1
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,513
♪
2
00:00:15,183 --> 00:00:17,251
All right, Grover. Great job.
3
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:20,421
Yeah. Anytime, Dad.
Ah.
4
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:22,890
CALVIN:
Really?
5
00:00:22,990 --> 00:00:25,025
"Great job"?
6
00:00:25,126 --> 00:00:26,227
It says,
7
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,529
"It's a gril."
8
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,998
I know what it says,
9
00:00:31,099 --> 00:00:32,366
but Grover's been applying
to high schools,
10
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:33,567
and it's been stressful.
11
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,336
I'm trying to keep things
positive.
12
00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:38,739
Well, maybe,
if he can't spell "girl,"
13
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:41,475
he might want to do
another year in middle school.
14
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Calvin.
15
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,851
Marty just called.
16
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:53,053
Courtney and the baby have been
discharged from the hospital.
17
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,255
They're on their way.
18
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,190
Aw. Remember that feeling?
19
00:00:56,290 --> 00:00:58,025
Bringing our baby home
for the first time?
20
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:00,661
Oh, that was heaven.
(chuckles)
21
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,330
Where are the instructions?
I read the instr-- Oh, wait.
22
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,165
Was there instructions?
Are you sure you're following
23
00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,666
the instructions?
I wasn't sure. I didn't
see them before.
24
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:06,967
No, I read--
please stop yelling at me.
25
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,469
But it's still wiggly.
26
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:10,003
Okay, it's not wiggling.
It's as tight as I can get--
27
00:01:10,138 --> 00:01:12,340
It's cutting into
the vegan leather.
Look.
28
00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,275
It's wiggling.
29
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:17,811
Yeah, if you yank on
it like that, Thor.
30
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,313
Yep.
31
00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:22,015
They're never gonna be happier
than they are right now.
32
00:01:22,150 --> 00:01:23,951
GEMMA:
Tina.
33
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:26,954
I found some of Grover's
old bibs and burp cloths.
34
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:28,055
They're so cute.
35
00:01:28,156 --> 00:01:31,459
Look at this. "Spit happens."
36
00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:34,428
Yeah, I'm-a throw away
all this spit.
37
00:01:37,831 --> 00:01:39,567
Feels like she could've
waited five minutes
38
00:01:39,667 --> 00:01:41,902
till I walked away, but whatevs.
39
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,072
Ah, Gemma,
you remember this day?
40
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:46,974
Coming home
with a perfect little baby?
41
00:01:47,074 --> 00:01:48,542
(tongue clicks)
Yeah.
42
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:50,178
And now he's a teenager.
43
00:01:50,278 --> 00:01:51,812
We get side hugs.
44
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:54,215
And he calls us "bruh."
45
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:55,883
I just hope Marty and Courtney
appreciate
46
00:01:55,983 --> 00:01:57,985
these precious moments.
47
00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,254
(Daphne crying)
48
00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:01,455
Marty, slow down.
49
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:02,723
Well, I'm going
ten miles an hour.
50
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:03,791
(horn honks)
51
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:06,193
Baby on board!
52
00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:07,661
Hey.
53
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,196
She stopped crying.
54
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:10,731
Oh, good.
55
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:12,266
Wait, no, i-is she okay?
56
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:13,501
I-I don't know.
Maybe she fainted.
57
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:15,068
You're driving like a maniac.
58
00:02:15,203 --> 00:02:16,837
I'm going ten!
59
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:19,206
(Daphne crying)
60
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,574
She's okay.
She's crying again.
61
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,276
Oh, thank God.
(horn honks)
62
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:25,679
Hey, yo,
there is a baby on board!
63
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:27,981
Hey, hey, guys, guys?
64
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,417
I-I think I see Marty's car.
65
00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,651
Ooh!
66
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,086
Is it parked?
67
00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:35,489
Um, I think it's moving.
68
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:37,858
Guys, he's got a baby on board.
69
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:41,495
You know, I hope
he has one of those signs.
70
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:44,498
Well, we'll know
in about half an hour.
71
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,500
You know, I could just walk
down there and get the baby.
72
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,536
Oh, yeah, yeah,
I can't wait to hold that baby.
73
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,003
Wait, wait, wait, here you go.
74
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,306
Oh, it's okay.
I just washed my hands.
75
00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,442
I didn't see it.
76
00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:58,245
Oh, there's my baby!
77
00:02:58,246 --> 00:02:59,947
No, not you. Move!
Oh-- oh!
78
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,418
Give me my baby.
79
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,754
(Daphne crying)
80
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,856
Sorry, Mrs. B,
she's a little fussy.
81
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:09,957
Oh, come here, come here.
82
00:03:10,057 --> 00:03:13,093
All she needs is her pop-pop.
83
00:03:13,261 --> 00:03:16,597
That's all. That's all, yeah.
84
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,899
Go-go on, now. We good.
85
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,537
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
86
00:03:23,637 --> 00:03:25,072
♪ Welcome to the hood.
87
00:03:27,441 --> 00:03:29,877
Oh, you like your uncle now.
(babbling)
88
00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,145
(overlapping chatter)
89
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,916
Okay.
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
90
00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:37,685
She's happy now.
91
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:40,654
Time for some grandma snuggles.
92
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:42,289
Here you go, Grandma.
(chuckles)
93
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,491
(Daphne crying)
94
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,925
(all oohing)
95
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,827
You know what? I-I must have
squeezed her too hard.
96
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,829
I'm sorry, Mrs. B. It's okay.
Yeah.
97
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:50,864
Oh, okay. Come on.
Come to...
98
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,299
(Daphne crying)
99
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,335
Oh, no, no, no, Daphne.
100
00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:58,406
It's okay. It's me. Mama Tina.
101
00:03:58,506 --> 00:04:00,308
I-It's probably just
too much excitement, Mom.
102
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:01,675
It's not you.
103
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:04,177
COURTNEY:
You know what?
104
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:05,813
She's probably just hungry.
Yeah.
105
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,482
Oh, hungry.
Yeah, feed that baby.
106
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,584
Why would you hand
me a hungry baby?
107
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:12,653
(laughter)
I mean...
108
00:04:12,753 --> 00:04:14,021
Uh-oh. Dinnertime.
109
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:15,956
Oh, we're doing this right here.
110
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,658
Ooh.
111
00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,861
Ah, you had the stucco
removed during the remodel, huh?
112
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,330
CALVIN:
Yeah, see that...
113
00:04:22,430 --> 00:04:24,097
Guys, grow up.
114
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:26,667
Breastfeeding is a
beautiful, natural thing.
115
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,502
Oh, of course.
That-that goes without saying.
116
00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,339
That's...
Is she still doing it?
117
00:04:33,341 --> 00:04:35,476
So, help me out here. Given
that we're not a couple,
118
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:39,380
uh, am I being supportive
by looking or not looking?
119
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:40,881
It's not like
you haven't seen them.
120
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:43,784
Right, right,
but that-that was that one time,
121
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,953
when, you know, we made her.
122
00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,189
It's fine. You're the father.
You can look.
123
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:50,357
Okay.
(chuckles)
124
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:51,725
Okay.
125
00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:57,698
Okay, I'm not gonna look.
126
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:58,799
Yeah, please don't.
I'm not gonna look.
127
00:04:58,899 --> 00:04:59,833
CALVIN:
Ooh, whoa, uh...
128
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:01,101
MARTY: Dad?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
129
00:05:01,201 --> 00:05:03,571
Can-- let's talk
way over here, please.
130
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:05,038
Uh, Marty,
131
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,941
so the two superchargers
came in.
Yeah.
132
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:10,578
And tomorrow, I'm-a need you
to come in and check them
133
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:13,981
to make sure we got enough
megatrons to run them.
134
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,718
Okay, Dad, um...
135
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:22,490
Megatron is the bad guy
from Transformers.
136
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:26,026
Do you mean "megawatts"?
Yeah, him, too.
137
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:28,996
Look, uh, Marty,
you know this tech stuff
138
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,564
is out of my wheelhouse.
139
00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,633
All right?
But we got to be ready.
140
00:05:32,733 --> 00:05:35,002
We just signed a deal to service
141
00:05:35,102 --> 00:05:38,839
all of the electric vehicles
for the gas company.
142
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:41,308
Okay, well, I mean, tell Stefan
to take the lead on that.
143
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:42,810
Stefan?
144
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:45,278
That's the kid with
the big holes in his earlobes?
145
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:46,279
Yeah.
146
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,148
Clearly, he makes
bad decisions.
147
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,183
No. No, I-I need you.
148
00:05:50,283 --> 00:05:52,019
I need regular earlobes.
149
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:54,422
Okay, but-but, Dad,
I'm not gonna be in the office.
150
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:55,856
I'm taking my paternity leave.
151
00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:58,125
Taking it? (laughing)
152
00:05:58,225 --> 00:06:00,227
Who's giving it?
153
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:02,930
We are. It's...
154
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:04,698
It's Fusebox policy.
155
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,433
No, no, no.
I didn't agree to that.
156
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:08,235
Dad, it's in our 60-page
onboarding handbook.
157
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,737
You signed it.
158
00:06:09,837 --> 00:06:13,306
I may have signed it,
but I definitely didn't read it.
159
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,644
You didn't read
my handbook?
160
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,347
Dave, you didn't
tell me anything
161
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:22,616
about a paternity leave
in the handbook.
162
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,217
Don't you mean, "Thanks, Dave,
163
00:06:24,317 --> 00:06:26,854
"for using your years
of HR experience
164
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:30,624
to write a free
60-page handbook"?
165
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:34,562
All I know is, in my day,
we didn't have paternity leave.
166
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:36,897
Your mother gave birth to you
in the morning
167
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:39,032
and I was back to work
before noon.
168
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,968
And you know how I knew that?
169
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:44,838
Because I got a egg and cheese
biscuit on the way.
170
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,943
Okay, okay, okay.
Give me that happy baby.
171
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,612
Okay.
(chuckles)
172
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:53,113
Come on, come on.
173
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:57,585
(Daphne crying)
Oh, no, no, no, Daphne.
174
00:06:57,685 --> 00:07:00,087
Remember? We love each other.
175
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:03,857
What?
176
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:07,227
You know newborns.
She's probably just gassy.
177
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:08,696
Gassy.
178
00:07:08,796 --> 00:07:11,398
Now, why would you hand me
a gassy baby?
179
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,703
Calvin, you got to go
to the drugstore right now
180
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,037
and get some gripe water.
181
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,171
What's gripe water?
182
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,807
Uh, they'll know
at the drugstore.
183
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,575
Okay, well, what's it for?
Well, by the time you finish
184
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,544
asking me questions,
you could've been back already.
185
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:25,579
Go!
186
00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:30,317
Sound like you the one
need some gripe water.
187
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,252
Dave? Come on.
188
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,823
Are you hungry again?
Oh, my God.
189
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,695
Well, the good news is there is
such thing as gripe water.
190
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,364
The bad news is
that it's locked up
191
00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:46,700
like a fifth of Jim Beam.
192
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,769
Look, okay, Calvin,
it's not that hard.
193
00:07:48,869 --> 00:07:51,672
Look, there's a little
"get help" button right here.
194
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:55,909
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Associate needed
in the gas relief aisle.
195
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,377
CALVIN:
Uh, uh, no, no.
196
00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:59,412
It's for a baby.
Baby gas.
197
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,248
I'm-I'm not gassy at all.
198
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,550
Why are you so grouchy?
199
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:05,653
Are you gassy?
200
00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:06,920
No.
201
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:10,958
Look, it's just a very busy time
at the Fusebox.
202
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,960
And all the extra work
is laying on me
203
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:15,963
because of this
paternity leave nonsense.
204
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:18,866
Nonsense? I took three
months off with Grover.
205
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:20,601
Why? Gemma was there.
206
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,269
What the hell were you doing?
207
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:25,572
Bonding. Singing.
Skin-to-skin.
208
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:27,941
Skin-to-skin?
209
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,643
Yes. Skin-to-skin.
210
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,345
Look, I would take my shirt off
and I would just hold Grover.
211
00:08:32,445 --> 00:08:33,947
Skin-to-skin contact
is the reason
212
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:36,316
he and I are so
close to this day.
213
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,886
Well, I kept my shirt on.
And you know why?
214
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,821
Because I was at work.
215
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,593
Hey. (chuckles)
216
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:50,130
Now let me hold this sweet baby.
217
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,165
Yes.
(Daphne crying)
218
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,168
Oh...
219
00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:57,237
But...
220
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,306
But...
221
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:00,240
(groans)
222
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:02,042
Oh...
223
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:03,977
(shushing)
(crying stops)
224
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,714
Now, wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
225
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:09,249
I know what's going on here.
226
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,618
The poor little thing
is having a reaction
227
00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:14,287
to these cheap diapers
that Gemma bought!
228
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,623
You can insult me all you want
229
00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:17,324
as long as I get
to hold this baby.
230
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,460
Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna call Calvin.
231
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:23,864
I'll have him get the good ones
while he's at the drugstore.
232
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,265
(cell phone ringing)
233
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:27,100
Hey, what's up?
234
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,103
Hey, we need
hypoallergenic diapers stat.
235
00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:33,440
You got to go to the drugstore.
236
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:34,942
I just got back.
237
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:38,679
He's just embarrassed because
they thought he had gas.
238
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,150
Well, Gemma bought
cheap diapers.
239
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,653
Keep 'em coming.
I'm in heaven.
240
00:09:46,654 --> 00:09:48,656
And the baby won't stop crying.
241
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:50,824
But the baby's not crying.
242
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,659
Well, she's about to cry again.
243
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,261
Look, you got to go
to the drugstore.
244
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:55,729
Go on, now.
245
00:09:57,397 --> 00:10:00,033
Hey, Dad, uh, I'm putting
the bassinet together.
246
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,535
Can you lend me your drill?
And show me how to use it?
247
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,604
And just do it for me?
248
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,840
Hey, hey, hey.
No, no and no.
249
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,776
Your father's going
to get diapers now.
250
00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:10,310
Are you trying to
make it so I can never
251
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:11,679
take my baby to my house?
252
00:10:11,779 --> 00:10:15,215
If that's the way things
have to be, then so be it.
253
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,686
Hey. Hey, you know what?
254
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:19,853
Uh, Marty,
255
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:21,454
about this whole
paternity leave thing,
256
00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:23,356
listen, I get it now.
257
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:24,792
Dave made some good points.
258
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:25,859
Oh.
259
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,194
Uh, did I? Which ones?
260
00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:29,296
Mm. I'll be quiet.
261
00:10:30,931 --> 00:10:32,700
Yeah, and, uh, you
know what? I get it now.
262
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:33,867
Oh. You do?
263
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,302
I do.
264
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:37,570
A-Also, take your shirt off
when you give her the bottle.
265
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:38,872
Oh, right,
for skin-to-skin.
266
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,741
No, no, no, no.
No, not that one.
267
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:45,345
Look, but really, go ahead,
take you some time off.
268
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,847
Hell, you know what?
269
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,049
You can have the whole week off
if you want.
270
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,051
Dad, I'm entitled
to eight weeks.
271
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,920
Eight weeks?
Eight weeks to do what?
272
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,688
(cell phone ringing)
What you gonna be
doing in eight weeks?
273
00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:56,556
What the hell
you gonna do--
274
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,825
H-Hello?
275
00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,026
Diapers!
276
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,831
(bell rings)
277
00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:08,235
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Associate needed
in the incontinence aisle.
278
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,404
It's for a baby, sir.
279
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,806
A baby.
280
00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,976
A-And eight weeks
for paternity leave?
281
00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:17,144
For what?
282
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,012
Well, to bond.
283
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,114
Dads don't bond that early.
284
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:22,816
We don't nurse. That's a fact.
285
00:11:22,916 --> 00:11:26,787
Well, actually, I nursed Grover.
286
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:30,657
Yeah, I wore an apparatus
that simulated a breast.
287
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:33,193
Okay, okay.
Dave, you...
288
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,629
I don't need to hear any more
of your bonding stories.
289
00:11:36,764 --> 00:11:40,767
You were no more bond-ier
than I was with my boys.
290
00:11:40,768 --> 00:11:42,069
Okay, you know what?
291
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:43,603
I bet I still have
that old daddy nurser
292
00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:45,038
at home in the attic.
I'm gonna go get it.
293
00:11:45,138 --> 00:11:46,506
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
294
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:47,875
I don't want it!
I don't want it!
295
00:11:47,975 --> 00:11:49,676
I don't--
No, not you, sir.
296
00:11:49,777 --> 00:11:50,811
No, come back. Come back.
297
00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:52,880
I need that little key!
298
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:57,517
Just wish I could
make Calvin understand
299
00:11:57,617 --> 00:12:00,020
why paternity leave
is so important.
300
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,289
You know, bonding is
the manliest thing
301
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:04,257
a man can do.
302
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,493
Good God!
303
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:10,964
You remember this?
304
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,567
I do. I spent 14 years
trying to forget it.
305
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:16,303
Ah, okay. You know what?
306
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,306
Me going the extra mile to bond
with my son really paid off.
307
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:22,075
And Marty is gonna regret it
if he and Daphne
308
00:12:22,175 --> 00:12:25,178
don't have the same great
memories that Grover and I have.
309
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:27,180
Good God!
310
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,990
Hey, uh, why do you have
all that baby stuff out?
311
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:38,591
Ah, it's for Marty.
312
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,127
But you know it reminded me
of all the great times
313
00:12:40,227 --> 00:12:42,162
that you and I had
when you were tiny.
314
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,131
Remember how I used
to read you that book
315
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,833
about the angry little bulldozer
and you would imitate him, like:
316
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:49,970
"Vroom, vroom,
vroom, vroom."
317
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,304
Nope.
318
00:12:53,406 --> 00:12:55,275
What? Ah, you were
pretty young back then.
319
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,978
You remember when I took you
to Safari Selina on Ice?
320
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,579
I do not.
321
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:03,216
Really?
322
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,452
Wh-What about
the Michigan State Fair?
323
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,454
Cows, pigs, cotton candy?
324
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:09,923
Mm, no.
325
00:13:10,023 --> 00:13:12,692
Avalanche Bay Waterpark?
No.
326
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,527
Jumpy Town?
The petting zoo?
No. No.
327
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,429
Gymboree?
No.
328
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:17,464
Build-A-Bear?
No.
329
00:13:17,564 --> 00:13:19,032
The Wiggles?
Nada.
330
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:22,970
Are you sure I was there?
331
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,305
Yes, I'm sure
you were there!
332
00:13:26,874 --> 00:13:28,275
I bought those Wiggles tickets
off a scalper
333
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:30,710
in a very sketchy parking lot.
334
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:34,347
For five times face value.
And you don't remember it?
335
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,617
Oh, oh! Oh, yeah.
336
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,119
Yeah, The Wiggles.
337
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:42,322
I remem-- They-they-they sang.
338
00:13:42,422 --> 00:13:44,024
And wiggled.
339
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,099
All right, I got the diapers.
340
00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:54,367
Oh, damn.
Oh, damn.
341
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,071
Does that baby
ever stop eating?
342
00:13:58,171 --> 00:13:59,739
Tell me about it.
343
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,041
Oh, speaking of which,
344
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,409
the next time
you're at the store,
345
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,211
can you get me
some nipple cream?
346
00:14:04,311 --> 00:14:06,413
Is that a real thing?
347
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,515
Oh, yeah.
348
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,683
These bad boys take a beating.
349
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:11,919
Okay, you know what?
350
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,587
I just spent $75
on 12 diapers.
351
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:17,257
I'm-a let the baby's daddy
get the nipple cream.
352
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:20,160
Oh, come on.
353
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,728
You all did this with your moms.
354
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:23,796
Oh, that's nasty.
355
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,600
Good morning, baby.
You hungry?
No!
356
00:14:30,337 --> 00:14:33,173
Hey, uh,
where's your brother?
357
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,508
He at home, watching
a YouTube video
358
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:38,578
on how to assemble
a Diaper Genie.
359
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,947
L-Let me
ask you something.
360
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,415
We're close, right?
361
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:43,951
Even though I worked a lot
when you were little?
362
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:46,686
Is, uh, something
bothering you, Pop?
363
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:51,358
Well, Dave says
that bonding starts
364
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,060
when the baby is born.
365
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,761
Well, I didn't take
a paternity leave.
366
00:14:54,861 --> 00:14:56,429
I went right back to work.
367
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:59,199
And the truth is,
he's got me worrying
368
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,634
that I didn't bond
with you boys.
369
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:05,872
No, no, w-we did all types
of stuff together, man.
370
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:08,041
I-I remember,
when we were little,
371
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,842
you would take us
to the drive-in movies.
372
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:12,012
(chuckles) That was fun.
Yeah, yeah.
373
00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:14,281
You used to make us
lay down in the backseat
374
00:15:14,381 --> 00:15:16,549
so you didn't
have to pay for us.
375
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:19,852
But-but, hey,
that-that made it exciting.
376
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:22,989
Yep, that's why I did it.
377
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,792
And remember you
used to get us up
378
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,727
at the crack of dawn
on Saturdays
379
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:30,830
and put Pit Stop coupons
on everybody's windshields?
380
00:15:30,998 --> 00:15:32,032
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
381
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,700
So those were
your teenage years.
382
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,368
That's when you start to form
a work ethic, you know?
383
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,005
(chuckles)
I was in the second grade.
384
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,640
Marty was four.
385
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:42,542
(stammers) Oh.
386
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,677
Okay, yeah, well,
that was a little young.
387
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,213
Okay, yeah,
but-but it did,
388
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:48,014
you know, it did
build some character.
389
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,316
I mean, you always said,
390
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:52,018
"Kickball don't keep
the lights on."
391
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:54,454
Yeah, that sound like me.
392
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:57,324
(cooing)
Aw.
393
00:15:57,424 --> 00:16:00,427
Look at
my happy girl.
(burps)
394
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:05,031
Ooh. That was a good burp.
395
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,933
Okay, all right now.
396
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,835
Okay.
Come on to Grandma.
397
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,036
There we go.
398
00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:11,804
(crying)
Oh.
399
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:14,274
Come on.
400
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,343
Why do you hate me?
401
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:17,777
I love you.
402
00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:19,779
I don't know
what it is, Mrs. B.
403
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:22,049
Maybe you're giving
"pick me" energy.
404
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,419
What kind of energy
am I giving, now?
405
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:30,523
I don't know, but I'm giving
"I apologize" energy, so...
406
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:34,694
Well, I mean, she was fine
until I touched her bottom.
407
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,463
It could be diaper rash.
408
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:37,830
It sure could be.
409
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:40,600
Well, why would you hand me
a rashy-ass baby?
410
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:43,836
She needs ointment. Calvin!
411
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:45,338
Yeah. Yeah, I'm going.
412
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:47,440
I'm going. I'm going, I'm going.
413
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:50,777
I might as well get a job
at the store at this point.
414
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:54,081
Dave! Let's go!
415
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,350
(ringing bell repeatedly)
416
00:16:57,450 --> 00:17:01,188
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Associate needed
in the fungal ointment aisle.
417
00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:04,691
Yeah, that's right,
it's fungus this time.
418
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:09,129
I'm more mushroom than
I am man at this point.
419
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:12,632
Now, this man
is basically shiitake!
Hey.
420
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,268
Dave, calm down, okay?
421
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,403
Are you all right?
422
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,105
No, I'm not all right.
423
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:19,972
Grover doesn't remember any of
the things that we bonded over.
424
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:22,209
Have you ever seen
Safari Selina on Ice?
425
00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,577
♪ When you're looking
at something far away ♪
426
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:26,613
♪ There's only one thing
that you've got to say ♪
427
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,981
♪ Telescope, telescope,
telescope, hooray! ♪
428
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:30,783
You know how long
that song was?
429
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:33,120
Eight minutes. You know many
other verses there were?
430
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:34,821
None!
431
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:37,290
Okay, so what
is your point?
432
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:40,460
My point is, I've suffered.
433
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,128
And for what?
434
00:17:42,129 --> 00:17:43,396
He doesn't even remember
any of it.
435
00:17:43,496 --> 00:17:46,799
Well, unfortunately,
my boys do remember.
436
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,401
Malcolm remembers me
437
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:51,037
breaking child labor laws
when he was seven.
438
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,642
Calvin, you don't need
to make up horrible stories
439
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,677
just to make me
feel better.
440
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:01,514
Look, I've always
been a workaholic.
441
00:18:01,614 --> 00:18:04,417
I-I just don't want
Marty to be like me.
442
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:08,020
Okay, look, well, you probably
don't want to hear this,
443
00:18:08,155 --> 00:18:10,890
but it's never too late for...
skin-to-skin.
444
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,725
Don't you say it.
Don't you say skin-to-skin.
445
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,195
Don't you say
skin-to-skin!
446
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:18,030
All right, Calvin, give me
a buzz when it's time
447
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,732
to go back to
the drugstore.
448
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:22,169
Don't take your shoes off.
449
00:18:25,972 --> 00:18:27,707
♪ If you're looking at
something far away ♪
450
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,709
♪ There's only one thing
you've got to say ♪
451
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,445
BOTH:
♪ Telescope, telescope,
telescope... ♪
452
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:37,049
♪ Hooray.
453
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:41,188
You remember.
454
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:42,389
R-Remember what?
455
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:45,192
Th-The song.
You remember the song.
456
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:46,526
Oh, th--
457
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,428
I don't know
where that came from.
458
00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:49,762
It's terrible.
459
00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:51,864
I know, isn't it?!
460
00:18:54,501 --> 00:18:55,868
Hey, I got
the rash cream.
461
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,270
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
462
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:58,905
She's holding my finger.
463
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,240
(chuckles):
Oh.
464
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,508
You know, that's what
I was gonna say
465
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:02,875
about the paternity
leave thing.
466
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,210
Oh, here we go.
467
00:19:04,211 --> 00:19:05,945
No. No, no, no, no.
468
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:07,347
I want you to take it.
469
00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:11,117
I mean, take all the
time that you need.
470
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:14,221
Wow. Where'd this come from?
471
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:16,923
I'm evolving.
472
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:22,695
I mean, that little baby
squishing your pinky right now,
473
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,731
she's your most
important priority,
474
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,899
beyond anything else.
475
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,668
Don't worry about the
Fusebox, all right?
476
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:31,504
Stephan can handle
the megalodons.
477
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,873
Marty!
478
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,276
Good God!
Sorry.
479
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,878
Marty, I got a
present for you.
480
00:19:38,978 --> 00:19:41,281
Calvin, eyes up here.
481
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:49,021
(Daphne crying)
482
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,857
(Tina shushes)
483
00:19:50,957 --> 00:19:52,692
Don't-don't-don't cry.
484
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:53,926
Don't cry. It's okay.
485
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,328
(crying)
486
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:58,130
Oh. Oh.
487
00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,832
(growls) Um, uh, Marty!
488
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:02,101
G-Get me some hand sanitizer!
489
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,503
(crying)
490
00:20:03,603 --> 00:20:05,171
Marty!
491
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:06,739
Calvin?!
492
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:08,941
Oh.
493
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:12,445
It just breaks my heart
to hear my Daphne cry.
494
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,013
(crying continues)
495
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,382
Okay, shh, shh, shh. Okay.
496
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:16,849
Okay. Okay.
497
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:20,520
Whether you like me or not,
I'm gonna pick you up.
498
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:22,154
(screaming)
Okay. I know.
499
00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,690
D-Don't cry, don't cry.
500
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,157
Don't cry. Don't cry.
501
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:26,859
I know, baby, I know.
502
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,295
I know.
(crying stops)
503
00:20:28,395 --> 00:20:30,630
(Daphne laughing)
I know.
504
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,968
You don't hate me.
505
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:38,204
(laughing continues)
506
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:40,106
Oh.
507
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:46,279
You hate the hand sanitizer!
508
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:49,849
Oh, oh.
509
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:52,585
Oh, Daphne.
510
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:56,589
But why didn't you
just say that?
511
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:04,330
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512
00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:07,033
and TOYOTA.
513
00:21:07,133 --> 00:21:10,570
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