1
00:00:03,459 --> 00:00:04,939
All right, fellas,
come on now.
2
00:00:04,982 --> 00:00:06,242
Let's go down
to the barbershop.
3
00:00:06,288 --> 00:00:08,028
Babe, we'll see you later.Okay, baby.
4
00:00:08,072 --> 00:00:10,902
Come here and give me
some of that sugar, girl.Uh-uh.
5
00:00:10,944 --> 00:00:12,514
No!
What you doing?
6
00:00:12,555 --> 00:00:14,075
Not with all that gray stubble.
7
00:00:14,122 --> 00:00:16,992
I'm too young and hot
to be messing with some old man.
8
00:00:17,038 --> 00:00:19,648
[chuckles] I might be
gray in the face,
Mm-hmm.
9
00:00:19,692 --> 00:00:21,342
but I'm young below
the waist, girl.
Uh-uh.
10
00:00:21,390 --> 00:00:23,270
Uh-uh, uh-uh,
get it, get it.Come on. Come on now.
11
00:00:23,305 --> 00:00:24,825
Oh!
Ah!
12
00:00:29,093 --> 00:00:32,053
Can't believe I
still live here.
13
00:00:32,096 --> 00:00:34,576
Yeah, I can't believe
there's only two of us.
14
00:00:37,928 --> 00:00:39,538
CALVIN: Oh, damn.
There's Dave.
15
00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:41,492
Shh. Let's sneak to the truck.
Nobody say anything--
16
00:00:41,540 --> 00:00:43,550
Hi, Dave!
17
00:00:43,586 --> 00:00:45,766
Hey, guys.
18
00:00:45,805 --> 00:00:47,895
If I knew you were
gonna be like this,
19
00:00:47,938 --> 00:00:49,898
it wouldn'tbe two of you.
20
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:52,160
Hey, what's up, Dave?
Where are you headed?
21
00:00:52,203 --> 00:00:53,983
Oh, man, all over the place.
22
00:00:54,031 --> 00:00:56,771
Gemma gave me a big
honey-do list to take care of.
23
00:00:56,816 --> 00:01:00,086
Grocery shopping, dry cleaners,
The Container Store.
24
00:01:02,126 --> 00:01:03,436
That last one's just for me.
25
00:01:05,390 --> 00:01:07,220
How about you guys?
Where are you off to?
26
00:01:07,262 --> 00:01:08,782
We are headed
to the barbershop.
27
00:01:08,828 --> 00:01:11,098
Ooh, can I come? I've been
meaning to get my ears lowered.
28
00:01:13,311 --> 00:01:14,701
You've been meaning to what?
29
00:01:14,747 --> 00:01:16,837
Dave, I work with a
lot of white people,
30
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,100
and even I don't know
what that means.
31
00:01:19,143 --> 00:01:21,843
"Getting your ears lowered"
means getting a haircut,
32
00:01:21,885 --> 00:01:24,665
'cause afterwards your shorter
hair looks higher in relation
33
00:01:24,714 --> 00:01:28,764
to your ears, so your ears
look lower by comparison.
34
00:01:31,460 --> 00:01:34,120
Uh, no, you can't come.
35
00:01:34,158 --> 00:01:36,078
Okay, why-why not?
36
00:01:36,117 --> 00:01:40,127
Dave, it's a black barbershop.
It's not Supercuts.
37
00:01:40,164 --> 00:01:41,594
Okay.
38
00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:43,424
Hey, look, don't
take it personally, Dave.
39
00:01:43,472 --> 00:01:45,252
It's just, our barbershop
40
00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:47,520
is not the friendliest place
when you're new.
41
00:01:47,563 --> 00:01:49,473
Yeah, it's barely friendly
when you're not new.
42
00:01:49,521 --> 00:01:51,691
[laughs] It's so...
it's so true.
43
00:01:51,741 --> 00:01:53,221
One time when he was six,
44
00:01:53,264 --> 00:01:55,174
he ate a bad
bean pie in there,
45
00:01:55,223 --> 00:01:57,963
and ever since then, they've
been calling him Farty Marty.
46
00:01:58,008 --> 00:01:59,968
[laughter]
47
00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:02,190
Look, I'm just saying, Dave,
if-if you walked in there,
48
00:02:02,230 --> 00:02:04,280
they would roast you
pretty hard.
Yeah.
49
00:02:04,319 --> 00:02:06,719
Well, it's cool. I can take it.
You know, back in Michigan,
50
00:02:06,756 --> 00:02:09,416
me and the 'Zoo Crew used to
bag on each other all the time.
51
00:02:09,454 --> 00:02:13,324
Again, work with white people.
No clue.
52
00:02:13,371 --> 00:02:17,201
Yeah, uh, what's the 'Zoo Crew?
53
00:02:17,245 --> 00:02:19,285
'Zoo Crew!
54
00:02:19,334 --> 00:02:22,164
That's what me and my boys used
to call ourselves, you know.
55
00:02:22,206 --> 00:02:24,166
Oh, we did everything together.
56
00:02:24,208 --> 00:02:26,128
We even had our own anthem.
57
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:30,090
♪ Four best friends
from Kalamazoo ♪
58
00:02:30,127 --> 00:02:33,437
♪ Logan, Brad and Dave
and Logan Number Two. ♪
59
00:02:35,263 --> 00:02:38,873
Wait. So-so,
your four-man 'Zoo Crew
60
00:02:38,918 --> 00:02:41,578
had not one but two Logans?
61
00:02:41,617 --> 00:02:43,447
Yeah, man,
those are my bro-gans.
62
00:02:47,013 --> 00:02:49,313
No, you can't go.
63
00:02:49,364 --> 00:02:51,364
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
64
00:02:51,409 --> 00:02:52,589
♪ Welcome to the hood.
65
00:02:58,373 --> 00:02:59,803
Hey, hey, now, what's going on?
66
00:02:59,852 --> 00:03:01,412
What's happening?Que, chair open?
67
00:03:01,463 --> 00:03:03,463
It is now. Get up, Trey.
68
00:03:03,508 --> 00:03:05,558
But I'm next.
69
00:03:05,597 --> 00:03:09,127
Well, look at it this
way: you still are.
70
00:03:09,166 --> 00:03:11,256
[laughs]
71
00:03:11,299 --> 00:03:13,389
Hey, Harold,
turn that TV on, man.
72
00:03:13,431 --> 00:03:15,251
They're replaying the Rams game
from Thursday night.
73
00:03:15,303 --> 00:03:16,523
MALCOLM:
Oh, wait.
74
00:03:16,565 --> 00:03:18,525
Come on, Pop.
Black people are not supposed
75
00:03:18,567 --> 00:03:20,267
to be supporting football
right now.
76
00:03:20,308 --> 00:03:22,178
I'm not supposed to be
having milk, either,
77
00:03:22,223 --> 00:03:23,703
but it ain't stop me
78
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:26,446
from eating two bowls
of Cap'n Crunch today.
79
00:03:26,488 --> 00:03:28,488
So you're really not
watching football, Malcolm?
80
00:03:28,533 --> 00:03:30,573
Not until Kaepernick
is back on the field.
81
00:03:30,622 --> 00:03:33,452
Well, you better
start liking soccer,
82
00:03:33,495 --> 00:03:35,885
'cause the only football
you're gonna see is,
83
00:03:35,932 --> 00:03:40,192
"Goal! Barcelona!"
84
00:03:40,241 --> 00:03:41,801
[laughter]
Really?
85
00:03:43,896 --> 00:03:45,466
Hey, what's up, everybody?
86
00:03:45,507 --> 00:03:47,297
[others greeting]What's up, Jeremiah?
87
00:03:47,335 --> 00:03:50,515
Look, I got socks, belts
and Spanx for sale.
88
00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:52,515
Keeping it tight
ain't just for the ladies.
89
00:03:52,557 --> 00:03:54,687
Am I right, fellas?
90
00:03:54,733 --> 00:03:58,083
Jeremiah, no self-respecting man
in here wants to buy any Spanx.
91
00:03:58,128 --> 00:04:01,308
Speak for yourself. That
Cap'n Crunch is sitting on me.
92
00:04:03,133 --> 00:04:05,393
Hey, Calvin!
93
00:04:07,485 --> 00:04:10,095
Oh, man, can you
believe this?
94
00:04:10,140 --> 00:04:11,620
No.
95
00:04:11,663 --> 00:04:13,053
Tell me the truth, man.
96
00:04:13,099 --> 00:04:15,449
Do you have a LoJack on me
or something?
97
00:04:15,493 --> 00:04:17,753
No, I was just picking up
my dry cleaning next door.
98
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,460
Hey, everyone, I'm Dave.
99
00:04:19,497 --> 00:04:21,367
Oh.
100
00:04:21,412 --> 00:04:23,322
So this the neighbor
we've been hearing about?
101
00:04:23,371 --> 00:04:25,581
Calvin, you told them about me?
102
00:04:27,331 --> 00:04:28,761
Only good
things, I hope.
103
00:04:28,811 --> 00:04:30,291
Well, keep hope alive.
104
00:04:30,334 --> 00:04:32,854
[laughter]Well, since I'm here,
105
00:04:32,902 --> 00:04:34,462
why don't I hang out
for a while, get a haircut?
106
00:04:34,512 --> 00:04:36,812
Sorry, man. We only
use clippers here.
107
00:04:36,862 --> 00:04:38,552
We ain't got no mousse.
108
00:04:38,603 --> 00:04:40,033
[laughter]
109
00:04:40,083 --> 00:04:41,513
Actually, I don't
use mousse.
110
00:04:41,563 --> 00:04:43,213
This is natural volume.
111
00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:45,480
Okay.
112
00:04:45,523 --> 00:04:46,823
Hey, who does he remind you of?
113
00:04:46,872 --> 00:04:48,562
Well, you know,
a lot of people say Tom Cruise.
114
00:04:48,613 --> 00:04:50,523
Nah, nah, that ain't it.
115
00:04:50,572 --> 00:04:52,262
I got it. Rachel Maddow.
116
00:04:52,313 --> 00:04:55,443
[laughter]
117
00:04:55,490 --> 00:04:57,890
I told you, man, it was gonna
get rough around here.
118
00:04:57,927 --> 00:04:59,927
You should have just went
to The Container Store.
119
00:04:59,972 --> 00:05:01,662
Somebody say
containers?
120
00:05:06,022 --> 00:05:08,542
Wow. So, all these socks
for just four dollars?
121
00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:10,030
That's right.
122
00:05:10,069 --> 00:05:11,469
That's cheap.
Where'd you get 'em?
123
00:05:11,506 --> 00:05:15,116
OTHERS:
Whoa. Whoa.
124
00:05:15,161 --> 00:05:17,161
Oh. Are they... are they stolen?
125
00:05:17,207 --> 00:05:18,427
Dave![others groaning, murmuring]
126
00:05:19,644 --> 00:05:21,254
Uh-uh, I don't like this.
127
00:05:21,298 --> 00:05:22,738
Calvin, your neighbor's a cop.
128
00:05:22,778 --> 00:05:25,258
Relax, Jeremiah.
He's not a cop.
129
00:05:25,302 --> 00:05:26,342
How you know?
130
00:05:26,390 --> 00:05:28,740
Dave, are you a cop?
No.
131
00:05:28,784 --> 00:05:32,784
See? I don't know what he is,
but he's not a cop.
132
00:05:32,831 --> 00:05:35,921
And if he were, by law,
he would have to tell you, so...
133
00:05:35,965 --> 00:05:37,615
Oh, actually, that's not true.
134
00:05:37,662 --> 00:05:39,622
What? Oh, of course it is.
135
00:05:39,664 --> 00:05:42,924
Most people think it is because
they see it on TV all the time,
136
00:05:42,972 --> 00:05:45,272
but truth is, totally false.
137
00:05:45,322 --> 00:05:47,272
No, it's not.
138
00:05:47,324 --> 00:05:48,624
Well, how do you know?
139
00:05:48,673 --> 00:05:50,713
'Cause I see it on TV
all the time!
140
00:05:50,762 --> 00:05:53,632
[chuckles] Actually,
uh, Dave is right.
141
00:05:53,678 --> 00:05:55,638
Pop, I just
looked it up.
142
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:56,640
Mm-hmm.
143
00:05:56,681 --> 00:05:58,591
Look at your boy Dave.
144
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:02,390
He knows what he's talking
about morethan Calvin.
145
00:06:02,426 --> 00:06:03,736
[others murmuring]
146
00:06:03,775 --> 00:06:06,085
Look, so what, he knew that.
147
00:06:06,125 --> 00:06:09,435
Uh, even a blind squirrel
sometimes finds a nut.
148
00:06:09,477 --> 00:06:10,867
[chuckles]
149
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:13,653
How would a blind
squirrel find a nut?
150
00:06:13,698 --> 00:06:14,958
Probably their sense of smell.
151
00:06:16,353 --> 00:06:18,313
It's highly-developed
in squirrels.
152
00:06:18,355 --> 00:06:20,405
Why are y'all even
listening to this guy?
153
00:06:20,444 --> 00:06:22,144
He just walked in here.
154
00:06:22,185 --> 00:06:23,965
Yeah, but he seems smart.
155
00:06:24,013 --> 00:06:25,883
Yo, Dave, I got a question.
156
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:28,588
Is global warming racist?
Calvin says it is.
157
00:06:28,626 --> 00:06:30,456
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, oh, hold on.
158
00:06:30,498 --> 00:06:33,288
I said the concept
of global warming is racist.
159
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,896
I mean, think about it.
160
00:06:34,937 --> 00:06:38,067
Africa been hot all this time,
and nobody cared.
161
00:06:38,114 --> 00:06:40,724
But soon as it get hot
in Boston,
162
00:06:40,769 --> 00:06:43,949
ha, all of a sudden,
we got global warming.
163
00:06:45,991 --> 00:06:47,551
You know why?
164
00:06:47,602 --> 00:06:49,212
It's because they're worried
about Tom Brady.
165
00:06:49,255 --> 00:06:51,085
[others groaning, murmuring]
166
00:06:51,127 --> 00:06:52,697
I'm telling you,
they're worried about him.
167
00:06:52,737 --> 00:06:55,737
Well, you know, I-I did
hear on NPR the other day
168
00:06:55,784 --> 00:06:57,694
that seven of the ten countries
most affected
169
00:06:57,742 --> 00:07:00,172
by climate change
are in sub-Saharan Africa.
170
00:07:00,223 --> 00:07:04,263
And wealthier nations do cause
most of the world's pollution.
171
00:07:04,314 --> 00:07:06,664
So it isracist!
172
00:07:06,708 --> 00:07:08,758
I just said that.
173
00:07:08,797 --> 00:07:11,887
Yeah, but when Dave says it,
it sounds true, though.
174
00:07:11,930 --> 00:07:13,850
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
175
00:07:13,889 --> 00:07:16,849
Maybe that's because
I look like Rachel Maddow.
176
00:07:16,892 --> 00:07:19,192
[laughter]
177
00:07:19,242 --> 00:07:21,462
I can't believe y'all.
178
00:07:21,505 --> 00:07:25,465
He heard it on NPR? So what?
I heard it on Steve Harvey.
179
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:30,780
Yo, Dave, is Steve Harvey
a reliable source?
180
00:07:31,907 --> 00:07:33,347
All I know is
he's killing it
181
00:07:33,386 --> 00:07:35,516
on the Family Feud!
Yeah.
182
00:07:35,563 --> 00:07:37,653
Yeah. Just like
Dave is killing it
183
00:07:37,695 --> 00:07:39,215
in the barbershop,
right, Dad?
184
00:07:39,262 --> 00:07:41,482
No. Am I right?
185
00:07:41,525 --> 00:07:43,095
[laughs] Survey says!
186
00:07:43,135 --> 00:07:44,615
[imitates buzzer]
187
00:07:44,659 --> 00:07:46,929
[laughs]
188
00:07:48,967 --> 00:07:50,497
Who's the first
white guy
189
00:07:50,534 --> 00:07:52,144
to hold his own in
Que's barbershop?
190
00:07:52,188 --> 00:07:53,668
Me?
191
00:07:53,711 --> 00:07:55,661
[excited chatter]
192
00:07:55,713 --> 00:07:58,063
Good answer.
Good answer.
193
00:07:58,107 --> 00:08:01,287
Hey, Dave, can I ask you
for some advice?Yeah, sure.
194
00:08:01,327 --> 00:08:03,417
Well, first off,
my girl Keisha's trippin'.
195
00:08:03,460 --> 00:08:05,340
Well, why is she trippin'?Because we be beefin'.
196
00:08:05,375 --> 00:08:07,555
Why do you think you're beefin'?'Cause she be trippin'!
197
00:08:07,595 --> 00:08:09,725
CALVIN:
Listen, Trey,
198
00:08:09,771 --> 00:08:11,551
I told you, what you need
to do with Keisha...
199
00:08:11,599 --> 00:08:13,819
Shh. I want to hear
what he has to say.
200
00:08:13,862 --> 00:08:15,812
Did you just shush me?!
201
00:08:15,864 --> 00:08:18,604
Shh. Calvin,
let the man talk.
202
00:08:18,649 --> 00:08:21,399
Well, hold on.
Did youjust shush me?!
203
00:08:23,045 --> 00:08:26,565
Well, since she seems to be
the one that's trippin',
204
00:08:26,614 --> 00:08:28,614
I'd sit her down
and let her know
205
00:08:28,659 --> 00:08:30,709
how it makes you feel
when she trips,
206
00:08:30,748 --> 00:08:32,888
and subsequently beefs.
207
00:08:34,230 --> 00:08:37,500
That's it. That is it!
208
00:08:37,538 --> 00:08:39,758
I'm not gonna sit here
and let y'all shush me
209
00:08:39,801 --> 00:08:42,411
while y'all sit around
and listen to that guy.
210
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:43,975
But, Daddy, you...Shh!
211
00:08:45,110 --> 00:08:46,860
But, Calvin, what...?
Shh!
212
00:08:47,330 --> 00:08:49,080
Shh! Shh!
213
00:08:49,114 --> 00:08:51,284
Shh...!
214
00:08:52,553 --> 00:08:54,553
Shh!
215
00:09:03,041 --> 00:09:05,601
Hey.
There you are.
216
00:09:05,653 --> 00:09:08,433
Oh.
I just got your text
about being at the barbershop.
217
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:09,781
Have you been there
this whole time?
218
00:09:09,831 --> 00:09:11,521
Gemma, you should
have seen it.
219
00:09:11,572 --> 00:09:13,482
It was amazing.
At one point,
220
00:09:13,530 --> 00:09:16,060
the owner brought out drinks
and cigars for everyone.
221
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:17,628
People started gambling.
222
00:09:17,665 --> 00:09:20,795
It was like being below deck
on the Titanic.
223
00:09:20,842 --> 00:09:24,272
That's great, but why does
your hair look exactly the same?
224
00:09:24,323 --> 00:09:28,373
I was having so much fun,
I forgot to get it cut.
225
00:09:28,414 --> 00:09:30,634
Oh. Well,
I'm happy for you.
226
00:09:30,678 --> 00:09:32,638
I know you've been
missing your friends.
227
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,340
Ugh. Tell me about it.
228
00:09:34,377 --> 00:09:35,637
All I've had for
a social life
229
00:09:35,683 --> 00:09:37,903
since we moved here
has been you and Grover.
230
00:09:40,688 --> 00:09:42,648
Which I love.
231
00:09:42,690 --> 00:09:45,520
[laughs]
It's okay. I get it.
232
00:09:45,562 --> 00:09:47,302
Men need other men
to hang out with
233
00:09:47,346 --> 00:09:50,956
so you can get out
all your stupid testosterone.
234
00:09:51,002 --> 00:09:54,092
Just felt good
to hang out with guys again.
235
00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:55,746
Can I ask you a question?
236
00:09:55,790 --> 00:09:58,100
Do I look like Rachel Maddow
to you?
237
00:10:03,188 --> 00:10:05,668
[laughs]:
You do now.
238
00:10:07,758 --> 00:10:09,758
Hey, Tea Cup. Morning, baby.
239
00:10:09,804 --> 00:10:12,154
Don't "morning, baby" me,
Calvin.
240
00:10:12,197 --> 00:10:14,067
I had a dream last night
241
00:10:14,112 --> 00:10:16,372
that a wolverine was
attacking my shoulder,
242
00:10:16,419 --> 00:10:18,509
and when I woke up,
it was your beard.
243
00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:21,111
Really?
Mm-hmm.
244
00:10:21,163 --> 00:10:23,123
Man, I was thinking
about keeping it, babe.
245
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:25,685
You know, I... I look
like a young Barry White.
246
00:10:27,909 --> 00:10:30,389
[imitating White]:
Oh, yeah, baby.
247
00:10:30,433 --> 00:10:33,563
Ah, no, baby.
[groans]
248
00:10:33,610 --> 00:10:36,440
You need to go back to that
shop today and get a shave.
249
00:10:36,482 --> 00:10:37,962
I don't want people
thinking I'm married
250
00:10:38,006 --> 00:10:39,706
to Frederick Douglass.
251
00:10:39,747 --> 00:10:42,097
[laughs]
252
00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:44,100
I'm not going back down
in there, Tina.
253
00:10:44,142 --> 00:10:45,362
They shushed me.
254
00:10:45,404 --> 00:10:47,144
Like I was
some kind of kid.
255
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:49,669
Well, you know, Pop, the rea...Shh, Malcolm. I'm talking.
256
00:10:51,628 --> 00:10:53,628
I've been going
to that shop for 30 years.
257
00:10:53,674 --> 00:10:55,894
I mean, Dave comes
in there for one hour,
258
00:10:55,937 --> 00:10:58,507
now everybody's started
listening to him instead of me.
259
00:10:58,548 --> 00:11:00,118
It was disrespectful.
260
00:11:00,158 --> 00:11:01,728
I'll show you
something disrespectful.
261
00:11:01,769 --> 00:11:03,249
What's that?
262
00:11:03,292 --> 00:11:05,332
[woman laughing, siren wailing]What is that?
263
00:11:05,381 --> 00:11:08,381
Keisha burning
all of Trey's clothes.
264
00:11:08,427 --> 00:11:10,607
She's live-streaming it
right now.
265
00:11:10,647 --> 00:11:13,517
Ooh, when she
starts trippin',
266
00:11:13,563 --> 00:11:17,083
she sure means
it, doesn't she?
267
00:11:17,132 --> 00:11:19,482
Oh, damn,
she couldn't wait to exhale.
268
00:11:19,525 --> 00:11:21,435
Mm-mm.
269
00:11:21,484 --> 00:11:24,004
Well, that's what Trey gets
for listening to Dave.
270
00:11:24,052 --> 00:11:25,572
Like.
271
00:11:27,272 --> 00:11:29,052
Well, what's he doing
listening to Dave?
272
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,060
He doesn't know
him like you do.
273
00:11:31,102 --> 00:11:33,492
Right.
You are
Calvin Butler.
274
00:11:33,539 --> 00:11:35,719
Nobody knows this community
better than you do.
275
00:11:35,759 --> 00:11:37,549
That's what I keep saying.
276
00:11:37,587 --> 00:11:40,457
Well, that's why you
need to go to that shop
277
00:11:40,503 --> 00:11:42,893
and remind people
who you are.
278
00:11:42,940 --> 00:11:44,470
You damn right.
279
00:11:44,507 --> 00:11:46,597
That's exactly
what I'm gonna do, too.
280
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,209
And then you go get a shave.
281
00:11:51,296 --> 00:11:53,776
Come on, boys, come and watch
your daddy go to work down here.
282
00:11:56,171 --> 00:11:57,911
All right, y'all be good.
283
00:11:57,955 --> 00:12:00,875
Ooh, I sure do miss
burning clothes.
284
00:12:02,568 --> 00:12:05,358
Well, if you ask me,
the fairest compromise is
285
00:12:05,397 --> 00:12:07,797
you cut the grass one week,
and then you have your roommate
286
00:12:07,835 --> 00:12:09,925
cut it the next.That's a good idea, Dave.
287
00:12:09,967 --> 00:12:13,187
I'm gonna go home and tell my
mama that's how it's gonna be.
288
00:12:15,451 --> 00:12:16,971
Hey, hey, people.OTHERS: Hey!
289
00:12:17,018 --> 00:12:19,288
Oh! Calvin, you're back.
How you doing, man?
290
00:12:19,324 --> 00:12:21,674
I'm doing better than
Trey, that's for sure.
291
00:12:21,718 --> 00:12:22,848
What happened to Trey?
292
00:12:22,893 --> 00:12:25,153
Oh. Show him the
video, Marty.
293
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:28,210
Oh, is that Keisha
burning all his stuff?
294
00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:30,206
[siren wailing on video]
295
00:12:30,248 --> 00:12:31,248
Yes.
296
00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:32,643
And that's what happens
297
00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:34,995
around here when you
don't listen to me.
298
00:12:35,036 --> 00:12:36,866
You get roasted.
299
00:12:36,907 --> 00:12:38,827
That's crazy that
Keisha would do that.
300
00:12:38,866 --> 00:12:41,606
No, it's not.
'Cause Keisha's crazy.
301
00:12:41,651 --> 00:12:46,081
But, see, y'all must've forgot
who knows you
302
00:12:46,134 --> 00:12:48,484
and always tries
to steer you right.
303
00:12:48,527 --> 00:12:49,617
I mean, like you, Jeremiah.
304
00:12:49,659 --> 00:12:51,619
I mean,
you up in here
305
00:12:51,661 --> 00:12:56,011
selling belts and socks like
some common barbershop hustler.
306
00:12:56,057 --> 00:12:58,237
Who the one told you
that the real money
307
00:12:58,276 --> 00:13:00,756
was in men's
compression undergarments?
308
00:13:02,237 --> 00:13:03,717
Calvin,
that's not fair.
309
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:05,550
I'm gonna tell you
what's not fair.
310
00:13:05,588 --> 00:13:07,158
You making your mama
cut the grass
311
00:13:07,198 --> 00:13:09,338
when she got asthma
and a push mower.
312
00:13:09,374 --> 00:13:10,764
OTHERS: Oh!
Ooh!
313
00:13:10,811 --> 00:13:12,501
Que, you hear that?
314
00:13:12,551 --> 00:13:14,551
Dave, see, you
don't hear nothing.
315
00:13:14,597 --> 00:13:16,517
You're just out here
giving out advice,
316
00:13:16,555 --> 00:13:18,515
when you don't know
the whole story.
317
00:13:18,557 --> 00:13:20,557
See this right here?
This is myshop.
318
00:13:20,603 --> 00:13:22,293
Actually, Pop,
this is Que's shop.
319
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:24,784
Boy, do you want
to get shushed again?
320
00:13:26,783 --> 00:13:28,823
Okay, you know what, uh, Calvin?
321
00:13:28,872 --> 00:13:31,092
I really don't
think that...You know what, Dave?
322
00:13:31,135 --> 00:13:34,355
I think you need to stop giving
out advice and start listening.
323
00:13:34,399 --> 00:13:35,799
I mean, that's
your problem.
324
00:13:35,836 --> 00:13:37,886
You're in here,
you're sitting in my chair,
325
00:13:37,925 --> 00:13:39,625
and you're overstepping.
326
00:13:39,665 --> 00:13:41,445
Come on, Pop.
327
00:13:41,493 --> 00:13:43,193
Now, get up and get out.
328
00:13:44,888 --> 00:13:46,548
Okay.
329
00:13:46,585 --> 00:13:48,455
I hear you. I'll go.
330
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:50,330
Uh, Que, thanks for the cut.
331
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,932
Jeremiah, I'll see you later.
332
00:13:51,982 --> 00:13:54,982
I'll call Trey
and tell him that I'm sorry.
333
00:13:55,029 --> 00:13:58,819
You can't. His phone got
thrown in the fire. Ha!
334
00:14:01,644 --> 00:14:02,554
Hi, guys.
335
00:14:02,601 --> 00:14:03,681
Oh, hey, Gemma.
336
00:14:03,733 --> 00:14:06,253
Hey, Calvin, you
shaved your beard.
337
00:14:06,301 --> 00:14:09,301
Uh, yeah.
Tina likes it better this way.
338
00:14:09,347 --> 00:14:12,877
Oh, I know. She is not
shy about her opinions.
339
00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:16,526
She told me I looked like
I was going to a hoedown.
340
00:14:16,572 --> 00:14:18,832
So, is Dave
still down at the shop?
341
00:14:18,879 --> 00:14:22,759
No. N-No, he left
a while ago.
342
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:24,105
That's weird.
He hasn't come home.
343
00:14:24,145 --> 00:14:25,925
Did he say where he was going?
344
00:14:25,973 --> 00:14:29,673
He did not, no.
345
00:14:29,715 --> 00:14:31,765
He must be doing all the things
346
00:14:31,804 --> 00:14:34,544
on his honey-do list
he forgot to do yesterday.
347
00:14:34,590 --> 00:14:36,810
Or he's crying in the corner
at The Container Store.
348
00:14:39,073 --> 00:14:41,683
Well, I just want
to thank you guys.
349
00:14:41,727 --> 00:14:43,557
For what?Since we moved here,
350
00:14:43,599 --> 00:14:46,169
Dave's been having a really
hard time missing his friends.
351
00:14:46,210 --> 00:14:47,780
I just really
appreciate you
352
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:50,310
being so willing to welcome him
down at the barbershop.
353
00:14:50,345 --> 00:14:53,215
We are so lucky to have you guys
as our neighbors.
354
00:14:54,566 --> 00:14:56,086
See ya.
355
00:14:56,133 --> 00:14:59,393
Why the hell
they have to move here?
356
00:15:04,402 --> 00:15:06,012
[chuckles]:
Ooh-hoo-hoo!
357
00:15:06,056 --> 00:15:10,796
Look at that
smooth baby skin, yes!
358
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:13,843
Let me sit right here
359
00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:16,070
and kiss that
baby face! Mwa!Mmm.
360
00:15:16,110 --> 00:15:18,250
Mwa! Mwa! [laughs]
361
00:15:19,678 --> 00:15:20,988
What's the matter, baby?
362
00:15:21,028 --> 00:15:22,858
Eh, I'm just thinking.
363
00:15:22,899 --> 00:15:24,379
You ain't missing
that hedgehog
364
00:15:24,422 --> 00:15:26,332
that was on your
face, are you?
365
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:29,820
No, babe,
it's nothing like that.
366
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:33,862
I just... I think I went
too hard on Dave today
367
00:15:33,910 --> 00:15:36,000
down at the barbershop.
368
00:15:36,043 --> 00:15:38,873
Oh, you know, you
did warn him that...
369
00:15:38,915 --> 00:15:41,395
joking around can be
pretty rough down there.
370
00:15:41,439 --> 00:15:44,009
Yeah, I know,
but this was different.
371
00:15:44,051 --> 00:15:46,001
You know what, baby, I
would not worry about it.
372
00:15:46,053 --> 00:15:48,533
Dave is, like, the
happiest guy I ever met.
373
00:15:48,577 --> 00:15:51,057
You know, the other day,
I saw him high-five himself.
374
00:15:51,101 --> 00:15:52,401
[chuckles]
375
00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:53,670
Who does that?
376
00:15:53,712 --> 00:15:56,272
Yeah, one day, I saw him miss.
377
00:15:56,324 --> 00:15:58,324
[laughs]
378
00:16:00,763 --> 00:16:02,803
You're right, you're right.
379
00:16:02,852 --> 00:16:06,282
You know what? He's a big boy.
I'm sure he'll be fine.
380
00:16:06,334 --> 00:16:08,854
It's cool.
He'll be fine, but
in the meantime,
381
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,771
let me get that...
that sugar.
382
00:16:11,817 --> 00:16:14,427
[guitar strums]
383
00:16:14,472 --> 00:16:17,082
DAVE: ♪ Four best friends
from Kalamazoo ♪
384
00:16:17,127 --> 00:16:19,867
What's that?
385
00:16:19,912 --> 00:16:23,822
It's... Dave singing
the 'Zoo Crew anthem.
386
00:16:23,873 --> 00:16:25,043
[guitar strums]
387
00:16:25,092 --> 00:16:27,002
DAVE:
♪ Logan, Brad and Dave
388
00:16:27,050 --> 00:16:29,010
♪ And Logan Number Two
389
00:16:31,228 --> 00:16:33,098
♪ Need a good time?
390
00:16:33,143 --> 00:16:34,753
♪ Whatcha gonna do?
391
00:16:34,797 --> 00:16:36,537
♪ Gonna kick it hard-core
392
00:16:36,581 --> 00:16:39,711
♪ With the 'Zoo...
393
00:16:39,758 --> 00:16:42,068
♪ Crew.
394
00:16:42,109 --> 00:16:43,849
Hey, Dave.
395
00:16:43,893 --> 00:16:45,933
Hey, Calvin.
396
00:16:45,982 --> 00:16:48,332
[sighs] So, you're missing
your friends back home, huh?
397
00:16:48,376 --> 00:16:50,206
Yeah. What gave it away?
Was it the song?
398
00:16:50,247 --> 00:16:52,037
[sighs]
399
00:16:52,075 --> 00:16:53,985
Look, man,
I know I came down on you
400
00:16:54,034 --> 00:16:55,944
kind of hard
at the barbershop today, man.
401
00:16:55,992 --> 00:16:58,342
I'm surprised
at how much it's affected me.
402
00:16:58,386 --> 00:17:00,346
You know,
I'm usually pretty tough.
403
00:17:00,388 --> 00:17:03,178
Look, but I told you what
it was like down there, man.
404
00:17:03,217 --> 00:17:05,877
We-we laugh,
we snap on each other,
405
00:17:05,915 --> 00:17:09,525
we buy wholesale items
of questionable origin.
406
00:17:09,571 --> 00:17:11,651
Yeah, but...
407
00:17:11,703 --> 00:17:14,573
it feels like what you
did to me was different.
408
00:17:14,619 --> 00:17:16,579
Look, I tried
to tell you, man,
409
00:17:16,621 --> 00:17:18,791
you don't belong
in the barbershop.
410
00:17:18,841 --> 00:17:20,321
Man, you just...
411
00:17:20,364 --> 00:17:21,974
you're a little
too sensitive for it.
412
00:17:22,018 --> 00:17:23,678
No, that's not true.
413
00:17:23,715 --> 00:17:26,325
I have no problem with
jokes about my awesome hair
414
00:17:26,370 --> 00:17:29,330
or how I look like
numerous celebrities,
415
00:17:29,373 --> 00:17:31,283
both male and female.
416
00:17:33,769 --> 00:17:35,989
But what you did
wasn't cool.
417
00:17:36,032 --> 00:17:37,902
But think about my position.
418
00:17:37,947 --> 00:17:40,777
I mean, I've been going
to that barbershop for 30 years.
419
00:17:40,819 --> 00:17:43,779
I know all those people in
there-- I know their history
420
00:17:43,822 --> 00:17:45,862
and their circumstance--
and then you come in
421
00:17:45,911 --> 00:17:50,001
with your NPR
and obscure animal facts...
422
00:17:50,046 --> 00:17:53,836
and everybody starts listening
to you instead of me.
423
00:17:53,876 --> 00:17:56,186
I mean, how you think
that makes me feel?
424
00:17:56,226 --> 00:17:58,746
Like they forgot about you?Exactly.
425
00:17:58,794 --> 00:18:00,794
Yeah, I know
how that feels.
426
00:18:00,839 --> 00:18:02,409
Check that out.
427
00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:06,020
Why-why are you showing me
a picture of a dude's butt?
428
00:18:06,062 --> 00:18:08,672
Look at the tattoo.
429
00:18:08,717 --> 00:18:12,027
Everyone in the 'Zoo Crew got
these last week without me.
430
00:18:12,068 --> 00:18:15,288
I've only been gone two months,
and it already feels like
431
00:18:15,332 --> 00:18:17,892
it doesn't matter
that I'm not there.
432
00:18:17,943 --> 00:18:21,423
So you feel leftbehind...
433
00:18:21,469 --> 00:18:24,869
by a bunch of dudes that
got tattoos ontheir behind?
434
00:18:29,041 --> 00:18:30,861
It's just been really
tough making friends
435
00:18:30,913 --> 00:18:32,303
since I moved
here, Calvin.
436
00:18:32,349 --> 00:18:33,959
[sighs]
437
00:18:36,048 --> 00:18:40,448
You know, back at home, I mean,
I used to be the coolest.
438
00:18:42,098 --> 00:18:44,758
I mean, you know, you're...
439
00:18:44,796 --> 00:18:47,666
you're cool, you know?
440
00:18:47,712 --> 00:18:49,932
I mean, Dave, come on, man.
441
00:18:49,975 --> 00:18:53,895
You walked into Que's barbershop
and you held your own.
442
00:18:53,936 --> 00:18:56,026
It was pretty cool
that I did that.
443
00:18:57,461 --> 00:18:59,201
Won $200 playing dice.
444
00:18:59,246 --> 00:19:01,766
[chuckles] You might want
to check those twenties
445
00:19:01,813 --> 00:19:04,293
and make sure Obama's face
is not on them.
446
00:19:04,338 --> 00:19:07,388
[laughs]
447
00:19:07,428 --> 00:19:10,518
Hey, look, I'm sorry I messed
things up for you down at Que's.
448
00:19:10,561 --> 00:19:12,301
I promise I
won't come back.
449
00:19:12,346 --> 00:19:14,996
Oh, man, no, it's cool.
I mean, you're welcome in there
450
00:19:15,044 --> 00:19:17,874
anytime you want to...
get your ears lowered.
451
00:19:18,917 --> 00:19:20,967
Well, good,
452
00:19:21,006 --> 00:19:23,536
'cause I don't anybody else
who's gonna take my Obama bucks.
453
00:19:23,574 --> 00:19:25,614
[laughs]
454
00:19:25,663 --> 00:19:28,013
All right, man, I'll see you
down there next Saturday?
455
00:19:28,057 --> 00:19:30,887
Next Saturday?
That's in a week.
456
00:19:30,929 --> 00:19:32,759
Yo, how often
you get your hair cut?
457
00:19:32,801 --> 00:19:34,411
I don't know,
like, every two months.
458
00:19:34,455 --> 00:19:36,365
Two months?
459
00:19:36,413 --> 00:19:38,243
How often do you get
your hair cut?
460
00:19:38,285 --> 00:19:40,065
Once a week.
461
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,802
Seriously?
462
00:19:41,853 --> 00:19:44,073
Wouldn't have guessed
you were so high-maintenance.
463
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:48,256
I know. I only make looking
this good seemeffortless.
464
00:19:51,298 --> 00:19:54,908
♪ Two best friends... I'm not your best friend, Dave.
465
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:05,400
Hey, everybody.[others greeting]
466
00:20:05,442 --> 00:20:07,002
Hey, we were just
in the neighborhood.
467
00:20:07,052 --> 00:20:08,792
I wanted to introduce
you all to my wife.
468
00:20:08,837 --> 00:20:09,887
Everyone, this is Gemma.
469
00:20:09,925 --> 00:20:11,235
Gemma, these are
all my new friends.
470
00:20:11,274 --> 00:20:13,054
Hi. Hey. Nice to meet you.OTHERS: Hey, Gemma. Hey.
471
00:20:13,102 --> 00:20:14,012
Damn, Dave,
472
00:20:14,059 --> 00:20:15,759
if my wife was that fine,
473
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,420
I wouldn't need no friends.
474
00:20:17,454 --> 00:20:19,024
[laughter]
475
00:20:19,064 --> 00:20:21,584
Really, Que? 'Cause...
you live with your mama.
476
00:20:21,632 --> 00:20:24,332
Seems like you need all
the friends you can get.
477
00:20:24,374 --> 00:20:26,594
OTHERS: Oh![laughter]
478
00:20:28,335 --> 00:20:30,035
Ooh, hey, uh,
this is Jeremiah.
479
00:20:30,075 --> 00:20:32,165
Oh, you're the one
who sold him the Spanx.
480
00:20:32,208 --> 00:20:33,948
I'm wearing them right now.
481
00:20:33,992 --> 00:20:35,812
So is Que.
482
00:20:35,864 --> 00:20:38,774
[laughter]
483
00:20:38,823 --> 00:20:40,173
Well, look,
if you like those Spanx,
484
00:20:40,216 --> 00:20:41,696
you're gonna love
these cashmere scarves.
485
00:20:41,739 --> 00:20:43,789
Just ten dollars each.Really?
486
00:20:43,828 --> 00:20:46,138
Mm-hmm.
That's so cheap.
Where did you get them?
487
00:20:46,178 --> 00:20:47,488
OTHERS:
Whoa! Whoa!
488
00:20:48,833 --> 00:20:50,223
What?
489
00:20:50,270 --> 00:20:52,410
Oh, are they stolen?
490
00:20:52,446 --> 00:20:54,446
OTHERS:
Oh!
491
00:20:58,843 --> 00:21:02,803
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
492
00:21:02,847 --> 00:21:06,937
Captioned by
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