1 00:00:07,717 --> 00:00:09,886 [female narrator] Getting off, coming, 2 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:11,971 climaxing. 3 00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:16,893 About as soon as we learn what sex is, we understand orgasm to be the goal. 4 00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:19,771 But depending on the body you're born into, 5 00:00:19,854 --> 00:00:22,857 chances are you get very different messages. 6 00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:26,527 TV and movies tell us the male orgasm is easy. 7 00:00:27,153 --> 00:00:28,613 Sometimes too easy. 8 00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,698 [moaning] 9 00:00:33,785 --> 00:00:34,619 [grunts[ 10 00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:36,871 [narrator] But the female orgasm... 11 00:00:37,580 --> 00:00:38,790 it's complicated. 12 00:00:38,873 --> 00:00:40,958 Everybody knows the basic erogenous zones. 13 00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:42,794 You got one, two, three... 14 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:45,505 -four... -Spontaneous orgasms. 15 00:00:45,588 --> 00:00:47,882 -[woman] Female ejaculation. -Was that good or bad? 16 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:51,636 [narrator] Even though women have all of these possibilities for pleasure, 17 00:00:51,928 --> 00:00:54,847 one U.S. study found that half have said they faked it. 18 00:00:56,682 --> 00:01:00,520 And in a 2017 study of over 50,000 Americans, 19 00:01:00,603 --> 00:01:04,732 95% of straight men said they regularly orgasm during sex, 20 00:01:04,816 --> 00:01:07,485 compared to 65% of straight women. 21 00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:09,654 Yet for gay women, 22 00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:13,032 that number was 86%. 23 00:01:13,950 --> 00:01:17,745 Why is the female orgasm somehow more difficult when a man is involved? 24 00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:21,415 And why are many of us still so confused? 25 00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:24,585 This week is international clitoris awareness week. 26 00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:27,421 Though, I looked at my calendar and I couldn't find it. 27 00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:31,092 Masturbation is a part of human sexuality. 28 00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:35,429 Women have to take the responsibility for their own sexual satisfaction. 29 00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:37,515 [woman] It's called the finger and thumb. 30 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:41,686 That was great. I didn't know it would be as terrific as it really was. 31 00:01:41,978 --> 00:01:43,938 It goes so quickly sometimes 32 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:47,733 that people don't realize that touching each other feels good. 33 00:01:54,991 --> 00:01:56,325 [narrator] This is your brain. 34 00:01:57,952 --> 00:02:00,037 And this is your brain at orgasm. 35 00:02:01,247 --> 00:02:03,249 The only thing that comes close... 36 00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,251 is seizure. 37 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:09,213 There's an increase in delivery of oxygen and nutrients throughout the brain, 38 00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:13,801 so orgasm, in that sense, has to be good for the neurons. 39 00:02:13,885 --> 00:02:15,136 It's cardio for the brain. 40 00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:16,429 It can't be bad. 41 00:02:16,846 --> 00:02:20,141 [narrator] During orgasm, the male and female brain are pretty much the same. 42 00:02:20,349 --> 00:02:24,228 [Komisaruk] The biggest difference that we see is after orgasm. 43 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:27,940 [narrator] The male brain experiences what's called a refractory period... 44 00:02:28,232 --> 00:02:30,943 where it's no longer responsive to genital stimulation. 45 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,029 But that is not the case with women. 46 00:02:33,112 --> 00:02:37,742 The brain is equally responsive, even possibly more responsive, 47 00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,160 after the first orgasm. 48 00:02:39,577 --> 00:02:42,705 [narrator] Which is why women can have multiple orgasms in a row. 49 00:02:43,623 --> 00:02:45,958 Another thing we've learned from brain scans... 50 00:02:46,042 --> 00:02:48,753 is that two parts of the brain activated by orgasm 51 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,671 are also associated with pain. 52 00:02:51,047 --> 00:02:54,508 There's some fundamental connection between pain and pleasure 53 00:02:54,592 --> 00:02:55,968 we do not understand. 54 00:02:56,052 --> 00:02:58,763 We don't have a concept for that. 55 00:03:00,139 --> 00:03:02,225 [narrator] So what does it actually feel like? 56 00:03:03,267 --> 00:03:06,771 My first orgasm, I remember very clearly tasting sugar. 57 00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,481 It was as if I was eating candy. 58 00:03:08,564 --> 00:03:11,651 It filled my mouth, even though nothing was happening with my mouth. 59 00:03:12,568 --> 00:03:14,946 [woman] It starts at my fingertips and the top of my head, 60 00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,907 and, like, the surface of my skin, and then goes inward. 61 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,617 Like a drum beat. 62 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,870 [woman] You know when you close your eyes and it's black but also all the colors? 63 00:03:22,954 --> 00:03:25,039 In the actual moment, they get way brighter. 64 00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:27,625 [woman 2] Deep dark blue... 65 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:28,668 green. 66 00:03:29,168 --> 00:03:32,421 Right before a roller coaster goes down, that feeling when you're lifting. 67 00:03:32,505 --> 00:03:34,465 It's definitely an orange roller coaster. 68 00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,133 Instead of, like plunging down, 69 00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:39,929 you just sort of slide off into, like, warm water. 70 00:03:40,513 --> 00:03:42,556 Sometimes, like, the image of a waterfall. 71 00:03:43,015 --> 00:03:44,809 I think I am the waterfall. 72 00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:48,312 Water is flowing into me and out of me. 73 00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:51,232 Trickle, trickle, trickle, you find a stream. 74 00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:54,235 And then my larger orgasms, I become an ocean. 75 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:56,153 And I'm riding on the waves. 76 00:03:56,237 --> 00:04:00,157 My eyes are closed and I saw the Virgin Mary. 77 00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:02,743 She was standing with her arms open. 78 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,704 She was, like, very happy for me. 79 00:04:05,871 --> 00:04:08,874 Right before a plane takes off, you're on the runway. 80 00:04:08,958 --> 00:04:10,584 You feel weightless for a second. 81 00:04:10,668 --> 00:04:13,713 And it's just this breathlessness in my chest 82 00:04:14,005 --> 00:04:17,008 that feels like I'm about to leave my body. 83 00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:18,926 [woman] Weightless and then freedom. 84 00:04:20,845 --> 00:04:24,807 [narrator] But women often experience sexual pleasure without orgasm. 85 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:28,436 And according to studies of both French and American women, 86 00:04:28,853 --> 00:04:35,192 around 16 to 21% have only very rarely or never experienced orgasm at all. 87 00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:38,738 I initially thought that female orgasms weren't a thing. 88 00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:41,615 I thought that it was either a myth 89 00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:44,327 or women had to be really lucky to do it. 90 00:04:44,410 --> 00:04:48,122 There was nothing in health class about women having orgasms. 91 00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,624 It was just like, "Yeah, men come, and then you have a baby." 92 00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:52,835 So when I found out that my younger sister was doing it, 93 00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,338 I was like... "Okay." 94 00:04:55,713 --> 00:04:57,757 [narrator] So Remy started a podcast. 95 00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:59,842 -♪ How cum ♪ -♪ How cum ♪ 96 00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,011 ♪ How cum I can't acheive? ♪ 97 00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:03,387 [Kassimir] This is my new podcast 98 00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:06,265 about the fact that I've never had an orgasm, 99 00:05:06,349 --> 00:05:08,059 and I am pissed. 100 00:05:08,768 --> 00:05:11,187 [narrator] Remy used the podcast as a platform, 101 00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:13,647 not only to figure out how to have an orgasm, 102 00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:15,274 but to feel less alone. 103 00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:18,444 Once I started the podcast, so many people start talking to me. 104 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:22,615 "Me too," friends of mine, like best friends, people in my family. 105 00:05:22,698 --> 00:05:24,492 That really was the point of podcast 106 00:05:24,575 --> 00:05:27,244 was I was like, "Hi. I'm out here. Is anybody else out here?" 107 00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,705 The worst that could happen is that we all have orgasms. 108 00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,040 Let's go. 109 00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:34,585 [narrator] One possible reason so many women haven't had orgasms 110 00:05:34,668 --> 00:05:37,463 is that women aren't taught how to have orgasms. 111 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:39,840 Sex education, if you've had it, 112 00:05:39,924 --> 00:05:42,593 was probably more focused on things like this... 113 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:44,428 [woman] Girls start to menstruate. 114 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:47,390 [man] It happens every time an unfertilized egg dissolves away. 115 00:05:47,890 --> 00:05:50,142 Syphilis, gonorrhea, venereal disease... 116 00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:52,645 [narrator] And if you saw women orgasm in movies, 117 00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:54,271 it probably looked more like this. 118 00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:55,689 [moaning] 119 00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:58,109 [narrator] But that's not how it works for most women. 120 00:05:58,734 --> 00:06:02,696 Only around 18% can orgasm from just vaginal penetration alone. 121 00:06:03,656 --> 00:06:06,492 The rest require clitoral stimulation. 122 00:06:07,576 --> 00:06:09,078 But for most of history, 123 00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:12,665 the official science about the clitoris and women's health in general 124 00:06:12,748 --> 00:06:14,583 was written primarily by men. 125 00:06:14,667 --> 00:06:15,709 Which helps explain 126 00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:18,671 why one of  the greatest myths about the female orgasm in recent times 127 00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:20,423 has persisted for so long. 128 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:24,218 That there are two kinds: vaginal and clitoral. 129 00:06:25,678 --> 00:06:26,929 And it all began... 130 00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:28,472 with this guy. 131 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:32,935 In his three essays on the theory of sexuality, 132 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:36,188 Freud wrote that during puberty, the center for female arousal 133 00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:39,400 was supposed to transfer from the clitoris to the vagina. 134 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,652 Women could have clitoral orgasms, 135 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:45,072 but the more mature orgasm was a vaginal orgasm. 136 00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:48,200 [narrator] Freud also believed that certain psychological disorders 137 00:06:48,284 --> 00:06:49,660 associated with women, 138 00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:51,620 like neurosis and hysteria, 139 00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:55,082 were rooted in a preference for clitoral stimulation in adulthood. 140 00:06:55,166 --> 00:07:01,213 We saw that men controlled this discourse of female hysteria in the 19th century. 141 00:07:01,297 --> 00:07:04,800 So, women were diagnosed with a disease 142 00:07:04,884 --> 00:07:07,595 when they were seen as being overly desirous. 143 00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:12,308 Women were abused by doctors who gave them clitorectomies. 144 00:07:12,850 --> 00:07:15,394 [narrator] That's the surgical removal of the clitoris, 145 00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:17,396 and it's still practiced today. 146 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:21,025 For religious and cultural reasons aimed controlling female sexuality, 147 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:24,737 at least 200 million girls and women worldwide 148 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:27,781 have undergone some form of female genital mutilation. 149 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,868 Pleasure is about privilege. 150 00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:34,413 Not everybody has the right to pleasure historically. 151 00:07:35,039 --> 00:07:37,458 [narrator] And while there have been moments throughout history 152 00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:39,627 when female sexual pleasure was embraced, 153 00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:41,837 in texts like the Kama Sutra 154 00:07:42,379 --> 00:07:45,257 and Ming Dynasty erotic novels like The Golden Lotus... 155 00:07:46,008 --> 00:07:47,885 even queer Blues lyrics of the 1920s 156 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,679 were bold about women getting pleasure on their own terms... 157 00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:54,016 like Ma Rainey's "Prove It On Me Blues." 158 00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:58,437 ♪ Went out last night With a crowd of my friends ♪ 159 00:07:58,521 --> 00:08:01,732 ♪ They must have been women 'Cause I don't like no men ♪ 160 00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:05,069 [narrator] Those tend to be the exception, not the rule. 161 00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,988 But, the connection between the clitoris and orgasm 162 00:08:08,072 --> 00:08:09,907 has been known for some time. 163 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:13,118 When Alfred Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, and Shere Hite 164 00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:16,288 published their pioneering research on female sexuality, 165 00:08:16,372 --> 00:08:17,414 the data was clear. 166 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:24,880 But it wasn't until 1998, 167 00:08:24,964 --> 00:08:27,883 simply by dissecting ten female cadavers, 168 00:08:27,967 --> 00:08:30,427 that the Australian urologist Helen O'Connell and her team 169 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,764 discovered the clitoris was way more powerful than we'd known. 170 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:36,433 This wasn't the clitoris. 171 00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,352 This was the clitoris. 172 00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:42,606 The clitoris you see on the outside is the tip of the iceberg. 173 00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:46,360 The whole clitoris extends back up to several inches around the vagina 174 00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,320 and is packed with nerve endings. 175 00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:54,285 We now know that there is no such thing as a vaginal orgasm. 176 00:08:54,368 --> 00:08:56,996 All orgasms are clitoral orgasms. 177 00:08:57,788 --> 00:09:00,624 All orgasms are clitoral orgasms. 178 00:09:00,708 --> 00:09:03,502 [narrator] But some women have also reported having orgasms 179 00:09:03,586 --> 00:09:05,462 from just their breasts being touched 180 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,131 or having erotic thoughts. 181 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,466 Some women have them while they're sleeping. 182 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,927 The clitoris didn't solve these mysteries. 183 00:09:12,011 --> 00:09:15,306 However, it did help us better understand a pretty famous one. 184 00:09:17,016 --> 00:09:18,559 But it almost had another name. 185 00:09:18,642 --> 00:09:20,603 Some colleagues said, "You know, Beverly, 186 00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,938 you should call that the Whipple tickle." 187 00:09:23,022 --> 00:09:25,608 And I was like, "No way are we having a Whipple tickle." 188 00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:28,360 So we named it after Doctor Ernst Gräfenberg. 189 00:09:28,777 --> 00:09:30,946 [narrator] Gräfenberg was a German-Jewish physician 190 00:09:31,030 --> 00:09:33,949 who's mostly remembered for inventing the first modern IUD. 191 00:09:34,450 --> 00:09:39,705 And in 1982, his legacy expanded up the interior wall of the vagina. 192 00:09:40,873 --> 00:09:42,333 That's towards the belly. 193 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,126 There are women who came to me 194 00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:47,129 because they had this expulsion of fluid from the urethra. 195 00:09:47,546 --> 00:09:50,257 [narrator] By going on popular daytime talk shows like Donahue... 196 00:09:50,341 --> 00:09:52,134 The Gräfenberg spot is a sensitive area 197 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:54,595 that we have found in the anterior wall of the vagina. 198 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:57,014 It's located right about in this area. 199 00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,434 ...Dr. Whipple also educated people about female ejaculation. 200 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:03,228 I think that's important to point out. The fluid comes out the urethra. 201 00:10:03,729 --> 00:10:07,024 [narrator] The fluid released was said to be chemically different from urine. 202 00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,151 And... 203 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:14,114 Looked like about a teaspoonful of watered-down fat-free milk. 204 00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:17,368 [narrator] The contents of female ejaculate are still debated... 205 00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:21,163 as is whether the G-spot exists at all. 206 00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:25,209 Because when other researchers went looking for it, 207 00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,420 some couldn't find it and others weren't sure. 208 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,423 Today, many scientists 209 00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:34,551 think of the anatomy of female genital pleasure as a complex 210 00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:37,304 involving the clitoris, urethra, and the vagina. 211 00:10:37,388 --> 00:10:41,141 And the exact shape and wiring of that complex varies woman to woman. 212 00:10:41,684 --> 00:10:44,144 There's no magic button that works for everyone. 213 00:10:45,062 --> 00:10:47,064 But a lot of women still get the message, 214 00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,483 from women's magazines and even the news, 215 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,443 that they should find their G-spot... 216 00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:52,528 -G-spot. -G-spot. 217 00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:53,737 -G-spot. -G-spot. 218 00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:57,741 [narrator] ...or any of the new spots that get discovered again and again. 219 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:58,659 U-spot? 220 00:10:58,742 --> 00:10:59,993 The U-spot and the A-spot. 221 00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,705 [narrator] A message that even Dr. Whipple dislikes. 222 00:11:02,788 --> 00:11:05,249 When you're searching for something as a goal, 223 00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:07,543 you're gonna miss a lot of pleasure on the way. 224 00:11:07,626 --> 00:11:08,794 [narrator] But unlike men, 225 00:11:08,877 --> 00:11:11,213 where the evidence for orgasm is pretty clear, 226 00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:13,006 it's not clear for a lot of women. 227 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:16,927 Back in 1976, The Hite Report analyzed 228 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,638 the sexual experiences of more than 3,000 women. 229 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:24,935 Some describe the sensations they felt and wondered, "Is this an orgasm?" 230 00:11:26,687 --> 00:11:28,147 It's not a dumb question. 231 00:11:28,689 --> 00:11:29,857 Scientists don't even agree 232 00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:33,110 on whether all female orgasms are expressed the same way. 233 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:36,530 We know they often resolve as involuntary contractions, 234 00:11:36,613 --> 00:11:39,742 and there's an understanding that the pelvic floor muscles are involved. 235 00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:42,077 But what exactly is contracting? 236 00:11:42,161 --> 00:11:43,245 We don't really know. 237 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,497 It's very difficult 238 00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:50,335 to measure exactly what muscles are contracting during orgasm. 239 00:11:50,419 --> 00:11:52,212 The most cynical response... 240 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:56,258 is because there isn't a lot of interest 241 00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,802 by the National Institutes of Health... 242 00:11:59,261 --> 00:12:03,640 in determining just what super fabulous muscles 243 00:12:03,724 --> 00:12:05,726 are involved in an orgasm. 244 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,270 [narrator] Science has also long neglected the fact 245 00:12:08,353 --> 00:12:12,107 that eight to 20% of women find sexual intercourse painful. 246 00:12:12,191 --> 00:12:13,442 For more than a century, 247 00:12:13,525 --> 00:12:17,571 female sexual pain was diagnosed as vaginismus and dyspareunia, 248 00:12:17,654 --> 00:12:19,740 and often treated a psychological, 249 00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:24,077 until 2013, when it was reclassified as a pain disorder. 250 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,413 Given how much science still doesn't know 251 00:12:26,497 --> 00:12:29,416 about women's experiences of sex and orgasm, 252 00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:33,086 many women and men learn about it from how it's portrayed 253 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:36,215 in things like TV, and movies, and porn. 254 00:12:36,298 --> 00:12:39,510 I started watching, like, when I was, like, in sixth grade, 255 00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:42,846 um, and not 'cause I was, like, seeking it out or anything. 256 00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:46,058 It was one of our guy friends, if we were at his house, would be like, 257 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,810 "Hey, you guys want to watch some porn?" 258 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:50,604 And all the girls are like, "I'm taking note.'' 259 00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:53,148 Okay, that's what they want. 260 00:12:53,232 --> 00:12:54,441 That's what they expect. 261 00:12:54,691 --> 00:12:57,027 [narrator] Learning what's expected during sex 262 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,320 and what's taboo 263 00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:01,657 is what sociologists call a sociosexual script 264 00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:07,579 In Western culture, the popular sociosexual scripts include... 265 00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,957 It's like three pumps and then the woman's in ecstasy. 266 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:12,042 The man's not touching anything. 267 00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:13,585 He's just pumping away, 268 00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:15,462 and the woman's screaming. 269 00:13:15,546 --> 00:13:18,966 When men don't come, sex is a failure. 270 00:13:19,341 --> 00:13:23,011 When women don't come, it's normal and it's her fault. 271 00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:26,974 [narrator] A lot of these scripts... aren't great for female orgasm. 272 00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:29,434 Research for decades has shown that 273 00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:33,730 women have orgasms less than men in heterosexual sex. 274 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:37,192 And that's true in marriages, and it's true in dating. 275 00:13:37,693 --> 00:13:41,405 [narrator] And when Dr. Paula England surveyed over 4,000 college students, 276 00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:42,739 she found the same thing. 277 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:47,244 Women reported significantly fewer orgasms than men during casual sex. 278 00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,290 But a lot of these men may have not realized it. 279 00:13:51,707 --> 00:13:53,625 Many reported their female partners' orgasmed 280 00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:56,628 around twice as much as the women surveyed said they did. 281 00:13:57,296 --> 00:14:01,341 Women would say things like, "I feel like I don't even have the right 282 00:14:01,425 --> 00:14:05,971 to ask for that, or say what I want, or it would be too embarrassing." 283 00:14:06,054 --> 00:14:08,473 We weren't taught women were the ones who knew what we wanted. 284 00:14:08,557 --> 00:14:10,309 We were taught that guys are the sexy ones, 285 00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:12,311 and, like, they're just gonna do stuff to you, 286 00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:14,646 instead of having, like, enthusiastic consent 287 00:14:14,730 --> 00:14:17,065 that's like, "Yeah, let's do this stuff." 288 00:14:17,149 --> 00:14:19,943 [narrator] Women asking for what they want in order to orgasm, 289 00:14:20,027 --> 00:14:21,612 that isn't part of the script, 290 00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:24,114 because it is ultimately the person behind the camera 291 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:26,325 who decides how female orgasm is depicted. 292 00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:27,868 And in the West, 293 00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:31,288 directors have long tended to skew white and male. 294 00:14:31,622 --> 00:14:36,919 Women of color expected to be over the top with their orgasms in porn, 295 00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:41,715 and that's because of this really long-standing view 296 00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,384 that women of color are hyper-sexual. 297 00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:48,805 So they're expected to kind of squirt across the room or have theatrics. 298 00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:52,059 [narrator] And while lesbian porn is the top category on PornHub, 299 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,186 the world's most popular porn site, 300 00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:57,105 the audience for that is largely men. 301 00:14:58,774 --> 00:15:00,776 But actual lesbian sex... 302 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:05,030 They were more likely to have an orgasm than women who had sex with men. 303 00:15:05,113 --> 00:15:06,949 There's a lot more communication. 304 00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:08,700 There is more turn-taking. 305 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,244 [narrator] Gay people grow up with fewer scripts 306 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:13,413 about how sex is supposed to be. 307 00:15:13,497 --> 00:15:16,833 I think for many heterosexual couples, that would already be an achievement, 308 00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:21,088 to say, "Hey, what is normal or what seems to be normal, 309 00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:22,673 let's just put that aside 310 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,300 and just figure out what works for us as a couple. 311 00:15:25,384 --> 00:15:27,970 But same-sex couples have to start there. 312 00:15:28,053 --> 00:15:30,681 They have to reject what is normal, 313 00:15:30,764 --> 00:15:32,933 because what is normal according to society 314 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,267 is being heterosexual. 315 00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,561 [narrator] For straight people, that kind of communication 316 00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:38,605 tends to be easier in a relationship. 317 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,650 Which might be one reason why, in Dr. England's study, 318 00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:44,569 women with a boyfriend, compared to a first hookup... 319 00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:47,739 orgasmed six times as often. 320 00:15:49,157 --> 00:15:50,784 And last but not least, 321 00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:54,621 there's one other thing studies show increases a woman's frequency of orgasm 322 00:15:54,705 --> 00:15:58,208 regardless of age, race, and sexual orientation: 323 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,544 masturbation. 324 00:16:01,253 --> 00:16:05,007 In the beginning of the podcast, they were like, "Okay, have you done the checklist 325 00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:07,426 of, like, things like, okay, you're not coming? Here. 326 00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,428 Can you do it alone? Do you masturbate?" 327 00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,596 Orgasm is a developmental advantage. 328 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:14,057 One of the obstacles that a lot of women face 329 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,435 is that they've not been encouraged 330 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,438 to really explore what makes them feel good, 331 00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:21,440 individually in masturbation. 332 00:16:21,523 --> 00:16:24,067 And so then they also don't know what makes them feel good 333 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:25,861 in a partnered sexual interaction. 334 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,321 [narrator] In a 2010 survey, 335 00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:32,701 girls were nearly twice as likely as boys to say they'd never masturbated. 336 00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:36,163 And during the era of Freud and hysteria... 337 00:16:37,414 --> 00:16:40,333 attitudes towards masturbation were particularly bad. 338 00:16:40,792 --> 00:16:45,547 [Miller-Young] Masturbation in children was punished and seen as evil. 339 00:16:45,756 --> 00:16:48,425 [narrator] One theory, while contested among historians, 340 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:50,635 is that some women received pelvic massage 341 00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:55,265 to induce hysterical paroxysm or orgasm as part of a cure. 342 00:16:55,348 --> 00:16:59,519 But when they masturbated these women, it was incredibly labor intensive. 343 00:16:59,603 --> 00:17:02,230 So, with the development of electricity, 344 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:05,609 they helped create the vibrator, 345 00:17:05,901 --> 00:17:08,528 uh, which made their job a lot easier. 346 00:17:09,321 --> 00:17:11,990 [narrator] Since the '70s, when feminist retailers sold them 347 00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:13,450 in just a few small shops, 348 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:16,244 the sex toy industry has exploded. 349 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:21,333 In 2017, its estimated value was over 15 billion dollars. 350 00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:25,420 A lot of the products don't even look like body parts anymore. 351 00:17:25,504 --> 00:17:28,715 They're designed with numerous routes to female pleasure in mind. 352 00:17:30,967 --> 00:17:35,806 So February 22, 2/22, was a very special day. 353 00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:38,433 I put down a towel on this here bed. 354 00:17:38,517 --> 00:17:40,393 I got lube. I got my toy. 355 00:17:40,477 --> 00:17:41,686 And then I went to work, 356 00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:43,230 and I shit you not, 357 00:17:43,313 --> 00:17:48,110 in 30 seconds, I was like, "I feel something." 358 00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:49,694 And then I squirted. 359 00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:52,322 I think it was six orgasms. 360 00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:57,369 I've always sought sexual fulfillment in other people. 361 00:17:57,452 --> 00:18:00,747 That's not-- You masturbate to make yourself feel good. 362 00:18:00,831 --> 00:18:04,251 And now I understand that, so I can masturbate, 363 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,421 have a great few orgasms, move on with my day, get work done.