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Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
M_I_SForEver

2
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<i>♪ I'm living in two worlds ♪</i>

3
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♪ Dividing my time ♪

4
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<i>♪ Unhappy in your world... ♪</i>

5
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Hit me where it hurts.

6
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<i>♪ When I'm in your world ♪</i>

7
00:01:14,075 --> 00:01:18,079
<i>♪ I just pretend ♪</i>

8
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<i>♪ That I were really happy ♪</i>

9
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<i>♪ Though I don't fit in... ♪</i>

10
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Hit me where it hurts.

11
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<i>♪ I'm heading in two worlds ♪</i>

12
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<i>♪ Where do I belong? ♪</i>

13
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Hit me where it hurts.

14
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<i>♪ Unhappy in your world ♪</i>

15
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<i>♪ And lonesome in mine ♪</i>

16
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:15,136
<i>♪ I'm living in two worlds ♪</i>

17
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<i>♪ Dividing my time... ♪</i>

18
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:19,440
Hit me where it hurts.

19
00:02:20,074 --> 00:02:24,811
<i>♪ Unhappy in your world ♪</i>

20
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<i>♪ And lonesome in mine ♪</i>

21
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We're behind, so we really
need to get you

22
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,986
in hair and makeup
and on set as soon as possible.

23
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,055
And remember we have
that FaceTime session

24
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:37,224
with the new director
of the Sony franchise.

25
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:39,826
Plus, you have a phone interview
with <i>In Touch Weekly</i> at 1:00.

26
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:42,096
There's your new first team
rehearsal right now, with stand-in.

27
00:02:42,229 --> 00:02:44,298
And we're gonna do a table
read of all the rewrites

28
00:02:44,431 --> 00:02:46,367
later at lunch.
And don't worry,

29
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,735
we're gonna get you that kale
Caesar, no croutons.

30
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:50,437
And we need to do
a face cast after that.

31
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:53,107
Plus, we need to book in
some time for a photo shoot.

32
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:55,142
And I'll put that
on your schedule.

33
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,910
There's a doctor coming
to check the rash

34
00:02:57,044 --> 00:02:58,711
that you got from the
prosthetic you wore yesterday

35
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,481
and to give you
a B12 shot.

36
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,715
Do you need somebody to run lines
with you in hair and makeup?

37
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,318
Do we have
any spare humans?

38
00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,587
But we do need to get you
into hair and makeup,

39
00:03:06,719 --> 00:03:08,389
Yeah, we really
need you to go

40
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,624
into hair and makeup right
now, Miss Black, like now.

41
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Fuck you, fuck you,
and fuck you!

42
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,229
Fuck my life!

43
00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:18,299
Okay, hold the work please.

44
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:21,868
We're gonna do our first team
rehearsal again with the stand-in.

45
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,836
All right, everybody set?

46
00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:25,972
Okay, action.

47
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:28,908
I have the ring right here.

48
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:30,910
I took it off grandma's finger
while she was dying.

49
00:03:31,045 --> 00:03:32,513
Well, almost dying.

50
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:33,813
My bitch sister's at a party.

51
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:35,249
She doesn't even know I have it.

52
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,351
She's never gonna get
her hands on it.

53
00:03:40,254 --> 00:03:41,288
Aah!

54
00:03:42,855 --> 00:03:44,425
That hit me where it hurts.

55
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,560
Okay.
That's a cut on rehearsal.

56
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,797
Okay, guys. That was great.
Looks great.

57
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:54,268
Andy, could you try and take
that pull back like 10%,

58
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,503
little bit slower?
Thank you.

59
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:57,870
- Excuse me, Barbara.
- Yeah.

60
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,174
I know Candy, and she's
gonna want to stop

61
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:01,508
at the arm chair.

62
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:04,944
So, um, maybe we could
move the mark over.

63
00:04:05,079 --> 00:04:07,981
Uh, yeah, yeah. Sure.
Thanks Paula. I'll tell camera.

64
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:09,383
Oh, great. Thank you.

65
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,318
Have we got Candy on deck?

66
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:12,686
Gotta go, gotta go.

67
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,896
You were great
in that last film you did.

68
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:25,499
Oh, thanks.

69
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:27,635
I'm actually
an actress myself.

70
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,603
- That's great.
- Don't get me wrong.

71
00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,238
I love being a stand-in.

72
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:33,574
Candy and I have been
together for years,

73
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:34,907
and she's the best.

74
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,844
It's just that
my true passion is acting.

75
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:43,950
What's your secret to success?

76
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,053
If you don't mind me asking.

77
00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:48,522
I guess I believe
in boundaries,

78
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,725
professional boundaries
between professionals.

79
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:53,826
That's probably
my whole philosophy.

80
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:59,233
I was just looking
for an acting agent,

81
00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,269
and I don't suppose...

82
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:05,205
Oh. No, I have to...

83
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:14,448
Louis. Louis, what actual fuck
do you do for your commission?

84
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:19,653
Well, then get your client
out of her trailer

85
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,622
and onto this set.

86
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,591
What are you talking about?
I love Candy,

87
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,427
but I can't wrangle her

88
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,563
while I'm trying to direct
this picture with half a crew.

89
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:31,231
Louis.

90
00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:33,600
Well, what do you
want me to do?

91
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:36,103
You want me to call
Melissa McCarthy's agent?

92
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:39,106
Just get her out
of the trailer.

93
00:05:43,310 --> 00:05:45,813
Candy, its Louis.

94
00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:49,916
Buddy, Barbara's been giving
me a really hard time.

95
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,320
But you know what?
Fuck her!

96
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:56,357
Okay? What do directors
even do? Right?

97
00:05:56,724 --> 00:05:59,793
They just... They tell people to do
things they were already gonna do

98
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,495
and then take credit
for it.

99
00:06:01,628 --> 00:06:04,565
So, don't do this film for her.
Do it for me.

100
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:08,235
For us? Huh?

101
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,071
Because I believe in you.

102
00:06:11,205 --> 00:06:12,606
Come on, buddy.

103
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:17,544
Um, you also owe me money
for that movie

104
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:21,515
that you did in Barbados that
you don't remember making.

105
00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:23,916
So what do you say?

106
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:26,487
No! Fuck off!

107
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,422
So, that's a start.

108
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,124
So, I'm gonna head
back to set

109
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:33,794
and let Barbara know
that this went well.

110
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:36,963
And I'm confident that
I will see you momentarily.

111
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,332
Fucking...

112
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,167
do something.

113
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,006
Candy.

114
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:50,210
Candy, it's Paula,
your stand-in.

115
00:06:51,612 --> 00:06:53,614
Listen, I have to
tell you something.

116
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,884
I just overheard Barbara saying
they're going to fire you

117
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,752
and hire Melissa McCarthy.

118
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,354
Well, good luck to her.

119
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:04,591
Well, the thing is, I don't look
anything like Melissa McCarthy.

120
00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:06,326
She'll bring
her own stand-in,

121
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:08,629
and then I'll be
out of a job, so...

122
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,100
Please come out.

123
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,005
Please?

124
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:20,507
For me?

125
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:28,981
Okay, everybody let's flush
this turd down the toilet.

126
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,919
Okay. Chop, chop.
Let's go.

127
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:35,122
Picture's up. We are going right for a take.

128
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:37,724
Everybody,
last looks please.

129
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:40,394
Okay, come on. Clear the set.
We've been ready.

130
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:44,198
Come on. We need first team
on our marks, please.

131
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,568
Okay. Everybody
off the set now.

132
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,038
Can we have a slide-in?

133
00:07:51,171 --> 00:07:52,272
Vivian, we can see you.

134
00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:54,241
Back off three feet.

135
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,543
Mark it. Thank you.

136
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:01,849
And... action.

137
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:03,650
I've got the ring right here.

138
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:06,587
I took it off grandma's finger
while she was dying.

139
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,489
Well, almost dying.

140
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:11,758
My bitch sister's at a party. She doesn't even know I have...

141
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:16,096
Oh! Oh, my God!

142
00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,731
- Jesus Christ.
- Oh, my God!

143
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:19,566
- Cut!
- what the fuck?

144
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,668
What the hell?
What are you doing?

145
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:23,704
Why didn't you hit her
with a bottle?

146
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,340
- She really hit her?
- Yeah, with a fucking marble cat.

147
00:08:26,473 --> 00:08:28,609
Sorry, I didn't have breakfast.
Nobody got me breakfast!

148
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,410
- Okay.
- I'm not myself when I don't have breakfast.

149
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,913
Can we get first team
some food, please?

150
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,548
Are you okay?

151
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:35,782
No, Barbara.

152
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,885
I'm not fucking okay.

153
00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:39,453
How the fuck would you feel

154
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:42,923
if some stupid bitch
smacked you in the head

155
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,458
with a fucking marble cat?

156
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:45,592
I didn't realize.

157
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:47,294
Oh, didn't realize?

158
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:50,597
"Oh, I didn't realize."
Bullshit!

159
00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,933
I should kick
your fucking ass.

160
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,601
Here, genius.

161
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,670
Fucking cat, bottle.

162
00:08:56,803 --> 00:08:58,138
Bottle, cat.

163
00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:00,908
One of them is meant to
be smashed over a head.

164
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,910
And the other isn't. See?

165
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,077
I'm so sorry.

166
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,346
Don't be fucking sorry.
Think.

167
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:08,582
It's my blood sugar.
I didn't have breakfast.

168
00:09:08,715 --> 00:09:11,385
God, you're pathetic.
Somebody get her a fucking egg white.

169
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,587
I bet you're on
a fucking diet, right?

170
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,723
You know how to diet?
Eat a fucking pizza and do an eight ball.

171
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:20,627
Hey, fuck you! Don't walk
away when I'm fucking talking!

172
00:09:20,761 --> 00:09:25,065
Don't fucking walk away from me
when I'm talking to you.

173
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:28,135
Do I have to do
all your jobs for you?

174
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:29,670
Would that be better?

175
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:31,738
Okay. Like, just,
I helped everyone.

176
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,707
And then if you had
to fucking do anything...

177
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:37,578
How about... Would it be better
if I took this bottle

178
00:09:37,711 --> 00:09:40,213
and smashed it over
my own fucking head?

179
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:41,882
- I'll take care of this.
- Would that be good?

180
00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,685
It's not funny.
None of this is fucking funny.

181
00:09:44,818 --> 00:09:47,287
And none of you
get to fucking laugh

182
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:48,855
unless I'm being funny!

183
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:52,693
And this, assholes,
isn't fucking funny.

184
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:54,328
Candy, how about
we take a walk?

185
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,229
Louis, get the fuck
away from me.

186
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:58,066
Because if it wasn't for you,

187
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,866
I wouldn't be doing this crap.

188
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,835
Sorry, Barbara,
but this is shit.

189
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,205
It's not shit.
This is an alternative type of quality.

190
00:10:05,339 --> 00:10:07,908
It is shit, and you're shit,
and you're shit.

191
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,743
And you're all fucking shit!

192
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:13,614
Oh, my eye! Oh, my God!

193
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,583
Hell, It must have been
a glass fragment.

194
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,352
- Oh, fuck.
- Oh, my God.

195
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:20,854
- That wasn't my fault.
- No. It was not.

196
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:22,155
I didn't mean to...

197
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,657
I got out of the way.
I'm sorry.

198
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,027
I was aiming for him,
not her, everybody.

199
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,795
I just... I just
got out of the way.

200
00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,670
Are you filming this
with your phone?

201
00:10:38,305 --> 00:10:42,010
Are you filming this?
Did you send it in already?

202
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:43,710
Is the damage done?

203
00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:47,081
Louis, shit.

204
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:52,319
Call Publicity. We've got another
fucking scandal on our hands.

205
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:54,621
No. She's fine. She...

206
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:56,790
It was an accident.

207
00:10:56,923 --> 00:10:59,760
All you crew members
I just talked shit about,

208
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,062
I have an idea.

209
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:03,131
How about if every one of you

210
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:07,101
had just a moment of your life
that you didn't want anyone to see,

211
00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:10,237
and then it's out there.
Does anyone know what that's like?

212
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,040
Because when you sign up
for this fucking job,

213
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,307
you just have to
spread them wider

214
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,309
and say, "That's right.

215
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,712
I'm on the fucking
gynecological table of life.

216
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:22,315
Look fucking down
my goddamn shaft.

217
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,818
Look at it. Shine your
fucking light in there."

218
00:11:24,951 --> 00:11:27,654
Well, let's walk outside,
take a breath.

219
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,756
They'll figure out
if she can keep working.

220
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:34,695
And in the meantime, why don't
we talk about anything else?

221
00:11:36,030 --> 00:11:37,364
Shit.

222
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,866
Fuck, God damn it.

223
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:43,537
Fuck, fuck, fu...

224
00:11:44,105 --> 00:11:46,473
That infamous incident
from five years ago,

225
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:49,376
signaled the end of
Candy Black's stellar career.

226
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:53,413
And today, Hollywood's class
clown has fallen to a new low.

227
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,315
Yeah. Miss Black
has been on trial

228
00:11:55,449 --> 00:11:57,250
for six counts
of willfully failing

229
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,386
to file federal
income tax returns

230
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:02,489
<i>for amounts totaling
$6.3 million.</i>

231
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,291
<i>It's been a stunning
fall from grace</i>

232
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:08,261
<i>for one of the most successful
female comedy stars of all time.</i>

233
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:09,830
<i>Of course,
beloved by audiences.</i>

234
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:12,466
<i>But Candy's career
took a nose dive</i>

235
00:12:12,599 --> 00:12:14,401
<i>after her
onset meltdown.</i>

236
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:17,138
<i>She's become one of Hollywood's
most famous recluses,</i>

237
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:19,239
<i>hiding out in her
Long Island estate,</i>

238
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,908
<i>rivaling Howard Hughes
and Greta Garbo</i>

239
00:12:22,043 --> 00:12:25,412
<i>for her reluctance to step
back into the limelight.</i>

240
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,814
<i>Candy Black did not
appear in court today.</i>

241
00:12:27,948 --> 00:12:30,383
<i>And in fact, she has not
been seen in public at all</i>

242
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,985
<i>for the last five years.</i>

243
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,788
<i>Her attorney's claim she was
too drunk to file her taxes.</i>

244
00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:38,192
<i>So a judge has sentenced her
to 90 days in rehab.</i>

245
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:40,061
<i>Coming up next,
we have a top mixologist</i>

246
00:12:40,194 --> 00:12:45,099
<i>to show us Candy's shockingly
powerful highball whiskey cocktail.</i>

247
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:13,161
- <i>Hey.</i>
- Hey.

248
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,628
<i>What you up to?</i>

249
00:13:15,263 --> 00:13:17,798
I'm watching
dumb online news.

250
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:20,500
<i>That stuff's toxic.
It's all noise.</i>

251
00:13:20,634 --> 00:13:22,702
Yeah, I know. You're right.

252
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:25,839
<i>Getting rid of my TV was the
best decision I ever made.</i>

253
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,741
<i>I never watched it anyway.</i>

254
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:29,776
<i>And I banned myself
from going online</i>

255
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,912
<i>till I finish
a first draft of my book.</i>

256
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,616
<i>So, how's the new table
coming along? Use pine?</i>

257
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:40,487
Fuck pine.
I chose cedar, obviously.

258
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,455
<i>Did you use a rasp
on the legs?</i>

259
00:13:42,589 --> 00:13:44,424
No.

260
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:47,394
A riffler
and some spoons blades.

261
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,299
<i>I wish I was with you
right now.</i>

262
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:54,534
<i>We could see just how sturdy
that table really is.</i>

263
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,638
Yeah.

264
00:13:58,772 --> 00:14:00,074
Me, too.

265
00:14:00,208 --> 00:14:04,644
Look, uh, there's something
I need to talk to you about.

266
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:06,880
<i>Okay.</i>

267
00:14:07,714 --> 00:14:10,784
Things are just
pretty crazy right now

268
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:14,554
and I might not be able to...

269
00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:21,761
I don't think I'm gonna be able to
talk to you for a couple months.

270
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:23,697
<i>A couple of months?</i>

271
00:14:23,830 --> 00:14:25,732
Two or three at the most.

272
00:14:25,866 --> 00:14:29,003
<i>Wait, why? Where are you going?
Why can't we talk on the phone?</i>

273
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:35,375
I can't tell you, but,
um, after this hiatus,

274
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:40,114
I just want to pick up right
where we left off. And, um...

275
00:14:42,149 --> 00:14:46,220
I just need you to know
how important

276
00:14:46,354 --> 00:14:48,889
this relationship is to me.

277
00:14:49,023 --> 00:14:52,826
<i>What relationship?
We've never even met.</i>

278
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,561
<i>And now you're telling me
you have to go away</i>

279
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:57,131
<i>and there's nothing
you can do about it?</i>

280
00:14:57,265 --> 00:14:58,598
Look, I think...

281
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:01,135
<i>Okay. Well, I don't know
why you're doing this.</i>

282
00:15:01,269 --> 00:15:06,374
<i>I felt like we were finally
getting somewhere, but... whatever.</i>

283
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:08,109
<i>Anyway, I gotta go.</i>

284
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,101
Hey, can't sleep
in your car around here.

285
00:15:34,235 --> 00:15:37,871
No, of course not.
I wasn't sleeping in my car.

286
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:42,475
I... I just pulled over for a
little power nap. That's all.

287
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,477
Sure, lady.
Gotta move your car along.

288
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,646
Street cleaning starts
in ten minutes.

289
00:15:53,687 --> 00:15:58,259
- <i>Hey.</i>
- Hey, Louis, I need a favor.

290
00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:00,094
<i>I was just about
to call you.</i>

291
00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:03,797
I was thinking for the press
statement, something akin to,

292
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:06,566
"I'm ecstatic to have defrauded
the federal government,

293
00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:08,835
and I'm looking forward
to doing enough drugs

294
00:16:08,969 --> 00:16:11,738
to kill Charlie Sheen
and his sponsor."

295
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:13,974
- Whatever.
- <i>Buddy, I'm joking.</i>

296
00:16:14,108 --> 00:16:17,044
<i>I don't have to tell you that I don't
have to tell you that I'm joking.</i>

297
00:16:17,178 --> 00:16:20,647
<i>Look, I wanna go on record here
and let it be known</i>

298
00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:22,615
<i>that I know we haven't
talked in bit,</i>

299
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,419
but I'm sorry about the way
things ended up with us.

300
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:28,822
Uh, you were an asshole.
I wasn't at my best.

301
00:16:28,955 --> 00:16:31,225
And that's why
we're good together.

302
00:16:31,359 --> 00:16:34,961
<i>So let's do more of it.
Trilogy Artistic wants you back.</i>

303
00:16:35,096 --> 00:16:35,996
Louis, Louis...

304
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:38,065
And maybe rehab
is a good thing.

305
00:16:38,199 --> 00:16:41,068
You know? It's like
a judge-mandated vacation

306
00:16:41,202 --> 00:16:43,037
where you come back,
lie to the public.

307
00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,972
Then we go back to fucking them
straight in their wallets.

308
00:16:46,107 --> 00:16:50,144
Louis, listen, I need
some contact information.

309
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:52,679
Okay? Someone
I used to work with.

310
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:58,551
Do you remember my stand-in,
Paula... something?

311
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:03,590
Look, remind the director,

312
00:17:03,723 --> 00:17:05,426
the right one blows
at the wrist

313
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,395
and the left one blows off
at the elbow.

314
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,862
Okay.

315
00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:10,964
They're ready for you.

316
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,935
Hi, Terry.

317
00:17:16,070 --> 00:17:19,040
Are there, um, any auditions
available today?

318
00:17:19,173 --> 00:17:21,574
Oh, they're auditioning
stand-ins now.

319
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,211
I've got a few inquiries
for background stuff.

320
00:17:24,345 --> 00:17:25,879
Oh, I don't do extra work.

321
00:17:26,013 --> 00:17:28,349
Why, you think
you're better than us?

322
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,385
You know, one time,
doing a Candy Black vehicle,

323
00:17:31,519 --> 00:17:33,354
and this one,
little miss stand-in,

324
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:35,222
doesn't even join us
for lunch.

325
00:17:35,356 --> 00:17:39,293
Has no trailer, just sits in the
corner, eating a burrito.

326
00:17:39,427 --> 00:17:40,528
Nice.

327
00:17:41,062 --> 00:17:43,830
- Uh, Paula?
- What is it?

328
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:47,201
There's another e-mail here
from Lewis at Trilogy.

329
00:17:47,334 --> 00:17:50,271
They need someone to play
Candy Black in a reenactment.

330
00:17:50,404 --> 00:17:54,674
And they want you to go
to the producer's house

331
00:17:55,309 --> 00:17:59,146
for an audition...
right away.

332
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:00,314
They want me?

333
00:18:00,448 --> 00:18:03,084
- Yeah.
- Wow. Oh, my God.

334
00:18:03,217 --> 00:18:06,786
That's amazing.
Everything's coming up Paula.

335
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:07,615
Hey.

336
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,216
Oh, my God.

337
00:19:09,350 --> 00:19:12,719
Sorry. I had to lie to
get you to come out here.

338
00:19:12,852 --> 00:19:15,156
I didn't recognize you
at first.

339
00:19:15,289 --> 00:19:17,191
Well, I stopped going
to my colorist,

340
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:20,327
around the same time I
stopped looking in the mirror

341
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,429
and leaving the house.

342
00:19:22,563 --> 00:19:23,796
Come on in.

343
00:19:29,069 --> 00:19:31,472
I guess the stand-in work's
kinda dried up.

344
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:34,208
- Sorry about that.
- Oh, no problem.

345
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,010
- Want a drink?
- Sure.

346
00:19:36,143 --> 00:19:38,212
So, what are you doing
for a living these days?

347
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:41,148
Well, actually I'm working
in a nursing home.

348
00:19:41,282 --> 00:19:43,217
Oh, that must be
very rewarding.

349
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:47,354
Well, it depends on how you feel
about cleaning up human shit.

350
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:52,193
It's not bad actually,
but they cut my paycheck.

351
00:19:52,326 --> 00:19:53,960
So, I fell behind
on my rent,

352
00:19:54,094 --> 00:19:56,330
and my landlord's
kind of a hard-ass,

353
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,032
and I lost my apartment.

354
00:19:58,165 --> 00:20:01,968
So, I'm sort of
living in my car.

355
00:20:02,436 --> 00:20:04,737
Oh, shit. I'm sorry.

356
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,241
No, don't feel bad for me.

357
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:10,411
I feel bad for you,
with that insane verdict.

358
00:20:10,544 --> 00:20:14,215
I know, I didn't get
my tax forms in on time.

359
00:20:14,348 --> 00:20:17,850
So fucking what? The IRS isn't
going to get a new coffee machine.

360
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:21,988
Exactly. And who cares if you
have a drink now and again?

361
00:20:22,122 --> 00:20:26,460
I don't even party anymore. It's just I
was so messed up for so long, no one cares.

362
00:20:26,594 --> 00:20:28,795
Well, you shouldn't
have to go to rehab.

363
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,631
Oh, I agree.

364
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:33,601
But unfortunately I do.

365
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,704
Unless someone else
goes in my place.

366
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,339
How do you mean?

367
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:41,808
Someone who looks
a lot like me.

368
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:44,612
What?

369
00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:46,547
When I said I had you
in mind for a part,

370
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,948
I wasn't bullshitting.
I'm the part.

371
00:20:49,083 --> 00:20:51,018
And you're the only one
auditioning.

372
00:20:51,652 --> 00:20:55,922
Think of it like a stand-in
job for a rehab movie.

373
00:20:56,257 --> 00:20:58,525
Except there's no cameras
and no movie.

374
00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:01,995
Oh, my God.

375
00:21:03,597 --> 00:21:08,435
I mean, that would be...
could be highly illegal.

376
00:21:10,237 --> 00:21:11,105
Technically.

377
00:21:11,672 --> 00:21:15,676
Do you actually think
we could get away with it?

378
00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:18,512
No one's seen
my face in years,

379
00:21:18,646 --> 00:21:21,115
and I could have
had work done.

380
00:21:21,248 --> 00:21:23,350
Your face is
as good as mine.

381
00:21:24,084 --> 00:21:26,520
I'd do it myself,
but there's someone...

382
00:21:26,654 --> 00:21:29,123
there's something
very important

383
00:21:29,256 --> 00:21:30,758
that I have to
take care of.

384
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:32,626
And I'd offer
to pay you money,

385
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,561
but I'm kinda broke
right now.

386
00:21:35,496 --> 00:21:38,232
If I did it, could we go
back to the way things were

387
00:21:38,365 --> 00:21:40,800
and I could be your
stand-in again?

388
00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:43,604
Hell no.
I'm through with acting.

389
00:21:43,737 --> 00:21:45,972
Why? You're the best.

390
00:21:46,106 --> 00:21:47,741
The best?

391
00:21:47,874 --> 00:21:52,046
At being hit in the face
by ladders and watermelons?

392
00:21:52,179 --> 00:21:56,283
You're the queen of comedy.
You're Candy Black.

393
00:21:57,518 --> 00:21:59,119
Not anymore.

394
00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:06,060
I don't want to be
an actress.

395
00:22:06,193 --> 00:22:09,430
And I sure as fuck
don't want to be famous.

396
00:22:09,563 --> 00:22:13,233
Being famous is like being
in the back of a sports car,

397
00:22:13,367 --> 00:22:15,402
driven by
a bunch of dicks.

398
00:22:15,935 --> 00:22:18,138
My whole career
was a mistake.

399
00:22:18,706 --> 00:22:20,407
I got my first acting job

400
00:22:20,541 --> 00:22:24,844
because I was working as a
carpenter on some awful comedy.

401
00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:26,613
I was rigging
stunt tables.

402
00:22:26,747 --> 00:22:29,216
And one day the lead actress
just never showed up.

403
00:22:29,350 --> 00:22:31,118
It turned out she died,
an overdose.

404
00:22:31,251 --> 00:22:32,619
That should've been
a warning.

405
00:22:33,153 --> 00:22:35,855
Anyway, they needed
someone to get planked.

406
00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:39,293
And I said,
"Sure, I'll do it."

407
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:42,396
Anyway I'm sick
of that shit.

408
00:22:42,529 --> 00:22:46,033
Unlike you.
You always loved being on a film set.

409
00:22:47,101 --> 00:22:48,602
Yes, I did.

410
00:23:00,848 --> 00:23:02,282
Listen. I'll do it.

411
00:23:02,783 --> 00:23:04,685
I'll do the rehab thing.

412
00:23:04,818 --> 00:23:07,688
Yeah? Amazing.

413
00:23:07,821 --> 00:23:10,890
But my price is,
when I get out,

414
00:23:11,024 --> 00:23:15,895
you take an acting job
and make me your stand-in.

415
00:23:16,697 --> 00:23:17,997
Deal?

416
00:23:23,871 --> 00:23:25,105
Deal.

417
00:24:03,510 --> 00:24:06,346
Come on, Candy,
give us a picture.

418
00:24:07,881 --> 00:24:12,052
So, um, I don't have
to go away after all.

419
00:24:12,186 --> 00:24:14,521
I'm... I'm so relieved.

420
00:24:14,655 --> 00:24:17,558
<i>That's amazing.
I'm happy we still get to talk.</i>

421
00:24:17,691 --> 00:24:21,028
So, how's your book
coming along?

422
00:24:24,131 --> 00:24:26,800
<i>I've given up trying to write
in my apartment.</i>

423
00:24:26,934 --> 00:24:28,268
<i>It's too distracting.</i>

424
00:24:29,002 --> 00:24:31,071
<i>I found this bar around the
corner that doesn't have Wi-Fi.</i>

425
00:24:31,205 --> 00:24:34,208
<i>So it's the one bar in Brooklyn
not full of hipsters with laptops.</i>

426
00:24:34,341 --> 00:24:36,777
- Hmm.
- <i>Though I did see one with a typewriter.</i>

427
00:24:38,111 --> 00:24:39,746
Well, I can't wait
to read it.

428
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:43,083
I've been reading that
Shaker book you recommended.

429
00:24:43,584 --> 00:24:46,753
I just love how
self-sufficient they were.

430
00:24:47,654 --> 00:24:49,890
It's, like,
they grow their own food

431
00:24:50,023 --> 00:24:55,829
and made their own
buildings and furniture.

432
00:24:55,963 --> 00:24:58,966
That's my dream,
is just to get off the grid

433
00:24:59,099 --> 00:25:02,202
and move to a small town.

434
00:25:03,337 --> 00:25:06,540
<i>Well, let's just
fucking do it, then.</i>

435
00:25:08,208 --> 00:25:10,043
- Yeah?
- <i>Yeah.</i>

436
00:25:10,177 --> 00:25:12,112
<i>Yeah. Have you heard
about Pleasant Hill?</i>

437
00:25:12,246 --> 00:25:14,548
<i>It's one of the biggest
Shaker settlements.</i>

438
00:25:16,149 --> 00:25:17,985
We can open up
a furniture store

439
00:25:18,118 --> 00:25:20,854
and have a cute little
apartment above it.

440
00:25:20,988 --> 00:25:24,858
<i>Yeah. Yeah. And they've got some
amazing cedar and maple trees up there.</i>

441
00:25:25,859 --> 00:25:28,795
<i>I'm looking at
my Papa Bear chair right now.</i>

442
00:25:28,929 --> 00:25:30,631
<i>Our Papa Bear chair.</i>

443
00:25:30,764 --> 00:25:33,567
<i>Thinking about you
carving a love seat</i>

444
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:36,203
<i>out of a beautiful
piece of cedar.</i>

445
00:25:36,336 --> 00:25:39,373
Your sexy wood talk
is giving me wood.

446
00:25:39,506 --> 00:25:41,575
<i>Oh, really?</i>

447
00:25:42,276 --> 00:25:44,111
<i>Although we should probably
meet face to face</i>

448
00:25:44,244 --> 00:25:45,779
<i>before we run off together.</i>

449
00:25:49,816 --> 00:25:52,819
Guys, are we ready
to start the meeting?

450
00:25:54,688 --> 00:25:57,658
Candy, would you like
to kick off the sharing?

451
00:25:59,159 --> 00:26:00,661
Would you mind
if I didn't?

452
00:26:00,794 --> 00:26:03,630
Perhaps you could tell us all
about your rock bottom.

453
00:26:03,764 --> 00:26:05,732
Well, I haven't really
had a rock bottom.

454
00:26:05,866 --> 00:26:09,269
So, maybe someone else in the
group who has should share...

455
00:26:09,403 --> 00:26:11,471
Candy, it's important
to face the facts

456
00:26:11,605 --> 00:26:14,308
that our disease causes us
to make some terrible mistakes.

457
00:26:14,441 --> 00:26:16,209
Yeah, like that piece
of shit movie you made

458
00:26:16,343 --> 00:26:19,179
about the girl who gets super
strength when she gets high.

459
00:26:19,313 --> 00:26:21,615
Excuse me, it was called
<i>Pippi Bongstocking,</i>

460
00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:23,450
and it wasn't a piece of shit.
It was good.

461
00:26:23,584 --> 00:26:25,519
She got the munchies
and she ate a whole building.

462
00:26:25,652 --> 00:26:27,588
- It was fucking stupid.
- It was a gingerbread house,

463
00:26:27,721 --> 00:26:29,389
and it was
fucking hilarious.

464
00:26:29,523 --> 00:26:32,492
People, could we bring the focus
back to recovery, please?

465
00:26:32,993 --> 00:26:34,561
Thank you.

466
00:26:36,296 --> 00:26:38,332
This must be a real
wake-up call for you,

467
00:26:38,465 --> 00:26:40,100
a big Hollywood hotshot.

468
00:26:40,467 --> 00:26:42,135
Yeah. I've never cleaned
a table before.

469
00:26:42,269 --> 00:26:44,605
It's a real eye opener.

470
00:26:44,738 --> 00:26:47,741
Everybody's freaking out, and I'm
just, like, "You guys, calm down.

471
00:26:47,874 --> 00:26:51,678
She's just, like, a lady.
A lady who takes a dump.

472
00:26:52,212 --> 00:26:53,580
Every day."

473
00:26:53,714 --> 00:26:56,183
I might've seen maybe
one of your early movies,

474
00:26:56,316 --> 00:26:58,151
but I never saw
any of the sequels,

475
00:26:58,285 --> 00:27:01,722
and I definitely never read that
<i>Vanity Fair</i> profile piece about you.

476
00:27:08,495 --> 00:27:11,398
Um, I didn't want to mention
this in front of everybody,

477
00:27:11,531 --> 00:27:14,635
but I'm Barbara Cox's assistant.
The director.

478
00:27:14,768 --> 00:27:17,638
Oh, Barbara.
Yes, of course.

479
00:27:17,771 --> 00:27:19,806
She's always been
very nice to me.

480
00:27:19,940 --> 00:27:23,510
Oh, my gosh. She's the best. She's actually
paying for me to be here right now.

481
00:27:23,644 --> 00:27:25,946
Is it because she got
sentenced to rehab

482
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:27,280
and you took her place?

483
00:27:27,414 --> 00:27:30,584
What? No, girl,
that is crazy.

484
00:27:30,717 --> 00:27:33,453
I kinda had a breakdown
a couple of weeks ago.

485
00:27:34,287 --> 00:27:36,289
You know what?
Here's a tip.

486
00:27:36,423 --> 00:27:38,392
Don't mix Fentanyl,
bennies and heroin.

487
00:27:38,525 --> 00:27:40,661
- Did anyone ever tell you that?
- No.

488
00:27:40,794 --> 00:27:44,464
Look, I know you're not supposed
to have contact with the outside,

489
00:27:44,598 --> 00:27:47,401
but Barbara messaged me
about you.

490
00:27:47,534 --> 00:27:52,639
She wants to know if you're up for
doing a cameo in the <i>Saddle Up</i> reboot.

491
00:27:53,173 --> 00:27:54,508
- Really?
- The only thing is,

492
00:27:54,641 --> 00:27:56,376
is that it films
in a couple of weeks,

493
00:27:56,510 --> 00:27:58,079
and I feel like you're
still gonna be in here.

494
00:27:58,211 --> 00:27:59,913
Oh, shit.

495
00:28:00,048 --> 00:28:01,515
Well, listen,
not a big deal.

496
00:28:01,648 --> 00:28:05,585
Take it from an old pro
in the rehab motherfucking game.

497
00:28:05,719 --> 00:28:08,355
If you can convince the ladies
with the clipboards

498
00:28:08,488 --> 00:28:11,159
that you are serious about
your road to recovery,

499
00:28:11,291 --> 00:28:12,793
they'll send you home early.

500
00:28:12,926 --> 00:28:15,662
Okay. Would you tell
Barbara I'm up for it?

501
00:28:15,796 --> 00:28:18,565
- But I have one condition.
- Girl, name it.

502
00:28:18,699 --> 00:28:20,600
Do you remember
my old stand-in?

503
00:28:20,734 --> 00:28:23,037
Oh, my God. Yes.
How can I forget her?

504
00:28:23,171 --> 00:28:24,905
She's such a fucking loser.

505
00:28:33,380 --> 00:28:34,848
<i>♪ I love you, I hate you ♪</i>

506
00:28:34,981 --> 00:28:36,450
<i>♪ I'm on the fence
It all depends ♪</i>

507
00:28:36,583 --> 00:28:38,218
<i>♪ Whether I'm up or down ♪</i>

508
00:28:38,351 --> 00:28:40,353
<i>♪ I'm on the mend,
transcending all reality ♪</i>

509
00:28:40,487 --> 00:28:42,956
<i>♪ I like you, despise you
Admire you ♪</i>

510
00:28:43,091 --> 00:28:46,460
<i>♪ What are we gonna do When
everything All falls through? ♪</i>

511
00:28:46,593 --> 00:28:50,297
<i>♪ I must confess I've made a mess
of what Should be a small success ♪</i>

512
00:28:50,430 --> 00:28:54,168
<i>♪ But I digress At least I've
tried My very best, I guess ♪</i>

513
00:28:54,301 --> 00:28:57,038
<i>♪ This, that, the other
Why even bother? ♪</i>

514
00:29:00,273 --> 00:29:05,579
Okay, my name is Candy,
and I am an alcoholic.

515
00:29:05,712 --> 00:29:09,416
And my story is that
I love drinking booze.

516
00:29:09,549 --> 00:29:11,219
I love drinking booze.

517
00:29:11,351 --> 00:29:13,553
In fact, it's my
favorite thing to drink.

518
00:29:13,987 --> 00:29:16,356
And when I've drunk
enough booze,

519
00:29:16,490 --> 00:29:19,392
I do terrible things,
like falling over.

520
00:29:19,526 --> 00:29:22,596
Or I'll drink more
and then say terrible things,

521
00:29:22,729 --> 00:29:25,032
like "get lost" or other things.

522
00:29:25,166 --> 00:29:30,138
And sometimes I'll pee all
over myself and other people.

523
00:29:30,270 --> 00:29:31,972
And that's who I am.

524
00:29:32,106 --> 00:29:36,910
I am a booze-loving,
foul-mouthed person

525
00:29:37,044 --> 00:29:42,315
who says and does wrong things
and, uh, pees on themselves

526
00:29:42,449 --> 00:29:44,252
and doesn't always clean it up.

527
00:29:45,186 --> 00:29:48,421
Thank you, Candy.
I know that was hard for you.

528
00:29:48,555 --> 00:29:50,524
Well done. Well done.

529
00:29:50,657 --> 00:29:52,793
You've really turned
a corner.

530
00:29:53,293 --> 00:29:54,961
Who's ready to share next?

531
00:29:57,831 --> 00:30:00,667
Come on, Candy,
give us something.

532
00:30:01,935 --> 00:30:04,771
You should probably stay until
the bottom-feeders leave.

533
00:30:05,472 --> 00:30:06,640
Really?

534
00:30:06,773 --> 00:30:08,708
That would be amazing.

535
00:30:08,842 --> 00:30:12,679
Sure. Pick a guest room.
I've got, like, 13.

536
00:30:14,148 --> 00:30:19,086
So, the most incredible
thing happened at rehab.

537
00:30:20,087 --> 00:30:24,591
- You got a job offer. An acting job.
- Yeah.

538
00:30:24,724 --> 00:30:27,594
The director Barbara Cox
asked for you personally,

539
00:30:27,727 --> 00:30:29,830
and they need a stand-in.

540
00:30:29,963 --> 00:30:32,632
So your comeback
starts now.

541
00:30:32,766 --> 00:30:35,335
They want you on set
Friday night.

542
00:30:35,735 --> 00:30:37,871
- I can't do it.
- What?

543
00:30:38,005 --> 00:30:39,439
I can't do the film.

544
00:30:40,241 --> 00:30:41,708
We had a deal.

545
00:30:42,342 --> 00:30:43,743
I'm not doing the film

546
00:30:43,877 --> 00:30:46,913
because I have something
really important that night.

547
00:30:47,914 --> 00:30:49,116
A date.

548
00:30:49,482 --> 00:30:50,884
With who?

549
00:30:51,018 --> 00:30:52,953
A guy. Steve.

550
00:30:53,087 --> 00:30:58,292
And he doesn't know
I'm Candy, the actress.

551
00:30:58,892 --> 00:31:01,461
He thinks I'm Kathy,
the carpenter.

552
00:31:01,595 --> 00:31:03,430
- The what?
- It's a long story.

553
00:31:03,563 --> 00:31:08,768
I set up a profile on
this website for woodworkers.

554
00:31:08,902 --> 00:31:10,238
Carpentry Talk.

555
00:31:10,370 --> 00:31:12,539
It was a nice vacation from...

556
00:31:12,672 --> 00:31:15,809
...the old movie star, Missy.

557
00:31:15,942 --> 00:31:20,147
I felt like...
I feel like I'm more myself

558
00:31:20,281 --> 00:31:22,749
as Kathy Tyler, carpenter,

559
00:31:22,883 --> 00:31:25,819
than I ever did
as Candy Black, asshole.

560
00:31:26,519 --> 00:31:27,988
Kathy Tyler?

561
00:31:28,521 --> 00:31:30,157
It's my real name.

562
00:31:30,291 --> 00:31:31,825
Louis came up
with Candy Black.

563
00:31:31,958 --> 00:31:35,196
Anyway, I met Steve
on this website.

564
00:31:36,030 --> 00:31:42,270
He's the first guy that's ever not
seen dollar signs and billboards

565
00:31:42,402 --> 00:31:44,704
before they actually see me.

566
00:31:44,838 --> 00:31:47,440
All we do is talk
about furniture.

567
00:31:48,775 --> 00:31:51,212
Anyway, we've been talking
about meeting up for months,

568
00:31:51,345 --> 00:31:53,847
and Friday night
is our anniversary.

569
00:31:54,781 --> 00:31:57,984
Well, why don't you
just tell him the truth?

570
00:31:58,119 --> 00:32:01,188
And then
you could reschedule.

571
00:32:03,157 --> 00:32:06,227
Tell him I've been lying to him
every day for a year?

572
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:09,096
I can't do that
on our first date.

573
00:32:10,497 --> 00:32:12,899
It probably would
make him happy.

574
00:32:13,034 --> 00:32:16,603
It's like buying what
you think is a Ford Focus

575
00:32:16,736 --> 00:32:19,873
and then finding out
it's a Maserati.

576
00:32:20,007 --> 00:32:22,776
I can't ruin
this relationship

577
00:32:22,909 --> 00:32:24,678
so you can get
your old job back.

578
00:32:24,811 --> 00:32:28,049
I went to rehab for you.
We had a deal.

579
00:32:28,182 --> 00:32:29,716
I know. I'm sorry.

580
00:32:31,419 --> 00:32:33,220
I want my old life back.

581
00:32:33,354 --> 00:32:36,090
Look. I'm sorry.
I know this is really shitty.

582
00:32:36,223 --> 00:32:40,760
- I just...
- So, what is your master plan?

583
00:32:40,894 --> 00:32:45,399
How long are you going to
be Kathy the carpenter?

584
00:32:45,532 --> 00:32:47,234
As long as I want.

585
00:32:48,269 --> 00:32:51,638
I mean, don't you want Steve
to know who you really are?

586
00:32:54,474 --> 00:32:56,543
Kathy is who I really am.

587
00:32:57,510 --> 00:32:59,046
RIP, Candy.

588
00:33:01,349 --> 00:33:03,917
Long live Kathy.

589
00:35:19,386 --> 00:35:20,753
Hey.

590
00:35:21,721 --> 00:35:24,191
Wow, you look great.

591
00:35:25,326 --> 00:35:26,726
What's the matter?

592
00:35:27,861 --> 00:35:29,796
It's from Steve.

593
00:35:31,265 --> 00:35:32,899
What does it say?

594
00:35:34,135 --> 00:35:36,604
"I'm sorry. I wanted
to tell you in person,

595
00:35:36,736 --> 00:35:39,006
but it's simpler this way.

596
00:35:39,140 --> 00:35:42,409
The truth is,
I'm married and my wife...

597
00:35:43,676 --> 00:35:45,112
...found out about us.

598
00:35:45,246 --> 00:35:49,383
Even though I love you,
I love her more.

599
00:35:50,117 --> 00:35:53,154
I know that doesn't
make sense right now.

600
00:35:53,287 --> 00:35:56,689
I can't see you or speak
to you or message you anymore.

601
00:35:56,823 --> 00:35:59,627
She's reading all my messages.

602
00:35:59,759 --> 00:36:02,829
So please don't
try to contact me.

603
00:36:02,962 --> 00:36:07,168
So sorry. It was great
getting to know you."

604
00:36:08,935 --> 00:36:12,173
Oh, sweetie. That's terrible.
I'm so sorry.

605
00:36:12,306 --> 00:36:13,407
At least he bothered

606
00:36:13,541 --> 00:36:15,543
to write you something long

607
00:36:15,675 --> 00:36:19,013
and eloquent
and beautifully written.

608
00:36:21,948 --> 00:36:24,451
I knew it was too good
to be true.

609
00:36:24,585 --> 00:36:25,885
I knew it.

610
00:36:27,021 --> 00:36:29,490
Gosh, married
this whole time.

611
00:36:29,623 --> 00:36:31,559
And he never mentioned it?

612
00:36:31,691 --> 00:36:34,727
What a lying sack of shit.

613
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,470
Well, maybe work will
make you feel better.

614
00:37:18,771 --> 00:37:19,939
Hello?

615
00:37:20,307 --> 00:37:23,277
<i>Sorry. I had
to call you. I'm here.</i>

616
00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:25,878
<i>Uh, I know you're scared.
I'm scared, too.</i>

617
00:37:26,013 --> 00:37:27,581
<i>But if you don't come
meet me at this bar,</i>

618
00:37:27,715 --> 00:37:30,618
<i>I'm gonna call you every hour
on the hour until you show up.</i>

619
00:37:30,750 --> 00:37:33,053
<i>We have to talk
in person tonight.</i>

620
00:37:41,961 --> 00:37:43,297
Have fun
on your date.

621
00:37:43,430 --> 00:37:44,698
Oh, it's not a date.

622
00:37:44,831 --> 00:37:46,766
I'm telling someone
to get lost.

623
00:38:03,250 --> 00:38:04,318
Kathy?

624
00:38:08,722 --> 00:38:09,789
Steve?

625
00:38:10,424 --> 00:38:11,958
You look about as nervous
as I feel.

626
00:38:12,092 --> 00:38:13,427
So I figured
it must be you.

627
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:14,695
Hmm.

628
00:38:14,827 --> 00:38:16,630
Hi. Hi.

629
00:38:16,764 --> 00:38:19,033
Um, you know,
I made a bet with myself

630
00:38:19,166 --> 00:38:20,701
over whether or not
you'd make it.

631
00:38:20,833 --> 00:38:22,770
And it looks like I lost.

632
00:38:22,902 --> 00:38:24,672
Or won, depending on
how you look at it.

633
00:38:24,804 --> 00:38:27,207
I hope you're not disappointed
that I don't look like a chair.

634
00:38:27,341 --> 00:38:29,443
- No, no.
- Okay.

635
00:38:29,576 --> 00:38:31,345
You look great.

636
00:38:31,478 --> 00:38:33,180
Thanks. You, too.

637
00:38:33,747 --> 00:38:35,149
What I can see of you.

638
00:38:48,629 --> 00:38:49,862
Kathy.

639
00:38:49,996 --> 00:38:50,930
Hello.

640
00:38:52,399 --> 00:38:54,934
Do you have a cold?
'Cause your voice...

641
00:38:55,069 --> 00:38:56,437
You sound like...

642
00:38:56,570 --> 00:38:58,905
No, this is me.

643
00:38:59,039 --> 00:39:01,408
This is the real me.

644
00:39:03,711 --> 00:39:05,878
So...

645
00:39:06,013 --> 00:39:08,582
How's life.

646
00:39:09,016 --> 00:39:10,417
Oh, uh, well...

647
00:39:10,551 --> 00:39:12,919
I haven't made much progress
on my book,

648
00:39:13,053 --> 00:39:14,755
um, since last we spoke.

649
00:39:16,190 --> 00:39:19,093
Oh, no. I get the same way with books.
You just lose the thread.

650
00:39:19,226 --> 00:39:21,428
I only got halfway
through <i>Gone Girl.</i>

651
00:39:21,795 --> 00:39:23,330
Good one.

652
00:39:23,464 --> 00:39:26,467
It was good.
I just got really busy.

653
00:39:28,369 --> 00:39:30,003
Um, but I...

654
00:39:30,137 --> 00:39:32,939
The reason why I haven't been able
to focus on writing my Shaker book

655
00:39:33,073 --> 00:39:36,110
is 'cause I've just been
so damn nervous about today.

656
00:39:38,479 --> 00:39:39,413
Me, too.

657
00:39:39,546 --> 00:39:43,117
I mean, this last year
talking to you

658
00:39:43,250 --> 00:39:47,287
has been one of
the most wonderful,

659
00:39:47,421 --> 00:39:51,558
intense, life-changing
experiences I've ever had.

660
00:39:52,659 --> 00:39:54,862
We shared so many details
about ourselves.

661
00:39:54,994 --> 00:39:57,364
Things I've never
even told anybody.

662
00:39:57,897 --> 00:40:03,237
And I just...
I needed this to be real.

663
00:40:05,839 --> 00:40:07,374
It is real, right?

664
00:40:11,712 --> 00:40:13,547
Yes, it is real.

665
00:40:13,680 --> 00:40:15,948
It is totally real.

666
00:40:17,684 --> 00:40:20,020
It's great to finally
see your face, Kathy.

667
00:40:21,054 --> 00:40:24,825
There's something really
important I need to tell you.

668
00:40:24,957 --> 00:40:26,226
Yeah?

669
00:40:27,594 --> 00:40:30,330
I changed
my cell phone number.

670
00:40:57,424 --> 00:40:59,293
- Where have you been?
- Hmm.

671
00:40:59,426 --> 00:41:02,229
Getting you a pizza.
I thought it might cheer you up.

672
00:41:02,362 --> 00:41:04,698
Ugh. You're awfully
fucking chipper.

673
00:41:04,832 --> 00:41:09,670
- Oh, this is supposed to be amazing.
- Yeah?

674
00:41:09,803 --> 00:41:12,773
Shaker furniture
is so hot right now.

675
00:41:12,906 --> 00:41:14,408
Do you mind
if I borrow it?

676
00:41:18,779 --> 00:41:20,113
It's Louis.

677
00:41:20,581 --> 00:41:23,650
Why is that asshole
calling so late?

678
00:41:23,784 --> 00:41:25,285
I bet it's important.

679
00:41:25,419 --> 00:41:29,623
If you're so fucking interested in
it, you answer it.

680
00:41:30,057 --> 00:41:31,492
- Hi, Louis.
- <i>Hey.</i>

681
00:41:31,625 --> 00:41:34,862
So, <i>The Today Show</i>
wants a one-on-one interview.

682
00:41:34,994 --> 00:41:37,498
Oh, um, okay.

683
00:41:37,631 --> 00:41:40,334
And Warrior Water,
which is this new water

684
00:41:40,467 --> 00:41:42,536
that I guess wants
to fight other waters,

685
00:41:42,669 --> 00:41:46,406
has offered you a bunch of money
just to drink the water on camera.

686
00:41:46,540 --> 00:41:48,976
<i>I'm talking low-
to mid-six figures.</i>

687
00:41:49,109 --> 00:41:50,344
<i>What do you say?</i>

688
00:41:51,445 --> 00:41:54,982
Okay, wait, just...
hold on a moment.

689
00:41:55,115 --> 00:41:59,019
Sure. Take all
the time you need.

690
00:41:59,152 --> 00:42:01,889
Look, I know you didn't
want to do that movie,

691
00:42:02,022 --> 00:42:04,958
but this isn't acting.
This is just you being you.

692
00:42:05,092 --> 00:42:06,426
No.

693
00:42:08,829 --> 00:42:12,933
Now that it's over with that
worthless cheating asshole,

694
00:42:13,066 --> 00:42:14,568
you have nothing to lose.

695
00:42:14,701 --> 00:42:16,937
How about the fact
that I don't give a shit?

696
00:42:17,771 --> 00:42:20,407
Well, you can't just
stay here and rot.

697
00:42:20,541 --> 00:42:22,276
You have to
get back out there.

698
00:42:22,409 --> 00:42:25,712
And these days,
an interview is what you do

699
00:42:25,846 --> 00:42:27,948
when you're famous and
you've done something wrong.

700
00:42:28,081 --> 00:42:30,117
You make penance
with the nation.

701
00:42:30,250 --> 00:42:33,387
Exactly. Fuck that.

702
00:42:33,887 --> 00:42:35,656
We had a deal.

703
00:42:36,024 --> 00:42:38,425
And if you're not gonna
get me my old job back,

704
00:42:38,559 --> 00:42:41,762
then you should give me
half the appearance fee.

705
00:42:43,196 --> 00:42:44,464
Okay.

706
00:42:45,465 --> 00:42:47,634
I'll do the interview.

707
00:42:48,735 --> 00:42:49,836
Good.

708
00:42:50,203 --> 00:42:51,872
But no comeback.

709
00:42:52,339 --> 00:42:53,941
I'm doing this
for the cash.

710
00:42:54,074 --> 00:42:57,544
To pay you what I owe you and
then you can go fuck yourself.

711
00:43:00,314 --> 00:43:01,148
- <i>Louis, we're...</i>
- Yes.

712
00:43:01,281 --> 00:43:02,516
<i>I'm in.</i>

713
00:43:02,649 --> 00:43:04,251
- Yeah?
- <i>It's great to be back.</i>

714
00:43:04,384 --> 00:43:06,286
Oh, it is good
to have you back.

715
00:43:06,420 --> 00:43:08,755
Thank you, Louis,
for believing in me.

716
00:43:43,156 --> 00:43:44,691
Candy.

717
00:43:45,926 --> 00:43:50,297
The car's here.
It's time to go to the studio.

718
00:43:54,301 --> 00:43:57,005
You're gonna miss the interview.
This is important.

719
00:43:57,137 --> 00:44:02,709
So what? I don't give a shit
about that dumb interview anyway.

720
00:44:03,777 --> 00:44:05,212
Well, you should!

721
00:44:06,847 --> 00:44:10,484
All you have to do
is say the word "sorry."

722
00:44:10,617 --> 00:44:14,588
It's not brain surgery!
What is wrong with you?

723
00:44:14,721 --> 00:44:18,225
If it's so easy,
you go fucking do it.

724
00:44:23,897 --> 00:44:26,400
Well, Candy on behalf
of all of your fans.

725
00:44:26,533 --> 00:44:28,935
I'd like to just say
welcome back.

726
00:44:29,070 --> 00:44:30,971
It's great to be back.

727
00:44:31,105 --> 00:44:34,008
You've had your share of
well-publicized troubles.

728
00:44:34,142 --> 00:44:38,345
But your recent court case
must've been very difficult.

729
00:44:39,312 --> 00:44:40,881
Yes, it was.

730
00:44:41,015 --> 00:44:44,785
Was it at a low point
or was it a turning point?

731
00:44:44,918 --> 00:44:46,887
You know, in many ways,

732
00:44:47,021 --> 00:44:51,291
I think it might've been the best
thing that could have happened to me.

733
00:44:51,425 --> 00:44:53,827
And I think
that going to rehab

734
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:57,631
was a real
life-changing experience.

735
00:44:57,764 --> 00:44:59,199
I hope you don't mind
my asking you...

736
00:44:59,332 --> 00:45:00,867
the hat and the glasses.

737
00:45:01,001 --> 00:45:03,904
It does look like you're
trying to hide something.

738
00:45:04,038 --> 00:45:09,776
Well, I've had some cosmetic surgery in
my, um, facial area.

739
00:45:10,243 --> 00:45:14,948
Would you be comfortable
taking off the hat and glasses?

740
00:45:29,097 --> 00:45:30,230
Well, you look great.

741
00:45:30,363 --> 00:45:32,399
That wasn't so bad,
was it?

742
00:45:51,085 --> 00:45:54,755
If you don't mind. I'd like to
bring out someone that you know.

743
00:45:54,888 --> 00:45:56,990
You haven't spoken to her
in several years, though.

744
00:45:57,125 --> 00:46:00,961
This is the actress you struck
during your onset meltdown.

745
00:46:01,095 --> 00:46:04,698
Jenna Jones. Yes, I've been looking
forward to speaking with her.

746
00:46:06,134 --> 00:46:08,335
- Hi, Savannah.
- Hi.

747
00:46:09,369 --> 00:46:11,139
- Hello.
- Hi.

748
00:46:11,271 --> 00:46:14,674
You've only ever communicated
with me through your attorney.

749
00:46:14,808 --> 00:46:17,044
So I wanted to talk
to you in person.

750
00:46:17,178 --> 00:46:20,814
Candy, you settled Jenna's suit
for an undisclosed amount.

751
00:46:20,947 --> 00:46:22,216
It was $300,000.

752
00:46:22,616 --> 00:46:24,317
Undisclosed until now.

753
00:46:25,019 --> 00:46:27,621
- The eye patch.
- It's medically prescribed.

754
00:46:27,754 --> 00:46:29,856
It's not Pirates
of the Caribbean,

755
00:46:29,990 --> 00:46:32,959
and it has seriously
impacted my castability.

756
00:46:33,094 --> 00:46:36,763
Jenna, is there anything you would
like to hear from Candy today?

757
00:46:36,897 --> 00:46:39,499
Yes. I want to hear
her say she's sorry.

758
00:46:39,633 --> 00:46:40,934
I don't want
to hear her say

759
00:46:41,068 --> 00:46:43,070
that the payout
somehow makes it okay.

760
00:46:43,204 --> 00:46:45,505
Or that she's got some
disease that makes her drink

761
00:46:45,639 --> 00:46:47,275
and do terrible things.

762
00:46:47,407 --> 00:46:50,777
You're right.
I owe you an apology,

763
00:46:51,279 --> 00:46:56,117
and I am very sorry for
hurting you with that ashtray.

764
00:46:56,250 --> 00:46:59,386
And that same thing goes to
everyone else I've let down,

765
00:46:59,519 --> 00:47:02,722
including my fellow actors
and stand-in

766
00:47:02,856 --> 00:47:04,858
and my fans
who believed in me,

767
00:47:04,991 --> 00:47:08,162
even when I didn't
believe in myself.

768
00:47:08,695 --> 00:47:12,365
Wow. Is this a whole new
Candy Black we're seeing?

769
00:47:13,067 --> 00:47:14,434
I sure hope so.

770
00:47:15,203 --> 00:47:19,439
Buddy.
That was fantastic. I love it.

771
00:47:19,573 --> 00:47:21,008
I love the smile.
The whole face.

772
00:47:21,142 --> 00:47:23,610
- Thank you so much.
- Don't worry about it.

773
00:47:23,743 --> 00:47:25,779
And I'm getting a lot
of appearance requests.

774
00:47:25,912 --> 00:47:28,049
Award ceremonies,
a fan convention.

775
00:47:28,182 --> 00:47:30,817
I mean Comic-Con-level,
fun, fun stuff.

776
00:47:30,951 --> 00:47:33,020
- Ooh.
- People love a redemption story.

777
00:47:33,154 --> 00:47:35,488
Oh, your car should
be here any minute.

778
00:47:35,622 --> 00:47:39,227
Do you mind if, um,
if I get a selfie.

779
00:47:39,359 --> 00:47:42,230
I'm Simon. My boss at the PR
firm, he'll love it.

780
00:47:42,729 --> 00:47:44,831
And he will get us
more clients, you know?

781
00:47:44,965 --> 00:47:47,101
- Sure.
- Yeah? Oh.

782
00:47:47,934 --> 00:47:50,704
I would really love
to tag you in it.

783
00:47:50,837 --> 00:47:53,874
Um, but I realized that
you're not on social media.

784
00:47:54,008 --> 00:47:56,710
- Yeah, no.
- You should definitely consider it.

785
00:47:56,843 --> 00:48:00,281
'Cause it's a great tool for
touching base with your fans.

786
00:48:00,413 --> 00:48:01,982
You get that
personal connection.

787
00:48:02,116 --> 00:48:06,853
And if you're too busy,
my agency can always post for you.

788
00:48:06,987 --> 00:48:08,356
We're a one-stop shop, right?

789
00:48:08,488 --> 00:48:09,856
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.

790
00:48:09,990 --> 00:48:11,558
I mean, if we get you
on Twitter,

791
00:48:11,691 --> 00:48:13,060
you'll have a million
followers overnight.

792
00:48:13,194 --> 00:48:14,895
Although it's more
about Insta right now.

793
00:48:15,029 --> 00:48:16,663
Because people love you.
They love you.

794
00:48:16,796 --> 00:48:18,632
They've never stopped
loving you. They...

795
00:48:18,765 --> 00:48:20,034
They're waiting
for that comeback.

796
00:48:20,167 --> 00:48:21,635
They wanna see it
on the stories.

797
00:48:21,768 --> 00:48:23,104
They wanna see it
in the snaps.

798
00:48:23,237 --> 00:48:25,006
You're a star.
You are.

799
00:48:25,139 --> 00:48:27,974
Hey, maybe I should ride
with you to the next spot.

800
00:48:28,109 --> 00:48:29,442
I just wanna make sure
you get there okay.

801
00:48:29,576 --> 00:48:31,078
Oh, sure.

802
00:49:01,675 --> 00:49:03,843
It was really nice
meeting you.

803
00:49:03,977 --> 00:49:07,048
In fact, this whole day
has been wonderful.

804
00:49:07,181 --> 00:49:08,648
That is so great to hear.

805
00:49:09,317 --> 00:49:14,388
Louis warned me that you weren't really
into interviews and publicity, but you...

806
00:49:14,521 --> 00:49:16,223
That's the old me.

807
00:49:16,890 --> 00:49:18,426
I hope this isn't
inappropriate,

808
00:49:18,558 --> 00:49:22,595
but it would be amazing
to keep this going.

809
00:49:22,729 --> 00:49:24,898
Maybe over dinner
or something. Maybe.

810
00:49:25,032 --> 00:49:29,337
It's an interesting offer.
I'd be delighted to entertain it.

811
00:49:32,539 --> 00:49:33,606
Hey, Candy,
love the new look.

812
00:49:33,740 --> 00:49:35,475
Oh, thank you.

813
00:49:36,243 --> 00:49:38,245
Hey there, Candy.

814
00:49:40,981 --> 00:49:42,849
- Um...
- In the future,

815
00:49:42,983 --> 00:49:45,852
I'd advise you to
check your boundaries.

816
00:49:47,687 --> 00:49:50,623
It's great to see you.
I was gonna call you.

817
00:49:50,757 --> 00:49:52,959
- So this is great.
- This is nuts.

818
00:49:53,094 --> 00:49:55,196
Are you looking forward to
getting back into making movies?

819
00:49:55,329 --> 00:49:56,796
I can't wait.

820
00:49:56,930 --> 00:49:58,832
Listen, come inside
and I'll explain everything.

821
00:49:58,965 --> 00:50:00,700
Okay, my car's right here.

822
00:50:07,540 --> 00:50:09,943
My first Instagram.

823
00:50:22,223 --> 00:50:24,325
No wonder you
never invited me over.

824
00:50:24,458 --> 00:50:26,293
Kathy the carpenter
would have had to build

825
00:50:26,427 --> 00:50:28,828
a hell of a lot of end
tables to afford this place.

826
00:50:28,962 --> 00:50:33,867
Um, look, I just wanted you
to like me for who I am.

827
00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,470
And you're the first guy
I've dated

828
00:50:36,603 --> 00:50:39,306
that hasn't seen dollar signs
and billboards

829
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:41,108
before they've seen me.

830
00:50:41,242 --> 00:50:45,246
And I know that doesn't
excuse what I did

831
00:50:45,379 --> 00:50:46,980
and I shouldn't have lied.

832
00:50:47,114 --> 00:50:48,482
I'm sorry.

833
00:50:48,615 --> 00:50:52,952
I've been saying sorry all day
and it's been working out great.

834
00:50:53,753 --> 00:50:56,589
Normally, it's the carpenter
who pretends to be a movie star,

835
00:50:56,723 --> 00:50:58,359
not the other way around.

836
00:50:59,326 --> 00:51:02,363
It's like buying what
you think is a Ford Focus,

837
00:51:02,496 --> 00:51:05,299
but finding out
it's a Maserati?

838
00:51:05,433 --> 00:51:07,334
I'll need to check
under the hood first.

839
00:51:10,137 --> 00:51:13,007
Would you like to come
inside for a drink?

840
00:51:13,606 --> 00:51:15,142
Sounds good.

841
00:51:16,810 --> 00:51:19,113
- Actually, forget it.
- What, why?

842
00:51:19,246 --> 00:51:22,982
I forgot that I'm doing work
inside the house.

843
00:51:23,117 --> 00:51:25,352
Construction work.
So we can't go inside.

844
00:51:25,486 --> 00:51:26,619
I'm sorry.

845
00:51:26,753 --> 00:51:29,656
Well, let's go
to my place.

846
00:51:37,298 --> 00:51:39,732
Why don't we...
Why don't you sit on my lap,

847
00:51:39,866 --> 00:51:42,236
on my Hans Wegner
Papa Bear chair?

848
00:51:42,669 --> 00:51:43,937
You don't remember?

849
00:51:44,071 --> 00:51:45,905
That's one of our first
phone sex sessions.

850
00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:47,408
It got you all hot
and bothered.

851
00:51:47,541 --> 00:51:49,143
Oh, right. The phone sex.

852
00:51:49,276 --> 00:51:51,479
You know what? I just want
to forget about all of that.

853
00:51:51,611 --> 00:51:54,381
I wanna start over
from scratch.

854
00:51:59,086 --> 00:52:01,688
I really found myself warming to her.
I like her.

855
00:52:01,821 --> 00:52:03,790
You know what?
She looks amazing.

856
00:52:03,923 --> 00:52:06,360
I mean, she must've gone
to a really good doctor.

857
00:52:06,494 --> 00:52:08,062
Yeah, she looks so good.

858
00:52:08,195 --> 00:52:10,364
And that nose and
the veneers are perfection.

859
00:52:10,498 --> 00:52:12,233
I need to know
who did that nose.

860
00:52:12,366 --> 00:52:15,001
That is definitely a Jason
Diamond nose for sure.

861
00:52:15,136 --> 00:52:16,836
<i>You know,
it's not just physical.</i>

862
00:52:16,970 --> 00:52:19,607
<i>There's kind of a glow
that's emanating from within.</i>

863
00:52:19,739 --> 00:52:22,876
<i>And I mean,
she used to be real nasty.</i>

864
00:52:23,010 --> 00:52:25,812
Well, it worked.
They like your face.

865
00:52:26,380 --> 00:52:28,616
I noticed I've got
a Twitter account now?

866
00:52:28,748 --> 00:52:30,650
Louis started that.
I hope it's okay.

867
00:52:30,783 --> 00:52:33,120
I could give fucking
two shits less.

868
00:52:33,254 --> 00:52:36,956
All right. I'm gonna transfer
250 grand into your account.

869
00:52:37,924 --> 00:52:39,826
- Thank you.
- You were right.

870
00:52:39,959 --> 00:52:43,397
It's the least I owe you
for what you did for me.

871
00:52:45,099 --> 00:52:46,433
Well, you're free to go.

872
00:52:47,434 --> 00:52:48,735
Job well done.

873
00:52:50,204 --> 00:52:55,509
Louis is getting a lot of offers
for personal appearances.

874
00:52:55,643 --> 00:52:57,977
He's talking about
an apology tour.

875
00:52:58,112 --> 00:52:58,912
What?

876
00:52:59,046 --> 00:53:01,048
It's a sort of stage show,

877
00:53:01,182 --> 00:53:04,851
where you go around to different
TV stations apologizing.

878
00:53:04,984 --> 00:53:06,819
The fees are pretty great.

879
00:53:06,953 --> 00:53:08,821
Couple of weeks
of personal appearances,

880
00:53:08,955 --> 00:53:11,724
and you could clear out
all your debts.

881
00:53:11,858 --> 00:53:15,728
I could stand-in for you.
We could split the fees.

882
00:53:15,862 --> 00:53:17,864
And as long as
the money's coming in,

883
00:53:17,997 --> 00:53:20,234
who cares if they get
the real deal?

884
00:53:22,269 --> 00:53:23,836
Sure. Why not?

885
00:53:24,538 --> 00:53:27,641
Besides, you seem
to like being Candy

886
00:53:27,774 --> 00:53:29,709
a lot more
than I ever did.

887
00:53:37,951 --> 00:53:39,653
<i>She got a regal quality
to her as well.</i>

888
00:53:39,786 --> 00:53:42,656
<i>Yes.
Like classic Hollywood glamour,</i>

889
00:53:42,789 --> 00:53:45,925
- <i>like Marilyn Monroe in</i> All About Eve.
- <i>Ohh.</i>

890
00:53:50,631 --> 00:53:53,766
I would like to take this
opportunity to apologize...

891
00:53:53,900 --> 00:53:57,371
<i>I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.</i>

892
00:53:58,972 --> 00:54:01,874
Well, that's what
I'm most sorry for.

893
00:54:02,009 --> 00:54:04,445
Whew. Hard-core
apology porn.

894
00:54:04,578 --> 00:54:06,513
Isn't it true
that you've been called

895
00:54:06,647 --> 00:54:09,816
part of the irresponsible
selfish liberal elite?

896
00:54:09,949 --> 00:54:11,552
One hundred percent.

897
00:54:11,685 --> 00:54:15,456
I sincerely hope to one day
receive the public's forgiveness,

898
00:54:15,855 --> 00:54:18,058
<i>and I am so sorry.</i>

899
00:54:18,192 --> 00:54:21,428
Candy Black is here
tonight to apologize.

900
00:54:21,562 --> 00:54:23,997
Love an apology. Yeah!

901
00:54:24,131 --> 00:54:26,133
So,
our next guest is Candy Black.

902
00:54:26,267 --> 00:54:28,602
She is here
to say she's sorry.

903
00:54:28,736 --> 00:54:30,537
I'm just sorry
she's been gone so long,

904
00:54:30,671 --> 00:54:32,439
and we're so glad
she's back.

905
00:54:32,573 --> 00:54:34,275
Come on out here, Candy.

906
00:54:36,110 --> 00:54:38,479
You have a message for
those fans who are at home?

907
00:54:38,612 --> 00:54:39,946
Besides "Go to bed."

908
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:41,981
Say it on that camera
right over there.

909
00:54:42,116 --> 00:54:43,550
- Right, this one?
- Sure.

910
00:54:43,684 --> 00:54:46,886
Okay. Girls, do your taxes.

911
00:54:48,689 --> 00:54:52,426
Please do you taxes.
Whatever you do, girls.

912
00:54:53,260 --> 00:54:56,096
<i>And I'm sorry to everyone.</i>

913
00:54:56,563 --> 00:54:58,032
<i>I am very sorry.</i>

914
00:54:58,165 --> 00:55:00,434
<i>Well, thank you
for that apology, Candy.</i>

915
00:55:00,567 --> 00:55:02,369
<i>I think if more stars
were like you,</i>

916
00:55:02,503 --> 00:55:04,571
<i>Hollywood would be
a better place.</i>

917
00:55:20,321 --> 00:55:23,923
Hmm. Well, I'd say you
haven't changed a bit,

918
00:55:24,058 --> 00:55:25,958
but that'd be
a load of bullshit.

919
00:55:26,093 --> 00:55:29,296
- Barbara.
- Look at you. You look great.

920
00:55:29,430 --> 00:55:31,831
Thank you.
It's so wonderful to see you.

921
00:55:31,964 --> 00:55:33,667
You, too. You know,

922
00:55:33,801 --> 00:55:36,070
I'm actually right in the
middle of shooting that movie

923
00:55:36,203 --> 00:55:37,538
my assistant
told you about.

924
00:55:37,671 --> 00:55:39,506
You know,
the <i>Saddle Up</i> reboot.

925
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:41,342
- Oh, yes. Ingrid.
- Yeah.

926
00:55:41,475 --> 00:55:42,942
- How is she doing?
- Oh, she's great.

927
00:55:43,077 --> 00:55:44,678
Greatest assistant
I ever had,

928
00:55:44,812 --> 00:55:47,014
especially now that she's
not tossing the pills back

929
00:55:47,147 --> 00:55:48,282
like they were M&Ms.

930
00:55:48,415 --> 00:55:51,385
Hmm. Well, I do
owe you an apology

931
00:55:51,518 --> 00:55:54,755
about that cameo.
I couldn't do it.

932
00:55:54,887 --> 00:55:56,390
And it was
an amazing offer.

933
00:55:56,523 --> 00:55:59,426
Well, you know,
the offer still stands.

934
00:56:00,027 --> 00:56:01,328
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

935
00:56:01,462 --> 00:56:03,263
I mean, we replaced you
with someone,

936
00:56:03,397 --> 00:56:05,499
but it didn't work out,
to put it kindly,

937
00:56:05,632 --> 00:56:07,267
and the studio wants
to reshoot it.

938
00:56:07,401 --> 00:56:09,837
So come on. It's only
gonna be a day's work.

939
00:56:09,969 --> 00:56:12,840
Wow. Just...

940
00:56:12,972 --> 00:56:15,376
You know, I haven't
acted in so long.

941
00:56:15,509 --> 00:56:19,046
And I thought that I would just
stick to personal appearances,

942
00:56:19,179 --> 00:56:22,082
you know,
do the apology tour stuff.

943
00:56:22,216 --> 00:56:25,252
You know, any asshole
can be a celebrity.

944
00:56:25,386 --> 00:56:28,322
You're an actress,
and a gifted one.

945
00:56:28,822 --> 00:56:31,825
Stop apologizing,
start acting.

946
00:56:31,958 --> 00:56:33,427
Thank you, Barbara.

947
00:56:34,027 --> 00:56:36,630
Hi. Sorry to disturb you.
I couldn't help but overhear,

948
00:56:36,764 --> 00:56:39,666
and I just wanted to say
I hope you take the role.

949
00:56:39,800 --> 00:56:42,269
I know it's a big choice,
but I, for one,

950
00:56:42,403 --> 00:56:44,772
would be so honored
to see your comeback.

951
00:56:44,904 --> 00:56:46,273
You're such
an inspiration to me

952
00:56:46,407 --> 00:56:48,075
and to every other
young actress I know.

953
00:56:48,208 --> 00:56:51,812
Thank you. My whole goal
is really to be someone who...

954
00:56:51,944 --> 00:56:53,447
I'm done.

955
00:56:59,353 --> 00:57:02,823
They made us sit through
five hours of awards

956
00:57:02,955 --> 00:57:06,593
before they even start
the first fucking course.

957
00:57:06,727 --> 00:57:08,162
Ta-da.

958
00:57:08,729 --> 00:57:09,830
Wow.

959
00:57:10,631 --> 00:57:13,233
It's an authentic
Shaker ladder back chair.

960
00:57:13,367 --> 00:57:15,536
It's a really nice chair.

961
00:57:15,669 --> 00:57:17,037
Thanks.

962
00:57:21,208 --> 00:57:24,278
So, what are your plans
for the rest of the day?

963
00:57:24,411 --> 00:57:26,547
I was thinking about
making another piece.

964
00:57:26,680 --> 00:57:28,482
A credenza, maybe.

965
00:57:29,149 --> 00:57:30,717
I'm sick of feeling
sorry for myself.

966
00:57:30,851 --> 00:57:33,320
I'm just gonna embrace
the fact that I'm on my own

967
00:57:33,454 --> 00:57:37,157
and that my so-called
relationship is over.

968
00:57:38,025 --> 00:57:43,230
I'm gonna go back to doing
what I do best. Carpentry.

969
00:57:44,198 --> 00:57:47,401
Who needs a man when you can
build a dresser from scratch?

970
00:57:47,534 --> 00:57:51,939
Well, sure, but you deserve
a break from all this hard work,

971
00:57:52,072 --> 00:57:55,542
and maybe it'd be nice to go
take a trip into Manhattan

972
00:57:55,676 --> 00:57:59,780
on your own
and see a theater show.

973
00:57:59,913 --> 00:58:04,051
With every dick-weed on the street
shouting my catchphrase at me?

974
00:58:04,184 --> 00:58:05,519
No, thanks.

975
00:58:05,652 --> 00:58:07,287
Well, I mean,

976
00:58:07,421 --> 00:58:08,822
you have to leave
the house at some point.

977
00:58:09,289 --> 00:58:11,358
You can't be
a total shut-in.

978
00:58:11,492 --> 00:58:14,261
I'm not a shut-in.
I'm a woodworker.

979
00:58:14,394 --> 00:58:17,130
And I'm happy in my workshop.

980
00:58:17,264 --> 00:58:21,869
Well, as long as you've got me as
your front man paying the bills.

981
00:58:22,001 --> 00:58:25,873
Well, if you don't like the
arrangement, you can always resign.

982
00:58:26,006 --> 00:58:28,775
Skip the boring
five-course dinners

983
00:58:28,909 --> 00:58:31,378
and go back to
living in your car.

984
00:59:02,175 --> 00:59:03,544
I brought you a smoothie...

985
00:59:03,677 --> 00:59:06,880
to say I'm sorry
for being such an asshole.

986
00:59:07,015 --> 00:59:09,816
If you want to stay home
and make furniture all day,

987
00:59:09,950 --> 00:59:14,187
you should stay home
and make furniture all day.

988
00:59:14,955 --> 00:59:16,189
Thanks.

989
00:59:18,425 --> 00:59:20,594
Look, I'm sorry.
It was really rude, what I said,

990
00:59:20,727 --> 00:59:22,863
and you've been great.

991
00:59:23,463 --> 00:59:26,500
You're basically the best friend
I have right now.

992
00:59:29,037 --> 00:59:30,571
Here's to you, roomie.

993
00:59:33,007 --> 00:59:34,274
Roomie.

994
00:59:34,808 --> 00:59:36,543
To the Shakers.

995
00:59:37,110 --> 00:59:39,479
To the motherfucking Shakers.

996
01:00:20,587 --> 01:00:23,890
So, I just passed the
halfway mark on my book.

997
01:00:24,025 --> 01:00:25,359
Congratulations.

998
01:00:25,492 --> 01:00:26,960
Yeah. And guess what
was playing

999
01:00:27,095 --> 01:00:28,395
on the TV
at the bar today?

1000
01:00:28,528 --> 01:00:30,364
An old movie of yours.

1001
01:00:30,497 --> 01:00:34,701
You played this BMXer who
falls off her bike a lot.

1002
01:00:34,835 --> 01:00:38,405
Oh. <i>BMX Blackout.</i> Hmm.

1003
01:00:38,538 --> 01:00:40,540
Well, it was actually
pretty funny.

1004
01:00:40,674 --> 01:00:44,911
I laughed despite the fact that
I couldn't hear much of it.

1005
01:00:47,581 --> 01:00:51,119
Look, the other night,
when we saw each other.

1006
01:00:51,685 --> 01:00:53,854
I'm so sorry
that I deceived you.

1007
01:00:53,987 --> 01:00:55,689
I just didn't want
to lose you.

1008
01:00:55,822 --> 01:00:58,592
Look, you can stop.

1009
01:00:59,359 --> 01:01:01,695
The truth is,
I owe you an apology.

1010
01:01:01,828 --> 01:01:03,363
I lied to you, too.

1011
01:01:03,997 --> 01:01:05,298
Um...

1012
01:01:07,934 --> 01:01:09,770
My name isn't Steve.

1013
01:01:10,303 --> 01:01:11,738
It's Larry.

1014
01:01:12,639 --> 01:01:15,475
And I'm not from
New York, like I said.

1015
01:01:15,609 --> 01:01:17,611
I'm from Ann Arbor,
Michigan.

1016
01:01:18,345 --> 01:01:21,648
Basically, I made
a mistake, which, uh...

1017
01:01:24,085 --> 01:01:26,253
sorry, I haven't talked
about this in a while.

1018
01:01:26,386 --> 01:01:28,488
Um... okay.

1019
01:01:28,622 --> 01:01:31,358
What happened was,
my friend Jerry and I

1020
01:01:31,491 --> 01:01:33,260
were doing
Habitat for Humanity

1021
01:01:33,393 --> 01:01:34,728
in new Orleans
after Katrina.

1022
01:01:34,861 --> 01:01:36,963
And, uh, you know,
we were exhausted.

1023
01:01:37,098 --> 01:01:39,800
We needed a break.
So we got really drunk,

1024
01:01:39,933 --> 01:01:42,703
and we were wandering the
streets at 4:00 in the morning,

1025
01:01:42,836 --> 01:01:44,705
and suddenly I need
to pee really badly.

1026
01:01:44,838 --> 01:01:47,374
And so I'm peeing,
and I turn around,

1027
01:01:47,507 --> 01:01:49,177
this old lady's
taking a photo of me.

1028
01:01:49,309 --> 01:01:52,646
And she calls the cops and I got
arrested for disorderly conduct.

1029
01:01:52,779 --> 01:01:54,715
And the photo ends up
going viral

1030
01:01:54,848 --> 01:01:57,951
and getting, like,
18 million hits.

1031
01:01:58,086 --> 01:02:00,654
For just pissing
in the street?

1032
01:02:00,787 --> 01:02:05,392
Well, I left out sort of
an important little detail.

1033
01:02:05,525 --> 01:02:08,562
Um, I didn't realize it
at the time

1034
01:02:08,695 --> 01:02:11,032
because it was dark
and I was so drunk,

1035
01:02:11,165 --> 01:02:13,366
but it turns out
that I was pissing

1036
01:02:13,500 --> 01:02:16,470
on the new Orleans
Holocaust Memorial.

1037
01:02:16,603 --> 01:02:18,739
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah. And it gets worse.

1038
01:02:18,872 --> 01:02:21,042
Here, just take a look
at the photo.

1039
01:02:21,175 --> 01:02:24,811
It's pretty easy to find.
Just Google "Larry Cooper"

1040
01:02:24,945 --> 01:02:27,481
and, like, two million
of these things come up.

1041
01:02:28,315 --> 01:02:29,549
Hmm.

1042
01:02:32,953 --> 01:02:34,688
You're pissing on a child.

1043
01:02:34,821 --> 01:02:38,126
- Sculpture of a child.
- And you're making a Nazi salute.

1044
01:02:38,291 --> 01:02:39,993
No, I'm not giving
a Nazi salute.

1045
01:02:40,128 --> 01:02:42,395
The photo was taken at the
exact moment that I leaned back

1046
01:02:42,529 --> 01:02:44,065
from resting my head
against the wall.

1047
01:02:44,198 --> 01:02:46,266
And the wall
has names on it.

1048
01:02:46,399 --> 01:02:48,202
Yes. Yes.
The Holocaust Memorial

1049
01:02:48,335 --> 01:02:49,469
is constructed
from black marble,

1050
01:02:49,603 --> 01:02:51,038
which is almost
impossible to see,

1051
01:02:51,172 --> 01:02:54,075
let alone read, in the dark.
Did I mention it was dark?

1052
01:02:54,875 --> 01:02:57,644
You know, I do remember
this photo now.

1053
01:02:57,778 --> 01:02:59,746
Yeah, of course you've seen it.
Everyone has.

1054
01:02:59,880 --> 01:03:02,049
My friends all said, "Don't worry.
Everyone will forget it."

1055
01:03:02,183 --> 01:03:03,617
But they didn't.

1056
01:03:03,984 --> 01:03:05,619
And my name changed
from Larry Cooper

1057
01:03:05,752 --> 01:03:08,288
to Larry the Nazi who
pissed on Holocaust babies.

1058
01:03:08,421 --> 01:03:10,590
So, I lost my dream job,

1059
01:03:10,724 --> 01:03:14,262
changed my name and moved
to New York to disappear,

1060
01:03:14,394 --> 01:03:15,796
become a face
in the crowd.

1061
01:03:16,429 --> 01:03:17,731
I even stopped dating.

1062
01:03:18,532 --> 01:03:23,470
In fact, the first girlfriend I've
had since this all happened is you.

1063
01:03:25,006 --> 01:03:26,073
Wow.

1064
01:03:31,511 --> 01:03:36,349
Oh, man. I... I feel like this
huge weight has been lifted.

1065
01:03:37,251 --> 01:03:40,453
From now on,
total honesty.

1066
01:03:40,921 --> 01:03:42,389
Okay, Candy?

1067
01:03:43,790 --> 01:03:45,193
Absolutely.

1068
01:03:46,827 --> 01:03:49,429
It's part of the reason why I'm so
obsessed about moving to Pleasant Hill.

1069
01:03:50,131 --> 01:03:53,600
- Pleasant Hill?
- Yeah, the handmade furniture store.

1070
01:03:53,733 --> 01:03:57,171
Oh, right. Pleasantville,
the handmade furniture store.

1071
01:03:57,305 --> 01:03:58,338
Pleasant Hill.

1072
01:03:58,471 --> 01:04:00,674
Hmm. Right.

1073
01:04:00,807 --> 01:04:03,844
Just thinking about escaping
to this tiny little town

1074
01:04:03,977 --> 01:04:05,679
where nobody's seen
the stupid photo.

1075
01:04:05,812 --> 01:04:07,315
Where you could work
on furniture all day,

1076
01:04:07,447 --> 01:04:09,050
and I could finish
my book.

1077
01:04:11,252 --> 01:04:12,619
What's the matter?

1078
01:04:12,752 --> 01:04:16,656
Oh, it's just being out
in the middle of nowhere

1079
01:04:16,790 --> 01:04:19,926
with no phone signal,
surrounded by chairs.

1080
01:04:21,862 --> 01:04:22,929
Right.

1081
01:04:23,064 --> 01:04:27,268
I have almost
four million followers

1082
01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:28,535
on my Twitter account.

1083
01:04:28,668 --> 01:04:30,370
They just opened it
the other day.

1084
01:04:30,503 --> 01:04:34,374
And that proves to me
what I've known all along,

1085
01:04:34,507 --> 01:04:36,910
that the public
wants me to come back,

1086
01:04:37,044 --> 01:04:40,147
and I wanna give them
what they need.

1087
01:04:41,249 --> 01:04:42,350
Okay.

1088
01:04:43,284 --> 01:04:48,788
Well, I mean, obviously
I want you to be happy.

1089
01:04:48,922 --> 01:04:50,057
I just...

1090
01:04:51,125 --> 01:04:56,863
I guess it's gonna just take a
little bit of getting my head around.

1091
01:04:57,464 --> 01:05:01,001
Well... try.

1092
01:05:01,135 --> 01:05:03,770
Okay, I'm just gonna go
to the bathroom.

1093
01:05:03,904 --> 01:05:05,039
Okay.

1094
01:05:34,302 --> 01:05:35,969
Candy?

1095
01:05:37,104 --> 01:05:38,272
You okay?

1096
01:05:38,805 --> 01:05:40,174
Thought I heard you
throwing up.

1097
01:05:40,308 --> 01:05:43,244
Yes, I just threw up.
I don't feel well.

1098
01:05:43,377 --> 01:05:45,212
I... It must've been
something I ate.

1099
01:05:45,346 --> 01:05:46,746
You barely even
touched your food.

1100
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:49,683
I know, but I...
I... I just...

1101
01:05:49,816 --> 01:05:52,519
- I need to take a rain check.
- Rain... Where? What?

1102
01:05:52,652 --> 01:05:54,854
- Can we pick this up another night? I'm sorry.
- No, I just got here.

1103
01:05:54,988 --> 01:05:57,091
I'm not feeling well.
And I'm gonna vomit again.

1104
01:05:57,224 --> 01:05:58,758
And I don't wanna do it
in front of you.

1105
01:05:58,892 --> 01:06:00,527
I'm sorry. I'll call you.

1106
01:06:02,896 --> 01:06:04,965
You want to tell me
why I've been locked out

1107
01:06:05,099 --> 01:06:09,036
in my garden house
like fucking Guantánamo?

1108
01:06:09,669 --> 01:06:12,906
A little tip: If you're going
to drug a former addict,

1109
01:06:13,040 --> 01:06:15,209
you might wanna
up the dose.

1110
01:06:15,343 --> 01:06:17,844
Who the fuck was that
you just kicked out anyway?

1111
01:06:17,978 --> 01:06:19,746
Who was who?
That was nobody.

1112
01:06:19,879 --> 01:06:22,482
Does Mr. Nobody's car
drive itself.

1113
01:06:23,117 --> 01:06:24,584
Okay. I was on a date.

1114
01:06:24,718 --> 01:06:26,553
Oh, my God.

1115
01:06:26,686 --> 01:06:28,755
And this date you're on,

1116
01:06:28,888 --> 01:06:31,292
who does the guy think
he was about to get it on with?

1117
01:06:32,892 --> 01:06:36,430
Paula the stand-in
or Candy the movie star.

1118
01:06:36,563 --> 01:06:38,432
Who is this guy anyway,
a groupie?

1119
01:06:38,565 --> 01:06:42,103
Have you been rooting through
my trash for cast-off cock?

1120
01:06:42,236 --> 01:06:44,704
He is not cast-off cock.

1121
01:06:44,838 --> 01:06:47,074
Let me guess.
He's the man of your dreams.

1122
01:06:47,208 --> 01:06:50,444
The only catch is
he's not in love with you.

1123
01:06:50,577 --> 01:06:51,745
He's in love with me.

1124
01:06:51,878 --> 01:06:53,114
Oh, he is not
in love with you

1125
01:06:53,247 --> 01:06:55,383
because he's never
even met you.

1126
01:06:55,515 --> 01:06:59,786
And you wouldn't take the
hint about going out tonight, so...

1127
01:06:59,919 --> 01:07:02,223
So, why have a conversation
with someone

1128
01:07:02,356 --> 01:07:05,326
when you can just throw them
in a pile of leaves?

1129
01:07:05,459 --> 01:07:08,129
I thought you were
my friend, roomie,

1130
01:07:08,262 --> 01:07:09,929
but you're just a leech.

1131
01:07:10,064 --> 01:07:13,767
Getting another free ride on the
gravy train like everyone else,

1132
01:07:13,900 --> 01:07:15,935
with a slice of cock pie.

1133
01:07:16,070 --> 01:07:19,340
If I'm a leech,
what does that make you?

1134
01:07:20,041 --> 01:07:23,344
The chick who worked
her ass off for 20 years

1135
01:07:23,477 --> 01:07:25,146
making a name for herself.

1136
01:07:25,279 --> 01:07:28,748
You know what? You're not a leech.
That was too harsh.

1137
01:07:28,882 --> 01:07:32,186
You're more like a coat stand
made of shitty pine.

1138
01:07:32,319 --> 01:07:33,887
God damn it.

1139
01:07:34,021 --> 01:07:37,291
Everybody thinks a stand-in
has it so goddamn easy.

1140
01:07:37,425 --> 01:07:39,959
Did you know that I can't
even drive at night

1141
01:07:40,094 --> 01:07:41,828
because I have
night blindness

1142
01:07:41,961 --> 01:07:45,466
from them shining those lights
in my eyes all those years?

1143
01:07:45,899 --> 01:07:47,767
You may have made
a name for yourself,

1144
01:07:47,901 --> 01:07:51,038
but I'm the only one
doing anything with it.

1145
01:07:51,172 --> 01:07:54,874
I am the Candy Black that
everybody's always wanted.

1146
01:07:55,009 --> 01:07:57,610
Uh, you're me,
minus the talent.

1147
01:07:57,744 --> 01:07:59,846
Those fans, those paparazzi...

1148
01:07:59,979 --> 01:08:02,582
it's not you they want,
honey, it's me.

1149
01:08:02,715 --> 01:08:04,518
Yeah, but it's me
they're getting.

1150
01:08:04,651 --> 01:08:07,521
And without me,
there would just be some sad,

1151
01:08:07,654 --> 01:08:12,426
middle-aged woman with a
hammer making sideboards.

1152
01:08:12,560 --> 01:08:14,295
They need Candy Black.

1153
01:08:14,428 --> 01:08:16,530
They deserve Candy Black.

1154
01:08:16,663 --> 01:08:20,067
You think I have
some obligation to my fans

1155
01:08:20,201 --> 01:08:24,271
to fucking distract them from
their pointless, boring lives?

1156
01:08:24,405 --> 01:08:26,706
Yes, I goddamn do!

1157
01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:29,843
Bullshit! Bullshit!

1158
01:08:29,976 --> 01:08:32,012
I've done my service
to the nation.

1159
01:08:32,146 --> 01:08:36,584
Entertaining the people, okay?
I want my fucking life back.

1160
01:08:36,716 --> 01:08:39,986
What about the life
you promised back to me?

1161
01:08:41,855 --> 01:08:44,958
Well, you seem to be enjoying
your new life just fine.

1162
01:08:45,092 --> 01:08:47,495
I'm gonna call your groupie

1163
01:08:47,627 --> 01:08:50,564
and let him know whose pussy
he's really chowing down on.

1164
01:08:50,697 --> 01:08:51,965
Give me that.

1165
01:08:52,099 --> 01:08:54,268
Give me that.

1166
01:08:54,401 --> 01:08:56,636
God... Just...
Fine, take it!

1167
01:08:56,769 --> 01:08:58,972
And take your
goddamn groupie.

1168
01:08:59,106 --> 01:09:01,708
Just get out of my house
and never come back.

1169
01:09:07,348 --> 01:09:08,482
Ohh!

1170
01:09:08,616 --> 01:09:10,417
That hit you
where it hurts.

1171
01:09:13,720 --> 01:09:17,458
Damn! Goddamn coat stand!

1172
01:09:19,193 --> 01:09:21,095
Fuck!

1173
01:09:21,562 --> 01:09:23,830
Open the fucking door!

1174
01:09:23,963 --> 01:09:25,865
You fucking cunt!

1175
01:09:27,401 --> 01:09:28,735
Shit.

1176
01:09:31,438 --> 01:09:32,972
Come on!

1177
01:09:33,240 --> 01:09:34,774
Open the door!

1178
01:09:35,342 --> 01:09:39,547
Come on,
open the fucking door!

1179
01:09:39,679 --> 01:09:42,749
Police?
Hi, this is Candy Black.

1180
01:09:42,882 --> 01:09:44,151
The actress.

1181
01:09:44,751 --> 01:09:47,188
Oh, thank you.
It's nice to be back.

1182
01:09:47,321 --> 01:09:49,223
There's an intruder
at my house.

1183
01:09:49,356 --> 01:09:53,027
She's a weirdo who's had
plastic surgery to look like me.

1184
01:09:53,160 --> 01:09:56,530
1800 Oakwood Drive.
Thank you.

1185
01:09:56,664 --> 01:09:58,898
Think you can steal
my house?

1186
01:09:59,033 --> 01:10:00,967
My name, my life?

1187
01:10:01,101 --> 01:10:02,902
This is my fucking life.

1188
01:10:03,037 --> 01:10:05,005
But you weren't
doing anything with it.

1189
01:10:05,139 --> 01:10:08,475
So maybe it's time to let
someone else have a turn.

1190
01:10:12,146 --> 01:10:14,315
I'm fucking freezing
out here.

1191
01:10:26,759 --> 01:10:29,896
Okay. Okay, that's it.
Party's over.

1192
01:10:30,030 --> 01:10:31,699
- Ow!
- Party's over.

1193
01:10:32,765 --> 01:10:36,170
- You fucking idiot. I'm Candy Black!
- Yeah, sure you are.

1194
01:10:36,303 --> 01:10:38,805
Ma'am, we're gonna have
to remove you from the property.

1195
01:10:38,938 --> 01:10:43,277
I'm fucking Candy Black.
She's the impostor, you fucking douchebag.

1196
01:10:43,410 --> 01:10:44,345
Oh!

1197
01:10:44,478 --> 01:10:45,878
Shit!

1198
01:10:46,013 --> 01:10:48,482
You should be removing her.
She's the impostor.

1199
01:10:48,616 --> 01:10:49,882
- I'm Candy Black!
- Thank you.

1200
01:10:50,017 --> 01:10:51,285
Glad to help.

1201
01:10:52,152 --> 01:10:54,688
Uh, can I get a selfie?

1202
01:10:54,821 --> 01:10:55,755
Sure.

1203
01:10:55,888 --> 01:10:57,191
Great.

1204
01:11:00,661 --> 01:11:02,363
That scene where you
and the chicken friends

1205
01:11:02,496 --> 01:11:05,532
had the dildo sword fight
made me laugh my ass off.

1206
01:11:05,666 --> 01:11:07,967
Jennifer Aniston
is a good friend.

1207
01:11:08,602 --> 01:11:09,869
Good night.

1208
01:11:17,111 --> 01:11:18,746
Because
you're my sponsor.

1209
01:11:18,878 --> 01:11:21,548
Because I think that this is
starting to feel like a con.

1210
01:11:21,682 --> 01:11:24,917
You're telling me my life
is going to be improved

1211
01:11:25,052 --> 01:11:26,819
and better with the sobriety.

1212
01:11:26,953 --> 01:11:29,657
I'm not seeing any cash
from that. Okay?

1213
01:11:29,789 --> 01:11:31,392
All I'm seeing is just a guy

1214
01:11:31,525 --> 01:11:33,893
who doesn't have the blistering
confidence that I had

1215
01:11:34,028 --> 01:11:35,862
when I was shit-faced
half the day.

1216
01:11:35,995 --> 01:11:38,599
So I'm thinking
about legal action.

1217
01:11:38,732 --> 01:11:39,799
So you better explain your...

1218
01:11:39,932 --> 01:11:41,801
Hold on.

1219
01:11:42,703 --> 01:11:45,306
Yeah, I'll call you back
if I want.

1220
01:11:45,439 --> 01:11:46,973
- Hello?
- <i>Louis?</i>

1221
01:11:47,107 --> 01:11:48,542
Hey, Candy.

1222
01:11:48,676 --> 01:11:51,178
It's about the cameo
and the <i>Saddle Up</i> reboot.

1223
01:11:51,312 --> 01:11:54,448
- <i>Yes.</i>
- I'm up for it. I wanna take the job.

1224
01:11:54,581 --> 01:11:58,319
That's great. This is
the right decision for us.

1225
01:11:58,452 --> 01:12:01,622
I'm... I'm so happy.
And they're willing to pay your quote.

1226
01:12:01,755 --> 01:12:03,424
<i>I'll get into it
with them tomorrow.</i>

1227
01:12:03,557 --> 01:12:05,492
Thank you, Louis,
for believing in me.

1228
01:12:05,626 --> 01:12:07,061
Buddy, I believe in you

1229
01:12:07,194 --> 01:12:08,995
in a way that
this business never has,

1230
01:12:09,129 --> 01:12:11,231
and that doesn't go away.
All right?

1231
01:12:11,365 --> 01:12:13,933
<i>Thank you, goodbye.</i>

1232
01:12:18,172 --> 01:12:19,540
What in Sam hell...

1233
01:12:21,475 --> 01:12:22,643
Hello?

1234
01:12:22,776 --> 01:12:24,511
<i>Louis! Let me in.</i>

1235
01:12:24,645 --> 01:12:26,979
But wait, I...
From the phone just now?

1236
01:12:27,114 --> 01:12:29,216
- <i>Let me in!</i>
- Okay.

1237
01:12:34,987 --> 01:12:37,157
Oh! Hey.

1238
01:12:37,291 --> 01:12:38,125
Hey.

1239
01:12:38,258 --> 01:12:39,460
Can I stay here tonight?

1240
01:12:39,593 --> 01:12:42,096
You look weird.
What's going on?

1241
01:12:42,229 --> 01:12:43,664
I just got off
the phone with you.

1242
01:12:43,797 --> 01:12:45,932
Oh, shit.
No, that was my impostor.

1243
01:12:46,066 --> 01:12:48,135
And she just kicked me
out of my fucking house.

1244
01:12:48,268 --> 01:12:49,636
- Your impostor?
- Yeah.

1245
01:12:49,770 --> 01:12:52,740
My old stand-in. I got her
to go to rehab for me.

1246
01:12:52,872 --> 01:12:54,141
And then she kind of
stayed around

1247
01:12:54,274 --> 01:12:55,642
and acted like
she was gonna help me.

1248
01:12:55,776 --> 01:13:00,180
But it turns out she's just
a fucking evil bitch

1249
01:13:00,314 --> 01:13:01,981
who was waiting
to screw me over.

1250
01:13:02,116 --> 01:13:03,650
So, the person that
I've been dealing with

1251
01:13:03,784 --> 01:13:05,885
these last couple of weeks
doing the apology tour,

1252
01:13:06,019 --> 01:13:10,090
that's this chick,
the stand-in? Not you?

1253
01:13:10,224 --> 01:13:12,593
Well, she looks like me,
and she's been on TV.

1254
01:13:12,726 --> 01:13:17,297
So she has the officially
registered version of my face.

1255
01:13:17,765 --> 01:13:19,166
So, this nice Candy,

1256
01:13:19,299 --> 01:13:21,068
the one that
turns up on time

1257
01:13:21,201 --> 01:13:23,704
and has been bringing
all this money...

1258
01:13:23,837 --> 01:13:25,339
that's not you?

1259
01:13:26,840 --> 01:13:28,242
No.

1260
01:13:28,975 --> 01:13:30,310
Okay.

1261
01:13:32,646 --> 01:13:36,417
I am gonna go with her
on this one.

1262
01:13:37,284 --> 01:13:39,286
- What?
- I just...

1263
01:13:39,420 --> 01:13:42,189
It doesn't matter
that she's fake.

1264
01:13:42,322 --> 01:13:45,092
This whole business
is fake.

1265
01:13:45,225 --> 01:13:47,561
My name isn't even Louis.
It's Friedrich.

1266
01:13:47,694 --> 01:13:49,730
But who wants an agent
named Friedrich?

1267
01:13:49,863 --> 01:13:54,034
So if this new you makes more
money and is easier to work with,

1268
01:13:54,168 --> 01:13:57,671
why wouldn't I...
Does that make sense?

1269
01:13:58,839 --> 01:14:02,643
So, this is that moment

1270
01:14:03,177 --> 01:14:05,012
where I say goodbye.

1271
01:14:13,554 --> 01:14:16,857
There's something
really special I wanna give you.

1272
01:14:16,989 --> 01:14:19,626
A Shaker
ladder back chair, wow.

1273
01:14:19,760 --> 01:14:24,665
Yes, it was inspired by
the great Shaker woman,

1274
01:14:24,798 --> 01:14:27,701
Tabitha Babbitt,
and I made it for you.

1275
01:14:27,835 --> 01:14:31,705
It took a lot of work
and I used a lot of glue.

1276
01:14:31,839 --> 01:14:34,741
- Glue?
- Yes.

1277
01:14:34,875 --> 01:14:36,643
I cheated a little bit.

1278
01:14:36,777 --> 01:14:39,012
Hmm. Thanks, but...

1279
01:14:41,515 --> 01:14:43,917
Things still feel weird
between us.

1280
01:14:44,051 --> 01:14:45,752
Something doesn't feel right.

1281
01:14:50,324 --> 01:14:52,226
How does this feel?

1282
01:16:01,762 --> 01:16:04,197
- Excuse me. Can I ask you a favor?
- No.

1283
01:16:04,331 --> 01:16:07,367
- No.
- Could you take our picture?

1284
01:16:12,873 --> 01:16:13,874
Say "cheese."

1285
01:16:14,008 --> 01:16:15,108
Cheese.

1286
01:16:16,743 --> 01:16:17,945
Thanks so much, honey.

1287
01:16:18,078 --> 01:16:19,613
I'm Kathy.

1288
01:16:21,081 --> 01:16:22,649
Kathy Tyler.

1289
01:16:39,099 --> 01:16:40,601
How are you doing?

1290
01:16:41,635 --> 01:16:42,669
Good.

1291
01:16:46,940 --> 01:16:50,210
But this is the last night
we stay here, okay?

1292
01:16:50,344 --> 01:16:51,945
You don't like
my apartment?

1293
01:16:52,080 --> 01:16:54,015
Well, I mean, it's lovely,

1294
01:16:54,147 --> 01:16:56,283
but why stay in
a shitty shoebox

1295
01:16:56,416 --> 01:16:58,919
when you can live
in a princess' palace?

1296
01:16:59,419 --> 01:17:01,221
It's not that bad.

1297
01:17:03,590 --> 01:17:04,424
Here.

1298
01:17:04,558 --> 01:17:06,627
It's a key...
for my prince.

1299
01:17:06,760 --> 01:17:08,029
Thanks.

1300
01:17:08,161 --> 01:17:09,796
Oh, but there's something
you should know.

1301
01:17:09,930 --> 01:17:12,866
There's this homeless woman,
and she broke in the other day.

1302
01:17:13,000 --> 01:17:15,435
- What?
- Yes. I think she's a crazed fan.

1303
01:17:15,569 --> 01:17:17,771
And the funny thing is
she kind of looks like me.

1304
01:17:17,904 --> 01:17:20,474
- I think she might've had surgery.
- Oh, my God.

1305
01:17:20,607 --> 01:17:22,342
So if you see her
snooping around,

1306
01:17:22,476 --> 01:17:25,779
just call 911.
The cops know all about her.

1307
01:17:25,912 --> 01:17:27,714
Um, yeah. Okay.

1308
01:17:36,823 --> 01:17:37,858
Hey.

1309
01:17:38,825 --> 01:17:41,261
If you're looking
for anyone in carpentry,

1310
01:17:41,395 --> 01:17:43,430
I've got a licensed
journeyman certificate

1311
01:17:43,563 --> 01:17:45,198
and ten years' experience.

1312
01:17:45,332 --> 01:17:46,800
I'd love to get a job.

1313
01:17:46,933 --> 01:17:48,802
Can't answer that without
seeing your work credentials.

1314
01:17:48,935 --> 01:17:51,072
So why don't you come back in
the morning with your paperwork,

1315
01:17:51,204 --> 01:17:53,041
tools, work gear.

1316
01:17:53,173 --> 01:17:54,274
I'll see what we've got.

1317
01:17:54,408 --> 01:17:56,643
Great. Thank you.

1318
01:17:56,777 --> 01:17:58,512
It'll be good to have
another woman on this team.

1319
01:17:58,645 --> 01:18:01,715
Yeah.
I'll see you tomorrow.

1320
01:18:06,586 --> 01:18:08,989
Well, it's not Le Cirque.

1321
01:18:09,123 --> 01:18:12,726
But it's certainly nice to be
back where we met. Romantic.

1322
01:18:12,859 --> 01:18:14,162
At least it's quiet.

1323
01:18:14,327 --> 01:18:16,164
Why are you
so obsessed with hiding?

1324
01:18:16,296 --> 01:18:20,233
Don't you want to get out in the
world and make the most of life?

1325
01:18:22,369 --> 01:18:25,372
- What are you doing?
- It's okay if you want to come take my photo.

1326
01:18:25,505 --> 01:18:26,873
They didn't even ask.

1327
01:18:27,008 --> 01:18:28,542
My mom loves you.

1328
01:18:28,675 --> 01:18:30,677
I've watched all
your movies on Netflix.

1329
01:18:30,811 --> 01:18:33,714
Thank you.
Well, I just joined Instagram.

1330
01:18:33,847 --> 01:18:36,983
So make sure to tag me
and become a follower.

1331
01:18:37,118 --> 01:18:38,351
Hit me where it hurts.

1332
01:18:38,485 --> 01:18:40,487
That's the Holocaust
piss baby guy.

1333
01:18:40,620 --> 01:18:42,456
Oh, shit. Okay.
I can't do this.

1334
01:18:42,589 --> 01:18:44,391
Stay if you want,
but I'm going to go.

1335
01:18:44,524 --> 01:18:46,094
I'll meet you
back at the house.

1336
01:18:46,226 --> 01:18:47,728
Wait so, the Holocaust
piss baby guy

1337
01:18:47,861 --> 01:18:49,229
is dating Candy Black?

1338
01:18:49,362 --> 01:18:51,099
This is awesome.

1339
01:19:16,823 --> 01:19:19,359
Shit! Oh, my God!

1340
01:19:19,493 --> 01:19:21,328
Don't do anything.
I'm dialing 911.

1341
01:19:21,461 --> 01:19:24,931
Don't, please.
My name is Kathy, and this is my house.

1342
01:19:25,066 --> 01:19:28,468
I just came here to get
some tools and work clothes.

1343
01:19:28,602 --> 01:19:31,505
Kathy. You're Kathy?

1344
01:19:34,041 --> 01:19:37,711
Oh, my God.
Are you fucking kidding me?

1345
01:19:37,844 --> 01:19:38,945
Call the cops.

1346
01:19:39,080 --> 01:19:40,580
She says
this is her house.

1347
01:19:40,714 --> 01:19:44,384
And her name is Kathy.
And her voice...

1348
01:19:45,019 --> 01:19:46,753
- Her voice is...
- A lot like mine?

1349
01:19:46,887 --> 01:19:48,688
Yes, because she's not
just a burglar.

1350
01:19:48,822 --> 01:19:51,192
She's the con artist
I was telling you about.

1351
01:19:51,324 --> 01:19:53,493
She doesn't sound like you.

1352
01:19:53,960 --> 01:19:56,863
She sounds like Kathy.

1353
01:19:58,431 --> 01:20:00,000
And your voice...

1354
01:20:00,567 --> 01:20:02,502
You sound like Steve.

1355
01:20:03,271 --> 01:20:06,606
Kathy, you...
You're Kathy.

1356
01:20:06,740 --> 01:20:09,409
She's not Kathy.
I'm Kathy.

1357
01:20:09,543 --> 01:20:11,678
I mean, I'm not Kathy,
but neither is she.

1358
01:20:11,812 --> 01:20:14,347
- Are you Steve?
- Yeah.

1359
01:20:14,481 --> 01:20:17,617
I mean,
I'm Larry and Steve.

1360
01:20:17,751 --> 01:20:20,620
- Larry?
- But if you're Kathy, then who's she?

1361
01:20:20,754 --> 01:20:23,456
Her name's Paula and
she's my fucking stand-in.

1362
01:20:23,590 --> 01:20:25,792
I'm not Paula. I'm Kathy.

1363
01:20:25,926 --> 01:20:30,198
I mean Candy.
But she's not Kathy or Candy.

1364
01:20:30,330 --> 01:20:34,434
If you're the real deal, then what
was the box office on <i>Clown Town?</i>

1365
01:20:34,568 --> 01:20:37,003
You think I sit around
memorizing that shit?

1366
01:20:37,138 --> 01:20:41,608
168 million domestic.
See, I'm the real deal.

1367
01:20:41,741 --> 01:20:44,511
If you're the real deal,
let's have a woodwork showdown.

1368
01:20:44,644 --> 01:20:48,448
Break out your chisel, and we'll find
out who makes the best nesting tables.

1369
01:20:48,582 --> 01:20:51,685
I don't have to prove
my woodworking skills to anyone.

1370
01:20:51,818 --> 01:20:54,322
When you met her,
you didn't think it was weird

1371
01:20:54,454 --> 01:20:56,623
that I'd had
a personality transplant?

1372
01:20:56,756 --> 01:20:59,860
No. Well, I thought I was
getting to know the real you.

1373
01:20:59,993 --> 01:21:01,595
I mean... her.

1374
01:21:03,830 --> 01:21:06,300
This is who you had
the date with?

1375
01:21:06,433 --> 01:21:08,035
Here at the house?

1376
01:21:08,169 --> 01:21:09,369
The night you drugged me?

1377
01:21:09,736 --> 01:21:11,205
You drugged her?

1378
01:21:11,339 --> 01:21:13,107
It was just
a little drugging.

1379
01:21:13,907 --> 01:21:17,811
You took my name and my
house, and that wasn't enough.

1380
01:21:17,944 --> 01:21:20,647
You had to take
the man I love, too?

1381
01:21:20,780 --> 01:21:23,284
You can't love him.

1382
01:21:23,416 --> 01:21:25,652
You don't even know him.

1383
01:21:26,653 --> 01:21:29,389
Now get the fuck
out of my house.

1384
01:21:35,528 --> 01:21:37,697
I got what I came here for.

1385
01:21:39,499 --> 01:21:42,402
I hope you rot in this house.

1386
01:21:50,044 --> 01:21:54,714
Hmm. She's gone.
The impostor is gone.

1387
01:21:55,482 --> 01:21:58,585
Paula. Is that even
your real name?

1388
01:22:00,254 --> 01:22:02,555
Yes. I'm sorry.

1389
01:22:03,391 --> 01:22:06,793
Sorry? For what, tricking me?

1390
01:22:07,228 --> 01:22:08,461
I mean...

1391
01:22:08,595 --> 01:22:10,630
The time we spent
together, that was real.

1392
01:22:10,764 --> 01:22:12,799
Just because you thought
I was someone else...

1393
01:22:12,933 --> 01:22:14,901
I actually had feelings
for you.

1394
01:22:15,535 --> 01:22:18,505
Or... I don't know.
At least I thought I did.

1395
01:22:19,906 --> 01:22:22,676
You're not Candy,
Kathy or Paula.

1396
01:22:23,377 --> 01:22:27,914
You're no one, just a black
hole where a person should be.

1397
01:22:28,581 --> 01:22:32,652
And I am so relieved
that you're not her.

1398
01:23:08,089 --> 01:23:11,392
Hello, I got you the car to
take you to set of <i>Saddle Up,</i>

1399
01:23:11,524 --> 01:23:12,993
and it's gonna be great.

1400
01:23:13,127 --> 01:23:15,795
The sequel is always better
than the original.

1401
01:23:15,929 --> 01:23:18,432
You know what I mean?
Right? You psyched?

1402
01:23:18,565 --> 01:23:20,468
Oh, I am so psyched.

1403
01:23:20,600 --> 01:23:24,271
Great. Well, break a leg,
seriously. Ha ha!

1404
01:23:24,405 --> 01:23:26,207
Multiple compound fractures.

1405
01:23:26,340 --> 01:23:28,541
<i>All right. Um...</i>

1406
01:23:28,675 --> 01:23:31,711
so excited to be working
with the new Candy.

1407
01:23:31,845 --> 01:23:33,546
<i>Bye, Louis.</i>

1408
01:23:41,688 --> 01:23:45,725
I've imagined what this place
looks like so many times,

1409
01:23:45,859 --> 01:23:48,762
it's weird actually
being in here.

1410
01:23:51,065 --> 01:23:53,533
- Is that Papa Bear?
- Yeah.

1411
01:23:53,666 --> 01:23:55,535
As a matter of fact, it is.

1412
01:23:56,303 --> 01:23:59,839
My chair. She gave you
my fucking chair?

1413
01:23:59,973 --> 01:24:02,243
I can't believe
you made that for me.

1414
01:24:03,710 --> 01:24:05,912
Well, actually it was
a present to myself.

1415
01:24:06,047 --> 01:24:09,383
I enjoyed making it so much.

1416
01:24:10,184 --> 01:24:12,420
The plane work on its own
is flawless,

1417
01:24:12,552 --> 01:24:14,988
but the whole effect,
I mean...

1418
01:24:15,456 --> 01:24:19,160
It looks like it could've come out
of a Shaker Society in the 1880's.

1419
01:24:20,760 --> 01:24:22,129
Thanks.

1420
01:24:23,830 --> 01:24:26,800
I think it's the best present
anyone ever gave me.

1421
01:24:27,734 --> 01:24:30,737
Except the wrong person
gave it to you.

1422
01:24:32,173 --> 01:24:34,175
Yeah, I guess so.

1423
01:24:51,791 --> 01:24:53,593
Hi, Ingrid.
How are you?

1424
01:24:53,726 --> 01:24:56,197
Sober. Great.
I'm sober and great.

1425
01:24:56,330 --> 01:24:58,765
Thanks again
for being up for this.

1426
01:24:58,898 --> 01:25:00,600
We're gonna have fun.
We're not quite ready.

1427
01:25:00,733 --> 01:25:02,635
So I'm going to set up
a second team.

1428
01:25:02,769 --> 01:25:04,472
Just relax in your trailer.

1429
01:25:04,604 --> 01:25:07,208
Hey, you wouldn't happen to have
some Vicodin on you, would you?

1430
01:25:07,341 --> 01:25:09,477
Maybe a half of a
Percocet or something?

1431
01:25:09,609 --> 01:25:10,877
- Ingrid!
- It's a bad time?

1432
01:25:11,011 --> 01:25:12,279
- I'll catch you later.
- Ingrid!

1433
01:25:12,413 --> 01:25:13,746
I'm coming!

1434
01:25:14,248 --> 01:25:15,915
They're ready
for touch-ups.

1435
01:25:18,818 --> 01:25:20,154
There she is.

1436
01:25:20,920 --> 01:25:22,523
Hey, this is Sally.

1437
01:25:22,655 --> 01:25:23,923
She's your stand-in
on this picture.

1438
01:25:24,058 --> 01:25:26,693
She just wanted a chance
to say hello to you.

1439
01:25:27,660 --> 01:25:29,863
I'm a big fan.

1440
01:25:29,996 --> 01:25:33,766
I have been since forever.

1441
01:25:34,368 --> 01:25:35,436
Thanks.

1442
01:25:35,902 --> 01:25:38,638
Okay. We'll see you
in a minute.

1443
01:25:39,806 --> 01:25:41,075
Here we are.

1444
01:25:41,641 --> 01:25:44,411
So, um, should we
just skip rehearsal?

1445
01:25:44,545 --> 01:25:46,013
You want to go in
for a take?

1446
01:25:46,147 --> 01:25:49,550
Well, they just gave me
the sides last night,

1447
01:25:49,682 --> 01:25:51,718
and I haven't had a chance
to read the whole script.

1448
01:25:51,851 --> 01:25:54,721
So I don't know
what my motivation is.

1449
01:25:54,854 --> 01:25:56,689
Well, your motivation
is that you...

1450
01:25:56,823 --> 01:25:59,527
you climb up
on this bale of hay,

1451
01:25:59,659 --> 01:26:05,299
and then you dive off and
land on this pile of cow shit.

1452
01:26:05,698 --> 01:26:08,235
- The cow shit, of course.
- Yep.

1453
01:26:08,369 --> 01:26:11,605
Um, do I really have to
get up on the bale of hay

1454
01:26:11,738 --> 01:26:13,374
and then dive
into the cow shit?

1455
01:26:13,507 --> 01:26:17,111
Well, yeah, I mean,
that's the whole scene.

1456
01:26:17,244 --> 01:26:20,114
That's the joke.
It's what you did in the first picture.

1457
01:26:20,247 --> 01:26:22,882
And anyway, this whole physical
comedy stuff, it's what you do.

1458
01:26:23,017 --> 01:26:24,884
It's your thing.
You're a genius.

1459
01:26:26,886 --> 01:26:28,489
Yeah. All right.

1460
01:26:28,955 --> 01:26:31,091
- Great.
- Wonderful.

1461
01:26:34,495 --> 01:26:35,929
Okay, here we go.

1462
01:26:36,063 --> 01:26:38,098
All right, everybody.
Let's get ready.

1463
01:26:38,698 --> 01:26:40,434
And mark it.

1464
01:26:42,469 --> 01:26:44,771
Okay. Settle.

1465
01:26:44,904 --> 01:26:48,075
And... action.

1466
01:26:48,642 --> 01:26:50,077
- Barbara, I'm sorry.
- Cut!

1467
01:26:50,211 --> 01:26:52,812
But I can't do
this scene. Okay?

1468
01:26:52,946 --> 01:26:56,116
I can't do it. I...
I cannot do the scene.

1469
01:26:56,250 --> 01:26:59,620
Candy, Candy, please.
Let's not do this again.

1470
01:26:59,752 --> 01:27:01,921
That said,
I'll be right back.

1471
01:27:05,892 --> 01:27:09,396
Is that the Copley you bought
in Washington County, right?

1472
01:27:09,530 --> 01:27:10,598
Right.

1473
01:27:11,532 --> 01:27:13,833
So, what are you going to do about Paula?
Call the cops?

1474
01:27:13,967 --> 01:27:18,038
And get arrested for sending
a psycho to rehab for me?

1475
01:27:18,172 --> 01:27:21,308
That psycho's stolen your life.
Don't you want it back?

1476
01:27:21,642 --> 01:27:22,909
No.

1477
01:27:23,043 --> 01:27:24,911
So you're just gonna
let her have your house,

1478
01:27:25,045 --> 01:27:26,447
your life, everything?

1479
01:27:26,580 --> 01:27:29,516
I never liked that house
or that life anyway.

1480
01:27:29,650 --> 01:27:30,917
And what about your career?

1481
01:27:31,051 --> 01:27:32,919
I've been so lucky,

1482
01:27:33,053 --> 01:27:37,524
but I'm really excited to
play myself for a while.

1483
01:27:38,058 --> 01:27:41,995
Well, I'm excited
to finally meet you.

1484
01:27:42,762 --> 01:27:44,064
The real you.

1485
01:27:44,998 --> 01:27:47,167
This isn't how
I imagined us meeting.

1486
01:27:47,301 --> 01:27:48,502
No. Me, neither.

1487
01:27:49,969 --> 01:27:52,139
But I am so happy
that we have.

1488
01:27:52,872 --> 01:27:54,174
So am I.

1489
01:27:58,911 --> 01:28:02,982
How about joining me
in the Papa Bear?

1490
01:28:13,060 --> 01:28:15,496
It's been a long time.

1491
01:28:27,775 --> 01:28:29,243
Candy?

1492
01:28:31,245 --> 01:28:32,879
Candy.

1493
01:28:33,946 --> 01:28:35,249
Candy!

1494
01:28:35,382 --> 01:28:37,685
Oh, shit.
Is that Paula?

1495
01:28:37,817 --> 01:28:39,653
Oh, fuck.

1496
01:28:39,986 --> 01:28:41,422
Candy.

1497
01:28:42,790 --> 01:28:44,857
- Candy.
- I'll deal with this.

1498
01:28:46,926 --> 01:28:48,329
Candy!

1499
01:28:52,166 --> 01:28:55,302
What the fuck?
This better be important.

1500
01:28:55,436 --> 01:28:58,004
Look, I know that
I'm the last person

1501
01:28:58,138 --> 01:29:02,576
you wanna speak to or even think
about the fact that I exist.

1502
01:29:02,710 --> 01:29:05,978
And I don't blame you,
but you got to do this film.

1503
01:29:06,113 --> 01:29:08,716
I can't do it.
Everyone's there waiting.

1504
01:29:08,848 --> 01:29:11,385
And I want to walk in
and tell them I'm not you.

1505
01:29:11,518 --> 01:29:14,555
And then you can come in and
do the scene and nail it.

1506
01:29:14,688 --> 01:29:16,390
You were right.

1507
01:29:16,989 --> 01:29:18,692
I'm not an actress.

1508
01:29:18,826 --> 01:29:20,694
I'm just a stand-in.

1509
01:29:21,228 --> 01:29:23,430
I think you can absolutely
dive headfirst

1510
01:29:23,564 --> 01:29:25,965
from a bale of hay
into a pile of cow shit.

1511
01:29:26,100 --> 01:29:28,535
Oh, I can dive headfirst
into cow shit.

1512
01:29:28,669 --> 01:29:33,741
But nobody can dive headfirst
into cow shit like you.

1513
01:29:34,375 --> 01:29:38,911
I mean, there is
only one Candy Black.

1514
01:29:39,879 --> 01:29:41,115
Yeah.

1515
01:29:41,849 --> 01:29:43,384
And I'm looking at her.

1516
01:29:45,119 --> 01:29:46,720
What do you mean?

1517
01:29:46,854 --> 01:29:48,988
You want this part so bad?

1518
01:29:49,656 --> 01:29:51,225
It's all yours.

1519
01:29:53,293 --> 01:29:55,763
And you mean it.
You're not fucking with me?

1520
01:29:55,895 --> 01:29:58,599
Just try not to be
too big of an asshole.

1521
01:29:58,732 --> 01:30:02,169
And don't give me that shit
about not being an actress,

1522
01:30:02,302 --> 01:30:06,373
because you've been fooling
everyone for months.

1523
01:30:09,843 --> 01:30:12,212
No, I'm just a coat stand.

1524
01:30:12,846 --> 01:30:14,481
I don't have your talent.

1525
01:30:14,615 --> 01:30:16,183
A talent for self-loathing

1526
01:30:16,316 --> 01:30:19,952
and sacrificing every ounce
of dignity I have for a laugh?

1527
01:30:20,587 --> 01:30:21,988
You can do that.

1528
01:30:25,759 --> 01:30:27,960
I'm really sorry
about Steve.

1529
01:30:29,663 --> 01:30:33,167
Maybe he's the one thing I
shouldn't have taken from you.

1530
01:30:33,734 --> 01:30:36,870
Yeah. There's been one thing I've
been meaning to give you for Steve.

1531
01:30:37,003 --> 01:30:39,473
Ohh! Ow!

1532
01:30:40,374 --> 01:30:41,842
Oh, shit.

1533
01:30:45,779 --> 01:30:47,448
Dude. It's Candy
fucking Black.

1534
01:30:47,581 --> 01:30:50,551
Let me get a selfie real quick.

1535
01:30:50,684 --> 01:30:52,219
Heh! Enjoy.

1536
01:30:52,352 --> 01:30:55,122
Watch this.
Hit me where it hurts.

1537
01:30:55,255 --> 01:30:57,124
Maybe you can help me up.

1538
01:30:57,257 --> 01:31:00,494
Okay, people, quiet down now.

1539
01:31:00,627 --> 01:31:02,262
And action.

1540
01:31:06,400 --> 01:31:08,535
Hit me where it hurts.

1541
01:31:09,369 --> 01:31:10,671
Cut.

1542
01:31:10,804 --> 01:31:12,739
Oh, okay. Let's clean
this shit off her face.

1543
01:31:12,873 --> 01:31:15,676
Let's go again.
We're going again. Right away.

1544
01:31:15,809 --> 01:31:18,278
Picture is up, guys.
Picture is up.

1545
01:32:26,880 --> 01:32:28,248
Stop!

1546
01:32:45,766 --> 01:32:47,267
Happy Birthday, gorgeous.

1547
01:32:47,401 --> 01:32:49,037
A cupcake for breakfast?

1548
01:32:49,169 --> 01:32:51,305
Why not?

1549
01:32:52,806 --> 01:32:54,042
Now make a wish.

1550
01:32:54,641 --> 01:32:56,710
I already got
all my wishes.

1551
01:32:58,745 --> 01:32:59,846
Thank you.

1552
01:33:08,722 --> 01:33:11,325
- I'm gonna go open up.
- Okay.

1553
01:33:17,264 --> 01:33:20,300
<i>♪ Can't keep hanging on ♪</i>

1554
01:33:20,434 --> 01:33:24,504
<i>♪ To all that's dead
And gone ♪</i>

1555
01:33:30,310 --> 01:33:33,647
<i>♪ If you built yourself
A myth ♪</i>

1556
01:33:33,780 --> 01:33:37,317
<i>♪ You'd know just what
To give ♪</i>

1557
01:33:37,451 --> 01:33:40,187
<i>♪ Materialize ♪</i>

1558
01:33:40,320 --> 01:33:43,890
<i>♪ Or let the ashes fly ♪</i>

1559
01:33:44,025 --> 01:33:47,061
<i>♪ Help me to name it ♪</i>

1560
01:33:47,194 --> 01:33:53,634
<i>♪ Help me to name it ♪</i>

1561
01:33:57,455 --> 01:34:02,455
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