry Christmas! 59 00:02:34,702 --> 00:02:36,615 Ho ho ho ho! 60 00:02:38,849 --> 00:02:40,269 - Oh... whoa! - Hey! 61 00:02:40,294 --> 00:02:41,643 God's sakes, will you people 62 00:02:41,668 --> 00:02:43,733 give this Christmas bullshit a rest? 63 00:02:43,758 --> 00:02:45,758 I'm trying to do your year-end evaluations, 64 00:02:45,783 --> 00:02:47,883 and I can't hear myself think! 65 00:02:47,908 --> 00:02:51,076 - Okay. - Ho ho ho, boy, huh? 66 00:02:51,101 --> 00:02:52,575 Who pissed in his Cheerios? 67 00:02:54,282 --> 00:02:55,371 Noice! 68 00:02:55,396 --> 00:02:57,660 I'm in favor of the music, guys, just so you know. 69 00:02:57,685 --> 00:02:59,843 Hey, Chief, you ever consider giving him this week off? 70 00:02:59,867 --> 00:03:01,992 He's always a wet blanket on the holidays. 71 00:03:02,017 --> 00:03:03,384 Yeah. He's always in a bad mood, 72 00:03:03,409 --> 00:03:05,414 and it's always when he does our year-end reviews. 73 00:03:05,439 --> 00:03:08,061 Every December, we get Scrooged on the write-up. 74 00:03:08,086 --> 00:03:10,220 We gotta do something about it. 75 00:03:12,945 --> 00:03:14,813 ♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪ 76 00:03:14,848 --> 00:03:16,414 ♪ Bubba-dubba-doo buh-doo-boo-boo ♪ 77 00:03:16,450 --> 00:03:18,250 ♪ Leigh Weigh sings the Christmas tunes ♪ 78 00:03:18,285 --> 00:03:20,129 ♪ Zubba-dubba-dah bah-doo-buh-boo ♪ 79 00:03:20,684 --> 00:03:21,987 Eddie! Hey, Eddie, come here. 80 00:03:22,298 --> 00:03:23,298 You get a present yet 81 00:03:23,323 --> 00:03:24,656 - for the Yankee Swap? - Yeah. 82 00:03:24,692 --> 00:03:26,992 I found a half-empty bottle of dandruff shampoo 83 00:03:27,017 --> 00:03:28,933 in my locker... I'm gonna pop an ugly green bow on it. 84 00:03:28,957 --> 00:03:30,189 Okay. Well, you know what? 85 00:03:30,214 --> 00:03:31,692 I'm gonna at lunchtime and get a gift. 86 00:03:31,716 --> 00:03:32,801 I can get two and say one's from you. 87 00:03:32,825 --> 00:03:34,923 Oh, cool... you can wrap mine and hand it out for me too. 88 00:03:34,947 --> 00:03:37,624 Ha ha. You don't hand out a gift at the Yankee Swap. 89 00:03:37,649 --> 00:03:39,949 Each person picks a number, then they pick a gift. 90 00:03:39,974 --> 00:03:41,913 So let's say I go first and you go second. 91 00:03:41,938 --> 00:03:44,216 I open my gift, then you open yours. 92 00:03:44,241 --> 00:03:46,809 You have the option of deciding to keep your gift 93 00:03:46,834 --> 00:03:48,557 or stealing mine, but look out... 94 00:03:48,582 --> 00:03:50,694 Anyone who hasn't picked behind us can pick a gift 95 00:03:50,719 --> 00:03:51,736 of the person in front of them. 96 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:54,562 So interestingly, the last pick is often the best pick, 97 00:03:54,587 --> 00:03:56,165 and the first pick is the worst pick. 98 00:03:56,190 --> 00:03:57,618 Are you listening to me? 99 00:03:58,358 --> 00:04:00,125 You're especially humbuggy this year. 100 00:04:00,150 --> 00:04:02,244 - What's wrong? - Look at these Christmas cards 101 00:04:02,269 --> 00:04:03,868 from my ex-girlfriends. 102 00:04:04,575 --> 00:04:06,476 Look how happy they are with their happy husbands 103 00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,631 - and their happy kids. - Oh, yeah, Carla, 104 00:04:08,656 --> 00:04:10,554 the comptroller's office... I like her. 105 00:04:10,579 --> 00:04:12,437 Oh... Jasmine. She was too good for you. 106 00:04:12,462 --> 00:04:13,749 I don't know why you're getting so worked up. 107 00:04:13,773 --> 00:04:14,995 Half these kids aren't even yours. 108 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,300 That's very funny, Terry. 109 00:04:18,325 --> 00:04:20,817 The fact is, all these women asked me to marry them, 110 00:04:20,842 --> 00:04:21,965 but I turned them all down. 111 00:04:21,990 --> 00:04:23,196 - Yeah, sure you did. - I did. 112 00:04:23,221 --> 00:04:25,151 And every year on Christmas, they send me these cards 113 00:04:25,175 --> 00:04:26,755 to remind me of what I don't have. 114 00:04:26,780 --> 00:04:29,408 You know what? You have a bad case of the holiday blues. 115 00:04:29,433 --> 00:04:31,856 Maybe I do have the holiday blues, Terry. 116 00:04:32,460 --> 00:04:35,923 Or maybe it's that the more obnoxiously jolly you become, 117 00:04:35,948 --> 00:04:37,881 the more obnoxiously crusty I have to be 118 00:04:37,906 --> 00:04:39,426 to create balance in the universe. 119 00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:42,111 - Like Batman and the Joker. - Exactly. 120 00:04:42,136 --> 00:04:43,779 - Wait... which one am I? - The Joker, of course. 121 00:04:43,803 --> 00:04:45,695 - But he's the jolly one. - No, he's the bad guy... 122 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:46,909 - Like you. - You think Batman 123 00:04:46,934 --> 00:04:48,094 is jollier than the Joker? 124 00:04:48,119 --> 00:04:49,630 When's the last time you saw Batman smile? 125 00:04:49,654 --> 00:04:51,567 I don't hang out with Batman, so I can't tell you. 126 00:04:51,591 --> 00:04:53,657 Maybe it was at The Super Friends Yankee Swap 127 00:04:53,682 --> 00:04:55,849 because he had the last pick! 128 00:04:55,874 --> 00:04:58,627 Okay, great. Go do your evaluations, 129 00:04:58,652 --> 00:05:01,073 - and go easy on my crew. - They're my crew too. 130 00:05:01,098 --> 00:05:03,132 - Merry Christmas, Eddie! - Eh! 131 00:05:05,325 --> 00:05:08,015 ♪ O, holy night ♪ 132 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,606 ♪ Leigh Weigh has a great voice ♪ 133 00:05:11,631 --> 00:05:13,408 - Oh! - Look at all this stuff. 134 00:05:13,433 --> 00:05:14,766 The kids're gonna go nuts! 135 00:05:14,791 --> 00:05:16,657 And we might just beat our Toy Drive record. 136 00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:17,955 Whoa! Let me see that. 137 00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:19,713 Oh, I forgot. Andy likes dolls. 138 00:05:19,738 --> 00:05:21,817 No! I mean, yes, but... 139 00:05:21,842 --> 00:05:23,510 - look at this one. - "Public defender Darla." 140 00:05:23,534 --> 00:05:24,963 - So what? - Look closer. 141 00:05:24,988 --> 00:05:27,021 It's supposed to say Public Defender Darla, 142 00:05:27,046 --> 00:05:29,358 but thanks to a disgruntled print shop employee, 143 00:05:29,383 --> 00:05:30,985 a handful of these babies made it out 144 00:05:31,010 --> 00:05:32,415 with the box misspelled. 145 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,140 Oh, pubic defender Darla! 146 00:05:35,165 --> 00:05:37,095 Ha ha ha! That's awesome! 147 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:39,453 It also makes her tag line especially naughty. 148 00:05:39,478 --> 00:05:41,202 Oh, dude... "She'll get you off!" 149 00:05:41,572 --> 00:05:43,338 Whoever dropped that off had no idea 150 00:05:43,363 --> 00:05:45,241 - how valuable it was. - Why, how valuable is it? 151 00:05:45,265 --> 00:05:47,492 We're talking this valuable, baby. 152 00:05:47,517 --> 00:05:49,167 $15,000? 153 00:05:49,203 --> 00:05:50,568 - Wait... what? - 15 grand? 154 00:05:50,604 --> 00:05:52,244 - We're selling it, right? - No, you guys. 155 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:53,968 It's not ours to sell. Someone gave this 156 00:05:53,993 --> 00:05:55,636 as a donation for a child. 157 00:05:55,661 --> 00:05:57,037 Are you kidding me? We're gonna give it 158 00:05:57,061 --> 00:05:59,461 to some drooling kid so he can give it a dumb haircut? 159 00:05:59,486 --> 00:06:02,257 Hey, we can just take that money and replace that one. 160 00:06:02,282 --> 00:06:03,715 - Ooh! - That is not happening. 161 00:06:03,751 --> 00:06:05,766 How 'bout this... We put it with the other toys. 162 00:06:05,791 --> 00:06:07,662 If no kid picks it up, then we sell it, 163 00:06:07,687 --> 00:06:10,406 and the proceeds go towards upgrading the station. 164 00:06:10,431 --> 00:06:12,137 Like with a Christmas party. 165 00:06:12,162 --> 00:06:14,489 - Hey, sounds good! - I don't know, guys. 166 00:06:14,514 --> 00:06:16,446 - I'll take that, Luce. - Give me the doll, Andy! 167 00:06:16,471 --> 00:06:17,874 - We'll sell it! - It's worth 15 grand! 168 00:06:17,898 --> 00:06:18,994 Give it back! 169 00:06:19,019 --> 00:06:20,831 - It's for the... - Give me the doll! 170 00:06:20,856 --> 00:06:22,911 Just look at yourselves. 171 00:06:23,154 --> 00:06:25,914 You are everything that's wrong with Christmas. 172 00:06:25,939 --> 00:06:27,839 Fighting over a doll. 173 00:06:27,995 --> 00:06:29,507 Who's not even that hot. 174 00:06:29,543 --> 00:06:32,310 I'll remember this when I fill out your evaluations. 175 00:06:32,346 --> 00:06:34,146 Hope you all enjoy getting lumps of coal 176 00:06:34,181 --> 00:06:35,782 in your stockings. 177 00:06:36,984 --> 00:06:38,950 Whew! Tell you what, 178 00:06:38,975 --> 00:06:41,002 if we don't inject some comfort and joy into Cap, 179 00:06:41,027 --> 00:06:43,227 we're all gonna take it up the chimney this year. 180 00:06:43,252 --> 00:06:45,100 We need a Christmas miracle. 181 00:06:45,125 --> 00:06:46,746 You said it. 182 00:06:48,095 --> 00:06:50,139 Things were lookin' mighty grim 183 00:06:50,164 --> 00:06:51,894 for our firefighters. 184 00:06:51,919 --> 00:06:52,936 They needed to lift 185 00:06:52,961 --> 00:06:56,745 Captain Penisi's holiday spirits... and fast. 186 00:06:56,770 --> 00:06:59,259 And what about that valuable doll? 187 00:06:59,284 --> 00:07:02,885 I mean, shit, talk about an ethnical conundrum. 188 00:07:02,910 --> 00:07:07,312 Ha. I don't envy Andy, Lucy, Ike, or Granny. 189 00:07:07,337 --> 00:07:10,239 I wonder how it'll all work out. 190 00:07:15,055 --> 00:07:18,922 You know, guys, $15,000 split three ways 191 00:07:18,947 --> 00:07:21,035 is a lotta money! 192 00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:23,419 It's like 4 grand a guy. 193 00:07:23,444 --> 00:07:25,607 No, it's exactly $5,000. 194 00:07:25,632 --> 00:07:27,647 - Whatever. - Can you not do math? 195 00:07:27,672 --> 00:07:28,791 Yes, I can do math. 196 00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,540 I just can't do math and wink at the same time. 197 00:07:30,564 --> 00:07:32,097 - What are you winkin' for? - Just sayin'... 198 00:07:32,121 --> 00:07:34,002 It's a lotta money, boys, it's almost like 199 00:07:34,027 --> 00:07:35,360 between 4 and 5 grand apiece. 200 00:07:35,385 --> 00:07:38,332 - It's not between that. - It's $5,000 exactly. 201 00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:40,355 Spilt three ways, evenly. 202 00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:42,813 We'll figure out the exact numbers later. 203 00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,426 - Guys. - Hey! 204 00:07:44,451 --> 00:07:45,824 What are we gonna do about Cap? 205 00:07:45,849 --> 00:07:47,228 How do you inject the Christmas spirit 206 00:07:47,252 --> 00:07:48,885 into someone who hates Christmas? 207 00:07:48,910 --> 00:07:51,322 We need to remind him what Christmas is really all about. 208 00:07:51,347 --> 00:07:52,596 Hey, how we lookin'? Are we gonna break 209 00:07:52,620 --> 00:07:54,113 - the Toy Drive record this year? - I bet we get 210 00:07:54,137 --> 00:07:56,137 - 300 families this year. - That's why we do it. 211 00:07:56,162 --> 00:07:57,641 Spreading the Christmas spirit, right? 212 00:07:57,665 --> 00:07:59,283 - Yeah! - Speaking of which, 213 00:07:59,308 --> 00:08:00,774 we got a family coming over here. 214 00:08:01,021 --> 00:08:02,366 Their Christmas tree caught on fire. 215 00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:04,123 - Burnt down half their house. - Oh... 216 00:08:04,148 --> 00:08:05,727 Burnt up all the presents for their kid. 217 00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:07,683 So we're gonna let the little fellow come over here 218 00:08:07,707 --> 00:08:08,874 and pick out some toys. 219 00:08:09,090 --> 00:08:10,257 It's gonna be a beautiful moment. 220 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,916 That sounds really Christmassy. 221 00:08:11,941 --> 00:08:13,639 Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking? 222 00:08:13,664 --> 00:08:15,014 I think... so? 223 00:08:15,792 --> 00:08:18,794 - Oh, shh, here he is. - Okay. What do you want? 224 00:08:18,819 --> 00:08:20,018 We know you're busy, 225 00:08:20,054 --> 00:08:21,553 but we wanted you to witness 226 00:08:21,578 --> 00:08:24,700 this beautiful display of Yuletide generosity. 227 00:08:24,725 --> 00:08:26,686 And goodwill to the less fortunate. 228 00:08:26,711 --> 00:08:28,735 And tidings of great joy. 229 00:08:28,795 --> 00:08:30,629 And tidings... 230 00:08:32,863 --> 00:08:35,063 Shepherds flocked to... 231 00:08:35,273 --> 00:08:36,638 Okay. 232 00:08:36,663 --> 00:08:38,413 - Here we go, guys. - Ooh! 233 00:08:38,823 --> 00:08:40,654 Oh, for the less fortunate, you said. 234 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:42,178 Maybe it's a rental. 235 00:08:42,983 --> 00:08:44,816 Oh, boy. The kid from the well. 236 00:08:44,841 --> 00:08:47,050 - It's Hunter. - What's up, losers? 237 00:08:47,075 --> 00:08:48,974 No such things as Santa, tubby. 238 00:08:51,130 --> 00:08:53,279 - Sorry about the fire. - Oh, thank you. 239 00:08:53,304 --> 00:08:55,137 You know, it's been so hard on Hunter 240 00:08:55,162 --> 00:08:57,362 commuting to the lake house these last few days. 241 00:08:57,387 --> 00:08:58,754 Lake house. 242 00:08:59,059 --> 00:09:00,370 Do they know how the fire started? 243 00:09:00,394 --> 00:09:01,565 Oh, it was Hunter. 244 00:09:01,590 --> 00:09:03,806 Yeah, he put an M-80 in a decorative angel. 245 00:09:03,831 --> 00:09:05,731 Whew! Kids! 246 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:07,588 - It's gonna get hard. - Yeah. 247 00:09:07,613 --> 00:09:08,676 'Sup, troll doll? 248 00:09:08,701 --> 00:09:09,709 You wanna fight? 249 00:09:09,734 --> 00:09:11,552 I... don't wanna fight a child. 250 00:09:11,577 --> 00:09:13,189 - These toys suck. - Well, I didn't make 'em. 251 00:09:13,213 --> 00:09:14,625 I guess I could wrap this in tinfoil 252 00:09:14,649 --> 00:09:16,286 - and throw it in the microwave. - No, no, no, no. 253 00:09:16,310 --> 00:09:17,320 Look how stupid it is. 254 00:09:17,345 --> 00:09:18,704 It's worthless on the collectible circuit. 255 00:09:18,728 --> 00:09:20,634 Don't crush the box! Please don't crush the box! 256 00:09:20,659 --> 00:09:22,532 Hey, this baby cries, so you could take it 257 00:09:22,557 --> 00:09:25,503 and you could set it on fire or throw it off a roof or eat it. 258 00:09:25,528 --> 00:09:26,599 Whatevs. 259 00:09:26,624 --> 00:09:28,063 I'm out. Peace! 260 00:09:28,363 --> 00:09:30,422 Come on, Mom! I'm hungry! 261 00:09:30,447 --> 00:09:31,600 Now! 262 00:09:31,625 --> 00:09:32,657 Okay, honey! 263 00:09:32,682 --> 00:09:34,248 Thank you for your generosity! 264 00:09:34,273 --> 00:09:35,473 - Hey. - You're welcome, ma'am. 265 00:09:35,498 --> 00:09:37,539 Wow, you guys, that was beautiful. 266 00:09:37,674 --> 00:09:39,629 Warms the cockles of my heart. 267 00:09:39,852 --> 00:09:41,510 Don't bother me again. 268 00:09:46,981 --> 00:09:49,551 Knock, knock. Hey, I need your finger. 269 00:09:49,576 --> 00:09:50,821 Why, you gonna try and make me fart? 270 00:09:50,845 --> 00:09:52,454 Ha ha, good one. Come on, let's go. 271 00:09:52,479 --> 00:09:54,236 Oh, I see. I have to stop what I'm doing 272 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,726 to help you wrap a gag gift for your dumb Yankee Swap? 273 00:09:56,751 --> 00:09:58,789 It's not a gag gift. It's an awesome gift. 274 00:09:58,814 --> 00:10:00,134 And don't ask me to tell you what it is, 275 00:10:00,158 --> 00:10:01,690 'cause I'm not gonna do it. 276 00:10:02,198 --> 00:10:03,230 It's a bidet. 277 00:10:03,255 --> 00:10:05,113 - It shoots water up your butt? - Yeah. 278 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:06,891 It's a Sunny Tunnel Bidet. 279 00:10:06,916 --> 00:10:09,227 Vicky got me one last month... Changed my life. 280 00:10:09,263 --> 00:10:10,699 There is nothing more soothing 281 00:10:10,724 --> 00:10:12,811 that shooting warm water up your hoo-hoo. 282 00:10:12,836 --> 00:10:15,210 And my toilet paper bills? Never been lower. 283 00:10:15,235 --> 00:10:16,468 This baby pays for itself. 284 00:10:16,493 --> 00:10:18,183 What are you, in the pocket of Big Bidet? 285 00:10:18,208 --> 00:10:19,811 I started out at 85 degrees 286 00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:22,243 and then I lowered it to a nice 82 degrees. 287 00:10:22,268 --> 00:10:23,885 Mmm. That's the sweet spot. 288 00:10:23,910 --> 00:10:26,244 That's absurd... the human rectum cannot differentiate 289 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,193 between 85 and 82 degrees. 290 00:10:28,218 --> 00:10:29,530 My rectum can tell the different. 291 00:10:29,554 --> 00:10:30,559 No, it can't! 292 00:10:30,584 --> 00:10:32,494 Assholes don't have feelings. 293 00:10:32,519 --> 00:10:33,857 Get out of my office. 294 00:10:33,882 --> 00:10:36,074 Merry Christmas, Edward Penisi. 295 00:10:36,099 --> 00:10:38,866 There's glitter everywhere from your Goddamn ribbon! 296 00:10:40,427 --> 00:10:42,812 We have to find a way to help Cap. 297 00:10:43,022 --> 00:10:44,647 Hey, how 'bout this? 298 00:10:44,672 --> 00:10:46,428 20 years ago at Christmas, 299 00:10:46,453 --> 00:10:49,048 Cap delivered a baby when a woman was stuck in traffic. 300 00:10:49,073 --> 00:10:52,122 What if we found that kid, brought him to the station, 301 00:10:52,147 --> 00:10:54,992 then we have a heartwarming Christmas reunion. 302 00:10:55,017 --> 00:10:56,618 That's a really good idea. 303 00:10:56,643 --> 00:10:57,668 I bet you anything 304 00:10:57,693 --> 00:10:59,631 Granny's trying to cut Lucy in on a two-way deal 305 00:10:59,656 --> 00:11:01,891 - to get that Darla doll. - You're being paranoid, man. 306 00:11:01,916 --> 00:11:04,149 - That's not what they're... - Wait a sec. 307 00:11:04,184 --> 00:11:05,693 Are you teaming up with them? 308 00:11:05,718 --> 00:11:07,276 Are you trying to cut me outta the score? 309 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,145 - You need to calm down. - No, you need to calm down. 310 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,938 You're jumpier than a Pepper Jack's whore right now. 311 00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,601 - You need to reel it in! - Hey, guys. 312 00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:14,241 - Granny has a great idea. - Does it involve 313 00:11:14,265 --> 00:11:15,370 waiting until I fall asleep 314 00:11:15,395 --> 00:11:16,784 and then smothering me with a pillow 315 00:11:16,808 --> 00:11:18,840 - to take that Darla doll? - Damn it, Andy, no! 316 00:11:18,865 --> 00:11:20,605 Granny thinks that if we can find the baby 317 00:11:20,630 --> 00:11:21,996 that Cap delivered 20 years ago, 318 00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:23,744 it might just warm his icy little heart. 319 00:11:23,769 --> 00:11:26,468 - That's a great idea! - It was a good idea. 320 00:11:26,493 --> 00:11:27,749 Turns out the kid got nailed 321 00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,441 on various narcotic charges 322 00:11:29,466 --> 00:11:31,950 and then fled to Sweden to join a doomsday cult. 323 00:11:31,975 --> 00:11:34,884 Look at that... in Sweden they call it a "duumsdoy kolt." 324 00:11:34,909 --> 00:11:36,394 Cap wouldn't know what the kid looked like 325 00:11:36,418 --> 00:11:38,340 20 years from now... We could just get any dude 326 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:39,996 to come in here and pretend to be that baby. 327 00:11:40,020 --> 00:11:42,454 Lucy McConky. That's a good idea. 328 00:11:42,479 --> 00:11:44,734 Lucy McConky's biggest fault 329 00:11:44,759 --> 00:11:47,817 is her refusal to show proper respect 330 00:11:47,842 --> 00:11:49,992 when addressing her captain. 331 00:11:50,017 --> 00:11:52,364 Uncle Eddie! Get your ass down here. 332 00:11:52,389 --> 00:11:54,224 It's a Christmas miracle! 333 00:12:01,876 --> 00:12:04,068 - Here he is. - Who? Who he? 334 00:12:04,093 --> 00:12:06,373 Him! He who you delivered as a baby 335 00:12:06,398 --> 00:12:08,058 when his mom was stuck in traffic, remember? 336 00:12:08,082 --> 00:12:10,496 Captain Penisi, great to see you again. 337 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:11,650 Mark Budmartin. 338 00:12:11,675 --> 00:12:14,310 You're the... little Budmartin baby? 339 00:12:20,334 --> 00:12:22,239 Well, look at you. You're all grown up! 340 00:12:22,264 --> 00:12:23,463 My God! 341 00:12:23,488 --> 00:12:25,274 - What are you doin' here? - Well, 342 00:12:25,299 --> 00:12:27,432 sometimes I... get into a real bad funk 343 00:12:27,468 --> 00:12:29,397 - during the holidays. - I do too. 344 00:12:29,422 --> 00:12:31,319 This morning, I found myself 345 00:12:31,344 --> 00:12:33,442 standing on the edge of the Tacoma Narrows Bridge 346 00:12:33,467 --> 00:12:35,774 looking down, thinking about cashing in. 347 00:12:35,810 --> 00:12:37,419 - Oh... - But then I thought, 348 00:12:37,444 --> 00:12:39,526 "Firefighter Penisi risked his life 349 00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:42,534 "in the middle of traffic to bring me into this world. 350 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:43,563 I can't let him down!" 351 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,227 So I got off that bridge, 352 00:12:45,252 --> 00:12:46,272 and the first thing I did 353 00:12:46,297 --> 00:12:47,885 was buy a scratch-off lottery ticket, 354 00:12:47,910 --> 00:12:49,375 - and guess what. - What? 355 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,833 I won $100,000, 356 00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:54,098 which I'm going to use to go to astronaut school 357 00:12:54,123 --> 00:12:55,931 and be the first man on Mars! 358 00:12:55,956 --> 00:12:57,791 - Oh! - I wrote that part. 359 00:12:57,816 --> 00:12:58,857 Yeah, no shit. 360 00:12:58,882 --> 00:13:00,848 Seeing you here today 361 00:13:00,873 --> 00:13:03,073 makes me truly believe 362 00:13:03,098 --> 00:13:06,166 that you made a huge mistake. 363 00:13:06,847 --> 00:13:09,169 A... what's that now? 364 00:13:09,194 --> 00:13:12,903 Yeah. You really should have jumped. 365 00:13:13,432 --> 00:13:14,556 Wha... 366 00:13:14,581 --> 00:13:17,483 Get lost... loser. 367 00:13:19,475 --> 00:13:21,407 Son of a bitch, Cap. 368 00:13:21,722 --> 00:13:23,582 How could you do that? 369 00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:25,463 That was the boy you brought into this world, 370 00:13:25,487 --> 00:13:28,103 - as far as you know! - Do you really think I wouldn't know 371 00:13:28,128 --> 00:13:29,955 that the baby I delivered fled to Sweden 372 00:13:29,980 --> 00:13:32,107 and joined a "duumsdoy kolt"? 373 00:13:32,132 --> 00:13:33,909 - Oops. - I was gonna let you off easy 374 00:13:33,934 --> 00:13:35,109 on those evaluations. 375 00:13:35,134 --> 00:13:37,679 But after that, I'm cranking it up full blast. 376 00:13:37,704 --> 00:13:39,629 - No! - Cap... 377 00:13:40,307 --> 00:13:42,241 Astronaut school, dude? 378 00:13:44,872 --> 00:13:47,072 Who knew that he would keep such close tabs 379 00:13:47,097 --> 00:13:48,597 on the baby he delivered? 380 00:13:48,622 --> 00:13:50,492 Huh. Hey, guys. 381 00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:52,551 Where's the Darla doll? 382 00:13:52,586 --> 00:13:54,018 - What do you mean? - What? 383 00:13:54,043 --> 00:13:57,152 We put it right here, and now it's gone. 384 00:13:57,177 --> 00:13:58,801 - So which one of you took it? - Don't look at me. 385 00:13:58,825 --> 00:14:00,602 I'm the one that wanted to give it away. 386 00:14:00,627 --> 00:14:03,004 So that means one of you took the doll. 387 00:14:03,029 --> 00:14:06,364 That's exactly what the real doll thief would say, Granny. 388 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:10,254 Which is precisely what the actual doll thief would say, 389 00:14:10,279 --> 00:14:11,843 - Andy! - What? 390 00:14:11,868 --> 00:14:14,006 Which is undoubtedly what the true doll thief 391 00:14:14,031 --> 00:14:15,885 - would say, Ike. - Me?! 392 00:14:15,910 --> 00:14:17,048 - Yeah, you. - Obviously! 393 00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:18,612 - No, it ain't! - You guys! 394 00:14:18,637 --> 00:14:20,738 What happened to the Christmas spirit? 395 00:14:22,983 --> 00:14:25,784 The deal was we were gonna split that doll three ways! 396 00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:27,431 That's over 4 grand each! 397 00:14:27,456 --> 00:14:29,654 - 5 grand. - I want that doll on the table 398 00:14:29,690 --> 00:14:32,032 - in three minutes. - I want it in 30 seconds. 399 00:14:32,057 --> 00:14:34,915 - Damn it, I didn't take it! - I didn't take it either! 400 00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:36,272 Liar! 401 00:14:38,622 --> 00:14:41,486 Well, if that ain't a heapin' pile of humbug stew, 402 00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:43,044 I don't know what is. 403 00:14:43,179 --> 00:14:44,846 What are the odds that the Eddie 404 00:14:44,871 --> 00:14:46,841 and the Darla doll situations 405 00:14:46,866 --> 00:14:50,734 would hit their lowest points at the exact same time? 406 00:14:51,087 --> 00:14:52,920 Ah, what a world. 407 00:14:52,945 --> 00:14:55,546 I sure hope they can still fix this. 408 00:15:01,729 --> 00:15:03,398 Hey, guys. Time for the Yankee Swap. 409 00:15:03,423 --> 00:15:05,664 - But what about Uncle Eddie? - Look, I have been trying 410 00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,337 to shove Christmas cheer down that guy's throat 411 00:15:07,361 --> 00:15:09,862 for 25 years... He's too far gone. 412 00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:13,685 Come on, it's Christmas Eve! 413 00:15:13,710 --> 00:15:15,378 How 'bout I read "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"? 414 00:15:15,402 --> 00:15:17,413 - You love when I do that. - It just doesn't feel right 415 00:15:17,437 --> 00:15:19,113 - without Uncle Eddie here. - You're right. 416 00:15:19,137 --> 00:15:20,670 But what else can we do? 417 00:15:51,664 --> 00:15:53,904 Yeah. Here we are. 418 00:15:54,327 --> 00:15:56,980 Ohh. Here we go. 419 00:16:01,949 --> 00:16:06,311 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 420 00:16:06,336 --> 00:16:10,889 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 421 00:16:10,924 --> 00:16:15,211 ♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ 422 00:16:15,236 --> 00:16:19,160 ♪ Hark the harald angels sing ♪ 423 00:16:19,185 --> 00:16:23,045 ♪ Glory to the newborn king ♪ 424 00:16:23,070 --> 00:16:26,969 ♪ Peace on Earth and mercy mild ♪ 425 00:16:26,994 --> 00:16:30,775 ♪ God and sinners reconciled ♪ 426 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,566 - ♪ Joy ♪ - Shut up, you dorks! 427 00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:34,657 Cap, we know you hate Christmas, 428 00:16:34,682 --> 00:16:36,525 but we want you to join us for the Gift Swap. 429 00:16:36,550 --> 00:16:38,673 You think that'll get you a good evaluation? 430 00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,463 - Bah! - Eddie, the Yankee Swap 431 00:16:40,488 --> 00:16:42,554 is a station event, and you're gonna join us. 432 00:16:42,590 --> 00:16:43,799 And that's an order! 433 00:16:45,554 --> 00:16:47,223 Let the swap begin! 434 00:16:47,248 --> 00:16:48,597 - I got number one. - Ah! 435 00:16:48,622 --> 00:16:50,439 - Oh! - Yeah! 436 00:16:50,464 --> 00:16:51,918 You know what, sometimes that's good. 437 00:16:51,942 --> 00:16:53,474 He briefed me. First is worst. 438 00:16:53,499 --> 00:16:54,943 - Ah... - Not all the time. 439 00:16:54,968 --> 00:16:57,397 Uh... whoa. 440 00:16:57,422 --> 00:17:00,816 Two tickets to Seattle/Arizona, 50-yard line. 441 00:17:00,841 --> 00:17:02,031 - Whoa! - Wow. 442 00:17:02,056 --> 00:17:03,240 Whose gift is this? Who did this? 443 00:17:03,264 --> 00:17:05,217 I danced this corporate gig and I hit it off 444 00:17:05,242 --> 00:17:07,164 - with the owner's wife, so... - I can't wait 445 00:17:07,189 --> 00:17:08,929 for one of you guys to snag these away from me. 446 00:17:08,953 --> 00:17:10,715 Hey, you never know, though... I'm next! 447 00:17:10,740 --> 00:17:13,446 Yoink! Cool! 448 00:17:13,471 --> 00:17:14,971 Chubby's Exotic Dance Emporium... 449 00:17:14,996 --> 00:17:16,665 One VIP lap dance. 450 00:17:16,690 --> 00:17:19,651 Not sure I need this, but... No, no, it's good for research. 451 00:17:19,687 --> 00:17:20,814 I know how this works, Ike. 452 00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:22,687 No, I'm keepin' it. 453 00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:24,634 - Okay. - Oh, look, I'm next. 454 00:17:24,659 --> 00:17:26,308 This one looks fun. 455 00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:30,598 "One free depilation at Alohair Beauty Salon." 456 00:17:30,623 --> 00:17:32,397 Get it over with, then. That's your family business. 457 00:17:32,421 --> 00:17:33,413 What're you talking about? 458 00:17:33,437 --> 00:17:35,073 Merry Christmas. Who's next? 459 00:17:35,108 --> 00:17:37,452 Let me show you dum-dums how to pick a real gift. 460 00:17:37,477 --> 00:17:39,677 - That's a good one. - A Nightmare Manor 461 00:17:39,713 --> 00:17:40,727 Annual Pass. 462 00:17:41,593 --> 00:17:42,657 I was banned from 463 00:17:42,682 --> 00:17:46,057 the premises for two years, but it's still a good gift. 464 00:17:46,082 --> 00:17:47,479 - Okay, okay. - I'm gonna go with 465 00:17:47,504 --> 00:17:50,633 this red box. Sweet... moustache wax. 466 00:17:50,658 --> 00:17:52,418 This'll be great for when I have a boyfriend 467 00:17:52,443 --> 00:17:55,051 - with a moustache. - Okay, thank you, guys. 468 00:17:55,076 --> 00:17:56,443 I know what you're doin' here. 469 00:17:56,468 --> 00:17:58,387 - Thank you. - Yay! 470 00:17:58,412 --> 00:17:59,762 Hold on. 471 00:17:59,787 --> 00:18:01,566 Santa has not yet had his turn. 472 00:18:01,591 --> 00:18:04,021 If I were to survey the other gifts 473 00:18:04,046 --> 00:18:06,443 that were available to me, 474 00:18:06,468 --> 00:18:09,351 I'm... going to take... 475 00:18:09,683 --> 00:18:10,683 this one. 476 00:18:11,414 --> 00:18:12,487 You kidding me? 477 00:18:12,512 --> 00:18:14,920 50-hard line! Hee hee hee hee! 478 00:18:14,945 --> 00:18:16,177 - Chief. - Dad. 479 00:18:16,202 --> 00:18:18,066 Well, Merry Christmas, buddy. 480 00:18:18,091 --> 00:18:20,529 - Okay, well... - Wait, wait, Cap. 481 00:18:20,554 --> 00:18:22,390 - Shouldn't you open your gift? - I know what it is. 482 00:18:22,414 --> 00:18:24,916 It's a bidet... because Christmas is all about 483 00:18:24,941 --> 00:18:26,606 taking it in the pooper. 484 00:18:26,631 --> 00:18:28,228 Some Santa you are. 485 00:18:30,248 --> 00:18:31,653 Cap, I'm sorry. 486 00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:34,442 - Dad, why did you do that? - 50-yard line! 487 00:18:35,565 --> 00:18:38,316 I mean, really, it's a Yankee Swap... get over it. 488 00:18:40,116 --> 00:18:41,559 Man... 489 00:18:45,745 --> 00:18:49,075 The nicest thing I can say about Granfield Smith 490 00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,500 is that he wraps hose with the grace 491 00:18:51,525 --> 00:18:54,319 and speed of a pregnant water buffalo. 492 00:18:56,767 --> 00:18:59,484 And that... finishes it. 493 00:19:09,310 --> 00:19:10,895 "Clean in comfort." 494 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,699 Sunny Tunnel Bidet. 495 00:19:12,724 --> 00:19:14,232 Hmm. 496 00:19:15,075 --> 00:19:16,708 Eh, why not? 497 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,046 Here goes nothing. 498 00:19:21,136 --> 00:19:22,580 Ooh! 499 00:19:23,801 --> 00:19:27,136 Ooh hoo hoo hoo ooh! 500 00:19:31,751 --> 00:19:33,594 And in that moment, 501 00:19:33,619 --> 00:19:37,221 feeling the soothing rush of 82-degree toilet water 502 00:19:37,246 --> 00:19:39,579 on his bitter and hardened anus, 503 00:19:39,604 --> 00:19:44,279 Eddie Penisi's heart grew 20 sizes that night. 504 00:19:45,545 --> 00:19:46,623 I love it! 505 00:19:46,648 --> 00:19:48,767 I'm too old for this shit. 506 00:19:49,460 --> 00:19:51,166 What was I thinking? 507 00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,632 These people are my family. 508 00:19:54,202 --> 00:19:57,213 But there's no time to do those evaluations over again. 509 00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:58,953 Is there? 510 00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:05,723 You there, boy, what time is it? 511 00:20:05,748 --> 00:20:07,526 Almost 5:00 in the morning! 512 00:20:07,551 --> 00:20:10,718 5:00? There might just be enough time! 513 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:12,252 What are you doing running around 514 00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:13,909 at 5:00 on Christmas morning? 515 00:20:13,934 --> 00:20:16,034 Stealing packages off people's doorsteps! 516 00:20:16,069 --> 00:20:17,679 Wait... Hunter, is that you? 517 00:20:17,704 --> 00:20:19,937 - Ah, fuck off! - Ha ha ha. 518 00:20:19,962 --> 00:20:21,761 Merry Christmas, Hunter. 519 00:20:21,866 --> 00:20:23,470 Merry Christmas. 520 00:20:23,495 --> 00:20:24,795 Whatever. 521 00:20:27,515 --> 00:20:29,598 Oh, something smells good. 522 00:20:29,623 --> 00:20:31,003 It smells like Christmas. 523 00:20:31,028 --> 00:20:33,862 - It is Christmas, dummy. - Merry Christmas. 524 00:20:33,887 --> 00:20:35,787 Merry Christmas, guys. 525 00:20:38,076 --> 00:20:39,775 Whoa! 526 00:20:39,887 --> 00:20:42,642 - It looks amazing! - Holy... 527 00:20:45,265 --> 00:20:47,259 Merry Christmas, everyone. 528 00:20:47,284 --> 00:20:49,344 Whoa! What happened here? 529 00:20:49,369 --> 00:20:50,846 A Christmas miracle. 530 00:20:50,871 --> 00:20:52,925 And here's the cherry on top of the yule log. 531 00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:54,401 Check out your stockings. 532 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,513 Aw, man! 533 00:20:56,538 --> 00:20:58,253 Did you do all this? 534 00:20:58,278 --> 00:20:59,978 - I did. - Our evaluations! 535 00:21:00,013 --> 00:21:01,679 "Granfield Smith wraps hose 536 00:21:01,715 --> 00:21:04,059 with the speed and grace of a gazelle"? 537 00:21:04,084 --> 00:21:08,220 "Andy Myawani... more like dandy guy with two Mommies"? 538 00:21:08,255 --> 00:21:10,239 - It was 5:00 in the morning. - Ike Crystal. 539 00:21:10,264 --> 00:21:11,574 "Satisfactory. 540 00:21:11,599 --> 00:21:13,186 Satisfactory..." 541 00:21:13,211 --> 00:21:15,015 Satisfactory on every one! 542 00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,007 Thanks, Cap! 543 00:21:17,032 --> 00:21:18,564 What caused the change of heart, Cap? 544 00:21:18,589 --> 00:21:20,455 Well, Lucy, I realized it was selfish of me 545 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,689 to tarnish your records because I had the holiday blues. 546 00:21:22,714 --> 00:21:25,147 Or maybe somebody used his new Christmas gift. 547 00:21:25,172 --> 00:21:26,654 You're right, Chief. 548 00:21:27,341 --> 00:21:29,241 Your gift taught me a lot last night. 549 00:21:29,276 --> 00:21:32,263 Turns out, assholes do have feelings. 550 00:21:32,288 --> 00:21:33,859 I know this asshole does. 551 00:21:33,884 --> 00:21:35,452 - Aw... - Aw ha ha ha. 552 00:21:35,477 --> 00:21:37,526 Wait a minute. Did you know the bidet 553 00:21:37,551 --> 00:21:39,636 was gonna have this effect on Cap? 554 00:21:41,297 --> 00:21:43,481 It looks like there's a new Santa Claus around here. 555 00:21:43,506 --> 00:21:45,340 Or should I say... 556 00:21:47,308 --> 00:21:48,871 Old Taint Nick? 557 00:21:51,421 --> 00:21:53,676 Man, the only thing that'd make this day better 558 00:21:53,701 --> 00:21:56,434 is if one of you admitted to stealing that Darla doll. 559 00:21:56,459 --> 00:21:58,528 - I didn't take it, Andy! - No worries, gentlemen. 560 00:21:58,553 --> 00:22:01,354 - 'Cause I know who did it. - What? Who? 561 00:22:01,682 --> 00:22:03,641 - Seriously? - Follow me. 562 00:22:03,666 --> 00:22:05,177 Why can't you just tell us now? 563 00:22:05,408 --> 00:22:07,045 Go... 564 00:22:07,070 --> 00:22:09,170 - boom. - Whoa! 565 00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:11,439 So this whole time it's been Mark Budmartin? 566 00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:13,226 The actor who played Mark Budmartin. 567 00:22:13,251 --> 00:22:14,960 I knew that guy was a phony! 568 00:22:14,985 --> 00:22:16,603 I'm sorry for accusing you. 569 00:22:16,628 --> 00:22:18,176 Aw, man, it's okay. 570 00:22:18,669 --> 00:22:20,903 - I'm sorry too, fellas. - Take it in. 571 00:22:20,928 --> 00:22:24,362 Are you guys ready for the genuine Christmas miracle? 572 00:22:24,398 --> 00:22:26,498 That is not the real Darla doll. 573 00:22:26,534 --> 00:22:29,163 - I think it is. - This is the real 574 00:22:29,188 --> 00:22:30,395 Pubic Defender Darla. 575 00:22:30,420 --> 00:22:32,329 When I saw how weird you guys were being about it, 576 00:22:32,353 --> 00:22:33,954 I swapped her out for another Darla. 577 00:22:33,979 --> 00:22:37,242 Merry $15,000 Christmas to us! 578 00:22:37,267 --> 00:22:39,888 - You're kidding, right? - What? I saved Christmas. 579 00:22:39,913 --> 00:22:41,901 - Why don't you read this? - Right here. 580 00:22:41,926 --> 00:22:44,007 What does it say? "Pubic Defender Darla doll. 581 00:22:44,032 --> 00:22:46,142 M-I-P." What's MIP mean? 582 00:22:46,167 --> 00:22:48,330 Mint In Package. It means it's an untouched doll 583 00:22:48,355 --> 00:22:49,543 in the original package. 584 00:22:49,568 --> 00:22:52,855 That doll right there is without original package. 585 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:54,818 How much is it worth W-O-O-P? 586 00:22:54,843 --> 00:22:57,059 $122. 587 00:22:57,084 --> 00:22:59,117 Well, then we're gonna spend that $122 588 00:22:59,142 --> 00:23:00,738 on sugar plums and peppermint bark. 589 00:23:00,763 --> 00:23:02,717 - Yay! - Good for you, Cap! 590 00:23:02,742 --> 00:23:04,336 Merry Christmas, Cap. 591 00:23:04,361 --> 00:23:06,795 And God bless us... every one. 592 00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:09,032 - Yeah! - Yeah! 593 00:23:10,714 --> 00:23:12,489 Merry Christmas, ho ho ho. 594 00:23:12,514 --> 00:23:14,483 - Who's been good this year? - Merry Christmas. 595 00:23:14,507 --> 00:23:16,412 Merry Christmas. I like you guys. 596 00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:18,327 Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. 597 00:23:18,352 --> 00:23:20,896 Hey... 314 families. That's a new record! 598 00:23:20,921 --> 00:23:23,077 - Awesome! - Hey guys, come on over. 599 00:23:23,102 --> 00:23:25,803 - Chief's gonna read his poem. - Yay! 600 00:23:26,093 --> 00:23:27,368 Yeah! 601 00:23:27,393 --> 00:23:28,927 Okay, guys. 602 00:23:29,338 --> 00:23:32,293 "'Twas the night before Christmas at Tacoma FD. 603 00:23:32,318 --> 00:23:35,312 "What a year it has been, filled with whimsy and glee. 604 00:23:35,337 --> 00:23:38,436 Chief Terry banned gambling, but it went on, however." 605 00:23:38,463 --> 00:23:39,980 - No it did not, no it did not. - Not really. 606 00:23:40,004 --> 00:23:42,985 "While a fire in Dildo Town brought enemies together. 607 00:23:43,010 --> 00:23:46,230 "Eddie's dad paid a visit and was nice only to Lucy. 608 00:23:46,255 --> 00:23:48,884 "The guys on the C team turned out to be douchey. 609 00:23:48,909 --> 00:23:50,993 - Big time. - "Cap joined the Fire Choir 610 00:23:51,018 --> 00:23:53,254 by using his lips, and Nightmare Manor 611 00:23:53,279 --> 00:23:55,217 "gave Granny a case of the yips. 612 00:23:55,242 --> 00:23:58,045 - Ha, that was so funny! - Man, I had to lawyer up. 613 00:23:58,070 --> 00:24:00,292 "Low voice Lucy sounded like Barry White. 614 00:24:00,317 --> 00:24:01,593 "And Ike's brother needed help 615 00:24:01,629 --> 00:24:03,176 "'cause his sperm count was light. 616 00:24:03,201 --> 00:24:04,744 He was havin' a tough time. 617 00:24:04,769 --> 00:24:07,198 "Cap grew his hair an incredible length 618 00:24:07,223 --> 00:24:08,622 "while a stray bolt of lightning 619 00:24:08,647 --> 00:24:10,079 gave Andy super strength." 620 00:24:10,104 --> 00:24:11,781 Wait, wait, wait... When did that happen? 621 00:24:11,806 --> 00:24:13,125 I'm just making sure you're awake. 622 00:24:13,149 --> 00:24:15,817 - Ha ha, that didn't happen! - "At the Firemen's Ball 623 00:24:15,842 --> 00:24:17,907 - the elevator was stuck." - I don't remember that. 624 00:24:17,932 --> 00:24:19,256 "And this holiday season, 625 00:24:19,281 --> 00:24:21,247 Eddie learned to give a fuck." 626 00:24:21,272 --> 00:24:23,031 - Thanks to you guys. - That's right. 627 00:24:23,056 --> 00:24:26,257 So as we wrap up our tale and we ride out of sight... 628 00:24:26,282 --> 00:24:28,393 Merry Christmas to all, 629 00:24:28,418 --> 00:24:30,783 and to all a good night. 630 00:24:30,808 --> 00:24:32,427 Ain't that right, Darla? 631 00:24:32,452 --> 00:24:34,518 You said it, Snowman! 632 00:24:35,114 --> 00:24:37,806 Station 24, man stuck in chimney. 633 00:24:37,831 --> 00:24:39,831 - Please respond. - All right, here we go guys!