1 00:00:02,773 --> 00:00:03,943 Lot of money in the pot, Dave. 2 00:00:04,024 --> 00:00:05,064 You thought you could come over here 3 00:00:05,151 --> 00:00:07,401 and play cards with the big dog? 4 00:00:07,486 --> 00:00:10,026 Well, you about to get bit. 5 00:00:10,114 --> 00:00:11,404 (barks) 6 00:00:11,490 --> 00:00:12,950 (chuckles) 7 00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:15,113 Go ahead, take your best shot. 8 00:00:15,202 --> 00:00:16,782 Do you have any nines? 9 00:00:16,871 --> 00:00:19,121 Go fish. Ha, ha! 10 00:00:21,208 --> 00:00:22,508 (chuckles): Ooh. 11 00:00:22,585 --> 00:00:25,255 Will you look at that? I hooked a nine. 12 00:00:26,338 --> 00:00:28,008 Booyah! 13 00:00:29,049 --> 00:00:30,469 Uh-oh, big dog, you got smoked 14 00:00:30,551 --> 00:00:32,421 by a dude who says "booyah." 15 00:00:33,596 --> 00:00:35,306 Hey, guys. Whatcha doing? 16 00:00:35,389 --> 00:00:38,099 Oh, hey, hon. I just beat Calvin and Malcolm in Go Fish. 17 00:00:38,184 --> 00:00:39,434 (gasps) Booyah! 18 00:00:40,853 --> 00:00:42,773 Malcolm, I'm glad you're here. 19 00:00:42,855 --> 00:00:44,815 How do you feel about blind dates? 20 00:00:44,899 --> 00:00:47,159 Oh, to be honest, Gemma, I'm not really into bl... 21 00:00:47,234 --> 00:00:49,194 Great! 22 00:00:49,278 --> 00:00:51,828 Because there's this wonderful new English teacher at school, 23 00:00:51,906 --> 00:00:55,156 Sofia, and I think you two have a lot in common. 24 00:00:55,242 --> 00:00:58,492 Oh, so she also lives at home and takes the bus to work? 25 00:00:58,579 --> 00:01:00,169 (chuckles) 26 00:01:00,247 --> 00:01:02,297 Thank you, Gemma, but I don't think so. 27 00:01:02,374 --> 00:01:04,504 My last blind date turned out to have three children. 28 00:01:04,585 --> 00:01:06,125 Well, you like kids. 29 00:01:06,212 --> 00:01:07,832 Yeah, but she brought all of them to dinner. 30 00:01:09,215 --> 00:01:12,305 And one of them was older than me. 31 00:01:12,384 --> 00:01:14,514 I promise you, you have nothing to worry about. 32 00:01:14,595 --> 00:01:16,845 I'm kind of known for my matchmaking skills. 33 00:01:16,931 --> 00:01:19,181 I have a perfect track record. 34 00:01:19,266 --> 00:01:20,726 Well... 35 00:01:21,936 --> 00:01:23,856 What about the Parkers? 36 00:01:23,938 --> 00:01:26,398 Oh, so he has a secret family in Winnipeg and that's on me? 37 00:01:27,441 --> 00:01:28,851 Anyway, 38 00:01:28,943 --> 00:01:33,153 back in Kalamazoo, they called me Dr. Wedding Bells. 39 00:01:33,239 --> 00:01:34,409 Hey, look, I appreciate it, Gemma, 40 00:01:34,490 --> 00:01:36,160 but I'm not that desperate yet. 41 00:01:36,242 --> 00:01:38,862 You're not? 42 00:01:38,953 --> 00:01:42,333 You're playing Go Fish with two married men. 43 00:01:42,414 --> 00:01:45,254 And last night I caught you slow-dancing with a mop. 44 00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:47,720 He'll take it. 45 00:01:47,795 --> 00:01:50,385 Okay, fine. I guess we can go for a drink. 46 00:01:50,464 --> 00:01:52,384 (gasps) 47 00:01:52,466 --> 00:01:53,966 Whoa, what's this, Pop? 48 00:01:54,051 --> 00:01:56,671 Uh, just some extra cash in case she brings her kids. 49 00:01:58,430 --> 00:02:00,270 ♪ Welcome to the block, welcome to the neighborhood ♪ 50 00:02:00,349 --> 00:02:01,479 ♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪ 51 00:02:06,355 --> 00:02:08,525 Calvin, I just heard that Terrence Walker died. 52 00:02:08,607 --> 00:02:10,277 Can you believe that? 53 00:02:10,359 --> 00:02:13,319 Absolutely. The man was on his last leg. 54 00:02:13,404 --> 00:02:15,284 He lost the first one in Korea. 55 00:02:17,449 --> 00:02:19,119 Well, apparently, he didn't leave a will, 56 00:02:19,201 --> 00:02:22,071 and now his whole family is fighting over his estate. 57 00:02:22,162 --> 00:02:23,912 What estate? 58 00:02:23,998 --> 00:02:27,798 He had an '81 Buick and a closet full of left shoes. 59 00:02:32,673 --> 00:02:34,253 I don't know, Calvin. 60 00:02:34,341 --> 00:02:36,171 We're not as young as we used to be. 61 00:02:36,260 --> 00:02:38,390 Maybe we should be thinking about making our will. 62 00:02:38,470 --> 00:02:41,940 Oh, no. Baby, we're not old enough to need a will. 63 00:02:42,016 --> 00:02:44,226 I just got carded last week. 64 00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:45,770 That's because the waiter 65 00:02:45,853 --> 00:02:47,933 was trying to give you a senior discount. 66 00:02:48,022 --> 00:02:50,692 Which I did not qualify for. 67 00:02:51,942 --> 00:02:54,232 Calvin, God forbid you died. 68 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,240 I mean, the last thing you would want is for the boys 69 00:02:56,322 --> 00:02:58,192 to have to fight over your stuff. 70 00:02:58,282 --> 00:03:01,952 I'm dead and you're worried about the boys? 71 00:03:03,203 --> 00:03:04,993 Wow, Tina. 72 00:03:06,206 --> 00:03:07,296 Wow. 73 00:03:13,422 --> 00:03:15,132 Hey, brother, 74 00:03:15,215 --> 00:03:17,345 I am meeting a blind date for a drink. 75 00:03:17,426 --> 00:03:19,136 and I really don't want to be here. 76 00:03:19,219 --> 00:03:21,019 So can you call my cell in, like, half an hour? 77 00:03:21,096 --> 00:03:24,516 Say no more. Grandma's in the hospital or fire at home? 78 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,310 (chuckles) Let's not take chances. 79 00:03:26,393 --> 00:03:29,603 Grandma's in the hospital because of the fire at home. 80 00:03:31,106 --> 00:03:32,736 Here's my number. 81 00:03:32,816 --> 00:03:34,696 Hi. Malcolm? 82 00:03:34,777 --> 00:03:36,817 Oh, damn. 83 00:03:36,904 --> 00:03:38,324 Sofia? 84 00:03:38,405 --> 00:03:40,285 (laughs, clears throat) 85 00:03:40,366 --> 00:03:43,916 Let me guess. You were about to have a sick aunt? 86 00:03:43,994 --> 00:03:45,494 What? (laughs) 87 00:03:47,289 --> 00:03:47,999 How did you know? 88 00:03:48,082 --> 00:03:50,162 (phone ringing) 89 00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:52,630 a call from my sick aunt. 90 00:03:54,254 --> 00:03:55,544 Never mind, he's cute. 91 00:03:55,631 --> 00:03:57,461 (chuckles) 92 00:03:58,759 --> 00:04:01,139 Hey, wait. 93 00:04:01,220 --> 00:04:03,180 We only need a table for the two of us, right? 94 00:04:03,263 --> 00:04:04,843 Yeah. Why? 95 00:04:04,932 --> 00:04:06,302 I'm just checking. 96 00:04:10,396 --> 00:04:13,776 Hey, babe. Whatcha doing? 97 00:04:13,857 --> 00:04:15,487 Just getting some fresh air. 98 00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:17,027 It's a beautiful night. 99 00:04:17,111 --> 00:04:18,401 The stars are out. 100 00:04:18,487 --> 00:04:19,447 You're waiting for Malcolm. 101 00:04:19,530 --> 00:04:21,240 Where the hell is he?! 102 00:04:21,323 --> 00:04:22,863 Well, if they're not home yet, 103 00:04:22,950 --> 00:04:25,000 the date must have gone well, right? 104 00:04:25,077 --> 00:04:28,207 Not just well. Sofia texted me and said it went great. 105 00:04:28,288 --> 00:04:30,378 Looks like Dr. Wedding Bells 106 00:04:30,457 --> 00:04:33,207 hasn't lost a patient yet. 107 00:04:33,293 --> 00:04:34,663 Well... 108 00:04:34,753 --> 00:04:37,253 I don't know if the Cahills would agree. 109 00:04:37,339 --> 00:04:38,889 Again, not my fault. 110 00:04:38,966 --> 00:04:41,346 If he didn't know he was gay, how was I supposed to? 111 00:04:42,302 --> 00:04:44,382 Hey, guys. 112 00:04:44,471 --> 00:04:46,051 Tell me everything. 113 00:04:46,140 --> 00:04:47,850 Look, there's not much to tell. 114 00:04:47,933 --> 00:04:49,893 It was okay. 115 00:04:49,977 --> 00:04:51,227 Wha... 116 00:04:51,311 --> 00:04:53,351 Just okay? 117 00:04:53,439 --> 00:04:56,859 Time of death: 9:32. 118 00:04:56,942 --> 00:05:00,482 Wha... But Sofia said it went great. What happened? 119 00:05:00,571 --> 00:05:02,071 All right, here's the truth. 120 00:05:02,156 --> 00:05:03,576 She has got this annoying laugh. 121 00:05:03,657 --> 00:05:05,907 A-And I mean, it's really annoying. 122 00:05:05,993 --> 00:05:07,243 How bad is it? 123 00:05:07,327 --> 00:05:08,747 People around us were checking their phones 124 00:05:08,829 --> 00:05:10,539 to see if there was a Amber Alert. 125 00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:13,951 Look, I'm sorry, Gemma, 126 00:05:14,043 --> 00:05:16,003 but that's a deal breaker for me, all right? 127 00:05:16,086 --> 00:05:17,426 Thank you for trying, though. 128 00:05:19,173 --> 00:05:20,753 GEMMA: I can't believe it. 129 00:05:20,841 --> 00:05:24,381 I-It's crazy for something like that to be a deal breaker. 130 00:05:24,470 --> 00:05:27,640 Catching your husband in a Jacuzzi with the mailman I get. 131 00:05:29,516 --> 00:05:31,806 But this? No. 132 00:05:31,894 --> 00:05:34,974 Well, look, Gemma, everyone has their deal breakers. 133 00:05:35,064 --> 00:05:37,444 You know, when I was single, I could never date 134 00:05:37,524 --> 00:05:38,564 someone who littered 135 00:05:38,650 --> 00:05:41,820 or had the same haircut as my mom. 136 00:05:43,030 --> 00:05:45,660 Or lived east of highway 43. 137 00:05:45,741 --> 00:05:48,821 It is bumpkin central over there. 138 00:05:48,911 --> 00:05:52,121 Dave, I lived east of highway 43. 139 00:05:52,206 --> 00:05:54,166 Oh, I know. 140 00:05:56,418 --> 00:05:58,628 But once I got to know you better, 141 00:05:58,712 --> 00:06:00,632 I discovered so many of your deal makers 142 00:06:00,714 --> 00:06:03,004 that I forgot about my one deal breaker. 143 00:06:03,092 --> 00:06:05,632 Aw. 144 00:06:05,719 --> 00:06:07,429 Plus, you were the only girl I met from over there 145 00:06:07,513 --> 00:06:08,843 who wasn't in a fight club. 146 00:06:11,850 --> 00:06:13,150 Maybe if I can get Malcolm to see 147 00:06:13,227 --> 00:06:14,727 more of Sofia's good qualities, 148 00:06:14,812 --> 00:06:17,482 he'll get over his deal breaker, just like you did. 149 00:06:17,564 --> 00:06:18,644 I guess. 150 00:06:18,732 --> 00:06:20,062 How long did it take you? 151 00:06:20,150 --> 00:06:22,990 Like, two or three dates? 152 00:06:23,070 --> 00:06:25,870 Yeah, let's go with that. 153 00:06:28,742 --> 00:06:30,822 Oh, hey, Dad. 154 00:06:30,911 --> 00:06:33,621 Oh, y'all watching YouTube videos again? 155 00:06:33,705 --> 00:06:36,545 Play the one where the monkey steals the baby's ice cream. 156 00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:39,465 No, Calvin, I asked Marty to come over 157 00:06:39,545 --> 00:06:41,005 and help us do our wills. 158 00:06:41,088 --> 00:06:42,178 MARTY: Yeah, I found this website 159 00:06:42,256 --> 00:06:43,546 that does almost all the work for you. 160 00:06:43,632 --> 00:06:46,252 So basically, all you have to do is die. 161 00:06:46,343 --> 00:06:48,633 Boy, I survived black Michael Jackson, 162 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:50,640 white Michael Jackson 163 00:06:50,722 --> 00:06:53,512 and "Damn, I ain't know he did all that" Michael Jackson. 164 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:55,650 I ain't going nowhere. 165 00:06:55,727 --> 00:06:58,527 Okay, fine. I'll do it without you. 166 00:06:58,605 --> 00:06:59,855 So leave his truck with Dave. 167 00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:02,700 Over my dead body. 168 00:07:02,776 --> 00:07:05,316 Exactly. 169 00:07:05,404 --> 00:07:06,524 Fine. 170 00:07:06,613 --> 00:07:08,073 Come on. Let's do this, then. 171 00:07:08,157 --> 00:07:09,697 Let's-let's do it. 172 00:07:09,783 --> 00:07:11,863 Thank you, baby. And I promise you, when we're done, 173 00:07:11,952 --> 00:07:13,202 you can watch your monkey video. 174 00:07:13,287 --> 00:07:14,577 How does that sound? 175 00:07:15,622 --> 00:07:16,952 Good. 176 00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:19,877 Okay, let's get started. 177 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,380 Hmm. 178 00:07:22,462 --> 00:07:24,252 Oh, do you want to be buried or cremated? 179 00:07:24,339 --> 00:07:25,549 Buried. 180 00:07:25,632 --> 00:07:26,542 Okay, great. 181 00:07:26,633 --> 00:07:28,053 Uh, moving on to the estate. 182 00:07:28,135 --> 00:07:29,675 "In the event that one of you gets remarried..." 183 00:07:29,761 --> 00:07:32,721 Ha! Next question, man. 184 00:07:32,806 --> 00:07:34,726 (chuckles) 185 00:07:34,808 --> 00:07:36,358 Why is that funny? 186 00:07:36,435 --> 00:07:39,605 'Cause I would never be with another woman after you. 187 00:07:41,690 --> 00:07:44,530 And you definitely couldn't be with another man. 188 00:07:44,610 --> 00:07:46,700 (chuckles) 189 00:07:46,778 --> 00:07:48,828 So, Calvin, if you up and die tomorrow, 190 00:07:48,906 --> 00:07:51,906 you would expect me to be single for the rest of my life? 191 00:07:51,992 --> 00:07:53,452 Uh, yeah. 192 00:07:55,037 --> 00:07:56,577 Winnie Mandela did it. 193 00:07:56,663 --> 00:07:59,743 Coretta Scott King did it. 194 00:07:59,833 --> 00:08:01,703 Tina Butler can do it, too. 195 00:08:02,711 --> 00:08:04,961 Mandela, Dr. King. 196 00:08:05,047 --> 00:08:07,257 Why don't you just compare yourself to Jesus? 197 00:08:07,341 --> 00:08:08,591 Well, fine. When I die, 198 00:08:08,675 --> 00:08:10,765 you got three days, and I'm coming back. 199 00:08:13,138 --> 00:08:14,888 Stop playing with me, Tina. 200 00:08:14,973 --> 00:08:17,643 I forbid you to remarry after I die. 201 00:08:17,726 --> 00:08:20,686 Well, if you keep it up, you won't have to. 202 00:08:23,523 --> 00:08:24,893 Hey, who wants to watch a monkey video? 203 00:08:28,153 --> 00:08:29,773 So, you see, Grover, 204 00:08:29,863 --> 00:08:31,483 even though Charlotte dies in the end, 205 00:08:31,573 --> 00:08:34,243 the sacrifices she made for Wilbur the pig 206 00:08:34,326 --> 00:08:36,746 show us what true friendship really is. 207 00:08:36,828 --> 00:08:39,788 All it did was make me want bacon. 208 00:08:40,707 --> 00:08:43,377 Remind me to never let you read Old Yeller. 209 00:08:45,379 --> 00:08:46,799 Hey, Malcolm. 210 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:49,260 Oh, hey, Dave. Uh, Gemma asked me to come over 211 00:08:49,341 --> 00:08:51,001 and help Grover out with his book report. 212 00:08:51,093 --> 00:08:53,803 Huh. That's usually my job. 213 00:08:53,887 --> 00:08:55,267 It was... 214 00:08:55,347 --> 00:08:57,937 until I got a C on the last one. 215 00:08:58,934 --> 00:09:00,144 (chuckles) 216 00:09:00,227 --> 00:09:02,647 I don't care what Ms. Sweeney says. 217 00:09:02,729 --> 00:09:06,569 Charlie did nothing to deserve that chocolate factory. 218 00:09:06,650 --> 00:09:08,910 (doorbell rings) 219 00:09:12,406 --> 00:09:13,826 Hi, I'm... 220 00:09:13,907 --> 00:09:15,497 Sofia? 221 00:09:15,575 --> 00:09:16,905 Sofia! 222 00:09:23,834 --> 00:09:26,964 So, Sofia, what languages do you speak again? 223 00:09:27,045 --> 00:09:30,335 Well, English, Spanish, French... 224 00:09:30,424 --> 00:09:34,804 Ooh, French. As in fries, toast and kissing. 225 00:09:35,762 --> 00:09:38,012 Gemma, you're embarrassing me. 226 00:09:38,098 --> 00:09:40,148 Sorry. 227 00:09:40,225 --> 00:09:41,515 She also graduated cum laude from Berkeley. 228 00:09:41,601 --> 00:09:45,351 (chuckles) Yeah, she mentioned that 229 00:09:45,439 --> 00:09:46,189 at the restaurant. 230 00:09:46,273 --> 00:09:48,523 You know who else went to Berkeley? 231 00:09:48,608 --> 00:09:51,528 Frank M. Business. 232 00:09:51,612 --> 00:09:54,612 The "M" stands for Mindyourown. 233 00:09:56,533 --> 00:09:58,033 Um, 234 00:09:58,118 --> 00:09:59,668 Gemma, uh, where's the bathroom? 235 00:09:59,745 --> 00:10:01,915 Oh, uh, through the door next to the stairs. 236 00:10:01,997 --> 00:10:04,877 (chuckling) 237 00:10:04,958 --> 00:10:06,208 (door closes) 238 00:10:06,293 --> 00:10:07,873 I can't believe y'all did this. 239 00:10:07,961 --> 00:10:10,541 Hey, don't look at me. I had nothing to do with this. 240 00:10:10,630 --> 00:10:13,850 I've been upstairs brushing up on Charlotte's Web. 241 00:10:13,925 --> 00:10:16,055 Like a sucker. 242 00:10:16,136 --> 00:10:17,386 (sighs) 243 00:10:17,471 --> 00:10:19,591 It's true. This is all on me. 244 00:10:19,681 --> 00:10:22,221 I just wanted you to give Sofia another shot. 245 00:10:22,309 --> 00:10:24,019 Once you spend some more time with her, 246 00:10:24,102 --> 00:10:26,022 you'll forget all about her silly little laugh. 247 00:10:26,104 --> 00:10:27,224 Gemma, this is not cool. I told you 248 00:10:27,314 --> 00:10:29,444 I'm not interested in her or the fact that she speaks French. 249 00:10:29,524 --> 00:10:32,774 Bon-Bonjour! (chuckles) 250 00:10:32,861 --> 00:10:34,401 Oh! 251 00:10:34,488 --> 00:10:36,078 (speaking French) 252 00:10:36,156 --> 00:10:38,036 Bonjour. 253 00:10:38,116 --> 00:10:39,906 (cackling) 254 00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:47,920 I'd take my mom's haircut over that any day. 255 00:10:48,001 --> 00:10:50,081 Ooh. 256 00:10:51,671 --> 00:10:54,751 So, who gets the house-- me or Malcolm? 257 00:10:54,841 --> 00:10:56,341 Whichever one of you promises 258 00:10:56,426 --> 00:10:58,596 not to let your new stepdaddy move in. 259 00:11:00,138 --> 00:11:02,228 Oh, come on, Calvin. 260 00:11:02,307 --> 00:11:04,517 You know, look, if I die tomorrow, 261 00:11:04,601 --> 00:11:07,141 I would want you to do what you have to to be happy. 262 00:11:07,229 --> 00:11:08,899 Oh, really? 263 00:11:08,980 --> 00:11:11,740 So you'd be okay if I married Monique Baker? 264 00:11:11,817 --> 00:11:14,907 That skank ho?! 265 00:11:14,986 --> 00:11:18,576 Don't you talk about Marty's stepmother like that. 266 00:11:18,657 --> 00:11:19,787 Wait. 267 00:11:19,866 --> 00:11:21,246 Wait, who is Monique Baker? 268 00:11:21,326 --> 00:11:24,626 She's a skank ho, that's who! 269 00:11:24,704 --> 00:11:26,124 She used to sing in the choir 270 00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:28,496 with your mother, and I ain't gonna lie-- 271 00:11:28,583 --> 00:11:30,453 she was pretty easy on the eyes. 272 00:11:31,503 --> 00:11:33,423 What? 273 00:11:33,505 --> 00:11:35,465 You wouldn't want me to be with somebody ugly now, 274 00:11:35,549 --> 00:11:39,219 would you? I mean, that would be disrespecting your legacy. 275 00:11:40,637 --> 00:11:43,977 So you been cheating on me in your mind all these years? 276 00:11:44,057 --> 00:11:46,767 Come on, Tina. You know my mind. 277 00:11:46,852 --> 00:11:48,102 You know I don't think. 278 00:11:49,688 --> 00:11:52,318 Well, you thought her name up pretty quick. 279 00:11:52,399 --> 00:11:53,949 Yeah, it was pretty quick, Dad. 280 00:11:54,025 --> 00:11:55,315 You just lost the house. 281 00:11:55,402 --> 00:11:57,022 Damn it. 282 00:11:57,112 --> 00:11:59,482 And I'm not understanding why you're so upset. 283 00:11:59,573 --> 00:12:02,453 'Cause I was ready to mourn for the rest of my life, 284 00:12:02,534 --> 00:12:05,494 but no... 285 00:12:05,579 --> 00:12:07,789 you want us to be happy. 286 00:12:09,374 --> 00:12:11,504 Okay, fine. Maybe you're right. 287 00:12:11,585 --> 00:12:14,335 Maybe I shouldn't get remarried when you're gone. 288 00:12:14,421 --> 00:12:16,131 See? Now, that's what I'm talking about. 289 00:12:16,214 --> 00:12:18,344 I mean, why tie myself down to one man 290 00:12:18,425 --> 00:12:19,925 when I can date a whole bunch of 'em? 291 00:12:20,010 --> 00:12:21,350 Oh, oh, oh, oh! 292 00:12:21,428 --> 00:12:22,888 W-What'd you just say? 293 00:12:22,971 --> 00:12:24,841 Uh, maybe now's a good time for me to get a snack. 294 00:12:24,931 --> 00:12:26,341 Or, you know, leave forever. 295 00:12:26,433 --> 00:12:28,353 Oh. 296 00:12:28,435 --> 00:12:29,975 You heard me. 297 00:12:30,061 --> 00:12:31,521 Maybe I should play the field, 298 00:12:31,605 --> 00:12:33,065 you know, even go back to Jamaica, 299 00:12:33,148 --> 00:12:35,738 get my groove back. 300 00:12:35,817 --> 00:12:37,487 Or maybe 301 00:12:37,569 --> 00:12:39,489 I should date a younger guy. 302 00:12:39,571 --> 00:12:42,361 I hear Monique's son is really good-looking. 303 00:12:42,449 --> 00:12:45,869 You stay away from my future wife's son. 304 00:12:45,952 --> 00:12:47,872 Wait, uh, time-out. 305 00:12:47,954 --> 00:12:51,704 You do realize that means you would be dating my stepbrother? 306 00:12:51,791 --> 00:12:53,701 Ooh, you are so smart. 307 00:12:53,793 --> 00:12:55,873 I wonder if you get it from your late father. 308 00:12:55,962 --> 00:12:57,422 What's his name again? 309 00:12:59,132 --> 00:13:01,052 You know what, that's it. 310 00:13:01,134 --> 00:13:03,174 If I die, I'm coming back as a ghost. 311 00:13:03,261 --> 00:13:05,051 Let's see you keep a boyfriend 312 00:13:05,138 --> 00:13:07,138 when I'm poltergeisting his ass. 313 00:13:11,478 --> 00:13:13,398 Oh, and you know what else? 314 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,570 Sofia was telling me about how much she loves to read. 315 00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:18,700 Malcolm's a big reader, too. 316 00:13:18,777 --> 00:13:19,697 What are you reading these days? 317 00:13:19,778 --> 00:13:21,028 Oh, all kinds of stuff. 318 00:13:21,112 --> 00:13:23,282 E-mails, 319 00:13:23,365 --> 00:13:25,865 text message... (chuckles) 320 00:13:25,951 --> 00:13:27,451 takeout menus. 321 00:13:27,536 --> 00:13:28,916 (cackling) 322 00:13:32,332 --> 00:13:34,542 Guys, I think the cat from the alley is back. 323 00:13:35,794 --> 00:13:37,584 And it sounds like she's having babies. 324 00:13:37,671 --> 00:13:39,921 (chuckles) Uh, go back upstairs 325 00:13:40,006 --> 00:13:42,176 and finish your book report, sweetie. 326 00:13:42,259 --> 00:13:44,389 Well, I guess I should be getting home. 327 00:13:44,469 --> 00:13:46,269 Well, but it's still early. 328 00:13:46,346 --> 00:13:48,136 Yeah, well, when you're a security guard, you need 329 00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:49,133 a lot of rest. 330 00:13:49,224 --> 00:13:50,434 Otherwise you might fall 331 00:13:50,517 --> 00:13:51,687 for a sneak attack. 332 00:13:53,270 --> 00:13:54,440 Oh, okay. 333 00:13:54,521 --> 00:13:56,391 It was nice to see you. 334 00:13:56,481 --> 00:13:58,061 It was nice to see you, too. 335 00:13:58,149 --> 00:14:00,739 Malcolm, before you leave, can I see you in the kitchen? 336 00:14:00,819 --> 00:14:02,489 I have an important... 337 00:14:02,571 --> 00:14:04,821 security guarding question. 338 00:14:08,868 --> 00:14:10,788 Sofia, uh... (chuckles) 339 00:14:10,870 --> 00:14:12,500 you're an English teacher. 340 00:14:12,581 --> 00:14:14,791 You tell me those Oompa Loompas didn't deserve 341 00:14:14,874 --> 00:14:16,414 the chocolate factory. 342 00:14:18,211 --> 00:14:19,501 Malcolm, don't leave now. 343 00:14:19,588 --> 00:14:21,258 You're not giving her a chance. 344 00:14:21,339 --> 00:14:23,259 That's because I told you I'm not interested. 345 00:14:23,341 --> 00:14:25,251 Just because of her laugh? 346 00:14:25,343 --> 00:14:27,923 Which, by the way, I happen to think is cute. 347 00:14:28,013 --> 00:14:29,593 (Sofia cackling) 348 00:14:35,395 --> 00:14:36,685 Okay, Grover's right. 349 00:14:36,771 --> 00:14:38,851 It's like a catfight in her throat. 350 00:14:40,859 --> 00:14:42,159 But... 351 00:14:42,235 --> 00:14:44,695 she's so great in every other way. 352 00:14:44,779 --> 00:14:46,869 She's just not for me, okay? 353 00:14:46,948 --> 00:14:49,658 Fine. I guess I'm just disappointed. 354 00:14:49,743 --> 00:14:51,783 I didn't think you were so superficial. 355 00:14:51,870 --> 00:14:54,590 No, look, Gemma, I'm not superficial, all right? 356 00:14:54,664 --> 00:14:56,664 It's just... (exhales) 357 00:14:56,750 --> 00:14:58,800 It's just what? 358 00:14:59,794 --> 00:15:00,964 All right, you want the truth? 359 00:15:01,046 --> 00:15:03,336 The problem is not her laugh. 360 00:15:03,423 --> 00:15:05,633 I actually like it. 361 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:10,520 I mean, really? 362 00:15:10,597 --> 00:15:12,187 Yes, okay? It's got character. 363 00:15:12,265 --> 00:15:14,305 She doesn't hold back, and... 364 00:15:14,392 --> 00:15:16,562 I think that's cool. 365 00:15:16,645 --> 00:15:18,815 Okay, so then what's the deal breaker? 366 00:15:18,897 --> 00:15:20,027 It's me. 367 00:15:20,106 --> 00:15:21,816 I'm the deal breaker. 368 00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:23,700 I-I got to go. 369 00:15:23,777 --> 00:15:24,527 (scoffs) 370 00:15:24,611 --> 00:15:26,981 Hey, it was really great to see you. 371 00:15:27,072 --> 00:15:29,072 Um, good night. 372 00:15:31,618 --> 00:15:32,788 (door closes) 373 00:15:33,870 --> 00:15:35,670 What just happened? 374 00:15:35,747 --> 00:15:38,247 (sputters) I don't know. 375 00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:40,753 It's definitely not something to laugh about. 376 00:15:43,755 --> 00:15:46,715 Oh, yeah? Well, me and my boy toy, Winston, 377 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,720 we gonna lie on the beach in Jamaica 378 00:15:48,802 --> 00:15:51,882 and listen to reggae music all day. 379 00:15:51,971 --> 00:15:52,721 Yeah, well, that's all right. 380 00:15:52,806 --> 00:15:54,516 Because I'm gonna be on the couch 381 00:15:54,599 --> 00:15:55,899 while Monique feeds me 382 00:15:55,975 --> 00:15:58,895 the best macaroni and cheese I've ever had. 383 00:15:58,978 --> 00:16:02,568 You said that I made the best macaroni and cheese. 384 00:16:02,649 --> 00:16:03,569 You did. 385 00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:04,860 But you dead. 386 00:16:04,943 --> 00:16:06,523 Guys, please. 387 00:16:06,611 --> 00:16:08,571 No, no, no, no, no, no! That-That's all right. 388 00:16:08,655 --> 00:16:09,905 'Cause I don't even cook anymore. 389 00:16:09,989 --> 00:16:12,369 Yeah, me and Winston-- we hired a private chef 390 00:16:12,450 --> 00:16:15,370 with the money that we got from selling your shop! 391 00:16:15,453 --> 00:16:16,823 Marty, when I die, 392 00:16:16,913 --> 00:16:18,663 burn down my shop. 393 00:16:19,791 --> 00:16:22,081 Okay! Before I get arrested for arson 394 00:16:22,168 --> 00:16:26,048 and have to be bailed out by my stepbrother/dad, 395 00:16:26,131 --> 00:16:28,921 can you both sit down and be quiet? 396 00:16:29,008 --> 00:16:29,928 Fine. 397 00:16:30,009 --> 00:16:31,769 I was gonna sit down anyway. 398 00:16:33,972 --> 00:16:36,592 I can't believe you guys are arguing about this. 399 00:16:36,683 --> 00:16:38,553 Do you know how lucky you are? 400 00:16:38,643 --> 00:16:40,563 People my age can't find somebody to be with 401 00:16:40,645 --> 00:16:42,775 for more than two weeks. 402 00:16:42,856 --> 00:16:44,566 If it weren't for you two, I... 403 00:16:44,649 --> 00:16:46,989 I wouldn't even believe in love anymore. 404 00:16:48,737 --> 00:16:50,657 I mean, look at you. 405 00:16:50,739 --> 00:16:52,949 After 30 years, you're both still so in love with each other 406 00:16:53,032 --> 00:16:55,322 that you're jealous of people that don't even exist. 407 00:16:58,872 --> 00:17:00,952 Monique Baker exists. 408 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,460 You know, I would've never even brought her up 409 00:17:03,543 --> 00:17:06,923 if you weren't so ready to move on and forget about me. 410 00:17:08,214 --> 00:17:10,634 I could never forget about you. 411 00:17:10,717 --> 00:17:11,847 Calvin, you're my soul mate. 412 00:17:11,926 --> 00:17:14,556 If I lost you, I would be devastated. 413 00:17:16,681 --> 00:17:19,301 How devastated? 414 00:17:19,392 --> 00:17:22,972 Calvin, why are we even talking about this? 415 00:17:23,062 --> 00:17:26,192 I don't want to imagine life without you. 416 00:17:26,274 --> 00:17:28,444 I know. 417 00:17:28,526 --> 00:17:30,196 I'd miss me, too. 418 00:17:31,529 --> 00:17:34,539 (chuckles) 419 00:17:35,617 --> 00:17:37,657 Give me a kiss, you big old... 420 00:17:37,744 --> 00:17:39,664 sexy honey bear, you. 421 00:17:39,746 --> 00:17:41,836 Come here. (chuckling) 422 00:17:41,915 --> 00:17:43,835 Okay, okay. If you guys are good, 423 00:17:43,917 --> 00:17:45,837 let's get this over with. 424 00:17:45,919 --> 00:17:46,839 we're gonna have to do this another time. 425 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,930 Your mother and I have some making up to do. 426 00:17:51,925 --> 00:17:54,635 Okay, that is it. Malcolm is definitely inheriting the couch. 427 00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:57,680 Well, in that case, 428 00:17:57,764 --> 00:17:59,224 you ain't gonna want the truck either. 429 00:18:04,270 --> 00:18:05,690 Hey, Malcolm. 430 00:18:05,772 --> 00:18:07,892 I was just coming over to see how you're doing. 431 00:18:07,982 --> 00:18:08,892 I'm fine. 432 00:18:08,983 --> 00:18:10,693 Just went for a little walk. 433 00:18:10,777 --> 00:18:13,527 So, how'd the rest of the night with Sofia go? 434 00:18:13,613 --> 00:18:14,693 Kind of weird. 435 00:18:14,781 --> 00:18:16,361 Dave tried to keep her from laughing 436 00:18:16,449 --> 00:18:17,869 by talking about the opioid crisis 437 00:18:17,951 --> 00:18:19,531 and how all the bees are dying. 438 00:18:19,619 --> 00:18:22,209 (chuckles) 439 00:18:22,288 --> 00:18:26,168 Hey, what did you mean when you said you're the deal breaker? 440 00:18:26,251 --> 00:18:29,161 Look, Sofia is amazing. 441 00:18:29,254 --> 00:18:31,834 She's beautiful, she's sophisticated, 442 00:18:31,923 --> 00:18:33,383 she's successful. 443 00:18:33,466 --> 00:18:34,926 But look at me, Gemma. 444 00:18:35,009 --> 00:18:37,889 I'm still living at home, trying to get my life together. 445 00:18:37,971 --> 00:18:40,381 That's not how anyone sees you. 446 00:18:40,473 --> 00:18:42,183 You're a great guy. 447 00:18:42,267 --> 00:18:45,227 Well, maybe, but what do I have to offer her? 448 00:18:45,311 --> 00:18:48,681 Aside from watching Netflix on my parents' couch 449 00:18:48,773 --> 00:18:52,023 while my pops rubs lotion on his feet. 450 00:18:53,528 --> 00:18:56,288 Yeah, he's done that on our couch, too. 451 00:18:57,782 --> 00:19:00,702 Look, the fact is, 452 00:19:00,785 --> 00:19:03,455 Sofia's out of my league right now. 453 00:19:03,538 --> 00:19:05,248 Malcolm... 454 00:19:05,331 --> 00:19:08,371 where you are now in your life is gonna change. 455 00:19:08,459 --> 00:19:10,759 What's not gonna change 456 00:19:10,837 --> 00:19:12,797 is who you are. 457 00:19:12,881 --> 00:19:15,921 And Sofia likes who you are. 458 00:19:16,009 --> 00:19:18,469 (chuckles softly) She said that? 459 00:19:18,553 --> 00:19:20,763 Why don't you read the text yourself? 460 00:19:24,350 --> 00:19:25,810 Oh. 461 00:19:25,894 --> 00:19:28,064 Well, she talks a lot about my butt. 462 00:19:28,146 --> 00:19:30,606 (chuckles) 463 00:19:30,690 --> 00:19:32,700 Kind of makes me feel like a piece of meat. 464 00:19:33,776 --> 00:19:34,776 I like that. 465 00:19:35,904 --> 00:19:37,114 (chuckles) 466 00:19:37,196 --> 00:19:39,656 Look, Sofia's a total catch, 467 00:19:39,741 --> 00:19:41,651 and you shouldn't let her get away. 468 00:19:41,743 --> 00:19:44,953 And I would tell her the exact same thing about you. 469 00:19:45,997 --> 00:19:47,667 Thank you, Gemma. 470 00:19:47,749 --> 00:19:49,459 I'm gonna go give her a call. 471 00:19:49,542 --> 00:19:51,662 (gasps) 472 00:19:51,753 --> 00:19:55,423 Just like that, Dr. Wedding Bells saves another patient. 473 00:19:56,507 --> 00:19:58,097 CALVIN: Shut the damn door! 474 00:20:02,388 --> 00:20:04,308 Was he putting lotion on his feet? 475 00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:05,520 Yeah, let's just go with that. 476 00:20:12,065 --> 00:20:13,525 So, before you married Tina and were dating, 477 00:20:13,608 --> 00:20:14,858 did you have any deal breakers? 478 00:20:14,943 --> 00:20:16,483 I only had two rules, Dave. 479 00:20:16,569 --> 00:20:19,579 Pretty feet and a big ole butt. 480 00:20:21,032 --> 00:20:22,952 Well, what about with friends-- 481 00:20:23,034 --> 00:20:24,324 any rules there? 482 00:20:24,410 --> 00:20:25,330 A bunch. 483 00:20:25,411 --> 00:20:26,991 No one from Michigan, 484 00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:28,500 no optimists 485 00:20:28,581 --> 00:20:31,661 and definitely no one named Dave. 486 00:20:32,710 --> 00:20:34,130 Well, you know, 487 00:20:34,212 --> 00:20:36,332 I happen to have a few rules of my own. 488 00:20:36,422 --> 00:20:38,632 All right. Let's hear 'em. 489 00:20:38,716 --> 00:20:39,926 They have to be grumpy, 490 00:20:40,009 --> 00:20:41,599 they have to know everything 491 00:20:41,678 --> 00:20:45,308 and they definitely have to be able to fix a car. 492 00:20:46,307 --> 00:20:48,647 Dave, if those are your rules, 493 00:20:48,726 --> 00:20:50,816 that would mean we would be best friends. 494 00:20:50,895 --> 00:20:52,355 You said it, not me. 495 00:20:52,438 --> 00:20:53,648 Booyah! 496 00:21:00,071 --> 00:21:03,031 Captioning sponsored by CBS 497 00:21:03,116 --> 00:21:06,156 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org