1
00:00:01,401 --> 00:00:03,936
Couldn't find the words to say
any more.
You know, it was like a time

2
00:00:03,938 --> 00:00:05,004
any more.
You know, it was like a time
where I start working with other

3
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:06,038
you know, it was like a time
where I start working with other
artists 'cause I just couldn't

4
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:06,638
where I start working with other
artists 'cause I just couldn't
find it no more.

5
00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:07,573
Artists 'cause I just couldn't
find it no more.
You know what I'm saying?

6
00:00:07,575 --> 00:00:08,607
Find it no more.
You know what I'm saying?
It was like, "what do I say?

7
00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:09,675
You know what I'm saying?
It was like, "what do I say?
I done said all the [bleep] I

8
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:10,175
it was like, "what do I say?
I done said all the [bleep] I
had to say.

9
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,543
I done said all the [bleep] I
had to say.
I done let y'all see all the

10
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:12,945
had to say.
I done let y'all see all the
[bleep] that I wanted y'all to

11
00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:13,912
I done let y'all see all the
[bleep] that I wanted y'all to
see, and I'm still

12
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:14,680
[bleep] that I wanted y'all to
see, and I'm still
misunderstood.

13
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:15,614
See, and I'm still
misunderstood.
You know what I'm saying?

14
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:16,682
Misunderstood.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I just -- it's still --

15
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:18,384
you know what I'm saying?
Like, I just -- it's still --
I still get --

16
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:21,153
like, I just -- it's still --
I still get --
you know, it was too much,

17
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:21,553
I still get --
you know, it was too much,
I think.

18
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,922
You know, it was too much,
I think.
But now, I think it's something

19
00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:25,624
I think.
But now, I think it's something
different happening that I feel

20
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,861
but now, I think it's something
different happening that I feel
like I have a lot to say again.

21
00:00:28,863 --> 00:00:30,396
Different happening that I feel
like I have a lot to say again.
And it's the very first time in

22
00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,697
like I have a lot to say again.
And it's the very first time in
a long time that I've had

23
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,232
and it's the very first time in
a long time that I've had
a lot -- like, I'm having a lot

24
00:00:33,234 --> 00:00:34,333
a long time that I've had
a lot -- like, I'm having a lot
to say.

25
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:36,802
A lot -- like, I'm having a lot
to say.
I am grown, and I am to a point

26
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,338
to say.
I am grown, and I am to a point
where I take full responsibility

27
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:41,373
I am grown, and I am to a point
where I take full responsibility
of who I am and what I've

28
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,842
where I take full responsibility
of who I am and what I've
become, you know?

29
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:53,852
Of who I am and what I've
become, you know?
♪

30
00:00:53,854 --> 00:01:03,862
become, you know?
♪
♪

31
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:08,300
♪
♪
♪

32
00:01:08,302 --> 00:01:08,367
--<font color="#ffff00"> captions by vitac</font> --
<font color="#00ffff"> www.Vitac.Com</font>

33
00:01:14,407 --> 00:01:17,342
it used to be easy.
I'd go in the studio, and I'd
just have so much to say.

34
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:18,377
I'd go in the studio, and I'd
just have so much to say.
You know what I'm saying?

35
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:21,180
Just have so much to say.
You know what I'm saying?
And it became to a -- like, a

36
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:24,550
you know what I'm saying?
And it became to a -- like, a
time where...I just -- I just

37
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:25,818
and it became to a -- like, a
time where...I just -- I just
felt like everything, like,

38
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,152
time where...I just -- I just
felt like everything, like,
"okay, god, what is all this

39
00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:27,553
felt like everything, like,
"okay, god, what is all this
for?"

40
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:28,454
"okay, god, what is all this
for?"
you know what I'm saying?

41
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:29,822
For?"
you know what I'm saying?
Like, when you speak about how

42
00:01:29,824 --> 00:01:30,656
you know what I'm saying?
Like, when you speak about how
my mom and how --

43
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,091
like, when you speak about how
my mom and how --
I know we ain't talked about the

44
00:01:32,093 --> 00:01:33,792
my mom and how --
I know we ain't talked about the
reality thing yet, but, like,

45
00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:36,028
I know we ain't talked about the
reality thing yet, but, like,
you know, now my mom can't get

46
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:36,728
reality thing yet, but, like,
you know, now my mom can't get
clean.

47
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:37,563
You know, now my mom can't get
clean.
You know what I'm saying?

48
00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,298
Clean.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, and me and my family not

49
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,100
you know what I'm saying?
Like, and me and my family not
cool as, like, I thought it was.

50
00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:42,968
Like, and me and my family not
cool as, like, I thought it was.
Like, when I set out, I had a

51
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:46,705
cool as, like, I thought it was.
Like, when I set out, I had a
whole, like, life goal set out.

52
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,006
Like, when I set out, I had a
whole, like, life goal set out.
Like, me and my family was gonna

53
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:49,208
whole, like, life goal set out.
Like, me and my family was gonna
be together in one big house.

54
00:01:49,210 --> 00:01:50,275
Like, me and my family was gonna
be together in one big house.
You know what I'm saying?

55
00:01:50,277 --> 00:01:51,577
Be together in one big house.
You know what I'm saying?
I just wanted one big house to

56
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:52,911
you know what I'm saying?
I just wanted one big house to
have all my siblings in with my

57
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:53,979
I just wanted one big house to
have all my siblings in with my
mom -- you know what I'm

58
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:55,280
have all my siblings in with my
mom -- you know what I'm
saying? -- And everything like

59
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:55,647
mom -- you know what I'm
saying? -- And everything like
that.

60
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,249
Saying? -- And everything like
that.
I just wanted to be a huge star.

61
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:58,550
That.
I just wanted to be a huge star.
You know what I'm saying?

62
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,119
I just wanted to be a huge star.
You know what I'm saying?
And everything just wasn't what

63
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,353
you know what I'm saying?
And everything just wasn't what
I wanted it to be.

64
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,855
And everything just wasn't what
I wanted it to be.
You know?

65
00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:04,389
I wanted it to be.
You know?
Me and my family and stuff was

66
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:05,124
you know?
Me and my family and stuff was
falling out.

67
00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:06,558
Me and my family and stuff was
falling out.
You know, my marriage wasn't

68
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,126
falling out.
You know, my marriage wasn't
working.

69
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:08,260
You know, my marriage wasn't
working.
You know what I'm saying?

70
00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,095
Working.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I was getting tired of

71
00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:11,864
you know what I'm saying?
Like, I was getting tired of
singing [bleep] love songs.

72
00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:13,031
Like, I was getting tired of
singing [bleep] love songs.
They was miserable love songs.

73
00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:14,032
Singing [bleep] love songs.
They was miserable love songs.
You know what I'm saying?

74
00:02:14,034 --> 00:02:15,100
They was miserable love songs.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, it just started hitting

75
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:16,201
you know what I'm saying?
Like, it just started hitting
me, all these different things,

76
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:17,136
like, it just started hitting
me, all these different things,
and I was just like, "I don't

77
00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:18,103
me, all these different things,
and I was just like, "I don't
even know what to say no more."

78
00:02:18,105 --> 00:02:18,904
and I was just like, "I don't
even know what to say no more."
you know what I'm saying?

79
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,305
Even know what to say no more."
you know what I'm saying?
Like, "I just don't want to even

80
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:20,973
you know what I'm saying?
Like, "I just don't want to even
say nothing.

81
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:22,341
Like, "I just don't want to even
say nothing.
I just want to go away and have

82
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:25,244
say nothing.
I just want to go away and have
a kid and, you know, build my

83
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,812
I just want to go away and have
a kid and, you know, build my
own family and have my family

84
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,280
a kid and, you know, build my
own family and have my family
that actually, like, I can

85
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,948
own family and have my family
that actually, like, I can
depend on, like, my own kids --

86
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:30,682
that actually, like, I can
depend on, like, my own kids --
you know what I'm saying? --

87
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:31,783
Depend on, like, my own kids --
you know what I'm saying? --
That would love me

88
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,485
you know what I'm saying? --
That would love me
unconditionally and genuinely.

89
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:34,353
That would love me
unconditionally and genuinely.
You know what I'm saying?

90
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:35,454
Unconditionally and genuinely.
You know what I'm saying?
That was my goal for a very

91
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:38,924
you know what I'm saying?
That was my goal for a very
long time.

92
00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:41,059
That was my goal for a very
long time.
Growing up in oakland was

93
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:43,629
long time.
Growing up in oakland was
extremely challenging because I

94
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,297
growing up in oakland was
extremely challenging because I
didn't have, you know, my

95
00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,332
extremely challenging because I
didn't have, you know, my
parents, my biological parents,

96
00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:48,834
didn't have, you know, my
parents, my biological parents,
there for me.

97
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,303
Parents, my biological parents,
there for me.
However, I was blessed, you

98
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:53,338
there for me.
However, I was blessed, you
know, because I was adopted at

99
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,941
however, I was blessed, you
know, because I was adopted at
the tender age of 2.

100
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:58,644
Know, because I was adopted at
the tender age of 2.
So I was able to have a stable

101
00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:00,712
the tender age of 2.
So I was able to have a stable
family, stability in a

102
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:01,880
so I was able to have a stable
family, stability in a
household.

103
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:05,117
Family, stability in a
household.
So I think that that was god's

104
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:06,785
household.
So I think that that was god's
way of letting me know, at a

105
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,520
so I think that that was god's
way of letting me know, at a
very young age that, no matter

106
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,289
way of letting me know, at a
very young age that, no matter
what I experienced, everything

107
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:13,091
very young age that, no matter
what I experienced, everything
was gonna be okay.

108
00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:15,327
What I experienced, everything
was gonna be okay.
From my understanding, because I

109
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:19,031
was gonna be okay.
From my understanding, because I
was very young, that my, um --

110
00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:21,967
from my understanding, because I
was very young, that my, um --
my father and my grandmother,

111
00:03:21,969 --> 00:03:23,769
was very young, that my, um --
my father and my grandmother,
my biological grandmother, were

112
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:25,637
my father and my grandmother,
my biological grandmother, were
friends and they both believe in

113
00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,506
my biological grandmother, were
friends and they both believe in
yahshua elohim, and they want to

114
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,942
friends and they both believe in
yahshua elohim, and they want to
class together, and, you know,

115
00:03:29,944 --> 00:03:31,443
yahshua elohim, and they want to
class together, and, you know,
my mother, frankie, was kind of,

116
00:03:31,445 --> 00:03:32,678
class together, and, you know,
my mother, frankie, was kind of,
you know, running around,

117
00:03:32,680 --> 00:03:34,046
my mother, frankie, was kind of,
you know, running around,
running the streets, having a

118
00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:36,882
you know, running around,
running the streets, having a
ball, um, that's how -- that's

119
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,718
running the streets, having a
ball, um, that's how -- that's
how my parents actually met my

120
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,587
ball, um, that's how -- that's
how my parents actually met my
biological family.

121
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,422
How my parents actually met my
biological family.
And my adopted mother,

122
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,424
biological family.
And my adopted mother,
yvonne cole, saw, you know, a

123
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,192
and my adopted mother,
yvonne cole, saw, you know, a
little twinkle in my eye.

124
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:49,394
Yvonne cole, saw, you know, a
little twinkle in my eye.
I grasped her attention, and she

125
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:51,396
little twinkle in my eye.
I grasped her attention, and she
couldn't resist it, you know?

126
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:54,132
I grasped her attention, and she
couldn't resist it, you know?
So -- so, she, um --

127
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,500
couldn't resist it, you know?
So -- so, she, um --
from my understanding, I would

128
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:56,902
so -- so, she, um --
from my understanding, I would
go over there on weekends, and

129
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,270
from my understanding, I would
go over there on weekends, and
she would keep me certain days

130
00:03:58,272 --> 00:03:59,838
go over there on weekends, and
she would keep me certain days
out of the week, and then it

131
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,573
she would keep me certain days
out of the week, and then it
turned to the week, and then, it

132
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,208
out of the week, and then it
turned to the week, and then, it
turned to a month, and then it

133
00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:05,444
turned to the week, and then, it
turned to a month, and then it
turned to, "okay. She needs to

134
00:04:05,446 --> 00:04:08,280
turned to a month, and then it
turned to, "okay. She needs to
stay here."

135
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:09,681
turned to, "okay. She needs to
stay here."
there wasn't nothing that you

136
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:11,216
stay here."
there wasn't nothing that you
could do to keep me away from my

137
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:11,717
there wasn't nothing that you
could do to keep me away from my
mother.

138
00:04:11,719 --> 00:04:15,187
Could do to keep me away from my
mother.
I always looked for her.

139
00:04:15,189 --> 00:04:16,755
Mother.
I always looked for her.
I found her any way that I

140
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:17,322
I always looked for her.
I found her any way that I
could.

141
00:04:17,324 --> 00:04:20,058
I found her any way that I
could.
So that was always a thing for

142
00:04:20,060 --> 00:04:22,327
could.
So that was always a thing for
me to do, and my sister.

143
00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:24,463
So that was always a thing for
me to do, and my sister.
Well, my sister neffeteria

144
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,431
me to do, and my sister.
Well, my sister neffeteria
couldn't stay away from her.

145
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:27,966
Well, my sister neffeteria
couldn't stay away from her.
There were certain family

146
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,768
couldn't stay away from her.
There were certain family
members that I saw, growing up,

147
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,570
there were certain family
members that I saw, growing up,
that we were able to be around

148
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,438
members that I saw, growing up,
that we were able to be around
each other and things like that.

149
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,741
That we were able to be around
each other and things like that.
So I wasn't completely, you

150
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:38,277
each other and things like that.
So I wasn't completely, you
know, unaware of my biological

151
00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:39,144
so I wasn't completely, you
know, unaware of my biological
family.

152
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:40,178
Know, unaware of my biological
family.
I definitely knew -- I

153
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,446
family.
I definitely knew -- I
definitely knew where I came

154
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,615
I definitely knew -- I
definitely knew where I came
from.

155
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,083
Definitely knew where I came
from.
No, I definitely do have a

156
00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:46,618
from.
No, I definitely do have a
relationship, yeah, with my

157
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,186
no, I definitely do have a
relationship, yeah, with my
adopted mother, still, yeah.

158
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,855
Relationship, yeah, with my
adopted mother, still, yeah.
Her husband, my father,

159
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,423
adopted mother, still, yeah.
Her husband, my father,
definitely was a loss.

160
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:53,325
Her husband, my father,
definitely was a loss.
Definitely, he's one of the

161
00:04:53,327 --> 00:04:54,960
definitely was a loss.
Definitely, he's one of the
[inhales deeply] dominant

162
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:56,295
definitely, he's one of the
[inhales deeply] dominant
teachers in my life.

163
00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,130
[inhales deeply] dominant
teachers in my life.
I mean, like, that instilled

164
00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:00,065
teachers in my life.
I mean, like, that instilled
so much into me, with religion

165
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,067
I mean, like, that instilled
so much into me, with religion
and -- and -- and you know, your

166
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:03,835
so much into me, with religion
and -- and -- and you know, your
morals and things like that,

167
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,671
and -- and -- and you know, your
morals and things like that,
that, you know, I wouldn't be

168
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,539
morals and things like that,
that, you know, I wouldn't be
who I am without him in my ear

169
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:08,840
that, you know, I wouldn't be
who I am without him in my ear
about those things.

170
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,677
Who I am without him in my ear
about those things.
[ indistinct shouting ]

171
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,045
about those things.
[ indistinct shouting ]
how I met mc hammer was

172
00:05:13,047 --> 00:05:14,746
[ indistinct shouting ]
how I met mc hammer was
definitely on the back of the

173
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:15,681
how I met mc hammer was
definitely on the back of the
cd, the tapes.

174
00:05:15,683 --> 00:05:17,149
Definitely on the back of the
cd, the tapes.
You know what I'm saying?

175
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,350
Cd, the tapes.
You know what I'm saying?
We'll look up there and then

176
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,618
you know what I'm saying?
We'll look up there and then
we'll see the number and then

177
00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:20,619
we'll look up there and then
we'll see the number and then
we'll see the address.

178
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:21,720
We'll see the number and then
we'll see the address.
You know what I'm saying?

179
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,155
We'll see the address.
You know what I'm saying?
And I said, "we need to just

180
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:24,589
you know what I'm saying?
And I said, "we need to just
go ahead and call his number

181
00:05:24,591 --> 00:05:26,091
and I said, "we need to just
go ahead and call his number
every day, because they got to

182
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:26,692
go ahead and call his number
every day, because they got to
pick up."

183
00:05:26,694 --> 00:05:27,626
every day, because they got to
pick up."
you know what I'm saying?

184
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:28,694
Pick up."
you know what I'm saying?
"some way, somehow, we gonna

185
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:29,161
you know what I'm saying?
"some way, somehow, we gonna
find him."

186
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:30,929
"some way, somehow, we gonna
find him."
and that's what happened.

187
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,764
Find him."
and that's what happened.
Actually, we looked up the

188
00:05:32,766 --> 00:05:34,466
and that's what happened.
Actually, we looked up the
number, and we did reach

189
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:35,367
actually, we looked up the
number, and we did reach
mc hammer.

190
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:37,302
Number, and we did reach
mc hammer.
And my brother, who's also a

191
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:38,837
mc hammer.
And my brother, who's also a
rapper and who actually was

192
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,572
and my brother, who's also a
rapper and who actually was
really close with tupac, it was

193
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,341
rapper and who actually was
really close with tupac, it was
just, like, no way that he could

194
00:05:42,343 --> 00:05:43,108
really close with tupac, it was
just, like, no way that he could
tell us no.

195
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,676
Just, like, no way that he could
tell us no.
Like, you know, so he ended up

196
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,579
tell us no.
Like, you know, so he ended up
talking to my brother, and he

197
00:05:47,581 --> 00:05:49,681
like, you know, so he ended up
talking to my brother, and he
took us down to fremont.

198
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,584
Talking to my brother, and he
took us down to fremont.
That's where mc hammer stayed.

199
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,786
Took us down to fremont.
That's where mc hammer stayed.
And I ran my mother phone bill

200
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,922
that's where mc hammer stayed.
And I ran my mother phone bill
up to like $1,500, got my ass

201
00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:58,290
and I ran my mother phone bill
up to like $1,500, got my ass
kicked, but it was well worth it

202
00:05:58,292 --> 00:05:59,124
up to like $1,500, got my ass
kicked, but it was well worth it
because here I am.

203
00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,225
Kicked, but it was well worth it
because here I am.
You know what I'm saying?

204
00:06:00,227 --> 00:06:01,293
Because here I am.
You know what I'm saying?
She got that money back.

205
00:06:01,295 --> 00:06:02,394
You know what I'm saying?
She got that money back.
You know what I'm saying?

206
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:03,829
She got that money back.
You know what I'm saying?
[ laughs ]

207
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,630
you know what I'm saying?
[ laughs ]
[ indistinct conversations ]

208
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:07,599
[ laughs ]
[ indistinct conversations ]
hammer was our way to get to

209
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:09,468
[ indistinct conversations ]
hammer was our way to get to
l.A., because he was, like,

210
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,436
hammer was our way to get to
l.A., because he was, like,
working with suge knight and

211
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,372
l.A., because he was, like,
working with suge knight and
death row and tupac and that

212
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,272
working with suge knight and
death row and tupac and that
whole bit.

213
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,074
Death row and tupac and that
whole bit.
And so, you know, we was -- we

214
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,976
whole bit.
And so, you know, we was -- we
were going down there with them.

215
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:20,078
And so, you know, we was -- we
were going down there with them.
And they missed they flight, but

216
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,880
were going down there with them.
And they missed they flight, but
we still got on our flight.

217
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,515
And they missed they flight, but
we still got on our flight.
We caught the bus to the

218
00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,550
we still got on our flight.
We caught the bus to the
airport, me and amina, and flew

219
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,519
we caught the bus to the
airport, me and amina, and flew
to l.A. By ourselves, the last

220
00:06:27,521 --> 00:06:28,420
airport, me and amina, and flew
to l.A. By ourselves, the last
flight out.

221
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:29,688
To l.A. By ourselves, the last
flight out.
[ chuckling ] we get on the

222
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:30,155
flight out.
[ chuckling ] we get on the
flight.

223
00:06:30,157 --> 00:06:33,158
[ chuckling ] we get on the
flight.
And the airport was closing,

224
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,060
flight.
And the airport was closing,
so nobody was there with us --

225
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,595
and the airport was closing,
so nobody was there with us --
no mc hammer, no uncle.

226
00:06:36,597 --> 00:06:39,064
So nobody was there with us --
no mc hammer, no uncle.
We were how old?

227
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,799
No mc hammer, no uncle.
We were how old?
13 or 14?

228
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,834
We were how old?
13 or 14?
By ourselves, in l.A.,

229
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,369
13 or 14?
By ourselves, in l.A.,
with no adult.

230
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:45,637
By ourselves, in l.A.,
with no adult.
But we made it.

231
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,672
With no adult.
But we made it.
And that was the beginning

232
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:50,976
but we made it.
And that was the beginning
of, like, everything that, like,

233
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,177
and that was the beginning
of, like, everything that, like,
meant everything to us

234
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,512
of, like, everything that, like,
meant everything to us
[chuckles] at that young age.

235
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:56,481
Meant everything to us
[chuckles] at that young age.
You know what I mean?

236
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:59,818
[chuckles] at that young age.
You know what I mean?
Actually, when we took that

237
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:03,855
you know what I mean?
Actually, when we took that
flight to l.A., [sighs] we

238
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,424
actually, when we took that
flight to l.A., [sighs] we
called k&m studio, 'cause that's

239
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:06,591
flight to l.A., [sighs] we
called k&m studio, 'cause that's
where they used to be.

240
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:07,225
Called k&m studio, 'cause that's
where they used to be.
[ laughs ]

241
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:08,860
where they used to be.
[ laughs ]
so we knew that for sure, that

242
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,462
[ laughs ]
so we knew that for sure, that
they used to be at k&m studio.

243
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:11,596
So we knew that for sure, that
they used to be at k&m studio.
And we called and called and

244
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:12,631
they used to be at k&m studio.
And we called and called and
called, and tupac was the

245
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:13,799
and we called and called and
called, and tupac was the
only one in there that night.

246
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:14,866
Called, and tupac was the
only one in there that night.
And they like, "we in the

247
00:07:14,868 --> 00:07:16,201
only one in there that night.
And they like, "we in the
studio -- he in the studio here.

248
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,402
And they like, "we in the
studio -- he in the studio here.
He ain't accepting no calls."

249
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:18,570
studio -- he in the studio here.
He ain't accepting no calls."
and we like, "well, we only

250
00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:19,704
he ain't accepting no calls."
and we like, "well, we only
14 years old, and we at the

251
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:20,172
and we like, "well, we only
14 years old, and we at the
airport.

252
00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:21,339
14 years old, and we at the
airport.
You talkin' about I'm on the

253
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:21,706
airport.
You talkin' about I'm on the
phone.

254
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:22,774
You talkin' about I'm on the
phone.
He tell everybody he love

255
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:23,275
phone.
He tell everybody he love
the kids.

256
00:07:23,277 --> 00:07:24,309
He tell everybody he love
the kids.
He got to pick up for us.

257
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:25,544
The kids.
He got to pick up for us.
How he gonna love the kid, and

258
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:26,545
he got to pick up for us.
How he gonna love the kid, and
he gonna leave us at the

259
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:27,612
how he gonna love the kid, and
he gonna leave us at the
airport all by ourselves?

260
00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:29,181
He gonna leave us at the
airport all by ourselves?
Is he real, or what's up?"

261
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:30,715
airport all by ourselves?
Is he real, or what's up?"
you know what I'm saying?

262
00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:32,417
Is he real, or what's up?"
you know what I'm saying?
Like, he can't be faking it.

263
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:35,754
You know what I'm saying?
Like, he can't be faking it.
And they end up picking us up.

264
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,322
Like, he can't be faking it.
And they end up picking us up.
And we end up going straight to

265
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,089
and they end up picking us up.
And we end up going straight to
suge's house.

266
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,591
And we end up going straight to
suge's house.
And then I remember seeing pac

267
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,059
suge's house.
And then I remember seeing pac
at the studio, maybe a couple

268
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:41,760
and then I remember seeing pac
at the studio, maybe a couple
days later.

269
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,495
At the studio, maybe a couple
days later.
And he was like, "how y'all

270
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,363
days later.
And he was like, "how y'all
little asses get on that plane

271
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,331
and he was like, "how y'all
little asses get on that plane
by yourself?"

272
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,532
little asses get on that plane
by yourself?"
it was like, "that's not right.

273
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:48,667
By yourself?"
it was like, "that's not right.
We told you we was trying to

274
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:49,868
it was like, "that's not right.
We told you we was trying to
get -- you wouldn't pick up the

275
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:50,268
we told you we was trying to
get -- you wouldn't pick up the
phone."

276
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:52,003
get -- you wouldn't pick up the
phone."
he was like, "bro, like, how do

277
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,672
phone."
he was like, "bro, like, how do
you think -- you know what I'm

278
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,407
he was like, "bro, like, how do
you think -- you know what I'm
saying? -- You were able to get

279
00:07:55,409 --> 00:07:56,608
you think -- you know what I'm
saying? -- You were able to get
a ride and you safe?

280
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,143
Saying? -- You were able to get
a ride and you safe?
I made sure y'all was safe.

281
00:07:58,145 --> 00:07:58,910
A ride and you safe?
I made sure y'all was safe.
I was working.

282
00:07:58,912 --> 00:07:59,978
I made sure y'all was safe.
I was working.
I was in the studio."

283
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,213
I was working.
I was in the studio."
you know what I'm saying?

284
00:08:01,215 --> 00:08:02,447
I was in the studio."
you know what I'm saying?
Like, soon as that, like,

285
00:08:02,449 --> 00:08:03,748
you know what I'm saying?
Like, soon as that, like,
happened, I think we kinda,

286
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:05,150
like, soon as that, like,
happened, I think we kinda,
like, bonded over that, 'cause

287
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:06,451
happened, I think we kinda,
like, bonded over that, 'cause
he was probably like, "this

288
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:07,552
like, bonded over that, 'cause
he was probably like, "this
little [bleep] great."

289
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:09,154
he was probably like, "this
little [bleep] great."
you know what I'm saying?

290
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:09,955
Little [bleep] great."
you know what I'm saying?
[ laughs ]

291
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:12,224
you know what I'm saying?
[ laughs ]
but it was the most awesome

292
00:08:12,226 --> 00:08:17,128
[ laughs ]
but it was the most awesome
experiences of that time period.

293
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,531
But it was the most awesome
experiences of that time period.
My brother and pac were really

294
00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:19,965
experiences of that time period.
My brother and pac were really
close.

295
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,366
My brother and pac were really
close.
Like, he was one of the outlaws,

296
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,667
close.
Like, he was one of the outlaws,
and hammer was like my uncle.

297
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,835
Like, he was one of the outlaws,
and hammer was like my uncle.
You know what I'm saying?

298
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,670
And hammer was like my uncle.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, that was just, like, we

299
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:27,472
you know what I'm saying?
Like, that was just, like, we
were around and staying in a

300
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:29,374
like, that was just, like, we
were around and staying in a
hotel and, like, just going to

301
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,376
were around and staying in a
hotel and, like, just going to
see, you know, them at the video

302
00:08:31,378 --> 00:08:33,111
hotel and, like, just going to
see, you know, them at the video
shoot, something like that.

303
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:34,779
See, you know, them at the video
shoot, something like that.
But my brother was really with

304
00:08:34,781 --> 00:08:36,448
shoot, something like that.
But my brother was really with
hammer and pac and all of them.

305
00:08:36,450 --> 00:08:37,682
But my brother was really with
hammer and pac and all of them.
You know what I mean?

306
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,451
Hammer and pac and all of them.
You know what I mean?
Like, we were just little badass

307
00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:40,619
you know what I mean?
Like, we were just little badass
kids running around.

308
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,053
Like, we were just little badass
kids running around.
You know, and it'd be pac in one

309
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,421
kids running around.
You know, and it'd be pac in one
room, or it would be dogg pound

310
00:08:43,423 --> 00:08:44,723
you know, and it'd be pac in one
room, or it would be dogg pound
in another room, jewell would

311
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:45,390
room, or it would be dogg pound
in another room, jewell would
be in there.

312
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:46,525
In another room, jewell would
be in there.
You know what I'm saying?

313
00:08:46,527 --> 00:08:47,759
Be in there.
You know what I'm saying?
And we'd just be hella bad.

314
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,160
You know what I'm saying?
And we'd just be hella bad.
You know what I'm saying?

315
00:08:49,162 --> 00:08:50,662
And we'd just be hella bad.
You know what I'm saying?
Just straight from oakland,

316
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,264
you know what I'm saying?
Just straight from oakland,
riding with all the big dogs.

317
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:53,665
Just straight from oakland,
riding with all the big dogs.
It wasn't -- it wasn't abnormal.

318
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:54,900
Riding with all the big dogs.
It wasn't -- it wasn't abnormal.
It was just like -- you know

319
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:55,700
it wasn't -- it wasn't abnormal.
It was just like -- you know
what I'm saying?

320
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:56,735
It was just like -- you know
what I'm saying?
It was just like we fit

321
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:57,269
what I'm saying?
It was just like we fit
right in.

322
00:08:57,271 --> 00:08:58,537
It was just like we fit
right in.
Never moved, never moved.

323
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:00,105
Right in.
Never moved, never moved.
We was just there with, like, my

324
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:01,039
never moved, never moved.
We was just there with, like, my
brother and them.

325
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,440
We was just there with, like, my
brother and them.
We stayed for, like, a month

326
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:03,842
brother and them.
We stayed for, like, a month
or so -- like, a month and a

327
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:04,509
we stayed for, like, a month
or so -- like, a month and a
half or so.

328
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:05,243
Or so -- like, a month and a
half or so.
Like, you know?

329
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:07,379
Half or so.
Like, you know?
And then we went back, and then,

330
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:08,547
like, you know?
And then we went back, and then,
um, a lot of...

331
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:10,615
And then we went back, and then,
um, a lot of...
What happened that we had to go

332
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:11,182
um, a lot of...
What happened that we had to go
back?

333
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:14,252
What happened that we had to go
back?
I think that's when pac, I want

334
00:09:14,254 --> 00:09:15,987
back?
I think that's when pac, I want
to say, got shot, because we

335
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,722
I think that's when pac, I want
to say, got shot, because we
went -- we were all, like, in

336
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,391
to say, got shot, because we
went -- we were all, like, in
the car, going to vegas with

337
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:19,891
went -- we were all, like, in
the car, going to vegas with
them.

338
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,092
The car, going to vegas with
them.
And that was, like, the last

339
00:09:21,094 --> 00:09:24,829
them.
And that was, like, the last
time that I seen pac.

340
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:27,098
And that was, like, the last
time that I seen pac.
Like, I mean, just the best

341
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,200
time that I seen pac.
Like, I mean, just the best
person that I -- I mean, like,

342
00:09:29,202 --> 00:09:31,403
like, I mean, just the best
person that I -- I mean, like,
to me, you know, like, just

343
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,804
person that I -- I mean, like,
to me, you know, like, just
even all the crap that he used

344
00:09:32,806 --> 00:09:34,306
to me, you know, like, just
even all the crap that he used
to talk and just -- he still had

345
00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:35,340
even all the crap that he used
to talk and just -- he still had
a great heart, to me.

346
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:36,541
To talk and just -- he still had
a great heart, to me.
You know what I'm saying?

347
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:37,842
A great heart, to me.
You know what I'm saying?
And he still -- he still

348
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:38,877
you know what I'm saying?
And he still -- he still
looked out for us.

349
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,345
And he still -- he still
looked out for us.
You know, he still made sure

350
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:41,913
looked out for us.
You know, he still made sure
that we understood that he was

351
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,515
you know, he still made sure
that we understood that he was
there and he understood that we

352
00:09:43,517 --> 00:09:45,050
that we understood that he was
there and he understood that we
was kids and we didn't need to

353
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,651
there and he understood that we
was kids and we didn't need to
be in that kind of environment.

354
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:48,520
Was kids and we didn't need to
be in that kind of environment.
Made sure we didn't, like, sing

355
00:09:48,522 --> 00:09:49,688
be in that kind of environment.
Made sure we didn't, like, sing
and rap about it.

356
00:09:49,690 --> 00:09:50,789
Made sure we didn't, like, sing
and rap about it.
Like, we were singing and

357
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:51,656
and rap about it.
Like, we were singing and
rapping about weed.

358
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:52,824
Like, we were singing and
rapping about weed.
And, "no, y'all not singing

359
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:53,525
rapping about weed.
And, "no, y'all not singing
that [bleep]."

360
00:09:53,527 --> 00:09:54,526
and, "no, y'all not singing
that [bleep]."
like, "y'all get out.

361
00:09:54,528 --> 00:09:55,827
That [bleep]."
like, "y'all get out.
Go sing about some flowers or

362
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:56,328
like, "y'all get out.
Go sing about some flowers or
some..."

363
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:57,495
go sing about some flowers or
some..."
you know what I'm saying?

364
00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:58,863
Some..."
you know what I'm saying?
About something like that.

365
00:09:58,865 --> 00:10:00,065
You know what I'm saying?
About something like that.
Like, "y'all, like..."

366
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,600
about something like that.
Like, "y'all, like..."
so I loved the fact that I was

367
00:10:01,602 --> 00:10:03,068
like, "y'all, like..."
so I loved the fact that I was
able to meet him, because it

368
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,436
so I loved the fact that I was
able to meet him, because it
did -- it made me believe,

369
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,571
able to meet him, because it
did -- it made me believe,
you know, that I really actually

370
00:10:06,573 --> 00:10:07,872
did -- it made me believe,
you know, that I really actually
was gonna make it.

371
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,941
You know, that I really actually
was gonna make it.
But it was unfortunate that the

372
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,077
was gonna make it.
But it was unfortunate that the
way he told me made me feel like

373
00:10:12,079 --> 00:10:13,078
but it was unfortunate that the
way he told me made me feel like
he knew -- you know what I'm

374
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,145
way he told me made me feel like
he knew -- you know what I'm
saying? -- That he was leaving

375
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:14,646
he knew -- you know what I'm
saying? -- That he was leaving
that night.

376
00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:17,849
Saying? -- That he was leaving
that night.
♪

377
00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,284
that night.
♪
I definitely thought that,

378
00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,852
♪
I definitely thought that,
you know, the way he said it,

379
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,454
I definitely thought that,
you know, the way he said it,
like, "don't worry, everything

380
00:10:22,456 --> 00:10:23,622
you know, the way he said it,
like, "don't worry, everything
is gonna be alright.

381
00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:24,990
Like, "don't worry, everything
is gonna be alright.
You gonna be a huge star.

382
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:26,424
Is gonna be alright.
You gonna be a huge star.
And you know, people are gonna

383
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:27,959
you gonna be a huge star.
And you know, people are gonna
want to hurt you with -- because

384
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:28,860
and you know, people are gonna
want to hurt you with -- because
you're beautiful.

385
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,528
Want to hurt you with -- because
you're beautiful.
But, you know, just read, read,

386
00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:31,529
you're beautiful.
But, you know, just read, read,
read your books.

387
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,164
But, you know, just read, read,
read your books.
You know, they can't take that

388
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,099
read your books.
You know, they can't take that
away from you."

389
00:10:34,101 --> 00:10:35,367
you know, they can't take that
away from you."
and I was like, "what in the

390
00:10:35,369 --> 00:10:35,767
away from you."
and I was like, "what in the
hell?"

391
00:10:35,769 --> 00:10:36,901
and I was like, "what in the
hell?"
you know what I'm saying?

392
00:10:36,903 --> 00:10:37,902
Hell?"
you know what I'm saying?
Like, he all, like...

393
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:39,371
You know what I'm saying?
Like, he all, like...
I'm like, "what is you talking

394
00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:40,905
like, he all, like...
I'm like, "what is you talking
like you ain't -- you know what

395
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:42,440
I'm like, "what is you talking
like you ain't -- you know what
I'm saying? -- Like this is the

396
00:10:42,442 --> 00:10:43,708
like you ain't -- you know what
I'm saying? -- Like this is the
last time I'mma see you?"

397
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:44,676
I'm saying? -- Like this is the
last time I'mma see you?"
and he just...

398
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,511
Last time I'mma see you?"
and he just...
I don't know, just that's what I

399
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,279
and he just...
I don't know, just that's what I
remember, and how it went down

400
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,280
I don't know, just that's what I
remember, and how it went down
and everything.

401
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:50,849
Remember, and how it went down
and everything.
And it made me just always keep

402
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:52,384
and everything.
And it made me just always keep
in my mind and, like, keep the

403
00:10:52,386 --> 00:10:52,884
and it made me just always keep
in my mind and, like, keep the
faith.

404
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:54,185
In my mind and, like, keep the
faith.
You know what I'm saying?

405
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:55,687
Faith.
You know what I'm saying?
No matter what happens, like,

406
00:10:55,689 --> 00:10:56,855
you know what I'm saying?
No matter what happens, like,
I know god is with me.

407
00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,390
No matter what happens, like,
I know god is with me.
And I know that, like, I'mma

408
00:10:58,392 --> 00:10:59,424
I know god is with me.
And I know that, like, I'mma
survive whatever.

409
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:00,625
And I know that, like, I'mma
survive whatever.
You know what I mean?

410
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:03,294
Survive whatever.
You know what I mean?
♪

411
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:05,563
you know what I mean?
♪
my brother and my best friend,

412
00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,799
♪
my brother and my best friend,
amina, her brothers, they were

413
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,135
my brother and my best friend,
amina, her brothers, they were
both in separate groups, right?

414
00:11:10,137 --> 00:11:11,670
Amina, her brothers, they were
both in separate groups, right?
And so we decided to form our

415
00:11:11,672 --> 00:11:12,370
both in separate groups, right?
And so we decided to form our
own group.

416
00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,039
And so we decided to form our
own group.
Amina told me, "you gonna be the

417
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:14,639
own group.
Amina told me, "you gonna be the
singer."

418
00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:16,307
amina told me, "you gonna be the
singer."
and I was like, "I want to rap."

419
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:17,175
singer."
and I was like, "I want to rap."
you know what I'm saying?

420
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:17,942
And I was like, "I want to rap."
you know what I'm saying?
Like, "I'm a rapper."

421
00:11:17,944 --> 00:11:19,210
you know what I'm saying?
Like, "I'm a rapper."
and she was like, "no, you're

422
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:19,811
like, "I'm a rapper."
and she was like, "no, you're
the singer.

423
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:20,578
And she was like, "no, you're
the singer.
I'm the rapper."

424
00:11:20,580 --> 00:11:21,346
the singer.
I'm the rapper."
right? [ laughs ]

425
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,514
I'm the rapper."
right? [ laughs ]
and I'm like, "okay, well, I

426
00:11:22,516 --> 00:11:23,448
right? [ laughs ]
and I'm like, "okay, well, I
like to rap, though."

427
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:24,516
and I'm like, "okay, well, I
like to rap, though."
you know what I'm saying?

428
00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,117
Like to rap, though."
you know what I'm saying?
Like, that's how it actually

429
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,719
you know what I'm saying?
Like, that's how it actually
started, was, like, rapping.

430
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,454
Like, that's how it actually
started, was, like, rapping.
And we created a group together

431
00:11:29,456 --> 00:11:31,222
started, was, like, rapping.
And we created a group together
and then ended up -- I ended up

432
00:11:31,224 --> 00:11:32,190
and we created a group together
and then ended up -- I ended up
being a singer.

433
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,059
And then ended up -- I ended up
being a singer.
Yeah, it just started like that.

434
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,760
Being a singer.
Yeah, it just started like that.
And I ended up finding a love

435
00:11:35,762 --> 00:11:37,095
yeah, it just started like that.
And I ended up finding a love
for it and writing and

436
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:38,963
and I ended up finding a love
for it and writing and
expressing the things that I was

437
00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,465
for it and writing and
expressing the things that I was
seeing from time to time.

438
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:41,800
Expressing the things that I was
seeing from time to time.
And meeting all these different

439
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,201
seeing from time to time.
And meeting all these different
people and everything, that kind

440
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,536
and meeting all these different
people and everything, that kind
of, like, I was starting making

441
00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:45,904
people and everything, that kind
of, like, I was starting making
money off of it -- you know what

442
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:47,172
of, like, I was starting making
money off of it -- you know what
I'm saying? -- Like, before I

443
00:11:47,174 --> 00:11:48,006
money off of it -- you know what
I'm saying? -- Like, before I
even came to l.A.

444
00:11:48,008 --> 00:11:50,709
I'm saying? -- Like, before I
even came to l.A.
So I think I found a love

445
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:51,342
even came to l.A.
So I think I found a love
for it, more so than anything.

446
00:11:53,979 --> 00:12:02,153
♪
>> cole: When I came straight
from oakland, it was still

447
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:05,423
>> cole: When I came straight
from oakland, it was still
in me -- you know, disrespect

448
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,125
from oakland, it was still
in me -- you know, disrespect
things that would happen,

449
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:09,894
in me -- you know, disrespect
things that would happen,
how we handled it from the hood.

450
00:12:09,896 --> 00:12:11,396
Things that would happen,
how we handled it from the hood.
It was like, "oh, okay, yeah,

451
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:12,564
how we handled it from the hood.
It was like, "oh, okay, yeah,
yeah, we just fight."

452
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:14,766
it was like, "oh, okay, yeah,
yeah, we just fight."
it took a long time to learn

453
00:12:14,768 --> 00:12:17,569
yeah, we just fight."
it took a long time to learn
to not put my hand on people.

454
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:18,703
It took a long time to learn
to not put my hand on people.
You know what I'm saying?

455
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:20,004
To not put my hand on people.
You know what I'm saying?
It was a thing that happened

456
00:12:20,006 --> 00:12:21,272
you know what I'm saying?
It was a thing that happened
with eve that, you know, we

457
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,640
it was a thing that happened
with eve that, you know, we
walking down, somebody grabbed

458
00:12:22,642 --> 00:12:24,342
with eve that, you know, we
walking down, somebody grabbed
her bag or something like that,

459
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,777
walking down, somebody grabbed
her bag or something like that,
and you know, I just kinda

460
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:26,845
her bag or something like that,
and you know, I just kinda
turned around and slapped

461
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:27,345
and you know, I just kinda
turned around and slapped
the girl.

462
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:28,513
Turned around and slapped
the girl.
It was like, "girl, what is

463
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:29,080
the girl.
It was like, "girl, what is
you doing?"

464
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:29,814
it was like, "girl, what is
you doing?"
like, "period."

465
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:30,915
you doing?"
like, "period."
like, "back up," you know?

466
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,717
Like, "period."
like, "back up," you know?
And eve was really pissed off

467
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:33,585
like, "back up," you know?
And eve was really pissed off
about that.

468
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,386
And eve was really pissed off
about that.
Like, we stopped hanging out.

469
00:12:35,388 --> 00:12:36,721
About that.
Like, we stopped hanging out.
Like, she was like, "I can't

470
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:37,655
like, we stopped hanging out.
Like, she was like, "I can't
handle it, keyshia.

471
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:38,957
Like, she was like, "I can't
handle it, keyshia.
Like, she can't be slapping

472
00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:39,457
handle it, keyshia.
Like, she can't be slapping
people."

473
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:40,391
like, she can't be slapping
people."
I was like, "wait.

474
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:41,693
People."
I was like, "wait.
I slapped somebody for you.

475
00:12:41,695 --> 00:12:42,961
I was like, "wait.
I slapped somebody for you.
What the [bleep] is this?"

476
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,329
I slapped somebody for you.
What the [bleep] is this?"
but then it taught me a lot,

477
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:45,663
what the [bleep] is this?"
but then it taught me a lot,
too, later, too, because,

478
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:47,165
but then it taught me a lot,
too, later, too, because,
you know, even being who I am

479
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:47,832
too, later, too, because,
you know, even being who I am
today.

480
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,868
You know, even being who I am
today.
'cause she gets through, too.

481
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:51,636
Today.
'cause she gets through, too.
You know what I'm saying?

482
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:53,571
'cause she gets through, too.
You know what I'm saying?
Me being a part of her crew,

483
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:54,539
you know what I'm saying?
Me being a part of her crew,
walking out the club.

484
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:55,940
Me being a part of her crew,
walking out the club.
But I just -- you know, I should

485
00:12:55,942 --> 00:12:57,142
walking out the club.
But I just -- you know, I should
have left that to security.

486
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:58,376
But I just -- you know, I should
have left that to security.
Somebody gets paid for that.

487
00:12:58,378 --> 00:12:58,877
Have left that to security.
Somebody gets paid for that.
You know what I mean?

488
00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:08,019
♪
>> cole: You know, I think,
really, meeting tupac and

489
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:10,855
>> cole: You know, I think,
really, meeting tupac and
suge knight and the dogg pound

490
00:13:10,857 --> 00:13:13,158
really, meeting tupac and
suge knight and the dogg pound
and snoop dogg and jewell,

491
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:15,393
suge knight and the dogg pound
and snoop dogg and jewell,
michel'le, all these, like,

492
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:17,395
and snoop dogg and jewell,
michel'le, all these, like,
top-tier artists at that time --

493
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,264
michel'le, all these, like,
top-tier artists at that time --
like, they were all at the top

494
00:13:19,266 --> 00:13:21,032
top-tier artists at that time --
like, they were all at the top
of they game at that time --

495
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:24,903
like, they were all at the top
of they game at that time --
I think it just prompted me to

496
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:27,005
of they game at that time --
I think it just prompted me to
just -- was accustom-- I'm...

497
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,139
I think it just prompted me to
just -- was accustom-- I'm...
Like, at that point, I was

498
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,240
just -- was accustom-- I'm...
Like, at that point, I was
kind of accustomed to it.

499
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,042
Like, at that point, I was
kind of accustomed to it.
Like, you know, like, this is my

500
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,610
kind of accustomed to it.
Like, you know, like, this is my
lifestyle, this is what I'm

501
00:13:32,612 --> 00:13:34,379
like, you know, like, this is my
lifestyle, this is what I'm
setting out to be, this is what

502
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,147
lifestyle, this is what I'm
setting out to be, this is what
I deserve, this is what I want.

503
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,682
Setting out to be, this is what
I deserve, this is what I want.
Like, and I just didn't stop

504
00:13:37,684 --> 00:13:38,817
I deserve, this is what I want.
Like, and I just didn't stop
until that happened.

505
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,185
Like, and I just didn't stop
until that happened.
And it was a lot of ups and

506
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:41,486
until that happened.
And it was a lot of ups and
downs when I came to l.A.,

507
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,854
and it was a lot of ups and
downs when I came to l.A.,
because I just packed up my

508
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,222
downs when I came to l.A.,
because I just packed up my
trash bag and put it in the

509
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:44,689
because I just packed up my
trash bag and put it in the
trunk.

510
00:13:44,691 --> 00:13:45,990
Trash bag and put it in the
trunk.
But, you know, I had to go to --

511
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,192
trunk.
But, you know, I had to go to --
only thing I knew was sunset.

512
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:48,226
But, you know, I had to go to --
only thing I knew was sunset.
You know what I'm saying?

513
00:13:48,228 --> 00:13:50,762
Only thing I knew was sunset.
You know what I'm saying?
So I pulled up in one of these

514
00:13:50,764 --> 00:13:53,097
you know what I'm saying?
So I pulled up in one of these
hotels on sunset, and $50 a

515
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:54,265
so I pulled up in one of these
hotels on sunset, and $50 a
night here.

516
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:56,067
Hotels on sunset, and $50 a
night here.
And got them pornos going on.

517
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:57,669
Night here.
And got them pornos going on.
You know what I'm saying?

518
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:58,670
And got them pornos going on.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm by myself.

519
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,171
You know what I'm saying?
I'm by myself.
I'm a female by myself.

520
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:00,872
I'm by myself.
I'm a female by myself.
I'm in the room.

521
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:02,140
I'm a female by myself.
I'm in the room.
I ain't coming out until morning

522
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:02,607
I'm in the room.
I ain't coming out until morning
time hit.

523
00:14:02,609 --> 00:14:03,608
I ain't coming out until morning
time hit.
You know what I'm saying?

524
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:04,976
Time hit.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, once I go in that room for

525
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,144
you know what I'm saying?
Like, once I go in that room for
$50, it's, like -- 'cause I

526
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:07,512
like, once I go in that room for
$50, it's, like -- 'cause I
wasn't gonna go back to oakland.

527
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,080
$50, it's, like -- 'cause I
wasn't gonna go back to oakland.
It was, like, I had to get a

528
00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:10,715
wasn't gonna go back to oakland.
It was, like, I had to get a
room that I could prolong the

529
00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:12,350
it was, like, I had to get a
room that I could prolong the
money that I had, so it would

530
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,985
room that I could prolong the
money that I had, so it would
last so I wouldn't have to go

531
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:14,452
money that I had, so it would
last so I wouldn't have to go
back.

532
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:15,553
Last so I wouldn't have to go
back.
'cause, you know, where are all

533
00:14:15,555 --> 00:14:16,287
back.
'cause, you know, where are all
these other people?

534
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:17,388
'cause, you know, where are all
these other people?
I'm trying to get in touch with

535
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,523
these other people?
I'm trying to get in touch with
these people from death row, and

536
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:19,490
I'm trying to get in touch with
these people from death row, and
nobody didn't give a damn.

537
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:20,291
These people from death row, and
nobody didn't give a damn.
They was like, "girl,

538
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:20,792
nobody didn't give a damn.
They was like, "girl,
who are you?

539
00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:21,659
They was like, "girl,
who are you?
'cause we don't know you

540
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:22,060
who are you?
'cause we don't know you
anymore.

541
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,361
'cause we don't know you
anymore.
You know what I'm saying?

542
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:24,162
Anymore.
You know what I'm saying?
Suge is gone.

543
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:25,597
You know what I'm saying?
Suge is gone.
We don't like you."

544
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:27,098
suge is gone.
We don't like you."
no, it was, like...

545
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,300
We don't like you."
no, it was, like...
You know, so, it just changed.

546
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,835
No, it was, like...
You know, so, it just changed.
It wasn't the same, and so I

547
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:32,337
you know, so, it just changed.
It wasn't the same, and so I
just tried to make it work.

548
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:33,605
It wasn't the same, and so I
just tried to make it work.
But, thankfully, I met

549
00:14:33,607 --> 00:14:34,973
just tried to make it work.
But, thankfully, I met
meagan good.

550
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:40,078
But, thankfully, I met
meagan good.
That gave me a foundation

551
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,946
meagan good.
That gave me a foundation
to be able to build on, where I

552
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:43,615
that gave me a foundation
to be able to build on, where I
could go into the studio and

553
00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:45,049
to be able to build on, where I
could go into the studio and
I can write, where I met

554
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:46,384
could go into the studio and
I can write, where I met
kanye west, who actually

555
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:47,652
I can write, where I met
kanye west, who actually
produced my first song

556
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:51,522
kanye west, who actually
produced my first song
on my first album.

557
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:53,024
Produced my first song
on my first album.
It was, like, a bunch of key

558
00:14:53,026 --> 00:14:53,558
on my first album.
It was, like, a bunch of key
people.

559
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,126
It was, like, a bunch of key
people.
Very much a lot of networking.

560
00:14:55,128 --> 00:14:56,494
People.
Very much a lot of networking.
You know what I'm saying?

561
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,862
Very much a lot of networking.
You know what I'm saying?
And just getting off in them

562
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,197
you know what I'm saying?
And just getting off in them
streets and meeting people.

563
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,032
And just getting off in them
streets and meeting people.
And I was celibate for about a

564
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,001
streets and meeting people.
And I was celibate for about a
year when I came to l.A., 'cause

565
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:03,835
and I was celibate for about a
year when I came to l.A., 'cause
I didn't know nobody.

566
00:15:03,837 --> 00:15:05,503
Year when I came to l.A., 'cause
I didn't know nobody.
And I wanted to make sure that

567
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,673
I didn't know nobody.
And I wanted to make sure that
I was getting my job done and

568
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,308
and I wanted to make sure that
I was getting my job done and
what I needed to accomplish

569
00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:11,175
I was getting my job done and
what I needed to accomplish
here in l.A.

570
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,243
What I needed to accomplish
here in l.A.
And I met a lot of people.

571
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:13,444
Here in l.A.
And I met a lot of people.
Then, I hooked back up with the

572
00:15:13,446 --> 00:15:14,479
and I met a lot of people.
Then, I hooked back up with the
outlaws, and that's how I

573
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,681
then, I hooked back up with the
outlaws, and that's how I
actually met meagan, because

574
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,283
outlaws, and that's how I
actually met meagan, because
my boy was dating one of the

575
00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:20,084
actually met meagan, because
my boy was dating one of the
girls that was in the group with

576
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:20,919
my boy was dating one of the
girls that was in the group with
meagan's sister.

577
00:15:20,921 --> 00:15:22,320
Girls that was in the group with
meagan's sister.
And me and meagan ended up

578
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,154
meagan's sister.
And me and meagan ended up
getting cool.

579
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,689
And me and meagan ended up
getting cool.
Then, I met khloé kardashian.

580
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,391
Getting cool.
Then, I met khloé kardashian.
And we were all hanging out and

581
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:27,158
then, I met khloé kardashian.
And we were all hanging out and
everything.

582
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,093
And we were all hanging out and
everything.
And then that's where I met

583
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:29,928
everything.
And then that's where I met
ron fair.

584
00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:32,096
And then that's where I met
ron fair.
And then, you know, I wrote the

585
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:33,965
ron fair.
And then, you know, I wrote the
song "love" that happened.

586
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,700
And then, you know, I wrote the
song "love" that happened.
Thank god I wrote that song

587
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,502
song "love" that happened.
Thank god I wrote that song
by myself, sitting in the

588
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,537
thank god I wrote that song
by myself, sitting in the
corner, at a house party with

589
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,372
by myself, sitting in the
corner, at a house party with
these rich kids in malibu.

590
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,206
Corner, at a house party with
these rich kids in malibu.
You know what I'm saying?

591
00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:43,041
These rich kids in malibu.
You know what I'm saying?
[ speaking indistinctly ]

592
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:43,808
you know what I'm saying?
[ speaking indistinctly ]
[ chuckling ] you know?

593
00:15:43,810 --> 00:15:45,476
[ speaking indistinctly ]
[ chuckling ] you know?
And when I met ron, he said,

594
00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,278
[ chuckling ] you know?
And when I met ron, he said,
"you know, I'mma make sure you

595
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:48,146
and when I met ron, he said,
"you know, I'mma make sure you
get signed."

596
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:50,014
"you know, I'mma make sure you
get signed."
and I was like, "yeah, come on."

597
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:51,916
get signed."
and I was like, "yeah, come on."
he was like, "no, I'mma take you

598
00:15:51,918 --> 00:15:53,785
and I was like, "yeah, come on."
he was like, "no, I'mma take you
to jimmy iovine, and we're gonna

599
00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,119
he was like, "no, I'mma take you
to jimmy iovine, and we're gonna
sign you, I promise."

600
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,287
to jimmy iovine, and we're gonna
sign you, I promise."
and I said, "pinkie-swear

601
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:56,788
sign you, I promise."
and I said, "pinkie-swear
promise.

602
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:57,889
And I said, "pinkie-swear
promise.
You can't take it back.

603
00:15:57,891 --> 00:15:59,123
Promise.
You can't take it back.
You know, [bleep], I ain't going

604
00:15:59,125 --> 00:15:59,857
you can't take it back.
You know, [bleep], I ain't going
back to oakland.

605
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:00,825
You know, [bleep], I ain't going
back to oakland.
You can't send me back."

606
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:02,427
back to oakland.
You can't send me back."
and he's like, "I promise."

607
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:03,962
you can't send me back."
and he's like, "I promise."
so, yeah, jimmy signed me.

608
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:06,497
And he's like, "I promise."
so, yeah, jimmy signed me.
Jimmy actually gave ron

609
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,232
so, yeah, jimmy signed me.
Jimmy actually gave ron
the right-of-way to be able to

610
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:08,967
jimmy actually gave ron
the right-of-way to be able to
do that.

611
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,169
The right-of-way to be able to
do that.
And -- whoo -- lot of money,

612
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,403
do that.
And -- whoo -- lot of money,
lot of money.

613
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,205
And -- whoo -- lot of money,
lot of money.
[ laughing ] you know?

614
00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,140
Lot of money.
[ laughing ] you know?
$6 million later, you know, the

615
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,508
[ laughing ] you know?
$6 million later, you know, the
first album was out.

616
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,110
$6 million later, you know, the
first album was out.
We was shooting the reality

617
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,578
first album was out.
We was shooting the reality
show, we was shooting the

618
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:21,179
we was shooting the reality
show, we was shooting the
videos.

619
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,214
Show, we was shooting the
videos.
No, I put in work there, too.

620
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:24,716
Videos.
No, I put in work there, too.
I had to go up in jimmy office

621
00:16:24,718 --> 00:16:26,250
no, I put in work there, too.
I had to go up in jimmy office
with a name tag, like, "I'm the

622
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:27,685
I had to go up in jimmy office
with a name tag, like, "I'm the
only artist up here without a

623
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:31,756
with a name tag, like, "I'm the
only artist up here without a
video."

624
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:34,359
only artist up here without a
video."
the process of making my first

625
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:37,028
video."
the process of making my first
album, I, um -- it was a very,

626
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,363
the process of making my first
album, I, um -- it was a very,
very long process.

627
00:16:38,365 --> 00:16:39,630
Album, I, um -- it was a very,
very long process.
I felt like there was songs

628
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:41,299
very long process.
I felt like there was songs
that was on the project that

629
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,767
I felt like there was songs
that was on the project that
didn't make the project.

630
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,502
That was on the project that
didn't make the project.
Um, it was stressful.

631
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,170
Didn't make the project.
Um, it was stressful.
It was -- I feel like it was --

632
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,338
um, it was stressful.
It was -- I feel like it was --
everything at that point

633
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,039
it was -- I feel like it was --
everything at that point
was a setup.

634
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,474
Everything at that point
was a setup.
Especially when I got signed to

635
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,275
was a setup.
Especially when I got signed to
my first deal, you know, it was

636
00:16:51,277 --> 00:16:52,510
especially when I got signed to
my first deal, you know, it was
a lot of vultures --

637
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:53,745
my first deal, you know, it was
a lot of vultures --
money-hungry people.

638
00:16:53,747 --> 00:16:56,047
A lot of vultures --
money-hungry people.
But anyway, we got over it, and

639
00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:58,282
money-hungry people.
But anyway, we got over it, and
we recorded "the way it is" --

640
00:16:58,284 --> 00:17:00,084
but anyway, we got over it, and
we recorded "the way it is" --
you know, the actual album.

641
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,753
We recorded "the way it is" --
you know, the actual album.
And it was a blessing because

642
00:17:01,755 --> 00:17:02,687
you know, the actual album.
And it was a blessing because
we had kanye.

643
00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,422
And it was a blessing because
we had kanye.
You know, that was one of the

644
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:06,190
we had kanye.
You know, that was one of the
first people that I met when I

645
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:06,958
you know, that was one of the
first people that I met when I
came here.

646
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,027
First people that I met when I
came here.
And, um, who else?

647
00:17:09,029 --> 00:17:10,528
Came here.
And, um, who else?
We had, like -- chink santana

648
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:11,863
and, um, who else?
We had, like -- chink santana
was a part of that album.

649
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:14,298
We had, like -- chink santana
was a part of that album.
And he ended up getting a song

650
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:16,334
was a part of that album.
And he ended up getting a song
deal over at interscope.

651
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,002
And he ended up getting a song
deal over at interscope.
Man, that was just such a

652
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,537
deal over at interscope.
Man, that was just such a
stressful time for me.

653
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:21,539
Man, that was just such a
stressful time for me.
I feel like I was still in that

654
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,642
stressful time for me.
I feel like I was still in that
oakland...Vibe of not

655
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,778
I feel like I was still in that
oakland...Vibe of not
understanding quite a lot of

656
00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:29,047
oakland...Vibe of not
understanding quite a lot of
things and not even happy with

657
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:29,614
understanding quite a lot of
things and not even happy with
myself.

658
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:31,315
Things and not even happy with
myself.
So, I mean, a lot of those songs

659
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:34,552
myself.
So, I mean, a lot of those songs
that I wrote on that album are

660
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,855
so, I mean, a lot of those songs
that I wrote on that album are
just pure honesty and come from

661
00:17:37,857 --> 00:17:40,091
that I wrote on that album are
just pure honesty and come from
the emotion of -- of -- of

662
00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:42,794
just pure honesty and come from
the emotion of -- of -- of
not understanding life and love.

663
00:17:42,796 --> 00:17:44,595
The emotion of -- of -- of
not understanding life and love.
And I'm just so happy that,

664
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:46,631
not understanding life and love.
And I'm just so happy that,
you know, I met the team that I

665
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,466
and I'm just so happy that,
you know, I met the team that I
met, because ron gave me the

666
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:50,501
you know, I met the team that I
met, because ron gave me the
floor to do what I wanted to do

667
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,171
met, because ron gave me the
floor to do what I wanted to do
artistically with that album.

668
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,539
Floor to do what I wanted to do
artistically with that album.
You know, I mean, a lot of

669
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:58,443
artistically with that album.
You know, I mean, a lot of
artists didn't get that.

670
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,212
You know, I mean, a lot of
artists didn't get that.
Puff is one of those characters,

671
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,248
artists didn't get that.
Puff is one of those characters,
like, that has been not only,

672
00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:07,351
puff is one of those characters,
like, that has been not only,
like, influenced my upbringing,

673
00:18:07,353 --> 00:18:07,785
like, that has been not only,
like, influenced my upbringing,
right?

674
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:09,253
Like, influenced my upbringing,
right?
It's actually a character that I

675
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,655
right?
It's actually a character that I
was able to work with, in this

676
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:11,222
it's actually a character that I
was able to work with, in this
business.

677
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:12,723
Was able to work with, in this
business.
Like, coming up to him and

678
00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,325
business.
Like, coming up to him and
actually still being able to

679
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:15,226
like, coming up to him and
actually still being able to
work with him.

680
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:16,527
Actually still being able to
work with him.
And him actually wanting to work

681
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:17,895
work with him.
And him actually wanting to work
with me, and thinking I was

682
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,497
and him actually wanting to work
with me, and thinking I was
dope, was one of the best times,

683
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:20,898
with me, and thinking I was
dope, was one of the best times,
[chuckles] 'cause he's so --

684
00:18:20,900 --> 00:18:22,433
dope, was one of the best times,
[chuckles] 'cause he's so --
like, I don't know, he's just a

685
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,301
[chuckles] 'cause he's so --
like, I don't know, he's just a
character, man.

686
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,203
Like, I don't know, he's just a
character, man.
He's just a ball of energy.

687
00:18:25,205 --> 00:18:25,770
Character, man.
He's just a ball of energy.
And I love that about him.

688
00:18:28,323 --> 00:18:34,862
♪
>> cole: I think my show,
"the way it is," was important

689
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:36,831
>> cole: I think my show,
"the way it is," was important
for people to see on television

690
00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:39,000
"the way it is," was important
for people to see on television
because there were a lot of

691
00:18:39,002 --> 00:18:41,435
for people to see on television
because there were a lot of
lifelong lessons that we had to

692
00:18:41,437 --> 00:18:43,171
because there were a lot of
lifelong lessons that we had to
see -- well, I had to

693
00:18:43,173 --> 00:18:45,606
lifelong lessons that we had to
see -- well, I had to
experience, as well -- to know,

694
00:18:45,608 --> 00:18:47,708
see -- well, I had to
experience, as well -- to know,
you know, how to get over,

695
00:18:47,710 --> 00:18:49,610
experience, as well -- to know,
you know, how to get over,
how to love somebody in those

696
00:18:49,612 --> 00:18:51,546
you know, how to get over,
how to love somebody in those
predicaments, you know, how to

697
00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:53,247
how to love somebody in those
predicaments, you know, how to
come together, and how you

698
00:18:53,249 --> 00:18:55,249
predicaments, you know, how to
come together, and how you
fall out and how do you fix it,

699
00:18:55,251 --> 00:18:56,250
come together, and how you
fall out and how do you fix it,
and things like that.

700
00:18:56,252 --> 00:18:57,485
Fall out and how do you fix it,
and things like that.
And for so very long, like,

701
00:18:57,487 --> 00:18:57,985
and things like that.
And for so very long, like,
I tried.

702
00:18:57,987 --> 00:18:59,120
And for so very long, like,
I tried.
You know what I'm saying?

703
00:18:59,122 --> 00:19:00,454
I tried.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I tried to fix a lot of

704
00:19:00,456 --> 00:19:01,823
you know what I'm saying?
Like, I tried to fix a lot of
things that were broken, that I

705
00:19:01,825 --> 00:19:02,523
like, I tried to fix a lot of
things that were broken, that I
didn't break.

706
00:19:02,525 --> 00:19:04,091
Things that were broken, that I
didn't break.
Know what I'm saying?

707
00:19:04,093 --> 00:19:06,060
Didn't break.
Know what I'm saying?
And until I had my children,

708
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:08,796
know what I'm saying?
And until I had my children,
I didn't realize that it wasn't

709
00:19:08,798 --> 00:19:11,265
and until I had my children,
I didn't realize that it wasn't
my problem to fix, because,

710
00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:13,234
I didn't realize that it wasn't
my problem to fix, because,
for so long, I tried.

711
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:15,203
My problem to fix, because,
for so long, I tried.
That's where I realized that,

712
00:19:15,205 --> 00:19:16,871
for so long, I tried.
That's where I realized that,
like, I didn't have -- I

713
00:19:16,873 --> 00:19:18,906
that's where I realized that,
like, I didn't have -- I
couldn't find the words to say

714
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:22,777
like, I didn't have -- I
couldn't find the words to say
any more.

715
00:19:22,779 --> 00:19:24,712
Couldn't find the words to say
any more.
I don't feel that putting my

716
00:19:24,714 --> 00:19:26,747
any more.
I don't feel that putting my
life on tv broke up my family

717
00:19:26,749 --> 00:19:27,448
I don't feel that putting my
life on tv broke up my family
at all.

718
00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:29,283
Life on tv broke up my family
at all.
I think that my family was

719
00:19:29,285 --> 00:19:30,451
at all.
I think that my family was
already broken.

720
00:19:30,453 --> 00:19:31,986
I think that my family was
already broken.
And I really feel that the

721
00:19:31,988 --> 00:19:33,788
already broken.
And I really feel that the
things that I experienced and I

722
00:19:33,790 --> 00:19:35,056
and I really feel that the
things that I experienced and I
went through, even on

723
00:19:35,058 --> 00:19:36,457
things that I experienced and I
went through, even on
television, was already

724
00:19:36,459 --> 00:19:37,191
went through, even on
television, was already
happening.

725
00:19:37,193 --> 00:19:38,226
Television, was already
happening.
You know what I'm saying?

726
00:19:38,228 --> 00:19:39,493
Happening.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, there was issues that was

727
00:19:39,495 --> 00:19:40,695
you know what I'm saying?
Like, there was issues that was
already there -- you know what

728
00:19:40,697 --> 00:19:41,762
like, there was issues that was
already there -- you know what
I'm saying? -- That I just

729
00:19:41,764 --> 00:19:42,663
already there -- you know what
I'm saying? -- That I just
shined some light on.

730
00:19:42,665 --> 00:19:44,298
I'm saying? -- That I just
shined some light on.
Like, and I think that is why

731
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:45,867
shined some light on.
Like, and I think that is why
keyshia cole ended up being

732
00:19:45,869 --> 00:19:47,568
like, and I think that is why
keyshia cole ended up being
who I am, because I was honest

733
00:19:47,570 --> 00:19:48,236
keyshia cole ended up being
who I am, because I was honest
about it.

734
00:19:48,238 --> 00:19:49,604
Who I am, because I was honest
about it.
And it wasn't like -- but I

735
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:52,573
about it.
And it wasn't like -- but I
never, you know, was, like,

736
00:19:52,575 --> 00:19:54,942
and it wasn't like -- but I
never, you know, was, like,
I felt a way about my mom being

737
00:19:54,944 --> 00:19:55,610
never, you know, was, like,
I felt a way about my mom being
who she was.

738
00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:57,011
I felt a way about my mom being
who she was.
Like, I always thought she was

739
00:19:57,013 --> 00:19:58,246
who she was.
Like, I always thought she was
the most beautiful person.

740
00:19:58,248 --> 00:19:59,680
Like, I always thought she was
the most beautiful person.
I always thought she would

741
00:19:59,682 --> 00:20:00,581
the most beautiful person.
I always thought she would
overcome drugs.

742
00:20:00,583 --> 00:20:02,149
I always thought she would
overcome drugs.
I always thought that my love

743
00:20:02,151 --> 00:20:02,884
overcome drugs.
I always thought that my love
was enough.

744
00:20:02,886 --> 00:20:03,951
I always thought that my love
was enough.
You know what I'm saying?

745
00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:06,587
Was enough.
You know what I'm saying?
And it just ended up

746
00:20:06,589 --> 00:20:08,789
you know what I'm saying?
And it just ended up
being that it -- it wasn't.

747
00:20:08,791 --> 00:20:10,091
And it just ended up
being that it -- it wasn't.
[ chuckling ] you know what I'm

748
00:20:10,093 --> 00:20:10,558
being that it -- it wasn't.
[ chuckling ] you know what I'm
saying?

749
00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:11,826
[ chuckling ] you know what I'm
saying?
It was just -- it's the facts.

750
00:20:11,828 --> 00:20:13,895
Saying?
It was just -- it's the facts.
But it doesn't change how I feel

751
00:20:13,897 --> 00:20:15,930
it was just -- it's the facts.
But it doesn't change how I feel
and how I felt and -- and -- and

752
00:20:15,932 --> 00:20:17,565
but it doesn't change how I feel
and how I felt and -- and -- and
how I always feel about,

753
00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:19,267
and how I felt and -- and -- and
how I always feel about,
you know, that situation.

754
00:20:19,269 --> 00:20:21,302
How I always feel about,
you know, that situation.
♪

755
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:22,970
you know, that situation.
♪
neffeteria -- my sister

756
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,106
♪
neffeteria -- my sister
neffeteria and I, I think that,

757
00:20:25,108 --> 00:20:27,508
neffeteria -- my sister
neffeteria and I, I think that,
um, I've just come to a point

758
00:20:27,510 --> 00:20:29,110
neffeteria and I, I think that,
um, I've just come to a point
where we're grown.

759
00:20:29,112 --> 00:20:31,279
Um, I've just come to a point
where we're grown.
And we've -- the relationship

760
00:20:31,281 --> 00:20:33,614
where we're grown.
And we've -- the relationship
that I've always wanted to have

761
00:20:33,616 --> 00:20:35,082
and we've -- the relationship
that I've always wanted to have
is just not there.

762
00:20:35,084 --> 00:20:36,417
That I've always wanted to have
is just not there.
I've -- I've just -- I've just

763
00:20:36,419 --> 00:20:37,251
is just not there.
I've -- I've just -- I've just
realized.

764
00:20:37,253 --> 00:20:39,320
I've -- I've just -- I've just
realized.
I just came to the realization

765
00:20:39,322 --> 00:20:40,488
realized.
I just came to the realization
that it's just not.

766
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:41,923
I just came to the realization
that it's just not.
You know what I'm saying?

767
00:20:41,925 --> 00:20:43,357
That it's just not.
You know what I'm saying?
Whatever I wanted in that

768
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:44,659
you know what I'm saying?
Whatever I wanted in that
is not.

769
00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:46,627
Whatever I wanted in that
is not.
So I've moved on with that

770
00:20:46,629 --> 00:20:47,828
is not.
So I've moved on with that
understanding.

771
00:20:47,830 --> 00:20:49,430
So I've moved on with that
understanding.
But it never changed my love.

772
00:20:49,432 --> 00:20:50,831
Understanding.
But it never changed my love.
You know what I'm saying?

773
00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,199
But it never changed my love.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, I always felt like

774
00:20:52,201 --> 00:20:54,635
you know what I'm saying?
Like, I always felt like
whatever happened to my blood

775
00:20:54,637 --> 00:20:56,270
like, I always felt like
whatever happened to my blood
was not my fault, but I always

776
00:20:56,272 --> 00:20:57,305
whatever happened to my blood
was not my fault, but I always
wanted to fix it.

777
00:20:57,307 --> 00:20:58,706
Was not my fault, but I always
wanted to fix it.
You know what I'm saying?

778
00:20:58,708 --> 00:21:00,207
Wanted to fix it.
You know what I'm saying?
It was like, "what can I do

779
00:21:00,209 --> 00:21:00,808
you know what I'm saying?
It was like, "what can I do
to help?

780
00:21:00,810 --> 00:21:02,209
It was like, "what can I do
to help?
You know, what can I do to

781
00:21:02,211 --> 00:21:03,344
to help?
You know, what can I do to
change how you feel?

782
00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:04,211
You know, what can I do to
change how you feel?
What..."

783
00:21:04,213 --> 00:21:06,080
change how you feel?
What..."
but it's not -- it's, like --

784
00:21:06,082 --> 00:21:07,648
what..."
but it's not -- it's, like --
it's nothing that I can

785
00:21:07,650 --> 00:21:09,216
but it's not -- it's, like --
it's nothing that I can
personally do.

786
00:21:09,218 --> 00:21:11,719
It's nothing that I can
personally do.
I think we have to dig a little

787
00:21:11,721 --> 00:21:13,955
personally do.
I think we have to dig a little
deeper into ourselves if we

788
00:21:13,957 --> 00:21:16,057
I think we have to dig a little
deeper into ourselves if we
<i> choose</i> to fix the problems

789
00:21:16,059 --> 00:21:17,158
deeper into ourselves if we
<i> choose</i> to fix the problems
that we see.

790
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:18,893
<i> Choose</i> to fix the problems
that we see.
Whatever it is that we find

791
00:21:18,895 --> 00:21:20,761
that we see.
Whatever it is that we find
inside that we don't like,

792
00:21:20,763 --> 00:21:22,029
whatever it is that we find
inside that we don't like,
we just got to fix it.

793
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,297
Inside that we don't like,
we just got to fix it.
You know?

794
00:21:23,299 --> 00:21:24,498
We just got to fix it.
You know?
Ourselves, though, 'cause

795
00:21:24,500 --> 00:21:25,633
you know?
Ourselves, though, 'cause
nobody else can do that.

796
00:21:25,635 --> 00:21:27,435
Ourselves, though, 'cause
nobody else can do that.
My mom -- she didn't break me.

797
00:21:27,437 --> 00:21:28,936
Nobody else can do that.
My mom -- she didn't break me.
She didn't -- nothing.

798
00:21:28,938 --> 00:21:31,872
My mom -- she didn't break me.
She didn't -- nothing.
Like, this is me.

799
00:21:31,874 --> 00:21:36,377
She didn't -- nothing.
Like, this is me.
Well, I would say to the

800
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:39,080
like, this is me.
Well, I would say to the
conflicting thought of it being

801
00:21:39,082 --> 00:21:41,849
well, I would say to the
conflicting thought of it being
something positive, I would say,

802
00:21:41,851 --> 00:21:43,584
conflicting thought of it being
something positive, I would say,
in terms of the reality show,

803
00:21:43,586 --> 00:21:46,320
something positive, I would say,
in terms of the reality show,
that my mother has been on drugs

804
00:21:46,322 --> 00:21:48,489
in terms of the reality show,
that my mother has been on drugs
since I was a baby.

805
00:21:48,491 --> 00:21:50,324
That my mother has been on drugs
since I was a baby.
[ laughing ] right?

806
00:21:50,326 --> 00:21:52,059
Since I was a baby.
[ laughing ] right?
You know, no disrespect.

807
00:21:52,061 --> 00:21:54,695
[ laughing ] right?
You know, no disrespect.
And it's really something that

808
00:21:54,697 --> 00:21:57,565
you know, no disrespect.
And it's really something that
she battled since<i> she</i> was

809
00:21:57,567 --> 00:22:00,267
and it's really something that
she battled since<i> she</i> was
18, 17 years old.

810
00:22:00,269 --> 00:22:01,869
She battled since<i> she</i> was
18, 17 years old.
You know what I mean?

811
00:22:01,871 --> 00:22:04,605
18, 17 years old.
You know what I mean?
And I got signed when I was 21.

812
00:22:04,607 --> 00:22:05,673
You know what I mean?
And I got signed when I was 21.
Right?

813
00:22:05,675 --> 00:22:07,508
And I got signed when I was 21.
Right?
And so this is 20 years of

814
00:22:07,510 --> 00:22:09,610
right?
And so this is 20 years of
addiction that had already

815
00:22:09,612 --> 00:22:10,544
and so this is 20 years of
addiction that had already
happened.

816
00:22:10,546 --> 00:22:12,847
Addiction that had already
happened.
And to me, I wanted people to

817
00:22:12,849 --> 00:22:15,116
happened.
And to me, I wanted people to
see what I've gone through

818
00:22:15,118 --> 00:22:18,719
and to me, I wanted people to
see what I've gone through
but also that I just really

819
00:22:18,721 --> 00:22:20,554
see what I've gone through
but also that I just really
thought -- I really thought that

820
00:22:20,556 --> 00:22:22,490
but also that I just really
thought -- I really thought that
it would change things.

821
00:22:22,492 --> 00:22:24,191
Thought -- I really thought that
it would change things.
I really thought that, you know,

822
00:22:24,193 --> 00:22:26,694
it would change things.
I really thought that, you know,
being successful and having the

823
00:22:26,696 --> 00:22:28,963
I really thought that, you know,
being successful and having the
money and -- and I really

824
00:22:28,965 --> 00:22:31,665
being successful and having the
money and -- and I really
thought that it would help the,

825
00:22:31,667 --> 00:22:35,369
money and -- and I really
thought that it would help the,
you know, not struggling and

826
00:22:35,371 --> 00:22:36,937
thought that it would help the,
you know, not struggling and
being in the streets and not

827
00:22:36,939 --> 00:22:37,872
you know, not struggling and
being in the streets and not
having nothing.

828
00:22:37,874 --> 00:22:38,539
Being in the streets and not
having nothing.
You know?

829
00:22:38,541 --> 00:22:39,707
Having nothing.
You know?
I really thought -- I thought

830
00:22:39,709 --> 00:22:40,441
you know?
I really thought -- I thought
that it would help.

831
00:22:40,443 --> 00:22:42,643
I really thought -- I thought
that it would help.
I did. You know?

832
00:22:42,645 --> 00:22:45,112
That it would help.
I did. You know?
I never even thought about it

833
00:22:45,114 --> 00:22:46,313
I did. You know?
I never even thought about it
making it worse.

834
00:22:46,315 --> 00:22:47,915
I never even thought about it
making it worse.
That's not even something I want

835
00:22:47,917 --> 00:22:49,417
making it worse.
That's not even something I want
to think about at this point,

836
00:22:49,419 --> 00:22:51,018
that's not even something I want
to think about at this point,
because that would -- that would

837
00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:51,385
to think about at this point,
because that would -- that would
hurt.

838
00:22:51,387 --> 00:22:52,486
Because that would -- that would
hurt.
You know what I'm saying?

839
00:22:52,488 --> 00:22:53,754
Hurt.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, if there was something I

840
00:22:53,756 --> 00:22:55,823
you know what I'm saying?
Like, if there was something I
could have done to change the

841
00:22:55,825 --> 00:22:57,758
like, if there was something I
could have done to change the
hand of time of her passing

842
00:22:57,760 --> 00:22:59,627
could have done to change the
hand of time of her passing
away, I don't -- you know,

843
00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:01,862
hand of time of her passing
away, I don't -- you know,
that's not even something that I

844
00:23:01,864 --> 00:23:03,831
away, I don't -- you know,
that's not even something that I
would, uh...

845
00:23:03,833 --> 00:23:05,366
That's not even something that I
would, uh...
Yeah.

846
00:23:05,368 --> 00:23:06,033
Would, uh...
Yeah.
No.

847
00:23:06,035 --> 00:23:07,301
Yeah.
No.
>> so I need everybody to keep

848
00:23:07,303 --> 00:23:08,202
no.
>> so I need everybody to keep
me in their prayers.

849
00:23:08,204 --> 00:23:10,571
>> so I need everybody to keep
me in their prayers.
I'm taking this a day at a time.

850
00:23:10,573 --> 00:23:12,273
Me in their prayers.
I'm taking this a day at a time.
>> cole: If there's anybody that

851
00:23:12,275 --> 00:23:13,941
I'm taking this a day at a time.
>> cole: If there's anybody that
thought that because of my mom's

852
00:23:13,943 --> 00:23:15,643
>> cole: If there's anybody that
thought that because of my mom's
addiction being, you know, shown

853
00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:17,144
thought that because of my mom's
addiction being, you know, shown
on tv that that would, like,

854
00:23:17,146 --> 00:23:18,546
addiction being, you know, shown
on tv that that would, like,
make her worse or make the

855
00:23:18,548 --> 00:23:20,114
on tv that that would, like,
make her worse or make the
family worse, for that matter,

856
00:23:20,116 --> 00:23:21,982
make her worse or make the
family worse, for that matter,
I think that that was the reason

857
00:23:21,984 --> 00:23:23,851
family worse, for that matter,
I think that that was the reason
for me to say, at the end of the

858
00:23:23,853 --> 00:23:27,088
I think that that was the reason
for me to say, at the end of the
very, um, you know, successful

859
00:23:27,090 --> 00:23:29,123
for me to say, at the end of the
very, um, you know, successful
[chuckles] two -- I think it was

860
00:23:29,125 --> 00:23:30,991
very, um, you know, successful
[chuckles] two -- I think it was
two shows that we had done at

861
00:23:30,993 --> 00:23:32,860
[chuckles] two -- I think it was
two shows that we had done at
that point, and we were going

862
00:23:32,862 --> 00:23:34,128
two shows that we had done at
that point, and we were going
into the third, and I just was

863
00:23:34,130 --> 00:23:35,229
that point, and we were going
into the third, and I just was
like -- people were, like,

864
00:23:35,231 --> 00:23:36,530
into the third, and I just was
like -- people were, like,
really pissed at me -- you know

865
00:23:36,532 --> 00:23:37,765
like -- people were, like,
really pissed at me -- you know
what I'm saying? -- About it.

866
00:23:37,767 --> 00:23:39,633
Really pissed at me -- you know
what I'm saying? -- About it.
And I was like, "we cannot

867
00:23:39,635 --> 00:23:41,068
what I'm saying? -- About it.
And I was like, "we cannot
continue this way."

868
00:23:41,070 --> 00:23:42,903
and I was like, "we cannot
continue this way."
you know what I'm saying?

869
00:23:42,905 --> 00:23:45,072
Continue this way."
you know what I'm saying?
If we're not gonna show my mom

870
00:23:45,074 --> 00:23:47,174
you know what I'm saying?
If we're not gonna show my mom
getting better and her actually

871
00:23:47,176 --> 00:23:49,176
if we're not gonna show my mom
getting better and her actually
being better and progression,

872
00:23:49,178 --> 00:23:51,212
getting better and her actually
being better and progression,
there's no need to keep going.

873
00:23:51,214 --> 00:23:52,346
Being better and progression,
there's no need to keep going.
We already seen it.

874
00:23:52,348 --> 00:23:53,547
There's no need to keep going.
We already seen it.
You know, we seen it.

875
00:23:53,549 --> 00:23:54,515
We already seen it.
You know, we seen it.
What more..."

876
00:23:54,517 --> 00:23:56,217
you know, we seen it.
What more..."
you know, I wanted us to be

877
00:23:56,219 --> 00:23:58,085
what more..."
you know, I wanted us to be
happier; you know, I wanted us

878
00:23:58,087 --> 00:23:59,920
you know, I wanted us to be
happier; you know, I wanted us
to be a loving family at some

879
00:23:59,922 --> 00:24:01,589
happier; you know, I wanted us
to be a loving family at some
point; I wanted us to, um,

880
00:24:01,591 --> 00:24:03,190
to be a loving family at some
point; I wanted us to, um,
you know, my mother to be

881
00:24:03,192 --> 00:24:05,259
point; I wanted us to, um,
you know, my mother to be
off drugs and for her to have

882
00:24:05,261 --> 00:24:07,228
you know, my mother to be
off drugs and for her to have
her new car, her new house.

883
00:24:07,230 --> 00:24:08,796
Off drugs and for her to have
her new car, her new house.
You know, things like that,

884
00:24:08,798 --> 00:24:10,831
her new car, her new house.
You know, things like that,
that I thought was gonna happen,

885
00:24:10,833 --> 00:24:11,899
you know, things like that,
that I thought was gonna happen,
and didn't happen.

886
00:24:11,901 --> 00:24:14,168
That I thought was gonna happen,
and didn't happen.
So, but, hey, they ended up

887
00:24:14,170 --> 00:24:16,737
and didn't happen.
So, but, hey, they ended up
going off and signing their own

888
00:24:16,739 --> 00:24:19,206
so, but, hey, they ended up
going off and signing their own
deals and doing a spin-off that

889
00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:21,575
going off and signing their own
deals and doing a spin-off that
nobody wanted to be a part of,

890
00:24:21,577 --> 00:24:22,676
deals and doing a spin-off that
nobody wanted to be a part of,
because they knew I didn't want

891
00:24:22,678 --> 00:24:23,544
nobody wanted to be a part of,
because they knew I didn't want
that [bleep] to happen.

892
00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:25,713
Because they knew I didn't want
that [bleep] to happen.
And you know, it got canceled

893
00:24:25,715 --> 00:24:27,748
that [bleep] to happen.
And you know, it got canceled
after the second episode or

894
00:24:27,750 --> 00:24:28,883
and you know, it got canceled
after the second episode or
some [bleep].

895
00:24:28,885 --> 00:24:30,017
After the second episode or
some [bleep].
I don't know.

896
00:24:30,019 --> 00:24:31,085
Some [bleep].
I don't know.
But, like, you know, it was

897
00:24:31,087 --> 00:24:32,186
I don't know.
But, like, you know, it was
just -- I was telling them --

898
00:24:32,188 --> 00:24:33,354
but, like, you know, it was
just -- I was telling them --
I was like, "I'm not trying to

899
00:24:33,356 --> 00:24:34,555
just -- I was telling them --
I was like, "I'm not trying to
be down y'all back about it, but

900
00:24:34,557 --> 00:24:36,123
I was like, "I'm not trying to
be down y'all back about it, but
y'all just got to -- y'all got

901
00:24:36,125 --> 00:24:37,591
be down y'all back about it, but
y'all just got to -- y'all got
to show something different.

902
00:24:37,593 --> 00:24:39,160
Y'all just got to -- y'all got
to show something different.
You know what I'm saying?

903
00:24:39,162 --> 00:24:40,995
To show something different.
You know what I'm saying?
Grow and -- and -- and change.

904
00:24:40,997 --> 00:24:41,662
You know what I'm saying?
Grow and -- and -- and change.
And that wasn't the case, so...

905
00:24:48,136 --> 00:24:57,111
>> cole: How I met daniel gibson
was through a mutual stylist,
rachel [chuckles], that was

906
00:24:57,113 --> 00:24:59,947
was through a mutual stylist,
rachel [chuckles], that was
styling lebron james and styling

907
00:24:59,949 --> 00:25:02,716
rachel [chuckles], that was
styling lebron james and styling
him and some other athletes and

908
00:25:02,718 --> 00:25:05,219
styling lebron james and styling
him and some other athletes and
myself, and she's really good.

909
00:25:05,221 --> 00:25:06,987
Him and some other athletes and
myself, and she's really good.
And she just kept telling me,

910
00:25:06,989 --> 00:25:08,322
myself, and she's really good.
And she just kept telling me,
"this guy want to meet you."

911
00:25:08,324 --> 00:25:09,657
and she just kept telling me,
"this guy want to meet you."
I was like, "no, I don't want to

912
00:25:09,659 --> 00:25:10,257
"this guy want to meet you."
I was like, "no, I don't want to
meet no guy.

913
00:25:10,259 --> 00:25:11,959
I was like, "no, I don't want to
meet no guy.
I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool."

914
00:25:11,961 --> 00:25:15,062
meet no guy.
I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool."
and, um, you know, daniel

915
00:25:15,064 --> 00:25:16,664
I'm cool, I'm cool, I'm cool."
and, um, you know, daniel
is really, really smart.

916
00:25:16,666 --> 00:25:18,532
And, um, you know, daniel
is really, really smart.
He's a pisces.

917
00:25:18,534 --> 00:25:20,801
Is really, really smart.
He's a pisces.
So he used the god card.

918
00:25:20,803 --> 00:25:23,470
He's a pisces.
So he used the god card.
You know, he used jesus christ.

919
00:25:23,472 --> 00:25:25,472
So he used the god card.
You know, he used jesus christ.
You know? [ laughs ]

920
00:25:25,474 --> 00:25:27,141
you know, he used jesus christ.
You know? [ laughs ]
he got that date and everything

921
00:25:27,143 --> 00:25:27,841
you know? [ laughs ]
he got that date and everything
like that.

922
00:25:27,843 --> 00:25:30,344
He got that date and everything
like that.
So, I mean, you know, we ended

923
00:25:30,346 --> 00:25:32,713
like that.
So, I mean, you know, we ended
up dating and hitting it off

924
00:25:32,715 --> 00:25:37,551
so, I mean, you know, we ended
up dating and hitting it off
and had our beautiful son, d.J.

925
00:25:37,553 --> 00:25:39,787
Up dating and hitting it off
and had our beautiful son, d.J.
And so, I mean, that changed my

926
00:25:39,789 --> 00:25:40,888
and had our beautiful son, d.J.
And so, I mean, that changed my
life forever.

927
00:25:40,890 --> 00:25:43,958
And so, I mean, that changed my
life forever.
♪

928
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,726
life forever.
♪
that marriage, that marriage,

929
00:25:45,728 --> 00:25:48,095
♪
that marriage, that marriage,
that marriage, oh, my god.

930
00:25:48,097 --> 00:25:49,296
That marriage, that marriage,
that marriage, oh, my god.
It was horrible.

931
00:25:49,298 --> 00:25:50,497
That marriage, oh, my god.
It was horrible.
No, let me stop.

932
00:25:50,499 --> 00:25:51,932
It was horrible.
No, let me stop.
I was, um...

933
00:25:51,934 --> 00:25:53,867
No, let me stop.
I was, um...
You know, it wasn't right.

934
00:25:53,869 --> 00:25:55,202
I was, um...
You know, it wasn't right.
It wasn't right, you know?

935
00:25:55,204 --> 00:25:56,203
You know, it wasn't right.
It wasn't right, you know?
It just wasn't right.

936
00:25:56,205 --> 00:25:58,239
It wasn't right, you know?
It just wasn't right.
It wasn't -- it just was wrong.

937
00:25:58,241 --> 00:25:59,373
It just wasn't right.
It wasn't -- it just was wrong.
You know?

938
00:25:59,375 --> 00:26:01,542
It wasn't -- it just was wrong.
You know?
I'm glad that I had my child,

939
00:26:01,544 --> 00:26:02,810
you know?
I'm glad that I had my child,
and I just am.

940
00:26:02,812 --> 00:26:04,745
I'm glad that I had my child,
and I just am.
But that's it. You know?

941
00:26:04,747 --> 00:26:06,847
And I just am.
But that's it. You know?
Like, you know, it just,

942
00:26:06,849 --> 00:26:08,816
but that's it. You know?
Like, you know, it just,
unfortunately, didn't work.

943
00:26:08,818 --> 00:26:12,052
Like, you know, it just,
unfortunately, didn't work.
And it just -- it was adding on

944
00:26:12,054 --> 00:26:14,888
unfortunately, didn't work.
And it just -- it was adding on
to all of the other confusion,

945
00:26:14,890 --> 00:26:18,092
and it just -- it was adding on
to all of the other confusion,
and just -- I just was so lost

946
00:26:18,094 --> 00:26:19,426
to all of the other confusion,
and just -- I just was so lost
at that time.

947
00:26:19,428 --> 00:26:21,428
And just -- I just was so lost
at that time.
♪

948
00:26:21,430 --> 00:26:24,498
at that time.
♪
bringing that to my relationship

949
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:26,700
♪
bringing that to my relationship
and to tv was [bleep], been

950
00:26:26,702 --> 00:26:27,668
bringing that to my relationship
and to tv was [bleep], been
horrible.

951
00:26:27,670 --> 00:26:29,203
And to tv was [bleep], been
horrible.
It was the worst decision,

952
00:26:29,205 --> 00:26:31,238
horrible.
It was the worst decision,
you know, because that even made

953
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:32,873
it was the worst decision,
you know, because that even made
even more girls want him,

954
00:26:32,875 --> 00:26:34,074
you know, because that even made
even more girls want him,
'cause he was a cutie.

955
00:26:34,076 --> 00:26:35,442
Even more girls want him,
'cause he was a cutie.
You know what I'm saying?

956
00:26:35,444 --> 00:26:37,011
'cause he was a cutie.
You know what I'm saying?
He was a cutie patootie.

957
00:26:37,013 --> 00:26:38,712
You know what I'm saying?
He was a cutie patootie.
So it was just, "aw, man."

958
00:26:38,714 --> 00:26:40,981
he was a cutie patootie.
So it was just, "aw, man."
you know, horrible idea.

959
00:26:40,983 --> 00:26:42,616
So it was just, "aw, man."
you know, horrible idea.
You know, me always wanting to

960
00:26:42,618 --> 00:26:44,084
you know, horrible idea.
You know, me always wanting to
be so [bleep] authentic and

961
00:26:44,086 --> 00:26:45,452
you know, me always wanting to
be so [bleep] authentic and
open, and I'm just the --

962
00:26:45,454 --> 00:26:46,854
be so [bleep] authentic and
open, and I'm just the --
you know, I like to talk.

963
00:26:46,856 --> 00:26:48,422
Open, and I'm just the --
you know, I like to talk.
And obviously -- you know what

964
00:26:48,424 --> 00:26:49,757
you know, I like to talk.
And obviously -- you know what
I'm saying? -- It's like,

965
00:26:49,759 --> 00:26:51,425
and obviously -- you know what
I'm saying? -- It's like,
"jesus, I shouldn't have

966
00:26:51,427 --> 00:26:52,192
I'm saying? -- It's like,
"jesus, I shouldn't have
did it."

967
00:26:52,194 --> 00:26:54,161
"jesus, I shouldn't have
did it."
but a loving guy, though.

968
00:26:54,163 --> 00:26:57,064
Did it."
but a loving guy, though.
Hey, it's a very loving and kind

969
00:26:57,066 --> 00:27:00,367
but a loving guy, though.
Hey, it's a very loving and kind
guy, one of the most calm,

970
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:02,403
hey, it's a very loving and kind
guy, one of the most calm,
kind, gentle people.

971
00:27:02,405 --> 00:27:03,804
Guy, one of the most calm,
kind, gentle people.
You know, it was never any --

972
00:27:03,806 --> 00:27:06,273
kind, gentle people.
You know, it was never any --
any -- any kind of craziness

973
00:27:06,275 --> 00:27:08,642
you know, it was never any --
any -- any kind of craziness
where I was being abused in any

974
00:27:08,644 --> 00:27:09,877
any -- any kind of craziness
where I was being abused in any
way or anything like that.

975
00:27:09,879 --> 00:27:11,312
Where I was being abused in any
way or anything like that.
I was doing the abusing,

976
00:27:11,314 --> 00:27:13,013
way or anything like that.
I was doing the abusing,
especially when I was finding

977
00:27:13,015 --> 00:27:14,281
I was doing the abusing,
especially when I was finding
out a lot of things,

978
00:27:14,283 --> 00:27:16,116
especially when I was finding
out a lot of things,
infidelities that was happening.

979
00:27:16,118 --> 00:27:17,117
Out a lot of things,
infidelities that was happening.
It was going down.

980
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:18,419
Infidelities that was happening.
It was going down.
You know what I'm saying?

981
00:27:18,421 --> 00:27:19,887
It was going down.
You know what I'm saying?
And he never -- it was always

982
00:27:19,889 --> 00:27:21,455
you know what I'm saying?
And he never -- it was always
understanding, like, "okay, I'm

983
00:27:21,457 --> 00:27:22,323
and he never -- it was always
understanding, like, "okay, I'm
sorry, keyshia.

984
00:27:22,325 --> 00:27:24,591
Understanding, like, "okay, I'm
sorry, keyshia.
Like, I really -- I apologize."

985
00:27:24,593 --> 00:27:26,794
sorry, keyshia.
Like, I really -- I apologize."
and I tried for so long to work

986
00:27:26,796 --> 00:27:28,996
like, I really -- I apologize."
and I tried for so long to work
that out, because I didn't have

987
00:27:28,998 --> 00:27:30,898
and I tried for so long to work
that out, because I didn't have
my biological father, so I

988
00:27:30,900 --> 00:27:33,000
that out, because I didn't have
my biological father, so I
wanted so very badly for that

989
00:27:33,002 --> 00:27:34,335
my biological father, so I
wanted so very badly for that
situation to work out,

990
00:27:34,337 --> 00:27:35,969
wanted so very badly for that
situation to work out,
regardless of, you know, what

991
00:27:35,971 --> 00:27:37,638
situation to work out,
regardless of, you know, what
happened in our relationship,

992
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,606
regardless of, you know, what
happened in our relationship,
because literally, the cheating

993
00:27:39,608 --> 00:27:41,141
happened in our relationship,
because literally, the cheating
was the only thing that

994
00:27:41,143 --> 00:27:42,142
because literally, the cheating
was the only thing that
separated us.

995
00:27:42,144 --> 00:27:43,577
Was the only thing that
separated us.
You know what I mean?

996
00:27:43,579 --> 00:27:45,479
Separated us.
You know what I mean?
Still a great guy.

997
00:27:45,481 --> 00:27:48,048
You know what I mean?
Still a great guy.
You know, just...

998
00:27:48,050 --> 00:27:49,550
Still a great guy.
You know, just...
[ sighs ]

999
00:27:49,552 --> 00:27:52,086
you know, just...
[ sighs ]
♪

1000
00:27:52,088 --> 00:27:54,321
[ sighs ]
♪
so, ultimately, I made the

1001
00:27:54,323 --> 00:27:56,623
♪
so, ultimately, I made the
decision first to separate.

1002
00:27:56,625 --> 00:27:58,992
So, ultimately, I made the
decision first to separate.
And then, when I realized that

1003
00:27:58,994 --> 00:28:01,428
decision first to separate.
And then, when I realized that
there was nothing that we could

1004
00:28:01,430 --> 00:28:03,597
and then, when I realized that
there was nothing that we could
do to fix our relationship,

1005
00:28:03,599 --> 00:28:05,432
there was nothing that we could
do to fix our relationship,
because, you know, once I'm to

1006
00:28:05,434 --> 00:28:07,134
do to fix our relationship,
because, you know, once I'm to
that point, I'm like, "bro,

1007
00:28:07,136 --> 00:28:08,335
because, you know, once I'm to
that point, I'm like, "bro,
you know, enough is enough.

1008
00:28:08,337 --> 00:28:10,170
That point, I'm like, "bro,
you know, enough is enough.
Are you gonna do right and act

1009
00:28:10,172 --> 00:28:11,171
you know, enough is enough.
Are you gonna do right and act
right, or no?"

1010
00:28:11,173 --> 00:28:12,740
are you gonna do right and act
right, or no?"
you know, 'cause I definitely

1011
00:28:12,742 --> 00:28:13,807
right, or no?"
you know, 'cause I definitely
wanted it to work.

1012
00:28:13,809 --> 00:28:17,745
You know, 'cause I definitely
wanted it to work.
And then I decided later --

1013
00:28:17,747 --> 00:28:20,914
wanted it to work.
And then I decided later --
years later -- to go ahead with

1014
00:28:20,916 --> 00:28:21,749
and then I decided later --
years later -- to go ahead with
the divorce.

1015
00:28:21,751 --> 00:28:23,417
Years later -- to go ahead with
the divorce.
We had went through it a few

1016
00:28:23,419 --> 00:28:24,451
the divorce.
We had went through it a few
times, actually.

1017
00:28:24,453 --> 00:28:26,487
We had went through it a few
times, actually.
Um, it actually just happened

1018
00:28:26,489 --> 00:28:27,421
times, actually.
Um, it actually just happened
a year ago.

1019
00:28:27,423 --> 00:28:29,189
Um, it actually just happened
a year ago.
[ laughing ] like, a year ago

1020
00:28:29,191 --> 00:28:30,691
a year ago.
[ laughing ] like, a year ago
that it finally happened.

1021
00:28:30,693 --> 00:28:32,459
[ laughing ] like, a year ago
that it finally happened.
Thank god. Yes.

1022
00:28:32,461 --> 00:28:34,595
That it finally happened.
Thank god. Yes.
I'm sorry. This is so bad.

1023
00:28:34,597 --> 00:28:36,930
Thank god. Yes.
I'm sorry. This is so bad.
♪

1024
00:28:36,932 --> 00:28:38,365
I'm sorry. This is so bad.
♪
the space that it put me in

1025
00:28:38,367 --> 00:28:40,000
♪
the space that it put me in
emotionally was very, very, very

1026
00:28:40,002 --> 00:28:41,034
the space that it put me in
emotionally was very, very, very
happy space.

1027
00:28:41,036 --> 00:28:42,336
Emotionally was very, very, very
happy space.
I was excited about it.

1028
00:28:42,338 --> 00:28:43,737
Happy space.
I was excited about it.
You know what I'm saying?

1029
00:28:43,739 --> 00:28:45,439
I was excited about it.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, we had already reached the

1030
00:28:45,441 --> 00:28:47,107
you know what I'm saying?
Like, we had already reached the
point where, especially when we

1031
00:28:47,109 --> 00:28:49,042
like, we had already reached the
point where, especially when we
separated and then I was like,

1032
00:28:49,044 --> 00:28:50,711
point where, especially when we
separated and then I was like,
"okay, I'm not gonna step

1033
00:28:50,713 --> 00:28:52,446
separated and then I was like,
"okay, I'm not gonna step
outside the relationship,"

1034
00:28:52,448 --> 00:28:54,281
"okay, I'm not gonna step
outside the relationship,"
and then, when I did, it was

1035
00:28:54,283 --> 00:28:55,883
outside the relationship,"
and then, when I did, it was
like, "if I'm seeing somebody

1036
00:28:55,885 --> 00:28:57,451
and then, when I did, it was
like, "if I'm seeing somebody
else, or anything like that,

1037
00:28:57,453 --> 00:28:59,086
like, "if I'm seeing somebody
else, or anything like that,
it's time to just go ahead and

1038
00:28:59,088 --> 00:29:01,054
else, or anything like that,
it's time to just go ahead and
come to a closure at that

1039
00:29:01,056 --> 00:29:01,622
it's time to just go ahead and
come to a closure at that
point."

1040
00:29:01,624 --> 00:29:03,290
come to a closure at that
point."
and I think that that was very

1041
00:29:03,292 --> 00:29:03,891
point."
and I think that that was very
necessary for me to move on.

1042
00:29:09,798 --> 00:29:13,834
>> cole: "love & hip hop"
[chuckles] was decided, for
real, to do on my behalf.

1043
00:29:13,836 --> 00:29:16,236
[chuckles] was decided, for
real, to do on my behalf.
First of all, you know, gib

1044
00:29:16,238 --> 00:29:18,472
real, to do on my behalf.
First of all, you know, gib
wanted to go ahead and do

1045
00:29:18,474 --> 00:29:20,107
first of all, you know, gib
wanted to go ahead and do
"love & hip hop."

1046
00:29:20,109 --> 00:29:22,309
wanted to go ahead and do
"love & hip hop."
and then I had my girl paris,

1047
00:29:22,311 --> 00:29:23,644
"love & hip hop."
and then I had my girl paris,
and then I had zell.

1048
00:29:23,646 --> 00:29:24,244
And then I had my girl paris,
and then I had zell.
You know?

1049
00:29:24,246 --> 00:29:25,712
And then I had zell.
You know?
And we would all have, like,

1050
00:29:25,714 --> 00:29:27,314
you know?
And we would all have, like,
meetings like, "this is gonna be

1051
00:29:27,316 --> 00:29:28,081
and we would all have, like,
meetings like, "this is gonna be
really good.

1052
00:29:28,083 --> 00:29:29,383
Meetings like, "this is gonna be
really good.
It's gonna be fun, right?

1053
00:29:29,385 --> 00:29:30,851
Really good.
It's gonna be fun, right?
'cause we're all together

1054
00:29:30,853 --> 00:29:32,586
it's gonna be fun, right?
'cause we're all together
anyway, all the [bleep] time --

1055
00:29:32,588 --> 00:29:34,388
'cause we're all together
anyway, all the [bleep] time --
right? -- So let's go and have a

1056
00:29:34,390 --> 00:29:35,222
anyway, all the [bleep] time --
right? -- So let's go and have a
great time."

1057
00:29:35,224 --> 00:29:37,090
right? -- So let's go and have a
great time."
and not only that, I wanted to

1058
00:29:37,092 --> 00:29:38,826
great time."
and not only that, I wanted to
try something different and

1059
00:29:38,828 --> 00:29:40,594
and not only that, I wanted to
try something different and
light-hearted outside of the

1060
00:29:40,596 --> 00:29:41,562
try something different and
light-hearted outside of the
family drama.

1061
00:29:41,564 --> 00:29:43,197
Light-hearted outside of the
family drama.
I wanted to, like -- I wanted to

1062
00:29:43,199 --> 00:29:44,631
family drama.
I wanted to, like -- I wanted to
experience that, because it

1063
00:29:44,633 --> 00:29:45,933
I wanted to, like -- I wanted to
experience that, because it
always looked fun to me.

1064
00:29:45,935 --> 00:29:47,601
Experience that, because it
always looked fun to me.
But I made sure that it wasn't,

1065
00:29:47,603 --> 00:29:49,102
always looked fun to me.
But I made sure that it wasn't,
like, that kind of craziness

1066
00:29:49,104 --> 00:29:50,471
but I made sure that it wasn't,
like, that kind of craziness
that I was experiencing.

1067
00:29:50,473 --> 00:29:51,839
Like, that kind of craziness
that I was experiencing.
Like, I wanted to kind of

1068
00:29:51,841 --> 00:29:52,940
that I was experiencing.
Like, I wanted to kind of
lighten it up a bit.

1069
00:29:52,942 --> 00:29:54,741
Like, I wanted to kind of
lighten it up a bit.
[ indistinct conversations ]

1070
00:29:54,743 --> 00:29:56,109
lighten it up a bit.
[ indistinct conversations ]
oh, my goodness, I had the

1071
00:29:56,111 --> 00:29:56,777
[ indistinct conversations ]
oh, my goodness, I had the
best time.

1072
00:29:56,779 --> 00:29:58,378
Oh, my goodness, I had the
best time.
It was a little rocky at first,

1073
00:29:58,380 --> 00:29:59,980
best time.
It was a little rocky at first,
because they were learning me, I

1074
00:29:59,982 --> 00:30:01,415
it was a little rocky at first,
because they were learning me, I
was learning them, I didn't

1075
00:30:01,417 --> 00:30:02,816
because they were learning me, I
was learning them, I didn't
understand not having my --

1076
00:30:02,818 --> 00:30:03,917
was learning them, I didn't
understand not having my --
it was my show.

1077
00:30:03,919 --> 00:30:05,252
Understand not having my --
it was my show.
I'm used to my show.

1078
00:30:05,254 --> 00:30:06,787
It was my show.
I'm used to my show.
Like, "this is my show.

1079
00:30:06,789 --> 00:30:07,988
I'm used to my show.
Like, "this is my show.
What is that?"

1080
00:30:07,990 --> 00:30:09,923
like, "this is my show.
What is that?"
it was like, "no, girl, this is

1081
00:30:09,925 --> 00:30:10,991
what is that?"
it was like, "no, girl, this is
not your show."

1082
00:30:10,993 --> 00:30:12,593
it was like, "no, girl, this is
not your show."
you know what I'm saying?

1083
00:30:12,595 --> 00:30:14,261
Not your show."
you know what I'm saying?
Like, "this is everybody's

1084
00:30:14,263 --> 00:30:14,862
you know what I'm saying?
Like, "this is everybody's
show."

1085
00:30:14,864 --> 00:30:16,697
like, "this is everybody's
show."
but we still had a -- I had a

1086
00:30:16,699 --> 00:30:18,465
show."
but we still had a -- I had a
lot of fun, and I understood

1087
00:30:18,467 --> 00:30:20,334
but we still had a -- I had a
lot of fun, and I understood
protocol and things like that,

1088
00:30:20,336 --> 00:30:22,002
lot of fun, and I understood
protocol and things like that,
once I got into the swing of

1089
00:30:22,004 --> 00:30:22,603
protocol and things like that,
once I got into the swing of
things.

1090
00:30:22,605 --> 00:30:23,937
Once I got into the swing of
things.
And everybody was very

1091
00:30:23,939 --> 00:30:25,138
things.
And everybody was very
respectful with me.

1092
00:30:25,140 --> 00:30:26,540
And everybody was very
respectful with me.
And there was no craziness,

1093
00:30:26,542 --> 00:30:27,307
respectful with me.
And there was no craziness,
no fighting.

1094
00:30:27,309 --> 00:30:28,642
And there was no craziness,
no fighting.
You know what I'm saying?

1095
00:30:28,644 --> 00:30:29,977
No fighting.
You know what I'm saying?
Everything that everybody

1096
00:30:29,979 --> 00:30:31,378
you know what I'm saying?
Everything that everybody
expected to happen, it just

1097
00:30:31,380 --> 00:30:32,446
everything that everybody
expected to happen, it just
ain't in my character.

1098
00:30:32,448 --> 00:30:33,847
Expected to happen, it just
ain't in my character.
'cause, you know, like, we said

1099
00:30:33,849 --> 00:30:35,182
ain't in my character.
'cause, you know, like, we said
earlier, I learned a lot from

1100
00:30:35,184 --> 00:30:36,049
'cause, you know, like, we said
earlier, I learned a lot from
slapping [bleep].

1101
00:30:36,051 --> 00:30:37,451
Earlier, I learned a lot from
slapping [bleep].
I've grown, you know?

1102
00:30:37,453 --> 00:30:39,419
Slapping [bleep].
I've grown, you know?
And so we don't do those things,

1103
00:30:39,421 --> 00:30:40,654
I've grown, you know?
And so we don't do those things,
as of a couple years ago,

1104
00:30:40,656 --> 00:30:41,221
and so we don't do those things,
as of a couple years ago,
anymore.

1105
00:30:41,223 --> 00:30:42,122
As of a couple years ago,
anymore.
Know what I mean?

1106
00:30:42,124 --> 00:30:44,091
Anymore.
Know what I mean?
And so that -- I mean, I had a

1107
00:30:44,093 --> 00:30:44,992
know what I mean?
And so that -- I mean, I had a
great time.

1108
00:30:44,994 --> 00:30:46,860
And so that -- I mean, I had a
great time.
I ultimately had a beautiful

1109
00:30:46,862 --> 00:30:48,362
great time.
I ultimately had a beautiful
time there, seriously.

1110
00:30:48,364 --> 00:30:51,665
I ultimately had a beautiful
time there, seriously.
[ indistinct shouting ]

1111
00:30:51,667 --> 00:30:53,033
time there, seriously.
[ indistinct shouting ]
I was always the girl in front

1112
00:30:53,035 --> 00:30:54,067
[ indistinct shouting ]
I was always the girl in front
of the camera, right?

1113
00:30:54,069 --> 00:30:55,602
I was always the girl in front
of the camera, right?
Okay, so, I've always loved the

1114
00:30:55,604 --> 00:30:56,136
of the camera, right?
Okay, so, I've always loved the
camera.

1115
00:30:56,138 --> 00:30:58,238
Okay, so, I've always loved the
camera.
I've always loved expressing

1116
00:30:58,240 --> 00:30:59,640
camera.
I've always loved expressing
myself, for sure.

1117
00:30:59,642 --> 00:31:01,742
I've always loved expressing
myself, for sure.
And I've always loved, um,

1118
00:31:01,744 --> 00:31:05,279
myself, for sure.
And I've always loved, um,
being, um, somewhat of a

1119
00:31:05,281 --> 00:31:08,215
and I've always loved, um,
being, um, somewhat of a
role model to the younger girls.

1120
00:31:08,217 --> 00:31:10,083
Being, um, somewhat of a
role model to the younger girls.
That inner, younger me, right?

1121
00:31:10,085 --> 00:31:11,451
Role model to the younger girls.
That inner, younger me, right?
I've always thought about her --

1122
00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:12,653
that inner, younger me, right?
I've always thought about her --
right? -- 'cause I see those

1123
00:31:12,655 --> 00:31:13,820
I've always thought about her --
right? -- 'cause I see those
little girls out there, and

1124
00:31:13,822 --> 00:31:14,955
right? -- 'cause I see those
little girls out there, and
that's what I think about.

1125
00:31:14,957 --> 00:31:16,023
Little girls out there, and
that's what I think about.
When I see them, I think

1126
00:31:16,025 --> 00:31:16,523
that's what I think about.
When I see them, I think
about me.

1127
00:31:16,525 --> 00:31:18,091
When I see them, I think
about me.
So I always want, you know,

1128
00:31:18,093 --> 00:31:19,793
about me.
So I always want, you know,
like, them to see the journey.

1129
00:31:19,795 --> 00:31:21,261
So I always want, you know,
like, them to see the journey.
I always just wanted the journey

1130
00:31:21,263 --> 00:31:22,129
like, them to see the journey.
I always just wanted the journey
to be documented.

1131
00:31:22,131 --> 00:31:23,430
I always just wanted the journey
to be documented.
And it has, so far.

1132
00:31:23,432 --> 00:31:25,198
To be documented.
And it has, so far.
I'm so glad I got all those

1133
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:26,600
and it has, so far.
I'm so glad I got all those
things about my mama.

1134
00:31:26,602 --> 00:31:28,135
I'm so glad I got all those
things about my mama.
But, anyway, so, yes, I

1135
00:31:28,137 --> 00:31:30,437
things about my mama.
But, anyway, so, yes, I
continued the reality-show run

1136
00:31:30,439 --> 00:31:34,374
but, anyway, so, yes, I
continued the reality-show run
and did a show with niko khale

1137
00:31:34,376 --> 00:31:36,276
continued the reality-show run
and did a show with niko khale
and my youngest baby.

1138
00:31:36,278 --> 00:31:38,579
And did a show with niko khale
and my youngest baby.
And it was just a special.

1139
00:31:38,581 --> 00:31:40,447
And my youngest baby.
And it was just a special.
And it was a baby -- it was a --

1140
00:31:40,449 --> 00:31:42,082
and it was just a special.
And it was a baby -- it was a --
it was a baby-shower special

1141
00:31:42,084 --> 00:31:44,518
and it was a baby -- it was a --
it was a baby-shower special
that was horrible,

1142
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:46,720
it was a baby-shower special
that was horrible,
that I did not enjoy.

1143
00:31:46,722 --> 00:31:49,222
That was horrible,
that I did not enjoy.
♪

1144
00:31:49,224 --> 00:31:53,594
that I did not enjoy.
♪
niko khale is an -- an artist.

1145
00:31:53,596 --> 00:31:57,831
♪
niko khale is an -- an artist.
Um, and he -- and he's my -- my

1146
00:31:57,833 --> 00:31:58,966
niko khale is an -- an artist.
Um, and he -- and he's my -- my
child's father.

1147
00:31:58,968 --> 00:32:01,001
Um, and he -- and he's my -- my
child's father.
Being with someone so much

1148
00:32:01,003 --> 00:32:02,536
child's father.
Being with someone so much
younger, at first, was

1149
00:32:02,538 --> 00:32:04,438
being with someone so much
younger, at first, was
awesome -- you know what I'm

1150
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:06,573
younger, at first, was
awesome -- you know what I'm
saying? -- Because it was, um --

1151
00:32:06,575 --> 00:32:08,041
awesome -- you know what I'm
saying? -- Because it was, um --
I had lots of fun.

1152
00:32:08,043 --> 00:32:09,776
Saying? -- Because it was, um --
I had lots of fun.
I had lots of fun.

1153
00:32:09,778 --> 00:32:11,178
I had lots of fun.
I had lots of fun.
And he was very mature

1154
00:32:11,180 --> 00:32:13,280
I had lots of fun.
And he was very mature
for his age, you know.

1155
00:32:13,282 --> 00:32:15,082
And he was very mature
for his age, you know.
Even now that we're not

1156
00:32:15,084 --> 00:32:16,950
for his age, you know.
Even now that we're not
together, he's extremely

1157
00:32:16,952 --> 00:32:19,353
even now that we're not
together, he's extremely
hands-on with -- with tobias.

1158
00:32:19,355 --> 00:32:20,887
Together, he's extremely
hands-on with -- with tobias.
And you know, which is our child

1159
00:32:20,889 --> 00:32:21,455
hands-on with -- with tobias.
And you know, which is our child
together.

1160
00:32:21,457 --> 00:32:23,323
And you know, which is our child
together.
And I'm so excited for their

1161
00:32:23,325 --> 00:32:24,591
together.
And I'm so excited for their
journey together.

1162
00:32:24,593 --> 00:32:26,460
And I'm so excited for their
journey together.
And he's such a great father

1163
00:32:26,462 --> 00:32:27,427
journey together.
And he's such a great father
with tobias.

1164
00:32:27,429 --> 00:32:29,863
And he's such a great father
with tobias.
So I definitely -- I love the

1165
00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:32,366
with tobias.
So I definitely -- I love the
relationship that we have now.

1166
00:32:32,368 --> 00:32:34,301
So I definitely -- I love the
relationship that we have now.
And everything is copacetic and

1167
00:32:34,303 --> 00:32:35,535
relationship that we have now.
And everything is copacetic and
peaches and cream.

1168
00:32:35,537 --> 00:32:36,903
And everything is copacetic and
peaches and cream.
You know, um, there's a

1169
00:32:36,905 --> 00:32:38,672
peaches and cream.
You know, um, there's a
beautiful understanding that we

1170
00:32:38,674 --> 00:32:39,640
you know, um, there's a
beautiful understanding that we
have, and so...

1171
00:32:39,642 --> 00:32:41,241
Beautiful understanding that we
have, and so...
But at the beginning, it was

1172
00:32:41,243 --> 00:32:41,842
have, and so...
But at the beginning, it was
awesome in the relationship.

1173
00:32:43,945 --> 00:32:50,317
♪
>> cole: Keyshia cole ain't
thinking 'bout no [bleep] love.

1174
00:32:50,319 --> 00:32:51,485
>> cole: Keyshia cole ain't
thinking 'bout no [bleep] love.
Not right now, anyway.

1175
00:32:51,487 --> 00:32:53,186
Thinking 'bout no [bleep] love.
Not right now, anyway.
I told you, I'm back to -- I'm

1176
00:32:53,188 --> 00:32:54,888
not right now, anyway.
I told you, I'm back to -- I'm
back to where I used to be.

1177
00:32:54,890 --> 00:32:56,356
I told you, I'm back to -- I'm
back to where I used to be.
I have a lot to say.

1178
00:32:56,358 --> 00:32:58,358
Back to where I used to be.
I have a lot to say.
And I'm not feeling a lot of

1179
00:32:58,360 --> 00:32:58,992
I have a lot to say.
And I'm not feeling a lot of
things that happened.

1180
00:32:58,994 --> 00:32:59,693
And I'm not feeling a lot of
things that happened.
You know what I'm saying?

1181
00:32:59,695 --> 00:33:00,360
Things that happened.
You know what I'm saying?
And I have a lot to talk about.

1182
00:33:02,063 --> 00:33:03,797
I don't want no bull[bleep].

1183
00:33:03,931 --> 00:33:04,064
Mnh-mnh.

1184
00:33:09,137 --> 00:33:12,339
Are you sure about that?

1185
00:33:12,473 --> 00:33:13,707
Okay, well, I haven't

1186
00:33:13,841 --> 00:33:15,475
experienced that yet, so I'll

1187
00:33:15,610 --> 00:33:15,976
take your word for it.

1188
00:33:24,786 --> 00:33:30,157
My experiences in love are
what I explained.
What you have, and your

1189
00:33:30,159 --> 00:33:31,925
what I explained.
What you have, and your
experience of what you call

1190
00:33:31,927 --> 00:33:33,460
what you have, and your
experience of what you call
love, god bless you for

1191
00:33:33,462 --> 00:33:34,728
experience of what you call
love, god bless you for
experiencing that.

1192
00:33:34,730 --> 00:33:36,697
Love, god bless you for
experiencing that.
But I haven't experienced that.

1193
00:33:36,699 --> 00:33:38,098
Experiencing that.
But I haven't experienced that.
So, no, I don't want the type of

1194
00:33:38,100 --> 00:33:39,132
but I haven't experienced that.
So, no, I don't want the type of
love that I've already

1195
00:33:39,134 --> 00:33:39,766
so, no, I don't want the type of
love that I've already
experienced.

1196
00:33:39,768 --> 00:33:41,334
Love that I've already
experienced.
And that's all I've ever

1197
00:33:41,336 --> 00:33:42,235
experienced.
And that's all I've ever
experienced.

1198
00:33:42,237 --> 00:33:43,003
And that's all I've ever
experienced.
I'm cool.

1199
00:33:43,005 --> 00:33:44,304
Experienced.
I'm cool.
I have my children.

1200
00:33:44,306 --> 00:33:45,772
I'm cool.
I have my children.
I have a great career.

1201
00:33:45,774 --> 00:33:47,641
I have my children.
I have a great career.
I have god by my side.

1202
00:33:47,643 --> 00:33:49,242
I have a great career.
I have god by my side.
And I don't need another

1203
00:33:49,244 --> 00:33:51,344
I have god by my side.
And I don't need another
human being to try to hurt me

1204
00:33:51,346 --> 00:33:51,611
and I don't need another
human being to try to hurt me
deeply.

1205
00:33:53,314 --> 00:33:58,418
♪
>> cole: Ooh, my greatest
accomplishment?

1206
00:33:58,420 --> 00:34:00,954
>> cole: Ooh, my greatest
accomplishment?
I mean, in real life, for real,

1207
00:34:00,956 --> 00:34:03,090
accomplishment?
I mean, in real life, for real,
for real, is my children,

1208
00:34:03,092 --> 00:34:04,591
I mean, in real life, for real,
for real, is my children,
for sure, because when I'm old,

1209
00:34:04,593 --> 00:34:05,992
for real, is my children,
for sure, because when I'm old,
they're gonna be able to take

1210
00:34:05,994 --> 00:34:06,660
for sure, because when I'm old,
they're gonna be able to take
care of me.

1211
00:34:06,662 --> 00:34:08,128
They're gonna be able to take
care of me.
Hopefully, I've done enough

1212
00:34:08,130 --> 00:34:08,762
care of me.
Hopefully, I've done enough
for them.

1213
00:34:08,764 --> 00:34:10,363
Hopefully, I've done enough
for them.
Hopefully, I do enough for them

1214
00:34:10,365 --> 00:34:11,832
for them.
Hopefully, I do enough for them
that they love me enough to

1215
00:34:11,834 --> 00:34:13,700
hopefully, I do enough for them
that they love me enough to
take care of my old ass one day.

1216
00:34:13,702 --> 00:34:15,001
That they love me enough to
take care of my old ass one day.
You know what I mean?

1217
00:34:15,003 --> 00:34:17,104
Take care of my old ass one day.
You know what I mean?
Um, yeah.

1218
00:34:17,106 --> 00:34:19,539
You know what I mean?
Um, yeah.
♪

1219
00:34:19,541 --> 00:34:20,974
um, yeah.
♪
so, that would be what love is,

1220
00:34:20,976 --> 00:34:23,443
♪
so, that would be what love is,
to me -- right? -- Is respect

1221
00:34:23,445 --> 00:34:25,979
so, that would be what love is,
to me -- right? -- Is respect
and honesty, companionship --

1222
00:34:25,981 --> 00:34:27,447
to me -- right? -- Is respect
and honesty, companionship --
right? -- Not making nobody

1223
00:34:27,449 --> 00:34:28,949
and honesty, companionship --
right? -- Not making nobody
look stupid and bad and all that

1224
00:34:28,951 --> 00:34:29,783
right? -- Not making nobody
look stupid and bad and all that
kind of [bleep].

1225
00:34:29,785 --> 00:34:31,518
Look stupid and bad and all that
kind of [bleep].
So, if they hurt, you hurt,

1226
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:32,119
kind of [bleep].
So, if they hurt, you hurt,
right?

1227
00:34:32,121 --> 00:34:33,553
So, if they hurt, you hurt,
right?
I ain't never experienced that

1228
00:34:33,555 --> 00:34:34,087
right?
I ain't never experienced that
[bleep].

1229
00:34:34,089 --> 00:34:35,388
I ain't never experienced that
[bleep].
I've experienced it with my

1230
00:34:35,390 --> 00:34:35,956
[bleep].
I've experienced it with my
children.

1231
00:34:35,958 --> 00:34:37,724
I've experienced it with my
children.
If my children feel like I'm sad

1232
00:34:37,726 --> 00:34:39,092
children.
If my children feel like I'm sad
or if something hurt me,

1233
00:34:39,094 --> 00:34:40,627
if my children feel like I'm sad
or if something hurt me,
my baby gonna come and, "mom,

1234
00:34:40,629 --> 00:34:42,062
or if something hurt me,
my baby gonna come and, "mom,
I didn't mean to hurt you."

1235
00:34:42,064 --> 00:34:43,663
my baby gonna come and, "mom,
I didn't mean to hurt you."
you know, if I hurt, you know,

1236
00:34:43,665 --> 00:34:44,664
I didn't mean to hurt you."
you know, if I hurt, you know,
it's out of love.

1237
00:34:44,666 --> 00:34:45,599
You know, if I hurt, you know,
it's out of love.
You know what I'm saying?

1238
00:34:45,601 --> 00:34:46,733
It's out of love.
You know what I'm saying?
A lot of prideful mother[bleep]

1239
00:34:46,735 --> 00:34:47,167
you know what I'm saying?
A lot of prideful mother[bleep]
out here.

1240
00:34:47,169 --> 00:34:48,101
A lot of prideful mother[bleep]
out here.
You know what I'm saying?

1241
00:34:48,103 --> 00:34:48,902
Out here.
You know what I'm saying?
I'mma keep that real.

1242
00:34:48,904 --> 00:34:50,737
You know what I'm saying?
I'mma keep that real.
And so, when it's pertaining to

1243
00:34:50,739 --> 00:34:52,606
I'mma keep that real.
And so, when it's pertaining to
that, because I'm too loving and

1244
00:34:52,608 --> 00:34:54,474
and so, when it's pertaining to
that, because I'm too loving and
open and kind with people, like,

1245
00:34:54,476 --> 00:34:56,610
that, because I'm too loving and
open and kind with people, like,
I prefer to close that off of my

1246
00:34:56,612 --> 00:34:58,478
open and kind with people, like,
I prefer to close that off of my
life so that I can then find

1247
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,213
I prefer to close that off of my
life so that I can then find
some peace and happiness.

1248
00:35:00,215 --> 00:35:02,349
Life so that I can then find
some peace and happiness.
And that's where I am now.

1249
00:35:02,351 --> 00:35:05,485
Some peace and happiness.
And that's where I am now.
♪

1250
00:35:05,487 --> 00:35:07,654
and that's where I am now.
♪
I am very happy to say that

1251
00:35:07,656 --> 00:35:09,322
♪
I am very happy to say that
I always made my mother proud.

1252
00:35:09,324 --> 00:35:10,791
I am very happy to say that
I always made my mother proud.
You know what I mean?

1253
00:35:10,793 --> 00:35:12,526
I always made my mother proud.
You know what I mean?
I've made a lot of great

1254
00:35:12,528 --> 00:35:14,361
you know what I mean?
I've made a lot of great
decisions, though I made a

1255
00:35:14,363 --> 00:35:16,530
I've made a lot of great
decisions, though I made a
couple messed-up ones, as well,

1256
00:35:16,532 --> 00:35:17,731
decisions, though I made a
couple messed-up ones, as well,
learning along the way.

1257
00:35:17,733 --> 00:35:19,132
Couple messed-up ones, as well,
learning along the way.
But I feel like she's always

1258
00:35:19,134 --> 00:35:20,467
learning along the way.
But I feel like she's always
been, like, "you know, I'm

1259
00:35:20,469 --> 00:35:21,501
but I feel like she's always
been, like, "you know, I'm
super proud of you.

1260
00:35:21,503 --> 00:35:23,170
Been, like, "you know, I'm
super proud of you.
Like, you did everything that I

1261
00:35:23,172 --> 00:35:24,538
super proud of you.
Like, you did everything that I
couldn't set out to do."

1262
00:35:24,540 --> 00:35:25,572
like, you did everything that I
couldn't set out to do."
you know what I'm saying?

1263
00:35:25,574 --> 00:35:26,673
Couldn't set out to do."
you know what I'm saying?
Like, "I tried and couldn't.

1264
00:35:26,675 --> 00:35:27,941
You know what I'm saying?
Like, "I tried and couldn't.
You're so much stronger than me.

1265
00:35:27,943 --> 00:35:28,842
Like, "I tried and couldn't.
You're so much stronger than me.
You gonna be alright."

1266
00:35:28,844 --> 00:35:29,876
you're so much stronger than me.
You gonna be alright."
like, those kind of things.

1267
00:35:29,878 --> 00:35:30,977
You gonna be alright."
like, those kind of things.
And I think that that is the

1268
00:35:30,979 --> 00:35:32,145
like, those kind of things.
And I think that that is the
whole reason I just knew

1269
00:35:32,147 --> 00:35:33,547
and I think that that is the
whole reason I just knew
something was about to happen,

1270
00:35:33,549 --> 00:35:35,015
whole reason I just knew
something was about to happen,
because she was saying a lot of

1271
00:35:35,017 --> 00:35:36,483
something was about to happen,
because she was saying a lot of
that, even when I was seeing her

1272
00:35:36,485 --> 00:35:37,250
because she was saying a lot of
that, even when I was seeing her
the last time.

1273
00:35:37,252 --> 00:35:38,752
That, even when I was seeing her
the last time.
You know, like, she was saying

1274
00:35:38,754 --> 00:35:40,320
the last time.
You know, like, she was saying
those things that, like, pac was

1275
00:35:40,322 --> 00:35:41,788
you know, like, she was saying
those things that, like, pac was
saying, you know, when I seen

1276
00:35:41,790 --> 00:35:42,756
those things that, like, pac was
saying, you know, when I seen
him the last time.

1277
00:35:42,758 --> 00:35:43,690
Saying, you know, when I seen
him the last time.
And I'm like, "why are you

1278
00:35:43,692 --> 00:35:44,758
him the last time.
And I'm like, "why are you
talking like you're not here?"

1279
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:46,593
and I'm like, "why are you
talking like you're not here?"
like, waka would be right there.

1280
00:35:46,595 --> 00:35:48,261
Talking like you're not here?"
like, waka would be right there.
Do you know what I'm saying?

1281
00:35:48,263 --> 00:35:49,996
Like, waka would be right there.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like, "you giving up already?"

1282
00:35:49,998 --> 00:35:51,431
do you know what I'm saying?
Like, "you giving up already?"
you know what I'm saying?

1283
00:35:51,433 --> 00:35:52,833
Like, "you giving up already?"
you know what I'm saying?
Like, "you gonna be okay

1284
00:35:52,835 --> 00:35:53,633
you know what I'm saying?
Like, "you gonna be okay
without me."

1285
00:35:53,635 --> 00:35:55,402
like, "you gonna be okay
without me."
it's like, "just what the hell?"

1286
00:35:55,404 --> 00:35:56,636
without me."
it's like, "just what the hell?"
you know?

1287
00:35:56,638 --> 00:35:58,705
It's like, "just what the hell?"
you know?
But my last conversation with my

1288
00:35:58,707 --> 00:36:01,675
you know?
But my last conversation with my
mother was -- was her speaking

1289
00:36:01,677 --> 00:36:04,477
but my last conversation with my
mother was -- was her speaking
to me about how supportive I was

1290
00:36:04,479 --> 00:36:06,112
mother was -- was her speaking
to me about how supportive I was
during her journey here.

1291
00:36:06,114 --> 00:36:08,081
To me about how supportive I was
during her journey here.
"and you never disrespected me.

1292
00:36:08,083 --> 00:36:09,749
During her journey here.
"and you never disrespected me.
You was always respectful.

1293
00:36:09,751 --> 00:36:12,018
"and you never disrespected me.
You was always respectful.
You know, you always supported

1294
00:36:12,020 --> 00:36:14,187
you was always respectful.
You know, you always supported
me," and she wouldn't let me

1295
00:36:14,189 --> 00:36:16,823
you know, you always supported
me," and she wouldn't let me
put her into another rehab

1296
00:36:16,825 --> 00:36:17,257
me," and she wouldn't let me
put her into another rehab
again.

1297
00:36:17,259 --> 00:36:18,558
Put her into another rehab
again.
She told me that she wasn't

1298
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:20,760
again.
She told me that she wasn't
gonna, you know...

1299
00:36:20,762 --> 00:36:22,062
She told me that she wasn't
gonna, you know...
But from what I hear, right

1300
00:36:22,064 --> 00:36:23,363
gonna, you know...
But from what I hear, right
before she passed -- I mean,

1301
00:36:23,365 --> 00:36:24,698
but from what I hear, right
before she passed -- I mean,
from what I hear -- I wasn't

1302
00:36:24,700 --> 00:36:26,066
before she passed -- I mean,
from what I hear -- I wasn't
around then -- you know, that

1303
00:36:26,068 --> 00:36:28,902
from what I hear -- I wasn't
around then -- you know, that
she was actually doing well and

1304
00:36:28,904 --> 00:36:31,805
around then -- you know, that
she was actually doing well and
she had went to a rehab herself.

1305
00:36:31,807 --> 00:36:33,173
She was actually doing well and
she had went to a rehab herself.
I didn't -- you know, didn't

1306
00:36:33,175 --> 00:36:33,807
she had went to a rehab herself.
I didn't -- you know, didn't
know that.

1307
00:36:33,809 --> 00:36:35,475
I didn't -- you know, didn't
know that.
And she had spent enough time in

1308
00:36:35,477 --> 00:36:36,977
know that.
And she had spent enough time in
there to actually get her own

1309
00:36:36,979 --> 00:36:38,979
and she had spent enough time in
there to actually get her own
place.

1310
00:36:38,981 --> 00:36:42,515
There to actually get her own
place.
I didn't -- I didn't know that.

1311
00:36:42,517 --> 00:36:44,951
Place.
I didn't -- I didn't know that.
So I guess she -- she gave it a

1312
00:36:44,953 --> 00:36:48,922
I didn't -- I didn't know that.
So I guess she -- she gave it a
try, this -- as of recently.

1313
00:36:48,924 --> 00:36:52,692
So I guess she -- she gave it a
try, this -- as of recently.
♪

1314
00:36:52,694 --> 00:36:54,327
try, this -- as of recently.
♪
um, I'm still -- I don't know.

1315
00:36:54,329 --> 00:36:56,062
♪
um, I'm still -- I don't know.
I'm coping, still.

1316
00:36:56,064 --> 00:36:57,330
Um, I'm still -- I don't know.
I'm coping, still.
It's kind of -- you know,

1317
00:36:57,332 --> 00:36:57,931
I'm coping, still.
It's kind of -- you know,
it's new.

1318
00:36:57,933 --> 00:36:59,299
It's kind of -- you know,
it's new.
It's really new.

1319
00:36:59,301 --> 00:37:01,534
It's new.
It's really new.
And I don't know yet how it's

1320
00:37:01,536 --> 00:37:03,503
it's really new.
And I don't know yet how it's
affecting me, but so far,

1321
00:37:03,505 --> 00:37:05,205
and I don't know yet how it's
affecting me, but so far,
I've been stronger.

1322
00:37:05,207 --> 00:37:06,606
Affecting me, but so far,
I've been stronger.
It's, like, the night of her

1323
00:37:06,608 --> 00:37:08,008
I've been stronger.
It's, like, the night of her
passing, I stopped, you know,

1324
00:37:08,010 --> 00:37:08,608
it's, like, the night of her
passing, I stopped, you know,
drinking.

1325
00:37:08,610 --> 00:37:10,310
Passing, I stopped, you know,
drinking.
Like, that was a thing.

1326
00:37:10,312 --> 00:37:11,611
Drinking.
Like, that was a thing.
So I'm happy I did that --

1327
00:37:11,613 --> 00:37:14,147
like, that was a thing.
So I'm happy I did that --
you know? -- Because it's really

1328
00:37:14,149 --> 00:37:14,748
so I'm happy I did that --
you know? -- Because it's really
emotional.

1329
00:37:14,750 --> 00:37:16,216
You know? -- Because it's really
emotional.
You know, everything is really

1330
00:37:16,218 --> 00:37:16,816
emotional.
You know, everything is really
emotional.

1331
00:37:16,818 --> 00:37:18,952
You know, everything is really
emotional.
And I'm just like, I'm here and

1332
00:37:18,954 --> 00:37:20,120
emotional.
And I'm just like, I'm here and
I'm in the now.

1333
00:37:20,122 --> 00:37:22,455
And I'm just like, I'm here and
I'm in the now.
And I'm processing every emotion

1334
00:37:22,457 --> 00:37:23,523
I'm in the now.
And I'm processing every emotion
that I feel.

1335
00:37:23,525 --> 00:37:25,158
And I'm processing every emotion
that I feel.
And I'm very present.

1336
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,394
That I feel.
And I'm very present.
And I'm moving more with intent

1337
00:37:27,396 --> 00:37:28,295
and I'm very present.
And I'm moving more with intent
and -- and things.

1338
00:37:28,297 --> 00:37:28,828
And I'm moving more with intent
and -- and things.
You know?

1339
00:37:28,830 --> 00:37:30,931
And -- and things.
You know?
And making sure that I'm very

1340
00:37:30,933 --> 00:37:32,899
you know?
And making sure that I'm very
present in my children's life,

1341
00:37:32,901 --> 00:37:34,234
and making sure that I'm very
present in my children's life,
making sure that I'm...

1342
00:37:34,236 --> 00:37:36,036
Present in my children's life,
making sure that I'm...
You know, I'm just -- it just --

1343
00:37:36,038 --> 00:37:37,704
making sure that I'm...
You know, I'm just -- it just --
it strengthened me a little --

1344
00:37:37,706 --> 00:37:39,339
you know, I'm just -- it just --
it strengthened me a little --
like, made me a little...

1345
00:37:39,341 --> 00:37:41,374
It strengthened me a little --
like, made me a little...
I don't know if it's her that's,

1346
00:37:41,376 --> 00:37:43,043
like, made me a little...
I don't know if it's her that's,
like, around or making me

1347
00:37:43,045 --> 00:37:44,744
I don't know if it's her that's,
like, around or making me
stronger, but it could be,

1348
00:37:44,746 --> 00:37:46,012
like, around or making me
stronger, but it could be,
possibly.

1349
00:37:46,014 --> 00:37:49,182
Stronger, but it could be,
possibly.
♪

1350
00:37:49,184 --> 00:37:51,451
possibly.
♪
shortly after my mother passed,

1351
00:37:51,453 --> 00:37:52,819
♪
shortly after my mother passed,
I lost my father.

1352
00:37:52,821 --> 00:37:55,422
Shortly after my mother passed,
I lost my father.
My father, leon cole -- how I

1353
00:37:55,424 --> 00:37:56,723
I lost my father.
My father, leon cole -- how I
got my name.

1354
00:37:56,725 --> 00:37:58,191
My father, leon cole -- how I
got my name.
[ chuckles ]

1355
00:37:58,193 --> 00:37:59,459
[ chuckles ]
I'm handling the grieving

1356
00:37:59,461 --> 00:38:00,994
I'm handling the grieving
process with no liquor -- do you

1357
00:38:00,996 --> 00:38:02,395
process with no liquor -- do you
understand? -- Because that is

1358
00:38:02,397 --> 00:38:03,730
understand? -- Because that is
gonna take me over the edge.

1359
00:38:03,732 --> 00:38:05,165
Gonna take me over the edge.
I could not have another drink.

1360
00:38:05,167 --> 00:38:07,300
I could not have another drink.
Oh, no, not gonna happen.

1361
00:38:07,302 --> 00:38:08,668
Oh, no, not gonna happen.
Not even a cocktail,

1362
00:38:08,670 --> 00:38:09,636
not even a cocktail,
not a mimosa.

1363
00:38:09,638 --> 00:38:11,104
Not a mimosa.
That's the only thing I was

1364
00:38:11,106 --> 00:38:12,706
that's the only thing I was
upset with myself about, like,

1365
00:38:12,708 --> 00:38:14,074
upset with myself about, like,
when my mother passed, is

1366
00:38:14,076 --> 00:38:15,542
when my mother passed, is
because, like, I was taking

1367
00:38:15,544 --> 00:38:17,677
because, like, I was taking
shots of tequila to take away

1368
00:38:17,679 --> 00:38:18,545
shots of tequila to take away
the pain.

1369
00:38:18,547 --> 00:38:20,413
The pain.
That's the only thing I regret,

1370
00:38:20,415 --> 00:38:23,149
that's the only thing I regret,
because I should have set in

1371
00:38:23,151 --> 00:38:26,152
because I should have set in
those moments and felt whatever

1372
00:38:26,154 --> 00:38:27,787
those moments and felt whatever
it was that I was really

1373
00:38:27,789 --> 00:38:29,756
it was that I was really
feeling, instead of, you know,

1374
00:38:29,758 --> 00:38:31,758
feeling, instead of, you know,
being so mad or angry about it.

1375
00:38:31,760 --> 00:38:32,892
Being so mad or angry about it.
And just, like, I was really

1376
00:38:32,894 --> 00:38:33,293
and just, like, I was really
angry.

1377
00:38:33,295 --> 00:38:34,194
Angry.
You know what I mean?

1378
00:38:34,196 --> 00:38:36,796
You know what I mean?
And, um, but now I'm just more

1379
00:38:36,798 --> 00:38:39,666
and, um, but now I'm just more
like, you know -- I'm just open

1380
00:38:39,668 --> 00:38:41,534
like, you know -- I'm just open
to the thoughts of what's

1381
00:38:41,536 --> 00:38:43,670
to the thoughts of what's
happening and maybe what it's

1382
00:38:43,672 --> 00:38:46,039
happening and maybe what it's
for and just what can make me

1383
00:38:46,041 --> 00:38:48,508
for and just what can make me
better as a person, in regards

1384
00:38:48,510 --> 00:38:51,011
better as a person, in regards
to everything that's happening.

1385
00:38:51,013 --> 00:38:53,513
To everything that's happening.
♪

1386
00:38:53,515 --> 00:38:55,515
♪
what people don't know that I

1387
00:38:55,517 --> 00:38:57,650
what people don't know that I
was dealing with are -- I mean,

1388
00:38:57,652 --> 00:38:59,486
was dealing with are -- I mean,
have been working through -- is

1389
00:38:59,488 --> 00:39:01,388
have been working through -- is
depression for a very long time.

1390
00:39:01,390 --> 00:39:03,189
Depression for a very long time.
Definitely understanding that,

1391
00:39:03,191 --> 00:39:05,025
definitely understanding that,
as of recently, especially when

1392
00:39:05,027 --> 00:39:06,159
as of recently, especially when
my mother passed.

1393
00:39:06,161 --> 00:39:08,428
My mother passed.
Like, a lot of things just came

1394
00:39:08,430 --> 00:39:12,499
like, a lot of things just came
to a clear, abrupt stop

1395
00:39:12,501 --> 00:39:13,967
to a clear, abrupt stop
when my mother passed.

1396
00:39:13,969 --> 00:39:15,568
When my mother passed.
Everything was mucky, and I

1397
00:39:15,570 --> 00:39:17,003
everything was mucky, and I
didn't understand a lot.

1398
00:39:17,005 --> 00:39:18,505
Didn't understand a lot.
You know what I'm saying?

1399
00:39:18,507 --> 00:39:20,040
You know what I'm saying?
But then, when my mother passed,

1400
00:39:20,042 --> 00:39:21,441
but then, when my mother passed,
I was just like, "bro, it was

1401
00:39:21,443 --> 00:39:21,941
I was just like, "bro, it was
crazy."

1402
00:39:21,943 --> 00:39:23,410
crazy."
like, I just literally woke up,

1403
00:39:23,412 --> 00:39:24,878
like, I just literally woke up,
like, from a dream or something.

1404
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:26,079
Like, from a dream or something.
You know what I'm saying?

1405
00:39:26,081 --> 00:39:27,180
You know what I'm saying?
Like, "what's going..."

1406
00:39:27,182 --> 00:39:29,115
like, "what's going..."
"aw, no, aw, no.

1407
00:39:29,117 --> 00:39:30,784
"aw, no, aw, no.
You've been -- you've been

1408
00:39:30,786 --> 00:39:31,885
you've been -- you've been
dealing with...

1409
00:39:31,887 --> 00:39:32,786
Dealing with...
Girl, no."

1410
00:39:32,788 --> 00:39:34,120
girl, no."
they could be 40.

1411
00:39:34,122 --> 00:39:36,322
They could be 40.
I just turned 40.

1412
00:39:36,324 --> 00:39:37,424
I just turned 40.
You know, it could be that,

1413
00:39:37,426 --> 00:39:37,857
you know, it could be that,
as well.

1414
00:39:37,859 --> 00:39:39,559
As well.
It's a lot of things. You know?

1415
00:39:39,561 --> 00:39:41,227
It's a lot of things. You know?
It's just a lot of things, and

1416
00:39:41,229 --> 00:39:42,996
it's just a lot of things, and
me just learning and growing and

1417
00:39:42,998 --> 00:39:44,597
me just learning and growing and
understanding is just like,

1418
00:39:44,599 --> 00:39:45,298
understanding is just like,
"no more.

1419
00:39:45,300 --> 00:39:47,400
"no more.
No, I don't give a damn.

1420
00:39:47,402 --> 00:39:48,401
No, I don't give a damn.
No more."

1421
00:39:48,403 --> 00:39:50,870
no more."
you know?

1422
00:39:50,872 --> 00:39:52,972
You know?
Well, I think what I didn't

1423
00:39:52,974 --> 00:39:55,575
well, I think what I didn't
realize about depression is that

1424
00:39:55,577 --> 00:39:57,277
realize about depression is that
you don't want to do a lot.

1425
00:39:57,279 --> 00:39:58,278
You don't want to do a lot.
You know?

1426
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,414
You know?
That, um, you want to stay in

1427
00:40:01,416 --> 00:40:02,849
that, um, you want to stay in
the room, you want to stay in

1428
00:40:02,851 --> 00:40:04,384
the room, you want to stay in
the bed, you don't want to move.

1429
00:40:04,386 --> 00:40:06,252
The bed, you don't want to move.
You know what I'm saying?

1430
00:40:06,254 --> 00:40:07,754
You know what I'm saying?
And, like, drinking.

1431
00:40:07,756 --> 00:40:09,522
And, like, drinking.
You know what I'm saying?

1432
00:40:09,524 --> 00:40:11,257
You know what I'm saying?
And not just for social.

1433
00:40:11,259 --> 00:40:12,992
And not just for social.
It's more like, "no, I'm trying

1434
00:40:12,994 --> 00:40:14,627
it's more like, "no, I'm trying
to get away from this [bleep]

1435
00:40:14,629 --> 00:40:16,362
to get away from this [bleep]
pain that's been hurting me for

1436
00:40:16,364 --> 00:40:18,064
pain that's been hurting me for
so long, and I don't know what

1437
00:40:18,066 --> 00:40:19,065
so long, and I don't know what
to do about it."

1438
00:40:19,067 --> 00:40:19,766
to do about it."
right?

1439
00:40:19,768 --> 00:40:21,601
Right?
It's, like, that kind of

1440
00:40:21,603 --> 00:40:22,635
it's, like, that kind of
depression.

1441
00:40:22,637 --> 00:40:24,637
Depression.
And it could be a thing where I

1442
00:40:24,639 --> 00:40:26,306
and it could be a thing where I
just want it so much more

1443
00:40:26,308 --> 00:40:29,375
just want it so much more
for my life.

1444
00:40:29,377 --> 00:40:31,344
For my life.
You know?

1445
00:40:31,346 --> 00:40:32,912
You know?
A lot of it, I didn't have

1446
00:40:32,914 --> 00:40:34,214
a lot of it, I didn't have
control over -- immediate

1447
00:40:34,216 --> 00:40:35,014
control over -- immediate
control over.

1448
00:40:35,016 --> 00:40:36,883
Control over.
Like my mother, you know, like

1449
00:40:36,885 --> 00:40:38,451
like my mother, you know, like
my family situation, you know,

1450
00:40:38,453 --> 00:40:39,986
my family situation, you know,
like the failed relationships,

1451
00:40:39,988 --> 00:40:41,187
like the failed relationships,
and things like that.

1452
00:40:41,189 --> 00:40:42,455
And things like that.
So, when you're dealing with

1453
00:40:42,457 --> 00:40:43,690
so, when you're dealing with
other people, it's hard to

1454
00:40:43,692 --> 00:40:44,924
other people, it's hard to
control things -- right? --

1455
00:40:44,926 --> 00:40:45,959
Control things -- right? --
Because you have to deal with

1456
00:40:45,961 --> 00:40:46,926
because you have to deal with
other people, you have to,

1457
00:40:46,928 --> 00:40:48,194
other people, you have to,
"okay, no, this is something

1458
00:40:48,196 --> 00:40:49,596
"okay, no, this is something
that you're feeling and I feel,

1459
00:40:49,598 --> 00:40:50,997
that you're feeling and I feel,
and then we're coming together.

1460
00:40:50,999 --> 00:40:51,898
And then we're coming together.
We try to bring this thing

1461
00:40:51,900 --> 00:40:52,332
we try to bring this thing
together."

1462
00:40:52,334 --> 00:40:53,833
together."
and not all the time will it

1463
00:40:53,835 --> 00:40:54,467
and not all the time will it
work out.

1464
00:40:54,469 --> 00:40:55,635
Work out.
You know what I mean?

1465
00:40:55,637 --> 00:40:58,905
You know what I mean?
And so I think that is a lot of

1466
00:40:58,907 --> 00:41:00,273
and so I think that is a lot of
depression, you know?

1467
00:41:00,275 --> 00:41:01,841
Depression, you know?
And that's maybe another reason

1468
00:41:01,843 --> 00:41:03,443
and that's maybe another reason
why I'm cutting a lot of things

1469
00:41:03,445 --> 00:41:05,011
why I'm cutting a lot of things
out, so right now it's just me.

1470
00:41:05,013 --> 00:41:06,312
Out, so right now it's just me.
And I don't have to deal with

1471
00:41:06,314 --> 00:41:07,413
and I don't have to deal with
nothing else right now.

1472
00:41:07,415 --> 00:41:09,315
Nothing else right now.
I just want to deal with<i> my</i>

1473
00:41:09,317 --> 00:41:11,384
I just want to deal with<i> my</i>
thoughts, my crap -- right? --

1474
00:41:11,386 --> 00:41:13,019
Thoughts, my crap -- right? --
So I could figure<i> my</i> stuff out

1475
00:41:13,021 --> 00:41:13,686
so I could figure<i> my</i> stuff out
and not everybody else's stuff.

1476
00:41:15,256 --> 00:41:16,623
I need my own stuff to be

1477
00:41:16,757 --> 00:41:17,457
figured out right now.

1478
00:41:17,591 --> 00:41:19,159
You know?

1479
00:41:19,293 --> 00:41:21,794
So I think that is a sign that

1480
00:41:21,929 --> 00:41:23,429
I'm figuring it out and getting

1481
00:41:23,564 --> 00:41:26,933
better.

1482
00:41:27,067 --> 00:41:28,401
I want to tell y'all what I

1483
00:41:28,536 --> 00:41:30,036
would tell myself.

1484
00:41:30,171 --> 00:41:32,005
And what I would tell myself is

1485
00:41:32,139 --> 00:41:34,507
that you need to stay focused,

1486
00:41:34,642 --> 00:41:36,676
keep your eyes on the prize, and

1487
00:41:36,810 --> 00:41:37,944
off them boys!

1488
00:41:38,078 --> 00:41:38,778
[ laughs ]

1489
00:41:38,913 --> 00:41:40,246
and just love yourself

1490
00:41:40,381 --> 00:41:42,182
wholeheartedly and just really

1491
00:41:42,316 --> 00:41:44,150
appreciate what you do have

1492
00:41:44,285 --> 00:41:46,486
and not what you don't.

1493
00:41:46,620 --> 00:41:46,753
♪