1 00:00:02,806 --> 00:00:05,156 Come on, Tina, we got to get to this theater. 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,340 Look, matinee hours end in 30 minutes, 3 00:00:07,376 --> 00:00:08,946 and I'm not paying full price 4 00:00:08,986 --> 00:00:12,516 to see The Rock beat up a hurricane. 5 00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:14,865 Baby, we're only late because you made us stop 6 00:00:14,905 --> 00:00:16,865 and try every free sample in the store. 7 00:00:16,907 --> 00:00:19,607 How many weenies on a toothpick can one man eat? 8 00:00:19,649 --> 00:00:22,919 Well, at least we don't have to stand in line for popcorn. 9 00:00:22,956 --> 00:00:25,656 I saved us time and money. 10 00:00:25,698 --> 00:00:29,358 Look, we'll just find a birthday present for Grover and go. 11 00:00:29,398 --> 00:00:31,528 [laughs]: Oh! 12 00:00:31,574 --> 00:00:33,184 How about these nunchucks? 13 00:00:33,228 --> 00:00:34,928 [shouting] 14 00:00:38,059 --> 00:00:40,109 Oh, you know he's gonna hit Dave with these. 15 00:00:42,106 --> 00:00:43,976 Put them back, Bruce Leroy. 16 00:00:45,892 --> 00:00:48,112 Gemma doesn't want us to get him any violent toys. 17 00:00:48,156 --> 00:00:52,206 Fine. Well, I'm-a get them for me. 18 00:00:52,247 --> 00:00:53,817 Oh, what about this? 19 00:00:53,857 --> 00:00:55,817 No. Gemma asked us 20 00:00:55,859 --> 00:00:59,389 to shy away from any toys that reinforce specific genders. 21 00:00:59,428 --> 00:01:03,348 Well, God forbid Grover finds out he's a boy. 22 00:01:03,388 --> 00:01:06,738 How about we just cruise over to the food section 23 00:01:06,783 --> 00:01:09,303 and get him a can of soup?[chuckles] 24 00:01:09,351 --> 00:01:12,571 Gemma suggested that we get him something educational. 25 00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,615 Well, we can get him some alphabet soup. 26 00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:17,710 Ooh, this is nice. 27 00:01:17,750 --> 00:01:18,890 A math puzzle. 28 00:01:18,925 --> 00:01:20,665 Seriously? 29 00:01:20,710 --> 00:01:23,720 What did that boy ever do to you? 30 00:01:23,756 --> 00:01:26,676 You know what? I-I really can't believe how these parents coddle 31 00:01:26,716 --> 00:01:28,546 their kids nowadays.Mm. 32 00:01:28,587 --> 00:01:31,897 We gave Malcolm and Marty plenty of violent, gendered toys 33 00:01:31,938 --> 00:01:33,728 and they turned out fine. 34 00:01:33,766 --> 00:01:35,506 [laughter, shouting] 35 00:01:35,551 --> 00:01:37,201 Come on, you're dead, man! I knocked your head off. 36 00:01:37,248 --> 00:01:38,598 No, you missed. You hit that old lady! 37 00:01:38,641 --> 00:01:40,071 [both grunting] 38 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,610 You know what? I'm gonna let you deal with this. 39 00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:47,438 I'm gonna go back and get some more toothpick weenies. 40 00:01:49,347 --> 00:01:51,007 ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ 41 00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,004 ♪ Welcome to the hood. 42 00:01:58,574 --> 00:02:00,534 Okay, the backyard is looking good, 43 00:02:00,576 --> 00:02:02,666 and the entertainment should be here in half an hour. 44 00:02:02,708 --> 00:02:05,448 Oh, there's entertainment?Oh, yeah. 45 00:02:05,494 --> 00:02:09,844 We got the one and only Insane Shane the Party Ma-chane. 46 00:02:09,889 --> 00:02:13,379 You got Insane Shane? 47 00:02:13,415 --> 00:02:14,935 You've heard of him?No. 48 00:02:14,981 --> 00:02:17,461 [chuckles] 49 00:02:17,506 --> 00:02:20,506 He's the premier host of kids' birthday parties in Pasadena. 50 00:02:20,552 --> 00:02:22,512 Well, what makes him so special? 51 00:02:22,554 --> 00:02:25,124 Kids love him. He plays games, he juggles, 52 00:02:25,166 --> 00:02:28,036 he can do the happy birthday song in armpit farts. 53 00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:30,601 Ah, well, Calvin's birthday is coming up. 54 00:02:30,649 --> 00:02:31,959 I'll keep him in mind. 55 00:02:31,998 --> 00:02:33,658 [laughs] 56 00:02:33,696 --> 00:02:35,436 You almost done with those cupcakes? 57 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,090 Oh, I'm getting there, but I can't believe 58 00:02:37,134 --> 00:02:39,044 you bought so many. 59 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,652 Well, I don't know any of the kids' allergies, 60 00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:42,873 so I got sugar-free, gluten-free, peanut-free, 61 00:02:42,922 --> 00:02:45,142 vegan, and vegan-gluten-peanut-sugar free. 62 00:02:48,189 --> 00:02:50,719 And taste-free, too. 63 00:02:50,756 --> 00:02:52,676 I know, but I don't care. 64 00:02:52,715 --> 00:02:54,155 I want to play pin the tail on the donkey, 65 00:02:54,195 --> 00:02:56,025 not jab the kid with the EpiPen. 66 00:02:56,066 --> 00:02:57,376 [chuckles] 67 00:02:57,415 --> 00:02:58,585 What up, what up? 68 00:02:58,634 --> 00:02:59,634 Hey.[gasps] 69 00:02:59,678 --> 00:03:00,808 All right, guys. We got the balloons. 70 00:03:00,853 --> 00:03:01,943 Oh, thank you, guys. 71 00:03:01,985 --> 00:03:04,425 [high-pitched]: No problem. 72 00:03:04,466 --> 00:03:05,816 Yeah, there was a leaky one. 73 00:03:05,858 --> 00:03:09,338 Yeah, I didn't want to waste it.[chuckles] 74 00:03:09,384 --> 00:03:12,564 Gemma, disaster. Insane Shane just cancelled. 75 00:03:12,604 --> 00:03:13,734 What? 76 00:03:13,779 --> 00:03:15,259 Yeah, apparently, he sneezed 77 00:03:15,303 --> 00:03:17,653 while he was juggling bowling balls. 78 00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:20,616 Now he's in the hospital with three concussions. 79 00:03:22,658 --> 00:03:23,838 Insane Shane cancelled? 80 00:03:23,876 --> 00:03:25,136 But I told everybody 81 00:03:25,182 --> 00:03:27,132 at school he was gonna be here. 82 00:03:27,184 --> 00:03:28,964 That's why they're coming. 83 00:03:29,012 --> 00:03:31,142 No, no, buddy, they... 84 00:03:31,188 --> 00:03:32,758 The kids are coming to celebrate you. 85 00:03:32,798 --> 00:03:34,148 That's what this is all about, 86 00:03:34,191 --> 00:03:36,751 how awesome and cool you are. 87 00:03:36,802 --> 00:03:39,062 Mm, they said they were coming for Shane. 88 00:03:41,329 --> 00:03:43,069 Hey, you know what, Grover? Malcolm and I can play 89 00:03:43,113 --> 00:03:44,283 party games with you guys. 90 00:03:44,332 --> 00:03:45,812 Can you be insane? 91 00:03:45,855 --> 00:03:47,155 Totally insane. 92 00:03:47,204 --> 00:03:49,074 [chuckles] 93 00:03:49,119 --> 00:03:52,559 Mm, I don't know. 94 00:03:52,601 --> 00:03:54,471 [high-pitched]: We're the only option you have. 95 00:03:56,344 --> 00:03:58,344 [shouting, cheering] 96 00:03:58,389 --> 00:04:00,219 Finish him! Now, go! 97 00:04:00,261 --> 00:04:02,081 Go! Go! Finish him! Steady yourself! 98 00:04:02,132 --> 00:04:03,822 Go! Go![thudding] 99 00:04:03,873 --> 00:04:06,223 Oh! Oh, yes! 100 00:04:06,267 --> 00:04:09,357 And just like that, Colby trips on a sprinkler. 101 00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,580 Oh, b-but he is up again, and running faster than ever. 102 00:04:12,621 --> 00:04:14,361 In the wrong direction. 103 00:04:14,405 --> 00:04:16,365 But here comes Haley for Team Malcolm. 104 00:04:16,407 --> 00:04:19,977 And Team Malcolm wins. Yes! 105 00:04:20,019 --> 00:04:22,199 In your face! [laughs] 106 00:04:22,239 --> 00:04:25,379 Dude, what are you doing? 107 00:04:25,416 --> 00:04:26,856 We're just playing party games with the kids. 108 00:04:26,896 --> 00:04:29,286 Oh, you're just saying that because I won again. 109 00:04:29,333 --> 00:04:30,553 I came out of Mama first, 110 00:04:30,595 --> 00:04:32,245 and I haven't given up that lead since. 111 00:04:32,293 --> 00:04:35,773 Seriously? I am an engineer. 112 00:04:35,818 --> 00:04:37,688 I have a great job, and my own apartment. 113 00:04:37,733 --> 00:04:39,563 You are unemployed, and you live at home 114 00:04:39,604 --> 00:04:42,084 with your mama and your daddy. 115 00:04:42,128 --> 00:04:44,528 Yes, but who just won the egg toss? 116 00:04:46,568 --> 00:04:48,008 You have never beaten me at anything physical, 117 00:04:48,047 --> 00:04:49,397 and you never will. 118 00:04:49,440 --> 00:04:51,050 [scoffs] Do you think that bothers me? 119 00:04:51,094 --> 00:04:52,224 I think that kills you. 120 00:04:52,269 --> 00:04:54,139 Damn it, you're right. Kids, 121 00:04:54,184 --> 00:04:57,094 help me get Colby out of those tomato vines. 122 00:04:57,143 --> 00:04:59,053 Hey, everybody. 123 00:04:59,102 --> 00:05:00,622 Hey. Hey. Oh, hey, Calvin. 124 00:05:00,669 --> 00:05:03,019 Hey, baby, where you been? 125 00:05:03,062 --> 00:05:05,932 Oh, I was just wrapping the birthday gift I got for Grover. 126 00:05:05,978 --> 00:05:08,378 Oh, but we already got him the math puzzle. 127 00:05:08,416 --> 00:05:11,806 Yeah, you know, I scratched my name off that card. 128 00:05:11,854 --> 00:05:12,814 That's all you now. 129 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,560 Oh, don't mind if I do. 130 00:05:17,599 --> 00:05:19,299 Ha, ha. 131 00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:20,870 What the hell? 132 00:05:22,995 --> 00:05:24,605 Okay, stop playing. Where are the real cupcakes? 133 00:05:28,174 --> 00:05:31,084 Yay. Flash cards. 134 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:35,620 Oh, what a great gift. 135 00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:37,010 Now, don't let me catch you playing with those 136 00:05:37,053 --> 00:05:38,483 after bedtime.[chuckles] 137 00:05:38,533 --> 00:05:39,923 I don't think you're gonna catch him 138 00:05:39,969 --> 00:05:41,279 playing with those at any time. 139 00:05:43,451 --> 00:05:45,451 Sweetie, tell Colby how much you like it. 140 00:05:45,496 --> 00:05:47,416 I thought I wasn't supposed to lie. 141 00:05:47,455 --> 00:05:50,545 Grover. 142 00:05:50,588 --> 00:05:52,068 It's okay, I get it. 143 00:05:54,157 --> 00:05:58,687 Ring toss, three-legged race, pin the tail on the donkey. 144 00:05:58,727 --> 00:06:00,207 Yo, man, what are you doing? 145 00:06:00,250 --> 00:06:03,260 I'm just recapping my wins. 146 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,476 Okay, okay. Well, in that case, uh, 147 00:06:05,516 --> 00:06:10,086 bank account, credit score, uh, life. 148 00:06:10,129 --> 00:06:12,479 Those are all very good points. 149 00:06:12,523 --> 00:06:14,043 Yes. [laughs] 150 00:06:14,090 --> 00:06:15,440 Don't none of them matter right now, do they? 151 00:06:15,483 --> 00:06:16,483 No! 152 00:06:18,224 --> 00:06:21,184 Great, another math puzzle. 153 00:06:21,227 --> 00:06:24,097 Grover, thank Miss Tina. 154 00:06:24,143 --> 00:06:25,923 Thanks, Miss Tina. 155 00:06:25,971 --> 00:06:27,401 [quietly]: Your mother made me get it. 156 00:06:29,148 --> 00:06:31,328 Well, okay, it looks like we opened up all the gifts. 157 00:06:31,368 --> 00:06:33,108 Oh, oh, oh. Not yet. 158 00:06:33,152 --> 00:06:34,892 There's one more.Aw. 159 00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:36,857 There you go. My man. 160 00:06:36,895 --> 00:06:39,115 Cool! 161 00:06:39,158 --> 00:06:42,298 A knife. 162 00:06:42,335 --> 00:06:44,815 A knife?[laughs]: Whoa! A knife. 163 00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:46,910 Yeah, a knife. Here, hold that next to your face 164 00:06:46,949 --> 00:06:47,999 so I can take a picture. 165 00:06:48,037 --> 00:06:49,647 TINA: Oh, my God. 166 00:06:49,691 --> 00:06:53,121 Yeah. [laughs] Yeah. 167 00:06:53,172 --> 00:06:56,342 [high-pitched]: Holler at your boy! 168 00:07:05,228 --> 00:07:07,538 Can I touch it?Yeah. 169 00:07:07,578 --> 00:07:11,588 But you got me the flash cards, so you're last. 170 00:07:11,626 --> 00:07:14,016 Calvin, what is the matter with you, getting Grover a knife? 171 00:07:14,063 --> 00:07:15,973 What, were they all out of nail guns? 172 00:07:17,414 --> 00:07:19,454 Give me some credit, Tina. 173 00:07:19,503 --> 00:07:21,153 The kickback on one of those things 174 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:24,290 would knock that boy off his feet. 175 00:07:24,334 --> 00:07:26,724 Okay, you know what? Everyone, back away.Yeah. Yeah. 176 00:07:26,771 --> 00:07:28,941 It's my turn to touch it. 177 00:07:28,991 --> 00:07:31,811 Yep. All right, why don't we put away all the lovely gifts, 178 00:07:31,863 --> 00:07:32,823 and the knife, 179 00:07:32,864 --> 00:07:34,294 and, uh, get back 180 00:07:34,344 --> 00:07:36,384 to the fun games with Malcolm and Marty? 181 00:07:36,433 --> 00:07:38,393 But everyone wants to play with it. 182 00:07:38,435 --> 00:07:39,955 I know, that's why it's going away. 183 00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:42,132 Guys, could you take all the kids outside? 184 00:07:42,178 --> 00:07:43,398 All right, kids, let's go.All right, let's go. 185 00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:44,530 Let's go, let's go.Let's go. 186 00:07:44,572 --> 00:07:47,052 Dave, kitchen, now. 187 00:07:47,096 --> 00:07:48,966 Ooh. 188 00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:53,011 Dave, trouble, in. 189 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,587 Calvin, cupcake, find. 190 00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:04,593 How could Calvin give our son a knife 191 00:08:04,635 --> 00:08:06,765 without talking to us first? 192 00:08:06,811 --> 00:08:08,811 I know. He probably knew 193 00:08:08,857 --> 00:08:11,207 that I couldn't keep something that cool a secret. 194 00:08:11,250 --> 00:08:15,520 How are you not more upset about this? He gave our son a weapon. 195 00:08:15,559 --> 00:08:18,439 It's not a weapon, it's-it's a pocketknife. 196 00:08:18,475 --> 00:08:20,865 It's a handheld stabbing machine. 197 00:08:20,912 --> 00:08:24,432 Yeah, but if they call it that, they're not gonna sell any. 198 00:08:24,481 --> 00:08:26,701 Oh...Okay, look, 199 00:08:26,744 --> 00:08:30,224 I know you just want Grover to be safe. 200 00:08:30,269 --> 00:08:33,489 So do I, but, you know, it's not that big a deal. 201 00:08:33,534 --> 00:08:35,624 When I was his age, I had a BB gun. 202 00:08:35,666 --> 00:08:37,446 Yeah, and you still have a BB in your arm 203 00:08:37,494 --> 00:08:39,624 from when your friend shot you with it. 204 00:08:39,670 --> 00:08:41,460 Actually, it's not there anymore. 205 00:08:41,498 --> 00:08:43,588 It just, it disappeared for a year, 206 00:08:43,631 --> 00:08:45,241 and then it resurfaced in my leg. 207 00:08:47,591 --> 00:08:48,761 We'll talk about this later. 208 00:08:48,810 --> 00:08:50,210 Right now, this is going in the same drawer 209 00:08:50,246 --> 00:08:52,076 as your fedora and your laser pointer. 210 00:08:52,117 --> 00:08:55,387 What-- you said that my laser pointer was stolen. 211 00:08:57,122 --> 00:08:59,862 Can I have the knife back? 212 00:08:59,908 --> 00:09:01,998 The other kids are ignoring me without it. 213 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,000 Oh, honey, they're not ignoring you. 214 00:09:04,042 --> 00:09:06,002 Yeah, they probably think the party is just less fun 215 00:09:06,044 --> 00:09:07,524 now that the knife is gone. 216 00:09:07,568 --> 00:09:09,438 Gemma, 217 00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,482 I-I know you think it's dangerous, 218 00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:14,268 but the knife is actually pretty cool. 219 00:09:14,313 --> 00:09:17,533 And isn't that exactly what you wanted for Grover's party? 220 00:09:17,578 --> 00:09:20,058 Well, yeah, but...Okay. Well, then, 221 00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,582 how about this: how about I'll take the knife outside, 222 00:09:22,626 --> 00:09:24,146 and I will show it to the kids? 223 00:09:24,193 --> 00:09:25,493 I will hold it 224 00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:28,542 the whole time, I promise. 225 00:09:28,589 --> 00:09:31,069 In fact, you know what? I won't even open it. 226 00:09:31,113 --> 00:09:33,633 Please, Mom? It's my birthday. 227 00:09:33,681 --> 00:09:36,111 Fine. 228 00:09:36,161 --> 00:09:39,201 BOTH: Yeah! 229 00:09:39,251 --> 00:09:40,461 Ooh, and, uh, my laser pointer? 230 00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,683 It's in heaven now. 231 00:09:42,733 --> 00:09:44,563 [straining] 232 00:09:44,605 --> 00:09:46,345 Come on, Team Marty! 233 00:09:46,389 --> 00:09:48,349 This isn't about fun and games anymore. 234 00:09:48,391 --> 00:09:51,391 Then why are we doing it? 235 00:09:51,437 --> 00:09:53,917 So Marty doesn't cry himself to sleep tonight. 236 00:09:53,962 --> 00:09:57,092 [laughter]Hey! Hey! I don't do that anymore. 237 00:09:57,139 --> 00:10:00,279 Stop laughing! You're on my team. 238 00:10:00,316 --> 00:10:01,836 Here come the waterworks. 239 00:10:03,145 --> 00:10:05,665 We got the knife! 240 00:10:05,713 --> 00:10:07,143 [cheering] 241 00:10:07,192 --> 00:10:08,932 BOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa! 242 00:10:08,977 --> 00:10:11,897 Oh... Uh-huh. Oh... Whoo! 243 00:10:11,936 --> 00:10:13,416 And then there were two. 244 00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:15,069 Oh, I see you've been working on your math. 245 00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:16,813 [chuckles] 246 00:10:16,854 --> 00:10:18,984 I see you haven't been working on your arms. 247 00:10:19,030 --> 00:10:21,650 Okay, so it's like that? 248 00:10:21,685 --> 00:10:24,165 [strains]: Yeah.Yeah, well, I could do this all day. 249 00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:25,779 I don't have to go to work until Monday. 250 00:10:25,820 --> 00:10:28,480 Oh, yeah? Joke's on you. I don't have a job. 251 00:10:30,215 --> 00:10:31,735 Now, 252 00:10:31,782 --> 00:10:33,692 I know most of you think that the blade 253 00:10:33,741 --> 00:10:35,561 is the coolest part of the knife, 254 00:10:35,612 --> 00:10:38,132 but have you ever stopped to take a look 255 00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:40,620 at the bolster? Take a look at that. 256 00:10:40,661 --> 00:10:42,571 Dave? 257 00:10:42,619 --> 00:10:44,629 What the heck are you doing? 258 00:10:44,665 --> 00:10:46,755 Leave it up to you to make a knife boring. 259 00:10:46,797 --> 00:10:49,107 Open it up. 260 00:10:49,147 --> 00:10:51,587 I can't. I promised Gemma. 261 00:10:51,628 --> 00:10:53,418 Dave, come on. [laughs] 262 00:10:53,456 --> 00:10:55,676 These kids are starving for something fun. 263 00:10:55,719 --> 00:10:57,899 My mom says fun is dangerous. 264 00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:02,152 Well, your mom thinks flash cards are a great gift. 265 00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:03,684 [blows raspberry] 266 00:11:03,727 --> 00:11:06,907 Now, who wants to have fun? 267 00:11:06,948 --> 00:11:08,478 [cheering, screaming] 268 00:11:08,514 --> 00:11:09,954 O-Okay, all right. 269 00:11:09,994 --> 00:11:11,904 Okay, fine, I will open it. 270 00:11:11,953 --> 00:11:14,863 But only so I can teach you guys proper knife safety. 271 00:11:14,912 --> 00:11:18,822 I'm kind of an expert since I was an Eagle Scout. 272 00:11:18,873 --> 00:11:19,873 What's that? 273 00:11:19,917 --> 00:11:21,617 What's an Eagle Scout? 274 00:11:21,658 --> 00:11:25,748 [laughs] Well, it's like one step below a Navy SEAL. 275 00:11:25,793 --> 00:11:26,963 Dave, 276 00:11:27,011 --> 00:11:28,831 you're barely one step above a real seal. 277 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,670 Okay, okay. All right. 278 00:11:35,759 --> 00:11:38,159 Now, there are a few things 279 00:11:38,196 --> 00:11:40,676 that you should always do when handling a knife. 280 00:11:40,721 --> 00:11:42,191 You should always make sure 281 00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:44,334 that there is no one within arm's reach. 282 00:11:44,376 --> 00:11:47,376 Okay? 283 00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:49,943 And you should always make sure 284 00:11:49,991 --> 00:11:53,601 that you are cutting away from yourself, like so. 285 00:11:55,518 --> 00:11:57,868 CALVIN: Okay, all right. 286 00:11:57,912 --> 00:12:01,612 Okay, those are a few of the boring things 287 00:12:01,654 --> 00:12:03,354 you should always do. 288 00:12:03,395 --> 00:12:05,485 Now let me show you a few 289 00:12:05,528 --> 00:12:08,008 cool things that you should never do. 290 00:12:08,052 --> 00:12:09,702 Okay, okay, all right. 291 00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:12,060 Kids, kids.All right? With a knife. 292 00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:15,590 All right? Never... 293 00:12:15,625 --> 00:12:16,975 hold a knife like this. 294 00:12:17,018 --> 00:12:19,238 ALL: Ooh! 295 00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:21,801 Unless there's a zombie apocalypse, 296 00:12:21,849 --> 00:12:23,809 and you got to do what you got to do. 297 00:12:23,851 --> 00:12:27,111 Look here. Zombie! Zombie, zombie, zombie, zombie![kids shouting] 298 00:12:27,158 --> 00:12:29,988 Calvin! Cal-Calvin, that's enough. 299 00:12:30,031 --> 00:12:31,811 Never go hand to hand. 300 00:12:31,859 --> 00:12:34,129 Don't want to do that. 301 00:12:34,165 --> 00:12:37,215 Unless there are zombies on both sides. 302 00:12:37,255 --> 00:12:39,085 Left zombie dead! 303 00:12:39,127 --> 00:12:40,647 [kids cheering]Right zombie dead! Yeah! 304 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:43,133 Cal-Cal. Okay, Calvin, that's good. We... 305 00:12:43,174 --> 00:12:46,224 Lis-Listen, kids, and never, ever, ever, ever 306 00:12:46,264 --> 00:12:49,004 hold a knife by the blade... 307 00:12:49,050 --> 00:12:52,750 unless... you're gonna throw it at the king zombie. 308 00:12:55,665 --> 00:12:58,535 ALL: Oh! 309 00:12:58,581 --> 00:13:00,361 Calvin! That... 310 00:13:02,498 --> 00:13:03,458 ...was awesome! 311 00:13:03,499 --> 00:13:07,199 [kids cheering] 312 00:13:07,242 --> 00:13:09,592 Gemma, I'm so sorry about Calvin. 313 00:13:09,635 --> 00:13:11,505 He should never have given Grover that knife 314 00:13:11,550 --> 00:13:13,170 without asking you guys first. 315 00:13:13,204 --> 00:13:15,114 Funny, that's exactly what I was gonna write 316 00:13:15,163 --> 00:13:16,643 on the thank-you card. 317 00:13:16,686 --> 00:13:18,906 [chuckles] 318 00:13:18,949 --> 00:13:21,389 What is it with boys and dangerous things? 319 00:13:21,430 --> 00:13:23,390 You know, scientific studies have been done 320 00:13:23,432 --> 00:13:25,992 on this very subject, and they always come back 321 00:13:26,043 --> 00:13:28,823 with the same conclusion: boys are stupid. 322 00:13:31,179 --> 00:13:34,399 Maybe for Christmas, I should just get Grover 323 00:13:34,443 --> 00:13:36,663 this box of matches and a can of lighter fluid. 324 00:13:36,706 --> 00:13:39,186 Oh, please. He doesn't need those. 325 00:13:39,230 --> 00:13:42,150 Marty used to start fires with his magnifying glass. 326 00:13:42,190 --> 00:13:43,760 Really? 327 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:46,150 You know that's our third garage out back? 328 00:13:47,673 --> 00:13:49,633 Look, my point is, 329 00:13:49,675 --> 00:13:51,675 no matter what you do, boys will always 330 00:13:51,721 --> 00:13:54,241 find a way to make everything dangerous. 331 00:13:54,289 --> 00:13:56,989 [scoffs] Well, when do they finally grow out of it? 332 00:13:57,031 --> 00:13:59,981 Well, Calvin bought nunchucks the other day, so, never. 333 00:14:00,034 --> 00:14:03,214 Great. That means I'm gonna be worried 334 00:14:03,254 --> 00:14:04,824 for the rest of my life. 335 00:14:04,865 --> 00:14:06,305 Well, if it makes you feel any better, 336 00:14:06,344 --> 00:14:08,084 they keep it interesting. 337 00:14:08,129 --> 00:14:11,479 You know, Malcolm once stuck a fork in a light socket. 338 00:14:13,221 --> 00:14:14,301 What happened? 339 00:14:14,352 --> 00:14:15,652 We had to get a new fuse box. 340 00:14:17,965 --> 00:14:20,445 Oh, you mean to Malcolm.Yeah. 341 00:14:20,489 --> 00:14:21,619 He was fine once his eyebrows grew back. 342 00:14:23,361 --> 00:14:25,751 Look, Gemma, 343 00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:28,068 if you want, I'll make sure that Calvin takes 344 00:14:28,105 --> 00:14:29,715 that knife back right now. 345 00:14:29,759 --> 00:14:31,289 It's okay. Dave promised 346 00:14:31,326 --> 00:14:32,636 they'd be careful with it. 347 00:14:35,373 --> 00:14:37,673 KIDS: Whoa! 348 00:14:40,901 --> 00:14:43,901 And that's how you play pin-finger. 349 00:14:45,253 --> 00:14:47,083 Which you should never, ever do 350 00:14:47,124 --> 00:14:48,694 unless you're a pirate. 351 00:14:48,734 --> 00:14:49,474 Or me. 352 00:14:49,518 --> 00:14:51,568 Wow. 353 00:14:51,607 --> 00:14:54,267 [groans]I know what you're thinking. 354 00:14:54,305 --> 00:14:55,955 You have no idea what I'm thinking. 355 00:14:56,003 --> 00:14:59,263 "Use the force, Marty." 356 00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:01,530 Get out of my head, wizard! 357 00:15:01,573 --> 00:15:03,273 Oh, no. 358 00:15:03,314 --> 00:15:04,664 I live in your head. 359 00:15:04,707 --> 00:15:06,187 Oh, why-- did Mom and Dad 360 00:15:06,230 --> 00:15:07,240 finally start charging you rent? 361 00:15:09,059 --> 00:15:10,669 I knew you would say that. 362 00:15:10,713 --> 00:15:13,233 No, you didn't. Stop it!No, you didn't. Stop it! 363 00:15:13,281 --> 00:15:15,021 I'm not playin'!I'm not playin'! 364 00:15:15,065 --> 00:15:17,675 I'm not playin'!I'm not playin'! 365 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,860 Do another trick! 366 00:15:19,896 --> 00:15:21,246 All right, I'll show you a trick. Give me the knife. 367 00:15:21,289 --> 00:15:23,249 Really, seal boy? 368 00:15:23,291 --> 00:15:24,941 What are you gonna do-- balance it on your nose? 369 00:15:26,511 --> 00:15:29,121 Okay, now, don't tell your mom, 370 00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:30,386 but this is a little trick 371 00:15:30,428 --> 00:15:32,258 I used to wow 'em with back in scout camp. 372 00:15:34,780 --> 00:15:36,960 KIDS: Whoa! 373 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,050 [laughs] 374 00:15:39,089 --> 00:15:41,049 It might be good for scout camp, 375 00:15:41,091 --> 00:15:43,871 but what are you gonna do in real life when zombies attack? 376 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:46,490 Hmm?All right. 377 00:15:46,531 --> 00:15:47,481 Want to see me throw it higher? 378 00:15:47,532 --> 00:15:48,482 KIDS: Yeah! 379 00:15:52,015 --> 00:15:54,845 KIDS: Whoa! 380 00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,847 Your dad's cool, Grover. 381 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,109 Oh, you think that was cool? 382 00:15:58,152 --> 00:15:59,672 You better put on your parka, 383 00:15:59,718 --> 00:16:02,198 because it's about to get downright freezing. 384 00:16:02,243 --> 00:16:04,153 All right. 385 00:16:04,201 --> 00:16:06,281 Give me some room. 386 00:16:06,334 --> 00:16:07,984 Ready? 387 00:16:08,031 --> 00:16:10,331 ♪ Happy birth... 388 00:16:10,381 --> 00:16:12,991 ALL: Oh! 389 00:16:13,036 --> 00:16:15,216 Right through the shoe. Ooh. 390 00:16:15,256 --> 00:16:17,436 Oh, my God, are you okay? 391 00:16:17,475 --> 00:16:19,045 Gemma, get the car keys!Okay, okay. 392 00:16:19,086 --> 00:16:20,866 Okay.Get the car keys now. 393 00:16:21,958 --> 00:16:24,828 Uh, uh, guys, I... 394 00:16:24,874 --> 00:16:27,574 hope that is a valuable lesson to all of you 395 00:16:27,616 --> 00:16:29,706 that you won't tell your parents. 396 00:16:37,582 --> 00:16:39,802 So... 397 00:16:39,845 --> 00:16:41,105 fun party. 398 00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:46,156 Yeah, it was great. 399 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:47,550 There was blood, there was a knife. 400 00:16:47,592 --> 00:16:49,282 The only thing missing was the crime scene tape. 401 00:16:51,248 --> 00:16:52,598 Okay, okay. Look, I get it. 402 00:16:52,641 --> 00:16:54,591 You're mad. 403 00:16:54,643 --> 00:16:56,943 I never should have given him the knife. 404 00:16:56,993 --> 00:17:00,163 You think? He's only seven years old. 405 00:17:00,214 --> 00:17:02,084 Oh, I was talking about Dave. 406 00:17:04,348 --> 00:17:06,438 Yeah... I specifically asked 407 00:17:06,481 --> 00:17:09,091 that nobody get Grover a weapon, and you got him one anyway. 408 00:17:09,136 --> 00:17:11,656 And a math puzzle. 409 00:17:11,703 --> 00:17:13,613 No matter what the card says, that was from both of us. 410 00:17:15,011 --> 00:17:16,531 [clears throat] 411 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,668 Look, Gemma. 412 00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:21,240 Look, I didn't mean to disrespect you 413 00:17:21,278 --> 00:17:23,848 or anything like that. I just remember 414 00:17:23,889 --> 00:17:26,459 when my grandfather gave me my first knife. 415 00:17:26,501 --> 00:17:29,321 It made me... 416 00:17:29,373 --> 00:17:32,113 feel like a man, even though I was a kid. And so 417 00:17:32,159 --> 00:17:34,859 I wanted Grover to have that same feeling too. 418 00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:36,430 But he's not a man. 419 00:17:36,467 --> 00:17:38,257 He's a little boy. 420 00:17:39,731 --> 00:17:41,421 Look, I'm not naive. 421 00:17:41,472 --> 00:17:44,172 I know I can't keep him in a bubble forever. 422 00:17:44,214 --> 00:17:46,564 But he's my baby, and I want to protect him 423 00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:48,348 for as long as I can. 424 00:17:48,392 --> 00:17:51,392 You know what? You're right. 425 00:17:51,439 --> 00:17:53,659 I guess I just never looked at it like that. 426 00:17:53,702 --> 00:17:55,052 I'm sorry. 427 00:17:57,358 --> 00:18:00,318 It's okay. 428 00:18:00,361 --> 00:18:02,491 Your heart was in the right place. 429 00:18:02,537 --> 00:18:04,367 Yeah. 430 00:18:04,408 --> 00:18:06,108 Besides, I have to admit, 431 00:18:06,149 --> 00:18:08,369 the knife was a huge hit.Hmm. 432 00:18:08,412 --> 00:18:10,672 Probably even bigger than Insane Shane would've been. 433 00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:13,940 He's one floor up, by the way. 434 00:18:16,507 --> 00:18:19,727 You know, Grover did seem like he had fun. 435 00:18:19,771 --> 00:18:21,681 I know. 436 00:18:21,730 --> 00:18:23,690 I was so worried about him making friends, 437 00:18:23,732 --> 00:18:25,552 but now all the kids think he's cool. 438 00:18:25,603 --> 00:18:27,213 Well, of course. 439 00:18:27,257 --> 00:18:30,567 They saw a dude get stabbed at his birthday party. 440 00:18:30,608 --> 00:18:33,348 Come Monday, he's gonna be the man. 441 00:18:34,612 --> 00:18:36,302 Oh.Oh. 442 00:18:36,353 --> 00:18:38,183 There you are. Are you okay? 443 00:18:38,225 --> 00:18:39,925 Well... 444 00:18:39,965 --> 00:18:41,745 they couldn't save the sock. 445 00:18:44,318 --> 00:18:46,278 But other than that, I'm fine. Ooh, and look. 446 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:48,630 They took out my BB.[clinking] 447 00:18:50,759 --> 00:18:53,809 I don't know whether to kiss you or step on your foot. 448 00:18:53,849 --> 00:18:55,769 I know which one would be more fun to watch. 449 00:18:55,807 --> 00:18:58,507 [chuckles] 450 00:18:58,549 --> 00:19:00,159 I'm sorry we played with the knife. 451 00:19:00,203 --> 00:19:03,113 Yeah. Yeah, it was a little childish. 452 00:19:03,163 --> 00:19:05,293 But the kids were egging us on. 453 00:19:05,339 --> 00:19:07,869 Yeah, and I totally would have caught it 454 00:19:07,906 --> 00:19:09,606 if I wasn't distracted by the cake. 455 00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:10,997 Throwing it that high? 456 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,960 Yeah, right. 457 00:19:12,998 --> 00:19:14,438 I'm sorry, you-you don't think so? 458 00:19:14,478 --> 00:19:16,658 'Cause there's a scalpel back in the room. 459 00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:19,398 Hey, you're talking. I don't see you moving, though.Well, let's go, then. 460 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:20,710 I don't care.Really, I mean, you're gonna do what you're gonna do. 461 00:19:20,745 --> 00:19:21,965 Guys.I mean, you saw I was... 462 00:19:22,007 --> 00:19:26,227 Sorry. You're right.Yeah, my bad. Bad... 463 00:19:29,885 --> 00:19:31,495 Meet me in the back yard tomorrow. 464 00:19:31,539 --> 00:19:33,459 I'll show you. 465 00:19:42,941 --> 00:19:46,111 Did you ask my parents if it's okay to do this to our tree? 466 00:19:46,162 --> 00:19:48,252 No. 467 00:19:48,295 --> 00:19:51,255 That's why I'm carving your name into it and not mine. 468 00:19:53,648 --> 00:19:56,128 So, how did your friends like the party? 469 00:19:56,172 --> 00:19:57,822 Yeah, they loved it. 470 00:19:57,869 --> 00:19:59,749 I even got a bunch of play date invites. 471 00:19:59,784 --> 00:20:01,354 Well, all right. 472 00:20:01,395 --> 00:20:03,575 You know what? 473 00:20:03,614 --> 00:20:07,614 I'm gonna hold onto this for you until your mom says it's okay. 474 00:20:07,662 --> 00:20:09,792 But the knife is what made me cool. 475 00:20:09,838 --> 00:20:10,888 Oh... [chuckles] 476 00:20:10,926 --> 00:20:13,146 trust me, Grover, you were cool 477 00:20:13,189 --> 00:20:15,409 way before this knife. 478 00:20:15,452 --> 00:20:17,192 You think? 479 00:20:17,237 --> 00:20:20,367 Definitely. And that's coming from me, 480 00:20:20,414 --> 00:20:23,674 the coolest guy you know. 481 00:20:23,721 --> 00:20:25,631 Thanks, Mr. Calvin. 482 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,640 Good night, little man.Good night. 483 00:20:27,682 --> 00:20:29,112 All right. 484 00:20:29,161 --> 00:20:30,511 [imitates explosion, chuckles] 485 00:20:33,209 --> 00:20:35,559 All right, fellas, finish up, now. 486 00:20:35,603 --> 00:20:37,033 Come on, your mom made dinner. 487 00:20:37,082 --> 00:20:39,952 Oh, help me, Jesus. 488 00:20:39,998 --> 00:20:42,568 Face it, Marty-- you will never beat me. 489 00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:44,790 I can feel it. Tonight is the night! 490 00:20:44,829 --> 00:20:46,139 Oh, no. 491 00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:47,448 You're fooling yourself. 492 00:20:47,484 --> 00:20:48,744 I'll always be bigger.[groans] 493 00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,400 I'll always be stronger, I'll always be... 494 00:20:50,444 --> 00:20:52,664 Aah![thud] 495 00:20:55,492 --> 00:20:57,362 And I'll always be smarter. 496 00:20:57,407 --> 00:20:59,327 [laughs] 497 00:21:04,588 --> 00:21:07,638 Captioning sponsored by CBS 498 00:21:07,678 --> 00:21:10,338 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org