1
00:00:02,588 --> 00:00:04,547
Hey, Dave.
Oh, hey, buddy.

2
00:00:04,590 --> 00:00:05,896
Hey, this came
while you guys were out,

3
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:07,463
so I just signed for it.

4
00:00:07,506 --> 00:00:08,551
Ah, thanks.

5
00:00:08,594 --> 00:00:09,552
No problem.

6
00:00:09,595 --> 00:00:11,075
It's just what neighbors do.

7
00:00:11,119 --> 00:00:12,120
Looks like you opened it.

8
00:00:13,382 --> 00:00:14,948
Again, it's what neighbors do.

9
00:00:16,602 --> 00:00:19,344
Calvin, this could have been
something personal or private.

10
00:00:19,388 --> 00:00:22,043
I know.
I was pretty disappointed.

11
00:00:23,392 --> 00:00:26,003
[rooster clucking]

12
00:00:26,047 --> 00:00:26,830
'Sup, dudes?

13
00:00:28,092 --> 00:00:30,573
Whoa, is that a rooster?

14
00:00:30,616 --> 00:00:32,749
Yeah, man, why are you
walking your dinner?

15
00:00:32,792 --> 00:00:36,013
This isn't dinner.
This is Beaker.

16
00:00:36,057 --> 00:00:37,971
I'm Wyatt. I just moved
in the house behind you.

17
00:00:38,015 --> 00:00:40,713
Oh, nice to meet you.
I'm-I'm Dave. This is Calvin.

18
00:00:40,757 --> 00:00:42,498
Welcome to the neighborhood.

19
00:00:42,541 --> 00:00:45,109
And welcome to the neighborhood
to you, little buddy...

20
00:00:45,153 --> 00:00:46,980
Ow! No!

21
00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:49,983
I get it.

22
00:00:50,027 --> 00:00:52,247
Threatened by
another alpha male.

23
00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:55,163
Yeah, seriously, though, man,
what's up with the rooster?

24
00:00:55,206 --> 00:00:58,122
Well, I'm what some might call
an urban homesteader.

25
00:00:58,166 --> 00:01:00,690
Oh, does that mean you
have a lot of wives?

26
00:01:01,952 --> 00:01:03,867
No. Calvin, an urban
homesteader is someone

27
00:01:03,910 --> 00:01:05,521
who lives in the city
but does things

28
00:01:05,564 --> 00:01:07,088
you'd normally do on a farm.

29
00:01:07,131 --> 00:01:09,177
[chuckles] Actually,

30
00:01:09,220 --> 00:01:12,223
it's a little more sophisticated
than that.

31
00:01:12,267 --> 00:01:15,487
See, I live a totally
sustainable lifestyle,

32
00:01:15,531 --> 00:01:18,142
only eating from
my organic vegetable garden,

33
00:01:18,185 --> 00:01:20,666
harnessing energy
from the sun and the wind.

34
00:01:20,710 --> 00:01:23,887
Basically, trying not to be
just another parasitic leech,

35
00:01:23,929 --> 00:01:25,845
sucking the life
out of Mother Earth.

36
00:01:25,889 --> 00:01:28,109
Okay, yeah, I get it.
[chuckles]

37
00:01:28,152 --> 00:01:29,893
This dude smokes a lot of weed.No.

38
00:01:31,721 --> 00:01:33,462
Don't listen to him.

39
00:01:33,505 --> 00:01:35,551
I think it's great that you're
trying to save the planet.

40
00:01:35,594 --> 00:01:36,639
CALVIN [chuckles]:
Forget the planet.

41
00:01:36,682 --> 00:01:37,901
You want to save that bird,

42
00:01:37,944 --> 00:01:39,772
don't walk him
down Third Street.

43
00:01:39,816 --> 00:01:41,687
It's a chicken joint
on the corner,

44
00:01:41,731 --> 00:01:44,298
and you walking a number
four combo plate.

45
00:01:44,342 --> 00:01:46,779
I know you think
that's funny,

46
00:01:46,822 --> 00:01:49,739
but if you ask us,
it's finger-lickin' rude.

47
00:01:54,570 --> 00:01:56,048
Well...

48
00:01:56,093 --> 00:01:58,487
congratulations, Dave.Well, for what?

49
00:01:58,530 --> 00:02:00,271
You're finally cooler
than a Black guy.

50
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,535
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

51
00:02:03,579 --> 00:02:04,884
♪ Welcome to the hood.

52
00:02:11,978 --> 00:02:13,371
Hey, babe.

53
00:02:13,415 --> 00:02:15,504
Why you reading that fiction

54
00:02:15,547 --> 00:02:17,854
when you got a fantasy
right here?

55
00:02:19,421 --> 00:02:22,163
Oh, yeah?
Well, what is it about?

56
00:02:22,206 --> 00:02:25,035
Well, once upon a time,

57
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:26,819
there was all this.

58
00:02:26,862 --> 00:02:28,734
Ooh.

59
00:02:28,778 --> 00:02:30,997
You get in here, my
knight in shining armor,

60
00:02:31,041 --> 00:02:32,782
and you storm my castle.

61
00:02:32,825 --> 00:02:33,913
[laughs]

62
00:02:33,957 --> 00:02:34,958
[Beaker crows]

63
00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:38,614
Oh, no, not again.

64
00:02:38,657 --> 00:02:40,355
Oh, b-babe, ignore it.

65
00:02:40,398 --> 00:02:41,921
O-Or make ita part of the fantasy.

66
00:02:41,965 --> 00:02:44,054
I'm a knightthat lives on a farm.

67
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,969
[both chuckling]

68
00:02:46,012 --> 00:02:47,405
[Beaker crows]

69
00:02:47,449 --> 00:02:48,972
You know what?
That damn bird

70
00:02:49,015 --> 00:02:50,451
has been crowing for
the last three nights.

71
00:02:50,495 --> 00:02:52,541
Come on, Tina.

72
00:02:52,584 --> 00:02:54,978
I'm not trying to getrooster-blocked again.

73
00:02:55,021 --> 00:02:56,066
[Beaker crows]

74
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:58,373
Uh, I-I'm sorry, Calvin.

75
00:02:58,416 --> 00:03:02,028
I can't do this to
animal sounds going on.

76
00:03:02,072 --> 00:03:04,030
I'm freaky, but not that freaky.

77
00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:11,864
[Beaker crows]

78
00:03:11,908 --> 00:03:14,519
Come on, Beaker. Knock it off!

79
00:03:16,999 --> 00:03:19,350
[quietly]: Hey. How are we
supposed to get any sleep

80
00:03:19,394 --> 00:03:21,265
with all that crowing going on?

81
00:03:21,309 --> 00:03:24,050
[snoring]

82
00:03:24,094 --> 00:03:27,880
Gemma. Gemma.

83
00:03:27,924 --> 00:03:29,926
Gemma.

84
00:03:29,969 --> 00:03:32,233
Huh? What?Oh, great.

85
00:03:32,276 --> 00:03:34,365
Now the rooster
woke you up, too.

86
00:03:36,149 --> 00:03:38,239
Dave, just ignore it.

87
00:03:38,282 --> 00:03:40,023
[Beaker crows]

88
00:03:41,242 --> 00:03:44,374
How can you possibly
sleep through that?

89
00:03:44,419 --> 00:03:46,290
I-I grew up in Hickory Corners.

90
00:03:46,334 --> 00:03:48,814
You learn real quick
to sleep through animal noises,

91
00:03:48,858 --> 00:03:52,253
tractor engines and the
occasional exploding meth lab.

92
00:03:55,778 --> 00:03:57,954
Well, since we're both up,

93
00:03:57,997 --> 00:04:00,348
I do know one thing that'll
help me get back to sleep.

94
00:04:00,391 --> 00:04:02,480
[snoring]

95
00:04:02,524 --> 00:04:04,221
[Beaker crows]

96
00:04:04,265 --> 00:04:07,790
Shut up, Beaker.
Stop rubbing it in!

97
00:04:11,359 --> 00:04:13,317
Oh, hey, everybody.

98
00:04:13,361 --> 00:04:14,797
Uh, Mom, I got
some laundry for you.

99
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,319
Okay, baby.Just leave it on the table.

100
00:04:16,364 --> 00:04:18,103
All right.

101
00:04:18,148 --> 00:04:20,585
Why can't Martydo his own laundry?

102
00:04:20,629 --> 00:04:22,848
He is a grown man, not a child.

103
00:04:22,892 --> 00:04:25,068
Plus, Mama,he ate the piece of pie

104
00:04:25,111 --> 00:04:26,765
that I hid in the back
of the fridge.

105
00:04:28,463 --> 00:04:30,682
I know he's not a child.

106
00:04:30,726 --> 00:04:32,945
But look at these cheeks!
Hey, aw, come on.

107
00:04:32,989 --> 00:04:34,643
[laughs]

108
00:04:34,686 --> 00:04:36,427
Hey, Malcolm, what
can I say, man?

109
00:04:36,471 --> 00:04:38,211
It ain't easy
being squeezy.

110
00:04:38,255 --> 00:04:40,388
[laughs]

111
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,694
Well, I just don't know why you
let him take advantage of you.

112
00:04:42,738 --> 00:04:44,435
He's not taking
advantage of me.

113
00:04:44,478 --> 00:04:46,524
His apartment doesn't have
a washer and dryer.

114
00:04:46,568 --> 00:04:49,092
And I don't want him having
to lug all his dirty laundry

115
00:04:49,135 --> 00:04:51,224
to some sketchy Laundromat.

116
00:04:51,268 --> 00:04:53,618
Yeah, she's right, Malcolm.
Look at these cheeks.

117
00:04:53,662 --> 00:04:55,838
It ain't safe
out there, man.

118
00:04:55,881 --> 00:04:57,666
[chuckles]

119
00:04:57,709 --> 00:04:59,755
Well, I'm-a put these
in the washer right now.

120
00:05:02,148 --> 00:05:03,541
You have no shame.

121
00:05:03,585 --> 00:05:06,152
That's true.
But you have no pie.

122
00:05:06,196 --> 00:05:08,241
[laughs]

123
00:05:10,418 --> 00:05:11,767
Oh, hey, Calvin.

124
00:05:15,423 --> 00:05:17,468
Calvin?

125
00:05:17,512 --> 00:05:19,514
Hey. Calvin.[horn honks]

126
00:05:19,557 --> 00:05:21,777
Pick a lane, jackass!

127
00:05:24,562 --> 00:05:27,391
Let me guess: Wyatt's rooster's
been keeping you up, too?

128
00:05:27,435 --> 00:05:29,393
Every night this week.

129
00:05:30,699 --> 00:05:32,396
I'm so exhausted,
this morning,

130
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:33,789
I put my phone in the toaster
and tried

131
00:05:33,832 --> 00:05:35,094
to call my mom on a bagel.

132
00:05:36,095 --> 00:05:37,575
[Beaker crows]

133
00:05:37,619 --> 00:05:39,577
You know what? That's it.

134
00:05:39,621 --> 00:05:41,144
I can't take it anymore.

135
00:05:41,187 --> 00:05:43,059
I'm going over there
to wring his damn neck.

136
00:05:43,102 --> 00:05:45,627
Okay, Calvin, you can't just
go over there and kill Beaker.

137
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:48,412
Beaker?
I was talking about Wyatt.

138
00:05:49,457 --> 00:05:51,807
Calvin, just hold on.

139
00:05:51,850 --> 00:05:54,418
I know we're both
tired and grouchy--

140
00:05:54,462 --> 00:05:56,464
which, I know for you,
is business as usual...

141
00:05:58,727 --> 00:06:01,425
...but that doesn't mean
that violence is the answer.

142
00:06:01,469 --> 00:06:03,384
Then what is?

143
00:06:03,427 --> 00:06:06,212
We kill Wyatt with kindness.

144
00:06:06,256 --> 00:06:08,127
I like the first half of that.

145
00:06:08,171 --> 00:06:10,695
No, no. Calvin,
we're gonna go over there,

146
00:06:10,739 --> 00:06:12,088
we're gonna bring him
some homemade cookies,

147
00:06:12,131 --> 00:06:14,003
we're gonna say,
"Welcome to the neighborhood,"

148
00:06:14,046 --> 00:06:16,135
and then we're gonna
bring up the rooster,

149
00:06:16,179 --> 00:06:18,660
at which point, I'm sure
he's gonna be very reasonable.

150
00:06:18,703 --> 00:06:21,967
D-Dave, please.
He'd be a fool to fall for that.

151
00:06:22,011 --> 00:06:23,969
Would he? I got you
to stop mowing your lawn

152
00:06:24,013 --> 00:06:25,318
so early in the morning.

153
00:06:25,362 --> 00:06:26,798
Are you kidding me?

154
00:06:26,842 --> 00:06:29,366
I got to sleep in
and I got cookies?

155
00:06:29,410 --> 00:06:30,672
Who played who, Dave?

156
00:06:33,936 --> 00:06:35,241
[knock on door]

157
00:06:37,461 --> 00:06:39,028
Oh, hey, Mom. What
are you doing here?

158
00:06:39,071 --> 00:06:40,333
Well, I finished
doing your laundry

159
00:06:40,377 --> 00:06:42,031
and thought I'd bring it
over to you.

160
00:06:42,074 --> 00:06:44,425
Oh, Mama, you didn't have to
come all the way over here.

161
00:06:44,468 --> 00:06:46,992
I was gonna drop off
another load later tonight.

162
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,779
Well, actually,
I was also thinking

163
00:06:50,822 --> 00:06:52,694
that maybe I could
take a nap here.

164
00:06:52,737 --> 00:06:54,217
I just can't get
any rest at home

165
00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:56,611
with that rooster crowing
all the time.

166
00:06:56,654 --> 00:06:59,135
Yeah, no problem.
But I was just on my way out.

167
00:06:59,178 --> 00:07:01,137
Some cast members from Star Trek
are doing a signing

168
00:07:01,180 --> 00:07:02,834
at my favorite comic book store.

169
00:07:02,878 --> 00:07:05,750
Captain's log: excited!
[chuckles]

170
00:07:05,794 --> 00:07:07,491
Okay, baby, well,
go have fun.

171
00:07:07,535 --> 00:07:10,102
And may the Force be with you.

172
00:07:10,146 --> 00:07:12,104
Eh, ooh, um,

173
00:07:12,148 --> 00:07:13,584
actually, that's Star Wars.

174
00:07:13,628 --> 00:07:15,020
See, Star Trektakes place

175
00:07:15,064 --> 00:07:16,282
in a completely
different universe

176
00:07:16,326 --> 00:07:17,632
where there'sa united federa...[snoring]

177
00:07:19,634 --> 00:07:21,287
[whoops] Look at that.

178
00:07:21,331 --> 00:07:22,941
I'm half asleep already.

179
00:07:24,203 --> 00:07:25,901
Point taken.

180
00:07:25,944 --> 00:07:27,511
Uh, sleep well and prosper.

181
00:07:32,647 --> 00:07:35,388
[sighs, groans] Thank God.

182
00:07:35,432 --> 00:07:38,740
All right, so where
does he keep his pillows?

183
00:07:39,741 --> 00:07:42,178
Pillows... Ah.

184
00:07:42,221 --> 00:07:43,353
Yeah.

185
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,402
Oh, hell no!

186
00:07:53,711 --> 00:07:55,757
I'm-a beam my foot up his ass.

187
00:07:58,368 --> 00:08:00,457
Calvin, I'm telling you,
this is gonna work.

188
00:08:00,501 --> 00:08:02,720
Wyatt is gonna love
my ladyfingers.

189
00:08:02,764 --> 00:08:05,593
Yeah, I bet he's gonna
love your cookies, too.

190
00:08:08,378 --> 00:08:10,554
Oh, hey, guys.

191
00:08:12,904 --> 00:08:14,427
Hey, there, Wyatt.
[chuckles]

192
00:08:14,471 --> 00:08:16,473
What you doing there?

193
00:08:16,517 --> 00:08:19,998
Yeah, did we, uh,
catch you in a private moment?

194
00:08:20,042 --> 00:08:22,174
Oh, no,
just churning some butter.

195
00:08:22,218 --> 00:08:23,567
You want to take a tug?

196
00:08:23,611 --> 00:08:26,265
I most certainly do not.

197
00:08:26,309 --> 00:08:30,182
Uh, yeah, Wyatt, we just came by
to officially say

198
00:08:30,226 --> 00:08:31,619
welcome to the neighborhood.

199
00:08:31,662 --> 00:08:33,664
Oh, thanks, but no thanks.

200
00:08:33,708 --> 00:08:35,796
I don't know about you,
but my conscience won't allow me

201
00:08:35,839 --> 00:08:38,147
to support the sugar cartels.

202
00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:40,628
Oh, well, I-I've never
heard of the sugar cartels.

203
00:08:40,671 --> 00:08:42,673
And yet, you're a soldier
in their army.

204
00:08:42,717 --> 00:08:47,504
L-Look, man, your rooster
has been crowing every night,

205
00:08:47,548 --> 00:08:49,593
and no one around here
is getting any sleep.

206
00:08:49,637 --> 00:08:52,553
Yeah, I hear you.
Beaker's a bit of a night owl.

207
00:08:52,596 --> 00:08:55,468
Which is funny because my
night owl is a real early bird.

208
00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:59,037
Great, then you'll do
something about it?

209
00:08:59,081 --> 00:09:00,561
Oh, no.

210
00:09:00,604 --> 00:09:02,040
Getting rid of Beaker
would upset

211
00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:03,520
my delicate backyard ecosystem.

212
00:09:03,564 --> 00:09:05,130
I don't want to play God.

213
00:09:05,174 --> 00:09:07,742
That is his/her/their business.

214
00:09:07,785 --> 00:09:09,744
You know what?

215
00:09:09,787 --> 00:09:12,964
That's it. Old MacDonald is
about to get E-I-E-I-O'd.

216
00:09:13,008 --> 00:09:15,053
No, uh, Calvin, no.

217
00:09:15,097 --> 00:09:16,315
Hey, Wyatt,

218
00:09:16,359 --> 00:09:18,013
we all really appreciate

219
00:09:18,056 --> 00:09:20,668
what you're trying to do
for the planet, but, uh,

220
00:09:20,711 --> 00:09:23,279
a-around here, we look
out for our neighbors.

221
00:09:23,322 --> 00:09:25,150
[Beaker crows]
Mm.

222
00:09:25,194 --> 00:09:27,370
Oops, got to go.

223
00:09:27,413 --> 00:09:29,546
It's feeding time,
and Beaker hates to eat alone.

224
00:09:29,590 --> 00:09:31,504
[Beaker crows]

225
00:09:31,548 --> 00:09:33,202
Oh, keep your feathers on.

226
00:09:33,245 --> 00:09:35,247
I'm coming!

227
00:09:38,773 --> 00:09:41,645
You were right.
We got to whack that bird.

228
00:09:48,086 --> 00:09:50,915
All right. You ready to do this?

229
00:09:50,959 --> 00:09:53,701
Oh, yeah.
Let's choke this chicken.

230
00:09:54,789 --> 00:09:56,617
If we go to jail for this,

231
00:09:56,660 --> 00:09:58,488
you have got to stop
talking like that.

232
00:09:59,707 --> 00:10:01,622
All right, let's go.Hold on.

233
00:10:01,665 --> 00:10:03,667
Let me just get my pillow out.

234
00:10:03,711 --> 00:10:05,843
A pillow? W-Why a pillow?

235
00:10:05,887 --> 00:10:08,585
This is a bird-napping,
not a sleepover.

236
00:10:08,629 --> 00:10:10,108
It's a part of my plan.

237
00:10:10,152 --> 00:10:12,676
Look, if we just
steal the rooster,

238
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,245
Wyatt is gonna know that
it was us, which is why...

239
00:10:16,288 --> 00:10:18,116
we're gonna make it look
like a coyote attack.

240
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,858
Why would a coyote
be carrying a pillow?

241
00:10:22,207 --> 00:10:24,209
No. When we get into the yard,

242
00:10:24,253 --> 00:10:25,689
we're gonna rip open the
pillow and throw feathers

243
00:10:25,733 --> 00:10:26,690
all over the place.

244
00:10:26,734 --> 00:10:29,388
Then...

245
00:10:29,432 --> 00:10:31,303
we're gonna squirt this
fake blood everywhere.

246
00:10:31,347 --> 00:10:33,305
After that, the only thing
that's left to do is to

247
00:10:33,349 --> 00:10:35,438
grab the rooster, jam it in the
pillowcase, and then go home

248
00:10:35,481 --> 00:10:37,135
to a good night's sleep.

249
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:39,790
Damn it, Dave.

250
00:10:39,834 --> 00:10:41,226
That's the most brilliant plan
I've ever heard.

251
00:10:41,270 --> 00:10:43,838
That's what I'm saying.
[shushing]

252
00:10:53,499 --> 00:10:55,719
[grunting]

253
00:11:06,861 --> 00:11:08,427
You knew there was a gate?

254
00:11:08,471 --> 00:11:12,518
Yeah. I was gonna say something,
but then I thought, "Why?"

255
00:11:15,173 --> 00:11:16,914
Okay, so where is he?He's right over there,

256
00:11:16,958 --> 00:11:18,873
on top of the chicken coop.Ah.

257
00:11:18,916 --> 00:11:20,962
Standing guard over the ladies.

258
00:11:21,005 --> 00:11:23,529
Respect, respect.

259
00:11:23,573 --> 00:11:26,358
Okay, you go grab him.

260
00:11:26,402 --> 00:11:27,925
I'm gonna frame a coyote.

261
00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:31,146
Okay, Beaker...

262
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,366
...this is nothing personal.

263
00:11:34,410 --> 00:11:37,108
I just hate you
and I want you to die!

264
00:11:41,852 --> 00:11:43,375
All right.

265
00:11:43,419 --> 00:11:45,813
Get him, Calvin, get him!CALVIN: I'm trying.

266
00:11:45,856 --> 00:11:47,466
But this sucker's fast.
He must be free-range!

267
00:11:49,207 --> 00:11:50,948
Calvin, quit messing around.
Get him.

268
00:11:50,992 --> 00:11:52,689
Look, I'm trying.

269
00:11:52,733 --> 00:11:54,343
Okay, I got him, I got him.

270
00:11:54,386 --> 00:11:57,172
Ooh.Calvin, nice work.
That was amazing.

271
00:11:57,215 --> 00:11:59,435
I know. When it comes
to chasing chickens,

272
00:11:59,478 --> 00:12:01,263
it's all about the footwork.

273
00:12:01,306 --> 00:12:02,830
Come on. Let's get
out of here before, uh...

274
00:12:04,179 --> 00:12:05,136
...that happens.

275
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:06,311
Go, go, go!

276
00:12:09,401 --> 00:12:10,663
Oh, hey, Mama.

277
00:12:10,707 --> 00:12:12,665
I'm surprised you're still here.Mm.

278
00:12:12,709 --> 00:12:15,059
Well, I guess that's
the thing about surprises.

279
00:12:15,103 --> 00:12:17,714
You never know when you're
gonna open a door and find one.

280
00:12:19,324 --> 00:12:20,673
So, how was
the comic book store?

281
00:12:20,717 --> 00:12:22,110
Oh, it was incredible.Mm?

282
00:12:22,153 --> 00:12:23,894
I got my shirt signed
by two Klingons,

283
00:12:23,938 --> 00:12:25,722
a Romulan and a Borg.

284
00:12:26,897 --> 00:12:28,203
Well, that's wonderful, baby.

285
00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:29,770
I'm glad you had fun.Yeah.

286
00:12:29,813 --> 00:12:31,336
How about you?
Did you have a good nap?

287
00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:33,512
Well, I ended up not taking one.

288
00:12:33,556 --> 00:12:34,775
Oh, why not?

289
00:12:34,818 --> 00:12:36,777
Well, you know, your
place is so nice,

290
00:12:36,820 --> 00:12:38,779
I just got caught up
doing other things,

291
00:12:38,822 --> 00:12:42,304
like watching your big TV and
enjoying your beautiful view,

292
00:12:42,347 --> 00:12:44,915
and finding you have
a damn washer and dryer!

293
00:12:48,832 --> 00:12:52,009
What? There's a washer
and dryer here?

294
00:12:53,315 --> 00:12:54,795
I can't believe you.

295
00:12:54,838 --> 00:12:56,405
Why would you lie to me?

296
00:12:56,448 --> 00:12:58,102
Uh, well, uh,
technically, I didn't lie.

297
00:12:58,146 --> 00:13:00,061
I just withheld the truth,
which, according to Dad,

298
00:13:00,104 --> 00:13:01,932
there's a big difference.

299
00:13:01,976 --> 00:13:03,847
All these years
I've been doing your laundry

300
00:13:03,891 --> 00:13:05,631
when you could've been
doing it your damn self?

301
00:13:05,675 --> 00:13:07,633
Actually, actually,
that's not true, either.

302
00:13:07,677 --> 00:13:09,026
See, 'cause I never learned
how to do my laundry,

303
00:13:09,070 --> 00:13:10,593
because you always did it
for me.

304
00:13:10,636 --> 00:13:12,813
So, if you think about it,
this is kind of on you.

305
00:13:12,856 --> 00:13:14,292
[clears throat]

306
00:13:17,295 --> 00:13:18,296
It's on me?

307
00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:21,691
No, no, no,
it's-it's on me.

308
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,867
[mutters nervously]It's on me.

309
00:13:23,911 --> 00:13:25,564
Well, in that case,

310
00:13:25,608 --> 00:13:27,479
this is on you.

311
00:13:27,523 --> 00:13:29,525
Mama!

312
00:13:29,568 --> 00:13:31,875
Oh! Mama.

313
00:13:31,919 --> 00:13:34,965
This is a collector's item.
Why would you do that?

314
00:13:35,009 --> 00:13:37,272
To give you a reason to learn
how to do your own laundry.

315
00:13:37,315 --> 00:13:39,622
And you better do it quick
before that stains.

316
00:13:39,665 --> 00:13:41,537
Oh, mama's log:

317
00:13:41,580 --> 00:13:43,104
payback!

318
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:52,461
Wow.

319
00:13:52,504 --> 00:13:54,550
I've never really seen
a rooster up close.

320
00:13:55,811 --> 00:13:56,987
Yeah, me, neither.

321
00:13:57,031 --> 00:13:59,424
They're weirdly
kind of beautiful.

322
00:13:59,468 --> 00:14:01,252
Yeah, really is.

323
00:14:01,296 --> 00:14:03,037
Okay, now, go ahead
and snap its neck.

324
00:14:05,604 --> 00:14:07,041
What?

325
00:14:07,084 --> 00:14:08,738
I can't do it. I'm not a killer.

326
00:14:08,781 --> 00:14:11,001
I can't, either. I caught him.

327
00:14:11,045 --> 00:14:13,177
He'd see it coming from me.

328
00:14:14,439 --> 00:14:16,572
Uh-uh. Not me.
I can't do it.

329
00:14:16,615 --> 00:14:18,574
Look, I know this is gonna be
hard for you to believe,

330
00:14:18,617 --> 00:14:21,011
but I'm not
as hard-core as I look.

331
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:24,710
Okay. If you can't do it,
then I guess I'll do it.

332
00:14:24,754 --> 00:14:26,016
Stand back.

333
00:14:26,060 --> 00:14:29,628
Let me show you
how a gangsta takes out a bird.

334
00:14:29,672 --> 00:14:30,934
[chuckles]

335
00:14:31,979 --> 00:14:32,980
[grunts]

336
00:14:33,023 --> 00:14:34,416
Ah, ooh, ah.

337
00:14:38,724 --> 00:14:40,378
Ah...

338
00:14:40,422 --> 00:14:43,164
[The Good, the Bad and the Uglytheme playing]

339
00:14:57,004 --> 00:15:00,224
Ah, I can't.
Why not?

340
00:15:00,268 --> 00:15:02,705
We made eye contact.
I saw his soul.

341
00:15:04,185 --> 00:15:06,056
Saw whose soul?

342
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:08,754
Uh, uh, Calvin's. By the way,
beautiful soul, Calvin. Really.

343
00:15:08,798 --> 00:15:11,496
[Beaker crows]

344
00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:15,283
Oh, my God. Did you two
steal that guy's rooster?

345
00:15:15,326 --> 00:15:16,980
Okay, look, I know,
I know it seems crazy,

346
00:15:17,024 --> 00:15:18,286
but we tried talking to Wyatt,

347
00:15:18,329 --> 00:15:19,548
and he wouldn't do
anything about it.

348
00:15:19,591 --> 00:15:21,419
Which is why we had to steal it.

349
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:23,508
And now neither one of us
can bring ourselves

350
00:15:23,552 --> 00:15:25,989
to send him to the big
chicken coop in the sky.

351
00:15:27,034 --> 00:15:28,557
I can't believe you guys.

352
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:31,342
You are two grown men,

353
00:15:31,386 --> 00:15:33,257
and you can't kill a rooster?

354
00:15:33,301 --> 00:15:35,129
Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa!

355
00:15:36,957 --> 00:15:38,741
Come on, it's no big deal.

356
00:15:38,784 --> 00:15:40,743
Back on the farm, I used to kill
chickens all the time.

357
00:15:40,786 --> 00:15:42,136
You did?

358
00:15:42,179 --> 00:15:44,007
Trust me,
once you've gone elbow-deep

359
00:15:44,051 --> 00:15:47,532
to inseminate a cow,
you can do pretty much anything.

360
00:15:47,576 --> 00:15:50,186
Wow.

361
00:15:50,231 --> 00:15:52,276
Tina won't even stick
her fingers in a bowling ball.

362
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:54,191
Okay, okay, okay.

363
00:15:54,235 --> 00:15:56,324
Stop, please.
I-I know what we can do.

364
00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:58,587
We can drive him
out to the country

365
00:15:58,630 --> 00:16:01,198
and leave him
at a, at a real farm.

366
00:16:01,242 --> 00:16:02,591
You know what?
That's a great idea.

367
00:16:02,634 --> 00:16:05,159
Stay here.
I'm gonna go get a box.

368
00:16:05,202 --> 00:16:07,248
You... keep an eye on her.

369
00:16:09,467 --> 00:16:11,469
Come on, please,
come out, come out, come out!

370
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,385
How's it going out here?

371
00:16:14,429 --> 00:16:17,258
Terrible. The stain's spreading.

372
00:16:17,301 --> 00:16:20,348
Oh, well, I am so glad
I switched from red to white.

373
00:16:20,391 --> 00:16:22,698
It pairs so much better
with revenge.

374
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,440
You know,
how can you sit there

375
00:16:25,483 --> 00:16:27,398
and just watch me
suffer like this?

376
00:16:27,442 --> 00:16:29,052
You mean like
how you sat and watched me

377
00:16:29,096 --> 00:16:30,488
do your laundry for years?

378
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:31,881
That's not true.
I never watched.

379
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,230
I just dropped it off and left.

380
00:16:34,753 --> 00:16:36,451
[groans]
That's it.

381
00:16:36,494 --> 00:16:38,670
I give up.
The shirt's ruined.

382
00:16:38,714 --> 00:16:39,976
I hope you're happy.

383
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:42,022
No, I am not happy.

384
00:16:42,065 --> 00:16:44,850
My own son lied to me
and treated me like the help

385
00:16:44,894 --> 00:16:48,245
just because he was too damn
lazy to do his own laundry.

386
00:16:48,289 --> 00:16:49,942
Mom, I didn't lie to you
because I was lazy.

387
00:16:49,986 --> 00:16:51,422
Then why did you?

388
00:16:51,466 --> 00:16:53,468
I don't want to say.

389
00:16:53,511 --> 00:16:55,252
It's embarrassing.

390
00:16:55,296 --> 00:16:57,124
Marty, you went out in public

391
00:16:57,167 --> 00:17:00,779
dressed as an imaginary
space captain.

392
00:17:00,823 --> 00:17:03,260
The embarrassing ship
has sailed.

393
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:07,786
Fine.

394
00:17:07,830 --> 00:17:10,092
The truth is, the reason
I had you do my laundry

395
00:17:10,137 --> 00:17:12,138
is so I had an excuse
to come home.

396
00:17:12,182 --> 00:17:14,358
What are you talking about?

397
00:17:14,402 --> 00:17:16,752
You don't need an excuse
to come home.

398
00:17:16,794 --> 00:17:19,581
Yes, I do. Mama, I'm a grown man
living on my own.

399
00:17:19,624 --> 00:17:21,495
I'm not supposed to run home

400
00:17:21,539 --> 00:17:22,975
every time I get lonely
and miss you guys.

401
00:17:23,019 --> 00:17:24,760
How does that look?

402
00:17:24,802 --> 00:17:26,979
It looks like somebody
who loves his family.

403
00:17:27,023 --> 00:17:29,199
No, more like somebody
who can't live without them.

404
00:17:30,679 --> 00:17:32,811
Marty, that's a good thing.

405
00:17:34,509 --> 00:17:36,337
Too many kids can't
wait to grow up

406
00:17:36,380 --> 00:17:38,252
and get out of
their homes.

407
00:17:38,295 --> 00:17:40,123
And the fact
that you love coming back

408
00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:43,387
means that we have
something special.

409
00:17:43,431 --> 00:17:45,215
You should never
be ashamed of that.

410
00:17:48,044 --> 00:17:50,133
You're right, Mama.

411
00:17:50,177 --> 00:17:52,831
I'm sorry I lied to you.

412
00:17:52,875 --> 00:17:56,400
It's okay. I forgive you.

413
00:17:56,444 --> 00:17:58,228
That's why I'm
gonna do this.

414
00:17:58,272 --> 00:18:00,230
Ooh, ooh, ooh.

415
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:03,538
Mama! Why'd you do that?

416
00:18:03,581 --> 00:18:04,974
You said you forgave me.

417
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,802
I do forgive you.

418
00:18:06,845 --> 00:18:09,413
White wine is the only thing
that gets red wine out.

419
00:18:09,457 --> 00:18:11,589
Wait, so the shirt's
gonna be okay?

420
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:14,331
Sure is.
Okay, awesome.
[laughs]

421
00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:16,333
That means I won't
look ridiculous wearing it.

422
00:18:16,377 --> 00:18:17,987
I never said that.

423
00:18:20,816 --> 00:18:23,514
How's Beaker doing in there?
He seems pretty quiet.

424
00:18:23,558 --> 00:18:26,648
He actually looks
pretty comfortable.

425
00:18:26,691 --> 00:18:29,738
I think he knows that
we're taking him to a good home.

426
00:18:29,781 --> 00:18:31,827
Hopefully, one without
someone like Gemma.

427
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:37,920
All I know is I'm looking
forward to a good night's sleep.

428
00:18:37,963 --> 00:18:40,401
Yeah, me, too.

429
00:18:40,444 --> 00:18:42,794
You don't feel bad about what
we're doing to Wyatt, do you?

430
00:18:42,838 --> 00:18:44,970
Hell no.

431
00:18:45,014 --> 00:18:47,277
This guy gets what he deserves.

432
00:18:47,321 --> 00:18:51,542
Moving in with his stupid farm,
trying to save the Earth.

433
00:18:51,586 --> 00:18:53,588
I mean, if you ask me,
it's just plain selfish.

434
00:18:53,631 --> 00:18:55,198
Yeah.

435
00:18:55,242 --> 00:18:56,721
You know what?
You're right.

436
00:18:56,765 --> 00:18:59,159
He was driving everyone
in the neighborhood nuts.

437
00:18:59,202 --> 00:19:01,639
You're damn straight.
W-We're the good guys here.

438
00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:03,946
Good guys?
We're practically heroes.

439
00:19:03,989 --> 00:19:06,427
Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying
that we deserve a holiday,

440
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:08,994
but I wouldn't be mad
at a parade.

441
00:19:09,038 --> 00:19:10,474
Yeah...

442
00:19:10,518 --> 00:19:13,129
I mean, seriously,
who keeps a rooster, anyways?

443
00:19:13,173 --> 00:19:14,913
Yeah. Get yourself a dog.

444
00:19:14,957 --> 00:19:16,741
That's a real pet.
[laughs]

445
00:19:17,568 --> 00:19:19,614
Did you ever have a dog?

446
00:19:19,657 --> 00:19:22,399
Yeah. Yeah, his name was Duke.

447
00:19:22,443 --> 00:19:24,532
Best friend I ever had.

448
00:19:24,575 --> 00:19:25,576
Don't you mean
second best friend?

449
00:19:25,620 --> 00:19:26,708
I said what I said.

450
00:19:29,537 --> 00:19:30,799
Well, what happened to him?

451
00:19:30,842 --> 00:19:33,802
He ran away.

452
00:19:33,845 --> 00:19:37,240
I left the gate open one day,
and when I came home,

453
00:19:37,284 --> 00:19:38,807
he was gone.

454
00:19:38,850 --> 00:19:41,244
Oh, man. That's awful.

455
00:19:41,288 --> 00:19:44,073
Yeah, broke my heart.

456
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:46,641
Yeah, but this-this
is different.

457
00:19:47,642 --> 00:19:49,687
Yeah, no, totally.

458
00:19:49,731 --> 00:19:52,473
I mean, just 'cause
Wyatt took him for walks

459
00:19:52,516 --> 00:19:55,780
and cared for him and...

460
00:19:55,824 --> 00:19:57,652
gave him a name.

461
00:20:00,698 --> 00:20:02,396
We're monsters!What have we done?!

462
00:20:02,439 --> 00:20:05,312
I feel terrible.Yeah, me, too, man.
You know what?

463
00:20:05,355 --> 00:20:06,356
W-We got to get Beaker home.

464
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,662
Yeah, turn the truck around.

465
00:20:07,705 --> 00:20:09,098
Hold onto the box.Okay.

466
00:20:10,795 --> 00:20:12,841
I miss you, Duke!

467
00:20:19,064 --> 00:20:21,153
This is great. I've always
wanted to make my own butter.

468
00:20:21,197 --> 00:20:22,329
You know what they say.

469
00:20:22,372 --> 00:20:25,070
Once you go churn,
you never return.

470
00:20:27,682 --> 00:20:30,902
Oh, hey, Calvin. Check this out.

471
00:20:30,946 --> 00:20:35,255
Dave, please don't say my name
when you're doing that.

472
00:20:35,298 --> 00:20:37,518
Hey, you know, I'm really
worried about my technique.

473
00:20:37,561 --> 00:20:39,215
Am I doing this right?

474
00:20:39,259 --> 00:20:41,826
Close. But do it like this.

475
00:20:44,046 --> 00:20:45,003
CALVIN:
Oh.

476
00:20:45,047 --> 00:20:47,789
That's it. Tina!

477
00:20:47,832 --> 00:20:49,356
Throw out the butter!

478
00:20:49,399 --> 00:20:51,314
From now on,
I'm eating my toast dry!

479
00:20:56,145 --> 00:21:00,105
Captioning sponsored by
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480
00:21:00,149 --> 00:21:04,196
and TOYOTA.

481
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:08,240
Captioned by
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