1 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,547 When your mom and I saw it, we fell in love with it. 2 00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:15,483 In other words, mom boned some rando, 3 00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,552 - so we had to move here. - Hey, no! It's not about that. 4 00:00:18,586 --> 00:00:20,654 I'm gonna be using the attic as my writing annex. 5 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:23,090 - Oh, you're a writer? - If we don't get 6 00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:25,459 the first chapter next month, I want the advance back. 7 00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,528 Please. 8 00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:31,665 You look like you're auditioning for Pornhub. 9 00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,267 You don't wanna be known as "that girl." 10 00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:34,769 You make an age-appropriate friend, okay? 11 00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:37,438 There's something very wrong with this house. 12 00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:40,775 I saw someone downstairs. 13 00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:43,277 I didn't see anything. I mean, nothing unusual. 14 00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:44,645 Do you think I'm going crazy? 15 00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:45,713 - Patricia. 16 00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,449 What are you doing in my house? 17 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,839 It's fucking hot. 18 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,480 What? 19 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:33,260 - Gaynor? 20 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,600 - Roxy! 21 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:41,569 Roxy? 22 00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:45,773 Roxy? 23 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,813 Don't go in there. 24 00:02:51,572 --> 00:02:54,241 Use your words, Patricia. 25 00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:57,945 - Ow! 26 00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:00,714 Uh! Ow! 27 00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,353 Oh, God. 28 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,603 - Oh, God! 29 00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:25,306 Sorry, sorry. It's a work alarm. 30 00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:26,607 Oh, my God. 31 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,876 Sorry, let me get it. Shh, shh, shh. 32 00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:29,944 - Ohh-- - I got it. 33 00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:32,713 Ow! Are you serious? 34 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,615 - Ow! - Ow. Sorry. 35 00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,418 Shh, shh, shh, shh. Go to sleep. 36 00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,892 I had a bad dream. 37 00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,529 Seriously? 38 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,997 Get in. 39 00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:57,838 Okay. 40 00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:07,681 - Oh, my God. - Failsafe alarm. 41 00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:12,853 I'll get it. 42 00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:35,409 - Holy fuckin' shit! - Everything okay? 43 00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,511 Terry, remember the woman 44 00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:40,047 that I saw when we first moved in? 45 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,815 The woman outside the window 46 00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,684 or the woman in the family room? 47 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:44,985 - That's the same woman. - Oh. 48 00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:47,021 Anyway, I don't know if she's a ghost, 49 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:49,490 but she keeps popping up in my dreams, and last night-- 50 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,824 It's probably a stress dream. I used to have 51 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,026 - these fantastical dreams-- - I know, I know. 52 00:04:52,059 --> 00:04:53,661 Back in business school, and you forgot to study 53 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,062 - for your accounting final. - It was International Finance. 54 00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,064 - Accounting I would have aced. - Okay, well, in my dream, 55 00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:59,400 she burned me with a cigarette. 56 00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,035 - Oh, Pat. Come on. - And look-- 57 00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:05,305 Oh, my God. Wow! 58 00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,075 Does it hurt if I do this? 59 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,377 - Ow! - Sorry. I'm sorry. 60 00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,346 Let me see. Look at that. It's-- 61 00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:15,516 - What is wrong with you? - Sorry. It's probably a burn. 62 00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:17,551 I just told you it was a burn. 63 00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:20,320 Yeah, but I don't believe you dreamed that onto your arm. 64 00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:22,089 I-I think that you were cooking bacon 65 00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:24,324 and maybe some grease splattered. 66 00:05:24,358 --> 00:05:25,826 When was the last time I made bacon? 67 00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:28,929 When was the last time a ghost burned you with a cigarette? 68 00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,766 It seemed so real. 69 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,435 Well, I just read that moving 70 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:38,105 is the second biggest cause of stress dreams, so-- 71 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,541 What's number one? 72 00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,109 Marital strife, I think. 73 00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,578 Yeah. 74 00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:47,347 - I'm gonna say hi to the kids. - Yeah. Let's say hi. 75 00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,717 - Morning, kids. - Bro, you shot my nutsack off. 76 00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:51,118 - Fine. 77 00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,922 Is this thing broken again? 78 00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,725 Can we please just get a normal coffee maker? 79 00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,728 No, no, no. It's not a prison cafeteria. 80 00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:01,929 It's a little temperamental. 81 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,997 You just gotta play with the sweet spot--let me. 82 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,400 All right? 83 00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,070 - Why are you so covered up? - Maybe I don't need to 84 00:06:10,104 --> 00:06:12,139 use my body to define my self-worth. 85 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,608 Well, since they had to pixelate 86 00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,844 your tenth grade class picture, I'm not buying it. 87 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,145 What is it? 'Cause you have a hickey? 88 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,980 Let me see. Do you have a tattoo? 89 00:06:20,013 --> 00:06:21,482 Mom. 90 00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:23,050 - Get off of me! 91 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,052 Since when do you wear a cross? 92 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:28,622 Okay. You know, I'm allowed to have spirituality in my life. 93 00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:30,390 Jesus Christ, get off my ass. 94 00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:31,792 Bro, back off. 95 00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:33,594 Who you talking to, buddy? 96 00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,696 Fred, a boy I met in the Oculus. 97 00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,498 There is no boy named Fred. 98 00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:40,167 Fred is the name of a 49-year-old pedophile 99 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,102 in dolphin shorts who's trying to groom you 100 00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:44,004 to live in an ice cream van. 101 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,139 You wanted me to make a friend? 102 00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,840 I made a friend. You can't have it both ways. 103 00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,442 Hey, hey, hey. Phelps family. 104 00:06:48,475 --> 00:06:51,078 Let's all take it down about three notches, okay? 105 00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:57,451 Can we please hire someone to speed up that doorbell? 106 00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:58,786 Mm, yeah, what happened to our old handyman? 107 00:06:58,819 --> 00:06:59,787 Okay. 108 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,989 Shit! 109 00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,761 It was stuck. 110 00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:09,630 I'll get it. 111 00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:19,473 Hi. Is Gaynor around? 112 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,910 Uh, yeah. Hold on. Gaynor. 113 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,445 - 'Sup, Ryan? - 'Sup, Gaynor? 114 00:07:28,048 --> 00:07:29,183 Oh, Jesus! 115 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:30,818 I'm Valerie He. 116 00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:33,987 Oh, this is my mom. We live next door. 117 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:35,923 Hi, I'm Pat. 118 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,524 I've seen you around. 119 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,460 Seems our children have developed a friendship. 120 00:07:40,494 --> 00:07:41,962 Yeah, we met when Gaynor was signing up 121 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,530 for the Chastity Club. 122 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,499 Hope you also signed up for the Time Travel Club. 123 00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:47,467 Mm, aww. 124 00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:48,769 Mom, please shut the fuck up. 125 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,037 Do you wanna wait in the car? 126 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:51,705 Uh, yeah. 127 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:54,541 Would you like me to take him? 128 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:55,742 Oh. Yeah. 129 00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:58,111 But we have a no returns policy. 130 00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,214 That's just a joke. He's my favorite. 131 00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,115 I know you're not supposed to say that, but-- 132 00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:03,817 Ah-- 133 00:08:03,851 --> 00:08:05,786 Uh, Jake. Grab your stuff. 134 00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,254 Mrs. He is gonna take you to school. 135 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,889 Oh, okay. 136 00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:11,758 No, in real life, honey. Christ almighty. 137 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,896 It's getting closer. 138 00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:18,065 - It's reached out. - I'm sorry. I can't hear you. 139 00:08:18,098 --> 00:08:20,133 It senses your weakness. 140 00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:21,702 Okay. Gotcha. 141 00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:23,170 - Jake, let's go. - Do not give in. 142 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,505 Okay. Jake, now! 143 00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:26,707 Have a good day at school. 144 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:28,842 - Please don't ignore this. - Okay. 145 00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,645 Who was that? Patty make a new friend? 146 00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,014 No. Patty met a weird fucking neighbor. 147 00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,284 Oh, my God. Did you just feel that? 148 00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,619 - No. - I'm telling you, 149 00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:40,220 there's something s-seriously wrong here. 150 00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:43,056 No, no, no, Pat. We've been through this. 151 00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:45,759 We're not moving, Pat. We can't. 152 00:08:45,792 --> 00:08:47,728 And there's nothing wrong with this house. 153 00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,971 - Oh, my God. 154 00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:08,215 No, there's-- 155 00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,050 Oh, Pat, get in here. 156 00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:11,919 Look at this. 157 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,186 It's an old growth chart. 158 00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,622 Aw. Daisy. 159 00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,758 I always wish we'd done one of these with our kids. 160 00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,026 Maybe we should start. 161 00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,594 I think they're done growing. 162 00:09:20,627 --> 00:09:22,296 Well, then we can do us. 163 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,965 Mark how we shrink as we get older. 164 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,833 You don't think that was fucking weird 165 00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:28,568 that the door just slammed? 166 00:09:28,602 --> 00:09:32,172 Nope. It's a--that's a rusty spring hinge. 167 00:09:32,205 --> 00:09:35,943 I bet I pop a little WD-40 on that, 168 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,844 there goes your ghost. 169 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,318 - Hah! - God, why? 170 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,274 - Hello, old friend. 171 00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,042 Honey... 172 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,311 you seen the lubricant? 173 00:10:11,345 --> 00:10:12,846 Ah. 174 00:10:12,879 --> 00:10:15,015 Motherfucker! 175 00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,249 I told you, 176 00:10:16,283 --> 00:10:18,618 Frank must have left his drill at our old place, 177 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:20,253 and the movers packed it. 178 00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,022 There's nothing more to it. 179 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,757 Right. I think it just reminds me of the time 180 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:24,992 that I hired him to fix our sink 181 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,761 and you had sex with him in our kitchen, so... 182 00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,997 Terry, how are you dealing with your anger? 183 00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,365 How do you deal with your anger? 184 00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:34,301 Hey, Terry, he's just trying to help. 185 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:37,070 Sorry. I just--I'm good. 186 00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:39,306 Good. Chopping wood. 187 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,975 I just push it all down. 188 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,810 Terry, you can't just bottle it up. 189 00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:47,014 Unchecked anger can build into unfiltered rage. 190 00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:50,817 - Pat's seeing ghosts. - What? 191 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,186 Not ghosts. You make me sound like a loon. 192 00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:54,254 I've seen one ghost. 193 00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:57,157 It's a '50s housewife that keeps popping up. 194 00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,325 Are you taking your anti-depressants? 195 00:10:58,358 --> 00:10:59,993 Yes, I am, and they're not working. 196 00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:02,963 My depression is off the fucking charts. 197 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,399 Are you exercising? Eating right? 198 00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:07,834 Have you made any friends in town? 199 00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:10,303 No, I don't think you have. 200 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,806 You know, I don't think he was talking to you. 201 00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,941 H-have you... you any of those things? 202 00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:18,145 No. I don't have time. I've gotta write my book, 203 00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,280 and I've written one paragraph since we moved in. 204 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,716 I keep telling her to use the local bookstore. 205 00:11:22,749 --> 00:11:24,284 Free Wi-Fi when you buy a cup of coffee. 206 00:11:24,317 --> 00:11:25,385 What, do you work for 207 00:11:25,419 --> 00:11:26,753 the fucking Chamber of Commerce now? 208 00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:27,954 - I'm just trying to help, Pat. - Hold on. 209 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:30,290 - Terry may be right. - Of course I am. 210 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,692 You buy a small coffee, you get free Wi-Fi. 211 00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:35,996 I meant, I think it would be therapeutic for you 212 00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,165 to get out of the house, socialize. 213 00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,067 You think that would help my depression? 214 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,269 Absolutely. I'm also going to up the dosage 215 00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:45,739 on your anti-depressants to 300 milligrams. 216 00:11:45,772 --> 00:11:48,108 - Mm-hmm. - That sounds like a lot. 217 00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,743 I have a number of patients 218 00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,945 who take that dosage. 219 00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:55,315 Really? Like how many? One? 220 00:11:55,348 --> 00:11:57,717 More. More than one. 221 00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,319 Three? 222 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,987 Less than three. 223 00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:05,092 I'd now like to ask any new members 224 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:08,428 of the Chastity Club to introduce themselves. 225 00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:11,431 It's cool. Go ahead. 226 00:12:11,465 --> 00:12:14,101 Okay. 227 00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:15,936 Uh... 228 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,138 my first sexual experience was, like, pretty typical. 229 00:12:18,171 --> 00:12:21,508 It was mostly just hand stuff with our upstairs neighbor. 230 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,176 He was terrible at it. 231 00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,345 It was like he was trying to find his keys at the bottom 232 00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,280 of a very full gym bag. 233 00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,349 Anyway, I mostly did it because he loved playing reggaeton 234 00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:32,419 really loud, which made my mom lose her shit. 235 00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:35,522 Eventually, I had real deal "P-in-V" sex with him 236 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,257 and wasn't great either, 237 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:40,160 but I guess that's on me, right? 238 00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,130 So, uh, yeah, now I'm like totally ready to wait 239 00:12:43,163 --> 00:12:45,031 - for the right person. 240 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:48,268 Yeah. Good to be here. 241 00:12:50,403 --> 00:12:52,405 Just your name and grade. 242 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,075 Gaynor. 11th. 243 00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:01,348 We're gonna take a five-minute break. 244 00:13:04,985 --> 00:13:08,021 "Cressida realized she hadn't entered the attic. 245 00:13:08,054 --> 00:13:10,190 The attic had entered her..." 246 00:13:11,925 --> 00:13:13,293 She fucked the house? 247 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,795 No. Maybe. 248 00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,264 I-I don't know. 249 00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:20,300 I was kind of outside of myself when I wrote it, so... 250 00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,369 Well, it's certainly an attention-grabber. 251 00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:23,970 I say keep going. 252 00:13:24,004 --> 00:13:25,405 - Seriously? - Why not? 253 00:13:25,438 --> 00:13:27,541 'Cause I was just prescribed veterinary sedatives 254 00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:30,377 so I can stop being tormented by a ghost. 255 00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:33,246 Artists work best when they're battling their demons. 256 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:34,981 When you wrote Cressida, you were totally 257 00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:36,950 out of control, and it was a masterpiece. 258 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,052 Can you stop being my editor for just one minute? 259 00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:40,587 I can stop being your editor forever 260 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,489 if you don't finish this book. 261 00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:44,958 Okay. Got it. 262 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,259 Lose control. 263 00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,495 Hey, maybe I should start drinking again. 264 00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:50,363 No, better yet, I'll buy an eight ball 265 00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:51,965 off my old coke dealer 266 00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:54,434 and fuck the night manager at Howard Johnson's. 267 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:57,871 I am saying the opposite. Take control. 268 00:13:57,904 --> 00:13:59,539 Use whatever you're dealing with--fatigue, 269 00:13:59,573 --> 00:14:01,942 depression, guilt-- and write to that. 270 00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:04,344 You could be a modern-day Sylvia Plath. 271 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,880 Trish, this could be your Bell Jar. 272 00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:09,182 Sylvia Plath went insane writing The Bell Jar. 273 00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:10,984 And then she stuck her head in the oven. 274 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:12,319 Well, don't go full Plath. 275 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,120 Although I could market the shit out of that. 276 00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,922 Just stop right before that. 277 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:17,357 Use it to get the creative juices going 278 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,059 and keep it filthy-- that's your brand. 279 00:14:20,093 --> 00:14:22,195 - Thank you. - You know, to be honest, 280 00:14:22,229 --> 00:14:25,131 I thought this book was gonna be about your affair. 281 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,001 I could never do that to Terry. 282 00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,369 I mean, we moved three hours away 283 00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,471 so he would never have to see Frank. 284 00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:34,541 - This is Frank. 285 00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,544 This is Terry Phelps. 286 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,017 You had sex with my wife. 287 00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,223 I have your drill. 288 00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:56,296 Dude, it's only like three flights. 289 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:57,964 You should not be that gassed. 290 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:01,368 Sh...shut up, Frank. 291 00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,337 So, um, you're here to beat me up? 292 00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,441 No. I'm here because... 293 00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:13,913 I guess I'm here because of what happened with you and Pat. 294 00:15:13,947 --> 00:15:16,549 - The sex. - Yes, the sex, Frank. 295 00:15:17,684 --> 00:15:19,252 I thought I was over it, 296 00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:23,957 and then I come across that stupid drill of you-- 297 00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:28,928 I just wanna understand how it happened. 298 00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,230 I mean, did you plan it? 299 00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,032 Did you even think you were gonna fix the sink? 300 00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:33,667 Because, you know, you charged me for it. 301 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,269 I didn't plan it. I came over to fix the sink 302 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,938 and Pat started crying, so I gave her my shirt. 303 00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,440 How is that your first instinct? 304 00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,641 It just was! 305 00:15:41,675 --> 00:15:43,109 Next thing you know, she starts kissing me, 306 00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,578 and it happened. 307 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,580 Also, I have an automatic billing system, so-- 308 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:49,616 You're saying she made the first move? 309 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,184 Because I don't believe you. 310 00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:53,286 She was in a really bad place. All right? 311 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,488 I tried to comfort her, and I got caught up. 312 00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:59,025 All right, so... 313 00:15:59,059 --> 00:16:00,226 w-w-what up? 314 00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:03,330 Do... 315 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:06,566 Do you...love her? 316 00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:08,201 No, man. 317 00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:10,203 I'm still trying to learn how to love myself. 318 00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:12,672 Oh, my God. Do you have any idea 319 00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:14,607 how pathetic that i-- 320 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:16,443 Wow. 321 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:18,411 Is that--is that Italian? 322 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:20,647 Yeah, man. Picked it up in Milan. 323 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,115 Wow. 324 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,650 - Never seen anything like it. - Yeah. 325 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,518 It's got the deluxe LatteCrema System 326 00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:28,188 for a perfect flat white every time. 327 00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:29,656 - Yeah? - Yeah. 328 00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,458 I'm taking it with me, Frank. 329 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,059 - What? - Yeah. 330 00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:35,462 No-no, Terry, that's--that's off limits. 331 00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:38,398 Yeah, well, so was my wife. 332 00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:49,676 - Uh, want me to help you? - No. 333 00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,077 It-it's fragile, man. 334 00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,579 All right, grab the other side. 335 00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,447 - Careful. 336 00:16:56,049 --> 00:16:57,717 - Kids doing all right? - Yeah, Jake's good. 337 00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:09,763 Fuck it. 338 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,504 Here you are. Enjoy. 339 00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,272 The Bell Jar isn't really a book you enjoy. 340 00:17:19,305 --> 00:17:21,741 It's more of a journey into the abyss. 341 00:17:21,775 --> 00:17:23,076 Enjoy. 342 00:17:25,311 --> 00:17:26,780 Pat! 343 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,384 Oh, I'm--I gotta go. 344 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,824 - Have a seat. 345 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,427 - Hi, Robyn. - Hi, Pat. 346 00:17:41,428 --> 00:17:43,696 Ladies, this is Pat Phelps. 347 00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:46,599 She bought the big house on Elm. 348 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,101 - Oh, wow. - I see. 349 00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:50,437 What? Is something wrong with the house? 350 00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,105 Of course not! 351 00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:53,740 It is a treasure. 352 00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,842 Oh, I'm so rude. 353 00:17:56,075 --> 00:18:00,713 Pat, this is the Shining Vale Ladies Auxiliary Club. 354 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:02,515 - Emily Harris. - Cherise Nathan. 355 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,384 Mrs. Stephen Edwards. 356 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,718 - Pat is a writer. - Ooh. 357 00:18:05,752 --> 00:18:07,420 Anything I would have read? 358 00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,689 Mm, I seriously doubt it, Mrs. Stephen Edwards. 359 00:18:09,722 --> 00:18:12,192 Remember Cressida: Unbound? 360 00:18:12,225 --> 00:18:14,661 That dirty little book that was passed around years ago? 361 00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,129 That was Pat. 362 00:18:16,162 --> 00:18:17,831 Oh, of course! 363 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,632 My neighbor used it once. 364 00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,668 I got it as a gag gift from my niece. 365 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,503 I'm exhausted. I'm-I'm gonna go. 366 00:18:23,536 --> 00:18:26,406 Pat, we'd love to, um, get you more involved. 367 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,575 - Maybe with the, uh, bake sale? - I don't bake. 368 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,743 What about for Parent-Teacher night? 369 00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,445 I don't parent. 370 00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:34,447 Ladies. 371 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:36,583 Bye! 372 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,822 Roxy, what is that? 373 00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:46,559 Roxy, drop it! 374 00:18:46,593 --> 00:18:48,161 Roxy. 375 00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:04,577 Oh, God. 376 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:08,314 It's okay. I just had a bad dream. 377 00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:09,782 Come here. It's okay. 378 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,584 Good girl, it's okay. It's okay. 379 00:19:11,618 --> 00:19:13,386 - It's okay. 380 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:21,761 What the hell? 381 00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:25,765 Mm. 382 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,869 Says Szechuan, but I'm-- I'm tasting Hunan. 383 00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:31,638 - What do you think, Pat? - Honestly, honey, 384 00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,673 it just tastes like really shitty Chinese food. 385 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,708 - Mm, could be shitty Cantonese. - I'm sorr-- 386 00:19:35,742 --> 00:19:39,379 Could we have one family meal where we don't curse? 387 00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:40,947 Gaynor, if you're trying to get back at me 388 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,917 by dating a church guy, I gotta tell ya, I don't care. 389 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:45,785 We're just hanging out, trying to meet people. 390 00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:46,920 And you've raised me 391 00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:48,721 with literally no social skills. 392 00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:52,659 - Fucking doorbell. 393 00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,527 That's Fred. Can he come for dinner? 394 00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:57,196 You gave our address to a child molester? 395 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,665 Jake, we talked about online safety. 396 00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,199 - You're gonna be so embarrassed 397 00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,802 when he isn't a pedophile. 398 00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:05,805 Don't worry. I'll handle it. 399 00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,574 I'm going to pray. 400 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:08,975 Good. 401 00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,244 Pray you don't get pregnant with Ryan 402 00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:12,779 'cause you'll have to keep it! 403 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:18,851 Fucking kidding me? 404 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:27,427 - Are you Jake? - Are you Frank? 405 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:28,861 - What? - What? 406 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,296 - No, no, no. I'm not-- - No. I'm not Jake. 407 00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,498 - Fred! - Jake. What's up, bro? 408 00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:34,534 Bro, check out this portal I found. 409 00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,536 - Okay. - Okay. Okay. 410 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,538 - He's Fred. - And that's Jake. 411 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,374 I-I'm so sorry. 412 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,843 I-I thought you were a pedo grooming my son. 413 00:20:43,876 --> 00:20:45,645 No. Not a groomer. Not a groomer. 414 00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,513 Thought the same thing about your kid. 415 00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,716 Hey, come on, the name Jake, it's a little pedo-like, so... 416 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:52,619 Eh, Fred sounds like a kiddie diddler. 417 00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,721 LOL. 418 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:56,389 I mean, when I saw your house I was like, 419 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,725 "It puts the lotion on its skin," you know? 420 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:01,294 I love this house. 421 00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:03,496 I mean, I'd kill to live here. 422 00:21:05,632 --> 00:21:07,033 I'm Laird, by the way. 423 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,636 - Terry. How are you? - I'm good. I'm good. 424 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:12,839 All right, well, we're just sitting down to dinner, so... 425 00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:15,642 Thank you. That's so kind. 426 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:17,377 - To your left. 427 00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:18,978 Oh, thank you. 428 00:21:19,012 --> 00:21:20,513 Wow. 429 00:21:20,546 --> 00:21:23,950 - Oh. 430 00:21:23,983 --> 00:21:25,952 - This is awesome. - Yeah. 431 00:21:25,985 --> 00:21:29,789 It's so hard to make new friends at this age. 432 00:21:29,822 --> 00:21:32,859 Well, Jake is very particular about who he connects with. 433 00:21:32,892 --> 00:21:35,962 Historically, they've either been way younger 434 00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:37,864 or in the custodial field. 435 00:21:39,666 --> 00:21:42,502 But I, uh, I meant me. 436 00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:45,772 I-I'm so sorry. Did I overstep? 437 00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:47,874 No. No, no, no, no, I-- 438 00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:51,511 We've actually talked about meeting friends here in town. 439 00:21:51,544 --> 00:21:52,845 Is there a Mrs. Laird? 440 00:21:52,879 --> 00:21:55,081 Technically. 441 00:21:55,314 --> 00:21:57,483 But she's seeing someone else right now. 442 00:21:57,517 --> 00:21:59,619 Oh, very, very sorry. 443 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,921 You know, the worst part is, 444 00:22:01,954 --> 00:22:04,323 not only did I lose my wife, 445 00:22:04,357 --> 00:22:06,893 - I lost my best friend. - Oh, God. 446 00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:11,864 She was fucking my best friend. 447 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,803 Um, I'm gonna go clean up. 448 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,709 No. You don't want any part of this. 449 00:22:34,620 --> 00:22:37,090 Hey, this Laird guy is actually pretty funny 450 00:22:37,123 --> 00:22:38,858 when he's not crying. 451 00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:40,359 - Everything okay? - No. 452 00:22:40,393 --> 00:22:42,495 This book keeps appearing out of nowhere. 453 00:22:42,528 --> 00:22:43,763 That's not that odd. 454 00:22:43,796 --> 00:22:45,865 We have like 300 copies lying around our den. 455 00:22:45,898 --> 00:22:47,433 This isn't my copy. 456 00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:51,104 Someone dog-eared the pages and- and circled words. 457 00:22:51,137 --> 00:22:54,540 Uh, "atheists," "sweaty," "dildo." 458 00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,375 Someone's trying to tell me something. 459 00:22:56,409 --> 00:22:57,677 Probably that we shouldn't leave this book around 460 00:22:57,710 --> 00:22:59,479 - when we have kids over. - Okay. 461 00:22:59,512 --> 00:23:02,381 You know what, never mind. I just--it does--I'm fine. 462 00:23:02,415 --> 00:23:03,883 Oh, no, no. I wanna know what's going on. 463 00:23:03,916 --> 00:23:05,418 No, you don't. 464 00:23:05,451 --> 00:23:06,753 You're just gonna mansplain it away 465 00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:08,621 with some logical explanation. 466 00:23:08,654 --> 00:23:10,089 That's not mansplaining. 467 00:23:10,123 --> 00:23:12,859 - Mansplaining... - Mm-hmm. 468 00:23:12,892 --> 00:23:14,393 ...happens to be 469 00:23:14,427 --> 00:23:17,063 that there's usually a logical explanation. 470 00:23:17,096 --> 00:23:18,998 Well, what if the logical explanation 471 00:23:19,031 --> 00:23:20,900 - is that I'm losing my mind? - No. 472 00:23:20,933 --> 00:23:23,169 Yeah, Kam read the page that I wrote in the attic-- 473 00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,937 which I don't even remember writing-- 474 00:23:24,971 --> 00:23:26,672 and she said it was great. 475 00:23:26,706 --> 00:23:28,574 She said, "Embrace the crazy." 476 00:23:28,608 --> 00:23:29,942 Kam said that? That's fantastic! 477 00:23:29,976 --> 00:23:33,146 No, it's not! I can't afford to go crazy. 478 00:23:33,179 --> 00:23:34,947 I mean, you heard Dr. Berg. 479 00:23:34,981 --> 00:23:36,949 If you explode and I go nuts, 480 00:23:36,983 --> 00:23:38,484 what's gonna happen to the kids? 481 00:23:38,518 --> 00:23:40,686 Honey, the kids are gonna be fine, all right? 482 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,555 And I am not gonna explode. 483 00:23:42,588 --> 00:23:43,890 In fact, 484 00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:47,994 I did a little retail therapy today. 485 00:23:48,027 --> 00:23:49,462 Voilà. 486 00:23:50,463 --> 00:23:52,465 - Is that Frank's? - Yeah. 487 00:23:52,498 --> 00:23:54,667 I went over to that son of-- 488 00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:56,636 how do you know that's Frank's? 489 00:23:56,669 --> 00:23:57,970 What? 490 00:23:58,004 --> 00:23:59,739 Oh, my God! 491 00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:01,140 When were you at his apartment? 492 00:24:01,174 --> 00:24:03,075 It was a part of that terrible week. 493 00:24:03,109 --> 00:24:05,111 I didn't wanna believe that you kissed him first. 494 00:24:05,144 --> 00:24:07,613 Now, I find out that you fucked him for a week? 495 00:24:07,647 --> 00:24:09,048 You said it was one time! 496 00:24:09,081 --> 00:24:12,051 - It-it was a one-time event. - An event? 497 00:24:12,084 --> 00:24:13,753 What? Like a Toyotathon? 498 00:24:13,786 --> 00:24:15,788 It was one affair. It lasted a week. 499 00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:16,923 What difference does it make? 500 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,724 Because once is a mistake. 501 00:24:18,758 --> 00:24:20,960 A week is...you made a choice. 502 00:24:22,628 --> 00:24:24,897 - A really bad choice. - That's right. 503 00:24:24,931 --> 00:24:26,699 And I would do anything--anything 504 00:24:26,732 --> 00:24:29,068 if I could go back and do things differently. 505 00:24:29,101 --> 00:24:31,537 I wish I wasn't home. 506 00:24:31,571 --> 00:24:33,840 I wish that-that I'd taken that Pilates class 507 00:24:33,873 --> 00:24:35,074 that you gave me for my birthday. 508 00:24:35,107 --> 00:24:36,976 I paid for three years, you went once. 509 00:24:37,009 --> 00:24:38,744 What do you want me to say? 510 00:24:38,778 --> 00:24:41,981 I fuck everything up. I know that. 511 00:24:42,014 --> 00:24:46,118 I fucked up our family. I fucked up our marriage. 512 00:24:46,152 --> 00:24:48,788 And I'm trying so hard not to fuck up what we have left, 513 00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:52,491 but it's really, really hard. 514 00:24:52,525 --> 00:24:55,728 And I'm just so tired. 515 00:24:57,997 --> 00:24:59,565 Pat, come-come here. 516 00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:01,701 I don't want to. 517 00:25:01,734 --> 00:25:03,035 Patty. 518 00:25:03,069 --> 00:25:04,670 No. 519 00:25:04,704 --> 00:25:06,172 Come here. 520 00:25:14,113 --> 00:25:16,582 Hey. Listen to me. 521 00:25:16,616 --> 00:25:18,184 We're Phelps. 522 00:25:18,217 --> 00:25:21,254 - We're unfuckable. 523 00:25:21,287 --> 00:25:23,723 I'm sorry you were so sad. I... 524 00:25:23,756 --> 00:25:26,993 I should've been paying better attention. 525 00:25:27,026 --> 00:25:29,061 I'm sorry about the Pilates. 526 00:25:29,095 --> 00:25:30,963 Yeah, it says right there in the contract, 527 00:25:30,997 --> 00:25:33,266 got to cancel by fax or you lose the-- 528 00:25:36,535 --> 00:25:38,170 Just let me know when it starts to get weird, 529 00:25:38,204 --> 00:25:40,106 and I'll leave. 530 00:25:42,942 --> 00:25:45,011 - Right about now. - Oh. 531 00:25:56,622 --> 00:25:57,957 Kam is right. 532 00:25:57,990 --> 00:26:00,259 This really is a masterpiece. 533 00:26:01,761 --> 00:26:03,996 Good night, sweetheart. 534 00:26:06,299 --> 00:26:08,634 Use your words, Patricia. 535 00:26:08,668 --> 00:26:10,269 Use your words. 536 00:26:17,276 --> 00:26:19,078 Use my words. 537 00:26:46,806 --> 00:26:48,708 I'm using my words. 538 00:26:48,741 --> 00:26:50,309 What words? 539 00:27:43,262 --> 00:27:46,232 Good news, Patricia. You're not crazy.