1
00:00:06,027 --> 00:00:07,550
[buzzer]MAN [over TV]:
Wrong.

2
00:00:07,593 --> 00:00:11,075
Really, girl? You guessing
six dollars for Rice-A-Roni?

3
00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:12,816
I knew it from your nails,

4
00:00:12,859 --> 00:00:15,036
you never been
in a grocery store.

5
00:00:16,820 --> 00:00:19,997
Hey, Tina,
have you seen Malcolm?

6
00:00:20,041 --> 00:00:22,086
I just finished watching
that show Zombie Wars,

7
00:00:22,130 --> 00:00:25,089
and I want to spoil
the ending for him.

8
00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:27,135
Um, yeah, he went shopping.

9
00:00:27,178 --> 00:00:29,006
Oh, good. You know what?
I'll text him

10
00:00:29,050 --> 00:00:31,269
to pick up some Kleenex,
because his favorite character

11
00:00:31,313 --> 00:00:34,577
is about to become
an all-you-can-eat buffet.

12
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:39,103
Well, it's not exactly
that kind of shopping.

13
00:00:39,147 --> 00:00:42,759
He went to the used car lot
to get himself a car.

14
00:00:42,802 --> 00:00:45,675
Without me?
But I'm the car expert.

15
00:00:45,718 --> 00:00:47,503
If I'm not there to support him,

16
00:00:47,546 --> 00:00:50,767
who gonna tell him
he picked out something stupid?

17
00:00:51,550 --> 00:00:53,248
I know it hurts, babe.

18
00:00:53,291 --> 00:00:55,250
Telling people
they're stupid

19
00:00:55,293 --> 00:00:57,208
is one of your favorite things.

20
00:00:59,167 --> 00:01:00,516
But Malcolm is a grown man.

21
00:01:00,559 --> 00:01:02,431
We've got to let him
make his own choices.

22
00:01:02,474 --> 00:01:05,346
I don't know, babe.
It sounds stupid.

23
00:01:06,174 --> 00:01:08,437
Calvin, come on. This
is important to him.

24
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:09,742
He's been working hard.

25
00:01:09,786 --> 00:01:12,745
He saved up enough money
to do this on his own.

26
00:01:12,789 --> 00:01:14,356
We need to be
supportive of him,

27
00:01:14,399 --> 00:01:16,445
no matter what car
he comes home with.

28
00:01:16,488 --> 00:01:17,881
Fine.

29
00:01:17,923 --> 00:01:21,276
But those used car dealers
are gonna eat him alive.

30
00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:22,842
Just like those zombies did
to that family

31
00:01:22,886 --> 00:01:24,670
that was hiding under the canoe!

32
00:01:25,454 --> 00:01:27,325
[horn honking
"Shave and a Haircut"]

33
00:01:27,369 --> 00:01:28,631
Ooh, that's him!

34
00:01:28,673 --> 00:01:30,066
Let's go see what he got.

35
00:01:30,111 --> 00:01:31,634
I don't know.
From the sounds of that horn,

36
00:01:31,677 --> 00:01:35,028
I'm guessing it's this big
and full of clowns.

37
00:01:37,988 --> 00:01:39,946
[chuckles]:
Hey, check it out, guys.

38
00:01:39,990 --> 00:01:41,034
What do you think?

39
00:01:41,078 --> 00:01:43,385
[engine revving]

40
00:01:44,690 --> 00:01:47,215
Oh, hell yeah!
Hell no!

41
00:01:48,303 --> 00:01:50,000
What?

42
00:01:50,042 --> 00:01:52,045
We not being
supportive anymore?

43
00:01:52,089 --> 00:01:53,308
Well, in that case,

44
00:01:53,351 --> 00:01:55,832
the preacher in your
zombie show dies.

45
00:01:57,355 --> 00:01:59,488
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

46
00:01:59,530 --> 00:02:00,358
♪ Welcome to the hood.

47
00:02:04,493 --> 00:02:06,408
You bought a motorcycle?

48
00:02:06,451 --> 00:02:08,452
What the hell were you thinking?

49
00:02:08,497 --> 00:02:09,628
Yeah, Malcolm.

50
00:02:09,672 --> 00:02:12,457
Oh, you got
the chrome exhaust on it.

51
00:02:12,501 --> 00:02:13,589
Malcolm, you said

52
00:02:13,632 --> 00:02:15,112
that you were gonna get
a used car.

53
00:02:15,156 --> 00:02:17,767
I know, Ma. And
I was going to.

54
00:02:17,810 --> 00:02:18,985
But then I saw this.

55
00:02:19,029 --> 00:02:21,336
And I realized this
face is too sexy

56
00:02:21,379 --> 00:02:23,686
to be hiding
behind a windshield.

57
00:02:24,426 --> 00:02:27,994
You are taking that back
this instant. Right, Calvin?

58
00:02:28,038 --> 00:02:31,215
Huh? What?

59
00:02:32,521 --> 00:02:33,826
Look,

60
00:02:33,870 --> 00:02:36,088
I'm sorry, Ma, but I'm
not taking it back.

61
00:02:36,133 --> 00:02:38,527
[scoffs]
Excuse me?

62
00:02:38,570 --> 00:02:40,616
Did you already crash?

63
00:02:40,659 --> 00:02:43,227
'Cause I think
you got brain damage.

64
00:02:43,271 --> 00:02:45,925
Ma, I paid for this
with my own money,

65
00:02:45,969 --> 00:02:48,014
and it's my decision, not yours.CALVIN:
Whoa, whoa.

66
00:02:48,058 --> 00:02:51,061
Malcolm, come on. Don't talk
to your mother like that.

67
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,323
Now, you're taking it back.

68
00:02:52,367 --> 00:02:54,630
But before you do,
let me sit on it.

69
00:02:54,673 --> 00:02:56,762
Calvin, don't you dare.

70
00:02:56,806 --> 00:02:58,634
Come on, Tina.

71
00:02:58,677 --> 00:03:01,027
You got to admit,
it's pretty cool.

72
00:03:01,071 --> 00:03:03,073
What is it with men
and motorcycles?

73
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,770
Anybody with half a brain

74
00:03:04,814 --> 00:03:07,643
knows that there is nothing cool
about them.

75
00:03:07,686 --> 00:03:09,253
Whoa!

76
00:03:09,297 --> 00:03:11,212
That is so cool.

77
00:03:15,085 --> 00:03:16,347
What'd I do?

78
00:03:16,391 --> 00:03:17,783
I'll tell you what you did.

79
00:03:17,827 --> 00:03:20,133
You gave me a chance
to sit on this bad boy.

80
00:03:20,177 --> 00:03:23,049
All right, well,
let me get on behind you, then.

81
00:03:23,093 --> 00:03:25,791
Whoa! Whoa!Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

82
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:30,535
[exhales]Oh, hey. Where were you?

83
00:03:30,579 --> 00:03:33,451
Over at Tina's trying
to calm her down.

84
00:03:33,495 --> 00:03:35,453
[exhales]
How'd it go?

85
00:03:35,497 --> 00:03:37,412
I thought a glass
of wine might help,

86
00:03:37,455 --> 00:03:38,499
but then she finished
the bottle,

87
00:03:38,543 --> 00:03:40,588
and it went the other way.

88
00:03:41,416 --> 00:03:43,548
You know,
I know it's dangerous,

89
00:03:43,592 --> 00:03:46,247
but that bike is so cool.[chuckles]

90
00:03:46,290 --> 00:03:49,293
Remember when you used
to pick me up on yours?

91
00:03:49,337 --> 00:03:52,165
It was so exciting.
Racing around town,

92
00:03:52,209 --> 00:03:54,733
zigzagging through traffic.

93
00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:57,606
Yeah. I miss that Vespa.

94
00:03:59,302 --> 00:04:02,828
We used to do so many
crazy things like that.

95
00:04:02,872 --> 00:04:05,570
Remember when we went
skinny-dipping in Lake Michigan?

96
00:04:05,614 --> 00:04:07,572
Oh, I sure do. That was
the summer I learned

97
00:04:07,616 --> 00:04:09,792
that catfish can bite.[chuckles]

98
00:04:09,835 --> 00:04:13,491
Wow. That all feels like
a million years ago.

99
00:04:13,535 --> 00:04:15,319
Yeah.

100
00:04:15,363 --> 00:04:17,146
What happened
to those people?

101
00:04:17,189 --> 00:04:19,670
Well, one of us
went to the ER.

102
00:04:21,456 --> 00:04:25,634
Gemma, is it possible
that we've gotten boring?

103
00:04:25,677 --> 00:04:27,505
What?! No.

104
00:04:27,549 --> 00:04:30,203
We went to a party
just last weekend.Gemma,

105
00:04:30,247 --> 00:04:32,858
we were chaperones
at Grover's school dance.

106
00:04:32,902 --> 00:04:35,339
Yeah, and thanks to us,

107
00:04:35,383 --> 00:04:37,689
now they all know
the Cabbage Patch.

108
00:04:41,737 --> 00:04:43,304
I'm serious.

109
00:04:43,347 --> 00:04:45,131
You know,
we haven't done anything crazy

110
00:04:45,175 --> 00:04:46,394
in the longest time.

111
00:04:46,437 --> 00:04:48,265
We're as lame
as that fifth grader

112
00:04:48,309 --> 00:04:50,572
who got pantsed
on the dance floor.

113
00:04:51,399 --> 00:04:53,357
Well, what are we
supposed to do?

114
00:04:53,401 --> 00:04:55,446
We're parents now.
We have responsibilities.

115
00:04:55,490 --> 00:04:57,840
Well, actually,
tonight, we don't.

116
00:04:57,883 --> 00:04:59,885
You know, Grover's
at a sleepover.

117
00:04:59,929 --> 00:05:02,279
We can do whatever we want.

118
00:05:02,323 --> 00:05:03,454
Like what?

119
00:05:03,498 --> 00:05:05,326
I don't know. Like...

120
00:05:05,369 --> 00:05:06,892
go to Vegas.

121
00:05:06,936 --> 00:05:09,155
[chuckles]:
Seriously?

122
00:05:09,199 --> 00:05:10,461
Yeah. Why not?

123
00:05:10,505 --> 00:05:13,159
Look, if we fly,
we can be there in an hour.

124
00:05:13,203 --> 00:05:14,552
It would be fun

125
00:05:14,596 --> 00:05:17,033
to party somewhere
that isn't a cafeteria.

126
00:05:17,076 --> 00:05:18,991
Yeah. Yeah.

127
00:05:19,035 --> 00:05:20,776
What do you say?

128
00:05:20,819 --> 00:05:22,299
Let's do it.

129
00:05:22,343 --> 00:05:23,996
I'll go pack my stuff.
[laughs]All right.

130
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,173
You do that. 'Cause tonight,
the Johnsons are getting crazy!

131
00:05:27,217 --> 00:05:28,697
[whoops]

132
00:05:28,740 --> 00:05:31,700
Right after I check
our air miles.

133
00:05:36,661 --> 00:05:38,924
Oh, hey, babe.
What's for dinner?

134
00:05:38,968 --> 00:05:41,710
Dinner? My baby's out there
on a death machine,

135
00:05:41,753 --> 00:05:44,713
and I'm sitting here helpless.
Who can think about dinner?

136
00:05:44,756 --> 00:05:47,846
Well, off the top
of my head, me.

137
00:05:48,847 --> 00:05:50,458
Calvin!

138
00:05:50,501 --> 00:05:53,852
I'm sorry, babe. Look, I know
that you're upset and scared,

139
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:57,203
and I want to be sensitive,
so...

140
00:05:57,247 --> 00:05:59,336
I'll just order in.

141
00:06:00,076 --> 00:06:01,382
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

142
00:06:01,425 --> 00:06:02,557
What do you think you're doing?

143
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,907
Watching the game.Oh, no, you are not.

144
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:07,431
This stays off

145
00:06:07,475 --> 00:06:09,738
so I can listen for sirens.

146
00:06:09,781 --> 00:06:10,956
Tina, come on.

147
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,175
Sit down.
You're driving yourself crazy.

148
00:06:12,218 --> 00:06:13,263
You need to relax.

149
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:14,960
No, do not tell
me to relax.

150
00:06:15,004 --> 00:06:18,094
None of this would've happened
if you had backed me up today.

151
00:06:18,137 --> 00:06:19,400
Whoa, hold up, now.

152
00:06:19,443 --> 00:06:21,314
Weren't you the one
that said

153
00:06:21,358 --> 00:06:22,925
that Malcolm's
a grown man

154
00:06:22,968 --> 00:06:25,580
and we need to let him
make his own decisions?

155
00:06:25,623 --> 00:06:27,233
Yeah, but that was before I knew

156
00:06:27,277 --> 00:06:29,453
he would make
such a dumbass decision.

157
00:06:29,497 --> 00:06:33,065
Okay, babe, I know
where you're coming from.

158
00:06:33,109 --> 00:06:34,545
I want him to be safe, too.

159
00:06:34,589 --> 00:06:37,243
Then, Calvin, why aren't you
doing anything about it?

160
00:06:37,287 --> 00:06:38,767
Well, what do you want me to do?

161
00:06:38,810 --> 00:06:41,073
Put a boot on it?
Set it on fire?

162
00:06:41,117 --> 00:06:42,684
Run over it with my truck?

163
00:06:42,727 --> 00:06:44,425
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, all that.

164
00:06:45,251 --> 00:06:47,166
[sighs]
Look, Tina,

165
00:06:47,210 --> 00:06:48,646
I know that you're worried,

166
00:06:48,690 --> 00:06:51,475
but the truth of the matter is
there's nothing we can do.

167
00:06:51,519 --> 00:06:52,911
It's out of our hands.

168
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:55,740
You're right. It's
in God's hands.

169
00:06:55,784 --> 00:06:57,916
Exactly.Get your keys. We're
going to church.

170
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,570
What?Mm-hmm.

171
00:06:59,614 --> 00:07:01,485
As long as Malcolm
is on that bike,

172
00:07:01,529 --> 00:07:04,227
we're going there every day
to pray for his safety.

173
00:07:04,270 --> 00:07:05,924
But why do we have to go
to the church?

174
00:07:05,968 --> 00:07:07,970
God is like Wi-Fi.

175
00:07:08,013 --> 00:07:09,580
He's everywhere.

176
00:07:12,148 --> 00:07:14,106
Calvin, we're going.

177
00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:16,021
Now, let me go
grab my Bible.

178
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:21,113
Well, the Rams
are a 12-point underdog.

179
00:07:21,157 --> 00:07:23,376
I was gonna be praying anyway.

180
00:07:25,553 --> 00:07:27,903
Here we go, our deluxe room

181
00:07:27,946 --> 00:07:29,687
with a view of the Strip.GEMMA:
Oh,

182
00:07:29,731 --> 00:07:31,602
thanks, Marco, but we didn't
come to look at the Strip.

183
00:07:31,646 --> 00:07:34,649
We came to tear it up.

184
00:07:34,692 --> 00:07:37,260
That's right.
The city that never sleeps

185
00:07:37,303 --> 00:07:40,002
is about to get a wake-up call.

186
00:07:40,045 --> 00:07:43,527
Okay. That's New York,
but I hear you.

187
00:07:43,571 --> 00:07:45,660
Ooh! Uh, hey, Marco.

188
00:07:45,703 --> 00:07:48,489
Where do the, uh,
young, fun people

189
00:07:48,532 --> 00:07:50,142
like us

190
00:07:50,186 --> 00:07:51,535
do their thing?

191
00:07:51,579 --> 00:07:53,581
Just no foam parties.

192
00:07:53,624 --> 00:07:55,757
Uh, I-I rash easily.

193
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:58,890
Well, we do have three
nightclubs downstairs.

194
00:07:58,934 --> 00:08:00,588
I'd be happy to
make a reservation

195
00:08:00,631 --> 00:08:02,067
at any one of them for you.

196
00:08:02,111 --> 00:08:03,329
[scoffs]
One of them?

197
00:08:03,373 --> 00:08:05,506
Book all three,
and warn them

198
00:08:05,549 --> 00:08:07,725
that the Johnsons
are in town.

199
00:08:08,552 --> 00:08:10,815
Got it. The Johnsons
are in town.

200
00:08:10,859 --> 00:08:11,947
No foam.

201
00:08:11,990 --> 00:08:14,819
[chuckles]
Oh,

202
00:08:14,863 --> 00:08:16,255
this is so exciting.

203
00:08:16,299 --> 00:08:18,910
Well, it's about to get
more exciting, because...

204
00:08:18,954 --> 00:08:20,738
look what I packed.

205
00:08:21,565 --> 00:08:23,654
What is it?It's my bathing suit

206
00:08:23,698 --> 00:08:25,613
from when
we went skinny-dipping.

207
00:08:27,397 --> 00:08:29,442
And it still fits.[chuckles]

208
00:08:29,486 --> 00:08:32,707
Oh, babe.

209
00:08:33,577 --> 00:08:35,579
Okay. So, you ready
to hit the town?

210
00:08:35,623 --> 00:08:38,190
Let me just freshen up first.
I want to be nice and clean

211
00:08:38,233 --> 00:08:40,192
for when we get down and dirty.

212
00:08:40,236 --> 00:08:42,673
Oh, we're gonna
get down and dirty.

213
00:08:42,717 --> 00:08:45,110
Just like when we fell
in that puddle on my Vespa.

214
00:08:49,593 --> 00:08:51,203
ANNOUNCER:
Stay tuned

215
00:08:51,247 --> 00:08:54,206
as the Forensic Mysteries
marathon continues.

216
00:08:54,250 --> 00:08:55,599
[ominous sting plays]

217
00:08:55,643 --> 00:08:59,124
Ooh! Ooh, I love
Forensic Mysteries.

218
00:08:59,168 --> 00:09:00,386
The host is so cheesy.

219
00:09:00,430 --> 00:09:02,867
"When the DNA results arrived,

220
00:09:02,911 --> 00:09:07,437
it was curtains
for the interior designer."

221
00:09:09,134 --> 00:09:11,397
I love it how he always steps
out of the shadows

222
00:09:11,441 --> 00:09:12,703
to tell us the surprise twist.

223
00:09:12,747 --> 00:09:14,270
I never see it coming.

224
00:09:14,313 --> 00:09:15,750
The twist or the host.

225
00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:19,057
Well, it's still early.
Let's just watch one episode

226
00:09:19,101 --> 00:09:21,233
before we go.Oh, yeah, sure.
We have plenty of time.

227
00:09:21,277 --> 00:09:23,932
[ominous sting plays]

228
00:09:24,759 --> 00:09:27,675
He gets me every time.

229
00:09:31,287 --> 00:09:34,377
Oh, hang on there, Malcolm.
I want to ask you something.

230
00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:36,248
Look, I already
told you, Pop.

231
00:09:36,292 --> 00:09:39,121
I'm not taking any more pictures
of you on the bike.

232
00:09:39,861 --> 00:09:42,907
Son, I know you love this bike,

233
00:09:42,951 --> 00:09:45,954
but you riding it around
is worrying your mother sick.

234
00:09:45,997 --> 00:09:48,739
[sighs] I know, Pop. But
come on, man, you get it.

235
00:09:48,783 --> 00:09:50,785
Can't you just go in
there and talk to her?

236
00:09:50,828 --> 00:09:53,048
I tried,
but you know your mother.

237
00:09:53,091 --> 00:09:55,746
Once she makes up her mind
about something, that's it.

238
00:09:55,790 --> 00:09:57,792
How do you think we got Marty?

239
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:00,621
All right, well,

240
00:10:00,664 --> 00:10:02,666
just tell her not
to worry, okay?

241
00:10:02,710 --> 00:10:04,625
And I promise you,
I'll be safe.

242
00:10:04,668 --> 00:10:07,323
Okay, look, Malcolm,
let's just go back down there

243
00:10:07,366 --> 00:10:09,455
and get you a car
just as cool as the motorcycle.

244
00:10:09,499 --> 00:10:11,893
If you put the windows down
and wear your helmet,

245
00:10:11,936 --> 00:10:14,635
you'll barely notice
the difference.

246
00:10:15,505 --> 00:10:17,289
So, instead of a motorcycle,

247
00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:20,684
you want me to drive a used car
while wearing a helmet?

248
00:10:20,728 --> 00:10:23,339
You can't tell me
that won't turn heads.

249
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:27,778
Look, I'm sorry, Pop, but this
is what I want, all right?

250
00:10:27,822 --> 00:10:30,302
And if Mom can't deal with that,
then that's her problem.

251
00:10:30,346 --> 00:10:34,393
Hmm. So, there's nothing
I can say to change your mind?

252
00:10:34,436 --> 00:10:36,526
Nope.

253
00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,485
Well, it's a good thing
I brought these.

254
00:10:41,705 --> 00:10:43,489
Are those handcuffs?

255
00:10:43,533 --> 00:10:44,926
They sure are.

256
00:10:44,969 --> 00:10:47,145
Well, what the hell
are you doing with them?

257
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,321
Saving your ass.

258
00:10:49,365 --> 00:10:51,061
But more importantly...

259
00:10:52,368 --> 00:10:53,978
...I'm saving mine.

260
00:11:01,507 --> 00:11:03,553
Come on, Pop.
Quit messing around.

261
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:06,817
Uncuff yourself from my bike.

262
00:11:06,861 --> 00:11:09,994
I'm sorry, Malcolm,
but it's too dangerous.

263
00:11:10,038 --> 00:11:13,606
If I got to go to church every
day, I might kill somebody.

264
00:11:14,782 --> 00:11:16,740
So this is your genius
plan? You're gonna

265
00:11:16,784 --> 00:11:19,003
stay out here until I agree
to get rid of the bike?

266
00:11:19,047 --> 00:11:22,093
Well, my first idea was
to handcuff myself to you,

267
00:11:22,137 --> 00:11:23,747
but then I realized,

268
00:11:23,791 --> 00:11:27,272
that's more of a reward
for you than a punishment.

269
00:11:28,796 --> 00:11:30,536
You know what? Okay, fine.

270
00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:33,017
You want to play that game?
I'll just wait you out.

271
00:11:33,061 --> 00:11:35,759
[chuckling]: Good luck,
'cause I'm not going anywhere.

272
00:11:35,803 --> 00:11:37,543
Well, maybe not right now,

273
00:11:37,587 --> 00:11:40,503
but at some point, you're
gonna have to use the bathroom.

274
00:11:40,546 --> 00:11:42,897
And when you do,
I'll be right there.

275
00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:44,855
Not in the bathroom
with you, man.

276
00:11:44,899 --> 00:11:47,249
On the bike, riding away.

277
00:11:48,076 --> 00:11:50,034
Well, see, that's where
you're wrong.

278
00:11:50,078 --> 00:11:52,733
I got a plan
for the bathroom, too.

279
00:11:52,776 --> 00:11:55,605
Tina, bring me the jar!

280
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,529
HOST:
So when the lab results
traced the hair

281
00:12:06,572 --> 00:12:08,836
back to the chef, it turned out

282
00:12:08,879 --> 00:12:11,752
it was her goose
that was cooked.

283
00:12:11,795 --> 00:12:14,058
[ominous sting plays]

284
00:12:14,102 --> 00:12:15,712
ANNOUNCER:
And that concludes

285
00:12:15,756 --> 00:12:17,758
our Forensic Mysteriesmarathon.

286
00:12:17,801 --> 00:12:20,630
Stay tuned for
Rise and Shine Las Vegas.

287
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,893
[upbeat music playing]

288
00:12:24,199 --> 00:12:25,766
Ge-Gemma, wake up!

289
00:12:25,809 --> 00:12:29,247
Five more minutes. I'm dreaming
about us skinny-dipping.

290
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,380
For some reason,
there's a goose there.

291
00:12:31,423 --> 00:12:35,297
No. Gemma, you got to wake up.
We fell asleep.

292
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:36,689
Huh? What?

293
00:12:36,733 --> 00:12:40,128
It's morning.
We missed our wild night!

294
00:12:41,129 --> 00:12:43,000
What?! We did?!

295
00:12:43,044 --> 00:12:44,132
Yeah.

296
00:12:44,175 --> 00:12:45,960
The only crazy thing
we did last night

297
00:12:46,003 --> 00:12:48,397
was get ten amazing hours
of sleep.

298
00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:52,314
You're right.
I feel totally rested.

299
00:12:52,357 --> 00:12:54,011
This is terrible!

300
00:12:54,055 --> 00:12:56,492
I can't believe
that we blew it.

301
00:12:56,535 --> 00:12:58,537
We didn't go to the casino,
the club or the pool.

302
00:12:58,581 --> 00:13:02,063
[groans]I packed my imaginary
bathing suit for nothing!

303
00:13:02,106 --> 00:13:04,500
Oh... Yeah.

304
00:13:04,543 --> 00:13:08,286
I wanted to wake up ashamed,
but not like this.

305
00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:13,857
I hate to say it, Gemma, but
we're officially boring people.

306
00:13:13,901 --> 00:13:16,338
It turns out
our glory days are over.

307
00:13:17,339 --> 00:13:19,645
Come on.
That's not true.

308
00:13:19,689 --> 00:13:21,952
We have an amazing life.

309
00:13:21,996 --> 00:13:24,650
Great friends,
good jobs,

310
00:13:24,694 --> 00:13:27,001
the best kid ever.

311
00:13:27,044 --> 00:13:30,700
If you ask me, it doesn't get
any more glorious than that.

312
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:36,619
I know. I just wish
we still had it in us

313
00:13:36,662 --> 00:13:39,404
to go crazy every once
in a while.

314
00:13:39,448 --> 00:13:41,798
And I'm not just talking
about blowing all our air miles

315
00:13:41,842 --> 00:13:44,018
upgrading to Economy Plus.

316
00:13:46,455 --> 00:13:49,936
Well, we still have three hours
before we fly home.

317
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:52,330
So?

318
00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:54,898
So why don't we do
something crazy right now?

319
00:13:54,942 --> 00:13:56,552
You know what?[laughs]

320
00:13:56,595 --> 00:13:57,988
You're right.

321
00:13:58,032 --> 00:14:01,035
And I know exactly

322
00:14:01,078 --> 00:14:03,211
how we're gonna do it.How?

323
00:14:03,254 --> 00:14:05,691
We are gonna hit
the hotel minibar.Ooh!

324
00:14:05,735 --> 00:14:08,694
Because what is wilder

325
00:14:08,738 --> 00:14:10,479
than eating
an eight-dollar candy bar?

326
00:14:10,522 --> 00:14:11,915
Oh.

327
00:14:11,959 --> 00:14:13,482
I'll tell you what's wilder--

328
00:14:13,525 --> 00:14:15,832
chasing it
with a bunch of tiny tequilas.

329
00:14:17,225 --> 00:14:19,227
That's right.
Look out, Vegas,

330
00:14:19,270 --> 00:14:22,317
'cause the Johnsons
are still in town![whoops]

331
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,189
[groans]

332
00:14:25,233 --> 00:14:26,712
Nope. Those are bath beads.

333
00:14:26,756 --> 00:14:28,976
Oh.

334
00:14:31,369 --> 00:14:33,806
Here you go, baby.
I brought you a snack.

335
00:14:33,850 --> 00:14:35,808
Oh.Anything else you need?

336
00:14:35,852 --> 00:14:38,246
No, babe. I think I'm good.Ah.

337
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:44,905
Thanks again
for doing this, baby.

338
00:14:44,948 --> 00:14:48,256
Sacrificing yourself
to protect our son.

339
00:14:48,299 --> 00:14:52,434
Aw, you know me--
always putting myself last.

340
00:14:52,477 --> 00:14:55,872
Hey, when you're done with
my neck, can you do my feet?

341
00:14:56,699 --> 00:14:58,179
[groans]

342
00:14:58,222 --> 00:14:59,484
Hey, guys.

343
00:14:59,528 --> 00:15:00,921
I'll see you later.

344
00:15:00,964 --> 00:15:02,444
Where are you going?

345
00:15:02,487 --> 00:15:03,706
Oh, just for a little ride.

346
00:15:03,749 --> 00:15:07,231
[chuckling]Ride? On what?

347
00:15:07,275 --> 00:15:10,931
Yeah. Did you borrow
Grover's wheelie shoes?

348
00:15:10,974 --> 00:15:12,802
[laughing]

349
00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,543
Oh, that's cute.
Y'all are funny.

350
00:15:14,586 --> 00:15:17,285
[Tina laughs]Actually, I'm taking
your truck.

351
00:15:18,634 --> 00:15:20,375
Say what now?

352
00:15:20,418 --> 00:15:22,899
Yeah, I figure
since you took my wheels,

353
00:15:22,943 --> 00:15:24,770
I'm gonna take yours.

354
00:15:24,814 --> 00:15:26,381
You can't take my truck.

355
00:15:27,164 --> 00:15:29,253
Nobody takes my truck!

356
00:15:30,037 --> 00:15:31,952
Don't do this, Malcolm.

357
00:15:31,995 --> 00:15:34,563
Your father loves you,
but that truck is his baby.

358
00:15:34,606 --> 00:15:37,958
Yeah, I know, Ma. It's like the
little brother I never drove.

359
00:15:41,048 --> 00:15:43,006
I know you're not
gonna open that door.

360
00:15:44,007 --> 00:15:46,096
Ooh. He opened the door.

361
00:15:47,315 --> 00:15:48,925
Malcolm, I'm not playing
with you.

362
00:15:48,969 --> 00:15:50,492
You better not
get behind that wheel!

363
00:15:52,711 --> 00:15:55,714
Ooh! He got
behind the wheel!

364
00:15:55,758 --> 00:15:58,674
Yeah, well, that's okay.
That's as far as he's gonna get.

365
00:15:58,717 --> 00:16:01,764
She's got a tricky ignition.
He can't figure it out.

366
00:16:01,807 --> 00:16:04,027
[engine starts]

367
00:16:04,071 --> 00:16:06,464
Ooh! He figured it out!

368
00:16:06,508 --> 00:16:09,119
Tina, would you stop
giving me play-by-play

369
00:16:09,163 --> 00:16:11,513
and go stop him?!

370
00:16:13,254 --> 00:16:16,083
I'm telling you, Malcolm, if
you crash your little brother,

371
00:16:16,126 --> 00:16:18,868
you best believe
I'm coming for you!

372
00:16:30,184 --> 00:16:31,837
[imitating Elvis]:
Ladies and gentlemen,

373
00:16:31,881 --> 00:16:33,926
please welcome
the Beer Chug Champion

374
00:16:33,970 --> 00:16:35,928
of the Silver Sands
Motel and Casino...

375
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,410
...Gemma Johnson Presley.

376
00:16:42,761 --> 00:16:45,373
Thank you. Thank you.

377
00:16:45,416 --> 00:16:48,898
Thank you. And to all
the tired moms out there,

378
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:52,032
if you can dream it,
you can drink it.

379
00:16:55,383 --> 00:16:57,211
Oh, wow.

380
00:16:57,254 --> 00:16:59,169
I got to hand it to us.

381
00:16:59,213 --> 00:17:01,302
That was the craziest
morning of my life.

382
00:17:01,345 --> 00:17:03,782
I can't believe we hit all three
of those nightclubs.

383
00:17:03,826 --> 00:17:07,395
Yeah. Although it would have
been more fun if they were open.

384
00:17:09,223 --> 00:17:11,616
I guess for an old,
boring couple,

385
00:17:11,659 --> 00:17:13,531
we still know how to party.

386
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:15,967
We sure do. [laughs]

387
00:17:16,794 --> 00:17:20,234
Mmm. Gin and Gatorade.

388
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:25,021
Well, the good news is
I don't have to worry

389
00:17:25,065 --> 00:17:27,502
about you dying
on that motorcycle anymore,

390
00:17:27,544 --> 00:17:30,113
because your father
is gonna kill you!

391
00:17:30,157 --> 00:17:33,508
Oh, please. I am
not afraid of Pop.

392
00:17:33,551 --> 00:17:37,642
But you think we have enough gas
to get to Mexico?

393
00:17:37,686 --> 00:17:40,080
Malcolm, why are you being
so stubborn about this?

394
00:17:40,123 --> 00:17:42,560
Can't you see we are just
trying to protect you?

395
00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:44,954
And I appreciate that, Ma,
but I'm a grown man.

396
00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:46,564
That is not your job anymore.

397
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:49,219
Oh, really? When did I get fired
from being your mother?

398
00:17:49,263 --> 00:17:51,047
I am not firing
you, okay?

399
00:17:51,091 --> 00:17:52,614
I'm just kind of...

400
00:17:52,657 --> 00:17:54,616
reducing your hours.

401
00:17:56,052 --> 00:17:58,359
Look, Ma, I know
you think that's stupid,

402
00:17:58,402 --> 00:18:00,578
but to me, this isn't
just about the bike.

403
00:18:00,622 --> 00:18:01,753
Then what's it about?

404
00:18:01,797 --> 00:18:03,668
It's about me being independent,

405
00:18:03,712 --> 00:18:05,453
making my own choices.

406
00:18:05,496 --> 00:18:08,586
Okay, I've been working and
saving up money for a long time.

407
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,240
I've earned this.

408
00:18:10,284 --> 00:18:13,591
Just because you earned it
does not make it a good idea.

409
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:16,594
Well, maybe not, but it does
make it my call.

410
00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:19,249
Still... you are my baby.

411
00:18:19,293 --> 00:18:21,947
I know, Ma,
but I'm also my own man.

412
00:18:21,991 --> 00:18:24,124
You understand that, right?

413
00:18:24,167 --> 00:18:25,429
Of course I do.

414
00:18:25,473 --> 00:18:27,083
Then instead of
fighting me on this,

415
00:18:27,127 --> 00:18:30,217
I need you
to try being proud of me.

416
00:18:32,828 --> 00:18:36,136
Fine. I'm never gonna like it,

417
00:18:36,179 --> 00:18:39,617
but if it means that much
to you, I guess...

418
00:18:39,661 --> 00:18:42,011
I just have to accept it.

419
00:18:42,838 --> 00:18:44,361
Thank you, Ma.

420
00:18:44,405 --> 00:18:47,495
[sighs]And I promise, I will
be careful, okay?

421
00:18:47,538 --> 00:18:50,062
I won't be one of these
reckless idiots riding around

422
00:18:50,106 --> 00:18:52,456
with no idea what they're doing.

423
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:55,242
[horn tooting, engine revving]

424
00:18:58,506 --> 00:19:00,203
Malcolm, pull
over there!

425
00:19:00,247 --> 00:19:03,337
And God help you if you
adjusted my seat, boy!

426
00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:05,426
Pop, what the hell are you doing
on my bike?!

427
00:19:05,469 --> 00:19:06,644
You're gonna kill yourself!

428
00:19:06,688 --> 00:19:08,342
Relax. I've been
riding motorcycles

429
00:19:08,385 --> 00:19:10,344
since before you were born.[tires screeching]

430
00:19:10,387 --> 00:19:11,780
Oh!

431
00:19:11,823 --> 00:19:13,173
[crashing]Calvin!

432
00:19:13,216 --> 00:19:14,739
Ma, is he okay?

433
00:19:14,783 --> 00:19:17,177
CALVIN:
Damn it! The next time
I swerve into your lane,

434
00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:19,831
you better get out
of my way, fool!

435
00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:22,051
Yeah, he's fine.Yeah.

436
00:19:31,669 --> 00:19:33,497
Ooh, hey, Calvin.
You okay?

437
00:19:33,541 --> 00:19:35,238
Yeah, Tina said you
got in an accident

438
00:19:35,282 --> 00:19:37,066
on Malcolm's motorcycle.

439
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:40,287
Well, what all did she tell you?

440
00:19:41,331 --> 00:19:43,377
Well, that was pretty much it.

441
00:19:43,420 --> 00:19:46,206
Oh, okay.
So here's what happened.

442
00:19:46,249 --> 00:19:48,512
I was cruising

443
00:19:48,556 --> 00:19:50,427
down Franklin,
and this big rig--

444
00:19:50,471 --> 00:19:52,299
it jackknifed right
in front of me.

445
00:19:52,342 --> 00:19:53,822
And I... and I realized
there's no way

446
00:19:53,865 --> 00:19:55,432
that I'm gonna get off
of this thing.

447
00:19:55,476 --> 00:19:58,435
So... so I slid. I was like...
[imitates screeching]

448
00:19:58,479 --> 00:20:00,307
And then I came out,
and there was some kids

449
00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:01,873
in the crosswalk,
and I was like,

450
00:20:01,917 --> 00:20:04,224
"Oh, Lord, look at these kids.
There's no way."

451
00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:05,442
So I had to pop a wheelie,
like...

452
00:20:05,486 --> 00:20:07,488
[imitates engine revving]

453
00:20:07,531 --> 00:20:09,490
And then the kids,
they was like "Save me."

454
00:20:09,533 --> 00:20:11,318
It was like, "Thank you,
mister." And I was like,

455
00:20:11,361 --> 00:20:13,755
"Fine, kids. It's what I do."
You know?

456
00:20:13,798 --> 00:20:16,453
There was a curb there,
and for whatever reason,

457
00:20:16,497 --> 00:20:18,890
it was a family of ducks,
and I was like, "Aah!"

458
00:20:18,934 --> 00:20:21,241
And that's when I hopped.
That's when I hit the curb,

459
00:20:21,284 --> 00:20:24,374
and I was like,
"Hey, hey! There you go."

460
00:20:24,418 --> 00:20:26,028
And everybody was safe, though.

461
00:20:26,071 --> 00:20:27,725
The animals were cool,
and the kids were happy,

462
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:29,292
and I gave 'em money
for pizza.

463
00:20:29,336 --> 00:20:32,339
Uh, but, uh, I don't like
to talk about it, man.

464
00:20:35,037 --> 00:20:37,039
Wow.

465
00:20:37,082 --> 00:20:39,389
Wow. Well, uh,

466
00:20:39,433 --> 00:20:41,739
we had a pretty wild
weekend, too.

467
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:43,567
Uh, Gemma swam
in a hotel fountain

468
00:20:43,611 --> 00:20:46,353
and rode her suitcase
around a luggage carousel.

469
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:50,008
Only after Dave drank a
mini-fridge full of vodka

470
00:20:50,052 --> 00:20:52,837
and chased it with half
a jar of bath beads.

471
00:20:52,881 --> 00:20:55,927
Guys, if you're just gonna
make stuff up,

472
00:20:55,971 --> 00:20:57,799
I'm gonna go inside.

473
00:21:03,065 --> 00:21:04,980
Captioning sponsored by
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474
00:21:05,023 --> 00:21:07,025
Captioned by
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