1 00:00:01,068 --> 00:00:02,325 What in the hell is this? 2 00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:04,038 I don't know. I can't see anything. 3 00:00:05,088 --> 00:00:08,250 I hope you bitches brought more Jell-O shots. 4 00:00:09,433 --> 00:00:10,992 Ma'am, what's the smoke from? 5 00:00:11,017 --> 00:00:12,445 I think found the culprit. 6 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:14,550 These penis cookies were left in the oven too long. 7 00:00:14,575 --> 00:00:17,291 There's no such thing as too long. 8 00:00:19,086 --> 00:00:20,597 All right, let's air this place out. 9 00:00:20,622 --> 00:00:22,298 I got this one, Cap. 10 00:00:22,828 --> 00:00:24,814 - Okay. - Hello. 11 00:00:24,839 --> 00:00:26,508 Are you my stripper? 12 00:00:26,533 --> 00:00:28,629 I prefer the term "exotic dancer." 13 00:00:28,654 --> 00:00:30,139 Hey, Ike, I think she thinks... 14 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,791 Start dancing exotically. 15 00:00:34,725 --> 00:00:36,478 I am on the job right now. 16 00:00:36,503 --> 00:00:39,657 You're here for a job. A very hot job. 17 00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:43,107 I tell ya, not only is this job hot, 18 00:00:43,132 --> 00:00:46,052 it is scorching at times. 19 00:00:46,077 --> 00:00:48,418 - Yeah, I know. - What are the rules? 20 00:00:48,443 --> 00:00:50,940 Do we get a little peek of the equipment? 21 00:00:51,741 --> 00:00:53,629 Well, all right. I'll tell you what. 22 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:54,831 You can play with the hose. 23 00:00:56,346 --> 00:00:58,449 You can all play with the hose! Why not? 24 00:00:58,967 --> 00:01:00,703 Oh, whoa, whoa! 25 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,349 Ike, they think you're here to strip for 'em, now. 26 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:08,133 Yeah, I know! Hello? 27 00:01:08,158 --> 00:01:09,311 I was kidding! 28 00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:10,834 God, take a joke, guys! 29 00:01:10,859 --> 00:01:12,115 I'm not an idiot, okay? 30 00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,716 Oh, great. 31 00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,052 You know what, officer? It's fine. 32 00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:17,319 It was a misunderstanding. No need to press charges. 33 00:01:23,286 --> 00:01:25,286 All right, guys, let's roll out. Let's roll out. 34 00:01:25,567 --> 00:01:27,301 Hey, congrats again. 35 00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:46,535 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 36 00:01:48,079 --> 00:01:49,612 Check it out. 37 00:01:49,637 --> 00:01:52,267 Got my results from that DNA ancestry company. 38 00:01:52,292 --> 00:01:53,559 22 and You. 39 00:01:53,584 --> 00:01:54,625 I've actually been meaning to do that. 40 00:01:54,649 --> 00:01:55,759 You'll never believe this. 41 00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,079 I'm 12% Jewish. 42 00:01:57,104 --> 00:01:58,423 - Really? - Get out of here. 43 00:01:58,448 --> 00:02:00,076 This is going to change everything. 44 00:02:00,101 --> 00:02:01,765 We should all take these DNA tests. 45 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,167 I've been telling women for years I'm related to Joe Pesci. 46 00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:05,715 It's time I finally got proof. 47 00:02:06,124 --> 00:02:07,196 Hey, you know what? 48 00:02:07,221 --> 00:02:08,850 I got some extra swabs. You all wanna do it? 49 00:02:08,874 --> 00:02:09,890 - I'll try it. - Yep. 50 00:02:09,915 --> 00:02:11,480 - Oh, that'd be awesome. - We got one for you. 51 00:02:11,504 --> 00:02:13,509 - Thank you. - One for you, one for you. 52 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:14,845 - Whoa, whoa, whoa, Ike. - No, no, no, no, no! 53 00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:16,203 Not like that, man. 54 00:02:16,228 --> 00:02:17,770 - It's up here. Up here. - I know. 55 00:02:17,795 --> 00:02:19,573 Why do you guys always take me so seriously all the time? 56 00:02:19,597 --> 00:02:20,739 Try this one. 57 00:02:20,764 --> 00:02:22,448 - I was kidding. - I know you were. 58 00:02:22,473 --> 00:02:24,420 - I know how to do it. - Yeah. 59 00:02:25,071 --> 00:02:26,889 - Great, yeah. - Put it in there. Put it in. 60 00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:29,790 - Get that to the lab, stat. - Okay. 61 00:02:30,536 --> 00:02:32,729 Hey, guys, I think us laughing at Ike all the time 62 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,064 makes him feel dumb, 63 00:02:34,089 --> 00:02:35,733 like with the bachelorette party. 64 00:02:35,757 --> 00:02:36,918 He's not dumb. 65 00:02:36,943 --> 00:02:38,721 He just sometimes says dumb things. 66 00:02:38,746 --> 00:02:40,271 You know what, next time he says something dumb, 67 00:02:40,295 --> 00:02:41,939 I'm gonna say something dumber, you know, 68 00:02:41,963 --> 00:02:43,194 just to take the heat off. 69 00:02:43,219 --> 00:02:44,618 Ah, you better not do that 70 00:02:44,643 --> 00:02:45,976 'cause then people will think you're dumb. 71 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,197 Me? Nah. 72 00:02:47,222 --> 00:02:49,858 Hey, Cap, you wanna go see if Chief wants to inspect his genes? 73 00:02:49,883 --> 00:02:50,994 I've already inspected his jeans. 74 00:02:51,018 --> 00:02:53,497 They are consistently saggy and halfway down his ass. 75 00:02:54,652 --> 00:02:56,873 That little tuchus reminds me of two matzo balls. 76 00:02:57,357 --> 00:02:59,691 Very funny, guys. 77 00:03:01,546 --> 00:03:03,968 - Hey. What's up, guys? - What's with the tweed? 78 00:03:03,993 --> 00:03:05,867 Trying on a new character for the strip joint? 79 00:03:05,892 --> 00:03:07,338 Professor Pecs. 80 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,099 - I like it. - Hey. 81 00:03:10,124 --> 00:03:11,822 - Cool turtleneck, dude. - Thanks, man. 82 00:03:11,847 --> 00:03:13,091 Looks like the one I just got my mom. 83 00:03:13,115 --> 00:03:14,381 Hey, I wanted to tell you 84 00:03:14,406 --> 00:03:16,184 I had this crazy dream about you last night 85 00:03:16,209 --> 00:03:18,968 and I feel like I just need to, like, process it, you know? 86 00:03:18,993 --> 00:03:20,104 Okay. Yeah, sure. 87 00:03:20,129 --> 00:03:22,633 Like, we were hanging out, eating cheeseburgers together. 88 00:03:22,658 --> 00:03:24,102 Oh, well, I am flattered. 89 00:03:24,126 --> 00:03:26,680 You noticed that I had some, like, mustard at the corner of my mouth. 90 00:03:26,704 --> 00:03:27,705 - Uh-oh. - You know what I mean? 91 00:03:27,729 --> 00:03:30,107 - Yeah. - You, like, reached out to wipe it off, 92 00:03:30,132 --> 00:03:33,288 but the way you did it was, like, super, like, tender. 93 00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:36,113 Then, you came over and you sat on my lap for some reason 94 00:03:36,138 --> 00:03:39,273 and I was like, "Ooh, I think I know where this is going." 95 00:03:39,298 --> 00:03:40,850 Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there. 96 00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:43,995 I'm feeling very uncomfortable in the workplace right now. 97 00:03:44,020 --> 00:03:45,722 I think the only way to get over this 98 00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,149 is if we just hug it out. 99 00:03:47,174 --> 00:03:48,510 - I don't think that's the way. - Kay? 100 00:03:48,534 --> 00:03:49,799 Come here. 101 00:03:49,824 --> 00:03:51,136 - Come here. - What are you doing? 102 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,230 Come on. We basically share a bed, bro. 103 00:03:53,255 --> 00:03:55,332 What are you... wait... Mike! 104 00:03:55,357 --> 00:03:56,764 You son of a bitch! 105 00:03:56,789 --> 00:03:58,803 - Ike has a twin? - Took you forever! 106 00:03:58,828 --> 00:04:00,021 Holy shit. 107 00:04:00,046 --> 00:04:01,846 Should've seen the look on your face, Myawani. 108 00:04:02,779 --> 00:04:03,896 You're such an idiot. 109 00:04:03,921 --> 00:04:05,154 Lucy, that's my brother Mike. 110 00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,886 Mike's a professor up at Seattle State. 111 00:04:06,911 --> 00:04:08,331 That's the last time I'm gonna fall 112 00:04:08,356 --> 00:04:10,014 for that whole sexual harassment routine. 113 00:04:10,278 --> 00:04:11,278 Is it, Andy? 114 00:04:11,303 --> 00:04:13,202 - I don't think so. - That's not even my laugh. 115 00:04:13,227 --> 00:04:14,470 'Sup, Ikey? How are you? 116 00:04:14,495 --> 00:04:16,086 Hey, Mike. You're here. 117 00:04:16,111 --> 00:04:17,377 You guys not gonna hug? 118 00:04:17,402 --> 00:04:18,913 Nah. We're not really huggers. 119 00:04:18,938 --> 00:04:20,660 Yeah, these guys don't even shake hands. 120 00:04:20,685 --> 00:04:22,935 We like to stay inside our own quadrants, you know? 121 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,704 - Isn't that right, Ike? - Yeah. 122 00:04:24,729 --> 00:04:26,431 We have quadrants and we just stick to them. 123 00:04:26,455 --> 00:04:28,365 Seems kinda like a cop-out, but whatever. 124 00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:29,923 Oh, man! It's so good to see you. 125 00:04:29,948 --> 00:04:31,351 - What have you been up to? - Not much. 126 00:04:31,375 --> 00:04:34,143 Just published a paper on the moral significance of conscience. 127 00:04:34,168 --> 00:04:36,573 It's, uh... don't worry about it. 128 00:04:36,605 --> 00:04:38,790 That sounds cool. I've been pretty busy too. 129 00:04:38,815 --> 00:04:40,748 I just debuted a new dance routine 130 00:04:40,773 --> 00:04:42,379 set to "Wet the Bed" by Ludacris. 131 00:04:42,404 --> 00:04:44,923 It's like... it's pretty tricky. 132 00:04:44,948 --> 00:04:46,775 That's great. You're a real artiste. 133 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,048 Mike, you know I don't speak French. 134 00:04:49,073 --> 00:04:50,270 Yeah, Mike. 135 00:04:50,295 --> 00:04:52,857 It's actually pronounced "artist-eh." 136 00:04:52,882 --> 00:04:54,162 Are you being serious right now? 137 00:04:54,329 --> 00:04:55,435 Yeah, come on. 138 00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:57,375 I mean, it happens, Andy. 139 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,960 Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. 140 00:04:58,985 --> 00:05:00,331 Ikey, uh, 141 00:05:00,356 --> 00:05:02,067 can I talk to you in private for a second, pal? 142 00:05:02,091 --> 00:05:03,757 Yeah, of course. Sorry, guys. 143 00:05:03,782 --> 00:05:04,866 Yeah, we can... 144 00:05:04,891 --> 00:05:08,673 Did you see how far up my butt his hand was? 145 00:05:09,314 --> 00:05:11,263 All right, now, you gotta get around good in there, man. 146 00:05:11,287 --> 00:05:12,890 You get all the DNA on that swab. 147 00:05:12,915 --> 00:05:14,748 Man, I would hate to be that swab. 148 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,613 That poor little swab woke up this morning 149 00:05:16,638 --> 00:05:18,216 and was like, "It's gonna be a good day." 150 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,684 I'm warning you, this thing might come back 151 00:05:19,708 --> 00:05:20,914 with high levels of pastrami. 152 00:05:21,964 --> 00:05:24,559 Guys, how did I not know that Ike has a twin? 153 00:05:24,584 --> 00:05:25,956 Oh, no. Mike is here? 154 00:05:25,981 --> 00:05:27,492 That guy is such a tool. 155 00:05:27,517 --> 00:05:29,027 Yeah, and he put his finger in my butt again. 156 00:05:29,051 --> 00:05:30,107 - Blech. - It's weird. 157 00:05:30,132 --> 00:05:32,163 They're identical but they seem so different. 158 00:05:32,188 --> 00:05:34,190 I mean, clearly, Mike is super switched on 159 00:05:34,215 --> 00:05:37,280 - and Ike is... well, you know. - Hey. 160 00:05:37,305 --> 00:05:38,950 It's not surprising when you know the science. 161 00:05:38,974 --> 00:05:40,125 When they were infants, 162 00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:42,476 Mike obviously gravitated toward the smart teat, 163 00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:45,235 whereas Ike was relegated to the dumb teat. 164 00:05:45,260 --> 00:05:47,105 It was up to their mother to rotate the breasts, 165 00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:49,079 but she obviously fell down on the job. 166 00:05:49,104 --> 00:05:50,636 Are we really doing this again? 167 00:05:50,661 --> 00:05:52,127 That is not how biology works. 168 00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:53,720 I wouldn't expect you to understand this, pumpkin. 169 00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:55,786 No offense, but you favored the dumb teat too. 170 00:05:55,811 --> 00:05:57,454 - Oh! - Damn! 171 00:05:57,479 --> 00:05:59,747 - No, I didn't. - I feel bad for Ike. 172 00:05:59,772 --> 00:06:00,950 He was already feeling insecure 173 00:06:00,974 --> 00:06:02,626 and then his asshole brother shows up. 174 00:06:02,651 --> 00:06:04,368 That guy always treats Ike like crap. 175 00:06:04,393 --> 00:06:05,400 How so? 176 00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:08,265 75 in a school zone, huh? 177 00:06:08,290 --> 00:06:10,112 You're gonna wanna see my ID, I suppose? 178 00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,468 Name's Ike Crystal. 179 00:06:11,493 --> 00:06:13,271 I'm a fireman. 180 00:06:13,295 --> 00:06:14,517 You're too sick 181 00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,422 - to go to my sister's wedding. - I'm sorry. 182 00:06:16,447 --> 00:06:19,009 You weren't too sick last night for a booty call. 183 00:06:19,034 --> 00:06:20,609 I let you do butt stuff! 184 00:06:20,634 --> 00:06:22,079 No, you... you didn't. 185 00:06:22,104 --> 00:06:23,499 What... Ike! 186 00:06:23,524 --> 00:06:24,865 - She gone? - Yeah. 187 00:06:24,890 --> 00:06:27,351 She is a beast in the sack, bro. 188 00:06:29,284 --> 00:06:30,955 Hey, frosted tips. You want a spot? 189 00:06:30,980 --> 00:06:32,446 No. 190 00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:34,291 Mike, don't! 191 00:06:34,316 --> 00:06:36,294 - Did you feed Patches? - Don't! I can't lift it! 192 00:06:36,318 --> 00:06:38,920 - Come on, Mike! - Feed the cats! 193 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,614 Don't, don't, don't! 194 00:06:43,336 --> 00:06:45,148 - Open it! - Aw, it's locked. 195 00:06:45,173 --> 00:06:47,171 Don't you dare. You know I feel it too, Ike. 196 00:06:47,196 --> 00:06:48,660 - Open it then. - Don't. 197 00:06:48,685 --> 00:06:50,005 Don't punch yourself in the nuts. 198 00:06:51,733 --> 00:06:52,998 You're such an idiot. 199 00:06:53,332 --> 00:06:54,459 And the worst part? 200 00:06:54,484 --> 00:06:55,763 Ike is the only one who doesn't see 201 00:06:55,787 --> 00:06:57,033 what a dick his brother is. 202 00:06:57,058 --> 00:06:58,525 Why is Mike such a dick? 203 00:06:58,550 --> 00:07:00,117 Mean teat, nice teat? 204 00:07:00,578 --> 00:07:01,752 Mm, I don't think so. 205 00:07:01,777 --> 00:07:03,922 Regardless, he always has a sketchy angle, 206 00:07:03,946 --> 00:07:05,413 so we should watch out for Ike. 207 00:07:05,445 --> 00:07:07,267 Good point. All right, back to work, everybody. 208 00:07:07,291 --> 00:07:08,564 Let's go. 209 00:07:16,484 --> 00:07:17,643 I don't know. 210 00:07:17,668 --> 00:07:19,436 Tweaky, I guess? 211 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:22,203 It's so cool we still know our own twin language. 212 00:07:22,507 --> 00:07:23,617 Look at us, huh? 213 00:07:23,642 --> 00:07:24,818 Both took different paths, 214 00:07:24,843 --> 00:07:27,042 but both very successful in our own fields. 215 00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:29,480 - That is true. - You're doing great, man. 216 00:07:29,505 --> 00:07:31,616 I mean, you're not married or tenured like I am, 217 00:07:31,641 --> 00:07:35,553 but you got a shared bunk, decent pension I'm assuming, 218 00:07:35,577 --> 00:07:37,663 and your landlord lets you pay your rent in singles. 219 00:07:37,688 --> 00:07:38,992 Is this still a compliment 'cause... 220 00:07:39,016 --> 00:07:41,336 Yeah, it started out that way. Then it got a little truthy. 221 00:07:41,476 --> 00:07:44,774 Point is you've got some things that I don't have. 222 00:07:44,799 --> 00:07:47,540 - Seriously? - And like a good brother, 223 00:07:47,565 --> 00:07:51,598 you're always willing to share what you do have 224 00:07:51,623 --> 00:07:52,657 with me. 225 00:07:53,752 --> 00:07:56,174 Mike, you're not gonna ask to borrow my license again, are you? 226 00:07:56,198 --> 00:07:57,653 I owe so much money. 227 00:07:57,678 --> 00:08:00,108 No, Ike. I need something else. 228 00:08:00,133 --> 00:08:01,689 I want your sperm. 229 00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:03,848 Ah! 230 00:08:03,873 --> 00:08:05,002 Hey, if I had a nickel 231 00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:07,131 for every time a girl asked me for my sperm, 232 00:08:07,156 --> 00:08:08,756 I'd have a big bag of sperm... 233 00:08:08,781 --> 00:08:11,977 I mean, I'd have... I'd be rich! 234 00:08:12,002 --> 00:08:14,553 Susan and I are having trouble conceiving a baby, Ike. 235 00:08:14,578 --> 00:08:15,681 She's infertile? 236 00:08:15,706 --> 00:08:17,564 Well, that would mean... 237 00:08:17,589 --> 00:08:19,589 Yeah, you nailed it, Ike. 238 00:08:19,614 --> 00:08:22,172 So, Ike Bartholomew Crystal, 239 00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:24,094 wanna help your brother have a baby? 240 00:08:24,119 --> 00:08:25,719 This is a gigantic decision. 241 00:08:25,744 --> 00:08:27,254 Yeah, it is. 242 00:08:27,731 --> 00:08:29,242 Careful on that knuckle, pal. 243 00:08:29,267 --> 00:08:30,365 I can feel that too, remember? 244 00:08:30,389 --> 00:08:32,104 Oh, yeah. Sorry. 245 00:08:35,892 --> 00:08:37,826 All right, mishpachah. 246 00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,317 Time to get in touch with your roots. 247 00:08:40,342 --> 00:08:44,004 And then afterwards, babka! 248 00:08:44,297 --> 00:08:45,789 Oh, look at this. 22 and You. 249 00:08:45,814 --> 00:08:46,849 I love it. Kaponko. 250 00:08:46,874 --> 00:08:47,914 Is this the DNA thing? 251 00:08:47,939 --> 00:08:49,574 - Yeah, Terry. - That's exciting. 252 00:08:49,599 --> 00:08:51,128 - This is so fun. - Cool. 253 00:08:51,153 --> 00:08:53,529 Oh, I knew it. Irish to me bones! 254 00:08:53,554 --> 00:08:55,066 Look, that is the genetic marker 255 00:08:55,091 --> 00:08:56,735 for the abnormally long ass crack. 256 00:08:56,759 --> 00:08:58,002 Okay, the length of my ass crack 257 00:08:58,026 --> 00:08:59,496 is well within normal range. 258 00:08:59,521 --> 00:09:00,605 And there's the genetic marker 259 00:09:00,629 --> 00:09:02,228 for Asymmetrowobblosis. 260 00:09:02,253 --> 00:09:03,253 What's that? 261 00:09:03,278 --> 00:09:05,410 That's the condition that causes 90% of your body weight 262 00:09:05,434 --> 00:09:06,656 to settle above your belly button. 263 00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,213 And if it's left untreated, it leads to topple-over-itis. 264 00:09:09,238 --> 00:09:10,418 Which, in turn, can lead to 265 00:09:10,443 --> 00:09:12,322 help-I've-fallen- and-I-can't-get-up-isis. 266 00:09:13,381 --> 00:09:15,220 It says here my genetic traits are low testosterone, 267 00:09:15,244 --> 00:09:17,874 wet mouth, clammy hands, and sensitive teeth. 268 00:09:17,899 --> 00:09:19,356 I'm glad I don't have those traits. 269 00:09:19,381 --> 00:09:21,560 It also says that Lucy and I are descendants 270 00:09:21,584 --> 00:09:22,716 of Genghis Khan. 271 00:09:22,741 --> 00:09:24,437 - Hey, me too. - Me too. 272 00:09:24,462 --> 00:09:25,843 Everybody's related to Genghis Khan. 273 00:09:25,867 --> 00:09:26,874 I am not. 274 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,028 It says here that I'm related to Chaka Khan. 275 00:09:29,053 --> 00:09:30,068 - Oh. - Huh. 276 00:09:30,093 --> 00:09:32,682 Says here that 90% of my inherited traits 277 00:09:32,707 --> 00:09:34,874 come from the Penisi side and not the McConky. 278 00:09:34,899 --> 00:09:36,037 You have a lot of McConky in you. 279 00:09:36,061 --> 00:09:37,373 - Give me that thing. - You wanna see my stats? 280 00:09:37,397 --> 00:09:39,182 - Yeah, come on. - All right. 281 00:09:39,956 --> 00:09:41,734 - This can't be right. - Sorry, Chiefy. 282 00:09:41,759 --> 00:09:43,138 She's a Penisi through and through. 283 00:09:43,162 --> 00:09:44,162 Penisis are cool. 284 00:09:44,187 --> 00:09:45,864 Whatever. Gimme some babka. 285 00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,825 Okay. 286 00:09:47,850 --> 00:09:49,152 Looks good, Granny. 287 00:09:49,177 --> 00:09:51,111 Mmm. Oh, mmm. 288 00:09:51,294 --> 00:09:53,339 Oh, my God. Ow! Oh, my teeth! 289 00:09:53,364 --> 00:09:56,104 Penisis do not have sensitive teeth. 290 00:09:57,834 --> 00:09:59,077 No. I don't like this one bit. 291 00:09:59,102 --> 00:10:00,649 You are not like him. 292 00:10:02,678 --> 00:10:04,199 Ow! Jesus! 293 00:10:05,249 --> 00:10:06,709 Where's my toothpaste? 294 00:10:06,734 --> 00:10:07,805 Why would you do that? 295 00:10:07,830 --> 00:10:10,579 Why does it say I'm 6% Toblerone? 296 00:10:10,604 --> 00:10:12,276 - Ooh. - Not true. 297 00:10:12,301 --> 00:10:15,079 The aroma of Tacoma comes from the old pulp and paper mill. 298 00:10:15,103 --> 00:10:16,237 You're wrong. Egg farms. 299 00:10:16,262 --> 00:10:17,549 That's where the aroma comes from. 300 00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:19,016 This is it on Checkipedia. 301 00:10:19,041 --> 00:10:20,678 - So it's offish. - Checkipedia. 302 00:10:20,703 --> 00:10:21,887 - Yeah, that's wrong. - What? 303 00:10:21,912 --> 00:10:23,691 - It's in writing. - It's in digital writing. 304 00:10:23,716 --> 00:10:24,985 Ike, Ike, that's still charged. 305 00:10:25,675 --> 00:10:27,304 Oh, my God! 306 00:10:27,329 --> 00:10:29,290 Ay, caramba! 307 00:10:30,473 --> 00:10:31,482 Are you okay? 308 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:32,944 Yeah. Sorry, guys. 309 00:10:32,969 --> 00:10:34,769 I've just been really preoccupied lately. 310 00:10:34,794 --> 00:10:36,918 Mike asked me for my sperm for a baby. 311 00:10:36,943 --> 00:10:37,950 What? 312 00:10:37,975 --> 00:10:40,002 After the shitty way he's treated you all these years? 313 00:10:40,026 --> 00:10:41,399 Cap, he doesn't treat me shitty. 314 00:10:41,424 --> 00:10:42,471 You have to understand. 315 00:10:42,496 --> 00:10:44,116 Guys, he's my brother. 316 00:10:44,141 --> 00:10:45,331 That's brother stuff. 317 00:10:45,356 --> 00:10:47,977 He could've asked anyone for sperm for his baby. 318 00:10:48,002 --> 00:10:49,468 You know who he asked? 319 00:10:49,596 --> 00:10:51,996 Me. His identical twin. 320 00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:54,199 Yeah, you should be flattered. 321 00:10:54,224 --> 00:10:55,224 I know, right? 322 00:10:55,249 --> 00:10:57,100 I feel like it could really just bring us closer together, 323 00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,655 you know, like, as brothers. 324 00:10:58,680 --> 00:11:01,192 And plus, I gotta say, it would be pretty sweet 325 00:11:01,217 --> 00:11:02,459 to have sex with his wife. 326 00:11:02,484 --> 00:11:04,010 I don't think that's a part of the deal. 327 00:11:04,034 --> 00:11:06,497 - Because she's infertile. - I said the same thing. 328 00:11:06,522 --> 00:11:08,419 Ike, you do not want the child of your seed 329 00:11:08,444 --> 00:11:10,334 being raised by that bullying prick. 330 00:11:11,433 --> 00:11:13,360 Cap, he's not a bully. 331 00:11:13,385 --> 00:11:15,673 He's not a prick either. He's my brother. 332 00:11:15,698 --> 00:11:17,269 And what... 333 00:11:18,175 --> 00:11:20,781 - 'Sup, you big spaz? - Ah, Mike, I knew it was you! 334 00:11:21,282 --> 00:11:23,252 We always do this. 335 00:11:23,538 --> 00:11:24,882 I'll flip you. 336 00:11:24,907 --> 00:11:26,551 Let's go talk turkey... baster. 337 00:11:27,392 --> 00:11:28,886 Ah, Mike, you're so strong! 338 00:11:28,911 --> 00:11:31,245 You even get that, Ike? You get that joke? 339 00:11:33,450 --> 00:11:34,892 Pah! Come on, get up, pal. 340 00:11:34,917 --> 00:11:36,694 We gotta get this insemination thing going. 341 00:11:36,719 --> 00:11:37,737 That was awesome. 342 00:11:37,762 --> 00:11:38,867 What do you say I take you out for ice cream 343 00:11:38,891 --> 00:11:40,097 and then you can jerk off in a cup? 344 00:11:40,121 --> 00:11:41,153 To tell you the truth, 345 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,982 I haven't really made my mind up about that yet. 346 00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:46,117 Ike, this'll bring us closer as brothers. 347 00:11:46,812 --> 00:11:48,239 Okay, all right. I'll do it. 348 00:11:49,033 --> 00:11:50,806 There you go! All right! 349 00:11:50,831 --> 00:11:53,269 Hey, but first, two scoops of Rocky Road 350 00:11:53,294 --> 00:11:54,436 with sprinkles! 351 00:11:54,461 --> 00:11:55,517 You betcha. 352 00:11:55,542 --> 00:11:57,648 Rocky Road followed by Rocky Load. 353 00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:59,855 Oh, Rocky Road... 354 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,520 with... oh... 355 00:12:02,545 --> 00:12:04,589 Nut, man. Any kind of nut. 356 00:12:04,613 --> 00:12:05,639 Oh, man. 357 00:12:05,664 --> 00:12:06,790 Orange sherbet 358 00:12:06,815 --> 00:12:08,815 and sugar and sperm. 359 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:10,721 Sugar and sperm? Oh, man. 360 00:12:10,746 --> 00:12:13,118 I forgot you can't do puns. 361 00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:15,799 I scream, you scream, we all scream for Ike's cream. 362 00:12:16,704 --> 00:12:18,081 Dang, that was funny. 363 00:12:18,106 --> 00:12:19,373 Come on, buddy. 364 00:12:19,398 --> 00:12:21,805 Sugar and sperm? Really, Ike? 365 00:12:23,312 --> 00:12:25,429 Mm. Fast metabolism. 366 00:12:25,454 --> 00:12:27,218 You know that's Penisi DNA. 367 00:12:27,243 --> 00:12:28,508 You're welcome. 368 00:12:28,698 --> 00:12:30,081 Regular sized cranium. 369 00:12:30,106 --> 00:12:31,698 No McConky ham head for me. 370 00:12:31,723 --> 00:12:32,754 You're welcome. 371 00:12:32,779 --> 00:12:34,479 The gene for actually having a neck. 372 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:37,410 You're welcome. Kid, you're a Penisi through and through. 373 00:12:37,435 --> 00:12:39,022 Penisi through and through. 374 00:12:39,047 --> 00:12:40,461 Penisi through and through. 375 00:12:40,486 --> 00:12:41,486 But so anyways, 376 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,243 the pregnancy results came back negative, 377 00:12:43,268 --> 00:12:46,349 so I celebrated and I went out to the track. 378 00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:49,308 I ended up hooking up with this 19-year-old jockey. 379 00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,835 He was short, but he knew how to ride. 380 00:12:54,103 --> 00:12:56,034 Oh, he knew how to ride! 381 00:12:57,660 --> 00:12:59,487 I'm so lonely. 382 00:12:59,524 --> 00:13:01,579 Ah, this is a cry for help. 383 00:13:03,169 --> 00:13:04,350 Hey, Chief. 384 00:13:04,375 --> 00:13:06,428 - Wanna try some kishke with me? - Okay. 385 00:13:06,453 --> 00:13:08,414 It's matzo stuffed in cow intestine. 386 00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:10,376 Granny, come here, come here. 387 00:13:11,049 --> 00:13:13,608 Listen, you're a man of science, right? 388 00:13:13,633 --> 00:13:15,678 Why is it that Lucy has none of my DNA 389 00:13:15,703 --> 00:13:17,063 and all of Eddie's DNA? 390 00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:18,819 She has your DNA too. 391 00:13:18,844 --> 00:13:21,513 It's just that the Penisi gene is dominant. 392 00:13:21,538 --> 00:13:23,348 Eddie is shallow and conceited 393 00:13:23,373 --> 00:13:24,890 and he can't hold a relationship 394 00:13:24,915 --> 00:13:27,313 and I don't want my daughter growing up to be like him. 395 00:13:27,338 --> 00:13:30,657 What makes us who we are is not so simple, Chief. 396 00:13:30,682 --> 00:13:31,809 I mean, look at me. 397 00:13:31,834 --> 00:13:33,478 I'm a member of the 12 tribes. 398 00:13:34,846 --> 00:13:37,903 Look, look, my kids are my legacy, okay? 399 00:13:37,928 --> 00:13:39,640 And if they don't carry my traits, 400 00:13:39,665 --> 00:13:41,884 when I'm gone, I cease to exist. 401 00:13:41,909 --> 00:13:44,815 Then I suggest you bring out your traits 402 00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,358 and show her the good things about being a McConky. 403 00:13:48,016 --> 00:13:50,040 Now, open. 404 00:13:50,065 --> 00:13:51,914 Oh, okay. 405 00:13:51,939 --> 00:13:53,205 Mazel. 406 00:13:55,726 --> 00:13:57,209 What the hell is this? 407 00:13:57,782 --> 00:14:00,561 This album is full of your McConky ancestors 408 00:14:00,586 --> 00:14:02,039 and their amazing accomplishments, 409 00:14:02,064 --> 00:14:04,141 or as I like to call them, McConk-lishments. 410 00:14:04,618 --> 00:14:05,777 Good one, Dad. 411 00:14:05,801 --> 00:14:07,306 You know, I actually have some work to do, 412 00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:09,385 - but this looks really... - Okay. All right. Great. 413 00:14:09,410 --> 00:14:11,849 This here is Seamus McConky, your great-grandfather. 414 00:14:11,874 --> 00:14:14,675 He was a successful fishmonger in Cork, Ireland. 415 00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,700 Also known to be extremely sturdy. 416 00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:18,190 - Hmm. - Look, that's your face. 417 00:14:18,214 --> 00:14:19,724 - I'm not seeing it. - Right in the eyes? 418 00:14:19,748 --> 00:14:21,786 - Nah. - Oh, okay. 419 00:14:21,811 --> 00:14:23,773 He too had a daughter named Lucille. 420 00:14:23,798 --> 00:14:25,128 I'm not a Lucille. 421 00:14:25,153 --> 00:14:26,931 This is Cormac McConky, 422 00:14:26,955 --> 00:14:28,755 famous for eating the last potato 423 00:14:28,780 --> 00:14:29,934 before the great potato famine. 424 00:14:29,958 --> 00:14:31,947 Legend has it, that potato? 425 00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,181 It was au gratin. 426 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,872 You know, Dad, you don't have to do this. 427 00:14:34,897 --> 00:14:36,808 Aw, a little father-daughter time. 428 00:14:36,832 --> 00:14:38,891 - How adorable. - Hey, Mom. What's up? 429 00:14:38,916 --> 00:14:40,704 Just swinging by. I'm on my way to the hospital. 430 00:14:40,728 --> 00:14:41,767 What is this about? 431 00:14:41,792 --> 00:14:43,192 Everyone here did DNA tests 432 00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:45,057 and Dad's a little freaked out about my Penisi DNA, 433 00:14:45,081 --> 00:14:46,217 so he's trying to impress me 434 00:14:46,242 --> 00:14:48,742 with the McConky clan of McConky. 435 00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:50,728 Her results were a little alarming. 436 00:14:50,753 --> 00:14:52,797 Alarming? How? 437 00:14:52,822 --> 00:14:54,764 There was a lot of Penisi DNA 438 00:14:54,789 --> 00:14:56,960 and Eddie's been rubbing my nose in it. 439 00:14:56,985 --> 00:14:59,101 Yeah, that's my DNA. 440 00:14:59,126 --> 00:15:00,896 The good stuff? 441 00:15:00,921 --> 00:15:05,169 It's the gene for caring, patience, intelligence. 442 00:15:05,193 --> 00:15:07,477 Those the traits you're concerned about? 443 00:15:07,502 --> 00:15:08,972 I was not talking about that. 444 00:15:08,997 --> 00:15:10,175 He's talking about Uncle Eddie. 445 00:15:10,199 --> 00:15:11,568 I'm sorry, am I missing something? 446 00:15:11,593 --> 00:15:13,510 Did you somehow, what, fertilize Eddie's egg? 447 00:15:13,535 --> 00:15:16,612 Course not, but sometimes, I see his eyes 448 00:15:16,637 --> 00:15:19,182 when I make love to you. 449 00:15:19,207 --> 00:15:20,985 Oh, my gosh, Dad. 450 00:15:21,009 --> 00:15:22,602 Holy hell. 451 00:15:22,627 --> 00:15:23,939 Dad, you shouldn't have said that. 452 00:15:23,963 --> 00:15:25,140 It's her brother. 453 00:15:25,165 --> 00:15:27,124 Hoo! All right. 454 00:15:27,149 --> 00:15:29,205 I hope that you don't ever think 455 00:15:29,230 --> 00:15:31,085 that we're gonna have sex again 456 00:15:31,110 --> 00:15:34,909 because I can't believe you just said that. 457 00:15:35,356 --> 00:15:36,400 Lucy, come on. 458 00:15:36,425 --> 00:15:38,001 She's supposed to stay here with me. 459 00:15:38,026 --> 00:15:39,337 And hear about Uncle Eddie's eyes? 460 00:15:39,361 --> 00:15:41,155 - I don't think so. - Wait, I'm the chief! 461 00:15:41,180 --> 00:15:43,340 And I am her mother. 462 00:15:43,365 --> 00:15:44,674 Okay. 463 00:15:45,434 --> 00:15:47,598 Penisi genes. 464 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,418 What are you doing? 465 00:15:53,442 --> 00:15:55,154 I'm trying to figure out what holidays I get off 466 00:15:55,178 --> 00:15:57,013 now that I'm Jewish. It's amazing! 467 00:15:57,038 --> 00:15:59,597 Look, they got Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, 468 00:15:59,622 --> 00:16:01,492 Passover, Hanukkah. 469 00:16:01,517 --> 00:16:03,361 Okay, I think there's more to being Jewish 470 00:16:03,385 --> 00:16:06,987 than just counting holidays and trying new foods. 471 00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:08,990 Okay. 472 00:16:09,015 --> 00:16:11,284 I'm sure there's something deeper... 473 00:16:11,992 --> 00:16:15,306 to it inside things... 474 00:16:15,331 --> 00:16:17,041 - Are you okay? - Yeah, yeah, no. 475 00:16:17,065 --> 00:16:18,591 I'm just saying that, you know, 476 00:16:18,616 --> 00:16:22,382 maybe some of these DAN tests are just wrong. 477 00:16:22,407 --> 00:16:24,402 You don't have to pretend to be dumb when Ike's not here. 478 00:16:24,426 --> 00:16:25,980 I'm not! 479 00:16:26,005 --> 00:16:28,127 - You think it's stuck? - That's medically impossible. 480 00:16:28,152 --> 00:16:29,969 What if this is permanent? 481 00:16:31,322 --> 00:16:32,909 Like a Sharpie? 482 00:16:32,934 --> 00:16:34,682 Or like when you cross your eyes for too long 483 00:16:34,706 --> 00:16:36,285 and then all of a sudden, you're like a bird. 484 00:16:36,309 --> 00:16:37,716 You see, like, both sides only 485 00:16:37,741 --> 00:16:39,052 and you have to turn your head real fast 486 00:16:39,076 --> 00:16:41,196 in order to see what's next to you. 487 00:16:41,221 --> 00:16:43,571 What a day, what a day! 488 00:16:43,765 --> 00:16:45,002 Today, I'll have you know, 489 00:16:45,027 --> 00:16:47,567 I was part of the miracle of life. 490 00:16:47,592 --> 00:16:49,698 You really went through with helping your douchebag brother? 491 00:16:49,722 --> 00:16:50,766 Gran, He's not a douchebag. 492 00:16:50,790 --> 00:16:53,277 I mean... well, even if he is, 493 00:16:53,302 --> 00:16:55,970 I'll be around as a symbol of undoucheyness 494 00:16:55,995 --> 00:16:57,403 for the kid, so... 495 00:16:57,428 --> 00:16:59,340 Ike. Come on. 496 00:16:59,459 --> 00:17:01,685 This might be the big news! 497 00:17:02,110 --> 00:17:03,768 I know I found a new religion, 498 00:17:03,793 --> 00:17:05,412 but fuck Mike. 499 00:17:08,130 --> 00:17:09,662 Hey, big fella. 500 00:17:09,687 --> 00:17:11,687 So talked to the doctor. 501 00:17:11,719 --> 00:17:13,319 Your custard cut the mustard. 502 00:17:13,344 --> 00:17:14,610 Ah! Mike! 503 00:17:14,635 --> 00:17:16,099 All right, all right. 504 00:17:16,124 --> 00:17:17,235 - Eh, oh? - You know, stop, stop. 505 00:17:17,259 --> 00:17:18,770 Just stop. 506 00:17:19,357 --> 00:17:20,438 Oh, man! 507 00:17:20,463 --> 00:17:22,573 I'm so excited to be part of a family. 508 00:17:22,598 --> 00:17:23,843 About that. 509 00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,311 Listen, Ikey, 510 00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:27,180 Susan doesn't know that it's your sperm 511 00:17:27,205 --> 00:17:30,011 and I think it's probably best if we keep it that way, okay, pal? 512 00:17:31,153 --> 00:17:32,934 What's she gonna think when the baby comes out 513 00:17:32,958 --> 00:17:34,896 and looks exactly like me? 514 00:17:35,490 --> 00:17:38,786 Well, uh, Ike, we'll just have to cross that bridge 515 00:17:38,811 --> 00:17:40,143 when we get to it. 516 00:17:40,534 --> 00:17:43,409 Well, it's gonna be fun to be an uncle, I guess. 517 00:17:43,434 --> 00:17:44,833 I'll always be that. 518 00:17:44,858 --> 00:17:46,330 Listen, Ike, I think it's best 519 00:17:46,355 --> 00:17:48,272 if the kid doesn't even know you exist. 520 00:17:48,338 --> 00:17:49,404 What? 521 00:17:49,429 --> 00:17:51,266 He needs positive role models. 522 00:17:51,291 --> 00:17:52,291 You understand, right? 523 00:17:52,316 --> 00:17:54,762 I mean, I don't want him growing up seeing you 524 00:17:54,787 --> 00:17:57,440 and thinking he's gonna end up dumb. 525 00:17:57,624 --> 00:17:59,343 But, still, hey. 526 00:17:59,368 --> 00:18:01,078 Nice work, stud. 527 00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,446 Thanks. 528 00:18:16,864 --> 00:18:18,144 Sorry, Granny. 529 00:18:18,169 --> 00:18:19,952 I just needed a moment to myself. 530 00:18:19,977 --> 00:18:21,711 Sit down, my friend. 531 00:18:26,629 --> 00:18:29,313 Sometimes, the man who wants to be alone 532 00:18:29,338 --> 00:18:31,141 is the most in need of company. 533 00:18:31,166 --> 00:18:33,436 It's my brother, Mike. 534 00:18:34,105 --> 00:18:37,240 Just feel like he walks all over me all the time. 535 00:18:37,265 --> 00:18:39,149 There's an old Yiddish saying: 536 00:18:39,174 --> 00:18:42,343 "Klieg, Klieg, Klieg... Du bist a Nar." 537 00:18:43,862 --> 00:18:45,161 What does that mean? 538 00:18:45,186 --> 00:18:48,705 "You are smart, smart, smart, 539 00:18:48,730 --> 00:18:50,049 but you are not so smart." 540 00:18:50,074 --> 00:18:52,757 Oh. 541 00:18:53,437 --> 00:18:54,711 What does that mean? 542 00:18:54,736 --> 00:18:56,366 You're missing the big picture. 543 00:18:56,391 --> 00:18:57,961 How? 544 00:18:57,986 --> 00:18:59,519 In the Torah, it teaches us 545 00:18:59,544 --> 00:19:02,943 that the highest form of wisdom is kindness. 546 00:19:02,968 --> 00:19:05,373 That is where you are smarter than Mike. 547 00:19:05,398 --> 00:19:06,978 And you can use that against him. 548 00:19:07,002 --> 00:19:08,879 Yeah, like in a race or something. 549 00:19:09,334 --> 00:19:11,196 Or you can Cain and Abel him 550 00:19:11,221 --> 00:19:12,821 and crack him over the head with a rock. 551 00:19:14,241 --> 00:19:17,187 Ah, no. I'm not gonna murder him. 552 00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,856 Thanks though, Granny. 553 00:19:18,881 --> 00:19:20,433 I always wanted a Jewish granny. 554 00:19:20,458 --> 00:19:22,003 Of course. 555 00:19:26,872 --> 00:19:28,644 Oh, wait. 556 00:19:29,558 --> 00:19:31,178 Think I have a better idea. 557 00:19:35,364 --> 00:19:37,430 Hey. Ike here? 558 00:19:37,455 --> 00:19:38,768 Said he had something important to tell me. 559 00:19:38,792 --> 00:19:40,983 Oh, hey, Mike. Thanks for coming. 560 00:19:41,109 --> 00:19:42,713 I just got some crazy news. 561 00:19:42,738 --> 00:19:44,716 We all took this DNA test 562 00:19:44,741 --> 00:19:46,817 and given our recent transaction, 563 00:19:46,842 --> 00:19:49,223 I think you're gonna be interested in the results. 564 00:19:49,248 --> 00:19:50,661 - Sure. - Turns out 565 00:19:50,686 --> 00:19:52,235 the Crystal lineage can be traced 566 00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:54,331 all the way back to sixth-century Norway. 567 00:19:54,356 --> 00:19:55,960 - Wow, no way. - Norway. 568 00:19:55,985 --> 00:19:57,167 - Anyway... - Norway. 569 00:19:57,192 --> 00:19:58,446 - Go away. - Right away. 570 00:19:58,471 --> 00:19:59,648 Anyway, 571 00:19:59,673 --> 00:20:01,184 the Crystals are direct descendants 572 00:20:01,209 --> 00:20:03,071 of a Viking named Erik the Dum. 573 00:20:03,096 --> 00:20:04,230 Erik the Dum? 574 00:20:04,255 --> 00:20:06,511 He's from the Moron region of Norway. 575 00:20:06,536 --> 00:20:10,641 And according to this, Erik the Dum was a carrier 576 00:20:10,666 --> 00:20:14,201 of the gene PRDX22. 577 00:20:14,226 --> 00:20:17,650 That's also known as "the dumb gene." 578 00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:19,794 So what? I definitely don't have a dumb gene. 579 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:22,432 Doesn't really matter, Mike. I do. 580 00:20:22,457 --> 00:20:23,988 I just need you to know 581 00:20:24,013 --> 00:20:26,507 because your wife is carrying my seed, 582 00:20:26,532 --> 00:20:29,593 your kid is gonna have the dumb gene. 583 00:20:29,618 --> 00:20:30,623 Is this a joke? 584 00:20:30,648 --> 00:20:33,920 You expect me to believe that there is a Erik the Dum 585 00:20:33,945 --> 00:20:36,836 from the Moron region of Norway? 586 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,408 We were all surprised too. 587 00:20:38,433 --> 00:20:39,775 I'll just look it up. 588 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,641 Such an idiot. 589 00:20:42,258 --> 00:20:44,819 Ah. "Erik the Dum." 590 00:20:46,468 --> 00:20:48,211 "Erik the Dum, 591 00:20:48,237 --> 00:20:51,952 "a Viking from the Moron region of Norway. 592 00:20:51,977 --> 00:20:54,339 "Widely perceived to be the stupidest Viking 593 00:20:54,364 --> 00:20:55,888 ever to become..." 594 00:20:56,683 --> 00:20:58,191 Holy shit. 595 00:20:58,588 --> 00:21:01,256 Yeah. Sorry, brother. 596 00:21:01,387 --> 00:21:03,704 You idiot! 597 00:21:03,729 --> 00:21:05,896 You put your dumb genes into my wife 598 00:21:05,921 --> 00:21:08,503 and condemned my kid to a life of stupidity? 599 00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:09,833 I asked you for one thing 600 00:21:09,858 --> 00:21:11,443 and you screwed it up, didn't you? 601 00:21:11,468 --> 00:21:13,469 Like you screw up your entire life! 602 00:21:13,494 --> 00:21:14,502 Whoa, man! 603 00:21:14,527 --> 00:21:16,171 It's okay. No, no, no, no, no. 604 00:21:16,196 --> 00:21:18,508 Guys, guys, guys, don't cross over into his zone. 605 00:21:18,533 --> 00:21:20,761 - He's not worth it. - Oh, no, cross the line! Come on! 606 00:21:20,786 --> 00:21:21,971 I'll take you all on! 607 00:21:21,996 --> 00:21:24,823 I'm a master of Wishu Shishu karate! 608 00:21:25,459 --> 00:21:26,705 You know what, Mike? 609 00:21:26,730 --> 00:21:28,604 For years, you have been treating me like dirt 610 00:21:28,629 --> 00:21:32,084 and all I've ever done is been nice to you in return. 611 00:21:32,422 --> 00:21:34,355 That ends now. 612 00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:36,906 You know, I may not be book smart 613 00:21:36,931 --> 00:21:40,666 or word smart or university smart like you, 614 00:21:40,691 --> 00:21:41,904 but guess what? 615 00:21:41,929 --> 00:21:44,174 I'm hose smart, axe smart, 616 00:21:44,199 --> 00:21:46,283 fire truck driving smart, Mike. 617 00:21:46,308 --> 00:21:47,855 And guess what? 618 00:21:48,017 --> 00:21:50,372 I'm also just a nice person. 619 00:21:50,397 --> 00:21:52,495 Wow. I gotta write that one down. 620 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:53,986 It's brilliant. 621 00:21:54,011 --> 00:21:56,123 A very good friend of mine once said to me, 622 00:21:56,148 --> 00:21:58,525 "The highest form of wisdom 623 00:21:59,209 --> 00:22:00,898 is kindness." 624 00:22:00,923 --> 00:22:02,823 My friend, that makes you 625 00:22:02,848 --> 00:22:05,007 one of the stupidest people I know. 626 00:22:05,034 --> 00:22:06,534 Whatever. 627 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:11,045 By the way, you suck at making puns. 628 00:22:12,105 --> 00:22:13,414 You know what, Mike? 629 00:22:13,522 --> 00:22:15,503 You suck... 630 00:22:16,505 --> 00:22:18,410 at making sons. 631 00:22:18,435 --> 00:22:21,875 Oh! 632 00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:23,010 Yes! 633 00:22:23,035 --> 00:22:24,465 That's a rhyme. That's a rhyme. 634 00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:26,348 - It's not a... - Yeah! 635 00:22:27,588 --> 00:22:29,176 Say hi to Mom for me. 636 00:22:29,201 --> 00:22:30,781 Me too. 637 00:22:30,806 --> 00:22:32,183 Whoo! 638 00:22:32,207 --> 00:22:33,728 - Oh, man. - That was awesome. 639 00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:35,853 Oh, man, you came up with that, like, so... 640 00:22:35,878 --> 00:22:37,053 Yeah, I just thought of it and I was like... 641 00:22:37,077 --> 00:22:39,389 - Fast. - Puns, puns, puns, think. 642 00:22:39,414 --> 00:22:40,725 Oh, okay, I'm doing it wrong now, but... 643 00:22:40,749 --> 00:22:42,578 - Oh, no, you got it. - Wow. 644 00:22:42,603 --> 00:22:44,484 Hook, line, and blinker, man. 645 00:22:44,509 --> 00:22:45,996 Yeah. Definitely. 646 00:22:46,021 --> 00:22:47,207 - Yeah. - Right? 647 00:22:47,232 --> 00:22:49,764 I know, it's almost like the flashlight is on. 648 00:22:54,739 --> 00:22:56,240 That's a fat violin. 649 00:22:56,265 --> 00:22:58,628 Guys. My brother texted me. 650 00:22:58,653 --> 00:23:00,244 Turns out the pregnancy didn't take. 651 00:23:00,269 --> 00:23:01,887 His wife's not pregnant. 652 00:23:01,911 --> 00:23:03,180 - Yeah, yeah! - Nice! 653 00:23:03,205 --> 00:23:04,483 Apparently, my sperm went 654 00:23:04,508 --> 00:23:06,458 right into her spleen or something. 655 00:23:07,584 --> 00:23:09,787 So wait, what's up with those test results? 656 00:23:09,812 --> 00:23:10,816 Oh, no, it's fake. 657 00:23:10,841 --> 00:23:12,675 We made it all up just to piss my brother off. 658 00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:14,979 Man. What about that Checkipedia page then? 659 00:23:15,004 --> 00:23:16,182 It's fake. Yeah. 660 00:23:16,207 --> 00:23:17,657 Granny created a fake page. 661 00:23:17,682 --> 00:23:20,657 Oh, my goodness. What about the dumb gene? 662 00:23:21,057 --> 00:23:22,238 We made everything up. 663 00:23:22,263 --> 00:23:24,735 What about Moron, Norway? What about that? 664 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,069 None of it is real, Andy. 665 00:23:26,094 --> 00:23:27,260 I still don't get it. 666 00:23:27,285 --> 00:23:28,941 When is this gonna fix itself, Andy? 667 00:23:28,965 --> 00:23:30,475 You get used to it. 668 00:23:33,502 --> 00:23:34,947 - Oh, man. - All right, guys. 669 00:23:34,971 --> 00:23:37,080 Who's ready for Peaches Penisi? 670 00:23:39,708 --> 00:23:41,286 - Looks amazing! - Wow! 671 00:23:41,310 --> 00:23:43,165 - Fork? - Thank you. 672 00:23:43,190 --> 00:23:45,024 - Hey, Chief, do you want some? - Oh, no. 673 00:23:45,049 --> 00:23:47,177 It's too sweet for my teeth. 674 00:23:47,479 --> 00:23:48,789 Okay. 675 00:23:48,814 --> 00:23:50,515 You don't know what you're missing. 676 00:23:54,363 --> 00:23:55,994 Oh, my teeth! 677 00:23:56,019 --> 00:23:58,219 - Oh, this kills. - What's the matter? 678 00:23:58,244 --> 00:24:00,318 Dad, is this what it feels like to have sensitive teeth? 679 00:24:00,342 --> 00:24:02,487 - They feel sensitive? Really? - Oh, yeah. 680 00:24:02,512 --> 00:24:03,908 Maybe you could coach me through it? 681 00:24:03,932 --> 00:24:05,910 Oh, okay. I have special toothpaste, 682 00:24:05,934 --> 00:24:07,191 - I could share it with you. - Great. 683 00:24:07,215 --> 00:24:08,348 Hold on. 684 00:24:12,341 --> 00:24:13,967 This is so freaking delicious. 685 00:24:13,992 --> 00:24:15,626 You old softy. I know what you did. 686 00:24:15,651 --> 00:24:17,438 I guess that's my McConky side. 687 00:24:17,463 --> 00:24:18,924 Yeah. You know what? 688 00:24:18,949 --> 00:24:20,524 Who wants more Peaches Penisi?