1
00:00:04,743 --> 00:00:06,832
Hey, hey, what up, shop?ALL: Hey.

2
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:11,489
What up, Calvin?Hey, shoppedy-shop,
can I get a "what-what?"

3
00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:17,669
Sorry, Dave.

4
00:00:17,713 --> 00:00:19,889
Looks like the shoppedy-shop
gave you a "nopedy-nope."

5
00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:25,025
Hey, Que, why does Bobby have
a pink chair at his station?

6
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,114
Oh, that's not
Bobby's station anymore.

7
00:00:27,157 --> 00:00:28,463
He had to skip town.

8
00:00:28,506 --> 00:00:30,247
Yeah, he sneezed
and accidentally

9
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,293
shaved off one
of Big Mike's eyebrows.

10
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:35,078
Man, he didn't even
wait for a "Bless you."

11
00:00:35,122 --> 00:00:37,080
Just dropped the
clippers and ran.

12
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,473
[laughter]

13
00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:40,475
Anyway, now that he's gone,

14
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,259
I rented out his station

15
00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:44,261
to a couple of women
who's gonna do nails.

16
00:00:44,305 --> 00:00:46,263
All right.

17
00:00:46,307 --> 00:00:49,092
It'll be nice to get some
female energy up in here.

18
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,963
Now Dave doesn't have
to feel so alone.

19
00:00:51,007 --> 00:00:52,313
[laughter]

20
00:00:52,356 --> 00:00:54,706
Pink Ladies in the house!

21
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,447
Can I get a "what-what?"

22
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,101
ALL:
What-what?

23
00:00:58,145 --> 00:01:01,322
Oh, no.
It's the Pink Ladies.

24
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:03,150
What are they doing here?

25
00:01:03,193 --> 00:01:05,413
And why did they get
a "what-what" and I didn't?

26
00:01:05,456 --> 00:01:07,502
Do y'all know each other?

27
00:01:07,545 --> 00:01:09,982
Unfortunately, yes.

28
00:01:10,026 --> 00:01:13,160
These two buzzards been
circling me since high school.

29
00:01:13,203 --> 00:01:16,380
Hey, Regina,
isn't that Calvin Butler?

30
00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:18,469
Couldn't be. That
guy's older, uglier,

31
00:01:18,513 --> 00:01:20,341
and has way more hair
coming out of his nose.Ha!

32
00:01:22,038 --> 00:01:23,431
No, that's him, all right.

33
00:01:23,474 --> 00:01:25,302
You can tell
because he's standing next

34
00:01:25,346 --> 00:01:27,435
to his emotional support dork.[laughs]

35
00:01:28,784 --> 00:01:30,438
What's up?What's up?

36
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:32,527
No, what's up?No, what's up with you?

37
00:01:32,570 --> 00:01:34,137
Yeah, looks like
I ain't the only one

38
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:35,573
that got hair
coming out their nose.

39
00:01:35,617 --> 00:01:37,314
[others oohing]

40
00:01:37,358 --> 00:01:39,011
Regina, hand me
that nail file.

41
00:01:39,055 --> 00:01:40,404
I'm about to
shank this fool.

42
00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:43,015
Oh, uh, C-Calvin,
let's get out of here.

43
00:01:43,059 --> 00:01:45,322
No, Dave. The shop is my spot.

44
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:47,150
If anybody's leaving, it's them.

45
00:01:47,194 --> 00:01:49,544
Oh, no, we're not. See,
Que already cashed our check,

46
00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:51,154
so we're here to stay.

47
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:53,765
That's right,
unlike your hairline.

48
00:01:53,809 --> 00:01:56,420
[groaning, laughter]

49
00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:58,205
What you laughing at, Trey?

50
00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:00,598
You and your bald head
wish you had my hairline!

51
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,037
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

52
00:02:05,081 --> 00:02:06,082
♪ Welcome to the hood.

53
00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:14,264
Aah! I cannot believe

54
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:17,354
the Pink Ladies are working
at the barbershop.I know.

55
00:02:17,398 --> 00:02:18,355
What are we gonna do?

56
00:02:18,399 --> 00:02:20,052
I don't know,

57
00:02:20,096 --> 00:02:21,837
but as long
as they're at the shop,

58
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,752
I'm not getting my hair cut
there.

59
00:02:23,795 --> 00:02:25,145
Besides...

60
00:02:25,188 --> 00:02:26,842
[Jamaican accent]:
Me always wanting to know

61
00:02:26,885 --> 00:02:28,713
what I'd look like with them
rude boy dreadlocks, you know.

62
00:02:28,757 --> 00:02:30,715
Calvin,

63
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:33,805
you can't let them drive you out
of your own barbershop.

64
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:35,938
And trust me,
as someone who's had dreads,

65
00:02:35,981 --> 00:02:37,287
they're not worth the effort.

66
00:02:39,333 --> 00:02:43,075
You know, if they were dudes,
I'd kick their asses.

67
00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:45,730
But according
to their driver's licenses,

68
00:02:45,774 --> 00:02:47,167
they're technically females.

69
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:50,213
Well, look, if
you can't do that,

70
00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:51,910
there's really only
one other solution.

71
00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,042
What's that?

72
00:02:53,085 --> 00:02:54,739
Why don't you
take the high road?

73
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:57,046
What do you mean?

74
00:02:57,089 --> 00:02:59,962
Like a hit-and-run?

75
00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:03,835
No. Uh, you-you try
to make peace with them.

76
00:03:03,879 --> 00:03:05,402
Are you crazy?

77
00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:09,101
I'm not making peace with
those two wig-wearing warthogs.

78
00:03:11,278 --> 00:03:13,367
Look, Calvin, you
said it yourself--

79
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:15,412
they're driving you crazy.

80
00:03:15,456 --> 00:03:18,198
And clearly, they're
not going anywhere.

81
00:03:18,241 --> 00:03:20,765
But if you go in and
extend an olive branch,

82
00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:22,985
I promise they'll
follow your lead.

83
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,769
What makes you so sure?

84
00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,118
Well, because
mediating conflicts

85
00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:28,425
is what I do for a living.

86
00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:30,166
I don't know, man.

87
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,168
Come on, trust me, Calvin.

88
00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:34,910
If you go in there
and offer a truce,

89
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:37,042
[Jamaican accent]: Everything
will be just fine, mon.

90
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:42,265
Wow. In one sentence,

91
00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:44,920
you just ruined dreads
and Jamaica for me.

92
00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:50,447
You know, I am so excited
that you and Dave

93
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,188
are trying to have another baby.

94
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:55,147
I know. We haven't had
this much sex

95
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:57,585
since he shaved off
those stupid dreads.

96
00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:01,893
Well, at least someone's
making babies around here.

97
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:03,895
By the time Malcolm and
Marty give me grandkids,

98
00:04:03,939 --> 00:04:05,549
they'll be changing
my diaper, too.

99
00:04:05,593 --> 00:04:07,551
[laughs]

100
00:04:07,595 --> 00:04:10,815
Well, is either one of them
seeing anyone these days?

101
00:04:10,859 --> 00:04:12,991
Well, they're on all
those dating apps,

102
00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:15,298
but neither one's had
a girlfriend in a while.

103
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:18,910
I guess Malcolm's been working
more hours, and Marty's been...

104
00:04:18,954 --> 00:04:21,913
well, Marty.
[laughs]

105
00:04:21,957 --> 00:04:24,394
Oh. Well, maybe the problem is

106
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:26,222
their profiles
aren't capturing

107
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:28,137
how amazing they are
in real life.

108
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:30,879
Hmm. I never thought of that.

109
00:04:30,922 --> 00:04:33,011
You know, maybe we should
go online and look.

110
00:04:33,055 --> 00:04:35,013
We can't. You can only
search those apps

111
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:36,188
if you have your own profile.

112
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,190
Well, can't we just
make a fake one?

113
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:42,020
I guess, as long
as you don't think it's wrong.

114
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,458
Oh, it's wrong, but not
as wrong as me laying

115
00:04:44,501 --> 00:04:47,069
on a changing table
next to my grandbabies.

116
00:04:47,112 --> 00:04:48,897
[laughs]

117
00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:51,378
Aha. Look who's back.

118
00:04:51,421 --> 00:04:52,944
You lose something, Calvin?

119
00:04:52,988 --> 00:04:54,511
'Cause if you're looking
for your dignity,

120
00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,557
Que already swept the floor.

121
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,210
[laughs]

122
00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:00,343
Look, I didn't come to fight.

123
00:05:00,387 --> 00:05:02,389
I came to end
this stupid rivalry.

124
00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,349
Look, LaTonya,
did Calvin Butler just say

125
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:07,959
he wanted
to make peace with us?

126
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,526
I think he did.

127
00:05:09,570 --> 00:05:12,442
Regina, check the cap
on that nail polish remover.

128
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,226
Those fumes got us trippin'.

129
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,532
[laughs][mutters]

130
00:05:15,576 --> 00:05:16,925
Y'all ain't trippin'.
All right.

131
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,187
Look, I just figured

132
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:20,015
if we're gonna be
in this shop together,

133
00:05:20,058 --> 00:05:24,367
it's time that maybe we took
the high road with each other.

134
00:05:24,411 --> 00:05:26,238
Hmm.
I don't think
he's playing.

135
00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:29,067
He don't have that usual
stanky-ass look on his face.

136
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:31,548
REGINA:
I know.

137
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,333
I mean, it's still
a little stanky,

138
00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:37,075
but the ass part just gone.Mm-hmm.

139
00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:39,208
All right, I'm
serious, guys.

140
00:05:39,251 --> 00:05:40,557
And as a show of good faith,

141
00:05:40,601 --> 00:05:43,038
I want to give you
free tune-ups at my shop.

142
00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:45,388
For your cars, not your faces.

143
00:05:45,432 --> 00:05:47,042
[laughing]

144
00:05:47,085 --> 00:05:49,131
I'm sorry.
It was right there.

145
00:05:49,174 --> 00:05:51,089
You know what I'm
saying? Like, pop.[both chuckling]

146
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:52,221
You know?

147
00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:54,092
That's pretty big
of you, Calvin.

148
00:05:54,136 --> 00:05:55,616
Mm-hmm.I'm in.

149
00:05:55,659 --> 00:05:58,270
Okay. Me, too.

150
00:05:58,314 --> 00:06:01,186
And in light
of our newfound peace,

151
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,536
we should do
something for you.

152
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:03,537
Like what?

153
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,408
Right.
How about...

154
00:06:05,452 --> 00:06:07,628
we give you a manicure
on the house?

155
00:06:07,671 --> 00:06:09,934
Nah, I don't need all that.

156
00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:11,545
I'm pretty enough.

157
00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:14,243
I got to keep the hands
relatable, you know? [laughs]

158
00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:19,553
Come on, Calvin.

159
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:22,251
Look how rough they are from
working in that shop all day.

160
00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:24,384
And now, wouldn't it be nice
for your wife

161
00:06:24,427 --> 00:06:28,213
if you came home
with soft, smooth hands,

162
00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:31,129
instead of these dry-ass
catcher's mitts?

163
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:33,349
Yeah. Yeah, you ain't lying
about that.

164
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,133
Mm-hmm.Mm-hmm.

165
00:06:35,177 --> 00:06:37,179
I mean, the last time
I gave Tina a back rub,

166
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:39,442
she did say
it felt like I was scraping her

167
00:06:39,486 --> 00:06:41,401
with two burnt pieces of toast.Oh!

168
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,620
[laughs]
Yeah, exactly. Come on.

169
00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:45,622
Well, you come over here
and sit down and relax...

170
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,711
All right. All right....while we take care of you.

171
00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:49,365
Okay.All right now.

172
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:52,977
Remember, this is for Tina,
all right?

173
00:06:53,021 --> 00:06:55,415
Mm.Oh. Oh! Ooh, that feels nice.

174
00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:56,764
[laughing]:
That's nice.

175
00:06:56,807 --> 00:06:59,636
Now, uh, don't be afraid
to get up on the neck.

176
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:03,205
Yeah. Again, for Tina.For Tina. Mm-hmm.

177
00:07:04,206 --> 00:07:07,644
So, how's our fake account
coming along?

178
00:07:07,688 --> 00:07:10,168
Great. Our name is Stacey,

179
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:13,694
and I just found the perfect
picture for our profile.

180
00:07:13,737 --> 00:07:15,522
Whoa! Whoa.

181
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:19,090
I don't mean to objectify us,
but damn, we are stacked.

182
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:21,658
[laughs]Ooh!

183
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:24,182
Okay, so, uh, now we can
look up Malcolm and Marty

184
00:07:24,226 --> 00:07:25,575
and see what's going on?

185
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:28,230
Yeah, I'll just
set the age range

186
00:07:28,273 --> 00:07:31,320
to 26 to 32.Mm-hmm.

187
00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:34,323
And say we're looking for
someone within a mile radius.

188
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:37,195
Good idea. With those boobs,
I don't think

189
00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:39,720
Stacey can walk very far
without tipping over.

190
00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:44,507
Oh, here's Marty.

191
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,204
Let's see.

192
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:48,772
Oh, no, no, no!

193
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,600
Why would he pick this photo?

194
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:52,820
He's wearing
a Star Trekuniform!

195
00:07:56,258 --> 00:08:00,567
Yeah, he is boldly going
where no woman will ever go.

196
00:08:00,610 --> 00:08:02,351
And he's got a quote
from The Hobbit.

197
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:03,744
What's it say?

198
00:08:03,787 --> 00:08:05,702
I don't know.
It's in some made-up language.

199
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:07,399
But I'm pretty sure
it translates

200
00:08:07,443 --> 00:08:09,358
into "I ain't getting
no grandbabies."Oh.

201
00:08:12,317 --> 00:08:15,190
Oh. Now, hold on. Hold on.
This picture's cute.

202
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:17,279
Let me see.
Oh, yeah.

203
00:08:17,322 --> 00:08:19,281
This one's much better.Yeah.

204
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:23,111
I'm gonna like it.No, no, no!
Tina, don't do that.

205
00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:25,113
What? I just pressed the heart

206
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:27,071
so he knows
that someone thinks it's cute.

207
00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:28,638
Yeah, but now he's gonna
get a notification

208
00:08:28,682 --> 00:08:30,727
that "Stacey" is
interested in him.

209
00:08:30,771 --> 00:08:33,556
Okay, I'll just undo it
before he notices.

210
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,732
I mean, it's not like
Marty's sitting by the phone,

211
00:08:35,776 --> 00:08:37,647
waiting for somebody...[phone chimes]

212
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:40,781
Oh, my God.

213
00:08:40,824 --> 00:08:43,827
My little baby just said "Sup?"

214
00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:49,137
Calvin? Calvin!

215
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:51,443
Tina, let me rest, baby.

216
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:52,793
I'm not a machine.

217
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:58,233
No, Calvin, it's us.
[chuckles]

218
00:08:58,276 --> 00:08:59,800
We're done.

219
00:08:59,843 --> 00:09:02,672
Oh. [laughs] Oh, wow.

220
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,456
I was out cold.

221
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,807
I had no idea
a manicure could be so relaxing.

222
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:08,591
[chuckling]

223
00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:11,594
You know what? Not only
are y'all getting tune-ups,

224
00:09:11,638 --> 00:09:14,249
you're getting free
air fresheners for life.

225
00:09:14,292 --> 00:09:16,425
[chuckling]

226
00:09:16,468 --> 00:09:18,601
Well, we're so glad
you enjoyed it.

227
00:09:18,645 --> 00:09:20,603
Yeah, me, too.
Thanks a lot, ladies.

228
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,344
Mm-hmm.

229
00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,522
What the hell
did y'all do to me?!

230
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,177
You turned me
into RuPaul Scissorhands!

231
00:09:29,220 --> 00:09:31,309
[laughs]You're damn
right, we did!

232
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:33,790
Now your ugly face won't be
the first thing people notice.

233
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:36,488
Ha! Smile.[camera clicks]

234
00:09:36,532 --> 00:09:38,708
Delete that.No way. I'm gonna blow that up

235
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:41,581
and use it
to scare crows off my lawn.

236
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:44,714
You know what? I knew I should
have never trusted y'all.

237
00:09:44,758 --> 00:09:47,238
I don't know who y'all think
y'all playing with,

238
00:09:47,282 --> 00:09:51,634
but payback is coming,
and you can believe that.

239
00:09:51,678 --> 00:09:54,202
That's on everything. That's...

240
00:09:57,684 --> 00:10:00,556
One of y'all get over here
and open this door.

241
00:10:06,388 --> 00:10:09,739
[knocking]

242
00:10:09,783 --> 00:10:10,914
Ooh, good. You're back.

243
00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,089
How'd it go
with the Pink Ladies?

244
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,178
I'll give you ten guesses.

245
00:10:16,790 --> 00:10:18,879
Oh, my God.

246
00:10:18,922 --> 00:10:21,055
Why would you let them
do that to you?

247
00:10:21,098 --> 00:10:23,057
I didn't let them. They...

248
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,754
Well, hang on, hang on.
Don't tell me.

249
00:10:24,798 --> 00:10:27,148
I've got nine more guesses.

250
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:30,673
Look, they tricked me into
thinking that we made up

251
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,849
and then put me to
sleep with a massage.

252
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:36,897
When I woke up, I looked like
one of the Real Housewives.

253
00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:41,597
I can't believe
they would do that to you.

254
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,687
Well, th-this is what I
get for listening to you.

255
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:47,168
"Take the high road,
be the bigger man,

256
00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:49,039
don't hit them with a car."

257
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:53,522
Well, we cannot let them
get away with this.

258
00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:55,567
We've got to come up
with a plan to get them back.

259
00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:57,047
Y-You damn right, we do.

260
00:10:57,091 --> 00:10:59,833
Now come on, man. Help me
get these stupid nails off.

261
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:01,704
Yeah, you got it.
Uh, but first,

262
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:03,706
I have this itchy spot
right in the middle of my back.

263
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,142
It's right there.
If you could just...

264
00:11:05,186 --> 00:11:06,578
If you could
help me out. Here.

265
00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:14,891
Hey.

266
00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:17,764
I came over to find out
how Stacey ended it with Marty.

267
00:11:17,807 --> 00:11:20,636
Oh, well,
that's the funny thing.

268
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:21,898
[phone chimes]

269
00:11:21,942 --> 00:11:23,073
She didn't.

270
00:11:23,117 --> 00:11:24,596
[gasps]

271
00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:28,078
You're still messaging him?

272
00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:29,863
Why?Because

273
00:11:29,906 --> 00:11:31,560
he keeps messaging me.

274
00:11:31,603 --> 00:11:33,867
We spent all morning
talking about Harry Potter

275
00:11:33,910 --> 00:11:36,739
and how I'm something
called a Ravenclaw.

276
00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:39,699
[gasps] You're a Ravenclaw?
You are so lucky.

277
00:11:39,742 --> 00:11:42,571
Ugh. I'm a total
Hufflepuff.

278
00:11:42,614 --> 00:11:44,616
Gemma,
what am I supposed to do?!

279
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:47,010
[sighs]
Well, first off,

280
00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:48,664
you should stop
answering him.

281
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:49,709
I can't.

282
00:11:49,752 --> 00:11:51,754
Then he'll think
Stacey rejected him.

283
00:11:51,798 --> 00:11:53,669
It'd kill
his self-confidence.

284
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,890
[chuckles]:
Come on, give Marty more credit.

285
00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:59,588
I'm sure he messages with girls
on this app all the time.

286
00:11:59,631 --> 00:12:02,286
Plus, he's only known
Stacey for half a day.

287
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:05,202
She can't mean
that much to him.

288
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:07,988
I'm telling you, Malcolm,
this Stacey girl is special.

289
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,774
Oh, come on, Marty.

290
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,733
You said
the same thing last week

291
00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:15,604
about the barista
at Starbucks,

292
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:18,085
and she wrote your name
as "Martha" on the cup.

293
00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:21,610
Well, well, this is
different. Stacey is...

294
00:12:21,653 --> 00:12:23,133
Stacey's smart.
She's interesting.

295
00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:25,222
She-She's dope, man.
Check her out.

296
00:12:25,266 --> 00:12:27,964
[chuckles]:
Oh, yeah. Ah.Yeah.

297
00:12:28,008 --> 00:12:29,096
That's Mama.

298
00:12:29,139 --> 00:12:30,662
What?!

299
00:12:30,706 --> 00:12:33,230
No, no. No way. No...
Why would you think that?

300
00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:36,799
Think about it, Marty.
Either a superhot girl

301
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:40,107
wants to talk to you
about Harry Potter,

302
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:42,283
or it's Mama
snooping around your love life.

303
00:12:42,326 --> 00:12:44,851
Well... I mean,
you don't know that.

304
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,330
Maybe... Maybe...

305
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:48,289
Maybe as a teenager,

306
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:51,205
Stacey was so embarrassed
about her overdeveloped body,

307
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:53,294
so-so...
so she-she stayed inside,

308
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:54,774
just reading and...

309
00:12:54,817 --> 00:12:55,905
Aw, damn!

310
00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:58,342
I said "sup" to my mama.

311
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:02,825
Okay. Uh, what about this?

312
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,305
We call the health inspector

313
00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:06,829
and get their beauty licenses
taken away.

314
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:09,397
Nah, we can't
do that to Que.

315
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,269
Legally, he's only licensed
to groom dogs.

316
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:17,709
[sighs]
Well, we got to do something.

317
00:13:17,753 --> 00:13:19,146
I mean, we can't
just let those girls

318
00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:21,844
get away with being
so mean to you.

319
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,411
Wait a minute.

320
00:13:23,454 --> 00:13:25,195
That's it.

321
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:27,154
Mean Girls.What?

322
00:13:27,197 --> 00:13:28,677
In the movie Mean Girls,

323
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,114
Lindsay Lohan takes down
the bullies in her school

324
00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:32,420
by turning them
against each other.

325
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:34,726
That's what we need to do
to the Pink Ladies.

326
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:36,728
Yeah, o-on second thought,

327
00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:39,253
let's round up some stray dogs
and call the health inspector.

328
00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,385
Calvin, I'm serious.

329
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,823
All we have to do is dig up
some dirt about one of them

330
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,041
that the other
doesn't know about

331
00:13:45,085 --> 00:13:47,174
and expose it
for the world to see.

332
00:13:47,217 --> 00:13:50,873
Oh, my God. I could've been
the queen of the mean girls!

333
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:54,964
You know, I think
I got something.

334
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:57,010
I'm not exactly proud of it,
but...

335
00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,881
Okay, well, what is it?

336
00:13:58,925 --> 00:14:00,927
Back in high school,

337
00:14:00,970 --> 00:14:03,712
LaTonya had a
huge crush on me

338
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,235
because, well,

339
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:07,716
obviously, you know...Well, yeah. Come on. Yeah.

340
00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:10,371
But one weekend, when
she was out of town,

341
00:14:10,414 --> 00:14:12,242
Regina swooped in

342
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:14,854
and asked me on a date.

343
00:14:14,897 --> 00:14:16,029
No.

344
00:14:16,072 --> 00:14:18,988
Regina tried
to sneak and freak?

345
00:14:19,032 --> 00:14:21,730
You damn right she did.

346
00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:24,733
And she begged me
not to tell LaTonya.

347
00:14:24,776 --> 00:14:26,213
Now, you think that's
the kind of dirt

348
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:28,302
that'll cause them to
turn against each other?

349
00:14:28,345 --> 00:14:29,912
Are you kidding me?

350
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:32,175
Is Mean Girlsbetter
than Never Been Kissed?

351
00:14:35,265 --> 00:14:38,790
The answer is yes,
by a long shot.

352
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,318
Mama, you and I need to talk
about something right now.

353
00:14:44,361 --> 00:14:46,233
Okay, Marty, I can explain.

354
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,931
I never meant to...I am in love!

355
00:14:50,324 --> 00:14:52,065
What?That's right.

356
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,936
Her name is Stacey,
we met online,

357
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,330
and I swear, Mama,
I think she's my soul mate.

358
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:59,507
How could you say that?
You've only known her one day.

359
00:14:59,550 --> 00:15:02,205
Or more than that. I don't know.
How would I know that?

360
00:15:02,249 --> 00:15:04,860
No, I know. I know
it seems fast, but I...

361
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,427
I've never felt so connected
to anyone before,

362
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,777
which is why I want you
to be the first to know.

363
00:15:08,820 --> 00:15:10,431
I'm gonna propose.

364
00:15:10,474 --> 00:15:12,955
Propose? Marty,
that is insane.

365
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,088
Ah, yeah. Well, so was selling
my car to buy a diamond ring,

366
00:15:15,131 --> 00:15:16,785
but love
makes you do crazy things.

367
00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:18,134
Oh, my God.[sighs]

368
00:15:18,178 --> 00:15:20,528
Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay.

369
00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:23,096
Marty, I've got
something to tell you.What?

370
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,967
I'm Stacey.

371
00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:27,100
What?! You're Stacey?Yes.

372
00:15:27,143 --> 00:15:28,449
I bought a ring for you?!

373
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:30,103
Yes.And I have been
messing with you

374
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,104
since the moment
I walked through the door?

375
00:15:31,147 --> 00:15:32,366
Yes.

376
00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:34,411
Wait, what?

377
00:15:34,455 --> 00:15:35,978
That's right!

378
00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:37,719
I know all about it.
And I take it back.

379
00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:39,068
You're no Ravenclaw.

380
00:15:39,112 --> 00:15:41,114
You're a Slytherin
through and through!

381
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:44,204
I am sorry, baby.

382
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:46,641
I-I just wanted to see
your profile

383
00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:49,122
so I could figure out why
you weren't dating more.

384
00:15:49,165 --> 00:15:51,124
And before I knew it,
you were dating me.

385
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:53,996
I can't believe you would
do this to me.

386
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,259
It's just that Dave and Gemma
started talking about

387
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,653
having a baby, and
all I could think about

388
00:15:58,696 --> 00:16:00,698
is how much I wanted
grandkids.

389
00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,004
Yeah, but that's never
gonna happen

390
00:16:02,048 --> 00:16:03,788
unless you let me do my thing
and meet a girl

391
00:16:03,832 --> 00:16:05,790
who likes me
for who I am.

392
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,749
Hey, I know, but come on.

393
00:16:07,792 --> 00:16:11,013
Star Trekuniforms
and Hobbitquotes?

394
00:16:11,057 --> 00:16:12,884
Mama, that's who I am.

395
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:15,975
And anyone who doesn't like it
doesn't deserve me.

396
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:18,325
You're right.

397
00:16:18,368 --> 00:16:20,283
And I'm sorry.

398
00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:22,416
And from now on,
I will stay out of it.

399
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:24,113
Thank you.
[chuckles]

400
00:16:24,157 --> 00:16:26,115
All right.
Okay, baby. Mwah!

401
00:16:26,159 --> 00:16:27,290
[phone chimes]Oh.

402
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:28,988
Ooh, sounds like
you got another match.

403
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:31,860
Oh, wow.
And she's pretty.

404
00:16:31,903 --> 00:16:33,688
And she says she's
into sci-fi,

405
00:16:33,731 --> 00:16:35,995
video games
and graphic novels!

406
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,779
Let me see.
Mm-hmm.

407
00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:38,998
Oh, yeah, that's Malcolm.

408
00:16:41,739 --> 00:16:43,959
[all laughing]

409
00:16:45,221 --> 00:16:47,006
[music playing]

410
00:16:47,049 --> 00:16:50,835
What everybody laughing about?
What's going on? What's...

411
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,228
What's funny?

412
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:59,714
Ah, no one said they
wanted nails like yours,

413
00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:02,891
but everyone wants copies
of the picture!

414
00:17:02,934 --> 00:17:04,066
[laughter]

415
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:06,025
I put mine on a coffee mug.

416
00:17:07,983 --> 00:17:10,377
Oh, yeah? Well, you may
want to put it down

417
00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,162
and grab a broom,
because Calvin is about to

418
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:15,382
spill the beans.

419
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:17,949
That's right, LaTonya.

420
00:17:17,993 --> 00:17:20,213
You remember back
in high school,

421
00:17:20,256 --> 00:17:22,824
when everybody knew
you had a crush on me?

422
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:25,392
Well, your girl Regina here
went behind your back

423
00:17:25,435 --> 00:17:27,350
and asked me out on a date.

424
00:17:27,394 --> 00:17:28,308
What?

425
00:17:28,351 --> 00:17:29,787
[all oohing]

426
00:17:29,831 --> 00:17:32,268
Regina, why'd you
do that to me?

427
00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:33,922
Okay, listen, girl,
don't hate me, LaTonya.

428
00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:35,271
I can explain.

429
00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:36,794
Girl, wait, I already did.[laughs]

430
00:17:36,838 --> 00:17:38,274
30 years ago.

431
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:40,320
Wait-wait a minute,
you-you knew?

432
00:17:40,363 --> 00:17:42,800
Oh, that you took Regina
roller-skating

433
00:17:42,844 --> 00:17:44,976
and spent the whole night
falling on your ass?

434
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:48,502
You looked like a baby giraffe
walking around in high heels.

435
00:17:48,545 --> 00:17:51,374
Oh, yeah. Oh! Whoa. Whoa!

436
00:17:51,418 --> 00:17:54,029
Whoa!
[laughter]

437
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:57,902
Okay, everybody be quiet!
I got something to say.

438
00:17:57,946 --> 00:18:01,471
You two been making fun of me
for way too long.

439
00:18:01,515 --> 00:18:03,778
And I pretended that
it didn't bother me,

440
00:18:03,821 --> 00:18:06,172
but the truth is
your words hurt.

441
00:18:06,215 --> 00:18:08,435
Probably not as much as
falling on your butt did.

442
00:18:08,478 --> 00:18:10,915
[laughter]

443
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:14,919
Let the man finish!

444
00:18:17,008 --> 00:18:20,925
I mean, do you guys know
how hard it was for me

445
00:18:20,969 --> 00:18:23,276
to come in here and try
to make peace with you?

446
00:18:24,581 --> 00:18:28,150
After all the mean things
that you said about me.

447
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:29,978
I extended an olive branch,

448
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:33,373
and all you did was try
to make me look small.

449
00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:35,070
When the truth is

450
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,985
you're the ones who are small.

451
00:18:37,028 --> 00:18:39,857
'Cause bullying
and name-calling,

452
00:18:39,901 --> 00:18:43,339
that's just tearing people down,
when what we should be doing

453
00:18:43,383 --> 00:18:45,428
is lifting each other up.

454
00:18:45,472 --> 00:18:48,214
But maybe that's just me.

455
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,954
Nah, I feel you, Calvin.

456
00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:51,304
My father used to
make fun of me

457
00:18:51,347 --> 00:18:52,566
because of my dream.

458
00:18:52,609 --> 00:18:55,525
Because of him,
I gave up ballet.

459
00:18:57,353 --> 00:18:59,964
The kids at school used to
make fun of my Nikes.

460
00:19:00,008 --> 00:19:02,489
Talking about the logo
was upside down.

461
00:19:02,532 --> 00:19:04,534
They used to call me
"Off-Brand."

462
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:07,058
See that, Calvin?

463
00:19:07,102 --> 00:19:08,451
It looks like you're
not the only one who...

464
00:19:08,495 --> 00:19:11,062
I still sleep with a blankie.

465
00:19:11,106 --> 00:19:13,195
What are y'all looking at?

466
00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:14,936
Trey want to wear a tutu.

467
00:19:14,979 --> 00:19:17,286
And that's okay.

468
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:20,507
Because we all have
vulnerabilities.

469
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:23,510
But it's not cool for y'all
to make fun of 'em.

470
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:25,555
What the hell is wrong
with y'all?!

471
00:19:25,599 --> 00:19:29,124
Is this a barbershop
or an ice cream parlor?

472
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:31,387
'Cause all you guys
are soft-serve.

473
00:19:31,431 --> 00:19:32,867
Oh, that's it.

474
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:36,044
I want you out of here.
Trey, get the door.

475
00:19:36,087 --> 00:19:37,393
My pleasure.

476
00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:43,225
Know what? Fine.
Let's get out of here, Regina.

477
00:19:43,269 --> 00:19:45,532
I'm right behind you, LaTonya.
[scoffs]

478
00:19:45,575 --> 00:19:49,231
Out of my way, Off-Brand!

479
00:19:49,275 --> 00:19:52,016
Calvin, that was amazing.

480
00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,193
I can't believe how
vulnerable you were.

481
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:57,196
What I can't believe is that
they actually went for it.

482
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:59,372
Went for what?

483
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:02,462
I made up all that
touchy-feely stuff

484
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,594
to turn the room
against them.

485
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:06,901
I got the idea
from Lindsay Lohan.

486
00:20:06,944 --> 00:20:08,250
Remember when she does
the sappy speech

487
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:09,556
at the end of Mean Girls?

488
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,122
Yeah. You saw it?

489
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:13,603
Oh, a bunch of times.
And you were right.

490
00:20:13,647 --> 00:20:16,258
Way better than
Never Been Kissed.

491
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:17,128
♪

492
00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:24,310
Hey, yo, Malcolm,
check this out.

493
00:20:24,353 --> 00:20:26,790
I just got messaged by
this superhot girl

494
00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:28,662
who claims to be an engineer,

495
00:20:28,705 --> 00:20:30,620
is into Dungeons and Dragons

496
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:32,579
andcollects action figures.

497
00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:34,842
What? Let me see.Mm-hmm.

498
00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:37,801
Wow, she is fine.I know.

499
00:20:37,845 --> 00:20:40,848
Yeah, that's Dad. Yep. Yep.Yeah, that's Dad.

500
00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:44,417
Ha, ha, ha.
Not interested.

501
00:20:44,460 --> 00:20:46,636
Get a life, loser.

502
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,769
[both laugh]

503
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:50,510
[lasers firing on TV]

504
00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:52,338
[phone chimes]

505
00:20:53,643 --> 00:20:55,428
Wow.

506
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,343
I thought he was my soul mate.

507
00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:06,134
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

508
00:21:10,138 --> 00:21:13,141
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org