Done. I'm a lot more ambitious in my older years, more mature years.
I remember I had, like, a house
in l.A. And an apartment in
new york and cars and private
schools.
New york and cars and private schools. We'd walk around both coasts,
and I remember thinking, "oh,
we'd walk around both coasts, and I remember thinking, "oh, you've made it."
and I wasn't even working that
hard.
And I wasn't even working that hard. Working a couple of times a week
on "private practice."
working a couple of times a week on "private practice." and I remember thinking, "oh,
okay.
And I remember thinking, "oh, okay. Here we go.
Okay. Here we go. This is easier than I thought."
here we go. This is easier than I thought." and then that next year, I
this is easier than I thought." and then that next year, I remember hearing about all these
other actors that were producing
and, you know, real estate.
Other actors that were producing and, you know, real estate. And then it really gave me a
wake-up call.
I didn't realize I wasn't really
happy.
You know what I mean?
Happy. You know what I mean? So, then, that next year, I
you know what I mean? So, then, that next year, I remember telling myself, "say
so, then, that next year, I remember telling myself, "say yes to everything," right?
Remember telling myself, "say yes to everything," right? Because I had been saying no to
everything because I was making
because I had been saying no to everything because I was making enough money from just the gig.
Everything because I was making enough money from just the gig. That was the beginning of me
kind of getting back on track,
that was the beginning of me kind of getting back on track, taye diggs the artist as opposed
to whatever I was becoming.
-- Captions by vitac -- www.Vitac.Com
♪
my biological father had issues with drugs. So, my mother left him
when I was five.
And then she met my stepfather,
who had other issues.
I think mental-health issues.
Who had other issues. I think mental-health issues. But he, my stepfather,
jeffries diggs, "raised" me.
Both my parents have passed
away.
I did not -- I think I can
safely say I hated my
stepfather.
Safely say I hated my stepfather. He was very abusive.
Stepfather. He was very abusive. And...
[ chuckles ]
and... [ chuckles ] yeah, a lot of the trauma I'm
struggling with now, I think, is
directly related to him.
Struggling with now, I think, is directly related to him. And I'm sure, you know, this
happens to a lot of kids that
and I'm sure, you know, this happens to a lot of kids that grew up with over-disciplinarian
families, where, you know, you
walk in a room, and you don't
know if you're gonna get hugged
or beat or if you're gonna have
a shoe.
Or beat or if you're gonna have a shoe. So, it's interesting, getting
older and realizing a lot of
so, it's interesting, getting older and realizing a lot of these things have helped in my
acting.
These things have helped in my acting. But now, through therapy and
stuff, it's interesting to kind
but now, through therapy and stuff, it's interesting to kind of track, "oh, this is why I
react this way," or "this is why
I'm so aware when I'm in new
surroundings" or why I'm not as
trusting as I would like to be.
Surroundings" or why I'm not as trusting as I would like to be. Yeah.
Trusting as I would like to be. Yeah. ♪
yeah. ♪ ♪
I will say at the time it felt
as if my stepdad was treating me
the worst.
As if my stepdad was treating me the worst. But, then, after I'm hearing
from my other siblings, after I
but, then, after I'm hearing from my other siblings, after I left for college, he got on
them, too.
Left for college, he got on them, too. So, at the time, I felt like,
yeah, I was being singled out.
But he was equal opportunity.
Yeah, I was being singled out. But he was equal opportunity. [ chuckles ]
but he was equal opportunity. [ chuckles ] ♪
♪
I have four brothers and
sisters.
She raised us all.
Sisters. She raised us all. And then, after she raised us,
she raised us all. And then, after she raised us, she went back to school for
and then, after she raised us, she went back to school for theater and dance.
She went back to school for theater and dance. So, she would drag us to
rehearsals and shows, and I
so, she would drag us to rehearsals and shows, and I think she could see how in awe
of that lifestyle I was, because
I knew her as my mom who, you
know, cooked and cleaned and
spanked us and whatever.
Know, cooked and cleaned and spanked us and whatever. But, then, when she would get on
stage and turn into this other
but, then, when she would get on stage and turn into this other character -- and she had a
beautiful voice.
Character -- and she had a beautiful voice. And that's when I really was
exposed to how wonderful of a
and that's when I really was exposed to how wonderful of a singer she was.
Exposed to how wonderful of a singer she was. She could tell, and she was
like, "okay, we need to put him
she could tell, and she was like, "okay, we need to put him on this route."
♪
so, I was very shy at school,
but because I was kind of an
outcast, I developed -- and I
also got it from my mother -- a
level of sarcasm.
Also got it from my mother -- a level of sarcasm. And that's kind of where my
humor lived, and I think my
and that's kind of where my humor lived, and I think my mother, she noticed that.
Humor lived, and I think my mother, she noticed that. We used to love to dance.
Mother, she noticed that. We used to love to dance. Like, on saturdays, we'd play --
we used to love to dance. Like, on saturdays, we'd play -- I remember dancing to records
like, on saturdays, we'd play -- I remember dancing to records and dancing so hard that the
records would skip.
And dancing so hard that the records would skip. And we would have these crazy
family dance parties, listening
and we would have these crazy family dance parties, listening to michael jackson,
hall and oates, the bee gees,
yeah.
Hall and oates, the bee gees, yeah. So, I could move a little bit.
Yeah. So, I could move a little bit. ♪
so, I could move a little bit. ♪ ♪
yeah, you know how it is.
You don't know you're poor until
you're exposed to other people
you don't know you're poor until you're exposed to other people that aren't poor.
You're exposed to other people that aren't poor. I'm telling you.
That aren't poor. I'm telling you. Two parents were never working
at the same time.
And my father -- my stepdad --
was the one that was rarely
and my father -- my stepdad -- was the one that was rarely working because I think now he
had mental issues.
Working because I think now he had mental issues. But he would hold down a job and
then try to get everybody to
but he would hold down a job and then try to get everybody to become christians and then get
fired.
Become christians and then get fired. [ laughs ]
yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah. So, my mother worked a lot.
So, we were definitely on
so, my mother worked a lot. So, we were definitely on government assistance.
I remember when I would have to
go shopping for the family with
food stamps.
Go shopping for the family with food stamps. And I remember being
ridiculously embarrassed,
and I remember being ridiculously embarrassed, mortified.
Ridiculously embarrassed, mortified. And I remember I was so anxious.
Mortified. And I remember I was so anxious. There was a grocery store that
and I remember I was so anxious. There was a grocery store that was walking distance to the
there was a grocery store that was walking distance to the house.
Was walking distance to the house. I was so anxious that I walked
to the grocery store, got the
groceries, and got lost on the
way back.
Groceries, and got lost on the way back. ♪
so, we lived in great
neighborhoods, but these
neighborhoods, they had a
certain area that was kind of
roped off for the
underprivileged.
Roped off for the underprivileged. So, I was always exposed to, you
know, normal moneymaking folks.
You know what I mean?
Know, normal moneymaking folks. You know what I mean? And I remember wheree grew up,
you know what I mean? And I remember wheree grew up, there was a huge black
and I remember wheree grew up, there was a huge black middle class.
There was a huge black middle class. And that's what kind of threw me
off.
Definitely, you know, issues
with identity and what it was to
definitely, you know, issues with identity and what it was to be black and act black and be
black and know black -- all that
stuff.
Black and know black -- all that stuff. ♪
fifth grade is when kids start
realizing, "oh, he has money" or
"he doesn't thrive here.
Realizing, "oh, he has money" or "he doesn't thrive here. He's not starting on the..."
and then it was like friendly,
he's not starting on the..." and then it was like friendly, and then junior high was when,
you know, there were days when I
would get up...
You know, there were days when I would get up... Ah!
Would get up... Ah! So, there'd be a new person, a
ah! So, there'd be a new person, a new, cool dude that would come
so, there'd be a new person, a new, cool dude that would come to school.
New, cool dude that would come to school. I remember this one dude.
To school. I remember this one dude. He was, like, from jamaica or
something.
He was a new dude -- tall,
really good-looking.
And I was nerdy and friendly.
Really good-looking. And I was nerdy and friendly. So, I became his friend.
Once everybody else found out
so, I became his friend. Once everybody else found out how popular he was, then he
once everybody else found out how popular he was, then he turned on me.
How popular he was, then he turned on me. And I remember he made -- I had
these fake-ass adidas, like
and I remember he made -- I had these fake-ass adidas, like 4-stripe, patrick ewing-type,
and he made fun of them.
But I came back with something
real quick in front of people,
but I came back with something real quick in front of people, and he got embarrassed.
Real quick in front of people, and he got embarrassed. And then he said, "I'm gonna
kick your ass after homeroom."
and then he said, "I'm gonna kick your ass after homeroom." [ laughs ]
after homeroom, I ran out of
the...
After homeroom, I ran out of the... So, you know you're in a
hallway, right?
Long hallway in school, and
there's, like, a door to a
long hallway in school, and there's, like, a door to a classroom.
There's, like, a door to a classroom. Then, there's a brick wall.
Classroom. Then, there's a brick wall. Then, there's a door to a
then, there's a brick wall. Then, there's a door to a classroom.
Then, there's a brick wall and
the door to a classroom.
I was running, and every time I
would pass a door, I'd be like,
"help!
Would pass a door, I'd be like, "help! Help!"
[ laughs ]
help!" [ laughs ] I hadn't thought about that in a
minute.
♪
in tenth grade, life changed
because it was as simple as...
In tenth grade, life changed because it was as simple as... I was just accepted.
Because it was as simple as... I was just accepted. So, I went to a school of the
arts.
So, it didn't matter how much
money you had.
It didn't matter who your
parents were.
It didn't matter who you were
dating.
If you had talent, you were
cool.
And I had just enough talent for
people to notice, and then I
and I had just enough talent for people to notice, and then I was -- because people were nicer
there, too.
Was -- because people were nicer there, too. You know what I mean?
There, too. You know what I mean? The arts, I think, it breeds
you know what I mean? The arts, I think, it breeds kindness and acceptance and
the arts, I think, it breeds kindness and acceptance and support.
Kindness and acceptance and support. So, once I had that support,
then I was able to really,
so, once I had that support, then I was able to really, really thrive.
Then I was able to really, really thrive. And then, once I saw the
attention that I was getting and
and then, once I saw the attention that I was getting and how it felt, then I honed in,
and I was like, "I'm riding
this.
And I was like, "I'm riding this. I'm riding this [bleep] out."
and I remember honing my skills
there.
And I remember honing my skills there. And I remember the teachers
recognizing there was something
and I remember the teachers recognizing there was something but also realizing that I wasn't
good yet.
But also realizing that I wasn't good yet. They would say that
there was a potential.
And I feel like I could read
that, and I didn't like it.
So, I made sure I did what I
needed to do so that they would
so, I made sure I did what I needed to do so that they would stop saying that.
Needed to do so that they would stop saying that. I just wanted to be good, as
opposed to, "okay, like, your
voice is loud, scott.
Opposed to, "okay, like, your voice is loud, scott. Yeah, good for you.
Voice is loud, scott. Yeah, good for you. That was very energetic."
yeah, good for you. That was very energetic." "okay, cool."
that was very energetic." "okay, cool." I could tell from their facial
cues that they were looking at
this cat different, and I wanted
to be like that cat, who was the
lead.
To be like that cat, who was the lead. ♪
♪
senior year, there was a crew of
us, and we just ran the school.
Senior year, there was a crew of us, and we just ran the school. Like, whatever performance there
was, we were the leads.
That was the senior class.
Was, we were the leads. That was the senior class. So, I don't know -- we were
that was the senior class. So, I don't know -- we were good, but I think the school did
so, I don't know -- we were good, but I think the school did such a great job of just
supporting, and, at the same
time, the school was way ahead
of its time.
Time, the school was way ahead of its time. ♪
♪
I did graduate from syracuse.
I started out actually as a
voice major.
At the time, it was easier to
get a scholarship in voice than
at the time, it was easier to get a scholarship in voice than it was in music theater.
Get a scholarship in voice than it was in music theater. So, I just wanted to get in
there.
I got in and then thought it was
boring.
I wanted to be more active and
expressive.
So, I transferred to the
music theater program.
Got in and yeah, it was a ball.
Music theater program. Got in and yeah, it was a ball. It was like high school but just
got in and yeah, it was a ball. It was like high school but just more, you know?
And college was when I knew
for a fact, "I'm going to do
and college was when I knew for a fact, "I'm going to do this for life."
that's when I realized.
>> diggs: Being labeled a white boy, it was painful, but it was painful, period.
Boy, it was painful, but it was painful, period. Once I figured out how to
manipulate situations, I made a
once I figured out how to manipulate situations, I made a habit of studying people so that
I don't feel less than.
Habit of studying people so that I don't feel less than. So, as soon [snaps fingers] as I
realized certain black people at
so, as soon [snaps fingers] as I realized certain black people at school were calling me white, I
made it about them.
School were calling me white, I made it about them. And I didn't change who I was,
and I just went harder.
It was a trip, though, because
even, like, I remember when I
it was a trip, though, because even, like, I remember when I moved to new york, people that
didn't even know my history,
women, would say, "you only date
white girls, huh?" before they
even knew anything about me.
White girls, huh?" before they even knew anything about me. I never got the answers that I
wanted, but I would dig deep and
say, "well, why do you say
that?"
like, "you don't know...
That?" like, "you don't know... Is it because I speak like
this?"
is it because I speak like this?" "no. It's just a feeling I get."
I don't know if it was their
insecurity.
I don't know.
Insecurity. I don't know. But that happened more times
than not.
♪ >> diggs: I was born, and I had no name.
My mom's maiden name was berry.
No name. My mom's maiden name was berry. So, on my birth certificate, it
my mom's maiden name was berry. So, on my birth certificate, it said, "baby berry."
so, on my birth certificate, it said, "baby berry." my birth father's name was
andre.
My birth father's name was andre. I was conceived in l.A.
Andre. I was conceived in l.A. So, right after I was born, they
called me "l.A." for short,
so, right after I was born, they called me "l.A." for short, until they could figure out a
name.
Until they could figure out a name. My mother left the hospital
before she could get my birth
my mother left the hospital before she could get my birth certificate.
Before she could get my birth certificate. She left without my birth
certificate.
All she had were my footprints.
Certificate. All she had were my footprints. My mom leaves my birth father,
all she had were my footprints. My mom leaves my birth father, meets my stepdad.
I live in a white neighborhood.
Meets my stepdad. I live in a white neighborhood. My friends are mark, jim.
I had one black friend.
His name was reggie.
I got made fun of because the
his name was reggie. I got made fun of because the insides of my hands were light,
and mark said -- he asked me if
I was dirty.
And mark said -- he asked me if I was dirty. "if you take a bath, can you
wash this off?"
so, all of this is settling.
Wash this off?" so, all of this is settling. I'm five years old.
So, all of this is settling. I'm five years old. I go in to my mother.
I tell her.
She's like, "be proud of who you
are," blah, blah, blah.
But deep down inside, I was
like, "I don't like this.
I want to change my name to
sound like mark or jim."
so, I remember thinking, "what
is like a really white name?"
and I remember I thought,
"scott."
so, up until five years old, I
was being called either l.A. Or
andre, which was the name of my
birth father.
Andre, which was the name of my birth father. My stepdad's name was diggs.
Birth father. My stepdad's name was diggs. So, my mother saw that as an
my stepdad's name was diggs. So, my mother saw that as an opportunity for me to kind of
so, my mother saw that as an opportunity for me to kind of switch and get on a new track,
and I would be scott -- leo was
my dad's middle name.
And I would be scott -- leo was my dad's middle name. I remember having a discussion
with her.
She wanted me to have his middle
name so that we would seem like
she wanted me to have his middle name so that we would seem like we were closer.
Name so that we would seem like we were closer. And I didn't want it.
We were closer. And I didn't want it. And I remember he didn't want
and I didn't want it. And I remember he didn't want it, either.
He didn't want me to have leo,
either.
I remember that.
Either. I remember that. But my name became
scott leo diggs.
Then, when I was in high school
and kind of thought back on why,
then, when I was in high school and kind of thought back on why, because I never liked hearing my
name called, scott diggs, for
whatever reason.
Name called, scott diggs, for whatever reason. And then I realized,
"oh, [bleep]
and then I realized, "oh, [bleep] who am I?"
I remember, and I was so ashamed
at that age.
Andre felt very black to me.
At that age. Andre felt very black to me. And in high school, that's all
andre felt very black to me. And in high school, that's all we wanted to be was black.
And I remember being so pissed
that I changed my name, so
and I remember being so pissed that I changed my name, so pissed that my mother let me.
That I changed my name, so pissed that my mother let me. So, then, I was thinking, "okay,
I'm going to college.
I don't want to be cornball,
and, like, change my name to
mufasa or some [bleep], so what
makes more sense?"
I was thinking of nicknames that
just sounded a little more
ethnic.
Just sounded a little more ethnic. And I remember my uncle used to
call me "scottay."
and I remember my uncle used to call me "scottay." scottay -- scottay diggs.
Call me "scottay." scottay -- scottay diggs. So, I said, "okay, when I go to
college, I'll say I'm scott, but
so, I said, "okay, when I go to college, I'll say I'm scott, but I'll ask people to call me
taye."
that was like another identity
kind of change that helped me
kind of adjust, you know?
Kind of change that helped me kind of adjust, you know? Took who I was, figured it out,
and made the necessary
took who I was, figured it out, and made the necessary adjustments so that I could
keep moving without having to
say that I turned into a
different person completely.
Say that I turned into a different person completely. You know what I mean?
Different person completely. You know what I mean? ♪
you know what I mean? ♪ at syracuse, they had this
amazing program called
"lubin house," where your senior
year, you took a bus to
new york city, and there would
be an evening.
New york city, and there would be an evening. It was like a showcase.
Be an evening. It was like a showcase. And we would perform scenes for
it was like a showcase. And we would perform scenes for a bunch of new york agents that
and we would perform scenes for a bunch of new york agents that had connections to the school.
A bunch of new york agents that had connections to the school. And that's how we were exposed
to agencies.
So, I did that and did really,
really well and got an agent
so, I did that and did really, really well and got an agent from that and then just --
yeah, what was the thing?
From that and then just -- yeah, what was the thing? You had a survival job.
Yeah, what was the thing? You had a survival job. So, I worked at pizzeria uno as
you had a survival job. So, I worked at pizzeria uno as a host because I was too anxious
so, I worked at pizzeria uno as a host because I was too anxious to be a waiter.
A host because I was too anxious to be a waiter. So, I remember going into work
at pizzeria uno, and there was
so, I remember going into work at pizzeria uno, and there was two cute other hostesses.
At pizzeria uno, and there was two cute other hostesses. And, you know, we ask each other
what we're doing, and I said I
and, you know, we ask each other what we're doing, and I said I was an actor.
What we're doing, and I said I was an actor. And I remember one of the girls,
she rolled her eyes.
And I said, "why are you rolling
your eyes?"
and I said, "why are you rolling your eyes?" she said, "well, everybody's an
actor here."
I said, "I guarantee you in the
next six months, I'll either be
on broadway, have my own tv
show, or be in a movie."
and the next month, I got a
broadway show.
And the next month, I got a broadway show. So, when I look back on that,
I'm like, "what an [bleep] to
so, when I look back on that, I'm like, "what an [bleep] to say," but, you know, I feel like
I put that energy out there, and
it came back.
♪
even though [bleep] was
happening quickly, it wasn't
happening quickly enough.
Happening quickly, it wasn't happening quickly enough. So, when I got my first broadway
show, I was in the ensemble, and
so, when I got my first broadway show, I was in the ensemble, and I was like, "okay, I'll do this
for now, but this isn't gonna
last for long."
so, I always had a little bit of
a chip on my shoulders, but it
was amazing.
A chip on my shoulders, but it was amazing. My first broadway show was
"carousel."
my first broadway show was "carousel." and, you know, won all the
tonys.
And, you know, won all the tonys. It was -- I mean, I really feel
like, artistically speaking, I
it was -- I mean, I really feel like, artistically speaking, I lived a charmed life from tenth
grade through -- yeah, for a
while.
Grade through -- yeah, for a while. ♪
after "carousel," then I went
away to japan because a friend
of mine said that you could make
a lot of money at tokyo disney.
Of mine said that you could make a lot of money at tokyo disney. It was so trippy.
A lot of money at tokyo disney. It was so trippy. It was a full japanese theme
it was so trippy. It was a full japanese theme park, except for the face
it was a full japanese theme park, except for the face characters walking around and
two black dudes that were in --
that we starred in a show called
"sebastian's caribbean
carnival."
and we had, like...
Carnival." and we had, like... [ laughs ]
...Like, a straw hat, and we
would talk to sebastian the crab
from "the little mermaid."
"ho-ho-ho. How you doing?"
and we had to learn japanese and
come out and do the rumba.
And we had to learn japanese and come out and do the rumba. And I had bananas on my -- it
was ridiculous.
It was ridiculous!
Was ridiculous. It was ridiculous! Usually, like, theme parks --
it was ridiculous! Usually, like, theme parks -- what was it?
It was theme parks, summer
stock, cruise ships -- that was
it was theme parks, summer stock, cruise ships -- that was what you did before broadway.
Stock, cruise ships -- that was what you did before broadway. So, my agent looked at me like I
was crazy after I had already
so, my agent looked at me like I was crazy after I had already been on broadway but wanted to
go.
Been on broadway but wanted to go. I was all about having an
experience.
I knew I was gonna still do my
thing.
So, I was like, "I want to go to
japan.
I want to put this bread away."
and she was like, "I don't know
what's gonna happen when you get
back."
and I said, "I'll be fine."
and I got back and booked
"rent."
boom -- just like that.
I remember I didn't want to go
in for "rent," because in
new york, at the time, if you
had any musicals on your résumé,
people thought you were
music theater instead of a real
actor.
Music theater instead of a real actor. And I remember I was trying to
transition into tv and film.
So, I told my agent, "I don't
want to go out for this thing."
so, I told my agent, "I don't want to go out for this thing." skipped the audition for "rent"
twice.
Skipped the audition for "rent" twice. And then she said, "you don't
have to do it, but just get in
and then she said, "you don't have to do it, but just get in front of this casting director
so they can see you.
Front of this casting director so they can see you. Bernie telsey -- they're the
real deal."
bernie telsey -- they're the real deal." so, I go in, and I sing
whatever, whatever, and then I
get a callback.
Whatever, whatever, and then I get a callback. And as a performer, you know,
once you get that callback, you
and as a performer, you know, once you get that callback, you kind of raise up.
Once you get that callback, you kind of raise up. So, then, at the callback, I
did my thing and got cast.
But, once again, in "rent," you
know, I was very aware that I
but, once again, in "rent," you know, I was very aware that I had the smallest role.
Know, I was very aware that I had the smallest role. So, I was still waiting -- you
know what I mean? -- For the
so, I was still waiting -- you know what I mean? -- For the "big" break.
Know what I mean? -- For the "big" break. But it was in "rent," where I
think angela bassett and I had
but it was in "rent," where I think angela bassett and I had the same agent at that time.
Think angela bassett and I had the same agent at that time. So, when the movie "how stella
got her groove back," when they
so, when the movie "how stella got her groove back," when they were holding auditions, my agent
had angela bassett come to
"rent."
and because my part wasn't
featured, really, I think
angela bassett wasn't impressed.
Featured, really, I think angela bassett wasn't impressed. So, then, my agent -- oh, I was
doing double duty.
I was in "rent."
oh, I felt like the man.
I was in "rent," and I was on a
soap opera, "guiding light."
and I remember thinking I was
just doing it.
And I remember thinking I was just doing it. So, daytime I'd do the soap and
then travel downtown and be in
so, daytime I'd do the soap and then travel downtown and be in "rent."
and my agent had tape of the
character that I played on
"guiding light," and he was
smooth.
And, you know, he was a fast
talker.
He was a record producer.
Talker. He was a record producer. And my agent showed
he was a record producer. And my agent showed angela bassett that, and then
and my agent showed angela bassett that, and then she was like, "oh, okay, I get
it."
so, then I got into the
audition, got called back.
So, then I got into the audition, got called back. And I remember I had a screen
test with angela bassett, and I
and I remember I had a screen test with angela bassett, and I remember when they said,
"action" -- oh, my god -- I went
blank.
And I was holding
angela bassett's hand, and I
and I was holding angela bassett's hand, and I remember her just taking my hand
and just squeezing it and
saying, like -- I was feeling
her saying, like, "it's okay.
Saying, like -- I was feeling her saying, like, "it's okay. Just relax."
and I remember I just looked at
just relax." and I remember I just looked at her, and then the lines started
to come, and then I was cool.
Her, and then the lines started to come, and then I was cool. But ooh, for a minute there, it
was rough.
♪
working with angela bassett and
whoopi goldberg -- I mean,
regina king was in it, yeah.
Whoopi goldberg -- I mean, regina king was in it, yeah. As far as myself and where I
wanted to be, finally, I was
as far as myself and where I wanted to be, finally, I was able to say, "okay, now you're
here."
so, it was a combination of
being so excited, terribly
grateful, but realizing, "okay,
now let's go to work."
this is where my story really
begins, right here.
♪ >> diggs: Seeing tyson beckford in the magazines -- you know,
dark-skinned, shaved head,
muscular -- that look gave me
something to strive towards
because you didn't see a lot of
that coming up.
Because you didn't see a lot of that coming up. Yeah, so, I really feel like I
owe -- and I'm cool with him.
I remind him of it all the time.
Owe -- and I'm cool with him. I remind him of it all the time. ♪
I mean, I felt as good-looking
as my mom told me.
You know, when I was younger, I
would go in the mirror and try
you know, when I was younger, I would go in the mirror and try to get my nose to be skinnier
and wonder what it was like to
have straighter hair.
And wonder what it was like to have straighter hair. But I have a trust issue with
the public because I consider
but I have a trust issue with the public because I consider myself feeling very sensitive
but also hyperlogical.
Myself feeling very sensitive but also hyperlogical. So, after I was [bleep] in
jamaica, you know, I got all
so, after I was [bleep] in jamaica, you know, I got all this attention because I was
this lead role.
This attention because I was this lead role. I come back to new york city,
and, you know, once you finish a
film, you got to wait for it to
be edited and whatnot.
Film, you got to wait for it to be edited and whatnot. And I would go out to the clubs,
and I would get no play.
So, this was a little bit of a
mind [bleep] because I was like,
so, this was a little bit of a mind [bleep] because I was like, "well, I was [bleep] in jamaica.
Mind [bleep] because I was like, "well, I was [bleep] in jamaica. I look the same way.
What's going on?"
so, there was a disconnect.
The day after the movie came
out, there was a difference.
And people were speaking to me
on the street.
So, from that point on, I was
like, "hmm, maybe it's not me.
It's this character."
so, I've never really trusted,
it's this character." so, I've never really trusted, "hey, heartthrob..." and...
So, I've never really trusted, "hey, heartthrob..." and... Alright, well, you call me what
you want.
Yeah, yeah, so, it's still an
issue.
♪
yes, after "how stella got her
groove back," there was a movie
called "go," which at the time
was considered like a white
movie.
Was considered like a white movie. So, I wanted to make sure I got
as many of those under my belt,
so, I wanted to make sure I got as many of those under my belt, as well.
As many of those under my belt, as well. I want to be "famous" famous.
As well. I want to be "famous" famous. So, let's do whatever I need to
do.
So, I did, I think "go" and
then "the wood."
so, I did, I think "go" and then "the wood." and "the wood" was
rick famuyiwa directing.
And "the wood" was rick famuyiwa directing. Omar epps I was a huge fan of,
but, also, because of his
omar epps I was a huge fan of, but, also, because of his characters, I was scared of him.
But, also, because of his characters, I was scared of him. And I immediately assumed, "oh,
he's gonna be one of these cats
and I immediately assumed, "oh, he's gonna be one of these cats that calls me white boy or makes
fun..."
and he was the exact opposite.
Fun..." and he was the exact opposite. And that was my first, my real
first, experience of "okay,
and that was my first, my real first, experience of "okay, don't go in -- if you don't know
these cats, don't go into a
situation making assumptions,"
because that didn't serve me.
Situation making assumptions," because that didn't serve me. So, we laughed all day, every
day -- me, richard,.
Yeah, and these cats were
even more talented than I
yeah, and these cats were even more talented than I thought, because I hadn't seen
these cats be funny.
Thought, because I hadn't seen these cats be funny. And it was -- with "stella,"
everything was by the book.
And if it wasn't by the book, it
was the director's request.
But on "the wood," rick just let
us do our thing, and that's when
but on "the wood," rick just let us do our thing, and that's when I fell in love with comedy.
Us do our thing, and that's when I fell in love with comedy. ♪
and then the cast of
"the best man" -- yeah, that's a
life-changing thing.
That's when I realized I was the
flavor of the month.
You know what I mean?
Flavor of the month. You know what I mean? I was like -- I didn't realize
you know what I mean? I was like -- I didn't realize it at the time, but after that.
Then it was like, "oh, I was the
new guy.
I was the new guy."
we all just melded so well
together.
We all just melded so well together. They didn't make me feel like
the new guy.
You know what I mean?
The new guy. You know what I mean? Nia long was -- everybody was,
you know what I mean? Nia long was -- everybody was, yeah, morris chestnut was cool,
nia long was -- everybody was, yeah, morris chestnut was cool, really, really cool.
Yeah, morris chestnut was cool, really, really cool. I didn't think that I would vibe
with as many of these actors as
I did.
With as many of these actors as I did. You know what I mean?
The ways that I thought I was
you know what I mean? The ways that I thought I was kind of different and weird,
the ways that I thought I was kind of different and weird, they had their weirdness, as
well.
They had their weirdness, as well. You know what I mean?
Well. You know what I mean? And working with them made me
you know what I mean? And working with them made me feel better about myself and
and working with them made me feel better about myself and allowed me to be more confident
in who I was as a person, which
ended up helping me as an actor.
In who I was as a person, which ended up helping me as an actor. You know what I mean?
Ended up helping me as an actor. You know what I mean? And I think that's one of the
you know what I mean? And I think that's one of the wonderful things about the arts.
It allows people to, you know,
when the atmosphere is safe, it
it allows people to, you know, when the atmosphere is safe, it allows you to really be
yourself.
Allows you to really be yourself. ♪
ah, the infamous slap --
"best man" slap, me and
nia long.
I will tell you this.
Nia long. I will tell you this. Yeah, it was real.
It was real.
The reaction was real.
I did not know she was going to
the reaction was real. I did not know she was going to do that.
And at the time, because, you
know, I come from theater
and at the time, because, you know, I come from theater school, where they promote being
prepared and rehearsing, and you
don't do anything unless both
actors feel safe.
Don't do anything unless both actors feel safe. And I remember being appalled.
Actors feel safe. And I remember being appalled. But in hindsight it worked.
I'm glad that she did it.
I'm glad that malcolm kept it.
But after the slap, I expected
malcolm to be like, "okay, cut!
Guys, done.
Malcolm to be like, "okay, cut! Guys, done. Nia, what are you doing?"
guys, done. Nia, what are you doing?" and there was nothing.
I got slapped.
And there was nothing. I got slapped. I went, "whoo!"
and I expected them to cut.
And they didn't.
And I expected them to cut. And they didn't. So, I forced myself to stay in
and they didn't. So, I forced myself to stay in it.
And I remember staying in
character, but inside, like,
and I remember staying in character, but inside, like, "what is going on here?
Character, but inside, like, "what is going on here? What type of a show is this?"
you know what I mean?
I felt -- at that moment, I just
felt, I had been so kind of
coddled up to that point, where
all of a sudden I just didn't
feel, like, safe.
All of a sudden I just didn't feel, like, safe. You know what I mean?
Feel, like, safe. You know what I mean? I was like, "well, what -- what
you know what I mean? I was like, "well, what -- what else is gonna happen on set that
I'm not gonna know about?
Else is gonna happen on set that I'm not gonna know about? You know what I mean?
I'm very dramatic.
It was fine, but, you know, I
get it.
When you want something to work,
you do what you need to do to
when you want something to work, you do what you need to do to get it.
You do what you need to do to get it. And he got it. So...
>> diggs: Being married and considered a heartthrob was complicated.
Considered a heartthrob was complicated. You know, the whole married to a
white girl, but, then, being
you know, the whole married to a white girl, but, then, being appreciated in the black
community.
Appreciated in the black community. It was just so much, that I
would try to just focus on work,
it was just so much, that I would try to just focus on work, work and what was in my
immediate circle.
Work and what was in my immediate circle. I will say this.
Immediate circle. I will say this. I never really relaxed into it.
You know what I mean?
And I was way too high-strung
you know what I mean? And I was way too high-strung and aware and in my head to
and I was way too high-strung and aware and in my head to really relax into it.
And aware and in my head to really relax into it. And, you know, there was always
that idea of okay, I wanted to
and, you know, there was always that idea of okay, I wanted to be like will smith.
That idea of okay, I wanted to be like will smith. You know what I mean?
Be like will smith. You know what I mean? I wanted to be like denzel.
And, you know, just the way I
came up, and I had such high
and, you know, just the way I came up, and I had such high expectations for myself.
Came up, and I had such high expectations for myself. I never really, truly
appreciated where I was.
So, any accolades that I would
get, I would only give partial
so, any accolades that I would get, I would only give partial value to because I wasn't where
I wanted to be yet.
Value to because I wasn't where I wanted to be yet. And if I could do all of it
over, I would appreciate that
and if I could do all of it over, I would appreciate that more.
Over, I would appreciate that more. I appreciate it now.
More. I appreciate it now. But I would have appreciated it
the moment.
♪
here's the thing.
Like, I always knew she was
gonna make it.
So, I would tell her, and she
knew that she had what it took.
But I wanted her to have more
confidence in herself.
So, I always felt like I was,
you know, trying to encourage
so, I always felt like I was, you know, trying to encourage and prop her up.
You know, trying to encourage and prop her up. And it was like every show I saw
her in, she'd have a feature
and it was like every show I saw her in, she'd have a feature song, and she would murder that
song.
Song, and she would murder that song. But then the next show, it would
be even more dramatic and even
but then the next show, it would be even more dramatic and even higher.
Be even more dramatic and even higher. Then she'd murder that.
Higher. Then she'd murder that. And then, when "wicked" came,
then she'd murder that. And then, when "wicked" came, she would practice in front of
and then, when "wicked" came, she would practice in front of me, and I remember just being
like, "okay, this is -- nobody
can [bleep] with you.
Like, "okay, this is -- nobody can [bleep] with you. That song you just sang?
Can [bleep] with you. That song you just sang? You will win a tony."
that song you just sang? You will win a tony." and she did.
But even to this day, I feel
like she still doesn't really --
but even to this day, I feel like she still doesn't really -- she's bad.
Like she still doesn't really -- she's bad. You know what I mean?
She's bad. You know what I mean? And I feel like when we
you know what I mean? And I feel like when we divorced, she blew up -- I mean,
and I feel like when we divorced, she blew up -- I mean, "blew up" blew up, not just
music-theater blew up, because
she was already a known figure
in the music-theater world.
She was already a known figure in the music-theater world. But after "frozen" and the song
"let it go," that popped right
but after "frozen" and the song "let it go," that popped right after our divorce.
And I was happy for her, but it
was awful to just hear that song
and I was happy for her, but it was awful to just hear that song constantly.
Was awful to just hear that song constantly. It was everything that I had
wanted but at the absolute worst
it was everything that I had wanted but at the absolute worst time.
Wanted but at the absolute worst time. You know what I mean?
Time. You know what I mean? And just a reminder...
Oh, it waswful.
"let it go."
oh, it waswful. "let it go." let it go.
I remember after we had decided
to split, we went the mediation
route.
To split, we went the mediation route. So, we -- oh, it was awful.
Route. So, we -- oh, it was awful. In a room, this dude I don't
so, we -- oh, it was awful. In a room, this dude I don't know, this woman who I feel like
in a room, this dude I don't know, this woman who I feel like I don't know anymore, talking
about when I can see my son.
And it all worked out fine, but,
you know, you never imagine
and it all worked out fine, but, you know, you never imagine yourself trying to negotiate
when you can see your son and
what you're paying for.
When you can see your son and what you're paying for. Then we got cool, and we got on
the same page.
Didn't take us long, because it
was all about walker, and now
didn't take us long, because it was all about walker, and now we're joint-parenting.
Was all about walker, and now we're joint-parenting. We got a great stepdad.
We're joint-parenting. We got a great stepdad. We're cool.
♪ >> diggs: Up to a certain point, what had worked for me was
rehearse and perform and
achieve.
Rehearse and perform and achieve. You know what I mean?
Achieve. You know what I mean? You can't do any of those
you know what I mean? You can't do any of those without that which comes before.
It had worked with my career,
with my love life, with
it had worked with my career, with my love life, with marriage, with kids.
With my love life, with marriage, with kids. Everything was working.
Marriage, with kids. Everything was working. You know what I mean?
I thought -- I would think about
you know what I mean? I thought -- I would think about it.
It needs to be done this way.
It. It needs to be done this way. Put yourself in this position.
Do this for this amount of
put yourself in this position. Do this for this amount of years.
And then you get this product.
Years. And then you get this product. But then, after the divorce,
and then you get this product. But then, after the divorce, all of that went to [bleep]
but then, after the divorce, all of that went to [bleep] so, it was a really -- it felt
like it did.
So, it was a really -- it felt like it did. So, I didn't know being a father
was different.
I wasn't a husband.
Was different. I wasn't a husband. Didn't want to be a boyfriend,
you know?
So, I was forced to kind of just
roll with the punches, and that
so, I was forced to kind of just roll with the punches, and that was one of the best lessons of
life, because I feel like that's
what life is, kind of taking it
as it comes and being able to
adapt.
As it comes and being able to adapt. ♪
after a while, I thought I
wasn't gonna get married.
After a while, I thought I wasn't gonna get married. A couple of girlfriends -- you
know, I thought I'd marry them.
It didn't work out.
Know, I thought I'd marry them. It didn't work out. But, then, you know, [bleep]
it didn't work out. But, then, you know, [bleep] changes, and, yeah, just [bleep]
but, then, you know, [bleep] changes, and, yeah, just [bleep] changes.
Changes, and, yeah, just [bleep] changes. Stuff didn't change for a while.
Changes. Stuff didn't change for a while. You know what I mean?
Twenties and thirties, it didn't
you know what I mean? Twenties and thirties, it didn't seem like things would change.
But, then, late 40s, it felt
like feelings would change, and
but, then, late 40s, it felt like feelings would change, and you'd start out feeling one way.
Like feelings would change, and you'd start out feeling one way. And then, all the sudden, you
don't feel that way anymore.
And all of that was new to me,
because I was like a solid dude.
"do it this way, stay the
course, and you will win."
you know what I mean?
Course, and you will win." you know what I mean? And it just wasn't -- it wasn't
happening like that anymore.
So, I stopped saying, "okay,
well, I will get married.
I will do this.
Well, I will get married. I will do this. I will be this movie star.
I will make this much money."
I stopped doing that.
And once I stopped doing that, I
was able to be freer, just to
and once I stopped doing that, I was able to be freer, just to get my work and life
spiritually.
Get my work and life spiritually. So, yeah, I don't know.
Spiritually. So, yeah, I don't know. I just now met somebody who's
so, yeah, I don't know. I just now met somebody who's got me way off guard.
We'd hang out, and it would be
nice, and then it would just
we'd hang out, and it would be nice, and then it would just make sense to hang out more.
Nice, and then it would just make sense to hang out more. I didn't think that I would get
struck.
>> diggs: The book "why?" it takes these children. These children are just asking
their parents, their
these children are just asking their parents, their grandparents, their relatives,
the older people in their lives,
"why are these people so angry?
The older people in their lives, "why are these people so angry? Why are these people breaking
stuff?
Why are these people yelling?
Stuff? Why are these people yelling? Why are they marching?"
why are these people yelling? Why are they marching?" and it gives kind of a
why are they marching?" and it gives kind of a perspective of the children and
gives opportunities, I think, to
parents and older folks a
chance to give kids an honest
answer why things are the way
they are.
Answer why things are the way they are. I remember during that period,
it was weird, and there were
people that were choosing to
talk about it, and there were
people that were deliberately
not talking about it.
People that were deliberately not talking about it. And, you know, the last thing
you want is people suppressing,
and, you know, the last thing you want is people suppressing, feeling like they can't ask
important questions.
Feeling like they can't ask important questions. So, yeah, I'm proud of it.
>> diggs: Walker nathaniel diggs is -- I'm so impressed with him. Like, I feel like he was -- I
feel like I can't even take
like, I feel like he was -- I feel like I can't even take credit.
Feel like I can't even take credit. He's so cool.
Credit. He's so cool. He's so much cooler than me.
I feel like he's proof that
he's so much cooler than me. I feel like he's proof that there's, you know, a higher
power, because he's teaching me.
There's, you know, a higher power, because he's teaching me. He's everything that I wanted to
be and more.
You know what I mean?
Be and more. You know what I mean? He can sing. He can dance.
He's an athlete.
He's living the life that I
he's an athlete. He's living the life that I wanted to live before I was
he's living the life that I wanted to live before I was introduced to the arts.
Wanted to live before I was introduced to the arts. You know what I mean?
Introduced to the arts. You know what I mean? And that's -- I feel like I get
you know what I mean? And that's -- I feel like I get the best of all the worlds,
and that's -- I feel like I get the best of all the worlds, because I can watch him.
The best of all the worlds, because I can watch him. And I listen to him.
Because I can watch him. And I listen to him. You know what I mean?
When we have discussions, very
you know what I mean? When we have discussions, very rarely am I trying to teach him.
More often than not, we're
discussing, and I end up kind of
more often than not, we're discussing, and I end up kind of just listening to what he has to
say.
Just listening to what he has to say. And if I release my ego, he has
a point.
You know what I mean?
A point. You know what I mean? And that's cool.
♪
and that's cool. ♪ I think walker makes me a good
father.
I really do.
Father. I really do. I think I've had enough therapy
to know to listen.
And when I allow myself to
listen, he's able to speak.
So, I feel like I had a rough go
a bit with my father,
so, I feel like I had a rough go a bit with my father, stepfather, and I feel like I'm
being somehow kind of blessed.
Stepfather, and I feel like I'm being somehow kind of blessed. Like, "okay, you had to deal
with this.
We're gonna give you this
amazing kid, and you're gonna
we're gonna give you this amazing kid, and you're gonna learn from him.
Amazing kid, and you're gonna learn from him. You don't have to worry about,
you know, [bleep] up his life."
you don't have to worry about, you know, [bleep] up his life." you know what I mean?
You know, [bleep] up his life." you know what I mean? Yeah, you know, I've had to
learn in relationships.
You know what I mean?
Learn in relationships. You know what I mean? My dad comes out in me and has
you know what I mean? My dad comes out in me and has come out in me in relationships
my dad comes out in me and has come out in me in relationships but not with my son.
Come out in me in relationships but not with my son. And I'm so, so grateful.
But not with my son. And I'm so, so grateful. ♪
and I'm so, so grateful. ♪ like, idina does a really great
job at making sure, you know,
she knows how to cornrow, and
she does walker's hair.
She knows how to cornrow, and she does walker's hair. And she makes sure there are
black authors in the house and
and she makes sure there are black authors in the house and that he's surrounded by other
black people besides me.
That he's surrounded by other black people besides me. So, I remember her being, you
know, vigilant on making sure
so, I remember her being, you know, vigilant on making sure she didn't go overboard.
Know, vigilant on making sure she didn't go overboard. But, you know, I understand the
sense of, "oh, this has been
but, you know, I understand the sense of, "oh, this has been done to you.
Sense of, "oh, this has been done to you. I feel bad.
Done to you. I feel bad. What can I do now?"
you know what I mean?
I get it.
You know what I mean? I get it. You know what I mean?
They can't help that, you know,
you know what I mean? They can't help that, you know, their forefathers did.
And if someone doesn't realize
it -- you know what I mean? --
If someone doesn't have, you
know, the gift of realizing --
if someone doesn't have, you know, the gift of realizing -- like, we've all been conditioned
and yeah, it's great for people
to kind of be woke, but, you
know, we got to keep it real.
To kind of be woke, but, you know, we got to keep it real. You know what I mean?
Know, we got to keep it real. You know what I mean? I believe, you know, we have to
you know what I mean? I believe, you know, we have to move forward and change what's
in front of us.
Move forward and change what's in front of us. ♪
what would I tell 20-year-old
taye?
What would I tell 20-year-old taye? Oh, boy -- so much.
Taye? Oh, boy -- so much. Ooh.
You know what?
Nothing, because I wouldn't have
you know what? Nothing, because I wouldn't have listened to myself.
I wouldn't have listened.
Listened to myself. I wouldn't have listened. You know what I mean?
You couldn't -- I thought what I
you know what I mean? You couldn't -- I thought what I was doing worked at
you couldn't -- I thought what I was doing worked at 20 years old, and you couldn't
[bleep] with me.
So, I hate talking on deaf ears.
So, I wouldn't.
I would just let me just do my
so, I wouldn't. I would just let me just do my own thing and come to my own
realizations when I needed to
come to them.
Realizations when I needed to come to them. I wouldn't waste my breath.
Come to them. I wouldn't waste my breath. You can do things one way and
still be open to other ways.
I mean, it doesn't really have
to mess with your process.
It would be great if it did, but
it doesn't have to.
I was so, you know, stuck in
what I thought worked that I
didn't want to see anything
else.
And it wasn't until I lived life
and got heard that I realized,
"oh, okay, there's a whole
other, host of other ways to
see things that really can open
you up as a person," where I
grew up the opposite, thinking,
"the only way to succeed is to
do it this way.
And if it works, stick to it.
If it ain't broke, don't fix
it."
and it's the total opposite for
me.
You know what I mean?
The more open you are, you know,
the less stringent, sometimes
less disciplined even.
You know what I mean?
Most of the things that I
thought were the only way to do
things, you know, only got me so
far.
Yeah.