[knocking on door]
Oh, hey, Dave!
Come on in, buddy.
Wow, you're ina really good mood.
I know. A new potholeopened up on Jefferson,
and it is tearing uppeople's cars.
They're breaking downright in front of my shop.
[chuckles]
Ain't God good?
Okay, well, sinceyou're so happy,
you won't mind if Iborrow a couple tools.
Sure, what do you need?
Okay, let's see.
Here we go.
Uh, all right.Miter saw, belt sander,
power drill,carriage bolts,
auger bits,and the instruction manuals
on how to use all those things.
Dave, I've told you a hundredtimes, we are not building
a bridge connecting our houses.
It was not a bridge,it was a catwalk.
But this is aboutsomething else. Okay.
Grover has been begging mefor a tree house,
and since he's visitinghis grandmother for a few days,
I thought I'd surprise himwith one when he gets home.
A tree house, huh?
I remember the oneI built for Malcolm and Marty.
That thing was amazing.
Well, I've got some prettyexciting plans myself.
Two words: bird feeder.
I got two words for you:poor Grover.
Aw, man.
You should've seenthe one I built.
It had a lookout perch,
a rope swing.
It even had a secret doorthat led to a slide.
I can't believe I'm saying this,but screw feeding the birds.
Yeah, man, the boys spentthe entire summer up there.
By the time they came down,
Marty needed longer pantsand Malcolm had a goatee.
Well, Calvin,that sounds awesome. Hey--
is there any chancethat you would help me
build Grover's tree house?
Hmm.
This may be the potholetalking, but I'd love to.
You know what, I gotsome extra wood in my garage,
and anything else we need,
we can getat the hardware store.
Okay, perfect. Also, we canswing by the pet store.
I have 200 poundsof birdseed to return.
♪ Welcome to the block,welcome to the neighborhood ♪
♪ Welcome to the hood.
Wow, you really know yourway around Home Warehouse.
You found everythingso quickly.
Everything except you.
Where the hell did youdisappear to for so long?
Sorry. Any time I seea plant section,
I like to pretendthat I'm lost in the jungle.
Hey, guys. Oh, nice.
Dave, I seeyou finally talked my dad
into building that catwalk.
Wrong.
I'm helping Davebuild a tree house for Grover,
just like the one I builtfor you and Malcolm.
Oh, really? That's fantastic.
Yeah, you know, just thinkingabout it brings back
a lot of happy memoriesof you boys playing in yours.
Yeah, me too, Dad.[chuckles]
Man, see, that is exactlythe kind of memories
that I want to have with Grover.
Aw, man, well, you won'tif you let my dad build it,
because Grover will be dead.
W-What are you talking about?
Trust me, man,the one that my dad
built for us was a nightmare.
It had a hole in the floor,
splinters everywhere,nails poking out.
It was like playing insidea knife drawer.
[stammers]
I mean, what am Isupposed to do?
I mean, your dad is so excited,I can't ask him to stop now.
Well, in that case,the only thing you should do
is use this sawto cut down your tree.
No, wait. You know what? No.Marty, you're an engineer.
Look, you can help us build itand make sure that it's safe.
Dude, are you kidding me?If my dad finds out you asked me
to supervise his work,he'll be furious.
Well, then,he doesn't need to know.
Just swing by and makea few casual suggestions.
Then you're not steppingon his toes.
And more importantly,Grover won't lose any of his.
I don't know, man.
Good news, Dave!
I figured out a waywe can run a zip line
from the roof to the tree house.
We just got to get aroundthose power lines.
So, 1:00 okay for you?
Yes...
Hey, Tina. Here's theflour you asked for.
I brought all I hadbecause I didn't know
how many cupswere in a "crapload."
Great. Did you alsobring the butter?
No, sorry, I was out.
Alexa, add a crapload of butterto my shopping list.
ALEXA:I've added a crapload of butter
to your shopping list.
Did you program her to say that?
No. She just gets me.
So, what's with all the cookies?
[sighs] Well,like an idiot, I volunteered
to make 400 of themfor the church bake sale.
400? That's crazy.Mm.
I know, but Sister Thompsonmade 300 last year,
and I thought embarrassingthat stuck-up old hag
would bethe Christian thing to do.
[laughs]
Well, if you need some help,
I'd be happyto make some for you.
Oh, really?Sure.
I love to bake.
You know, when Groverwas little, I used to...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.Less chatter, more batter.
Okay.
[chuckles]
What do you say, Dave?You looking level on your side?
Not really.
Ah, don't beat yourself up.Mine isn't, either.
[chuckles]
Hey, guys.
Oh, look who's here.
It's Marty, showing upcompletely on his own.
Right on time,but totally unplanned.
Yeah, I just figured I'd drop byand see how you guys were doing.
Oh, great. We're halfway donewith the floor.
Yeah, uh, that's right, uh...
I got to levelwith you,Marty, I can
not evenbelievehow well it's going.
Well, actually,from where I'm standing,
i-it looks a little slanted.
Oh.Eh, maybe.
But trust me,it'll look straight
when it's 12 feet in the air.
So-so, when youget it up there,
what are you gonna useto support it? Is--
You gonna use bracesor a cantilever system?
Oh, a cantilever system.You know what's crazy?
Grover was justasking for one of those.
No, man, don't worryabout that stuff.
I got somethingway sturdier in mind.
Oh. W-What?
I'm gonna nail it to that branch
and then I'm-a tie abungee cord and run it
all the way over tothat telephone pole.
Yeah, I got to say, Dad,from an engineering standpoint,
that doesn't soundsuper safe to me.
You're probably right.
Two bungee cords it is.
Yeah, uh, I don't know, Calvin.
I-I think Marty is makingsome pretty good points.
Yeah, speaking of points,
maybe we should hammer downsome of these exposed nails.
What are youtalking about?
That's a built-insecurity system
to keep the squirrels out.
I don't know, Calvin, uh,
I think I'm leaningtowards Marty's suggestion.
It feels a little bitless tetanusy.
All right, fine,we'll hammer in the nails.
Good. Y-You know,
the squirrels probablywon't even be a problem.
I know. 'Cause I'm-aput barbed wire
all around thisthing instead.
Good idea, fellas.
Alexa, set cookie timerfor 12 minutes.
ALEXA:Cookie timer set for 12 minutes.
Girl, you are such a big help.
Now, if you could talk trashand drink wine, we could hang.
Okay, here you go.
100 vegan carob chip cookies.
What?[laughs]I'm kidding.
These are so unhealthy,
there's a little heartattack in each one.
Hey, Mom, did you hearthe bad news about Mr. Pickett?
Oh, he fell downthe stairs and-- Oh!
Cookies.
Mmm.
Oh, my God.[laughs]
Mom, these are the best cookiesyou ever made.
Excuse me?
I'm serious, Ma.
I don't knowwhat you did different,
but these right hereput all your other cookies
to shame.
[laughs] Mmm.
Actually, I baked that batch.
[clears throat]You say what now?
Those are hers.
You know what?[coughs]
I spoke way too soon.
Let me go aheadand try one of yours.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
You see? I was wrong.
I was wrong.These are way better.
[laughs]
Still Gemma's.
You know what?
Let me try one of these right...Just get out of here!
[thudding]
[laughs]Look at that floor.
Solid as a rock.
I told you that dead branchwas strong enough to hold it.
Yeah, uh,
lucky for us you spotted it
so very, very highup in the tree.
Oh, know what we should do,
is get a steel pipeand put it on the roof
so Grover can fly a pirate flag.
Oh, that's a great idea.
No kid's wooden fortis complete
without a lightning rodattached to it.
Now, you see a problem,I see free electricity.
Yeah...
You know, though, maybewe skip the flagpole.
Yeah, Grover's not intopirates anymore anyway.
Oh, that's too bad.
I see at leastthree planks up there
just beggingto be walked off.
What's your deal, Marty?
Why you keep criticizingeverything I do?
Well, i-it's not about you, Dad.I'm just looking out for Grover.
You know what?I-I like the sound of that.
You know, Groverhas very delicate bones.
He's... he's basicallylike a little baby bird.
Eh, the only babyaround here is Marty.
"Wah, the floor is uneven."
"Wah, lightning's bad for you."
I'm just trying to make it safe.
No, what you're doingis trying to make it boring.
Half the fun of a tree houseis taking some risk.
A little sense of adventure.
When did you become so soft?
I'm not soft, Dad.
I'm just trying to stopthis tree house from being
an even bigger disasterthan the one you built us.
What are you talking about?You loved that tree house.
No, man, I hated it. That thingwas way too dangerous.
Name one thing that wasdangerous about it.
Dad, you built itover a barbecue pit.
It's called heated floors.
G-Guys, please stop arguing.
Look, I'm not arguing,I'm just realizing
how ungrateful my son is.
Yeah, and I'm just realizinghow reckless
and irresponsible my dad is.
You know what, Marty, what-whatare you even doing here?
Nobody invited you.Right, Dave?
Yeah, totally uninvited, but atthe same time, very welcome.
Yeah, fine, you guys don't wantmy help, I'm out of here.
I was just trying to keepGrover safe.
Well, you don't haveto worry about that,
because when it comesto tree houses,
nobody builds 'embetter than me.
Oh!
Boom. There's yourrope swing right there.
[knock on door]
Hey, Dave, what's up?
And if you say the tree house,I will be shocked.
I came over to apologizefor yesterday.
The last thing I wantedwas to cause
a fightbetween you and your dad.
I mean, you didn'tstart that fight.
He did when he called me soft.
It's messed up.Yeah, I totally get it.
I'd hate it if Calvinever thought I were soft.
But come on, Marty,I need you to come back.
For Grover's sake.
How bad is it?
It is a nightmare.He's over there right now
trying to get a diving board
to reach the neighbors'swimming pool.
Dave, I tried to help, man.You saw what happened.
I know, and I should havebacked you up, but...
but it's hard.
Your dad's heart isin the right place,
even though I'm pretty surehis support beams are not.
Well,
if you want me to come back,
you're gonna have to make my daddo things my way.
Absolutely. Look, Marty,
from now on, you are in charge,no matter what.
Okay, good. But we better getover there quick
because the neighbors drainedthat pool two years ago.
Oh...
Hey. Okay for me to come in?
Of course, Gemma,why wouldn't it be?
I don't know,I was worried you might still be
upset about that whole cookiething yesterday.
Ah, please, they're justsilly cookies
that I've baked for Malcolmhis whole life,
ever since I squeezed his sorryass out of my damn body.
I know, I'm sorry.
No, no, it's not your fault.
Malcolm was right,your cookies were delicious.
Thanks.
You're welcome. And besides,
obviously it was just a fluke.
What do you mean, a fluke?
Oh, I'm sorry, Gemma,I didn't mean it like that.
I'm just saying,everyone knows that
my cookies eat yoursfor breakfast.
Well, everyone might know,
but clearly Malcolm doesn't.
Okay, okay.
Well, it sounds like there'sonly one way to settle this.
You talking bake-off?
Oh, you know it.Name your cookie.
Shortbread?Snickerdoodle?
If we're gonna do it,let's go all the way.
You talking oatmeal?
With raisins.
Is there any other way?
Actually, sometimes theyuse chocolate chips.
Oh, that sounds yummy.Let's do that instead.Okay.
Hey, Dad.
Oh, look who's back,the building inspector.
Actually, Calvin,I asked Marty to come back.
Why would you do that?
Look, I know you're justtrying to make this place
as much fun as possiblefor Grover, but...
it would be nice if he wereactually alive to enjoy it.
Seriously?You're taking his side?
Look, Calvin,there are no sides.
Yeah, like this placewhen somebody sneezes
and the walls fall down.
Know what? Fine.
If neither of you thinkthat I can do this,
then I'm out of here.
But I'm taking my nail with me.
[loud creaking]
What was that?
Oh, relax.It's just the floor
settling onto the tree.
Now it's even more rock-solid.
[loud cracking]
M-Maybe I should put this nailback where it, where it was.
[all shout]
Okay.
I got to admit,
now the floor isa little slanted.
[knocking]
Whoa. [clears throat]
Hey, ladies...Enough small talk.
We need you to settle a bet.Mm-hmm.
Uh, what bet?
We both bakedone of these cookies.
All you have to dois taste them
and tell us which oneyou like better.
And God help youif you get it wrong.
You know, actually,I am kind of busy right now.
But you know who loves cookies?
Marty. I'm gonna go find him.
Nice try, Malcolm.Yeah.
Now be a man and eatyour milk and cookies!
All right, fine.
Mmm.
So, which is better?
Well...
I hate to disappointeither of you, but...
it's a tie-- everybody wins!
Malcolm!
All right, Ma.
If I had to choose,
I pick this one.
Boom! Hey!
Somebody call Keebler and tell'em there's a new elf in town!
Well, congratulations.
I guess you were right,my cookies were just a fluke.
I'm sorry, Gemma,I never should've said that.
I just overreactedbecause I'm Malcolm's mom.
And, you know, every mama wants
her baby to likeher cookies best.
I get it, and I'm gladhe picked yours.
Thank you.
And thank you, Malcolm.
Now I'm gonna go putyour baby pictures back up.
Look, I'm sorry, Gemma.Your cookie was good, too.
It just had a bit of, um,a strange aftertaste.
I hope so. I put ina crapload of pickle juice.
Pickle juice?Why would you put pickle juice
in an oatmeal cookie?
Because I'm a mama, too.
Like your mom said,we all want our babies
to like our cookies best.
[chuckles]
You're a good friend, Gemma.
Not that good. At first, I wasgoing to put it in her cookie.
[tree house creaking]
Okay, nobody move or this thingis gonna collapse.
All right, now I knowhow this looks, but I built
this thing for a coupleof little kids.
Not three grown men.
That being said,I probably could've used
a few more bungee cords.
Okay, so whatdo we do now?
And if you're gonna saypee your pants, well...
mission accomplished.
Well, Marty,you're an engineer.
If anybody can figure a wayto get us out of here, it's you.
Okay, okay, okay, uh...all right, I-I think I got it.
Um, if-if we coordinateour movements
and redistributeour body weight, that should
counterbalance the flooruntil we can each get out.
Great idea.And may I say,
as a professionalconflict mediator,
an excellent team-buildingexercise.
You know...Okay, all right.
You might want to hurrythis thing up.
This tree is getting sickof Dave, too.
Okay... okay, Dave?
You're closest to the door.I'm gonna slide two steps
to the left, Dad, you taketwo steps to the right.
That should balance the floor.
Ready?
Go!
All right.
Okay, all right,Dave, you climb out.
Dad, as soon as he does,you take another step
to the left.I'm gonna take two steps back.
Oh, so this is like the ElectricSlide meets the Cupid Shuffle.
No, Dad, Dad, no!
Oh, my God.[stammers]
Oh, oh, ooh!
That-That-That's on meright there.
Okay, Dave, go!
Okay.
And for the record,there are
no two men that I'd rather betrapped in a tree house
with than the two of you!Get out of here!
Okay, Dad.
It's your turn.
No, son, you go.
All right, this is my fault.
If I had listenedto your suggestions,
we wouldn't be herein the first place.
I just got carried away.
It's okay, man. You werejust trying to make it fun.
The same way you didwhen you built ours.
Thanks.
And I shouldn't havecalled you soft,
because you're not.
You mean that?
Yeah. I mean,
the way you kept your cooland figured out
a way to get us out of here,
there's nothing soft about that.
Thanks, Dad.
Bring it in, son.
All right, whoa,whoa, whoa, okay.
Bring it out, bring it out!
Okay, okay, Dad, I'm going.
I'll see youon the ground.
One way or the other.
[muttering]
Damn.
Why did I let Dave go first?
You were right, this is a muchbetter idea than the one I had.
True. Although I would'veloved to see my dad try
to Mary Poppins his way downwith your beach umbrella.
Calvin, you okay up there?
Yeah, but I'm running outof time!
When's that umbrella coming?
Okay... change of plans.
We've got some mattressesfor you to land on!
[tree house crackling, rumbling]
Dad, you got to jump now!
A squirrel just didand I think he knows something.
All right, here I come!
Just remember,you're the Black Bruce Willis.
Yippee ki-yay, mother brother!
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Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBHaccess.wgbh.org