1 00:00:05,287 --> 00:00:09,157 Tiger Butler lines up for his big drive. 2 00:00:09,204 --> 00:00:12,244 The gallery oohs in anticipation. 3 00:00:12,294 --> 00:00:16,474 I said the gallery oohs in anticipation. 4 00:00:16,515 --> 00:00:18,035 [weakly]: Ooh. 5 00:00:20,041 --> 00:00:23,261 The gallery forgets Tiger let him live here rent free. 6 00:00:23,305 --> 00:00:24,695 Whoo! 7 00:00:24,741 --> 00:00:26,951 Oh! 8 00:00:27,004 --> 00:00:28,964 Oh, a beautiful shot! 9 00:00:29,006 --> 00:00:30,486 400 yards. 10 00:00:30,529 --> 00:00:33,009 It bounces once, it bounces again... 11 00:00:33,054 --> 00:00:35,054 Can you just get to the hole in one already? 12 00:00:35,099 --> 00:00:36,799 It's your fifth one in a row. 13 00:00:36,840 --> 00:00:39,110 It's his fifth one in a row! 14 00:00:39,147 --> 00:00:41,147 He might just be the greatest of... 15 00:00:41,192 --> 00:00:43,152 All time.Of all time! 16 00:00:44,891 --> 00:00:45,841 Yeah. 17 00:00:45,892 --> 00:00:47,712 Get in the hole! 18 00:00:48,895 --> 00:00:52,115 Ooh! That's a monster drive, and it's... 19 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:53,820 in the hole! 20 00:00:53,857 --> 00:00:56,117 The crowd goes wild. 21 00:00:56,164 --> 00:00:57,464 I can't believe I'm saying this, 22 00:00:57,513 --> 00:00:59,163 but why can't you be more like Dave? 23 00:01:01,125 --> 00:01:02,905 I didn't know you played golf, Calvin. 24 00:01:02,953 --> 00:01:04,913 Yeah, I used to, but then I had 25 00:01:04,955 --> 00:01:07,825 this one and the other one, now I'm a two handicap. 26 00:01:09,046 --> 00:01:11,136 You know, I used to play all the time back at home 27 00:01:11,179 --> 00:01:13,009 until a gang took over our course. 28 00:01:13,050 --> 00:01:15,190 Oh, I didn't know they had gangs in Kalamazoo. 29 00:01:15,226 --> 00:01:16,876 Canada geese. 30 00:01:18,273 --> 00:01:22,103 For Canadians, incredibly vicious. 31 00:01:22,146 --> 00:01:23,716 So what's going on, you playing soon? 32 00:01:23,756 --> 00:01:25,936 Yeah, a customer gave me a couple of guest rounds 33 00:01:25,976 --> 00:01:27,156 at Hillmount. 34 00:01:27,195 --> 00:01:29,155 Ooh, Hillmount. Yeah. 35 00:01:29,197 --> 00:01:31,327 That's exclusive. Well, have fun. 36 00:01:31,373 --> 00:01:33,633 Hey, Dave, since you play, why don't you come with me? 37 00:01:38,162 --> 00:01:39,642 Are you inviting Dave? 38 00:01:39,685 --> 00:01:43,735 Yeah... are you inviting Dave? 39 00:01:43,776 --> 00:01:44,956 Yes. 40 00:01:44,995 --> 00:01:46,695 [chuckles] Uh, this Dave? 41 00:01:46,736 --> 00:01:48,346 Yes. 42 00:01:48,390 --> 00:01:51,400 Well, in that case, Dave is in. 43 00:01:51,436 --> 00:01:54,696 Can Dave stop talking in third person? I only have two passes. 44 00:01:54,744 --> 00:01:56,004 I'm sorry, Dave's just excited 45 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,449 because he's been waiting for this moment 46 00:01:57,486 --> 00:01:58,796 for a really long time. 47 00:01:58,835 --> 00:02:01,575 And Calvin's starting to regret it. 48 00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:03,760 Malcolm's just really confused. 49 00:02:05,363 --> 00:02:07,233 ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ 50 00:02:07,278 --> 00:02:08,538 ♪ Welcome to the hood. 51 00:02:19,464 --> 00:02:21,374 How do I look? 52 00:02:21,423 --> 00:02:23,253 Like you're ready to hit a golf ball, 53 00:02:23,294 --> 00:02:26,474 look for it, not find it, and do it again for four hours. 54 00:02:28,256 --> 00:02:29,386 Can I come? 55 00:02:29,431 --> 00:02:30,731 Ooh, sorry, buddy, 56 00:02:30,780 --> 00:02:31,790 Mr. Calvin only had one extra pass, 57 00:02:31,824 --> 00:02:32,954 and, uh... [chuckles] 58 00:02:32,999 --> 00:02:34,879 he gave it to me. 59 00:02:36,481 --> 00:02:39,221 Sweetie, I know how excited you are that Calvin invited you 60 00:02:39,267 --> 00:02:40,617 to do something one-on-one, 61 00:02:40,659 --> 00:02:42,799 but maybe you should try to play it a little cool. 62 00:02:42,835 --> 00:02:44,275 I know, y-you're right, 63 00:02:44,315 --> 00:02:46,275 sometimes my enthusiasm can get the best of me. 64 00:02:46,317 --> 00:02:47,977 The last thing I want to do is... 65 00:02:48,014 --> 00:02:50,194 [car horn honks]Got to go. 66 00:02:50,234 --> 00:02:51,754 Don't wait up. 67 00:02:51,801 --> 00:02:54,451 Well, kiddo, I guess it's just you and... Bye, Mom. 68 00:02:54,499 --> 00:02:56,029 Wait, where are you going? 69 00:02:56,066 --> 00:02:59,246 Next door to play video games with Malcolm and Marty. 70 00:02:59,287 --> 00:03:01,157 I thought you and I were gonna hang out. 71 00:03:01,202 --> 00:03:04,242 Thanks, but I'm not really in the mood for mom stuff. 72 00:03:04,292 --> 00:03:05,942 What, Mom stuff? 73 00:03:05,989 --> 00:03:07,389 Wait, what's that supposed to mean? 74 00:03:07,425 --> 00:03:11,825 Well, there's mom stuff and there's fun stuff. 75 00:03:11,864 --> 00:03:15,254 Wha...? I'm fun. 76 00:03:15,303 --> 00:03:17,173 Yeah, but not like Dad. 77 00:03:17,218 --> 00:03:18,438 Last week 78 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:19,880 we chopped a worm in half, 79 00:03:19,916 --> 00:03:22,266 and it turned into two worms. 80 00:03:22,310 --> 00:03:26,540 Well, moms can do fun stuff, too. 81 00:03:26,575 --> 00:03:28,835 Ooh, I know, we could go to Color Me Mine 82 00:03:28,881 --> 00:03:33,181 and paint some ceramic swans. You used to love that, remember? 83 00:03:33,234 --> 00:03:36,844 Oh, we can go crazy and paint the feathers purple. 84 00:03:36,889 --> 00:03:38,809 I'll be next door. 85 00:03:41,546 --> 00:03:44,116 Oh, thank you, my good man. 86 00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:45,987 Oh, sir? Yeah? 87 00:03:46,029 --> 00:03:47,559 I'm sorry, there's actually no hats allowed 88 00:03:47,596 --> 00:03:48,776 inside the clubhouse. 89 00:03:48,814 --> 00:03:50,854 Good to know. All right. 90 00:03:50,903 --> 00:03:54,953 You know what? Here's a little tip for the tip. 91 00:03:54,994 --> 00:03:56,694 Thank you. 92 00:03:56,735 --> 00:03:58,645 Calvin, what's going on? 93 00:03:58,694 --> 00:04:00,084 You've tipped four people 94 00:04:00,130 --> 00:04:01,880 since we got out of the car, including Michael Keaton, 95 00:04:01,914 --> 00:04:03,874 who I'm pretty sure does not work here. 96 00:04:03,916 --> 00:04:07,706 I mean, he was Batman and Mr. Mom. 97 00:04:07,746 --> 00:04:09,226 That guy has range. 98 00:04:11,272 --> 00:04:13,182 I'm just saying it's not like you. 99 00:04:13,230 --> 00:04:15,240 Well, you know what else isn't like me? 100 00:04:15,276 --> 00:04:17,716 Everyone here. Take a look around, Dave. 101 00:04:17,756 --> 00:04:21,016 Okay, yes, we know you're the only one 102 00:04:21,064 --> 00:04:23,024 who can pull off matching argyle. 103 00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:27,637 No, Dave-- well, yes. 104 00:04:27,679 --> 00:04:30,689 But what I meant was I'm the only black guy here. 105 00:04:32,554 --> 00:04:34,294 Huh. 106 00:04:36,558 --> 00:04:38,218 Well, I didn't even notice. 107 00:04:38,255 --> 00:04:40,605 That's because you don't have to have your antenna up. 108 00:04:40,649 --> 00:04:41,739 What does that mean? 109 00:04:41,780 --> 00:04:44,220 It means that you naturally fit in, 110 00:04:44,261 --> 00:04:45,391 but I stand out. 111 00:04:45,436 --> 00:04:47,176 That's why I have to dress sharp, man, 112 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,880 and give out a bunch of tips to people that don't deserve it. 113 00:04:49,919 --> 00:04:53,709 Okay, well, what about Michael Keaton? 114 00:04:53,749 --> 00:04:56,279 I snuck in the movie theater to see Beetlejuice, 115 00:04:56,317 --> 00:04:57,797 so I felt like I owed him. 116 00:05:00,146 --> 00:05:02,366 Look, as the only black guy in the room, 117 00:05:02,410 --> 00:05:05,460 you just know that everybody's waiting on you 118 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:08,200 to reinforce the negative stereotypes. 119 00:05:08,241 --> 00:05:09,591 That's why I have to represent. 120 00:05:09,634 --> 00:05:12,684 Okay, Calvin, I think you're being ridiculous. 121 00:05:12,724 --> 00:05:14,764 No one here is seeing you as a representative 122 00:05:14,813 --> 00:05:16,203 of all black people. 123 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:19,129 Are you sure? Because you're the only person 124 00:05:19,165 --> 00:05:22,515 I know from Kalamazoo, and I assume that everyone there 125 00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:25,350 is overly positive and always smiling 126 00:05:25,389 --> 00:05:26,999 and giving babies high fives. 127 00:05:27,043 --> 00:05:30,783 Well, yes, of course we're positive. 128 00:05:30,829 --> 00:05:33,709 Calvin, it's the celery capital of the world! 129 00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:38,614 I think it's so cute that Calvin and Dave 130 00:05:38,663 --> 00:05:40,313 are on their little "man date." 131 00:05:40,361 --> 00:05:42,141 Dave was so excited this morning, 132 00:05:42,188 --> 00:05:45,808 it took him a half hour to pick out "the right pair of khakis." 133 00:05:45,844 --> 00:05:47,804 Calvin tried not to show it, 134 00:05:47,846 --> 00:05:49,636 but I could tell he was excited, too. 135 00:05:49,674 --> 00:05:51,194 Oh, really? How? 136 00:05:51,241 --> 00:05:53,461 I don't know, girl, I'm just trying to throw you a bone. 137 00:05:53,504 --> 00:05:55,024 [laughs] 138 00:05:56,768 --> 00:05:58,168 Can I ask you a question? 139 00:05:58,204 --> 00:06:00,074 Do you think I'm fun? 140 00:06:00,119 --> 00:06:01,859 Of course. Why? 141 00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:04,074 Well, Grover didn't want to hang out with me today 142 00:06:04,123 --> 00:06:07,083 because he says I only do "boring mom stuff." 143 00:06:07,126 --> 00:06:09,996 [sighs] Not the ceramic swan painting again. 144 00:06:10,042 --> 00:06:12,342 You said you loved that. 145 00:06:12,393 --> 00:06:14,433 Again, another bone. 146 00:06:14,482 --> 00:06:17,352 Look, don't worry about it, 147 00:06:17,398 --> 00:06:20,928 Grover's just going through a daddy phase. It's natural. 148 00:06:20,966 --> 00:06:25,446 All he and Dave do for fun are violent and dirty things, 149 00:06:25,493 --> 00:06:27,453 mostly to worms. 150 00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:29,755 Don't worry about it, he'll come back around. 151 00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:33,321 Now that my boys are grown, I'm back to being number one. 152 00:06:33,370 --> 00:06:36,460 'Sup, mamas? Mmm, Marty, 153 00:06:36,504 --> 00:06:38,024 who's cooler, me or your dad? 154 00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:39,990 Is this a trap? 155 00:06:42,031 --> 00:06:44,241 Of course not, baby, I just want your honest opinion. 156 00:06:44,294 --> 00:06:46,424 Oh, well, "cool" is kind of subjective... 157 00:06:46,470 --> 00:06:48,220 No, it's not! Cool is what your mother is. 158 00:06:50,256 --> 00:06:52,386 Okay, uh, well, it-it-it's kind of like, 159 00:06:52,433 --> 00:06:54,213 Dad is cool in dad ways, 160 00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:56,790 like when he restores old cars or schools everybody at poker, 161 00:06:56,828 --> 00:07:00,658 and-and you're cool, you're cool in-in mom ways, like, 162 00:07:00,702 --> 00:07:02,872 like when you cut my sandwiches into little butterflies. 163 00:07:05,271 --> 00:07:06,791 All right. 164 00:07:09,058 --> 00:07:11,058 Welcome to the boring mom club. 165 00:07:11,103 --> 00:07:13,843 Oh, hell no. No, that's not fair. 166 00:07:13,889 --> 00:07:15,939 Just because we have to be the responsible ones, 167 00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:17,548 dads get to have all the fun? 168 00:07:17,588 --> 00:07:21,248 [sighs] What were you gonna do today? 169 00:07:21,287 --> 00:07:23,117 Hello? Ceramic swans. 170 00:07:24,465 --> 00:07:26,205 No, okay? 171 00:07:26,249 --> 00:07:29,739 We're gonna show those boys that moms can be just as fun as dads. 172 00:07:29,774 --> 00:07:31,384 Get your purse, we're going shopping. 173 00:07:31,428 --> 00:07:33,428 For what? 174 00:07:34,562 --> 00:07:36,382 [screaming] 175 00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:38,693 It's on, suckas! Yeah! 176 00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:42,100 We're gonna make you regret the day we gave birth to you. 177 00:07:42,134 --> 00:07:44,134 [screams] 178 00:07:46,095 --> 00:07:49,615 I got to admit, Dave, your golf game isn't half bad. 179 00:07:49,664 --> 00:07:51,534 You had me on my toes there for a while. 180 00:07:51,579 --> 00:07:55,589 Yeah, until that stupid goose attacked me. [laughs] 181 00:07:55,626 --> 00:07:59,236 Oh, yeah, yeah, he got you good. Look, 182 00:07:59,282 --> 00:08:01,632 there you are hiding in the sand trap. 183 00:08:03,895 --> 00:08:05,415 And there he is finding you. 184 00:08:05,462 --> 00:08:07,202 [laughs] 185 00:08:07,246 --> 00:08:08,946 You know, I could've used some backup. 186 00:08:08,987 --> 00:08:10,557 Oh, street rules, Dave. 187 00:08:10,598 --> 00:08:13,038 His boys stayed out of it, I stayed out of it. 188 00:08:13,078 --> 00:08:15,688 I'll tell you what, 189 00:08:15,733 --> 00:08:18,433 I'll make it up to you. Lunch is on me, all right? 190 00:08:18,475 --> 00:08:22,475 Uh, maybe they got duck on the menu, you can get some revenge. 191 00:08:22,523 --> 00:08:24,133 Sounds good. I'm gonna go to the bathroom 192 00:08:24,176 --> 00:08:27,876 and get this, uh, sand out of my pants. 193 00:08:27,919 --> 00:08:30,579 Hello there, um, table for two. 194 00:08:30,618 --> 00:08:32,838 Certainly. Uh, it's gonna be about a half an hour 195 00:08:32,881 --> 00:08:34,311 to 40 minutes. Is that all right? 196 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:36,760 Okay, sure, um, name's Butler. 197 00:08:38,016 --> 00:08:41,366 Oh... I gave my last five to the groundskeeper 198 00:08:41,411 --> 00:08:43,891 to sic a goose on my friend. 199 00:08:43,935 --> 00:08:45,505 We'll call your name when your table's ready. 200 00:08:45,546 --> 00:08:48,026 I sicced a goose on my friend. 201 00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:54,465 So the bathroom attendant told me 202 00:08:54,511 --> 00:08:56,731 that it was mating season, so apparently 203 00:08:56,774 --> 00:08:58,164 the goose was just really into me. 204 00:08:58,210 --> 00:08:59,560 [laughs] 205 00:08:59,603 --> 00:09:00,773 Hey, did you put our name in? 206 00:09:00,822 --> 00:09:03,172 Yeah, but he said it's gonna be, like, 207 00:09:03,215 --> 00:09:06,525 a half an hour to 40 minutes. You know what? You should ask. 208 00:09:06,567 --> 00:09:07,827 Why? 209 00:09:07,872 --> 00:09:10,002 Because of your charm and good looks. 210 00:09:10,048 --> 00:09:11,658 Oh, really? 211 00:09:11,702 --> 00:09:14,962 No, Dave, because you're white. 212 00:09:15,010 --> 00:09:18,020 You really think that's gonna help us get a table faster? 213 00:09:18,056 --> 00:09:19,446 Look, it might. 214 00:09:19,492 --> 00:09:21,532 It's like when you're trying to go into a nightclub, 215 00:09:21,582 --> 00:09:22,972 you get to skip the line 216 00:09:23,018 --> 00:09:24,848 if you walk in with a beautiful lady. 217 00:09:24,889 --> 00:09:28,329 So, because I'm white, I'm your beautiful lady? 218 00:09:28,371 --> 00:09:29,671 [chuckles] 219 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,380 The goose thought so. 220 00:09:31,417 --> 00:09:33,687 Okay. [laughs] 221 00:09:33,724 --> 00:09:36,554 Calvin, it's not gonna make any difference. 222 00:09:36,597 --> 00:09:38,387 All right, well, prove me wrong. 223 00:09:38,424 --> 00:09:40,204 Happily. 224 00:09:40,252 --> 00:09:41,862 Hi. 225 00:09:41,906 --> 00:09:44,166 Uh, yeah, excuse me, uh, can I get a table for two, please? 226 00:09:44,213 --> 00:09:45,643 Of course, but it's gonna be about 227 00:09:45,693 --> 00:09:48,303 a half an hour to 40 minutes. Is that all right? 228 00:09:48,347 --> 00:09:50,347 Oh, it's great. Uh, the name's Johnson. 229 00:09:52,395 --> 00:09:54,175 You were wrong. 230 00:09:54,223 --> 00:09:56,653 30 to 40 minutes, just the same as you. 231 00:09:56,704 --> 00:09:59,224 I mean, well, it was worth a try. 232 00:09:59,271 --> 00:10:01,401 Yeah, well, you're lucky I'm not the kind of guy to say, 233 00:10:01,447 --> 00:10:02,577 "I told you so," because... 234 00:10:02,623 --> 00:10:05,053 Johnson, party of two, your table's ready. 235 00:10:05,103 --> 00:10:08,193 [chuckles] Ladies first. 236 00:10:16,898 --> 00:10:20,858 Great table, Dave. Thanks for being born so pale. 237 00:10:20,902 --> 00:10:22,642 Would you stop it? 238 00:10:22,686 --> 00:10:24,866 Look, you can thank me for my kindness, my cheerful spirit, 239 00:10:24,906 --> 00:10:27,216 or my signature guacamole, but not this. 240 00:10:27,256 --> 00:10:30,216 Because you know this was a mistake, right? 241 00:10:30,259 --> 00:10:31,569 No, the only mistake was not pulling 242 00:10:31,608 --> 00:10:33,478 my "Dave card" out sooner. 243 00:10:33,523 --> 00:10:36,003 I mean, the reward points are amazing. 244 00:10:36,047 --> 00:10:39,137 Ooh, fish tacos! 245 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:41,051 You know, I'm sure there's a perfectly logical 246 00:10:41,096 --> 00:10:42,486 explanation for this. 247 00:10:42,532 --> 00:10:43,702 Uh, excuse me. 248 00:10:43,751 --> 00:10:45,141 Yes? Is everything all right? 249 00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:46,887 Yeah, just a quick question, um, 250 00:10:46,928 --> 00:10:49,238 you know, my friend here put his name down before I did, 251 00:10:49,278 --> 00:10:51,718 and-and somehow I got a table first. 252 00:10:51,759 --> 00:10:53,549 I am so sorry. 253 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:56,156 We were totally swamped, uh, we had a cancellation, 254 00:10:56,198 --> 00:10:57,808 you were the last person I had spoken to... 255 00:10:57,852 --> 00:10:58,982 Look, there's no excuse. 256 00:10:59,027 --> 00:11:00,817 Please, uh, let me comp your meal. 257 00:11:00,855 --> 00:11:03,035 Oh, thank you.Of course. 258 00:11:03,074 --> 00:11:04,904 You see that? 259 00:11:04,946 --> 00:11:08,336 A completely innocent mix-up. Race had nothing to do with it. 260 00:11:08,384 --> 00:11:10,824 All right, think what you want to, Dave. 261 00:11:10,865 --> 00:11:12,995 All I know is my Dave card got me upgraded 262 00:11:13,041 --> 00:11:15,471 from fish tacos to lobster. 263 00:11:18,699 --> 00:11:22,709 Whoa, cool! 264 00:11:22,746 --> 00:11:25,316 I thought you said I couldn't play with guns. 265 00:11:25,357 --> 00:11:27,277 Well, that was before you said I wasn't fun. 266 00:11:27,316 --> 00:11:29,666 Besides, these aren't guns, they're blasters. 267 00:11:29,710 --> 00:11:31,320 But don't tell your teachers. 268 00:11:32,582 --> 00:11:35,452 All right, let's do this. What are the teams? 269 00:11:35,498 --> 00:11:38,638 Johnsons versus Butlers. Battle for the block! 270 00:11:38,675 --> 00:11:40,325 Ooh![laughs] 271 00:11:40,372 --> 00:11:42,982 Really, Gemma? You two versus us three? 272 00:11:43,027 --> 00:11:44,287 It's, like, a little kid and his mom... 273 00:11:44,333 --> 00:11:46,333 MALCOLM: Ooh. 274 00:11:49,686 --> 00:11:51,206 Oh, it's on. 275 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:53,553 Ooh!Come on, Grover, take cover! 276 00:11:53,603 --> 00:11:56,343 Troops, take your positions![shouts] 277 00:11:58,913 --> 00:12:00,823 [shouts] 278 00:12:00,871 --> 00:12:02,741 Marty, Marty. 279 00:12:04,614 --> 00:12:07,184 What? I-I see you, Mom. Hi. Ah... 280 00:12:07,225 --> 00:12:09,355 Malcolm, Malcolm. 281 00:12:09,401 --> 00:12:10,701 Yeah, I got you, Ma. 282 00:12:10,751 --> 00:12:12,011 Black power! 283 00:12:14,842 --> 00:12:16,792 Hey, hey, guys, just cover me, all right? 284 00:12:16,844 --> 00:12:19,014 I'm going in. [grunting] 285 00:12:26,027 --> 00:12:28,687 Now let me show you how it's done. 286 00:12:29,857 --> 00:12:31,167 Wait, wait! Ow, ow! 287 00:12:31,206 --> 00:12:32,336 Ow! Ah... 288 00:12:34,513 --> 00:12:36,073 That's how it's done! 289 00:12:36,124 --> 00:12:39,384 Get him, boys, defend your mother! 290 00:12:39,431 --> 00:12:41,171 [shouts] Come on, Grover, retreat, retreat. 291 00:12:41,216 --> 00:12:42,396 Back to home base. 292 00:12:42,434 --> 00:12:44,434 [shouting] 293 00:12:46,134 --> 00:12:47,784 [cheers] Boys! 294 00:12:47,831 --> 00:12:49,171 Boys, wait! 295 00:12:49,224 --> 00:12:50,924 You want us to hold our position here? 296 00:12:50,965 --> 00:12:52,575 No. Come help me up. 297 00:12:52,618 --> 00:12:54,618 My barrel roll ain't what it used to be. 298 00:12:56,753 --> 00:12:59,323 Just so you know, even though they comped this meal, 299 00:12:59,364 --> 00:13:01,534 it still counts as my treat. 300 00:13:01,584 --> 00:13:04,584 Okay, you know, Calvin, tell me this, 301 00:13:04,630 --> 00:13:07,860 if this place is so racist, why were you willing to eat here? 302 00:13:07,895 --> 00:13:10,205 No one said it was racist. 303 00:13:10,245 --> 00:13:13,205 I just saw an opportunity to use your white privilege. 304 00:13:13,248 --> 00:13:16,688 And it's delicious. 305 00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,429 I got a table by mistake. 306 00:13:18,470 --> 00:13:20,780 I don't think that's exactly white privilege. 307 00:13:20,821 --> 00:13:22,561 See? That's white privilege right there. 308 00:13:22,605 --> 00:13:25,175 Not knowing that you're benefiting from it. 309 00:13:25,216 --> 00:13:26,866 Okay, I-I know that 310 00:13:26,914 --> 00:13:30,044 I have certain social advantages on occasion 311 00:13:30,091 --> 00:13:32,221 because of the color of my skin. 312 00:13:32,267 --> 00:13:33,447 I'm woke. 313 00:13:33,485 --> 00:13:36,275 [laughs] 314 00:13:36,314 --> 00:13:38,014 Dave, you about as woke as I am 315 00:13:38,055 --> 00:13:40,235 when Tina puts on a movie with subtitles. 316 00:13:40,275 --> 00:13:43,755 Okay, well, then, please enlighten me. 317 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,200 [sighs] 318 00:13:45,236 --> 00:13:47,546 Dave, your white privilege 319 00:13:47,586 --> 00:13:49,766 isn't something that kicks in on occasion, 320 00:13:49,806 --> 00:13:52,376 it's something you benefit from every day. 321 00:13:52,417 --> 00:13:54,767 You play by a different set of rules. 322 00:13:54,811 --> 00:13:57,421 It's like life is golf, and you get to tee off 323 00:13:57,466 --> 00:14:00,126 from the women's tee, which you did. 324 00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,864 Only once, and that was after that goose dug me up 325 00:14:04,908 --> 00:14:05,868 in the sand trap. 326 00:14:07,302 --> 00:14:09,172 [chuckles]: Look, look, man, it doesn't even matter, 327 00:14:09,217 --> 00:14:11,567 all right? I'm not mad at youfor it. 328 00:14:11,610 --> 00:14:13,570 Okay, well, with all due respect, 329 00:14:13,612 --> 00:14:16,392 I ju-- I think you're seeing something that's not there. 330 00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:18,521 Really? Okay. 331 00:14:18,574 --> 00:14:20,274 Put this on. 332 00:14:20,315 --> 00:14:22,055 Yeah, well, there's a no-hat policy. 333 00:14:22,099 --> 00:14:23,799 They made you take it off. 334 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:27,150 Exactly. But I bet if you put it on, nothing will happen. 335 00:14:27,191 --> 00:14:29,231 Except maybe me looking better in it than you. 336 00:14:30,281 --> 00:14:33,581 Like I said, nothing will happen. 337 00:14:33,632 --> 00:14:35,982 Okay, yeah, fine, but you'll see. 338 00:14:36,026 --> 00:14:38,856 The same rules that apply to you apply to me. 339 00:14:38,899 --> 00:14:39,899 All right. 340 00:14:43,991 --> 00:14:45,811 I just hope people notice me in it. 341 00:14:48,691 --> 00:14:50,031 [door thuds][grunts] 342 00:14:50,084 --> 00:14:51,474 All right, soldiers, move in! 343 00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:53,000 Move. 344 00:14:53,043 --> 00:14:55,693 All right, Johnsons, we got you surrounded. 345 00:14:55,741 --> 00:14:57,691 If you don't surrender in 30 seconds, 346 00:14:57,743 --> 00:14:59,483 we're coming in after you. 347 00:14:59,528 --> 00:15:01,268 We'll never surrender! 348 00:15:01,312 --> 00:15:03,962 Mom, I think we have to surrender. 349 00:15:04,011 --> 00:15:07,491 Come on, Grover, don't be such a wuss. 350 00:15:07,536 --> 00:15:08,976 Did you just call me a wuss? 351 00:15:09,016 --> 00:15:10,716 Yeah, what are you gonna do about it, cry to your mommy? 352 00:15:12,628 --> 00:15:15,238 How could you boys ever think I wasn't fun? 353 00:15:15,283 --> 00:15:17,453 Oh-- it's not that you're not fun, Ma, 354 00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:19,852 it's just that Pop's always more spontaneous. 355 00:15:19,896 --> 00:15:22,416 Oh, well, you don't think I can be spontaneous? 356 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,424 Mom, it's not your strong suit, so... 357 00:15:24,466 --> 00:15:27,516 [shouts] God... 358 00:15:27,556 --> 00:15:31,606 What? Do I have a target on my neck or something? 359 00:15:31,647 --> 00:15:34,177 New game. I'm going in with the Johnsons! 360 00:15:34,215 --> 00:15:36,345 Yes! See, Grover? 361 00:15:36,391 --> 00:15:38,261 This is why you never surrender. 362 00:15:38,306 --> 00:15:39,486 You were right! 363 00:15:39,524 --> 00:15:40,824 But now you better run. 364 00:15:40,873 --> 00:15:42,173 Moms against sons! 365 00:15:42,223 --> 00:15:44,183 Oh, this is the best day ever! 366 00:15:44,225 --> 00:15:46,355 Oh!No! 367 00:15:46,401 --> 00:15:47,921 Leave him! Leave him! 368 00:15:50,753 --> 00:15:53,013 Oh, sweetie, sweetie, are you okay? 369 00:15:53,060 --> 00:15:55,720 Oh, I think I hit my funny bone. 370 00:15:55,758 --> 00:15:57,978 Oh, do you want Mommy to kiss it and make it better? 371 00:15:58,021 --> 00:15:59,191 Yeah. 372 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:03,030 See? Sometimes mom stuff isn't so bad, right? 373 00:16:04,027 --> 00:16:05,207 You okay now? 374 00:16:05,246 --> 00:16:07,026 Yeah, thanks, Mom. 375 00:16:07,074 --> 00:16:08,464 Good. 376 00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:10,650 Now run, wuss!You better run! 377 00:16:10,686 --> 00:16:13,256 Yeah! Go, go!You better run! 378 00:16:15,821 --> 00:16:17,381 This food was delicious. 379 00:16:17,432 --> 00:16:20,432 I, uh, tip my hat to the chef. 380 00:16:21,827 --> 00:16:23,137 But I do not take it off. 381 00:16:25,048 --> 00:16:26,788 It's been ten minutes, Dave. 382 00:16:26,832 --> 00:16:28,742 If that loud "phone call" 383 00:16:28,791 --> 00:16:30,271 thanking your hatmaker didn't work, 384 00:16:30,314 --> 00:16:32,054 I don't think anything will. 385 00:16:32,099 --> 00:16:34,409 You're right, I'm probably being too subtle. 386 00:16:34,449 --> 00:16:37,409 Uh, he-- excuse me, bartender? Uh... 387 00:16:37,452 --> 00:16:41,232 I know it's only the afternoon, but I sure could use a nightcap. 388 00:16:41,282 --> 00:16:45,112 [chuckles] Do you know how to make a Man-hat-tan? 389 00:16:46,983 --> 00:16:48,593 [chuckles] 390 00:16:48,637 --> 00:16:50,297 I mean, do you believe me now, 391 00:16:50,334 --> 00:16:53,294 or should we both go outside and see who can hail a cab? 392 00:16:53,337 --> 00:16:56,077 No, you, you. Perfect. 393 00:16:56,123 --> 00:16:58,253 Anything you want to say to me? You know, 394 00:16:58,299 --> 00:17:00,439 off the top of your head? 395 00:17:00,475 --> 00:17:04,695 Um, I hope you had a pleasant experience at Hillmount? 396 00:17:04,740 --> 00:17:07,010 How can you say that? 397 00:17:07,047 --> 00:17:09,227 Because they tell us to? 398 00:17:09,266 --> 00:17:12,396 See? I told you so. 399 00:17:12,443 --> 00:17:14,403 Huh-- do you remember the rules now? 400 00:17:14,445 --> 00:17:16,575 You're letting him walk around with the hat on, 401 00:17:16,621 --> 00:17:18,361 but you made me take it off. 402 00:17:18,406 --> 00:17:21,016 Uh, I'm sorry, guys, I don't want any trouble here. 403 00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:22,401 Well, you found it, because you're messing 404 00:17:22,453 --> 00:17:24,453 with the wrong woke white dude. 405 00:17:26,718 --> 00:17:30,118 The rules should be the same for everyone. 406 00:17:30,157 --> 00:17:31,987 I mean, did you see what just happened here? 407 00:17:32,028 --> 00:17:33,288 This was a travesty! 408 00:17:33,334 --> 00:17:34,554 Okay, Dave, chill out. 409 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,426 I still have a cappuccino coming. 410 00:17:36,467 --> 00:17:38,817 No. No, Calvin, 411 00:17:38,861 --> 00:17:41,031 it's-it's not right. 412 00:17:41,081 --> 00:17:43,031 If my friend can't wear a hat in here, 413 00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:45,433 none of us should be able to wear a hat in here. 414 00:17:47,913 --> 00:17:51,223 Dave, that's my hat, man. What the hell? 415 00:17:51,265 --> 00:17:55,135 Yeah, "What the hell?" is right. Yeah-- what the hell? 416 00:17:55,182 --> 00:17:56,572 What the hell? 417 00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,838 [chanting]: What the hell? What the hell? 418 00:17:58,881 --> 00:18:01,141 Excuse me, sir, sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 419 00:18:01,188 --> 00:18:03,018 Why? Because he's black? 420 00:18:03,059 --> 00:18:05,149 No, because you're trying to start a riot. 421 00:18:05,192 --> 00:18:07,142 [chuckles] 422 00:18:07,194 --> 00:18:09,584 No, I'm trying to start a revolution. 423 00:18:12,503 --> 00:18:14,463 Uh... 424 00:18:14,505 --> 00:18:16,375 Look, I'm sorry, I'm his first black friend. 425 00:18:24,559 --> 00:18:28,309 [exhales] You were pretty quiet in the car. You all right? 426 00:18:28,345 --> 00:18:30,785 Yeah, just disappointed. 427 00:18:30,826 --> 00:18:32,826 I was really looking forward to today. 428 00:18:32,871 --> 00:18:34,651 [chuckles] I'm sorry. 429 00:18:34,699 --> 00:18:36,309 I always forget how painful it is 430 00:18:36,353 --> 00:18:39,353 when racial inequality affects you white dudes. 431 00:18:41,358 --> 00:18:43,188 How do you do it? 432 00:18:43,230 --> 00:18:45,630 How do you handle all the double standards? 433 00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,667 I would be angry all the ti... 434 00:18:49,714 --> 00:18:51,324 Is that why you're angry all the time? 435 00:18:54,371 --> 00:18:57,021 Sometimes. Sometimes it's other things, 436 00:18:57,069 --> 00:18:59,419 but most of the times it's you. 437 00:19:02,031 --> 00:19:04,681 I mean, let me tell you a story about getting angry, man. 438 00:19:04,729 --> 00:19:06,339 You know, when I first wanted to open 439 00:19:06,383 --> 00:19:09,993 my auto shop, I went to a local bank here to get a loan. 440 00:19:10,039 --> 00:19:13,609 And despite my good credit and work history, 441 00:19:13,651 --> 00:19:16,081 all they would approve me for 442 00:19:16,132 --> 00:19:18,782 was a crazy disrespectful interest rate. 443 00:19:18,830 --> 00:19:20,710 So what'd you do? 444 00:19:20,745 --> 00:19:24,875 Well, I wanted to tell them to kiss my... 445 00:19:24,923 --> 00:19:28,753 but instead I said thank you 446 00:19:28,797 --> 00:19:30,457 and I took the money. 447 00:19:30,494 --> 00:19:33,364 Then I rolled up my sleeves and I worked hard 448 00:19:33,410 --> 00:19:35,200 and I built my business 449 00:19:35,238 --> 00:19:38,328 and I bought this house and I raised my family. 450 00:19:38,372 --> 00:19:41,202 And I paid that loan off three years early. 451 00:19:41,244 --> 00:19:44,294 If I'd have gotten angry, none of that would've happened. 452 00:19:44,334 --> 00:19:46,594 That must have felt great. 453 00:19:46,641 --> 00:19:48,421 You know what feels better? 454 00:19:48,469 --> 00:19:53,739 Is that my shop is still here, and that bank is long gone. 455 00:19:54,779 --> 00:19:56,259 Kind of like your hat. 456 00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:00,951 Oh, yeah, you're buying me another hat. 457 00:20:01,003 --> 00:20:03,963 [chuckles] And I hope you get cash back on your Dave card, 458 00:20:04,006 --> 00:20:05,616 because that thing wasn't cheap, man. 459 00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:07,270 [laughs] 460 00:20:07,314 --> 00:20:08,614 You want to come on in for a beer? 461 00:20:08,663 --> 00:20:09,833 Yeah, sure. 462 00:20:09,881 --> 00:20:12,141 [mutters] 463 00:20:13,842 --> 00:20:15,842 No! What? 464 00:20:18,063 --> 00:20:20,323 Sorry, I... I thought I heard flapping. 465 00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:22,160 [laughs] 466 00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:27,468 Wh-What the hell is this? 467 00:20:29,423 --> 00:20:30,853 Grover, what's going on? 468 00:20:30,902 --> 00:20:32,942 It's a trap![all shouting] 469 00:20:35,255 --> 00:20:36,425 Calvin, cover me! 470 00:20:36,473 --> 00:20:38,773 No, you cover me. 471 00:20:38,823 --> 00:20:40,523 Captioning sponsored by CBS 472 00:20:40,564 --> 00:20:41,694 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org