1
00:00:06,505 --> 00:00:07,680
Whew!

2
00:00:07,724 --> 00:00:09,682
Nine! That's a new record!

3
00:00:09,726 --> 00:00:12,033
Wow, Dave.
You just ran nine miles?

4
00:00:12,076 --> 00:00:14,992
No, I got nine people
to wave back at me.

5
00:00:15,036 --> 00:00:17,342
Well, let's just make it
an even ten.

6
00:00:17,386 --> 00:00:18,865
Bye!

7
00:00:18,909 --> 00:00:20,693
Oh, no.

8
00:00:20,737 --> 00:00:24,697
Don't look now, but here comes
your least favorite neighbor.

9
00:00:24,741 --> 00:00:26,134
[chuckling]:
What are you talking about?

10
00:00:26,177 --> 00:00:27,570
I just waved goodbye to him.

11
00:00:29,398 --> 00:00:31,400
Calvin, it's Walter.

12
00:00:32,227 --> 00:00:34,185
CALVIN:
Oh, goodness.

13
00:00:34,229 --> 00:00:37,058
Wonder what's got his
adult diaper in a bunch today.

14
00:00:37,101 --> 00:00:39,147
Hey, Walter.

15
00:00:39,190 --> 00:00:41,584
Dave. Jackass.

16
00:00:43,064 --> 00:00:44,413
What do you want?

17
00:00:44,456 --> 00:00:46,893
Don't you have
an obituary to be in?

18
00:00:47,938 --> 00:00:50,897
I actually came over
to give you some bad news.

19
00:00:50,941 --> 00:00:52,116
I'm moving.

20
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:54,075
[chuckles]
Are you kidding?

21
00:00:54,118 --> 00:00:56,425
That's not bad news.
That's great news.

22
00:00:56,468 --> 00:00:59,950
In fact, if I didn't hate you
so much, I would hug you.

23
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,908
You didn't let me finish.

24
00:01:01,952 --> 00:01:04,215
I'm selling my house
to the Cartelli Group.

25
00:01:04,259 --> 00:01:05,738
What?

26
00:01:05,782 --> 00:01:08,263
Uh, who's the
Cartelli Group?

27
00:01:08,306 --> 00:01:10,003
They're big developers.

28
00:01:10,047 --> 00:01:12,005
They've moved into neighborhoods
all around here,

29
00:01:12,049 --> 00:01:14,965
knocking down the original homes
and replacing them

30
00:01:15,008 --> 00:01:16,706
with big, ugly monstrosities.

31
00:01:16,749 --> 00:01:18,534
That's right. And finally,

32
00:01:18,577 --> 00:01:21,145
we'll have a home around here
that matches your face.

33
00:01:21,189 --> 00:01:23,321
Okay, Walter, you
take that back!

34
00:01:23,365 --> 00:01:24,931
Calvin has a
beautiful face!

35
00:01:24,975 --> 00:01:26,933
Okay, Dave, you're not helping.

36
00:01:26,977 --> 00:01:28,196
Although you're not wrong.

37
00:01:29,806 --> 00:01:31,329
And here's the best part.

38
00:01:31,373 --> 00:01:32,983
You're in for a year
of loud trucks

39
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:35,941
and construction workers
taking pee breaks on your lawn.

40
00:01:35,986 --> 00:01:38,380
And I might even show 'em
where I like to do it.

41
00:01:39,903 --> 00:01:41,861
Come on, Walter.
You can't do this.

42
00:01:41,905 --> 00:01:44,429
Oh, yes, I can. I'm signing
those papers next week.

43
00:01:45,256 --> 00:01:46,736
I'm gonna get
a whole lot of money,

44
00:01:46,779 --> 00:01:48,216
and you're gonna get
a whole lot of this.

45
00:01:48,259 --> 00:01:52,045
[imitates truck]:
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

46
00:01:52,089 --> 00:01:54,526
beep, beep...Can't believe this guy.

47
00:01:54,570 --> 00:01:56,048
He's got some nerve.

48
00:01:56,093 --> 00:01:58,008
And amazing balance.

49
00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:00,053
He just backed up
all the way to his front porch.

50
00:02:01,403 --> 00:02:03,144
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

51
00:02:03,187 --> 00:02:04,580
♪ Welcome to the hood.

52
00:02:10,107 --> 00:02:11,326
We got a problem.

53
00:02:11,369 --> 00:02:12,892
What's the matter, baby?

54
00:02:12,936 --> 00:02:16,331
Walter's selling his
house to a developer.

55
00:02:16,374 --> 00:02:19,203
They're gonna tear it down
and build a giant eyesore.

56
00:02:19,247 --> 00:02:21,162
What? Are you serious?

57
00:02:21,205 --> 00:02:22,772
Yeah.

58
00:02:22,815 --> 00:02:25,296
You know, I've been praying
for Walter to move for years,

59
00:02:25,340 --> 00:02:27,037
but I always meant to heaven.

60
00:02:29,561 --> 00:02:32,216
See, man, this is happening
all over the place.

61
00:02:32,260 --> 00:02:34,610
The developers come in, start
buying up all the houses

62
00:02:34,653 --> 00:02:36,133
and take over
the neighborhood.
Mm.

63
00:02:36,177 --> 00:02:38,004
It's classic
gentrification.

64
00:02:38,048 --> 00:02:40,485
Yup, and then the prices
go through the roof,

65
00:02:40,529 --> 00:02:44,141
the landlords raise the rent,
and good people are forced out.

66
00:02:44,185 --> 00:02:47,057
I can't believe Walter would
do this to the community.

67
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,362
Mm.
You know what?

68
00:02:48,406 --> 00:02:50,016
I'm gonna drink
a gallon of iced tea

69
00:02:50,060 --> 00:02:52,105
and go over there
and water his lawn.

70
00:02:53,933 --> 00:02:55,674
Calvin, I've told you
a thousand times--

71
00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:57,198
use your words,
not your pee.

72
00:02:58,677 --> 00:03:01,898
Uh, yeah, some of
this is on you, Pop.

73
00:03:01,941 --> 00:03:04,509
Maybe if you didn't
antagonize him so much...Mm-hmm.

74
00:03:04,553 --> 00:03:06,381
...he wouldn't have
decided to move.

75
00:03:06,424 --> 00:03:08,383
Who would move out
the neighborhood

76
00:03:08,426 --> 00:03:09,775
just because
I'm mean to 'em?

77
00:03:09,819 --> 00:03:12,169
Uh, present.

78
00:03:14,302 --> 00:03:16,608
Okay, if that's the case,

79
00:03:16,652 --> 00:03:20,264
maybe... there's a way
I could change his mind.

80
00:03:20,308 --> 00:03:21,657
What do you mean?

81
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:25,095
I mean, maybe
he wouldn't move

82
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:30,143
if I tried being
a kinder, friendlier neighbor

83
00:03:30,187 --> 00:03:32,624
to that old, wrinkly bastard.

84
00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:35,148
I don't know, Calvin.

85
00:03:35,192 --> 00:03:36,802
Don't you think
it's a little too late for that?

86
00:03:36,846 --> 00:03:38,543
Uh, yeah, Pop.

87
00:03:38,587 --> 00:03:40,284
Maybe you should've
tried being nice to him

88
00:03:40,328 --> 00:03:43,461
back when he was a young,
less wrinkly bastard.

89
00:03:44,506 --> 00:03:47,378
Look, I'm not saying
it's gonna be easy,

90
00:03:47,422 --> 00:03:50,163
but if anyone can do it,
it's me.

91
00:03:50,207 --> 00:03:51,687
After all,

92
00:03:51,730 --> 00:03:56,126
no one can resist
the Calvin Butler charm.

93
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:58,302
[laughs]
What Calvin Butler charm?

94
00:03:58,346 --> 00:04:00,391
Boy, shut up.
Wasn't nobody talking to you.

95
00:04:10,227 --> 00:04:11,184
Calvin?

96
00:04:11,228 --> 00:04:13,796
There he is.

97
00:04:13,839 --> 00:04:18,278
My main man, Walter--
the Denzel of Pasadena.

98
00:04:20,063 --> 00:04:21,847
Why in the hell
are you raking my yard?

99
00:04:21,891 --> 00:04:23,893
Yeah, look, man, I know

100
00:04:23,936 --> 00:04:26,243
I haven't always been
the best neighbor,

101
00:04:26,287 --> 00:04:29,420
but I got to thinking
I'm gonna turn over a new leaf

102
00:04:29,464 --> 00:04:32,293
and figured
I'd rake a few of yours.

103
00:04:32,336 --> 00:04:34,991
Oh. And I found this $20 bill
on your lawn.

104
00:04:35,034 --> 00:04:36,862
I figured you must have
dropped it.

105
00:04:36,906 --> 00:04:41,302
You know, I don't know
what you're up to, but...

106
00:04:41,345 --> 00:04:42,912
I did drop that 20.

107
00:04:42,954 --> 00:04:45,131
Now, what's this
really about?

108
00:04:45,175 --> 00:04:47,351
If you need a kidney,
it ain't happening.

109
00:04:47,395 --> 00:04:49,527
No, I don't need a kidney.

110
00:04:49,571 --> 00:04:51,486
Although any man would be lucky

111
00:04:51,529 --> 00:04:53,966
to have one of your organs
inside of 'em.

112
00:04:57,709 --> 00:05:00,973
Calvin, I ain't up for
all this Fruity Pebbles stuff.

113
00:05:01,017 --> 00:05:04,455
Oh. Oh, no, man. You know,
I just got to thinking.

114
00:05:04,499 --> 00:05:07,328
We wasted so much time fighting,
when instead

115
00:05:07,371 --> 00:05:09,373
we should've been
getting to know each other.

116
00:05:09,417 --> 00:05:12,811
All right. Well, I'm Walter.

117
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:15,597
I got a screw in my knee
and a damn fool on my lawn.

118
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,643
You see? I didn't even know
about your knee.

119
00:05:18,687 --> 00:05:22,865
You know what? Why don't you
come over tonight for dinner,

120
00:05:22,908 --> 00:05:24,910
and we just let
bygones be bygones?
No.

121
00:05:24,954 --> 00:05:26,869
No, no, I-I don't
know about that.Ah, come on, man.

122
00:05:26,912 --> 00:05:28,523
What can I do to convince you?

123
00:05:28,566 --> 00:05:30,916
Well, I did lose
another 20 around here.

124
00:05:34,703 --> 00:05:37,053
You sure it wasn't
a ten and two fives?

125
00:05:37,096 --> 00:05:39,098
That'll do.

126
00:05:44,582 --> 00:05:46,889
Okay, dinner's almost ready,

127
00:05:46,932 --> 00:05:48,847
and I'm wearing
a low-cut blouse.

128
00:05:48,891 --> 00:05:51,894
I've done my part.[laughs]

129
00:05:51,937 --> 00:05:55,550
All right, now, remember, no
matter how miserable Walter is,

130
00:05:55,593 --> 00:05:57,247
we got to be nice to him.

131
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,641
But if he starts to choke
on a piece of carrot,

132
00:05:59,684 --> 00:06:02,818
let nature take its course.

133
00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:05,603
I don't get why
this is such a bad thing.

134
00:06:05,647 --> 00:06:07,388
If he sells his house
for a lot of money,

135
00:06:07,431 --> 00:06:09,085
don't all of
our property values go up?

136
00:06:09,128 --> 00:06:12,088
Sure, but some things
are more important than money.

137
00:06:12,131 --> 00:06:14,917
Like the people and the culture
of this neighborhood.

138
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,440
Which is why
I'm never leaving it.

139
00:06:16,484 --> 00:06:18,834
And that means neither am I.

140
00:06:18,877 --> 00:06:20,444
Neighbors for life, bro.

141
00:06:21,489 --> 00:06:23,099
Aw, what the hell.

142
00:06:23,142 --> 00:06:25,449
Let the fake
friendliness begin.

143
00:06:25,493 --> 00:06:27,059
[knock on door]

144
00:06:27,103 --> 00:06:29,061
Okay, now, that's him.

145
00:06:29,105 --> 00:06:32,238
Now, remember, we're smiling,
we're laughing,

146
00:06:32,282 --> 00:06:35,807
and most important,
we're not giving the Heimlich.

147
00:06:39,245 --> 00:06:41,204
Hey, Walter! Come on in!

148
00:06:41,247 --> 00:06:42,597
Hey, Walter!Hi!

149
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,599
Uh, evening,
everybody.

150
00:06:44,642 --> 00:06:46,035
I'm glad to see

151
00:06:46,078 --> 00:06:48,124
you're not take-off-your-shoes
kind of people.

152
00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:51,170
I don't want to be eating while
staring at your nasty feet.

153
00:06:52,868 --> 00:06:55,697
[Calvin laughs]

154
00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:57,873
Well, it's gonna be hard
to keep our shoes on

155
00:06:57,916 --> 00:07:00,571
with you knocking our socks off
with those jokes.

156
00:07:00,615 --> 00:07:02,443
[laughs]

157
00:07:02,486 --> 00:07:04,314
Well, let's get
this party started.

158
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:07,186
Uh, Tina, lean forward
and pour the man a drink.

159
00:07:10,668 --> 00:07:14,019
So, Walter, why don't you tell
Dave and Gemma here

160
00:07:14,063 --> 00:07:15,586
how we first met.

161
00:07:15,630 --> 00:07:17,066
Who the hell is Gemma?

162
00:07:21,549 --> 00:07:23,246
That would be me.

163
00:07:23,289 --> 00:07:26,205
The one who took you to the ER
when you broke your ankle.

164
00:07:26,249 --> 00:07:28,425
Oh, yeah.
You're a terrible driver,

165
00:07:28,469 --> 00:07:30,688
and your taste in music sucks.

166
00:07:32,211 --> 00:07:33,603
[laughs] This guy's hilarious.

167
00:07:33,648 --> 00:07:35,084
Watch out, Steve Harvey.

168
00:07:35,127 --> 00:07:37,869
We got the next host
of Family Feud.

169
00:07:40,481 --> 00:07:43,701
W-Walter, how did
you guys meet?

170
00:07:43,745 --> 00:07:46,922
Well, it was the first Halloween
after they moved in,

171
00:07:46,965 --> 00:07:49,359
and Calvin brought the boys by
for trick-or-treating.

172
00:07:49,402 --> 00:07:52,318
And I gave 'em each
a ketchup packet,

173
00:07:52,362 --> 00:07:54,320
and I turned
the sprinklers on 'em.

174
00:07:55,974 --> 00:07:59,630
And what's crazy is we were
having hot dogs the next day.

175
00:07:59,674 --> 00:08:01,676
It's like Walter knew
we'd need ketchup.

176
00:08:03,678 --> 00:08:05,636
[laughs softly]

177
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:08,813
So, can I get anybody anything
from the kitchen?

178
00:08:08,857 --> 00:08:11,207
Well, I'll tell you
what I could use-- some salt.

179
00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:12,861
This food is bland as hell.

180
00:08:14,558 --> 00:08:16,517
Excuse me?

181
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:18,519
[laughs] There he goes again.

182
00:08:18,562 --> 00:08:20,825
Just Walter being Walter.

183
00:08:20,869 --> 00:08:23,175
Well, Tina about
to be Tina.Whoa, whoa, whoa.

184
00:08:23,219 --> 00:08:25,961
Be cool. Stay cool.

185
00:08:26,004 --> 00:08:28,659
Just keep loading up his plate
with choking carrots.

186
00:08:29,704 --> 00:08:32,010
Well, you know what?
I don't know about you guys,

187
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,882
but I'm having a blast.

188
00:08:33,925 --> 00:08:35,579
You know, too bad
that you're moving.

189
00:08:35,623 --> 00:08:38,060
Otherwise, we could
make this a regular thing.

190
00:08:38,103 --> 00:08:40,017
That'd be nice, but not as nice

191
00:08:40,061 --> 00:08:42,281
as a big pile of money
from that developer.

192
00:08:43,587 --> 00:08:44,806
What's for dessert?

193
00:08:44,849 --> 00:08:47,548
How about some
upside-down-your-head cake?

194
00:08:48,940 --> 00:08:50,899
Come on, Walter.

195
00:08:50,942 --> 00:08:52,857
You can't sell to those guys.

196
00:08:52,901 --> 00:08:54,859
They don't care about
the people around here.

197
00:08:54,903 --> 00:08:56,774
Neither do I. You think
I'd give out ketchup packets

198
00:08:56,818 --> 00:08:58,428
to people I like?

199
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,126
[sighs] Come on, man.

200
00:09:01,170 --> 00:09:02,867
You know, there's got to be
something I can do.

201
00:09:02,911 --> 00:09:03,825
Like what?

202
00:09:03,868 --> 00:09:04,913
I don't know.

203
00:09:04,956 --> 00:09:06,131
Uh...

204
00:09:06,175 --> 00:09:07,959
Maybe...

205
00:09:08,003 --> 00:09:09,787
we could find you another buyer.

206
00:09:09,831 --> 00:09:11,963
What?Yeah. I mean, like,

207
00:09:12,007 --> 00:09:14,705
you said you're not signing the
papers till next week, right?

208
00:09:14,749 --> 00:09:18,579
That gives us a couple of days
to spruce up the place

209
00:09:18,622 --> 00:09:20,058
and find someone who cares
about this neighborhood

210
00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:21,190
as much as we do.

211
00:09:22,191 --> 00:09:23,540
Calvin, we can have
an open house.

212
00:09:23,584 --> 00:09:25,281
I love open houses.

213
00:09:25,324 --> 00:09:28,806
Walter, I'm what's known as
a world-class lookie-loo.

214
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:36,161
Well, why should I do that?

215
00:09:36,205 --> 00:09:37,946
I already have a buyer.

216
00:09:37,989 --> 00:09:39,948
Because...

217
00:09:39,991 --> 00:09:41,776
I'm gonna get you more money.

218
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:44,692
Well, I like the sound of that.

219
00:09:44,735 --> 00:09:46,345
But you're also gonna
have to put me up

220
00:09:46,389 --> 00:09:48,086
in a hotel while you do it.

221
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:49,653
Seriously? A hotel?Yeah.

222
00:09:49,697 --> 00:09:52,003
And not one where you open
the door and you're outside.

223
00:09:52,047 --> 00:09:53,352
I want a hallway.

224
00:09:54,397 --> 00:09:55,790
That's it.

225
00:09:55,833 --> 00:09:58,096
Fine. You know what?
You got a deal.

226
00:09:58,140 --> 00:10:01,404
Good. Now pass me
some more of those carrots.

227
00:10:02,666 --> 00:10:04,233
Go ahead, Tina.

228
00:10:04,276 --> 00:10:06,235
I mean, if it's God's will,
it's God's will.

229
00:10:13,938 --> 00:10:16,985
Oh, my God. I can't believe
how much junk Walter has.

230
00:10:17,028 --> 00:10:18,464
Ugh. I know.

231
00:10:18,508 --> 00:10:22,294
It's like 20 yard sales
threw up in his living room.

232
00:10:22,338 --> 00:10:24,688
Well, on the bright side,

233
00:10:24,732 --> 00:10:27,212
Nixon resigned.

234
00:10:28,649 --> 00:10:31,652
Okay, so maybe this place
isn't exactly move-in ready,

235
00:10:31,695 --> 00:10:34,132
but it's got good bones.

236
00:10:34,176 --> 00:10:37,658
Yeah, if by "bones,"
you mean a skeleton.

237
00:10:38,528 --> 00:10:40,225
Yeah, Calvin,
this is a disaster.

238
00:10:40,269 --> 00:10:42,706
There's no way we can
sell this place in two days.

239
00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:45,709
Come on, guys. This place is
oozing with character.

240
00:10:45,753 --> 00:10:48,320
I mean, check out
the tiled fireplace.

241
00:10:48,364 --> 00:10:50,714
Got the arched
doorways.

242
00:10:50,758 --> 00:10:53,238
And I bet if I pull up

243
00:10:53,282 --> 00:10:56,720
this old, moldy carpet,
I'll find the original...

244
00:10:56,764 --> 00:10:59,201
older, moldier carpet.

245
00:11:01,507 --> 00:11:04,554
This house hasn't been updated
in years.

246
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:07,165
I know. Look at this
velvet wolf painting.

247
00:11:07,209 --> 00:11:10,995
It's so dusty, I think
this woman used to be White.

248
00:11:11,039 --> 00:11:13,345
You know what?
I can fix that right now.Oh.

249
00:11:13,389 --> 00:11:15,521
I'll just take it down.

250
00:11:15,565 --> 00:11:17,045
[grunts softly]

251
00:11:18,524 --> 00:11:20,048
Uh, Calvin, don't look in there.

252
00:11:20,788 --> 00:11:23,138
I think that's where
the skeleton may be.

253
00:11:27,142 --> 00:11:29,927
Uh-uh-uh, I'm sorry, babe,
but there's no way

254
00:11:29,971 --> 00:11:31,973
we have enough time
to fix this place up.

255
00:11:32,016 --> 00:11:34,453
Unless, of course, you're
talking about Time Magazine,

256
00:11:34,497 --> 00:11:38,022
in which case...
we have all of them.

257
00:11:38,066 --> 00:11:40,851
Come on, it's not as bad
as you guys think.

258
00:11:40,895 --> 00:11:43,767
We'll get Malcolm and Marty
to help us put this stuff away,

259
00:11:43,811 --> 00:11:47,728
then we'll slap on some paint,
replace the furniture with ours.

260
00:11:47,771 --> 00:11:50,382
This place will look great
in no time.

261
00:11:50,426 --> 00:11:51,557
DAVE: Whoa![Tina shouts]

262
00:11:51,601 --> 00:11:53,385
Whoa!

263
00:11:53,429 --> 00:11:56,432
Boom! It's where
the flat-screen goes.

264
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,305
♪

265
00:12:13,623 --> 00:12:17,322
♪ We can never lose,
let's work together ♪

266
00:12:17,366 --> 00:12:20,412
♪ We can be the proof,
let's do it together ♪

267
00:12:20,456 --> 00:12:23,067
♪ We're moving,
cleaning up the mess ♪

268
00:12:23,111 --> 00:12:25,809
♪ We're moving, let's get
down to business ♪

269
00:12:25,853 --> 00:12:27,593
♪ We're moving,
cleaning up the mess ♪

270
00:12:27,637 --> 00:12:29,987
♪ We're moving, let's get
down to business ♪

271
00:12:38,648 --> 00:12:39,736
Hey, good job, bro.

272
00:12:39,780 --> 00:12:41,085
Oh, thanks, man.
I appreciate it.

273
00:12:46,221 --> 00:12:49,180
♪

274
00:12:56,753 --> 00:12:58,450
♪ Okay.

275
00:12:58,494 --> 00:12:59,887
[song ends]

276
00:13:02,672 --> 00:13:04,195
You know, I got to say,

277
00:13:04,239 --> 00:13:06,371
we really did a fabulous job
on this place.

278
00:13:06,415 --> 00:13:08,852
I know.
This place is gorgeous.

279
00:13:08,896 --> 00:13:11,202
Yeah, as long as no one touches
the wet paint,

280
00:13:11,246 --> 00:13:14,989
opens a closet door, or flushes
the toilet, we're gold.

281
00:13:16,033 --> 00:13:17,426
Okay.

282
00:13:17,469 --> 00:13:19,080
Open house starts in an hour.

283
00:13:19,123 --> 00:13:21,169
I posted some pics
to my lookie-loo message board,

284
00:13:21,212 --> 00:13:23,171
and, guys,
let me tell you something.

285
00:13:23,214 --> 00:13:25,477
People are looking to loo.

286
00:13:25,521 --> 00:13:27,610
Oh, I almost forgot.

287
00:13:27,653 --> 00:13:29,525
I was gonna put some
cookies in the oven.

288
00:13:29,568 --> 00:13:31,744
Oh, great idea. That'll make it
feel nice and homey.

289
00:13:31,788 --> 00:13:34,922
Oh, actually, I was just gonna
try to warm this place up.

290
00:13:34,965 --> 00:13:37,663
When I tried to turn on the
heater, the doorbell rang.

291
00:13:37,707 --> 00:13:39,448
[chuckles]

292
00:13:39,491 --> 00:13:42,016
Okay, Calvin,
what do you say?

293
00:13:42,059 --> 00:13:43,582
You ready to sell this bad boy?

294
00:13:43,626 --> 00:13:45,061
You're damn straight.

295
00:13:45,106 --> 00:13:47,151
All we got to do now
is open the door

296
00:13:47,195 --> 00:13:48,936
and let the house sell itself.

297
00:13:56,291 --> 00:13:59,860
I don't know about you, but...
I don't miss it.

298
00:14:04,342 --> 00:14:06,910
You know, and the best
thing about this place is

299
00:14:06,954 --> 00:14:09,086
that you can
move in tomorrow.

300
00:14:09,130 --> 00:14:11,175
And, uh, you didn't
hear it from me,

301
00:14:11,219 --> 00:14:14,657
but I heard Denzel
used to live here.

302
00:14:15,701 --> 00:14:18,226
Okay, cool.
Is that a closet?

303
00:14:18,269 --> 00:14:20,315
Is-is what a closet?

304
00:14:20,358 --> 00:14:22,491
That door behind you.

305
00:14:22,534 --> 00:14:23,622
Oh.

306
00:14:23,666 --> 00:14:25,798
Uh, as a matter of fact, it is.

307
00:14:25,842 --> 00:14:29,367
But unfortunately, someone's
taking a tour of it right now.

308
00:14:32,675 --> 00:14:35,286
And, uh, with the
kitchen right here,

309
00:14:35,330 --> 00:14:36,940
you could be
making dinner

310
00:14:36,984 --> 00:14:38,811
while still keeping an eye
on your kids.

311
00:14:38,855 --> 00:14:40,683
We actually don't
have any children.

312
00:14:40,726 --> 00:14:42,815
Oh. Well, after I show you
the bedroom,

313
00:14:42,859 --> 00:14:44,905
you're gonna want to get busy
making some. Come on.

314
00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:50,736
Malcolm, this thing
weighs a ton.

315
00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:52,390
How much longer do
we have to hold it?

316
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,175
Oh, not too much
longer, man.

317
00:14:54,218 --> 00:14:56,003
Just a couple of hours.

318
00:14:56,046 --> 00:14:57,656
Well, how long has it been?

319
00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:59,920
Three and a half minutes.

320
00:15:01,008 --> 00:15:05,838
Oh, sweet baby Jesus,
this is how it's gonna end.

321
00:15:10,278 --> 00:15:13,150
Wow, Helen, would you
look at this place?

322
00:15:13,194 --> 00:15:15,848
I know, Derek.

323
00:15:15,892 --> 00:15:18,677
This house is a dream come true!

324
00:15:18,721 --> 00:15:20,679
We better put an
offer in quick.

325
00:15:20,723 --> 00:15:24,683
If we don't, we're gonna regret
it for the rest of our lives.

326
00:15:24,727 --> 00:15:26,772
Mother! Father!

327
00:15:26,816 --> 00:15:28,122
Please don't let

328
00:15:28,165 --> 00:15:31,038
this extraordinary opportunity
slip away!

329
00:15:31,081 --> 00:15:33,431
Okay, Oliver Twist,
reel it in.

330
00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:38,741
Malcolm, I can't
keep this up much longer.

331
00:15:38,784 --> 00:15:41,135
Don't you give up.
You can do it.

332
00:15:41,178 --> 00:15:43,572
Okay. Ow!

333
00:15:43,615 --> 00:15:45,835
Oh, that's it. That's it.
I'm going down.

334
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:48,359
Oh, come on, Marty.
It's just a bottle of water.

335
00:15:48,403 --> 00:15:51,145
Yeah, but it still has
the cap on it.

336
00:15:51,188 --> 00:15:52,711
[both groaning]

337
00:15:52,755 --> 00:15:54,278
Oh!

338
00:15:56,237 --> 00:15:59,370
Well, there you go.

339
00:15:59,414 --> 00:16:01,198
One less thing to dust.

340
00:16:01,242 --> 00:16:03,244
Oh! Oh!

341
00:16:05,072 --> 00:16:06,551
[alarm beeping]Oh, no!

342
00:16:06,595 --> 00:16:08,379
I forgot about
the cookies!

343
00:16:08,423 --> 00:16:10,903
Oh! Oh! Oh!Whoa, whoa.

344
00:16:10,947 --> 00:16:13,863
Hey, guys,
get your offers in quick.

345
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:17,084
Everybody knows a fire truck
always bring a crowd!

346
00:16:18,607 --> 00:16:21,044
[coughing]

347
00:16:21,088 --> 00:16:23,220
Man, we were
so close.

348
00:16:23,264 --> 00:16:24,874
It was our fault.

349
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:27,050
Our acting was
way over the top.

350
00:16:27,094 --> 00:16:28,747
What are you talking about?

351
00:16:28,791 --> 00:16:30,184
We were totally believable.

352
00:16:30,227 --> 00:16:33,535
It was Grover
who crapped the bed.

353
00:16:33,578 --> 00:16:36,059
Well, at least you didn't almost
set the house on fire.

354
00:16:36,103 --> 00:16:38,409
Yeah, or drop the mantel.CALVIN:
Come on, guys.

355
00:16:38,453 --> 00:16:40,498
This wasn't any
one person's fault.

356
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:42,457
You blew it as a group.

357
00:16:46,113 --> 00:16:49,420
Whoa! You guys did
a lot of work around here.

358
00:16:49,464 --> 00:16:51,422
Whoa. Hold on,
hold on, hold on.

359
00:16:51,466 --> 00:16:54,860
Ah, yeah.
All my carpets are still here.

360
00:16:56,601 --> 00:16:58,777
So did you get any offers?

361
00:16:58,821 --> 00:17:00,866
No, but we were really close.

362
00:17:00,910 --> 00:17:02,694
We just need
a little bit more time.

363
00:17:02,738 --> 00:17:03,826
He's right.

364
00:17:03,869 --> 00:17:05,132
In fact, this one couple,

365
00:17:05,175 --> 00:17:07,047
Derek and Helen,
seemed really into it.

366
00:17:07,090 --> 00:17:09,918
Their son was
a little too into it.

367
00:17:09,962 --> 00:17:12,182
I'm sorry, Calvin,
but a deal is a deal.

368
00:17:12,225 --> 00:17:14,184
I gave you two days,
and you couldn't deliver.

369
00:17:14,228 --> 00:17:16,143
I'm signing
those papers tomorrow.

370
00:17:16,186 --> 00:17:17,100
[sighs]

371
00:17:17,144 --> 00:17:18,100
CALVIN:
Come on, Walter.

372
00:17:18,145 --> 00:17:19,624
You can't do this, man.

373
00:17:19,667 --> 00:17:21,278
This community is special.

374
00:17:21,321 --> 00:17:23,672
It has history. It has a soul.

375
00:17:23,715 --> 00:17:25,500
Families have lived here
for generations.

376
00:17:25,542 --> 00:17:27,283
Doesn't that matter to you?

377
00:17:27,328 --> 00:17:30,287
Oh, I'll tell you what matters--
my bank account matters.

378
00:17:30,331 --> 00:17:32,550
And my wolf painting.

379
00:17:34,030 --> 00:17:36,859
It's the only thing
I asked for in the divorce.

380
00:17:37,860 --> 00:17:40,863
Oh, come on, Walter.
My pops is right, man.

381
00:17:40,906 --> 00:17:43,692
This house deserves to be
lived in, not knocked down.

382
00:17:43,735 --> 00:17:46,173
Yeah, man.
Look how nice this place is.

383
00:17:46,216 --> 00:17:48,653
Any family would love
to live here.

384
00:17:48,697 --> 00:17:51,134
Hell, I would love to live here.

385
00:17:51,178 --> 00:17:52,875
Wait a minute.

386
00:17:52,918 --> 00:17:54,659
So you're saying you would
live here if you could?

387
00:17:54,703 --> 00:17:55,834
Absolutely.

388
00:17:57,358 --> 00:18:00,839
In that case, I think
I have a way we can solve this.

389
00:18:01,884 --> 00:18:04,016
Let me buy the house.

390
00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:05,148
Wait. What?

391
00:18:05,192 --> 00:18:06,323
Well, uh, hold on. Calvin.

392
00:18:06,367 --> 00:18:07,498
Uh, I know
it's only one house down,

393
00:18:07,542 --> 00:18:10,675
but if you move,
it'll break my heart.

394
00:18:10,719 --> 00:18:15,027
Look, Tina, look, I know
this is a lot of money,

395
00:18:15,071 --> 00:18:17,291
but if Marty moves in,

396
00:18:17,334 --> 00:18:19,858
his rent could cover
some of the cost.

397
00:18:19,902 --> 00:18:22,252
And I could move in, too.

398
00:18:22,296 --> 00:18:24,254
That would double the rent.

399
00:18:24,298 --> 00:18:26,865
Ooh, actually, I don't know
if I'm looking for a roommate.

400
00:18:26,909 --> 00:18:29,477
[laughs] Okay, but I
know a lot of girls,

401
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:30,869
and those girls
have friends.

402
00:18:30,913 --> 00:18:34,046
Oh, and just like that,
I got a roommate, Dad.

403
00:18:34,090 --> 00:18:35,570
Think about it, Tina.

404
00:18:35,613 --> 00:18:37,789
This will be good
for the neighborhood,

405
00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:41,619
and it will help our boys
learn to be homeowners.

406
00:18:41,663 --> 00:18:45,014
Plus, we're finally getting
Malcolm out the house.

407
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:48,322
And if you ask me, that's God
speaking through real estate.

408
00:18:52,413 --> 00:18:54,502
Oh, what the hell.
Let's buy a house.
Yeah!

409
00:18:54,545 --> 00:18:56,939
[cheering]No, no, no. Hold on.
Hold on, all of you!

410
00:18:56,982 --> 00:18:58,984
I haven't agreed to a thing yet.

411
00:18:59,028 --> 00:19:01,770
Oh, God.Come on, Walter.

412
00:19:01,813 --> 00:19:03,989
Now, I know we haven't
always gotten along,

413
00:19:04,033 --> 00:19:06,253
but do the right thing.

414
00:19:06,296 --> 00:19:11,214
Well, I do like the idea
of you having two mortgages.

415
00:19:11,258 --> 00:19:13,042
Plus, you'll be
renting to family,

416
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,870
and that always goes bad.

417
00:19:14,913 --> 00:19:18,308
So... congratulations.

418
00:19:18,352 --> 00:19:19,614
I'm screwing you again.

419
00:19:23,357 --> 00:19:27,012
Well, Calvin, I don't know
about the neighborhood,

420
00:19:27,056 --> 00:19:29,841
but because of you,
the property value of my heart

421
00:19:29,885 --> 00:19:31,713
just went through the roof.GEMMA:
Oh.

422
00:19:31,756 --> 00:19:34,672
Neighbors for life, bro.

423
00:19:34,716 --> 00:19:36,500
Oh, well, what the hell.

424
00:19:36,544 --> 00:19:38,502
Let the fake friendliness
continue.

425
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,165
Well, truck's all loaded.
This is it. Bye, Dave.

426
00:19:49,209 --> 00:19:51,341
Bye, jackass.

427
00:19:51,385 --> 00:19:54,736
Well, I'm glad to see you go.

428
00:19:54,779 --> 00:19:58,261
Although it may not be a hearse,
I guess a moving truck will do.

429
00:19:58,305 --> 00:20:01,917
So, Walter, you never told
us where you were moving.

430
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,703
To a singles retirement
community in Palm Springs.

431
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,749
Seventy percent female.

432
00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:10,360
Oh. Please.

433
00:20:10,404 --> 00:20:12,101
Like you got some game
with the ladies.

434
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,624
Oh, I don't need game.

435
00:20:13,668 --> 00:20:16,410
I got two good hips
and all my teeth.

436
00:20:17,672 --> 00:20:20,022
It's like fishing with dynamite.

437
00:20:21,415 --> 00:20:23,895
Well, you take care
of yourself, Walter.

438
00:20:23,939 --> 00:20:25,419
Yeah, good luck.

439
00:20:25,462 --> 00:20:27,725
Hope you die of a heart attack
while having sex.

440
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,249
Me, too.

441
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:35,733
Well, you got
to give the guy credit.

442
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,692
After all those years
of fighting,

443
00:20:37,735 --> 00:20:39,433
he did the right thing.

444
00:20:39,476 --> 00:20:41,086
Yeah, he sure did.

445
00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:43,393
You know, not to get
ahead of ourselves,

446
00:20:43,437 --> 00:20:45,395
but what do you think
about us being neighbors

447
00:20:45,439 --> 00:20:47,267
at a retirement
community?

448
00:20:47,310 --> 00:20:49,399
I'll tell you what I think.

449
00:20:49,443 --> 00:20:52,054
[imitating truck]:
Beep, beep, beep,

450
00:20:52,097 --> 00:20:54,143
beep, beep, beep.

451
00:20:57,842 --> 00:21:05,676
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

452
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:09,724
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org