1
00:00:06,070 --> 00:00:08,072
I hope Que's still here.
[grunts]

2
00:00:08,116 --> 00:00:10,118
My bladder's about to burst.

3
00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:12,772
Well, it's your own fault.

4
00:00:12,816 --> 00:00:14,774
I've never seen a restaurant
cut a guy off

5
00:00:14,818 --> 00:00:16,776
from bottomless lemonade.

6
00:00:16,820 --> 00:00:18,691
It's a medical thing.

7
00:00:18,735 --> 00:00:20,737
Dry tongue runs in my family.

8
00:00:23,174 --> 00:00:25,829
Hey, Calvin, Dave.
What's up?

9
00:00:25,872 --> 00:00:27,570
Uh, your toilet seat
in about three seconds.

10
00:00:29,789 --> 00:00:32,923
Eh, sorry about that, Que.
I'm still potty training him.

11
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,968
[chuckles]
When I did that with my dog,

12
00:00:35,012 --> 00:00:37,145
I used to whack him
with a rolled-up newspaper.

13
00:00:37,188 --> 00:00:39,277
[laughs]
I tried that. It didn't work.

14
00:00:39,321 --> 00:00:41,062
[laughs]

15
00:00:41,105 --> 00:00:42,976
Oh, sorry, man, we're closed.

16
00:00:43,020 --> 00:00:44,674
I'm not here for a haircut.

17
00:00:44,717 --> 00:00:47,068
I'm here for the money.
Now hand it over.

18
00:00:47,111 --> 00:00:48,199
[scoffs]What?

19
00:00:48,243 --> 00:00:49,896
Why would he give you any money?

20
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:52,769
Because right now
I'm asking nicely.

21
00:00:54,162 --> 00:00:57,339
Oh.
I mean, he did ask politely.

22
00:00:59,254 --> 00:01:01,691
Well, don't just stand there,
Que. Do something.

23
00:01:01,734 --> 00:01:02,735
Good call.

24
00:01:02,779 --> 00:01:05,129
See ya!Seriously?

25
00:01:05,173 --> 00:01:08,219
If you didn't cut my hair for
free, I would change barbers!

26
00:01:08,263 --> 00:01:09,960
All right, you.

27
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,222
Empty the cash box.

28
00:01:11,266 --> 00:01:12,919
No problem.
After what he just did,

29
00:01:12,963 --> 00:01:16,661
I'd give you the tip jar, too.

30
00:01:16,706 --> 00:01:18,838
Ooh, that feels much better.

31
00:01:18,882 --> 00:01:21,972
And who put my phone number
above the urinal?

32
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,583
Uh, uh, Dave?

33
00:01:24,627 --> 00:01:27,238
Oh, hey.
Dave Johnson.

34
00:01:27,282 --> 00:01:28,979
You just stay right there.

35
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:32,678
[chuckles]
Don't worry, I washed my hands.

36
00:01:32,722 --> 00:01:34,941
He doesn't care
about your hygiene, Dave.

37
00:01:34,985 --> 00:01:36,421
He's here to rob the place.

38
00:01:36,465 --> 00:01:41,078
Oh. Well, in that case, uh,
I take my handshake back.

39
00:01:41,122 --> 00:01:43,167
Get over there
with your friend.

40
00:01:43,211 --> 00:01:45,822
I think you mean
best friend.

41
00:01:45,865 --> 00:01:47,345
Dave,

42
00:01:47,389 --> 00:01:49,260
now is not the time.

43
00:01:49,304 --> 00:01:51,088
Okay, all right, well,

44
00:01:51,131 --> 00:01:53,743
let me just go over here
so I can...

45
00:01:53,786 --> 00:01:55,614
powder your nose!
[screams]

46
00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:57,616
Quick, Calvin, call the police!

47
00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,530
I will. But first
let me grab his gun.

48
00:01:59,575 --> 00:02:01,272
What...
He has a gun?

49
00:02:01,316 --> 00:02:03,709
Dave, get over here
and hold him down!

50
00:02:03,753 --> 00:02:07,278
Okay!
[yelping]

51
00:02:07,322 --> 00:02:09,845
Thank God this happened
after I peed.

52
00:02:11,717 --> 00:02:13,632
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

53
00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:14,894
♪ Welcome to the hood.

54
00:02:19,421 --> 00:02:21,814
So then the cops came,
they took the dude away

55
00:02:21,858 --> 00:02:23,294
and asked us for our statements.

56
00:02:23,338 --> 00:02:25,296
Yeah, which was hard
for me to give,

57
00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:28,038
because my dry tongue came
back with a vengeance.

58
00:02:29,126 --> 00:02:30,519
[scoffs]

59
00:02:30,562 --> 00:02:33,391
I still can't believe
you guys got robbed at gunpoint.

60
00:02:33,435 --> 00:02:35,828
I'm just so glad
you're both okay.

61
00:02:35,872 --> 00:02:38,962
Yeah, me, too.
Aw, baby.

62
00:02:39,005 --> 00:02:40,963
I don't want you
going back to the barbershop.

63
00:02:41,007 --> 00:02:42,922
I'll cut your hair from now on.

64
00:02:44,968 --> 00:02:50,103
Thanks, babe, but I'd rather
take my chances with the gun.

65
00:02:50,147 --> 00:02:52,323
It's so cool
what you did, Dad.

66
00:02:52,367 --> 00:02:55,718
You're like Batman,
except with a much lamer car.

67
00:02:57,937 --> 00:03:01,027
It was not that big a deal,
and, Grover,

68
00:03:01,071 --> 00:03:03,987
there is nothing lame
about a reliable hatchback

69
00:03:04,030 --> 00:03:06,990
that gets 30 miles
to the gallon.

70
00:03:07,033 --> 00:03:09,688
Y-You know what?
Grover's right.

71
00:03:09,732 --> 00:03:11,168
You're a hero, Dave.

72
00:03:11,212 --> 00:03:13,039
Just because
you got a boring car

73
00:03:13,083 --> 00:03:14,867
and an unintimidating physique

74
00:03:14,911 --> 00:03:18,088
and a pretty squeaky
voice, uh...

75
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,264
w-where was I going with this?

76
00:03:20,308 --> 00:03:22,266
Uh, well,

77
00:03:22,310 --> 00:03:24,268
I think you were
complimenting me.

78
00:03:24,312 --> 00:03:26,227
Oh. Yes. Right.

79
00:03:26,270 --> 00:03:28,838
Look, the point is
is I owe you one.

80
00:03:28,881 --> 00:03:30,448
[laughs softly]

81
00:03:30,492 --> 00:03:32,450
Well, in that case,
why don't you finally let me

82
00:03:32,494 --> 00:03:34,235
teach you to play Frisbee golf?

83
00:03:36,106 --> 00:03:39,109
Like I told Tina, I'd rather
take my chances with the gun.

84
00:03:42,243 --> 00:03:43,331
Oh, hey, Gemma.

85
00:03:43,374 --> 00:03:44,767
Hi, Marty.

86
00:03:44,810 --> 00:03:45,898
You know,
it's pretty crazy what happened

87
00:03:45,942 --> 00:03:47,117
to Dave and my dad
last night, huh?

88
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,337
Crazy?
More like horrifying,

89
00:03:49,380 --> 00:03:53,166
or terrifying or
"I didn't sleep a wink"-ifying.

90
00:03:53,210 --> 00:03:55,430
Oh, so school principals
can just make up words now?

91
00:03:57,823 --> 00:03:59,260
I'm just so freaked out.

92
00:03:59,302 --> 00:04:01,087
I know they're okay,
but I keep imagining

93
00:04:01,131 --> 00:04:03,089
all the things
that could've gone wrong.

94
00:04:03,133 --> 00:04:04,874
You know, I do the same thing
whenever I'm thinking

95
00:04:04,917 --> 00:04:06,963
of asking a girl out,
but it always winds up okay.

96
00:04:07,006 --> 00:04:08,051
Really?

97
00:04:08,094 --> 00:04:09,357
Yeah, 'cause I never do it.

98
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,142
[laughs]

99
00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,491
Ugh, I just wish
there was something

100
00:04:13,535 --> 00:04:15,885
that could help me
take my mind off of it.

101
00:04:15,928 --> 00:04:17,016
Well, if you want,
you can come help me

102
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:18,103
work in my vegetable garden.

103
00:04:18,148 --> 00:04:20,105
I always find it's relaxing.You do?

104
00:04:20,150 --> 00:04:23,762
Yeah, it's peaceful, quiet,
it helps me clear my head.

105
00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:25,198
All right, I'll give it a shot.

106
00:04:25,242 --> 00:04:26,896
Great.

107
00:04:26,939 --> 00:04:28,332
It'll be fun-tasterrific.

108
00:04:28,376 --> 00:04:29,855
Nice try, Marty,

109
00:04:29,899 --> 00:04:32,031
but leave the fake-titious words
to the professionals.

110
00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:39,038
Hey, hey, y'all.
Here's the man of the hour.

111
00:04:39,082 --> 00:04:40,388
And I also brought Dave.

112
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,433
[cheering]

113
00:04:42,477 --> 00:04:43,869
Whoa, I wasn't
expecting all this.

114
00:04:43,913 --> 00:04:45,349
Looks like word
spread pretty fast.

115
00:04:45,393 --> 00:04:47,395
Yeah, almost as fast
as Que ran his ass out of here

116
00:04:47,438 --> 00:04:48,961
when he saw that gun.

117
00:04:49,005 --> 00:04:50,136
[laughter]

118
00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:52,356
Hey, I ran to call the cops,

119
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:53,966
'cause I just get
better phone reception

120
00:04:54,010 --> 00:04:55,533
hiding underneath my bed.

121
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:57,970
So, come on, Dave.

122
00:04:58,014 --> 00:04:59,450
Give us the details.

123
00:04:59,494 --> 00:05:01,191
Oh, yeah, and you ain't got
to start from the beginning.

124
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,454
Que filled us in on
the first ten seconds.

125
00:05:03,498 --> 00:05:05,108
[laughter]

126
00:05:05,151 --> 00:05:07,502
I mean, come on, guys, it-it
really was not that big a deal.

127
00:05:07,545 --> 00:05:10,113
I, just, was in the right place
at the right time.

128
00:05:10,156 --> 00:05:12,158
Dave, stop being so modest.

129
00:05:12,202 --> 00:05:14,247
This might actually
be the only time

130
00:05:14,291 --> 00:05:17,468
somebody really wants
to hear what you got to say.

131
00:05:17,512 --> 00:05:19,992
Yeah, man, tell us
how you took this fool down.

132
00:05:20,036 --> 00:05:21,472
Okay, look, I...
[sighs]

133
00:05:21,516 --> 00:05:23,344
I guess it all started
when I looked at the menu

134
00:05:23,387 --> 00:05:25,215
and I saw the words
"bottomless lemonade."

135
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:28,436
Okay, Dave, you have been cool
for, like, 12 hours.

136
00:05:28,478 --> 00:05:30,133
Don't blow it now.

137
00:05:30,176 --> 00:05:33,484
Okay, look,
there's not that much to say.

138
00:05:33,528 --> 00:05:35,312
You know, I came out
of the bathroom, I saw the guy,

139
00:05:35,356 --> 00:05:37,358
and I could sense
that something was wrong.

140
00:05:37,401 --> 00:05:38,837
Ooh, like Spider-Man.

141
00:05:38,881 --> 00:05:41,231
I told y'all
Spidey-senses was real.

142
00:05:44,103 --> 00:05:47,585
Come on, Randy,
I'm not Spider-Man.

143
00:05:47,629 --> 00:05:49,239
Although...

144
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,502
a lot of people
have been comparing me

145
00:05:51,546 --> 00:05:54,375
to Batman.

146
00:05:55,463 --> 00:05:57,029
They've all been
under the age of ten,

147
00:05:57,073 --> 00:05:59,031
but ain't lying.

148
00:05:59,075 --> 00:06:01,338
Keep going, man.

149
00:06:01,382 --> 00:06:03,384
All right, well, I mean,
I guess I could tell you

150
00:06:03,427 --> 00:06:05,386
what I did to the guy or...

151
00:06:05,429 --> 00:06:06,996
I could show you!

152
00:06:07,039 --> 00:06:09,302
[shouts]Hey, hey!

153
00:06:15,091 --> 00:06:16,397
You were right, Marty.

154
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,355
This is really
helping me calm down.

155
00:06:18,399 --> 00:06:19,878
Yeah, I know.

156
00:06:19,922 --> 00:06:22,054
I just love getting my
hands down in the earth,

157
00:06:22,098 --> 00:06:24,405
nurturing my little
baby vegetables.

158
00:06:24,448 --> 00:06:25,928
It helps me stay grounded.

159
00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:28,452
Plus, their
dependence on me

160
00:06:28,496 --> 00:06:30,933
makes me feel like a god.

161
00:06:32,500 --> 00:06:34,632
Oh, hey, Gemma.
What are you doing out here

162
00:06:34,676 --> 00:06:37,287
with Marty
and his Cabbage Patch Kids?

163
00:06:37,329 --> 00:06:40,072
Well, Marty thought gardening
might help take my mind

164
00:06:40,116 --> 00:06:42,423
off what happened last night,
and he was right.

165
00:06:42,466 --> 00:06:44,903
It is so nice
to only be thinking about

166
00:06:44,947 --> 00:06:46,122
what's right in front of me.

167
00:06:46,165 --> 00:06:48,472
Carrots and radishes...
Oh, my God!

168
00:06:48,516 --> 00:06:50,430
What?! Did you see
a potato bug?

169
00:06:50,474 --> 00:06:53,216
Show me and I will
smite him!

170
00:06:53,259 --> 00:06:55,914
No, my wedding ring is missing.

171
00:06:55,958 --> 00:06:58,177
It must have fallen off
somewhere in the garden.

172
00:06:58,221 --> 00:07:01,137
Okay, don't worry, i-it's got
to be in here somewhere.

173
00:07:01,180 --> 00:07:02,921
Uh, we'll just dig around
until we find it.

174
00:07:02,965 --> 00:07:05,228
Uh, well, yeah, yeah, yeah,
but-but please be careful.

175
00:07:05,271 --> 00:07:06,751
Remember, these are my babies.

176
00:07:06,795 --> 00:07:09,188
The hell with that. One
of your babies stole my ring.

177
00:07:14,498 --> 00:07:17,458
So I looked the guy
straight in the eye and I said,

178
00:07:17,501 --> 00:07:19,590
"We can do this the easy way

179
00:07:19,634 --> 00:07:21,592
"or we can do it the hard way.

180
00:07:21,636 --> 00:07:25,117
And F.Y.I.,
I like it the hard way."

181
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:28,425
I think they
get the picture, Dave.

182
00:07:28,469 --> 00:07:30,427
Especially after
you drew them one.

183
00:07:31,646 --> 00:07:33,038
I got to give it to you, Dave,

184
00:07:33,082 --> 00:07:34,997
I-I had no idea
you were such a tough dude.

185
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,477
Hey, I don't
go looking for trouble,

186
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:38,391
but when I hear
it's looking for me,

187
00:07:38,435 --> 00:07:42,613
I raise my hand and I say,
"Dave Johnson, who dis?"

188
00:07:42,657 --> 00:07:45,573
Ooh! Hey, yo, Calvin,
how come you ain't never tell us

189
00:07:45,616 --> 00:07:48,489
Dave know how to throw
them hands, man?

190
00:07:48,532 --> 00:07:50,969
I guess I never
really had the time.

191
00:07:51,013 --> 00:07:54,495
Because clearly it takes
an hour and a half.

192
00:07:56,018 --> 00:07:58,063
Hey, Dave, now that I know
you can hang,

193
00:07:58,107 --> 00:08:01,502
I run a little private casino
situation a few times a week.

194
00:08:01,545 --> 00:08:04,156
You know, poker, shooting pool,
throwing dice.

195
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:05,984
You should come by tonight.Uh, actually,

196
00:08:06,028 --> 00:08:09,466
Trey, I don't believe that
that's Dave's scene.

197
00:08:09,510 --> 00:08:11,642
What are you talking about,
Calvin? I love a good dice game.

198
00:08:11,686 --> 00:08:14,427
You know, I don't want to brag,
but I once threw

199
00:08:14,471 --> 00:08:16,429
three Yahtzees in a row.

200
00:08:16,473 --> 00:08:19,432
[laughter]

201
00:08:19,476 --> 00:08:21,478
Man, you're funny.

202
00:08:21,522 --> 00:08:23,001
But don't make
any jokes tonight.

203
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:24,350
Laughing always leads to fights.

204
00:08:24,394 --> 00:08:26,135
Why?

205
00:08:26,178 --> 00:08:29,138
I never asked.
Questions also lead to fights.

206
00:08:30,531 --> 00:08:32,620
Hey, Dave, can I talk
to you for a minute?

207
00:08:32,663 --> 00:08:35,274
Yeah, uh, hold on.
[sighs] What's up?

208
00:08:35,318 --> 00:08:38,103
Look, trust me,
you do not want

209
00:08:38,147 --> 00:08:40,584
any part of Trey's "casino."

210
00:08:40,628 --> 00:08:42,064
Why not?

211
00:08:42,107 --> 00:08:44,152
It's a rough crowd, man.

212
00:08:44,195 --> 00:08:46,721
You say the wrong thing in there
and they'll whup your ass

213
00:08:46,764 --> 00:08:49,462
till you're as bottomless
as those lemonades.

214
00:08:50,681 --> 00:08:54,032
Okay, Calvin,
I appreciate your concern,

215
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:57,558
but I think I've proven
that I can handle myself.

216
00:08:57,601 --> 00:09:00,256
Okay, all right,
look, I get it.

217
00:09:00,299 --> 00:09:03,346
Uh, y-you're feeling yourself,
and that's cool, man.

218
00:09:03,389 --> 00:09:05,740
But we both know
things didn't go down

219
00:09:05,783 --> 00:09:08,351
exactly the way
you've been telling those guys.

220
00:09:08,394 --> 00:09:11,310
Name one thing
that didn't happen.

221
00:09:11,354 --> 00:09:14,531
You running up the wall
to do a flying kick.

222
00:09:16,141 --> 00:09:18,491
Okay, well, name another.

223
00:09:18,535 --> 00:09:22,147
You running up that wall
to do a second flying kick.

224
00:09:23,409 --> 00:09:24,541
Come on, man.

225
00:09:24,585 --> 00:09:26,108
I'm just trying
to protect you here.

226
00:09:26,151 --> 00:09:27,457
Oh, you mean like the way

227
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,720
that I had to protect you
last night?

228
00:09:29,764 --> 00:09:31,635
Excuse me?

229
00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:33,245
Yeah, that's right.

230
00:09:33,289 --> 00:09:34,638
While I was taking care
of business

231
00:09:34,682 --> 00:09:36,379
and you were just
standing there doing nothing.

232
00:09:36,422 --> 00:09:38,729
Oh.
Oh, oh, okay.

233
00:09:38,773 --> 00:09:40,470
All right.

234
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,646
So that's the way
you feel about it?

235
00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:45,214
Yeah.
That's the way I feel.

236
00:09:45,257 --> 00:09:47,825
All right, then fine.

237
00:09:47,869 --> 00:09:50,306
Knock yourself out.
Or better yet,

238
00:09:50,349 --> 00:09:52,656
take Yahtzee
and somebody else will.

239
00:09:59,445 --> 00:10:01,447
[whoops][cheering]

240
00:10:04,799 --> 00:10:06,539
Hey, Dave, glad
you made it.

241
00:10:06,583 --> 00:10:08,280
Oh, me, too.

242
00:10:08,324 --> 00:10:10,674
Wow, Trey, you've got
a nice setup here.

243
00:10:10,718 --> 00:10:12,458
You even have a coat check guy.

244
00:10:12,502 --> 00:10:14,678
We don't have a coat check guy.

245
00:10:14,722 --> 00:10:18,290
Well, in that case it looks like
I don't have a coat.

246
00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:23,121
Uh, I brought some red wine
and a charcuterie tray.

247
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:25,515
Uh, you might want
to give the guys a heads-up.

248
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:28,387
The Roquefort
is a little robust.

249
00:10:28,431 --> 00:10:30,302
Great. I'll let
Mad Dog know.

250
00:10:30,346 --> 00:10:32,870
For a tough dude, he has
very delicate taste buds.

251
00:10:34,872 --> 00:10:36,874
Okay, what should I do first?

252
00:10:36,918 --> 00:10:38,789
I've got a hundred bucks
burning a hole in my coat po...

253
00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:42,314
Ah, damn it.

254
00:10:42,358 --> 00:10:43,794
It's cool.
I got you, Dave.

255
00:10:43,838 --> 00:10:45,840
But next time, if somebody
offers to park your car,

256
00:10:45,883 --> 00:10:47,668
we don't have
a valet either.

257
00:10:47,711 --> 00:10:50,409
Yo, guys, this is my boy Dave.

258
00:10:50,453 --> 00:10:53,195
That's Carlos, Ricky and Eddie.

259
00:10:53,238 --> 00:10:56,546
I'd shake your hands but,
uh, I have cheese fingers.

260
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:59,157
[dice rattling]

261
00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:00,376
Yeah!

262
00:11:00,419 --> 00:11:02,508
What's up with you, Eddie?

263
00:11:02,552 --> 00:11:03,727
You just got out of jail.

264
00:11:03,771 --> 00:11:06,338
That usually puts a smile
on your face.

265
00:11:06,382 --> 00:11:09,385
I know, but my favorite
cousin just went in.

266
00:11:09,428 --> 00:11:11,866
He got busted last night
trying to rob a barbershop.

267
00:11:19,569 --> 00:11:22,224
What's that you say?

268
00:11:22,267 --> 00:11:24,617
Yeah, some clown jumped him
with a broom

269
00:11:24,661 --> 00:11:26,402
and held him
till the cops showed up.

270
00:11:28,273 --> 00:11:30,275
What a crazy story

271
00:11:30,319 --> 00:11:34,802
that I am definitely hearing
for the very first time.

272
00:11:34,845 --> 00:11:37,239
Crazy's gonna be what
I do to the guy

273
00:11:37,282 --> 00:11:38,893
if I ever find out who did it.

274
00:11:38,936 --> 00:11:41,504
I would do the same thing

275
00:11:41,547 --> 00:11:43,854
if I ever found me...
I mean him.

276
00:11:46,378 --> 00:11:48,250
Trey, why would you
invite me here?

277
00:11:48,293 --> 00:11:50,252
Dave, I swear, I didn't
know they were related.

278
00:11:50,295 --> 00:11:51,775
But you gotta go.

279
00:11:51,819 --> 00:11:53,472
If I get any blood stains
in this place,

280
00:11:53,516 --> 00:11:56,693
I'm gonna lose my
cleaning deposit.Okay. Okay, okay.

281
00:11:56,737 --> 00:11:58,434
I... Look, I'm out of here.

282
00:11:58,477 --> 00:12:00,653
Uh, guys, it was
very nice meeting you.

283
00:12:00,697 --> 00:12:02,786
Whoa, whoa. Hold on, man,
you can't leave.

284
00:12:02,830 --> 00:12:06,224
House rules.
New guy always rolls.

285
00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:08,313
Well, that's very thoughtful
of you,

286
00:12:08,357 --> 00:12:10,228
but I-I really should be going.

287
00:12:10,272 --> 00:12:13,666
But feel free to help yourself
to some charcuterie

288
00:12:13,710 --> 00:12:16,408
and a very oaky merlot.

289
00:12:16,452 --> 00:12:19,542
I wasn't asking you.
I was telling you.

290
00:12:20,804 --> 00:12:22,719
New guy rolls.

291
00:12:28,594 --> 00:12:30,335
Okay, but, uh...

292
00:12:30,379 --> 00:12:32,337
I warned you
about the cheese fingers,

293
00:12:32,381 --> 00:12:35,601
so if these dice get stinky,
well...

294
00:12:35,645 --> 00:12:36,907
that's on you!

295
00:12:36,951 --> 00:12:38,909
[dice rattling]

296
00:12:38,953 --> 00:12:40,650
[exclaims]
Oh, yeah.

297
00:12:46,395 --> 00:12:48,527
Oh, my ring has to
be here somewhere!

298
00:12:48,571 --> 00:12:49,920
Keep digging.

299
00:12:49,964 --> 00:12:52,314
Oh, okay, okay.
But-but take it easy.

300
00:12:52,357 --> 00:12:54,316
You are destroying
my entire garden.

301
00:12:54,359 --> 00:12:56,797
Oh, that's not true.
Your carrots are still safe.

302
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:59,625
Oh, my God, it might be
in the carrots.

303
00:12:59,669 --> 00:13:03,499
Uh, okay,
this is a disaster!

304
00:13:03,542 --> 00:13:06,371
All I have left
is two strawberries,

305
00:13:06,415 --> 00:13:07,851
some kale and a beet.

306
00:13:07,895 --> 00:13:09,374
If you'll excuse me,
I'm going inside

307
00:13:09,418 --> 00:13:11,463
to make the world's
saddest smoothie.

308
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:16,991
I feel so bad for Marty.

309
00:13:17,034 --> 00:13:19,384
I think it's gonna be
a long time before

310
00:13:19,428 --> 00:13:21,865
I'll be able to eat
a vegetable again.

311
00:13:21,909 --> 00:13:24,389
Nice try, Grover.

312
00:13:24,433 --> 00:13:25,608
It was worth a shot.

313
00:13:31,832 --> 00:13:33,834
Hey, Calvin, what are
you doing home?

314
00:13:33,877 --> 00:13:35,879
I thought you were
hanging out with Dave tonight.

315
00:13:35,923 --> 00:13:37,794
Change of plans.

316
00:13:37,838 --> 00:13:41,319
Dave went to Trey's
underground casino.

317
00:13:41,363 --> 00:13:43,669
So I decided to stay home

318
00:13:43,713 --> 00:13:45,889
and do something fun
with you instead.

319
00:13:45,933 --> 00:13:47,630
Are you crazy?!

320
00:13:49,545 --> 00:13:51,895
You let Dave go to
Trey's by himself?

321
00:13:51,939 --> 00:13:55,029
Okay, so maybe I should have
gone bowling.

322
00:13:56,857 --> 00:13:58,554
Calvin, how could
you do that?

323
00:13:58,597 --> 00:14:00,599
You know how rough
things get over there.

324
00:14:00,643 --> 00:14:03,385
Hey, I tried to warn him,
but he wouldn't listen.

325
00:14:03,428 --> 00:14:05,778
So now he's got to learn
the hard way.

326
00:14:05,822 --> 00:14:08,694
Because apparently,
that's the way he likes it.

327
00:14:10,871 --> 00:14:12,481
What are you
talking about?

328
00:14:12,524 --> 00:14:15,484
Hey, you should have heard him
down at the shop

329
00:14:15,527 --> 00:14:17,747
bragging about how tough he is.

330
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,923
So?So?

331
00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:23,709
This is the same Dave
whose favorite season is autumn

332
00:14:23,753 --> 00:14:26,060
because he loves to jump
in leaf piles.

333
00:14:28,410 --> 00:14:31,848
Come on, Calvin, give
him a break. You know?

334
00:14:31,892 --> 00:14:33,502
He's just excited
'cause he's finally

335
00:14:33,545 --> 00:14:34,677
getting some shine.

336
00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:35,983
What do you mean?

337
00:14:36,026 --> 00:14:38,594
I mean, when you and Dave
go down to the shop,

338
00:14:38,637 --> 00:14:40,378
you know, you're always
the big dog.

339
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:43,599
The one in the spotlight
getting everyone's respect.

340
00:14:44,774 --> 00:14:45,906
What do you think that's like?

341
00:14:45,949 --> 00:14:49,431
Oh, I know what it's like.
It's amazing.

342
00:14:49,474 --> 00:14:51,563
I meant for Dave.

343
00:14:51,607 --> 00:14:53,957
Come on, Calvin,
think about it.

344
00:14:54,001 --> 00:14:55,959
He doesn't get
to experience that.

345
00:14:56,003 --> 00:14:58,744
So can you blame him for
getting carried away?

346
00:14:58,788 --> 00:15:01,008
Eh, I guess not.

347
00:15:01,051 --> 00:15:02,574
See?
You know what?

348
00:15:02,618 --> 00:15:05,142
I better get down there
and make sure he's okay.

349
00:15:05,186 --> 00:15:07,623
Oh, good. Take your coat
'cause it's cold out.

350
00:15:07,666 --> 00:15:10,408
Oh, I'm taking two,
'cause ten bucks says

351
00:15:10,452 --> 00:15:11,627
Dave already lost his.

352
00:15:16,632 --> 00:15:19,417
It's no use.
We've looked everywhere.

353
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:20,810
We're never gonna find it.

354
00:15:20,853 --> 00:15:23,030
Oh, don't worry, Gemma,
I'm sure it'll turn up.

355
00:15:23,073 --> 00:15:25,771
Look, maybe one day Marty
will be eating a salad,

356
00:15:25,815 --> 00:15:28,426
and boom-- "Ah, chipped tooth.

357
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:29,775
There it is."

358
00:15:32,604 --> 00:15:35,085
I know you're trying to help,
but I just feel terrible.

359
00:15:35,129 --> 00:15:36,826
First I almost lose Dave,

360
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:39,611
now I lose the ring he gave me
when we got married.

361
00:15:39,655 --> 00:15:43,050
Okay, that's true, but
think about it this way.

362
00:15:43,093 --> 00:15:45,966
You didn't lose Dave.
He's totally fine.

363
00:15:46,009 --> 00:15:48,011
All you lost was
a piece of jewelry.

364
00:15:48,055 --> 00:15:52,450
You're right. I'm focusing
on the wrong thing.

365
00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,800
Dave's okay,
and that's all that matters.

366
00:15:54,844 --> 00:15:56,628
Exactly.

367
00:15:56,672 --> 00:15:59,109
I mean, if you think about it,
the ring was just a symbol

368
00:15:59,153 --> 00:16:03,113
of what's really important:
the love we have for each other.

369
00:16:03,157 --> 00:16:05,898
As long as we have that,
who needs a silly little...

370
00:16:05,942 --> 00:16:07,813
Mom, Mom, Mom!
I found your ring!

371
00:16:07,857 --> 00:16:09,641
Oh, thank God!
Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.

372
00:16:12,166 --> 00:16:14,995
It was in a little tray
next to the kitchen sink.

373
00:16:15,038 --> 00:16:17,954
That's right, I took it off
to wash the dishes

374
00:16:17,998 --> 00:16:19,608
right before I came
over here to...

375
00:16:20,957 --> 00:16:23,655
Murder every one
of Marty's veggie babies

376
00:16:23,699 --> 00:16:25,005
for no reason.

377
00:16:26,832 --> 00:16:29,487
That is a very harsh...

378
00:16:29,531 --> 00:16:31,663
yet accurate way to say it.

379
00:16:31,707 --> 00:16:33,970
So...

380
00:16:34,014 --> 00:16:35,493
what are you gonna tell Marty?

381
00:16:35,537 --> 00:16:37,539
[sighs]

382
00:16:37,582 --> 00:16:39,671
Well, sweetie, as
hard as it may be,

383
00:16:39,715 --> 00:16:42,500
when you make a mistake
and you hurt somebody,

384
00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:44,676
you always have to
tell them the truth.

385
00:16:44,720 --> 00:16:45,982
Oh, the truth about what?

386
00:16:46,026 --> 00:16:48,550
That I just found my ring
right here!

387
00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:52,684
But you just said that...Hey, hey, hey, kid,

388
00:16:52,728 --> 00:16:54,164
play your cards right
and you won't have to

389
00:16:54,208 --> 00:16:55,731
eat a vegetable for years.

390
00:16:58,168 --> 00:16:59,735
[dice rattling]

391
00:16:59,778 --> 00:17:02,172
[all cheer]

392
00:17:04,087 --> 00:17:06,784
Man, you're on the hottest
streak I've ever seen.

393
00:17:06,829 --> 00:17:08,090
Yeah, man, you can't lose.

394
00:17:08,135 --> 00:17:10,224
Yeah, lucky me.
It's like I couldn't even

395
00:17:10,267 --> 00:17:12,617
get out of here if I wanted to.

396
00:17:12,661 --> 00:17:15,533
No way, man, you ain't
going anywhere. I'm up big.

397
00:17:15,577 --> 00:17:17,753
Come on, man,
keep rolling.

398
00:17:17,796 --> 00:17:20,973
Okay, uh, anything but a seven,
right, guys?

399
00:17:21,017 --> 00:17:24,715
Okay. Please, God, a seven.
Please, God, a seven.

400
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:25,848
[all cheer]

401
00:17:25,890 --> 00:17:27,241
Yes! I win again.

402
00:17:27,283 --> 00:17:29,243
Get over here,
cheese fingers!

403
00:17:32,289 --> 00:17:34,248
Damn, I knew he was in
over his head.

404
00:17:34,291 --> 00:17:36,250
Hey! Get your hands off of him!

405
00:17:38,643 --> 00:17:40,080
What's your problem, man?

406
00:17:40,123 --> 00:17:43,213
I'm not the one
with the problem, you are.

407
00:17:43,257 --> 00:17:46,086
Do you have any idea
who you're messing with?

408
00:17:48,871 --> 00:17:52,570
No, he does not, and I would
really love to keep it that way.

409
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:55,878
Nah, Dave, this fool
needs to know

410
00:17:55,921 --> 00:17:59,142
that you single-handedly
took down an armed robber

411
00:17:59,186 --> 00:18:01,101
at Que's barbershop
yesterday.

412
00:18:01,144 --> 00:18:02,580
What?!

413
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,669
Yeah, that's right.

414
00:18:04,713 --> 00:18:06,062
He whupped the dude's ass
so bad,

415
00:18:06,106 --> 00:18:08,282
he sent him crying to his mama.

416
00:18:09,979 --> 00:18:11,285
Aunt Lorraine?

417
00:18:13,069 --> 00:18:16,159
So you're the guy that
got my cousin busted.

418
00:18:16,203 --> 00:18:18,030
Cousin?

419
00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:19,989
Oh, damn.

420
00:18:21,382 --> 00:18:23,732
Okay, well, Eddie, yes.

421
00:18:23,775 --> 00:18:26,778
Technically, I am the one who
got your cousin busted,

422
00:18:26,822 --> 00:18:29,129
but let's not forget
that I'm also the one

423
00:18:29,172 --> 00:18:30,608
who brought the
charcuterie plate

424
00:18:30,652 --> 00:18:32,784
that everyone has been
raving about.

425
00:18:32,828 --> 00:18:35,222
That's it, you're a dead man.

426
00:18:35,265 --> 00:18:37,311
Oh, no, he's not. Ha!

427
00:18:42,751 --> 00:18:45,971
Calvin! You said you didn't
know how to play Frisbee.

428
00:18:46,015 --> 00:18:49,758
No, I said Frisbee golf.
Big difference, Dave.

429
00:18:52,239 --> 00:18:53,849
Hey, I'm just gonna take this.

430
00:18:53,892 --> 00:18:55,720
It's probably too oaky
for you guys.

431
00:19:02,031 --> 00:19:04,947
I told you, Dave, you didn't
have to give me a gift.

432
00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:07,645
I know, but it's just my way
of saying thank you

433
00:19:07,689 --> 00:19:09,125
for saving my life.

434
00:19:09,169 --> 00:19:10,822
Look, if I hadn't gotten
such a big head,

435
00:19:10,866 --> 00:19:11,997
none of this would have
ever happened.

436
00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:14,391
Well, when you put it
like that,

437
00:19:14,435 --> 00:19:16,001
why isn't this bigger?

438
00:19:19,266 --> 00:19:23,139
Yahtzee?
You got me Yahtzee?

439
00:19:23,183 --> 00:19:25,228
Okay...

440
00:19:25,272 --> 00:19:29,319
Look, I know it's not cool,
like Trey's dice game,

441
00:19:29,363 --> 00:19:32,017
but it's actually really fun
if you give it a chance.

442
00:19:32,061 --> 00:19:33,932
You know what, Dave,

443
00:19:33,976 --> 00:19:36,108
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.

444
00:19:36,152 --> 00:19:39,242
And that's only because of
what you did at the barbershop,

445
00:19:39,286 --> 00:19:41,026
but...

446
00:19:43,028 --> 00:19:44,726
I love Yahtzee, too, man!

447
00:19:45,901 --> 00:19:49,252
What?! First I find out
you Frisbee, and now this?

448
00:19:49,296 --> 00:19:51,036
I know, I should have told you.

449
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,039
Are you kidding me?
Yahtzee and Frisbee?

450
00:19:54,083 --> 00:19:55,867
You throw in a cheese tray,
and this is gonna be

451
00:19:55,911 --> 00:19:57,129
the weekend of my life.

452
00:19:58,914 --> 00:20:00,742
I hope you like a smoked Gouda.

453
00:20:08,358 --> 00:20:14,364
Captioning sponsored by
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454
00:20:14,408 --> 00:20:16,410
Captioned by
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