1
00:00:04,191 --> 00:00:06,441
Ah, happy trash day, Calvin.
2
00:00:06,527 --> 00:00:07,317
Wow.
3
00:00:07,403 --> 00:00:09,613
White people celebrate anything.
4
00:00:12,241 --> 00:00:14,571
So, got any big plans
this weekend?
5
00:00:14,660 --> 00:00:17,790
Well, I was planning on going
down to the trash day parade.
6
00:00:19,039 --> 00:00:21,339
But instead I got to take Tina
7
00:00:21,417 --> 00:00:23,337
to this concert on Saturday.
8
00:00:23,419 --> 00:00:24,759
Oh, yeah?
Who are you guys seeing?
9
00:00:24,837 --> 00:00:26,427
REO Speedwagon.
10
00:00:26,505 --> 00:00:28,175
Hey, brother!
11
00:00:28,257 --> 00:00:30,217
I ride the Speedwagon, too.
12
00:00:31,802 --> 00:00:34,422
You know, first time I saw them
in concert was the summer of...
13
00:00:34,513 --> 00:00:36,803
Can we just go back
to talking about trash?
14
00:00:36,891 --> 00:00:39,391
Wait a minute, you
mean you're not a fan?
15
00:00:39,477 --> 00:00:41,607
Ah. Oh, no. It's all Tina.
16
00:00:41,687 --> 00:00:44,437
She drags me to see 'em
every time they come to town.
17
00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:47,153
That's what happens
when you bus a black kid
18
00:00:47,234 --> 00:00:49,444
to a white middle school.
19
00:00:49,528 --> 00:00:52,618
(chuckles): Well, do you
at least have good seats?
20
00:00:52,698 --> 00:00:54,448
Well, they're in
hearing distance of the stage,
21
00:00:54,533 --> 00:00:56,493
so I'm gonna say no.
22
00:00:56,577 --> 00:00:58,327
Well, I tell you,
23
00:00:58,412 --> 00:01:00,372
they are one of the
best bands to see live.
24
00:01:00,456 --> 00:01:02,376
Better than when I
saw Boston in Boston.
25
00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:04,508
Or Chicago in Chicago.
26
00:01:04,585 --> 00:01:08,465
Definitely better than when
I saw Kansas in Montreal.
27
00:01:08,547 --> 00:01:11,137
Oh, oh, hey. You know what,
in that case, uh,
28
00:01:11,217 --> 00:01:12,557
you want to go?
29
00:01:12,635 --> 00:01:14,675
Are you kidding? I'd love to.
30
00:01:14,762 --> 00:01:16,382
Great. Pick Tina up at 7:00.
31
00:01:16,472 --> 00:01:17,972
You two will have a great time.
32
00:01:18,057 --> 00:01:19,687
Wait, hold on.
(chuckles)
33
00:01:19,767 --> 00:01:20,727
You're not coming with?
34
00:01:20,810 --> 00:01:22,770
Nope. Look at that.
35
00:01:22,853 --> 00:01:25,023
It did turn out
to be a happy trash day.
36
00:01:26,273 --> 00:01:28,143
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
37
00:01:28,234 --> 00:01:29,564
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
38
00:01:34,949 --> 00:01:37,709
This concert is
gonna be epic.
39
00:01:37,785 --> 00:01:39,705
I am so amped!
40
00:01:39,787 --> 00:01:40,787
I know.
41
00:01:40,871 --> 00:01:42,701
You've been singing
"I Can't Fight This Feeling"
42
00:01:42,790 --> 00:01:44,380
since yesterday.
43
00:01:45,417 --> 00:01:46,047
Well, what could I say?
44
00:01:46,126 --> 00:01:47,716
I couldn't fight the feeling.
45
00:01:47,795 --> 00:01:49,215
Okay.
46
00:01:49,296 --> 00:01:50,586
What else can you tell me
about Tina?
47
00:01:50,673 --> 00:01:52,213
You said that she loves
to garden,
48
00:01:52,299 --> 00:01:53,889
she-she really likes to sing,
49
00:01:53,968 --> 00:01:55,968
and she don't got time for this.
50
00:01:57,346 --> 00:01:59,726
What exactly is "this"?
51
00:01:59,807 --> 00:02:01,267
I don't know, Dave.
52
00:02:01,350 --> 00:02:02,810
She just doesn't have time
for it.
53
00:02:04,436 --> 00:02:07,186
Why are you asking
all these questions?
54
00:02:07,273 --> 00:02:09,393
Well, because you two are
already such good friends,
55
00:02:09,483 --> 00:02:11,353
and this is the first time
that Tina and I
56
00:02:11,443 --> 00:02:12,273
have hung out one-on-one,
57
00:02:12,361 --> 00:02:15,191
and I just want to
make sure she has fun.
58
00:02:15,281 --> 00:02:18,741
That-that she isn't intimidated
by my coolness.
59
00:02:20,828 --> 00:02:23,248
If cool's what you're going for,
60
00:02:23,330 --> 00:02:25,420
you might want to leave
your air guitar at home.
61
00:02:25,499 --> 00:02:27,959
Hmm. Sorry, babe.
62
00:02:28,043 --> 00:02:30,373
I just got it restrung.
63
00:02:32,214 --> 00:02:34,924
Okay, now, let's talk attire.
64
00:02:35,009 --> 00:02:37,269
Guns in?
65
00:02:37,344 --> 00:02:39,344
Guns out?
66
00:02:40,931 --> 00:02:43,341
Dave, I love you,
but I don't got time for this.
67
00:02:47,354 --> 00:02:49,314
Hey, Malcolm,
when did you order that pizza?
68
00:02:49,398 --> 00:02:52,408
Uh, just about 25 minutes ago.
69
00:02:52,484 --> 00:02:54,404
So five more minutes
and it's free.
70
00:02:55,988 --> 00:02:58,328
Fingers crossed, the driver
gets into an accident.
71
00:03:00,075 --> 00:03:01,285
Oh, Pop, that's terrible.
72
00:03:01,368 --> 00:03:02,748
Oh, just a fender bender.
73
00:03:02,828 --> 00:03:04,418
So the cheese don't slide.
74
00:03:05,706 --> 00:03:07,296
Oh, hey,
if you want to do something
75
00:03:07,374 --> 00:03:08,414
instead of watching TV tonight,
76
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,840
we can go outside and check out
that meteor shower.
77
00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:13,090
Ooh, science stuff.
78
00:03:13,172 --> 00:03:14,332
Yeah.
79
00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:17,308
Hey, I don't know, Pop.
80
00:03:17,384 --> 00:03:18,884
That actually sounds
pretty cool.
81
00:03:18,969 --> 00:03:20,769
Really?
82
00:03:21,889 --> 00:03:23,309
Come on, guys.
83
00:03:23,390 --> 00:03:25,770
It's the Leonids meteor shower.
It's the big one
84
00:03:25,851 --> 00:03:27,351
that only happens
every 33 years.
85
00:03:27,436 --> 00:03:29,936
Great. Put me down
for the next one.
86
00:03:30,022 --> 00:03:31,522
(chuckles)
87
00:03:31,607 --> 00:03:33,317
Oh, that's the pizza.
88
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:34,990
I'll get it.
89
00:03:35,069 --> 00:03:35,989
Let me give you some money.
90
00:03:36,070 --> 00:03:37,410
Ah, don't worry about it, Pop.
91
00:03:37,488 --> 00:03:38,328
It's on me.
92
00:03:38,405 --> 00:03:39,655
You're paying?
93
00:03:40,616 --> 00:03:42,116
Forget your meteor.
94
00:03:42,201 --> 00:03:44,361
Now, that happens less
than every 33 years.
95
00:03:44,453 --> 00:03:47,123
Very, very funny,
96
00:03:47,206 --> 00:03:49,546
but I have a job now,
97
00:03:49,625 --> 00:03:52,295
so let me feed the family.
(chuckles)
98
00:03:52,378 --> 00:03:53,798
Veggie pizza?
99
00:03:53,879 --> 00:03:56,139
What family you trying to feed?
100
00:03:57,424 --> 00:04:00,464
Well, to quote you
for the last 20 years,
101
00:04:00,552 --> 00:04:03,172
"I pay, I pick, you shut up."
(chuckling)
102
00:04:05,432 --> 00:04:06,552
Did you just tell me to shut up?
103
00:04:06,642 --> 00:04:08,262
No, he was quoting you,
104
00:04:08,352 --> 00:04:10,182
so technically you told you
to shut up.
105
00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:12,030
Shut up.
106
00:04:13,107 --> 00:04:15,237
Malcolm, what's gotten
into you lately?
107
00:04:15,317 --> 00:04:17,067
Well, I'm paying
for myself these days,
108
00:04:17,152 --> 00:04:19,482
which means
now I get a say in things.
109
00:04:19,571 --> 00:04:20,691
And right now I say...
110
00:04:20,781 --> 00:04:23,861
(chuckles):
"Mmm, mmm! Broccolini."
111
00:04:23,951 --> 00:04:26,071
(doorbell rings)
112
00:04:26,161 --> 00:04:27,531
(chuckles mockingly)
113
00:04:27,621 --> 00:04:29,121
Smart-ass.
114
00:04:31,625 --> 00:04:33,505
Hey, Gemma, what's up?
115
00:04:33,585 --> 00:04:34,875
I have a problem.
116
00:04:34,962 --> 00:04:37,502
Uh-oh. Is Crackhead Victor
"entertaining"
117
00:04:37,589 --> 00:04:38,849
in your car again?
118
00:04:38,924 --> 00:04:41,464
(sighs)
No.
119
00:04:41,552 --> 00:04:44,342
A bird flew into our house,
and I can't get it out.
120
00:04:44,430 --> 00:04:45,730
Oh. Just offer him
121
00:04:45,806 --> 00:04:46,846
a piece of this damn pizza.
122
00:04:46,932 --> 00:04:48,182
He'll leave.
123
00:04:49,268 --> 00:04:50,608
Actually, birds eat vegetables,
124
00:04:50,686 --> 00:04:51,856
so that might work.
125
00:04:51,937 --> 00:04:52,897
I told you to shut up.
126
00:04:52,980 --> 00:04:55,070
Yep.
127
00:04:55,149 --> 00:04:57,159
(squawks)
128
00:05:01,321 --> 00:05:03,571
Where does a parrot
even come from?
129
00:05:03,657 --> 00:05:06,577
I bet it belongs to that pirate
who lives around the corner.
130
00:05:08,495 --> 00:05:09,745
Are you talking
about Eyepatch Willy
131
00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:11,380
or Peg Leg Kenny?
132
00:05:11,457 --> 00:05:13,127
The guy with the
hook for a hand.
133
00:05:13,208 --> 00:05:14,458
Oh.
134
00:05:14,543 --> 00:05:15,413
That's just Steve.
135
00:05:17,671 --> 00:05:19,541
Actually, Grover,
what you're looking at
136
00:05:19,631 --> 00:05:21,671
is one of the wild parrots
of Pasadena.
137
00:05:22,843 --> 00:05:23,923
Yeah, they came here
138
00:05:24,011 --> 00:05:25,761
from South America
when Pablo Escobar
139
00:05:25,846 --> 00:05:29,516
tried to use them to smuggle
drugs into the country.
140
00:05:31,018 --> 00:05:32,438
Seriously?
141
00:05:32,519 --> 00:05:34,569
Yeah. He stopped
when he realized
142
00:05:34,646 --> 00:05:37,316
they could testify against him.
143
00:05:39,651 --> 00:05:41,561
That's ridiculous, Pop.
144
00:05:41,653 --> 00:05:44,613
Uh, they escaped from an exotic
bird trader back in the '60s.
145
00:05:44,698 --> 00:05:45,448
(Calvin scoffs)
146
00:05:45,532 --> 00:05:48,072
Boy, you believe
everything you read.
147
00:05:50,704 --> 00:05:52,624
Can we keep it as a pet?
148
00:05:52,706 --> 00:05:55,126
No, sweetie. It's a wild animal.
149
00:05:55,209 --> 00:05:58,299
With possible gang ties.
150
00:05:58,378 --> 00:06:00,298
Look, don't worry.
151
00:06:00,380 --> 00:06:01,390
We'll take care of this.
152
00:06:01,465 --> 00:06:04,715
But, uh, you and Grover
should probably go outside
153
00:06:04,802 --> 00:06:06,592
and look at the meteors
with Marty.
154
00:06:06,678 --> 00:06:08,138
Calvin, it's my house.
155
00:06:08,222 --> 00:06:09,472
I should stay and help.
156
00:06:09,556 --> 00:06:10,686
Okay.
157
00:06:10,766 --> 00:06:12,476
I'm gonna need
some hedge clippers,
158
00:06:12,559 --> 00:06:16,029
a nail gun and a mop
you don't mind throwing away.
159
00:06:17,689 --> 00:06:18,989
(squawks)
160
00:06:19,066 --> 00:06:20,736
It's a nice night.
Let's go outside.
161
00:06:24,571 --> 00:06:25,531
Well, these are
pretty good seats.
162
00:06:25,614 --> 00:06:28,194
Yeah. I would have gotten us
tickets on the floor,
163
00:06:28,283 --> 00:06:31,113
but last time
Calvin booed so loud,
164
00:06:31,203 --> 00:06:33,623
the drummer threw
his sticks at us.
165
00:06:34,623 --> 00:06:36,543
(grunts)
166
00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:38,835
Come on, now. You ain't
got time for that.
167
00:06:39,795 --> 00:06:41,125
I know, right?
168
00:06:41,213 --> 00:06:42,503
Hey, you know what?
169
00:06:42,589 --> 00:06:44,349
Watch out for security. I
snuck a little something
170
00:06:44,424 --> 00:06:46,344
into the concert to get
this party started.
171
00:06:46,426 --> 00:06:49,226
Whoa, Dave. So you bought
a little somethin' somethin'?
172
00:06:49,304 --> 00:06:51,344
Hell, yeah, I got a little
somethin' somethin'.
173
00:06:53,725 --> 00:06:55,225
Ah, that little
somethin' somethin'
174
00:06:55,310 --> 00:06:56,730
is a beach ball.
175
00:06:57,729 --> 00:06:58,779
Oh, uh, excuse me.
176
00:06:58,856 --> 00:07:00,186
Is this your
wife's jacket?
177
00:07:00,274 --> 00:07:02,354
Whoa. (laughs)
We're not married.
178
00:07:02,442 --> 00:07:04,232
(chuckles):
No. We're just friends.
179
00:07:05,237 --> 00:07:06,487
Us? Married?
180
00:07:06,572 --> 00:07:08,652
Uh, no, no.
Uh, no, no, no, no.
181
00:07:08,740 --> 00:07:11,040
(laughs)
182
00:07:11,118 --> 00:07:12,668
I think he gets it, Tina.
183
00:07:12,744 --> 00:07:15,034
I mean,
can you believe that?
184
00:07:15,122 --> 00:07:16,532
Thinking that we're
a couple?
185
00:07:16,623 --> 00:07:17,703
(laughs)
186
00:07:17,791 --> 00:07:19,411
(chuckles):
Why is...?
187
00:07:19,501 --> 00:07:20,961
Oh, is it because I'm white?
188
00:07:21,044 --> 00:07:22,504
Oh, no.
Been there, done that.
189
00:07:22,588 --> 00:07:24,338
(sighs)
190
00:07:24,423 --> 00:07:26,043
Well, then, is it because
of the age difference?
191
00:07:26,133 --> 00:07:28,713
Hey, hey, hey.
Don't go there, Dave.
192
00:07:28,802 --> 00:07:31,512
(chuckles)
Well, then, what is it?
193
00:07:31,597 --> 00:07:34,727
Well, no offense,
Dave, but you and I,
194
00:07:34,808 --> 00:07:37,058
we're two different types
of people, you know?
195
00:07:37,144 --> 00:07:38,814
I mean, I'm a lot.
196
00:07:39,605 --> 00:07:43,645
Well, I'm quite
a bit, myself.
197
00:07:44,651 --> 00:07:46,061
Sure. Sure.
198
00:07:46,153 --> 00:07:47,693
You are.
199
00:07:47,779 --> 00:07:49,659
Oh, I get it.
200
00:07:50,657 --> 00:07:52,287
You don't think that
I'm as cool as you.
201
00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:55,577
Uh, Dave,
it's not your fault.
202
00:07:55,662 --> 00:07:57,872
Nobody is.
203
00:07:58,957 --> 00:08:00,547
Okay. You know what?
204
00:08:00,626 --> 00:08:01,756
Let's go.
205
00:08:01,835 --> 00:08:03,545
Whoa, whoa, wait.
Where are we going?
206
00:08:03,629 --> 00:08:05,429
We're gonna sneak down to
the floor like you wanted.
207
00:08:05,505 --> 00:08:07,635
Oh, come on, Dave.
You know that's not you.
208
00:08:07,716 --> 00:08:09,596
How do you think that
I got to see Phantom
209
00:08:09,676 --> 00:08:11,846
from the ninth row at
the Kalamazoo Playhouse?
210
00:08:13,847 --> 00:08:15,937
Okay. Lead the way.
211
00:08:16,016 --> 00:08:17,976
Great. But stay close.
212
00:08:18,060 --> 00:08:21,110
Much like the Phantom,
I move in the shadows.
213
00:08:24,858 --> 00:08:27,658
Okay, Grover.
You see those streaks of light?
214
00:08:27,736 --> 00:08:30,616
Those are thousands
of space rocks being burnt up
215
00:08:30,697 --> 00:08:32,247
as they enter
Earth's atmosphere.
216
00:08:32,324 --> 00:08:34,704
Wow, that's...
217
00:08:34,785 --> 00:08:37,995
Wait, are you trying to teach me
something on a Saturday?
218
00:08:39,039 --> 00:08:40,459
You'll thank me at homecoming
219
00:08:40,540 --> 00:08:42,300
when they let you set up
the audio equipment.
220
00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:46,090
This reminds me of one of
those silly action movies
221
00:08:46,171 --> 00:08:48,081
where an asteroid's gonna
crash into the planet
222
00:08:48,173 --> 00:08:50,093
and destroy all life on Earth.
223
00:08:50,175 --> 00:08:51,215
(Marty and Gemma chuckle)
224
00:08:51,301 --> 00:08:52,511
Yeah.
225
00:08:52,594 --> 00:08:53,714
But that's really gonna happen.
226
00:08:54,721 --> 00:08:56,631
What?
227
00:08:56,723 --> 00:08:58,643
Well, yeah,
it-it's simple math, Gemma.
228
00:08:58,725 --> 00:09:00,685
Given the sheer number
of asteroids out there,
229
00:09:00,769 --> 00:09:02,529
one of them is eventually
gonna make impact,
230
00:09:02,604 --> 00:09:04,854
and when that happens,
it's all over.
231
00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:08,660
You mean we're all gonna die?
232
00:09:08,735 --> 00:09:10,615
Well, no, sweetie.
233
00:09:10,696 --> 00:09:12,446
Of course not. Right, Marty?
234
00:09:12,531 --> 00:09:14,991
She's right. It'll only kill
people near the impact zone.
235
00:09:15,075 --> 00:09:16,785
The rest of us
will cling to life
236
00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:18,248
in a nightmarish hellscape.
237
00:09:20,247 --> 00:09:22,627
Grover, why don't you go into
the Butlers' and watch TV.
238
00:09:22,708 --> 00:09:25,338
But I want to hear...
239
00:09:29,298 --> 00:09:31,178
So...
(chuckles)
240
00:09:31,258 --> 00:09:33,218
You want to take
a peek-a-roonie?
241
00:09:35,637 --> 00:09:38,017
Didn't find
the hedge clippers,
242
00:09:38,098 --> 00:09:41,108
but I did find
this weird-ass butterfly net.
243
00:09:42,311 --> 00:09:43,851
Yeah, Pop,
244
00:09:43,937 --> 00:09:45,397
that's a lacrosse stick.
245
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,820
Lacrosse?
246
00:09:46,898 --> 00:09:48,198
That's a tough sport.
247
00:09:48,275 --> 00:09:50,195
I didn't know
Dave had it in him.
248
00:09:50,277 --> 00:09:53,487
Oh. Says "Gemma" on it.
249
00:09:54,489 --> 00:09:56,409
Wait, so,
250
00:09:56,491 --> 00:09:58,821
your plan is to catch the bird
in that tiny net?
251
00:09:58,910 --> 00:10:01,170
And scare the poor little guy?
252
00:10:01,246 --> 00:10:03,206
No.
253
00:10:03,290 --> 00:10:04,840
I'm gonna smash it.
254
00:10:04,916 --> 00:10:06,876
Oh, no, Pop. Wait.
255
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:10,380
How about instead of solving
the problem like a caveman,
256
00:10:10,464 --> 00:10:11,714
we use our brains.
257
00:10:11,798 --> 00:10:14,218
Oh, so now I don't
use my brain?
258
00:10:14,301 --> 00:10:16,171
Well, you are the one
who accused this parrot
259
00:10:16,261 --> 00:10:17,381
of being a drug mule.
260
00:10:18,805 --> 00:10:21,725
And can you prove
that he's not?
261
00:10:22,768 --> 00:10:24,898
Why don't you just sit down
262
00:10:24,978 --> 00:10:26,228
and let me handle this.
263
00:10:26,313 --> 00:10:28,023
Oh, okay.
264
00:10:28,106 --> 00:10:29,946
Caveman watch.
265
00:10:31,485 --> 00:10:32,865
(bird chirping)
266
00:10:32,944 --> 00:10:34,234
All right, come on, bird.
267
00:10:34,321 --> 00:10:35,521
Come on.
268
00:10:35,614 --> 00:10:37,234
Get on outta here!
269
00:10:37,324 --> 00:10:39,864
Oh.
270
00:10:39,951 --> 00:10:41,201
(chirping continues)
271
00:10:41,286 --> 00:10:42,706
Well, you got a job now.
272
00:10:42,788 --> 00:10:44,708
Maybe you should just
pay him to leave.
273
00:10:47,167 --> 00:10:48,587
Come on, let's
go, parrot.
274
00:10:48,668 --> 00:10:50,548
Come on. Ca-caw!
275
00:10:50,629 --> 00:10:52,719
Ca-caw!
276
00:10:52,798 --> 00:10:55,928
Give it up, son, you're making
a fool of yourself.
277
00:10:56,009 --> 00:10:57,809
Come on, parrot.
(cooing)
278
00:10:57,886 --> 00:11:00,096
(chirping)
279
00:11:00,180 --> 00:11:02,730
(laughs) Yeah!
280
00:11:02,808 --> 00:11:04,768
Look at that.
Who's the fool now?
281
00:11:04,851 --> 00:11:06,851
(bird chirping)
282
00:11:07,979 --> 00:11:10,109
Still you.
283
00:11:19,366 --> 00:11:20,196
Pop, you've been
chasing this bird
284
00:11:20,283 --> 00:11:22,453
around the living room
for half an hour.
285
00:11:22,536 --> 00:11:24,826
It's called
"stalking your prey."
286
00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:28,416
It's something
meat lovers understand.
287
00:11:30,419 --> 00:11:32,799
Yeah, now I'm starting
to see your plan.
288
00:11:32,879 --> 00:11:35,049
You're waiting for it
to die of old age.
289
00:11:36,508 --> 00:11:38,098
(shouting)
290
00:11:43,056 --> 00:11:44,146
Damn it!
291
00:11:44,224 --> 00:11:46,724
Who puts a lamp on an end table?
292
00:11:48,353 --> 00:11:50,603
Yeah, well, I guess the
bird heard your plan.
293
00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:53,949
Or somebody told it to him.
294
00:11:55,026 --> 00:11:56,776
Oh, just admit it, Pop.
295
00:11:56,862 --> 00:11:58,402
Your idea was even
dumber than mine.
296
00:11:58,488 --> 00:12:00,288
Says who?
297
00:12:01,950 --> 00:12:03,830
You see a broken lamp,
298
00:12:03,910 --> 00:12:06,630
I see one less place
for the bird to land.
299
00:12:08,373 --> 00:12:09,793
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
300
00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:11,335
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
301
00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:13,168
Told you I'd get us
down here.
302
00:12:13,253 --> 00:12:14,873
I cannot believe
that security guard
303
00:12:14,963 --> 00:12:18,003
really believed that you were
Tom Cruise's stunt double.
304
00:12:18,091 --> 00:12:20,301
I just told him I got this scar
jumping out of a plane
305
00:12:20,385 --> 00:12:23,305
in Mission: Impossible 5.
306
00:12:23,388 --> 00:12:24,978
Well, how did
you really get it?
307
00:12:25,056 --> 00:12:26,146
Surgery.
308
00:12:26,224 --> 00:12:27,514
I got the hiccups
in seventh grade
309
00:12:27,601 --> 00:12:28,971
and I swallowed
my retainer.
310
00:12:30,604 --> 00:12:32,524
You know, I didn't think
you could pull it off,
311
00:12:32,606 --> 00:12:34,356
but you really did it;
you got us down here.
312
00:12:34,441 --> 00:12:35,851
That was pretty gangsta.
313
00:12:35,942 --> 00:12:37,152
If you thought
that was gangsta,
314
00:12:37,235 --> 00:12:39,405
wait till I blow
this bad boy up.
315
00:12:44,951 --> 00:12:47,201
It's a jumbo,
it might take a minute.
316
00:12:49,956 --> 00:12:53,546
I can't believe you told Grover
the world's gonna end.
317
00:12:53,627 --> 00:12:57,047
You know, this is why people
hate scientists.
318
00:12:57,130 --> 00:12:58,890
That's kind of
an alarming thing to hear
319
00:12:58,965 --> 00:13:00,425
coming from a school principal.
320
00:13:02,344 --> 00:13:05,884
You can't say those kinds
of things in front of kids.
321
00:13:05,972 --> 00:13:09,052
I don't want Grover freaking out
about the end of the world.
322
00:13:09,142 --> 00:13:10,722
Well, I'm sorry, Gemma,
but I'm a scientist;
323
00:13:10,810 --> 00:13:11,900
I work with the facts.
324
00:13:11,978 --> 00:13:15,688
And I'm a parent, Marty; I lie.
325
00:13:15,774 --> 00:13:16,944
Okay. So what are you saying?
326
00:13:17,025 --> 00:13:18,655
We should just
sugarcoat the truth
327
00:13:18,735 --> 00:13:20,905
and stuff him full
of ignorance and falsehoods?
328
00:13:20,987 --> 00:13:22,947
Yes.
329
00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:26,250
He's seven years old.
330
00:13:26,326 --> 00:13:28,786
He doesn't need to know
the world's a scary place.
331
00:13:28,870 --> 00:13:31,040
All he should be thinking
about are comic books,
332
00:13:31,122 --> 00:13:33,582
playing with his toys
and collecting Pokémon.
333
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:35,757
You know, I thought about
all three of those today.
334
00:13:37,837 --> 00:13:40,047
Look, I know
it can't last forever,
335
00:13:40,131 --> 00:13:43,421
but he only gets to be innocent
for a little while.
336
00:13:43,510 --> 00:13:45,220
Okay, I get it.
337
00:13:45,303 --> 00:13:47,553
And if it makes you feel better,
the whole asteroid thing
338
00:13:47,639 --> 00:13:49,899
probably won't happen
for another 10,000 years.
339
00:13:49,975 --> 00:13:51,605
Well, that's a relief.
340
00:13:51,685 --> 00:13:53,765
Or Wednesday.
341
00:13:57,899 --> 00:13:59,949
(bird chirping)
342
00:14:06,866 --> 00:14:09,916
That bird is taunting
us, I know it.
343
00:14:09,995 --> 00:14:12,455
Yeah. He's feeling himself
more than you.
344
00:14:12,539 --> 00:14:14,959
Maybe he got a job
345
00:14:15,041 --> 00:14:17,751
and bought his family
some sunflower seeds.
346
00:14:19,546 --> 00:14:22,926
I don't know why I thought
things would be any different.
347
00:14:23,008 --> 00:14:24,968
What are you
talking about?
348
00:14:25,051 --> 00:14:27,261
You've been riding me for years
about getting a job.
349
00:14:27,345 --> 00:14:28,845
Now I finally got one
350
00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:31,150
and I still can't get
the respect I deserve.
351
00:14:31,224 --> 00:14:34,934
Look, you're a grown-ass man
who finally got a job.
352
00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:38,610
But unless that job is making
trophies, don't expect one.
353
00:14:38,690 --> 00:14:41,160
I don't want
a trophy, Pop,
354
00:14:41,234 --> 00:14:43,194
I just want to be
treated like an equal.
355
00:14:43,278 --> 00:14:44,778
Equal?
356
00:14:44,863 --> 00:14:46,903
(chuckles) To who?
357
00:14:49,743 --> 00:14:50,903
Equal to you.
358
00:14:50,994 --> 00:14:52,664
Okay. Look.
359
00:14:52,746 --> 00:14:54,836
Now, I'm glad that
you're getting a paycheck,
360
00:14:54,914 --> 00:14:58,004
but the truth is, son,
we'll never be equals.
361
00:14:58,084 --> 00:15:01,004
So, what, you're always
gonna be better than me?
362
00:15:01,087 --> 00:15:04,137
No, son,
I'm not better than you,
363
00:15:04,215 --> 00:15:06,135
but I am your father,
364
00:15:06,217 --> 00:15:09,017
which means I'm further
down the road than you.
365
00:15:10,305 --> 00:15:12,975
And it's my responsibility
to guide and teach you,
366
00:15:13,058 --> 00:15:16,148
which means
if you say something stupid,
367
00:15:16,227 --> 00:15:18,107
I'm gonna tell you it's stupid.
368
00:15:20,023 --> 00:15:21,983
Now, if you say something smart,
369
00:15:22,067 --> 00:15:23,907
I'm gonna take credit for it.
370
00:15:26,279 --> 00:15:27,699
Right. So nobody gets
to tell you
371
00:15:27,781 --> 00:15:28,861
when you say something stupid?
372
00:15:28,948 --> 00:15:30,158
Are you kidding me?
373
00:15:30,241 --> 00:15:31,781
I got your mother for that.
374
00:15:31,868 --> 00:15:34,378
(laughs)
375
00:15:34,454 --> 00:15:36,204
All right, man,
so should we just
376
00:15:36,289 --> 00:15:37,999
go tell Gemma that
this bird beat us?
377
00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:39,333
Yeah, I guess so.
378
00:15:39,417 --> 00:15:40,507
(bird chirping)
379
00:15:40,585 --> 00:15:42,585
Oh.
380
00:15:46,007 --> 00:15:47,047
Don't move, Pop.
381
00:15:47,133 --> 00:15:48,753
W-W-What should I do?
382
00:15:48,843 --> 00:15:50,173
Oh, now you want my advice?
383
00:15:52,639 --> 00:15:54,519
Don't play with me, Malcolm.
Get-get out the way.
384
00:15:56,685 --> 00:15:59,105
Okay, little bird.
385
00:15:59,187 --> 00:16:01,237
Don't do nothing crazy.
386
00:16:01,314 --> 00:16:04,484
We both want to get home
to our families.
387
00:16:08,947 --> 00:16:10,447
(wings flapping)
388
00:16:10,532 --> 00:16:12,532
Ha ha!
You did it!
389
00:16:12,617 --> 00:16:14,417
You see that?
390
00:16:14,494 --> 00:16:16,074
You see how cool
I played it?
391
00:16:16,162 --> 00:16:18,412
Took me back to
my street days, man.
392
00:16:18,498 --> 00:16:20,298
Yeah, Pop, you was ice cold.
393
00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:23,585
Well, now that we
handled our business...
394
00:16:23,670 --> 00:16:25,930
Right. Right.
395
00:16:26,005 --> 00:16:28,095
...what do you say
we go home?
396
00:16:28,174 --> 00:16:30,054
(both chuckling)
397
00:16:30,135 --> 00:16:32,265
(bird chirping)
398
00:16:35,390 --> 00:16:37,350
That's Dave's
problem now.
399
00:16:40,186 --> 00:16:42,606
You and your stupid
beach ball.
400
00:16:42,689 --> 00:16:44,699
I'm the only black girl
at the concert
401
00:16:44,774 --> 00:16:47,194
and you got me doing
a perp walk from the front row.
402
00:16:49,028 --> 00:16:50,448
I don't understand.
403
00:16:50,530 --> 00:16:53,200
The beach ball was
a big hit at Phantom.
404
00:16:53,283 --> 00:16:55,783
You try to sneak down again,
and I'm kicking you out.
405
00:16:57,203 --> 00:16:59,203
Oh, my God.
406
00:17:01,207 --> 00:17:04,087
Man, wasn't that guy's
first beach ball.
407
00:17:04,169 --> 00:17:06,759
He cut it right
on the seam.
408
00:17:06,838 --> 00:17:09,218
Look, Dave, just put down
the beach ball, okay?
409
00:17:09,299 --> 00:17:11,139
No, I'm not letting this
guy ruin our night.
410
00:17:11,217 --> 00:17:13,307
I'm getting out
my patch kit.
411
00:17:13,386 --> 00:17:14,476
(grunting)
412
00:17:16,556 --> 00:17:18,346
Enough!
413
00:17:18,433 --> 00:17:20,263
He's not ruining
the concert.
414
00:17:20,351 --> 00:17:23,771
You are ruining the concert
for trying to be so cool.
415
00:17:23,855 --> 00:17:26,315
Trying? If I wasn't so
cool, how do you think
416
00:17:26,399 --> 00:17:27,989
I got us down to the floor
in the first place?
417
00:17:28,068 --> 00:17:29,158
You want to know the truth?
418
00:17:29,235 --> 00:17:30,775
I gave him 50 bucks.
419
00:17:30,862 --> 00:17:34,232
Everybody knows that Tom Cruise
does his own stunts!
420
00:17:35,575 --> 00:17:38,325
(sighs)
421
00:17:38,411 --> 00:17:40,821
All right, you know what?
I have another plan.
422
00:17:40,914 --> 00:17:42,284
No, no! No, please.
Please, Dave,
423
00:17:42,373 --> 00:17:43,543
no more plans, okay?
424
00:17:43,625 --> 00:17:46,835
Let's just sit here,
watch the concert,
425
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,300
and go home.
426
00:17:48,379 --> 00:17:50,259
All right. Fine.
427
00:17:50,340 --> 00:17:52,220
(sighs)
428
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:55,180
Well, don't just sit there.
429
00:17:55,261 --> 00:17:56,341
Well, that's what
you told me to do.
430
00:17:56,429 --> 00:17:57,679
Well, you're doing it
all weird.
431
00:17:57,764 --> 00:17:59,264
I-- You know...
432
00:17:59,349 --> 00:18:00,309
I can't win with you.
433
00:18:00,391 --> 00:18:03,681
All I wanted for us was
to make a connection.
434
00:18:03,770 --> 00:18:05,150
You know, obviously,
not as deep
435
00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:07,320
as the one that I have
with Calvin, but still...
436
00:18:07,398 --> 00:18:09,568
Dave, what are you
talking about?
437
00:18:09,651 --> 00:18:12,191
We do have a connection.
438
00:18:12,278 --> 00:18:13,578
Of course.
If we didn't,
439
00:18:13,655 --> 00:18:15,235
I wouldn't have come here
in the first place.
440
00:18:15,323 --> 00:18:16,903
Ain't nobody
got no time for that.
441
00:18:20,286 --> 00:18:22,376
(sighs)
Dave, I like you.
442
00:18:22,455 --> 00:18:26,375
You and your corny jokes
and your goofy hobbies.
443
00:18:26,459 --> 00:18:29,089
And I like that no matter
how much Calvin makes fun
444
00:18:29,170 --> 00:18:30,380
of your little short
little running shorts,
445
00:18:30,463 --> 00:18:32,423
you just keep wearing them.
446
00:18:34,425 --> 00:18:35,385
You know, sometimes I
wear even shorter ones
447
00:18:35,468 --> 00:18:36,718
just to mess with him.
448
00:18:38,805 --> 00:18:39,935
You see?
449
00:18:40,014 --> 00:18:42,394
You own who you are,
like I do.
450
00:18:42,475 --> 00:18:43,765
You feel me?
451
00:18:43,852 --> 00:18:46,472
Yeah, I feel ya.
452
00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:52,021
So what you're saying is
you got time for this.
453
00:18:52,110 --> 00:18:53,870
All day, boo.
454
00:18:55,488 --> 00:18:57,198
Ooh.
455
00:18:57,282 --> 00:18:59,242
Yeah. Here we go!
456
00:18:59,325 --> 00:19:01,365
You know, Gemma
told me not to,
457
00:19:01,452 --> 00:19:03,072
but I snuck
something else in.
458
00:19:03,162 --> 00:19:05,242
What?
459
00:19:05,331 --> 00:19:07,291
Oh.
460
00:19:07,375 --> 00:19:10,835
Well, last concert,
Calvin broke mine.
461
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,090
But I still got
my air drums!
462
00:19:13,172 --> 00:19:14,292
Yeah, ya do.
463
00:19:14,382 --> 00:19:16,342
(shouts)
464
00:19:22,015 --> 00:19:23,555
So is the asteroid
gonna kill us
465
00:19:23,641 --> 00:19:25,301
or do I have to
do my homework?
466
00:19:28,187 --> 00:19:29,227
Uh, no, actually,
467
00:19:29,314 --> 00:19:31,104
I just got a call
from NASA,
468
00:19:31,190 --> 00:19:33,410
and they said they
invented a giant laser gun
469
00:19:33,484 --> 00:19:35,364
that's gonna blow it
right out of the sky.
470
00:19:35,445 --> 00:19:36,735
(gasps)
That's great news.
471
00:19:36,821 --> 00:19:38,111
Right, Grover?
472
00:19:38,197 --> 00:19:39,157
Maybe for you.
473
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:40,580
Now I have to
write a paragraph
474
00:19:40,658 --> 00:19:42,748
about the American flag.
475
00:19:45,204 --> 00:19:46,414
Thank you.
476
00:19:46,497 --> 00:19:47,497
It's no problem.
477
00:19:47,582 --> 00:19:48,952
Lying to kids is kind of fun.
478
00:19:49,042 --> 00:19:50,622
(laughs)
479
00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:52,170
Dave's been trying
to get that bird
480
00:19:52,253 --> 00:19:54,253
out of y'all's house
for a long time.
481
00:19:54,339 --> 00:19:56,089
Well, it's a pretty
smart bird, Mama.
482
00:19:58,176 --> 00:19:59,966
And very aggressive.
483
00:20:00,053 --> 00:20:01,303
It broke your lamp.
484
00:20:04,515 --> 00:20:06,145
Oh, look.
Dave's door is opening.
485
00:20:06,225 --> 00:20:08,725
Oh. (chuckles)
I gotta see this.
486
00:20:16,861 --> 00:20:18,321
Good talk, little guy.
487
00:20:19,906 --> 00:20:21,446
Go be free.
488
00:20:24,911 --> 00:20:26,281
See that, Calvin?
489
00:20:26,371 --> 00:20:29,031
Just got to play it cool.
490
00:20:29,123 --> 00:20:31,503
Well, you should've closed
your door, 'cause all
491
00:20:31,584 --> 00:20:34,674
he's gonna do is fly
right back into your...
492
00:20:34,754 --> 00:20:36,674
MALCOLM:
Help! Help!
493
00:20:36,756 --> 00:20:38,426
(indistinct shouting)
494
00:20:40,259 --> 00:20:41,469
Thank you!
495
00:20:41,552 --> 00:20:42,802
And good night.
496
00:20:42,887 --> 00:20:44,477
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
497
00:20:44,555 --> 00:20:46,935
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org