And when we've reached the 25th gentle squeeze of the teat,
we connect with our sheep with a mindful touch and say,
- "We honor you." - "We honor you."
That's right.
And we continue milking.
And as we do, we acknowledge that we, as women,
will also give milk to our child.
And though we may not hear our children thanking us in this way,
we will feel it.
Which is not to say
that all of us are going to breastfeed.
Mothers who choose to formula feed love their children
and are just as much mothers who nurse.
Every woman's lacteal journey is different and beautiful.
Let's say that all together.
Every woman's lacteal journey is different
and beautiful.
- What trimester are you? - Just first.
That's what I thought. I didn't want to assume.
Maybe you're just having a tiny baby.
And that would be wonderful, too.
And as we place each kernel of buckwheat,
one by one,
back into the pillowcase,
making sure that each little grain is free of weevils
or mealworms,
let us reflect on what each of these 3,000 grains of buckwheat
represent to us.
Is it the number of weeks that we will live, on average,
after giving birth and becoming mothers?
Psst! I just put two kernels in at once. Should I tell her?
Is she gonna make me start over?
I... I can't do this!
Okay, everyone
let's acknowledge that Taryn is feeling challenged
by this exercise in maternal patience.
Taryn, would you be interested
in sharing where you are on your emotional journey right now?
Actually, yes, yes. Um...
I would rather be sleeping on a bunch of weevils
than count buckwheat kernels, Rainbow.
That's where I'm at right now.
Okay.
And are you able to step out
of your negativity whirlpool
to acknowledge that motherhood
will present situations that are
equally frustrating?
No, no, not really, Rainbow.
Really, mostly, what I'm thinking right now
is that I'm gonna have a son in two months,
and I'm wondering how I'm gonna explain to him that his dad is a fucking meathead
who Mommy shouldn't have had a fucking second date with,
let alone move into his apartment for a month
before Mommy came to her fucking senses!
And that's Taryn's journey, everyone.
Oh, and just a reminder,
it's "Reignbough,"
not "Rainbow."
"Reign,"
like the period in which a queen rules.
"Bough," like the branch of a tree.
Alice...
I can't do this anymore.
Me neither.
This place is insane.
No, I mean, yes, this place is crazy, but I'm...
I know what you're gonna say.
You don't have to say it if you don't want to.
No, I have to say it.
I can't be a mother.
Will you come with me?
Of course I will.
It's okay. Do you hear me?
It's okay.
Now, can we please get the fuck out of here?
Roshambo, bitch.
Let's rock paper scissors all up in this piece.
Remember the strategy.
Well, maybe forgetting the strategy is my strategy.
Wait, am I playing as Dede or playing as me?
Playing as you.
Copy that.
- What are you doing? - You shoot on three.
You don't. You shoot on four. It says so on the Interweb.
- It says... - I don't care what the Interweb says.
I learned this in 1962,
and that's how we're playing. Shoot on three.
Here we go.
- Damn it. - Focus.
Damn it.
Oh, son of a...
Bitch! How did you do that?
Nice.
Watch your body language.
She totally just gave herself away.
Yes.
No!
- Oh, come on. Don't get frustrated. - God, no.
- This is a disaster! - I really think you're overthinking it.
Well, of course I'm overthinking it.
I thought that was the strategy.
No, come on.
Now, don't think.
You know what the strategy is.
Don't throw paper or something.
- That's not the strategy! - Not the strategy.
Don't even think! Do it now! Do it right now! Here we go.
Damn it.
What the fuck?
- This is eerie, I have to say. - Yeah.
There you go. We tied.
Good. Here.
What is that? Pen?
Motherfucker.
Taking you down, amigo.
Oh, not today, Satan.
Yes!
Oh, come on.
I got ice water in my veins, baby.
What am I gonna play, James? Hmm?
Is it paper? Hmm?
- Oh, I hate you! - Yes!
That's right!
Whose house?
Sorry. Awesome.
Real slow now.
This is insane.
Stay focused.
I just won, so my instinct will be
to stick with what just won.
You play what will beat
- what I just beat you with. - I got it.
- Okay, okay. Here we go.
And...
- Motherfucking son of a bitch! - I just played scissors!
- Switch to rock! - I know that! I know that!
- Oh, my God. Nope, not doing it. - God!
- Nope. Not doing it. Nope. - Oh, my God!
- Dede. - Mm-mm. Nope. Mm-mm.
Nope. I need a drink. I'm going out and getting a drink.
Well, okay. We can practice along the way.
- I'm not practicing. I'm drinking. - Okay...
Do you know anyone that's had one?
I don't think so.
But my understanding is that
when you get older, you find out that a lot of people
who you never knew had one actually had one.
Pretty sure my mom has.
And my dad's definitely paid for more than one.
Are you having doubts?
No.
Are you having feelings?
I thought River got me pregnant once.
I didn't tell him because I knew he would just ask me to marry him
on the spot and want to keep it.
And you didn't want that.
I loved River more than I've ever loved anyone, but...
I just... I don't want kids.
You don't know that.
I do.
And I don't care anymore
if people think that makes me less of a woman.
I know it doesn't.
I just don't want that for myself, so I wouldn't be a good mother.
Do you think I will
be a good mother?
Yeah, I think you probably will.
You make Payton feel better about himself than he deserves to,
so that means you know how to look after a boy.
And you're the most accomplished woman I know.
So you'll probably pass that on if you have a girl.
I still love Payton.
I don't know if I wanna do this without him.
Do you think they'll let you come in with me?
Yes. I'll be in there with you the whole time.
When you walk out of here,
you can do whatever you want with your life.
When I walk out of here
it's gonna be on a path that I want.
So should you.
But what if we don't like where that path leads?
At least you will have chosen it.
- Astrid Sloan? - Yeah.
This way, please.
I don't know why we couldn't have had a drink at the St. Regis.
What, all the way uptown?
Besides, the best way to make an old broad happy
is to surround her with gay men.
Hey, hey.
What is he doing here?
I have no idea.
Sounds pretty good, though.
- Really good. - Yeah.
Thank you.
- Well, well, well. - Yeah.
- Goodness. Can we buy you a drink? - Look at you.
I already have my club soda.
I'm sober. I have been for months now, so
- one day at a time. - Good for you.
Gee, with a voice like yours,
you should be on Broadway, not in politics.
Although, and this might be the martini talking,
you ran a hell of a campaign.
- You're good, kid. - Thanks.
I know I don't need to say it, considering your track record,
but so are you.
Both of you. Really.
It's... It's sad that someone has to lose.
He's bullshitting.
- You love the idea of beating us. - Sometimes.
- Uh-uh... - Okay, most of the time.
But, seriously, you guys fought for progressive causes
people my age just assume were always there.
You know, abortion rights,
civil rights, social programs.
We stand on your shoulders.
Yeah, while you drive us into the grave.
You did with progressives before you.
Well, experience matters, you know?
Knowing how the game is played,
and the back doors into the system...
Vision and passion are great,
but Albany
- is a beast... - Mmm.
That takes years to learn how to tame.
We've seen it eat noobs alive.
I am sure that's probably true.
But, for now...
I'm having the time of my life.
It's great, isn't it? Being in the arena.
- Mm-hmm. - With the roar of the crowd
the feel of the other guy's bones breaking in your hands,
the taste of blood in your mouth.
I do want you to know, I had my limits, okay?
A member of my staff leaked all that stuff about the throuple
and... and you and William.
I... I had him fired for it.
Thank you for saying so, but, uh
actually, you should rehire him.
No, I would have advised you to release that stuff.
We're big girls.
We know this isn't tiddlywinks.
And it all ended up for the best anyway.
Although, I am a little more tired than I used to be.
William is insatiable.
So, what are you gonna do if you win, Payton? Um...
First hundred days?
Mmm, re-start the conversation about building a seawall
to protect Lower Manhattan from the next superstorm.
Never gonna happen.
Those tightwads in appropriations,
they won't give you ten cents for a paper clip
if they think it's gonna help Manhattan.
I know, I know. I... I don't think it's ever gonna get built.
I just think it's gonna help curry favor with the local construction union,
which will increase my voting bloc
enough to solidify my reelection chances.
And it's gonna move the goalposts
as far as what they're willing to spend on climate issues,
so when I propose that we subsidize
solar panels for all the downtown buildings,
that $200 billion is gonna make the 50 million
that the paneling costs sound like a bargain.
Maybe I won't get as chewed up as you think I will.
Payton, people are asking for you to do another song.
My constituency demands action.
Excuse me, ladies.
You know,
they say that you learn more from your enemies
than you do from your friends.
So, I would like to dedicate this next song to two women, who
other than my mother,
have done more to make a man out of me than anyone else in the world.
Thank you.
- Whoo! - Thank you.
Oh, my God.
Oh, this is awful.
You should fake a heart attack or something.
- They look nervous. - They should be.
Old people are terrible at game theory.
I bet they buy all the utilities in Monopoly.
I can't believe this is the way our political career is gonna end.
Would you relax?
Everything's going to be fine.
I have never seen anyone worse at roshambo than you, Dede.
You are uniquely
- and utterly useless at it. - Thank you.
- Here we go. - Mm-hmm.
- Oh, shit. - All right.
Hello, all.
I'm Jay Tank-Brown, head of the elections board.
I'd like to welcome you all to a very
unique and historic day to determine the winner
of the 27th District state senate election.
Now, the rules are clear.
Rock beats scissors,
paper beats rock, and,
of course, scissors beats paper.
We will be using the Jacobian scoring rules.
Best of five, as agreed upon by the candidates...
Uh, Jay, before we start, I'd like to say a few words.
No. Hold on. We did not agree to that in negotiations. Okay?
- If she gets to speak, I get to speak too. - Payton, Payton, shut up.
You have the whole rest of your life to talk.
You hear that?
Hear what? What is she talking about?
It's a trick. It's gotta be a trick.
See, when you're a politician,
you develop a kind of, um
bionic listening.
You have to hear what no one else does.
You have to hear what your constituents want
above all the noise of the media
and the special interests.
The sound of the strongest political wind
can be heard long before it blows down old politicians
and ideas.
The best of us can hear them
when they're nothing but a summer's breeze.
I'm not great at everything,
I... I am certainly not a champion at rock paper scissors.
I dig in when I should compromise,
and I have a very specific approach to romance.
However...
I am a great listener.
And one of the things that I've been hearing
over the past few weeks of this campaign
is that young people are angry.
They are angry about income inequality,
wage stagnation, the cost of housing, and more than anything,
climate change
that will alter the way they relate to the planet we leave them
because they know that none of those other things are going to matter
if they don't have a planet to live on.
And most importantly,
they're willing to do something about it.
And one of the other things that I've been hearing
is the voice
of a young man
who fights diligently to solve the problems
that these young people are so angry about.
This election should not have been this close.
But it was.
So close that we are here deciding the outcome
with a child's game.
It was so close because young people voted
in larger numbers than ever before,
and some of them for the very first time.
They voted
because they finally
had a candidate
who inspired them.
Who made them believe
that someone was finally listening to them.
And I'm listening too.
And that is why...
I am conceding this election to Payton Hobart.
It's not a trick, not a trick.
Congratulations, Payton.
Senator Hobart.
Now the hard part starts, kiddo.
Thank you.
I guess we won.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, cheer up.
Why? You just gave away the farm.
That was certainly very unexpected.
Um, we're all a little bit taken aback,
but I think that we are gonna stick to our plan for the first hundred days
to focus on technology...
You won.
Maybe. I'll never know what was in that ballot box.
Trying to write this acceptance speech.
You made the right call, not turning it in.
Not right in the legal or ethical sense, but
right for you.
I envy you.
'Cause I'm willing to do anything to win?
Because you know who you are.
You know what you want.
You don't?
I think I may wanna go to medical school.
I think
you'd be a great doctor.
- Maybe I'll become a surgeon. - Hmm.
I excel at focusing on a single task for long periods of time.
It's that or start a lifestyle brand, I haven't decided yet.
- Hmm. - Either way,
I need to go back to Harvard and finish school.
I am certain that I love you though.
I don't wanna be your dutiful wife, but...
I do wanna have a family with you.
It just needs to be a little more...
George and Amal and a little less George and Martha.
Hmm.
I want that too.
Come on. Let me buy you dinner?
We'll talk medical schools?
Don't you have to finish your acceptance speech?
Ah, it can wait.
I think
we should make tonight
all about you.
- Come on. - Yeah.
Hello.
- Hello! - Hi, Georgina.
Hi, Dede.
- Thank you so much for facial timing me. - Hello.
How's the day drinking going?
Excuse me?
Oh, I didn't mean it as an insult.
How are you, Georgiana?
Are you still basking in the glow of winning 98 percent of the vote?
I mean, I suppose so.
Running for governor, was... It was... It was fun,
but, uh, can you believe
nobody told me that you have to move to Sacramento for the job?
I mean
what is in Sacramento
except for farmland and... and... And opioids?
Um, so... so you're not taking the job?
No, of course I am. I am.
But I... I'll only be there for a year.
My understanding is that the governor's term is for four years.
But I've decided
to run for president.
This cycle.
- Huh? - Isn't that wonderful?
Uh-huh. What... What about all your big plans for California?
What about secession?
Yeah
well, you know,
I might have been aiming a little bit high with that one.
And then it struck me.
Why does California have to leave the country
when the country could be more like California?
Well, yeah, but what does that have to do with me?
Well...
I want you to be my vice president.
Well...
You are so smart, Dede.
You're so good at all of the... The governing
and all that stuff that I really can't be bothered with.
I doubt I would even run for a second term.
You would be set up to succeed me.
If I said yes, I would... I would have terms.
I would want to bring Hadassah Gold with me.
- I would want... - Oh, of course. I'm way ahead of you.
I was thinking of having her as my chief of staff.
Her natural dislike of people makes her perfect for that job.
One question then:
Why me?
Because you and I both know, you are far from finished.
It's second act time for you.
And politics, yes, it's mostly ego and... and marketing,
but... but the governing
competency matters
integrity matters,
expertise matters, experience matters.
The country needs you,
that's why.
An all female ticket.
History-making.
What do you say?
Because this is the thing about change
people say that it can't be done,
and then when it is, when you accomplish the thing that nobody said that you could,
suddenly, those people that stood there,
blocking your path every step of the way,
suddenly, they say that they didn't.
Suddenly, your big idea was their big idea all along.
So, let's not let that happen.
Let's remind them that they were the ones
standing in the way of progress...
Oh, God, there you are. I'm not saying any of this.
Okay, I mean, you can say whatever you want, you won.
No, I didn't win, that's the problem, I tied.
That makes this speech about the things I'll do with my big victory
sound stupid, especially since it's not a victory at all.
But what I'm trying to say is...
Please stop interrupting, let me finish a fucking thought!
I'm sorry, it's just
the problem is, for someone who has staked his future on winning elections...
I don't win many elections, do I?
There are cynics who will tell you that
recycling doesn't make a difference...
Okay, I'm about to say something that might make you really mad.
But you won.
Jesus Christ. No, my opponent dropped out, again.
That's the thrust of the point that I'm attempting to make.
Yeah, no, that's the part that might make you mad.
We counted the votes in the ballot box... and you won.
Leaders will see the writing on the wall.
James, Skye, and me, we kind of couldn't stand not knowing...
Payton.
Dede.
Payton. Payton.
All those old people in the retirement home
they all went for you, 98 to 75.
You won the election, Payton.
I mean, it was close, just 23 votes, but you won, you... you actually won.
Congratulations, Senator.
State... Senator. Let's not get carried away.
State Senator Elect!
Oh, my God.
Ladies and gentlemen, Senator Elect Payton Hobart.
- That's me. - That's you.
Thank you.
Wow.
Wow, wow, wow.
You know, I have to... I have to tell you, I'm very much at a loss for words.
- We love you! - I love you, too.
I really do.
Listen, a lot of ink was spilled
about how this... this race was about generational change.
Right? Older voters versus younger voters,
voters that had never before in their lives cast a ballot.
But
looking at our exit polls, I learned a lot about who my supporters really are.
Young and old, you trusted me with your support.
It has defied my expectations,
and it has humbled me.
And for anyone out there who did cast a vote for Dede Standish,
I have three words:
I get it.
I do.
Dede Standish is a remarkable woman.
She's an outstanding politician
who's done just about as much as any single person could do
to improve the lives of her fellow citizens.
Now, she and I did not always agree on everything.
But, uh, I promise you,
I will work every bit as hard as she has for the last 30 years,
and I promise you that I will take the trust that you placed in her
and I will guard that trust
for as long as I'm honored to hold elective office in your name.
Thank you.
There's an old adage
that says that politicians campaign in poetry
and govern in prose.
So now we are on to the prose part.
The backbreaking work of standing up to the colossus,
the abomination that is money in politics.
The fire hose of falsehoods and disinformation
that is trained and ready to drown out anybody
who dares to challenge a broken system.
The power of the forces aligned against us
is daunting.
And the hard work of safeguarding our natural environment,
rolling back greenhouse gas emissions
and drawing a line in the sand as to what we will and will not tolerate
when it comes to risking mankind's future on this planet.
These are all just about the hardest things
that humankind has ever asked itself to do.
But
as I stand here today...
I can honestly tell you that looking out at the spectrum of voters
who honored me with their vote in this campaign,
I can tell you from the bottom of my heart
that today I have never been more hopeful
about what a group of people who have come together with a common cause
can find the strength inside itself to do.
We will meet this challenge and we will overcome it.
And let me tell you something,
if I ever break that promise to you, there is something that I need you to do for me:
Vote me out!
If I ever become part of the status quo in Albany, you vote me out.
If I ever choose the easy path over the right one, vote me out!
Pay attention.
Stay engaged.
Give me no choice
but to be the man that I want to be,
the man that I have promised you today that I will be.
If you can make that promise
then I can promise you there is nothing we will not accomplish together.
We will transform this city of New York and we will save this world!
Thank you so much for this honor. I'm so proud to be your senator!
Thank you.
Okay, our biggest accomplishments over the last two years, go.
The all-electric city bus fleet.
You co-wrote the bill requiring every new high-rise in Manhattan
to utilize a combined heat-and-power source
and incorporate solar panels into the design.
You added 300 EV charging stations across the city,
fast-tracked permit approval for New York's offshore wind operation,
which is now ahead of schedule and set to deliver 3000 megawatts,
which is almost twice what was promised.
Also, that's 250 new jobs.
Are we talking first-term accomplishments?
I'd vote for Archie.
Ah, all good points.
Okay, okay. Guys, very happy you're engaged,
but this is still a workplace, so if we could just... save a little space.
Thank you very much.
Hi. I'm sorry I'm late.
Hi, sweet boy.
Mommy just took her first board exam.
- How'd it go? How'd it go? - Yes. Mwah!
I think it went well, but we'll see.
- Archie, Mommy's almost a doctor, yeah! - Yeah, just like eight more years.
Eight more years, yeah.
Folks, two years ago on election night, we were shitting ourselves.
Tonight we get to
sit back,
and celebrate.
Celebrate what? You're running unopposed.
Uh-huh. That's what I mean, that's what we're celebrating.
We delivered for the 27th District
and now our voters are gonna send us back to Albany
for two more years to fight for them.
Can I just say something?
This is kind of a huge bummer.
What are you talking about?
I thought you were gonna announce your next campaign.
Yeah, this was the next campaign. We won!
- Yeah, we won but there wasn't a campaign. - I agree.
I mean, the champagne's great, but I thought
maybe you were gonna announce that you were running for governor.
Seriously?
I guessed Congress.
I thought US Senate.
I thought that's what the lunch with Chuck Schumer was about.
No, no, no.
Okay, I need everyone to really hear this.
The last two years
have been a revelation.
Not just because I became a husband and a father.
Yes.
But because I learned that a meaningful life
is not all about ambition.
We didn't worry about the next thing.
We stayed devoted to the thing in front of us.
A cause we believe in and that needs us.
So.
We have a lot more work to do.
And I for one plan on doing it.
That's what I want to celebrate tonight.
So get up here.
Wanna make a toast?
You wanna make a toast? Mmm!
I hear the cutie.
Yes.
To two more years. Cheers.
Also,
your mom's about to be elected president.
And to that as well.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
What are you doing here?
What do you mean?
You don't own Central Park.
I'm jogging. I do it all the time.
Wait a minute, hold it, hold it.
Oh, my God.
Okay, I lied.
I don't jog all the time. In fact, I haven't jogged in 20 years.
Oh, my God, we usually do that elliptical thing, you know?
The one that tells you you've run 15 miles, what bullshit.
This is way harder.
There's someone over there who wants to talk.
I'm going to Sant Ambroeus for a hot chocolate.
You could've just called.
- Or spoken to you at the inaugural. - Mmm.
But I wanted this to be very private.
Congratulations on the election...
Madam Vice President.
- Vice President Elect, thank you. - Ah.
And congratulations to you on all the spectacular work
you're doing representing the 27th District.
I... I was right about you.
Ooh, well, I... I was wrong about you at first,
but then... I was right about you.
You have accomplished things that I never could've,
things that I wouldn't have even thought possible,
quite frankly.
- Thanks. - Mm-hmm.
I have big shoes to fill.
I'll cut to the chase.
As you know,
your mother made a campaign pledge
to only serve one term,
which paves the way for me to run in four years.
- You think she's gonna stick to that? - I know she is.
She is technically not even the president yet
and she's already bored.
But the point is I am going to run,
and just like your mother, I am not interested in some hokey,
fake veepstakes.
I want to know who I'm running with.
And I would like that to be you.
Are you...?
You... You can't be serious.
I am totally serious.
Well, don't I have to be 35? I'm not old enough yet.
Well, we're gonna change that.
That's, uh, one of the things.
That your mother is pushing in her first one hundred days, is, uh
to "let's fix the dumb shit in the Constitution" campaign.
And she's got all these pop stars
and they're gonna record a "We Are the World" type of song
and, um, it's catchy.
- Mmm. - Mm-hmm.
I know
it's a way off, Payton.
But I'm asking.
Will you do it?
Will you be my vice president?