Why are you wearing that?
Because we are dick-deep in some serious espionage, missy.
Can't take any chances.
Okay, but that outfit makes you stand out more.
- You ladies know what you'd like? - Please. I'd love...
Give us a minute, please.
So, you know, and I know,
and Payton knows about Dede and the throuple,
and he knows that we know that he knows.
Yeah, right.
Well, guess what I just found out
from a dear friend
who runs a certain city desk
and gets real chatty after a couple of martinis.
Payton just sat down to lunch with a reporter
from the New York Times.
Not Field & Stream,
the New York Times.
So, what do you got for me?
I presume this is about Senator Standish?
Mm-hmm.
All I can say is it's big.
You can't tell me what it is?
Just that it's coming.
Save some space for a Sunday drop,
get it online, and I guarantee you,
it'll be the top of every newscast when cameras roll Monday morning.
That depends on what it is.
Give me a hint.
Health care? Campaign finance violation?
More like the destruction of a political icon.
It'll be your exclusive.
Sunday morning.
If that story comes out, Dede's career is over,
which means my career is over.
But I don't understand. Did he tell her what it was?
Well, the story hasn't dropped, so either he did,
and they're sitting on the story until they can confirm it's legit,
- or... - So, what'll it be?
One minute, please.
Please, can we order? This place has a Michelin star,
and I'm starving.
- I can bring some charcuterie or... - I said, one minute.
Or he didn't tell her what it was because he's got nothing but your word,
and he knows the Times is gonna need more.
So he's trying to butter her up, get her salivating until she comes to him,
begging him to let her run it.
Either way, we get a little time to generate some countermeasures.
Honestly, I'm just very hungry.
Now...
I'm having dinner with the selfsame reporter,
and I intend to quid pro quo Payton's tiny little heinie.
So I need to know the details of that threesome
you and Payton were in.
Right. So, here's the thing,
- um, I was looking through my diary and... - You keep a diary?
I mean, good, in this particular instance.
But who are you?
I know the date and approximately what time,
but... that's kind of all I remember.
Aah.
- Are you kidding me? - I was nervous.
I had a martini and I borrowed my mom's Xanax,
and the details are kind of... fuzzy.
You better listen up right now, missy.
Your assignment is to sit down with Payton,
light a few candles, get him liquored up,
flesh out the details, and get it on tape. Got it?
Yeah, okay.
Wait, are you leaving?
I can't afford to eat here!
It's Wednesday the 4th. Andrew-has-dirt meeting
in an office that I cannot believe is his.
You get the best office when you start bringing the goods,
and as far as I can tell, I'm the only one doing that.
Seeing as how Payton's down 20 points,
- you're really shitting the bed. - Okay, Andrew, just tell us what it is.
Sit back and open your ears so I can blow them,
because I have... the tapes.
I understand that the quality is very poor.
You have to, like, put your ear
right up next to it and listen to it a bunch of times.
Not to worry, because I have a transcript.
It all started when Dede walked into Hadassah's office,
shut the door, and said something very unexpected.
Hadassah, we need to talk.
William is back living with us.
Neither Marcus nor I
are willing to give him up, and that's that.
Now, I know this is going to infuriate you...
Infuriate? Oh, no, Dede,
that's not the word.
The word is... destroy.
You are destroying me.
I am a fucking puddle of water on the floor.
- You have wicked-witched me! - I'm sorry, Hadassah, but we...
Have you ever once thought for one second about everything I sacrificed for this?
For you? For your career?
- Of course I have! You know that I have! - Oh, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!
- I have never had love in my life. - Oh...
No. No, no.
Okay, that one year I was married, but I never loved him.
Do you know that I could have married Peter Jennings in '84?
- What? - We had a torrid affair.
He was the love of my life.
But I said no.
I gave it up for this life with you, and I never once complained about it.
That just came with the job.
But you want to throw it all away because you got that tickle in your loins?
You know what? What about me?
- What about you? - You don't care.
And you can't even see how destructive you're being.
Of course I care.
- Know what? - I'm not being destructive.
You know what?
All this time, I'm the one who's been in the throuple.
- What? - You,
me,
and your career.
- What are you doing? - Well,
now you're the one throwing the career away,
so, thank you.
I can finally
move on.
- Please, Hadassah. Please, don't do... - It's over! I quit!
She went home and watched every single Nancy Meyers movie,
even the bad ones.
What are you talking about? There are no bad ones.
Mmm, agree. I just watched The Intern,
and you know what? Great movie.
She wrote Father of the Bride. Perfect film.
Know her daughter's started making them? The Reese Witherspoon one, totally good.
It's 'cause people really wanna live in those kitchens.
Hold on. No way.
Get over yourself, Payton. They're good movies.
No, I mean,
Hadassah has been working with Dede for her entire career.
She's not just gonna walk away.
Correct, bitch.
The very next morning, Hadassah returned
with a tearful apology
and a brand-new plot to destroy you.
I realized something last night. It's complicated,
and something's gotta give.
It's your personal life, not mine.
And you're allowed to lead it however you choose.
I... I really appreciate that.
If any of this gets out,
it destroys 40 years' worth of hard work,
- yours and mine. - I know.
So.
I have come up with a plan
that will keep William close to you
and skirt any and all rumors about this
throuple.
Okay.
We pretend William and I are a couple.
We've been secretly dating for three years.
I have a guy doctoring old photos,
and a Page Six photographer
who's going to catch us going into my apartment tomorrow night.
I've booked an interview with Women's Wear Daily,
where I'm going to talk about why I kept it secret for so long
and how women in May-September romances
- shouldn't feel any shame... - You mean May-December.
Kiss my ass, Dede.
May-November, at most.
- Late November. - Week before Thanksgiving, okay, bitch?
Anyway, after that
anything comes out about a throuple,
I mean, like... particularly, just a rumor or, I mean, no proof,
no... no photos
is going to seem like...
Like a desperate, ageist
political smear.
So, what do you think?
I think you really do love me,
don't you?
Yeah.
I do.
Now, unfortunately, that's all I can tell you,
because that bitch who works at the front desk switched her meds
and destroyed my spy cam.
Because it's incredibly sexist, that's all.
That's what I'm... That's what I'm talking about...
I hate cats.
Sure, I can get a little Statue of Liberty wearing sunglasses in there soon,
but for now,
there's only two cats in play:
One at Dede's house and one at Hadassah's.
Now, there's still the matter of payment.
We're already paying you.
Where's my date with Infinity?
She's agreed to meet with you for five minutes next Friday.
Good. You're all free to go.
So, I told her I...
I couldn't agree to anything until the three of us spoke.
It's just...
That's her plan.
So.
What... what do you think?
Well, to start with, what do you think?
I think it's a way for us to stay together without having to break up,
and
quite frankly, it's humiliating.
Now, that is what I think. Humiliating.
How many mistresses have been in and out of the White House
in the past 200 years?
It is hypocritical, it is unfair,
- it is... - And it's temporary.
It's just through the election and the VP pick.
Once... Once we're through with all that, we can...
We can figure something else out.
- I... I don't... - Well, Marcus, we...
No.
I...
This is the hardest thing in the world. I know, and I...
Here. And I don't... I don't like putting my career
ahead of my life,
but I also know
that there is something great for all three of us
on the other side of the horizon if we can just stick it out
until we get there.
Okay. Okay.
There you are.
Sorry I'm late.
- We good? - Yeah.
- Hello, darling. I missed you. - Hi.
So this is how it's going to go.
William and I are going to leave. There's paparazzi at the apartment.
We're gonna tell them we spent all day bird-watching,
which you got me into,
and then we went out and bought matching workout clothes
for SoulCycle, which I got you into. Got it?
Oh, marvelous. Okay. Well, gotta go.
Here we go. Come on, Sasquatch.
- Now? - Yep.
Damn. Where is that guy?
- I'm freezing my ass here. - I...
- You can't count on anybody anymore. - This is stupid.
- Oh! - Oh! No! No photos, please!
- Hadassah, are you two a couple? - You know what? I'm so sick of you vermin.
Yes, okay? We are!
We've been dating for three years, okay?
Now, please, just leave us alone.
Really great work back there, deaf-mute.
Home sweet home. Kitchen, my room,
view of Central Park.
- Where's my bedroom? - Oh.
Your bedroom's right here, within the imaginary walls
that directly abut this sofa.
Okay. I just thought it'd be a little bit bigger.
Well, I'm sorry. I grew up a working-class kid
in Paramus, New Jersey,
and I possess a certain trait called thrift,
which means that I prefer a smaller jewel box of a home
that I can actually afford.
- Now, good night, sweetheart. - Ooh!
Love you to bits.
You're angry.
I just don't like to be excluded, that's all.
To be on the receiving end of a very elaborate lie.
I get it.
And I'm sorry we hid it from you
and that you found out the way you did. That would've been really hard.
If it's any consolation, you're handling it better than I would've.
- Well, I... I appreciate that. - It's okay.
- I'll get you a duvet. - Okay.
Hadassah?
- May I help you? - Yeah, so, um
do you have a night-light?
No. No, I don't have a night-light.
Okay, 'cause this is embarrassing. Um, I'm kind of afraid of the dark.
That's weird, I'm working through it in therapy.
Just turn on the lights.
No. But see, I can't sleep in full light either.
I need the room to be dim but not dark.
Turn on the phone, the flashlight on your phone.
I tried that. It doesn't work. It feels like a tiny man
with a flashlight pointed at me is standing there and staring.
Hadassah.
- What? - Can I just sleep in your bed?
What? Are you crazy?
I'm not used to sleeping alone. It's part of the problem.
The fear of the dark thing totally goes away if I'm with someone. I...
Okay, how about this?
You grab your duvet. You can sleep on the floor.
Oh, my God, thank you so much.
Hey, you go back to bed, and I'll get myself situated, okay?
Not at the foot of the bed.
You're not my dog.
Lay over here.
Okay, thank you.
So, and this is the last thing, I promise.
- What? - Shouldn't we get to know each other?
If we've been dating for three years?
Like, if somebody asks us?
And you want to do this right now?
Well, I don't know. Paramus, huh?
Was it nice?
Like Paris.
It was all right.
We didn't have much. My father was a butcher.
So we never went hungry. What about you?
Well, I was a twin.
Oh, my God, there are two of you?
No, he died when I was three days old.
Jeez, I'm so sorry.
Oh, that's horrible. I'm sorry.
It's okay. It's okay. Obviously, I don't remember him, but, um,
but they say that everything that happens to you before you turn three,
that's how your emotional life is shaped.
So, you actually do remember it,
just in a different way.
I never heard that before.
You... You're shitting me!
So, I forgot my lines, and I'm standing there out onstage,
so I just start saying lines from a different musical.
I can't! I can't!
Yeah, no, suddenly Tevye up there's singing
about how there's gonna be trouble in River City.
Oh, God, I gotta pee!
And then the pit band starts playing along, and.
Okay?
- You're okay. - Oh, Lord. Oh, I cannot believe that.
I have never laughed like that in my life.
And now it's time to go to work! I...
Oh, God.
I'm so glad we did this.
Oh, gosh, me too.
No, I... I mean, I...
I'm... I'm glad we're... we're doing this.
Yeah.
This is fun.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Okay. I'm gonna shower first, and then you, okay?
Okay.
What if it's a snow-cone truck, but then when you go to lick it,
it's dry ice, and it starts melting,
and the cups say, "Remember when there was ice?"
First of all, dry ice doesn't melt, it sublimates.
And if you lick dry ice, you'll burn your tongue.
- We'll get sued. - James,
there's no "no" in a brainstorm.
Fine, then let's keep pitching insane ideas
about having a rally about how hot the planet's getting
when it's fall and freezing.
Would you please stop spouting right-wing talking points
that deliberately confuse weather with climate, James?
I guess I'm having trouble getting it up for an issue that is not a priority
for voters in this district or the country at large!
Payton is finally passionate about something.
We need voters to see that, okay?
It doesn't matter what the issue actually is.
Okay, fine,
snow cones it is.
I can't wait to go out in the freezing cold
in my overcoat and lick tongue-burning dry ice
and then hit the ER.
Okay, time-out.
Everyone's getting hangry. What are we gonna do for lunch?
- Pizza. - What kind?
- Barbecue chicken. - Hawaiian.
- No, barbecue chicken. - No, Hawaiian.
I'm fine with that.
"I'm fine with that" means
"I also think barbecue sauce on pizza is disgusting,
so I'll just quietly eat all of James's pizza,"
and then I'll get, like, one slice.
Dude, you did not just make a comment on my eating habits.
It's not what you think. Nobody died.
Let me rewind a second to my life one year ago.
Yes, I was busting my ass to graduate Columbia early.
Yes, I spent most of my time studying,
but I had hobbies.
I had an exercise routine.
Most importantly, I had a bunch of friends
and a bunch of dates.
Did I keep these mostly women but also some guys
at arm's length because I didn't want anything serious?
Yes.
- But my full life felt full. - Fuck that.
- Fuck you! - I had balance.
Last year, James was a junior at NYU.
He got really good at squash, which was so weird.
He got really into the underground punk scene.
He had a relationship with a CPA who looked exactly like Alice
that he ended pretty quickly,
but again, balance.
Mmm. Okay, let's take a look at your term paper.
Skye was the firebrand on campus,
where it sounds like you're actually encouraged
to date your professors.
And she did some speaking engagements at local high schools.
I guess what I'm saying is,
it doesn't matter how frustrated you get.
Poisoning people just isn't the answer.
She'd soon find herself working for the man she poisoned,
but again, balance.
Fast-forward to now.
We all started working for Payton and fell into a super toxic dynamic:
Working, eating, watching Netflix, passing out.
This is every night. That is why I'm crying.
I don't get it. That's Kaley Cuoco.
Yeah, she's on a date.
Tomorrow, I'm going out.
I'm going out to dinner, and then I'm going to see a play.
- That sounds great. What are we seeing? - You're not invited.
I am removing myself
from this toxic friend triangle,
and I am going on a date with someone from Tinder.
And then I'm going to have sex with that person.
Goodbye!
River's been gone for three years,
and I still think about him every day.
He was such a good person.
Not like us.
- No offense. - Mmm.
None taken.
I think he thought we were good people, though.
I don't think I'll ever find anyone who sees me like he saw me.
I miss watching him shower but mostly miss being loved
and seen like that.
My shrink says I haven't processed his death properly,
but I think it's just 'cause so much of my memory is so blurry.
Had a pretty impressive drug problem at the time.
What were you on?
Ambien, Xanax, Klonopin.
The advantage of having a mother who's always high on pills
is she can never remember how many she's taken,
so it's easy to steal from her.
Not that she wouldn't have just given them to me, anyway.
I don't remember our threesome.
Really?
You seemed very present and into it.
Faking it is my superpower.
Will you tell me about it? In detail?
Like, did we do it more than once?
No, just the one time.
We got a hotel room so we could be sure no one disturbed us.
We did some shots of Everclear to calm down.
We were all a little nervous.
River suggested that we might loosen up
if we danced to the Psychedelic Furs.
As usual, he was right.
I think we both just wanted to make him happy.
And he seemed to really enjoy watching us, so...
I kissed you,
and we were all making out on the bed.
I was on top of you,
- then he moved behind me. - God, did he put it in your butt?
I thought he was going to, but
he didn't.
I think he was thinking about it, but then I looked down at your face,
and you suddenly got... really angry.
Then what happened?
Nothing. You locked yourself in the bathroom.
He knocked on the door for a few minutes
until you let him in.
You guys talked in there for a while, and then
you both left.
Wait, so no one actually had sex that night? No penetration at all?
No.
They always say that's the problem with a threesome.
Someone always ends up in tears.
That night, you and I both did.
Why did you cry?
I wasn't attracted to River in that way. I just wanted to feel
close to him.
You know, to feel
intimate with him.
And
it didn't happen.
Why'd you cry?
All I know is that after that night, I knew without a doubt
he loved you more than he could ever love me.
I threatened to out him.
Even though I knew he wasn't gay, either. I don't even think he was bisexual.
That still haunts me.
I want to believe it had nothing to do with his suicide.
I knew he wasn't gay.
He just wanted to be close to everyone.
And we just wanted to be close to him.
So, I'm actually 37 points down now,
which means that even if Dede Standish were to die between now and the election,
I probably still couldn't make up the ground. So
what would you do?
- I'm sorry. - No, I...
I just... Don't you think that being together would be the closest
we could get to being with him again?
He loved us both.
He's gone, Astrid.
- Sorry. - No.
I don't trust her.
I didn't... I didn't kiss her back.
I know. I saw.
- You've been following us? - Following her,
just like I've been doing all week.
She's up to something.
She keeps a weird schedule and took a spin class with Hadassah.
Do you think she's working as a double agent?
What did you two talk about tonight?
Uh, the threesome that we had with River.
- What about it? - Uh, details.
She said that she didn't remember anything.
Do you think that she's feeding dirt to Hadassah?
Possibly.
Astrid has no moral center or emotional permanence.
Her allegiances lie
with whoever makes her feel good in the moment.
She can't be trusted.
She can only be managed.
We need to begin an affair with her,
at least until the election.
She clearly lusts for you, considering that goodnight kiss,
and she's got major lady-boner vibes for me, I can tell.
Oh, God, you're brilliant.
Okay. What's our next step?
You just follow my lead.
Now take me home and make love to me immediately.
- McAfee? - David, hi. Come on in.
You actually look like your profile, so, thank you.
- Um, not a serial killer, right? - Nope. You?
No. Good.
Um, would you like a glass of wine?
That'd be great.
- Uh, I brought edibles. You want one? - Yes, thank you.
Uh... So, what do you do?
I am chief strategist for the Payton Hobart campaign.
He's running against Dede Standish for state senate.
Cool. He's got his work cut out for him.
I never understood why states have senates.
It makes sense on the federal level but not for the states.
I think all states
should have a unicameral legislature like Nebraska.
- Pieces of shit! - Whoa, what happened?
My friends left the text chain.
So, I'm in, like, a super toxic relationship
with some of my work friends,
and so I was like, "You know what? No, I'm gonna go see."
"Studs Terkel's Working musical with some hot guy," you.
And then they go and do that.
And I'm like, "Of course, they're trying to control me,"
so I am going to do one better,
and block them
on... Instagram.
So, what were you saying? You're from Nebraska?
No.
- So what do you think? - It's really good.
It's kind of an interesting throwback to that leftie, mid-'60s,
you-are-what-you-do sort of thing. It feels kinda dated...
No way. Skye, what are you doing here?
Seeing Studs Terkel's Working. Same as you, evidently.
Quit stalking me, okay? This isn't cool.
Will you get me a beer and tell me your name again?
It's Susan. You've asked me that three times tonight.
I am not stalking you. You didn't tell me where you were going.
What the hell?
Wait, how did we all end up here?
Been wanting to see this since it opened.
No way. That would be an insane coincidence.
Not really. I mean, if there is a musical
that three Democratic political operatives all wanted to see,
it would be Studs Terkel's Working.
- So... - Is this your date?
- What's his name? - Hey,
- I'm... - You don't get to know his name.
Hey, so this show's, like, not very good,
and it looks like a lot of people are leaving.
We should go to the front row and sit together.
No way. I am on a date. Come on.
- Payton told me you tried to kiss him. - I meant no offense to you, Alice.
You were honestly the last thing on my mind,
- in a nice way. - I don't care.
Payton's charisma is my burden to bear
as much as it is his.
And I understand that most men
with Payton's ambition need the attention
and affection of more than one person.
Still...
Payton and I are a couple
which is why I think if he's going to have sex with you...
I should be there.
And if we are going to participate in activities
that could create negative headlines,
we need to make sure that all parties involved can be trusted.
Payton and I trust you.
And we would like to have sex with you.
- You want to have sex with me? - Yeah.
I thought I was happy with Marcus and Dede.
I'm so special to both of them,
but I didn't realize until I was out of there
and with someone without dual loyalty,
someone who gave all the attention to me,
just how lonely I was.
I don't want to be the favorite child anymore.
I wanna be an only child.
Are you saying I'm your mother?
No.
Mmm. Um, I'm saying
that you make me feel
like I am the only person in this world.
I want to make you feel that way too.
Gosh, that's awful sweet, but
is that the only reason you want me?
- This isn't just about me. - Mmm.
I've told Alice that you've been feeling a little bit
vulnerable.
You've been struggling, and we want to be there for you.
Okay, I can dig it. But I have some ground rules.
No eye contact.
No kissing after oral,
and dirty talk is encouraged, but nothing vulgar.
Anything else?
We leave the bathroom light on and the door open just a crack.
I want enough illumination to see what's going on
but not so much that I feel I'm performing Oh! Calcutta!
- On the platform at Grand Central. - Totally understand.
Cuddle time after has to be at least the duration of the act itself,
and I'm not liable for any injuries you may incur
physical or emotional.
- What, what, what? - To be honest,
it's been a while since I did this.
I'm married to my job.
I have been for years.
I know, Hadassah.
Mmm.
But for once in your life,
let's make tonight all about you.
Oh...
Mmm...
Great.
The new Morning Consult poll has Payton down by 27 points.
Hey, thanks for tonight.
It was nice meeting you.
Uh, David, wait a second. I'm... I'm sorry about tonight.
I was distracted kind of the whole night,
- and that's on me. - It's all good.
Can I make it up to you by inviting you up and then we have sex?
Yeah. Sure.
Sorry.
- Okay. - One sec.
Do you need to take that?
Um, no, I'm just texting James.
I... I think I do remember him
saying that he wanted to go see Working,
which is probably what gave me the idea.
So, that means they weren't really stalking me.
If anything, we were... subconsciously stalking each other.
And
sent! Sorry.
Turning this off.
So where are you from? Not Nebraska.
- McAfee! - Jesus, sorry!
Oh, my God. Are you there?
McAfee, are you home?
You guys, this is not cool. I'm on a date.
Wait! He's up there?
Yes! We're having sex!
- Is it good? - You don't get to know that!
Yes, I do!
Good night!
I think he just left.
Wait! Where are you going?
You guys are really unhealthy, you know that?
Wait! Yes, I know! That's my whole point!
So, can we come up?
Eleven states.
That's all I need.
If I flip Texas and Georgia,
and I eke out a win in Florida... poof
the other eight are easy pickings.
I can still be president of all 50 states,
just as long as I win.
I'm just gonna come out and ask.
Are you thinking of anyone else for the VP slot?
You heard something?
No, no, but you're a transactional man.
And
maybe you're seeing that you need some more help in North Carolina,
or maybe California even,
and would want to pick a running mate from there.
You just take care of your senate race,
and everything's gonna be fine.
I think you're rethinking your offer.
I don't judge it. It's what I would be doing.
But if you're gonna flip those states,
you're gonna have to turn out the young voters who've never voted before,
and maybe you think that you need
an exciting, younger woman to help with that.
You misjudge me.
I don't blame you.
I present an image of a buttoned-up workaholic.
And as a woman in politics, I've had to do that,
but I haven't been honest with you
about my personal life.
For the last ten years, I've been in a committed throuple
with two men: My husband and our partner, William.
What?
You said you had no skeletons in your closet.
I don't think it needs to be a skeleton. I think we can use it to our advantage.
Perversion doesn't sell in Peoria.
It does if you're under 25.
And that's the voting block that you're going for.
The kids now, they're fluid.
They're polyamorous.
They share rides, apartments, boyfriends.
And let me tell you,
women ages 45 to 70 will be saying, "You go, girl"
when they step into the voting booth to vote for us.
- I don't buy it. - Well, you don't have to.
Because I've had our pollsters conduct a secret poll on the subject,
and 62 percent of women over 40 have said
that they are more likely to vote
for a woman who proudly owns her sexuality.
It's the next level in the women's empowerment movement.
I can't believe Hadassah agrees with you on this.
She doesn't know I'm telling you.
I'm tired of hiding in the shadows,
not being who I am.
I just need to know one thing.
If I come out with this and my numbers go up,
what happens then?
I don't give a rat's ass
if you're screwing the entire offensive line
of the New York Giants.
If your numbers are high, you're in.
If they go down,
then you and I have never met.
So...
What's the skinny?
Nothing.
I can't remember a three-way because there wasn't one.
I know when someone's lying.
Years of working in politics have honed my sense of smell for liars.
They give off a distinctive musk,
and you reek like you've been bathing in canard cologne.
Believe what you wanna believe. I'll keep spying for you.
- I'll let you know if I hear anything. - No, you won't.
You're back with them... for now.
You'll be back with me as soon as they let you down
or I offer you some shiny new thing that distracts you
from that black hole where your heart is supposed to be.
Yeah,
I dug up the dirt on you, too, sweetheart.
You're just like your mother,
selling it to whoever's paying.
You're fired as my mole.
Take your Strawberry Shortcake backpack out of here.
Come back if you ever decide who you actually are.
- Where is he? - In a cab,
two minutes away.
I can't believe I'm going to say this,
but we haven't hung out properly in a day, and I feel like I'm missing a limb.
Can we please do dinner and Friends tonight?
- Yes, I would love that. - That'd be awesome.
Look at this from Astrid. "Can the three of us do dinner tonight?"
I was right. Astrid doesn't know who she is or what she wants.
If we keep her close, make her feel loved,
she's ours.
And then our runway's clear to drop the throuple bomb.
I'm two steps ahead.
I confirmed brunch with the Times,
- Sunday at 11:00 at the Four Seasons. - Oh. I love you.
Once this gets out, I'm the candidate with all the morals
and all the momentum.
- We'll win. - Mmm.
Go get 'em, tiger.
Whoo.
Payton! Payton! Payton! Payton!
Yes, exactly, exactly.
So, my friends, if you...
If you want to see this beautiful carousel submerged
under four feet of storm surge after the next big hurricane,
well, then go ahead and vote for Dede Standish.
Boo!
If you want to see the ocean emptied of fish
and air unfit to breathe, a sixth extinction on this planet,
then I'll say it again, by all means,
- vote for Dede Standish, right? - No!
But, my friends, if the thing that you want to see
is a real sea change,
a generational revolution
in this city and in this country
that will show the entire world where our priorities lie
and a bold, aggressive vision for a better future,
then I beseech you, give me your vote!
Yeah!
Please honor me with your vote, and I will lead the way,
because it is time that we start investing in ourselves,
and it is time that we start investing in our future.
Thank you very much for being here!
Thank you!
Payton! Payton! Payton!
What? What is it?
Don't know. Gotta get back. Dede's gonna make an announcement.
- Shit. Okay, let's go. - That was perfect.
Hi, I'm Dede Standish.
After 30 years in public service,
I realize there's a lot about me that you know.
But as a woman, well, lately I realized
that there's a lot you don't know.
You know, we live in a culture that makes assumptions about people
based on stereotypes,
well, outdated attitudes of race and sexual orientation and gender,
and more subtle ones based on age and sex.
And those stereotypes are never more apparent
than in a hard-fought political campaign.
So I wanted to give you a little insight into the Dede Standish
who has been fighting for the past 30 years
tooth and nail against the moneyed interests
in the smoke-filled back rooms of Albany.
I'm proud to say that for the past ten years,
I have been in a sexual relationship with two different men.
A throuple.
Why am I telling you this now?
Because I am so tired of the political pundits
and the mainstream media making blithe assumptions
about women who are over 50,
as if our lives lacked the drive
and the energy of people 20, 30 years younger.
Well, all I have to say is that women over 50,
we are just hitting our stride,
and it is more important now than ever that our voices be heard, too.
So for those of you who are feeling now a little uncomfortable out there,
all I want to say is, just chill out.
Maybe it's time you got hip to
what's really happening out there these days.
And to all my ladies of a certain age,
you know what I'm talking about.
I'm Dede Standish.
It's been a long day of fighting hard for the New York 27th,
so if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go let off a little steam.
Paid for by the Committee to Reelect Leader Standish.
Uh, okay. Um...
Reality check. How did we not know this was coming?
What about those freaking cats?
All quiet on the cat front.
- The hell does that mean? - They're not nuclear-powered, dipshit.
Maybe the batteries ran out.
- And in regards to my date with Infinity... - Stop. Stop talking.
What just happened?
I think she just lost the election.
Oh, my God!
I got a text from Oprah!
- The Queen herself? - Yes!
- What does it say? - Here.
- "You go, girl." - And you do.
- Oh! Oh! I knew it. Oh. - Thank you.
We're up six points since the throuple announcement.
I knew it.
Voters are tweeting about me. Wait.
They say that I'm... I'm relatable
and real and sexy.
Page Six was about to run that story about William and me.
You should've asked me before you made that announcement.
Why? Dede couldn't have pulled it off any better.
This is our life. It's our choice to talk about it.
True, and I agree, Dede was magnificent.
What I take issue with is that she made a public statement without all the facts.
She has put herself very far out on this throuple limb,
which means she's at risk of someone sawing that branch off behind her.
- Who would do something like that? - Me.
- Wha...? - Um...
I love you,
but I'm never gonna be anything more than a third wheel with the two of you.
With Hadassah
well, um...
I'm her one and only.
Come here.
How could you do this to us?
The heart wants what the heart wants.
But I won't let it get in the way of the campaign.
The three of you will continue to be in the throuple while out in the world.
I guess that sort of thing is what makes for good politics these days.
But behind closed doors, oh
this man is mine.
Come here, darling.
After you.