1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,120 This programme contains strong language 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,280 Mam's always saying me and Jock should find part-time jobs. 3 00:00:06,280 --> 00:00:08,920 But who the fuck would hire us? She said, "Start with the people you know." 4 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:11,280 Mam, we got to do two weeks' work experience for school, 5 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:12,640 can we do it with you? 6 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:15,800 Not a fuckin' chance. Come on. If we can't find somewhere, they're going to make us 7 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,800 work with the school caretaker cleaning toilets. 8 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,200 And that is, without doubt, the worst job on the planet. 9 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:23,640 There's a kid who's been putting his shit in the hand dryers. They can't figure out who it is. 10 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,080 It's just disgusting, like. 11 00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,480 I got caught the other day. 12 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,400 I mean, who the fuck would find that funny? 13 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:37,520 C'mon, it'll be interesting to see what the fuck you do every day. 14 00:00:37,520 --> 00:00:39,880 We're actually really interested in fish. 15 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,720 Please, Mam! Yeah, please, Mam! 16 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:43,920 I'm not yer fuckin' mam. I didn't adopt you. 17 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,280 BOTH: Please! 18 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:53,480 It doesn't take a genius to figure out that working for a living is for dickheads. 19 00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:56,360 Come on. Get up! But it's fucking dark?! 20 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,800 You have to get up too early... 21 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:01,760 Got any clean jocks? 22 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,560 You've to travel on a bus with a bunch of langers. 23 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,960 You have to put up with annoying customers rattling on about some shit you don't care about. 24 00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,280 Give me two of them skins. 25 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,280 You're overworked... I cut myself. ..and under appreciated. 26 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,040 I would ask you what you want but I can't fucking reach. 27 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:19,480 Don't cuss in front of customers. 28 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,280 And you've fuck all to show for it. 29 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,800 Where's the rest of my dinner? 30 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:26,320 I've got two of you dickheads to feed now instead of one. You try doing it on my wage. 31 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,640 Add some water and give it a shake. 32 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:38,680 And then do it all over again like a dope. 33 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,280 Get up! 34 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:42,040 Did someone order one of these? 35 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:43,080 Ah! 36 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,680 Stay out of the way until after lunch, please. Thank you. 37 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,400 Five more days of this shit! 38 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,560 Welcome to the Matrix. 39 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,520 This is what normal people do every day of the fuckin' week. 40 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,840 Any chance of another 50 and I'll make it up to you in extra hours? 41 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:12,240 Sure, everything all right? Yeah, it'll be grand. Yeah? Sure? Yeah. 42 00:02:15,920 --> 00:02:17,360 THEY PRETEND TO CHAT 43 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,880 Take the trolley down to the wholesaler's and collect this order. And take as long as you want 44 00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:25,760 cos yer wreckin' everyone's heads here. 45 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:41,560 The only good thing about this job is it comes with a set of wheels. 46 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,600 Behind me, is a 426lb bluefin tuna, the biggest 47 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:50,280 caught off the coast of County Cork in many years. 48 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:54,440 Bluefin tuna, a delicacy in Japan, can reach obscene amounts of money. 49 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:59,520 A record sale for one of these fish on the Japanese market, where 50 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:04,240 bluefin sushi is a delicacy, believe it or not, was 1.5m euros last year! 51 00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,880 The one behind me isn't worth quite that, 52 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,680 but should reach 50,000, according to Cork Fish wholesalers, 53 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,160 who are currently accepting bids. 54 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,680 Not bad for one day's fishing. 55 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:17,040 Sorry, Jim, I forgot to press record that time. 56 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,560 We'll need to go again. 57 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:24,840 Where'd you fuck off to? 58 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,600 I really enjoyed loading all of this shit onto the trolley meself. 59 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:31,560 Want to make 5,000 euro for two hours work? 60 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:33,680 Sure. What's the catch? 61 00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,800 Tuna. 62 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,120 I was just talking to Sully there. 63 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:50,560 If we can brings that big fish down to the docklands tomorrow, about midday, 64 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,840 he'll have a boat waiting and a bag of cash. 65 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,520 Look, I've got a map. 66 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,800 This is where we are, OK? 67 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,120 All we gotta do is bring it from here to here without being seen. 68 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,600 It's a 20-minute walk at the most. 69 00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,200 Like, fuckin' steal it? 70 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:06,320 Yeah, what else! 71 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,280 We do it on Sunday, when no-one's around. 72 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,080 Your mam's fuckin' broke. 73 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:15,920 Do ya not want to help her out? 74 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,360 I thought I could help her out in a different way, like. 75 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,680 Wipe the piss off the toilet seat or... 76 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:22,800 So you wipe up the piss that you put there? 77 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:26,640 Well, yeah, be a gentleman, like. Or be a gentleman. 78 00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:30,320 Flush the shit you put in the toilet, oh, that's a great service. 79 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:34,600 She needs this money, we could help her out and say thanks for all the good she's been doing for us. 80 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:38,000 Yeah? Who cares about the wholesaler? This gaff is fucking minted. 81 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,480 He lives in a big fish palace. 82 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,680 He doesn't need this money, we do. Fuck him. 83 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:43,040 We're at home counting pennies. 84 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,240 Mairead's working double time just to try and feed us, 85 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:47,800 she's got two kids to look after now instead of one. 86 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:50,680 And we're doing nothing for her, like. Yeah. 87 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,520 Think about the things your mam could do with five grand. 88 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,240 She could get a nice blouse or something. 89 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,200 Yeah. Get a George Foreman grill. 90 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,480 Yeah, she'd like that. 91 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,840 She deserves it. 92 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:13,200 What do you mean, you were stealing a fish? 93 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:15,280 I was stealing a fish, like. 94 00:05:15,280 --> 00:05:17,720 Why? Because you want loads of money! 95 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,120 What about the law? 96 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,720 It's a bit of a grey area. 97 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,680 Nobody owns a fish, is the way I see it, like, you know what I mean? 98 00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,760 If I was to rob a car and somebody owns the car, 99 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,280 you get in trouble for that, but no man can own a fish, 100 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,760 because he's his own... He's his own, you know? 101 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,800 HE SNIFFS 102 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,480 HE SNORTS UP PHLEGM 103 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:41,840 What's wrong with him? 104 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,080 He suffers from frigidity. 105 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,440 What's frigidity? 106 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,640 Frig..did.. Frigidity. 107 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,000 Do you have enough room? Do you want...? No, you're grand. 108 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,600 No, it's grand. No... 109 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,240 He's a fucking frigid, like? 110 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:10,560 Frigid... 111 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,200 Frigid, like? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 112 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:17,840 That's what he has. 113 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:23,120 Erm, we've better head home. For dinner. 114 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,640 Fucking hell. 115 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,640 My mam's going to kill me, so, eh? 116 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,400 Meself and Jock are generally into daytime crime. 117 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,440 Night-time crime can be very competitive. 118 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:44,120 Luckily, fish stealing is a bit of a niche market. 119 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,440 When did you rob the key? I didn't rob anything. 120 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:54,600 I just swapped the wholesaler's lock for a similar-looking one yesterday. 121 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,560 So if anyone asks, I'm opening my own lock with my own key. 122 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,560 There's nothing illegal about that. 123 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,840 I've pretty much invented a loophole in the laws against breaking 124 00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:07,320 and entering. So what we're doing, can't get in trouble for? 125 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:08,600 Not in the eyes of the law. 126 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,360 Well, the can be pretty stupid sometimes! 127 00:07:10,360 --> 00:07:13,080 Lucky for us, there's idiots making the rules. 128 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,280 Jesus, it's a bit bigger than I remember. 129 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,160 Here's a tip if you're ever thinking about stealing a 400lb fish - 130 00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:30,280 bring a forklift. 131 00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:32,440 Oh, you fucking bastard. Come here... 132 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,520 Put the trolley on its side and we can slide it in. 133 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:49,520 I'll try again. 134 00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:57,960 You nearly had it. 135 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:03,160 Nearly there. 136 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:04,680 I'm nearly there! 137 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:05,960 Yep, I'll give you a hand. 138 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,400 One, two, three! 139 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,800 Whenever we try and lift it slowly, it catches on and it goes... 140 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,680 ..so we've got to... Catch it by surprise. ..by surprise. 141 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,960 Wait, just walk away. Wait. 142 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,920 So, I don't know what I'm going to do... 143 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,320 Cos I just feel like sometimes... 144 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,360 Right, that's it. 145 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,040 Here. 146 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,960 Go, go, go! Yeah. 147 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,640 Now we've just got to stand him up, OK? 148 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,720 And once he's standing, you hold him, and I'm going to pull this out. 149 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,000 OK. 150 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:23,760 That's all right. 151 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,240 One, two, three! 152 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,400 Yes! 153 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,520 I can't wait to see Mam's face 154 00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,880 when we give her the money we get for this tuna. 155 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,360 I've never stolen anything for anyone else before. 156 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,240 It's actually a really nice feeling. 157 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,680 Do you think it's a man fish or a woman fish? A woman fish. 158 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,920 How would you know? 159 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:57,960 It's got no dick. 160 00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:01,920 Fish don't have dicks. 161 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,520 They have to have dicks. 162 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:06,240 How do you think women fish get preggers? 163 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,840 Not sure. All I know is I've never seen a dick on a fish. 164 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,800 There are three main dangers you need to be aware of when 165 00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,800 transporting a giant bluefin tuna through Cork city in broad daylight. 166 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,000 The first one is obvious - 167 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,520 any guards that might be on the lookout for a stolen fish. 168 00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:23,080 SIRENS 169 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:38,120 The second danger is - wild animals. 170 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:41,280 Go away. 171 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:44,080 You do not want to find yourself between them and their next meal. 172 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:47,640 Go home! Fuck off, you filthy scavenger! 173 00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:51,040 The third danger, and the worst of them all - 174 00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:52,120 rival gangs. 175 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,400 What's in that thing? 176 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:55,280 None of your fucking business. 177 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:57,560 Smells like a fish. It's not a fucking fish. 178 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:02,720 Away, away! 179 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,080 I'll ram the cone up ye, you stupid prick. 180 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:08,920 I want a bit of fish for my dinner! 181 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:22,480 No, no, no! 182 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:23,920 Don't drop that! Hey! 183 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,360 Jock has one of them brains which only really 184 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,240 works well in a crisis situation. 185 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,640 Right, mate, what the fuck we going to do? 186 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:45,040 Do you remember that movie were watching the other night, the black-and-white one? 187 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,080 Not really. 188 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:48,560 I just fall asleep if it's not in colour. 189 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,480 Was it any good? No, it was shit. 190 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,640 But there was this gangster in it who was after killing a fella 191 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,320 who'd eaten a load of diamonds. 192 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,160 So, he wanted all the diamonds, but couldn't just, like, cut him open, 193 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,600 because there was police outside and everything like that. 194 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,640 What did he do, so? 195 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,280 Simple. He came up with this plan, right? 196 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:07,600 He tied a rope round his feet, threw him into the river and 197 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,320 just walked out of the city with a rope over his shoulder, like this. 198 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,440 Sure, nobody's going to look at a fella with a rope 199 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,960 over his shoulder, they just think he's a fucking weirdo. 200 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,680 Walked out of the city and nobody asked him a question. 201 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,520 Do you get me? 202 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,840 What, eat a load of diamonds? No. 203 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,520 Ah, you can't just chuck the tuna in the water. 204 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:44,480 Sully's not going to want to buy a wet fish. 205 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:45,520 Oh, my God. 206 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:47,920 What? 207 00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,320 All fish are wet, you tool. 208 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:51,800 It's their natural habitat. 209 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,040 There's flying fish, like. 210 00:12:59,560 --> 00:13:00,840 All right. 211 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,720 # We started out strong and our hopes were high 212 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:21,160 # We figured on being like Bonnie and Clyde 213 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,680 # 25 years is an alibi 214 00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:26,040 # Had to get connected 215 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,720 # So I wrote a long letter to a Government man 216 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,240 # Told him I was born in the Summer of Sam 217 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,760 # He said, "Son, I don't think that you understand 218 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,080 # "Just wanna get elected." 219 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,600 # But my heart got heavy and my hair grew long 220 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,240 # Had to take a job just to get along 221 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,520 # I was down in the gutter below... # 222 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,800 How are we going to get it past the bridge? 223 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:49,960 You go over to the other side, right? 224 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,800 I'll throw the ring in, and then the current can bring it under 225 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,280 the bridge, and then you just pick it out on the other side? 226 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:56,760 Yeah, yeah! 227 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,640 # Hey, man, you know 228 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,600 # What's up, too slow 229 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:08,200 # Feels like I'm staring at the sun 230 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,040 # Get high, get low 231 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,720 # Don't let your ego 232 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:18,000 # Out there, staring at the sun 233 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,400 # Staring at the sun 234 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,680 # Well, I got a lot of love for the modern man 235 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,160 # I read a lot of books that I don't understand 236 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:31,760 # Not a lot of things that are lost are sold 237 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,240 # Just want a hooker with a heart of gold 238 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:36,960 # As my heart gets heavy and my hair gets long 239 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,560 # Hard can it be just to get along? 240 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,840 # When you don't go selling your soul 241 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,840 # Just don't go selling your soul. # 242 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:59,920 The only good thing about that prick Sergeant Healy off getting driving 243 00:14:59,920 --> 00:15:03,880 lessons is that there's one less guard in the city to dodge. 244 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:05,800 OK, let's go. So, turn on the ignition. 245 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,360 Now put it into first gear. 246 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:13,520 You see, recently, he's been like a randy Labrador, 247 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,720 sniffing around me mam. 248 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:17,120 Brought you some biscuits. 249 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:23,840 I brought you some coffee. 250 00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:30,040 I was just passing. 251 00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:32,920 Lucky for me, whenever Mam meets a fella she likes... 252 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,400 Release the clutch. Really slowly. 253 00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,200 ..it isn't long before she decides to... 254 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,760 Hit the fucking brake! 255 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:51,640 And whereabouts are you? 256 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,520 Not far, down by the Port of Cork. 257 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:01,480 Yeah, I miss you too. We'll hang on here for you. 258 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,800 And bring some sandwiches or something, we're fucking starving. 259 00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,720 Who was that? Siobhan. 260 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,160 She's shopping in town, she's going to come and meet us. 261 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:15,600 Is Linda coming? 262 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,920 Why? 263 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:17,960 You dodging her? 264 00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:21,760 What? Dodging her? 265 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,040 Yeah, are you fucking dodging her, Frigid McFrigidface? 266 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,280 I'm not frigid, I'm just waiting for the right moment. 267 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,840 And being covered in fish guts is not the right moment. 268 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,040 That sounds like something someone frigid might say. 269 00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,280 I'm not fucking frigid! 270 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:38,720 I'm not! 271 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,640 All right. 272 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,840 Where you going? Stop! I'm not... Jock! 273 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:48,640 Jock, I'm not frigid, what are you doing? I'm was only saying... 274 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:49,680 Come here! 275 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,720 Just pull in here, will you? 276 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,760 Slowly! I fucking am going slowly. 277 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,160 Don't shout at me. You're shouting at me. 278 00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,080 Tony, brake. Brake, brake! 279 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:07,240 Do you ever get your blood pressure checked? 280 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,880 What the fuck is that supposed to mean? 281 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:11,800 I'm just saying, as a friend, it might be something to keep an eye on. 282 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,160 "Friend!" 283 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,360 You're not my friend. 284 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,840 All right, well, what is this that we're doing, then? 285 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:20,280 Fucked if I know. 286 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,680 I think when you meet the right person, 287 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,880 nothing will stop you getting together. 288 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,040 Fuck! 289 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:38,480 Oh, fuck it. 290 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:39,960 HORN BLARES 291 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:39,960 Fuck! 292 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:44,280 ENGINE REVS 293 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,560 Just a sec, I need more room. 294 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:48,040 MOVES HANDBRAKE 295 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,560 Ah! Fuck! 296 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,320 Stop, stop, stop! 297 00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:55,360 What's wrong? 298 00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,120 I can't do this. 299 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:07,080 Jock has this stupid fucking theory that frigidity runs in the family. 300 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,120 Come on, boy, it's easy. 301 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:11,560 All you've got to do is put your lips up against her lips 302 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,440 and just put your tongue through. 303 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:14,800 Like a letterbox. 304 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:16,080 Stop talking about it. 305 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,600 Have you tried practising on your arm? 306 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,640 Fuck. Off. 307 00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:22,760 I'm serious. 308 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,840 My arm? Yeah. 309 00:18:30,840 --> 00:18:32,320 That's what most people do. 310 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:35,120 Sucking your bicep is like getting someone's tongue in your hole. 311 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:37,600 Go on, give it a go. 312 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,440 Just around here. 313 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,720 Just go for it. Give it a rub first. 314 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,880 SIOBHAN LAUGHS 315 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:19,760 Erm... 316 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,880 I just got stung, I was just trying to remove the venom. 317 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,720 Looks like you were shifting your own arm. 318 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:28,760 I wasn't. 319 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,320 Missed you. I missed you too. 320 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:47,600 Sometimes there's no right moment. 321 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,520 You've just got to throw caution to the wind, 322 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:51,960 brave up and dive right in. 323 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,680 I'm just covered in fish guts, so... 324 00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:55,720 I don't mind. 325 00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:01,200 What? It just smells like Omega three or something. 326 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:05,120 Like what? Do you know, Omega three, the...? Oh, the golden thing? 327 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,320 Yeah, the stuff they give you when you're small... 328 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,680 Yeah, Mam used to give me them all the time before school, 329 00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:12,160 she said, "It'll make you really clever," and stuff. Yeah! 330 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,680 There's bluefin tuna at the end of that rope? Yeah. 331 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:18,640 How much is it worth, anyway? 332 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,400 50,000. 333 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,840 50,000? Yeah. 334 00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,360 But we're only selling it for five. 335 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:29,040 I think I got ripped off, actually. 336 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:32,440 What do you can do as well, it is, like, take a load of them and... 337 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:37,440 Kind of... ..you cover your arse and your farts stink of fish. 338 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:40,120 Stop, that's manky! It does, it does! 339 00:20:40,120 --> 00:20:44,440 You mean, you fart in class and the whole place smells like fish? 340 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:46,160 Make your farts smell like fish! 341 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,560 Like, I've got to give most of the money to Con's mam, 342 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,800 but I could take you out for dinner or something after we get the money. 343 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:55,000 Especially the teacher, because the teacher hears, like, a fart, 344 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,160 and she's like, "It's going to stink of shit." 345 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:00,960 And then all of a sudden, this waft of just pollock comes your way. 346 00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,840 Do you have a sandwich, actually? Yeah, hold on. 347 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:04,880 Tuna sandwich. 348 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:09,800 It's tuna. 349 00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:12,960 Fuck did you get tuna for? 350 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,200 You all right? 351 00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:21,240 Do you want some? It's... 352 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:22,480 Fuck, no. 353 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,760 Thanks... 354 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,240 ..but no. 355 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:27,320 Oh, erm... 356 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:30,760 No, it's just I've got fish, you know, all over my hands and... 357 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,480 Since when has shit on your hands ever been a problem to you? 358 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:35,960 Usually you have Jock's shit all over your hands. 359 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:39,600 What? 360 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,080 You've got some big mouth, do you know that? Oops! 361 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,840 It was your shit in the hand-dryer? 362 00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,720 I'm... I'm sorry, boy. 363 00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,480 I didn't do it on purpose. 364 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,800 You never wash your hands! 365 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,080 It wasn't my fault you went all hygienic that day. 366 00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,720 Bollocks! 367 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:02,760 Fuck! 368 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,720 Quit messing around, Jock, get the fucking thing! 369 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,240 You do it, I'm still learning. 370 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,480 I'm not going in there, it smells. Jock! 371 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,280 Jock, come on! All right! 372 00:22:29,120 --> 00:22:31,240 Watch out for the toilet paper! 373 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,760 It's not toilet paper, it's a fucking condom. 374 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,480 Thanks for all the fucking help, boy! 375 00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:57,920 "Jump in the water, Jock, you'll the fucking fine, Jock." 376 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:01,360 Oh, yeah, yeah, I can't even fucking swim... I'm fucking freezing! 377 00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:03,440 Come on, we've got to get the tuna to Sully. 378 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,080 I've never seen a fish that size before. 379 00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,080 Give us a look at it before you go. No, we're late. 380 00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:08,640 We were meant to be their ages ago. 381 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,120 You know what happens when you say no to me. 382 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:14,760 Fuck's sake. 383 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,880 # Out in the ocean at the bottom of the sea 384 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:23,120 # There's a tiny little turnip fish, having his tea 385 00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:27,200 # All the other fish think he's really weird 386 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:30,520 # All of the time he is drinking beer 387 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,600 # That's OK 388 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:34,520 # It's very nice 389 00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,560 # I don't care 390 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,280 # For sugar and spice 391 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:40,440 # He says, "I am the turnip fish..." # 392 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:41,880 I don't feel too good. 393 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,040 Me neither. 394 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,320 Do you think Sully will still buy it off from us? 395 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,920 I mean, like, the tale of a bluefin tuna's got to be worth something? 396 00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:58,880 That's a yellowfin tuna. 397 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,200 No, it's not, it's a bluefin tuna, 398 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,040 the yellowfin tuna aren't worth much. 399 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,080 If it's a bluefin tuna, why has it got yellow fins, so? 400 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,040 At least you didn't lose a 50k fish. 401 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,200 Shit! 402 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,040 I think if you steal something from someone for someone else 403 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,360 but then you lose the something you stole before you give 404 00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:42,800 it to the someone else, morally, it all kind of levels out. 405 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:44,200 Know what I mean? 406 00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:49,640 You going to clean that up? 407 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,760 Are you here to arrest the duck? 408 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,200 Your mam asked me to stick around. 409 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:16,400 You shifting her? 410 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:19,720 We're just friends, OK? 411 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:21,440 She wouldn't shift him! 412 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:23,560 Shifting guards is like shifting cousins. 413 00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:31,400 Here, let me show you this funny video I got at work, right? 414 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,360 These two have got to be the biggest morons 415 00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:34,680 I've seen in my entire life. 416 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,240 Do you actually go out of your way to upset your mother? 417 00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:10,960 Quit talking to us like you're our da. 418 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:12,800 You're not, you know. I'm not trying to be, 419 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,520 I'm just trying to stop your mother getting hurt and I'm a guard 420 00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,800 who's trying really hard not to arrest you, you dumb little prick. 421 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:23,040 You could be looking at six months in a juvenile detention centre. 422 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,080 If you let us off this, you could be our da. 423 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,040 I don't want to be your fucking da. 424 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:32,160 Where is she? 425 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,600 She's down arranging payment for that fish you stole 426 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:36,760 so they don't press charges. 427 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,200 It's going to take her all year to pay it off. 428 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:40,960 It's tough enough providing for two kids 429 00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:42,640 without having more debt to deal with. 430 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,520 We were going to sell it and give you the money to pay the bills. 431 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,040 I'll leave you to it. 432 00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:13,000 One sec. 433 00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,760 Sometimes you've just got to do what's right for you. 434 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,640 Even if other people find it fucking disgusting. 435 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,080 Ah, yeah. 436 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:35,560 So, I'll... I'll see you tomorrow? 437 00:27:35,560 --> 00:27:37,480 I guess, I suppose. And... 438 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,400 I'll see you, lads! 439 00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:41,440 Erm... 440 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,400 Couldn't even steal the right fucking fish. 441 00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:01,160 The teacher who sent us off to do unpaid work experience said, 442 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:03,600 "Work is not all about the money." 443 00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:06,400 I hate to admit it, because he's a prick, 444 00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:08,560 but I think there's a bit of truth in that. 445 00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:10,600 Can I do something? Yeah, erm... 446 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,800 Bag up those mussels for that girl over there. Sure. 447 00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:17,560 You see, in the criminal world, there's a lack of community spirit. 448 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:21,040 There's just something nice about helping people with the simple shit. 449 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,200 Like picking out their dinner. 450 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,520 OK, I've got that for you. 451 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:26,760 Thanks a million. Cheers. 452 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:29,200 All the usual for you? 453 00:28:29,200 --> 00:28:30,960 Or having the craic was some old fucker 454 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,120 you wouldn't normally batter your hole with. 455 00:28:33,120 --> 00:28:35,120 How's the missus? She's OK, she's alive. 456 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:36,960 Same fucking joke everyday, Tommy. 457 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:38,920 Makes you smile everyday too, though. 458 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,600 You get the chance to learn new skills. 459 00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:44,440 Something that won't get you arrested. 460 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:45,600 I got it! Got it? 461 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,240 There you go! 462 00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,240 Look at him, he's professional. 463 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:53,960 If you get good at something, I think you start to enjoy it, 464 00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:55,720 even it is to do with fish. 465 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,960 Do you know your mother's the best fishmonger in the country? 466 00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:00,760 Oh, really? Ask anyone. 467 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:11,360 That's for yourself. 468 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,800 So, that's a little thank you. 469 00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:14,960 See you, guys. 470 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:16,480 Thanks, Pat. Thanks. 471 00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:21,880 And, yeah, people go to work so they can get paid. 472 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:29,080 But I think sometimes the real value of money 473 00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:30,720 is not what you can buy with it... 474 00:29:32,520 --> 00:29:35,680 ..it's knowing how hard someone worked to earn it. 475 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:45,080 Fuck! 476 00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:48,480 Wax? 477 00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:58,480 Ugh! 478 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:00,680 Fucker!