1
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:10,923
Hey, Gem.
Hey, Tina.

2
00:00:10,967 --> 00:00:12,925
Come on in.
I'm almost done here.

3
00:00:12,969 --> 00:00:16,059
Wow. This is the first time I've
been in the principal's office

4
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:17,887
without being
dragged in screaming,

5
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:19,410
"I didn't do it!"
[laughs]

6
00:00:20,498 --> 00:00:22,457
Hmm. Did you do it?

7
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:23,849
Every time.

8
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:26,156
So, where are we headin' to
for lunch?

9
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:27,636
Anywhere but the cafeteria.

10
00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:29,333
There was a food fight
last week,

11
00:00:29,377 --> 00:00:32,684
and I took a taco
to the chest.
Ooh.

12
00:00:32,728 --> 00:00:35,992
Sorry to interrupt, Gemma, but
there was an incident at lunch.

13
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:37,907
Oh, no.
How many tacos are missing,

14
00:00:37,950 --> 00:00:40,127
and how many kids were hurt?

15
00:00:40,170 --> 00:00:42,999
No, a student punched
another student in the face.

16
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,087
TINA:
Aah.

17
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,481
Please. Rookie mistake.

18
00:00:46,524 --> 00:00:49,049
Everybody knows that body blows
are harder to prove.

19
00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:53,096
Okay, send him in, Lorraine.

20
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:54,489
[scoffs]
I'm sorry, Tina.

21
00:00:54,532 --> 00:00:56,708
I just have
to take care of this.
Ah.

22
00:00:56,752 --> 00:00:59,059
You know, most of the students
here are really well-behaved,

23
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,669
but there are a few bad apples.

24
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:03,063
Hi, Mom.

25
00:01:04,194 --> 00:01:05,717
He didn't do it!

26
00:01:07,676 --> 00:01:09,591
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

27
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:10,853
♪ Welcome to the hood.

28
00:01:23,257 --> 00:01:25,259
[groans]

29
00:01:26,564 --> 00:01:28,827
Hey, Dave.

30
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:32,092
Hey, Calvin.
Didn't see you there.

31
00:01:35,138 --> 00:01:36,487
Hey, so I, uh, heard

32
00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:38,707
Grover got into a fight
at school yesterday.

33
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:42,276
Yeah, apparently, this kid
Justin has been bullying him.

34
00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:44,147
Pushing him, making
fun of his clothes,

35
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:46,236
which makes no sense,

36
00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:50,110
because I spent a lot of
time picking them out.

37
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:53,939
Oh, wow.
That's... that's rough, man.

38
00:01:53,983 --> 00:01:56,986
So, where are you taking him
to celebrate?

39
00:01:57,029 --> 00:01:58,466
What? Celebrate?

40
00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:00,337
Yeah, he's one and oh!

41
00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:02,209
That's how Tyson got started.

42
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:04,950
The kid's lucky
he didn't bite his ear off.

43
00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:09,390
Okay, well,
in our house,

44
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:11,870
we don't believe that
violence solves problems.

45
00:02:11,914 --> 00:02:14,003
Well, this didn't sound
like violence.

46
00:02:14,046 --> 00:02:16,310
I mean, this was more
like self-defense.

47
00:02:16,353 --> 00:02:18,312
Grover just did
what he had to do.

48
00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:22,011
And what you have to do
is stop picking out his clothes.

49
00:02:22,054 --> 00:02:24,056
Look...

50
00:02:24,100 --> 00:02:26,058
Calvin, I'm not naive.
When I was in the military,

51
00:02:26,102 --> 00:02:29,061
I saw what violence does to
people, and it's never good.

52
00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:33,196
And please don't try to tell me
that jean shorts aren't cool.

53
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:38,549
Look, if someone
pushes you too far,

54
00:02:38,593 --> 00:02:40,725
at some point,
you have to push back.

55
00:02:40,769 --> 00:02:42,423
Every man has
his breaking point.

56
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:44,947
Well, I disagree...

57
00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:46,557
and let me tell you why.

58
00:02:46,601 --> 00:02:48,080
Oh, looky there.
I just reached mine.

59
00:02:50,561 --> 00:02:52,433
[cheering on TV]

60
00:02:55,305 --> 00:02:58,352
Really? You two playing
video games again?

61
00:02:58,395 --> 00:02:59,875
Yeah, we're
playing Madden.

62
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,920
Oh. In that case,
I got next.

63
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,228
Yeah, man.What's the score?

64
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,099
I'm up, 21-17.

65
00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:09,189
Oh, this game
is over, man.

66
00:03:11,452 --> 00:03:13,149
Dad, there's
eight minutes left,

67
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,411
I'm on his ten yard line.

68
00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:16,761
Not anymore. Reset.[whoosh]

69
00:03:19,155 --> 00:03:22,245
Hey, did you hear that Grover
beat some kid up in school?

70
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,768
Yeah.

71
00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:26,118
Dave told me
the kid was bullying him.

72
00:03:26,162 --> 00:03:28,817
Clearly, he didn't know Grover
lives in a black neighborhood.

73
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,254
[Calvin and Malcolm laugh]

74
00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:32,647
I live in a black neighborhood,

75
00:03:32,690 --> 00:03:34,214
and I never stood up
to my bully.

76
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,519
What? You had a bully?

77
00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:37,478
Yeah, for a long time.

78
00:03:37,521 --> 00:03:39,523
Well, you should have
did something.

79
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:42,091
You know, give him
the old two-piece and a biscuit.

80
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,616
I couldn't.
He was way bigger than me.

81
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:48,663
So? Look, if you let people
push you around,

82
00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,447
they'll do it to you
the rest of your life.

83
00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:53,015
You know what?
You're right.

84
00:03:53,058 --> 00:03:55,191
Give me that!

85
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:02,067
What the hell are you doing?

86
00:04:02,111 --> 00:04:04,505
Well, it's just what you said.

87
00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:06,637
I'm standing up to my bully.Me?!

88
00:04:06,681 --> 00:04:09,466
Go on, Marty. Give him the
old two-piece and a biscuit.

89
00:04:09,510 --> 00:04:11,468
[Malcolm laughs]

90
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,255
Look, Marty, I'm your father.

91
00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:17,953
I'm not your bully.Oh, really?

92
00:04:17,996 --> 00:04:19,781
What about
when my friends came over

93
00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,957
to play Dungeons & Dragons,
and you pretended

94
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,525
to cast a spell
of eternal virginity on us?

95
00:04:28,616 --> 00:04:31,314
It wasn't right,
but he wasn't wrong.

96
00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,622
Look, now, I did that
for your benefit.

97
00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:36,667
I didn't want you
to be the weird guy

98
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:38,495
that got picked on
by the other boys.

99
00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:39,801
It was last Tuesday, Dad.

100
00:04:42,238 --> 00:04:44,501
Oh, yeah, I remember,
because up until then,

101
00:04:44,545 --> 00:04:48,288
I'd never seen anybody
wear suspenders anda belt.

102
00:04:50,202 --> 00:04:51,508
Well, all I know is,
you embarrassed me

103
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:52,814
in front of my friends.

104
00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:54,032
Okay, Marty, look...

105
00:04:54,076 --> 00:04:55,120
And-and for your
information,

106
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,600
it was not a belt.

107
00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,167
It was a sash!

108
00:05:02,737 --> 00:05:04,826
I know it's the weekend,
but I feel like

109
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:07,132
we should deal with this
as soon as possible.

110
00:05:07,176 --> 00:05:09,874
Okay, then, I'll see you
in my office tomorrow.

111
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:12,224
And again, I'm sorry
this happened to your son.

112
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:13,791
[phone beeps off]

113
00:05:13,835 --> 00:05:16,011
Your jerk-face bullyof a son!

114
00:05:19,449 --> 00:05:21,059
You okay?

115
00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:23,279
No! I'm the principal, Dave.

116
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,629
My son isn't supposed to
be beating up other kids!

117
00:05:25,673 --> 00:05:28,415
Even if they are a
bratty little snot wad.

118
00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,374
Okay, yes,

119
00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:33,724
clearly, Grover
was provoked.

120
00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:37,728
But I think we can both agree
that violence is not the answer.

121
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:40,601
Of course it isn't.Okay. Good.

122
00:05:40,644 --> 00:05:42,559
But why would you buy him
those stupid jean shorts?!

123
00:05:42,603 --> 00:05:44,605
Ow!

124
00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:48,739
O-O-Okay.
[laughs]

125
00:05:48,783 --> 00:05:52,264
Look, I know this puts you
in a tough position,

126
00:05:52,308 --> 00:05:54,745
but maybe I can help.How?

127
00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:57,792
Let me take Grover to his house,
have him apologize,

128
00:05:57,835 --> 00:05:59,794
and diffuse the situation
before the meeting.

129
00:05:59,837 --> 00:06:01,448
That's a good idea.

130
00:06:01,491 --> 00:06:03,275
I'll come with you.

131
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:04,842
That sounds great.

132
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,977
That way I can slash
his stupid bike tires!

133
00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:13,851
Or, you know, maybe
you sit this one out.

134
00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:21,032
Tina, it's official.

135
00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:23,078
You failed as a mother.

136
00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,560
What are you talking about?

137
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:28,779
Marty. You made him soft

138
00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:32,130
with all your hugs and
kisses and bedtime stories.

139
00:06:32,174 --> 00:06:35,046
Well, if you want
another bedtime story,

140
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,440
you better think about the next
thing that comes out your mouth.

141
00:06:38,963 --> 00:06:41,662
Baby, the boy just told
me that I was his bully.

142
00:06:41,705 --> 00:06:43,098
Can you believe that?

143
00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:45,230
Hell, yeah.What?!

144
00:06:45,274 --> 00:06:46,797
Tina, you're my wife.

145
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:50,235
It's supposed to be me
and you against the kids.

146
00:06:50,279 --> 00:06:52,455
Look, babe, I know
what a good father you are

147
00:06:52,499 --> 00:06:54,152
and how much you love Marty,
but sometimes

148
00:06:54,196 --> 00:06:56,807
you go a little too far when
you make fun of his hobbies.

149
00:06:56,851 --> 00:06:58,461
I don't know.

150
00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:00,245
These kids today--
they're just weak.

151
00:07:00,289 --> 00:07:02,944
I mean, when I was coming up,
it wasn't bullying

152
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:05,163
unless something
was cut, broken

153
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:06,556
or set on fire.

154
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,776
[laughs]
Oh, I know.

155
00:07:08,819 --> 00:07:12,475
I went to the principal's office
for all three of those.

156
00:07:12,519 --> 00:07:14,651
Marty's just a little
more sensitive than us.

157
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:16,697
Yeah, I guess
maybe you're right.

158
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:19,177
But when he called me his bully,

159
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:21,353
it just really hurt my feelings.

160
00:07:27,359 --> 00:07:29,536
Dad, do I have
to apologize?

161
00:07:29,579 --> 00:07:31,842
Yes, Grover. When you do
something wrong to someone,

162
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:33,975
you owe them an apology.

163
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:36,673
[doorbell rings]You should give me one
for buying those jean shorts.

164
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:41,504
Hi. Can I help you?

165
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:44,028
Hi. I'm Dave Johnson,
Grover's father.

166
00:07:44,072 --> 00:07:45,769
Oh.

167
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,513
Probably a good idea.

168
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:53,211
It's, uh, cold and flu season.

169
00:07:53,255 --> 00:07:54,343
What are you guys doing here?

170
00:07:54,386 --> 00:07:56,824
Grover wanted
to apologize to Justin.

171
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:58,869
And you think
my son wants an apology

172
00:07:58,913 --> 00:08:00,741
from the little punk
who sucker-punched him?

173
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,484
He's lucky
Justin didn't kick his ass.

174
00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:09,314
Do I stillhave
to apologize?

175
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,710
Yes. Uh, look, man,
I know that you're upset,

176
00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:15,756
but I don't think
calling my son names

177
00:08:15,799 --> 00:08:17,540
is gonna make the situation
any better.

178
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:21,631
Hmm. Well, yoursituation's
about to get a lot worse

179
00:08:21,675 --> 00:08:23,851
if you don't
get out of my face.

180
00:08:26,027 --> 00:08:28,856
Okay, I...I think if
we both just stay calm...

181
00:08:30,727 --> 00:08:32,903
Now there's no need
to push me like that.

182
00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:36,124
Yeah? Oh, how about
I push you like this?

183
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,132
Fella...
[chuckles]

184
00:08:45,699 --> 00:08:48,353
You're about this close
to losing that apology.

185
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:54,359
Hey, Marty... hold up.

186
00:08:54,403 --> 00:08:55,839
What?

187
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:57,798
What are you doing tomorrow?

188
00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:59,669
Oh, I was going apple-picking
with some friends.

189
00:09:06,154 --> 00:09:08,460
Sounds delightful.

190
00:09:10,245 --> 00:09:11,768
But, uh, maybe when you're done,

191
00:09:11,812 --> 00:09:14,379
you can come back here,
and we can play some

192
00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:16,599
of that, uh, Dungeon & Dragons.

193
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:19,471
I never tried it,
and, uh, seems like fun.

194
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:23,606
Mama, get out here! I think
Daddy's having a stroke!

195
00:09:25,826 --> 00:09:27,784
I'm not having a stroke.

196
00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:30,352
I'm trying to show some interest
in your stupid hobby.

197
00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:34,704
I'm sorry. That came out wrong.

198
00:09:34,748 --> 00:09:37,141
Are you serious? You
really want to do this?

199
00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:38,490
Absolutely.

200
00:09:38,534 --> 00:09:40,492
Okay. Great.

201
00:09:40,536 --> 00:09:42,973
Well, thanks, Dad. Ah.All right. Ah.

202
00:09:43,017 --> 00:09:46,107
Prepareth thee for adventure!

203
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,811
[door creaks open]

204
00:09:56,639 --> 00:09:58,554
Oh, my God, what happened?!

205
00:10:00,382 --> 00:10:03,254
Justin's dad got a little
heated, and he punched me.

206
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:05,996
What?! Are you okay?

207
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,345
Yeah, I'm-I'm fine.

208
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:10,000
I can't believe
he beat you up.

209
00:10:10,044 --> 00:10:11,741
No, Mom, he didn't!

210
00:10:11,785 --> 00:10:13,177
Dad totally kicked his butt!

211
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:14,701
It was awesome!

212
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:20,358
Is that true?

213
00:10:20,402 --> 00:10:22,491
It wasn't what I wanted.

214
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:25,973
But it was pretty awesome.

215
00:10:33,545 --> 00:10:34,851
You should have
seen it, Mom!

216
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,287
Justin's dad
punched him,

217
00:10:36,331 --> 00:10:37,854
but then Dad gave him
a couple of these.

218
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:39,247
[makes punching sounds]

219
00:10:41,510 --> 00:10:43,468
And then Justin's dad went down.

220
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:44,687
And then Dad said...

221
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:45,819
Grover, please, go to your room.

222
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,168
No-no-no-no-no,
that's not what he said.

223
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:52,913
There were way more curse words.

224
00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,219
Okay, you know what?

225
00:10:55,263 --> 00:10:56,873
Grover, Mom's right.
Go to your room.

226
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:59,746
Okay. Okay,
I don't want any trouble.

227
00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:05,882
I can't believe you
got into a fight.

228
00:11:05,926 --> 00:11:07,536
In front of our son?

229
00:11:07,579 --> 00:11:09,669
I know. I'm sorry.

230
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:13,411
But if someone
pushes you too far,

231
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:16,632
at some point...

232
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,286
you have to push back.

233
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:23,291
Every man
has his breaking point.

234
00:11:23,334 --> 00:11:25,728
That's the most
ridiculous thing I've...

235
00:11:25,772 --> 00:11:27,469
Did you get that from Calvin?

236
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:29,689
No.

237
00:11:30,646 --> 00:11:31,952
Okay, yes.

238
00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:36,478
Dave, I'm the
school principal.

239
00:11:36,521 --> 00:11:38,306
Do you know how
this makes me look?

240
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,656
He started it.

241
00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:46,531
Really, Dave?
That's your excuse?

242
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,273
[scoffs]

243
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:50,797
Told Grover that wouldn't work.

244
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:54,844
[laughs]

245
00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:56,454
All right! Let's do this.

246
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:57,934
Hold on, Malcolm's playing, too?

247
00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,457
I didn't know
you liked this game.

248
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:00,502
[chuckles]
I don't.

249
00:12:00,545 --> 00:12:01,764
But I want to be here

250
00:12:01,808 --> 00:12:03,374
when you flip the table
and storm out.

251
00:12:03,418 --> 00:12:05,768
[laughs]

252
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,422
Look, I don't know the rules,

253
00:12:07,465 --> 00:12:10,555
but is there any way
I can feed him to a dragon?

254
00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:15,343
Well, all things are possible
in the Goblin Castle of Alkobar.

255
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:17,606
[laughing]

256
00:12:17,649 --> 00:12:19,956
Oh, boy, here comes the table.

257
00:12:23,090 --> 00:12:25,005
So, how long
is this game gon' take?

258
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:26,441
20 minutes? Half hour?

259
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:28,051
[chuckles]:
Oh, no. But if we hustle,

260
00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:29,444
we can do it in half a day.

261
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,621
Half a day?

262
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:35,624
Wow, that's almost like
too much fun.

263
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:37,408
[laughs]

264
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:39,671
Okay. So,
let's get right to it.

265
00:12:39,715 --> 00:12:41,543
Okay.
I already created
characters for you both.

266
00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:42,849
Malcolm.
Yes.

267
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:45,373
You are Shadow Fang,
a fighter elf.

268
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:48,289
[laughing]

269
00:12:48,332 --> 00:12:50,247
You're a little tiny-ass elf!

270
00:12:51,292 --> 00:12:52,815
Actually, Dad,

271
00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:54,904
it's a common misconception
that elves are little.

272
00:12:54,948 --> 00:12:56,340
They're actually known
for being tall

273
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:58,168
and lean
and extremely dexterous.

274
00:12:58,212 --> 00:12:59,866
[laughs]Oh. Okay. Well, in that case,

275
00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:01,737
I guess I'm an elf, too.

276
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:04,348
It's too late.
You a tiny-ass dwarf.

277
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:08,048
[Malcolm and Marty laugh]

278
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:10,180
And my name is Galumpkin?

279
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:12,400
Yes! Galumpkin the Great,
king of the dwarves.

280
00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:13,836
You're an eighth-level barbarian

281
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,490
who fights
with an enchanted battle ax.

282
00:13:15,533 --> 00:13:18,536
Well, all right! Okay.

283
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,364
All right, so,
who you gonna be, Marty?

284
00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:21,844
Oh, no,
I'm not one of the characters.

285
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,237
I am the Dungeon Master,

286
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,891
the all-knowing,
omnipotent guide

287
00:13:24,934 --> 00:13:26,544
through your epic journey.

288
00:13:26,588 --> 00:13:28,459
And I get to wear this hat.

289
00:13:38,556 --> 00:13:40,123
[sighs loudly]

290
00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,040
Hey, there.

291
00:13:44,084 --> 00:13:45,433
Oh, hi, Tina.

292
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,392
Damn, Dave,
what happened to you?

293
00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:50,090
Somebody whup your ass?

294
00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:52,570
No.

295
00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:55,095
I went to talk things out
with Justin's dad,

296
00:13:55,138 --> 00:13:58,533
but he took a swing at me,
so I had to fight back.

297
00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:00,056
Wow, Dave.

298
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,710
I didn't know
you had it in you.

299
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:03,277
So, you won?

300
00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:08,630
I totally kicked his ass.

301
00:14:09,631 --> 00:14:10,980
Well, good for you

302
00:14:11,024 --> 00:14:13,156
for doing something
incredibly stupid.

303
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:17,073
He hit me first.

304
00:14:18,074 --> 00:14:19,510
Oh, yeah.

305
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:21,382
You know, that was always
my excuse, too.

306
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:23,079
Or "I didn't do it!"

307
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:25,995
Or "Karen stuffed her own head
in the toilet!" I mean...

308
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:29,216
What was I supposed to do?
Just walk away?

309
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:32,306
[sighs] Look, I feel you,
Dave, but think about Gemma.

310
00:14:32,349 --> 00:14:34,525
What if this gets out
to the other parents?

311
00:14:34,569 --> 00:14:37,093
This undermines
her credibility at work.

312
00:14:37,137 --> 00:14:39,139
She could lose her job.

313
00:14:40,183 --> 00:14:42,272
I know. You're right.

314
00:14:42,316 --> 00:14:44,100
I-I got to fix this.

315
00:14:44,144 --> 00:14:46,233
It's all right.
I'm sure you'll find a way.

316
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:48,975
Thanks, Tina.

317
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:50,193
Hey, so, what did Karen do

318
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:51,499
to make you stuff her head
in the toilet?

319
00:14:51,542 --> 00:14:53,718
She gave me a "C" on a test.

320
00:14:56,983 --> 00:14:59,942
Okay. You finally emerge

321
00:14:59,986 --> 00:15:02,902
from the mountain pass
into a clearing,

322
00:15:02,945 --> 00:15:04,555
where you discover...

323
00:15:04,599 --> 00:15:05,948
a stone giant!

324
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:07,602
Damn it. Malcolm,

325
00:15:07,645 --> 00:15:10,387
I told you
what made those footprints.

326
00:15:10,431 --> 00:15:13,042
Well, look, Pop, there's no way
we can beat a stone giant.

327
00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:15,262
Let's just backtrack
and go the other way.

328
00:15:15,305 --> 00:15:16,654
Are you kidding me?

329
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:18,830
And go back through
the Swamp of Lost Souls?

330
00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:20,528
I'm not going back there.

331
00:15:22,704 --> 00:15:24,662
Look, come on, Pop.
Let's just run away.

332
00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:26,664
No. No, no, man.

333
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:29,276
We can beat
this fool right here.

334
00:15:29,319 --> 00:15:30,973
You know what?

335
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,670
I drink a potion of strength

336
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:35,325
while I cast
a spell of confusion

337
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:38,372
while attacking
with my enchanted battle ax!Yeah.

338
00:15:39,851 --> 00:15:43,116
Watch out, giant.
Here come the pain!

339
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,640
That's a one. You die.

340
00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:48,991
What?

341
00:15:49,035 --> 00:15:51,515
No, that can't be right, man.
I'm Galumpkin.

342
00:15:51,559 --> 00:15:54,127
G-Love! The Lump Dawg!

343
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,956
I'm sorry, Dad.
The dice don't lie.

344
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,175
Well, we not giving up.
Ain't that right, Malcolm?

345
00:15:59,219 --> 00:16:00,742
Peace out, Lump Dawg.

346
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,355
All right,
thanks for playing, Dad.

347
00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:07,531
Wh-What do you mean,
"Thanks for playing"?

348
00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:10,230
You can't talk to the king
of the dwarves like that.

349
00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:11,753
Come on, run it back.

350
00:16:11,796 --> 00:16:14,277
No, you don't have to.

351
00:16:14,321 --> 00:16:16,976
I know I don't haveto,
but I want to.

352
00:16:18,803 --> 00:16:21,371
Yeah, but you two always
make fun of me for this stuff.

353
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,199
Yeah, I know.

354
00:16:23,243 --> 00:16:25,375
But, uh...

355
00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:28,030
you know, sometimes I, uh...

356
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:29,423
You know me.

357
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:32,469
You know, I don't say
things that, uh...

358
00:16:35,603 --> 00:16:37,561
You know what I'm saying?

359
00:16:37,605 --> 00:16:38,998
You know what I mean?

360
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:43,654
Dad...

361
00:16:43,698 --> 00:16:45,961
that is the nicest thing
you ever said to me.

362
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:53,012
Well, I meant every word, son.

363
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:56,928
Look, Marty,

364
00:16:56,972 --> 00:16:58,930
look, I don't want
to be your bully.

365
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:01,324
I'm your father, all
right? And I love you.

366
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:02,673
I love you, too.Come on, then.

367
00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:04,719
Come on, boy.

368
00:17:09,941 --> 00:17:12,031
I really appreciate
you doing this with me.

369
00:17:12,074 --> 00:17:13,858
It means a lot.

370
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:15,469
Good. Good.

371
00:17:15,512 --> 00:17:17,297
All right, now, sit
your ass back down

372
00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:19,342
and put your stupid
hat on. Let's go.

373
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:28,743
Thank you for coming in,
and please know

374
00:17:28,786 --> 00:17:31,224
I take this situation
very seriously.

375
00:17:31,267 --> 00:17:33,878
You should. First,
your kid assaults Justin,

376
00:17:33,922 --> 00:17:35,967
then your husband attacks me.

377
00:17:36,011 --> 00:17:39,449
Apparently, our family
isn't safe at school or at home.

378
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:41,843
I understand, but I assure you,

379
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:44,019
Justin and you
are completely safe.

380
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,455
[knock on window]Hello.

381
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,631
[yelps]

382
00:17:49,329 --> 00:17:50,765
Dave, what are you doing here?

383
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:51,896
I'm looking for Ed.

384
00:17:51,940 --> 00:17:53,289
I told you he was crazy.

385
00:17:53,333 --> 00:17:56,118
I just came to apologize.

386
00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:58,903
I never should have let things
escalate the way that they did.

387
00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:00,253
Well, you should have
thought of that

388
00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:02,168
before you beat him
with his own shoe.

389
00:18:03,952 --> 00:18:07,129
Okay, clearly,
mistakes were made,

390
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:09,697
and we all have
a lot of healing to do.

391
00:18:09,740 --> 00:18:13,222
Really? Is anyone else getting
their stitches out on Friday?

392
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:17,835
We didn't come here

393
00:18:17,879 --> 00:18:19,533
for an apology.

394
00:18:19,576 --> 00:18:22,013
We came here to tell you that
we're contacting a lawyer.

395
00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:24,015
And after we're done,

396
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:26,148
you're not going to be able
to get a job anywhere.

397
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,497
Okay, wait a second.

398
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:28,542
Dave, let me handle this.

399
00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:30,196
No. Your husband and your son

400
00:18:30,239 --> 00:18:32,067
are a couple of animals.

401
00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,156
"Animals"?

402
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,463
You heard me. Let's go, Ed.

403
00:18:36,506 --> 00:18:37,681
Dave.

404
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:39,727
Uh, we should hear her out.

405
00:18:43,774 --> 00:18:45,341
Here's what's gonna happen.

406
00:18:45,385 --> 00:18:47,517
Grover's going to be suspended
for fighting.

407
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:50,390
Justin's going to be suspended
for bullying.

408
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:53,044
But...Did I call on you?

409
00:18:55,438 --> 00:18:57,092
As a show of good will,

410
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,050
Dave is not gonna press charges
against Ed

411
00:18:59,094 --> 00:19:00,487
for attacking him first.

412
00:19:00,530 --> 00:19:03,316
And in return, you won't
press charges against Dave

413
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:05,100
for making Ed his bitch.

414
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:12,716
That's it.

415
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,414
I'm calling the
board of trustees.

416
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:18,157
Fine. And I'm calling the IRS
to report you for tax evasion.

417
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,723
[scoffs] What are
you talking about?

418
00:19:19,767 --> 00:19:22,073
I'm talking about how
your seven-year-old son

419
00:19:22,117 --> 00:19:24,206
is the registered owner
of a 20-foot sailboat

420
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,077
named Take it Sleazy.

421
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,732
[Ed clears throat]

422
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:31,170
It was all her idea.

423
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,869
You know what?
[chuckles]

424
00:19:34,912 --> 00:19:37,350
Things did get out of hand,

425
00:19:37,393 --> 00:19:40,222
but it sounds like you've got
the situation under control.

426
00:19:42,050 --> 00:19:44,008
Finally, we agree on something.

427
00:19:44,052 --> 00:19:45,662
C-Can we...

428
00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:47,621
You may go.

429
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:57,935
That was amazing.

430
00:19:57,979 --> 00:19:59,372
[chuckles]:
Thank you.

431
00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:00,634
How'd you know
about the boat?

432
00:20:00,677 --> 00:20:02,331
Justin's not just a bully.

433
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,854
He's also a blabbermouth.

434
00:20:03,898 --> 00:20:06,161
And, word on the playground,
a bedwetter.

435
00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:11,427
I can't believe how well
you kept your cool.

436
00:20:11,471 --> 00:20:13,516
You know, apparently,
Calvin was wrong.

437
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,910
Not everyone has
a breaking point.

438
00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:18,869
Oh, no. If she had said one
more word about you or Grover,

439
00:20:18,913 --> 00:20:21,611
that ho would've been
on the flo'.

440
00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:32,709
Congratulations,
adventurers.

441
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:34,711
You found the exit
to the Labyrinth of Despair.

442
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:36,496
You emerge into the light.

443
00:20:36,539 --> 00:20:38,628
Boom! Yeah!
Yes!

444
00:20:39,629 --> 00:20:42,066
But your path
has been blocked

445
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:43,198
by a man-eating ogre!

446
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,460
What?Come on!

447
00:20:46,114 --> 00:20:48,029
What do you do?

448
00:20:49,552 --> 00:20:51,162
I say we try reasoning with him.

449
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:52,425
Let's lay down our weapons

450
00:20:52,468 --> 00:20:55,079
and let him know
that we come in peace.

451
00:20:55,123 --> 00:20:56,559
Good plan.

452
00:20:56,603 --> 00:20:58,648
Good plan. Like it.

453
00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:00,955
I'm gonna go ahead
and kill Dave.

454
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:02,870
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